#this probably would be good if it were. made better. but im too disabled and poor to make it from scratch

[nexus-nebulae]

rating: ooough. tummy hurt

spicy is Weird mixed with burger condiments but also there wasn't enough sauce on the wings to Not put on kepchup and muster

kinda mid. probably would be better if it were. intentionally cooked to be eaten this way instead of being ordered from two different places

i wonder what it would taste like to put chicken wings on a burger

[olinblogin]

Nervously shuffling in (/silly)

Can I request Salo from Arcane x reader (gn or masc) where reader was basically like a right hand/assistant for him before the events of S2, and now they're by his side like 24/7? Basically just being the one to look after him the most and trying to get him to have a better attitude about life/himself following the accident that lead to him needing a wheelchair

˚✧༚ SELF LOVE ˚✧༚

˗ˏˋ♡ ~SALO X GN/M!READER~ ♡´ˎ˗

contents: sorta fluff, POSSIBLE S2 SPOILERS, slight angst???, PROBABLY OOC IM SORRY, brief mentions of gory stuff

•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•

When you were accepted to work as an assistant for one of the Councilmen of the Piltover University, you were absolutely thrilled.

You were assigned to work for Salo, be by his side almost 24/7.

With the time you got to know him, you deduced that he was snippy, a bit arrogant… sort of stupid too— at least when he tried a bag of nuts to Torman Hoskei, to which he was allergic to…

Despite it all, he was kind to you… almost sweet.

But when you found him, legs mangled under rubble from an attack, it only seemed to go downhill from there. There was so much blood.

Salo was restrained to a wheelchair, needing your assistance to get around the Academy—with all the stairs and lack of disability aids, it’s was severely difficult.

He also grew colder, he’d snap at you easier… you’ve made progress on that and he doesn’t snap at you anymore. Cant say the same for the rest of the Councilmen.

•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•

Pushing Salo’s wheelchair through the crowded streets of Piltover, you found yourself giving dirty glares to people who only moved out of the way last second and tripped up on Salo’s wheelchair.

“Such incompetence for those without able-bodies…” he muttered with a sneer.

You frowned and looked at him while maneuvering him over a pothole. “Yes… that’s true. Perhaps we need to have a meeting to install mobility aids—“

“No,” Salo quickly snapped back. “It isn’t necessary. At least not for the likes of me. As long as you’re here with me, I can get by just fine.” He mumbled, jostling about a little bit when the terrain changed.

Your face only saddened at his words. Ever since in this wheelchair, he’s been so self deprecating. It’s painful to see.

•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•

Once at the building Salo had been visiting recently, you entered and dropped him off in the room he usually visits, waiting outside.

You watched as Lest walked by, smiling up at the tall, feline woman. “Evening, Lest.” You greeted with a kind smile.

“Good evening, [Y/N]… today’s appointment won’t take long. Only about 20 or so minutes.” Lest smiled and spoke kindly while opening the door, and leaving you in the hall.

You were so deathly curious as to why he came here so often. What he and Lest did… it made you realize how little you also knew of Lest. She was a kind, fair woman however… so you couldn’t complain.

Once Lest exited later on, you two shared your goodbyes.

Usually Salo would tell you to wait for a long time outside the room after Lest left and called you in… but… you needed to see.

As you opened the door you stiffened slightly at the sight before you: Salo lying on the couch in nothing but his briefs with a blissful expression, markings painted on his body in a faded purple hue.

“Salo?” You called out quietly and closed the door, locking it, so nobody could come in.

Salo lazily turned his head to you, his eyes clouded with bliss. “Mmh. Hey there, [Y/N]. I thought I told you to… stay out in the place-…” he mumbled and stumbled over his words, forgetting some.

“The hallway? Yeah, I know…” you hummed and crouched next to him by the couch. “Why are you doing this.” You glowered at him, eyebrows knitted with anger. “I thought you said you hated shimmer.”

Salo traced his finger along the linings of the couch seams. “I changed my mind… it helps—“

Salo’s head was suddenly snapped to the side, a slap echoing across the room as the back of your hand made contact with his cheek. That seemed to sober him up extremely fast.

You reeled back slightly with shock of what you had just done. “My apologies, sir…” you stepped back with a hint of timidness.

“No—“ Salo propped himself up on his elbow. “I..- you’re right.” His eyes lowered… before he quickly covered his lower body with the blanket draped across the top of the couch. “It makes me feel something for once. Especially in my legs.”

You frowned and hooked your arm around his legs and wrapped one around his waist too, pulling him into his wheelchair since he was still too inebriated to move on his own. “Let’s get you back home… and get you sobered up. We’ll talk when you’re in the right mind.” You sighed as he clumsily got into his clothes.

•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•·.·''·.·•

Once you finally got Salo home, he was pretty sobered up alright, but you could tell there were still lingering effects of the shimmer.

As he was sat at his desk, doing his paperwork, he kept looking at you, his expression a bit insecure.

“Salo… what’s with that face. You only have that face when somethings eating you up.” You scolded knowingly.

It made him shy away slightly before leaning back and looking up at you. “Thank you…- for earlier, I mean. You made me come to my senses…” he muttered that last part, fingers slightly gliding over his cheek as he felt the sting of your slap.

He never realized how strong of a hand you had.

You came up close to him, your face close to his… “You act smart… but you’re such a dimwit.” You huffed. “Don’t do that shit again, because I’ll snack you upside the head next time.” You poked his forehead playfully.

The space between you two closed as your lips met. Salo wrapped his arms around your neck, while you carded through his gracious blonde hair.

You pulled away, your noses were pressed together at the bridges. “I won’t… you have my promise.” Salo mused quietly, enjoying your embrace.

[marcusbrutus]

I feel like I have a tumblr anon in my brain…. Like a tiny cop. But it’s an chronically online anonymous weirdo. And every thought I have, I get “anons” telling me how it’s problematic and I should kill my self LOL The other morning I saw an RFK sign and I thought doesn’t he have brain worms, someone running for president shouldn't have brain worms. maybe apply for literally any other job. and the anon was like ummm ableist much? Like WHAT. I turned off anon on tumblr a while ago, so even if I post something “risky”, someone will have to tell me what they think to my face. They can’t hide. Even posts I think are innocuous can be wildly misinterpreted, and someone will probably call me problematic. But even if no one says anything, I still hear it. In my brain. Sometimes I delete things because the thought is so strong. I’m probably not gonna make it to any heaven or enlightenment because I can’t forgive yourfaveisproblematic. In my mind, Tumblr was great before then, or at least it felt that way, and that blog sewed the seeds for cancel culture in the future. That stuff sticks to my brain, even if I don’t want it too. When you put sins like "said disabled people shouldn't be alive" on the same level as "has a tattoo in a language they don't natively speak," it is very confusing to a people-pleasing undiagnosed autistic 14 year old. I felt/feel like I can’t like anyone or anything because it’s ~problematic~ I worry it will never go away, because it affected me in my developing years, 14-19 I want to get better, but it’s hard. I wish I could run from the internet, but I can’t. It’s a part of life now. It’s how we stay connected. But it’s also like…. Idk. The internet used to be my safe space, right? Deviantart. Early tumblr. Seeing weird people like me made me feel less alone. I was a weeb surrounded by “preps” for lack of a better word, not that I didn’t have friends but NONE of them were into what I was into, you know? And no one became as obsessive about things like books and anime like I did, except online. But now it’s like, idk, corruption of the garden of Eden. But instead of me eating the fruit, the garden/internet ate the fruit. The world is too different now… I can’t keep up. And it’s not just because I’m getting older. Things happen faster now. Trends will last half a year when in the past they would have lasted a decade. I hate knowing everything all of the time. I hate that my garden is now a cesspool.

