#bc im like. what do i SAY i feel like i have nothing interesting to talk about and no personality
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
dgaftilwedie · 2 days ago
Text
now this.......... this is what i mean when i want more fun question thingies...... holy fuck im gonna have a field day with this
Tumblr media
kinda shitty but life goes on
nawwwww im not ready for a face reveal on here yet lol
absolutely every single day of my life
hm... good question... lemme ask my mom and i'll get back to you
18 woohooo adulthood
i don't usually get asked questions abt my age let alone get mistaken for any ages
im an aquarius and i think??? i suit it?? idk that's what my parents say at least
had a little at home thingy, went to one of my fav places with my bff it was pretty fun
i don't know
black rn
yeah my natural hair color is brown but i like to change it a lot
brown
i'd change the color only if i could make them pink
yeah im blind
well i certainly have one. and it does the jobs it needs to. that is for sure.
we're not gonna get into that this early in the morning
or that this is boring
i have one but im looking to get more asap
i have 6 but again im always looking to get more
right
bi
no but if i could i would
yeah
i have a kitty cat and a doggy dog
i don't have like a set job, i just do occasional freelancey shit
i have a fic in the works as per usual
tell me this question list is from the pro-ana days of tumblr without telling me it was from the pro-ana days of tumblr lol
massive two shits, you ess ay
im very empathetic and a good listener (or at least i try to be, that's just what i've been told)
im a good writer
a lot of things
well it's not really something you're born with but i wish drawing came easier to me, im not really good at it
i feel like one a lot of the time but i don't really know
i try to be, but i get really bitchy when people aren't nice back. i try to keep that to myself tho
i do not know my personality well enough
yeah, im really good at being friends with shitty people apparently!!!
my ideal bed is one with a frame because im tired of my mattress pulling away from the wall and then slamming my head into the wall when i try to lay down <3
no but im feeling quite cranky right now
yeah im like 5 years old lol
mark hoffman
BORING next
i don't even know anymore
i have none
again i have like zero aspirations in the career world, i never want to get a job. crossing my fingers i win the lottery or something
not at fucking all
all the time. i dwell on every interaction i have and i play them back almost obsessively.
yeah, i still kinda do
too lazy
yeah
no but i absolutely need one
i have seasonal allergies n then a couple medicines
i fractured my wrist once
yeah i almost slipped down a waterfall. that would've sucked
nerp
i actually can't think of anythint
i used to be a cheerleader, i went to circus camp (for one day), and uhm........ i got nothing
this is literally the last question restated
literally everythint im a fuckint freak
boring
yeah
like, three
what the fuck
yolo
no
sleep
pink
favorite band is ghost, favorite singer is 12ve my goat 🙏🙏🙏
SAW
the incorrigible children of ashton place, ghost girl, uhmmm OH a series of unfortunate events
yolo bc...... yolo
scoop
most words with the "oy" sound
sushi 🤤🤤🤤
chocolate chip cookie dough
kitty cats meow meow meow
does my answer to the last question answer this one too
super soft, kinda fluffy, silky blankets
orchids
scent as in perfume?? i have this one purple juicy perfume i really like. my favorite not-perfume scent is cigarettes. n then on the opposite sex....... idk man i like when guys smell kinda musky
fall
i don't know
why do i have to list 4 things UGHHHHHH
i don't know mythological creatures well enough to cast myself as any
smiling friends
walmart
naw
why do i have to list so many thints this is so boring
my dad
i have two brothers
no
it's......... interesting
NOOOOO
no
no
i wish
in a different house
idk, i'd want all the rooms to have like a different vibe but i wouldn't want anything to be too white or minimalist or modern.
nyc or something
not home
no
yeah
i don't have a preference
my best friend
yes
all of them are pretty loyal
yes
kill myself 💀💀
i don't know?????
yes
no i don't wanna
i don't remember
my first real bf
yeah
no but i am so open to it dilfs hmu
guh i kinda have a preference towards men
?? idk how to answer this question
never experienced but im sure some people have so who am i to say
hm....,... kinda
i don't really have one
tbh if ur like. adam stanheight or jesse pinkman. then. yeah. that works :3
i don't actually know
kinda?? i wouldn't say someone im not attracted to, that'd be shitty. but looks aren't everything. basically if you're cute and have a good personality, YIPPEE!!!!
i don't even know what this means
i've made it very very clear that im more than open to dating a guy who's like double my age. i do not care LMAO
maybe??
naur
i don't know 😭
n/a
n/a
"oh ok my bad"
yesterday
no
no
yes
yes
no
yes
no
yes oh my god these questions are so gay
i think so
yes
yes
1) stoo asking boring yes or no questions OK WOOOOOO
stupid dumb idiot stoners who are the epitome of the kinda trashy loser guys in 2000s movies. fuck they're my favorite
uhmmmmm not much
i don't know
boring
boring
boring
boring
yes with mark hoffman
yes with mark hoffman
that he is mark hoffman
yes obviously what
probably jill tuck and also amanda young
easily
EASILY
i think so maybe
no
not having any
yes
i don't know
if ur actively trying to emotionally or physically get with someone - whether it's over text or through like a post or a dating app - that's cheating. idc if ur attracted to other people, idc if u watch porn, idc abt most things, but if we're dating and you're seeking out someone else, you suck
no
not really but im a grudge holder so
no. god no. ew.
i don't wanna get into that rn
or that
i dislike too many people
tbh yeah
technically 3
a year and four months
???
naw
almost constantly
i like a whoke lot of different stuff
kinda but im really bad at it
never been to one
maybe idk
no
none that i can think of
oh my god u and ur damn lists
none
ifinhad a library it would be wasted bc i'd never read anything
saw vi
weird ass wording but horror movies
joestar birthmark, east
public indecency
i don't know
i'd keep it anyways???? da fuq
i'd just picj me and my best friend up and renove us from our old friend group
radium bc j said so
2020
a gun and "this is gaytarded"
death rollercoaster i'll test it and everything
fuck
none........... it won't happen........
