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bsdawgz · 8 months

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「 ✦ Cruel ✦ 」 Bungo Stray Dogs, Port Mafia: Dazai Osamu

a/n: follow-up from this fic, i hope i did ok! i really like writing pm dazai... also i wanna thank everyone who has followed me/liked/reblogged my posts. i really didn't expect to get any attention at all, so it means so much to me T_T and i will def get to writing ab the other characters soon~

genre: angst. so much of it. and the nasty.

content warning: f!reader. unrequited(-ish) feelings (but not rly). toxic ass relationship (like, RLY unhealthy), dependent relationship... i hope you don't find MC deplorable because personally i find her real af

MDNI! rough sex, choking, fingering, degradation both from dazai and self (bitch, slut), humiliation, trauma, bj (facefucking). dazai is rly rough with main character and not very communicative beforehand, but he checks up on character during. sex is consensual, but main character continues to force herself to do things she doesn't want to for the sake of wanting to please dazai (there is no pressure or coercion involved on dazai's part, to clear that up). if there's anything else you think i should add, please let me know.

summary: after failing to stop sleeping with the port mafia executive, dazai osamu, despite your unrequited feelings, you've come to terms with the fact that you can't bring yourself to leave him behind. but dazai's determined to show you there's nothing in him worth fighting for.

this place is all too familiar to you.

you’re bent over dazai’s desk and he’s towering over you from behind, pressed up against your body. there’s a haughty grin on his lips as he’s rucking up your skirt, grabbing your ass roughly and making you wonder when you began wearing short skirts all the time, if you’ve started doing it for the sake of easy access. after all, how many times in the past year that you’ve known this man has dazai actually taken the time to properly get you out of your clothes before fucking you, let alone gotten completely undressed for you himself? you could probably count it on one hand.

the thought makes you feel somewhat ashamed, knowing that you’re having routine sex with someone who won’t often do something as simple as strip naked for you. somehow the simple act of undressing feels all the more intimate, which makes you feel all the more distant from dazai, making him feel that much more removed in these fleeting moments you share. but of course, you don’t dare to mention it to him – not now, not ever. just let dazai’s hands roam where they wish, because more than anything, you want to please him. more than anything, you just want him to want you – whatever that might mean.

the last time you saw dazai, you had resolved to leave him for good, determining that your relationship was going nowhere. you were well-aware that dazai was only using you for sex, and that you were in the throes of an unrequited love with one of the most dangerous men in yokohama. but staving yourself off of a man like dazai, who could bring you in and out of heaven, was like trying to quit an addiction. you’ve never found yourself more attached to anyone in your life. it wasn’t long until you found yourself sleeping in his bed again. it was futile trying to fight it now.

“i said to look me in the eyes.” vicious words interrupt your thoughts, followed by an exasperated mutter of, “stupid bitch,” as you feel a few light slaps on your cheek. hands that once traveled up your skin so gently, caressing you and handling you like a fragile object, are now grabbing your neck and squeezing its sides, forcing you to meet his arrogant gaze. this is a different dazai than the one you know, a more cruel, more callous one. “ah, there’s my good girl,” he whispers coldly with a smirk, your jaw caught in his slender fingers as you now properly meet his gaze. “now, open your mouth for me… good. see how much prettier you are when you shut up and stop asking so many questions?”

he slips his thumb into your mouth, wetting it with your tongue before swiping your own saliva across your puckered lips. “good… suck my fingers like the slut you are,” dazai murmurs erotically into your ear, his hot breath tickling your neck as he dips his fingers in and out of your mouth. “this is what you want, right? what you keep coming back for.”

his words are mean tonight, like he’s punishing you for trying to get too close to him. vengeful, almost. although it’s quite typical of him to get impatient and even indifferent, dazai’s not the type to bring this kind of demeanor into the bedroom… at least, he’s never shown this side of himself before. but tonight he is more than determined to bare it all to you, to show you what he is really made of – and teach you to stay away from him, for good.

as he looks into your big, trusting eyes, which have never gazed at him with malice, he bitterly reflects on his decision. the vastness of those eyes of yours have never held anything but pure intentions and righteousness. they represent everything that he is not… and they hold the same values that got odasaku killed. you are a mere civilian who threw herself into the port mafia’s radar by sleeping with one of its infamous executives. at this point, your name has snaked its way into the mouth of dazai’s underlings; his enemies have readied themselves at your door. dazai was selfish to think he can keep you all to himself, his precious little treasure.

this was bound to happen, anyway. better that it ends now.

before you fool yourself into thinking a man like him can amount to anything more than a killer.

before your hands get soiled with blood.

before you’re shot dead…

… and before he’s convinced himself that he has a right to any of this. a right to see you, a right to hold you, a right to one day love you.

that’s why tonight, he’ll push you to your limits until you cry out in pain and pleasure; and when you’ve had enough of him and tell him to stop, he’ll leave wordlessly and never return, so you’re left only with the memory of his callousness and utter disregard for you.

gazing into the expectant eyes that are staring into his, dazai hikes his hands up your shirt to palm your breasts only to be surprised to feel nothing but bare skin. “no bra? you really are a slut, huh?” he shakes his head with a dry laugh as he tugs your shirt over your head, discarding the article of clothing on the floor. “always so desperate to be fucked.” nipples hardening at the brush of his hand, you bite back a sinful moan as he teases you with fleeting touches that send pulses to your core. the sight of you so vulnerable in his arms makes him hard; you feel his erection pressing into your back as he plays with your nipples. before you know it, those beautiful fingers of his are reaching for where you want him most – between your thighs, pushing aside your panties and sliding between your slickness.

he gasps mockingly as if he’s surprised you’re wet for him, an arrogant smirk forming on his lips. his hands know you well, his fingers finding the spot that makes you feel the best and rubbing in agonizingly slow circles. you can’t help but let his name roll off your tongue and let him know who you belong to, a quiet prayer on your tongue. succumbing to his touch so easily feels almost like a sin, but if it’s dazai, you’d do it in a heartbeat every time. even if it meant going to hell for it.

intoxicated by his cologne and blinded by his touch, when you feel his lips traversing your neck, you’re thinking to yourself like a fool: yes, this is how it should be. dazai’s awfully gentle now. this is how it should always be. you’re starved for him, begging for him to want you.

begging for him to love you.

but this man will never love you.

because this man is the devil.

“get on your knees, pretty girl.” there are those sweet words of his – ‘pretty girl.’ that term of endearment that he’s whispered affectionately against against your neck when his arms are wrapped around your waist at night, when it’s too dark to head home and you find yourself tangled under the sheets until daytime – those words that have confused you, that have left your brain a muddled mess, that offered you a glimpse into the gentleness that could be. tonight, there’s not a trace of kindness in his unyielding voice – nothing to confuse for kindness. his hands are rough, reckless. tossing you over, he faces you with a look that’s condescending and rotten. “get on your knees, and remind me why i keep you around in the first place.”

you’ll take it.

you’ll take it all –

– even if he’s hitting the back of your throat and gripping your hair so tightly that you can barely breathe, that tears are welling in your eyes, that you’re choking on him. you can hardly keep up with his pace, hands clawing at the floor in a desperate attempt to steady yourself. you’re a distraught mess, lips swollen from his shoving himself into you, saliva dribbling down your chin, an undignified whore. but you’ll take it. you’ll take it all, if that’s what it takes to keep him even for a moment more. you’ll squash the feeling that this is so, so wrong, the awareness that he’s fucking you like an object, the knowledge that you’re nothing but a piece of meat to him.

if that’s what it takes to keep him, even if just for a little longer –

– you’ll take it all.

but when he sees those tear-stained eyes of yours, he just can’t bring himself to do it anymore. he pulls out of your mouth completely, leaving you coughing uncontrollably and desperately gasping for breath. a wave of guilt washes over him, knowing that he put you in this condition in the first place. “come here,” he says harshly, trying to keep up his façade as his fingers dig deep into the flesh of your hips. he tosses you onto the bed, the spring mattress squeaking under your weight, then you feel his body against yours from behind as he covers your eyes with one large hand until you see nothing but black. “don’t tell me you still like this?” he asks in a serious tone. he’s so close to you that you can hear his soft pants against your neck, feel the heat radiating from his skin; he must still be worn out from before.

but you say nothing, nothing at all, your lips sealed in a tight line.

he scoffs at your silence, his grip on your body loosening. “use your words. aren’t you going to tell me to stop?”

you turn to look at him, and your gaze finally meets his once more. your eyes are clouded with tears, your cheeks flushed, your lips trembling. but your eyes are unwavering. that grotesque look that he just can’t stand – those big eyes, still full of devotion, unconditional resolve. eyes that are full of nothing but righteousness. he’s the source of your pain, and yet you look at him with nothing but kindness. you look at him as though he can offer you some sort of salvation —

but this man can’t even save you from himself.

“i’m… i’m not.” your voice is meek, a sob escaping you.

you find your body shaking frantically, suddenly hyper-aware of your nakedness and the fact that dazai’s practically completely clothed.

he takes a seat next to you on the bed and wraps a blanket around you, deep brown irises staring into your eyes dubiously, as though he can’t believe a word that you’re saying. then, reaching out to cradle your face gently in his hand, he strokes your cheek with his thumb. his tender caress makes you sick to your stomach and you feel bile rising in your throat – you wish he would go back to fucking you senselessly and calling you names, if only just to make this cruel fantasy go away.

“don’t touch me like that anymore!” you suddenly blurt out of spite, shoving dazai away angrily. “don’t you know how confusing you’re being right now?” you cover your face in your hands like a child just to keep him from seeing you break down, as if you could possibly hide your stifled cries and the tears streaming down your stained cheeks.

“i see,” he says in a quiet voice, hesitating as he retracts his hand. there’s a grimace on his face as he withholds his words, resisting the urge to say something, anything, to ease the pain. but he knows there’s nothing he could say to take back all that’s been done. a tension hangs in the air, disrupted only by the sound of your shaky breath as you heave into the palms of your hands, pressed firmly over your mouth to silence your heartbroken cries. bending over in pain, there’s an empty pit in your chest as you crawl into his lap like a kicked-down dog. dazai makes no movement to get up, just lets you fall against him and hums softly to comfort you, stroking the tendrils of your hair like a wandering ghost.

when your tears finally subside, leaving nothing but your shattered memories, you glance up at him only to find he’s been gazing at you the whole time. on his face, there was a pained expression. something like regret for the past, or maybe even the future.

he looked as though he had been crying, too.

(c) BSDAWGZ Don't steal or plaigarize cos that's mean... and if you enjoyed the fic, please share! Remember, likes don't share my work, reblogs do! ^^~ Beautiful dividers by @ v6que~!

