#bc it means that she has always treated me like i was older than i was and put more on me than anyone else

[altruistic-meme]

sigh.

[jjk4isen]

ꗃ 𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐏 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐃, 𝐓𝐖𝐎 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐏𝐒 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 .

❝ answer me. did you think of her when you're in bed with me? when you're kissing me and holding me— was she the one on your mind? ❞

summary: it's hard knowing you aren't really the person in toji's heart but loving him was something you still did regardless. as for toji, he thinks he's ready to give you his all.

desc: 2.8k words, f!reader (referred to as ‘mama’), canon compliant i think, takes place after mamaguro's death and before toji’s, age gap (early 20s reader, early 30s toji), baby gumi ahhhhh, sfw, angst to fluff to angst again lol, intended lowercase, think you're tsumiki’s mom but without tsumiki bc the relations would be too complicated and also the second wife erasure in the canon storyline?? yeah it's reserved specifically for this fic, not proof read i fear but pls read it's really interesting i can swear by it lmaoqhdhns

dating a widowed man with a son wasn't easy especially when the said man is still in love with his former wife, or rather, his wife who had died.

love is often beautiful but sometimes it's unfair. it can also be cruel. what other reason would make you still stay despite knowing you'll never measure upto the person who had been here before you?

and you've heard stories about her. she was sweet, so beautiful— not just in her appearance but her entire being was beautiful. there always was an ache in your heart upon just the mention of her name.

so how much more would it have ached for toji?

“mama” the spiky haired boy, barely two years old calls you and you realise the silence in the room. “not mama, i’m nana okay?” sick.

nana. not mama but close enough. it doesn't matter anyway, n and m are just letters and next to each other so how much difference would that make? you're the one that's here after all, are you not?

if there's a lump in your throat and your eyes are burning with unshed tears, you force yourself to ignore.

“okay nana” megumi nuzzles his face into your chest, slowly drifting away to sleep. the boy always liked cuddling with you and it melts your heart immensely.

your hands strand through his dark hair. people always said he's the carbon copy of his dad but you'd like to differ. megumi has his mother's eyes and his hair resembled hers more than it did his dad's.

the thought sends another ache in your chest but you push it away– as you always have.

you recall the last time toji had heard megumi call you “mama”. you had never seen toji that livid. he was never a gentle man to begin with but that night, there was nothing else you've been more scared of.

was he like that to his wife? maybe not.

does that matter though? it's not like toji treats you badly. he's decent and loves you an enough amount. you weren't crazy enough to stay when you're not wanted so that must mean you were something to him right?

you also recall the whispers of pity and condemnation thrown at you for just being with toji. him being a brute is one thing but the difference in age is what people seem to have a problem with. you're so much younger than him and have your whole life ahead of you so why are you entrapping yourself this way?

you disagree though. love doesn't know any age and you definitely aren't naive to be head over heels over a guy just because he's relatively older. no, this was real and genuine.

a faint knock disrupts your train of thoughts. “he sleepin’?” toji nods towards the small boy in your arms and you nod back in return.

taking care not to wake the sleeping kid, you slowly pry his hands away from you and pull over a blanket to cover his small body.

when you make your way towards toji, he wastes no time in pulling you closer “missed you” he mumbles, placing a kiss onto your forehead and suddenly all thoughts plaguing your mind disappears. that's all you could ask for, even if it was just for a moment.

“i missed you more” you whisper back, he only huffs out an amused chuckle.

“got bad news though” a frown finds itself on his lips, decorated by a single scar next to it.

“did you lose all your money again?” toji was a gambling addict, another thing you forced yourself to tolerate just for him.

“sorry, doll. thought i’d win this time” he rubs small circles on your back comfortingly and it makes you a bit uneasy to know that he has his way with you so easily.

“it's alright. i’ll just find another part time job”

“so good to me” toji pulls you into his chest and you let out a sigh— of exhaustion? relief? you couldn't really tell but that's not important, toji had you in his arms.