amanda young
sleeping
kinda idk
i don't <3
no
no
no
nooooooo oh ny gourd
half empty and im about to spill the reston the floor bc my hands are too cokd to hold anything
i don't even know anymore brother
if i tell you none of my wishes will cone true
NO
yeah
atheistic satanism
depends on the amount
i have neither so does it really matter
very
kick every bad person out of america and shape the country into a safe haven
i think it's circumstancial tbh
rewatch saw v
adam stanheight bc we're both losers with not much going for us. we love animals and have rocky relationships with our family and similar music taste and a creative outlet that's the only thing we really have. plus cigarettes also make me bust a nut in front of hot dilfs LMFAO
i missed a question at some point and i can't fund it so uhmmmmm last answer was suppoised to be this one
procrastinator
no
nooooooooo
nothing
my music
no
no
no
no
no
no
no lul
no
no
yes stop asking
molly
no
no
everything
yes
no
probably
yes
i don't think so
no
badly
depends
i don't know anymore
yes
not well
better
everything
what the fuck is an intem
going back to bed
no eat my balls
yes
costas mandylor
no
Aaaaaaaaaaask aawwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaay :D
Personal
1- How are you?
2- Post a picture of yourself.
3- Do you ever wish you were someone else?
4- What is your entire name?
5- How old are you?
6- Age you get mistaken for:
7- Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality:
8- What did you do on your last birthday?
9- What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday?
10- What is your hair color?
11- Have you ever dyed your hair?
12- What is your eye color?
13- If you could change your eye color, would you?
14- Do you wear contacts/glasses?
15- Your opinion about your body and how confortable you are with it:
16- Have you ever considered plastic surgery? What would you alter about your body?
17- Say 8 facts about your body:
18- Do you have any tattoos?
19- Do you have any piercings?
20- Left or right handed?
21- What’s your sexual orientation?
22- Do you drink?
23- Do you smoke?
24- Do you have any pets?
25- Where do you work?
26- Something you are working on right now:
27- Do you have any “rules” about food?
28- Where are you from?
29- What would you say is your best quality?
30- What do you think you’re really good at?
31- What do you think you’re really bad at?
32- What talent do you wish you’d been born with?
33- Are you a bad person?
34- Are you nice to everyone?
35- Say 3 facts about your personality:
36- Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?
37- What is your ideal bed? Why?
38- Did you wake up cranky?
39- Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?
40- What do you think about the most?
41- Share 2 habits:
42- What you want to be when you “get older”?
43- What are your career goals?
44- What is your ideal career?
45- Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
46- Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
47- Have you ever had an imaginary friend?
48- Say 10 facts about your room:
49- Do you have any phobias?
50- Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist?
51- Are you allergic to anything? If so, what?
52- Ever broken any bones?
53- Ever come close to death?
54- Things you like and dislike about yourself:
55- A random fact about yourself:
56- What are three things most people don��t know about you?
57- An unknown fact about your life:
58- Share something about yourself others might think is weird:
59- Five weird things that you like:
60- Do you have a facebook? If so, would you add the person who sent you this?
61- Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?
62- Describe yourself in one word/sentence:
63- A quote you try to live by:
64- Leave me a compliment:
Favorites
65- What is your favorite thing to do?
66- What’s your favorite color?
67- What’s your favorite band/singer?
68- What’s your favorite movie?
69- What are your favorite books?
70- What is your favorite quote and why?
71- What is your favorite word?
72- What is your least favorite word?
73- What is your favorite type of food?
74- Your favorite ice cream?
75- What’s your favorite animal?
76- Dogs or cats?
77- Describe your favourite texture:
78- What is your favorite flower?
79- What’s your favourite scent? And on the opposite sex?
80- What is your favorite season?
81- What are the top five places you wish you could go before you die?
82- What are four things you can’t live without and why?
83- Which mythological creature are you most like? Why?
84- What’s your favorite television show?
85- Favorite place to shop at?
86- Say 2 facts about your favorite things: Family, childhood and places
87- Say 4 facts about your parents:
88- Are you more like your mom or your dad?
89- Do you have any siblings?
90- Say 9 facts about your family:
91- What’s your relationship like with your family?
92- Say 7 facts about your childhood:
93- The best and the worst childhood memories:
94- Say 6 facts about your home town:
95- Are you going out of town soon?
96- Where would you like to live?
97- What would your dream house be like?
98- Where would you go on your dream vacation?
99- Where you want to be right now?
100- Top three places to visit:
Friends
101- Would you ever smile at a stranger?
102- Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
103- Who is someone you never tire of?
104- Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?
105- Who is your most loyal friend?
106- Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?
107- If your best friend died, what would you do?
108- A reason you’ve lied to a friend:
109- Have you ever felt replaced?
110- Say 5 facts about your bestfriend(s):
Relationships
111- The last person you hugged?
112- Who was your first kiss with?
113- Do you like kissing in public?
114- Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
115- You have a preference for boys or girls?
116- Is the male or female body closest to perfection?
117- Do you believe in love at first sight?
118- Do you believe in soul mates?
119- What is your idea of the perfect date?
120- Based on past relationships or crushes, describe your perfect boyfriend/girlfriend:
121- What is the first thing you noticed in someone?
122- Are looks important in a relationship?
123- What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?
124- What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?
125- Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?
126- Five guys/girls whom you find attractive:
127- Do you have a crush on anyone?
128- A description of the girl/boy you like:
129- Say 1 fact about the person your like:
130- If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
131- When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
132- Do you think someone has feelings for you?
133- Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
134- Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?
135- Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
136- Anyone you’re giving up on?
137- Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
138- Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
139- Have you ever liked one of your best friends?
140- Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
141- Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?
142- Is there someone you will never forget?
143- Say five ways to win your heart:
144- What turns you on?
145- What turns you off?
146- What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?
147- What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?
148- What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?
149- Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? Have you had one written for you?
150- What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?
151- Are you in love?
152- Are you in a relationship?
153- If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?
154- Are relationships ever worth it?
155- Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?
156- Can you commit to one person?
157- Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
158- Do you ever want to get married?
159- Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
160- Future names of your children:
161- Do you get jealous easily?
162- The last time you felt jealous, and why?
163- What is your definition of cheating?
164- Have you ever been cheated on?
165- Do you forgive betrayal?
