#but it still sucks
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if anyone is interested in the current situation on Canadian Healthcare, it is 6:45 in the morning and I am in line for the 8:00 opening of the only walk-in clinic in the city, which takes no appointments, has only one doctor, is full by 8:30, and closes at 1pm.
There are two people ahead of me, and they brought folding chairs from home.
#Free Healthcare is still better than none but our government isn't paying our doctors#So they're all going to America#And I don't blame them#But it still sucks
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I think we've talked about dysphoria from not having your abilities/powers that you remember having/should have, but I don't think we've talked about fear relating to it.
I mean, a normal human body is weak and hardly has any defense compared to what I could do. It would be like taking the hard scales and spikes from a dragon--you feel exposed, you're missing a part of you that kept you safe.
But.. we're disabled, on top of that. Not only am I weaker than I was before, but my body can't hold up to a lot of those around me who would otherwise be on similar levels. I can't stand for long. If I walk too much in a day my knees try to give out, and hurt for a week after. I can't throw a good punch. I can hardly even balance without a cane half the time. You've taken that metaphorical dragon, removed his spikes, teeth, claws, scales, wings and fire, and now he is soft. He's only skin and brittle bone. Now he is unsafe around other dragons--he wouldn't be able to win if some fight were to break out. He wouldn't be able to save himself.
It's that feeling of wrongness, of exposure, of knowing that so many things are threats now that weren't before. There's so much more that can get you. It's worse than the dysphoria itself. I would care less about losing what I had if I knew I could defend my system in this body, but I can't.
It's horrible.
#I'm working on getting our body to work more. it's somewhere good to use the motivation#but it still sucks#alterhuman#species dysphoria#alterbeing#otherkin#fictionkind#fictionkin#fictionfolk#fictive#plural system#plurality#actually plural#pluralgang#plural#pluralpunk#osddid#actually did#cdd inclus#op#shrapnel (he/him)#everything althu#everything plural#althu experiences#everything otherkin#otherkin experiences#plural experiences#endo safe#disabled alterhuman#disabled althu
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It's so frustrating that even though Loki is canonically attracted to men, Lokius fans are still somehow delusional. Like, when does it become not delusional to ship the bisexual character with a man he's clearly very fond of? The whole Loki bisexual reveal seems to rest on the tacit understanding that Loki will never actually feel or act on any attraction to a man, and that's reflected in fan reaction to queer Loki ships. It's like the character is, for all intents and purposes, straight...but Marvel gets to call him bi for diversity points. It's kinda bullshit and I don't love it.
#lokius#like obviously cheers to the s1 showrunner for even getting it that far well done#and cheers to whoever made Lokius so lovely this season#but it still sucks
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People love the idea of ADHD until I start to talk about the fact that I imagine killing my loved ones and struggle to feel like a real person.
#my intrusive thoughts and my grip on reality are getting worse#it’ll pass and I know it#but it still sucks
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I've been ghosted by a lot of friends over the years and man, it always hurts. To have people you spent a lot of time with, who you thought cared as much about you as you did about them, just disappear? It really stings.
#I mean I've also drifted from people#and that's sad but at least it's gradual and you can see it coming#the people who seem fine with you one day#and then just vanish... idk#I've gotten better at putting it behind me#but it still sucks
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I wish a man's value wasnt decided just by his assets, his money and how much he can provide.
#and if u think im wrong#then sorry to break it to you but its the reality#honestly ive accepted it now#but it still sucks#theres so much more to being a man and sometimes its sad nobody sees that#i wonder if my father felt the same#the expectations this constant pressure of being-#forget it#rant ig
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Woke up with a cold and now I have to present training and im so MAD because I haven't even BEEN anywhere other than to get travel vaccinated and I was masked the whole time and walked back which means the only culprit is the friend we had over the weekend
#his flatmate works in a supermarket#so it makes sense#but it still sucks#if this is covid im going to be extra upset#waiting on some fresh tests#blog#personal
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I think the vast majority of this fandom has forgotten I exist as a writer/artist/creator
most of my work hasn’t been touched in months
which is really deflating
#I know it’s my fault mostly#I had to basically give up writing to figure out my life work situations etc#but it still sucks#feels like there are people still out there in the fandom they just aren’t really reading my stuff#so :/ idk what to really do on here anymore idk
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Someone stole my fucking CD´s from my mail box. My life is a fucking disaster. Im gonna burn something.
#like god damn it#first I gave the wrong adress now this#the universe dosent want me to have nice things#its not their fault I know that#they did so much already#but it still sucks#its odly peotic in a way#there really are no happy endings#I hope everyone who got a CD values it deeply#merch drop#the mechanisms#the mechanisims band
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#Sometimes I think about how much I've let anxiety take from me and it's...a LOT#like a lot a lot#and now I can feel it taking fandom from me too#no desire to write (and most of the last few fics I’ve posted have been…not good and I’m really sorry about that)#it’s my own fault 100%#(not just with fandom but everything for not trying harder)#but it still sucks#i guess it sucks more because I know it’s my own fault#misc#tw mental health#cw mental health#cw anxiety#personal#negative#anyway still on a break for idk how long#but the break hasn’t helped at all 😞#and now I just feel so guilty for not being around and reblogging more stuff#and I have major FOMO#ughhhhhhh#plus my health anxiety is just so so bad rn
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salaries in this damn country makes me cry
Why even going to college when the highest job will pay you the same as a cashier.
