#idk if its that obvious but better to be safe

[u3pxx]

is this anything

[karkatminecraft]

Also I'd love to be more active in the dteam tumblr community :] I know that I mostly silently reblog posts, but Im super happy to be back here! Took a break for about three months, but im back to stay. Hope everyone was doing good during that time. I promise I'll talk more in the tags in the future :]

[thatfandomslut]

Social Pariahs

Janis Imi'ike x Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Trigger Warning: shameless flirting, cringy pick up lines, two anarchists in love (sry not sry)

Request:

please do a Janis x reader where the reader is new at school and doesn’t want to get into the social pyramid and they are outcasts together idk some fluffy stuff

Mean Girls requests are open.

Janis Imi'ike would be lying if she wasn't enamored by the new girl. She was just so cool. For starters, the Plastics offered her a spot at their table, and she swiftly shot them down, opting for a seat by herself in the lunch room. Watching Regina's face fall as she tried to hide the shock with a scowl was honestly Janis's favorite thing to ever happen. Additionally, they shared three classes: chemistry, English, and, most importantly, art. That was how Janis learned how amazing the new girl was with a paintbrush as she finished an art assignment on the inner self.

"Ms. (L/n)," the teacher cleared his throat, analyzing the canvas. On it displayed the brain on fire. A worry line slowly appeared on the teacher's face before a forced smile fell on his lips as he put the canvas back onto the easel. "Would you like the pleasure of explaining your art as a way to also get to know everyone a bit better?"

It was obvious that (Y/n) didn't want to as she pondered for a moment. "Okay, yeah, sure." (Y/n) stood up, removing the smock that covered her clothes. Though, the paint did find its way to her hands, arms, and face. Janis watched intently, her chin resting on her fist. She knew that if Damian was there, she would be receiving the biggest side-eye in the entire world. Thankfully, within the four walls of the classroom, she was safe from his judgmental stare as she admired the girl from afar. "My name is (Y/n). My art on the inner self represents how I feel the school system is doing more harm than good by frying our brains as they mold us into the people they want us to be rather than the people we want to be." (Y/n) said, sitting back down as the teacher stared in shock.

After a moment, he cleared her throat as he looked around. The other students, with the exception of Janis, seemed to be just as shocked and in a brief moment of confusion. "Right, right… Thank you, (Y/n)." He said, feeling slightly resigned as he plopped back into his chair. He had the sudden realization that one, he didn't get paid enough for this shit, and two, she was going to be a brilliant artist one day using her political ideologies to guide her.

Janis stared brightly at the girl but quickly looked away when they made eye contact with each other. Janis didn't notice the girl approaching her work. It was a small version of her with Cady and Damian with music notes and horror movies stitched over her paint strokes. "Your work is really cool." (Y/n) said, startling Janis, who looked over. She was at a loss for words. She had so much she wanted to say but couldn't. She finally understood how Cady felt about Regina and Aaron. "Are they your friends? I've seen you with him, but who is she? Your girlfriend?" The girl inquired, pointing over at Cady.

"Cady? No, no. She is not my girlfriend. She's cool and all but not for me." Janis said, waving off the feeling of embarrassment that wanted to stain her cheeks a bright shade of red. There was a small hint of a smile on (Y/n)'s lips as she listened to Janis. "I- I notice you sit alone at lunch. Is there anyone I can convince you to sit with Damian and me?" Janis offered, a feeling of dread settling on her chest as she feared rejection.

However, the familiar blow never hit. "Yeah, sure, as long as you're not a part of whatever weird social pyramid scheme that the rest of the school seems to be in." She said as the bell rang. Grabbing her bag, (Y/n) offered Janis a wave that caused Janis to feel like she was floating momentarily. While Cady described the feeling she had for Regina and Aaron to make her feel 'stupid with love,' Janis felt confident. (Y/n) was so beautiful and they shared so many of the same ideas (though she only knew two of them). Janis couldn't help but find herself crushing on (Y/n).

At lunch the next day, (Y/n) showed up, standing behind Janis. "Excuse me, ma'am," Damian smirked over to Janis when (Y/n) began speaking. Janis went red as she looked behind her with a sheepish smile. "I might not be a photographer, but I could see us together." (Y/n) said playfully as she sat next to Regina. Once again, she had rendered the very outspoken Janis speechless. Damian could almost applaud the action teasingly, but he could see how nervous his best friend was. Mercy was Janis's friend that day, and Damian accepted that.

When Janis still said nothing, Damian stepped in to transfer the attention onto himself. "So, (Y/n), Janis tells me you're an amazing artist. Are you entering the art show with Janis?" He questioned, hoping the new conversation would help Janis ease herself out of the shell she had put herself in. "I heard there was potential scholarship money for the winner," Damian added, trying to recall everything that Janis had shared with him. Janis looked over at (Y/n), wondering if she was going to put her artwork in, too.

"Yeah, I was considering it. I was looking through the categories. I was thinking about doing a portrait, but anything I could create would never achieve what Janis's art does." She said, glancing over at Janis who perked up at the mention of the category. She wouldn't want to compete with (Y/n), but she was curious to see what she could paint. "But, there are several different sub-categories with different awards. I might do that so I could get a sense of the competition for next year. I like to scout the competition before entering my work so I know how hard I have to go."

Damian nodded thoughtfully, gently kicking Janis under the table so she would finally say something. "I think you should enter. Your work is amazing. Like the Brain on Fire piece? It was so amazing, and Mr. Callahan didn't even know what to say. You're are speaks volumes. I hope you do enter." Janis gushed unintentionally, hoping she wasn't rambling. Pink dust covered (Y/n)'s cheeks as she looked down in order to allow her hair to hide the blush and the smile that was growing on her face.

Finally, giving herself grace since she knew it was a natural reaction, she looked up at Janis. "Okay, I'll consider it. I am working on something new. I've been going to the art room every free period to work on it." She said thoughtfully at first as she grew more confident. "I think it could work. Mr. Callahan says it looks amazing so far. Though, I think he's scared of me." (Y/n) jested, causing Janis to laugh. Mr. Callahan did indeed keep his distance after (Y/n)'s response last class. "Wait until he finds out I'm a pyromaniac anarchist who loves putting fire and politics in my art to spread my messages." She said with a giant smirk. Janis didn't know she could fall more until that moment and the weeks that followed.

"Hello, may I have your attention please?" Principal Duvall's voice filled the halls just in time for morning announcements. Janis barely had it in her to pay attention since she was texting (Y/n). For about three weeks now, she had been flirting and trying to build the courage to ask (Y/n) on a date. "I want to first announce that there are two students we need to wish luck to. Miss Janis Imi'ike and Miss (Y/n) (L/n) are finalists at the Illinois Art Expo this Saturday. Go lions! Even for art." Principal Duvall said as Damian looked over at Janis cheering 'Art! Art! Art!' Janis could barely think for a moment as she went to text (Y/n), only to receive a congratulations message first.

At lunch, Janis was excited to see (Y/n) in person since the announcement. She was practically buzzing with excitement to ask if she wanted to go with her and Damian. So much so that Damian gently reminded her to calm down because she was shaking the table as her knee bounced in participation. "Hey, Damian," (Y/n) greeted as she sat beside Janis. "Hello, my fellow finalist." (Y/n) winked, nudging Janis softly with her elbow. There was a giant grin on her face, showing that she was just as excited as Janis was.

"Hey, congratulations on being a finalist. I knew that you would be. Quick question, by the way… Since Cady is going with her mom somewhere this weekend, there is enough room on Damian's hot ride. Do you want to come with us on Saturday?" Janis questioned as Damian instinctively smirked at the two. He did it every time one of them joined the other. "I promise it'll be a safe ride. If we hit a bump, I'll hold you close."

(Y/n) looked over at Janis, a small smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. "I know you would, babe. I want to say yes but my dad wants to take me." She said with a soft pout. But none of that mattered because Janis was stuck on the fact that (Y/n) had just called her babe. Janis smiled to herself as Damian looked over to see if she'd say something. "I definitely will find you when I get there. I want to see your work. I'm excited to see what you've done." (Y/n) put a hand on Janis's knee gently, and Janis's already red cheeks turned maroon as she smiled more.

That Saturday, the art expo was buzzing, and (Y/n) found herself waiting on Janis at the front while her father wandered through the building to look at the other artworks. "Hey, you," (Y/n) turned to see Janis and Damian riding in on a scooter. A laugh bubbled through her chest as she looked over at them with her brows raised. "Like our sweet ride?" Janis questioned as Damian went up the ramp to make his way over to them. Janis got off, wrapping her arms around (Y/n) as Damian parked the scooter by the bike rack, and put a bike security chain on it to make sure no one drove away with it.

"I love it," (Y/n) chuckled, allowing her arms to envelope Janis, too with a smile. Their cheeks were both burning, but neither broke the hug. "I definitely wasn't expecting it. I thought Damian would be coming in a car with the bass-boosting Nicki Minaj or Beyonce."

Damian gasped, pleased by how well (Y/n) knew him. "You know me too well." He wiped a fake tear away as he approached the two with a grin. He didn't want to interrupt their moment, but it was cold outside and he was ready to see the works that they had been talking up so much (even though neither one of them had seen it yet. "Let's go, lesbian, let's go." He gently gestured for them to go inside, causing them to hesitantly spill up and head inside as they headed for the North Shore High table.

On one side of the table was a group portrait of Cady, Damian, (Y/n), and Janis. "Wow, Janis," (Y/n) grinned widely. "This is freaking incredible." She had to resist her fingers tracing the string that was stitched into the canvas, over Janis's broad brushstrokes. She was constantly amazed by Janis's works and talents. "You won first place!" (Y/n) pointed over at the ribbon. As she looked back at Janis, she noticed the girl wasn't paying attention. Instead, Janis's focus was on (Y/n)'s work.

Nerves exploded in (Y/n)'s chest as she hoped Janis liked it. It was a portrait of Janis with poetry placed around her in calligraphy. Her jaw was dropped as she looked over at (Y/n). Before (Y/n) could say anything, Janis kissed her deeply. Her eyes widened before she kissed back, her hands moving to the back of Janis's neck to pull her closer. Damian looked around for a brief moment before slipping away to give them privacy. "I've never been captured like that before," Janis spoke in a hushed tone, smiling at (Y/n).

"Well, I've been trying to figure out how to ask you on a date since the day I first talked to you. I figured this might be the best icebreaker." (Y/n) said, pressing soft kissing to Janis's cheek. Janis grinned at the action, biting her lip. "I wanted to paint you because nothing makes me feel more passionate than when I think of you. You've encouraged me to go after what I love in art and you've helped me grow. Not only as an artist but as a person." (Y/n) expressed, her fingers intertwining their fingers gently. She was thankful that Janis felt the same since she was nervous about how the art would be perceived.

"I love it," Janis's breath was absolutely taken away by the art and over the fact she kissed (Y/n). "And, I like you, too. I thought you were cool before we officially met. But your Brain of Fire art piece is what made me fall for you. You were so cool and outspoken. I really like that about you. I just really like you." Janis shared with a soft smile. (Y/n) grinned at this before kissing Janis again. Happiness swelled through the two, and the Art Expo around them seemed to fade as they stayed in each other's arms for a couple more long moments.

As (Y/n) pulled away, she kissed Janis's cheek gently. "My dad is going to be looking for me at some point. I should go find him. I'll pick you up at six on Saturday?" She waited a moment for Janis to nod. (Y/n) grinned widely before waving back at Janis. She couldn't believe that they had finally kissed. She couldn't wait for their date. Everything felt like it was finally falling into place in her life, and she felt excited and lucky to experience that with Janis.

A voice broke her from her thoughts, causing her to turn around. "(Y/n), wait," Janis called, holding the canvas with (Y/n)'s work. (Y/n)'s brows rose as she looked at Janis. "Don't forget your artwork." She said, passing the canvas over.

(Y/n) shook her head, pushing it back into Janis's hands gently. "It's for you, Janis Imi'ike." She teased out Janis's last name as she winked back at the girl. "I'll see you later, babe." And just like that, she left Janis there with her heart beating quickly and a stupid grin on her lips because she called her babe.

[i--see--everything]

Survival chances of every TMagP character

Sam: 23%

I don't think he's gonna die any time soon, it would be like at the end of the whole series or season two.

The show is having three seasons btw.

Both Sam and Alice are presented as the main characters, so at least one of them is gonna die, certainly, or maybe even both. I'm leaning a bit more on Sam. He has way less common sense that her, but he still has chances.

Alice: 56%

Again, either Sam or Alice is gonna die. I'm sure of it. But she has better chances than him.

What's also definitely going to happen is that Alice is gonna fall apart, complete mess of a person, her whole life is gonna be in pieces, the good old TMA character corruption.

Her character reminds me a lot of Tim, so I don't think so they would end the same way. With them dying tragically. Nah, Alice is probably gonna make it through and suffer a lot.

Gwen: 35%

Gwen is the kind of person that always thinks they know what's best for everyone, and I think that's gonna get her at the end. Like last episode when she brought Lady Mowbray to the OIAR.

