#schizotaxic

[the-multiple-prism]

people are allowed to love being aro, ace, apl, or similar even if their orientation is caused by a disorder, by the way

[avpdpossum]

can we talk more about avpd being a (proposed) schizospec disorder? because i almost never see that theory talked about but i wish it was. like…

avpd makes me censor my thoughts because i think someone might hear what i’m thinking and see what a horrible person i am on the inside or judge me for thinking embarrassing things.

avpd makes me so afraid of someone walking in on me doing something i Shouldn’t Be Doing that my brain twists background noise into the sounds of whispers and footsteps behind me.

avpd makes me so worried about people staring at me that in my peripheral vision, anyone near me looks like they’re already staring at me, and it’s only when i look at them directly that i realize they’ve been looking in a totally different direction the whole time.

avpd makes me so convinced of how much everyone must secretly hate me that i often start thinking everyone secretly wants to hurt me too, to the point where i’ve had panic attacks from a person walking too close behind me because i feel like they’re getting ready to attack me (when i haven’t had any kind of trauma that would create that fear), and the paranoia just serves to reinforce my need to avoid people.

avpd makes me lose my ability to speak or reduces it to nothing more than one word answers only when spoken to, turning the thoughts i wanted to express into a jumble that’s impossible to turn into words or just throwing them away completely and making my mind go blank, so i end up just staring at people silently or even acting like i don’t see them standing there at all (not on purpose but because my brain won’t let me engage with them).

avpd makes me look damn near emotionless around everyone but my safe person (and sometimes even around my safe person) because showing my emotions would be far too vulnerable for its liking, so it completely takes away my ability to express them.

and i could keep going! there are so many things i experience because of avpd that i’ve seen really closely reflected in the experiences of schizospec people. i don’t know how common these kinds of things are in avpd overall, but they’re a really prominent part of my experience with it, so when i found out that some research suggested it could be considered a schizospec disorder itself, that made so much sense to me! and i’d be so curious to see how many other avoidants have dealt with this stuff but haven’t talked about it because it’s never mentioned as being part of avpd.

[inrecoveryhehe]

Respect psychotic folk!!!

respect psychotic folk by not assuming they're automatically dangerous or hostile.

respect psychotic folk by not feeding into and/or confirming their delusions/hallucinations.

respect psychotic folk by not calling strangers "delusional" when they disagree with you.

respect psychotic folk by not pseudo-diagnosing criminals as psychotic with barely any evidence.

respect psychotic folk by not interacting with "schizoposting" posted by non-schizo specs.

respect psychotic folk by not showing them potentially paranoia-triggering memes.

respect psychotic folk by not interacting with memes that make fun of the psychotic experience.

respect psychotic folk by realizing that none of the things listed are too much to ask for, and that it takes no effort from your side to not be sanist.

[kpopwerewolf]

I came across this in the comments on a YouTube video:

[ID: A screenshot of a conversation that reads as follows:

User 1: Please don't use the word "delulu". It's incredibly disrespectful to those with psychotic & schizospec disorders and the term was specifically created to mock delusions. It's extremely trivializing as it waters down "delusion" to "believing a fantasy" rather than what it actually is (a very serious and often terrifying and traumatizing experience, such as believing that you're being stalked)

User 2: Idc

User 1: I know not everyone is bothered by it, but a vast majority of the community (at least from what I've seen) does [bolded for emphasis] care. [line break] If you're find with others using the term or if you even use it yourself to describe your own experiences/symptoms, then more power to you, but others in the community have been asking people to stop using this term. [line break] It's very upsetting and even triggering to some, myself included, and it's additionally upsetting when people are dismissive of the distress it causes.

User 2: I ain't reading allat [a slangy spelling of "all that"]

// End ID]

(I hope I formatted it okay; I've never made an ID for a conversation before, so I wasn't really sure what the preferred way to to present it was)

I find this very frustrating. User 1 is explaining why the term "delulu" is hurtful and User 2 is just blatantly dismissing it all. (Which ironically enough is mentioned by User 1 in the previous message)

Just. Why do people think it's okay to act like this? Someone is taking the time to explain something to others -- obviously due to something said in the video -- and User 2 comes along and just starts being rude about it.

I just don't get it. I can understand people using the term before they realize the history and the hurt it causes, but this is just-

There are no words to describe how much it hurts to see people actively dismissing the schizospec community when we try to speak up about this

(I'm tagging this with "delulu" for those who filter the tag because the term alone causes distress)

[sch-com]

My problem is that I seem to like life in theory, but not in practice.

