#childhood truama tw

[eccedentesiast-skies]

You’ve grown into someone who would have protected you as a child. And that is the most powerful move you made.

[lostmf]

[ha1leysblog]

[bl0w-m3]

Tell me where the anger goes.

Tell me where to put the anger

[sparklejumpropequeen1949]

My mom was abusive to all my siblings and I and when I was 3 she beat me with some random cords and it left a mark all around my thigh and I still have the marks on my thighs. She also said I’m dead to her but she said this after I cut her off so idc.

[asarajaa]

No, it’s not your fault.

No, you didn’t provoked it.

No, you did what you could.

No, you were just on your business.

No, you didn’t deserved it.

It’s not your fault, I promise, you did your best. You couldn’t do anything an stood there in shock? Totally understandable (and relatable). You shouted and screamed and fought? As you should. You just cried and let it happened? You’ll get though it.

Life doesn’t end there, you need to shout, you need to talk and let people know what happened but if you can’t, just cry about it and keep going. It’s okay, I believe your and more people would if you get to talk about it. You’re not alone, you did not ruined anyones family by talking, they ruined it themselves after what they did.

It’s hard, I know, but it is what it is, the only thing you can do now is show how you endure it and are back for justice and/or in the best version you could be in.

Even if you do not do or say anything, you’re still a victim and when I tell you you need you trust good and let him take the wheel, it’s because I’ve done it and it’s the best thing ever happened to me.

You’re not alone, even if it’s killing you inside out, even if you think you are, you’re not alone.

[minimallycreative]

hate it when I have trauma and instead of making me funny and quirky, I have serious issues. especially when the gaslighting stops being haha funny and starts causing identity crises and I start having the effects of childhood trauma.

so unfair

[diaryofamadgirl]

“kids sexually experiment with each other all the time!”

but was it really just experimenting if i said no?

but was it really just experimenting if i hated myself after?

but was it really just experimenting if i still feel disgusting thinking about her disgusting hands fingering my hole?

but was it really just experimenting if i’m triggered whenever i think of sleeping in the same bed as someone because all i remember is my stepsister molesting me when i was asleep?

but was it really just experimenting if i wish i were dead now?

cocsa is a real thing.

[sapphic-cajun]

[swaggysswagg]

Memory loss after trauma sucks. I hate not remembering my childhood, not remembering things I did with the people I love, forgetting old friends, forgetting happy moments, one in a life time experiences. I hate it. There's so many things that have happened to me but i don't remember it. I don't remember the good and bad. I have short term memory loss and long term. Everyday I wake up and barley remember what happened to me or what I did the day before. I just want to be normal

I was hurt by other people but now I have to suffer the consequences of what they did to me

[babyblu3s-dolly]

//Vent

Broken toys are no fun, so why keep me?

This house is going to kill me. It will. I will let it happen because I love it. I love my home. I'll die in this room, this room that's seen all the horrors of what I've become. on this raggy carpet floor, my body will lie. Mabye I'll smile for once, not because im happy, but becuase im dead and gone and no longer apart of this world. Ill be fuzzy and warm and safe. safe from this horrid house that has caused so much pain and scars.

That's a nice dream at least.

[lostmf]

By @hel7l7

[nterini]

In Defense of Hira - A textbook case of C-PTSD caused by Childhood Abuse and Neglect

In a lot of the shows that I watch, especially with teens or young adults relating to trauma, or any genre really, there’s always a playful question on my mind: where are their parents? However, at this point in show, it’s becoming so much more apparent that the lack of support Hira received growing up, is fundamental to the way that he sees himself and his position in the world around him. So much so that as much as I want to joke about Hira being as dense as a stone wall, I find myself becoming increasingly uncomfortable in how much my own trauma and reactions to isolation mirror Hira’s.

Symptoms of complex PTSD

Feelings of worthlessness, shame and guilt.

Problems controlling your emotions.

Finding it hard to feel connected with other people.

Relationship problems, like having trouble keeping friends and partners. (Source: NHS)

How was Hira Traumatized?

He was left to his own defenses at an early age and had to fend for himself. Just because they provided him with a house and money for food doesn’t mean they took care of him. He was also bullied for a speech impediment and isolated by his peers as a result. He’s probably never had anyone listen to him closely or had close emotional or physical relationships in his life. Extended periods of neglect in childhood and then more intense isolation later on is extremely damaging.

Trauma manifests differently. Before therapy, it was really difficult for me to wrap my head around the fact that I wasn’t actually invisible to friends and family. It took a quite aggressive and embarrassing event, (now funny and touching really) for me to understand that if I deviated from my own patterns or if I disappeared or didn’t contact people for hours that people would actually miss me or think about me. I went out and watched a movie after an event, and told one person through text. After the two hour movie, I turned my phone back on and found 30 missed calls. My mother had informed me that she had called the police and that the principal had formed a search party for me. My face was plastered all over Snapchat by my classmates.  I was mortified by what I believed to be a waste of resources and time on my behalf. Such a loud display of love and even then all I could think about was hiding away and making myself smaller. I wasn’t even decent enough to acknowledge the pain, worry, and fear they felt at the thought that someone they loved went missing. It took multiple years later: a very a tentative mother and aunt, very involved teachers, mentors and friends plus therapy for me to stop feeling like a ghost. To get out of my own head and stop trying to fade in the background as a coping mechanism. After being abandoned by his mother to live alone in a house so she could be with the family she wants, after being isolated by his classmates for having a stutter all throughout high school, only one person knocked loudly enough at the door attached to the fortress Hira built in his mind to cope with his trauma. Kiyoi.