I think she gonna get into a bad situation, assume she knows exactly what to do, ignore everyone, do whatever she wants and end up as a stain in the wall.

Or have someone else's killed that way.

Or maybe she'll make it, idk.

Colin: 45%

I think is too easy to think Colin gonna die.

My boy was already loosing it and hasn't been seen in several episodes. It's too obvious to assume he's dead.

But also I don't how he could end up no dead.

Celia: 68%

She seems to know what kind of story she's in and that gives her a mayor advantage over basically anyone. Celia has great probabilities of survival, but I also wouldn't put her above 70%.

Lena: 0%

She's too safe, she's the status quo, she cares about her employees. She's gonna get eaten by Bonzo.

Luke: 0%

He's gonna die and send Alice into a spiral.

He might be an External already

Bonzo, Needles, Lady Mowbray, basically any External: 1%

They are gonna get the Ceaseless Watcher treatment, or whatever this universe has in its place.

Or pull an Oliver Banks and survive by being too sexy, but unlikely.

Jack: ???

You guys think Rusty Quill would let Alexander J. Newall kill a baby?

[enjoythesilentworld]

Simon's Month - (Cat)Fish

day 19!! @youngroyals-events

Simon tries to convince a man on a dating app that, yes, that is his actual face in those pictures.

read below or on ao3 (T, 500)

You got a match! 

Wille liked your photo!

Wille sent a message!

_____________________

Wille: If you’re gonna use fake pictures you might as well make them believable…

Simon: im sorry what?

W: I’m just saying, it’s pretty obvious you’re a catfish. Those pictures are not real.

S: um yes they are? that's literally my face

W: Nice try! No one actually looks like that. Way too perfect.

S: is this some kind of weird pickup line because im not sure you’re executing it properly

W: No? What do you mean? Clearly those are photoshopped or something. Who has skin that smooth looking? Or eyes that beautiful shade of brown?

S: literally i do

W: Seriously, where did you find these? Did you edit them yourself?

S: did you get dropped on your head as a child or something

W: … I mean, probably. But that doesn’t matter here. I know an edit when I see one.

S: clearly you dont because that is my face thank you for the compliment, i guess???

W: You’re welcome for complimenting your editing skills. But I still don’t believe you.

S: ok now im convinced this is some weird plot toget me to send like nudes or something

W: Oh my gosh, no! I’m not even on here for that! I’m too much of a romantic for hook-ups. We’d have to go on at least a few dates first.  And I would only ever ask if I knew you wanted to.  To send pictures.  Naked ones. And only you felt safe doing so. But I think in person is better anyway.

S: okay…

W: Sorry if that was weird. I keep staring at the pictures and they’re making it hard for my brain to work.

S: hard huh?

W: Ha. Ha.

S: i guess that’s kinda sweet i’m not much into hook-ups either

W: Oh. That's cool. But, seriously, where did you find these pictures?

S: i remind you. that is me im starting to question your sanity Wille

W: Sure, Simon. You just walk around like that all day and somehow you’re still single and on a dating app. Sure, very believable, *catfish*! 

S: omfg i do have pet fish but im not a catfish you're one to talk no ones hair is that color also there is no way u have a perfect little freckle on ur top lip or do you put that there with makeup

W: What?? Me?? No, it’s not makeup! I am just Swedish! I get freckles in the sun!

S: suuuure

W: Don’t turn this around on me, Simon.  Except, wait, do you really have pet fish?

S: yes, i do

W: Can I see them? 

S: [Image attached]

W: Beautiful!  What are their names? 

S: idk if i can trust you with their names you think i’m a liar

W: :( Simon

S: :( Wille

W:

You can trust me.  It’s justified, I think, that I don’t believe you.

S: [Image attached] literally me [Image attached] me with fish for proof i cant believe your awful rizz is working on me … Wille? here i’ll write out a little note for you so you know its actually me [Image attached]

W: ‘.,;-=p./ ?um I-m her e SOrry I was.. You are real? 

S: lol i am real

W: When are you free?

S: huh?

W: I would like to take you on a date, Simon To apologize for calling you a catfish But also because you are funny and pretty, and I need to see you in person just to be totally sure that you’re actually real. 

S: hm i guess i’d be okay with that i wanna know what that freckle on your lip tastes like

W: asdnasfwaogjfan

S: their names are oski, olle, and felle, btw are you free tonight?

[gatorbites-imagines]

Idk if you do poly requests but short!male reader who’s in a poly relationship with Alejandro and Rudy? Just general cute headcanons! Maybe some NSFW ones?

Alejandro Vargas x Rodolfo “Rudy” Parra x male reader

Headcanons

Alejandro and Rudy would have been dating each other for a while before they met you and fell in love with you. They’ve probably been together since they were teens, and didn’t expect to fall for someone else, but here they are.

Alejandro would be more verbal and obvious about his attraction, where Rudy would show is more through actions and quality time.

Alejandro is the biggest kisser out of all of you, he cant start his day without a kiss from you both, and he always tries to deepen the kisses into something more. It leads you guys to always running late cuz Ale wants to keep kissing.

Rudy is the cuddler, and sleep in the middle of the other two during the night. He likes to feel you guys on either side of him just surrounding him, it makes him feel safe and loved. It doesnt matter you are shorter than him.

All three of you share clothes, there’s no way around it when you are all hanging on each other the way you are. No one really questions it either, when you are wearing Rudy’s hoodie, or Alejandro is wearing your favorite overzied shirt. Though you dont have a lot of clothes they can wear because of the height difference.

Rudy is the main cook in the relationship, he grew up with just his mom so he’s come to appreciate the gesture of cooking for those he loves. He lets you two help if you want too though.

Speaking of families, their families love you. Rudy only has his mom, but Alejandro comes from a huge family with multiple siblings and many aunts and uncles who have their own kids. They adore you because you make the boys happy.

If you are in contact with your family and get along with them, Rudy and Alejandro never show up empty handed when you go over for dinner. Be it wine, some food, or flowers, they always got something.

Rudy will hold yours or Alejandro’s hand at time when he needs to be grounded during missions or just during way. Alejandro has a similar thing where he needs to touch you both post missions, even if its just your knee touching so he knows your both there.

All three of you sneak off to give each other kisses and hugs during the day when you feel the need to recharge or just need a break.

You are all protective of each other, and would die for one another. Its lead to some issues during missions because you’ll all run off to keep the others safe, sometimes leaving behind the target or information you were there for.

Rudy is the designated driver, he’s just better behind the wheel than you and Alejandro. Though it shakes you both each time when Rudy gets periods of road rage if he’s driving behind someone whos’ going extremely slow or the likes.

Switches, the lot of ya. Everyone is up for bottoming or topping, everyone likes taking and receiving. Alejandro prefers to be bent over a table or couch, or being taken in doggystyle. Rudy likes to do it missionary or cowgirl so he can look at the face of whoever he is with.

Alejandro has the dirtiest mouth known to man, he will be talking almost the entire time unless you shut him up somehow. Rudy is the opposite that he doesn’t say much, and doesn’t make an insane amount of noise, mainly groans and tiny moans.

Rudy enjoys going down on his partners, and could spend hours down there between yours or Alejandro’s legs, there has been times where he’s sat warming you in his mouth for hours as you work.

Alejandro is a little more fast paced and likes the passion of it. He will always want you or Rudy to cum inside and plug him up so he can feel it for the rest of the day. Rudy has a similar thing where he likes to wear a plug even if there’s nothing inside him.

Rudy has a sensitive chest, which you and Alejandro always use against him. But Rudy can get back at Alejandro because the inside of his thighs are sensitive too. Because of this they are always covered in bites and hickeys.

The aftercare from these two are next level, warm baths, your favorite drinks and snacks, massages, being wrapped in your favorite blankets and watching a movie you all like. They’ll treat you like a king, always, no matter the situation, so you always make sure to return the sentiment.

[akiranzee]

Akaza, kokushibo and Muzan with a racecar driver! reader? Yes, its a dangerous sport but reader knows what they are doing and knows how to get out of situations like that. maybe reader shows their scars from previous accidents they were involved in that that taught them how to do better?

🏎️ • ° ` — “SCARS”

-> PAIRINGS: akaza, kokushibo, muzan kibutsuji x gn!racecar driver!y/n (separated) -> SUMMARY: You show them the “ugliest” parts of your body. -> WORD COUNT: 1.1k+ -> CONTAINS: fluff, little angst, comfort, reader treats scars as ugly (kokushibo’s part), cringe warning? (muzan’s part), ex problems (kokushibo’s part), akaza is an MMA fighter, suggestive, swearing, akaza is insecure, scar kink (muzan), & akaza, kokushibo, and muzan is 30, while reader is 26. -> A/N: modern au!! IDK MUCH ABT RACECAR DRIVING, BUT I TRIED😭. (i think i went too far degrading u guys)

-------------Loading…------------

------------Complete!------------

★ • ° ` — AKAZA:

The night was cold enough to say that you felt like you were naked, standing in the middle of the snow when you literally had a jacket embracing your figure.

Today’s event to say the least, was exhausting. Especially when your lover, Akaza, swore that he’d watch today’s race, but he didn’t come due to an emergency.

Speaking of which, as you looked up from your phone, your eyes adjusting at the dim surrounding for a minute, before finally seeing Akaza in his black car, smiling at you and eyes that literally said “sorry”.

You sighed in relief as the cold night is about to end once you’ve step foot into his car, the warmness will now embrace you.

“Sorry, I wasn’t able to watch today’s race. How’d it go? Did my darling ace it again?” He softly chuckled as he patted your head, whilst starting to rev up the car.

“Mm. I did. It was exhausting. How about you? What happened?” You asked back, as you placed your hand on his thigh.

“Eh, nothing. Just the boss telling me I needed to go to USA for another match.” Akaza answered nonchalantly.

“Wha- you’ll go...?” The worry and sadness in your eyes was visible enough for Akaza’s nonchalant face turn into something of a frown.

“Of course not. I declined the offer. I’m never leaving you, ever.” Your sadness immediately faded, as happiness filled your face that made Akaza chuckle of how obvious it is.

“But... won’t it affect your career? I mean — MMA fighters from USA are usually big shots nowadays..” Your concern comes back again, hesitation filling your mind completely, afraid he might change his mind.

“I’m a big shot myself. Besides, if they’re that desperate, they’d be more than willing to get over here.” It only made you chuckle, remembering just how stubborn your beloved could be.

~~~~~

Reaching your home, you and Akaza shared dinner, bath, and a bed.

This whole month was a busy month, so you guys never get to have the time to do it.. But, that doesn’t stop you.

“‘Kaza, um.. it’s been long, you know... that we uh.. did it..” You fiddled and intertwined your fingers with redness that showed your embarrassment.

Akaza, too, figured it out naturally, his cheeks tinged with light pink too. Akaza wanted too, but he remembers; a scar that lays flat on his abdomen.

It was a newly wound he got a week ago, during training. It was safe to atleast say; that he was embarrassed and ashamed of it.

He is a big shot MMA fighter, after all. He is a veteran and a pro in this field of sports. So, having to just such a mistake slip that easily is just beyond failure.

You could see the hesitation in his eyes, perhaps you thought he was getting a little shy about it as for how long you guys couldn’t do it.

So, you initiated the first move: you climbed up the bed, and took his shirt off. It caught him off guard, but he stopped you midway. But it was too late. You had already seen the scar lying atop his abdomen.

Akaza felt ashamed, wanting the bed to swallow him up. But in the middle of it all, your finger that traced his scar smoothly... made him think otherwise.

“Akaza... are you... ashamed of this?” The ticklish feeling of having your finger run over his scar multiple times comforted him.

He nodded shyly, not expecting this to happen. What he did not expect more, was how many scars you gained over the lapse of one month, as you undressed in front of him.

His eyes widened, as there were no scars before on your chest, stomach, and waist.

“I’ve also gained a lot of them.. hehe.” You smiled sheepishly, embarrassed, but at the same time, proud at the result of all your hardworks.

Akaza too, traced the outline of your scars. They were bigger than his. He looked at you with curiousity in his eyes, why would someone as good and best as you have this much scars.

“I may be good and all but... I’m still improving. It hurts, but these scars remind me of my journey of being here now. After all, without these, and you, I wouldn‘t be here and win today’s race.” Slowly, your arms snaked and wrapped around his neck, the so little space between the both of you was tempting to not close it in.

Maybe, having a scar wasn’t so bad at all. Especially when you both are matching with one of your scars laying atop your abdomen too.

“So... shall we continue now?”

★ • ° ` — KOKUSHIBO:

As the crowd went wild and cheered, you stood outside your car and waved at the people who love you so much.

As you were waving, you looked amongst the crowd and immediately found a certain black-haired color male with red tips. A smile crept up to your face, and your fans’ screams got louder and louder.

~~~~~

As you were in the locker room, you changed your clothes in front of the mirror. Upon taking off your top, you stopped midway as you just remembered how ugly your body looked.

You turned your back against the mirror, and immediately took off your bottom too.

You could never look at yourself the same way ever again, even after that accident. The scars on your back and stomach, served only as a failure. You’re the best, the top of all racers in the world. How can you allow a failure such as this...?

