#no desire to write (and most of the last few fics I’ve posted have been…not good and I’m really sorry about that)

[pizzaqueen]

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[love4pascal]

I’ll Say, Will You Marry Me?

Joel Miller x F!reader.

A/n: Okay never did I think that after I posted my first fic that people would like it as much as you did. I honestly wrote the first part as a one shot and I had no intention on writing another part but I am so glad that you all have enjoyed it so much that you requested a part 2. SO HERE IT IS!

Word count: 3k+

Warnings: 18+, SMUT, fluff, pure bliss, and these two being stupidly In love.

|Part One Here| |Series Masterlist|

August 23, 2008.

Joel grabbed the last box from the moving truck, walking up the hot pavement and entering the home.

Placing the last box in Joel’s bedroom; a part of you felt like this was a dream, you were dating your best friend and now you living with him?

It felt to good to be true. The most loving and caring man you were once just friends, who now you’ll kiss goodnight.

“Who’s up for some good ol’ hamburgers and hotdogs for dinner?” Joel asked both you and sarah.

“Fine by me, dad!” She yelled from the staircase, on her way to her bedroom.

Joel turning his focus on you now.

“I’ll help you.” On your way to the kitchen to grab the hamburgers and hotdogs.

Joel stood at the back door for a few seconds more, admiring the woman he loved, before he even knew he’d loved her.

And god was he ecstatic to know that he’d get to wake up with you next to him.

-

After eating dinner outside, you, Joel, and Sarah cleaned everything up.

When done with that, Sarah suggested that there should be a ‘Miller movie night’.

Cuddled up with Joel and Sarah under a plaid blanket, watching “Twilight”, which Joel asked manny questions about.

“Wait, so you’re telling me he’s how old?!” He asked Sarah.

“He’s 104.” She says, eyes remaining on the tv.

“Oh.. so he’s just going after a seventeen year old like thats perfectly okay?” He spoke looking at you and Sarah, seeing both of you hysterically laughing at him.

“What? Why are you guys laughing??” He says sitting up.

-

An hour into the movie, Sarah was passed out. You grabbed the remote off the table and pressed the red button, the room went black.

Joel moving the blanket off of Sarah before picking her up and carrying her to bed.

Folding the blanket and placing it in the basket next to the tv stand.

Walking up the stairs to Joel’s bedroom, putting on a Fleetwood Mac shirt you had stole from him and pulling on black pajama pants before finding joel in the ensuite bathroom.

Bare chest and gray pajama pants, brushing his teeth. Coming up behind him and resting your cheek on his back.

“What’s wrong baby?” Running his toothbrush under the facet water before putting the protective cap over the bristles and setting it in the holder.

“Nothing, I’ve just never been this happy.” Laying a kiss on his shoulder.

You catch his smile through the mirror before he’s turning and throwing you over his shoulder.

There’s hushed laughs released from both of you.

He sets you on the bed, leaning down to capture your soft lips in his.

Your legs find themselves around his waist as your hands grabbed at his shoulders, pulling him closer to you.

“Can I take this off.?” He tugged at the bottom of your shirt.

“Yes.” Helping him take off your shirt, the shirt being tossed somewhere in the room.

He unclasps your bra.

He pressed a trail of hot, soft kisses to your neck, his mouth tracing over your skin and down as his mouth finds your nipple.

You moan softly as his lips meet your midriff, his tongue swirls around your skin, making you squirm in desire and need.

Joel briefly removes his lips from your midriff with a ‘pop’, a string of saliva had been left, but quickly broke when your back arched; urging for Joel to continue.

Joel’s warm hands wander down, inching closer to your heated core, you’re getting wetter by the second.

Your hands scamper around, finding solace in Joel’s hair whilst he spreads your folds through your panties. His finger slowly, rubbing up and down. You gasp at the contact.

He continues to rub circles onto your clit, sometimes back and forth — almost tauntingly.

“Honey…Please don’t tease me,” you muttered weakly, getting lost in the near pleasure he gives you.

The chuckle Joel lets out is dark, a contrast to the soft airy kisses he rested upon your plump lips.

“What’d I tell you about patience, darlin’?” Joel murmurs against your pouting lips, he kisses you again, but there’s more force behind it. Your teeth clatter against his as his fingers pick up their pace.

Joel groans as you tug on his brunette tufts of hair. Joel then inserts two lengthy digits into your hole, making you cry out. To who exactly? You’re not even sure. You can’t be, not when his beard scratches your face just right, and his fingers model a ‘come hither’ motion inside of you.

Joel nips your lips before lowering his head to your pussy. He wastes no time in absolutely devouring you. You lay your hands on his shoulders, almost trying to get him closer.

He’s licking and sucking everywhere, all you can do is mewl out to him, letting out several ‘fuck, Joel!’s and even a ‘it feels so good!’.

His nose bumps your clit as he replaces his fingers with his tongue. “H-holy shit Joel! Right there baby!” You exclaim, voice cracking due to the strain.

You tightly wrap your thighs around his head, nearly suffocating him; just the way he likes it. “Baby..Baby! I’m-I’m so…” Your voice gives out, reducing to nothing but a whimper. Joel can tell you’re close.

He then pops back up from your legs, beaming at you proudly as you’re spread out for him.

You whine due to the lack of contact, Joel bends a bit to kiss your shoulder.

“Awe,” he drags out, “Don’t worry, peaches. Y’know I’m gonna take care of ya.” His southern drawl makes you ache for him.

Joel’s hands push down his pants painfully slow, he’s toying with you on purpose, but you love every second.

His thumb hooks around his boxers, allowing him to remove his sweatpants alongside them in one go.

Seeing him completely bare takes away the cold you feel due to the slight chill of the room. He’s breathtaking, you don’t know how else to describe it.

“Yeah? You think so honey?” His grin is nothing short of a cheshire.

You gape at him, not realizing that you actually said that out loud, but before you can think about it too much, Joel’s sliding his pink tip against your folds.

Your chest is heaving, you’re antsy and Joel finds it delicious.

“Y’ready peach?”

“Always.” You reassure with a slight nod.

Then, Joel pushes his cock into you, you swear you can count every inch entering you.

He pulls out almost entirely, then slams back into you. A choked gasp leaves your throat while Joel starts to find his pace.

Your nails find their place on Joel’s back, scratching deeply in satisfaction.

“Y-Yeah..That’s it darlin’. Squeeze me just like that.” Joel manages to groan through his gritted teeth.

His hips slap against yours, and you both are chest-to-chest. He can feel your breasts bounce up and down against him due to the force, and it nearly makes his mouth water.

Joel reaches his hand up, pushing some stray hairs behind your ear, murmuring, “You’re s’pretty, baby.”

“Ha-ah. I’m cumming, Joel!” Your voice remains somewhat hushed, but you can’t help but get louder as you get closer and closer.

“C’mon, peach. Joel’s gotcha, go ahead ‘n give it t’me.” Joel moans at the feeling of you clenching oh so sweetly around him.

Your back arches off the bed, Joel’s arms wrap around your frame to hold you, as you find your release.

You continue to squeeze Joel’s cock as you come down from your high, and you feel him twitch inside of you, signaling to you that he’s close as well.

His head rests in the crook of your shoulder, making it more than easy to whisper to him, “Cum for me baby.”

You feel spurts of his warm seed shoot inside of you as Joel lets out an earth-shattering groan.

He lays on you for a few minutes, regaining his bearings, before flipping down onto the bed next to you.

“You’re incredible, y’know that?” Joel slurs, moving his head slightly so he can get a good look at you. You’re both disheveled and sweaty, chests rising then falling just as quickly.

“So I’ve heard.” You smirk at him cockily, making him chuckle and shake his head playfully.

“Mhm…Let’s get you cleaned up, peach.” He kisses you again then picks you up bridal style, you giggle and hold onto him tightly as he walks you to the bathroom.

December 30, 2009.

“And you’re okay with this.?” Joel was at the edge of his seat fidgeting with the black ring box, it was important to ask Sarah for her permission about proposing to you.

Sarah was Joel’s first priority, he’d never want Sarah to be uncomfortable or unhappy in her own space.

“Dad, you know I love her like how I love you. I’m 100% okay with you asking her to marry you.” She grabs at her father’s hand.

“Plus It’d be nice to have another girl in this house.” She pokes her dad before giggling.

“I’m glad to hear that baby girl.” He pulls his chair closer to hers, engulfing his daughter into a tight embrace.

June 22, 2010.

You and Joel had been dating for 2 years and you couldn’t be anymore happier than you are now.

Your nights in the Miller residence always consisted with either a movie night in the living room, or playing board games before bed.

Tonight consisted of a certain Miller taking you to a fancy restaurant. Joel had told you earlier that morning that Tommy had offered to watch Sarah so that you two could have a nice dinner by yourselves.

.. Without hearing about a classmate who throws pencils across the classroom and is rude to their teacher.

You had gotten home before Joel so you decided to start getting dressed, you wanted time to be able to do your hair and finalize your outfit without feeling rushed.

You and Joel had waited for a reservation at this restaurant for months and you two weren’t gonna be late either.

After picking out a white floral sundress and doing your hair and makeup, you head downstairs to hangout with Sarah as you wait on Joel and Tommy.

30 minutes later Joel was walking through the front door in a new pair of jeans and a white short-sleeve linen button up and a bouquet of flowers.

Followed by the young miller brother who was the babysitter of the night.

“Hey darlin’.” he greeted you with a small smile.

You stand up to meet him halfway, taking ahold of the bouquet.

“Joel these are beautiful!” He smiled, shrugging one shoulder of dismissal of your thanks.

“I knew you said something about these flowers not too long ago, saw a guy selling them near a site I was working at. Couldn’t help but think of you.” You press a soft kiss to his lips.

“I love you so much, Joel Miller.” You smile, before walking to the kitchen and looking for a vase.

Placing the flowers into the vase that now sat of the dining room table, walking back to him, your arms wrapping around his shoulders.

“You look beautiful.” He murmured to you, brushing his down your arm as he glanced at the dress you had on.

You’d picked it out for this occasion, the soft white material making you feel soft and beautiful.

“Thank you! You clean up nice too..” you giggled at your tease, giving him a soft kiss to the cheek before taking his hand into yours. You were eager to get to the restaurant; you’d been waiting to try this particular place for ages and finally you had got a reservation."

Before leaving the comfort of your home, you said goodbye to both Sarah and Tommy.

“Don’t do anything irresponsible.” You pointed at Tommy. “I know you’re 26 years old but still, I’d like to come home to the house in one piece.” Before pulling him into a hug.

“Sarah, please watch uncle Tommy.” Sarah laughs at your comment about her uncle.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll make sure he’s on his best behavior!” She giggled and pulled you into a small hug.

Walking over to Joel, who’s stood at the front door.

Sarah runs over to her dad before capturing him is a tight embrace.

“Bye dad, have fun!” She said as he moved her curls behind her ear.

“I will babygirl, be on your best behavior for uncle Tommy, okay? Patting her head.

“Okay dad!” He kissed her cheek and you and Joel walked out the house.

You walked to the passenger side of Joel truck, before Joel approached you, watching as he reached down to open the passenger door for you and held it open, standing back for you to get inside.

“Well thank you.” He grinned, smiling as you got in.

“No problem darlin'. ” softly closing the truck door, walking around the baby blue truck and hoping into the driver side.

The truck engine lightly roaring as Joel started the car and pulled out of the driveway. Soft music plays as you turn the corner and enter the main road.

-

The restaurant is elegant, with dim lighting that casts a romantic glow over the patrons. Soft jazz plays in the background, creating a soothing ambiance

“Name under the reservation.?” The young blonde asked Joel.

“Uh, Joel Miller.” He shoved his hands in his pocket, rocking back and forth on his heels. Which was a nervous tic for Joel that you’d picked up on over the years.

“If you want to follow me this way, I can take you straight to your table.” She grabbed two menus and a specials menu before walking you two outside.

“Ladies first.” He motioned in front of him.

“Such a gentleman Joel miller.” Smiling softly before quickly grabbing at his hand and pulling him behind you.

Sitting down at much fancier tables than the one you and Joel had in your dining room. Beautiful black and gold menus with intricate letters, placed neatly on the table beside the spoon, knife and forks wrapped in nice fabric.

"Can I get you guys something to start with? drinks? maybe an appetizer?"

"I'll have a glass of red wine." the young waitress quickly wrote your drink down on her note pad.

"ill have a glass of water.. oh and can I have a lemon on the side?" Joel anxiously tapping his fingers on fabric covers wood.

"yeah, of course. I'll be right out with your drinks!"

“I heard they have really good steak.” he quirked his eyebrow.

“You’re gonna turn into a steak.” laughing a little too loud for this kinda restaurant, not before looking around to see if anyone was looking at you like you had two heads.

The young waitress, Brooke, which you had read from her name tag, came back with the three drinks.

“Thank you.” the both of you said reaching for the drinks.

“Are you guys ready to order, or do you need more time to think?” it was almost telepathically telling Joel that you were ready to order if he was.

“Yeah, we’re ready to order.” both telling her what you’d want off the menu.

“I'll have the steak, medium rare, with broccoli and mash potatoes.” he says as he hands the menu to the waitress.

“I'll have grilled chicken with mushrooms, and broccoli and mashed potatoes, please.” following what Joel did, and handing her the menu.

“Alright. I’ll get those right out for you both.” Joel watches as the waitress leaves, his gaze returning back to the woman sitting in front of him.

“What are you looking at?” you tease.

“What, can’t a man take a moment to admire how beautiful his girlfriend and best friend looks?”

“Joel Miller, you're a very cheesy man.”

-

After placing the order for the food, conversation engulfed the both of you.

Twenty minutes flew by and food was finally on its way to your table.

The waitress placed the meals in front of you, and waved down another waitress to refill your wine glasses.

The both of you half way done your food, feeling too to finish what was left on your plates.

“Joel this was really nice, I’m really glad we got the chance to do this.”

“Well I'm glad you had a good time, my peach!” reaching for your hand from across the table.

“I got one more thing to show you tonight.” he grinned

“Oh yeah?” You watched as he flagged down the waitress for the check.

After Paying the check, you and Joel walked down what Texans called the ‘Texas boardwalk’, down to the sand to watch the sunset.

You two sat down on the soft but grainy sand, listening to the waves crash together, in blissful peace.

“I feel the happiest I’ve ever been.” Looking at the man beside you.

“That’s weird because.. I was just about to say the same thing.” His chocolate brown eyes are finally finding yours.

“Yeah, that’s so strange? It’s like we’re meant to be or something??” Letting a soft giggle out.

“I want to show you something.” Before even realizing what he said, he was standing up somewhat quickly (old man lol) and grabbing your hand to pull you up with him.

“Of course!” He was pulling you along, whatever it was he was bursting with excitement.

“Joel, baby slow down, whatever it is you want to show me will still be there in a few minutes.” You laugh at his eagerness.

“Sorry. Sorry, I’m just really excited to show you.” He slowed down a little bit and you were still kinda jogging.

“Okay we’re almost there but I need to blindfold you.?” He said nervously.

“Okay.?” Closing your eyes as the cold feeling of the blindfold covered your eyes.

Joel grabbed both of your hands to guide you to wherever he was taking you.

“Are you ready?” He asked, grabbing ahold of where he tied the blindfold.

“Yes?” He slowly pulled on the blindfold. The millions of candles were making it hard to focus on the big sign that said ‘will you marry me’.

There was Tommy and Sarah standing by the sign smiling all bright.

“You two!” You laughed pointing at them.

You walked closer, the word on the sign finally clicking.

“Are you being serious??” Shocked was the only emotion you had right now.

“Yes baby.” He smiled, getting down on one knee.

“Oh my.” Tears were forming, hands were shaking, your emotions were everywhere.

“Peach, ever since I’ve known you, you have always been the light to my darkness. You were there to help me with Sarah, you were there when I could barely keep the light on, you have been my rock for all of these years. Two years ago when we decided to take our relationship to the next level and start dating was one of the best days of my life. Not much changed, and I think that’s what amazes me everyday. So I’m asking, will you marry me, peach?” He said as he pulled the ring box out of his pocket, before opening the box and pulling out the ring.

“Yes, Joel miller I will marry you.” Tears are falling down your face as you hold your ring finger out, while he slides it on.

Not before he quickly gets up and picks you up, spinning around before pulling you into a kiss.

Joel slowly places you down as Sarah comes over and wraps her hands around both of you.

“I’m so happy for you guys!” She said tears softly falling down her cheeks.

“Thank you babygirl.” You said as you rubbed her back to comfort her.

Tommy walked over to embrace his older brother in celebration.

“Congrats brother, you're finally getting married!” He said, patting his big brother in the back.

“Thank you, I couldn't do it without you and Sarah helping me set this all up.” He smiled at his younger brother.

“Anytime.” Smiling at his brother. “Go back to your kid and your fiancée, I’m gonna load this stuff up in the truck.”

“Alright, holler if you need help!” Joel yelled towards Tommy.

-

After helping Tommy load the stuff in the back of his truck, the rest of the miller family headed home.

You, Joel and Sarah hooped into your pajamas and watch a new movie on the couch.

You cuddled up against Joel and Sarah cuddled up against you.

“Im so happy that I’m gonna be able to marry you.” You said in a hushed tone.

“Weird, I was just about to say the same thing.” He smiled.

And before you all knew it, the whole miller family was peaceful asleep on the couch.

[rollinouttahere]

Joyride

Yandere Strawhats + Ace x Isekai Reader

2.2k words

Part 2

Yet again, this fic is inspired by @lovelybrooke ‘s Isekai reader stories.

I also want to say thank you for all the support and kind comments on the last story I wrote! I’ve actually been working on my own yandere one piece fic that I’m hoping to start posting in a few days give or take, so if you like what I’ve written so far, keep an eye out for that! All future writings are gonna be posted on my writing blog @rollinouttahere-writes​ so go follow that blog if you’re interested!

Trying to act normal and inconspicuous in the One Piece universe was a far from easy task. Being the massive fan of the series that you were, it was damn hard to not give away that you knew all about the crew that was so generously letting you stay with them after appearing on their ship with zero explanation.

It became even harder to stay lowkey when Ace temporarily joined up with the Strawhats. All you wanted was to hug that man and tell him how loved he is and that he deserves to live just as much as anyone else, but you really couldn’t say or do any of that without looking weird. You’ll just have to settle for being extremely nice to him, which was very easy.

Ace himself was already an easy guy to get along with (now at least), but he was noticeably very interested in you. You couldn’t blame him, what with Luffy almost immediately outing your insane situation to him. He seemed incredulous at first, but warmed up to and accepted the story way faster than you expected. It didn’t take long for his questions to go from feeling like an interrogation to being genuine.