I’m just angry that people on tumblr and lefty spaces online are so blind to their own propaganda, and calling it out is “hate.” Like idk, I guess I expected better from people who are supposed to be ~intellectuals~. Well, if YouTube video essays have taught me anything, style over substance goes a LONG way. And they’re like “oh we’re so compassionate and we want a better future” but they tell everyone to kill themselves and laugh when red states get devastated by natural disasters it's not just that but it's like…. if you're not constantly aware of everything, you're ~part ofthe problem~ #wakeupamerica. silence is violence, blah blah blah. it's just hard because i grew up with a strict dad so learned to be a people pleaser. i'm extremely sensitive to guilt and shame. and all most of the internet has done since 2014 is shame everyone for everything. you're either with Us (good, pure, morally righteous) or you're with Them (problematic, evil). you don't want to be gasp problematic, do you? you don't want to have a callout post made about you and lose all your friends, right? well, keep you nose clean and reblog all the right posts so we know which side you're on an maybe, maybe we'll leave you alone. i have the stress of someone in debt to a mob boss. nah it's more like… i have the stress of everyone in the scarlet letter and im hoping everyone will keep their eyes on the Villain of the Week and leave me alone there's a decent video called "how to radicalize a normie." i say decent because it treats radicalization like a right-wing only issue and the "answer" to right wing radicalization is, of course left wing radicalization. "Even though they're on the bad, evil side, there's still hope because we can get them to our good, morally righteous side!" That kinda bs, and I say bs not in a left vs right way. According to my dad I'm a full blown communist! I'm saying it in the sense that the answer to radicalization isn't "just radicalize them to the other side." That's not at all helpful. You might as well tell an alcoholic who likes jameson to just switch to jack daniels. It's all poison, it's all harmful. ANYWAY, he talks about how most people don't set out to be radicalized, the politics comes to them. That happened to me - but on the left. And I'm sure if I left a comment on his video saying as much, he'd say it didn't happen or say it was a good thing. On tumblr, I came for anime. And for the first year, I got anime. But then I got really intense political stuff. "silence is violence." "i see you not reblogging this." "if you're not angry, you're not paying attention." I was 14-15, sheltered as fuck, I don't know anything about the world but now tumblr is convincing me that I know more about political issues than anyone. And it changed me. And it fucked me up. and I want to get unfucked. But I don't know how. I feel like an internet alcoholic. Like, even if I do stop using it, it will still be there, haunting me, forever, you know? because all my friends use it, not just you guys but irl friends. and the internet is effecting the real world. I miss the days when there was the internet, then there was reality. but now the internet is the reality. That's why I also fell so hard for the [REDACTED] stuff. Tumblr made me think everyone was [REDACTED] because like 99% of tumblr is [REDACTED], and I was worried about it because god help you if you question anything or show the slightest bit of concern. God help you if you're not full steam ahead on everything. I want to escape the matrix. I hate the hypocrisy…. And I hate even more that I’m also a hypocrite. I fall for group think and propaganda but act like I’m above it all. I hate social media but use it every day. YouTube too. I guess that’s why I get so mad when I see them act like that. It reminds me of me. People think the consequences of social media on a teenage girl are like "omg I was feeling good about myself….. but then I saw a model on Instagram… alas. I will never be her. I weep."

But it's more like: Oh my gosh, I just saw a post asking for mutual aid (aka MONEY, BABY) and I scrolled past. What if they died because they couldn’t afford food because I didn’t reblog their post? But what if I DID reblog their post, but it was a scam, and I led my followers to give money to someone who didn’t need it instead of someone who did?

I was hoping to share more examples, but I'm worried someone will misinterpret, and even though anon is off, the anon in my brain is on. always. on. i keep going back to the internet because i keep expecting it to get good again… like how it was. for some reason, i can't accept that it will no longer be my safe space. i wish i had a massive angel to keep me out, or something. like the actual garden of eden. I have to accept that it will never get better. I have not only an addiction to the internet, but to the obsessive thoughts it brings. By wishing it will get better, and continuing to use it, I am chasing a dragon. That is to say, I'm hoping for the same feelings I got from initially using the internet. No one ever catches the dragon. anyway, if you read all that... thank you so much! i'm taking a break from the internet, until mid november at least. maybe by then, it will be better. or not. we'll see.

[jellyaibo]

breaking my silence...i fuckng hate this "genre" of object show gijinka and im tired of acting like it isnt . bland

(using ii gijinkas as my guinea pigs for this, considering i really ONLY see these kinds of gijinkas in the ii side of the osc)

they are just. all the same build, usually same hairstyles and fashion theres NOTHINGGG that differentiates one persons gijinka from another because thats how similar they look to me, also if i were to color these do u think it would make it more obvious who is who? (if u cant already tell who is who obvs. its tt, fan & pickle but ohhhh my god THERESS NO SAUCE)

this might just sound fucking insane on my part but also even though these gijinkas dont have natural skintones (obvs trying to match the objects) they completely lack any features that say they ARENT white (i mean like very eurocentric) finding one with afro hair is like looking for a needle in a haystack (im being so serious ive barely seen any . kind of diversity like that)

and not even just diversity in races too, because 99% of them are all tall and skinny they just completely lack any body diversity (once again, very eurocentric yk yk) and because of that they have. awful silhouettes (unless they have VERY defining features which is fucking rare, so unless you have a really unique design a lot of people probably can't tell who is who unless you either squint really hard or have them be colored in)

my point is . these gijinkas just dont look good like at all. (im not gonna kill anyone for making gijinkas like this btw but ill def squint at you rlly hard but thats just me) and i think people should try to go and experiment with more expressive and fun designs that can make these blokes rlly stand out more!!! (something as simple as just, giving them acne, making them shorter/taller than they actually are, wacky hair n cool disability aids etc. just fucking go nuts!!! diversity just. makes better designs imho)

i designed these kinda on the spot (im sorry pickle) and like. even if they might look a little bland imo they have way more personality than the designs above!!!!!!!!!!! its not hard lichurally all u need to do is get an idea n try it

also i didnt know where to put this but like. another example of why i think these gijinkas just fucking suck: i uhhhh made my loser gijinka into one

her joy? her happiness? her personality and transsexual swag? GONE. SUCKED AWAY FROM HER BEING. she is a HUSK

my final note(s) on this is like. just go experiment brah im sooo tired of seeing these ohh please im so exhausted...EVEN IF U ARENT CONFIDENT IN UR DESIGNING SKILLS . GOING AND TAKING THAT FIRST STEP IS GOOD please just go nuts ohhh u wanna go nuts so fucking bad . theres many many references for different bodies n details n shit AND U DONT EVEN HAVE TO LIKE. STUDY EVERYTHING TO BECOME "GOOD" at this . just . freaking go for it

and my final (final) note is uhmm very petty but idc but the artist that popularized this kind of object show gijinka isnt the best person so like. yeah that is one of my top reasons on why i dont like em LMAO

uhhh and yeah thats it thats pretty much all sorry for rambling im just a tired little biracial boy oohh im so tired heres a lollipop 🍭

[planetcruspy]

VIDCON AFTER THOUGHTS: a review of my first and sadly final day of vidcon anaheim

SO I'm just making this because I have a lot of thoughts AND for anyone who didn't get to go this year who wants to know what the experience is like! This is going to be really long post so apologies for that :3

Registration was pretty easy for me, but I also could just ask literally anyone for help if I was confused.