#BSDAWGZ #bsd smut #bungo stray dogs smut #dazai smut #dazai osamu smut #dazai osamu fic #bsd angst #bungo stray dogs angst #dazai angst #dazai x reader #dazai x reader smut

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humongousgothskeletonfarm · 5 months

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TSC CHAPTER ELEVEN SPOILERS AHEAD

STARTING OFF THE CHAPTER STRONG AS FUCK DISASTER BISEXUAL JEAN MOREAU AWARENESS

picturing jean in a pair of raybans is good for my mental health

“Missed a couple spots. Need a hand?”

jeremy u flirt

do the trojans ever realise that jean is NOT IN FACT deaf and standing right in front of them when they are talking about him?

oh ok so chapter 11 is in fact worse than chapter 10

if anyone reading this has ever believed that they deserved the abuse, trauma/suffering they’ve experienced, i’m here to tell u right now that nobody deserves that and it is not ever ur fault, no matter what others might say or try to convince u. whatever happened to u is unequivocally not ok. please seek help from a professional if u are worried about urself or others in ur life.

if u have ever felt uncomfortable or violated in certain situations just know that no matter how ‘big’ or ‘small’ the situation may seem (i use these terms loosely because i do not believing in ranking peoples traumas), ur feelings are 100% valid and u always always deserve to be respected and heard.

i hope u know that u are not alone and never will be.

sending lots of love to all of u

wtff jenkins is a girl?? did we all know this or have i just read too many fanfics always thought jenkins was a guy?

It was sacrilegious even in the privacy of his head, and Jean hunched his shoulders against a blow that never came.

fuck that’s a good line. traumatic as fuck and makes me wanna cry for all these boys have gone through but god as an ex-catholic raised queer person i can tell u this line struck hard even though i cant relate to the specifics of the scene

Jean didn’t mind cooking, but he didn’t say that. This was the first time his room truly felt safe and right, and he was content to hold onto it for as long as he could. He closed his eyes again, but now his thoughts were snagged on Jeremy. At length he broke the silence to say, “Two beds would fit in here.”

jean moreau u are so loved

“You are not them,” Jean said. “Kevin would not have sent me here if you were.”

THE PARALLELS IN THIS BOOK ARE FUCKING KILLING ME PLS NORA LET ME LIVE IN PEACE THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE

ANDREIL EXISTS IN EVERYTHING

Just because he had to meet with this man didn’t mean he had to speak to him.

jean, u diss aaron earlier in the books but really ur just the same as him

betsy dobson to the mother fuckibg rescue someone get this bitch a ‘worlds best therapist’ mug

and jean, dude do u know how fucking similar u and neil are, seriously like u guys should be besties like-

“It was not my choice,” he sent back in warning. “I do not need counseling.” He didn’t trust her at all, but there was no point spelling it out.

CHAPTER TWELVEE

dude wtf is it with me and napping while tryna finish this book, literally just accidentally fell asleep for 2.5 hrs when i could’ve been reading

“Imagine getting changed so we can practice,” Jean said.

king is fed uppp

“It’s not about size, anyway.” “Defensive,” Jean said, tugging his glove straps with his teeth. Jeremy straightened in indignation. “I don’t have anything to be defensive about.” Jean lost his grip and bit his lip, and Jeremy hurried on before either of them could think too much about that double entendre.

OKKKK JEREMY I SEE U

“That’s not—I do care. I want you to play with us, and I want you to have fun again. I want to see what you can do on the court and what you bring to our defense line. I want us to finally win this year after coming so close and failing too many times. But it’s just a game, Jean. Your safety and happiness will always be more important than our season.”

GOOD GOD ITS WHAT U DESERVE JEAN

“Every time you say that you take a year off my life. I’d really like to live to ninety, so please knock it off.”

now the trojans understand how the foxes feel when neil whips out his ‘im fine’ line,, also i’m never gonna stop saying that neil and jean should be besties it’s literally just a fact

“I do not believe you when you are drinking such filth,” Jean said, with a disapproving look toward her drink. Laila stared him down as she sucked a long gulp through the straw,

this book is so devastatingly depressing and explores some of the most horrible traumatic things that could happen to a person but it’s interspersed with some of the funniest scenes that it gives me whiplash

“Pat and Ananya have wanted to fuck Cody’s brains out for almost a year now. I really thought Cody moving in with them this summer was going to finally get that ball moving, but apparently not. It’s getting kind of pitiful.” “Pat and Ananya have been engaged almost as long as Cody has known them,” Laila pointed out as she fit herself against Cat’s side. “You can’t blame Cody for being scared of where they might belong in something like that.”

NORA GIVING US THE POLYAMORY WE DESERVE AFTER CUTTING KANDREIL FROM THE OG BOOKS LETS GO QUEER REP

YK THAT RUNNING JOKE THAT USC IS THE QUEEREST TEAM AND NOBODY HAS AS MANY GAYS AS THEY DO??? IM SO FUCKIBG HAPPY NORA HAS BASICALLY MADE THAT CANNON

CHAPTER 13333

jeremy is so hopelessly crushing on jean and that’s real of him

meanwhile jean:

Threat assessment, he told himself, and it was almost the truth.

sureee buddy

They’d arrived holding hands and dressed in matching cream-and-teal outfits. Even their gold-rimmed sunglasses and teal sneakers were identical.

well that is definitely an outfit!

“Speaking of happy endings, has Laila bought you a sex toy yet?”

EXCUSE ME

this whole scene was so fucking random but jean deserves great friendships

ANOTHER TRANS TROJAN LETS FYCKING GOOOOOO CONGRATS ON UR TOP SURGERY XAVIER

‘i’m sure the ravens wouldn’t have taken neil in if they’d known he was the son of a mob boss!!’

uhhhhh…

i don’t know how to tell u this buddy

dude i just cannot stop think about the whole new world of fanfics we’re gonna get now that tsc has come out like the aftg universe is expanding and becoming more detailed it’s gonna be crazy

chapter 14!!!

Jean eyed him. “For what purpose?” Jeremy looked to the ceiling for patience. “For fun.” Jean sighed as if Jeremy was the one being unreasonable.

oh jean we’ll get there eventually

Jean was a starving dog on a short chain who’d learned years ago not to bite back.

OH MY FUCKING GOD GIVE ME PEACE

MY CHEST IS ACHING AT THIS METAPHOR

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP THE PARALLELS ARE DESTROYING ME I CANT FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE

“You are Jean Moreau. Your place is here with me, with us. I’m your captain. You’re my partner. We’re supposed to be doing this together, aren’t we? Stop leaving me behind. Look at me.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that he hurt you, I’m sorry that you’re still afraid to talk about it, and I’m sorry that you think I’ll never understand. I’m sorry that he tricked you into thinking you deserved it. But I’m not sorry he’s gone. I can’t be.”

“Neither am I.”

TEAR MY HEART OUT AND STOMP ON IT NORA JESUS CHRIST

everytime one of the trojans says ‘we’re here to listen whenever your ready to talk and open up to us’ and then they go and demand he tell them every secret he’s ever kept

kevin and jeans relationship in this book is so fucking well written, it’s tearing me apart and giving me so much life

they have so much shared trauma and the relationship is so complex but they understand eachother so deeply

He is not used to having a voice, and he has never had power. I cannot promise he will ever talk to you.” “I will wait as long as it takes,”

“Be careful with it,” Kevin said. “Be careful with him.”

“Night practices with Andrew and Neil,” Kevin said. “Obsessed,” Jeremy

exy fiend kevin day representation

also

“No, Jean is fine. As fine as he can be, anyway. Yes, I know.” (kevin when talking to someone ‘offscreen’) i just know he was talking to neil

She crossed the room and leaned over, catching Jean’s head in her hands so she could plant a kiss to the top of his head.

this is the love jean deserves

chapter 15:

“Your fourth line has a smart mouth, Coach,” Jean said. “I was hoping he would bite his tongue off in the fall and save us both some grief in the long run.”

jean i love u

Jean wished he had the common sense to shut up,

he’s so me

“And keep Kevin’s name out of your ignorant mouth,”

THEYRE SO IMPORTANT TO ME UR HONOUR

i keep forgetting that jean only learnt english after he moved into evermore and that kevin probably taught him but i love the subtle little reminders every now and then when he has to clarify a word, like when he has to ask what a ‘floozy’ is and:

due to egregious injuries.” Jean didn’t recognize that word, but since Lucas was already running his mouth, he didn’t get a chance to ask.

it’s such a good detail that just adds so much more depth to his character

“Permission to break his face, Coach?” Jean asked. “Denied,” White said.

SCREAMING

THIS IS SO NEIL AND WYMACK CODED I LOVE IT

JEAN MOREAU ON A MOTHERFUCKING MOTORCYCLE HOLY SHIT

catalina alvarez u wonderful human i love u

jean realising how big the world is and the fact that he’s explored more of california than any other place he’s been before is making me tear up he never should’ve been kept trapped inside he deserves to see the world

So long as she existed as fractured memories, she was safe and small and sheltered.

oh god don’t do this to me

Jean gazed out at the endless horizon, feeling small and infinite from one moment to the next.

beautiful, just beautiful, absolutely immaculate

A cool evening breeze. Rainbows. Open roads.

A COOL EVENING BREEZE. RAINBOWS. OPEN ROADS

SECOND LAST CHAPTER!!! LETS GOOO

“He is not going to hit you. Okay? We don’t do that here. You said you’d try to do better and that’s enough for us.”

starting off strong

You’re one of my kids now.

don’t mind me i’m just sobbing

no no no no no no no no no

holy shit no what the fucking fuck

don’t do this to jean rn oh my fucking god i’m sick to my stomach on the verge of fully crying right now

actually dreading reading on right now

um ok yeah so i read it and to anyone who hasn’t finished the book yet beware there is a graphic violent scene followed by an intense panic attack in chapter 16 that’s is very difficult to read

i did cry and all i can say is thank fuck for lisinski’s timing

Jeremy’s response was low but unhesitating: “I will not look away.” “I do not want you to look.” It frightened him how much it sounded like a lie,

only redeeming part of this chapter is that neil’s back but i’m still in so much shock over what’s just happened that i cant properly appreciate him

chapter 17 the finale:

feeling incredibly somber as i reach the end of the book

please god destroy anyone who has ever hurt jean moreau

nora’s really filling in all the plot holes left from aftg - why did nobody question why neil’s hair was dyed after evermore ????? why did nobody question neil being at evernote in the first place???

i’m laughing at neil’s map print-outs he’s so uncool, also i keep forgetting this is still meant to be 2007

jean-yves moreau oh my fucking god

“says who?” Stuart asked. “The dead kid?

stuart hatford u are so funny, is this where neil inherited is sarcasm from?

stuart hatford says fuck riko and so do i

Neil shrugged. “Do you have anyone who can take on local work?”

NEIL JOSTEN U ARE MY HERO I LOVE U U BADASS MOTHER FUCKER

Neil offered her a disarming smile that would never sit quite right on his face.

devouring these scraps about my boy

YOOOO WTF NORA RLLY JUST WANTED TO GIVE JEAN THE WORST FUCKING DAY HE COULD POSSIBLY HAVE HUH?? JUST DROPPED THE FACT THAT HIS SISTER IS DEAD MY POOR BOY

Neil filled in the finer details with an ease that would have been impressive to listen to any other day

- yes neil is incredibly smart, thank u jean for confirming to us

The only thing left to ask for was something he barely understood: “I want to go home.”

oh the complicated nature of home and one’s sense of belonging that persists throughout these books will never fail to make me feel absolutely everything. nora knows exactly what i want in a book

“I can see the kitchen. There should be a door out to where the dumpsters are. We can make it back to the garage from there.”

to be loved by neil josten is to be offered a way to evade the fbi together

“Tedious,” Neil said. “I’m trying to eat.”

my hero

Neil waited until he was done before deciding he wanted to finish his drink. Neither agent was impressed with their absolute lack of urgency,

i love u neil josten pls give me ur autograph

Neil, being the person he was, pointed at the fire hydrant adjacent to its front bumper and said, “That’s illegal, just so you know.” “Shut up and get in the car.”

i wish neil josten was real

He couldn’t fear a government who was so easily infiltrated and manipulated

FUCK THE GOVERNMENT

Neil flipped his takeout box open and started eating. “I’m allowed to visit people.”

he’s everything to me 🥰

“You’re one to accuse others of intolerable attitudes,” Browning said, and Neil only shrugged indifference.

and—for once—without any of your usual bullshit.”

