#trying to understand

[blondebrainpowered]

Coraline, 2009

[prettylildollie]

is it normal to feel bad for incels? i always wonder what made them have that negative point of view on girls. sometimes i feel like idk they just need someone to be kind to them

i’ve always been curious to have a convo w one to figure out their point of view, i feel like it’d be interesting

[illyrianbitch]

You nailed what I imagine az's mind to work. Just anticipating letting people down and accepting when he does it without properly thinking that HES HURTING THEM. I love my dumb idiot you are so real for that part

hahaha im glad you think so!!! that’s literally all i was thinking abt bc i don’t think people realize that sometimes your inability to believe you’re lovable/worthy can hurt the people who do, in fact, love you

cuz az is just like yeah i know i suck, this was bound to happen, she hates me and ill just leave her alone forever womp womp. stupid lil sad boy

[judesmoonbeauty]

The hell are you acting so surprised for, Bruh??? After what you just did?

[coffeestainsandwords]

As I sit here, surrounded by the trappings of a holiday season that feels more like a distant memory than a lived experience, I'm struck by the realisation that maybe this is what it means to be human. Maybe it's okay to not feel the magic, to not be filled with joy and laughter. Maybe it's okay to just be, to exist in this moment, even if it's not the most pleasant or festive one.

I don't know. Maybe I'm trying to rationalise my own emotions, to make sense of this strange, hollow feeling that's taken up residence inside me. Where's the magic? The laughter? The sound of wrapping paper rustling late at night? It's all just... absent.

I try to remind myself to be grateful – I have a loving family, good health, a roof over my head... the list goes on. But the words feel empty, like I'm just reciting a script rather than speaking from the heart. Maybe it's the impending storm of my womanhood, but today everything feels amplified. I'm irritable, snappish and just plain angry at the world. But not at this brownie in front of me – no, never at that. Or this decadent ice cream that's starting to melt while I'm writing this. But everything else? Ugh. I just want to crawl under a blanket and hide.

It's funny... I'm not even angry enough to lash out at people or hurt anyone. I'm just... stuck. In my own little world of frustration and sadness. And I don't even know how to explain it to anyone, because I don't fully understand it myself. It's like I'm numb, frozen in a state of emotional suspended animation. And I don't know how to thaw out, how to reconnect with the world around me.

I feel like I'm pretending to be a functioning member of society when really I'm just a fragile version of myself. This feeling tastes bitter, like unshed tears. What's happening within me? Is it grief, anxiety or something else? Whatever the reason, I'm left feeling... unmoored.

I miss the escape of my books. I miss getting lost in someone else's world. But even that feels like a chore right now. My mind is too busy, too caught up in its own worries and fears. I just wish... I don't know, I wish someone could just hug me and say everything will be okay.

But that's not how it works, is it? We've all got our own struggles, our own demons to fight. And sometimes... sometimes it feels like we're all just fighting alone.

[lightinlimbo]

I hate looking into autism and schizotaxia because psychologists both treat them as opposites with opposite treatments, even saying things like autistic traits "protecting" against schizophorenia. But then also saying that if you're autistic you're more prone to psychosis and that there is significant overlap between things like ASD and STPD. Making things confusing being like "ASD and schizotaxia are opposites and cannot coexist and their treatments must be opposite. Except autistic people are more prone to being schizotaxic but schizotaxic people are not more prone to being autistic". It's so confusing, especially when like. They mention enhanced sensory sensitivity being a "protection" against schizophrenic symptoms but our higher sensory sensitivity ties directly into us experiencing what seems to be STPD or at the least incredibly close to it. Like experiencing sensory overload and getting very delusional about it even if we logically know it's sensory overload (double bookkeeping) pretty regularly and not in an episodic way. What about us both being very literal and very metaphoric in our thinking both making communication more difficult co existing with each other even though things like hyper- and hypo-mentalism being supposedly opposite. Are we freaks? Are we misinterpreting one as the other? Is any of this research even still going to be accurate in 10 or so years considering ASD and schizophrenia were originally considered the fucking same not all that long ago and now they're treated as polar opposites despite others we've met who seem to experience both? WTF happens then?

