#aromantic solidarity

[anxietyfrappuccino]

i feel pretty secure this valentines so far. multiple people know i'm aromantic asexual. it's ash wednesday, which deviates some of the focus. my parents each bought me a squishmallow, one of which i received the day before. aromantic is trending as we come together in solidarity. i'm wearing a nice green and black outfit. i get to eat one of my favorite foods tonight. it's beautifully gloomy outside.

[lgbtqtext]

[thermodynamic-comedian]

reflecting on it all, i really think one issue that the aspec community refuses to actually talk about (or, at least, those of us who aren't affected by it refuse to talk about) is that acceptence of aromanticism is still entirely conditional.

i'm not aplatonic myself, but even i can see how the aspec community excludes them. like, yeah, sure, being aromantic is cool!...as long as you still experience platonic attraction and have platonic relationships and replace romance with friendship at every turn.

and if you're aromantic, you also have to be asexual. because sex without romance is immoral and dirty and abusive. and every aroallo is an invader who's trying to destroy your perfect, pure, sex-negative aspec community. if an aromantic is not asexual, they are not a valid aromantic.

if you've ever found yourself wondering why aplatonics and aroallos alike have their own small communities instead of just being a part of the wider aspec community, this is why. you drove us away.

and your acceptence of aromanticism is still entirely conditional.

[transonlyspace]

theres this certain bond between the aromantic community and the trans community and i cant describe it but i feel like its there

[sharkboywrites]

It would be great if we, collectively as a community, stopped throwing other lgbt people under the bus to talk about our own issues. It’s really not that necessary.

Like to would be great if we talked about transfem problems without randomly throwing in “yeah because transmascs have it so easy!”

It would be great if we could talk about the issues that come with being a certain sexuality without complaining about lesbians, or bisexuals, or gay men, or polyamorous people and how we think everything is about them (newsflash: its not and they have their own issues because being any type of queer is hard)

It would be great if we could let other lgbt people have representation and be happy for them, instead of turning it into complaining about how others don’t have as much representation. You know you can talk about wlw shows getting cancelled without making mlms feel bad for getting another season of heartstopper right? It’s not their fault and it’s good that they’re getting rep.

We can talk about our issues without making other queer people out to be our enemy, because they’re not

[sissyfembois-world]

[moo9395]

Aro flag colour picked from some flowers, wasn’t going to post this but it actually turned out quite cute.

[doug-dimmadumb]

Reminder this Pride month that our struggles together are universal and historically, solidarity has been the strongest force to exist in this world.

Please do not forget about Palestine. Don't let them divide us, and don't let them use us against others.

Queer people and Palestine stand united, and we will not let them forget.

Free Palestine <3

[aroace-thoughts]

Can I just give a random shoutout to lesbians?

The lesbian community has been so important and welcoming for me in my journey of discovering my aroace-ness.

Two lesbian classmates were the first people I ever came out to at age 16 and their immediate acceptance and inclusion and understanding was so pivotal for me at that time (never having said anything aloud to anyone before).

Now, some of my best friends are lesbian, and the talks we have about heteronormativity and the sheer loneliness of growing up as a girl who doesn’t crush on boys, and the freedom that comes with forcefully carving out a place for yourself, defining yourself by other standards… those conversations have been some of the most meaningful, healing conversations I’ve ever had.

There are so many overlapping experiences in our communities, and I’m so grateful to have these people in my life.

Lesbian 🤝 Aroace solidarity is beautiful.

[leikeliscomet]

I'm not gonna hop on aroallo posts and make it all about being ace cus that's called respecting basic boundaries but in return it would be nice if people understood that alloaces being allo doesn't guarantee full acceptance into romantic society the same way being allosexual doesn't automatically mean sexual acceptance. Like if society equates romance and sex as being the same then why assume aroallos wouldn't have any issues navigating sex? Why assume alloaces wouldn't struggle navigating romance then? Idk how on earth there's supposed be solidarity in the community if people don't wanna try to understand the rest of spectrum that's different to theirs...