166- Have you ever cheated on someone?
167- Why did your last relationship fail?
168- Things you want to say to an ex:
169- A description of the person you dislike the most:
170- If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
171- How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?
172- How long was your longest relationship?
173- You’ll love me if…
174- Share a relationship story:
Music, movies and books
175- How often do you listen to music?
176- What kind of music you like?
177- Do you like to dance?
178- What was the first concert/show you attended?
179- Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
180- Share a song that takes you to a certain memory in the past:
181- A song that’s been stuck in your head:
182- Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play:
183- A book you want to read/have recently read:
184- Describe your dream library:
185- Last movie you just watched:
186- Do you like watching what type of movies? Situations and crazy things
187- You’re in a tattoo parlor about to get inked. What are you getting done? 
189- What’s something you can see yourself going to jail for?
190- If you could be any character, from any literary work, who would you choose to be?
191- You’re given $10,000…under one condition: you cannot keep the money for yourself. Who would you give it to?
192- If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?
193- If you were an element on the Periodic Table, which would you be and why?
194- If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
195- You’re an Action Movie Hero. What’s your weapon of choice and the line you scream when defeating your arch enemy?
196- If you could design an amusement park ride, what would it be like?
197- What is the first curse word that comes to mind?
198- What the last party you went to was… and when the next will be…
199- Halloween costume idea?
200- What are you supposed to be doing right now?
201- Currently wanting to see anyone?
202- Why you follow me?
203- If you met me what would you do?
204- Leave me a ridiculous question:
205- Leave me a cute message: Opinions and beliefs
206- Is the cup half full or half empty for you right now?
207- Do you believe in fate/destiny?
208- What you wish for on 11:11?
209- Do you consider yourself lucky? What’s your good luck charm?
210- Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets?
211- What is your religion, if any?
212- Would you go against your moral code for money?
213- What’s more important to you: strength of the body or strength of the mind?
214- How important you think education is?
215- If you were the president, what would you do?
216- If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change?
217- Is it the thought that counts? Or is that phrase circumstantial?
218- If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do?
219- Which movie character do you most identify with and why? 
Feelings and Others
220- Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early?
221- Post a photo/draw a picture/write a poem (pick one) of a moment of personal significance:
222- Say 5 things you love unconditionally:
223- What motivates you in life?
224- Something that you’re proud of:
225- Five words/phrases that make you laugh:
226- Share the story of something that makes you smile:
227- Something you always think “what if…” about:
228- What was something you used to enjoy, but was ruined for you? What’s the story behind that?
229- Describe one of the most awkward experiences of your life:
230- Something/someone that you miss:
231- Are you over your past?
232- What is your saddest memory?
233- One of the hardest moments in your life:
234- Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?
235- What’s something you want to do that you’d be embarrassed to tell other people about?
236- What was your most embarrassing moment?
237- Share one of your fears/insecurities:
238- Something you’re currently worrying about:
239- Have you done something you regret very much?
240- If you could take something back that you said or did, what would it be?
241- Does anyone hate you?
242- Do you hate anyone?
243- Are you good at hiding your feelings?
244- What’s something you hide about your personality?
245- How do you approach social situations?
246- Are you a social or an antisocial person?
247- Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
248- Do you care if people talk badly about you?
249- How do you deal with criticism?
250- How you hope your future will be like?
251- What’s something that scares you about the future?
252- Five intems you lust after:
253- One thing you’re excited for:
254- Describe the most terrifying/strangest/beautiful dream you’ve ever had:
255- Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
256- Who is your celebrity crush?
257- Make a confession:
12K notes · View notes
strab3rr · 2 days ago
Text
(long story and no short sorry) GUYSSS I DID ITT
I INDUCED IT!!!!! I WAS PURE AS A FUCKING BABY
IDK WHAT TO SAY (ok enough w capslock)
i have so much to say and not a thing at da same time idk how
anyway i want to begin with thanking you @b4ddprincess bc youre the reason i realized why i started this thing. thank you for making my life better and make me realized what i need to do: nothing. (its same for you guys, all u have to do is nothing)
two fuckn years ago i said to myself that i need a better life, quiter life, less fight with everthing bc everything was so loud and not clear i was feeling lost like a child in the market, and i wanted to make things better for myself in every way, but the main idea of my reasons to wanting to get in the void was: making anxiety go and having better people in my life. but the ''voidlist'' just never stopped bc im kinda greedy(having the idea of controling on your life, the idea of that power makes you greedy. yes thats a thing) anyway the more i add to the list the more i feel like im movin away from my desires then i feel depressed bc ive overcomplicating it bc theres so many things to do but i dont do anything so nothing happend bc i was waiting to be someth happen. and then i started doing awkwardly silly things such as: void routines and challenges and (im embarrassed of this one bc i was too desperate) drinking water
youve read it correct drinking water.
i was sooo desperate for having those things id do anything to get them.
i am simple. i want what everyone wants🎀🎀🎀: shifting realities bc i have so many crush and i need them to be crush me in bed(for 2020 girlies)
being an academic weapon is so easy for me🎀(bc of the urge to make my family proud) +dream collage
being the girl that everyone gets along w(basic needs)
being the girl who is pretty not cute(trauma response)
glowing aura(cats loves people w glowing aura yes thats a thing too)
dream body n hair(bc i deserve this🎀)
healthy (girlyfriend)friends(basic needs)
and of course him, my sp(i cant tell wich one at that time but i releived that its not him now, bc MY BELOVED CURRENT BF. guyss he is the one. dont u dare ask me how you know? i literally manifested him🎀)
then i realized i can have everything bc its my reality so why not add these:
new phone, +macbook air
dream apartment of my own
pinterest closet
lifa app for this reality
financially free-money(a lot. like really a lot)
knowing 4 languages like a native person(bc i want to be diplomat so bad) +sign language(its in general)
a little drama(its not gonna hurt anybody)
my parents being more lovable and away from me
every time i try to get in, either i was failing or falling
and im sick of it, sick of it so much i quit.(for a year)
then i go to the theraphy(ofc no im jk ilove being crazy)
one day i saw a post ss from tumblr about pure consciousness on pinterest and i was like whaat is thiiss. no mention of void so i thougt its a diffrent thing and i download the tumblr again and search everything abt it. and same excitement again after one year same thougts and same list popes up in my head. and i was like ok maybe this time itll happen.
