#but it still sucks
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if anyone is interested in the current situation on Canadian Healthcare, it is 6:45 in the morning and I am in line for the 8:00 opening of the only walk-in clinic in the city, which takes no appointments, has only one doctor, is full by 8:30, and closes at 1pm.
There are two people ahead of me, and they brought folding chairs from home.
#Free Healthcare is still better than none but our government isn't paying our doctors#So they're all going to America#And I don't blame them#But it still sucks
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I think we've talked about dysphoria from not having your abilities/powers that you remember having/should have, but I don't think we've talked about fear relating to it.
I mean, a normal human body is weak and hardly has any defense compared to what I could do. It would be like taking the hard scales and spikes from a dragon--you feel exposed, you're missing a part of you that kept you safe.
But.. we're disabled, on top of that. Not only am I weaker than I was before, but my body can't hold up to a lot of those around me who would otherwise be on similar levels. I can't stand for long. If I walk too much in a day my knees try to give out, and hurt for a week after. I can't throw a good punch. I can hardly even balance without a cane half the time. You've taken that metaphorical dragon, removed his spikes, teeth, claws, scales, wings and fire, and now he is soft. He's only skin and brittle bone. Now he is unsafe around other dragons--he wouldn't be able to win if some fight were to break out. He wouldn't be able to save himself.
It's that feeling of wrongness, of exposure, of knowing that so many things are threats now that weren't before. There's so much more that can get you. It's worse than the dysphoria itself. I would care less about losing what I had if I knew I could defend my system in this body, but I can't.
It's horrible.
#I'm working on getting our body to work more. it's somewhere good to use the motivation#but it still sucks#alterhuman#species dysphoria#alterbeing#otherkin#fictionkind#fictionkin#fictionfolk#fictive#plural system#plurality#actually plural#pluralgang#plural#pluralpunk#osddid#actually did#cdd inclus#op#shrapnel (he/him)#everything althu#everything plural#althu experiences#everything otherkin#otherkin experiences#plural experiences#endo safe#disabled alterhuman#disabled althu
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I wish canon x canon didn't affect me the way it does
#it's gotten much better don't get me wrong. like it used to send me spiralling#now it's just discomfort and unease#but it still sucks#I have to remind myself that my boyfriend and I have a Warrior's Bond... our love is real forever and always <3#mine
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It's so frustrating that even though Loki is canonically attracted to men, Lokius fans are still somehow delusional. Like, when does it become not delusional to ship the bisexual character with a man he's clearly very fond of? The whole Loki bisexual reveal seems to rest on the tacit understanding that Loki will never actually feel or act on any attraction to a man, and that's reflected in fan reaction to queer Loki ships. It's like the character is, for all intents and purposes, straight...but Marvel gets to call him bi for diversity points. It's kinda bullshit and I don't love it.
#lokius#like obviously cheers to the s1 showrunner for even getting it that far well done#and cheers to whoever made Lokius so lovely this season#but it still sucks
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People love the idea of ADHD until I start to talk about the fact that I imagine killing my loved ones and struggle to feel like a real person.
#my intrusive thoughts and my grip on reality are getting worse#it’ll pass and I know it#but it still sucks
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I've been ghosted by a lot of friends over the years and man, it always hurts. To have people you spent a lot of time with, who you thought cared as much about you as you did about them, just disappear? It really stings.
#I mean I've also drifted from people#and that's sad but at least it's gradual and you can see it coming#the people who seem fine with you one day#and then just vanish... idk#I've gotten better at putting it behind me#but it still sucks
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can someone explain to me why binding in any form when you have a large chest is hell no matter what you do
#this is rhetorical#i know why#binders are fucking BOGUS#aside from the sensory issues they give me personally THEY JUST DON’T FUCKING WORK#AT LEAST FOR ME#and then i discovered binding tape#1000% better than binders on multiple fronts#but it still sucks#because god forbid someone have a tape size large enough#and then theres the fucking blisters#which i do not give a fuck HOW you swing it THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOME BLISTERING IF YOUR CHEST IS HEAVY#AND IF YOU HAVE A LARGE CHEST AND TAPE AND DONT BLISTER PLEASE SWEET FUCK TELL ME HOW YOU DO IT#because i can have it on and pretend that my skin isn’t actively being shredded#and that i won’t be standing in the shower in a few days peeling it and said shredded skin off of me#probably pissing my suitemates the hell off because i didn’t anticipate it being that bad because i never think its that bad#until i take it off and then suddenly its like why the fuck am i bleeding#and i gotta tell myself it’s because there’s no winning for you dumbass!!!!#you’re going to be in pain all the time no matter what you do!!!!!#let me out#can i fucking quit now please how much more#because with everything in america going the way it is idfk if i can take this shit much longer#yapping#vent
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I wish a man's value wasnt decided just by his assets, his money and how much he can provide.