[sanders1665]

Twenties, I'm living in the twenties,

where a social media app. is a valuable commodity,

and the youth shout out their preferred identity,

while traditional values are becoming empty,

twenties, I'm living in the twenties,

where words have changed to soften the blow,

and the safe space is the hip place to go,

creativity has become numb and artificial,

and future predictions are still abysmal,

contrary opinion is now hate speech,

and the lived experience is something to preach,

with rising numbers in depression, rejection and suicide,

and the lack of ambition demands a free ride,

swiping right for a good time,

rising body counts seen as a victimless crime,

alas, wedding bells no longer chime,

hedonistic youth boast of the new paradigm,

entertainment is remade and re-imagined,

with history constantly being re-fashioned,

and the new celluloid heros no longer suffer,

innate perfection has made them much more tougher,

so many children without fathers,

single mothers never get flowers,

masculine role models have now become anathema,

today's children filled with trauma,

twenties, I'm living in the twenties,

I ponder these things as I'm getting old,

how did life become so brutal and cold,

whatever happened to moms apple pie,

because traditions and values have become lies.

[howifeltabouthim]

I'm trying to understand a life . . . I'm trying to piece together the fragments of an incomprehensible being and to remember. Do you know that I can't even remember her face? Try as I may, it will not be conjured. I can tell you what she looked like; I can recite a description of her features, part by part, but I cannot evoke the whole face.

Siri Hustvedt, from The Blindfold

[inkskinned]

please i love you i'm begging you bring back suspension of disbelief bring back trusting the audience like. i cannot handle any more dialogue that sounds like a legal document. "hello, i am here to talk to you about the incident from a few minutes ago, because i feel you might be unwell, and i am invested in your personal wellbeing." "thank you, i am unwell because the incident was hurtful to me due to my childhood, which was bad." I CANT!!!!

do you know how many people are mad that authors use "growled" as a word for "said"? it's just poetics! they do not literally mean "growled," it's just a common replacement for "said with force but in a low tone." it's normal! do you hear me!! help me i love you please let me out of here!!!

[theboxfort]

Peace and love

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[juniperandjustice]

I'm probably reading too much into the songs, poems, etc he sends me. It's because in the past, people have used things they sent me to say what they wanted to say instead of saying it themselves, but I shouldn't assume that everyone does that or everything someone sends me in this kind of situation means that. I just hate that nagging doubty voice in my head telling me that he's trying to say this or that with it. And what if I don't read into it and he meant me to, or I was expected to. But those people were passive-aggressive and I don't think he is. So, I shouldn't think that he would do any of that stuff or expect me to figure out what he's trying to say by it. He's more the type to state things outright. But then he's shy about talking about feelings, so... Aaauuugghhh! Brain, stop it!

[buniveree]

“Just leave them alone and move on please.” -something I nag in my brain a lot.

When thinking of people from my past who left me extremely puzzled and confused. Only to realize I was their scapegoat for tense situations or people that they don’t want to be attached to anymore. And it sucks because you just want to know why they just hated you? I’m sure I’ve been oblivious to my own actions and reactions…but to like have been such a good friend to me, and then to just use me as a bad guy in your story line is a little disheartening? I wish I could just let them know without being bothersome to them, but you can’t force someone to like you back. You can’t, take back the way you make have reacted or felt about things.

But you can come to understand one another and where their position is from. Though they use their tragedy’s as excuses for their behavior instead of growing past it. The amount of friends they’re surrounded by, some of which used to be mine separately from them. Is it that they want to hear they’ve won? That I am the bad guy? Obviously to be left alone. But I can’t even talk to people I was actually friends with because of rumors and hate that they’ve spread about me.

And to be blamed for the actions of someone they used to date by their entire friend group. Who was told by said person “I don’t know them.” This person reached out to them and their family begging to be “loved again by them” and we never had a romantic relationship like that. But somehow I know this stranger who and I’m sending willy nilly love notes.