“i’ll try and think of something too. don't worry your pretty little head too much” he lifts you up with ease. while you're in his arms, you feel the safest.

toji really felt bad this time. he was confident he would win but that stupid horse had to trip and lose its lead, ending up last of all places. he knows luck never favoured him but that's didn't stop him from trying again and again and again.

he also knows how you didn't say anything more than necessary about it but he isn't that much of an idiot either. he sees how your expression falters and your shoulders slump a little more when he comes home with another news of his gambling loss.

this is also why he tries, or rather, tried to quit — one too many times, unbeknownst to you. however, old habits die hard and most of the time (everytime) toji gives into his urge and loses yet again. the cycle keeps happening.

maybe this isn't just about gambling.

with the way you're asleep so soundly next to him after putting his son to sleep and taking care of him too, he is overcomed with yet another feeling to be better for you and megumi alike.

toji isn't a gentle man; everyone knows that, you do too — even more than anybody else but he can't help the familiar pool of warm feelings surging through him the longer he stares at your peaceful state.

he remembers the last time he felt it, with another person. it felt like a lifetime ago.

he also remembers how painful it was when he lost it — the person, the feeling altogether. his hands that were making their way to caress your face stops mid air.

toji knows you deserve so much better. you've been nothing but patient to him, so amazing, so perfect to him. still, he just can't do it yet, just not yet.

he will eventually, he hopes you stay until then.

toji wakes up to an empty bed and his heart sinks a little but the creases and wrinkles on the sheets serve as a reminder that you were really here.

he makes his way towards the kitchen, only finding megumi sitting on a chair next to the dining table.

“hey kid, where's your mama?”

toji freezes. it came out so naturally he didn't realise he said it himself and almost thinks he didn't but megumi's wide eyes prove that he actually did.

“m…mama?” megumi says hesitantly and toji nods this time. “yes, your mama”.

“potty potty!” megumi points to the bathroom and giggles, toji follows suit. the man crouches to his son's eye level and pats his head.

“you love your mama, kid?” toji sees megumi's eyes sparkle as the boy nods enthusiastically “very very much!!”

“yeah? i love your mama too.”

toji smiles to himself, he can't wait to tell that to you.

the next time toji got his pay, he finds himself hesitating. instead of heading towards the race tracks, his feet takes him to a jewellery store.

instead of picking out a slot and testing his luck, he picks out a ring. it's not fancy by any means but he thinks it would be the most beautiful band of metal to exist if it slides into your ring finger.

the tiny ring carries all the heavy feelings he has for you.

──

it was one particular evening when you saw an old man lingering by the front gate. its particular because the warm sunset and the soft cool breeze contrasted the ground breaking truth you find out.

“can i help you?” you ask the old man who looks at you up and down, not making an attempt to hide his distaste of your sight.

“is this where toji zenin lives?” he stares down at you with his scrutinising gaze; it makes you feel small.

“zenin?” you ask, confused. is he referring to toji? but his last name is fushiguro is it not?

“yes toji zenin. i heard he has a son as well. you're not the mother are you?”

is it that obvious? you wonder how the old man figured it out. regardless, you're not about to give him his answers so you stood your ground.

“i’m sorry i don't know what you're talking about.” you turn around, about to head inside when his words make you stop short.

“are you fushiguro?”

that's toji’s last name isn't it? not zenin or whatever he called it. so why is he asking you that? is he implying that you're married to toji?

“no. you have the wrong person.”

“why? did he say not to get involved with anyone from his clan?” the old man draws closer, chucking to himself. you're just there unmoving, trying to comprehend the situation and the words coming from his mouth.

“or did he not tell you that either? did he tell you anything at all?” he stands tall in front of you, tearing away bits of yourself with every word he says.

“when he returns, tell him the clan wants to propose him an offer. you can do that much at least won't you?”

…

and when toji comes home that night with the ring cluched tightly in his fist and inside the pocket of his white pants, the world stills.

he finds you in a state he has never seen you before. you look completely and utterly defeated.

“hey, what's wrong?” his hands come to caress your face so effortlessly, the ring and prior nervousness long forgotten.

“talk to me what's going on?” he looks around and the house seems emptier than usual. your laundry that were usually hanging with his were gone.

your small trinkets you placed around the house to “make it more lively” were nowhere to be found.

and there's a bag in the corner of the room which toji prays and hopes he isn't what he thinks it is.

your hands push away his own that were cupping your face. you're not even looking at him.

“say something damn it!”

you flinch and toji takes a step back. he recalls the last time you trembled in fear — when he got mad megumi called you his mom. he punishes himself for it.

“im sorry. please talk to me.” he isn't touching you now but he wants to. he wants to reach out and pull you close, as he always had done. but now there's an unbearable silence and the small distance between you both felt like lightyears away.