still waiting to be someth happen so nothing happend, it was such a waste of time trying to get in while i was already be, i was already what i want to become. i was that girl that everyone gets along with but i couldnt even see bc i was too focused on wanting to be. but still tried every night and failed. and again tried-failed-quit circle bc.. have you ever met me🎀
4 month ago i saw the girl, iconic blogger and the goddess of my dreams, her @b4ddprincess thx again love u so much
a post pops in my fyp and i see the words ''pure consciousness'' i was like noo not again. and i was serious abt it i wasnt gonna read the whole thing but it attract me n i couldnt resist it so ive read it from the top to the bottom. and she got my interest so i stalked her page from the last and to the first post. it was quiet a beautiful journey for me. lasted like 3 days, the end of the 3rd day i was ''woaw it was this easy all along? u cant be serious.'' she was. i tried one last time, no breathing exercise, no ridiculous routines and no waiting something to be happen. it was just me being real me chilling out asf.
and it was this easy and it should be this easy bc being your 4d self is being nothing also being everything at the same time. if u wanna be everything you should be nothing first(as wizardliz saying: drop the old story, leave the victimhood, for being better stop being bitter etc.)u should make a space for everything first and then u can be everything.
for being 4d self of yours stop being your3dself.
sooo long story (no)short i am writing this from my mac in my new apartment(in middle of the night bc i couldnt sleep and then one tumblr notification reminded me i have a success story to share too) and my phone buzzing two minutes a time bc of my friends while im writing this, so if theres anything wrong ignore it pls.
oh u asking my bf how cute, hes sleepin in my bed now, exhausted from the work n school balance.
YWS SCHOOL!! im in my dream collage and im going to be in paris for a week. i deserve a vacation i guess(its for another conference), i kinda hate french men bc theyre so mansplaning(not like how i imagined, its hard to be friends w them)girls are cute but i feel like theyre aware im not permanent there so we just con buddies still cute and hepful for this foreigner.
and i canceled the lifa app thingy bc i can be my purest consciousness anytime i want, so i am my lifa app.
and thx to 4 languages i make a lot of money and that brings us to the pinterest closet, yesterday i realiased that. theyre not comes to me w an imaginary way like i imagined! i go outside for shopping casually and theyre there luckily i have enough money to buy them.
and my family theyre living in our hometown now so as i want it to be, we are away from eachother.
and the most magical thing: SHIFTING REALITIESSS
i did 5 world before i met w my bf. it was such a wonderful experience. if you have doubts abt shifting you can go fuck urself
because sir i did it and i am very sure that dean winchester being my husband is not a daydream, fantasy nor lucid dreaming. believe it or not he kissed me GOD HE KİSSED ME(someone should stop me i have a bf)
is there anything i missed let me see.. cats i have 2 cats now and theyre adorable. glowing aura-check
the girl who is pretty not cute- check +make anxietygo-checkcheckcheck
dream body and hair- check and check
i wanna give u a info i didnt have all my desires by being my4dself
not directly actually. but i have them all. and thats the point.
im not trying to be a blogger but if you have any question abt anything, id be happy to help
now i need to upgrade things in my farm byeess
loves, siena.
273 notes · View notes
waywardsalt · 4 months ago
Text
with my phantom hourglass replay, there are two things i noticed;
a possible theme you could glean from the game is action vs inaction, and i think it's especially prevalent before you even leave mercay the first time, with oshus frequently urging link to not go after the ghost ship, then to just wait until the broken bridge is fixed, and seems reluctant at every turn while link and ciela are more than eager to go and do something about this problem, and the people of mercay in general talking about things and their problems but never seeming to act on their fears or desires, as well as the mention that due to the ghost ship, very very few people are still sailing around, while linebeck is one of the only people we see in the game actively going after the ghost ship and still sailing around. i might make a longer post just talking more about the action vs inaction in phantom hourglass but i just noticed it a bit and thought it was a bit of an interesting sort of theme you could find in the game.
linebeck moves so fucking much. i think he moves more than any npc in the rest of the game. not just in his intro cutscene where he is very animated, just in how much he moves when just standing in his little idle post, it's damn near distracting when the camera is focused on him, he moves a lot. i don't think i've really acknowledged how much he moves, and it really gives the impression that he's antsy or eager to get going, both of which fit him pretty well with how he acts.
