#childhood truama tw

[eccedentesiast-skies]

You’ve grown into someone who would have protected you as a child. And that is the most powerful move you made.

[lostmf]

[ha1leysblog]

[bl0w-m3]

Tell me where the anger goes.

Tell me where to put the anger

[sparklejumpropequeen1949]

My mom was abusive to all my siblings and I and when I was 3 she beat me with some random cords and it left a mark all around my thigh and I still have the marks on my thighs. She also said I’m dead to her but she said this after I cut her off so idc.

[minimallycreative]

hate it when I have trauma and instead of making me funny and quirky, I have serious issues. especially when the gaslighting stops being haha funny and starts causing identity crises and I start having the effects of childhood trauma.

so unfair

[bashmyheadinn]

[diaryofamadgirl]

“kids sexually experiment with each other all the time!”

but was it really just experimenting if i said no?

but was it really just experimenting if i hated myself after?

but was it really just experimenting if i still feel disgusting thinking about her disgusting hands fingering my hole?

but was it really just experimenting if i’m triggered whenever i think of sleeping in the same bed as someone because all i remember is my stepsister molesting me when i was asleep?

but was it really just experimenting if i wish i were dead now?

cocsa is a real thing.

[nterini]

In Defense of Hira - A textbook case of C-PTSD caused by Childhood Abuse and Neglect

In a lot of the shows that I watch, especially with teens or young adults relating to trauma, or any genre really, there’s always a playful question on my mind: where are their parents? However, at this point in show, it’s becoming so much more apparent that the lack of support Hira received growing up, is fundamental to the way that he sees himself and his position in the world around him. So much so that as much as I want to joke about Hira being as dense as a stone wall, I find myself becoming increasingly uncomfortable in how much my own trauma and reactions to isolation mirror Hira’s.

Symptoms of complex PTSD

Feelings of worthlessness, shame and guilt.

Problems controlling your emotions.

Finding it hard to feel connected with other people.

Relationship problems, like having trouble keeping friends and partners. (Source: NHS)

How was Hira Traumatized?

He was left to his own defenses at an early age and had to fend for himself. Just because they provided him with a house and money for food doesn’t mean they took care of him. He was also bullied for a speech impediment and isolated by his peers as a result. He’s probably never had anyone listen to him closely or had close emotional or physical relationships in his life. Extended periods of neglect in childhood and then more intense isolation later on is extremely damaging.

Trauma manifests differently. Before therapy, it was really difficult for me to wrap my head around the fact that I wasn’t actually invisible to friends and family. It took a quite aggressive and embarrassing event, (now funny and touching really) for me to understand that if I deviated from my own patterns or if I disappeared or didn’t contact people for hours that people would actually miss me or think about me. I went out and watched a movie after an event, and told one person through text. After the two hour movie, I turned my phone back on and found 30 missed calls. My mother had informed me that she had called the police and that the principal had formed a search party for me. My face was plastered all over Snapchat by my classmates.  I was mortified by what I believed to be a waste of resources and time on my behalf. Such a loud display of love and even then all I could think about was hiding away and making myself smaller. I wasn’t even decent enough to acknowledge the pain, worry, and fear they felt at the thought that someone they loved went missing. It took multiple years later: a very a tentative mother and aunt, very involved teachers, mentors and friends plus therapy for me to stop feeling like a ghost. To get out of my own head and stop trying to fade in the background as a coping mechanism. After being abandoned by his mother to live alone in a house so she could be with the family she wants, after being isolated by his classmates for having a stutter all throughout high school, only one person knocked loudly enough at the door attached to the fortress Hira built in his mind to cope with his trauma. Kiyoi.

That mental fortress is why Hira is alive today. It kept him safe when he had to sleep in the dark alone as a young boy when he had to cook his own meals. His social ineptitude is due to years of isolation and degradation by those around him. He wasn’t deemed worthy enough by his own mother to be taken care of. Yet Kiyoi loves and sees him. Kiyoi says his name and holds his hand and kisses him and suddenly Hira is solid mass. Not a shadow on the wall or the useless child not worth keeping. He becomes slightly more than nothing. In Hira’s mind he becomes a pebble. Sigh. Well it’s a start. But it’s not enough. It’s gonna take a real miracle for Hira to overcome years of trauma and see himself as a human being. I believe in him though. He’s so brave. No like really though, some of the shit he says is so cringey it takes real guts. Kiyoi is not going to give up on Hira anytime soon he’s too much of an exhibitionist for Hira and a freak (endearingly). Also, Hira is obsessive and intense, so they’re a perfect match.

He just needs proper counseling and a bit of time. I’m rooting for them.

[sapphic-cajun]

[swaggysswagg]

Memory loss after trauma sucks. I hate not remembering my childhood, not remembering things I did with the people I love, forgetting old friends, forgetting happy moments, one in a life time experiences. I hate it. There's so many things that have happened to me but i don't remember it. I don't remember the good and bad. I have short term memory loss and long term. Everyday I wake up and barley remember what happened to me or what I did the day before. I just want to be normal

I was hurt by other people but now I have to suffer the consequences of what they did to me

[lostmf]

By @hel7l7

[johanthedigitalartist]

My personal Realistic Simon “Ghost” Riley headcanons (remake)

To be honest, it’s been a while since I’ve posted my own content on Tumblr. I think I might’ve mischaracterized Simon a little bit at least in my opinion, so here is a remake of my realistic, Simon “ghost” Riley head cannons. (Not proof read and was written at the peak of dawn with 0 sleep, mistakes or ramblimg will be adjusted and fixed later)

Trigger warnings: mentions of disordered eating, mental illness, brief mention of childhood abuse, small mention of gore.