“who's zenin” your voice was meek, barely a whisper but toji's eyes widen. how did you find out about that?

no fuck that, he was supposed to be the one telling you. in his own time.

“i can explain” was all that came out of him. he's nervous, he doesn't know where to start. there's a lot of information to unpack and he's not sure how to do it without hurting you too much.

when he doesn't elaborate, you ask another “who's fushiguro then?” your voice falters a bit and toji curses himself for it.

but he's done running away and keeping things from you. “my… my late wife” he says wryly.

your eyes close and a shaky breath leaves your body, as if he just confirmed your worst suspicions. damn life is so funny isn't it? everything you thought you knew apparently wasn't what it seemed to be after all.

opening them again, your vision blurs and you realise tears were escaping your eyes. fuck you didn't want to cry now of all times but they won't stop.

and the way toji was looking at you, it makes you want to throw up.

“i must've been so stupid to you” you let out a humourless chuckle. “did you pretend im her?”

your gaze was sharp and so were your words. maybe all your bottled up feelings were resurfacing. it doesn't make you feel better about it but that doesn't stop you though.

“answer me. did you think of her when you're in bed with me? when you're kissing me and when you're holding me, was she the one on your mind??” your voice was loud now. you should be afraid of waking up megumi who you cradled to sleep just a few hours ago but no, your thoughts are too clouded right now.

toji sighs. he has no excuse.

“i used to” he actually looks ashamed as if he wasn't the one who did it purely out of his will.

your scoff makes him wince “but not anymore.”

his words fall on deaf ears “you know… i knew you did. but i stayed regardless because i thought there would be a chance that maybe one day, you could open up your heart to me. im not even asking for all of it, just a little… i thought you'd let me in.”

you're blabbering and honestly, so distraught.

“but not a moment was there when it was me isn't it? it was always her in the first place.”

now toji should have said something, anything but he stays there planted in place. and maybe that was your breaking point.

you turn around, grabbing your bag and brushing past him towards the door. instead of holding onto you and stopping you, toji clutches the small box containing the ring — your ring in his pocket, almost crushing it in the process, as he hears the door slam.

you think it's funny how toji did not reach out after what happened. it's poetic even. very fitting of him, till the very end, he did not give two shits about you.

so then, why were you back here?

it's been four long years since the trajectory of your life changed. you still don't know if it was for the better or for the worse.

saying it has been hard would be an understatement. it took you a long time just to get back onto your own feet but you did it regardless. however, you left a part of you here long ago and now, you're here to take it back.

that and you missed megumi dearly. perhaps it was an excuse too because you won't deny a part of you still missed toji, despite everything that happened.

standing a few feet away from the place you used to call home, you hesitate.

maybe this was a bad idea. oh this was definitely a bad idea. you'll see them, and then what? what comes after that?

closure? don't make yourself laugh. you’ll just be reminded of how you couldn't be that person for toji— how you'll always come second. and what if they moved?? there's no reason they'd still be here right?

forget this, you don't need to do this. why must you still be the one who put effort? to reach out? four long years passed and still no news means they clearly moved on... right?

you were convinced enough and was about to go back when you saw little megumi carrying a backpack on his back, seemingly coming home from school.

your feet wouldn't move and your eyes wouldn't blink. he grew up so well.

the world pauses as your gaze follows the kid you used to consider your own, now as good as a stranger.

“do you know that kid?” a voice at your back makes you whip your head around. life really is full of surprises and this time, the surprise was in the form of a tall man, no a tall kid with white hair, looking at you curiously through his round tinted glasses.

“... no i don't” well you weren't exactly lying. you don't know the megumi you see now. perhaps if he asked whether you raised him since he was a baby till he was two, then your answer would've been different.

“oh okay” the boy shrugs. “poor guy though”

“why? whats up with him?” you turn to look at megumi again who was minding his business walking home and your heart aches a little.

“I'm here to recruit him. his dad died you see so he's–”

“wait what was that??”

“his dad. he's dead” the amused boy in front of you chuckles and you stare at him, horrified.

“what happened to him?” your voice was shaky and doesn't sound like your own. he leans down to meet your eye level and smirks “why? i thought you don't know that kid. why does that matter to you?”

your stomach churns as you stare at him, not even knowing what to say— the smug expression on his face only widens.

“so you do know him.”

'know' would be a weak word to use when it comes to toji. you knew of his habits, the simple things he does and also of the more complex ones — like the exact place his scar decorated his lips and how it felt to kiss it.

then again, you don't really know anything about him and maybe you never will.

and maybe that's really, the closure you needed.

