#and im trying to accept that and move on but it hurts... it hurts a lot
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moeblob · 3 months ago
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"Him? Oh, you know, he's kind of a loser." - probably everyone except for his younger brother.
Germaine is based on the layer of hell (Dante's Inferno) for material wealth before self, others, and god. So basically very materialistic and possessive of his belongings. Unfortunately, his younger brother qualifies as a belonging in his mind. So he does his absolute best to keep his brother safe and sound and scratch free - which is a bit tough in a post apocalyptic setting but he mostly manages.
Also a fact I just like to mention: he is incapable of lying.
#my characters#germaine wellington#welp guess who watched an anime recently (its not complete) and the dad of the mc made em think of a loserman big brother oc#its me! correct! the dad just reminded me a bit of germaine and i blame appearances mostly but also the dad was kind of a loser (i love him#and germaine does practically raise tremaine which further messes up their absolutely awful codependency#like yeah both brothers would kill for many reasons (survival and resources mainly) but !#if tremaine lost germaine hed probably cry and become incapable of moving on and eventually just dying w no reason to live#but if germaine lost tremaine hed go insane cause no no no thats HIS brother and hed start blaming everyone#and lose all rationale and logic while hes actually one of the most logic based in the group#hes a loser but dont let him lose things or he loses it more#but when hes really mad at tremaine for whatever reason his best friend is like uh huh what are you gonna do about it#and germaine is like........... we both know i will sigh and accept it and probably pat him on the head next i see him#which is incredibly honest and exactly what he does because yeah hes mad but even mad he cannot say#im gonna slap some sense into him because thats a lie he wouldn't hurt his brother#everyone in their group knows he cant lie so when he gets hesitant after being asked something they just know#hes trying to plot the best way to skirt the answer bc its apparently Not Good#he looks angry and annoyed often but its just resting bitch face#he lights up when he sees tremaine and he lightens up a little with his best friend#like lil smiles for his bestie and brother but when talking ABOUT his brother? he lights up and beams because hes so proud#of the coolest and smartest thing in his life (his brother)
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stagefoureddiediaz · 2 years ago
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The mess on the couch Margaret bought - that can’t be cleaned - the mess created by bringing a child into the world - while death is looming nearby.
How the whole scene is a metaphor for Bucks life - how his entrance into the world was messy and death was looming - how his birth was an attempt to keep death at bay but it came anyway and has held the hand of the Buckleys ever since. How the Buckleys tried to clean up the mess but their secret created an uncomfortable life for Buck - one that couldn’t be kept hidden and once revealed exposed the mess. How the couch is unsalvageable in much the same way Bucks relationship with his parents is - the mess will always be there in the centre of things.
How the couch is orange and how orange is a colour of superficiality arrogance and pride.
How Kameron batted Natalia away initially but ended up holding her hand - holding the hand of death while bringing life into the world - the same way Margaret was when Buck was born.
How Buck holding that baby and needing a few seconds but ultimately being able to hand it over and let go is a representation of him breaking the cycle even if he is still connecting himself to death he has broken one link in the chain - the link to his birth.
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mukuberry · 8 months ago
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listening to Cat (as always) and god im still not even slightly over the way his voice starts to waver and get quieter in the confession scene. he has it all planned out, an excuse to fall back on incase it doesn't go well, and even then he's still so damn anxious he can barely get a single sentence out. it hurts my heart...
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sylkana · 4 months ago
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i just don't understand people that claim you're friends and they love you and then they just stop talking to you randomly one day in march and never reach out ever again. not even to tell you about their book launch
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altruistic-meme · 4 months ago
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sigh.