It's hard to definitely say that it's bad, if when I think about some situations, be it real past ones, or hypothetical future ones, I can say "yeah I guess that's good". But when I actually go live through them, it's never good.

I wish it was all over, but not like now now. More like, I wish I had all the experiences behind me. To have memories to look back on, but not actually having to live through them.

I only like life in theory.

[bpdcodone]

I’m really unbearably empty today allli. Did was get high as fuck all day still am

[astrangerthatlovesyou]

Hey hey! So I’m supposed to be taking a break (you saw how that went), but I wanted to ask for a bit of help. For my English final, I’m writing a research paper on psychiatry. It’s an exploratory essay with the question “how should psychiatric diagnosis be revised and utilized to best support patients?”

I’ve seen a lot of criticism on modern psychiatry here and would REALLY appreciate it if you could provide any sources on it! Especially if they’re reviewed/offer solutions.

If you have anything on the more positive side, I’d also love to see that!

My paper is mostly focused on the categorization and treatment of trauma disorders, and diagnosis more broadly.

Thank you all!

Note that I’m intentionally excluding all neurodevelopmental disorders apart from stating that they are not mental disorders and shouldn’t be under the jurisdiction of the APA.

Oh! And any resources on schizotaxia and the disorders it specifically relates to would be AMAZING!

[avpdpossum]

psych assessment: do you ever feel like your thoughts aren’t actually your own?

me: no, never, absolutely not

also me: *regularly saying “shut up” out loud to my own thoughts because sometimes when i think bad things about myself i don’t actually mean to think them and they catch me off guard and it feels like someone else using my mind’s voice and i don’t like it so i have to tell the angry brain gremlin that now’s not the time*

[sch-com]

I sometimes forget about my afflictions as I go through the motions of life. I have my daily chores, my obligations, things that I do- and it's easy to just live them without much thought. Sometimes I almost feel normal. Like it's so normal to be like this, how could any other way be?

But then something happens, a thought, a conversation, a situation, and I am reminded of how bizzare my thought processes, my actions can be. How these personality tendencies are deeply woven into every fiber of my daily existence.

[hauntedselves]

The Schizotaxic Personality Disorders in the SWAP-200 Personality Disorder Assessment

Schizoid PD:

Schizotypal PD:

Avoidant PD:

From Zachary Wheeler, Treatment of Schizoid Personality [dissertation] (2013)

[bpdcodone]

Going homeless in a week Jesus..

System is having more blackout switches

BPD is bad

Substance use is better because I need to be clear headed to pack up and find a place to go

STPD is moderate

[sch-com]

Actually, OCPD comes in handy, when I am only able to do things that I have to do because I don't want to do anything of my own accord because of SPD haha

how do you motivate yourself to do things that you don’t really care about but know you need to do anyways? asking for a friend

[frankiistein]

breadavotas main moral lesson "being loved 2 the point it robs u of ur privacy and identity bcuz ppl care abt u more as an object 2 pour love into than as a person of ur own accord" going over u ppls heads is one of the plot twists ever. it happens to literally every breadavota character and u guys did it 2 the author. diversity win! antischizo ableism over a comic about schizotypy

[lightinlimbo]

I hate looking into autism and schizotaxia because psychologists both treat them as opposites with opposite treatments, even saying things like autistic traits "protecting" against schizophorenia. But then also saying that if you're autistic you're more prone to psychosis and that there is significant overlap between things like ASD and STPD. Making things confusing being like "ASD and schizotaxia are opposites and cannot coexist and their treatments must be opposite. Except autistic people are more prone to being schizotaxic but schizotaxic people are not more prone to being autistic". It's so confusing, especially when like. They mention enhanced sensory sensitivity being a "protection" against schizophrenic symptoms but our higher sensory sensitivity ties directly into us experiencing what seems to be STPD or at the least incredibly close to it. Like experiencing sensory overload and getting very delusional about it even if we logically know it's sensory overload (double bookkeeping) pretty regularly and not in an episodic way. What about us both being very literal and very metaphoric in our thinking both making communication more difficult co existing with each other even though things like hyper- and hypo-mentalism being supposedly opposite. Are we freaks? Are we misinterpreting one as the other? Is any of this research even still going to be accurate in 10 or so years considering ASD and schizophrenia were originally considered the fucking same not all that long ago and now they're treated as polar opposites despite others we've met who seem to experience both? WTF happens then?