#and if u think im wrong#then sorry to break it to you but its the reality#honestly ive accepted it now#but it still sucks#theres so much more to being a man and sometimes its sad nobody sees that#i wonder if my father felt the same#the expectations this constant pressure of being-#forget it#rant ig
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been looking into therapy for my ocd and ive found two therapists in my area im going to look into and its almost $200 a session and they dont accept insurance...love that! love being born with a horrible life ruining mental disorder and having to pay $700-$800 a month to try and heal from it :)))))))))
#thankfully i did a low buy year this year and i have lots in my savings so i can afford it#but it still SUCKS#its like. pay this much or dont and eventually kill myself so like...what else am i gonna do.#ocd#actually ocd#putting this in the tag in case anyone has any advice
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Ngl the past 6 months have probably been the most emotionally and mentally taxing I've had in a good while.
Doing my best not to give myself shit for barely writing or doing any art. Trying to keep myself occupied with crocheting huge blankets and cooking new recipes while I binge watch every silly Cdrama or Kdrama I come across.
There's still a couple weeks left of 2024, but I gotta be real with y'all. I'm so ready for it to be over. Wish I could speedrun to 2025.
Bleh.
#dreamer talks#personal#might delete later#depression#could be worse#but it still sucks#here's to making it through to the rest of 2024
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If I had a nickle for each horror game protagonist who turns out to be a horrible person who had the same name as me, I'd have 2 nickles. It isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.
#james sunderland#sh2#silent hill 2#jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing#why did i have to choose james as my name#i blame green day's st. Jimmy#but it still sucks#lmao
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nothing hurts more than art you were really proud of not doing well at all compared to your other art 😀😀
#this is like one of number 1 things that discourage me from doing art 😭#i know it’s not that important#and im probably not supposed to care that much#but it still sucks#art#vent#rant#artist problems
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Woke up with a cold and now I have to present training and im so MAD because I haven't even BEEN anywhere other than to get travel vaccinated and I was masked the whole time and walked back which means the only culprit is the friend we had over the weekend
#his flatmate works in a supermarket#so it makes sense#but it still sucks#if this is covid im going to be extra upset#waiting on some fresh tests#blog#personal
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I think the vast majority of this fandom has forgotten I exist as a writer/artist/creator
most of my work hasn’t been touched in months
which is really deflating
#I know it’s my fault mostly#I had to basically give up writing to figure out my life work situations etc#but it still sucks#feels like there are people still out there in the fandom they just aren’t really reading my stuff#so :/ idk what to really do on here anymore idk
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Someone stole my fucking CD´s from my mail box. My life is a fucking disaster. Im gonna burn something.
#like god damn it#first I gave the wrong adress now this#the universe dosent want me to have nice things#its not their fault I know that#they did so much already#but it still sucks#its odly peotic in a way#there really are no happy endings#I hope everyone who got a CD values it deeply#merch drop#the mechanisms#the mechanisims band
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#Sometimes I think about how much I've let anxiety take from me and it's...a LOT#like a lot a lot#and now I can feel it taking fandom from me too#no desire to write (and most of the last few fics I’ve posted have been…not good and I’m really sorry about that)#it’s my own fault 100%#(not just with fandom but everything for not trying harder)#but it still sucks#i guess it sucks more because I know it’s my own fault#misc#tw mental health#cw mental health#cw anxiety#personal#negative#anyway still on a break for idk how long#but the break hasn’t helped at all 😞#and now I just feel so guilty for not being around and reblogging more stuff#and I have major FOMO#ughhhhhhh#plus my health anxiety is just so so bad rn
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