FIRST MEET AND GREET: MR. TELEVISION aka AIMSEY TV

The queue had 5 lines, the first ones being those with disabilities, so that they could go first. I was in the fourth (or fifth depending) line. The wait wasn't very long, plus we could sit on the floor. They sadly couldn't sign anything due to time, BUT gifts were allowed and there was a little box to put them in. OKAY SO the actually meeting and greeting was VERY quick, infact I think aimsey made a tweet about how they had 20 minutes to spare when they thought the time was up. This being my first ever meet and greet I was SO NERVOUS, as was probably everyone in the line. This being said ITS OKAY TO BE NERVOUS. The best thing to do is plan out everything you want to do and say in the line or even before you arrive! I would make sure you can get everything done, including poses, in under 15 seconds. NOW don't be like me a rush so much you regret it. Here's how my turn went:

ME: Haiii

armsey: hiii you look amazing :000

mE: thankss! :3

oh yeah i gave them a hug

and then we went 👍👍 and ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ and i gave them another hug and then i ran away as fast as i could/j

I really wish I did more, like chatted some and I also thought of some killer poses the day after, but it was my first time like I said and i was nervous so i dont blame me! BUT they were super nice and gave great hugs too!! By far the best M&G

Next I jumped right into another line for ranboos meet and greet!

The wait was the second longest wait out of the three, but I talked to some awesome people in the line so it wasnt that bad. Plus by that time I was a little tired and dehydrated so that didnt help the wait feel any shorter lmao. I planed literally two poses I think and those were just thumbs up and me sucker punching them in the face :3 Other that I honestly couldnt think that good with the nervousness paired with the dehydration and shortness of breath from my binder. AND QUICK DISCLAIMER: DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT WEAR A BINDER THAT IT TOO SMALL FOR YOU, I had a new one waiting at home for me and the smaller one was sadly the only one I had. I also didnt bind at all that week except for that day because I knew how small it was. ALSO DRINK WATER, BRING WATER BOTTLES. I wasn't that badly dehydrated but I still made the mistake of not bringing a water bottle. SO please please bring some water with you, Especially at conventions. Disclaimer over :) SO heres how it went

The photographer was having trouble with the camera (or maybe not just something held him up) so he didnt get to scan my wristband right away, so I just stood there awkwardly for a minute lol. And then he scanned it and then I didn't hear the thing go off immediately so I stopped AGAIN.

Me: Hiii

Ran: Hello! :D

mE: so erm can we do thumbs up?

RRAN: yuh!

Me: and then can I like punch you..

Ran: sure! lets do it

and then i said my goodbye and ran

ran: Nice to meet you!!

THOUGHTS:

I DIDNT ASK FOR A HUG AND IM SO PISSED ACTUALL SOBBING ABOUT IT

I really wanted to talk more but I got in my head about time and stuff and ended up not saying much of anything 😭 And of course I thought of better poses the day after. But again all on my part and it was lovely to get to meet them ^ ^

NOW my third and last M&G was Jack manifold!

This was probably the longest wait out of the three, since there was also someone finishing up their meet and greet when we got there. As well as he was signing things too, which I am so happy about! so I didn't mind the wait.

By now I had loosened up, got something to eat, so I was feeling a lot better. Heres how it went!

Me: HIII

J munee: Helloo :)

me: Thank you sm for being here! (and then something about all the people)

Jack: Its alright!

Then we did thumbs up, mewed like gods and um

WHICH TOOK HIM LIKE 4 TRIES TO GET IT RIGHT BTW

ANYWAYS Then he signed my House of Leaves book! So awesome, big thanks to jack for staying to sign things and chat with everyone!

SO that was my big post talking about vidcon and my thoughts. A big reason why I did this was to also process everything myself lmao. Um thanks for reading lol, sorry this was long tbh I was debating on posting this for a minute cuz of cringe but i am free

[liberty-mutual-138]

Hello darl!! From the edgy ask meme:

10, 13, 14 and 15 - for Oz please!! I'd love to get to know more about him!! <3

Hi Goose! I’m happy to hear from you again!

What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC?

One where Oz takes up Adler’s offer to help him hunt down Perseus. Perseus (organization) really fucked him up and during his time as an Army Ranger, so he’s got a personal vendetta against everyone involved with them.

Oz knew Adler beforehand as the Rangers and MACV-SOG worked together countless times, so the two are well-acquainted and they kept in touch after Oz’s… thing that resulted him in getting discharged.

That was all backstory, but the reason Oz didn’t get involved with the Safehouse people was because of Bell. When Adler said they were brainwashing a literal fucking PERSEUS agent he left almost immediately. No matter how hard Adler tried to convince him using the ‘greater good’ bullshit, Oz wasn’t taking the chance with a fucking Red. (In my AU, he was right)

Okay I got sidetracked, but I think it’d be cool to see how he’d interact with the others. Like if he didn’t know Bell was brainwashed like Mason and Woods didn’t. I’d imagine him and Hudson would have some choice words to throw in each other’s direction. Oz, Sims, Lazar, and Bell (if Oz didn’t know they were Russian) would be besties.

I could imagine since Oz’s dad was a Brit, he’d fuck around with Lazar by giving him the wrong definitions for British slang. (Since Lazar had a thing for Park)

He’d be like “Yeah bro you should tell her you’re going out for a shag and invite her to join you. It would get you two some time alone. Shag means cigarette dude trust me I swear to God I would never lie to you.” And whenever Lazar’d walk away to talk to her, Oz would break down and start laughing when he was out of earshot.

Also, depending on the Bell, I could imagine Oz showing them pictures of Jenny and telling them about her throughout the campaign. However, when Adler was eventually forced to tell Oz they were brainwashed, he’d probably try to kill Bell for that reason. Cause if they go marching straight back to Perseus, knows who Oz is AND that he has a daughter, Jenny would be a prime target due to both her disability and her father.

If you met your OC, would the two of you get along?

It depends. If he knew I made him? He'd murder me. No hesitation, and there wouldn't be anything I could do about it. I know it's a cliche answer, but I am NOT lying when I say I've put dudebro through hell and back. It’d be on sight.

If Oz didn't know who I was? He wouldn't care enough to have any negative feelings towards me. I’d get along with him well enough so that he wouldn’t beat me unconscious if we met.

How does your OC want to be seen by other characters?

After he left Vietnam, Oz wanted people to be intimidated by him. Growing up, and during the war, he learned the only way to get what he wants is through coercion and breaking noses. Oz didn’t really like talking to new people even before his wartime nostalgia, so if people were intimidated by him, they’d fuck off.

However, when Jenny came into his life, Oz changed. He didn’t want people to be intimidated by him (at least not all the time) cause he didn’t want their fear to run off on Jenny. His worst fear is for Jenny to see him the way he saw his father. (😔 spoiler alert: she will) So he starts acting softer, and he’d want to be seen more as a protector than an aggressor.

Jenny changed his life for the better.

Does your OC have a faceclaim? If so, who?

This might come off as a disappointment, but no 😭 I suck at finding faceclaims and none of them match how I imagined Oz to look cause THERE NOT UGLY ENOUGH 😭 THERES TOO MANY PRETTY BOYS AND NOT ENOUGH WRETCHED CREATURES FROM HELL. OZ IS NO MORE THAN A SOLID 6/10, AND THATS TOO NICE. ITS IMPOSSIBLE FOR SOMEONE MAMED OSWALD TO GET HIGHER THAN A 6/10. IM SORRY POOKIE 😭

Thank you again for the asks! I’ll get to your other one between now and the next 40 years!