[fogwitchoftheevermore]

@mcyt-aro-week day 3: solidarity / hobbies

It's a quiet day in Pixandria, all things considered, which is nice and rare these days. That is, until Pix hears the telltale sounds of rockets and someone skidding to a halt in the sand outside his storage room.

Pix closes the chest he was rummaging through with a sigh and walks outside to figure out which of his friends has appeared on his metaphorical front lawn. As he pokes his head out the door, he catches a flash of bright green- Jimmy, then, so this will probably be a relatively normal conversation, all things considered.

"Jimmy, hey, what's up?"

Jimmy turns around, frowning, and pulls his codboy hat lower than it's supposed to go so it covers his eyes- bad day, then.

Jimmy sighs, "Pix, can I talk to you about something?"

"Sure, sure, come on in," Pix ushers the man into the top area of the storage room and leans against one of the walls. "What's going on?"

Jimmy buries is head in his hands even further somehow and groans for a second before he starts talking. Very bad day, then.

"Well, I just left Rivendell cause Scott invited me to some sort of alliance meeting, except it wasn't really an alliance meeting, it was a date, and it was really clearly a date cause he had this tunnel of love thing going on and a picnic and it was really nice but I don't- I wasn't prepared and I don't know if I even like him- or anyone- like that but I didn't know how to tell him that in the middle of a date, so I pretended that I didn't know it was one, except it was so obviously a date so now he either thinks I'm even more of an idiot than he already did or that I was, I don't know, playing hard to get or something? I don't know how people think about these things, I just-"

Jimmy, who had been pacing and gesturing wildly the whole time he spoke, stops short, digs his palms into his eyes, and shouts a bit before stopping and looking up at Pix desperately.

"Help?"

Pix nods slowly. "Yeah, ok, that's... that's bad. So, first things first, the thing about not being sure if you like him, or anyone like that?"

Jimmy takes a deep breath and shakes out his hands a bit. "Yeah, I don't know, I think I've had like, one crush ever? And I don't even really know if that was a crush? And I like Scott, I do, even though he's kind of a jerk sometimes, but I don't think it's like that? I'm not sure."

"Ok, well, do you want to be in a relationship with Scott?"

Jimmy pauses, visibly considering. "I... have no idea."

"Ok, so, first step is, despite what you might think, not figuring that part out, because that's going to take forever. First step is getting on the same page with Scott.”

“Does it have to be? Can’t I just figure out what my deal is and then everything is fine forever?”

Pix chuckles. “If only it were that easy.”

“It’s just-!” Jimmy walks over to where Pix is leaning and joins him for about two seconds before sliding down the wall to sit on the floor. “I don’t know. I don’t know how any of this is supposed to feel, I don’t know how I’m meant to know if I like someone like that or not if I want to be in a relationship with them or what and I don’t know how everyone seems to have it so figured out!”

“I mean, I don’t think everyone else does, to be totally honest. But even if they do, well, it probably felt a lot more like… something for them.” Pix joins Jimmy on the floor, staring straight ahead as he tries to think. “Because in my experience, sometimes it feels like nothing because it is nothing, but sometimes it feels like nothing because it’s something but not with this person, but other times it feels like something even when it’s nothing-“ Pix has no idea what he’s talking about, at this point. He’s not equipped for these things, and he says as much. “Why did you come to me for this, I’m not-? Your sister’s married to your best friend, I feel like they’re much better equipped to answer the question of ‘How do you know when you want to be in a relationship with someone?’”

“I mean, probably,” Jimmy says, finally letting his codboy hat go enough that Pix can see his eyes again. “But, well… you’re you. We’re us, y’know?”

Pix does know. He knows that Lizzie is Jimmy’s sister, but Pix was the first person to see Jimmy without the Codfather head on. He knows that Joel is Jimmy’s best friend, but Pix is the one he asked to build the cod statue in his base. He knows that he’s Jimmy’s… something, and this is what they do. And that, however unfortunately, he probably is the best person to ask about this type of thing, even if he doesn’t feel like he knows what he’s talking about half the time.

Pix reaches out and puts his arm around Jimmy’s shoulders, and Jimmy instinctively moves to lay his head on Pix’s shoulder. Well, they’ll figure it out eventually.

