#batfam as a family

[emerald-cobracat]

Do you think the Wayne family get caught in bludhaven when ever they miss Dick. Like just commit a random but harmless crime until the police send Officer Grayson to spend time with his family.

Bruce goes speeding. Jason will vandalize the police station. Tim will just appear with random objects stolen from the nearest police officer. Cass will also appear and scare everyone and then just follow Dick. Stephanie will cover everything in glitter and somehow replace all the donuts in the police station will celery. Damian will walk around the police station will a small army of strays. Barbra will set up a meeting that will last hours. Duke challenges the nearest officer to a staring contest, he wins and gets paid five dollars every time he wins.

Every member has their own way of getting the polices attention and making Dick spend time with them. They also sometimes switch tactics just to annoy. See Jason breaking every traffic law he can within an hour, it was a bet. Bruce losing multiple staring contests. The less said about Cass’s pranks the better. And multiple batkids somehow managing to convince every shop within bludhaven to not sell donuts to any and all police officers.

If Dock wasn’t such a good cop he would have been fired or transferred forever ago. That and the one time they tried Bruce ended up crying and making a scene for hours, the media had a field day with that.

[whywoulditho]

for some reason middle aged comic fans coming on the internet to defend their decision as to why they thought a twelve year old should have died or lived is so funny 😭😭😭

[incorrectbatfam]

The only acceptable trans Tim headcanon would be Tim introducing himself to the batfam as a boy from the get-go with such confidence that no one questions him. Then, his first solo case as Robin is investigating the disappearance of Jack and Janet Drake's "daughter," so he pretends to have a twin sister by forging a bunch of documents and photoshopping family pictures. He then fabricates evidence of her death, committing multiple crimes in the process, and holds a fake funeral at the end. Because if his previous name is dead to him, he's gonna kill it the Tim Drake way

[fckbatmanhiskidsareminenow]

multilingual batkids. they learn each others languages so they can mix and match. for example:

tim in french: have you figured out how we’re gonna tell b we’re not going to that gala yet?

damian in arabic: no i thought that was thomas’ job?

duke french: me? no jason said he’d do something

jason in arabic: hey don’t drag me into this!

dick in romani: i’m gonna kill him i really i am

steph in russian: who are we killing?

dick in english: ah! nobody! wait i didn’t know you spoke romani

tim in greek: you’re an asshole

jason in english: wait my greek is rusty say it again slowly

tim in greek: you’re an asshole

jason: …. you motherfucker

cass signing: nice drawing

damian in chinese: thank you

dick yelling at bruce about something he did

jason in spanish: what language is he speaking right now?

tim also in spanish: uh all of them i think

jason: does bruce even know-

tim: no he doesn’t

[arkangelo-7]

I bet the JL has a “how fucked are we” metric that’s literally just how many of Bruce’s kids are there.

Like if he pulls up to the alien invasion or whatever with just Robin, then everything’s fine. More than fine, actually, because Bruce feels comfortable enough to bring his eight year old along for the ride. This battle will take approximately fifteen minutes and they’ll all get shawarma after. Not fucked in the slightest.

But if Red Robin shows up too… hmm, okay, this is getting somewhat serious. Tim is one of Bruce’s most trusted partners; he’s the smart Robin, the tactician, the loyal one, and so if Batman brought him along then it means he’s at least a little bit worried about shit hitting the fan and wants one his advisors around. But the combined brain power of Bruce and Tim is pretty much unmatched (DC plot armor for the win), so everything will be fine, basically. Superman might take a hit, but everything’s going to be fine. Just keep calm and you’ll all make it home in time to Door Dash some Panda Express before it closes. So not that fucked.

It starts to get serious after that. When Signal and Spoiler roll up the scene, shit has definitely hit the fan. Batman’s worried enough to call in reinforcements and he’s probably doubting the League’s ability to listen/obey his orders, so he needs a backup plan in case things go really south. But with Signal’s abilities and Steph’s superpower of turning anything into a joke, chances are you’ll be okay. Maybe impaled or something, but okay. But still, fucked.

When Nightwing shows, the JL knows it’s starting to get dicey out on the field. See, Nightwing’s got his own team, his own issues—the fact that he set that all aside to help out his dad is cause for concern. On a scale from 1-10, they are at a 7. Above moderately fucked.

And��� oh God. Black Bat? Most of the time the JL doesn’t even see her, but once she makes herself known and starts fighting alongside her siblings, they all start to silently freak out. Black Bat is a fucking machine and if she’s breaking a sweat trying to fight the Big Bad, things are definitely not going to go well. They start praying that Batman figures something out. They freak out. They are intrinsically fucked.

But God Forbid you catch sight of the Red Hood. The prodigal son is a legitimate killer, and if Batman’s letting him blow out brains then the JL knows he’s desperate. And a desperate Batman is not good. At all. They are definitely fucked.

[goaheadandgetinthebog]

Guests at a gala notice that Brucie Wayne is surprisingly jacked. Like, a suspicious amount of muscle for a CEO who lives a life of luxury and doesn't do any physical labour. An amount of muscle that goes beyond "works out to stay fit and look good". And when he's asked about this by a gossip columnist guest he panicks (he's running on 2 hours sleep) and says "It's so I can pick up my kids!"