#phantom hourglass#linebeck#loz#legend of zelda#salty talks#imo the action vs inaction thing feels esp interesting to me when looking at oshus specifically. he and his world are in grave danger#and he knows it and he actively does nothing and even seems reluctant to let ciela and link go ahead and do something.#of course he comes around on it but it's very interesting. has he given up at that point? thats what it suggests to me#that hes like. joined the people of mercay in just lying down and waiting for other people to fix their problems or just. not do anything#otherwise on mercay you have that old guy in the bar who spends the whole game not leaving bc he doesnt want to face his wife#and she never goes to the bar to actually look for him and just talks about it if anything#the guy with the blue tunic talks a lot about linebeck and his ship and almost gives the impression that he really wants to talk to him#but yknow. doesnt. theres the women that tells you about docks being shut down and how linebeck is the only person who's showed up#the woman you see at the broken bridge who's just like oh well! time to wait til someone fixes it.#even the guy fixing the bridge iirc is like well fuck i gotta do it or else oshus is going to bitch at me abt it#everyone seems reluctant to act which makes for an interesting way in how our main crew stands out#it is less so oh theyve been chosen specifically for this its moreso they're the ones who are fucking doing something about this#for their own various reasons some of which are more selfish but theyre still doing something#will likely have more stuff to say when im done but ofc we have other characters in the game who have to do with this#anyways. linebeck is so animated all of the fucking time it's great i dont think theres any other character that moves as much as him#when he's just standing around to talking to link it's great. he's so ready to get going.#it works with him being an anxious mess and also with like. oh he's probably understimulated. you know he's got a nasty case of wanderlust#i can put it with the idea that he's understimulated and afraid to stim in public so he's just constantly moving#he probably drums his fingers on tables bounces his leg when sitting paces around switches the way he sits or lays down often#tbh this kinda fits in with him being one of the main characters who takes action moreso than a lot of other characters#his arc culminates in him taking action he's going after the ghost ship he's moving around the world the only issue is that one of the#actions he takes is running away from his problems literally n metaphorically (tho idk if facing the jolene problem is a good idea for him)
16 notes · View notes
nexus-nebulae · 17 days ago
Text
love watching weather science videos but like. why am i 1000x more interested in tornadoes over hurricanes. they're both spinning air
#we wanted to be a stormchaser when we were younger#nowadays we have to worry about our health too much to have such a risky high-stress high reaction time job#been watching nothing but tornado history videos for days it's one of our intermittent special interests#stemming from the weather science workbook we OBSESSED over as a kid#would read that thing cover to cover multiple times a week. i was the kind of autistic who would read the Encyclopedia for fun#i actually had a fave encyclopedia entry as a kid and now i cannot fucking remember it 😭#i also learned what sex was through the encyclopedia 😭😭😭😭 was legit my first exposure to the concept#but like even though we watch A TON of weather videos including tons of stuff about thunderstorms and blizzards#(thunderstorms my fucking beloved. favourite weather pattern ever. cumulonimbus my bestest friend <3)#most of the videos we watch are mostly tornado videos. and hurricane videos feel boring to us#even though hurricanes are wayyy more powerful#tornadoes are still fucking powerful it's just more. concentrated#tornadoes to me feel Targeted like. that's weather that says Fuck YOU in particular actually#especially multivortex tornadoes where you can literally have two houses both in the middle of the storm at once#and still only one of them gets destroyed#or like pictures you can see of demolished houses with their mailbox in the yard simply untouched#i like to watch tornado videos bc they help me. prepare. just in case#our state gets hit with tornadoes pretty frequently though not as much as tornado alley#and i like to know all the information for sheltering and what to do in the event of a collapsed building and such#i have a little survival kit in the bathroom just in case with like basic first aid and a radio and bottled water#bc thats probably the safest room for me to be in since it's not near any external walls and also hiding in the tub is usually good#also in the event you're caught on the road during a tornado#DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE shelter under a bridge or overpass#those work basically like straws where as the air gets pushed through it goes MUCH faster and gets dangerous way easier#as far as im aware the best place to be is in a ditch or hole if you absolutely cannot find a shelter in time#if you do not have a car with roll protection then being in your car will probably be worse#NOT AN EXPERT THO pls verify this information on your own if you think it is relevant or necessary i have poor memory and can be stupid#i just know that overpasses are dangerous as hell
5 notes · View notes
legogender · 3 months ago
Text
caught up finallyyyy. that shit was FIRE
#ninjago spoilers#im loving the overarching plot even if some of the moment to moment stuff is losing me#in particular the dialogue felt rlly clunky to me a lot of the time w characters justttt. expositing at every chance#but i rlly like sora and arins arcs so far. really really good#arin is maybeeeee leaning a little too Evilllllll for my tastes BUT i do think it makes sense at least#finalllyyyy a good fucking corruption arc#found the kinda... prodigy sora on the stage at the end alone very powerful#it nice to see them growing at different rates and the conflict it might cause#still not sure what wfs deal is yet but i did rlly like her relationship w roby. super cute. they matched each others freak#i miss jayyyyy still but nice that its being built up to#hopefully it pays off nicely bc the 2 secs of it we got to see was... umm. not the bestttt#altho interesting to see now that jays been shattered.#also i assume it just went back to the administration? seemed that ras was done w it#i wonder if jay wld be able to find anything out abt itself if thats the case.....?#i mean youd assume it tried already. butttt u cld say maybe it was under the agency as jay gordon which wld have come up w nothing#UM ANYWAY i do rlly like where the story is going it feels rlly cool and different to have everything developing over time like this#compared to the more contained seasons from before#also just saying. if i was lloyd id straight up kill myself#rlly funny imagining llpyd getting back to the monastery and sighing and replacing kais photo w arins#yes yes. very good. zane saying cringe made my jaw drop#actually ill say i do hate how they r writing zane. but thats been an issue for forever now so wtfeverrrr
4 notes · View notes
echo-s-land · 7 months ago
Text
It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care
#vent ig#i wish i could#but unfortunately i havent had the occasion of sharing one of my interest with you in the past three months and when i did it didnt go as i#wanted and now we're supposed to talk through smalltalks except i dont know how to do those so im awkward as hell and unconsciously cut the#short and now im being hated (?) even tho that wasnt my intent#but i guess no matter how trustful i am i just look like a liar#and i cant even bring myself to care bc how am i supposed to explain myself when youre convinced what i say is a lie#we werent even supposed to be this close so sorry if im stiff. i tried to get along but i just cant#the never ending circle between 'i want to have ppl to interact with being alone to experience this world is exhausting and dreadful' and#'im not even remotely interested by any of you'#its different on tumblr bc i can curate my own experience & nobody comes @ me when i dont interact with them for days or weeks (BC IVE GOT#NOTHING TO SAY) and its okay and its normal and we dont have to do the 'hi how are you wyd' script every single time (sure we can check up#on each other once in a while but it doesnt become a script. it feels genuine.)#anyway. im so normal. i can def care about ppl that have never been as insane as me about something we both love(d at some point)#am pretty sure i developed 'i perceived you saying/thinking One(1) bad thing about me and now i dont care at all about your existence' as#a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened#i hate feeling apathetic#and i hate lying too so i cant just say shit to reassure them when i dont mean them#cant tell them im sorry about how my behavior is perceived when im so damn tired and would rather they disappear of my life
7 notes · View notes
randomwriteronline · 7 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
What's an identity but a lie?