[theblondebondd]

Sorry for the hot take, but as a Steve/Sharon shipper, Shannon Carter of the MC2 seems to be a missed opportunity in only being tangentially related to Cap and Sharon and never even knowing them personally. If she were to be brought into the main Marvel universe, I'd rather just have her be Steve and Sharon's kid. And I want to see how Steve and Sharon would deal with having a kid who wasn't "physical perfection", who does have to use a wheelchair.

im honestly surprised i even saw this because my inbox has been broken for awhile now ( as in, whatever comes in i usually can't see or respond to ) but i wouldn't say this is a hot take at all!

had the mc2 done better, i think it's possible we might have actually gotten this. mayday did rather well ( at least, for mc2 standards ) and shannon wasn't received poorly but definitely not as well.

the one cool think her not being their kid did was develop the carter family a bit more than 616 ever has, but i do agree ( and i assume the few people who know about her probably would too ) that she'd do better off as a stevesharon kid taking on a mantle than a young girl barely related to sharon, raised by peggy, taking on the cap mantle. had she become a shield agent, it might have made more sense, but implying that sharon is her role model only to have her take on steve's mantle did seem a bit silly.

i've been advocating for awhile now that if she were ever introduced into 616, it should be as their kid, or, if they want to keep her origin as exact as possible, their adopted kid from an accident in sharon's family.

i think, as a character, she'd be a really good advocate that paralysis doesn't make you useless ( especially now that dc has taken such drastic actions against barbara gordon / oracle by " curing " her disability and making her batgirl again ).

but knowing marvel, i don't think they'll ever do this. honestly we'll be lucky if they ever even have steve and sharon get married atp

[climaxbattles]

vent dont read (unless the curiousity consumes you i guess. if you know me personally it might suck)

i havent been able to leave the house since may and it seems like every day i get worse and worse

i just cant deal with anything i dont know why

i dont go outside, i cant be alone, i cant even eat too fast/slow or i just like completely freak out

i started therapy and this is the first time ive ever been hopeful about interacting with a therapist but i still kind of dread it every week. im not even sure its helping like maybe shorter sessions would be better but i use so much energy just getting through the day i cant communicate until its too late

i dont even understand what made this happen my only guess is that one of the medications i tried really messed me up (or i have a brain tumor or thyroid problem or something) because a few of them had really really terrible side effects and i almost had to go back to the hospital for the 3rd time in a year, but i dont get why im not getting better when i dont do anything and im not on those meds anymore.

and if it is physical i cant leave the house without panicking like. i dont know how else i would go anywhere to get it checked out unless it got so bad i had to call an ambulance again so they could lie me down and give me oxygen and turn all the lights off and hold my hand again but that also was like very traumatic so im afraid i would just completely break

my friend is over visiting and i havent seen her in forever bc she moved 4 hours away and i cant even bring myself to hang out with her because she brought her boyfriend and i already have problems talking to anyone but her even though i fucking live with her family and leech off them. so im just hiding in my room

i dont really talk to anyone much anymore and i dont even know if its Because i want to be left alone or if its something making me lonely/im upset about. it also kind of seems like people r moving on from me but that could be like entirely self inflicted bc one on one conversation terrified me even before and now i like have panic attacks if a breathe wrong let alone attempt something thats always scared me

i think like some of them maybe also have a seperate discord server i wasnt invited to. this happened literally months ago where i accidentally found out and its not really my business i guess. and i dont even rly know if its true or even used anymore

it just feels bad because i lost a friend of like 7 years and a friend i really related to but didnt know long because i took their side in multiple arguments and i dont regret the 2nd one but the first one kind of still sucks. the people i lost had a lot of their own problems that made them unpleasant but idk. the first person was kind of always open to talking to me even though we r both fucked up and wouldnt ignore me even when i sometimes would bc of my own problems

and then if there Is a second server thats kind of why the second person lost their shit. so its like Maybe they were right in a small way (they were completely fucked though they would like suicidebait randomly and ive never had any other friend do that so its still for the best i think)

it seems like i keep losing or pushing away good friends kind of. or maybe im bad at all friends idk. ive never enjoyed socializing so it seems like my fault probably

i honestly just wish i could get on food stamps and/or disability on top of medicaid but i think people are still insisting i can go back to the way i was before. idk if thats possible. i just want to be able to stop taking As much Directly from other people and maybe like. buy legos or a 3d printer or something. i dont have much to do in the house 24/7 and my computer is getting old. and i think the internet is making this all worse but thats like my only activity

im so tired

[creepycrawliesinyourwalls]

rambling; online diary

i truely believe i can do heroin and not be addicted. i've been on dilaudid before, ive gotten high off my ass on weed, i took some vyvanse to see how itd go, and ultimately it was boring. being high is kinda boring. i complain about not having my cart, sure. but being so fr rn i do it for show. no one would ever believe me in a million years, but it is genuinely for show.

i have a hard time defining myself as a person, given the disorders i have. anything and everything that i could add to myself to humanize myself is a positive, never a negative. humanity is by definition flawed and faulty, if i have a flaw im more easily humanized.

im also incapable of being perfect, though if i wasn't abused to the point of my brain never fully forming a cohesive personality, i'm sure id be a prodigy. if my brain genetically disabled, i'd be top of my class, 4.0 gpa with honors.

with dissociative identity disorder, autism, adhd, bipolar 1, ptsd, clinical depression, arfid, and probably some sort of personality disorder, its hard to care about anything at all. these are only the mental and neurological disorders and defects, too.

inherently i was given the worst hand i could have gotten in birth. my potential is wasted, trapped inside this failure of a body. i could have been so much more. my face is somewhat conventionally attractive, so theres a win.

im confident that without my memory issues, joint pain, and depression i could be a full blown doctor. i have to settle for marketing, because my gpa currently is too low to get into engineering. i wanted to do mathematics for awhile to get into finance or something. i wanted to do geology bc my special interest is rocks, but i don't want to work for an oil company.

if i am not constantly improving with my life in any aspects, if i am stagnant for a stretch of time, i consider it a failure.

i do not have a personality, at least nothing coherent and consistent. some people say im loud, some say im shy. sweet, mean, smart, dumb, its all contradictory traits.

i consider myself better then most of the people i choose to be friends with. a good lot of them (danny, chloe, viktor) will probably never go to college. kaden might go, but im sure she'd just party the whole time. alix is maybe the only one who i'd even consider on my level, since he's aiming for law and finds debates enjoyable. he has the drive and determination to do well in life, and is at the very least takes steps to get where he wanted to get.

chloe wanted to get into medicine and be a doctor. she is chronically disabled and was failing half of he classes. from disabled to disabled person, there is no way in hell you are making it that far. id be surprised if she made it past 25, honestly. she viewed mental hospitals as a vacation, even excluding the morals on that view, its incorrect. she believed she wasn't addicted to her medication, and that it actually helped her. she never even tried.

i am beginning to become fond of alix, though. i hope my headmates realize how much better his is compared to others. taylor and vee are already fond of him, which is a good sign.

we seem to be improving our depression symptoms and dissociative amnesia, and we joined a cbt program to further along process after being voluntarily admitted to a psychiatric facility. (yes, we did ask to go. we were going to kill ourselves as soon as we were alone, we needed immediate help.) i want to work on breaking down our gatekeepers resolve, and get us to a place where we can work on final fusion. i would also like to address our npd traits, but our therapist wouldnt believe us, so ill have to work on that myself.

we haven't been practicing our religion as much as we used too, its kind of sad. we send a prayer up to apollo occasionally, and he usually answers. but otherwise we havent done any spell work. its sucks to admit it, and god to i want to delete this paragraph but i need to work on vulnerability to create and foster friendships that are mutually beneficial.

ive never seen the point of online friends, i think the concept is pointless. i've tried doing it, and everytime we ended up ghosting them. the effort did not match the spoils. if im going to have friends, i need them to invest in me before i invest in them. it can be materially, emotionally, or physically. as long as i gain benefits, you will too.

[ladysophiebeckett]

I’m living for your thg/tbosas comments. They were so wrong about the disability erasure on the previous films, I was so shocked to learn about this 😪

And also about the casting, J*Law is a great actress, but she did not look the part at all. I 100% agree.