- browning u love him just like the rest of us don’t lie rn

ngl i’m never getting over the fact that jean and neil are the same age like this is crazy to me nora whyd u have to do this i cant cope

“The more people I hold onto, the less of a threat I am, because I won’t want to endanger them by acting out.”

oh neil look how far uve come, i’m so proud

“Lock your door tonight if it will help, but Grayson will never bother you again.”

THANK U LORD FOR THE BRILLIANT NEIL JOSTEN HES ANSWERED MY PRAYERS U BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL HUMAN IM SO THANKFUL FOR UR PRESENCE

all my favourite bamf! neil fics have him taking out a hit on someone for the benefit of the people he loves and i’m so glad that’s canon

i’m going fucjing crazy i didnt think it was possible to love neil anymore than i already do

best friends ❤️

jean tearing up and throwing away the notebooks and realising he trusts the trojans and the four of them going to eat one of cats new recipes after they waited up last midnight for him

A COOL EVENING BREEZE RAINBOWS OPEN ROADS AND FRIENDS

!!!!!

I CSNT BELIEVE ITS OVERRRRR I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS HOLY FUCK

#aftg #all for the game #tsc #tsc spoilers #the sunshine court #jean moreau #jerejean #jeremy knox #catalina alvarez #laila dermott #neil josten #david wymack #stuart hatford #nora sakavic

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simplespacedust · 4 months

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@dead-catgirl

This message is a reply to a comment that i received on an earlier post, that was too long to put in my notes. the original post is linked here: https://www.tumblr.com/simplespacedust/752572123941355520/hey-so-im-gonna-talk-about-pro-shippers-and-anti?source=share

Hello! You're being respectful in my replies here so let's have a conversation about this! The first comment/point that you made about pro-shipping as an ideology I have already responded to in the most recent post on my blog so if you wanna read what I have there you can check that out.

For the second point about therapy and pro-shipping, I can’t really take your experiences with your personal therapist as a valid point in the argument because I have no proof of that, or any therapist encouraging it as a coping mechanism. But let’s even pretend that we could. In this hypothetical, maybe if a therapist encourages a person to write fictional porn of characters as a way of coping with their trauma, I still don't think they should be posting it on the internet, because I believe that does more harm than good. If you (the general you, not you specifically) REALLY need to write stories about people assaulting minors to cope with the fact that you were assaulted as a minor, then at the very least keep it to yourself. Airing out your personal trauma via south park characters raping each other does not seem like a good idea because it makes you more vulnerable to people on the internet who could use that against you, and it risks doing harm to others.

For the third point that you made, about people who cope by reading or looking at other’s art, is where we have to start looking at a larger picture than one person who wants to get off on minors being raped. The net impact of posting something like that to the internet, while it may make one person temporarily feel better by sending a surge of dopamine to their brain, reading or seeing something like that could severely harm the mental state of others. It's about the net impact and the bigger picture.

In your fourth point about children on the internet being unsupervised, I agree with you that children should not be given free reign over the internet. However, they are. Again, this goes back to the idea of net impact specifically by looking at an argument in a practical sense vs. how it would be in a perfect world. There are tons of unknowing kids who get into this unintentionally every day. I cannot provide proof of this just like you cannot provide proof of what your therapist said, but I knew someone personally who was on social media and got sucked into an online space FULL of pedophiles who would post drawings of children and say revolting things about them. I was the person who had to call my friend’s mom and get them help after their involvement in this. I saw what they were saying to each other, and while I was not traumatized, others that asked me what happened had to stop me mid-way through my description because they couldn't handle how vile it all was. Again, real world implications over ideal world scenarios.

For your fifth point, I don't believe anti=safe in all cases no matter what. Pedophiles are fucking everywhere and it is disgusting, but creating art that indulges that only furthers the issue and creates more spaces on either side for them to slip into. For your sixth point, i am aware that a healthy, stable adult, upon seeing pro-shipper media, will not instantly become brainwashed and wanna fuck kids. But this goes back to the real world vs. idealistic scenario. Kids are bound to see that by nature of the internet, and it doesn't matter at that point. It can and will do harm to them.

Now, after all the points that you made, you made a rather assumptive point about me personally, saying that I had seen pro-shipper media and gotten upset or triggered by it, and that I was able to tell it was immoral and not get brainwashed by it. I have seen pro-shipper media accidentally. While I did not get triggered by it/have a mental health episode in response to it, I did find it gross. And yes, I can tell that it was immoral and wrong. The problem is about the people younger than me that couldn’t/wouldn’t have the capacity to react the same way.

I have been on the internet for a long time. I know what I am getting into and I know how to handle seeing things that are gross to me. Again, ideal world vs. real world. Kids who see sexual content of a problematic nature are much more likely to not be able to handle what they see properly. Some kids may even become sucked into it and experience trauma of a sexual nature, thus making your coping mechanism create trauma for another person. No coping mechanism should EVER run the risk of traumatizing another person. That is selfish and inconsiderate imo.

No worries about the essay in my comments, I appreciate you being respectful and organizing a clear argument without calling me offensive names and/or just swearing at me endlessly. This point that I am making actually has very little to do with me. Again, if I see pro-shipper art, I can just scroll and be fine. It's about the people that can’t. It’s fundamentally about empathy and healthy boundaries online, and understanding the impact that things you post can have on other people, mainly children.

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thequeenofneverland1 · 3 months

Text

The Hope Of The Mikaelsons Family Part Six

Summary: The Mikaelson family is faced with a new threat as they uncover the truth behind Y/n's abduction by Sheriff Elizabeth Forbes. they’re determined to get answers regarding why she was taken in the first place. However, as they delve deeper into the mystery, they realize that Y/n's life may still be in danger, especially with the looming threat of the Hollow. Now, the family must navigate the dangers of their past and present to protect Y/n from harm and ensure that justice is served for the betrayal they have faced. With the stakes higher than ever, the Mikaelsons must unite, confront their enemies, and face the darkness that threatens to consume them all.

Warnings: Violence and confrontation, Mentioned of Kidnapping and separation from family, Betrayal and deceit, Emotional turmoil and angst and Mention of past trauma and sensitive topics

Caroline's eyes grew tearful as the realization dawned on her. With emotion trembling through her body, she hid her face in her hands. "I'm at a loss for words. It's all too much."

Klaus, despite his usual bravado, approached her with a gentle touch. "Caroline, we understand that this is difficult for you. But we need to think about what's best for Y/n. She deserves to know the truth about her family."

Her eyes red with tears, she gazed up at Klaus. "I am aware. However, how can we inform her? She's just six years old. I do not wish to frighten or perplex her."

He nodded, his expression softening. "We'll handle it delicately. We'll sit her down and explain it to her in a way that she can understand. And we'll be there to support her every step of the way."

She took a deep breath, trying to compose herself."Okay. Okay, we can do this. For Y/n."

Klaus smiled, squeezing her hand reassuringly. "For Y/n. We'll get through this together." And with that, they began to make a plan to share the truth with you, knowing that they would always be there for you no matter what.

You were playing with your dolls in the living room when you heard shouting voices coming from the kitchen.

"Hayley, we can't keep this from her forever. She is entitled to know the reality." Klaus informs her.

"I understand, but she's still very young. How can we explain all of this to a six-year-old?" She returns the favor.

You frowned, not quite understanding what Klaus and Hayley were talking about. But one word caught your attention.

"She's a Mikaelson, Hayley. It's in her blood." He walks back and forth.

Casting a bewildered glance around, you entered Freya's room. “I heard Hayley and Klaus discussing someone being a Mikaelson, Freya. What person were they discussing?”

With a look of surprise on her face, she looked up from her spell book."Oh, Y/n, they were talking about..."

Klaus and Kol stormed into the room before she could say anything further. "Y/n, what are you doing here?"

Kol hurried to be at your side. "We've been looking all over for you!"

You backed away, confused on why they were getting nervous. "I was just asking Freya a question."

Klaus and Kol exchanged a glance, realizing that the secret was about to be revealed.”What were you asking about?"

You paused, not sure if you should go on.”I heard you and Hayley discussing someone being a Mikaelson. Who were you two conversing with?”

Klaus exhales deeply. "Love, you're too young to know, but we'll tell you when you're older."

Just as Klaus was ready to continue, Hayley entered the room. She noticed your expression and the uncomfortable environment. "Klaus, maybe it's time we tell her."

He frowned, shaking his head. "She's not ready. She's too young."

Hayley approached you and dropped to her knees in front of you. "Y/n, we need to talk to you about something important," she stated softly, emotion in her voice.

As a sensitive six-year-old, you raised your innocent eyes to Hayley and recognized the seriousness of the situation. You inquired quietly, a tinge of concern in your voice, "What's wrong?"

Feeling the weight of what she was about to disclose, she inhaled deeply. Her voice quivered with passion, "Y/n, Liz Forbes raised you with love and care, but Klaus and I... we are your real parents," she confessed.

Your little face was filled with confusion as you struggled to take in what was said. "What do you mean?" you murmured, your voice trembling with terror.

You leaped up with tears flowing down your face before Hayley could reply. "I want to go home!" you exclaimed, heartbroken in a tiny voice. "I want to be with my sister!"

Klaus and Hayley exchanged a startled look as they recognized how confused and in pain you were. “We are your family, Y/n.” He reached out to you and pleaded, "We love you."

But you hurried out of the room, tears clouding your eyes, calling out for your sister and yearning for the comforts of what previously felt like home, overcome with emotion and divided between the reality and the familiarity of the one home you had known.

She and Klaus could only watch helplessly as you disappeared around the corner, your small figure fleeing in distress, the weight of the truth about your parentage and the longing for the sister you remembered so vividly clashing within your young heart. The echoes of your sobs lingered in the air, a painful reminder of the fragile innocence shattered by the revelation that had shaken the foundation of your world.

After your abrupt departure, Klaus, Hayley, and the rest of the family gave you some time to cool down, hoping you would eventually return. They didn't realize that you had left the house, driven by the sole desire to find your way back to your sister, the one constant in your young life that brought you comfort and familiarity.

Meanwhile, Kol walked into your room with a tray of dinner, a warm smile on his face. However, his smile faded when he saw that you were nowhere to be found. Panic gripped his chest as he quickly scanned the room, only to find it empty. Without a moment's hesitation, Kol vampire-speeded to the living room where his siblings and Hayley were gathered.

"Y/n is gone," Kol announced urgently, his brows furrowed in concern. "She's nowhere to be found in her room."

Klaus got to his feet, his eyes widening in horror as his maternal instincts went into overdrive. "Look through the entire property! As the seriousness of the situation enveloped the family, he gave an order, "We need to find her before anything happens."

Without a word, the family members split up, each taking a section of the estate to search for you, Their shared unspoken tie as they worry and fear for your safety. The unspoken bond that connected them in their determination to keep you safe now fueled their efforts to bring you back home, where you belonged, enveloped in the love and protection of your true family.