You were so busy soaking up the attention from such a beloved character that you almost missed how jealous your crewmates were getting. Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper were taking it the best. Chopper probably because he was still so new to the crew that he wasn’t all that bothered by one of them not paying as much attention to him. Usopp was too busy building Nami’s weapon to concern himself with it too much. Meanwhile, Luffy was just so happy to see Ace again that he didn’t really notice that you were spending a lot of time with him. That, and he would usually be hanging out with both of you anyways. 

The others though, oh boy did they not like this. Nami was the most blatant about it, straight up glowering at you and Ace whenever you two were too close for her liking. You’re pretty sure the only thing keeping her from up and dragging you away from him is Luffy dismissing her complaints and telling her to stop fretting over it. You love being a part of their crew, so she should quit worrying!

Sanji and Zoro were both vying for your attention in their own ways as well. Sanji suddenly wanted more help around the kitchen, insisting that he needed an extra pair of hands now that there was another mouth to feed. Given that Ace’s appetite was on par with Luffy’s, you could understand the desire for help. Zoro’s attempts were considerably less convincing. One time he wanted you to spot him while he was working out, making you laugh right in his face at the mere idea that you would be able to help him with the ridiculous weights he lifts. His face had gone bright red after you pointed it out to him, prompting him to walk away immediately, much to your amusement.

Right now, though, you weren’t with Ace. Him and Luffy were busy doing something and you didn’t want to butt in on all their time together. Instead, you were ogling Ace’s boat that was currently tied to the side of the Going Merry.

You absolutely loved the design of his ship, it was such a clever idea to use his devil fruit ability to power a steam engine and make what looks like a tiny sailboat function like a jet ski. It didn’t appear in the anime too many times but everytime it was on screen it looked so cool. 

“I wonder what it’d be like to ride that,” you quietly mused to yourself.

“Wanna find out?”

You almost jumped out of your skin at the sudden arrival of Ace. He laughed at your reaction, not a care in the world for the near heart attack he just gave you.

“Oh my God, Ace, you scared the hell out of me!” You lightly slapped at his shoulder, your other hand resting over your now racing heart.

He laughed some more, “I could tell, and I’m sorry about that.” He didn’t sound even vaguely sorry. Ace elbowed your side, “But seriously, do you want to go for a ride?”

The offer had you staring wide-eyed at him. Then the boat. Then back at him again. “Really? Are you sure?” You were desperately trying to keep your cool and not show how insanely excited you were about the idea.

“Of course! I wouldn’t have offered it if I wasn’t. Come on,” he hopped up onto the railing and held his hand out to you. You didn’t need to mull it over, eagerly taking hold and stepping up with him. As soon as you did, he wrapped an arm around you and was ready to jump down onto his boat when Nami started yelling.

“Woah, woah, woah, what the hell are you two doing???” Nami, who was previously pruning her trees, had abandoned the activity entirely in favor of sprinting over to where you were and grabbing onto your leg.

“(Y/N) wanted to try riding my boat, so we’re going for a little joyride, that’s all,” Ace flashed Nami a dazzling smile, not at all deterred by her interruption.

“No way! What if they fall off? That thing doesn’t look safe at all!” Nami was now pulling on you, trying to get you down from the railing.

Ace held on tighter in response, “It’s perfectly safe, it has to be. I’m a devil fruit user, remember? (Y/N) isn’t, so really, I’m in more danger on that than they are. It’s fine.”

You could tell Nami was ready to argue more, but thankfully Luffy piped up, “Don’t worry about it Nami! If Ace says it’s safe then it’s safe!” Luffy, who was perched on his special seat at the bow, came bounding over, “But I wanna go next!”

“Sure thing, Luffy, we’ll be back in a bit,” Ace was quick to jump down with you in tow, not wanting to give any of the other Strawhats a chance to object. After untying it from the Going Merry, he knelt down slightly, “Hop on my back, you’re not gonna want to have your feet down there when we get going.”

Not wanting to get set on fire, you obliged. If you weighed anything to him, he didn’t show it, simply standing up straight as soon as you were on. “Ready?”

You excitedly nod your head, holding on tight to Ace in preparation. It was a good thing too, because he decided to immediately start at the leisurely speed of what felt like mach 7. A shriek emits from your throat as you take off. You think you can hear Nami yelling something again, but couldn’t make it out over your own screaming and the noise of the steam engine roaring to life.

Ace laughed loudly at your reaction, but did slow down slightly, “Sorry about that, I just wanted to get some distance before anyone else tried to stop us.” One of his arms let go of your leg and tugged at your arms around his neck, “But would you mind easing up a bit? I won’t be able to take us back if you choke me out.” 

“Oh oops, I’m sorry!” You immediately loosened your arms and readjusted them. Accidentally strangling Ace was not something you wanted to do today. Or any day really.

He simply shrugged it off, telling you not to worry about it. It’s not like you could really hurt him. “I’m gonna speed up again, you ready for it this time?”

The second you confirm that you are, the boat lurches forward, cutting through the waves like nothing. Now that you weren’t panicking, you could properly take in the experience and thoroughly enjoy it. 

The wind was whipping through your hair and sea water misted the air, droplets clinging to both yours and Ace’s hair. He hit a particularly big wave causing the boat to go airborne for a moment before crashing back down. You found yourself laughing and cheering as Ace continued to show off, which only egged him on more.

After a while, Ace slowed to a stop and let you down from his back. “C’mere, step up on this,” he stepped to the side and motioned for you to step up onto the front of his boat. His hands rested on your hips to keep you steady, presumably not wanting to get chewed out by Nami if you came back sopping wet. 

“This is one of the best parts of being at sea,” he was staring straight ahead. “Sunsets out here are something else, you don’t get a view like this on land.”

He was completely correct, it was beautiful. Orange, red, and pink hues colored the sky and reflected gorgeously in the ocean. It was a breathtaking view, one you would remember forever.

The two of you fell into a comfortable silence, quietly admiring the view with nothing but the natural sounds of the ocean around you. It was nice, very peaceful. 

“What do you think about staying here?”

You tense at Ace suddenly speaking. “Like staying out here a little longer?” As lovely as this was, the others were bound to get antsy if you stayed out after dark.

“No, I mean staying here in this world,” he stepped closer to you, wrapping his arms fully around you and resting his head on your shoulder to be able to see your face. “It’s nice here, right? Why not stick around? I know Luffy wants you to. Hell, I’m sure the rest of the crew does, too.”

You were taken aback by this statement, and weren’t really sure how to respond. Sure, it could be nice here when you all weren’t being hunted for sport by marines, but this wasn’t a place you could see yourself staying long term. That, and you had a life back home, you couldn’t just throw your friends and family to the wind like that.

Sucking in a breath, you searched for the nicest way to say all that. “It is nice here, but I have to go back.” You could feel his posture stiffen behind you, “Don’t get me wrong, you all have been super nice to me! It’s just that I’ve got all my friends and family back home and I miss them terribly.”

“Your family?” Ace said this so quietly that you weren’t even sure he was saying that to you. Abruptly, he straightened up, “I know! If you want a family so bad you can join the Whitebeard pirates!”

What? You joining the Whitebeard pirates? You already feel inadequate enough around the Strawhats, you can’t imagine how pathetic you would feel around those people. Of course, it would be awesome to get to meet them, but you want to keep to yourself as much as possible since you will eventually have to go back home.

While you were thinking, Ace kept going, “Pops would love you, I just know it. We haven’t gotten another sibling in a while, everyone would be psyched to meet you.” His once comforting hug was growing tighter by the second. Suffocating even.

“Ace-”

“And you already have friends with my brother’s crew, so that’s all taken care of!”

“Ace, ple-”

“Of course, I’m your friend too, but after you join I’ll be your big brother!”

“ACE!” Your yell startled him, mercifully making him let go of you. You take the opportunity to inch forward and create some distance, however minute.  “That’s,” oh, how to put this without hurting his feelings, “that’s very kind of you to offer, but I’d rather stay with the Strawhats for now.”

“Oh…” You don’t even need to turn around to know how disappointed he was by this declaration. He chuckled awkwardly, “I’m sorry about that, looks like I got a little carried away there.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” frankly, you just wanted to go back to the ship after that. The atmosphere was uncomfortable now.

After a few more seconds of silence, Ace cleared his throat and spoke again, “We should probably head back now, it’s gonna be dark soon.”

You were quick to agree and clambered onto his back, “Yeah that’s a good idea, Nami would throw a fit if we stay out much longer.” She’ll probably be mad regardless, but still.

Ace got his boat going and began the trip back. The Going Merry was a lot further away than you’d realized, it was so small that you could just barely make it out in the distance. You internally cringe, your crewmates are no doubt unhappy about you being this far away.

Despite the distance, you couldn’t help but notice how slow Ace was going compared to earlier. It’s like he wanted to drag this out for as long as possible. You decided not to call him out on it, not deeming it worth it.

“I’m not giving up, you know.”

“What?” 

“I’ll drop it for now, but I’m not giving up on you joining Whitebeard’s crew. Just… think about it, okay?” Ace’s voice was quiet, just barely loud enough to hear over the engine. 

The rest of the ride back remained dead silent, giving you plenty of time to mull over what just happened. It felt so… Weird. Out of character, really. He’s known you for, what? 24 hours? If that. Yet he’s trying to talk you out of going home and seems dead set on replacing your family with his own. Granted, everyone’s been more clingy than you thought normal, but this was downright bizarre. 

You really need to find a way home, and fast.

[djarins-cyare]

WIP Weekend

It’s been a while since I’ve made progress on any of my fics, but I’m trying my best to write something for Kate’s Roll-A-Trope Challenge, so I finally have something I can share a snippet of 🥳

Over the last 14 weeks, I’ve been tagged in 19 WIP Wednesday posts / Last Line games / WIP polls (yes, I keep track!), so thank you to the following lovely people for continuing to think of me even though I’ve been suspiciously quiet 💚:

@burntheedges @nerdieforpedro @604to647 @the-mandawhor1an

@kyberblade @almostfoxglove @for-a-longlongtime @djarins-wife

May I offer you some (totally unedited and marginally redacted) pre-spice Din and f!Reader in the trope genre of secret relationship below the cut…

Swallowing, you blink innocently and ask, “Is there anything else you need before I turn in?” You’re not particularly tired, but you should let him get some rest. Slowly, the angle of Mando’s helmet drops a few centimetres, and he releases a vibrant hum. The few seconds of silence that follow feel charged somehow, full of expectation, and just as you realise where he’s relocated his gaze to, he rumbles a reply in the lowest, sexiest register you’ve heard from him this evening. “So far, you’ve known exactly what I’ve needed without me having to ask.” He pauses again as he slowly tilts his helmet, the silence loaded with promise. “So you tell me. What do I need now?” Your eyes inadvertently dart to his crotch again and… shit. You’re pretty sure something’s happening down there. It looks… harder… larger (if that’s even possible). “You, uh….” Your attempt at an answer goes nowhere since you don’t know what to say. You want this, sure, but you shouldn’t. He’s injured, and you promised your uncle you’d keep your distance, not jump into an intimate act with the guy the first chance you get. After a few deep and shuddering breaths, you manage, “You need a good night’s sleep.” “I do,” he agrees. “But your question was whether I need anything else before you go to bed. Sleep comes after you go. What comes before?” Fuck. His words vibrate through you and disintegrate your misgivings. There’s no logical decision to answer in the way that you do; it just happens. “You… if you want.” A pleased hum resonates through the vocoder. “I do,” he agrees again. “The bacta took away the pain, but if you’re offering some pleasure too….” “Y-yes,” you blurt, halfway between eager and anxious. “But… my uncle will kill me if he finds out.” Mando chuckles. “He’d shoot me first. Our secret, then?” Your pussy dampens at the idea, eyes flashing as you nod your acceptance of his clandestine terms. Suddenly, a secret liaison with the apparently dangerous man you’re supposed to be avoiding for your own good sounds like the most desirable thing in the galaxy.

Yeah, you know me… I can’t just write a single scene; I have to write the whole damn relationship!

So, obviously, this is how their secret relationship gets off the ground. You may have gathered that Reader is a certain High Magistrate’s niece and has been given strict instructions to avoid the new resident of the cabin out on the lava flats. You can look forward to plenty of sneaking around, flimsy excuses, near misses, and suspicious confrontations. Oh, and smut 😏

I can’t believe I only have a month left to write all this. What have I signed up for? I’m so fucked…

*Hates self for not being able to write short stories* /jk

I’m clearly over-excited about finally having something for a WIP post, so I’m going wild and tagging a load of writer mutuals and favourites. Feel free to do any form of WIP post you choose, or ignore me entirely if you’re not up for posting snippets right now (either way, you’re all awesome) 💚

@5oh5 @abbonation @always-andromeda @captainredspade @court-jobi

@davnittbraes @din-cognito @dindjarindiaries @djarinmuse @drewharrisonwriter

@dumfanting @eatommo @evolnoomym @fhatbhabiee @fromthedeskoftheraven

@fuckyeahdindjarin @galaxyedging @grogusmum @happy-beeeps @iamsherlocked-1998

@insomniamamma @ishabull @itsjuststardust @joelalorian @jolapeno

@lady-bess @lahooozaherr @larkoneironaut @littlemisspascal @magpiepills

@morallyinept @mothandpidgeon @newpathwrites @oonajaeadira @penvisions

@prolix-yuy @quicksilvermad @saradika @secretelephanttattoo @sixhours

@sp00kymulderr @studioghibelli @syd-djarin @the-blind-assassin-12 @theetherealbloom

@wannab-urs @whocaresstillthelouvre @whxtedreams @wrathkitty @yopossum

[pikapeppa]

Year-End Writer's Roundup: 2024 edition

It’s that time of year, writer friends: time to take stock of what we’ve been up to this year! Tagging to literally ANY AND ALL WRITERS who would like to participate — seriously, if you write and you see this, please take this as an invitation to fill it out! — but I’ll throw down some tags from the top of my head: @contrivedchaos @iamcayc @midnightacrobat @elveny @johaerys-writes @crackinglamb @alyssalenko @vorchagirl @auntie-coagulant @sweetorangepoptart @himluv @mwasaw @varric-tethras-editor and GENUINELY anyone else who wants to join in!

Words written (published or not, WIPs totally count too!!): 882 674. A decrease compared to previous years, but there is a good reason for this (even though I need to keep reminding myself that it’s a good thing) — more details below.

Smut scenes: 44 — similar to the past few years.

New things I tried:

I wrote a fully-fledged poly ship for the first time with Halsin, Astarion and my Tav, complete with feelings and all! I’ve written sexual-only threesomes/moresomes before, but this is the first time I’ve had there be actual romance as well as sex. 

Significant M/M sexy time, including anal sex. I probably won’t write anal sex again for personal reasons, but I’m glad I dabbled at least.

I wrote something that I do not intend to post publicly, purely just for me. More on this later.

Fic I spent the most time on: 

My Astarion/Tav fic, just based on sheer number of words alone.

Fic I spent the least time on:

My Zoro/Reader fic, Relentless. These three chapters came together (HUEHUE) so quickly based on the sheer force of Zoro thirst. NOTHING LIKE THAT THREE-SWORD STYLE TO GET US WANTING HIS FOURTH SWORD 🤣

Favourite thing I wrote: 

This is tough this year aaaaaaaa. The Teia/Viago fic was one that I’d been wanting to write since 2020, and I’m grateful to the Veilguard hype for resparking that flame and making it happen. I LOVED writing all of my Halsin smut because Halsin just makes me SO CRAZY (I genuinely think he might be the one singular videogame boyfriend I’ve felt the most feral about). My Rolan/Tav fic felt like it was born from a very bright spark of inspiration, and I had a fun few weeks just blasting through writing that. 

But my #1 fave thing to write might have been the One Piece Sanji/OC fic that I am not planning to publish. Not publishing means there’s been no pressure to “make it good” or to figure out every detail of timelines/lore/OC backstory etc, so I can just do whatever I want. And that freedom to just make the fic mine, for me, has been really valuable this year. 

Favourite thing I read: 

Oh fuck, I read basically nothing this year HAHAHA. But I did read this one Sanji/Nico Robin smutfic that I REALLY loved. And I absolutely devoured a novel by one of my fave authors (Grown Ups by Marian Keyes) during our mini-vacay to Florida in February.

Writing goals for next year: 

My only goal for the coming year is this: to write only what I really WANT to write.

This probably sounds obvious, but it’s a whole thing that’s tied up with expectations of myself and self-worth and blah blah blah, so the rest of this post will be a bit of a personal essay that you can feel free to pass on HAHA.

I started therapy last year, and I’m in the part of my “therapy journey” now where one of the things I’m working through is the fact that I hold unhealthily high expectations of myself in basically every realm of my life. I force myself to suppress/compartmentalize/ignore my own feelings because I prioritize other people’s feelings over my own, and I spend a lot of my time focusing on things that I think I “should” be doing, at the expense of my own comfort levels/needs/physical or mental health etc. (ELDEST SISTER SYNDROME ANYONE?) And unfortunately, over the years, this way of operating has insidiously snuck its way into my writing.

When I first started writing fanfic in 2017, the writing was entirely born from an overwhelming desire to just get out this story in my head and make it a reality. I started writing for no other reason than because I wanted to. But as time went on and I gained a lovely following of readers, I started prioritizing my readers’ desires over my own. In particular, I’ve gotten too caught up by the idea of being That Writer™ who posts frequently and who finishes her fics: two qualities that I have often been praised for. This led to a habit of sticking to very strict schedules of always posting at least one chapter of something every single week — and if I was working on more than one fic, I would pressure myself to post a chapter of each fic every week. I would pressure myself to do this even when my back pain and migraines started flaring up in 2020, because I did not want to disappoint my readers.

To be clear: all of this was pressure coming from myself. Nobody was telling me I need to post every week or that I need to finish everything I write; I was the one holding myself to these insane standards. But for years, I’ve been able to meet these standards, and it hasn’t been a problem — or so I thought.

Then this year happened. Therapy stuff happened and health stuff got worse, and for the first time ever, I started having days where I just could not make myself write. I would sit at the computer for hours, unable to conjure any words. For some of my fics, this meant weeks or even months between updates. Sometimes when the words finally came, the writing felt like a struggle or a chore rather than an act of love, because I was doing something that I felt like I had to do rather than something I really wanted.

This has been absolute fucking torture for me. I felt so shitty about myself for not being able to do the one thing that I legitimately love doing the most in the world. This was especially distressing because I have given writing advice before stating that when you’re writing a long fic, you sometimes have to write shit you don’t want to write before you can get to the good stuff. And the fact that I’m struggling to do this now has left me feeling like a hypocrite and a failure for not being able to follow my own advice. 

To make things worse, some of the fandoms I’ve been writing for have been… unresponsive. The ratio of hits to actual comments has been pretty abysmal. The lack of engagement and encouragement just added onto the feelings of shittiness and inadequacy, as though I was failing to meet readers’ expectations somehow, and I can’t lie: it was part of why I stopped writing for one fandom this year, and I’ve never felt so bitter about finishing any fics as I did with a couple of the fics I wrapped up this year.