[princessbrunette]

Sunshine!Reader just adores rafe. like i imagine she’s a friend of sarah who has always had a crush on her cool older brother, following him around and watching his every move cs she’s so obsessed with him x rafe who is nonchalant at his very core & basically just ignores her presence even when she’s practically hanging off his arm & living in his skin. “Why is it that everytime i turn around, you’re there?” he just raises his eyebrow at her. “i’m not your friend, kid.” - 🍄

no bc im salivating …….. hang on let me cook

₊˚🦢✩ 🎀⊹☁️♡

sunshine!reader who’s always at the cameron home because her home life is bad— more specifically, daddy issues !! it’s a wonder how you’re so sweet n happy toward the people around you when you’re being treated so poorly!

you follow rafe around like a lost puppy, because duh — his nonchalance hurts you in all the right ways that just makes you crave his attention more, a product of your bad relationship with your father. you’re over at tannyhill more and more, increasingly without sarah being there as she starts a life with the pogues— but you don’t mind, happy anywhere as long as you’re not at home.

“are you goin’ anywhere today rafe? can i come?” you seemingly pop out of nowhere in the kitchen, startling him as he closes the fridge— clutching his chest for effect.

“jesus, why is it everytime i turn around you’re there? ‘you ever go n’hang around at your own house or what?” he busies himself, carrying a carton of juice in one hand and moving you out the way with the other as he passes.

“i prefer to be here! hanging out with you!” you chirp and he stops in the doorway, turning to look at you.

“kid, i’m not your friend. a’ight?” he drawls before heading out, the same time his father is entering the room. ward sends you a sympathetic look before he’s trailing after rafe.

“son you gotta be nice to the girl. i didn’t raise you like that.” he nags, speeding up to walk in time with the younger man.

“why? she’s practically living rent free here, should be able to talk to her how i want.” rafe complains, uncapping the carton and taking a swig.

“her home life, it’s not great.” he lowers his voice, swivelling his head round to make sure you weren’t lurking. “she’s — she’s sarah’s friend. i’m taking pity on her, think her dad doesn’t treat her all too well.” he rambles and rafes movements slow to stop, eyes trailing up to meet his fathers, suddenly attentive.

“huh.” he speaks, sinister intrigue occupying his gaze which his father barely picked up on. he continued speaking but rafe had heard all he needed to hear, concocting ways to use this to his advantage.

the opportunity presented itself sooner than he was expecting once he’d got you backed up against the wall in the hallway a few days later, practically pinning you there.

“you— you know it’s time you start respecting me if you wanna be hangin’ out around here. especially now my dads on his trip. i’m older than you, the man of the house now and — and that means you answer to me.” he drawls, quiet and intimate— so close his breath warms your face as you blink up at him.

“i do listen to you rafe.” you chime, losing a little bit of pep in your step under his intimidating gaze. you knew something was up, but you couldn’t help but melt — finally feeling like rafe gave a shit about you. that he was going to save you.

“wanna see you actin’ like it from now on… you know i realised,” his finger comes to his temple, lightly tapping. “you’re missin’ something. someone to guide you. an authority figure… ‘nd it must be your lucky day ‘cus i can be just that. you’ll… be in good hands.” he now drags his finger lightly down the side of your face, scooping round to beneath your chin to lift it.

“i thought you said you didn’t wanna be my friend.” you whisper, eyes flickering between his mouth and his eyes, the proximity tempting.

“didn’t say we would be friends… i was thinking something a little more… hands on.” his drops his voice to a mere whisper, hovering his lips right over yours. you give in to the urge, craning up and pressing your lips against his, which he lets slide for maybe two seconds — before drawing back and slapping you, grabbing your jaw instantly to bring your gaze back.

you gasp, tears springing to your eyes, usual smile wiped from your expression even more so now. “you don’t… you don’t do that without my permission. alright? i said you answer to me now.” he grits his teeth, squeezing your jaw just a little harder making your brows furrow in fear.

he ends up not being too mean on you, especially when you’re later cumming around his cock, the oldest cameron forcing you to call him ‘dad’ whilst you do so.