It’s beyond helping. Your body looked rotten from top to bottom. What would your fans think if they saw you like this? Would they cheer the same way as they did a while ago? Or would they change and look at you with disgust?

The slow forming pain on the tip of your finger as you traced the innumerable scars on your body, made you scrunch in disgust. What if Kokushibo were to see this? How would he react? After all, the both of you’ve ever only done it with lights off, as you feared he’d see this madness. What if he found out this was the main reason why? Would he still love you as he always did? Or would he turn his back around as your past lovers did?

It scares you to the brim that you’d be willing to plastic surgery every single inch of you. Maybe those ghastly, scary thoughts would fade — and he’d continue loving you, right? You’d be able to do it with the lights on, you’d finally get to take the shower together, or bathe at the beach freely with a bikini. Yes, that’s right. You have enough money for plastic surgery, you’ll only need to find a good surgeon, and you’ll no longer feel this way, right? Yes, you should-

“What’s taking you so long?” Your desperate thoughts were cut off, as you heard a voice. The voice you wish was never there.

Immediately, you turned around, facing the man you love, and feared. God, fuck. Why now? Why did he need to come in now? Talk about bad timing, he was looking at your body, your rotten scarred body.

Immediately, you turned your back on him, and covered your hideous body, causing you to face the mirror instead. “W-What are you doing here...?” The fear has started, it‘s starting to eat you up so badly, that you stuttered with nervousness, and shook in fear. He was not supposed to see you like this, god. Did you even lock the door? How could you forget? Anyone — not just Kokushibo, but anyone can come inside and see your hideous body, with the face of digust.

Kokushibo notices, maybe he even knows — that you’ve always feared this day to come. But does he even care? No. He doesn’t.

His keen, observant eyes have seen the fear everytime you look at him when you’re doing “it”. Everytime you do it, you always prefer to turn the lights off. Yet you feared brownouts or blackouts, as the darkness that lurks gives you nightmares.

He wraps his arms behind you, covering the scars on your body.

It took you aback, but the man had always loved you for who you might be, and who you were gonna be.

Your eyes watered. Then tears started to spill from your eyes. You were ashamed, and embarrassed.

How could you ever think of him like that?

That’s right... Kokushibo was never one to prefer looks over personality. He had always preferred you, no matter who you might be. No matter how rotten your body is, how scars covered all the inches of your body, and how you might change because of it.

But he never mind, because as long as it was still you, he would still be him, the one who loves you so much.

Kokushibo was never good with his words, so he’d shown it through his actions.

That night, the both of you didn’t sleep, as he had proved just how much he loved you, now with the lights on.

★ • ° ` — MUZAN:

You: 1 attachment sent You: muzieee i got a new scar😭😭👊👊 Zanzan: What happened? You: i accidentally fell off my bike😐😐 Zanzan: Bike? You: im trying biking, since DOUMA HERE WONT BELIEVE IK HOW TO DRIVE BUT NOT BIKE🤬🤬🤬 You: 1 attachment sent You: see that big ass scar? You: YEAHH THATS HIS FAULT Zanzan: Well Zanzan: That’s hot You: MUZAN WTF🤬🤬🤬

Muzan was your beloved, he was a businessman as well as a politician. His busy day and self could barely give you enough time in person. But he never fails to answer your messages in less than one second, even if he is a busy man.

For some reason, Muzan always adored and loved your scars, even if they looked horrid.

Last time you remembered, you look at your scars as a remembrance of failure and shortcomings. But thanks to him, pleasuring you every night he comes home, along with him pressing loving kisses against your scars, and him asking scar pictures of yours everytime he’s away.

That’s why, you could never look at your scars the same way again, for he loves them as much as he loves you, and as much as you love him.

a/n: i think i did muzan no justice here (his is WAY too short)

[generalpalacefishgoop]

You know the posts recently about bbh neg on twter, the timing of it with that going on, makes me want to hurl, they don't give a shit about "victims" or the real issues. They just want to dunk on the next cc they hate using the current "momentum".

You know what, I say let them go ahead and try to "cancel" Bad, really, go ahead. They're just regurgitating shit DSMP fans has said over the years again and again about Bad. Its fcking funny actually. Oh not forgetting they had to invent new ones or ones THAT THEIR FAVES HAVE DONE TOO BTW, to "cancel" Bad. To think I was looking forward to QSMP fans being "healthier" or "better" than DSMP ones, oh boy am I sorely disappointed.

Let them run their mouths about Bad. Cuz I'm 100% sure the CCs , QSMP admins, and Quackity give 0 shit about them. Etoiles knows and has already expressed how he knows that Bad is overly hated by the fandom and how he receives neg on the daily. Despite knowing that, he's still cordial with Bad. And he even expressed how he tries to not be "angry" or "frustrated" at Bad or else the parasocial fucks will come running to "defend" him from "evil" BBH when he has said a million times over that its not a fcking big deal, and hes just expressing himself NOT IN A NEG WAY. but noooo parasocial fucks be like "oh no my skunkrly wrunkly his feelings got hurt oh no" same shit with foolish fans. Fcking blind af. Esp the new ones who hasnt experienced the prank wars in dsmp. Fcking joyless fucks who cant handle a fcking block game that theyre not even playing. But thankfully, Etoiles stopped being so concerned, and well, yk with Foolish lmao same old same old.

(Disclaimer: SOME FANS NOT ALL, IM TALKING ABOUT THE TOXIC PARASOCIAL FUCKS, YES EVEN THE BIG ACCOUNTS ON TWITTER WITH THOUSANDS OF FOLLOWERS. You know who. Big numbers doesn't mean they're more RIGHT. A parasocial fuck is a parasocial fuck. Also, when I say parasocial, I mean the ones who are toxic and project themselves onto the CC. Being parasocial is fine, if it's the healthy kind, if you know what I mean)

I digress, there's no fcking unfollows or subtweets from CCs to Bad, unlike with D or F. In fact, some CCs and CLOSE FRIENDS of Bad's have always praised Bad and defended him TO THIS DAY. If that is not enough of an indication of how unproblematic he is, Idk what else to say. Just fuck off and live a life in constant misery and hatred ig. That's why don't respond to fucks like that. Just mute em. They can yap all they want but it means SHIT ALL if you don't see it. BBH's community is WAY WAY smaller than the whole fandom (and theres wayyy more toxic fucks) so bbhs community saying shit back to the toxic shits will also mean SHIT ALL. They CLEARLY don't watch Bad anyways so what's the point. Better way to deal with this shit is fight the misinformation, that's all. Spread more positivity and give ppl FULL context and CORRECT information. If you see some shit against Bad, report it and send it to whatever ban list qsmp uses. Send it to mods or something. Ik that Bagi's discord has something like that.

Oh but ppl be like /rp or /lh or "it's just my opinion", who gives a shit. Still report them. We're not dumb. The mods or whoever admins are not dumb. That negative toxic fuck smell on it, is fcking obvious enough.

STOP GIVING THEM ENGAGEMENTS. We can happily stay in each others bubbles without ever talking to each other, AND THAT IS FINE. Don't let the negative fucks in. Mute and report them, and I guarantee you, that fcking stranger on the Internet, you'll forget within DAYS. those fuckers won't even exist to you, vice versa.

THEIR WORDS HOLD NO POWER OVER YOU OR THE QSMP COMMUNITY. KEEP THE QSMP COMMUNITY HEALTY AND SAFE. Fuck them toxic shits.

[ayoharuko]

Genshin Impact Gf Headcanons

Hi there and welcome back :3

Hope u enjoy this one with our Inazuman girls!

Including: Raiden Ei, Yae Miko, Kamisato Ayaka, Naganohara Yoimiya, Kujou Sara & Sangonomiya Kokomi

REMINDER: These characters don't belong to me but to hoyoverse. As always this is all fictional work so pls try not to take things too serious :)

(Inazuma Girls)

~God of Eternity~ (Raiden Ei)

~Overprotective Girlfriend~

- With all the things Ei has lost...its obvious that she would be very overprotective of you..I mean..she knows how fragile humans are and how short their lifespans are..so..its better not to let you leave early....right?

- Expect the Raiden Shogun to sometimes follow you around, she's just worried ok!? With the Shogun’s eyes she can always see you...safe! So that’s what makes her mostly happy...is seeing you safe~

- She lets you in her Plane of Euthymia. Mostly makes it a more...pretty and peaceful place instead of scary...since she doesn't want you to be afraid whenever you want to visit her :)

- DON’T and I mean DON’T let her in the kitchen. She CAN’T COOK EVEN IF IT MEANS HER LIFES ON THE LINE. If you don’t wanna die of food poisoning...just cook something for her instead and make her STAY AWAY from the kitchen.

- If you know how to bake. Then she demands sweets from you EVERYDAY. Their just soo gooddd how can she resist them? and no need to worry about cavities she can just replace her teeth right?

- She’ll give you Japanese nicknames because she wants to :3

- Yae Miko would often tease you both(mostly you lol), but despite all that teasing...she is truly very happy that Ei found someone like you<3

- Ei will let you mess and style her hair, like it doesn't matter what she just wants you to touch her hair honestly...your touch is just soo smoothing and gentle that she just wants to lay on your lap while you stroke her hair... *sigh* she could stay like that for an eternity.

- Makoto and her friends would've liked you...she just knows it.

- Overall she is an overprotective yet sweet and very caring girlfriend but not really wife material hehe~

Nicknames: Daarin(darling), hanii(honey) and my world

Voice line about you: ‘’What brings you here traveler? Here for another fight perhaps? Haha..I'm joking, Hm? for me? ah! daarin send you to bring these dango’s to me? How lovely of them..hm. Now, I must ask you to leave traveler. Why? well its because I have...business to do!’’

When she talks to you: ‘’Hanii...i..I'm very sorry~ I know..you had told me that you don't like it when the Shogun follows you around but...what if you get attacked!? My world....I'm just worried about your safety...I can’t lose you after all...’’

~Sly Fox Lady~ (Yae Miko) 

~Flirty/Teasing Girlfriend~

-The most slyest fox lady of all, she has no mercy and will leave you a blushing, stuttering mess just for her entertainment, What a bully >:0

- But don't worry there are sometimes where she isn't constantly bullying you and on those times she just coos over you~, by that I mean treat you like your a baby lol

- She has definitely make a novel about you, no doubt about it. Its painfully obvious who the novel was for LMAO

- You’re the only one (and Ei) that has FULL PERMISSION to pet/rub her ears and tail, as well as her true form!

- In her true form she loves to be on your lap being petted by you, its very relaxing for little foxy yae~

- She also loves her belly being rubbed BUT SHE DOESN'T TELL YOU THAT.

- She actually has no shame in flirting with you in public. Your reactions are everything to her, It just cures her boredom :)

- Just like a fox, she tends to be very possessive at times and a little too...insensitive.

- She scents you by always hugging you, and she marks you by sometimes biting you randomly-

- I feel like she would gift you flowers from time to time...idk why :0

- She doesn't hesitate to defend you from things that may harm you, and she also doesn't hesitate to threaten and humiliate a person if they say something rude or mean to you. Weather its in front of you or behind your back, no one is gonna talk about her mate like that.

- She knows that she's insufferable sometimes buttt she gave her heart to you after all...so a little flirting and teasing in your relationship doesn't hurt anyone...right?

Nicknames: Little one, love, honey, darling, my mate and my rose 

Voice line about you: ‘’Hmm? You wish to know about my dear mate y/n? Hahaha..too bad~ I won't tell you hehehe~’’

When she talks to you: ‘’Honeyyy?, darling? *sighs* your still mad at me? alright alright...I apologize~ I won't do that again my rose, forgive me? please?’’

~Elegant Beauty~ (Kamisato Ayaka)

~Shy Girlfriend~

- SHES SUCH A CUTIE OMG *ahem* *ahem* I mean..she is very shy when it comes to your relationship!

- She blushes easily and stutters abut whenever you do something to fluster her -//-

- She knows she has to keep her elegant lady exterior in front of you but...why do you to be so gosh darn awesome? -////-

- One of the things you guys do whenever y'all spend time together is either spar or. she’ll teach you how to dance! She would guild you the steps and its just so romantic! <3

- Now...her brother Ayato, .he...doesn't mind you but was weary of you at first, but as soon as he saw how happy his sister was with you and how you loved her he...approved of you!

- Thoma also approves of you! He can't help but squeal whenever he sees you and his lady doing something cute together! >-<

- Since the is mostly inexperienced in being in a relationships she mostly relies on you to teach her how to do things, although the first time you guys cuddled together she couldn't look at you without a blush and lovestuck smile on her face~

- She loves gifting you flowers and some jewelry to show appreciation and love for you :)

- She sometimes gets nightmare about her parents and some other insecurities she has so please comfort her! Baby needs it :(

- Whenever her brother would ask when would she want to married and who? Her answer would be, ‘’Worry not brother, for I have found the person I would love to spend the rest of my life with’’

Nicknames: snowflake, my lover and love

Voice line about you: ‘’Traveler! May I ask you something? Ah yes...well..I was planning to surprise my lover y/n with some gifts, but...I don't know what I would love to gift them, so would you accompany me to the market?’’