With time, a lot of tears and self-castigation, and ongoing therapy sessions, I’ve slowwwwwly realized that I am being unkind to myself by holding myself to such high expectations, and that I need to actively combat these expectations by refocusing on writing things that I want to write rather than worrying about disappointing my readers. I’m also working on writing only when I want to and when I feel good, i.e. not forcing myself to write when my head is throbbing or when I’m in too much pain to sit in my office chair. 

To this end, I have been writing some One Piece fic that I have no plans to post publicly: fic that is entirely self-indulgent fun. And it’s actually been the best exercise in returning to the hedonistic selfish joy of writing what I want, which is why I started doing this in the first place. Moving forward, I’m going to keep working on writing for myself first and foremost. I’ll strive to write what only what really sparks joy for me, and if that means my word count keep dropping year after year, I will try to remind myself that this is a good and healthy thing, since any words that I write should be a gift to myself first and foremost. 

[doll3tt33]

Unnecessarily lengthy ramble abt losing interest and moving on with a new acc + last few bot/fic ideas I might post (feel free to ignore idkidk)

I’ve been having a hectic week regarding academic stuff so I have the worst brain fog rn, and I have a feeling I should unwind a couple more days before writing this but I honestly don’t care atp 😭😭

Basically, as you can see with the title, I’m losing interest in AHS, evan peters, his characters - all that. Besides Colin Zabel (he’s still my husband fr), creating content for everything else feels like a real chore now, whilst back then it was truly enjoyable and exciting.

Don’t get me wrong, I love writing and making bots, like this stuff is basically for life lol. But nowadays, it feels like I’m simply utilizing the evans as tools to write out the tropes I enjoy, rather than actually experiencing a desire to write FOR the characters like I used to ((which still can be gratifying in its own respective way… until a certain motivating factor begins to lack, if that makes sense??

It really sucks cuz I chalked it up to me being burned out, when in reality my attraction was clearly just plummeting as we speak 😔. What’s worse is that I’m really comfortable in this fandom - like I have super cool moots here, there’s no drama, there’s a bunch of evan characters for everybody 😂, and I gained over 500 followers, which is still crazy to me! I tried to “prolong” my interest for the sake of all this progress, but I think the inevitable has arrived and I can no longer keep up, my resolve is crumbling y’all 😭😭😭

I was hoping to wait until the Tron movie comes out in 2025, cuz maybe seeing Evan in there would reignite some of ✨la passion✨ within me, however I don’t feel like hanging around anymore, since I no longer relate to the fandom. I feel so out of place now, like a fRaUD 😩 ((I’ll still most likely watch it, but until then we’ll see

And to clarify, I will most likely NOT post and interact as frequently as I used to anymore. I’m not deleting this account, though I am going to make a new account to post The Boys content, as I want a fresh clean slate to start new.

Before I do go, I might drop a bot or two, maybe even a fic in the near future since they’re halfway done and I did NOT use all that effort for nothing 😭💀:

- corrupt cop!Colin Zabel ((most likely will make this next…. For personal reasons 😳

- a standard pre-cult Kai bot ((not brown hair pre-cult Kai, the recently dyed blue hair one iykwim. sorry

- as for fics, I’ll most likely post a very short smut when Kyle goes down on reader, cuz why not 😏

- might finish the older!grumpy neighbor!kit I talked about before since I’m halfway done

- not sure about this but I have a really random JPM fic where reader (accidentally but also not so accidentally) killed their spouse and they have no one to call but him for help ((heavily based off the tv show Fargo, the first season

No promises tho! I might occasionally come back to post if some random ideas for the evans come up, and ofc for Colin cuz he’s still the loml, no debate <3

[nateezfics]

kind of long post, so apologies in advance. just want to give a little update as well as talk about how my blog will be functioning moving forward. you don’t have to read of course, but if you do, it’s very appreciated!

for starters, i want to say how thankful i am for all the love and support i’ve received during my time here. running nateezfics has been fun, and i’ve enjoyed posting, and making a handful of sweet mutuals! i will always cherish the time here.

the above statement makes it sound like I’m leaving. i am not, rest assured. however, i am saying that my presence here will decrease. i’ve always been pretty regular on posting, mostly just posting whatever random thought i had on my brain (usually always regarding a certain captain lol). though recently i have had little to no desire to post on here at all. and it’s been an even longer time that I’ve felt like writing consistently. also it’s been so hard for me to find the energy to interact with anyone here; for the last couple of months i have felt very detached from ateez, and kpop as a whole. to be quite honest, I’ve barely kept up with this recent comeback/album. this has affected my want to post here. i feel like my interests may be moving elsewhere, and that i am not as interested in ateez/kpop these days. this may just be a temporary thing, but as such, my presence here will be sparse. i won’t force myself to post or write if i don’t want to. so i will just simply be posting when i have the desire or energy to.

thus my requests that i have waiting in my inbox will be unfulfilled. i will be erasing all the requests in my askbox, with the exception of a few that i might feel inspired to complete. i have wanted to do this for some time and now is my opportunity. i have struggled with even responding to basic asks, so fic requests have been even harder for me. i am so overwhelmed with the amount of requests that i feel like I cannot get through them all; and i just feel so guilty because so many of them have just been sitting there incomplete for ages. so i feel like it’s best to just come out and say i will not be doing them and will never again take any more fic requests. i honestly feel much better after making this decision. thank you to everyone who has requested from me, and thank you to everyone who sent in an ask in general to me. as for any of my own wip’s, they too will probably never be completed. lately the fics I’m most motivated to write are ones i come up with spontaneously, while my planned wip’s have been rotting away. i had a lot of fics planned, but i just simply don’t have the desire for them anymore. i am not going to pressure myself; writing should be fun and not feel like a job! so i am giving myself a clean slate. hope you can enjoy the fics i may post in the future!

all this to say, i am taking somewhat of a hiatus. I won’t be too active here, yet i may hop on when i feel like it or post a fic or two when i am able! if you’d like to reach me, best place to reach out would be by messaging me on insta @ ateezink. again, thank you everyone for all the support! it means a lot!

— nat 🧸

[from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras]

Oh, hello!

It’s time to replace my original pinned post with a more permanent choice, so here’s the quick, updated scoop on what you can expect here:

I love all things Tolkien and looking at, thinking about, and talking about those things. So I will absolutely reblog your fan art of Thranduil draped across his throne in that sultry pose or like your fic about how Tuor came to love Voronwë as a brother on their long journey to Gondolin. But in my heart, I’ve always been a Rohan kind of girl. That’s where you’re going to find my interest most often drawn, and it’s what I write about almost exclusively (with the very occasional tangent into Haldir-related content, which I understand is totally inconsistent, but the heart wants what the heart wants!).

So, if you could talk about the Eorlingas for hours on end, if Éomer is the Middle Earth king of your dreams, if you find yourself unreasonably attached to minor characters like Háma and Elfhelm or have tons of opinions about how amazing Théodred is, if you’re personally invested in Karl Urban’s dimples …maybe we should be friends! And if you like those things, then maybe you’d get something out of my fics. Or not. Either way is fine!

Those fics are now collected in one place below, which I’ll try to keep updated. I make no claim that they are fine works of literature, but they make me happy and that’s their primary purpose. While they’re all consistent with each other and exist in my unified headcanon, they tend to be one shots based on some particular thing I was interested in–a specific plot point, an unanswered question, a desire to see a certain character grow/develop a certain way. Anyway, you get the idea. So thanks for being here, click through to the master list (such as it is) and FORTH EORLINGAS!

Rohan: (stories in rough in-universe chronological order)

Éomer-focused:

TFW Siblings Prompt: Éowyn is frustrated by Éomer’s attempt to protect her from Wormtongue.

Turning Points: Éomer is back from the war of the ring with a changed worldview and an intention to get married. Includes the first look at the character who becomes his wife.

A Vigilant Eye: A marital scene between Éomer and his wife, Mereliss, focused on Éomer’s stubborn need to never admit weakness. This is as spicy as any of my fics get, which is to say…only very mildly spicy.

A Need of the Soul: Éomer is teaching Faramir how to speak Rohirric as a surprise for Éowyn. Cute brotherly bonding moments, remembrances of Boromir and Théodred and lots of horse talk.

TFW Parent-Child Prompt: Éomer becomes a father for the first time and has lots of feelings about it.

TFW Extended Family Prompt: Éomer’s father in law, Elfhelm, realizes what he means to Éomer in light of the many losses Éomer has already experienced.

Nowhere Else: A look back at how Éomer met his wife, told from both sides of the meeting. Includes a look at several other sweet moments from over their years together.

Théodred and Éomer art by Valeria Salo

Théodred-focused:

TFW Cut Ties Prompt: Traces the unshakable bond forged by shared grief between Théodred and Éomer, enduring all the way to Théodred’s literal last words.

What Do We Say: Théodred and little Éowyn have a heart to heart when she starts tormenting the women who are potential brides for him.

Landlocked: Théodred gives teen Éowyn some life advice on a rare trip to the sea. (Rohan Secret Santa 2024 ficlet)

Into the Breach: My most comprehensive look at Théodred the person and his backstory, told in the few days leading up to his death. It's more or less my answer to the question of what Théodred was doing in/around major canon events from LOTR. Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4.

Ties That Bind: A look at how Wormtongue’s manipulation of Théoden affected the larger royal family, as seen through Éomer’s experience when Théoden had him jailed. Théodred's fiancee is a key element of this fic, so I'm putting it with the other Théodred stories though he's not directly in it.

A Life Interrupted: Éomer reckoning with the death of Théodred. My original story with details of Théodred's life and my HC for him.

Háma-focused:

Háma art by @ rinthecap

Those Worth Fighting For: Family fluff of Háma being a sweet dad to his little girl while shielding her from the reality of the increasing danger posed by Isengard.

TFW Freeform Prompt: Háma and his wife struggle with how to protect their children from the increasing likelihood of war.

Hewn and Sewn: Háma’s experiences both living and dying as a soldier.

Not This Time: The discovery of Háma’s body after the battle of Helm’s Deep has major consequences.

Other Rohirrim:

TFW Ancestors Prompt: Théoden’s father, Thengel, returns from exile against his will to take up the throne in Rohan.

Unwary: The story of the deaths of Théodwyn and Éomund, the parents of Éomer and Éowyn.

Untitled intro piece about Guthláf: A short musing on what it means to Guthláf to be Théoden’s banner bearer.

Where Now the Horse and the Rider: The love story of Guthláf and Wídfara, trying to hold it together as the world falls apart around them. Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6. Part 7. Part 8.

Untitled ficlet on Elfhild: A short intro to Théodred’s mother, who had a premonition she wasn’t going to survive his birth.

Lórien:

Three Weeks on the Nimrodel: Haldir meets his perfect match while posted for 3 weeks with a substitute marchwarden who understands and appreciates his natural reserve.

The Guardian: Haldir finds a lost and scared little human girl while on patrol in Lórien. Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3. Chapter 4. Chapter 5. Epilogue.

[teecupangel]

What's your take on the ddos attack on AO3?

I think this post pretty much summarized what happened to AO3

Now, AO3 did say that the website is back up but there is a possibility of slowing down or an issue or two as they have yet to optimize their new CloudFlare so let’s all be patient and keep an ear out for any news from AO3 (I believe this is their official tumblr?)

As for my take itself, I agree that this is a group masquerading as another group and there is a possibility that this is actually fueled by greed as they have tried to ransom AO3 as well and the whole ‘reason’ they gave in their official statement is just smokescreen.

Honestly, that’s all I have since I was writing (or maybe I was at work? Not sure when AO3 went down) then asleep then worked while AO3 was down so I didn’t have time to panic or check for any wils conspiracy theory (if there are any? I don't think so.

I did feel that it’s kinda ironic that AO3 goes down a few hours after I updated The Shadow’s Endgame after that huge cliffhanger last week so for those who received a ‘oh hey, Shadow’s Endgame updated’ notif from AO3 and was met with AO3 being down… I feel the desire to say sorry to you guys.

Also, considering the personality I plan to write for the newly introduced character in Eagle of Alamut, he’s going to be sulking that his ‘debut’ has been postponed because of this.

Other than that, I did read that there was a possibility it would be down for weeks (which probably won’t happen this time around) and I was like “Noooo, my ‘carefully’ thought of chapter schedules!” and I was debating if I should just post new chapters here in Tumblr as well? We’ll see. If it appears that AO3 will be having technical difficulties until next Monday’s scheduled postings, I’ll post the next chapter of Eagle of Alamut here in Tumblr as well.

Funny thing is I was thinking if I should post the Tumblr fic ideas I have in this blog to AO3 as a way to:

Have an easier time actually finding them if I need them

Just to have a back up in case some fuckery happens

But I haven’t checked if fic ideas and headcanons/analysis don’t violate any of AO3’s rules and regulations. I’d probably have to look into that first but I’ve been so busy this past few weeks and will be busy until like second or third week of September.

And now I realized that we’ve slightly moved away from the actual ask and I guess this would be the most awkward time to end this answer.

Anyway, download emergency fanfics just in case, keep a look out for any announcements from AO3’s official accounts and do as they request, and, if you can, donate to AO3 whatever amount you can without it impacting your way of living and any plans you may have.

[pers-books]

20 Questions fic writers' Q&A. I was tagged by @meluisart (thanks pal - sorry I forgot to mention that in the first version of this post!)

1 - How many works do you have on AO3?

661 (one more than the last time I did this meme in Nov 2023!)

2 - What's your total AO3 word count?

2,444,608

3 - What fandoms do you write for?

Most recently Berena (Holby City) and Original Fiction. But I’ve written very little since losing my mum in April 2023.

4 - What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Letters to a Naturalist (Holby City) (30,350 words)

Jason Haynes: Matchmaker (Holby City) (17,560 words)

The Red String of Fate (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)) (51,896 words)

One Life Stand (Holby City) (33,815 words)

The Hacktivist, The Agent, and the Clairvoyant (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Thor (Movies)) (35,849 words)

5 - Do you respond to comments?

Hell yes, always.

6 - What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Still this one:

Lascia Ch'io Pianga (Let Me Lament My Cruel Fate) for the James Bond (Movies) fandom. Although it does have an ambiguous ending, almost everyone who commented on it said they assumed that Bond & M both died.

7 - What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

The vast majority of them have happy endings as I rarely write sad ones.

8. Do you get hate on fic?

Used to back in the day when I wrote Ten/Martha fic for Doctor Who. There were a lot of Doctor/Rose shippers who hated my pairing with a passion and didn’t hesitate to share that hate instead of just staying in their fucking lane and using the back button/scroll button. Bunch of snowflakes.

9. Do you write smut?

Used to, not so much lately.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I have done, yes. The craziest one is probably the Doctor Who x Wallace & Gromit one.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yup - a few years ago someone translated one of mine into Russian.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A long, long time ago.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Eh, I don’t have just one - given I’ve written for 20 different fandoms over the last 16 years.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

Oh, I’ve no idea - I only have one incomplete WiP actually posted on AO3, but I’ve no particular desire to finish it, especially given it’s 6 or 7 fandoms ago!

Of course, I have a whole heap of WiPs on my hard drive, but I doubt I’ll get to finish any of them.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Goodness knows. Someone else would have to answer that.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I have been told I write too much. Ironic, really, given how little I’ve written this past year.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I’d do it if it’s needful, though I don’t think I have.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Doctor Who!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Eh, no, I don’t have a favourite fic - I’ve liked every fic I’ve written as I was writing it and I’ve occasionally re-read some of my own fic just because.

Tagging, with the usual caveat that you don't have to participate if you don't want to! @slightlyintimidating @doctorjameswatson @jinxedwood @bonnissance @ariverandasong @daisydoctor13 @fortytworedvines @onaperduamedee @hokuspokusthings @ceridwyn2 @thisbluespirit and anyone else who wants to participate!

Questions to respond to:

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fic?

9. Do you write smut?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

16. What are your writing strengths?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

[ikatako38]

Hey all, I have some good news and some bad news.

The bad news

is that TPWCH is going on an emergency (unplanned) hiatus. This means I won’t be making any effort to work on the fic or any related work such as art and side projects, whicle I try to get myself back on my feet. This means we might miss the 2nd Anniversary Special, but I will post it eventually even if it’s late. I’m really excited to share it with you! I don’t know how long this emergency hiatus is going to be, but I think somewhere around a month would be a reasonable estimate. Keep in mind that this is when I’ll start working on things again, so it might be a few more weeks after that before you start seeing content again.

The good news

is that I’m going to be emptying out all my WIPs, notes, and any other content I can easily throw at you guys to help hold you over throughout the break! So anyone following me here should be getting a bunch of exclusive content over the next several weeks.

Also,

since everything’s getting pushed back, I think now would be a good a time as any to start Ship Wars! I’m not going to put an exact start date on it yet, because it will take a bit of work to kickstart, and I don’t know when I’ll get around to that, but once I do get it started it should mostly run itself!

So…

I feel like I’ve been saying this a lot lately, but thank you guys so much for sticking around with me through all of this. I’m painfully aware that I’ve only uploaded one and a half official chapters since April, and I know that I’ve lost a lot of readers because of that. So again, thank you so much for staying. It really means the world to me.

I’m sure the question a lot of you probably have on your mind right now is, Is Tako ever actually going to finish TPWCH? And with how things have been going lately, that’s a very valid question. To be 100% honest with how I’m feeling another the fic right now, I kind of wish it could just be done already. Or that it could just somehow write itself. But the reason for that is that I’m so excited to share with you all other parts of the TPWCH universe that are just waiting to be written! I really don’t see myself dropping the TPWCH universe anytime soon, and I really don’t see myself dropping TPWCH itself anytime soon, either. And an important reason for that is simply that… I don’t have any other ideas to write. Even for other fandoms. It’s a bit crazy just how strong of a hold TPWCH has had on me for three years now.

By the way, that’s not normal for me. Back on my FFN and Wattpad days (don’t bother going to look for my accounts, they don’t exist… yet 👀), I was usually working on 3-5 fics at once and was constantly having ideas for new ones, to where it was a struggle to keep up and I to make hard decisions about priority. I don’t know if I’ve gotten less creative with ideas as I’ve gotten older or whether TPWCH is just the first universe to be so interesting to me that I don’t have any need or desire to come up with new things outside of it.

Either way, if I have no desire to work on other things, the only way TPWCH would ever stop is if I stopped writing altogether, and that’s just not going to happen. Writing has been a huge part of my life since I was ten, and maybe even younger. It’s my most important hobby and makes me happy. If I don’t do it for too long, it’ll actually make my mental state worse.