Did you like the new movie? I was thinking about watching it. Haven’t read the book yet, but I guess it’s better that way, I will probably complain less hahaha

i remember watching thg movie in theaters with my sister ( who did read the books) and she turned to me, whispered 'they're supposed to cut off his leg. why aren't they cutting off his leg?? wtf??'. like, legit furious they cut that, among other disabilities.

it doesnt make sense in catching fire movie, when katniss is begging haymitch to take peeta's place. why? peeta looks fine and healthy for hunger games allstars. why the concern? they didnt fuck him up in the first movie. which is weird bc collins is one of the three writers credited in the first movies script. regular hollywood erasure i suppose.

i understand why they cast jlaw, fresh off winter's bone. she had the makings of a movie star and then became one. but when you see the movies, she looks out of place. idk how to explain it. costume has to do with it too. the clothes she's wearing before the reaping look too new and modern. like, no thought to distress the leather jacket. would have been good to idk, have made parts of the first costume be her dad's old jacket, too big and old. sorry, it just really bothered me.

as a movie watcher (and not a book reader), yeah i enjoyed the new movie. im not anti reading but like you, i know i'll complain more if i read the books and then compare them to the movies. its too much time off my hands and id much rather ask my hunger games mutual questions about it. its much easier to take in the information that way. (like gossiping).

[kleptoppuppy]

So since @illusionaryneil tagged me in their game (thank you so much dude), here's my top 8 shows to get to know me better! (all done in a non specific order) :D

Breaking bad: Kind of basic i know, but i still quite enjoy it. I binged all of it with one of my friends, and it was super fun!

In the night garden: Kind of an underrated show, but I hold it so dear to my heart. I adore puppet shows, and i would watch that show endlessly when i was younger.

Devilman Crybaby: I super enjoyed this show! I love the animation style and how the show is set up. One of the things i didn't really like is the nudity. It didn't feel too plot important, but i understand the audience they were trying to target lol.

Puella magi madoka magica: probably my #1 favourite show of all time. I adore the story telling, the designs of the witches, the depth of the magical girls, the relation of wishes, abilities and witch foms. The plot had me sucked in, from the compelling art to the grim tone that was set up in episode 3. Almost all of the entire franchise (magia record has it's own issues) had me obsessed, i deeply enjoy the series and all it offers.

Serial experiments Lain: probably the second best show i have seen. it's catchy, has amazing detail and a unique plot. While i cant verbalize it too well, i adore that show so so so much. It's a comfort to me.

Umbrella academy: I have watched it a total of 90 times. I adore scifi, and the fact that i know someone who worked on set design for season 2 is super cool! Plus the representation is really good, and the way it deals with Elliot Page's transition and translating that to his character.

Violet evergarden: I was introduced to this in middle school, and good god it is the most intense thing ever. The amount of tears i had for this show is unreal. As someone who is disabled and deals with emotional issues, i found it so lovely seeing representation that wasn't gross or forced. Not only that, but it verbalized my own thoughts and feelings towards my bpd and having a favourite person.

Arcane: while im not a fan of league of legends, i adored this show! they made everyone morally grey, so that by the end there's no true "bad guy". Just a bunch of fucked up people doing fucked up things. Plus Jinx's mental illnesses (some of which i share) were written so accurately! Im psyched for the next season!

Thank you for reading! Tagging a few other people I think that'd like this, but please feel free to add yourself to the chain! @groovy-apollo, @grubcats, @stopthesun, @dismyzz :3

[monstrouslyobsessed]

just answering some asks real quick, no writing today but i am working on some n'sfw art of my fave lesbian beastfolk characters. hoping to finish and share that one (but sadly censored) tonight!

cw: mentions of a certain horror hentai, beastfolks

thank you for the quick reply! I am super psyched about the possibility of a book of beast au, like holy moly I'd read it/buy it! And no worries on me selling the fan idea or claiming your idea, its more like me doing fanfiction of my fav author work as fan love ;3 —anonymous

dawwwwwww thank you!! <3 you're a sweetheart!!! do whatever you want! i'm super down to see your (and literally anyone else's) takes on my au~ we need more furry beastman x human tbh.

still a slim possibility tho! it'd be more of a compilation book more than anything as it'd be easier for me to do than to do chapter by chapter thing (and honestly, i wouldn't know who to focus on! i accidentally made the au too vast, rip). the only thing that would kinda suck is having to come up with the identity of mc's in each story, since it's super nice not having to think too much about who the mc is when i write reader x monster. i don't think reader x stories would sell well, though, and especially not the dead dove kind.

but that's alright, it just means i can write the mc's being in the minority if and when i wanted to c: disabled mc's are not something you'd see represented often being one myself and i'd so much love to contribute somehow.

Have you seen puss in boots? —anonymous

i dont...watch many movies lmao but im guessing this is about death the wolf? my friends were all over him! even the ones who aren't into yandere/dd stuffs.

i'll have to see if i can find that film on netflix or prime then and make some time for it

Omg, I didn’t listen to you and I read that hentai fully out of curiosity and wow that’s fucked (and scary) —anonymous

oh nonnie NOOOOOOO-

you poor soul D: it IS a horror hentai though, i should've specified in the initial post (sorry!), but fuck some of them are...

yeah, half of it is extremely fucked indeed. ymmv, but outside the ones involving...minors (shudders), the cow head and the monkey on train are just...no, with the former especially being the worst one and probably the most fucked up of them all. the tall lady and the scarecrows/women in the field would've been...passable to good if they hadn't involved minors, simply because i liked the initial premises. :\ the snake-god would've been a 10/10 for me if the mc is older and less...bratty, but as it is, 8/10 and all of the points i gave were because of the monster's gorgeous unique take on lamia/naga design (that monster lady is a chef's kiss and makes my gay ass heart happy) and her tragic backstory.

idk about the 6-armed snake-god one specifically, but i've heard/read that all the others were based on the Japanese lores. the cow one was supposedly already super gross in the first place though the artist could've just...not do that one and the rest, yeah.

i was able to deal with the statue ones and the worm god fine because...at least they all looked like adults who fell into bad situations they couldn't get out of. the monster on the road is...well, it'd be better if it didn't look like an old man :\ rest i just straight up skimmed through with my eyes half shut and completely skipping the cow head one first few pages in.

…sufficient to say, i only read monster / horror hentai's based on friends' recs than looking for them myself these days. way too many involving minors, which is…unfortunate. yucks.

i'm very, very sorry i led you down there and endured all of that, nonnie dear. D:> i'll go back and edit that post to warn others.

[babyyweebbitch]

Please stay with me — Remake

Soo I reread the one I did before and I wanted to remake it because it wasn’t as good (heres the first one) I hope I can make this one better 😭😭 Also, grab tissues. I made this TOO sad

TW // death ; blood ; funeral ; severe depression & relapse

summary: Chris Redfield and his wife were on a mission a seven months after Piers’ death. His wife has been Captain of their team ever since that day.

Seven months ago Piers Nivans died in order to save Chris’ life and for the BSAA. Chris was still fucked up after that day and he thinks about it almost every day. He took a break from the BSAA since his wife made him. It wasn’t a very long one though, he missed being at work, he missed his coworkers and he missed her

Chris resigned as Captain and let his wife replace him. It was a very emotional day not not only for her and Chris but for the entire BSAA because they’ve never had a woman as Captain before. She was a good captain probably even better than Chris. Despite her height, weight and basically being the youngest on that team at 28. She was undoubtedly the best captain in years

Her team along with Chris were on a mission. Their mission was to take out the enemy, find three hostages and disable the bombs set in the building “Okay men… we’re gonna be splitting into three teams since there’s a lot of us here. Team A; Corey, John and Andrew. Your job is to find out where the bombs are and disable them as quickly as possible.”