That mental fortress is why Hira is alive today. It kept him safe when he had to sleep in the dark alone as a young boy when he had to cook his own meals. His social ineptitude is due to years of isolation and degradation by those around him. He wasn’t deemed worthy enough by his own mother to be taken care of. Yet Kiyoi loves and sees him. Kiyoi says his name and holds his hand and kisses him and suddenly Hira is solid mass. Not a shadow on the wall or the useless child not worth keeping. He becomes slightly more than nothing. In Hira’s mind he becomes a pebble. Sigh. Well it’s a start. But it’s not enough. It’s gonna take a real miracle for Hira to overcome years of trauma and see himself as a human being. I believe in him though. He’s so brave. No like really though, some of the shit he says is so cringey it takes real guts. Kiyoi is not going to give up on Hira anytime soon he’s too much of an exhibitionist for Hira and a freak (endearingly). Also, Hira is obsessive and intense, so they’re a perfect match.

He just needs proper counseling and a bit of time. I’m rooting for them.

[eyesoresoup12]

My personal Realistic Simon “Ghost” Riley headcanons (remake)

To be honest, it’s been a while since I’ve posted my own content on Tumblr. I think I might’ve mischaracterized Simon a little bit at least in my opinion, so here is a remake of my realistic, Simon “ghost” Riley head cannons. (Not proof read and was written at the peak of dawn with 0 sleep, mistakes or ramblimg will be adjusted and fixed later)

Trigger warnings: mentions of disordered eating, mental illness, brief mention of childhood abuse, small mention of gore.

Simon ghost, Riley is an internal person who struggles with bottling up his emotions, he doesn’t often allow himself to be vulnerable around other people but he has exceptions. them being Gary “Roach” Sanderson and Johnny “Soap” MacTavish. The two people he is closest to and loves dearly.

Simon often has panic attacks and flashbacks of his childhood trauma. whenever he’s doing something casual or he’s out in the field something, anything can remind him of his experiences both in and out of the military.

Simon doesn’t often look at himself in mirrors. he doesn’t think he’s ugly, as he is very confident in his appearance, but occasionally he will find himself feeling insecure about the scars that he has gotten from his past and time in the military.

Simon has insomnia, so he sometimes tends to struggle with falling asleep, or even staying asleep. He has many methods of getting himself to sleep when it’s needed. Often using tactics he’s learned in his time of service.

Simon is extremely trusting of his teammates going as far as removing his skull balaclava around them often. He likes wearing it as the balaclava provides a sense of safety and security. He has facial scars, but Simon wears it to remain anonymous.

He likes appearing tough and strong, but in reality, he is gentle and compassionate outside of his job. He often tends to display this towards his teammates and loved ones. Those who know him would describe Simon as a “giant teddy bear”. Simon is in no way afraid to cry but prefers to cry by himself, rather than others witnessing it.

He often considers ghosts his persona, a split personality of sorts that he displays on the job seeming quick-witted and calculating. Simon likes to crack, dark jokes with his teammates for fun and has a dad’s sense of humor.

Simon is very vocal and honest about his boundaries and will not hesitate to tell someone off if they’re crossed or ignored.

Simon has a long history of mental illness. Some were hereditary and others gained from his rough childhood. Including PTSD, Depressive episodes, anxiety, paranoia ETC.

He fears losing people he cares about which stems from the abuse he endured as a child. It sometimes makes him come off as harsh and overprotective to his teammates. Simon is clean yet at the same time tends to forget to care for or prioritize himself and his needs. He even engaged in behaviors of self-harm whether it was cutting, scratching, self-sabotage, or even something as simple as overly hot showers. He often finds himself looking after others in some way. On the bright side uses his love for the job and team as a motivation when things get tough again. He is in no way healed but he’s wise enough to know better than to let mental illness dictate his life.

Simon has a bad habit of chewing his nails and picking at scars. He’s very internal with his anxiety and even when he has panic attacks, he tries his best to avoid his team noticing for fear of worrying them. He often wishes that he had a normal, happy childhood, and never experienced the pain of being hung by the Ribs. The wound never fully healed because he kept tearing and reopening it the memories haunting him to the core.

Simon both hates and loves physical touch, he is touch-starved even. Allowing physical touch only to those he’s close to. He gets overstimulated at times, when that happens, he enjoys words of affirmation or small shoulder pads. (Price pats him like a father whose afraid Simon will maul his hand off) he honestly enjoys the contrast of his team and their love languages.

[its-venting-time]

Me when my friends finally find me in the midst of a depressive episode:

[bl0w-m3]

I started S.H. At such a young age I don’t think I remember a time on my life where I truly coped without it.