So I really don’t want you guys to think that this is like a vacation for me, or some sort of respite from the… AWFUL chore of writing. (　ﾟдﾟ) Really it’s more like I’m grounded from writing until I can get my grades up. (;_;) The grades in this case, yes being my university grades but also my life in general because it’s been kind of a mess lately. Within the last two weeks, I fell out with two of the closest people I’ve ever been to and pretty much the only irl friends I have at this point (the Discord server will know who these people are). One of them going very badly and increasing my conviction that everyone secretly hates me. （╹◡╹）On top of that my room is slowly becoming uninhabitable, I’m not sleeping, and I’m just constantly stressed and anxious. But I’m gonna be okay. The fallings-out are very fresh and will fade with time, and just two days ago I finally got a consultation for ADHD. I now have initial diagnoses of ADHD and Social Anxiety Disorder, which I should be starting treatment for in about a month, so I’m really hoping that will help me somewhat to get back on track. And all the support from everyone between Discord, here and AO3 has always helped, and I’m sure it will continue to help. Many of the people I’ve met online through the fic have ironically been far more supportive and trustworthy than the people I’ve met irl. You’re all so real for that ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

Wow, that got really long! Thank for reading this far!

[z-h-i-e]

New Year Fanfic Asks - Part 2/5

6. Which yet-to-be-started fic is first on your list?

Technically, the next thing I’d like to get done is something written under my secret pseudonym (secret in that few know it’s my, not so secret in that I’ve not been secret over the fact I do write under multiple names), so I can’t really say what that project is.  But, I can talk about the second on the list item – in 2011, I wrote a fic titled Beautiful Oblivion, and I have had different manifestations of things that could be sequels or prequels, and I think I have something specific enough to run with. 

7. Will you change anything about the way you interact with other writers?

I tend to be very open and available. I can’t always read whole stories; I try to look at snippets when something comes up.  The reality of the situation is that for the most part, I write the content I want to read and I don’t go actively looking for things.  I do a fair number of presentations each year, not just for fandom creators, some of these are live groups in the county I live in or other online events. I suspect I’m probably going to be increasing the amount of that type of content that I create and share. I’d actually like to try to get some how-to videos out there, I just have to take the time to look at options and see what would work the best. 

8. Is there a story idea in your mental vault that you’ve never been brave enough to try writing? Is this the year? Can you tell us about it?

I don’t think I have a lot of fear – and I think Werewelves was evidence of that. What I am in the process of doing is weaving the additional content into Werewelves that was only written on the side and not originally included in the paths of the story, and that is I suppose what would be called the wolf-on-wolf action of Finrod and Edrahil both in wolf form, aka, my furry indulgence pathways. I have a lot of tucked away stories in my head about Finrod in wolf form, but since, again, I’m writing for myself, and sharing when I think there are others who are interested, I have found that one of the biggest not allowed categories in the Tolkien fandom is no longer coming to the door and seeing ‘no slash allowed’ but coming to the door and seeing ‘no furries no exceptions’ (and strangely enough, more of that comes from places that are super welcoming to LGBTQIA+ stories, but I don’t have the time/energy/desire to bring up the irony of disallowing fur culture when once upon a time, other groups were biased against what said group now encourages–but, I was made aware in the 90s by fellows furs that we’d probably be the last outlier, so I am 0% surprised). All that to say, if I thought I’d find other people who were interested in Finwoofs escapades in Valinor, I’d potentially write them out, but until then, I’ll just think about the adventures he has when he has a tail and floof. A lot.  

9. Short term goals… what do you hope to complete this week or in January?

I am trying really hard to get at least one story onto AO3 each day that is not currently there.  I have said I would do this many years running, New Year’s Resolution and all that – and then, I 0% follow through.  I’m doing okay this year, but goodness, am I procrastinating my ass off (case in point - I’m already on question 9 here). I don’t know what it is about posting older content – maybe it’s just that I want this to be the forever home, and I’m still not entirely convinced that there won’t be something to come after AO3, or perhaps that I’m worried that a time will come when AO3 decides it will police content, and I still remember all the time I spent on fanfiction.net, and galadrhim.net, and faerie, and all the other fandom websites, only to have them poof.

10. Will you keep a record of all the fics you write and/or post this year?

LMAO. I can’t even keep track of what I have for WIPs, or the titles of things I’ve written. I come across stories on a regular basis in my email or on some random site somewhere I forgot about that I entirely forgot I wrote. Short answer: It’s not looking likely. I hit 1K stories somewhere between 2006 and 2007; it’s anyone’s guess what’s out there these days, where it is, what it’s named, and if I’ll even find it again. What I really need is a fanfiction secretary to round up my stories and get them into one place together and since that’s not looking likely, if I can at least get them shuffled onto AO3, that will be a win.

[claraswritings]

Loving You Is Easy

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Female Reader

Warning: Soulmate AU, post blip, language, passing mentions of the snap, a few mentions of religion/existential themes, soft Matt, oblivious idiots in love, some angst, fluff and some sexual references but nothing explicit.

Notes: First Matt Murdock fic. M&K never dated in this AU, happy ending, I hate writing dialogue and this is unbetas

This is nearly 10k words long and probably, definitely maybe the longest one shot I’ve written.

Everyone was born with a soulmate marker. Usually it was a name, in ink, along the collarbone.

It was a common ice breaker to ask what someone’s soulmate marker said. If people were looking for a long term relationship, it would help in finding out if things would work out or if it was best to part ways. If someone was struggling to find their soulmate, they’d ask their friends if they knew anyone by the name on their collarbone.

After all, your friend had met hers through you, all because you mentioned you went to school with someone matching the name she said was printed on her collarbone. They’d met after you’d told them each others contact info and felt so drawn to each other instantly that it was clear they were made for each other in every way. She asked you to be bridesmaid at their wedding and youd accepted not thinking you’d spend half of the night diverting questions about your own marker. Being asked “when will you meet someone special” was pretty much part of being a single person at a wedding but you hated being asked.

It was an uncomfortable conversation that made your stomach try to turn itself inside out trying to get away from the situation. Eventually you settled for saying you didn’t have a mark. Not having a mark was a one in a million, it was extremely rare and most people without marks either paired off into marriage of conveniences or remained single. It wasn’t technically a lie…but it was easier than the truth.

You’d had something there a long time ago. As a kid you’d thought you’d have all the time in the world to pay attention to it until one day the words were gone. Small raised bumps over where the words once were. You were maybe five or six when it happened. As you got older, you tried asking around to old friends, even contacting those you’d lost touch with, to ask if you’d ever told them what it said but it was no good. You’d never mentioned it or if you had they didn’t remember. It was a desperate last measure but you wanted to at least try before you buckled up and accepted it.

As an adult, you’d avoided questions with a shrug and turning it back on to them, asking them about their marks instead, becoming some sort of weird match maker to friends and colleagues. You’d occasionally date but after one romance when your boyfriend had found this soulmate and took off, you stuck purely to the short term. The idea of a convenience marriage was suggested to you by James, a friend of a friend. James was handsome and charming and without a marker himself. You’d politely declined. Being single truly didn’t bother you, you were used to it. If you ever had any desires, it was relatively easy to find someone to settle those for a brief time. It was better than marrying someone you didn’t love and living a lie.

The most you wanted was an answer as to why your mark disappeared.

It wasn’t until the snap and the blip five years later that you got the answer you thought you wanted. It became common to hear of peoples marks fading away with their snapped soulmate and blipping back with the return of the displaced millions. This was the final straw. The last glimmer of hope you had that maybe the person was still out there somewhere. Your soulmate was probably long gone. If you’d been around five or six when it had happened, your soulmate was likely not much older…or younger. Either way it was awful to think of. Maybe they’d gone before their time and that was why it hadn’t fully faded. A person you’d never know.

Still it had stung getting the closure you never asked for. You wished you’d wrote down the name, maybe you could have looked them up to see what they were like. Maybe you could have even sent something to their next of kin but all you could remember was that you’d had one. Once. A jumble of letters floating in your mind that you could never unscramble now replaced with dots, the only trace it was ever there.

After the blip had occurred, you felt like you needed a change so you quit your office job, packed up your apartment and relocated to start up what you’d always wanted to do, set up a independent cafe. You’d wanted to do it since you were a little girl but you’d been swayed by the safety offered to you by the security company you’d worked at but nothing puts the gears into motion like knowing you could appear or disappear at any time.

You had it all planned- Retro themed cafe with home cooked baked goods, second hand books and music. A place people could slip into easily and anyone could feel at home in.

It had taken you a few months to find the perfect place, you’d looked around for various locations in New York before settling on one on a side street in Hells Kitchen. The choice had raised a few eyebrows amongst your friends, given that you’d been offer a premises near Times Square and another not far from Wall Street. You didn’t fancy the chaos that came with tourists or the snobbery that came with the financial experts who probably earned more in a month than you would in six. The location you’d chosen was perfect for you. It was cosy and slotted right in. Something about it just drew you in.

Within about a month of opening, you had a steady flow of clientele, office workers stopping in for a take away cup, students enjoying the retro feel, the occasional family. It was everything you’d ever needed and finally you felt at home.

***

Matt Murdock could no longer see your name, written on his collarbone but he’d had it memorised for years. He’d never been one for a healthy or stable relationship, romantic or otherwise. He was more used to people floating in and out of his life like it was a revolving door than the concept of a soulmate

If anything he’d come to expect over time. It was more of a surprise if someone actually did stick around, he tried to distance himself from Foggy and Karen on more than one occasion but they’d clung on with their friendship and he’d slowly accept that they were here for the long run, permanent fixtures in his life. Even after the past few years, they’d come back, they had, to his surprised, stayed, but a soulmate on the other hand? That was a big, big ask.

For the longest time, he’d resolved himself to thinking maybe he wouldn’t ever find you and that this longing for you, was some repayment or penance for the constant war he felt between wondering if he was wrong for enjoying what he served up to bad people. When he was alone at night, whether he was pacing the rooftops or dealing out vigilante justice, as the Devil or unable to sleep as Matt Murdock, he couldn’t help but wonder if he’d made better choices, would he already have already found you.

Sometimes when he felt himself needed to ground himself, he’d trace the space he knew you were. The ever present presence in his life. After a hard case or after dealing out his own vigilante justice, he’d find your name and spell it again and again with his fingers.

So when six months ago, a new cafe had opened up just around the corner, he’d thought it was just another new place popping up, it wasn’t uncommon for new places to appear and disappear in the city. That was until he arrived at his office.

“The girl gave me a free muffin” his friend and partner Foggy Nelson dropped into a seat beside him. A crinkled, paper bag was placed in front of him “You should try them, they’re really good,”

“What?”

“That new cafe, I went in on my way here and the girl offered me a freebie. She’s nice…”

“Nice nice, buy something from me nice, flirty nice or get out of my cafe already nice” Karen asked, picking up the bag and helping herself to one. “These are really good,” she gave her verdict after a few bites

“Nice nice…. It’s a new place, her names [Name] which… I swear I’ve heard before,”

Matt dropped the muffin he’d just picked up. The name. Your name. He could hardly believe it.

“Matt? You okay?”

“Yeah.” He regained his composure. “Yeah I…I’ll be back,”

He left the office quickly and as soon as you introduced yourself, he felt his own heart race faster.

“My…friend…recommended I come down, hes already had three,”

You laughed in recognition. Clearly Foggy had made an impression.

“Well, I hope you’re as big a fan of my stuff as your friend is,”

“I’m sure I will be” he gave you a winning smile and then his order as he waited at the counter.

Matt wanted to remember everything about you. Your perfume and toothpaste mixed with the hot chocolate you’d had earlier in the day, your voice, the clink of your necklaces, the way you hummed a song as you made his order. You flipping your hair back over your shoulder and muttering to your co worker happily. Foggy was right, you were lovely and he didn’t have to see you to know you were without a doubt the prettiest woman he’d ever met. There’s something about you, maybe tied into the very essence of you that just signalled to him you’re good, maybe too good for someone like him.

His fingers found their way to your name through his shirt, almost subconsciously, lingering there for a moment too long as he considered how lucky he’d gotten that it was you.

Once his drink was made, he heard the counter top open and close, and suddenly you were beside him, offering him your arm. Matt accepted with a small thank you and let you lead him to what you called the best spot in the cafe. Your favourite spot as you called it, and he could tell from the pull of your muscles you were smiling at him.

The cafe had soft leather seats, old books, and record player playing a song he didn’t recognise but liked. There were a few arcade machines beeping against a wall in a familiar melody and he found himself sitting for some time. He had the best intentions of reading over case notes but found it a distraction, just listening to you, sing along to a song or greet people casually.

He stayed there most of the day. The atmosphere was a welcome change. It was easier to work here than in his office. Or so he told you. That was his excuse as you offered him a refill of his drink. He accepted your offer and as you were pouring his drink, he introduced himself.

“You said your name was [Name], right,” he asked although he didn’t need to, “I should introduce myself being that I’ve been here for three hours, I’m Matt Murdock,”

Matt waited to gauge your reaction to his name but there was no change. He’d been planning the introduction pretty much since he’d sat down on the soft chair but with your lack of a reaction to his name, the name that should have been on your collarbone for your whole life, he began to wonder if he’d misheard your name.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Matt Murdock”

Nope. He definitely heard right.

He could tell you were smiling…but you seemed…nonplussed, casual as you finished the free refill and moved off to start clearing the table beside him before switching the records over to a calmer, softer song for the early evening. If you’d known him, by name alone, surely you’d have said…something, anything to signify you were soulmates.

Matt tried to focus in on the notes of the song playing on the record to distract himself, then the lyrics but he couldn’t stop himself from running over things, his mind racing.

Maybe you didn’t find him attractive. He’d had no trouble with girls before, being able to use his heightened senses to gauge when a girl would be interested came in more than helpful but with you? Matt wasn’t exactly sure what reaction he was expecting when he finally met his soulmate… but it wasn’t…nothing. He could hear you now talking to another patron in the same way that you’d just spoken to him. For some reason, the lack of a reaction from you seemed worse than if you’d acknowledged he was your soulmate but said you weren’t interested.

Maybe you could just tell he wasn’t someone to get involved with on more…Maybe this was a sign that he didn’t deserve you…some sick trick put you right here, impossible to keep away from, and not let him have you.

Still like a martyr or a glutton for punishment, he found he came back time and time again after the first day. Sometimes he’d bring Foggy or Karen but most of the time he went alone and he found you over time, you became friends. And every time he’d long for you to say something, give him some sort of hint that his was the name on your collarbone but you never did.

When the longing got too much he’d bury himself in work during the day and seeking out criminals as the Devil at night. Everything and anything as a distraction…and yet he’d still come back for you, unable to keep himself away because even if friendship was what you had to offer, he’d rather have you in his life in some way than not at all.

***

Since you’d became friends with Matt, Foggy and Karen, you found yourselves pretty inseparable, especially from Matt. Whether it was going out for Thai food or meeting them at Josie’s, it was like the trio had become a quartet, you slotting so easily into the group.

Matt would feel his breath hitch every time you leant over for his for some food, or his heart racing when you’d playfully bat his arm when he made a self deprecating joke, or when you squeezed into a small booth beside him, brushing your leg against his, he’d feel an internal battle within and found himself talking himself out of pulling you in by your coat and claiming your lips with his, not caring who could see you. Would you kiss him back?

Not long after you’d joined their group, you’d went out for a few drinks at Josie’s. You’d been to the bar for your round and when slid back into the booth, Matt could feel you were flush, he could tell by your body temperature. A little warmer than usual, the lack of air con likely getting to you and Matt reached over and squeezed your knee and ask if you were okay.

“Just a little hot in here” you pressed your cool drinks bottle to your forehead not caring if it smudged your make up and only a minute later Matt could feel a soft breeze fanned across his face, no doubt you were fanning yourself with your free hand trying to cool down.

You flopped back after a couple of seconds realising your attempt was in vain. “You weren’t lying when you said it was hot in here,” You paused before straightening up again and reaching for your jacket “I might grab Karen, see if she wants to stand outside for a bit, it’s cooler out,”

Matt reached for his cane with his other hand and unfolded it out before pulling his rolled up shirt sleeves back down.

“No need, I’ll go with you,”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to…”

“Are you trying to avoid me,” Matt joked and you saw his eyebrow quirk from behind his red glasses.

“Don’t be silly, I just don’t want to put you out, I have the motorcycle outside, I can always go for a ride to cool off”

Matt hated your motorcycle. You’d bought it a few weeks back and whilst Foggy and Karen had both accepted several lifts from you, Matt was a lot more reluctant, only accepting when it was dry and quiet and even then it had been a push. The bonus of being able to hold in close to you was often overridden in his mind by the worry about other people on the road. He couldn’t focus on you if all he could hear was the engine and other traffic and the air rushing by him and a thousand crackling street lights.

“Probably not ideal in this weather. Trust me, I’ve almost been hit by enough cars to know,” he hoped it would be enough to put you off

You paused for several seconds a little stunned at his nonchalance. Before you could push him to elabore, he changed the topic as stood up, put on his jacket and waited for you to slot in beside him at his side. The temperature had dropped enough that the cold air hit you and made a difference the second you stepped outside.

“Did you…, yknow” Matt asked as you walked to the end of the street together. He snapped his fingers.

It was a topic of conversation that had become almost as common as soulmate markers in months since everyone blipped back. and being that Matt feared you’d ask him about his soulmate mark and he’d have to tell you it was your name, and put you in the awkward position of having to gently reject him. He didn’t know you’d never ask him for fear he’d ask you in return so he opted for asking the other common question.

You sighed and gave him your response. “No, I survived…if you can call it that,”. From your words, he knew it was a joke, but your tone was dry.

“Yeah me too,” he said quietly.

It was hell for you, seeing the world crumble around you. At the time back when your baking was a side hobby, you’d been baking for the local homeless shelter and been talking to the staff there when it had happened…but for Matt? You imagined it must have been even worse.

“Sometimes I wonder which half got it easier, I know it sounds insane but that first year?” you trailed off “I suppose the others would say the same,”

The idea of an apocalyptic event happening at any time hung over everyone in the city, and it was hard to verbalise the fear that it could happen again. The Avengers had defeated Thanos and his counterparts but the fear still lingered. A scar on the city, on the planet, universe even, that could never be healed. No one knew what was worse; mourning your dead friends only to have them re-appear when you’d finally come to terms with their disappearance or having lost five years without so much as blinking.

“I thought it was the end of the world” Matt replied honestly.

Despite Matt being all too aware of people being able to come and go, he never expected it on the scale of billions. In seconds, nearly everyone he knew was…gone. The only people he cared for, the people that he’d finally let in, half of the criminals he’d been watching and stopping, half of his clients…all gone. The racing hearts, the panic and mania of the city had caused him to shut down almost completely. He’d spent many many nights wondering why. Why was he left here alive whilst the ones that snapped were gone in seconds. Before he knew what had happened he’d thought maybe being left here without his friends, without anyone was some punishment from God. Finding out what had really gone on had done little to soothe him. He was still left to walk alone with only his thoughts for company. In that time he was barely Daredevil, he was barely lawyer Matt Murdock. He just a man and he was barely surviving.