[lesboylycan]

rpp (schizotaxic) was my favorite blogger and i remember back when they were running people repost their posts w/o permission and also spread misinfo or false attributions, even now in the schizoid schizotypal tags u see ppl who uses the "schizotaxic" label constantly attributes it to paul meehl w/o ever mentioning rpp themselves (paul meehl did coined the original word but the updated definition that includes the four specific disorders and the explanations of the mechanisms r from rpp specifically, and its the ones rpp wrote that ppl r spreading on tumblr. paul meehls og definition only defined schizotaxia as the now disproven concept of a "gene" that causes schizophrenia and not all the stuff em wrote for their own model)

i remember when rpp corrected ppl for issues like that 2 prevent the spread of misinfo ppl would reply sarcastically 2 them and there was also problems of harassment and stalking w/ them w/ ppl shaming them 4 being weird and paranoid..... on the weird and paranoid disease blog ofc

2 this day it looks like some ppl who still post w/ the "schizotaxic" label refuse to acknowledge rpp at all and i suspect its either because ppl want 2 look like "real researchers" by attributing a famous psychologist like meehl (while posting content obviously regurgitated from ems writings) or bcuz rpps public breakdowns shoot their reputation in the foot and now nobody wants to be associated w/ the schizo who makes the other schizos look bad

considering rpp became so hard 2 talk 2 was worsened by ppl harassing them and the fact they didnt have any friends makes the way theyre still treated now so ironic and rly left a bad taste in my mouth in the schizoid schizotypal community of tumblr tbh, even when they shortly returned and asked ppl 2 stop reposting their writings so they could update old info nobody ever respected their wishes

anyway i dont mean 2 say this 2 sound traumadumping its just nobody ever talked abt what actually happened online and bcuz em never had any friends nobody ever rly defended them or explained the situation so im just happy 2 see at least 1 person who can actually acknowledge the work they put into the community. we werent close in a personal way and they were always standoffish but i respected their work and they were always attentive to my questions

they were always so nice and compassionate that ik a reason why ppl never realized they were being harassed was bcuz they never wanted to publicize the drama they were receiving and i think only a few people who kept track of their personal blog before their suicide even noticed, w/ the majority of those acquiantances apparently ghosting them shortly b4 bcuz they were rly disorganized and incoherent b4 they nuked everything and was just hard 2 talk 2 consistently

its honestly been a sour point 4 me 4 a few years now that absolutely nobody ever even wants to say their name while regurgitating the things they wrote and pretending they came up w/ it themselves, especially as an old follower of rpp who saw some of these bloggers snarking them to their face back in the day. ik rpp avoiding escalating drama is a reason why alot of ppl especially newcomers who read uncredited rewrites of their posts but never saw the original @schizotaxicblog r unfamiliar w/ what happened 2 them and i respect how they chose 2 avoid picking fights w/ others as much as possible but 2 this day it still upsets me deeply that somebody who helped me 2 the point where i would say they changed my life is left 2 just be remembered as a paranoid depressing weirdo while other ppl take credit for their insights. ik since nobody else will or may even be able 2, i just wanted 2 at least put an explanation of what went down w/ them out there 2 somebody who i think would at lrast care. it means alot 2 me 2 see even 1 person whos able 2 say a single nice thing abt them, so thank u.

Ah, thank you for the explanation! That definitely puts some things into perspective, yeah. It's awful how people treated them.

Their work was extremely influential for us in figuring out what was going on and in finding the words to describe what was happening in our brain; I think if we hadn't found them, we'd still be years behind where we are now. They deserved so much better. We'd go back every now and again to find old things they'd talked about especially while discovering our own shit, and their writings were invaluable, especially as someone who tends to struggle with parsing writing in general, and especially the jargon most commonly used in research. It sucks that they aren't recognized for the good they did and that their contributions are shared, but their name is brushed to the side in the process.

Thank you for sending!

[the-multiple-prism]

yeah no problem, i can try to be more specific. what are some things that are different for you because of your avpd/being aplatonic? can you have avpd and still like the concept of “friends” or some sort of community around you? is aplatonic just “i dont want friends, i dont like making friends” or can it be something different like “im extremely selective with my friends” or “i want friends but im too scared of rejection/being made fun of/etc so i dont bother making friends at all” i hope this helps!