(points at Velika) I've had enough of this dude
9 notes · View notes
soomanymoths · 11 months ago
Text
CrinklyTinfoil bs
Tumblr media
Just a collection of receipts since krys decided to go ahead and spew such backwards bs im no longer willing to keep this to myself - i only did in the first place because crinkles spouse (nightjarteeth) asked me to keep it tucked away for a while (Night is aware of the events and supports me in the situation last i checked). Crinkle really hates the idea of their behavior backfiring & someone they hurt speaking about the experience. They will do anything to discredit people, doesnt matter if they caused the sitch in the 1st place. Its all about appearances, distorting events and grasping at straws for them. If you're their reader and you choose to believe them - remember they were comfortable pulling wool over the eyes of their spouse and someone they called a "dear friend". Ask yourself why anyone else would be exempt from this. I might update this when i have more time on my hands.
14 notes · View notes
starlooove · 24 days ago
Text
I alluded to this in tags awhile ago but like. IK continuity doesn’t work this way and when things shifted from kooky and silly 40s stuff with psas scattered to like dark brooding whatever we’re supposed to take it as like either time passing with some hand waving to personalities or ‘it was always like this for them trust’ but thinking about dick specifically going from holy galloping grasshoppers Batman to dealing with Bruce in spyral and shit is so so so sad I can’t articulate it well rn but like everyone kinda agrees the shift happened after two face and jason but like no dick saw it all he saw it while it happened he saw Bruce taking tim to baseball games and then gaslighting him at 16 he saw the man who’d take care of a random baby on the fly threaten to send his youngest son back to the league he saw the man who helped usher in a new era of young heroes treat Steph like shit he saw the man who inspired hope for a future in civilians heroes and enemies alike take advantage of cass’ suicidal thoughts and separation from her own humanity he saw everything and he just has to. Deal. To everyone else this is just Bruce and ppl like Tim and cass justify it to an extent bc they love him and get exasperated and when Dick is angry but how couldn’t Dick be angry? That’s his dad and he’s being so fucking mean and idk I’m rambling
#i promise this is better thought out on the daily Im so so tired rn autocorrect is saving me#and It’s like the lighthearted era of the 40s smacking someone across the face into shit like throwing him into Jason’s memorial#like It’s not even whiplash bc it’s always happened it’s just. aaruhdsjak#and this is why I hate the entire thing where Bruce does nothing and it’s ALL terrible writing like#they had Superman doing corporal punishment bro idk#and not saying that’s good or necessary today I’m just saying unfortunately for Bruce Stans literally everyone is shaped by his behavior#It’s why they’re so fucked to eachother too#like the reason perfect dad bruce who’s only issue is miscommunication is annoying bc u#sets up every following issue tk ve of the same vein#he and Jason DONT have genuine morality clashes that usually end up violent and beLetha#near lethal bc they’re both secure in their own righteousness#It’s ‘they need to talk and Jason needs to call alfie and gl#go to Sunday brunch and Bruce needs to be okay with killing the really really bad ppl :(‘#like no bro sorry they’re not as wishy washy as u 🙄#that’s a joke#Im not saying bruxe should hit his kids I’m just saying when he does it’s not automatically the writer doesn’t know him#they might know him all too well actually#also it’s just the way it’s framed for me sorry I think Conflict is interesting#so bruce growing up (at 60 lmao) and dick just having to deal with it is sooo#like idk IK dc is trying to happy family Damian and Bruce rn but to me Bruce DID get somewhat better but Damian can’t ades#address tough shit without feeling luke he’s dragging it and rlly he should be grateful they’re turning a blind eye tk his mistakes so he#goes along with it#pretend the soulless ‘i hate you bc I’m insecure and secretly think ur my favorite Drake!’ is actually#‘i know the role I need to play in order to keep things smooth and if u#i talk to any of you genuinely I’ll explode and also you’ll hate me and also I think I’ll hate you I think I already do so’#that’s my coping#and thats for me personally like this entire post Is how I personally like to see it#i like happy go lucky batfam in microdoses except WFA y will not be forgiven for what u did to Duke#also for the og post I have a whole thing about how Bruce’s attempt to separate the man and the mask causes him to do crazy shit to his kids#but diff time THATS just how I get my middle between incorrect quotes bruce and dudebro bruce tbh
4 notes · View notes
nomairuins · 2 months ago
Text
bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏
#i did get thr laundry done didnt fold it didnt take a shower#so thatll hopefuly be tmrw#i hope im able to do an activity with somebody tmrw.... the kids will be back at school so umm. no risk of weeman asking for my laptop in#the morning. or maybe me n lamp could play aa... idk#i feel like such a loser i go 1 day without bothering my family and im like wahhh im lonely. Can you shut up ..... we r better than this.#but wtvr. thats also a mean thought and i shouldnt be idolizing the way i lived last year. We were taking spongebaths and eating#1 bowl of soup a day crying ourselves to sleep every night and literally going weeks on end wo talking to our loved ones. so why am i like#We need to go back ! well i know why its bc i cant just let myself heal and move on bc of my stupid complex#and tbf i was very efficient back then. i ws able to do my spongebaths at least every 3 days and i did my laundry every week right on#schedule and i had a job....all it took was literally not being a person in any meaningful way FJFNGJGN. idk#it was very simple. its still very simple perhaps simpler (#no job) but instead i just feel guilty i guess. sbt everything#which i ws doing last year but again i was too out of it to rly dwell. i just cried at work a lot abt it#but now its like. i dont have a job to go to to focus on. my interests/hobbies can only distract me for a few days maximum b4 they become#nothing 2 me. and then im just back in limbo again and it feels pointless#and even when its a 'good' phase of something actually keeping me distracted from everything its like. not. all it does is ruin my sleep#schedule again yk. ik im literally the timeloop guy so u think id loveee Everyday being exactly the same over and over and over but well i#dont. bc they arent actually the same day theyre just reminders that everything does keep fucking going but im stuck. which is the opposite#of what i want. and what id have if the beautiful timeloop would simply rescue me. wtvr tho.... she doesnt even know i exist 😥#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better#i ws gonna say like it used to be but. yk. ive been depressed since i was like 7 its not like. idk. i wish i was born different and i wish#my head worked and i wish none of it had evrr happened. but itis ok. i cant think of a funny cutesy alternative to put here so we will just#say nothing. yay
2 notes · View notes
foxcassius · 3 months ago
Text
i was bored to death at work on friday and wrote out some oc thoughts on marnin and selp and their personalities and i want to reiterate/summarize them here too
marnin is, first and foremost, careful, nervous, and guilty—he is quick to blame himself in any situation and is as careful as he possibly can be, especially around selp (when he is of his own mind). however, marnin is also curious and obsessive, and these things can build up and like consume his thoughts and cause him to act impulsively and without thinking. as careful as marnin tries to be in toeing the lines of their weird relationship, he is DEEPLY curious about everything about selp and of such an obsessive personality (and the two of them being isolated together doesnt really help keep his mind straight either) that he ends up crossing lines he normally wouldnt and then wallowing in guilt about it later. his guilty conscience also keeps him from picking up consciously on the signals selp puts out that beg him over the hazy, unclear lines between them; he picks up those hints only unconsciously, as they feed into his obsession, curiosity, and want.