And again in those nights, his hands ran over your name, at least you were still there. He knew you would always be there. One day he’d thank you.

The silence was short. In the way you squeezed his arm for a second, it communicated enough about your shared survivors guilt.

The two of you fell into an simple, lighter conversation.. It was so…easy to just open up. You talked about your stories from when you were kids, he’d told you about before he lost his sight, his dad used to take him to the park to look at the sky and how he wished he could do that again, you told him funny stories from your college days and he’d counter with embarrassing stories about drinking with Foggy. You then moved on to talking about your day, you’d tell him about how you had a new mixer brought in and he’d tell you how he’d found some new evidence for a case he was working on. It was a back and forth that he could imagine having with you for the rest of his life.

Once he’d walked you back to the entrance, he’d told you, he had to leave early. Work was his excuse. He left out that it wasn’t the work you knew of, and that he’d actually heard a gang of Russians on the roof across the street. The clicking of guns, muffled talking and zipping of bags was an all too familiar sound of a robbery being prepared for.

He didn’t want to leave you but you were with Foggy and Karen and he had his duty to Hells Kitchen to attend to.

“Thank you for walking with me, Matty” you squeezed his arm softly before letting go.

“It’s my pleasure, sweetheart,”

You stood on tiptoes and placed a small kiss to his cheek and turned on your heel to rejoin Karen and Foggy inside.

He didn’t leave until he heard the door swing open, the warm humid air gush out from the door and until he knew you were safe with friends. He didn’t touch the spot your lips had brushed until he was safely down an alley, his fingers only lingering on the spot for a few moments before he took off to disguise himself and apprehend the gang on the roof.

***time skip***

The longing got worse and worse for him the longer you were friends. He soon began stopping by daily just to spend time with you, sometimes you’d go to his and you’d listen to him practice presenting a case, and others you’d go to yours if you’d found a new podcast you wanted to share with him. In possibly the nicest thing someone had done for him in a long time, you’d started getting in some of the records he liked and adding them to the rotation in the cafe. It had been such a sweet, touching gesture that you shrugged off as “gotta make my friends feel at home”

“Matty! Just the man I needed!” You greeted him as he walked into your cafe the next day:

You sounded happy. He couldn’t help himself but smile at you. Most of his smiles were because of you, your happiness was infectious, whether it was laughing at one of Foggys awful jokes, getting excited over some day out with Karen or trying to stifle a giggle when he picked the most inappropriate time for a blind joke.

“Here,” you tapped the counter and Matt knew to take a seat in front of it. “I need you to try these new pastries for me, I’ve got this big order next week and I need to know if they taste like they’re supposed to,”

“You’re asking the blind man to blind taste test?” He couldn’t resist. It was an easy joke to make.

As always you let out an unabashed laugh.

“I mean if you don’t want to, I can go get Foggy, he’ll happily taste my samples,” you teased and threw your tea towel from your shoulder to the counter casually and untied your apron.

It was clear you were messing with him and as made a move to walk by his chair, he shot out and arm stopped you, pulling you back into place.

“Wouldn’t want to bother him though, I’m sure he’s very busy,” his shoulders shrugged as he muttered a vague excuse.

“Mmmm” you hummed “someone has to be,”

He grinned at you “Well, I’m all yours,”

“Here’s the first pastry” you pushed the plate towards him, telling him where the fork was, and then leaning back and waiting for his verdict.

“Orange,” he spoke “chocolate…and…” Matt focused in on it. There was something else in the cake you’d presented to him. “I think there might be praline” He could taste it pretty much within a few seconds.

“No way.” You clapped your hand over your mouth “you can taste it? Is it good? Or is it too heavy?“

“Its perfect” Matt smiled at you and it was. He preferred your pastries to the muffins Foggy liked and this was one of your best so far.

“And this. Forks on the left of the plate,”

You slid another across carefully and studied him carefully as he used the fork to spear a section of the pastry, tasting it and considering the different tastes. It carried on like this for a few different pastries, your reaction to his approval, as lovely as the taste.

“Yes!! You really think they’re good?” You exclaimed after he’d correctly guessed the vanilla had blueberries in it. “Just I have this big order in a few weeks and it’s so important that everything goes well,” you wrung your hands a little nervous and Matt leant across the counter, feeling for your hand which you gladly gave him.

“I think they’re amazing, they’ll love it, they’ll love you”

You beamed, “thank you!” Matt could sense it. The blood rushing to your cheeks, the twitch of muscles, the way you bounced a little on your heels.

He wished he could see your face, really see it. Just the once. Not to see how you looked, it didn’t matter, you were beautiful to him no matter what…your soul made you the most beautiful person regardless of what you looked like, he would have just liked to see how happy you looked. He sighed and gave you a smile as you tapped his hand one last time and finished packing pastries to take back up to “your other favourite lawyer”

And as you handed him the bagged extras, he felt your hands brush and felt it for the first time. The skip of your heart, the blood rushing as your heart pumped faster and the muscles pulling at your smile…then… it was like you were trying to stop it. Matt had tried not to listen to you too much, but it was hard not to. It was painful hearing you react to him then have to listen to you suppress it.

“I’ll see you later, Matty. We still on for tonight?” Your question brought him back to the room.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,”

***time skip***

You’d fixed the old arcade machine. Matt could hear the familiar theme tune as soon as he walked in, despite it being down against the back wall of the cafe.

“You played these as a kid?” Your voice appeared beside him. Hed been standing by the machine for a few minutes, one hand running over the joystick, then the two side buttons and the other gripping his white cane.

“Yeah…had the hi-score for a while…back when I was a kid…I don’t think I’d be as good now,” he raised an eyebrow with a slight smile, a small dimple appearing on his cheek and you laughed

“I…I have an idea, it might be stupid but…please, let me try”

Matts curiosity got the better of him and he nodded “Sure”

He felt you nudge in gently and he stepped back and a second later, you’d slipped in beside him, his chest to your back and his breath hitched at being so close to you.

Matt could hear your heart rate pick up, but if you were nervous, your voice didn’t sound it. If anything you sounded softer than usual

“We can do it together, I’ll lead… just follow my instructions,” you put your hand over the top of his and clasped both of them around the stick. “Relax your hand a little,” and moved the joystick up and down, left then right, then circled it. “Like this.”

You lead him like that in another motion “And here,” you nudged one of his fingers up on to the trigger button on the front of the control gently. “Is the button for firing,”

Your heart was still racing and Matt could hear that you were once again trying to regulate it by breathing in and out routinely but you didn’t move your hand from his, instead, leading a trail over his thumb with yours up and down.

Matt tilted his head and chewed his lip and toyed with the idea of just telling you right then and there. Opening up and telling you he was in love with you.

Carefully, you pressed down on the fire button with him and then brought your free hand up to rest on the plastic of the control panel, feeling the warmth of the machine and the beat.

“You can tell by the music when to press, usually it’s a rhythm to it, every sixth note,”

Matt could feel you the vibrations through you as you moved his hand to rest, palm flat on the console, taking in the feel and sound, trying to switch focus from your heart to the electric beeps. Your hand remained on top of his, almost interlocked.

“1, 2, 3….4,56,” “1, 2, 3….4,56,” “1, 2, 3….4,56,”

You hummed the tune with an emphasis on the one you meant and it reverberated through you, and he could feel it in his chest which was pressed against you.

“I’ll give you a signal too” you slowly lifted his hand “I’ll do the moving, you do the firing.” You moved it back to the joystick and squeezed gently “like this,”

Even though Matt knew it would likely be disastrous, the thought that you’d even try for him was adorable. Plus he wasn’t going to turn down spending time with you. He never did.

Matt leant in closer to you, under the guise of getting nearer to the speaker. It wasn’t needed but he liked being this close to you, so close you were pressed together. In his head, he could almost almost pretend you were his.

And in that second, you realised just how close he was and tried to shake the thoughts you now had whirling around your brain. You wanted him. God, you wanted him bad. In every way. Beautiful, kind, smart, gorgeous, good, Matty…but you had to compose yourself, there was no way it could ever happen. He probably has a soulmate. You can’t be with him. You scolded yourself. So you allowed yourself a few breaths with closed eyes before starting the game.

To Matt, your heart was harder for you to conceal and right now, your heart was in overdrive.Would it be so bad if he turned you around, held you into him and trailed kisses over you until he could place your lips. Would you kiss him back or would it just ruin things?

“Ready Matty?” Your voice snapped him back to the room and out of his mind.

“Yeah, sweetheart, on your lead”

It took countless turns for the pair of you to get past level one. Partially because it was ridiculously hard for Matt to concentrate on the music when you were in front of him, saying things that, out of context sent his mind straight to the gutter and partially because he was many many years out of practice and blind and being lead by you, who for all your enthusiasm, were awful at the game.

“Come on,” you sighed, annoyed as the melancholic sounds of the game over menu told him that you’d been taken out on level two yet again. “Really thought we had it this time.”

You turned to him and Matt gave you a wide, toothy smile, and you couldn’t help but smile back. It was impossible not with those dimples.

“I still think we make a good team,” he laughed and you reached for his hand and held it palm up then high fived him with your own “Foggy’s got competition” he joked.

You’d felt familiar to Matt from the moment he’d met you. You’d felt like reassurance and loyalty. The connection and love he’d always wanted and never quite found. All the small gestures that other people took for granted but that he’d never been awarded the privilege of experiencing.

“Of course we are,” you paused “you want me to order take out?”

“Read my mind,” he nodded.

Matt couldn’t stop himself imagining a life with you. How it would be to wake up with you lying on his chest, to have your soap linger on him, to trail toothpaste kisses over his shoulders, to be with you in every way he desired and touch every inch of you, to have you trace your own name on his collarbone and for him to feel his own on you, to come home from work to find you singing slightly off key in his kitchen, wearing his shirts mixing your perfume with his cologne and making whatever incredible food you liked. To have your stuff in his room. His kitchen, his room would eventually become yours, ours and he’d think about how you’d take his hand and link your fingers with his in the street, how he could dance with you and how he could proudly say you were his, you’d do the same with him, how he could take you out for late night walks to the Thai place he liked then come home and just enjoy the nights with you, resting in your embrace, maybe you’d read to him or play an audio book and fall asleep together to a podcast or that sweet quartet music you played or one of his records.

***

A few evenings later, he’d came by to see you. There’d been a break in three stores down the night before. and he’d wanted to make sure you were okay.

You’d instantly taken note of the large bruise on his cheek, a souvenir from a fight with the gang members the night prior.

Matt could hear you swear under your breath, felt your panic swell and your shuffling around behind the counter before the swinging of the counter had opened, the “Sorry we’re Closed” door sign falling against the glass, replacing the “Open” one, the metal scraping on metal as you locked the door and only a few seconds later he’d felt the cool compress flush against his skin, your fingertips holding it in place.

“Let me guess?” You said “You’ve joined the Avengers” the joke you told was more to calm your own battered nerves than anything.

“Not exactly” Matt half heartedly joked before sensing your concern in the way your bones stiffened and the blood drained from your face. He quickly switched to a story about opening a door too quickly, and instantly felt guilty for lying to you but he couldn’t tell you, not yet. If he thought knowing would get you caught up in his mess, not ever, he’d never forgive himself. Matt couldn’t bear the thought of them coming for you. It was impossible to sleep knowing you might be there if they tried. So he put a stop to it before they could.

One of them had however gotten a crack at him with a set of brass knuckles before he subdued them.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “You’re at work, you shouldn’t have to close for me”

“Fuck work,” You sighed “You don’t have to apologise for being hurt Matty,” you shifted “I’m closing early to meet Karen anyways” he could hear the clinking of your rings as you adjusted the fabric on his skin. “All I care about is that you’re okay…please promise me you’ll be more careful”

He muttered out another apology and bit his lip in a wince as you shifted the cloth again.

“And stop apologising, I’m not going anywhere, you’re not taking up my time, I’m here, okay,” you squeezed his arm with your free hand.

“You have really beautiful eyes, by the way. I’ve never seen you without your glasses. I mean you look great with them too but…” you trailed off.

Matt had almost in that moment lost all train of thought. He’d forgotten to slip them back on before he left the office. He hadn’t been deliberately avoiding this moment, more that it was a irrational concern to him that somehow you’d look right in his eyes and be able to tell he was stupidly, ridiculously unquestionably in love with you, so he’d kept the glasses on, as if it was an aid to keep his composure. It took a few minutes.

“They’re so warm and…,” you continued. “you should go without more often.”

“Thank you,” his voice was quiet “I’m glad you think so”. A smile crept on to his face.

You were so sweet, so caring, always knowing the right thing to say, always putting other people first. Even the way, you were holding the ice pack so cautiously not wanting the pressure to hurt him and it sent him spiralling. You trailed your free hand up his arm, over his neck, mere centimetres from where your name sat, to the other side of his face and let a finger gently brush over the crinkles by his eyes before drifting down over his cheekbone and lastly tracing the scruff on jaw.

Before you could withdraw back, Matt found himself leaning in, hoping you’d stay where you were so he could get an idea of where your lips were. He bumped your nose a little as he leant in, and before he could apologise, he took in the sounds of you shifting, you were leaning in closer and he trailed an hand down your arm and rested it around your wrist.

Unnoticed by you, Matt rested his fingers against your pulse point. There it was, your heart beating out of time. It wasn’t the first time he’d noticed it. He could always hear it but now, he could now feel it under his skin, under yours and could hear you attempting to control it by slowing your breathing. He had to wonder if you were trying to force yourself not to react to him.

Matt could tell where your lips were now and he found the words “I thought you were never gunna kiss me” forming and he was about to open his mouth to speak them and then kiss you, when the sound of someone attempting to open the door startled you into jumping back.

“Shit I’m sorry, that’ll be Karen, we’re meant to be going to a movie” you tucked your hair behind your ear.

As you got up to go answer it, Matt couldn’t help but think over your interactions. Why did your heartbeat change when he was closer to you, why did you share these…almost intimate, personal moments, why were you so good to him even when he felt like he didn’t deserve it. You were so perfectly made for him that you knew exactly what he needed without even trying… you always knew the right thing to say or do, why were you like this if you didn’t want him.

In that moment, deep in his thoughts, he resolved himself to be more careful with coming in after a strenuous night. Not because he didn’t trust you with his secret but because he couldn’t imagine ever putting you in danger. If you knew, might come for you and he didn’t know if he could hold back if you were hurt. He nodded goodbye to you, to Karen and set off.

***

“Next time can I pick the movie” you asked as you left the screening of the latest movie “These romantic ones are so unrealistic”

“Yeah that’s kinda the point” Karen raised an eyebrow “it’s a movie”

You elbowed her “I mean come on, a guy chasing you through New York to confess his love under a conveniently placed landmark. I mean when have you ever seen the Empire State Building that empty, cause I haven’t, also I’ve never had a boyfriend so much as bring me a bouquet of flowers”

Karen laughed “Yeah I mean, I will admit they don’t all make them like Ryan Reynolds” she paused “but it does happen,”

“Not to me!” You joked but there was a part of you that kinda wanted that big romantic moment. You’d never cared much for those romantic comedies. When it came to the big confession of love, you’d take a sudden interest in anything but the screen. After all, you had no soulmate so how could those meet cute movie moments ever happen to you.

“Why don’t you ask out Matt” Karen took one last gulp of her drink through the straw before throwing it at the bin and missing “He’d definitely say yes,”

She had been looking for a way to bring up the idea of you and Matt together for some time and a romantic comedy showing seemed like too good of an opportunity to bring up romance. You’d hung out plenty of times one on one so it wasn’t unusual for Karen to suggest you went to see a movie. Foggy had no interest in the romantic comedy showing and Matt, clearly, would have been bored within ten minutes so it was easy enough to rope you into it.

“Shut up” You laughed, half at her comment and half at her action. “You are kidding, right,”

“Why not?” Your friend rolled her eyes “Trust me, I’ve known him long enough to know, he’s one of my best friends, I know when he likes a girl,”

“Matts…Matts great but…he wouldn’t be interested in me,” the thought made an uncomfortable knot in your stomach and you wished you could change the topic.

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t attracted to him. It would be hard not to be, he was gorgeous, but you’d trained yourself to push any romantic feelings down barely giving yourself the chance to entertain them.

It was hard but you’d gotten good at it. Years of practice, training yourself to be a blank slate. The only time you’d ever admit you liked him was to yourself, alone. As soon as you had to go out, you took every ounce of willpower you had and suppressed it as much as you could. You could not, would not let yourself fall for anyone…

Healthy? Probably not. Necessary? In the world you were living in? Probably.

With Matt you’d been having this inner battle with yourself for months now, not long after you’d met him…you’d found yourself glancing at him often or wondering if his lips were as soft as they looked or thinking about his arms wrapping around you in bed whenever he cast off his jacket and rolled up his shirt sleeves or thinking about being able to lie next to him on the sofa and run your fingers through his soft hair whenever he ran a hand through it.

“He would! you know, he’s got all the things you like- he’s cute, interesting job, he makes you laugh… and he’s sweet to you,” the taller woman elbowed you playfully.

“Come on, that’s just Matt,” you sighed “He cares about his friends, I don’t think it’s a me thing,”

“Oh please” Karen scoffed “What about when he called someone out to fix the oven that you forgot was broken and it saved you having to cancel that big order or when he had your lunch delivered and got your groceries in, or whenever he waits late for you to finish or when he brought you an umbrella because he said he thought it might rain later and then it did or when got breakfast from that small place you like without you even telling him,”

“Karen! What are you doing keeping track?”

“What it’s true! It’s a love language. Acts of service?“ She looked so serious even though her tone was teasing. “You don’t see him bringing Foggy an umbrella.”

You were grateful for a chance to laugh, cover up the pounding in your chest. “Probably because it’s funny to see him moan about it”

“Matt had got it bad for you, he talks about you all the time…”

“He- what? Matt does not like me like that,” You ignored the ringing in your ears and crossed your arms over your chest “it doesn’t matter anyway, My soulmate mark disappeared years ago, I don’t have a soulmate so what? I date Matt and then his actual soulmate comes along?”

Memories of your last serious boyfriend swam to the front of your mind and you shook for head quick as if trying to knock the thoughts out of your brain. You’d liked him. A lot. Much like Matt, he was handsome, intelligent and your friends liked him. Around a year into dating, he’d moved to a new job miles away and had, on his first day, met the girl whose name resided over his collar bone and broke things off. He knew she was the one.

Of course you understood, you were an anomaly. Internally you scolded yourself for daring to think maybe he’d never met her. Idiot. Everyone with a mark meets their soulmate eventually. Every since then, you’d stuck to casual dates, short term flings and taken it no further. The second you started to feel anything more you’d break things off.