“Yes ma’am!” The three went off to do their job as told

“Team B; Phil, Jean and Mark, you’re in charge of finding and getting the hostages to safety out of this building. You three can split up, stay together I don’t care. As long as your job is done”

“Ma’am” the three left

She turned to Eric and Chris who were standing together “what a coincidence, you two are with me.” She said with a slight smile on her face, walking ahead of the two Eric leaned over to Chris “She’s so cool…” Chris thought of Finn the moment he said that, he couldn’t help but to smile and look at him “I know…”

“Stop standing around we have a mission you know!” She yelled out to the two of them. Chris and Eric quickly made their way to the door the enemies were behind, Chris was silent the entire time before he was quickly checked back into reality with a pat on the shoulder “you okay? We need you fully here for this” his wife said as he looked down at her and nodded “yeah I’m okay…”

Chris, his wife and Eric all prepared as the door was blown open and guns were firing. The three did take cover just in time. After about five minutes of gun fire and fighting it finally stopped, thinking they had all the enemies taken care of they all stood up “good job! We did it — Chris!” Y/N called out as she did catch a glimpse of an enemy that didn’t die somehow standing up and pointing their gun towards Chris.

She quickly ran towards Chris and pushed him out the way, for Chris it’s almost like everything was happening in slow motion. He had to process everything leading up to that moment. He heard a scream of pain when his head finally cleared, looking up to see his wife shot in the sternum and Eric shooting the enemy down

She started to fall and Chris caught her before she hit the floor, his eyes started filling up with tears as he looked at her “baby please… tell me this is a joke!”

She knew she was dying, her body felt so cold from the inside out she, she coughed before reaching into one of her many pokes on her pants “c…Chris… do me a favour okay? Please…. stay safe” she handed him her wedding ring, she never wore it during missions to avoid it getting broken, rusted or something. So she held it in her pocket where it was safe “I… feel so… cold”

Chris looked at the ring then at her “no don’t say that! You’re gonna be fine! You’re gonna be fine! Please stay with me!” He started crying, Eric stood by as Team B; Phil, Jean and Mark came in. They surprisingly finished the bomb quicker than expected “Captain w—“ Mark was starting to talk but he quickly stopped when he realised what was happening

“Guys… take care of him for me…” she struggled to talk. She looked up at Chris to see him crying, she lifted her Hand up to his cheek to wipe his tears one last time “no no… don’t cry hon… I’ll tell my parents you said hi… I love you..” Chris held onto her hand and his heart practically stopped the moment he felt her hand and body go heavy and her head fall back … she was dead now

“No…. Please come back! Please don’t go! Y/N!!!” He held her body close and just sobbed, Eric and team B were tearing up and trying to wipe their tears

It took a while to get Chris to let go of her body and let them put her on a stretcher and on the truck so they can go back. When they finally did everyone on the team was there. It took three guys to pry him off of her This was the first time they’ve ever seen him cry like this

—————————

It’s been almost a month since she’s died, Chris looked horrible. He hasn’t shaved, left the house, he started drinking again and Claire had to clean him up at night since he wasn’t sober enough to even do it himself. The house looked like shit especially the room Chris and his wife shared

It was the day of the funeral and Chris was sitting on the edge of the bed looking at the picture of him and her on their wedding day back in 2007. He somehow managed to even get up that day and not drink. He showered that morning, got dressed in a suit and did his hair. He still didn’t shave though

Claire came in “Chris? You ready?” She asked. She had on a black dress on “I guess so…” Chris responded. He stood up and placed the picture down on the night stand and grabbed the necklace he had with his wife’s ring on it.

Claire fixed his tie and jacket before they left. Chris was always taking care of her when she was younger so now it was time for her to take care of her older brother “good. Let’s go” Claire let him walk in front of her to the car. She drove because one he couldn’t think straight enough to drive and he was completely hung over from drinking too much

After about a 45 minute drive they arrived to where her funeral was being held at. Everyone they knew was there, Leon, their BSAA team, Her family. It was hard for him to see her brother and sister at their older sisters funeral

The ceremony, the viewing and speeches all happened and Chris barely even got through his speech without crying

(Im so so so sorry for this next part)

Chris’ speech: “Y/N was an amazing person, she always took care of everyone, me, her siblings, our team, Claire… everyone. She put everyone before herself no matter who they were. She joined the BSAA not because of herself because of her parents death in Raccoon City. She promised them she would do something in any way to stop what happened in Raccoon from ever happening again. She treated our team like her family and even the rookies as her kids even if they were a few years younger then her. She was an even amazing person and wife. And I miss her dearly.”

There wasn’t a single dry eye in that room when Chris said his speech. After everything, everyone went inside to eat and talk.

Chris sat with Claire and Y/N’s siblings. He just picked at his food and stared at the plate. He was terrifyingly silent before Leon came over “hey Chris… how are you holding up?” Leon asked as he stared at Chris. He could tell how hard this has affected Chris. “I’m fine…”

“Chris… You need to eat. All you’ve done in the past month was drink, workout and cry… You need to at least eat something” Claire said “she wouldn’t want this… Her or Piers wouldn’t want you to be like this. Y/N would be yelling at you if she saw you picking at your food like this. We both know she would”

Chris’ eyes started to water once again before he spoke “I…. I know.. but I just miss her so much, Claire… we were gonna start a family together… she wanted to have kids and get a bigger house so we can have a big family… now I can’t have one because she’s the only person I wanted a family with…” Chris sighed softly as he wiped his eyes

“I miss her too… we all do…” Leon commented looking down at his plate. Chris eventually ended up eating his food and everyone left to go home. The entire drive home was deafening to the point you can hear a pin drop

When he got home he changed inside a fresh pair of clothes and he started to clean the house, starting with the bedroom and ending in the Kitchen. He cleaned it exactly how she’d like it and when he was finished around 3:32 am he sat on the couch and sighed

They were right… She would yell at him if she saw the way he was, how the house was when she died

—————————

After a few years pass it’s before the entire Village situation. Every week since the funeral Chris visited her grave and just talked to her for a bit. On her birthday he spent almost half the day there, on new year’s he watched the fireworks by your gave.

He still hasn’t moved on since her death he can’t even get into another relationship with a woman since her death but it’s not like he can find anyone else like her… and honestly he didn’t want to.

IM SO FUCKING SORRY FOR MAKING THIS EVEN SADDER tbh tho I started tearing up writing this

[mountain-man-cumeth]

How would you rewrite Muriel’s route?

This is the 3rd question I got with similar vibes so imma begin by saying that I am not a writer. I am a reader, a decent one, but I’m not the idea guy. I will try, though, since it seems like people are interested for some reason.

First of all I'd make some baseline changes to set the backstory proper;

Muriel chose the mantle of Lucio's executioner willingly, him and Asra had no other means to survive so they willingly worked as indentured servants under Lucio. He reasoned with himself thinking these are bad people and that he has no other skills to offer. (There might be a threat on Lucio's part that they can be replaced, he doesn't have to had given a villain speech for the implication. He is a rich tyrant and they are street kids, it the service they provide isn't up to par Lucio can easily look for alternative options.) Let me be clear, Muriel was not a gladiator. Gladiators are compensated generously for the entertainment they provide and often due to the amount of investment made on them, fighting to death wasn't a common occurrence. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Muriel, or rather the Scourge was well known and probably liked by the crowd, there's literally no reason for Lucio to utilize him otherwise. He wants people to enjoy the show, if everybody hated Muriel what use is he to Lucio?

Kokhuri are alive. The tribe had to relocate but they left Khamgalai to tend to the graves. They are nomadic and matriarchal people who likely don't adhere to mother-father-child kind of European family structure. The children are raised communally.

Muriel's curse has nothing to do with myrrh, there's a rune that can counter it and only he knows how to make it, he figured it out by himself for Asra. Any magic that can nullify a spell by Major Arcana is no doubt strong as fuck.

I'd start similar to main 3, MC is tasked to find Lucio's murderer. They find Muriel's brush or loincloth or whatever early on which leads them to the forest but because of the protective spells and the curse they get lost. They ran into Muriel or Inanna and she leads them to Muriel hunched over the corpse. They try to help, like the canon, and have a brush with Lucio's goat ghost. They tell him they were looking for the Scourge and Muriel says there's no Scourge here.