Klaus braced himself as he dialed Caroline's number. He knew this would be a difficult conversation “Caroline, it's Klaus. There's something you need to know," he began, his voice heavy. "Y/n ran away."

There was a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line. "What happened?" She demanded, her tone sharp.

Klaus hesitated before continuing. "Hayley told her the truth about her and me being her parents. She didn't react well... She said she wanted to go back to living with you."

Her voice trembled with anger and worry. "How could you guys? This is your fault! You scared her off. I hope you're happy now."

Klaus winced as her words stung him. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. “We never intended for this to happen. We just wanted her to know the truth."

She let out a bitter laugh. "You guys should’ve waited for her to be older for her to understand because. now my sister is out there somewhere, alone and scared. I have to find her."

Klaus could hear the anguish in Caroline's voice and he felt a pang of guilt. "She’s my daughter and I will find her," he said. "I'll do whatever to bring her home safely."

Your sister was silent for a moment before she spoke again, her voice slightly calmer. "Fine. But this isn't over, Klaus. We're going to have words when this is all over."

Thirty minutes passed with agonizing slowness. Caroline paced the room, her mind racing with worry. Suddenly, there was a faint knock on the door.

She rushed to answer it, and When she opened the door, she saw you standing there, tears streaming down your face.

Without a word, she pulled you into a tight embrace, relief flooding through your hair. "Y/n, thank goodness you're safe," she whispered, stroking your hair.

You clung to your sister, your sobs muffled against her shoulder. "I'm sorry," you mumbled. "I didn't know what to do."

She just held you tighter, grateful to have you back. “It’s ok honey.”

as your sobs subsided, you pulled back from the embrace, your yes red and puffy. You looked up at your sister, a mix of confusion and hurt in your aze.

“Caroline... is it true?" Your question was hardly audible above a whisper. "Are Klaus and Hayley really my parents?"

With a kind face, she nodded. "Yes, sweetie. It's true. But you have to know, that doesn't change anything between us. You're still my little sister, and I'll always be here for you."

You sniffled, your lower lip trembling. "But why didn't anyone tell me before?”

She sighed. "Y/n, it's complicated. It wasn't until a few days ago that I discovered this information, too.”

Your sister did her best to help you make sense of the bombshell revelation. Using simple language and plenty of patience, she explained the complicated history between Klaus and Hayley, and how they had been separated from you.

You listened intently, your small hands wrapped around a plate of warm cookies. Despite your young age, you were surprisingly resilient and seemed to absorb the information with a calm understanding.

You raised your head and gave her a bright, focused glance. You responded, a smile tugging at your lips, "I understand now. May we give my parents a call? I'd like to see them.”

She felt a wave of pride for you and nodded.”i’ll call them right now."

A short time later, Klaus and Hayley arrived, their faces alight with anticipation. You ran into their arms, hugging them tightly.

“Daddy," you whispered into your father’s shoulder. "I'm sorry I ran away. I didn't understand, but Caroline helped me."

Klaus let out some tears. Because he finally heard the word come out from your mouth. "It's okay, sweetheart," he said, his voice choked with emotion. "I'm just so glad you're safe."

Hayley smiled through her tears, stroking your hair. "We understand, darling. It's a lot to process. But we're a family now, and we'll always be here for you."

Your sister watched from the doorway, tears streaming down her face. She felt a mix of joy and sadness as she watched you reunite with your parents. Even though she was happy for you, she couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness at the realization that your life was about to change.

Klaus noticed Caroline's tears and walked over to her, pulling her into a hug. "Thank you for everything you've done for Y/n," he said, his voice filled with gratitude. "We couldn't have done this without you."

She sniffed and nodded, wiping away her tears. "I'm just happy she's safe and with her parents now," she said, smiling through her tears.

As your parents and you are about to leave, you turn to them, "Can I say one last goodbye to my sister before we go?"

Klaus and Hayley exchange a look, both sensing the importance of this final farewell. "Of course, sweetheart," Hayley replies, gently. "Go ahead and say your goodbyes."

You run over to her and give her another big hug. "I'm going to miss you so much," you say, your voice quivering.

She smiles, tears in her eyes. "I'm going to miss you too, Y/n. But I know you'll be happy with your family. And don't forget, we can always stay in touch, okay?"

You nod, wiping away your tears. "Okay."

As the door closes behind you and your parents, the weight of the moment suddenly hits Caroline. The tears that she had been holding back come streaming down her face as she drops to her knees, overcome with emotion. She had known this day might come, but nothing could have prepared her for the pain of saying goodbye to you that she had grown to love so deeply.

It’s been six days since you left to live with your real family and your sister has pretended to respond "fine" whenever someone asks her.

Damon leaned in, his voice laced with concern. "Caroline, how are you holding up? It must be hard having Y/n gone."

She took a deep breath, fighting back her emotions. "It's tough, but I know it's what's best for her. Klaus and Hayley are her parents, and she needs to be with them."

Elena placed a comforting hand on Caroline's shoulder. "But how are you feeling? It's okay to not be okay, you know."

She smiled gratefully at her friends. "I'm hanging in there. It helps knowing that Y/n is safe and happy with her family."

As Caroline and her friends reminisce about Y/n, Stefan notices a distant look in her eyes. He leans in, concern etched on his face. "Caroline, is everything okay? It seems like there's something on your mind."

Her gaze snaps back to the present, and she nods slowly. "Actually, there is. I can't help but wonder... How did Y/n end up in my family? What if my mother had something to do with it?"

Stefan's brow furrows. "What do you mean? Do you think your mother might have played a role in Y/n's kidnapping?"

She bites her lip. "I don't know. It just feels like there's something off about the whole situation. And my mother has always been secretive about certain things..."

She continues, her voice growing more animated as she recalls more details. "Remember at Y/n's birthday party, when the bodyguard told me that the Mikaelsons weren't invited? And then, when Klaus's daughter went missing, my mother suddenly showed up with a baby? She told me it was her secret daughter that she was protecting from the supernatural world."

Her friends exchange shocked looks. "Are you saying you think that baby might have been Y/n?" Bonnie asks, her eyes wide.

Determined to get to the bottom of this mystery, she turns to her friends. "I have to find out the truth, one way or another. And if my mother was involved in Y/n's disappearance, she needs to face the consequences."

Her friends exchange looks of solidarity. "We're with you, Caroline," Elena says, her voice firm. "Whatever it takes, we'll help you uncover the truth."

Bonnie nods in agreement. "You can count on us. If your mother has been hiding something this big, she needs to be held accountable."

Caroline smiles gratefully at her friends, feeling bolstered by their support. "Thank you. Let's figure this out together."

You wake up in the middle of the night, with your forehead covered with sweat. You stumble out of bed and made your way down the living room

Hayley and Klaus both immediately rushed over to you, their faces filled with concern.”What's wrong my little wolf?”

You hesitantly begin, "I've been having these really weird dreams. In them, I hear two people screaming and crying about their daughter, but I never know who it is. I just feel this overwhelming sadness and fear, and I can't shake it off."

Your parents exchange a worried look, immediately recognizing the significance of your dreams. They both feel a sense of dread and urgency to figure out what the dreams mean and how they might be connected to your past.

they enter Freya's room, Klaus speaks up, "Freya, we've got a bit of a situation. Y/n has been having these dreams for the past few days, where she hears two people crying for their daughter. We're not sure what it means, but we think it might be connected to her past."

Freya listens intently, her brow furrowed in concentration. "This is certainly a unique case. I'll need to delve deeper into the dreams to unravel their meaning. Are there any specific details or emotions that Y/n has mentioned?"

Hayley chimes in, "She said she always feels a strong sense of sadness and fear. Could this be related to her abduction?"

She nods thoughtfully, "It's possible. Dreams can often be connected to a person's subconscious mind, and Y/n's past trauma could definitely be playing a role here. But dreams can also be symbolic and have multiple meanings. I'll need to use my magic and intuition to try to decipher them."

Klaus looks relieved, "We appreciate your help, Freya. We know that Y/n's dreams may be difficult to understand, but any insight you can provide could be valuable in helping her find some answers."

She turns to Klaus and Hayley, "In order to get a clearer picture of Y/n's dreams, I need all of you to join me in a shared dream state. I'll guide you through the process, but it's important that you all relax and focus your minds on Y/n's experience."

Klaus and Hayley nod in agreement, determined to support their daughter in any way they can.

She continues, "It's important to be open to the experience and to trust in your instincts. The dreamscape can be strange and unpredictable, but it's also a powerful tool for understanding the unconscious mind."

Klaus looks around, taking in their surroundings, "How do we even begin?"

She smiles reassuringly, "Simply close your eyes and focus on Y/n's presence. Imagine being drawn towards her energy, like a moth to a flame. Together, we'll enter the dreamscape and discover what lies within."

As she finishes explaining, you join them with curiosity piqued by their hushed conversation. "What's going on?" You ask, looking between your parents and your aunt Freya with a mix of nervousness and excitement.

She gives you a gentle smile, "We were just discussing how to enter your dreamscape, Y/n. I believe the answers you seek lie within your dreams, and your parents have agreed to join us on this journey."

Your eyes widen in surprise. "You mean we're going to enter my dreams together?"

Freya nods. "Yes, with your parents' presence, we may be able to uncover more details about these recurring dreams and the feelings associated with them."

Klaus wraps a protective arm around you,”Don't worry, love. We're all here for you. Together, we'll face whatever the dreamscape throws our way."

Your voice trembles as you respond, "I'm scared. The dream is always so sad and frightening. What if we see something we can't handle?"

Hayley kneels down to look you in the eye, "Sweetie, I know it's scary, but we're all here for you. We'll face whatever comes our way, together. We love you, and we want to help you understand these dreams."

You bite your lip, still uncertain, "But what if the dreams mean something bad happened to me? I don't want to find out that way."

Freya steps forward, "Y/n, I promise we'll be gentle and respectful throughout this process. But if these dreams hold the key to understanding your past, don't you think it's worth facing your fears to find the truth?"

You took a deep breath and nodded, "Okay. I'll do it. But I want both of you with me the whole time."you looked at your parents, your eyes brimming with fear and trust.

Klaus and Hayley exchange a determined look before Klaus responds, "We wouldn't have it any other way, Y/n. We're your parents, and we stick together. No matter what."

Freya guides your parents and you to a quiet spot and instructs you guys to lie down, "Close your eyes and focus on Y/n's presence. Picture her dreams surrounding you, pulling you into their realm."

The trio takes deep breaths, centering themselves and preparing for the journey into the dreamscape.

Your parents and you settle down in a comfortable spot, each of you guys feeling a mix of nervous anticipation and fear. Freya prepares the magical elements needed to guide you guys into the dreamscape. The room fills with an ethereal glow as Freya begins chanting softly, weaving her magic around the trio.

You close your eyes, feeling a familiar sense of weightlessness as the dream takes hold. You reach out, grasping your parents' hands as you guys are pulled into the memory of the day you were taken.

The dreamscape materializes around them, revealing the bustling streets of New Orleans. They find themselves walking alongside Hayley and Klaus, who are pushing a stroller with baby you inside. Unbeknownst to them, two people are lurking nearby, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

Klaus gently ruffles your hair, "I'm just going to grab us some drinks, love. I'll be right back." He kisses your forehead, then heads towards the concession stand.

As Hayley pushes your stroller towards the playground, a stranger approaches them with a friendly smile. "Excuse me," the stranger says, "Could you give me directions to the nearest coffee shop?”