Now everyone is looking at his kids. Cass and Tim are tiny at 5’ 5 and 5' 7. Damian is still a kid and he's also small. Dick is bigger, but picking him up wouldn't require that much muscle. Maybe Duke, who is still growing but looks like he could be about Bruce's height when he's fully grown? Maybe him?

Then Jason officially returns from the dead. And everyone looks at the 6' 4, 260lbs walking double fridge and goes "Ahhh, ok then."

[timmydraker]

Damian: I’ve been volunteering at the hospital

Tim, who owns a medical company: …

Damian: father doesn’t approve of this because it cuts into my patrol time but I think it’s because I kept it from him

Tim, who likes to disobey Bruce: …

Damian: I fear I may have to make a choice of either continuing as Robin or pursuing my goals of becoming a Doctor

Tim, who dropped out of school: …

Tim: So, weird question, and I’m totally just brainstorming here, like just throwing this out there but like… you’re still a minor so what if I adopt you and pay for your schooling and maybe hack into a few schools so you can learn stuff ahead of time and eventually I could employ you at my company and maybe even build you your own hospital?

Tim: haha wouldn’t that be funny and totally piss Bruce off cause I’d be your dad

[wellensittich01]

Dick 9 times out of 10 failing to hide a severe injury from the rest of the batfam because without fail when he’s tired or drugged or generally not firing on all cylinders his native accent comes out as thick as the day he met Bruce.

- - -

Bruce: Dick come down for a check up I saw you take that hit for Tim.

Dick, halfway towards the cave exit and still going, in the quietest voice possible: im fine

Bruce: Say squirrel and you can leave.

Dick:

Bruce:

Jason:

Tim:

Damien:

Dick: …skweeerrehl.

Jason: Get him boys.

[mikeluciraphgabe]

Very public and an obviously not fake Batman is Bruce Wayne reveal

But Bruce simple acts like this never happened

_

Reporter: MR. WAYNE, MR. WAYNE, WHY HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING THE FACT YOU ARE A FOUNDING JUSTICE LEAGUE MEMBER?

Bruce, head tilt, eyes squinted: .. What is a “justice league”

-

Reporter: Mr. Wayne, prince and knight of Gotham-

Bruce: why would I be “night” of Gotham? I would be 3:24 pm at most

-

Gothamite: thank you for the save Batman… or Mr. Wayne… do I call you Batman in the suit and Mr. Wayne when you get coffee on Wednesdays?

Batman: *turning around slowly* what the fuck is a Mr. Wayne?

-

Villain: ah, Batman, or should I say BRUCE WAYNE-

Batman: *puffing up* WHO is this ‘Wayne’ and why is he impersonating me

[yesterday-meets-tomorrow]

I love them, your honor

[wingo5]

Waiting on a new Apple Pencil so enjoy some supersons I drew with my fingers :3

[lostpimplepatch]

I was rewatching Young Justice and the fact that all versions of Robin are the only one forced to keep their secret identity even with their teammates and friends is usually written off as Batman being paranoid. I think it's more than that, that it's his way of giving the kids an 'out'. If they ever decide they don't want to fight crime anyone they have a safe identity to return to, no obligations.

They are children first, soldiers second. Bruce knows better than anyone the loneliness his job brings and of course he would want better for anyone, especially his kids.

[incorrectbatfam]

Dick: The real reason Howl kept his castle moving was tax evasion.

Jason: This sounds like a joke but I read the book. This is the literal reason.

[the-bat-bros]

Dick being an absolute sweet pea to Jon while simultaneously being passive aggressive with Bruce

Bruce why do you keep the lollipops by the smoke bombs

And Dick pulling out his circus tricks to calm Jon down I can’t it’s too cute IT’S TOO CUTE

From: Nightwing #89

[kuronekoartsblog]

I offer you: Tim Drake being absolutely demolished in a way or another for being good at videogames, both by his opponent and his own teammate

Recently this is the only thing capable of pumping some dopamine in my ADHD brain so this is what u get lol

More to come!

[star--bird]

Headcanon that Jason never learned how to drive but kind of figured it out and drives alright. For the most part. Okay, he's not a good driver, and in all honesty, this is probably canon since I doubt he ever took driver's ed but here are some scenes to consider:

-----

Dick: The car in front of you is slowing down. Slow down. Jason slow down. JASON SLOW THE FUCK DOWN.

Jason: Okay! Okay! Calm down, it's hard to tell when the car in front of you is slowing down anyways.

Dick: Yeah that's why cars come with brake lights. You know, the things on the back of the car? That go off when the driver is breaking?

Jason: ...OH so that's what those mean.

-----

Jason: Damn this road is so dark, I genuinely cannot see.

Tim: Turn on your brights.

Jason: The what?

Tim: *sigh* Twist the stick thingy.

Jason: Oh my god have these been there the entire time?

-----

*Jason driving alone and fumbling with lots of different buttons and switches to try and find where the windshield wipers are in loony toones esc fashion*

-----

Damian (who is currently in drivers ed): You can turn left now.

Jason: You can only turn right on red.

Damian: Yeah but it's a one way onto another one way. You can turn left in red.

Jason: This feels illegal.

Damian: I promise you it isn't.

-----

Damian (before he took drivers ed): Aren't we suppose to exit at some point?

Jason (currently on his third lap around the roundabout): Yeah I'm just... Scared.