Matt, on the other hand, you didn’t think you could just have a fling with him and go back to being friends when he met the right person. You’d never felt more comfortable with anyone in your life than you did with Matt. It was like he got you. When you were with him, everything just fell into place…it was the easiest thing in the world to just be with him.

Karen furrowed her brow. You’d told her before about your lack of a mark.

“I think you might be his soulmate you know, his name might not be on you, but I think yours might be on him,” She seemed to be more sincere than her previous playful jokes, she squeezed your shoulder. “Trust me,”

You couldn’t help but almost choke on your drink, suddenly swallowing the fizz the wrong way “That’s…that’s not a thing…is it?”

“Could be,” she shrugged her shoulders “Maybe if it is you get a choice . Ask him if you can see his soulmate mark,”

You laughed “Yeah right like how would I even do that, I just say, hey Matt…take your shirt off,”

“You could always offer to help him,” Karen winked “you two always look cosy…I saw you earlier after he’d…” she paused not knowing what Matt had told you was the reasons behind his injury. “…injured himself. I thought you two were having a moment, you looked seconds away from undressing each other,”

“That would be a health and safety violation,” you composed yourself trying to diffuse the tension you felt in your bones by making light of the situation. “And pretty uncomfortable on those chairs,”

“It can’t hurt to just try..,.go out with him and see how you feel,” Karen tried. She’d been trying to get Matt to tell you how he felt for weeks, months even but he didn’t seem be budging. It seemed he’d convinced himself you weren’t interested.

He’d never shown her his mark but it was so so painfully obvious to everyone that he was into you, so wanting to help her best friend in the most covert way possible, she’d suggested a girls night out, hoping she could see if you’d make the first move.

“…I don’t think I could,” you pushed a hand back through your hair, trying to distract yourself from the thought that was sending your mind off to places. You would be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about it. When you’d been between his arms against the console counter, you’d thought briefly about loosening off his tie, pulling him into closer and running your hands up under his shirt, or over his neck, daring him to kiss you. “What if I did and then his soulmate shows up or he has some other name on him,”

“Since when has that ever been a problem for you,” Karen had heard a few stories about your romantic dalliances, you hadn’t had any since you met Matt but you’d previously told her. “You’ve had flings before,”

“Since I actually like this one,” you snarked back then realised what you said “shit,”

Karen grinned ear to ear “Knew it,”.

“Fuck, Karen, what do I do?” You sighed and began to chew on your thumbnail. “Do i tell him? Does he know?”

Karen paused giving careful thought to your question “I don’t know…but I think…you should talk to him,”

You nodded and pulled her into a hug. “You’re the best,”

“I know,” she joked “I expect to be bridesmaid,”

***

“She’s your soulmate?!“ Foggy checked he’d heard Matt correctly., confused at the almost despondent look on his friends face “You don’t look someone who has found out their soulmate is a gorgeous, funny girl who bakes them food and-…” he trailed off “…wait why… why do you look like that?”

“Like what?” Matt questioned his friend. “I don’t know what I look like,”

Foggy rolled his eyes. He was used to Matts jokes but this did not seem like the time for one. It seemed like his friend was avoiding this.

“Did you just roll your eyes at me?”

“That still freaks me out…you know what I mean… you’ve got that face, that I’m Matt Murdock and I refuse to accept any-,”

“I am not refusing anything” Matt placed his hands on his hips. “Just…what if she’s expecting someone else?”

“Like who else? If she’s your soulmate, you’re hers,” Foggy attempted to reason with him “c’mon Matt, Just go talk to her…, when have you ever had a problem talking to a pretty girl,”

Matt opened his mouth to reply then closed it, deciding not to go down that route “This is different.”

“She likes you, man and “You’re happier with her in your life and she’s better for you than-,”

Matt cut his friend off before he could “How do you know?” drummed his fingers against his thighs

“Well with some of your exes they’ve alw-“

“No, Foggy, not that. How do you know she likes me”

“How do you not?” Foggy raised an eyebrow “Cant you use your sixth sense, bat like hearing to tell or something?” Matt could hear the confusion in his friends voice.

Matt ran a hand through his hair before dropping it back to his lap again, realising what he was about to say would likely sound insane.

“That’s the thing, she gets the increased heart rate,” He leant back in his chair “All the usual signs are there but…she knows my name, if I’m her soulmate…she’d have said something by now…she’d…” Matt trailed off “what if she doesn’t want me as her soulmate,”

Foggy paused giving careful thought to Matts words. Usually Matt had no problem flirting with pretty girls so having to provide insight on this side was something he was not used to. “Maybe she wants you to make the first move?”

“Or maybe she doesn’t want to get involved with someone like me, Matt pinched his brow “maybe she can tell ,”

“Does she know? About you being Daredevil? About anything?”

He shook his head “Nope… at least I hope not,”. The idea of you finding out and not understanding or worse, thinking he’d lied had kept him up more than once.

“Do you love her”

Matt couldn’t deny it, even if he wanted to. He took a deep breath, took off his glasses and rubbed his temples.

“Yes,”.

The odd sense of relief that washed over him as soon as he said it was like the clouds had cleared and he’d realised what he had to do. Surprisingly. Matt had half expected it to feel like he was confessing coveting something he shouldn’t…but instead it was more like acceptance… like he was finally able to open up.

“Talk to her…you might end up getting exactly what you want,” Foggy put a hand on Matts shoulder. “You gotta tell her,” He checked his watch. “Movies finished. Her and Karen will be home by now,” He gently nudged his friend towards the door.

“Go give her the Murdock charm,”

***

“Shit Matty, are you not freezing”

You were surprised when the doorbell rang only minutes after you’d cast off your own coat and even more surprised to see Matt Murdock, rain soaked, standing at the entry to your place. You pulled him into your hallway and lead him over to your sofa.

“Wait here,”

There it was again. Your heart rate picking up. He could hear you shuffling around before you came back with a towel for his hair and some dry clothes.

“They’re my exes but I’m sure they’ll fit,” you placed the shirt and tracksuit pants in his and turned to let him change. It was soft and light against his skin and he couldn’t help but love you more for the thought you’d put into something so easy as choosing a spare shirt.

Once you felt that he would be done, you turned and lead him to sit back down before you slowly leant in “If it’s okay…I’ll dry your hair off”. Matt nodded and you brought the towel through his hair scrunching gently to dry off the worst of the rain and you reached up and brushed some of his hair back.

“I’ll let you finish getting changed,” you handed him a hoodie to go over the t shirt and stood up and went to walk over to another room to give him space

“What does your soulmate mark say,” he asked, surprised at how quickly he was able to get the words out.

“I don’t have one… I…,” you shifted and looked uncomfortable.

“You’re…you’re on mine,” Matt stood up and gingerly walked towards you, he looked like he was struggling to verbalise what he wanted to say “I don’t care…well I mean I care, but you’re mine and I think…I’m at…least allowed…this one permanent good thing in my life,”

For the briefest moment, Matt half expected you to disappear as some sort of punishment for saying he felt like he was allowed to have something good in his life but you didn’t. You stayed like you always did.

“What.” You froze in place.

He pulled the t-shirt to one side showing you. There it was. Printed along his collarbone. Your name.

“I know because I’ve had you memorised since I was young,” Matt continued. “I know I might not be yours…I had to tell you, It’s been killing me,”

“Oh” was all you could manage. “Matty. I don’t have one I…I…mine disappeared, I think my soulmates dead”

“Maybe you get a choice then,” he smiled at you, and you felt your heart skip, he was his hair was still pushed back and a little damp, his unfocused eyes, beautiful as always and wearing an old shirt. He’d never looked sexier to you than he did right now. “And if you do, I’d like it to be me, if you’ll have me,”

You didn’t what came over you but you reached for his hand and guided him up and stopped just ghosting above your collarbone. Almost like you wanted to show him you didn’t have a name there.

“Here?”

“Yes.”

He ran his fingers along where your mark once was and could barely believe what he was reading. A wave of emotions seemed to wash through his mind, confusion, curiosity and relief.

He was reading his name Matthew Murdock. In Braille.

“You have a mark,” he said, unable to keep the smile off his face as he traced his own name on you. He finished and went back to the start, reading it again. “Your soulmates not dead. Your marks in Braille, your soulmates blind”

“Oh fuck”

There was a moments silence. Matt guessed you were stunned from how you were reacting so he reached for your hand and brought it up to your own collarbone.

“Here, close your eyes, it’ll help you focus”. There was no way to know if you’d obliged his request but he trusted that you did. Matt slowly guided your finger over each letter, carefully spelling out his own name to you.

“It’s my name,”

He could tell you were concentrating from how you were attempting to focus your breathing and how you relaxed when he explained each letter, he could sense it sink it when you felt the repeat letters. His name forming in your head and translating.

You were still silent.

“You’re gonna need to use your words, sweetheart” he ran his hand over them one last time.

By way of response, you leant up and smashed your lips against his, tangling your hand in his hair as his found your waist. It was passionate but sweet and a release of everything you’d both been holding back on.

“Sorry,” you gave a short laugh when you broke apart. “I’m such an idiot, I always thought I didn’t have one, I didn’t even think…I’d never heard…I thought maybe my soulmate had died in some horrible accident”

“Nope. I didn’t die, just…” he gestured at his soft brown eyes, “lost my sight,” Matt paused. “You really never knew?”

The jangle of your earrings indicated a no before you said it.

“No…All this time…I’ve been holding back, because I thought I didn’t have a soulmate and I didn’t want to fall in love with someone meant for someone else”

Matt knew you were speaking the truth, your tone was sincere. He could hear your still breaths under the crackle of the street lights outside and over the hum of the static of next doors television. Your still breaths that now sounded like a lullaby and like home and like love all in one.

For six months, he’d been waiting for this very moment and yet he found himself unable to verbalise exactly how…happy this made him. He’d swore to find the right words to tell you just how lucky he felt that you, wonderful you, were his soulmate.

“I thought you knew. I thought maybe you were…” Matt paused “Disappointed”

“Wait…Matty, Why would I be disappointed“ your question was genuine confusion. You were so sincere in asking, actually dumbfounded as to why he was even putting your possible disappointment as a suggestion.

“I wouldn’t be everyone’s first choice,” Matt left off. He didn’t feel much like elaborating but it seemed like you, as always, knew what he meant without him having to explicitly explain.

“Then they’re dumb,” you reached for his free hand and linked yours with his. “You’d be my first choice out of everyone in the whole world. You are my first choice,”

Before you could stop yourself, you stood on tiptoes and brought your lips to his collar bone and kissed gently, tangling your free hand in his thick dark hair and savouring the murmur he gave you as you moved up and along the day old stubble on the underside of his jaw before reaching his lips and kissing him, moving your hand down from scratching his hairline to cup his face.

Fuck, you could look at him forever.

“Really? Because chaos tends to follow me everywhere sweetheart, I don’t want to hurt you, this one amazing thing in my life,” he pressed his forehead to yours, eyes still closed. He wanted to savour this perfect moment in case you changed your mind.

“I don’t care” you kissed him again, punctuating each word with another kiss. “You couldn’t hurt me even if you tried, whatever you’ve got, I won’t push you…we have all the time in the world for you to tell me…but whatever it is we can face it together,”

“I’m not…I’m not always a good person,”

“I don’t think many people are, Matty, we both have good and bad traits, it doesn’t make you an awful person…it makes you human, which is all you can be. I love you anyway”

“Really?” Matt couldn’t quite believe how someone as lovely as you wanted someone like him.

“Of course, I love you,”

“I love you too”

“My Matty,” you smiled against his lips before pressing yourself to him an a long overdue kiss once more.

[sluttywonwoo]

something more || h.js x reader

Summary: it’s a tale as old as time- your roommate walks in on you masturbating and things escalate from there

Warnings: swearing, smut (18+) additional warnings under the cut

Word Count: 4.5k

A/N: originally posted on my tom holland fic account ( @wazzupmrstark )

Masterlist

additional warnings: additional warnings: masturbation, unprotected sex, choking, degradation, lowkey spit play

“Joshua! Come look at this!”

There were a lot of things you liked about your apartment. Cheap rent, nice views, mostly functioning air conditioning… however the gaping hole in your bedroom ceiling was not one of them. It had started out as a small leak a couple of weeks ago, water dripping from some imperceptible hole in the plaster that had slowly turned into a trickle and then a steady stream, until finally the ceiling had collapsed in on itself, unable to hold the weight of all of the water any longer. You had filed a maintenance request when you first noticed the leak, but it had gone ignored. Maybe now, now that your bed was covered in drywall and pipe water, now that you could see into the apartment above yours, your concerns would be important enough to be addressed.

“What is it?” your roommate called back.

You heard him approach and waited for the gasp that would follow. “Y/n…” he hissed, one hand over his mouth, the other gripping your shoulder in shock.

“I know.”

“Holy shit.”

“I know.”

“What do we do?”

“I don’t know.”

You sighed and took a tentative step forward into your room, wincing when your sock made contact with your damp rug.

“I’ll call maintenance,” Joshua offered and turned on his heel to grab his phone.

“I’ll… try and figure my shit out, I guess.”

His footsteps faded into the background as he retreated into his own room and you looked around your room with a frown, surveying the space for anything salvageable. You were surprised you hadn’t started crying yet. But apparently your brain hadn’t quite caught up with your eyes because all you felt was a numb sort of apathy as you gazed at the mess in front of you.

There was no way you could sleep in your room tonight. Even if you managed to dry everything and clear the debris, there was still a giant fucking hole in the ceiling. The mere thought of trying to fall asleep underneath it made you uneasy. You would have to crash somewhere else.

“They said not to touch anything-” Joshua shouted from the other room. You froze in place, afraid you’d already done something you weren’t supposed to and decided to join him in the kitchen instead.

Your socks left wet footprints against the concrete floor as you padded over to where Joshua was. He shot you a look of sympathy as you peeled them off and tossed them to the side, shifting his attention back to the notepad on the table in front of him to write something the person on the other end of the phone was saying.

The pen hovered above the paper momentarily, and Joshua rolled his eyes with an exasperated sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Tomorrow? Is that the earliest- yeah that’s fine.”

The little hope you’d had that the issue would be resolved tonight fizzled, and you blew out a breath of frustration. You pulled out your phone and began scrolling through your contacts, mentally making notes of who might let you spend the night at their place.

Joshua thanked whoever he was talking to and hung up, pushing the notebook away from him with a groan.

“They’ll be here tomorrow morning,” he said, giving you an apologetic look. “What are you doing?”

“Texting Seungcheol.”

Joshua made a face. “Seung- why?”

“I’m going to ask if I can sleep over.”

“You haven’t talked to him in months,” your roommate protested.

“He’ll say yes to me,” you assured him.

“That’s because he expects you to sleep with him.”

“I know.”

“Y/n! You’re not seriously going to have sex with him in exchange for a place to stay, are you?”

“Well when you put it like that…” you trailed off and sighed. “Whatever, I’m not above it. It’s been a while since I’ve been laid anyway.”

“Seungcheol couldn’t even last thirty seconds-” he paused when you gave him a look, “I know from what you’ve told me. Not because I slept with him.”

“You know saying that makes it sound like that’s exactly why you know.”

“Please, y/n, I have taste,” he said matter-of-factly, easily dodging a swat from you. “You’re not sleeping at Seungcheol’s,” he said as if he’d decided, as if he had final say on the matter.

“Well, what am I supposed to do, Joshua?” you demanded. “I can’t sleep in my own room, and you know I can’t sleep on the couch so what do you suggest?”

“Take my room,” he offered simply, shrugging like it should have been obvious.

“What?”

“You can have my bed and I’ll sleep on the couch. You don’t even have to fuck me for it.”

You rolled your eyes. “Well what do I have to do for it?”

You could tell Joshua wanted to say ‘nothing’, but knew you wouldn’t accept his offer without feeling like you could give him anything in return so he settled for “fried rice”.

“You want fried rice?”

“I want your fried rice,” he clarified with a grin. “You know it’s my favorite.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“Okay,” you agreed. “Fine. Thank you, Joshua.”

He gave you a knowing smile and nodded. “Don’t mention it.”

-

Joshua kept his room colder than yours. Your wet hair from the shower only made the chill worse, but you didn’t want to mess with the thermostat and throw off how he liked things. You were even hesitant to touch the pillows on his bed. You knew Joshua wouldn’t care, but you still wanted to respect his space.

Joshua was literally the most easygoing person you knew, which offered a nice balance in contrast to your high-strung, perfectionist personality. One time you’d bled on his sheets while you were just hanging out in his room and he was completely unphased. He just threw the bedding in the wash like nothing had happened and mentioned that he’d been needing to wash them anyway while you practically cried in embarrassment.

“It’s okay, y/n. I’ve had girlfriends before.”

“Yeah, but I’m not your girlfriend!”

“We live together, close enough.”

To be fair, you knew that this kind of thing happened all the time, but you were still mortified. You didn’t even pay attention to the rest of the movie you and Joshua had been watching. To this day you didn’t know how the Lego Batman Movie ended.

“You need something to sleep in?” Joshua had asked on your way from the bathroom back to his room, having noted your state of undress.

It wasn’t uncommon for you to make the trips to and from the shower in nothing more than a towel, but he knew you wouldn’t be able to go back into your room tonight, and that most of your clothes were still damp from the ceiling anyway.

“Yeah, that’d be great.”

He just nodded from where he was on the couch and gestured past you in the direction of his door. “You know where everything is. Pick out whatever.”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

You’d chosen an old t-shirt from a gas station souvenir shop, one of many in his collection of road-trip tees and a pair of panties you had managed to snag from your dresser before Joshua had yelled at you to get out of your room earlier.

You hung your towel on a hook attached to the back of his closet door and sprawled out on his bed, pulling the comforter around yourself.

It was late. It had been late for a while, but you and Joshua were night owls. You both kept busy schedules, so at night you liked to take some time for yourselves before bed. Still though, you knew you should sleep. But you couldn’t.

You squeezed your eyes shut and tried to relax your muscles.

If you were being honest, the idea of getting laid had been exciting and you were a bit disappointed it wasn’t going to happen for you tonight. It had been a while since you’d been with anyone, and you were craving the intimacy, even if it was coming from someone like Dylan.

Your skin was beginning to feel hot and sticky, and you pushed the covers off of you in your frustration. You had just been cold a few moments ago, and all it had taken to make you sweat was the mere thought of sex. It was pathetic, you were pathetic, and you knew it.

Your fingers inched toward the waistband of your panties almost unconsciously before you stopped yourself. You were in Joshua’s bed. You shouldn’t be getting yourself off in his bed. That was wrong. It wasn’t your room, there must be some sort of boundary for this sort of thing. Roommate code. What if Joshua walked in on you- no. You clenched your fists by your sides and sighed. The idea of your roommate walking in on you with your hand down your pants should not be turning you on. It should be having the opposite effect. But you couldn’t help it.