- the anon asking about avpd

hi sorry for taking so long to respond to this anon we've been having a time mentally eughghj. anyways yapping below the cut. -ramlethal

avpd alone not taking into account aplatonicism and such, yes you can in fact like the concept of friends and community while having avpd. it is actually pretty likely that you do if you have avpd, the name of the disorder leads to many misconceptions really. people usually assume avoidant means as in not liking people or being averse or antisocial, when in reality it just refers to the main defense mechanism of avpd. which is. avoidance of even potentially uncomfortable social situations, avoidance of relationships unless the pwavpd is absolutely certain they will be liked and not mocked or shamed or embarassed, etc. avoidance to literally everything pretty much. it doesn't necessarily mean you don't like people or dislike the concept of company. avpd is just characterized by hypersensitivty to social situations, criticism whether constructive or not or perceived or literal, and therefore avoidance of anything that could potentially result in it, like social situations and etc. avpd is also pretty much always present with a belief that you are inherently inept (usually socially), "different", "weird", "odd", etc. in our personal experience we've found that we are more comfortable in social scenarios in which there are multiple other people/a group other than us so it's likely we won't be focused on as much because we usually just slip into a corner literal or metaphorical and go quiet and usually panic if we're ever involved in the social interaction. BUT avpd can be comorbid with other personality disorders that might impact how you feel about social scenarios combined with avpd, particularly szpd (schizoid personality disorder) & stpd (schizotypal personality disorder) bc they're all schizotaxic disorders among other reasons. and also npd is a common comorbidity because they use the same core defense mechanisms and beliefs. tldr; no avpd does not Inherently, Alone, mean that you have any particular dislike of people & company in general, but it is often comorbid with other personality disorders that do affect this like npd, szpd, and stpd.

as for the aplatonicism, we cannot speak for non-disordered aplatonics as our aplatonicism very much has to do with the fact that we are profoundly personality disordered so take this with a grain of salt and also generally because we do not speak for aplatonic people as a whole entire group. /lh. we are platonic/friendship averse and repulsed for the most part, we can enjoy talking to other people but its mostly because of our other personality disorder symptoms that make us very much eager for attention and validation. in our case we only interact with other people outside of our partner system to gain things like validation and other goodies that come from the occasional social interaction and such. any social interaction we have is never intended to become friendships and we are genuinely repulsed and disgusted by the idea of it, though we are fine with acquaintances and "mutuals". we do not experience any specific or particular urge to interact with specific people outside of the examples i stated and a few others i probably forgot to mention. thats our personal experience with it

it is also good to note that aplatonicism is a lot of the time associated with VARIOUS MANY OThER NEURODIVERGENCIES and things like trauma though it doesnt have to be. it can mean anything from just simply a person who considers themselves aspec for their neurodivergency and how it impacts their platonic relationships and the attraction to them, or it can just mean "yeah i just. don't feel anything for friends lol". the aplatonic experience is very vast. but we have heard other things. other aplatonic people we've heard have said that they are indifferent to platonic relationships and such and still have them but they just appear differently than an alloplatonics would, or being a complete loner as a result of aplatonicism and not feeling any urge to connect or connection to people and being averse to other people for whatever personal reasons that might be, and then we've also seen very loving aplatonics who are still very positive about platonic relationships OR who instead very strongly feel romantic, sexual, or a tertiary attraction "in place" of their platonic attraction.

aplatonicism tldr: aplatonic is a VERY VAST term used to describe a VAST WIDE ARRAY OF EXPERIENCES that are typically neurodivergent, disordered, traumagenic, etc. if you feel it fits you, use the term.

here's some resources we have for all of these

general apl stuff: definition on lgbtqia wiki, aplatonic masterpost, aplatonicism 101 on AUREA, this one is more a general aspec terms post but it's still cool

community, experience oriented apl stuff: r/aplatonic, our-aplatonic-experience, mlp-friendship-isnt-magic, aplatonicism (blog)

medical avpd stuff: avpd on wikipedia, all about avpd on psychcentral, avpd criteria, avpd criteria 2, avpd on healthcentral

community, experience oriented avpd stuff: avoidantrecovery's avpd tag, avpdvoidspace, avpd diagnostic checklist made by a tumblr user based on the dsm5 criteria, millon's avpd subtypes in more simplified language, rewritten avpd criteria by someone with avpd (HEED THE DISCLAIMERS)

*REMEMBER TO ALWAYS DO YOUR RESEARCH WHEN SELF DIAGNOSING AND TO TAKE INTO ACCOUNT POTENTIAL DIFFERENTIAL DIAGNOSES THAT MAY MIMIC THIS DISORDER AS THERE ARE MANY. WE CANNOT DIAGNOSE YOU WE ARE NOT A PROFESSIONAL. WE ARE JUST A MENTALLY ILL SYSTEM OF HIKIKOMORIS WHO HAVE LIVED WITH AVPD ALL OF OUR LIFE