When she talks to you: ‘’I a-apologize if sometimes I shy away from your affections....i...I'm just not used to it...but..I'll try my best!’’

~Queen of Summer~ (Naganohara Yoimiya)

~Sweetheart Girlfriend~

- The Queen of Summer and fireworks is the sweetest of them all! 

- She knows that life isn't sometimes that fun and great but...she really doesn't like it when your not happy or smiling! So..whenever you feel down...she’s your shoulders lean on and cry :)

- She takes you with her sometimes to test her fireworks, but obviously you have to stay a few meters away, she doesn't want you getting hurt now~

- Since fireworks are her passion and pride she would MELT if she notices you taking an interest in it, she just appreciates and loves you even more!

- Yoimiya would take you with her to entertain the kids of Narukami island because she thinks with you she because even more brighter and she thinks the kids love you more :3

- When the shrine held the test of courage test and you guys attended even when you were scared...she reassured you that she would protect and keep you all safe~

- Very affectionate, even in public, like she understands if you don't like PDA that much but she’ll still sneak in a few kisses and hand holding here and there.

- She sometimes would fungal over you lol, idk I just see that for yoimiya lol

- You’re the star that brightens her sunny day :3

Nicknames: My star, honey bun and cutie

Voice line about you: ‘’Have you heard about y/n traveler? Ah you have!? Yes I know! their the most coolest person I know kyaaaa~!’’

When she talks to you: ‘’honeyyy bunnn how would you love to be the first person..to see my new and improved firework that can make hearts!?’’

~Divine Priestess~ (Sangonomiya Kokomi)

~Caring Girlfriend~

- She cares for you like a delicate piece of coral~

- Since she's busy most of time...she really cherishes the time she gets with you..cause she knows that she could not come home to the comfort of your home for days or even weeks :(

- Kokomi HATES it when you get hurt...she personally heals you whenever you would get hurt..blood is normal for her but blood on you? Not normal...its horrible!

- She sometimes sends little water fishes to watch over you, usually its just there to keep you company, like a seelie almost :)

- She has insecurities and doubts about herself...not only that she also has lots of pressure...so in times where she's at that state please remind her that she's doing enough for everyone :)

- Kokomi knows how to make plans for future things about to come but...her journey with you is unpredictable, just like her love for you~

Nicknames: Dear, my coral and delicate flower

Voice line about you: ‘’Have you seen my s/o y/n? Ah..apologies traveler...last time they when on a tiny adventure without telling me they came back wounded and beaten...how reckless they truly are...’’

When she talks to you: ‘’My dear coral..please try to be careful next time..i...I cannot bear seeing you get hurt...’’

~Tengu Warrior~ (Kujou Sara)

~Protective Girlfriend~

- Sara is protective. But not that protective that its overwhelming! She's only protective when she knows you can't handle the situation~

- A simp. For you and for the Shogun...too shy to tell you obviously-

- When you guys are together she's like your personal bodyguard or something..always behind you..glaring at anyone who looks at you funny..being menacing and overall being scary....

- Sara doesn't like it whenever you go somewhere dangerous and alone...she knows you can protect yourself very well but...she can't help but still worry..

- Whenever your not looking at her she's looking at you. Why do you ask? Cause she thinks that you’re the most beautiful person ever....

- When danger is there she instinctively goes in front of you and holds an arm in front of you yelling to get behind her, she is not gonna let you get hurt.

- She teaches you how to use a bow :)

- Sara is loyal to you, maybe even more then she's loyal to the Shogun, so consider yourself lucky~

Nicknames: Idiot, dumbass, sweetheart and mine

Voice line about you: ‘’Y/n? Their a very admirable solider and good fighter as well as member in the Tenryu Commission. What? I am NOT having favoritism...just because their my lover!’’

When she talks to you: ‘’Idiot! What possessed you to fight fatui agents ALONE? I...was worried you know!’’

IM DONEEEE WITH INAZUMA GIRLS

I hope u guys liked this long post hehehe~

I’m free from exams and other stuff soo I can actually post more now! so stay tuned~

Anyways thanks for reading this far~!

requests and asks are still open :3

Reblogs and Feedback/Comments are always appreciated! :3

[goldenlol]

also this is sword anon again and honestly your cookie run art is partially why i wanna get back into it after a long time but i remember some drama circulating around that darkmilk has a significant age gap n stuff and in extension so does yammilk (ik your pinned post doesnt include them I just added that since that was part of the discussion) so whats your take on their age thing cuz idk what type of shipper you are lol

HII AGAIN LFMAOO BUT OKFG RLLYYY?? YAYYY

I don’t talk about milkyam cause I just don’t like the ship, or most of its shippers. I don’t like a lot of choco ships tbh..but all I will say, is milk would protect choco from yam BUT THATS IT. THATS ALL.

for me, I hc young prince as 15 and milk around the same age, idk maybe 13? I cant see how people think young prince choco was an adult...?? Yes she went out to find a sword by herself but I think she was only allowed that because she is a good fighter and can survive on her own, it’s obvious cacao had trust that choco will return safely.

She just looks tall or mature for her age ig?? I think it’s because how she was raised, never allowed to be a child and trained to be better but yea no, I fr can’t see her as an adult here

edit: I forgot to add but she still kind of had that “oblivious” mindset I guess? Believing she can save her kingdom and could change her fathers mind even tho he’s so stubborn and that mentality of being “a hero just like his father”, I’m sure thats associated w younger people because “ur just a child you don’t know any better”

after she comes back she sees what her father rlly is and basically calls him a coward. It’s fr someone maturing and seeing someone for what they rlly are, not blinded by the child mentality anymore and only seeing someone as perfect when they’re not at all (not saying cacao is a coward mb minty, but bro wasn’t the best father 🙏😔 I love cacao) but also choco is manipulated easily because of her weak mentality.. my girl.

I know a lot of people are iffy or just hate chocomilk and that’s alr ig but god pls enough w tagging the ship and making threads telling people to hate it.

I know someone whose too afraid to draw it because of what people say and I’m like !! I got you bro I’ll draw it for us!!

Also I don’t think devsis would even allow such a ship to exist if it was wrong?? (it’s funny cause they make art of it n even make captions like that one where choco and lico go to an amusement park together, w “don’t tell milk” )

also I just hate how mischaracterized milk is w choco... my god y’all are weird as fuck w him. Milk wouldn’t harass choco or stalk him pls stop that, it’s uncomfortable..

he respects his space and choco’s life. When he met choco in that cutscene, people took choco being “uncomfortable” around milk, he wasn’t? He was just shocked or just “?? Rlly??” Kind of reaction because this man hasn’t been told anything nice after he became “bad” or whatever, so having someone tell him that he was the reason they became stronger and “want to be just like him” is obviously shocking to her, she wouldn’t believe that she made someone life better because she thought she only hurt people and deserved to be hated and treated in any way.

Anyway yea, they def both met as teens, didn’t see eachother til adults and it’s obvious milk is in love w choco idc (me too bro)

this is long as fuck sorry but GOD I NEEDED TO SAY SHIT!!

Take the cute art tho I love them sm (I think choco just has the mentality that no one could love him after what he’s done so he doesn’t understand why milk faints all flustered n shit but the idea of her being oblivious is cute too 😭 fuck it shes both!!)

also what type of shipper I am?? Wym

[zen-the-dumb]

Hello! I'd like to put in a request, please. I love your writing!

Okay, so, could I please have (all these characters from mha) Tamaki, Kirishima, and Hawks (separately. And idk if you do multiple characters, if not, then just Kirishima, please.) With an s/o who wears glasses? Idk what the scenario could be, but like, maybe they lose them and can't see? I do that a lot lmao.

Thanks in advance!! Stay safe!

Hello anon. Yeah! Ill do Kiri first then Hawks and Tamaki. Great choices! Thank you for reading and im glad you like it!

Kirishima when his s/o loses their glasses.

You had lost your glasses earlier that morning. No matter how hard you searched for them, you couldnt find them anywhere in your dorm.

As the minutes of your searching ticked by, you began to panic. It was only ten minutes until you had to be in class and they were nowhere to be found.

Finally, you just picked up your phone and exited your room and out into the hallway.

Just as normal, Kirishima was waiting for you by the door out of the dorm building.

“Y/n? Where are your glasses?” Kiri asked almost as soon as he saw you.

You looked at him, though he looked more like a blob with red hair to you.

“They’re gone. Its okay though. Ill be fine. Its just for today” you responded.

“If you say so..” he said a bit nervously.

You made it to class safely and without incident. Kirishima left you after he walked you to class 1-B and headed toward class 1-A.

During class, you squinted to see the board. The math notes that Mr. Vlad King had written on the board were completely unintelligible without your glasses. You struggled to see and just jotted down the notes the best you could.

You sighed with relief when the lunch bell rang. You stood outside your class and waited for Kirishima. It took about five minutes before he came to get you for lunch.

You walked down the stone brick path outside while you searched for a place to sit.

“Y/n?” Kirishima questioned, turning his head to look at you from where he stood beside you.

“Yeah?” You responded as if nothing was wrong.

“Are you sure you’re okay without your glasses? You’re squinting a-lot, man” he asked you, clearly just concerned for your own well-being.

“Im fine!” you insisted again.

Not a few moments later, you tripped over a brick that had come out of the path a bit.

Kirishima frantically grabbed the back of your shirt to keep you from falling.

“Are you alright?!”

He pulled you back up and you regained your balance.

“We should go find your glasses. They’re in your dorm, right?” he seemed resolute.

“Yeah..” you flushed with embarrassment at your stupidity of tripping over such an obvious brick.

Kirishima took you by the hand and guided you back to your dorm. He opened the door and began asking you basic questions, like where did you last have them?

After about ten minutes of you both looking together Kirishima noticed how much of a mess your bed sheets were. He straightened them out and exclaimed.

“What?” you questioned his exclaimation.

Kirishima came back over to you without saying anything. He put your glasses back on your face for you.

Now that you could finally see, you saw that he was smiling and clearly very proud of himself for finding your glasses.

“Better?”

———————————————————————————————

I Hope you enjoyed.

*_Requests are open_*

[litmisfit]

— 𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙍𝙀 𝘿𝙄𝘿 𝙔𝙊𝙐𝙍 𝙎𝙋𝙄𝙉𝙀 𝙂𝙊? (𝙄 𝙆𝙉𝙊𝙒 𝙄’𝙑𝙀 𝙂𝙊𝙏 𝙉𝙊𝙉𝙀)

—.🌿. PAIRING. hwang hyunjin x f!reader

—.🌿. TW. cursing. violence. murder. death. blood and injury. gore. severe ptsd. heavy trauma. mental health issues. animal death. use of guns and knives. hint of suicide (hardly there tbh.) slight mentions of an afterlife? reader being a bit of a bitch but she’s just stressed tf out. arguing. just another heavy one.

—.🌿. GENRE. tlou!au. angst. slight fluff.

—.🌿. NOTES. this is the first one i’m rewriting from the works i made previously. i apologize for it not being the best, especially since the ending felt way too rushed but it is what it is. there's also a lot of going for the neck in this. idk why its just an easy part to strike ig. anyway, like i mentioned in my last fic, chan and minho are still roughly 10 years older than the rest for plot purposes. other than that, i hope you enjoy!! :))

—THE SOUND OF waves echoed off concrete. the water violent as its tune bounced around the empty parking garage, leaving a faint twang of salt in the air. it masked the scent of rain. the familiar musk of wet dirt and stone was nowhere to be found.

y/n’s hands shook slightly, gun weighing a thousand times more than normal. her grasp was tight and left little imprinted diamonds on her skin. it matched the grip of her weapon, fingers growing antsy and nervous for the trigger.

she stared off into the distance. she noted how the rough tides and the murky grey of the overhead storm blended together, the occasional flash of lightning brightening the bleak clouds. she swallowed thickly.

“our best bet is to be sneaky.” she heard han state from behind her, her back facing the group as they planned for their next course of action. “we don’t know who could be in there. we don’t know how many there are and we don’t know where they could be hiding. we can’t go in there looking for a fight we aren’t ready for.”

y/n felt several pairs of eyes burn her back. it was obvious who han was talking about, making her grit her teeth.

“as of right now, chan’s our main priority. we know he knows abby is held up here," he pointed towards the red 'x' crossing over the birdseye image of the seattle seafront aquarium. "so it’s safe to assume he’s headed that way if he’s not there already.” he motioned to the markers of interstate numbers, flattening the paper out slightly over the hood of an abandoned car. “going along highway 80, if we stick to that route, it’s a straight shot there. we could make it in a few hours max. at least by sundown.”

“what about boat?”

the voice of y/n caused the group to peer up, surprised by her voice after being silent for so long. she turned around and crossed her arms over her damp raincoat.

changbin’s brows furrowed. “what do you mean?”

