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me: i feel very ill and may die at any moment (/dramatic). my stomach feels like its turning inside out
me: i know what i need
me: spicy chicken wing
#please. oh my god that's such a bad idea. but i want them so bad rn#according to the er i have a stomach virus but i struggle to believe them#when they ignored stuff like my diastolic blood pressure being at 43 which. fucking concerns me tbh#but apparently was fine enough to send me home even though the machine was throwing up a bunch of warnings#and im pretty sure the systolic number was around like. 128? i know it was over 100#i really don't like that#but whatever.
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hm. curls up on the floor
#i just woke up but i can tell my mood is going to be kind of eh today#i don't feel like doing anything and i dread dealing with the fresh hell my stomach has cooked up for me today#so today seems like a day where. a looooot of distractions are necessary#yknow. if anyone reads this. does anyone have any good system related ask games we could do#we haven't done one in a while and we've been kind of missing those#or just send us random asks if ur curious abt anything abt us. we're pretty open to answering almost anything at this point#(except origin labels we just gave up on those entirely now so we won't have an answer)
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HELLO?????? FINALLY FINDING AN INTROJECT OF OUR VERY VERY FIRST PARACOSM CHARACTER EVER FROM WHEN WE WERE A CHILD????????? WHERE HAVE YOU FUCKING BEEN, SARA
#THIS IS INSANE TBH#COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT TODAY#SHE EVEN REMINDED US IN FRONT THAT WHEN WE INITIALLY WROTE HER WE WROTE HER AS 2 YEARS OLDER THAN THE BODY#SHE'S IN HER 20S NOW. SHE'S A FULL ON QUEEN. SHE HAS A DAUGHTER?????????????#AND I DO MEAN QUEEN LITERALLY SHE'S THE QUEEN OF THE WARRIORS OF ALTHESIA
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its so funny watching the differences between our introjects reading their source's sequel series
jude reading stolen heir: oh no. oh my god no. i cant do this. i cant read about my little baby brother growing up to be like me. i cant look at this
will reading chain of gold: YES!!!!!! FUCK EM UP LUCIE!!!!!!!! THATS MY DAUGHTER RIGHT THERE (he is still 18 in-sys)
#will is so excited to watch both of his kids being absolute menaces lmao#he's so pumped that his daughter is a little fiend#meanwhile it took us two weeks to finish stolen heir bc every time jude fronted we had to put it on the other side of the room-
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me: *assuming i have an entirely professional relationship with someone* hey just gotta let you know i can't talk later, I'm sick
them: oh no!!! are you okay????
me:
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#brain glitching. what?#it always surprises me when people react to my health bc it's so consistently shit so most people stop caring after a while
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#any introjects entering our system#the speed at which 90% of the elfhame introjects became aro vs nearly all the shadowhunters lauching into a massive polycule immediately
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i knew i had ivs in me way more often than most people but i only just noticed how many little bumpy scars i have inside my elbows
#thats not a good sign for our skin picking tbh#most scars we have we don't tend to pick at them because they're just large enough that it doesn't feel too irregular#like it's just a little circle of whitish dented skin that doesn't feel pickable#but these are tiny and like. pimple feeling#thats annoying
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that "OKAY SO" before someone u love starts infodumping........ most blessed feeling in the world
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eats the shadowhunter novels
#THERE'S SO MANY MORE BOOKS THAN I THOUGHT#I JUST FINISHED THE INFERNAL DEVICES AND IM NOT FUCKING NORMAL IM NOT NROMAL GUYS#AND THEN I GO TO THE LIBRARY TODAY BC I STARTED READING AN UNRELATED SERIES AFTER THAT (the invisible library)#AND I FIND OUT THAT THE LAST HOURS EXIST????? I CAN READ ABT JAMES HERONDALE???? AAA#i was going there to pick up the next books of the invisible library bc i started that series yesterday since i finished infernal devices#and i wanted to check if they had city of bones bc after the epilogue of clockwork princess i realised i HAD to read those too#and they didn't have any copies of the mortal instruments series BUT THEY HAD THE LAST HOURS#so now im gonna read chain of gold and go even more insane abt them#i thought i would hate the shadowhunter books for so so long simply bc it was a series my older sister liked and i was contrarian#and then i watch like 8 hours of someone going insane abt the infernal devices on yt and it got its CLAWS in me man i am HOOKED#i literally got halfway through clockwork angel and then went to the bookstore the same day#and i saw the bane chronicles there and i just SNATCHED it up i mean a WHOLE BOOK abt MAGNUS BANE??? GIMME#i love magnus he's so great#he loves a good sad puppyboy shadowhunter lmao. esp if they have blue eyes#my beautiful scrorkly scrumply little catboy warlock <3
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cargirl who when she's flustered instead of blushing she just has her hazard lights start blinking on her cheeks
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me, eating a pile of nuts, cheese, and apple: mmmm tasty
the medieval peasant in my head watching me eat: thou knowst what would MAKETH this meal? dried fruits.