selp, however, is putting out those signals at almost all times. for all that marnin is careful and reserved, selp is possessive and analytical and jealous. these might not be the first words you would use to describe him upon meeting him (or upon reading the story he features in), but they are his deepest and some of his strongest personality traits, especially in regards to the relationship he and marnin share. don't get me wrong, he tries to be careful with marnin. he knows marnin well and becomes very quickly acquainted with marnin's anxiety and conscience. this is why he doesnt push or act himself, usually. he doesnt want to frighten or distress marnin. but selp is obsessive to a whole other degree. marnin wants to know things; selp NEEDS to know every last thing about marnin in his efforts to "have" and "keep" him. it is why, especially in the beginning, selp takes so many more liberties asking questions, touching and investigating marnin physically, and making decisions for him. once they are on the ship alone among the stars and the boundaries between them begin to blur and selp sees how much this confuses and distresses marnin, that is when he takes more of a backseat role and encourages, flirts, asks leading, dangerous questions, and utilizes this new body language he has never tapped into before but that marnin reacts to. as little as selp understands the physical draw he feels, due to it not being a thing at all in olss culture, he thoroughly enjoys each heightening moment of intimacy between them and truly it is a feat of his restraint that he manages to maintain his more passive role as his need and obsession and desire to "have" increase as their encounters cross further and further into the realm of the sexual. i would say, especially in some of these ways, selp is manipulative, though i would try to argue he never goes too far with his manipulation, and marnin's guilt is entirely his own creation, as selp is always quick to assure him that 1) theyve done nothing wrong, marnin has done nothing wrong and 2) they BOTH acted, mutually
marnin is walking repression and restraint carrying simmering want that is forced to build and bubble over in outbursts that cause him, after the fact, to panic and apologize and beat himself up. selp is a vibrating, horny 600 year old who doesn't even know what sex is but wants it so so bad but restrains himself tremuously, waiting until marnin is on his wavelength and then sending out a steady stream of sub-atomic invitations to partake of his flesh. and they were made for each other.
#dont get me wrong selp is also genuine and sweet and loving#he wants to know EVERYTHING about marnin not just inspect his body sexually. and he is genuinely interested#he is a scientist after all. so he has a genuine scholastic interest in marnin's culture and language and biology#that goes along with his possessive wanting interest in those things#i feel like when im just describing their relationship i do selp no justice. he is funny + understanding + caring + protective + smart#and these are all a part of their relationship too!! but i have somehow struggled to figure out how marnins timid personality would ever be#brave enough to lay his hands on selp and do what both of them want so badly to do. and it does HAVE to be him i have tried.#when selp initiates physically instead of just sending out supersonic waves marnin panics and doesnt know how to react#when marnin takes the initiative and therefore CAN blame himself for a second he is easier to assure him and he gets a little less guilty#every time. after a certain point. he feels more guilty every time until he reaches a breaking poiny and they have an intervention#(marnin had shied away from verbally recognizing the fact that they wanna fuck each other bc he didnt understand it. also taboo.)#and then after the intervention he feels a little better and more confident each time they touch each other (half the time not even sexually#btw) until he is totally comfortable and confident in it#<- shoves all that to the side* ANYWAY HAHA THIS SAYS NOTHING ABOUT ME IN COLLEGE. HAHA THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME PERSONALLY.#MY OCS ARENT A REFLECTION OF ME WHEN I MADE THEM THEY ARENT. THEY ARENT.#t
3 notes · View notes
orcelito · 4 months ago
Text
God I don't wanna go to therapy tomorrow. Sick of talking about my feelings in a clinical setting. I do enough psychoanalysis just by myself, and now I gotta sit through it with someone else??? Come on.
#speculation nation#i say as if i didnt submit myself to this and am not willingly paying for this to continue#idfk man ive always hated therapy. just kinda kept it going bcus i was so messed up about the whole grief shit#and i guess it's been maybe helpful. i dont know.#SHOULD i mention this tomorrow? i already know it's ass and entirely undeserved#if i did it'd mostly be another source to complain about it. theres really nothing anyone can say to make it better#bc it's bullshit and it already happened. and i already have the objective proof of yet another person losing interest in me.#... i dont know. i feel like it's inevitably going to come up. it's already taken up so much of my thoughts.#my every dream last night stemmed from it all. it was such a fitful night of sleep.#i can only pray that i dont dream about it tonight too. i want a fucking break from it all.#i hope she loses sleep from guilt. i hope she hurts every time she remembers what she did to me.#i hope she comes around tomorrow so she can see the face she kissed and she lied about loving#so she can remember im a person with feelings too. a person who opened up to her. a person who trusted her.#............ okay maybe i should talk about my blatantly vicious retaliatory remarks with my therapist.#i tried to reign it in but Bitch Mode definitely came out earlier today. when it was fresh. and i just wanted to make her Hurt.#i still want that honestly. i want her to truly regret doing this. to be filled with so much guilt for how she chose to do it.#i cant change her feelings. no matter how much i might want to. but i sure as hell can make her regret it.#i feel like im allowed a bit of petty bitchiness after this bullshit. but i also dont like the person i become like this.#anger issues. perhaps i should talk about my anger issues with my therapist.#easier than just rehashing the whole breakup. though i'll probably have to do that some too.#but better to have a goal for it. a direction to focus on. so that it's not just me complaining.#... it still wont be fun. and my ex mentioned coming round an hour after my therapy ends for dropping the shit off.#so Assuming she actually shows up (still not convinced she will after she flaked on me twice)#it's gonna be therapy and then seeing her right after. god it's gonna suck.#i'll try to do some homework maybe. and then maybe see if anyone wants to hang out later tomorrow.#my friends r the real ones. hanging out with me for 7 hours... they traded off between them but still#for 7 hours i was not alone. and that was very nice of them to do.#good things. positives! focusing on the positives. i am a healthy person with a healthy outlook on life. smiles.
