#but it doesnt and i am at work and every time i have to help a customer i keep feeling like ik a bout to vomit

[deoidesign]

Thinks about my next series again... I drew the icon for it!

I'm planning to have it launched within a year! I'm hoping for summer 2025. I want to make a prelaunch page before Time and Time Again ends so people can subscribe if they're interested, but I'm worried the series return would be too early...

[funzige-gedachten]

To quote bo burnham: i am not feeing good👍🏻

[vampiremourning]

oh im gonna hsdgfjk

okay so three+ months ago i discovered I had a Fun Condition called perioral dermatitis. basically, just this Extraordinarily persistent face rash that looks like a bunch of small pustules in a circle around my mouth, but it also went around my nose and eyes. reacts to literally fucking Everything, deeply annoying to treat, even with antibiotics it takes weeks but usually months to clear. causes are ?? can be anything from inhaled steroids, face cream, toothpaste, hormones, etc. basically impossible to pinpoint. i have some guesses about what triggered it but ofc no real way to know for sure.

i go on 90 days of antibiotics. cool, whatever, condition dissipates but doesn't go away entirely. i think nothing of this bc I know even With oral antibiotics, it can still take months.

halfway through this treatment i develop arthritic symptoms. i also think nothing of this bc I have Some sort of illness undiagnosed anyway + family members have it so while I am definitely not happy w this development, I'm resigned.

i finish the pills.

less than 24 hours later, dermatitis has Returned. i know that allowing this to happen makes it worse and last longer. i cannot stress enough how bad it will be for my mental health if this happens. yes this probably sounds overly dramatic but I'm pretty sure watching my face flare up in any way is a legitimate trigger atp after dealing with cystic acne.

anyway. i book an appointment with my gp bc the pharmacist cannot refill the antibiotics. great except the appointment is at the End Of The Month, and I know this is going to be bad in a few days time. like, in the last few hours the inflammation has already accelerated, who knows how bad it'll be then, I'm assuming it'll be like I never even took the pills to start with. i am going to have a nervous breakdown.

mysteriously, the arthritis symptoms have Also started to decrease after stopping the antibiotics. that's weird, I think, that wasn't brought up in the list of side effects when I asked, but the timing is literally exactly when my face started flaring up so I know I definitely don't have those in my system anymore. i look this up, to see if there's a link.

'''acute polyarthritis''' also described as 'drug-induced lupus' are you Fucking Kidding Me

so i am now back as Square Fucking one for this shit, my skin is about to be so goddamn inflamed & I apparently can't even take the drug that was working to clear it up. because it causes inflammation in my joints.

and like i cant really express properly how mad this makes me lmfao because of Course. i spend a solid year on Accutane finally after being deterred for nearly a decade, i get maybe 4 months of enjoying my skin after I'm off of it and then This Shit. can i win?? can i Fucking win??????? no one else in my genepool seems to deal with this shit its just me and ohhh my god i am This close to walking straight into the ocean.

[loser-jpg]

hate teacher.

so angry.

he told me my 6 months worth of work has to be scrapped and entirely redone in 2 weeks. thats literally impossible. i am the tiniest inconvenience away from having an entire meeting with him to read him a 5 page essay on how he has been of no help this entire semester and last and how he has done nothing but inconvenience me all year.

hes seen the work many times before but only brought up the issue now. 2 weeks before a progress report. He told me the thing hes been having me work on for an entire month cant be part of my progress report because its not specific enough.

IF THIS WAS GOING TO BE A PROBLEM HE WOULD HAVE ALREADY KNOWN AND HE SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME BEFORE I WAS 6 MONTHS IN.

he blatantly holds favoritism as every other student (they all happen to be cis men) get all the help in the world yet i get no help at all and when he tells me i have to scrap all my work he doesnt even point me in the right direction just says redo it you have 2 weeks.

this is a group project but every other group is doing one project with all people working together yet mine is doing one project each person meaning i cant even get assistance. two of the people in my group HAVE NOT SPOKEN A WORD TO ME SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THE YEAR.

he is also needlessly rude. instead of just politely saying there might be an issue he feels the need to make me feel like an idiot for not realizing it sooner. I am half convinced this man finds joy in publicly humiliating and shaming me in any way possible. You are a grown ass man what the actual fuck. You are in your god damn 50s.

[heyitsphoenixx]

ever since i was a little [redacted] i always wanted to be a person who has a place in society

[phagodyke]

was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

[pepprs]

my depression is getting really really bad. like it’s been bad before but this is like… consistently really bad. like a long unending stretch for several weeks (and tbh months) now. to the point where no inoculation actually sticks (and im isolating myself from most of my inoculations anyway and feel unable to stop doing it even though i know it’s self destructive). im either helplessly unbearably miserable or numbing out on video games. i just don’t feel like it’s going to get better for me and i KNOW that is factually untrue but the feeling is louder than the knowledge and it’s just utterly immobilizing. ive been sinking in quicksand for 2 years.