You had managed to suppress your attraction to him for this long, being in his bed shouldn’t be the breaking point. Maybe it was because his sheets smelled like him, or maybe it was because you were wearing his shirt…fuck, you wished you had your vibrator. The little pink toy was sitting in the drawer of your bedside table, likely water damaged beyond repair. God, hadn’t you lost enough?

“Forgive me, Shua,” you whispered hoarsely into the empty room as you resigned yourself to your pleasure.

Your pussy had won over your head and you’d given into your desire. Familiar sparks of arousal flickered faintly in your stomach when you brushed the tips of your fingers over your panties. You weren’t shocked to discover that the material was already damp from where your wetness had seeped through.

You tried to think about Seungcheol, about your celebrity crushes, about anyone other than the person behind the other side of the door, but your mind kept drifting back to your roommate. You thought about what Joshua’s fingers would feel like instead of your own. They were so much longer than yours… you stifled a moan as you curled a finger into yourself and let your thumb begin to circle your clit, imagining Joshua’s head was buried in between your thighs instead.

Getting yourself to the edge was usually difficult for you without the help of toys or a third party, but you surprised yourself when your thighs began to tense in anticipation as you worked your fingers over your g-spot repeatedly, orgasm just out of reach. You were trying to be as quiet as possible, but you kept letting quiet sighs and curses slip from between your lips as your focus began to blur.

You pictured Joshua pushing himself into you, pictured how his face would scrunch up in pleasure as he felt you clench around his cock for the first time, how he’d kiss your neck and praise you for taking him so well- you bit down on your knuckles to stop yourself from screaming.

The invisible string inside of you snapped right as the door to Joshua’s room swung open and you were forced to rip your hand away from yourself as you came and your pussy clenched around nothing.

The light overhead flicked on and you squinted, groaning at the sudden blinding intrusion.

“Sorry,” Joshua apologized sheepishly. “I just forgot a pillow.”

You used your dry hand, the knuckle-bitten one, to throw him one of the pillows from behind you. He caught it with ease and you thought that would be it, but he zeroed in on your hand, narrowing his eyes at it with a confused expression on his face.

You hoped he couldn’t tell that you were still trembling from the aftershocks of your ruined orgasm, hoped he didn’t question why you were so flushed and breathless.

“What happened to your hand?” he asked, tossing the pillow aside and taking your hand into his own to observe. “You’re bleeding.”

Damn, you hadn’t meant to bite your hand that hard.

“It’s nothing,” you said and tried to yank your hand out of his grasp, but he was holding onto you too tightly.

“I have some Band-Aids in the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

“Shua you don’t have to-”

He was gone before you could finish your sentence, and back before you could protest any further. While he was in the bathroom you hurriedly wiped your other hand on your- his- shirt in an attempt to erase any evidence of what you had been doing just moments before he had interrupted.

“Give me your hand,” Joshua instructed, taking a seat on the bed so that he was facing you.

You outstretched your arm so that he could see the damage and watched as he dabbed a tissue at the specks of blood on your skin, applying pressure to stop the flow.

“It’s just a little scrape,” you insisted.

“Still, we don’t want it to get infected.”

“I guess,” you mumbled.

Once he was sure that you had stopped bleeding he dabbed a tiny bit of Neosporin onto your knuckle and wrapped a Spider-Man Band-Aid around your finger.

“Thank you.”

“Wait, I’m not done!”

“What do you mean?”

“I have to kiss it better.”

You rolled your eyes but gave in, lifting your hand to his face princess style. He pressed a gentle kiss to the Spider-Man Band-Aid and took a moment to admire his work. It was only when he was holding your hand closer that he noticed the indents in all of your other knuckles.

“Why were you biting your hand?” he asked, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

There was no use in lying about it, the marks on your hand were clearly teeth marks. He would know you were bullshitting if you tried to play it off.

“I wasn’t.”

So much for that.

Joshua blinked. “Show me your other hand.”

“What? No.”

“Show me.”

“No!”

You grabbed the comforter and pulled it tighter to you while Joshua tried to wrestle it from your grasp.

“I swear to God, y/n,” he muttered under his breath.

You put up a good fight, but he was stronger than you and tugged it off of you within seconds of struggling. He pushed you back onto the bed and used his body to pin you to the mattress so that you couldn’t wriggle away. Now that you were stuck underneath him he was able to assess the hand that you had been trying to hide. You whimpered in embarrassment and watched in horror as he brought the hand… brought the hand to his…

“Joshua, what are you doing?” you breathed out.

He looked at you brazenly and then put two of your fingers in his mouth. You shivered as he sucked the arousal, the evidence, from your fingers to confirm his suspicion.

“You’re a liar,” he said finally.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you stammered.

Joshua chuckled to himself and let your hand fall back to your side. “And a brat too.” You scoffed in offense but Joshua just leaned down to kiss your forehead sweetly. “I already knew that, though.”

“Excuse you, but I am fucking delightful!” you argued.

“I never said you weren’t!”

“You just called me a brat!”

“Two things can be true at the same time.”

“I hate you.”

“So you… don’t want me to… give you a hand there?” he asked.

You paused. Was he really offering to-

“We’re friends, Joshua. You don’t have to do that.”

“I know. I want to.”

You could feel your heart beating in your throat and in your pussy. Joshua was your best friend and your roommate… but was there something more? Right now you wanted him more than you had ever wanted anyone. This couldn’t end well.

“Joshua?”

“Yeah?”

“Kiss me.”

Joshua was back on top of you as soon as the words left your mouth, pressing his lips to yours while one of his hands tangled itself in your hair. You could taste yourself on his tongue and moaned softly into his mouth. You found yourself wishing the moment could last forever, but you quickly changed your mind when you felt Joshua pressing his thigh up in between your legs. Lazily making out was nothing compared to what he was doing now. He brought a hand to your hip and urged you to move. He guided you until you were rocking back and forth on his thigh at a steady pace.

“Feel good?” he asked.

You could only nod, not trusting yourself to speak. Your panties were the only layer between your pussy and Joshua’s leg, and although they were certainly ruined by now they still provided the means to create friction that went straight to your clit.

Joshua’s hands fiddled with the hem of the t-shirt you were wearing and he tugged at the bottom of it, motioning for it to come off.

“Is this okay?” he asked.

Another nod from you and he was whisking the shirt off over your head without a second’s hesitation. He was pulling his own shirt off next, tossing it into a pile on the floor with yours. His fingers found the waistband of your panties soon after, and he played with the elastic impatiently, eager eyes searching yours for approval. You lifted your hips off of the bed so that he could take them off, leaving you completely naked before him.

Joshua let his gaze travel down your body, shamelessly admiring every dimple, curve, and freckle that was now exposed to him. You shifted under him self-consciously, silently wishing you had shaved. If you had known you’d be fucking your best friend, you would have, but it was too late now and you could only hope he wasn’t bothered by a little hair.

“How are you real,” he murmured to himself, earning an eye roll from you. Joshua reached out and dragged a finger through your folds, smiling when you flinched. “So sensitive…” he noted. “Did you cum already?”

“Yes, but it was ruined,” you admitted.

“Poor thing,” he tsked in fake sympathy, bringing his hand back up to his mouth. “Just wanna nother taste. You’re too sweet to resist.”

“Shua,” you whined.

“What is it, baby?”

“I need you.”

He smiled down at you and took you by the chin, tilting your face up towards him. “You already have me.”

“You know what I mean!”

“But I want to hear you say it.”

You groaned stubbornly and twisted your head out of his grip, only to let out a yelp when he closed a hand around your throat.

“Stop being a brat,” Joshua spat as he forced you to look at him again. “I’ll give you one more chance to be a good girl, got it? Good girls use their words to tell me what they want. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” you choked out desperately.

“Are you going to be a good girl?”

“I’ll be a good girl.”

“So what is it that you need, love?”

You swallowed your pride and opened your mouth to respond. “Your cock, please.”

“Sorry, what was that?” Joshua asked, cupping a hand around his ear as if he couldn’t hear you.

“I want- I need your cock, please.”

“Atta girl,” he praised and eased the grip around your neck. “Was that so hard?”

You shook your head weakly and watched as Joshua pushed his boxers down to his thighs, then onto the floor, letting his cock bounce up against his stomach. He was fully hard already and you wondered how long he’d been like that, wondered how he had so much self-control when you barely had any.

“We can stop whenever you want, okay?” Joshua said, face softening and hand gently cupping your cheek. “Let me know if it’s too much. Just tell me what you need, baby.” You nodded obediently and met him halfway as he leaned down to kiss you. He broke away from the kiss suddenly and held a hand underneath your mouth. “Spit,” he ordered.

You complied and sat up a little to spit into his hand. He worked that same hand over his cock a few times, using your spit to lubricate it before positioning himself over you.

“Is this a good idea?” you blurted right as Joshua was about to push himself into you, suddenly aware that you wouldn’t be able to go back from this as soon as he did.

You had shoved any feelings you’d had for Joshua down for so long and it would be impossible to keep doing after sleeping with him. But you had already come this far.

“Probably not,” Joshua answered with a shrug. “Do you want to stop?”

“No. Do you?”

“No.”

“Okay, cool.”

“Great.”

A brief moment of silence lapsed while you both stared into each others’ eyes, not quite sure where to go from there.

“I’m gonna fuck you now,” Joshua said casually after thirty more seconds of silence.

“Yes, please do.”

You braced yourself for the stretch as Joshua pushed into you at an agonizing pace and sank your teeth into his shoulder to relieve some of the pressure. Joshua groaned at the feeling of you pulsing around his cock, a feeling which was only heightened by you nipping at his skin.

“Fuck, you’re so tight.”

“You’re… so big,” you echoed back.

He allowed you a few moments to adjust before he moved. You were already so worked up that he slid in and out of you easily and it wasn’t long before he was pounding into you at a fast tempo. He pressed hurried kisses to your jaw and neck, leaving a trail of hickies to remember him by.

You cried out each time his cock hit your g-spot, overwhelmed and still sensitive. Joshua kissed you to drown out your moans, clamping a hand over your mouth in his stead whenever he came up for air. His other hand was up against the wall for stability, though it wasn’t helping much.

“Joshua,” you gasped.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Can you choke me again, please?” you all but begged.

Joshua smirked. “Of course.”

He did as you asked and cursed when you wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him in closer.

“See what happens when you’re a good girl and ask nicely?” he teased, cocking his jaw arrogantly. “You get rewarded.”

You could feel your orgasm building in your abdomen as Joshua continued to thrust into you and wondered if he was close too. You guessed that he was from the way his hips had began to falter.

“Up,” Joshua commanded suddenly.

He slipped out of you and grabbed you by the shoulders, hauling you into a sitting position.

“On your hands and knees,”

“And if I don’t?” you challenged.

“You don’t want to find out.”

“Are you sure?”

“Should I finish myself off, then?” he asked, pumping his cock lazily as if he expected you to call his bluff. “Leave you here needy, not let you cum?”

“No, please!”

You quickly got into position on all fours with your back to Joshua praying that he wouldn’t make good on his threat.

“That’s what I thought,” he said. You could hear the smile in his voice.

You fell forward on your face when he shoved his cock back into you only for him to tug you upright by your hair. He fucked you like that in doggy for a minute or so before he snaked an arm around your upper body and pulled you flush against his chest. Being seated on his lap allowed Joshua the ability to touch practically anywhere on your body. He took advantage of the new position by grabbing your tits.

He was so fucking deep in you like this you couldn’t stand it. Every tiny movement brought you closer to the edge and you weren’t sure how much longer you could last.

“Shua, I’m close,” you warned through broken gasps.

“Don’t cum yet.”

“Why not,” you whined.

“You’re not allowed to cum until you answer this question for me,” he said breathlessly.

“What is it?”

“When you were touching yourself earlier, who were you thinking about?”

“I-”

“Was it Seungcheol?”

“No.”

Joshua’s fingers found your clit and began rubbing circles around it, making it that much harder not to disobey him.

“Fuck, Joshua…”

“Who was it?”

“It was you! I was thinking about you!”

“Do you always think about me?” he pressed.

“You only said one question,” you accused defensively.

Interrogating you while he had you on the brink of orgasm was not fair.

“Fine, cum.”

You cried his name as you finally came. He held you through it, your orgasm triggering his own as you clenched around him repeatedly. Your name tumbled from his lips too, while he lost himself in the midst of pleasure. You couldn’t see his face as he came, but you could imagine it, like you had hundreds of times before. The way his hair would stick to his forehead, the way he’d bite down on his lip and squeeze his eyes shut as he let go of control…

You couldn’t see him as he came, but you could feel him. You felt his entire body tense behind you, felt the warm spurts of cum fill you up, felt the way he instinctively grabbed at your throat to anchor himself.

Neither of you spoke for what felt like an eternity as you both caught your breath. Joshua collapsed on the bed with you in his arms, cock still buried inside of you. He brushed your hair out of your face and turned your head so that he could look into your eyes.

“Are you okay?”

You nodded sleepily and gave him a weak smile. “I’m good.”

“Are you sure? I wasn’t too rough?”

“No, you were perfect.”

He kissed you again without a second thought and you kissed him back. It felt familiar and warm, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“Here let’s get you cleaned up,” he said, pulling out of you.

You winced at the empty feeling, but laid in bed motionlessly and let Joshua dote on you. He used a warm washcloth in between your thighs and wrapped a new Spider-Man Band-Aid around your hurt finger. He slipped back into his boxers and tossed you another pair of his to wear before fetching you a glass of water from the kitchen and making you drink it all.

Joshua returned to bed finally and snuggled up to you instantly. You nestled yourself into the crook of his arm and rested your head on his shoulder.

“I thought I didn’t have to fuck you to sleep in your bed,” you said quietly once he had gotten comfortable.

“Shut up.” There was still a lot to discuss between the two of you, but nothing that couldn’t wait until morning. For now you were content to fall asleep in his arms and ignore all of the unanswered questions bouncing around in your mind. “For the record, I still expect my fried rice.”

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[winter-soldier-vibes]

Come Back Home (Bucky x reader)

Come back home

Bucky x reader

Word count: 3,061

Summary: You were getting worse and were afraid to hurt Bucky, but unable to hide it. Instead of talking it out, you ran away. Embarrassed and afraid, you avoid the calls and voicemails from the man you left. But one night, you can’t help but listen to them, and you need to hear his voice.

Warnings: depression, reader blames herself, Bucky blames himself, anxiety attack, lots of tears, lots of fluff and comfort

I actually got this idea from @thelifeof.jana on TikTok, she posts different scenarios with comfort characters and I wanted to make it into a fic. 

Tags: @buckfics @buckys2thicc @abitgryffindorky @stucky-on-spiderman @thatfangirl42 @thundering-barnes   

A/N: It’s nearly finals week and it is CRUNCH TIME so I’ve been writing when I can, I apologize for the sporadic-ness of it. Thanks for sticking with me! 

A/N 2: I left a few things to interpretation, such as a nightmare. Insert what you want, I know everyone has different experiences and I wanted this to be as relatable to as many people as I could. I also left out when y/n gives an address because 1) I don’t know New York and 2) It’s likely somebody’s address in real life so...interpretation. 

-----------

Your phone began ringing, piercing the otherwise silent house and startling you

Answer it.

You stared at the phone, taking a deep breath.

Ring 

You picked it up and turned it over, closing your eyes and letting a breath out.

Don’t answer it.

You looked at the screen again, seeing the name of your favorite person.

Bucky…

Ring 

Answer it

No. 

Please, I wanna hear his voice.

I can’t

Ring

Letting a breath out, you put the phone down and sat on the floor next to your bed, leaning your head back and closing your eyes. 

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Then you were left in the silence once again.

You let out a breath you didn’t know you had been holding, waiting a few more seconds for the next noise. Sure enough, your phone made a sound, notifying you of yet another voicemail.

Another addition to your library of ignored messages.

You picked up your phone, clicking to see the messages you never listened to.

25 unheard messages. All of them from Bucky. 

Your finger hovered over them for a moment, allowing yourself to ponder listening to them. But you sighed, closing your phone and placing it back on the nightstand. You couldn’t listen to them. Because if you did, you wouldn’t be able to resist calling him back. And you couldn’t take that risk. 

You’d spent this much time without him. Once you heard his voice you’d be spilling everything to him. Just like you used to. Which is why you left in the first place. 

Bucky was special to you. He always had been. Despite all the trauma he’d gone through, he was still kind and gentle. He had been the one to pull you out of the dark place you were in at the time. He was always there to talk to you, listen to you, or help you take care of yourself when you just couldn’t anymore. He’d sat through many of your panic attacks and calm you down if you had a nightmare, just as you would for him. He would drop anything for you, you always came first.

And that was the problem.

He did too much for you, and you couldn’t help but feel guilty. This man had already gone through so much pain and suffering and was finally getting better. He was going out more and the nightmares happened much less often. You were grateful for the love he gave you, and you loved him more than anything.

Which is why you couldn’t bring him down anymore. So, one day when he was out on a mission, you had packed up your few positions and left him a note.

Bucky,

I just wanted you to know that I love you so much, but I have to go now. I’m sorry. 

-Y/n

You had to keep it brief. If you said anything more you knew you’d say too much, and it would only make leaving harder. And if he knew you were leaving because you were hurting too much, he wouldn’t stop until he found you.

Not that he wasn’t looking for you know.

You had rented out a room in the cheapest hotel your could find in somewhere-New-York-City. It was small, it wasn’t the cleanest, but it was fine. You didn’t care, it was functional. Within hours of leaving, your phone started ringing. Not that you answered. You couldn’t, not when you would start crying once you heard his voice.

You got many texts and calls that night. 

What happened?

Where are you? Y/n are you okay??

Tell me where you are, we can talk this out, please.

You couldn’t bring yourself to read more than that. You silenced his messages and let the calls go to voicemail, never able to bring yourself to reject a call, instead letting it ring all the way until he got the same voicemail message every time.

Hi, it’s y/n. Leave your name and number and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can, have a nice day!

The same fake cheery message every time, giving an empty promise.

What you didn’t know was that on the other end of the line, Bucky was shattering a bit more with each voicemail he left. 

Bucky’s POV:

He couldn’t understand what could have happened. Why you had left all of a sudden. He knew you had some bad days, and the first time he had read it he was terrified that you had done something. He usually was able to see when things were getting bad again but he couldn’t think of what he could have missed. When he saw that you had read his texts that night, seeing the word read appear after a few of them, he told himself that you were okay. 

Because he didn’t know what he was going to do if you weren’t.

What you didn’t know was that you had helped Bucky just as much if not more so than he had helped you. His nightmares happened less often because you were there with him every night. He was more outgoing because you had dragged him out to those first few bars and parties. He felt happier because he was helping you, and you made him feel safe and wanted.

And then you left.