Hayley, still a bit distracted, doesn't notice as the second stranger quickly unbuckles you from the stroller and sweeps you up into their arms.

That stranger gave her a smile and thanked her before leaving and Hayley began to push your stroller and she sat down on a bench at the park. “sweetie are you sleeping? You've been so quiet!!”

Hayley removes the blanket from the stroller, only to discover that you are missing. Panic immediately sets in as Hayley frantically searches for her child, calling out your name in a desperate attempt to find you .”Y/n Where are you??”

“Someone please help me, someone kidnapped my daughter.” Hayley screams for help and begins to chase after the kidnappers, determined to rescue her baby.

Klaus, who had been on his way back with the drinks, hears Hayley's scream and immediately drops everything. He bursts into his vampire speed, desperately trying to catch up to the kidnappers. But even with his supernatural abilities, Klaus can't seem to close the distance fast enough.

The two strangers disappear into the surrounding trees, taking you with them. Klaus and Hayley are left standing in the park, stunned and heartbroken. They know that they need to find their daughter before it's too late.

Klaus and Hayley notice the item, and it triggers their memories of Sheriff Elizabeth Forbes from years ago. The realization of her involvement hits them like a ton of bricks, and they wake up from the dream with a start, gasping for breath.

"She was that one that stole our daughter. I can't believe she lied to our face telling us that she was going to help us find our daughter when she had Y/n this whole time," Klaus says angrily as he looks at Hayley.

With a nod, Hayley murmurs to Klaus, "We need to find that bitch so she could give us some explanation. That dumb ass is going to regret lying to us."

You made fun of your mom. "Mommy, you just used some inappropriate language."

Klaus and Hayley exchanged a look while trying not to laugh, forgetting that your vampire hearing allowed you to hear things from away and closer

She laughs but keeps it to herself. "I apologize; you got me! I suppose I'll have to watch what I say around you more carefully."

He smirks. "Indeed. With your sharp hearing, we'll have to watch our language."

You looked at your father with curiosity. "What's 'sharp hearing' mean, Daddy?"

He smiles at you. "It means that your vampire hearing is very sensitive, so you can hear things from far away or very quietly. It's a special ability that vampires have."

"So I'm like a superhero?" With excitement, you inquired.

"Sort of, Sweetheart.” She responds.

"Cool!" You jumped up and down

Klaus stood in the center of the living room, his siblings gathered around him. His face was etched with anger and frustration.

"We have a situation," he began, his voice low and intense. "Sheriff Elizabeth was the one who told us that she was going to help us find Y/n but she had her this whole time.”

Hayley stepped forward, her eyes blazing with determination. "We need a plan," she said. "We can't just storm into the Sheriff’s office and demand answers. We need to be smart about this."

Kol let out a short, bitter laugh. "Smart? That bitch stole our niece, and she didn’t think about our suffering and that our family nearly broke apart because of it. So Hayley. us being smart went out the window the moment she laid a hand on Y/n."

Elijah raised a hand, his calm demeanor belying the anger simmering beneath the surface. "Kol is right," he said. "Mrs. Forbes’s actions are unforgivable. But we need to approach this with a clear head.”

Rebekah paced back and forth, her heels clicking against the hardwood floor. "I say we tear apart this city until we find her," she spat. "That dumb Sheriff will regret the day she ever crossed us and for causing us pain.”

Freya shook her head. "We need to be careful," she warned. "The Hollow is still out there, and it's likely that Liz is working with it. We can't just rush in blindly. We need a strategy."

They all locate the place where Sheriff Elizabeth and her accomplice are hiding. Hayley, eager to confront Elizabeth, insists on joining them, but Klaus intervenes. "Hayley, you should stay with our daughter Just in case something happens."

She shakes her head defiantly. "No, I need answers. I want to know why she stole our daughter from us."

Understanding her determination, Klaus sighs. "I can't deny you the chance to face her. But we can't risk losing Y/n again. Marcel, would you be willing to watch over her while we're gone?"

Marcel steps forward. "Of course, Klaus. I'll protect Y/n with my life."

Your mother gives you a hug and a reassuring smile. "We'll be back soon, sweetheart," she said. "Marcel will take good care of you."

One by one, the Mikaelsons hugged you tightly, promising to return as soon as possible.

Klaus kneels down in front of you, taking your small hands in his own. "I have to go now, my little wolf. But I'll be back soon, I promise."

"Where are you going, Daddy?" You asked

"I have some important business to take care of. But don't worry, I'll be thinking about you the whole time." He tells you

“I'll miss you, Daddy." You tell him back, hugging him.

He gives you a big hug, squeezing you tightly. “I'll miss you too, sweetheart. But remember, I love you with all of my life. And I'll be back before you know it."

"I love you too, Daddy."

Klaus turns to Marcel. "Thank you for doing this, Marcel. We owe you a great debt."

He nods, his face serious. "No need for thanks, Klaus. Protecting Y/n is all that matters. You have my word.I won't let anything happen to her."

Klaus claps Marcel on the shoulder in gratitude, then follows his family out the door. Together, they make their way to Elizabeth's hideout, ready to uncover the truth and ensure justice is served.

Marcel sat next to you on the couch, watching you closely. He noticed a sadness in your eyes

“Hey, Y/n," he said gently. "Would you like to make some cookies?"

You shrugged, your gaze fixed on the floor. "I want brownies," you said quietly.

Marcel smiled. "Brownies it is, then."

An hour later, Marcel tucked you into bed, kissing your forehead and wishing you sweet dreams. As he turned to leave, he caught sight of an urgent message on his phone.

"The Hollow," he muttered, his blood running cold. "It's after Y/n."

As Sheriff Rodriguez attempts to warn Elizabeth, Kol steps forward, his eyes flashing as he uses his compulsion on the Sheriff. "You're going to forget what you saw here and walk away. Now," Kol commands, his voice laced with power.

Instantly under Kol's influence, Sheriff Rodriguez's face goes blank, and he turns and walks away, leaving Elizabeth alone with the Mikaelsons. With the Sheriff no longer a threat, Rebekah blocks Elizabeth's escape route, forcing her to answer for her actions.

"Not so fast, Sheriff," Rebekah says, her tone dripping with menace. "You're going to sit down and answer our questions, or you'll regret it."

Elizabeth, recognizing the danger she's in, reluctantly obeys, sinking into a nearby chair. She glanced nervously at the Mikaelson siblings and Hayley surrounding her, knowing she has no choice but to face their wrath and answer for her actions. She swallows hard, her throat dry as she struggles to find the words. "I... I don't know what you mean," she stammers, trying to feign ignorance.

Elijah, however, is having none of it. "Don't insult our intelligence, Sheriff. We know you were involved in my niece's disappearance. The question is, why?"

Elizabeth remains silent, her eyes darting around the room as she searches for an escape that isn't there. Hayley, her face a mask of fury, leans in close, her voice barely above a whisper. "We're not leaving until you tell us everything. And trust me, you don't want to test our patience."

Sheriff Elizabeth's eyes widen in defiance as she spits out her response. "I don't know what you're talking about! Y/n is my daughter. She's always been my daughter!"

Klaus's face darkens. "Lies," he growls. "You know very well that Y/n is our daughter. You took her from us, and you will tell us why."

Elizabeth remains silent again, her resolve wavering as she realizes the gravity of her situation. Hayley steps forward, her voice cold and steady. "If you won't talk, we have other ways of extracting the truth. And I promise, they won't be pleasant."

Sheriff Elizabeth's bravado turns to cruelty as she sneers at the Mikaelson siblings. "So what if Y/n is your daughter? It was quite amusing to watch you all suffer, wondering where your precious child was. You had it coming, after all the pain you've caused others."

Her words hang in the air, the tension palpable. Klaus's eyes narrow, and Hayley's fists clench at her sides, both of them fighting to control their rage.

"How dare you," Rebekah says, her voice shaking with fury. "You took our child, our niece and our family, for a twisted sense of satisfaction? You're a monster."

Sheriff Elizabeth continues, a cruel smirk playing on her lips. "Honestly, you were all so stupid. How could you not see that Y/n was your daughter right under your noses? It was too easy to manipulate you and keep her hidden for so long."

The Mikaelson siblings exchange furious glances. Klaus steps forward, his voice dangerously low. "You're right about one thing, Sheriff. We were foolish to trust you. But rest assured, you will pay for what you've done. The pain you've inflicted on our family will not go unpunished."

Sheriff Elizabeth scoffs, seemingly undeterred by Klaus's threats. "I'm her mother. She's not going anywhere with you. And even if you try, I'll make sure she hates you for taking her away from me. She's my daughter, and you'll never change that."

Hayley steps forward, her face contorted in anger. "You're wrong, Elizabeth. Y/n knows the truth now, and she's with us. You can't hurt her anymore. And believe me, we'll make sure you never get the chance to do this to anyone else again."

Sheriff Elizabeth, sensing her impending defeat, decides to twist the knife one last time. "You know, the best part of all this was how easy it was to fool you," she says with a cruel smile. "The moment I took her, you were all so desperate, so lost. And that feeling of power, knowing I had what you all wanted, was simply delicious."

Klaus lunges forward, his fangs bared, but Elijah holds him back. "Don't, brother. She's not worth it. We'll make her suffer in ways she can't even imagine. And we'll make sure that justice is served."

Sheriff Elizabeth, still reveling in the pain she's inflicted, continues to taunt the Mikaelsons. "Besides, let's not forget that you didn't even want her in the first place. Remember how you reacted when you found out Hayley was pregnant? You were disgusted, repulsed by the very idea of having a child. So don't pretend that this is about anything other than your own selfish desires."

Hayley's reminder of Klaus's initial rejection. Klaus, his face a mask of guilt and anger, glares at Elizabeth. "That was a mistake, and one I deeply regret. But don't you dare use that as an excuse for what you've done."

Kol, having seen the shock and pain on Hayley and Klaus's faces, steps forward. "Look, I know what my brother did was wrong, but he changed when Y/n was born. She brought a new light into our lives, a hope we didn't even know we needed."

He turns to Elizabeth, his voice hardening. "You don't know the first thing about our family or the love we have for Y/n. She belongs with us, and we will protect her from people like you."

Kol continues, his gaze unflinching as he speaks. "When Y/n was stolen from us, our family nearly fell apart. The loss of our child, our hope, was too much to bear. But now, we have her back, and we won't let anyone tear us apart again."

Klaus and Hayley exchange a look, their resolve strengthened by Kol's words. They turn to Elizabeth, their determination evident. "You've made your choice, Sheriff. Now, you'll face the consequences."

Elizabeth, refusing to back down, rolls her eyes and responds with heavy sarcasm. "Wow, what a touching story. Too bad it won't change anything. Y/n is still my daughter, and I won't let her go without a fight."

As the tension in the room reaches its peak, Rebekah steps forward, a mischievous glint in her eye. "You know, Sheriff, I have an idea. Since you seem so fond of using people's pasts against them, I think it's only fair we return the favor."

She snaps her fingers, and suddenly, all of Elizabeth's darkest secrets begin to spill from her mouth, one after the other. The Mikaelsons watch with grim satisfaction as Elizabeth is forced to confront the truth of her own actions and the pain she has caused.

Suddenly, Klaus's phone began to ring. He silenced it, but it rang again moments later. With a frustrated sigh, he answered it. "Now is not the time, Marcel," he snapped.