[adhdphilosopher]

im so full of anger every day that it makes it hard to function. what do i do

[2024skin]

I'll be fine as long as I never have a moment alone to think about anything

[ichigosoju]

🍪🥛

[sophiethewitch1]

will we ever get to see the Undertale fic? just out of curiosity :)

i mean yeah probably even if i don't actually want to be working on it. i have brain worms they must be expunged. but also which one are you talking about? maybe i can post a poll with the options and ppl can vote and ill do that one instead of bouncing around literally 4 separate ideas... even if i know nobody here wants to read sans undertale x reader in the year of 2024... bizarre girl bizarre

[autisticlee]

having some sort of chronic pain and tiredness issue and joint problems and whatnot but not knowing exactly what the problem is is really good at leading you feeling like you're faking it or making a big deal out of nothing or making it up. especially if there's a good day where it's not as bad and you can walk straight without limping for the first time in a year. but then you can wake up the next day and can barely walk and wonder why you can't just walk normal. it's hard to not guilt trip yourself into dealing with pain by trying to ignore it and force yourself to walk "normal" all the time

[icewindandboringhorror]

... how am I meant to get any sort of restful sleep when it's like 85F indoors in my bedroom at NIGHT .. hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[yelloworangesoda]

gotta get off the internet and only interact irl with people who were 30 before they got their shit together i cant keep doing it like this

[tittyblade]

Oh ya I’ve heard Türkiye is having some elections today, how’s that going? :D

it’s on sunday!!! ive spent the entirety of this morning crying over election coverage LOL. this is the single most important event of my life. yk how every politician says the next election is the most important one so everyone should go out n vote? thats the situation here but quite literally.

on one hand you have islamic extremists (erdoğan. one of the “parties” that support him is literally formed from an extremist cult. the only reason they haven’t all been put on trial is bc erdoğan supports them and he’s only got the extremists’ support left. and also bc years back he declared a nationwide state of emergency and quickly passed multiple laws in succession where. he’s no longer the prime minister but “the sole leader” of turkey. yeah)

and on the opposition there’s a coalition of 6 parties, literally all the major left parties with some nationalists, with their joint candidate kılıçdaroğlu. CHP (the main opposition party) has been center left lately, but its the actual fuckin party that first turned turkey into a republic from a sultanate. its huge. compared to US politics the average left wing party is actually pretty fuckin left here LOL. and they havent won the govt since 1950s (last peaceful n prospering decades of turkey) AND. THEY ACTUALLY STAND A CHANCE. all the polls point towards kılıçdaroğlu winning the elections

and you have no idea how bad it’s been here for the last few years. god. there’s so many shit thats wrong in the country because of the current government. civillians getting arrested for tweets criticizing erdogan, not being able to afford anything, being unable to pay your rent, erdogan (WITH HIS SINGULAR DECISION) withdrawing from the istanbul convention, the femicides being the highest it has ever been since the entire history of the turkey, murdered religious minorities and murdered journalists, tens of thousands of people left alone to die after the earthquakes back in february. its pretty fucking scary living here unless you’re a cishet sunni muslim man.

everyone i know that can afford it has been fleeing the country. sometimes it feels like thats the only option you have unless you want to get killed as a 20 something year old trying to make ends meet. i’m only 20 yo myself and the past 8 years has brought me and everyone under 30 to such a place where the only thing we feel about the future is hopelessness. i feel like ive aged 10 years in the last year alone and i bet anyone thats lived under a similar govt can relate. my countrys politics alone has been robbing me of my youth and my will to live.

AND. DESPITE ALL OF THAT. i have hope for the very first time. i have hope for a better future now bc of the opposition candidate and i have faith in him to deliver his promises. everything thats happened since january he’s been dealing with with grace, and him + mayors from his party actually do shit.

so yeah. the entire course of turkey is gonna change this sunday. if we were to lose this would be the last democratic elections held (the last elections held, period) before erdoğan fully converted the country into an autocracy, and when kılıçdaroğlu wins its gonna become a socialist state, as socialist as it’s ever been since the 1950s. pretty fuckin big stakes

[xamaxenta]

It’s difficult to not feel discouraged sometimes when your partner is also an artist and happens to be faster than you in every conceivable way

This doesn’t bother me often because everyone is different and comparing production time and skill against each other or anyone is detrimental mostly and its ok to have your own workflow

but it does weigh on me vaguely sometimes sometimes that she can finish 2-3 full coloured pieces within a week and ive been painfully scratching out the same number but theyre only sketches that ill never revisit within a month

None of this actually matters in the long run, it just makes me feel bad on occasion