“the water.” she gestured out. “it's the quickest between the two. if we find one by the coastline, we could make it there and back by dusk.” she shrugged. “besides if we’re trying to be sneaky, it’s a lot better this way. we can come from behind. they won’t expect that. and with the highway, we’re out in the open and completely vulnerable. it’ll blow our cover."

han frowned and looked out past her, eyeing the angry sea. he glanced back and solemnly shook his head. “i’m sorry, y/n. it’s too risky, especially with this storm coming in. we could be thrown overboard and we’d be fucked then. besides, i.n. and felix can’t swim. it’s too dangerous.”

“then i can go.” she stepped forward. “it’s better than gambling all our lives.”

“absolutely not.” felix cut in.

“i’ll be fine. come on, hyunjin,” she peered over at her boyfriend. he looked at her and gnawed on the skin of his lip. his face was twisted in a mix of disapproval and unease. “you agree with me, right?”

he sucked in a breath and swallowed. “i’m sorry, but han’s right. it’d be reckless.”

a humorless laugh sent shivers down the group’s spine. “you fucking serious?” the bitter smile she had flipped into a scowl, hues aflame with a sense of betrayal. “abby could be over there as we fucking speak!”

“and i understand that, but chan—“ han was instantly shut down.

a look sharper than any blade was pointed at him, to all of them. “don’t you fucking dare.” she growled, tone dripping with venom. “don't you dare say you understand because you don’t. none of you do.” their backs stiffened when they met her gaze. “you weren't there! you didn’t see what she did to him! what they all did! you didn’t see the way they beat him until he couldn’t get up, or move, or to EVEN FUCKING SPEAK! his knee was literally blown out and they just kept beating him over and over and over until the only thing left of his head was goddamn brain matter!” her chest heaved with staggered breaths. cheeks flushed red and eyes wild, she continued ripping into these boys. “and you didn’t see him die. you weren’t pinned down. you weren’t kicking, or screaming, or crying, or fighting as they beat his head in with a fucking golf club! you didn’t see the way it broke through his fucking skull and you didn’t see the way he just laid there and accepted what was going to happen! so don't say you understand because you fucking don’t!”

a beat passed by, no one willing to make a sound.

y/n exhaled after a moment. “i’m not trying to play the ‘my trauma’s worse than yours’ game. i know you all lost someone important to you as well, but this is the best chance we got.”

silence.

“so, i’m going after abby.” she said, meeting each of their eyes. “whether or not you do, that’s your choice. but don’t you forbid me of mine.”

"y/n-" she heard felix start, but turned, not giving him time to voice his concerns. she hurried for the exit, ignoring the quick flash of lightning illuminating the wet streets and the roll of thunder that followed.

she refused to acknowledge the distant shouts of her name when she met the chill of icy rain against her skin.

yet, just as she was starting toward the coast, a soft hand caught her shoulder. she was turned and met the eyes of hyunjin. they flooded with a sense of panic and heartbreak, making the anger she still held onto extinguish instantly.

"y/n," he shook his head. "love, please don't do this." he begged.

y/n sighed, licking her chapped lips. "i can't." her voice was soft, carrying a faint twist of desperation that nearly got lost in a passing wind. "i can't, hyunjin. you know this. i need to find her."

"and we will. we will and we'll make sure abby pays for what she and the rest of her friends did." he reassured. "but you can't go this alone. it'd be careless."

"i don't care." she was quick with her words and the tone she spoke it with made his chest tighten.

his brows furrowed. "but, i do." he watched her jaw clench. "please. we- we can find a boat or another way or just something-"

"and have the possibility of letting her get away?" y/n exasperated. "fat fucking chance."

he let out a shaky exhale. "then i'm coming with you." he spoke.

he watched her eyes harden, pretty e/c hues he's grown to love so much fall a few shades darker.

"no you're not." she frowned, feeling the stray droplets of rain trail down her damp skin. "you're not. you're staying here where it's safe."

"i'm not letting you go alone. i can't and i won't-"

"i'm not gonna risk you getting killed, especially since we don't know what we're walking into." y/n jumped in, watching the pain in hyunjin's face morph into desperation. "don't fight me on this."

"and you expect me to just let you walk straight into your grave?" he exasperated, brows pulled up in bewilderment. "you said it yourself, we don't know what's waiting for us and that includes you." he points towards her. "and you think you basically sacrificing yourself is gonna do anything except just cause more bloodshed? you bursting in there ready to kill anything on impulse will not only get you killed but could get the rest of us, too. it's selfish and careless and would lead to minho's death to be for nothing. so stop acting like you're the only one dealing with problems and think about how your selfishness will affect us, especially since you can't seem to get your goddamn emotions under control."

with each word slipping past hyunjin's lips, the more y/n's face would fall. a frown was painted on her features, cheeks flushed from the cold rain and the embarrassment of being called out by the person she loves most in the world. what he said stung and bled and made the ache that was always present in her chest grow until it nearly hurt to breathe.

her eyes fluttered at him, lashes forcing her tears in place. no, she will not cry. not now. not until her job is done.

her jaw clenched and dug her nails into the palm of her hand. "then go back to jackson." she growled, using a tone that made hyunjin's face drop. "if you're so worried about you or the rest of the guys dying, then go back home. i've said it before and i'll say it again: i'm going after abby whether you like it or not, whether you join me or not. i don't care what happens or if i die because i'm not letting that bitch get by with what she's done. i'll do whatever it takes. so since i'm selfish, go back home."

he shook his head, feeling a surge of regret pool in his stomach. "no, y/n, i-i di-"

"i said to go back home, hyunjin. take the guys and go home. i'm not fucking asking." she snapped.

"b-but-"

"go hyunjin!" she barked, watching him wince from the anger he saw boiling in her voice. "fucking leave!"

she saw him take a half step back, ignoring the pain that flashed in his eyes from the strike of nearby lightning. she bit the inside of her cheek, the familiar twinge of metal seeping to her tongue that gave her a sick sense of comfort, but held her ground.

she smothered the guilt boiling in her gut from the sight of hyunjin's eyes glistening with tears with the rage pumping in her veins. so, she turned, not giving the man who held her heart in his hands a spare glance as she headed deeper into the abandoned city.

hyunjin swallowed thickly and blinked, feeling a stray tear fall to blend with the rain soaking his skin. he stayed still with his feet made of lead and unable to move. he was left there, standing in the pouring rain in a wasteland of skyscrapers and ghosts as he watched the very woman he'd die for leave, not knowing if this was her last day.

he prayed to god it wasn't.

the ground shook under her boots. a roll of thunder roared overhead that was soon followed by a flash of light. it illuminated the maze of seattle. tall buildings were left bare and forgotten. ivy and moss clung to their walls, the planet slowly taking back what was once hers until it would crumble.

the rain continued on. it was heavy and cold, soaking y/n's clothes and chilling her to the core. she let out a breath. a small cloud slipped past her lips.

the way to the coastline wasn't eventful and y/n hoped it would stay that way. she avoided the open, sticking to the outskirts and backroads to the shore until she could feel the burn of salt in her nose.

angry waves lapped upon the sand, foaming at the teeth before pulling out only to do it once again. it was as if nature itself was begging for slaughter.

however, y/n wasn't focused on the anger the earth portrayed but was instead fixated on the pier standing strong against the brutal swings the water had to offer. the sight of a lonely motorboat was left tied to a pillar, rocking in solitude.

a surge of excitement made y/n's chest leap. it should be fairly simple from here on out: get the boat running, head to the aquarium, kill anything that gets between her and abby, and then abby herself. it was easy and an opening so perfect was placed right in front of her.

however, just as her boot sunk into the grit of sand, a mix of several voices approached. her breath hitched and cursed quietly to herself before darting behind a nearby bush.

their words were quiet at first, yet gained more clarity the closer they came. by their tones, y/n could deduce they were all men. the realization made another swear fall softly from her lips. she peeked around, making sure to keep her figure masked by leaves.

"i'm so fucking done with this job, man. next time issac wants someone to do his dirty work, imma tell him to shove it up his ass." she heard one say. he was blonde, y/n noted, rather average height and lean under the jacket he was wearing, one that matched the other two. they must be from the same community.

"can you stop fucking bitching for five goddamn minutes, rick? i'm tired of hearing you whine, makes me wanna shoot myself." the tallest of the group, brown hair and a scruffy beard, pressed. he used a hand to pinch his nose.

"piss off. like you weren't doing the same thing on the way here." the shortest detested, following the other two up the dock.

y/n could feel her jaw clench. they couldn't have that boat, not under her watch. she swallowed thickly before sneaking forward, remaining low to the ground and gun cocked.

the trio was too busy preparing for the trip back and bickering over how they weren't getting paid enough for such shitty jobs. this gave y/n an outlet to strike. before any of the men knew it, the tallest was forced down, taking a blow to the back of his right knee.

y/n's arm wrapped tight around his neck with the barrel of her glock pressed harshly to his temple. the man in her grasp shouted obscenities, causing the others to pull their own weapons.

"the boat," she said, nodding towards it. "i want the boat."

"drop it, kid." the blonde ordered. he had his own revolver pointed toward her. "don't be stupid."

"i want the boat." she ignored him. "i'm not fucking asking. give it to me and you'll live."

the other snickered, a smile reeking of smugness painted across his face. he dropped his gun. "bullshit." he sneered. the look in his eyes made y/n's jaw clench. "a fucking kid like you doesn't have the balls to-"

BANG!

his body fell back, a hole the size of a golf ball replacing the space of a left blue eye. y/n didn't blink when she pulled the trigger nor when the back spray of his death hit her skin.

"josh!" the man in her grasp screamed, watching his friend's body slide limply into the violent waters. a pool of red crept up and swallowed the fresh corpse.

the sight of their friend being gunned down sent the other two into overdrive. the man who struggled in y/n's hold was able to throw an elbow backward, having it meet her nose with a sickening crack. the force caused her to fall and land on her back, her bag barely doing much to cushion her.

she wheezed, feeling the wind knock out of her lungs and nose surely broken. "fuck," she forced out. blood seeped from her nostrils. crimson painted the skin of her lips and dyed the whites of her teeth, tastebuds filled with iron.

a cough racked her body just as her foot was caught. y/n's hues blew wide in panic, the guy who bashed her face pulled her towards him.

"you fucking bitch!" he cursed, yanking her up in a position much like the one he was in.

y/n kicked and swung and tried to wiggle her way out of his limbs. yet, it was bound to fail. compared to him, she was nothing more than the size of a child. the curve of his elbow came around and locked tight around her throat before squeezing.

y/n gasped. her airway was being cut off.

"imma fucking gut you! watch you bleed out!" the man growled in her ear.

black spots were beginning to cloud her vision. they faded in and out and picked up the faster she panted in fear. however, just as the darkness was going to take her completely, the sight of the man's other hand came into view.

she didn't think and instead bit down. she caught his thumb between her teeth and pulled, snapping through bone and pulling the meat until his finger separated from his body.

a cry of agony filled the air as she spat out the removed digit. she could feel the heat of his blood dribble down her chin. she hit the floor, palm coming around to soothe the pain in her neck with violent coughs racking her body.

"holy shit!" the blonde exclaimed, dumbfounded from watching his friend's hand get ripped into. she took his shock and used it against him, climbing to her feet and charging his way. she slammed into him and dug her shoulder into his gut, causing them both to fall and the revolver to fly from his hands.

she was quick when she pulled a switchblade from her pocket. she drove it down, slamming the knife deep into the flesh of his throat. she watched him gasp. his hands came up to wrap around hers, staring at her in a sense of fright.

he coughed, vermillion splattering across y/n's already stained face. "rot in hell." y/n spat and yanked out her weapon, only to drive it back down into his chest.

the blonde tried to cry out but had his voice lost in a gurgle. it was only seconds until y/n watched his eyes roll back before falling limp.

she stood and hurriedly grasped his forgotten gun. she walked towards the only other person left alive, watching him shake as he tried to stop the bleeding of his missing thumb.

she had it pointed at him, ready to pull the trigger until something caught her eye. she paused, feeling her heart skip at the sight of an all too familiar jacket.

the windbreaker he wore was dark. it wasn't anything fancy, yet sported a patch on the upper part of the right sleeve. an upside-down triangle was stitched into the material, a biting wolf staring back at her with the letters w.l.f sitting above it.

"wlf," y/n muttered. "you're a fucking wlf!"

the guy didn't respond.

"abby anderson." she stated. "where is she?"

“i-i don’t know,” he muttered

y/n snarled and drilled her switchblade into the meat of his thigh, causing him to scream out.

“where is she?” she repeated.

the man shook his head. his chest rose up and down at a rapid pace. "i-i don't know! we work in separate units! the-the last i heard about her was that she ran off! only a few people know where she went!”

y/n grit her teeth. “who?”

he shook his head, tears swelling in his eyes from the deep ache in his leg.

a twist of the knife ripped a cry of anguish from his throat. y/n’s grip tightened on the blade, turning it some more until he caved in.

“owen!” he shouted. “o-owen moore! that’s who she ran off after! m-maybe manny alvarez knows where she is, too!”

y/n’s darkened hues narrowed at the male whimpering by her hand. she made a mental note of the two names and stood, ripping her weapon from his skin.

another yelp as he reached for his wound, hand barely grazing the puncture before a shot rang out.

he fell back with wide eyes and unmoving limbs. a bullet hole was blown into his skull, splattering grey and red brain matter all over the sandy beach. y/n dropped her hand, revolver heavy in her grasp as she tucked it into her thigh holster.