#i hate. being at all rational ornpolite sometimes.#cus like#my sister that i hate called to apologize. about things i frankly don't even care about at this point.#and i let her bc while i don't particularly want her to be actively in my life or see or at all very often#i can acknowledge that it is good that she is TRYING to figure her shit out even a little#and while it is FAR from what she SHOULD be apologizing to me about#at least its. a step?#maybe one that will lead to her either figuring it or building up to the actual problem#so i accepted that apology and moved on#but i told my other sister about it and she's just.#'i would've hung up immediately. i would've cussed her out'#ok. 1. thats your own decision but not how i handled it. though ik shell be annoyed if i say anything to imply that#that is a terrible way to respond. and like shes entitled to her anger in not saying she doesnt have a good reason for it#but damn dude. chill.#and 2. what would that even accomplish. like. what would that do.#it would demotivate her to work on her shit and like i get that sister 2 doesnt ever want to see sister 1 again#(again. she has valid reason and im not blaming her for that)#but like. that would only grow the circle of violence. it would end up with more people being hurt than have already been.#and frankly its fucking immature as shit lmao#sorry.#i have to actually go reasons to sister 2 now im just#sometimes i get annoyed when i remember my mom telling me that she genuinely forgets im the youngest#bc it means that she has always treated me like i was older than i was and put more on me than anyone else#but then i have situations like this.#and i go yeah. YEAH. i can see how i am more mature than my siblibgs to the point that the woman who GAVE BIRTH TO US#will sometimes FORGET THE ORDER OF THAT#shh ac
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orcelito · 7 months ago
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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why-its-kai · 1 year ago
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me tonight remembering how deeply and painfully lonely i am irl lol
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ningningkittie · 9 months ago
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like i confessed my love for him (1st time i've ever even done that) then i got neither rejected or accepted, patiently waited for 7 months and still hearing nothing about it... i still dont know what he felt or feels for me....then just being discarded like im absolutely worthless and my love completely useless.. i know it's my own fault for allowing it, but it still hurts.... i know i shouldnt even let him do this but ??? honestly what if im just asking for too much? idk idk. all i know is that i do feel like he doesnt appreciate anything i do and he is so extremely emotionally avoidant even i am shocked... i want to be patient with that bc i know that it isnt his fault or whatever. but he gives me absolutely nothing. then im just being pathetic and stupid honestly. but i still cant stop....
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nomaishuttle · 1 year ago
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uninstalled all the dating apps which ws like 8nof them . in the morning ill tell the guys i was talking to that i overestimared how ready i was and hopefully theyll understand andnjust drop it
#i dont feel stable enough for like . any relationship platonic or romantic andnit fucking..rly sucks bc i want to have friends but like#with what happened with daj the other day im like. i dont think i can be like . idk. ik daj said it was ok and she understood but im so#upset that i lashed iut abt that and i keep trying to get into therapy but i fucking..cant find one. at all#im trying to be more reasonable witj mymoney and i know like. i need therapy bc i Need to work this out and i am not able to work it out#with myself. i need to see a professional abt this . so ik it wouldnt be frivolous to spend money on a therapist if i cant find one in#network. bc the in network thrapists dont accept/dont specialize in working with patients with bpd which i like. thats..my issue. im almost#posiitive. ive done a lot of research and it matches up with like . all of my experiences#ik everybody feels unstable after a breakup buti genuinely like. i dont feel whole. and im looking back on how i treated myself and thiught#abt the relationship and its like. i stopped talking to all my friends i stopped talking to my family i literally dropped out of school i#moved across the country i dropped any interest that we didnt share i literally like. i gave up fucking everything and thats not. healthy.#and he never aksed me for that and its not fair of me to resent him for me doing that bc he nevrr asked me to#but i feel like. everytime i think abt him it feels like im being torn in half like . i put him on so incredibly high of a pedestal i#literally thought of him as perfect that was..recurring. and when i was upset with him i took it out on myself horrifically and thats not#normal . and jow thinking abt him literally physucally hurts bc theres still that part of me that thinks hes perfect and that im a mistake#and a failure and i didnt Be connor right. and then theres a part of me that . doesnt think of him that way#and its just like. aughhf. even outside that relationship im looking back on past friendships and how like..obsessive i get with them#and then when they 'betray' me i just. immediately turn on them and like. thats not normal..#and my sense of identity is um. Well you guys have seen. you know.#ive looked into it a lot and i rly think i have it and im not like. 100% positive but i feel like even if i dont itd be good to work with a#therapist who Has experience with that. since the experience is so similar. yk. idk#i just feel insane and i feel like bod would make like. so much of my life and the way i act and the way i react to things like..it makes#sense when i look at it as if i have bpd. and if i dont it literally seems completely irrational and erratic like. IDK. so basically i need#a therapist who can work with that but none of the ones in network specialize in that and then i was researching and found out a lot of#therapists specifically Dont work with bpd patients and like. judge their peers who do for woriing with bod#which is 1. Actually disgusting 2. Straight up stupid 3. Terrifying. so i only want to work with a therapist whi explicitely says I#specialize and work with patients with bpd 👍 but i literally could only find 1 and theyre out of network and its 15p for visit and id#prefer to do weekly visits if possible but thats . 300 per paycheck for therapy . biweekly itd be better but thats still 150. and i have to#save up for the trip home and then the new apartment immediately after#and i have to get credit card .#and in an ideal world id hold off on the therapist until i get my new apartment so that i can fully focus on coping with myself and learnin
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cetoddle · 2 months ago
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my wrist has been hurting really bad for like three weeks now and it is not getting better at all i think it’s getting worse and i really wanna go see a dr but i’m worried they’ll want to do x-rays or some other kind of scan which i simply can’t afford right now. or if they want to send me to some form of physical therapy i can’t afford that either
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destielcumcoffeeshopau · 1 month ago
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I ran out of tags so I'm gonna continue here.