₊˚🦢✩ 🎀⊹☁️♡

[nat-20s]

Seen people describe The Doctor and Donna's relationship as a sibling dynamic but I think that's only true for some Doctors with Donna so here's a definitive list of which nuwhodoctordonna pairs are and aren't siblings:

NineDonna: No. They are randomly assigned roommates that become the most annoying best friends in the world. Literally the worst fucking people in existence to third wheel for, you're in a constant state of "what the FUCK are you two talking about???"

TenDonna: No. Something much weirder going on for them. I once saw someone describe them as "whatever dr doofensmirtz and perry have going on but platonic" and that's lived in my head rent free ever since. Yes Ten WOULD physically strap Donna to himself in order to confront his parents and then when it went poorly they would watch the sunset and he would tell her that she was his rock. Also very gay best friend and woman on another one of their little adventures/ a lesbian and her favorite himbo. Who's the gay best friend/woman/lesbian/himbo changes on a whim <3 Truly the icons of sticking two freak bi people with unfettered adhd together and seeing what happens

ElevenDonna: okay Yes. that is her little brother that's like 30 times older than her and she is treating him accordingly. (so so so mean but will also kick people in the shins for being nasty to him)

TwelveDonna: Sort of. Less your typical sibling dynamic and more like stepsiblings that only became stepsiblings well into their 30s and have decided to unionize. In another life they would've been a vaudeville duo that are also conmen.

ThirteenDonna: No. Not a single soul knows whatever the fuck those two have going on between them, least of all them. Probably like. The somewhat healthier mirror version of whatever the fuck The Doctor and Spymaster have going on. One time 13 sighs oh so sadly and is like "i wish i could be donna's lap dog" and when the master asks, "Like in a horny way, or???" Thirteen replies, "I don't know I just think if Donna could carry me around everywhere life would be significantly better and I could have an easier time seeing beauty in the universe again." and the master is like. "have you maybe considered prozac" and the doctor says "WELL I WOULDN'T NEED PROZAC IF I WAS DONNA'S LAP DOG NOW WOULD I??"

FourteenDonna: no. QUEER PLATONIC SPOUSES OF ALL FUCKING TIIIIMMMMEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FifteenDonna: Not quite. I think they more have the vibe of like cousins that go to family functions and always seek each other out bc they have a mutual case of "you're the only bitch in this room that I respect. You're the only motherfucker in this house that can handle me." Both of them volunteer to "chaperone" the kids table bc if Donna has to hear one more word from their uncle who won't shut up about how great brexit is she's shoving his face in the mashed potatoes and fifteen is just going to be like "you're doing amazing sweetie"

[greenunoreversecard]

Kai general and Romantic headcanons

A/N:sorry if I got any of the characters wrong, I was using a combo of wiki/Google translate as I don't speak any of the languages mentioned. Pls let me know if I got any info wrong, i will gladly go in and change it to make it right.

General:

Half Indian and half Chinese.

His and nya's last name is 鄭 (Zheng), but he says it's Smith bc when they where younger he got in the habit of lying about his name so he Didnt have to deal with CPS.

His ma is from Visakhapatnam in Andhra Pradesh, and was a practicing Hindu. Ray is from the 云南 (yunnan) province, and was a practicing theravida Buddhist. Ray is ethnically from the 傣族 (dai people, also spelt Tai in english)

Before his parents dissapearances, they both brought him to their hometowns, and actively taught him both cultures and religions, which he continued to learn about and even teach Nya about after their dissapearances.

When he was 14 he bought a small boat and him and Nya rode it across the costal line, and he promised Nya one day when he was older he'd bring the both of them to their parents hometowns.

He's a Buddhist.

He speaks so many languages.

Like so many

He's fluent in Thai, mandarin and cantonese chinese, telugu, urdu, hindi, Punjabi, arabic and ninjago-ian(idk whatever language ninjago speaks)

Also trying to learn Indonesian.

He also knows yunnan dialect bc his dad would speak in it more often than not

Absorbes info like a sponge

He likes to quilt

He always wears a golden bracelet He got from his moms jewelry box after she left.

Likes to draw but is bad at it, so he colors coloring books

Introvert

He may act all confident, but he really isn't. super insecure

Soooo good with hair

Like, has all the stops. 10 step hair care routine

rivals Zanes cooking skills.

When working out focuses on building rather than lean muscle.

Mother friend

has dragged all of his friends into the water splashing festival.