The day after they forget about Muriel but remember the rest and relay that information to Asra, who gets agitated by Lucio's return. He thinks Lucio is here for MC's body but doesn't explain anything, instead begs them to leave town until he figures something out.

They go to see Muriel and he reluctantly agrees to accompany them to the outskirts of the forest, on Asra's request.

Some point on their road trip Asra water-calls them to inform them that Lucio is looking for hearts and the Magician (or whoever else Asra consulted) implied they might find answers South. MC still doesn't know anything except maybe some comments Muriel could have made that painted Lucio in a bad light but they decide to investigate regardless. Muriel opposes, eventually caves (either thanks to MC or Asra). He lets out that he's been tailing MC on Asra's behalf for years so it shouldn't be that much different.

They go from town to town, MC helps Muriel ease into dealing with people again and it's easier since nobody knows jack about Scourge. They learn that he enjoys card games and collecting trinkets from different cultures. He might even get a little too enthusiastic about plants and gives random advice to a gardener.

We might learn here that Muriel doesn't like feeling that he's on a display or that he's performing. He prefers to lay low and blend in, not necessarily completely shut off the world.

They run into Morga(maybe they encounter raiders or a barfight or something alike), who's also been tracking Lucio. She proposes to work together. She berates Muriel for being a coward and convinces him to fight as that's all he's good for. (I think it's better if MC trains on magic rather than archery, I'm seeing alot of disabled MCs.)

She tries to train them but Muriel doesn't respond well to fighting and eventually Morga leaves. Valdemar or Vulgora catches them, Lucio's still trying to get MC's body. They escape just barely, MC gets hurt, Muriel beats himself up over it, some angst some fluff, you know the drill. Maybe he has a panic attack because panic attacks are usually not as on the nose as "Oh No I Gotta Fight Someone With a Knife". Looking for a shelter and aid, they find a cottage which turns out to be Khamgalai's. She helps them out, teaches Muriel how to heal using the techniques of their clan, I assume MC helps since they know some restorative spells too. She tells Muriel his family sent him away when they got ambushed so he wouldn't have to live on the run as Morga's clan was on a war path to conquer South. We get sad, lots of tears. Kisses might ensue.

Somehow it's revealed that this is the answer they were looking for and not Lucio (because I think the whole "Lucio's clan" plot was redundant) and Morga was just using them as bait to get Lucio out of Vesuvia.

Morga catches on to them, we learn who she is, Muriel and MC confront her but Khamgalai says her warmongering already costed her everything. She says she's trying to make up for it by killing her son and she needs MC to lure him out, they agree to work together, begrudgingly. (MC's past can be revealed here since they need to learn what's the deal with Lucio's obsession of them at some point)

Around this point MC might realize the mark's fading, Muriel brushes it off.

Instead of Lucio, Devil comes and tells them about Lucio's plan to do the ritual again. They go back to Vesuvia to warn people

Masquerade happens, people remember Muriel, Nadia or MC or someone give people an ultimatum. But oh no it was a TRAP all along, Devil told them of the ritual to get them right where he wanted. Lucio gets in MC's body, Asra sends them to the Arcana realm, same story as main 3.

MC forgets Muriel on the Arcana realm but through the power of love and maybe some guidance from the Hermit they go "oh no i forgot my boy". They return to find him in the Coliseum. What?! He was the Scourge?! Who could've thought. (this reveal wouldn't affect MC's opinion at this point since they already know he's a cinnamon roll)

This time Lucio's blackmailing him with MC's body. He says he needs hearts to make himself a new one and if Muriel grabs some for him MC can get their body back.

Story diverges to Upright/Reversed

Upright, if MC encouraged him to take it easy, but take it: MC snatches the body of someone he's suppose to fight to change his mind, he decides not to do it and instead go with defeating Lucio on the Arcana realm plan(curtesy of their friends). So here we can have a romantic scene like in Nadia's route where his chains are broken in the Arena.

They fuck around in the Arcana realm facing their fears and stuff, they bond, defeat Lucio, petrify the Devil etc. I like to think Muriel finds the forest spirit here, too, and maybe manages to heal it or learns that it's damaged but with enough time and care it will regrow. (a metaphor? in my arcana game? its more likely than you think)

Morga is charged for war crimes by the Kokhuri, the Coliseum is demolished and the love birds travel around doing their thing.

Reversed, if MC encouraged him to be strong and uncaring: MC fails to convince him and he decides to go through with Lucio's plan. He kills Morga and some more important spirits and fucks up the world. Which turns out to be a bogus plan anyways, Lucio only needed the hearts to settle his deal and Muriel kills him, too (I am untethered, and my rage knows no bounds!)

Without a body MC is stuck in the other realm so Muriel and them retreat to the magic dimension, defeat the Devil and live the rest of their days.

There might also be a 50 first dates situation going on inwhich they get stuck in a loop where MC constantly meets and falls in love with Muriel only to forget him in a couple of (magic realm)days.

idk man this aint my job im just spitballing here, im writing this long ass thing so ill look like im working

[ecclais-fouoras]

Lap dance pt1

(chapter 2 of this fanfic)

Warnings: mentions of prostitution, disabilities

It was your friend's bachelorette party,

You Were all at a strip club drinking a d laughing.

Wilhelmina dressed in a purple strapless dress and yourself with a nice blue suit, the both of you had a silly hat and a crossing belt that's said 'nalla's last Happy night'. It was getting later and you where all getting more tipsy by the minute.

When the sexy song arrived you knew it was time for her to have fun. As the women on stage stopped dancing and walked towards the Booth you were at, you could see wilhelmina blushing and whispered in her ear

"enjoying the show here babe"

Her breath got stuck in her lungs for a second and you burst out laughing.

You suddenly stopped when you could feel the striper starting a lap dance on you, swaying her lips to the rhithm of the song.

You grew your eyes at wilhelmina and she nodded slightly. You shifted slightly as she started grinding on your thighs and picking up your hands to rest on her hips. She continued to move her body on you and turned around to face you, she was now straddling you and rocking against you with her back arched and her bra slowly exposing her boob.

She gave you a quick kiss on the cheek and you mouthed 'thank you' as she moved to do the same to wilhelmina who politely refused. Her face unreadable, you tried to see if she was okay and why she'd refused to participate. The party ended at 3:45 am and you came home later on.

You quickly got undressed and took your undershirt off. You pour yourself a glass of water and made one for wilhelmina too.

"You should drink sweetie, you're gonna get dehydrated", she took the glass but still said nothing to you.

You put on some slow beat music and made your way to the bathroom and took out the pills for tomorrow's probable headache.

"Mina do you want 20 or 40 mg tomorrow ?" She didn't reply so you poked your head out the door.

"Babe?....V?" She laid on the sofa her hand above her head.

"Mina darling are you okay ? Was it too much..? Is your back hurting ? Talk to me babe" her face soften a bit before her brows scrunched up again.

"I'm fine." You reach for her hand and kissed her softly.

"..talk to me love"

"Go to bed. And stop wondering around in your underwear. The neighborhood doesn't have to see you naked."

"Wilhelmina venable what is going on right now. Why are you mad at me ?"

"I am not mad at you"

"Yeah and I'm not gay... Babe we've been over this, you need to tell me what's going on" you sat on your heels next to her and stroked her cheek.

"I love you wilhelmina, you know that right"

"Yes"

"So what's going on babe ?"

She sat up again and looked into your eyes

"Did you like it ?"

"What"

"The striper's lap dance"

"Mina...i..."

"Just be honest with me"

"..yes"

"Were you aroused ?"

"...it's a lap dance honey that's the whole point"

"That's not an answer"

"Yes. But why are you making it so bad?"

"So she turned you on ?"

"Yes mina for God sake."

"Did you want to fuck her huh?"

"No"

"Don't lie to me y/n"

"I'm not, yes I liked it, yes it turned me on, but that doesn't mean I wanted to fuck her."