But Marcel's voice was urgent. "Klaus, you guys need to come back quickly. I've found out more about the Hollow, and I'm afraid it might go after Y/n."

Klaus's expression darkened. "We'll be right there."

Hanging up the phone, he turned to Hayley and his siblings. "We need to go.”

#the originals x y/n #the originals #the originals x you #the originals imagines #the originals x reader #klaus mikaelson x y/n #klaus mikaelson x daughter!reader #klaus mikaelson x you #klaus mikaelson x reader #klaus mikaelson imagines #klaus mikaelson #hayley marshall x you #hayley marshall x y/n #hayley marshall x daughter!reader #hayley marshall x reader #hayley marshall imagines

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traumasurvivors · 1 year

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This is a short article I wrote that is on my personal website.

If you want to read it without clicking an external link, you can read it below the read more.

Society likes to talk about the survivors who overcame the bad, and came out kind.

They like to talk about the childhood sexual abuse survivor who became a social worker to help children in their situation.

They like to talk about the rape survivor who now runs a campaign to help other rape survivors.

They like to talk about the domestic abuse survivor who took an stand and found his voice. The one who now speaks out and spreads awareness for others in his situation.

They like to talk about the emotional abuse survivor who found her strength and uses a public platform to empower others.

While these are all amazing things, they can leave survivors who are still struggling with the messy parts feeling like they’re “wrong” or “weak” because they can’t handle it as gracefully.

And I see you.

I see the survivors who went through their trauma and didn’t come out kind, but came out mistrusting and hardened. They came out bitter.

I see the tears. And I don’t mean the “beautiful” crying you see shown in popular media. I mean the ugly crying. The heart wrenching sobs that take over your entire body and leave your eyes a bloodshot mess and snot coming out of your nose. I see the sobs that consume and can even leave you throwing up uncontrollably.

I see the angry survivors. I see the screaming and the angry outbursts. I see broken glass. And then there’s the quiet anger. I see the bloodied knuckles, cuts and burns because someone has so much anger but internalizes it so as not to “disturb” others. I see you. I see all of you.

And there is nothing wrong with you.

Society tries to portray us all as these beautifully tragic individuals. No one wants to believe something so terrible could happen in our world. They deal with it by saying, “everything happens for a reason. Just look at how it changes these people for the better.”

Rape is ugly. Abuse is ugly. Your healing does not have to be beautifully poetic.

Don’t let society bring you down. You are strong. You survived. And don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed because you didn’t do it the way society thinks you should.

#tw abuse #tw r #tw sa #my blog posts

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hyunjinx42 · 2 months

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a note about minors interacting with my blog~

I came extremely close to writing in my bio that minors should refrain from interacting with what I post. Additionally, i have almost blocked the untitled blogs and accounts that interacted with my posts (especially my extremely recent work).

However.

I discovered BTS when I was fifteen. They were my safe space, and I adored all of their songs and the way they seemed like brothers. And I especially didn’t mind how good they looked. I was also in the throes of puberty, and I was an EXTREMELY horny teenager. When I discovered tumblr and BTS fan fictions, it took a little while, but I eventually read my first smut.

by starting to read smut, even though I was aware that elements were perhaps somewhat exaggerated, I learned a lot about both sexual pleasure and the factual, scientific aspect of how sex worked and how arousal drove the body.

I know that part of the reason that accounts will tell minors to not interact with them is because virtually all K-pop smut fan fictions feature adult idols (and I STRONGLY CONDEMN ANY THAT FEATURE UNDERAGE IDOLS) and they may find that it is creepy for minors to be finding these idols attractive. But I’d honestly argue it’s natural.

At that age, I had friends that thought the Michael Jordan was hot (he is). At that age, I had friends that thought Ryan Reynolds was hot (HE IS). My best friend at the time found harry styles sexy, and harry styles was in his late twenties.

I think that it is natural for minors to find sexy people attractive, regardless of age.

what is NOT natural is for legal adults to find MINORS attractive. But seeing as most of these K-pop idols likely aren’t pedophiles and probably have no idea that the minors interacting with smut fanfictions exist, I personally don’t think it’s a huge concern.

Now, do I regret reading smut before I turned 18?

No.

I honestly don’t regret that I read smut at the age I did. I was taught a very little amount of sexual education at both home and school, and reading smut was how I was able to truly discover how our bodies work.

As a result, I will not prohibit minors from interacting with my blog.

But I will strongly encourage any minors that choose to interact with my works to proceed with caution. YOU need to be the one deciding what you can and can’t handle reading. I do not want to be the source of your trauma. I do not want to scare you with my stories.

You should not choose to read my works and fanfictions if you feel that what I write conflicts with your morals and values or that you will be unable to handle sexual content.

please keep your mental health and morals in mind, and if you choose to read my smut fanfictions, read at your own risk.

Love,

Hyunjinx 🖤

#k pop smut #kpop #skz smut #bts smut

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many-but-one · 6 months

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i dunno if you guys answer asks but what’s the best way to start… remembering? our social worker suggested hypnotherapy but i don’t know if that works well. we’re aware of the possibility of ramcoa trauma happening and have a few memories but we don’t know how to go about piecing things together

We do answer asks! We just forget we have an askbox sometimes. This one caught my attention in particular due to the mention of hypnotherapy and a possibility of RAMCOA trauma.

Obligatory “I’m not a therapist I’m just a random system on tumblr and you should make your own informed decisions on your own mental health.”

So if you suspect RAMCOA trauma in your history I would advise to be extremely careful and/or cautious about pursuing hypnotherapy. We have never done hypnotherapy and never will because hypnosis is a very common mode that programmers will use to create a dissociated state in a child. Hypnosis therefore is extremely triggering to us and if your system has parts who are programmed to run when hypnosis begins, it could cause a risk to your system’s stability.

As for tips on how to remember, all I will say is that you should probably consider the factors that make you unable to remember at this time.

Common reasons why amnesia can be strong/worsen for systems (side note: these are all personal experiences or experiences I’ve heard from other systems):

stress in daily life often causes amnesia barriers to strengthen or worsen

a lot of trauma has already recently come out. Especially in the case of HC-DID or C-DID where higher ups can often control amnesia levels to an extent, your gatekeepers will often increase amnesia levels if trauma has already recently slipped out to avoid even more slipping out

you are still having to consistently interact with someone who was involved in or complicit in your trauma. If you are living with your dad who you think is kind of a dick but not that bad and suddenly get memories that he tortured you, living with that person will become nearly impossible for your wellbeing. Gatekeepers will often keep stuff locked down when you are still having to be in contact with past abusers

you are not in a stable position to begin to receive trauma memories. People with CPTSD, a CDD, etc often report that they function fine enough when they are living in an abusive environment, but once they leave that environment and can truly relax, that’s when memories and flashbacks start hitting them and they become nearly nonfunctional despite being in a significantly calmer and safer environment. That’s your body and mind finally leaving fight or flight mode and when you truly get to relax for the first time it’s going to hit you like a truck.

Take it from a host that dug too much too soon and learned things way too fast: slow the fuck down. /meant gently. Your memories will surface in time. There is no rush to figure everything out. Trust me, the more you start learning the more you will probably be like “damn actually I don’t wanna know any more this is getting pretty bad” and by then your system will be like “WELL THAT’S TOO DAMN BAD.”

I had to get pulled from the host team for nearly a year because of how bad digging for memories fucked me up. Granted, I ended up taking up inner caretaking and inner deprogramming and now that our system is very nearly completely deprogrammed, my inner world job is less necessary so I can return to full time host business. There were several other factors that also led to me being unable to host again for so long, such as programmed parts constantly attacking and harming host team members (couldn’t handle that I am Fragile) and also having a harder time speaking in an American accent and masking my English one due to a series of splits that happened after we got divorced from our ex wife. I can mask my accent better now and my distress tolerance is much higher now due to having worked with programmed parts internally for so long, which makes me able to return to main host stuff and not get absolutely mentally destroyed anytime I experience a flashback or programmed response or an attack from a programmed part anymore.

If you have RAMCOA trauma, no matter if it was stuff from a single parent or a high control group, none of it will be fun to learn. It will be some of the most devastating, heart-wrenching, soul-crushing things you will ever experience, seeing flashbacks of your kid self being harmed in ways no human should be harmed, let alone an innocent kid. And I’m not saying you’re trying to learn for the fun of it, I’m assuming you want to learn for two reasons at least:

1) you’re in denial and need proof

2) you want to help your system heal

What I did to help myself through these two things were this:

When I experienced denial, such as when a part told me something or showed me something, I would just default to believing them no matter if I thought something like that could ever happen. My kid self deserves to have someone believe them. We were never believed as a kid, nobody paid attention, we were ignored. I’m never doing that to myself ever again. If the memory turns out to be a pseudomemory, or you realize maybe this didn’t really happen the way you thought, you’ll figure that out when you get there and that doesn’t mean you were faking it.

As for wanting to help my system heal, I learned I actually didn’t need to know as much info as I thought I needed to know to help my system heal. The extent of what I know now is a few visuals, that’s it. I have seen maybe about a dozen visual memories (not even in their entirety, often just 1 or 2 seconds of something) and the rest is just “this is what happened” as told to me by my parts. It’s like reading a horrible story, I’m incredibly detached from it. But the things I have seen have helped me learn to take my parts seriously when they tell me what happened. I catalogue their triggers, I learn what to avoid, I learn how to positively trigger out other parts who can help, I work on inner communication, etc. I don’t need to know all the details yet, that will come later. For now, I can teach my parts who haven’t seen the light of day for 15 years how to ground in the present and show them healthy coping skills. I can give them the comfort and love they always deserved. I don’t need to know what happened to do that. I can know it’s bad because they got triggered out when I looked in the mirror and they saw my red lipstick and freaked. I can know it’s bad because they internally look like a doll with no limbs or a young girl with no eyes and only a mouth full of teeth. I don’t need to see what made them that way/remember what made them that way to help them.

I hope my answer helped anon! Good luck!

-Dori 🌹(she/he/they)

#dori🌹#dorian🌹#answered asks #anon ask #did alters #did osdd #dissociative identity disorder #manybutone #hcdid #ramcoa #tw ramcoa #tw torture #did denial #coping skills #did amnesia

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milo-the-professional-yapper · 8 months

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I honestly do think people often confuse being deeply uncomfortable at a depiction of certain triggering topics with bad writing. If a certain graphic scene is explicitly shown, that does not necessarily mean that the act itself is being glorified. We also only have 10 seconds of this clip being passed around- we do not have the full context for the episode it’s apart of. A lot of people are casting judgement way too soon. There is still a possibility that the scene itself is handled with more tact than we’ve seen so far.

I, for one, am all for bringing awareness to these events- no person is the ‘perfect’ victim. People deal with their traumas in their own ways, and some times it’s a little fucked up- the last thing people need to do is shame them for it. And that’s all I’ll really say about the reaction to episode 4 of Hazbin, once the full episode comes out I’ll do a more in depth take. And my opinion may completely change- but right now this is my stance: it’s too early to say anything.

Separately, though, if you are someone who has gone through a trauma like this and you don’t care for the depiction of it- that is completely okay! Your feelings are 100% valid and I am not shaming you for it. But there are some people who do like how it was presented and we should not invalidate their thoughts and experiences because they have a different opinion. Both sides can be civil about this situation- I genuinely ask that everyone be empathetic towards how others may feel about it. Feel free to chat if you want to discuss more, I’m more than willing to have a civil conversation with people on all sides (as long as you also approach with an open mind).