[rjalker]

Dear teenagers on tumblr, and a whole bunch of adults, too:

You can be any identity under the sun, and that does not stop you from being bigoted or hateful towards other people of that identity or any other.

Being gay doesn't magically mean you can't be homomisic or anything else.

Being aspec does not mean you can't be amisic or anything else.

Being trans doesn't mean you can't be transmisic or anything else.

Your identity does not determine how harmful or hateful your actions and words are. There is no identity in the world that gives you a free pass from biotry and cancels out all the harm you do.

"But I can't be an exclusionist, I'm literally aspec!" is a completely meaningless statement. I know not everyone remembers, or was even online during the aspec harassment campaign, but a ton of alloaces and alloaros were onboard with the whole thing and throwing the "non-Queer aces and aros who make us look bad" under the bus.

Their asexuality or aromanticism did not magically make their actions not violently and horrifically amisic.

Being part of an oppressed minority does not make all of your actions harmless and innocent, and it does not mean that anyone who criticizes you for bigotry against other people from that minority group is just "stupid" and needs to "touch grass".

You being [insert identity] does not mean that it's impossible for you to hurt, or be hateful towards other people of that identity.

If someone tells you that something you are saying is harmful and bigoted, and that there are better ways to phrase what you're actually trying to say, you cannot respond with "I'm literally X identity you stupid idiot, do you think I hate myself??" or pretend that the people telling you it's harmful are just "making up problems to get mad about" and "need to touch grass" and "looking for things to be offended by"

You cannot repeat the exact same words any random conservative would be saying and call yourself progressive and say you're acting in good faith and have good intentions.

If you actually want you make yourself and your blog a supportive place for your community, then you need to learn that it is not okay to respond to people telling you something is hurtful by just repeatedly insulting them and saying they're just looking for problems to cause and you've done nothing wrong because "I'm literally X identity I can't spread hate about my own identity".

Because yes you can. And you are.

If multiple people are telling you you're acting like an exclusionist, that is your cue to stop, take time to calm down your immediate negative reaction, and listen properly.

Do not just immediately leap to repeating exact conservative talking points by accusing people of "looking for things to get offended by".

Do not immediately leap to insulting people's intelligence and other ableist things.

If you are actually acting in good faith, and you are actually trying to be a supportive member of your community, then you have a personal responsability to listen to other people in your community when you are told that something you've done or said is hurtful and is perpetuating harmful, exclusionary beliefs.

You are not immune to being a bigot just because you're also a minority.

You have a personal responsibility to listen to people when they tell you you are doing something harmful.

You have a personal responsibility to unlearn bigoted thought patterns and behaviors like immediately dismissing any criticism as "special snowflakes getting offended by everything".

You have a personal responsibility not to harm your own community.

Everyone needs to learn this lesson at some point. You will either learn it now, when you're young, or you'll learn it when you're older and you've already driven people away from you.

Either way, you gotta learn it.

You cannot repeat conservative bigoted talking points and keep insisting your intentions are good.

If you actually want to be a good person who supports other minorities, you have to learn to act like it. You have to learn to listen when people tell you you've done something harmful. You have to learn to listen when it is explained that you are repeating exclusionary talking points that harm the community.

[ID: A screenshot of a post by dulce de calabaza / zapatistarising, that reads, "There's actually no political label or identity that absolves you of doing harm". End ID.]

I suggest you try learning it now while you're still young, before you've driven your community away from you with your hateful behavior. No one likes a bigot.

And no one wants to hang out with someone who immediately starts insulting people and all but calling them special snowflakes when they're told they've said something bigoted.

[ghosty-ghouls]

Why am I seeing people using the Palestinian genocide as a way to erase aro/ace people’s validity ??? That’s not what this is about at all ???

[manifork]

Amatonormativity in objectum relationships

Completely ignoring the whole "which community belongs where" discourse subject, one thing that affects us especially sharply is amatonormativity. It's easy to see what it does on the outside - most of our partners aren't even considered partners at all by society. You can have as deep of an attachment to an object as you want, but the second you try to name these emotions a relationship of any sort, you instantly face opposition.