"How come?"

"The body doesn't always answer the mind wilhelmina. Your brain doesn't always control your physical reactions. That's why You can be aroused in dramatic situations."

"Since when"

"Since you're a kid mina. There's a reason why small boys laugh when you change their diapers. And why little girls grind on their bikes. And it only increases as you grow up."

"And what does this have to do with that happened at the strip club"

"I thought you were fine with what happened at the club. Mina we talked about this, and I made sure you were okay with it. "

"I was until she started letting your hands touch her."

"Babe...it was just an act. She knows she'll never see me again. And she sees people like us every night."

"You didn't seem to be acting the way your were horny"

"I wasn't 'horny' as you said it mina, but yes, a woman gives me a lap dance in lingerie, im a lesbian wilhelmina, yes I was aroused. But that's not the real problem right ?"

"I...what are you saying"

"There's another reason your upset. I watched you during the dance, you weren't upset I was enjoying it. There is something else" you place your hands on her lap

"..mina, you know I love you, I only want you, you're the only one I need, i only enjoyed because you were watching me"

"..yes"

"Me enjoying the lap dance wasn't the problem wasn't it ?"

"No"

"What was it then honey"

"...y... you're going to think it's ridiculous"

"I would never think that about something that's making you this upset"

"..i...I'll...I'll never be able to give you one."

You chuckled slightly shocked at her words.

"See I told you you'd make fun of me"

"No..no...no babe it's just...I wasn't expecting that...I don't understand why it got you so upset, it's not a big deal, i don't need lap dances"

"But you enjoy them"

"But I don't need it, at all. And especially in my sex life."

"...be honest with me, do I make your...sex life boring, are there things you miss because of me?" You cupped her cheek

"Hey...hey...hey no. Babe I'm very satisfied with my sex life. . I'm not missing anything, I get to have sex with you, and I don't care about how, or with what, or in which complicated position. I just want to be in sync with your body, make you cum, hold you close. That's it. That's what gets me off. Not the toys, not the poses, or dances. Just your pleasure, All I want is you"

"...but I'd like to give you a lap dance, or a striptease for you, at the bar I could see your face, and the way you looked at her body. I can't help but want that too."

"Wilhelmina, i look at you like this too, not in the same exact way obviously, cause you're mine, my beautiful and sexy piece of ass."

She laughed and it sent butterflies in your stomach.

"Besides Giving lap dance all day isn't that fun, and it really exhausting"

"How do you even know ?"

"I just do wilhelmina"

"Y/n...? I told you why I was upset, it's your turn."

"...well before I knew you, I worked at a strip club"

"You what ?"

"I used to be a stripper V"

"Why ??!"

"Because I didn't have any money, no friends, no place to stay. It was what put food in my stomach and the end of the day"

"Oh god...babe...how long did you stay like this ?"

"Two years and a half without my apartment and 6 month with it. As soon as I got a roof over my head everything became kind of easier"

"Where'd you stay before that ?"

"Every where, outside in a small street most of the time. If i was lucky I would find an abandoned house to sleep in"

"...oh god...how old were you ?"

"It was when I arrived in the us, so probably 17 and a half ? Yeah, almost 18...it may not have been the greatest period of my life but it was still better than what I lived back in russia. The stripping part wasn't so terrible, my boss was a nice lady, and she took me in even though she didn't have the legal right to, and it saved me from having to...let's Just say she helped me a lot." She kissed your cheek as a reassuring gesture.

"Y/n from having to what ? You're scaring me"

"Well...when she met me, it was because one of the girl I worked with before Introduced her. Wilhelmina i didn't have any other options except selling drugs but that could have gotten me in too much trouble so I sold... something else, the only thing I knew how to do." She stroked your hair to help you continue.

"I guess you could say I was a real bitch huh. "Why would I  ever say that y/n"

"Mina I was a whore. A litteral prostitute, I sold my body to anyone who'd give me a good price. On the streets, roads or forests. It's what got me out of russia, out of france and here today. I build myself on sex work."

"That doesn't define who you are today, it doesn't make you any less legitimate in your current job. And it doesn't even begin to make me love you any less y/n"

"Thank you darling, it means a lot to me"

You held each other tightly, her hands rubbing your back. After a few moments you broke off the embrace took her hand before leading her upstairs, to your room and put her to bed.

"I'm not showered honey" she made a move to stand up but you guided her back down

"It doesn't matter, just take that off and let me cuddle you."

"Alright, sweet dreams y/n"

You fell asleep shortly afterwards, snuggled up, together, your hand in her hair, her breath on your neck, lips grazing your skin.

[skylar36]

So, question for all you neurodivergeny folks like myself who have been masking so hard for so long that they basically started stimming as an adult. I’m 20 and I don’t know how to explain to my mom that the weird thing I’ve been doing with my hands lately is a stim and I should have felt like it was okay to do it my entire childhood, but for whatever reason I didn’t.

Probably the complete lack of adult neurodivergent role models that stim.

I don’t know how to explain to her that I didn’t just start stimming because I saw some people on TikTok do it and thought it was cool, I started doing it because I saw some people on TikTok and thought, “oh, I’m allowed to do that because it’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with me because my head sometimes wants to twitch in different directions and my hands want to fly around when I’m happy.”

I don’t know how to explain to her that I don’t flap my hands around because I saw someone on TikTok do it, I do it because the way I’ve been dealing with too many emotions has been to hit myself (I stop if it hurts, but it’s still not good) and this has been an incredibly positive change in my life.

I don’t know how to explain to her that the tone of her voice when I have conversations with her have such a dramatic impact on me and I shut down when it feels like I’m about to be made fun of even if that’s never what she intends because I’m still feeling really sensitive and defensive about it.

It’s still raw. It feels like I’ve had a part of myself hidden away for so long and I’m so excited to share it, but I’m also so scared of being rejected for it. Or made fun of for it. Not because my family is malicious, but because we tease each other a lot and this is something that isn’t ready to be teased. It’s too new, it’s too raw. Like an open wound.

You can laugh with everyone about an old scar. I have a scar from a fight with my sister years ago and it’s hilarious because it came from such a superficial scratch that I don’t even think actually drew blood. I wasn’t laughing while it was still healing, but I’m laughing now.

Im not ready to laugh at stims that objectively look very silly. I know that someday I will be, but not today. The wound is still healing. It’s scabbing over, but it hasn’t quite scarred and faded into the past yet.

We’ve known that I have ADHD since I was little and my mom has been a strong advocate for my school accommodations and getting medication when it became clear that that’s what would help me most. Just to make it known that my mom is not a neurodivergence denier and she’s never told me that I need to be more normal or anything like that.

Though she did look very confused when I called ADHD a disability, so there is that. I think we’ve got some of that internalized ableist ideas that I have so much potential and if I would just work harder to apply myself, then I would be doing so much better. We’ve worked on that, it’s become clear that it’s not just my dumbass being lazy, we just didn’t know what the fuck executive dysfunction was and what it means. I had been telling people for years (including therapists so idk wtf they were doing knowing I had ADHD and not explaining to the crying middle schooler that what she’s describing has a name and there are tools to help with that, but go off ig) that I didn’t fucking know why I couldn’t do my homework. I wanted to get it done because I always felt better when it was done, but I just could not do it. Nobody suggested that maybe I try this or maybe we do some research on executive dysfunction and emotional regulation in people with ADHD. Not a single fucking adult, even the child therapist that I saw in middle school, but that’s a rant for a different day because I’ve got some feelings about that.

Right, this turned into a vent where I make metaphors that probably don’t make any sense. Anyway, I would still like that advice if anyone has some. My mom isn’t an asshole, she’s willing to listen, it’s just hard not to feel like I’m being talked down to.

Maybe it’s just my own attitude and expectations that are the issue here?