Read the tags first lol
Anyways so she explodes right and he's like oh no and then he goes back to Sonic's time and Sonic's fucking dead somehow and he's like wtf guys I left you for like five minutes
And then they bring Sonic back to life with the chaos emeralds
And then he teams up with Shadow and Sonic and goes super and then they kill the gods together
And then he wanders around the timeline, he has nothing left besides his self inflicted duty of protecting the future and he tries not to affect any of the places he goes bc he technically shouldn't exist anymore
Eventually he gives in to his loneliness and starts hanging out with Sonic and his friends and he makes friends with the past version of his cat friend
Anyways
He's a silly lil guy.
He's Italian and he loves apples and he's kinda feral and he's temperamental and determined and kind and he's soooo autistic and he's honest and straightforward and follows a strict personal moral code and he doesn't understand social cues very well and he's considered rude by social expectations
He loves ice skating and being active and nature and he has his own garden and he loves Christmas and holidays and he lives to make others happy and he's oh so fluffy and silly and he even has a job where he's a delivery boy and he LOOOOVVVEEESSSS it he loves giving people their packages and he loves their smiles
He's soo cute
Hehehe
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GUSH ABOUT YOUR F/O IN THE REBLOGS TO ME AND I WILL ACTUALLY LISTEN AND RESPOND TO THEM ACCORDINGLY BECAUSE YOU 🫵 DEAR READER DESERVE TO HAVE YOUR INTERESTS TREATED WITH RESPECT AND NOT JUST GET A "wow that's neat"
doubles and proshippers dni! Doubles you also deserve respect I'm just not very good at sharing I'm so sorry!
#hes a super duper cool hedgehog from an apocalyptic future !!!#he grew up watching everyone around him die and eventually felt like it was his responsibility to save the world so he teamed up with a#multidimensional cat#btw he has telekinesis and she has fire powers#anways so him and her spend years upon years fighting the immortal god that caused the apocalypse#and then one day this creepy dude shows up and is like i know who unleashed the god. you must go back in time and kill him before he does so#and they were like. guess we got no better ideas.#and then they went and he met amy another hedgehog and became friends with her and then the two left to find sonic and the person hes lookin#for and then they found out that the person hes supposed to kill is actually SONIC and then they argue and he tries to kill sonic but she#jumps in the way and he stops bc he doesnt wanna hurt his new friend#and then he goes and sits at the ocean and his cat friend walks up and is like hey whats up#and they have this thoughtful deep conversation on morals and stuff#and then the creepy dude is like HEY GET MOVING HES ABOUT TO UNLEASH THE GOD#and they were like oh no! and went running to kill this dude right#and he got into a fight with sonic again but this time SHADOW the hedgehog stepped in who looks exactly like the creepy dude btw#and hes like creepy dude? why are you trying to stop me from killing sonic#and shadows like who? bitch tf im SHADOW#and then they fight and then shadows like lets go back even farther into the past and then they do and they find out#creepy dude and destruction god are actually brothers!!! and that creepy dude is manipulating him to help unleash the god#and then hes like yo sonic im so sorry bro lets go save the princess together#and sonics like 👍 its good bro#and then they go to save her but FAIL#and then they travel back to the past and save her fr that time#and then him and his cat friend go back to his home and he tries to sacrifice himself to seal the god in his soul#by sealing the god in his soul his mortal body explodes#but it isnt working#and then his cat best friend is like ive got this i already have fire powers he'll accept my soul as a vessel#and then she seals him inside herself and shes like quick! seal us into a different dimension just in case so he cant escape#and hes like no!!! youre my best friend i cant do that to you i dont know what id do without you#and shes like you're a dumbass but ive always liked that about you and then she EXPLODES in front of him
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badcountryofficial · 5 months ago
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The way that u really have to choose clarity that hurts over hope that confuses it sucks
He rlly just wanted to scrub his life clean of me and move on after 2wks like if that isn't a very clear indication he wasn't the one for me idk what is. Idk what is. He wanted to be soooo mad at me for Leaving but then turned around and deleted anything that involved me and found someone new to obsessed over in 2 weeks. Like I'm better now and I'm coping and I'm moving on too but once in a while I think abt it and I do cry. Because I really thought he was the one. I wanted it to be him so bad I gave up SO much I sacrificed SO much and he wouldn't move a foot outside his comfort zone for me. It just hurts. And then for him to move on so quickly because he's just so vindictive. And I know very well that could have all been a lie to aggravate me and make me feel like shit but I'd rather believe he really did move on. I'd rather believe that than believe he'd lie to upset me, that's so much worse.