“fucking cunts.” she hissed with a wince, a strike of pain shooting up her broken nose.

she left the fresh corpses to rot and lay forgotten. she grabbed the rope that had the boat tied in place and pulled out the knot and jumped into it.

it took a few tries for the motor to start, spurting before roaring to life. a small smile crept its way up to y/n’s lips, happy to note she was one step closer to her end goal. now situated and ready, she kept the same phrase echoing over and over in her mind.

i'm coming for you, abby.

as much as she hated to say it, han was right about one thing: the waters were deadly. the tides were vicious and craved death, nearly sending y/n over more times than she could count. the fact she was able to make it to her destination was due to pure determination, and if not determination, then by dumb luck.

she couldn't care either way honestly as she was finally here. she stood out in the open lobby. the walls were painted a brilliant blue, matching the colors of a nice spring day. abandoned stands were left forgotten. a snack bar, souvenirs, and an information desk remained a distant memory to those who lived before the outbreak decades ago.

little cartoon pictures of sea animals smiled at y/n the deeper she walked in. she recognized several of them from learning in school though much of her education was used to prepare the new generation for survival. the small fraction of science class she had helped her with identifying such creatures. she noted a mother otter, her baby much smaller laying on her belly. there was a dolphin, eyes unnaturally bright for an animal painted on dry wall. there were clams, jellyfish, and octopi hanging around. there was even a bronze statue of a sea lion balancing a ball on the tip of its nose.

what caught her eye the most was the giant blue whale sculpture that hung overhead. it was massive and hung by wires drilled into the tall ceiling. the sight made her frown.

everything left behind was covered in thick layers of dust. plants made it home, crawling up the walls and swung from the lonely creature strung high. the windows were foggy from dirt and the air held a staleness that could make a throat go dry in seconds.

once a vibrant place, loved by many and cherished deeply, turned into a graveyard of past memories. y/n grew up years after the outbreak began. this new wave of teens and kids much like her would never have the luxury of experiencing such excitement, not with the lurking shadow of death standing behind them.

she felt pity. pity for those like her and pity for those who weren't. the ones who never got too experience and the ones who had that were then forced to let it go. it was unfair to everyone.

y/n shook her head and wielded such a sad thought away. there's no point in grieving what wasn't hers to grieve. instead she headed for the stairs that lead to the upper floor. there was a tunnel when she reached the top. it was dim in the darkened building, yet had enough light provided by the empty tanks running along the sides.

she trekked through, eyes and ears open for threats that could be hidden. she noted how similar it was to a maze, hallways opening to offer another route of entertainment and ones that closed off, pushing an audience of excited children and cheerful parents to the next attraction.

she peered around in curiosity. she wondered what happened to the animals that were left when the staff disappeared. were they dead? probably. it was a disheartening answer, but one that rang true. it was much better than living during a time when the earth slowly began to kill off what was poisoning it and remained neglected and alone. that way whatever afterlife they go to, they'd be cared for the way they should've been.

the sudden sound of clicking pulled y/n out of mind. it was tapping against linoleum, like claws against the floor.

a blink of an eye and y/n felt herself be knocked back, a set of baring teeth snapping towards her. a large german shepard stood over her. it was large in size, sporting a black vest with the same patch as the men from the dock.

the dog must've picked up on her scent, deeming her an intruder. the ears were pinned back flat against its head and hues blown wide with anger from its territory being threatened. its nails dug into the material of y/n coat, piercing small holes into the sleeve of the arm she used to hold the canine off.

"fuck!" she cried, dodging the fangs that hungered for her blood. she panted for breath, anxiety filling her core as she tried to kick the dog back. no use, it'd jump back once again.

it barked and growled and echoed off the walls. she prayed no one around could her the commotion. it'd just blow her cover.

she was able to pull her blade from her pocket, sticking it there when she left for the aquarium back on the shore. she flipped it open before jamming the blade into the side of the snapping animal's neck. a yelp was heard before the force that was fighting back lightened. the dog slumped to the ground, a small pool of blood darkening it's caramel fur.

y/n gasped and sprung to her feet. she held her knife out fearful it would reanimate just to eat her alive once more.

her shaky palm lowered once she deemed it not a threat anymore. it laid lifeless, tongue flopping out the side of its jowl, and stared into the dark pool of nothing.

a pang of guilt twisted in her stomach only to squash it just as fast as it came. survival is all it boils down to, no matter the circumstance, and she hoped the dog's barking didn't challenge that.

thankfully, it seemed as if it didn't as the sound of muffled and distant voices became known. they sounded hushed and she couldn't make out what was said. so, she followed it. whether or not they knew she was there, it didn't stop her of what she came to do.

she followed the sound to two metal double doors. staff only, it said. y/n ignored it and slowly popped it open. she was sure to keep it quiet and softly shut it behind her. she could see two others in the room. they stood off in the middle and didn't seem to notice the girl who ducked down behind a nearby desk.

"people don't come back from that island." a woman spoke. she had short hair and tired eyes, staring at the dirty blonde man across from her with plea. her voice shook.

"how many times has abby risked her life for you?" he spit back.

a familiar name caught y/n's attention. she swallowed and reached to her thigh holster, pulling out her glock.

"she chose this. i'm not fucking going there."

"then don't!" the man barked. "go back."

a beat went by. y/n watched the female take a step back, a sense of betrayal written heavy on her tired features. then, she spoke. "fuck you, owen."

owen. owen moore. this must be the guy the wlf mentioned on the beach. the person abby went after.

the woman turned to leave, but stopped when she was met with a gun to the face. y/n stood, finger resting on the trigger.

"hands up." y/n ordered, tone strong. the two followed, showing her their palms. "where's abby?" she asked.

she noticed a small twitch in owen's hues. it screamed familiarity. "you're that girl from jackson." he remembered her. he remembered her screams and her cries. he burned her threats to memory as he watched, letting the anderson girl beat and kill one of the only people y/n considered family. the man who took her in and traveled across state lines to the fireflies. the man who was once cold but turned warm. the man who saved her life more time than she could count. the man she considered her brother, and owen let that happen.

y/n ignored his comment. "tell me where she went." she pressed.

"how do we know you won't kill us?" the woman questioned.

"give her what she wants and we're dead."

y/n shook her head at their claims. "you guys can survive this. i just need her."

"bullshit." owen snapped, face hardening.

y/n didn't answer but pulled out a folded paper from her back pocket, flipping it open. it was a map. "you." she pointed at the woman with her weapon. "come here."

she remained still.

"fucking get over here!" y/n snapped, feeling a sense of rage fill her bones from her instructions being ignored.

the stranger obeyed and took timid steps over. she kept her eye on the gun.

"point to where she is. and then you." she gestured towards the man. "it better fucking match up."

"okay," the lady breathed. her voice shook violently. her response made owen call out.

"what're you doing?!"

"she's probably dead anyway." she bit back.

owen shook his head and took steps over. "it isn't worth it-"

"stop." y/n stated. owen continued on.

"we can talk about--"

"back the fuck up!" y/n growled, nearly pulling the trigger. he froze in his tracks, having the barrel mere inches away from his face. she glanced back at the woman. "point to where she is." she ordered again.

no move. no sound. nothing. "i said fucking point!" y/n snapped, now aiming towards the woman.

as soon as she moved, owen dashed forward. he took her hand and tried to wiggle the weapon from her grasp. her grip was like iron from his prying fingers. y/n pulled back a fist and swung. she could feel her knuckles meet his nose with a force that cracked it. it was surely broken much like the state hers is in now.

as soon as he let go, y/n shot. a bang echoed off the bare walls and rang violently in her ears. she watched him fall to the floor with a bullet running though his stomach.

"owen!" the other cried. y/n turned just in time to catch a dagger coming her way. the two wrestled, y/n having her gun kicked away and now fighting against the blade inching towards her neck.

y/n could feel the woman twist her. her shoulder blades were slammed against a nearby desk, allowing the woman to use both hands for strength. y/n pressed back, keeping the sharp edge from slitting her throat.

y/n decided to swing her leg out and slam her knee into the stranger's side. the impact sent the woman falling, dropping her knife on the way down. now free, y/n was able to spring forward, stealing the blade from the lady's reach and slamming it deep into the side of her neck.

y/n jumped up and reached for her gun. her hands shook with the adrenaline pumping through her system, ready to shoot in case she moved once more.

a cough pulled her away. she peered over and noticed owen's injured frame on the floor. his grey shirt now stained a deep red. gore pooled down the sides of his mouth and dripped on the ground beneath them. he was gasping, yet each breath he took was harder than the next. it was as if he was choking on his own blood and y/n hoped he was.

she walked over to him and watched as he reached out, trying to speak through gurgles.

"tell me where abby is." she demanded, aiming down at him.

he choked, unable to form coherent words. "s-she..."

y/n's brows knit together in anger. she was getting nowhere. she kneeled down and jabbed the barrel of her pistol against his throat. "where the fuck is she?" she hissed through gritted teeth.

owen's voice struggled. through his attempt to talk, only one word managed to slip past his lips. a word that took the fire burning in her and turned it to ice.

her face fell instantly and stood, making her way over toward the dead woman's body. y/n flipped her over on her back before pulling at the buttons of the thick winter jacket she had on. her breath caught.

the hoodie she had on hid a baby bump.

the sight of it made her stop. her feet were weak under her and felt her legs slowly start to give in. a familiar sensation of tightness contracted in her chest. panic flooded over her, shaking hands aiding when he fell to her knees.

"fuck..." she whispered, staring at the corpse. "oh, fuck..."

the ache in her lungs only grew. it was as if she couldn't fill them up enough to breathe, much like a heavyweight sitting on top of her. she brought her palm up and pressed against her breastbone. the only sound she could hear was a shrill ring, masking the echo of her hyperventilation. oxygen felt limited as she tugged harshly at the neckline of her jacket, hoping it would help in some way. it didn't.

however, as soon as the burn of tears met her eyes, a call of her name pulled her back to the present.

she jumped up and aimed, ready for a fight. she paused slightly, meeting the faces of her friends. soaked and shaken, they were all there: changbin, felix, han, i.n., seungmin, hyunjin, and chan. changbin and han stepped forward, scouting the room for any hidden threats.

chan was the closest to her, hands held up to show no harm. his eyes were wide with shock. he looked the same way he did when he ran off, yet now sported a gnarly gash above his left brow. otherwise, he looked relatively fine.

"hey, hey..." chan eased, watching her drop her arm. she could see them sparing glances at the scene behind her, all caused by her hand.

the sight of hyunjin's face twisted when he noticed the pregnant lady. y/n saw him take a quick breath in. she noticed them all do that, han and changbin stopping in their tracks, and sharing glances with each other.

her hues fluttered and shook her head. " i..." she whispered, "i didn't know." she broke.

she felt his hand crawl up her arm and gave it a small squeeze. "it's alright." he reassured. "come on. we need to go."

he ushered her forward, noting how hyunjin jumped to her side. his hand fell to her lower back and helped guide her out. she struggled slightly against him. "i'm sorry."

"it's okay. you're okay." she could hear felix pipe in. she saw both him and i.n. take place behind her, shielding her view of the massacre she left behind.

she felt hyunjin's touch travel up to wrap around her shoulders and pulling her close. she kept muttering the same things over and over. i didn't know. i'm sorry.

hyunjin tilted his head down and spoke softly in her ear.

"it's okay, my love. we're here now."

her leg continued to bounce, the heel of her sneaker barely grazing the floor. she was bent over with her bloodied and bruised face in her equally damaged hands, careful of her broken nose. she kept her eyes screwed shut. she was hoping the darkness flooding her vision would mask the sight that never seemed to go away.

the bodies of owen and the pregnant woman were burnt into her mind. the realization she killed not only two, but three people earlier today.

she sucked a shaky breath in and held it for a moment before exhaling. it was the same exercises felix taught her and the ones hyunjin enforced when he noticed her begin to spiral. it wasn't working this time.

the picture of her boyfriend's face flickered through her thoughts. the shock falling over his pretty features, the heartbreak pooling in his irises, and the way he froze seeing the carnage y/n committed. they were all like that.

on the way back, no one spoke a word. it was silent between them and it felt too suffocating. no one had to say anything though. nothing said could've soothed the unease surrounding them. she could sense what they felt: uncertainty, pity, nervousness, and fear. perhaps because of what they now know what she's truly capable of. wreckage. slaughter. revenge. desperation.

whatever the cause, it still felt like fire on her skin. it crawled down her spine and burned. she prayed to whatever was out there that they weren't what she thought. that her friends, her family basically, weren't scared of her.

the sound of a door caused her to jump. she peered up from her spot on the chair and saw hyunjin enter the room; a bucket, cloth, and first aid kit in grasp.

he walked over to her and crouched down, placing his things on the floor. y/n swallowed. through the dim lights of the vanity next to her, she could see the wear and tear of hyunjin's form. his shoulders were slumped, palms scarred, and lip raw.

she waited for him to speak. he didn't. he only reached out and took her dirty hand in his, using the rag dipped in water to wipe away at the red staining her flesh.

he worked slowly. his touch was soft and gentle, hardly applying any pressure to her sore knuckles. he didn't make a move to look up at her and focused on his actions instead.

that was worse than being screamed at.

a pause went by.