3 notes · View notes
waywardsalt · 2 months ago
Text
man just about every new little bit of that new totk book i see just makes me feel more and more rabid
14 notes · View notes
homophyte · 2 years ago
Text
it is interesting to me that ive seen lately (n yknow this is subjective and likely not any real social force just what ive seen) many queer people simultaneously talking about taking back and embodying unpalatable and ‘unmarketable’ queerness (the recent return to the terms faggot and transsexual come to mind) which i think is pretty evidently shaped by the conservative moment were in of demonizing queer ppl and especially gnc and trans people as predators--it reads as a return to queer isolationism in the face of external hostility, imo--while at the same time ive seen a lot of rallying around the “original” 6 stripe rainbow flag as opposed to any of the purportedly ‘factional’ flags of different queer identities, with the assumption being different identity flags divide us while the rainbow flag encompasses everyone and its kinda fascinating to me bc the rainbow flag is probably the single most marketable and palatable and uncontroversial symbols of queerness which has been seamlessly uptaken by those who wish to sell it back to us as gets pointed out every pride month with all the cringey pride merch.... i dunno you could maybe take that as a point of hypocrisy and claim the queer community is itself in a conservative moment rn where its returning to a sense of history and historical continuity (perhaps even out of that sense of external threat) or even that the queer community has for some time been in a conservative moment given the like, decade of identity discourse and lashing out at any people deemed to not have a sufficiently established history or however we should categorize the bihets/ace discourse/transtrender-tucute discourse/pan discourse/bi lesbians discourse (because lets be frank its essentially all the same discourse just keeping up its momentum by leapfroging from one target to the next) which i think is, like, SOMEWHAT true but not entirely? its more interesting to me, in any case, as an expression of a conflict the queer community is facing given that current state of affairs RE antitransness and that very recent history. like, the simultaneous need to retreat to a safe sense of community which is welcoming to the very things the outer world is demonizing ie mutable gender, complex or contradictory experiences of gender, gender expression which is hostile to the cis binary, but also the ways in which it has to grapple with those discourses which have largely defined the community infighting for again the past decade. its queer people begging the question ‘how can we make the queer community welcoming to the girlfags and genderfucks and tboys who are being threatened when we have spent so much time making the queer community a hostile place for anyone with a non-conventional or not easily (or even just palatably) sortable sense of queer identity’. and the answer it seems to be grappling with at the moment is like, welcoming all that diversity of experience but being absolutely averse to naming it. yes we love all the fuckery with gender and sexuality never be marketable but like, ew, why are you calling yourself [insert microlabel here]. you can be genderweird but you cant call yourself genderweird. you can only exist as queer in the broadest possible way (the all-inclusive gay pride flag!) but if you try to name the specifics or use those identity labels weve been fighting over for years youre doing it wrong (the progress pride flag is now ugly and cringey and ‘too much’). i think theres something also to the way (at least on this site) transmisogynistic discourses have really taken hold as legitimate (though yknow i wont downplay how much a problem transmisogyny has like. always been in queer spaces no matter what) in the name of protecting n defending trans people. like its just regurgitated transmisogyny but its being mobilized supposedly in the service of helping trans people. idk its definitely getting a little late for me to string this together fully coherently but theres a throughline there, in the ways certain ideas are being consolidated and reified as ‘yes were more progressive now!’ when i think theres definitely something to question there in terms of like...are we? are we actually? are we doing better by the people were trying to help or are we setting strict standards and forcing ppl to adhere to them again?
#myposts#this is long and honestly probably Nothing#i dont even really have a way of proving its the same group of people saying both things except fro anecdotally seeing it#and even thats not proof either is a real social force with like power. i could be entirely wrong on every count here#but i do think theres something to the idea that like#as ive seen said#yknow 'ace discourse never ended you all just accepted ace people didnt deserve support and then moved on w those views internalized'#i think thats more broadly true for like. all those discourses i mentioned. and for the transmisogyny i alluded to#but honestly i dont even want to name the specific phenomenon im talking abt there bc those people. scare me.#but yknow ill say it ive felt way more pressure lately to not call myself pan than i did at the height of pan discourse#before it became cringe to care about it and instead of actively shitting on pan ppl we moved on to passively doing it#ive largely started just. calling myself bi to avoid the arguement. which i predicted i would have to do years ago#and now look at me doing it! not really a fluke that its happening now. i think#which isnt to say were moving 'backwards' per se but that these ideas are not now and never have been really challenged#so weve just internalized their logics--reactionary logics--and its having an interesting effect now that we need a progressive community#for our safety.#now we cant say anything about it because to bring it up is jeopardizing everything weve built and the people were keeping safe!#cause we dont count as people deserving of safety were disruptors who only belong when we dont make noise. idk. or thats how i feel#again i dont really know if this is true at all im more just...thinking through it i think#basically like what im seeing--i think--comes from simultaneously that need to be unmarketable in the face of hostility#coming into conflict with a decade of momentum to make queers solely marketable. and i think thats producing some interesting--but sucky#--discourses in the current moment#last disclaimer that i might and am likely totally wrong! okay lauren out. post send *nervous sweating*
24 notes · View notes
maggot-baggage · 6 months ago
Text
One thing ive been trying to work on is being more outspoken or just speaking in general bc i realize. In a way. Ive used the excuse that nothing i say or do really matters let alone worth mentioning to others, so I just keep quiet and stop posting and talking and messaging people
3 notes · View notes
opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
Text
...
#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
6 notes · View notes