#hazbin hotel #opinion #angel dust #hazbin hotel angel dust #I would actually love to hear different takes on this that aren’t full of pure hate #there’s been… close calls #but I wouldn’t say I’m a victim of SA by a long shot #that’s why I genuinely want to hear your thoughts #I’ve heard victims opinions on both sides and all have very valid points that I will probably go more in depth to in my episode 4 analysis #promise I’m done talking now

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ourflagmeansheartbreak · 9 months

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For new years, just a quick reminder that:

1. Even if you don’t love yourself, you are still worthy of being loved, of being loved by someone else. Your sense of worth doesn’t dictate how other people should feel about you and just because you don’t love yourself, does NOT mean you are undeserving of love or incapable of loving someone just as much, platonically or otherwise.

2. Having boundaries does NOT make you an asshole, it makes you a human being.

3. Being seen can make a significant impact on your life, and there is absolutely no shame if that someone happens to be a doctor, a therapist, a psychiatrist, etc. There is no shame in feeling that something’s wrong and there is no shame in seeking out help. There is NO shame in asking to be seen.

4. Addictions and poor mental health does not make you a terrible person. You are loved healthy just the same as you are loved in the process of getting there.

5. Worst thing you could do to yourself is not let go. You can’t change the past, you can’t change that person. And it’s okay to let go, it’s okay to accept it. I know it’s hard because holding onto that feeling and desperation helps you feel in control of your own pain, but I promise you, you are allowed to let it go, your trauma will be just as valid even if it no longer holds your every move captive.

6. It’s okay to let yourself just be. You shouldn’t put high expectations on yourself, because you’re not good enough for them, but because you are simply incapable of those things at the moment. At the moment you only need to breathe and that’s okay. And you should allow yourself to just be and to just breathe in that moment, until you grow to do those big things once you grow strong enough.

7. You are the most important person in your life. No, you are not egotistical for loving yourself, you are not selfish for taking care of yourself. You live with yourself every single hour of every single day, you should be your number 1 priority and NO that does not make you selfish. That makes you self aware, and simply, human.

8. You are allowed to forgive yourself for things you’ve done. You are allowed to seek out people, you are allowed to apologise, and whatever their answer might be, you are allowed to move on.

9. You are allowed to not forgive people just the way they are allowed to not forgive you. And that’s okay. That, however, does not make you a terrible person. And that doesn’t mean you have to let that hatred consume you. You are allowed to not forgive people and then move on. That’s your privilege. You are allowed to let terrible things go even if you don’t forgive them.

10. You should eat without shame. “But I’m fat” doesn’t matter, you should eat. “But I already ate today” you should eat. “But I overate today” and if you’re still hungry, you should eat. “But I haven’t exercised” you should eat. “But I hate myself” you should eat. Food is not a punishment, love yourself enough to nourish your body and let yourself enjoy it. Because you deserve to eat. No ‘ifs’ or ‘buts’. You deserve it.

11. You should be kinder to yourself. Wether you think you’re a terrible person or not, you should be kinder to yourself. If you don’t have enough energy to love yourself just yet, try to be a little kinder to yourself and your body. First step to being a better person is realising that you are not an unlovable monster, you are human who made mistakes, and when you love yourself enough you can help yourself make amends that you want. First step is love for yourself, once you get up and no longer beat yourself, then you see all the opportunities you have to be a better person. Because you absolutely can be better, even if you fail (because you will and that’s okay) you can try again. No shame in starting over, no shame in faltering. That, again, does not make you a terrible person; that makes you human.

12. You deserve kind, beautiful things. You deserve to be handled with love, cared for. I know you don’t believe that, so let me say it one more time, because I mean it with my entire soul: you deserve love, kindness and beauty. You wouldn’t be able to see beauty in things that you do if you didn’t carry it in your heart. You see beauty in terrible things, and what does that say about you? That you carry it in your soul, because if you didn’t, you would be incapable of seeing it. Atoms recognise familiar atoms, your soul is more beautiful than you give yourself credit for.

I don’t know you, and I probably never will. And I don’t care. But let me tell you that a random stranger cares about you. That if you genuinely need someone to talk to, I WILL listen. My DM’s are always open and you can reach out if you need someone to just listen. Why? Because you’re worth it. You survived another whole ass year, you managed to get yourself out of darkness that would’ve consumed most. You are a damn good soldier, don’t let your battle scars drag you down, allow the sun shine on your path. And if you can’t see the sun yet, follow the moon. Be kind, fail, be loud, be humble, be cringe, LET YOURSELF BE.

With love,

Will x

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lumine-no-hikari · 3 months

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Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #191

So I finally did it, just like I said I would. I finally got a slow-motion video of some tea swirls; check it out!

youtube

It's just done with my cell phone, so it's maybe not the fanciest, but still, I like how it turned out!

…I really miss taking underwater videos in my mermaid gear with my GoPro. I guess watching the milk billow in the tea reminded me a little of the great big huge algae clouds and seagrasses under the surface, for some reason.

…Here's a video I took of a swimming turtle, a long time ago…

…

I'm not exactly in bad spirits, but my brain is maybe feeling just a little bit weird. I miss the water more than I know how to say. And someone on the internet today said some terrible thing that applies not only to you, but to any human being who has been through trauma and who has made mistakes in the throes of that trauma. I think they must not have realized that they were talking about more than you when they said it.

But... Sephiroth. If you hear anyone who says that you should never have been born because your life was one of suffering, or because of the fact that you're not like most other people… if you hear anyone say that your life is not worth living because bad things have happened to you, or because you've made mistakes… please don't listen to them. If anyone says you're irreparably broken, if anyone says that there's no possibility for you to find happiness and meaning in your life, if anyone says that there's no possibility for you to turn around… please. I beg you. Don't listen.

Because… Sephiroth. If you should never have been born, then that also means that neither should I have been born. It also means that no one who has gone through horrific things should have been born. It also means that no one who has handled their trauma poorly should have been born.

One thing I really don't understand is how people can say stuff like "x type of person never should have been born" so casually and carelessly, especially if their voice has influence or power over any number of people. Are they not aware that actual human lives are at stake?

…Another thing I don't understand is why it's always, "this person with a terrible past should never have been born" instead of "the people around this person should be held accountable for making their past terrible enough to break them."

No one says Hojo should never have been born. No one says that the Shinra family never should have been born. No one says Scarlet or Heidegger should never have been born. No one says these things, despite the fact that they've killed, tortured, abducted, experimented on, and done far worse things to so many more people than you. And indeed, no one SHOULD say those things, because it's never true for any human being. But still… I wonder why they feel so comfortable to say it about you, but not about them?

…All it does is tell on them. All it does is betray what they really feel about struggling people. All it does is betray what they really feel about autistic people, traumatized people, and any person who does not present as "normal" and "successful" in the same way that Scarlet, Heidegger, and the Shinra family can.

…Why is the onus always on the survivor? Why is it always the survivor that is villainized? Why is it that "you should never have been born", instead of "Shinra never should have done those terrible things to you"?

…Why is it that my stepmother tells me "I never should have been born", instead of "she never should have made a regular habit of juicing my skull into the floor like an orange"? And do you know what? Even for all she has done, if anyone were to say that she should never have been born, I will oppose them. Even her existence is a good thing.

This isn't to say that any of your mistakes are excusable by any stretch of the imagination. This isn't to say that your choices are anyone's fault but yours. Just like what you did to Cloud does not excuse him to go on some kind of killing spree, just like Glenn's misunderstanding did not excuse him to kick your necklace into the void, just like my past does not excuse me to be emotionally unstable and verbally abusive, and just like my stepmother's past does not excuse what she did to my brother and I, your past does not excuse you to hurt people. Unfortunately, you did (if the current account of events is to be believed). There will be some people who will never be able to forgive you for that, and that is natural, and they don't have to forgive you, ever.

All the same, your worth as a person is not contingent upon others' capacity to forgive you for your mistakes. This is because every single human is more than their mistakes. Every single human can turn around and make a new choice. All it takes is a little hope. All it takes is a little support. All it takes is a little compassion. All it takes is a little courage. All it takes is a little determination.

I am somewhat upset at the reminder of what this world generally thinks of people like you, and by extension people like me, and like anyone who can relate to you. But that's all right; it's not new. It's good to have occasional reminders that I am not ever actually safe here in this world, nor will I ever be. It's good to be aware, it's good to be on guard, and it's good to surround myself with people who remind me that, no matter the horrors I've suffered before, no matter the scars I carry as a result, and no matter all the ways I'm different from the rest of the word:

Yes, I absolutely should have been born.

Yes, my life is meaningful and still worth living, despite the pain, despite the scars, and despite the mistakes.

Yes, I can build a life of happiness and peace from the wreckage of what came before.

Yes, I can make kind, good, loving, merciful, compassionate, gentle choices, even though my life did not equip me for that.

Yes, I can learn, change, grow, and improve, as long as there is breath in my defective, but still-somehow-kinda-functional body.

Yes, I can weave together beautiful things from all this pain and turn all of it into things that will awe and inspire others.

Yes, I can extend my hand in love and care to all those who are still lost in the dark.

Sephiroth… all of these things are also true of you.

No matter what anyone says, your life is worth living. No matter what anyone says, you can also do all these things. You can stand up straight with your head held high, knowing that despite everything, and against all odds, you refused to fade into nothing beneath all the pressure you're under. Sephiroth, that takes unimaginable amounts of strength and courage. Sephiroth… if you have that much strength and courage, you can also make good choices. You can turn around. You can walk a different path. And, no matter by whom you've been betrayed or abused, and no matter whom you've lost during the course of your living, you can still find people who will love you as-is, and not "despite" anything.

Don't succumb to how bleak and merciless things look, okay? I mean… things are bleak and merciless, that's true. But things are also gentle and compassionate if you know where and how to look. You gotta remember, Sephiroth: it's only hate that's loud. Love is quiet. Love is so very quiet. But there's so much more love in this world than hate.

Sephiroth, I'm gonna leave you with this today. Because the video in the link below is applicable not only to deaf/blind people, but also to anyone who lives with horrifying memories, anyone who is different from others, and anyone who lives their lives contending with overwhelming amounts of pain on an everyday basis, like you or I do:

Sephiroth, don't lose hope. Don't give up. Don't fall into thinking like you shouldn't exist, or like you never should have existed. Yes, your existence has been painful, and yes, you have made terrible mistakes. But the fact that you are alive is still a good thing.

The thing that was said is troubling, but that's all right. I'm not some fragile, easily-crumbling thing. After I get back home from the oral surgery consult, I am going to play some Dead Cells to take my mind off of it, though. I'll leave it here:

twitch_live

I love you. Please stay safe. Don't succumb to the darkness. Don't let the voices of those who wish ill and hatred upon you be louder than the voices of those who wish for goodness and love upon you. Please.

I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

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deadangelzz · 3 months

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heyyyyy :3

regarding ur ask game u rbed - im super duper interested in DID n have recurring hyperfixations on it (in the most normal way possible i promise i just have a special interest in psychology sobbing)

pls answer literally any questions u like i dont wanna type out every individual one........ thank u ily

(Answers to some questions below the cut! :D)

Just so no assumptions are made, I feel like I should start by saying that our experience isn’t the same as every other systems experience! This is just what our personal experience with being a system is like! I’m sure you’re already aware of that but sometimes it’s not always at the forefront of people’s minds when talking about CDDs…

❤️ - What type of CDD do you have?