#France#And I'm aware of the system.#But it still sucks#Everyone has the same damn salary is this URSS or some shi ?
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This is a personal vent, so feel free to scroll by.
I feel like I keep getting bad news after bad news.
Being an adult sucks a lot.
I missed over half my hours last month because I was so sick and still am, so I’m missing more hours today. In the same month my partners commissions got cut in half because of a survey (the question on the survey is “would you recommend this place to anyone?” And if people say “no,” he loses “points” even though they’re usually unhappy with the service they received by the mechanics vs him (he’s a service advisor and lets people know what services their vehicles need) and it sucks. Side note: please keep in mind that when doing surveys like these, it’s usually the employees that get punished.)
And we now have to spend $900 to fix his car. And I spent a lot of money last month fixing my vehicle. And my vehicle still has issues and safety concerns and I can’t afford to get it fixed. And I am so tired. In the same month we get less money than usual, we have more issues than usual. We live in a rural area with no available bussing and have to commute to work in two different directions.
The exact same month that my freezer went and we lost all our meat and other foods that I’d bought on sale that would have helped us not go grocery shopping this month.
I am frustrated at my body and at finances. And being an adult. And my fiancés employer.
I also feel like a failure even though a lot of this is out of my control. For not being able to work, and for having too much in the freezer so that we lost a lot of value.
I know it’ll all be okay in the end. And it’ll work out. But right now, feeling overwhelmed and just frustrated at everything. Except my dogs. My dogs are my lifeline. 10/10 for them.
#I’ll delete this later#but I just wanted to vent it#I’m feeling really overwhelmed today especially#showing up to work and being told I can’t work because of how not well I seem#sucks#valid of them to say so#but it still sucks
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I talked to a job consulent the other day, and she was so great. I am so annoyed I didn't get to talk to her before now.. She was so much more helpful than any of the other ones I've talked to lol
#maja talks#I have like 2 months to find a job and she was actually helpful#she said I have to write my applications differently than i've done until now and she sounded like she's sure it will land me interviews#she gave me her card to “call her when I have an interview so we can practice it beforehand”#and like she was just really nice and helpful and maybe i still have hope that i will find something before the next two months are up#i feel so bad for complaining about not having a job and only having two months to find one#cause i just go down in the amount of money i get from the state after the two months#and it's so priviliged of me to complain#but it still sucks#i am very lucky to live in denmark and have danish citizenship#and i realize that and how priviliged that is#and yet i'm still going to struggle if i don't get a job by then so i will complain#complaining is in my blood
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fun fact i got on a call tn cuz i thought itd make me feel better cuz ive been rly fucking miserable lately n usually that helps but in all honesty it made everything one million times worse n im so sad abt it
#it wasnt even his fault it was my faukt for being like this#n for being a dumb bitch#but it still sucks#n now im jsut laying here all lonely n jealous n upset#n i never wanna call anybody or talk to anybody ever again#n it's my own fuckjn fault#im gonna be like this forever yk#this is jsut the best its gonna get for me n nobody fucking listens when i say that#its all 'it'll get better eventually' 'u just gotta wait until u can do this that m the other'#all that bullshit#n thags all it is its all just bullshit#cuz nobody likes it when somebody's upset nobody likes to just sit with u n let u be upset#n it sucks#it sucks so bad#n i get that i csnt expect anyone to deal w me on the bad nights#cuz the bad nights are mostly all of them#n thags not fair to expect of someone or to even want rly#but goddamn i just wish i had somebody id feel ok talking to#it's so bad man i always feel so bad#its been like this forever n im sick n fucking tired of it#but god fucking forbid a i wanna cut myself abt it#n god fucking forbid it makes me not wanna live so much#jesus fucking christ#theres not a good reason for me to stick around#idont make anybody happy i dknt do anything worth a damn im not worth being around#n thats just how it is#thats just how it fucking is its not even a mstter of opinion
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#people at work can’t even remember my name#they keep calling me the name of the other guy in the shop#they almost never do the reverse#all anyone wants to talk about is their dating/sex/romance lives#which is 1. exhausting and 2. extremely depressing#I sit in a dressing room with two people who I like talking to and they spend the whole time#talking about how the two of them are ‘besties’ and what they’re gonna do over the weekend#my roommates are sweet but unintentionally leave me out of stuff#my rock climbing buddy seems to have basically dropped me#I fucking hate socializing#and it’s so much worse with people my age#I like this job a lot but I end every day feeling like a complete failure#I should expect it because this. is what always happens when I try to socialize in person#but it still sucks
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the more i think on it the more certain i am that i didn’t necessarily dislike the ending. yea the episode itself was a little rushed and frankly unfulfilling but that do be the mcu’s way babeyy. however i think that it was one of the most poignant and just ways to wrap up the character (if that’s actually it for him) after 12 years of mercurial existence, unclear motives, and a blatant lack of resolute sense of self. out of every conceivable and practical outcome, it certainly wasn’t the worst, and it read as almost poetic.
that being said, it still feels a little unfair— particularly as the continual focus throughout seasons one AND two was Loki’s fear of being alone, after a lifetime of feeling as if he had no place
#like i get it i get it#but it still sucks#anyway i’ll probably have more to say but sorry for the soapbox
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