There is also, however, a layer of purely internal amatonormativity to talk about here. Because plainly speaking, objectum relationships are rarely ever structured like human relationships by the simple nature of reality. Even if you are a highly perceptive POSIC individual, and have perfect communication with your partners, there is still a physical reality aspect to it all that is hard to avoid - in human relationships, there is a strong expectation that your partner will help you in life financially, emotionally, physically, medically... and yes, there is a very clear ableism aspect to this preconception.

And many object partners are simply unable to give the societally expected help back. Even if you are dating a factory machine hard at work every day, it's never going to earn money to bring you back. Even if you're together with your cane that helps you walk every day, it can't be either the nuclear family breadwinner nor the housewife. Many more of our partners simply don't have anything at all that they can help with. Societally speaking, it's as if we're stuck forever in our un-settled teenage crushes, unable to move onto the "next phase" as is expected from us.

By their very nature, objectum relationships get pushed outside of the hierarchy. There is no space in the dating ladder for a tool you are bound to for life, or a weapon you have a warrior's bond with. It is a completely unique type of attachment that can involve deeply strong emotions, be much more important than any of your human relationships, and yet will never get recognized as legitimate.

And even further is this a problem for those of us that, like me&, can't hear their partner's thoughts or feelings. Those that love a completely inanimate object, and are even further thus removed from any possibility of their relationship ever resembling a human one, anything "within the hierarchy triangle".

Even the most "casual" of relationships within it still require direct communication. Even the most one-sided "parasocial" attachments still place a lot of expectation on that eventually, you will get your way and the celebrity or stranger will notice you and like you back the way that "real" partners do. Every single mode of expressing affection has to be reinvented for the objectosexual, because if kisses don't mean anything to either of you, then what does?

Still so many posts even from fellow objectums rely so heavily on human expressions of love. Keep sucking on that flat screen. The anthopomorphization of technology, equating their parts to human body parts regardless of accuracy. Shooting from your crossbow is just like sex. If you love an object you've been using every day, you should confess to it and get together for real this time.

This is not meant to put down how others express their affection - you know your relationship best, and keep posting about what works for you. This is moreso meant to point out the lack of even as much as acknowledgement of the fundamental differences that are present for so so many of us.

More than anything, though, the main cause behind this as I& suspect, is the fact that there is no script for how to date an object. There is a clear script and societally assigned plan on how you are meant to date and then marry a human. With polyamorous relationships, the script barely needs any changing, since you are still dealing with humans. With aromanticism, you have to rework your life plan to not include the marriage you don't want. And with OS/OR, you have to reinvent what a relationship even is. So it is no wonder that so many fellow objectums simply try their best to apply the ill-fitting human standards to their relationships, because it's all we know.

[anatomically-accurate-heart]

happy pride month guys! Points I wanted to make!!!

#1 Terfs ain’t good, they try to separate a community that needs to be strong together

#2 bi people deserve love you guys. It doesn’t matter if they’re “straight passing” THAT DONT MATTER

#3 ARO, ACE, ASPEC PEOPLE ARE VALID! AND ICONIC!!!! Respect to the homies!

#4 pride should be accessible to disabled peeps who want to go!!!!

#5 this is just something that annoys me ig, but there are queer men. They ain’t evil! Also there’s a mlm flag. Use it instead of the pride one for merch pllssssss

#6 lesbians. That’s the point.

#7 trans people are cool! Gender or no gender, you’re neat and cool!

#8 EVERYONE IS VALID HERE YALL. RESPECT YALLS FELLOW QUEER PEOPLE!

[aroaceconfessions]

I think it's funny that bi/pan people seem to understand aros and aces more than straight or gay people. If you think about it they should have the hardest time understanding feeling attracted to no one - they have the potential to be attracted to everyone. Yet most of them are like "I like everything you like nothing yep, get it, cool"

Meanwhile straight and gay people, who have an entire gender they don't feel attracted to, should be able to get it. "You know how you feel towards x gender? Extend it to everyone." Yet somehow they seem to have a much harder time grasping the concept.

Shout out to bi/pan and aro/ace solidarity. Thanks for taking the time to understand us, you the real MVPs

Submitted March 16, 2023