Simon ghost, Riley is an internal person who struggles with bottling up his emotions, he doesn’t often allow himself to be vulnerable around other people but he has exceptions. them being Gary “Roach” Sanderson and Johnny “Soap” MacTavish. The two people he is closest to and loves dearly.

Simon often has panic attacks and flashbacks of his childhood trauma. whenever he’s doing something casual or he’s out in the field something, anything can remind him of his experiences both in and out of the military.

Simon doesn’t often look at himself in mirrors. he doesn’t think he’s ugly, as he is very confident in his appearance, but occasionally he will find himself feeling insecure about the scars that he has gotten from his past and time in the military.

Simon has insomnia, so he sometimes tends to struggle with falling asleep, or even staying asleep. He has many methods of getting himself to sleep when it’s needed. Often using tactics he’s learned in his time of service.

Simon is extremely trusting of his teammates going as far as removing his skull balaclava around them often. He likes wearing it as the balaclava provides a sense of safety and security. He has facial scars, but Simon wears it to remain anonymous.

He likes appearing tough and strong, but in reality, he is gentle and compassionate outside of his job. He often tends to display this towards his teammates and loved ones. Those who know him would describe Simon as a “giant teddy bear”. Simon is in no way afraid to cry but prefers to cry by himself, rather than others witnessing it.

He often considers ghosts his persona, a split personality of sorts that he displays on the job seeming quick-witted and calculating. Simon likes to crack, dark jokes with his teammates for fun and has a dad’s sense of humor.

Simon is very vocal and honest about his boundaries and will not hesitate to tell someone off if they’re crossed or ignored.

Simon has a long history of mental illness. Some were hereditary and others gained from his rough childhood. Including PTSD, Depressive episodes, anxiety, paranoia ETC.

He fears losing people he cares about which stems from the abuse he endured as a child. It sometimes makes him come off as harsh and overprotective to his teammates. Simon is clean yet at the same time tends to forget to care for or prioritize himself and his needs. He even engaged in behaviors of self-harm whether it was cutting, scratching, self-sabotage, or even something as simple as overly hot showers. He often finds himself looking after others in some way. On the bright side uses his love for the job and team as a motivation when things get tough again. He is in no way healed but he’s wise enough to know better than to let mental illness dictate his life.

Simon has a bad habit of chewing his nails and picking at scars. He’s very internal with his anxiety and even when he has panic attacks, he tries his best to avoid his team noticing for fear of worrying them. He often wishes that he had a normal, happy childhood, and never experienced the pain of being hung by the Ribs. The wound never fully healed because he kept tearing and reopening it the memories haunting him to the core.

Simon both hates and loves physical touch, he is touch-starved even. Allowing physical touch only to those he’s close to. He gets overstimulated at times, when that happens, he enjoys words of affirmation or small shoulder pads. (Price pats him like a father whose afraid Simon will maul his hand off) he honestly enjoys the contrast of his team and their love languages.

[bl0w-m3]

I started S.H. At such a young age I don’t think I remember a time on my life where I truly coped without it.

[nakaiki]

☆She’s literally me☆

[chubby-cinna-bun]

Since I had to reply to this post right here, I thought I’d explain a bit more about my regression.

TW: Mentions of verbal abuse, physical abuse, domestic abuse, mentions of past S/H, and extreme depression.

Please do not read if you are not in the right headspace, this post is not light hearted in any way form or fashion.

This is simply an informative post about why I regress.

My parents, when I was younger (about 4) got into a physical fight when I was in the next room. Unfortunately this was not the only time they had done this, but it was definitely the last time. It ended up in broken windows, a broken windshield on my fathers motorcycle, hair loss on my mother, and bruises on both of them.

I had to listen to it all.

They ended up divorcing after that, as they had enough of fighting, screaming matches, hair pulling, ect.

My mom had me when she was young, 17, and was kicked out of my grandmothers house, so she never really saw good parenting, she only did what she knew.

Unfortunately, that was yelling, screaming sometimes, hitting, and name calling.

Throughout the years this became an unhealthy norm to me. I thought I deserved it when I was abused, and then justified it, since she was my mother.

Later on, my mom got with my step father, who while is a great person, was in a very toxic relationship, leading to him being drunk most of the time. He had two moods when drunk: sad, or angry.

When he was angry, he did things to my mother like make fun of her, push my elderly grandfather, run off, ect.

I witnessed all of that.

This also became a norm for me.

I was S/Hing at the age of 10.

You can’t sit here and tell me that it was ok, or that I was going to get better. I punished myself for everything going on.

When I was a bit older, about 11-12, I met my ex boyfriend. They where so sweet and introduced me to age regression. They shortly came out as trans, and me being what I thought was a lesbian, broke it off after that, but continued to have contact with them. I don’t anymore, but I wish I did.

Agere has helped me over the years with stress, anxiety, managing triggers, and coping with things that I shouldn’t have to explain.

The only reason I am, is that now that I feel like I’ve been invalidated, I should explain myself. Not that I have to, but because I want to.

Please, please. Do not invalidate someone’s regression just because you don’t understand. You never know what they have gone through, survived, and witnessed to bring them into agere. Agere has helped me, and I shouldn’t feel like i need to validate myself for anyone, and yet I do.

Please be aware.

If you have any questions, please DM me, I don’t want asks about it, due to this not being my typical sort of posting.