"i know you're mad." she stated, tone frail. "just say what you want to say."

it took a moment for him to respond. "i'm not mad, y/n." he muttered.

her brows furrowed in confusion. "you should be."

he nodded. "i should be, but i'm not." he glanced up and met her gaze. his brown hues that were once bright now dulled and decorated with dark circles. he gave her a weak smile. "i'm just disappointed."

y/n frowned. that wasn't any better either.

"what you did was dangerous, you know that right?" he paused his movements. "it was careless and dumb, and i was terrified." his face twisted in an emotion y/n couldn't pinpoint. "i was so scared of what could've happened to you. when you left, i made the guys follow your tracks and came across bodies and i was so, so scared of one of them being you."

"i know." y/n whispered with guilt eating her soul.

"my heart bleeds for you constantly," he said. "every minute of every day and to see you be so..." he tried to find his words. "so stupid with your life breaks me. if you died, i don't know what i'd do or how i'd function. you mean way too much to me to let something like that happen." he breathed before a look of regret fell on his face.

y/n watched his tongue dart out to wet his chapped lips, blistered and scarred with teeth marks. "but i did."

y/n blinked at him. "what?" she asked in disbelief.

"i..." he struggled. "i drove you away." he swallowed. "when you wanted to go across the water... you were so fixated on doing it that way, so determined, and i was scared. i-i didn't want you to go. i didn't want you to get hurt... but you weren't listening to me, to any of us."

he sniffled slightly, feeling the tears burn in his waterline. he glanced down and willed them away with a shake of the head. "and i know how you are. as much as i love how stubborn you are, it can be so challenging to get you to see the other side sometimes. i knew there was no way around it and that you were gonna do what you wanted, so i wanted to follow. all it ended in was an argument with things i never should've said." he peered up at her. "minho meant everything to you. you were with him for so long traveling across the country. he saved you and you saved him on so many occasions. he was practically your brother. he was your entire world... until your fight. i-i don't know what was said or what really happened, but you weren't the same since then, since you started to ignore him. i saw the light in you basically disappear overnight and i haven't seen it again. and- and then abby... what she did, what you saw, i cannot fathom the things you feel. the pain, the guilt, the hatred, the rage..."

y/n sat still, jaw clenching with every word her boyfriend spoke.

"you say we lost someone important too which we have, but you..." he gave her hand a squeeze. "you lost everything that day." she squeezed back. "and for me to call you selfish and to say you don't have control over your emotions, it was a fucking dick move. all you wanted was to avenge minho and I used it against you and i am so, so sorry, y/n."

y/n didn't notice the dampness on her cheeks until she felt hyunjin's thumb wipe some away. she gulped. "i-i'm sorry, too. i was completely out of line and blinded with ignorance to see that you guys were just trying to help. that you were just trying to find a plan that was the safest and i threw a bitch fit about it. i can't apologize enough about how stupid i was being."

hyunjin let out a weak chuckle. "guess we're both just assholes then, yeah?"

y/n snickered softly, nose stuffy. "yeah. guess so."

she felt his hand come up to push her damp hair from her face, raking it back with calloused fingers. "i love you, you know that right?" he muttered gently.

"i love you, too." her voice was just as low.

he leaned in and placed a kiss on her lips. the taste of forgiveness was sweet on their tongues, pushing down the bitterness of anger. they both held onto it and drank it in. it soaked into their chest and wedged itself through their bones, making a perfect place home right next to their heart. through it, a silent promise was made.

where you go, i go. no matter where.

[joseopher]

Hadestown AU

GUYS I JUST FINISHED HADESTOWN AND I CAN'T STOP IMAGINING THE AFTG CHARACTERS IT SO HERE IS MY HADESTOWN/AFTG AU Kevin = Persephone

I mean this is obvious, isn't it???

Both Kevin and Persephone struggle with drinking problems

Both Kevin and Persephone value their freedom despite still mourning/caring for those who bind them

Both Kevin and Persephone are both girlbosses that allow nothing to stand in their way

Except when it comes to certain people they no longer stand up for themselves as they normally would (trauma likely but also sometimes care and compassion)

I love how Yes, Hades brings Persephone to the underworld too early BUT SHE LETS HIM (/affectionate)

His protectiveness over Jean mirrors Persephone's protectiveness over Eurydice and his admiration for Jeremy mirrors Persephone's admiration of Orpheus

Kevin in a dress

Andrew = Hades

I was debating on this one because Hades could easily be Riko but since my reading of Hades is sympathetic and more protective than controlling I felt Andrew was better

in this au it's less Andrew forcing Kevin to do anything than Kevin hiding and feeling safer with Andrew instead of fighting or dealing with his own issues

Andrew is enabling this behaviour by not allowing Kevin to leave his protection

It's not good for either of them and breeds resentment

Andrew has similar fears as Hades, that Kevin won't be safe outside Hadestown, that Kevin will leave him for someone that isn't damaged and cold, that Kevin deserves more than him

This leads to him always bringing Kevin back earlier no matter that he leads to a longer winter and hurts the mortals

While Kevin's gone he tries to make the underworld nicer for him (though he'd never admit it) but basically inventing capitalism like Hades does

He would never force someone into the underworld tho, always making deals so they DID agree to it even if it sucks

Eurydice = Jean

I mean do I have to explain this one???

Jean has seen how the world IS with all its cruelty and unfairness

HE IS NO STRANGER TO THE WORLD, NO STRANGER TO THE WIND

But when he meets Jeremy who sees the world for what it COULD BE: kind and fair, HE STARTS TO BELIEVE THAT DREAM TOO

He is a survivor and after learning not to give up on his life he will do anything it takes to survive

When he is left to die in a storm and meets Andrew, he finds he wants to live but is riddled with doubt and nihilism that Jeremy would look out for someone like him so he accepts his deal to join Hadestown despite knowing it means never seeing Jeremy again

He quickly changes his mind after discovering what life is like without literal and metaphorical sunlight

Orpheus = Jeremy

LITERALLY SUNLIGHT GUY

CAUSES SUNLIGHT WITH HIS AWESOME SINGING

Orpheus is poor like Eurydice but still believes in the goodness of the world, Jeremy still has trauma like Jean but still believes in the goodness of the world

literally "COME HOME WITH ME🤩☀️" "...who are you?🤨🐦‍⬛" "THE MAN WHO'S GONNA MARRY YOUUU😚☀️" coded fr

Through his song and hope, inspires Andrew and Kevin to fall in love again and the world comes back into tune😌

SPRING COMES AGAIN

Those are my main headcannons, idk about the rest of the cast though so if you have ideas lemme know!

[babiebom]

What Kind of ~dere the bachelorette's would be

A/N:it's the girl's turn<3333 it took me 5ever to finish this for some reason. I'm only writing it now because i'm watching doctor who and need 2 different kinds of stimulation and i have no snacks tbh(doctor who started buffering so now im watching the little mermaid Im not trying to give play by play of me writing this but Im so hyped rn and its 2 in the morning)

TW: maybe some spoilers, maybe some cursing, idk yet nothing that bad! There is some brief mention of childhood trauma and abuse on Penny's part but nothing graphic.

Genre: Headcanons

WC: about 10 bullet points per person

Abigail

Hiyakasudere

Penny

Described as light-hearted and flirtatious, often mischievous and playful on the outside and constantly teases their loved one as a sign of affection.

Would playfully bully you to try and make her crush on you not obvious

Makes it painfully obvious to everyone but you

"This sunset is cool but you know whats cooler?" "What?" "My sword collection"

Probably smacks you when laughing

Smacks you when you do something funny

Laughs extra loud

"Lmao I'll fight you idiot"

You two probably get in trouble to playing around in serious situations

Invites you to the mines with her

Or to the woods past the wizards tower

You two probably get into trouble together and think its funny that you were attacked by slimes

Does make fun of you even when you get together

"Ew you have a crush on me that's so embarrassing"

Undere

described as a "yes-man" to their loved one no matter what the consequences are their devotion doesn't allow them to betray their loved one easily and is an extension of the Goudere characterization.

OR

Leah

A Kekkondere

Which is described as some who believes in love at first sight and wants to get married right away. They have a deep desire to remain close to the person they meet for better or worse and this can sometimes evolve into them becoming a yandere type

So I could not choose which she fit more so I will try to fit everything within 20

I feel like due to her being a more submissive type in my mind that she would 100 percent be a yes man

Especially with a woman like Pam as her mother.

She has probably learned that disagreeing with her led to consequences that she does not enjoy.

So due to her childhood trauma she is more likely to just agree with whatever you say

And even if you try and get her to actually say her own opinion I don't think she fully grows out of it but it develops into a more shes a yes man because she feels safe.

Does not matter what will happen to her you are her main priority now so it is whatever you say goes because this is her fairy tale ending

On the other hand I think she is on par with us fanfic girlies on how delusional she is

Spends time constantly reading romance novels and imagining herself as the female love interest or heroine

So when she meets you and is immediately attracted to you

It turns into oh yeah this is love at first sight

This is meant to be because look at how i feel

This is like in the books I read

And she wants to get married very quickly

Brings it up maybe once at the beginning of your relationship

If you dont agree she doesnt say anything again

Just tries to manipulate you into marrying her quickly by doing wifey things

She will put it on you and make you wanna marry her

Will have you forever and ever just don't try to leave because she will enter yandere territory

Deredere(explained on Emily's part because I did hers first)

Honesty I thought none of these fit her thoroughly

Shes too....normal I guess?

At least to fit these categories

She's literally just an artsy girl i don't know

Like shes a creative but not delusional like Elliott so yandere is out of the question

Especially because her last relationship moved at a pace she disliked and was going to restrict her and what she wanted to do

So obviously shes not going to be the type of partner to hold you back in any aspect

But shes not going to let you run over her

Shes just a stable adult

Love that for her tbh

Could never be me where can I learn to become a Leah?

Emily

Deredere

Described as someone who is energetic, kind, and caring and while they show their affection to their loved one they can still hold normal relationships with others.

The sanest one here

Would not let herself get swept up in romance to the point of where its her whole life

There are other things she has to worry about

Like her sister, the wellbeing of all of her friends, being the chilliest woman on the planet

Emily tingz

Is the least likely to do something deranged because she knows that your relationship is stable and she doesn't need to do anything special

Because you love her for her and she loves you for you

Like yeah shes a weird(affectionate) person in general

But I also think she's the oldest out of the bachelorettes(hcs maybe?)

So she does have a clear head most of the time.

Amd she has probably been around and knows that she doesn't have to be crazy because trust is a good thing and luckily she has trust in you

Was probably insane in her younger years and its why shes chill now

Tbh overall a green flag

Maru

Hajidere

Haley

Described as someone shy and nervous around their crush and can socialize with anyone who is not them. Usually blushes or gets flustered at them making the first move

Gives me vibes like she will become super clumsy in front of you

And 100 times more socially awkward

Will stutter and trip over her words

Or drop things

Is the definition if the shy anime girl tbh

"O-oh Farmer! D-did you s-see that?"

I cringed writing that pls

Like it isn't very apparent in the game she just gives me these vibes

Especially because she does sort of go on about her sciencey stuff but i think that's just her being a nerd

I feel like she would be fine before she has a crush

But the second she realizes her feelings it becomes a problem

Obviously you notice but I think you would be too nice to say anything

Unless you're an Abigail type then ofcourse you say something

Becomes dumber the longer you are in her space because you're so attractive and now she cannot breathe

Mayadere

described as someone who is usually the antagonist who switches sides after falling in love with the main character. Usually first appears hostile or intimidating but a change of heart allows them to reveal their true feelings later on

Mostly this because I think she's a butch

But then she becomes cute after getting to know the farmer

Honestly I did not really like her and wanted to fight her up until I actually started gaining hearts with her

So I feel like this fits totally because like

She was the antagonist of my story at least

And she became cute and lovable the second she started feeling feelings

Like with one of her heart events

You literally take pictures with animals

She gets mud in her hair and doesn't even complain like

How she got me on her side Idk

Would probably be the type of girl to be like

Oh farmers here? And then very loudly say things like

"Oh yeah i could TOTALLY grow a few crops no big deal AT ALL"

"Did they hear it? You think they want me to move in yet? Do you think they're in love with me yet? Of course they are i'm Haley duh."

Not quite tsundere because she wouldn't do the whole "its not like I like you" thing

She would make it clear that she likes you but that she's the prize and not you

Sometimes is still hostile before she remembers she can let down her walls.

Its a journey to get her to say what shes actually thinking about certain things but you get there!