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dxsertrot · 1 year ago
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The good thing about pain is that it always dulls over time but the shitty thing about it is you can still always feel it peering back at you in the moments you finally feel peace
#i try to tell myself its not goung to get to me anymore the way it used to#and i feel closer to that than i ever did before#i have ensured that im surrounded by friends and people who love me or enjoy my company#my best friend is moving jn with me this month for a few months#and im going to have fun and feel the need to have you around become less and less#but i cant pretend that part of the reason i randomly burst into tears yesterday wasnt because of you#and i cant deny the panes of sadness that hit me at random times#but i can do this#fuck it i am doing it already#but it hurts and it sucks and i dread what comes next#i dread hearing that youve found somebody and the awful question of “what do you want to do?”#because i cant say what i want to do. it isnt feasible and it isnt right#i just have to say what i need to do. what the right thing is#at least i can say that after months of this shit that my self worth isnt tied to you anymore#that i understand what i have to offer is significant and valuable and desirable and i need to invest those attributes into someone who#wants it#i just reallg wanted that to be you but its not and thats ok#my feelings for you have been waning ever since our convo a month ago#but that doesnt mean theres no residuals#that doesn't mean im going to be able to accept and watching you with someone else#even as a friend it sucks to see my significance to you dwindle#but its fine its okay. i have other people to invest my time and energy into#and someday i will find someone who feels for me the way i have felt for you
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phagodyke · 1 year ago
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prev post reminds me a friend told me last week she doesnt believe i actually struggle with emotional volatility/dysregulation like ive mentioned before bc shes never seen it firsthand...............
#i dont even know what to tell u girl. i couldnt even give her examples to dispute it bc i find it so shameful and difficult to talk abt#and it would probably be upsetting to her to hear the sort of things that have triggered me. and how ive coped with the outbursts#as if i dont structure all social interaction in my life around trying to swallow this shit down so ppl find me just about tolerable enough#genuinely hurtful thing to hear from someone i care abt. im not upset at her anymore abt it bc what would be the point man#i can understand why she thinks that + i cant control what she believes. but it did bother me a lot + some trust has been lost there.#esp considering she struggles w getting ppl to believe her when she talks abt how she feels bc she doesnt necessarily express it outwardly#in ways other ppl expect. like since ik that im always going to try to assume shes being honest so i dont disrespect how she feels#but its hypocritical + more than a little unfair to not offer other people the same trust + respect. why wont u take me at face value#and anyway why the hell would i say i struggle w controlling my emotions if i dont. what clout am i getting from claiming that#even admitting it is a hard thing for me.... and if thats too much for her to accept it just becomes a barrier in our friendship.#shame but i shouldve expected it tbh. anyway its ok ive moved on no point dwelling on it i dont want to bring it up again#bc theres nothing to gain from it. an apology wouldnt change anything since thats what she genuinely thinks#and whatever she wants to believe doesnt change the fact it is True and likely the biggest cause of strife I experience in my life#blegh stopping there bc im edging into rumination now#god im so tired. bedtime soon i think but maybe ill play a quick game or smth to make it to 10pm.... this week has been so long#.diaries
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marksbear2 · 6 months ago
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Hii you’re deadpool and wolverine fic are awesome!! I’ve been reading your work for awhile and every time i read your work it’s just WOW but i was wondering if you can write another deadpool and wolverine fic? Just watched the movie and they make me BARK
😓 IM TIRED of everyone watching the movie but me. Don’t get me started on twitter and how everyone’s tweaking over my man hugh 😣.
DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE X MALE READER
⚠️Warnings- fluff, angst, smut— no spoilers included, all three of you are switches, edging, blood, death mentioned at the end and more.⚠️
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— Both men laying on beside you on your left and right. Wade will be jerking off your cock whispering dirty jokes into your ear while Logan will be fingering your hole while breathing deep grunts and soft encouraging praises.
— The two would be mid argument, ready to be at each others throats while your literally getting face fucked by Logan and Wade will be behind you fucking you.
— Wade and you roleplaying, you’ll play as him as Deadpool wearing his suit and mask and all while he’s wearing Logan’s suit. He’ll be moaning “Wolverine” and “Logan.” While occasionally the slip of your actual name causing you two to giggle and break character.
— Logan walking in seeing you and Wade trying out new kinks like lingeries or more kinky shit like bdsm.
— If it’s Logan’s turn to bottom Wade will be teasing and cracking jokes the whole time taunting him to get him riled up.
— Logan and Wade sharing your cum in their mouths. After they’re done sharing your cock they’ll start to passionately makeout.
— Wade recording or taking pictures during sex. Even using a Polaroid on special occasions and he has some of his favorite pictures in his wallet.
— Logan will be fucking you relentlessly for hours to blow off his anger and stress.
— While they’ll be sharing your cock, their tongues will sometimes move against one another before sharing a kiss and back to sucking your cock.
— Watching the two have the most bloodiest sex ever watching them hit and hurt each other just for their body to regenerate.
— Wade will be like a dog in heat always humping and grinding his ass into you or Logan’s crotch.
— You going back and forth on their cocks sucking and deepthroating them Logan pulling and tugging on your hair while Wade is praising and making jokes.
— Logan walking in seeing you and Wade wearing dresses while your fucking him. Wade’s legs will be in the air speared apart while he is also wearing heels.
— Wade being very open on wanting to take you and Logan’s cock in the same time. He’s the one who’s trying to convince you two do it to him.
— You and Wade being in love with Wade’s scent.
— You and Logan shotgunning the smoke from the cigar while when Wade wants to try he lowkey starts dying coughing hard and shit.
— Whenever you are fucking either one of them the other one would start kissing or making out with you trying to distract you from the other.
— Logan having cum leak out from his used hole while Wade laid on the side of him getting fucked by you two. You’ll be taking turns using them like your own personal fleshlights.
— You and Wade watching Logan scratch onto things like the bed or sheets.
— Wade and Logan edging you together while they argue. They’ll be jerking off your cock and stuff and you’ll be whimpering and moaning the whole time until you actually cum all over their hands and yourself.
— You being in the middle as they both cuddle and hug you from the side. Occasionally Wade or Logan will take your place from being in the middle.
— Wade will be the one to distract either you or Logan with praises and jokes while the either of you would be cleaning.
— Seeing you fuck Wade so merciless and rough before eventually fucking him next, makes Logan go feral and insane.
(A few bits of angst now.)
— They both will outlive you. Though Logan isn’t immortal his lifespan is still greatly longer than yours.
— Both of them watching you die, and either cannot accept the fact that they can’t help or stop it from happening.
— Logan’s and Wade’s relationship weakens a whole lot after your death. They’ll be arguing even more and blaming one another for your death.
— Logan accidentally not retracting his claws and them stabbing through your stomach slowly, and very painfully killing you.
— Wade trying to use laughter and humor as an way to cope trying to mask that he’s okay but Logan sees right through it.
— Both men blaming themselves for your death.
— When all three of you break up it really damaged all three of you. Logan and Wade will be doing his best to move on.
— Your death really reminds the two of them that nothing last forever.
THE END
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erwinsvow · 8 months ago
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we need more moment where shy!reader was studying and practicing new things to show rafe!! ik that girl is so kinky and it’s always the shy girls <33
YESS omg i srsly love that drabble when i reread it im like she was cookin.. i feel like shes the type to try to prep herself with a dildo bc she can never take all of rafe but imagine he found it n was like ?!!?