We’re a polyfragmented DID system! Polyfragmentation is when a system has an overall more complex structure (easily splitting sometimes from “every day stress”, complex innerworlds/headspaces, more specific roles beyond caretaker or trauma holder, etcetera) than a non-polyfrag system! It’s not a medically recognized term as far as we’re aware but you can find more info about them on tumblr too! A lot of systems like us go more in depth about their experience as a polyfrag system!

📼 - Do you have any non-human alters? If yes, which species are the majority of them?

We have a lot of non-human alters! We have a couple of moth people (if that’s even what you would call them?? even they don’t really seem to know LMAO), a whole bunch of demons for some reason, and some that aren’t really able to be explained and are just kind of nothing and also everything?

🎞️ - Do the alters in your system use more medical coined roles or more community coined roles? Or both/neither? Do you find them useful?

We use a mixture of both! We’ve found that community coined roles help us understand our jobs a lot better and the overall relationship some of the more job-oriented alters have with the system!

🎙️- Does the taste in music vary a lot between different alters?

I would say so! I think we all enjoy the same music but our preferences are also different. Some of us like death metal and on the opposite end of the spectrum some of us love trashy 2000s pop

⚡️ - What does switching feel like for you? Does it vary between alters?

I’m not sure if it really varies between alters but I think for the most part in my experience switching feels like a disconnection from the mind and body. I can’t really keep one train of thought or remember anything that happened after switching

🌱 - Do you have a headspace? If yes, describe it!

We do have a headspace! It’s split up into different neighborhoods or sections where different alters live. As far as I’m aware these aren’t really split up for any real organizational reason anyone can go to and from different sections if they want!

🍫 - How does your system handle in system disagreements in general?

The way we handle it almost entirely depends on the alter. Some alters we put in a get along shirt and some we have to hold them back from doing something stupid /lh

I hope this was informative in some way! It was a lot of fun to answer these!

(also I love your blog so much…hilson posts keep me thriving)

-Stacey, Gwen

#[🦇]#[☠️]#system ask game #did system

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can-of-w0rmz · 1 year

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Do you ever notice how it’s only ever “mental health awareness” until said mental health starts making other people uncomfortable? People preach about suicide awareness until they have to actually face what would make somebody want to kill themselves.

Society has this thing where it’ll go on and on “reaching out” or for example “talking to a school counsellor” but the only image people have in their heads is some teenager from a troubled home, divorced parents probably, suffering from some mild depression, a bit of anxiety, and then they’ll comfort them and oh won’t they be the absolute hero, being such a good support to a poor suffering soul.

And of course, that hypothetical scenario I just gave is perfectly serious in its own right – of course no matter the severity of the mental health condition, no matter what the individual has gone through, of course they’re still deserving of help and comfort and love, and of course “mild depression and a bit of anxiety/divorced parents” is absurdly shitty to have to deal with and nobody should have to go through that alone, and yes, of course they should be comforted (although wholly without the aforementioned saviour complex.)

But society preaches about supporting those pushed outside the norm by their psychological health, but even then it fully has its own idea of what is inside the norm of outside the norm. Anything that falls outside that is pushed away and not spoken about, or, frankly, even viewed as depraved in some form or another. The moment somebody’s psychological condition starts to make people uncomfortable, all their self-righteous rhetoric about supporting those who need support flies outside the window, and society starts to panic. ‘“It’s ok not to be ok”, unless you start to make me feel uncomfortable.”

For example, yes, support the mentally ill until the mentally ill start to have intrusive or violent impulsive thoughts. Support the mentally ill until they find it difficult to communicate and function in society. Support the mentally ill until they can’t take care of themselves, don’t clean themselves. Support the mentally ill until they’re paranoid, until their thoughts aren’t based in logic. Support the mentally ill until they start to have hallucinations. Support the mentally ill until their psychological trauma disturbs you.

Support the mentally ill until they make you uncomfortable. If people start to be tormented by their own thoughts and the “vents” you expected of simply the four words, “I think I’m depressed” start turning into ranting that disturbs you, then they’re “weird” and that person is ostracised and left to rot in those thoughts. If someone self-harms, then they’re immediately labelled as “emo” or “doing it for the trend”, which is completely disgusting, but also interesting that most of the time this happens because society can’t comprehend the idea of wanting to harm yourself. Society can’t comprehend mental illness generally, so it’s shunned or seen as pathetic or laziness.

Of course, not everyone is equipped to deal with mental illness, and that’s perfectly fine. Some people may genuinely feel out of their depth and unable to help, and that’s ok. However it’s that ostracization, that dismissal out of discomfort or fear towards people that makes it all the worse and makes the people who preach about mental health awareness hypocrites.

It’s ok not to be ok until you fall outside the norm. Then you’re no longer human. You’re a disease.

Society can’t handle what it doesn’t fully comprehend, and instead fears it. It’s the same way with queer folk/specific different cultures, depending on your own/anything that society doesn’t understand, it fears. And the same is the way with mental illness. And when society fears something, it either becomes unspeakable, or it’s mocked.

#what do i tag this #mental health #rant #mental health awareness

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nutterzebutters · 1 month

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Hey so hot take

Saying "I'm not going to turn into a pedophile by consuming media with pedophilia in it" in the face of "maybe don't go out of your way to consume inherently disturbing material 24/7" is purposely obtuse and you are missing the point.

No, you are not going to turn incestuous by watching Game of Thrones, you want to know why? Because Game of Thrones actively shows why cersei is delusional in the midst of her incestuous relationship with her twin brother. The show actively makes it a point to show other characters clear disgust and adversity to the mere idea and shows the active side effects of her actions. Stop using it as your safety net against the argument "fiction can affect reality."

Fandom, and fiction itself inherently has the goal in mind to make human connection across media, and a lot of the time are passion projects created from the human soul. because of this you can never truly separate the fiction mirrors reality argument. No, you should not be policing your thoughts, but you need to understand where the argument tends to take place and why you need to evaluate why you're feeling attacked.

The prime argument is in the face of things like pro-shipping or pro-fiction and those in FAVOR of incest, fetishizing lolicon, abusive relationships, ECT, people who did NOT know how to separate their fiction from reality. People who actively engage for enjoyment in these specific subjects. There is a fine line between consuming your media in moderation while that media properly depicts the disturbing content versus overindulging in media that tends to glorify or fetishize said disturbing content. To say that this 24/7 consumption will not affect you is either naivety or denial, especially when ppl are prone to things like being an "irl" (people who genuinely believe they are those fictional characters because of the state of psychosis) or those with online 🌽 addictions aligning with dopamine rushes for these fiction dynamics. You also have children on the internet who were groomed into these concepts and don't know any better, so they have a habit of overindulging in these fantasies as well because of the lack of moderation.

This also applies to people who claim it as a coping mechanism, if it is a coping mechanism it has to affect your reality in order to do something for you. Coping mechanisms are built to better your behaviors in the face of trauma. If you are struggling with trauma I promise you the indulgence and problematic media will not help you, in fact it will most likely make it worse by validating the very behavior you suffered from, there are better more effective ways to help you heal from your trauma. And for the love of god, many things like non-con kinks are a completely separate conversation, the way you role play that is most likely for the CONSENT OF HAVING CONTROL and is NOT the same as romanticizing the outright actions. If you do, then it's time to seek therapy in other means to dismantle that within yourself. Stop bringing in the bedroom conversation when it's based off of the consent factor and safe space with your own partner, not the wild fantasy that a character is being 🍇'd- WHICH AGAIN. IS WHO THIS CONSERVATION APPLIES TO AND TARGETS.

If you are a person who reads things like darkship, power Imbalance, or anything that contains these subjects but never romanticizes them THIS CONVERSATION NEVER APPLIED TO YOU and you shouldn't be listening to those who think it does. That is 10 steps further than we needed to go and is 9/10 not a good faith part of the conversation nor is it coming from someone who is fully informed or aware of what they're claim means, exposure is actually a really good thing. In items like Game of Thrones built for mature audiences, the exposure lets us know yeah, it happens, and if you're curious you can learn more about it, children's media largely cannot and should not enter the chat here- as children can handle heavy topics as seen in bluey and be taught right from wrong. But should NEVER contain that type of content. Exposure in and of itself can be a small reality pointer which is good! We need to know about how these things work, and it's important that stories are written that explore these things thoroughly from neutral or personal POVS while being mature about it.

In the same breath, there is a reason we think of pro-shippers and people who tend to fetishize prepubescent anime girls or are into non-non and make their whole internet persona about how much they fantasize about it, that is because the "fiction doesn't affect reality" statement is a safety umbrella for them.

Once more, if you consume your media in moderation without that media romanticizing or otherwise trying to glorify inherently immoral subjects this conversation never applied to you and should never have accused you. No you are not going to suddenly be gay by consuming queer media, absolutely nobody of sane mind has claimed that. If you are not actively promoting dynamics that tend to reflect or represent something that's very harmful to real ppl, again this conversation does not apply to you. It applies to people who do not know how to handle themselves properly, and you trying to make the argument look absolutely insane has every warrant to have people assume that you are the issue in question. If you are not being a weirdo online pressing it on other people by making them look stupid for being against it, go ham.

Who cares if it's not canon, the people who care have long since forgotten what fandom etiquette even looks like and don't remember what fandom looked like before the "Great Tumblr Purge". But they're not the topic of this conversation.

You may notice that I mentioned IRLs. Many of these ppl do not need your "reality check" either, you are not a licensed medical professional or a psychologist, hell even a psychiatrist. You still don't get the merit to do so even if you took 101 classes, you can harm them and it can backfire, BAD. Again, these ppl do need to be careful about what they consume and how they consume it because there are people prone to not being able to separate the line and it can end up hurting themselves in the end, rarely have I seen hurt it others but I don't need it to affect outside of the IRLs bubble for me to care about how IRL got there and what they might be doing to themselves in the face of distressing/conflicting information, it's a state of mind realistically nobody wants to be in. Many of you act like saying "if you can't separate fiction from reality then that's an issue" isn't also where "fiction affects reality" comes from. We are well aware. That's why we're saying it.

I should also preface this, you should never want to label yourself as pro-ship/pro-fiction when the biggest and most well-known definition applies to somebody who absolutely does not know where to draw the line. If you are "anti-harassment" about the tame ships, maybe it is time to come up with a new term and to stop associating yourself with such ppl. If you immediately jump to defense, maybe you should dismantle why that is, bc you're not fooling anyone. No, there is no proof that violence and video games will cause a school shooter to become a school shooter, they were most likely already subjected to the ideas and desensitized, the violence of the video game only ever promoted it and their fantasies, two things can and should be true at the same time. I'm tired of y'all making it seem like the ppl saying "Hey maybe we shouldn't over indulge in something that gives us a vicious cycle of dopamine based in seeking disturbing/immoral content" are insane. Again, maybe dismantle why you feel the need to get defensive about it.

#long rant #anti proshitter #fiction affects reality #you believe rabbits eat carrots bc of a mass lie created by a popular fiction #they eat the leaves the carrot part is actually really bad for them #there are so many more examples just like that which have given our society a wrong perception about something bc it became too involed #there's nuance to these things guys #tumblr fyp #fypシ #hot take

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