He couldn’t sleep most nights, worried about you. Most of the nights he did sleep, he dreamt about you and everything that could have happened. He called you every day, multiple times, needing desperately to hear your voice. He withdrew again, only going on one mission when the team absolutely needed him. It was his only sense of purpose anymore, but it meant nothing compared to what you had meant to him

But you didn’t know that. Because you hadn’t opened any of his messages yet. 

It was late now, and Bucky was discouraged. It had been over a week since you had left, and his texts had gone unread ever since a the first night you left. It wasn’t a long time. But it was still too long. He decided to try your phone once more. 

Ring 

Ring 

Ring 

Ring 

Bucky closed his eyes, begging you would pick up, silently knowing you wouldn’t.

Ring 

Ring 

“Hi, it’s y/n. Leave your name and number and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can, have a nice day!”

Sighing, he got ready to leave a voicemail. After the beep he said, broken.

“Please y/n. Come back home.”

Your POV:

You sighed as yet another round of rings echoed through your apartment, hearing the notification soon after, notifying you of yet another new voicemail. 

You looked at the time. 11:03 P.M.

You sighed, knowing you should get some sleep. But no matter how tired you were, you knew that once you closed your eyes, you would have nightmares again. And no one would be here this time. 

You couldn’t deny it, you weren’t doing well. Your appetite had diminished and you relied heavily on caffeine to supplement the sleep you refused to get. Not that it helped your appetite in any way.

You would go through the motions, make it to work (most days) and get through the day just to...get through the day. You weren’t living really. Just surviving. You knew it was getting bad again, some nights so dark you weren’t sure if you would see the light the next day. Yet you couldn’t let yourself call him. You didn’t want to hurt him.

But you didn’t know that you had already hurt him more by leaving than you ever could’ve by staying.

You sighed, knowing that eventually, you were going to need to sleep. Might as well try to. You didn’t know if for sure you would have a nightmare, so may as well try?

That turned out to be wishful thinking.

Major wishful thinking. 

You woke up screaming, drenched in sweat and looking around the room frantically. When you realized it was just a dream, you put your face in your hands and felt tears immediately prick your eyes.

When was this going to stop?

You felt your chest contract as you realized the truth. It wasn’t. Not like this at least.

Just over a week and you were already at your breaking point.

Call him

You looked at the time. 2:47 AM.

You couldn’t call him now.

Call him.

You opened your phone and found Bucky’s contact, finger hovering over the name once again. At the last second, you clicked your voicemail inbox instead, scrolling back down to the first one on the night you left.

“Y/n?”

Your breath hitched as you heard his voice, fresh tears pricking your eyes. Not just from his voice and how much you had missed it, but also the absolute panic in his voice.

“Where are you? Are you okay? Why- why did you leave? Please, answer the phone, I need to know you’re okay.”

You clicked on another one from a few hours later.

“Y/n, please, I saw you read the first few texts I sent. Please answer the phone. We can talk this out, whatever it is just - please call me.”

Tears were falling from your eyes, and you didn’t have it in your power or even the desire to stop them. You flicked to another one that was sent a few days later, this one was longer. 

“Please y/n,” it started, his voice soft and cracking with emotion. “Where are you? Just - just tell me where you are, please. I need you. These past few days it’s like I hear your voice and then there’s nothing. I miss you so much. I’m nothing without you please....please just come back home. I don’t care what you did or think you did or why you left. I love you. And I could never stop loving you. I can come get you, we can talk this out. Please. I can’t do this without you. I - I’m falling apart.”

You were now sobbing as you flicked over to your text messages and clicked on Bucky’s name, seeing texts upon texts from him.

One of the more recent one’s caught your attention.

“I’m sorry. Did I do something wrong?”

Never, never in your heart did you ever think Bucky would think that he had done something to drive you away. Your heart broke, realizing he could be blaming himself for your leaving. It was never his fault. It could never be his fault.

With shaking hands, you pressed the phone icon below his name, bringing the phone to your ear as you listened to it ring.

You tried to control your breathing through the tears, falling apart after a few seconds of thinking you had it together.

Ring

Ring

Ring

Please pick up, I need to hear your voice.

Ring 

I’m sorry this is all my fault.

Ring 

Please, I -

“Hello?”

Your breath hitched and your eyes flew open. Your words got caught in your mouth, having no idea what to say. Bucky, on the other side of the line, hadn’t even looked at the caller ID. He hadn’t fully fallen asleep yet, but the tiredness was evidence in his voice.

“Hello?” he said again

“I’m sorry,” you choked out.

Bucky’s eyes flew open and he pulled away his phone, seeing your name across the screen. All exhaustion was gone from his body, and he heard you trying to control your breathing on the other side of the line.

“Y/n?”

“I’m so sorry…” you said again, breaking out into sobs.

“Y/n, can you tell me what’s wrong? Where are you?” he said, panicked and getting out of bed, pulling on a shirt and shoes.

“I’m sorry, Bucky, I’m so sorry,” you said again, not being able to say much else. 

“Y/n, sweetheart, it’s okay. You’re okay. But I need you to tell me where you are, can you do that for me?”

He waited for a moment while you tried to pull yourself together enough to repeat the address of the hotel.

As you did, Bucky was already out the door and in the car, starting it and putting you on speaker, driving as fast as he could to the hotel and ignoring all traffic signals. It was the middle of the night, and you were not okay.

“I’ll be there soon, angel, can you keep talking to me?

“I’m sorry Bucky…”

“It’s okay y/n. You’re okay. We’re okay. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

His words didn’t reach your ears, your breathing getting harder to control and your tears fell faster. You had fucked up, this was your fault. Why did you call him, now he knows where you are and you were going to burden him with all your shit again. 

He could hear your breathing become labored as he sped further towards your location. He tried talking to you more but he soon realized that he wouldn’t be of much use until he was in front of you. His heart was breaking and he was hoping nothing was seriously wrong. 

But you wouldn’t have called him like this if nothing was wrong.

Clenching his jaw, he scanned the street signs for yours, knowing the city well enough to know he was close. 

When he pulled up to the street, he couldn’t help but wince at how dingy this place was. It was run down and the smell was putrid. He was so sad that this was where you had run off to. He took his phone, saying how he was here but it fell upon deaf ears. You weren’t calm enough to hear his voice from the phone you had dropped when you had moved to cover your face instead.

Bucky took the stairs 3 at a time, getting to your room in record time. He pounded on the door, trying the knob even though he knew it would be locked. Calling out your name and getting no response, he decided to break the door in. It was barely hanging on its hinges anyway.

“Y/n? Y/n where are you?” he called out, met only with the sounds of your labored breathing. He followed it to your room, where you had curled yourself into a ball against the headboard, hands covering your face as you struggled to breathe. 

He walked over to your side, reaching out his hand but thinking better at the last moment. He needed to make sure you knew that he was there, he didn’t want to scare you.

“Y/n?” he starts softly. 

You lifted your head and looked around yourself wildly, startled when you saw the figure of a man standing in front of you, trying to push him away. He grabbed your arms and you tried to break free

How did he get in here? 

What does he want with me? 

Why- 

Your eyes settle on his. Light blue eyes, staring right back into yours. You knew them, you were safe with them. Your own eyes, red  and blotchy flash with realization and you let out a sob. 

“Bucky…”

He took you into his arms as sobs wracked your body, rubbing an arm up and down your back in efforts to calm your shaking form. He was repeating comforting words over and over again. You clung to his shirt as you kept apologizing over and over again, not knowing what else to say - or even how to say it. 

“I’m sorry”

“It’s okay.”

“I’m so sorry…”

“Shh, y/n, it’s okay.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m here. I got you.”

You tried to focus on his heartbeat, steady and strong, as you tried to take deep breaths. Eventually your tears slowed down as you still clung to him, tears drying on your face as you were able to deepen your breathing to match his. His hand still rubbed up and down your back as the two of you sat in silence for a few minutes.

You took a shaky breath. “I - I’m so sorry Bucky.”

Bucky took a deep breath and held her a little more tightly. He could still feel her heart racing. What could she possibly have to be sorry for?

“What happened y/n?”

You felt tears prick your eyes again. Sadness, shame, embarrassment and made you feel sick to your stomach. You opened and closed your mouth a few times before you were able to speak. 

“I - I don’t know.”

“Please y/n. Tell me why you left.”

“I just… I was… “ you swallowed and let out a shaky breath. “It was getting bad again,” you said, voice barely audible. 

Bucky clenched his jaw, angry at himself that he didn’t see it. “Why didn’t you tell me? I told you you could talk to me about anything.”

You screwed your eyes shut. “That was the problem…”

Bucky pulled you back to look at you. “What?”

Your eyes darted everywhere but Bucky’s face. You didn’t want to see the pained expression you knew he’d have right now. You took a deep breath. 

“I just… you were doing so well. And I - I just felt so bad for bringing you down all the time. You would drop anything for me, and you were always there and you were always perfect but I wasn’t.” you finally looked at him. “And I left because I realized I was never going to be.” You shook your head slightly. “I didn’t want to put you through that when you were doing so well.”

You looked away, unable to look at Bucky’s sad eyes any longer. Bucky broke the silence after a few moments. “You were the only reason I was better.”

 Now it was your turn to look at him confused. “What?”

“You brought me out to places when all I wanted was to hide. The nightmares stopped because you were there to make me feel safe. Every time I helped you, I was helping me too,” he said, voice cracking. “You were the best thing that ever happened to me. You weren’t too much for me, you never could be.” 

When you still looked unsure, he moved his hand to cup your cheek. “It’s okay to let people help you, y/n.”

Tears pooled in your eyes once again. That had been what you had said to him when he began closing himself off, be it an intense nightmare or being triggered. Back when things were bad. Like they were for you now.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

“It’s okay.” he whispered, hugging you again. “Let’s go home.”

[pleasantanathema]

Pleasant’s Writer Recs!

I’ve gotten a few asks in my inbox over the past few weeks asking me for writer recs, so I thought the best way to do this was to compile a list of my fav authors on tumblr and rec my favorite fic of theirs! A lot of these amazing authors are moots—I’m very lucky to call many of them close friends. This list could be much longer, and I could go on for days about every single author, but I’ll try to keep it brief. Most all of these authors, like myself, write 18+ only content. Hopefully this can be a useful tool for authors and readers alike looking for amazing fanfic 💕

@bakatenshii | Angel is so phenomenal with her writing that I almost can’t put her style and amazing ability into words (but I’ll try). Angel’s work is beautiful, masterful, full of poetry, elegance, and smut that will all leave you gasping. Fav Fic: Blitz [Ushijima x Reader]

@blahkugo | Sunnt, Thunnth, Sunny, whatever you call her, she is brilliant. No one writes Tsukishima quite like she does. She is beyond creative and her writing style flows like the sexiest water, it’ll make you thirsty and quench your aches. Fav Fic: Tower [Tsukishima x Reader]

@deathcab4daddy | Tay is all about details, details, details. She fills in every gap and paints gorgeous, sexy pictures and situations for the reader to feel immersed in. Fav Fic: Cerulean Blue [Akaashi x Reader]

@dymphnasprose | Dymphna is all about fun, sex, and slowly filling out her holy bible of smut. She’s amazing at creating realistic sub/dom relationships and her smut almost always comes with a healthy dose of build-up. Fav Fic: Green Scrunchies [Ukai x Reader]

@enjifuckersupreme | Ketsl reigns supreme over pure, unadulterated porn. They are phenomenal at making me the reader wet, and every fic is crafted with so much care. Enji fuckers should bow down at their feet, no one loves and writes Enji like Ketsl. Fav Fic: Attitude Adjustment [Enji x Reader]

@hisoknen | Raph is one of the first dark blogs I ever started reading, and she never, ever disappoints. She writes pieces that chill you to the bone, but warms your sex- her writing is casual, smooth, and realistic, always giving you everything you need, but leaving you wanting a little more. Fav Fic: Sleeping Beauty [Dabi x Reader]

@hoe-doroki | Ana is one of the sweetest writers I know. Every time I talk to her, she’s working on comfort requests or beta-reading for other people. Her writing is such a pleasure to read, as you can tell she pours love and consideration into every fic for her readers. Fav Fic: Can’t Find My Breath [Bakugou x Reader]

@joyousandverywarlike | Zo...holy fucking shit. Zo is a writer who consistently blows me out of the water with her skill. This woman is a novelist blessing us with juicy, rich smut and love stories like no one else can. She is incredibly poetic and her writing is an absolute joy to read; she also writes amazing fics for black readers and has an amazing voice that she uses for asmr audios! Fav Fic: How We Met [Ushijima x Reader]

@lemonlordleah-shinzawa-kitten | Leah is an author who takes immense care with her work. She works incredibly hard to craft sexy, healthy bdsm fics for bnha. She is a great blog to go to for bdsm education, and she’s also got a side blog @lemonlordleah-extra-sour for all you extra naughty readers who like the darker side of fanfic. You should also check out her Patreon! Fav Fic: Between the Evergreen [Aizawa x Reader]

@linestrider | Nyki’s work is like smooth water, it’s calming, refreshing, but she also adds a nice, chill bite to it as well with her darker style. Nyki puts such an impressive amount of care into her work; a word is never out of place, every sentence has meaning, every paragraph gives you something new. It was very hard to choose just one fic to recommend. Fav Fic: What’s Said is Said [Hawks x Reader]

@lookslikeleese | Leese is one of the most fun writers on Tumblr, and by that I mean you just have a shitload of fun reading her fics. They are like little, sexy treats to take in right before bed and feel a little more full than you were before. She is also the Cucking Queen. Fav Fic: Cola [Enji x Reader] 

@messwriting | Lee is also another fun writer! Her writing is exhilarating to read, and you’d never guess she’s a sexy Brazilian whose second language is English based on how well she writes. She’s a little sex goddess who will give you everything you want and more in every fic. Fav Fic: What We Could’ve Been [Tsukishima x Reader]

@mindninjax | Marquie is a full on sweetie with a sexy side. She. Is. So. Creative. Every fic of hers is so unique and her masterlist is a whole reading experience. She writes Bakugou Katsuki so damn well, she’s a master at characterization, even in au’s. She also writes beautiful fics for black readers. Fav Fic: Bound to You [Bakugou x Reader]

@nekokoafanfictions | I first found Ai on Ao3, and then was fortunate enough to come across their blog here on Tumblr! I’ve said this before in previous rec lists, and I’ll say it again, I still read their fics some nights to fall asleep to, they are just that good, every fic will have you coming back at some point to read it again. Fav Fic: City Lights [Enji x Reader]

@present-mel | The. Queen. Of. Dialogue. Mel is a master at making her fanfic feel real, gritty, sexy, and beautiful all at the same time. This woman pours her heart and soul into fanfic, especially into her Erwin series Fragments of Memories. I was so captivated by her work that I just had to become her friend, her work is enchanting and thrilling. Fav Fic: Until the Fire Played [Enji x Reader]

@rat-suki | Annie makes me horny. Like, real horny. Her smut is fantastic and are often little thrill rides within themselves. Fuck rollercoasters, just go to Annie’s masterlist to find a joy ride. Fav Fic: Hell Fire [Enji x Reader]

@rivendell101 | I’m such a big fan of Alisha, that I sent her a request months ago before we even became friends. This author knows how to craft a story, her work is very meticulous with details and her plots are always so spot on. Fav Fic: Sweet Thing [Natsuo x Reader]

@smutbardpeach | Smutbard is the most accurate title for Peach, as her fics read like poetry and song, filled with beautiful language, imagery, and allusions to the brim. If you’re ever looking for something romantic, sensual, delightful, and just overall magnificent to read, this is the blog to go to. Peach’s work is like reading poetry and classics right off the shelf. Fav Fic: Truth in Wine [Hizashi x Reader]

@spicyness | Are you thirsty? Do you like fun, sexy headcanons? Ness is the author for you. Ness is so, so fun and sweet, and is active with her followers and is always posting something new and creative for us to nibble at. Her blog is full of fun thirsts and she’s always a joy to see pop-up on my dash. Fav Fic: Pride [Bakugou x Reader]

@sugardaddykenma | Lin has the most amazing brain. I wish I could just...see and understand how she thinks. Her blog is full to the brim with hilarious, iconic, and down right fucking true headcanons for haikyuu characters. Many nights I have stayed up laughing my ass off and saying “why is that so true?” while reading through her astonishingly creative work. Fav Fic: Haikyuu on Drugs

@thewheezingwyvern | Wyv is a writer who gets straight to the point; her words are poignant, meaningful, and always paint a very clear picture. She is a Shinsou and Aizawa lover/fucker all the way to her core, and she’s amazing at bringing those characters to life in her work. Fav Fic: Salt Lines [Aizawa & Shinsou x Reader]

@thisisthehardestthing | Claudia is one of the most talented writers I have ever met. Period. She has a vocabulary, a depth, an ability to craft the most intense, alluring, and magnificent fanfic you’ve ever read. Most of her work doesn’t even seem like fanfic, it reads like love letters stuffed into the pages of a book that stand the test of time with her marvelous writing abilities. She always awes me, as every single fic is unique and powerful it its own way. Fav Fic: Tocka [Tanaka x Reader]

@tomurasprincess | The Queen of Darkness herself, Mari is amazing at fulfilling all of your dark desires. I’ve never met anyone else who is as active as she is with her followers, as she’s constantly pushing herself to answer requests and give people exactly what they want to see. She has such an expansive masterlist, any dark fic lover can find something worthwhile from her! She’s almost made a Shigaraki fucker out of me, almost. Fav Fic: Wraith’s Touch [Shigaraki x Reader]

@undermattsun | Miki taught me what a skate rat is. Do I understand it yet? Not really, but I fucking like it. Miki is so much fun and is always active with her followers, giving out awesome thirsts, visuals, and headcanons for her fav haikyuu characters. Fav Fic: Flavor of the Month [Matsukawa x Reader]

@vixen-scribbles | Vixen is someone who cares about everyone around her, and her blog reflects that. Amongst all her amazing writing, you’ll always find her recommending her friends and supporting other writers. Her writing is fucking sexy, she knows her way around the bedroom when it comes to fics, and she’s got a lengthy masterlist to fawn over. Fav Fic: Take All of Me [Ushijima x Reader]

@whats-her-quirk | Truly, the best has been saved for last. June’s work is the heart and soul of classic, fucking amazing fanfic. I can’t even explain how much I love her fics, like they will put the biggest smile on your face and have your thighs rubbing together in anticipation. June is writing her fantasies and having fun, and we are privileged to enjoy the ride with her. She knocked kinktober out of the fucking park, with each fic being a new, fresh delight. Fav Fic: Once in a Blue Moon [Karasuno x Reader Gangbang]

This list could honestly be twice as long, and perhaps in the future I’ll make a companion to it as I meet new authors and read more amazing fanfic. Please give all these authors a follow or at least check out their blogs. 💖