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really—your boyfriend was too big. it was excessive, and though you could never find the words to tell him to stop or slow down—mostly because you didn't want him to—he always did anyways.
no matter how much you insisted that you could take all of him, rafe didn't like to listen. so you were stuck in a conundrum, and your choices were either lying to your boyfriend that it didn't hurt or accepting the fact that he'll never be as rough with you as you want.
you were willing to sit down and accept a lot of things without a fight—but this was not one of them.
one discreetly wrapped delivery later, you had yourself your very own rafe-sized dildo—a pretty pink color and of such a size that it had your insides churning with anticipation. about half an hour later with the use of some lube and lots of work, you were successfully able to fit about three-fourths. it wasn't perfect, yet, but it was a work in progress.
you didn't want to overdo it and end up insanely sore either, and you were beginning to realize even half was enough to have you cumming over and over again. so much so that you almost forgot about the date you had planned with rafe for that night—scrambling to get up and get ready.
that night, after a nice date and way too much ice cream, you realized you were too fucked out from your afternoon activity to go for another round for rafe. it was no big deal—except it happened the next day. then the day after that. and the one after that.
you had mastered the rafe-sized dildo, and you could take the entire thing after week of practice. but it also meant that it had been a full week without your boyfriend fucking you—something that hadn't happened since you had lost your virginity to him.
a little too clueless around rafe like always, you hadn't realized anything was wrong. rafe was on edge—pent up and unable to keep taking out his frustration on the golf course after almost breaking one of his clubs—but you didn't really notice.
you were waiting for tonight, after another date to show him your new-found skills, but of course, he didn't know that.
getting ready in your bathroom, blasting music and doing your makeup, you don't even hear the door open to your bedroom. rafe came to get you early, knowing you would need more time but way too antsy to wait alone in his car.
he sits on your bed, listening to the muffled music from behind the closed door. he's not impatient with you and hardly ever like this, but the current situation had left him more desperate to see you than usual.
leaning against your headboard, he feels something under your pillow. lifting it to move whatever it was—knowing you, the book you had been reading last night—his jaw clenches when he sees it. a dildo. not just any dildo—a huge dildo. under your pillow like you'd just been using it or something.
the pillow stays in his hand but he has an overwhelming urge to chuck it across the room. was this the reason the two of you hadn't had sex in a week? were you finding pleasure from some stupid toy instead of him?
"rafe?" you ask, stepping out of the bathroom and staring at the scene in front of you with big eyes. you're distractingly pretty everyday but even more so today with a short skirt and done-up face for the date he's not sure if he'll be taking you on.
your face burns with humiliation—stupidly realizing you hadn't put the damn thing away after last night. rafe is looking at you and then looking back at your bed, his fist tight around your pillow.
"um, i-"
"do you wanna explain? i'll give you five fuckin' seconds to explain-"
"no, it's not what it looks like-"
"really, kid? what it looks like is you're fuckin' this stupid thing instead of me. y'know, i'll just fuck off and you can have fun-"
rafe stands, not really angry but still sounding like he is. it's more pent-up frustration bubbling up, but you rush over to him anyways, looking so panicked he feels bad the second he said anything. he can't stay mad at you for longer than a minute.
"it's not what it looks like, i swear-"
"what is it then, huh?"
"i was just practicing! i was just trying to get better for you. see, it's yours." you motion to the toy still on the bed.
"huh?" rafe asks, looking between you and the bed.
"it's you. see. it's like... your size. um-" you get flustered again, shutting up in the fear that you've just said something to rafe that you should have kept to yourself. "i'm.. sorry?"
"no you're not."
"no, but i feel bad. are your feelings hurt? i'm sorry."
when rafe glances back at you, tearing his gaze away from the bright pink that's beginning to hurt his eyes, he realizes how sad you look, thinking you've done something to upset him.
"no, m'fine. just.. tell me next time. it was a jump scare."
"okay.." you stay still infront of him, awkwardly playing with your hands waiting for him to say something. you're a little concerned rafe's still upset, but he doesn't seem to look it, rather looking at you expectedly.
"what?" you question immediately, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
"what? get on the bed. you've had enough practice. time for the real thing."
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