[miguelsfangservice]

BEYOND THE SPOTLIGHT

Pairing: Miguel O'hara x F!Famous Idol Reader

Warnings: Negative and positive stereotypes about the industry (idk, probably later in the story), and not the best english lol (sorry in advance). Summary: It doesn't matter he's at HQ trying to keep the multiverse afloat, your face, your voice, your smile and laugh follows him everywhere. No, he is not loosing it (yet); it's just that its kind of inevitable when most spiders under his command are... how did Gwen called it? Ah-staning you? Well, he can't really complain, it's his girlfriend,after all.

“The first time you hear it it may seem shallow, but I’m telling you,bro,when you pay close attention  it’s one of the best pieces of art depicting the oppression of individuals for expressing their sexuality, y’know what i mean.”

An awkward silence settled in the room before Pavitr and Miles let out some nervous chuckles.

“I thought it was a love story” Miguel's ears hurt just by hearing Pavitr retort with his mouth full of god knows what..

“...I’ve listened to it a couple of times and I have to agree with Pav.”

Before Hobie could open his mouth to reaffirm his earlier claim, Miguel slammed his fists on his desk.

“Do I need to remind all of you we are trying to have a serious discussion here?”

Silence. For at least a few seconds before Pavitr can’t resist anymore and turns to Hobie once more.

“What part of the song are you referring to, because I think-”

“It’s specially obvious at 1:30 when she sings-”

“Get out- If you’re not taking this problem seriously,OUT”

“ But I'm…” Miles tries to argue back, but at this point and with how exhausted Miguel is, he just doesn’t care about whatever they have to say.

“THE THREE OF YOU, GET OUT OF MY SIGHT”

While leaving his office, Hobie and Pavitr still have the absolute audacity to continue their discussion in hushed voices (mostly Pavitr, Hobie does not care if Miguel hears him”; Miles doesn’t speak again but Miguel can see him trying to hide his amusement.

If Miguel had eaten anything, if he had gotten enough sleep or, most importantly, if he had seen you at least once today, he miiiiiiiight’ve been in a better mood to confirm that yes, Hobie was right, it was kind of your intention to convey those themes in your last single.

He would know, he was there giving you feedback  and taking care of you when you put your heart and soul into writing that song.

Also, even if he had the mood to discuss it with those kids, he wouldn’t try his luck and let them get suspicious enough for them to put everything together and figure out he’s been dating you for over a year now.

Miguel wouldn’t hear the end of it if any of the spiders knew about their huge and scary boss dating the “pop divinity”, the “fan´s delight”. Besides, it would get a lot harder for you to sneak into the HQ to spend some time together after your rehearsals or just when about every spider went home.

Although, he couldn't deny he was getting tired of keeping the relationship a secret; he hated hiding to every person he deemed close to him the fact that he wanted to spend the rest of his miserable (and probably very short) life with you.

But he knew you were not quite ready yet. Not until you were able to live with the fact that yes, your boyfriend is Spiderman, and he’s not only putting his life and sanity at risk in your universe, but also putting an unimaginable burden on his shoulders by trying to keep several other universes safe.

You already had a lot on your plate with the sudden burst of fame and all the work you were putting into creating your first solo album.

Sometimes, Miguel kinda wished you were still doing activities with your girl group, it put a lot less pressure on you and your health. But he felt guilty just for thinking about it.

This was your dream, having your own solo activities, showing the world your songs and what you were capable of. And he was so proud of you, so happy to see your face light up after you finished writing a song or when you learned a difficult choreography. 

Miguel O’hara had the heart of steel to do a lot of harsh things, to take the decisions no one else wanted to take for the sake of hundreds of universes and yet, he couldn��t bring himself to see your sad face if he ever questioned what you were doing to achieve your dreams.

“Lyla, I'll be calling it a night. Got to get home.”

Just when he was about to exit, she appeared right in front of him with a huge magnifying glass in which he could see her eye getting bigger, examining him; Miguel grunted and tried to brush her off as if she was a bug

“This early? Who are you and what did you do with my boss? I’m gonna put the emergency lockdown if you don’t answer me right now-”

“I’m trying to recall at what point of your creation I made you this damn noisy.” he hissed, walking faster and then swinging away from her. “Besides, no te hagas tonta (don't act dumb), you know damn well where I’m going and with who.”

“And I appreciate the trust you put in me by telling me your secret–” she started saying, solemnly.

“We both know I didn’t have much of a choice.”

“But, as your best friend and the one who knows you best–”

“Firstly, I don’t have a best friend and secondly, the one who knows me best is Y/N, not you!” Miguel interrupted and pointed a finger at her, trying to poke her, but his complaints were ignored as Lyla continued with her ramblings.

“I think I have enough authority in your life to give you some well needed love advice” Miguel couldn’t help but snort at the ‘authority’ affirmation.

At this point he decided to completely ignore her voice and focus on getting to your shared home; it had been a long day and all he wanted to do was bury his face in your shoulder and try to sleep with his girl by his side.

❃❃❃❃

A/N: Well, this is my first fanfic for the fandom. If you liked this, please, consider following, leaving a comment, like or reblog, I would really really appreciate it, specially cuz I'm not sure if anyone would like to read more about this.

[drabbles-mc]

Palliative Care

Horacio Carrillo & F!Reader

For @narcosfandomdiscord's Day of Horror: came back wrong

Warnings: 18+, major character death, angst, scars, blood, hospitals, all the sad angsty things idk

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: Is this a day late? Yes. Is this one of the strangest, saddest fucked up little things I've ever written? Also yes. No clue where my brain went during this but here we are. I also think this might be my first ever fic with no dialogue. What a day!

Narcos Taglist: @ashlingnarcos @garbinge @hausofmamadas @cositapreciosa @narcolini @proceduralpassion @artemiseamoon @justreblogginfics (If you want to be added to any of my taglists, please let me know!)

palliative care (noun): treatment that reduces the pain without curing its cause

You had been one of the lucky ones. You knew it, too. With the minor exception of a few scars running up the side of your body, you came home fully intact. And compared to what you’d seen happen to so many others, a few ridges along your ribcage and thigh were hardly worth mentioning. You were grateful, in your mind at least, even if you didn’t always feel it all the way down into your bones.

The only thing that had gotten you through the atrocities that you’d seen, the losses that you’d suffered despite how hard you tried to prevent them, was the knowledge that one day you would be back home again. You weren’t going to live out your days wading through the carnage of war. And even though there was no guarantee of it, you were determined not to become and be buried as part of the mess yourself.

Unfortunately, no amount of determination and wishful thinking prepared you for what it was going to feel like being home again. All the days and nights you spent begging for some stability, some peace, maybe even a little bit of quiet, and once you got it you had no idea what to do with any of it. So many months in the midst of war and once you were relieved of that sense of urgency, your body just couldn’t accept it. There was no turning the dial down. The last thing you wanted was more chaos, but it felt like you were constantly filled with adrenaline, ready to handle crises that weren’t even there.

After months of struggling with guilt and the dreaded thought that you were somehow subconsciously ungrateful for the opportunity to be home and safe again, when you were asked whether or not you wanted another change of venue, it felt like the only answer was yes. It’d be different than last time, they assured you, but it wasn’t going to be some quiet hospital in the middle of a relatively safe city like where you’d been in the interim. Part of you knew that this was the last thing you probably needed, but if peace and quiet wasn’t fixing you, maybe getting thrown back into it would do the trick. So, off to Medellín you went.

It was different, just like they’d said. But in a lot of ways it was also the same. The apparent spontaneity felt familiar. There wasn’t always an obvious rhyme or reason to when the violence would crescendo, although you supposed that was the point.

The thing that felt the most familiar, though, was the underlying feeling of futility that you felt. More officers, more soldiers brought to you begging you to not let them die. You’d spent enough time doing triage on battlegrounds to know relatively quickly if you were going to have any control over the outcome. You hated how often you didn’t. But you knew better than to let them know that. Calm, collected, reassurance even if it was a lie was the best you could do for any of them regardless of whether or not you could help them.

You didn’t like the feelings that came rushing back, the familiarity of it all, but even though that was the case, it was the first time in a long time that you didn’t feel like you were out of place.

You grew to recognize the people that filtered in and out of the hospital on a regular basis. Sometimes they saw you frequently because they themselves were getting injured. As much as you hated seeing people getting hurt over and over again, at least return trips meant that they kept surviving.

The other people you saw frequently were the officers in charge. Sometimes they were getting patched up by you, but other times they were coming through to check on their men. All you could hope was that you had good news for them. The same way you could tell within moments of seeing someone getting brought in whether you’d be able to help them or not, officers soon learned to be able to tell whether or not you had good news for them. They never held it against you when you didn’t—the families were another story.

You didn’t know much of anything about Colonel Carrillo outside of the things you’d heard about him in passing. Your conversations with him were always short, always professional. He never seemed to show any emotion to you one way or another regardless of whether you were delivering good or bad news to him. His expression almost always stayed the same. Neutral, hardened. No matter what you said, he’d always conclude the conversation with a tight nod, and an even tighter “Thank you” before going off to wherever he was needed next. He never seemed to want to listen to your apologies, whatever condolences you used to try and offer him. You stopped giving them after awhile—he seemed almost relieved about it.

His absence wouldn’t have been something that crossed your mind at all if you hadn’t heard other nurses and doctors talking about it in passing. People stopped showing up all the time—you considered yourself lucky if you weren’t there to find out the reason why. If you hadn’t heard the murmurs, you never would have given it another thought. You would have just hoped the best for him, while in the back of your mind knowing it most likely wasn’t the case.

But then you heard them talking about how he’d gotten sent away. You watched the news enough to put it all together. Part of you felt relieved knowing that at least he was one person who wasn’t being sent away from the war in a pine box. Another part of you felt the tightness reappearing in your chest the more you thought about it. You knew what it was like to try and leave the fight. You’d done it of your own volition and you still couldn’t handle being away from the thick of it all. You could scarcely imagine what being pulled away before he was ready would do to someone who seemed to operate the way that Carrillo did.

He faded from your mind eventually, the way that most people tended to when you saw so many of them each day. You had much more present issues to think about. All of Colombia did. The surges of violence had you feeling like your hands would never be clean of blood no matter how hard you scrubbed them, no matter how scalding the water was. More officers than you could try to count or keep track of, dead before they got to you if not shortly after. There was no way to keep up with it. It was a feeling of drowning that you had felt before, one you never wanted to feel again. This time around, though, you at least knew how to tread water—exhausting but vital work.

The days had blurred together so completely that you lost track. You didn’t know how long Carrillo was gone for, but suddenly he was back again. He strode across the hospital floors like he hadn’t even been gone a day. You saw the difference in him, though. Soldiers all reached a point where they get pushed so far that they will either break, or they’ll evolve. You’ve seen the fallout of both those options and it was impossible to say that either one was preferable. But you could tell by the set of Carrillo’s jaw that he wasn’t broken. He was different, but not broken.

He spoke to you like no time at all had passed, so you returned the favor. Right back into old scripts, old routines. He had more jagged edges now where you just had more exhaustion. Maybe when all of this was said and done you’d simply be too tired to do anything but adjust to a quiet, normal life. More wishful thinking.

You felt like you had needed to claw your way out of your shift. The hours just kept slipping on by. Just when it seemed like there was no end in sight, you were told to go home. You didn’t need to be told twice, immediately taking off to get your things so you could grab what precious few hours of sleep that you could manage.

Your car keys were in your hand when you heard the sudden rush of yelling voices and running feet. It would’ve been so easy to pretend you’d missed it all, to slip out the back and cross the lot to your car. Avoiding it was infinitely easier than confronting it and throwing yourself into the middle of it. You knew that. Easier would’ve been such a nice change of pace. And yet you threw your keys back into your locker and headed back out towards the floor.

There was chaos and cussing and men groaning in pain. Immediately it became a game of Tetris trying to organize and find room for everyone, both patients and hospital staff alike. Only so many of you could populate a floor and still do your jobs without tripping over each other.

You were trying to figure out where the hell you were supposed to start when you felt someone’s hand reach out and grab yours. You returned the gesture on instinct, never one to deprive a desperate soldier of a last hint of comfort. However, when you looked down at the person who had grabbed your hand, you couldn’t hide the surprise on your face. You’d never seen the Colonel being anything other than cold and composed—never the one on this end of the equation. You’d definitely never seen him reaching out to anyone for comfort.

When you took in the state of him, you couldn’t help but to wonder if he was just looking to you to confirm what he already knew. No amount of tactical gear in the world would’ve saved him from whatever he’d gone through before he got brought to you. Despite all the blood and the pale look of his face, the grip he had on your hand was surprisingly strong.

All of your usual words got caught in the back of your throat, things you would typically say to provide comfort in moments like this. But it was Colonel Carrillo, a man who wanted nothing to do with being placated. It was better that way for both of you now because the lump at the back of your throat made it impossible for you to say anything at all, comforting or not.

The tighter he tried to hold onto your hand, the more you tried to match his grip. You brought your hand that he wasn’t holding to rest on his shoulder, fingers wrapping over the curve of it. You tried not to pay attention to the blood that seeped from his uniform into the pads of your fingertips. Even as the seconds ticked by, and his grip started to weaken, and tears began to cut the edges of your eyes and his, you didn’t apologize. He didn’t ask for one either. He didn’t ask for anything. He just held your hand until he couldn’t anymore.