I’m writing this here to get it off my chest, even though it will never be out of my mind. I can only practice trying to forget or ignore it.

I appreciated who they were but at some point they just…started using me, lying about me and making me out to be a bad guy in their narrative. I never once threatened them, I wasn’t mean to them. And yet whenever we hung out, it was usually about them, it was they were always going through something (which is okay). They were controlling to a disgusting amount. Not letting people suggest places to go or eat. Or even where their friend/roommate could and couldn’t work or drive to.

What I took from this friendship was;

1.Trusting people for me is easy, but knowing them is a little harder.

2.I was in an erratic time in my life. And so were they. My partner ended up in a coma just days after the falling out, but they had their own personal things going on and I should have not confided in them so much and given them the space and support they truly deserved.

3. No matter what someone will have a wrong outlook on you, whether it’s from hatred or because they don’t understand. Of course there are those who will have a good outlook on you. But for those negative ones…Therese no way to change their perspective.

4.You can’t force someone to like you.

5.You can’t force the others in that friend group to understand. Or even remotely ask for your side.

6.Sometimes they will only hear one side and that’s enough for them.

7. And that’s okay, because you can find new and more respectable and positive people.

8.I don’t want to message them anymore asking what I did wrong or try to understand their anger. I want to leave them alone and I want to forget about the people I felt left me? It’s kinda hard when your partner attempts offing, ends up in a coma, and then you look for anyone, not even them, but your other friends to confide in and you have no one.

9. But we push through and we try to make it better. Here’s to a new year! 2025 should be full of me sharing my characters and writings and webcomic plans or animatics!

I want to overcome this aching headache of memories and simply start fresh with sharing some art work to help with this case.

First is going to be ScapeGoat (a horror illustration probably)

And the second is going to be Acceptance(a self portrait or something else I can come up with)

[dis--mayed]

In the 80s, my brother accused a black man, who lived down the street and wasn't arrested, of kidnapping and r*ping him. My grandma owned three properties next to each other. My mom and him were living on the property next door to where WE LIVE NOW, the property, he claims he was kidnapped from, which is only separated by an alleyway - it's that close. (Side note: he lived in that house a year before he was, legally, able to move back in with us.)

He has never brought being kidnapped up while yelling at my mom, blaming her for his problems and making excuses for why he doesn't fucking do shit. He's said how his roommate in a rehab she sent him to sexually harassed him and he even said my dad's dad and brother molested him, though.

It's not even one of the reasons he says he doesn't want to live here - it's my dad threatening to throw him out years ago, my annoying uncle(s) living next door, the homeless dude that helps out my mom, and our black neighbors having "gang meetings."

He's locked my brother's step-son outside of our house, on the street he claims he was kidnapped from. He sits outside of our home, RIGHT NEXT DOOR to where he was kidnapped from, playing his guitar. He sweeps and shovels outside of our house. He just does all of these things where he was when the most traumatic thing that could ever happen to someone happened to him,

and my mom acts like the reason why he repeatedly broke the probation he was only put on and refuses to register after HE was accused of rape is because of "trauma."

Another incredible thing my brother was able to do was recover from drug addiction after he was able to move back in with us. He can abuse heroin every now and then like a little fucking treat without spiraling back into addiction, but guess what else he was using when he "couldn't recover from" abusing heroin? Weed, which he "can't survive without" now because he'll loose his mind and DIE without it, since he has heart problems, which is my mom's fault for sending him to rehab, but he can miraculously survive a full-on overdose. htygfhvhjbkvytcftjhv

[donnieisaprettyboy]

can we stop pretending like it’s so super easy for trans men to pass. “oh just put on a baggy shirt and cut your hair-“ it literally doesn’t work like that and I refuse to believe you actually think it’s that easy

[xenonreality]

My first thoughts & reactions on Vangelinaskov's video about Bonnie Blue.