#avpd posting

[lesboylycan]

just saw the Worst fucking take imaginable that basically boiled down to "if you think you have avpd then you're actually just a severely traumatized autistic person". i'm going to walk off into the sunset and eat my own teeth now

[androidhellboy]

honest to Baphomet I hate when my AVPD sends me into a spiral

All I can think of is how little I matter to anyone I've ever interacted with. How much of a burden my existence is to their day. How fuckin pointless it is for me to try and express that I want to be friends because even then - I still find that I put myself in hyper-solitary.

I wish I didn't feel like this. I wish I didn't feel sad when a social interaction goes a different way than I had hoped.

[14dayswithyou]

💖 Day 3.5 is now available! 💖

For the last couple of months, only Server Boosters had access to the 3.5 update... Buuuuut now it's available for everyone to play in the 14DWY Discord — and soon itch.io once I'm happy with the QA and state of the game — so please don't feel pressured to join unless you want to!!

The full devlog + even more screenshots are under the cut ^^

What's been added to the 3.5 version?

📺 Streamer Mode!

I've been told that it's difficult to stream and monetise age-restricted videos on YouTube and Twitch, so I added an option to remove the sexual content and strong language used in the demo.

Now y'all can invite Ren into your bed for cuddles without putting your streamer career on the line /silly /lh

This won't affect the 18+ rating or dark themes/elements of the game, however! Although Streamer Mode will prevent you from seeing any "gruesome" CGs in the future, most of the core elements of the game will still be tied to the choices and decisions you make. So you won't miss out on the overall experience by using streamer mode!!

⚙️ Custom Pronouns!

It only took me one entire year to get around to it, but you can finally choose your own preferred pronouns (or use a set of pronouns instead)... At the cost of being able to change them mid-game ^^;

Since the original pronoun screen wouldn't update until a new scene was displayed, I temporarily disabled the feature. But once I find a workaround, I'll bring it back!

💗 Choose how others perceive you!

You can now choose how the cast and narration perceive you! Originally, the narration was kept strictly gender-neutral (outside of pronouns and genitalia picked by the player), but this will soon change in future updates.

For more clarity: you don't get to choose the words specifically, but you can choose between masculine, feminine, and androgynous terms!

📋 Separate top and bottom genitalia!

You can now choose your tatas and pps separately! >:3

Alongside that, you can also choose your preferred body type!

I removed the "both" genitalia option because a few players still assumed it was an obscure version of "intersex". That wasn't my intention and I don't want to mislead anyone, so I took it out for now ^^;

I also didn't want to include a screenshot of the new genitalia choices in action (because it's NSFW), so y'all get the same character menu screen for the nth time instead lmao

📱 Relationship Screen Overhaul!

You can now change your own status for more immersion, and long-term Server Boosters will eventually be able to submit and use their own icon within the game as well!

Stalking finding your friends has now become easier by using "Buddy Maps"; a new app that allows you to see the location of all the cast members!

I want to offer players more incentive to check the relationship screen since they tend to miss the status updates, so hopefully this might help ;v;

It also says it "updates every few hours" so folks don't go overboard and check every 5 seconds to see where Ren is gdsghf (also keep in mind that he's a hacker lol)

🖤 Additional Scenes Update!

Day 2 received a brand new CG!!!!! Originally, I planned on only adding a few CGs sporadically throughout the game, but it didn't feel right to leave Day 2 so... empty... so I added a brand new CG to (hopefully) make things feel more balanced and natural!

If you decline Teo's offer on Day 3, Leon will now call and try to convince you to reconsider. However, players are still allowed to decline, and if they do, they'll reach a dead end.

After listening to feedback on itch, I changed some of the dialogue during Days 1-3 to make it seem more consistent! They're only small changes though, so it's honestly not worth looking for sdgjssga

🎶 Updated BGM and SFX!

I wanted to try out a different style of music to see if it fits the vibe of 14DWY more! The BGM features more acoustics to suit the "beachy" theme of Corland Bay, though I made a conscious effort to include piano elements as well to stay true to the original!!

I figured it'd be better to give players a live example before I make a poll (to see if they prefer the change or not) and publish it to Itch.

Some new SFX have also been added, though it's very minimal and honestly not that noticeable.

How to download and play the update?

(warning: clicking on the following links will open Discord!!) To download the Day 3.5 update, simply join the 14DWY Discord server, verify your age, and visit the "14dwy-updates" channel!

Alternatively, you can also wait until the update is publicly released on Itch to play it as well!! (It normally gets released shortly after a round of QA testing/getting feedback from the server, though I may release it earlier if I feel like it hehe ^^)

Enjoy!!

[aintnopartylikeaprideparty]

as someone who has experienced abuse from someone with a personality disorder, it's actually incredibly easy to not dehumanize everyone with a personality disorder. i've seen people do borderline eugenic rhetoric surrounding people who have npd, aspd, bpd or other personality disorders, and then be like "I'M allowed to say these things because i'm a survivor, and if you disagree you are hurting abuse victims."

and frankly? i'm tired of it. as an abuse survivor i'm here to say that you're NOT allowed to turn into a fucking eugenicist the moment you're hurt by someone with a personality disorder.

does hurting and belittling other people who happen to have the same disorder as your abuser, people that are already suffering and that are already looked down on by society, bring you any healing? does it bring you peace?