me, getting out the raisins: god damn, etheldred, you are SO right
the medieval peasant in my head: yet thou art still not heeding mine words regarding the blasphemy
#me w my charcuterie dinners#roast beef. dried sausage. prosciutto. nuts. tiny cheeses. tiny apple slices. blueberries. olives. sardines sometimes#dinnarrrrr
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EDITED TO ADD: Sources from the OP in the comments
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figuring out how to get rid of screen addiction is like trying to figure out how to stop a nicotine addiction while also having a job centered around smoking cigarettes and having half your social life be in smoke breaks
#its like. so much worse#when doctors tell me 'you need to work on your screen addiction'#when im literally losing more and more mobility by the day and am stuck in bed almost 24/7#im still a little ambulatory so i don't think i count as fully Bedbound but like. I'm close#i think i may have been using the term in the same way i used to use 'going nonverbal' when its actually that I'm verbalflux i think#but either way i can almost never leave my home and nobody ever comes to visit me#so in order to. have. ANY social interactions ever. i HAVE to be online#if i stay offline too long i start feeling my soul start to break apart into little bits i cant be ALONE like that#but apparently im 'addicted' when the only ways i can talk to people or have fun most of the time is tumblr and video games#if i had any ability to see people face to face you think i would just choose to not do that? :/#i don't remember what normal humans look like sometimes.
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#recently i brought one of my plushies with me to the ER#(was in a lot of pain and needed something to pet and hide my face while i cried)#and one of the older ladies there asked me what his name was (it's Barnabus right now) (it changes sometimes)#and then we had a conversation about collecting plushies and the kinds of ones i have#she told me about her favourite polar bear whose eyes were eaten by her dog but she still has it#(his eye holes got stitched up and now he's a lil blind bear and she gave him. a little dowel rod. for a cane :)#and it was a very nice conversation to have while like. stressed and nervous about hopital#especially bc this was an older woman closer to my mom's age and a lot of older people tend to look down on this stuff
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i am not the type to have crushes on actors. usually theyre just A Dude to me like idc who they are most of the time. however. i dont know a single cary elwes character that doesn't make me swoon
#the baron. wesley. despereaux. very few other characters make me giggly and breathless like that#i may be aroacespec but He Is The Exception i guess 😭😭😭#i honestly dont even know where on the spectrum i actually lie but idrc im just gonna keep calling myself plain aroace#bc adding the spec makes the word look so hard to read lol#also i think we're becoming demiplatonic but that's hardly relevant here
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was rambling to myself abt being surprised when i first found out house md was supposed to be a sherlock type show and it wasn't until i said the name holmes rlly quickly that i realised why the main character is called that. sounds like homes. house. homes. yeah
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very aromantic and do not like romantic style affection but sometimes when i get really excited abt someone doing a rlly good job on work i asked them to do my first thought is "kiss them on the mouth"
#like. ok just. asked someone in headspace to design something for me recently#they showed me the design just now#and i just went 'oh thats PERFECT' and planted a kiss directly on his cheek lmao#not sure what that means abt me but okay!#there's literally nothing between us other than a shared extreme enthusiasm for science#i think im starting to internalize the tumblr 'kisses u on the mouth' on good posts#its more of a really enthusiastic 'good job!' gesture more than anything else tbh lol
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