#trying to understand

[judesmoonbeauty]

The hell are you acting so surprised for, Bruh??? After what you just did?

[coffeestainsandwords]

As I sit here, surrounded by the trappings of a holiday season that feels more like a distant memory than a lived experience, I'm struck by the realisation that maybe this is what it means to be human. Maybe it's okay to not feel the magic, to not be filled with joy and laughter. Maybe it's okay to just be, to exist in this moment, even if it's not the most pleasant or festive one.

I don't know. Maybe I'm trying to rationalise my own emotions, to make sense of this strange, hollow feeling that's taken up residence inside me. Where's the magic? The laughter? The sound of wrapping paper rustling late at night? It's all just... absent.

I try to remind myself to be grateful – I have a loving family, good health, a roof over my head... the list goes on. But the words feel empty, like I'm just reciting a script rather than speaking from the heart. Maybe it's the impending storm of my womanhood, but today everything feels amplified. I'm irritable, snappish and just plain angry at the world. But not at this brownie in front of me – no, never at that. Or this decadent ice cream that's starting to melt while I'm writing this. But everything else? Ugh. I just want to crawl under a blanket and hide.

It's funny... I'm not even angry enough to lash out at people or hurt anyone. I'm just... stuck. In my own little world of frustration and sadness. And I don't even know how to explain it to anyone, because I don't fully understand it myself. It's like I'm numb, frozen in a state of emotional suspended animation. And I don't know how to thaw out, how to reconnect with the world around me.

I feel like I'm pretending to be a functioning member of society when really I'm just a fragile version of myself. This feeling tastes bitter, like unshed tears. What's happening within me? Is it grief, anxiety or something else? Whatever the reason, I'm left feeling... unmoored.

I miss the escape of my books. I miss getting lost in someone else's world. But even that feels like a chore right now. My mind is too busy, too caught up in its own worries and fears. I just wish... I don't know, I wish someone could just hug me and say everything will be okay.

But that's not how it works, is it? We've all got our own struggles, our own demons to fight. And sometimes... sometimes it feels like we're all just fighting alone.

[lightinlimbo]

I hate looking into autism and schizotaxia because psychologists both treat them as opposites with opposite treatments, even saying things like autistic traits "protecting" against schizophorenia. But then also saying that if you're autistic you're more prone to psychosis and that there is significant overlap between things like ASD and STPD. Making things confusing being like "ASD and schizotaxia are opposites and cannot coexist and their treatments must be opposite. Except autistic people are more prone to being schizotaxic but schizotaxic people are not more prone to being autistic". It's so confusing, especially when like. They mention enhanced sensory sensitivity being a "protection" against schizophrenic symptoms but our higher sensory sensitivity ties directly into us experiencing what seems to be STPD or at the least incredibly close to it. Like experiencing sensory overload and getting very delusional about it even if we logically know it's sensory overload (double bookkeeping) pretty regularly and not in an episodic way. What about us both being very literal and very metaphoric in our thinking both making communication more difficult co existing with each other even though things like hyper- and hypo-mentalism being supposedly opposite. Are we freaks? Are we misinterpreting one as the other? Is any of this research even still going to be accurate in 10 or so years considering ASD and schizophrenia were originally considered the fucking same not all that long ago and now they're treated as polar opposites despite others we've met who seem to experience both? WTF happens then?

[sanders1665]

Twenties, I'm living in the twenties,

where a social media app. is a valuable commodity,

and the youth shout out their preferred identity,

while traditional values are becoming empty,

twenties, I'm living in the twenties,

where words have changed to soften the blow,

and the safe space is the hip place to go,

creativity has become numb and artificial,

and future predictions are still abysmal,

contrary opinion is now hate speech,

and the lived experience is something to preach,

with rising numbers in depression, rejection and suicide,

and the lack of ambition demands a free ride,

swiping right for a good time,

rising body counts seen as a victimless crime,

alas, wedding bells no longer chime,

hedonistic youth boast of the new paradigm,

entertainment is remade and re-imagined,

with history constantly being re-fashioned,

and the new celluloid heros no longer suffer,

innate perfection has made them much more tougher,

so many children without fathers,

single mothers never get flowers,

masculine role models have now become anathema,

today's children filled with trauma,

twenties, I'm living in the twenties,

I ponder these things as I'm getting old,

how did life become so brutal and cold,

whatever happened to moms apple pie,

because traditions and values have become lies.

[howifeltabouthim]

I'm trying to understand a life . . . I'm trying to piece together the fragments of an incomprehensible being and to remember. Do you know that I can't even remember her face? Try as I may, it will not be conjured. I can tell you what she looked like; I can recite a description of her features, part by part, but I cannot evoke the whole face.

Siri Hustvedt, from The Blindfold

[inkskinned]

please i love you i'm begging you bring back suspension of disbelief bring back trusting the audience like. i cannot handle any more dialogue that sounds like a legal document. "hello, i am here to talk to you about the incident from a few minutes ago, because i feel you might be unwell, and i am invested in your personal wellbeing." "thank you, i am unwell because the incident was hurtful to me due to my childhood, which was bad." I CANT!!!!

do you know how many people are mad that authors use "growled" as a word for "said"? it's just poetics! they do not literally mean "growled," it's just a common replacement for "said with force but in a low tone." it's normal! do you hear me!! help me i love you please let me out of here!!!

[theboxfort]

Peace and love

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[donnieisaprettyboy]

can we stop pretending like it’s so super easy for trans men to pass. “oh just put on a baggy shirt and cut your hair-“ it literally doesn’t work like that and I refuse to believe you actually think it’s that easy

[xenonreality]

My first thoughts & reactions on Vangelinaskov's video about Bonnie Blue.

[noodles-and-tea]

Last part whoo!!!

PART 1 / PART 2 / PART 3 / PART 4

[7loveneverfails]

Trying to discuss politics with some on the mommy boards.

It's actually not going as poorly as I thought.

It's utterly lacking logic and reason, but it's civil.

It's interesting to see how they explain that Trump says violent things (they quoted some jokes he made that just sound like jokes guys make) and therefore someone got violent and tried to kill him.

Because it isn't a justification of violence to say he is racist, just like Hitler and an existential threat to democracy.

Which, I guess I understand. It's hard to take part in speech like that and then turn around and condemn it. It makes sense to them and they think, well, I would never try to kill him therefore no one would.

Except also any white person is just waiting to hurt and oppress anyone not like them.

So since the shooter was white, the logic holds. 🤔

[psyduckz]

hometown slang

[chloesimaginationthings]

Death looms over Vanny's shoulder in FNAF..

[emeryleewho]

People on here are always like "fuck capitalism, why can't things be weird anymore" and then write up a whole dissertation about how the biggest IPs need to change to be weirder.

Like, you are so close. You are so close to getting the point. "Big" IPs *can only exist because they are normal*. They will *never* be weird. They will *never* do what you want. Go find some smaller IPs. Bring back discovery. Bring back never having heard of a book before you buy it. Bring back watching obscure anime online that none of your friends know about. Bring back trying new things, even if they're bad or cheaply made. That is how you get *weird*.

[essektheylyss]

"must a story have conflict?" yes. hope this helps <3