Being hurt by someone isn't an excuse to hurt others that you feel justified in lashing out on. you're literally in control of your own actions,

you may claim to be making a safe space for abuse survivors, but i will never feel any solidarity with you, and i ESPECIALLY don't feel safe with you considering i might have a personality disorder.

you are excluding a large amount of abuse survivors in the name of "advocacy". a lot of people with personality disorders developed one or multiple due to heavy abuse. in the aim of creating a safe space, you are excluding the ones who need a safe space the most.

[avpdpossum]

can we talk more about avpd being a (proposed) schizospec disorder? because i almost never see that theory talked about but i wish it was. like…

avpd makes me censor my thoughts because i think someone might hear what i’m thinking and see what a horrible person i am on the inside or judge me for thinking embarrassing things.

avpd makes me so afraid of someone walking in on me doing something i Shouldn’t Be Doing that my brain twists background noise into the sounds of whispers and footsteps behind me.

avpd makes me so worried about people staring at me that in my peripheral vision, anyone near me looks like they’re already staring at me, and it’s only when i look at them directly that i realize they’ve been looking in a totally different direction the whole time.

avpd makes me so convinced of how much everyone must secretly hate me that i often start thinking everyone secretly wants to hurt me too, to the point where i’ve had panic attacks from a person walking too close behind me because i feel like they’re getting ready to attack me (when i haven’t had any kind of trauma that would create that fear), and the paranoia just serves to reinforce my need to avoid people.

avpd makes me lose my ability to speak or reduces it to nothing more than one word answers only when spoken to, turning the thoughts i wanted to express into a jumble that’s impossible to turn into words or just throwing them away completely and making my mind go blank, so i end up just staring at people silently or even acting like i don’t see them standing there at all (not on purpose but because my brain won’t let me engage with them).

avpd makes me look damn near emotionless around everyone but my safe person (and sometimes even around my safe person) because showing my emotions would be far too vulnerable for its liking, so it completely takes away my ability to express them.

and i could keep going! there are so many things i experience because of avpd that i’ve seen really closely reflected in the experiences of schizospec people. i don’t know how common these kinds of things are in avpd overall, but they’re a really prominent part of my experience with it, so when i found out that some research suggested it could be considered a schizospec disorder itself, that made so much sense to me! and i’d be so curious to see how many other avoidants have dealt with this stuff but haven’t talked about it because it’s never mentioned as being part of avpd.

[bargainbinsock]

you can't expect someone who grew up ostracized to behave like someone who grew up loved.

[jupiter-nwn]

The neurodivergent feeling of being like "help I'm being mildly and fairly criticized over a small flaw by someone that clearly cares about me and is trying not to be mean. I think I'm gonna explode and lock myself in my room never to see the light of day again, human interaction will be my demise"

[aloodonut]

mwah mwah

[genderagenda]

i don't get it why don't i talk to people more despite wanting to:( <- has Not Talking To People Despite Wanting To Disorder

[frogtrenchcoat]

another fucked up thing abt avpd (n personality disorders generally i think) is how hard it can be to separate rational/healthy thought from disordered thought. am i being kind or am i being self sacrificial? is this something i just shouldn't do around people or am i masking? would this actually be rude or is it normal to other people? sometimes i cannot fucking figure it out

[lesboylycan]

one funny way our avpd affects us is like. whenever we send an anonymous ask to a culture-is blog (or similar), we can't be the first person to like or reblog it or else we're afraid that it'll be assumed that we were the one who sent the ask, and people who disagreed or thought what we said was Bad will direct any anger or vitriol they might have directly at us

[androidhellboy]

what if I just....don't interact with people??? Sounds like a great idea

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Wishing that I could be softer and sweeter and more loving and affectionate but simultaneously being absolutely disgusted and repulsed and enraged by the very notion is kind of exhausting actually

[redacted-coiner]

BPD, NPD, DPD

ASPD, HPD, AVPD

OCPD, Schizospecs(link), OCD

DNI is listed within my pinned post. Please go read it before interacting with any part of my content. Ask to tag!

[avpdpossum]

one of the most frustrating parts of avpd for me is that i can get so angry — i mean want-to-put-my-fist-through-a-wall-or-maybe-a-face angry, have-to-stop-myself-from-crashing-my-car angry, like scary angry — and i can’t do anything about it. i’d bet most of the people who know me would laugh at the idea of me being that angry because it’s so far off from anything i could ever express.

not that i would want to act on those urges, but i can’t even say that i’m angry out loud, much less raise my voice or god forbid slam a door. it just all builds up inside of me until there’s so much of it that it gets violent and i spend hours just sitting there with my eyes closed imagining what it’d feel like to scream at the top of my lungs or destroy everything in my room or leave with no intention of ever coming back again. all i can do is fantasize about what it would feel like to be angry the way everyone else gets to be angry until it gets so bad that it’s not just the way everyone else gets angry, it’s something worse than that. my therapist once told me she thought i needed to learn how to get angry, and i didn’t know how to tell her that i can get angrier than she would ever believe, it just lives inside my head and never gets to come out the way everyone else’s does.

and if you’ve never felt it, you can’t even imagine the kind of resentment that turns into, the way you start to hate everyone around you so much you want to see them hurt or even dead, because why do they get to be loud and angry and show it off to the world when you can’t? how dare they be so goddamn frustrating and piss you off so much when you know deep down that they would hate you for ever showing it?

i’ve imagined the catharsis of getting loud and destructive since i was little because something furious has been burning the inside of my mind for my entire life and it will never stop because it will never have anywhere to go. it makes me feel like a horrible person, like the kind of person who might just snap one day and do something awful, and i guess i just have to live with that.

[bargainbinsock]

not being able to make friends means you always feel disposable because you can always be replaced but you can't replace anyone.