Fatal flaw is loyalty and kind of hubris (it's conflicting, ik with the insecure and extreme pride, but like- it makes sense in my head. Inferiority/maybe superiority complex.)(it makes sense bc this is such me behavior. Imagine hating yourself but thinking ur the baddest bitch alive)

Likes to stare at fire

If he can't sleep he'll make a small bonfire to stare at and think

insomnia

Chronic cigarette smoker

Romantic:

Hes more show than tell

Def acts of service (me frfr)

Although, he is very cuddly.

Not in public, though. Maybe infront of the other ninja if it was a rough day

Loves to rock you gently from side to side when yall are hug

loves to give you temple kisses

He's very gentle with you, treats you like glass

You wil prolly say ily first, and he'll go;"🧍‍♂️...cool?"

He has mommy and daddy issues, but HEAVY on the mommy issues. Have fun with this hyper-independant fuck who can't accept help without feeling like a failure even though they need it (I'm not projecting you are)

Goes all out for holidays and anniversaries.

Doberman/German Shepard vibes tbh

When it's just you two he doesn't feel the need to fill the air with meaningless chatter, so if he feels safe enough to just share air without talking feel honoured and cherish it bc that means he actually trusts you.

A little rough around the edges, but will remember that thing you said 5years ago on ur first date

Most dates are chill inside and take a nap

But sometimes if he can he takes you on the town or someplace fancy

Also likes to show you his favorite childhood spots

[thecustomcosplayed]

oooh boy i am in the midst of rewatching season 2 of Legends of Tomorrow and Sara's entire arc from assassin to captain means so much to me

(rambling under cut and kind of spoilery ig)

like. Stein's "you're no longer an assassin, you're a captain." and then a few episodes later her choosing to save him over the amulet bc she views the team as her family and she can't save her sister but she can save them oooughhh

also continuing into one of the later seasons (either 3 or 4 idk), when Zari says to Sara "you aren't just the captain of the ship, you're it's soul" WHEN SARA HAS STRUGGLED WITH WHO SHE IS AND WHAT HER SOUL MEANS TK HER??

Godd I love it sm. And in S2 when she's still trying to deal with being a captain and the fact that Rip is MIA and she probably felt so inadequate for it but her team shows literally nothing but support to her and are always like "okay so what's next captain" and they (almost) always ask her what to do hshsj

Her struggling with a place in the team in S1 being nothing more than an assassin to Rip but then S2 rolls around and she's a captain and the team (her family!!!) looks to her for guidance and I don't think they really understand how much they mean to her but its just she grows SO well into the role of captain

Everybody who joins the team doesn't even question it, Gideon never stops calling her the captain (and rewatching S1 felt so weird when Gid called Sara Ms. Lance and not Captain Lance), and then when Ava comes around literally the entire team is like "oh okay another time mom. co-captain 🥰"

Sara loves her lil band of misfits so much and I feel like she doesn't realize how much they love her (Jax saying she needs to be captain and he can't be captain in S2 E11, Rory talking to her abt being the only 2 ogs left in S6, Nate treating her like an older sister, Zari and her lowk bonding over dead siblings, etc etc) but theyre a little family and yeah theyre a lil messed yp and broken but they have each other!!

I could talk abt Sara for years guys she's my favorite character from LoT

anyways tldr i really enjoy Sara's assassin/teammate - the (figurative) soul of the ship arc

[hyenagurl]

genuine question but how do you as a radical feminist stomach having a boyfriend in this political climate & how are you not counting down the days until he shows how misogynistic he is? or has he already done it and you’re just okay with it? sorry if its personal, i’m just in a situation rn & not many of us date males

its a fair question and i appreciate it. i have a lot of thoughts about it bc i’ve considered this a lot so sorry for the long reply:

the sad truth is the bullshit and trauma ive had to deal with has simultaneously given me both high and low standards in different ways, if that makes sense. i have the maturity and self esteem to not tolerate weird toxic bullshit anymore and know what i like, but at the same time i finally have someone who genuinely doesnt treat me like a sex object and listens to me when i speak and doesnt bore me, or disappoint me, or gross me out. right now im at a time in my life where thats what im looking for. if that sounds mundane and un-special, thats because it is lol. this is what i want in a man right now, bc i never totally wanted a relationship to begin with. before my current bf i was fine with the idea of only having casual stuff and just doing my thing (even if it didnt go well for me when i did, but thats the guys fault). but then i happened to have a person in my circle of close friends that i knew for years that liked me, and so far ive never seen him act like a tool, so i simply decided to give it a chance - thats all it comes down to. i take it day by day and enjoy his companionship while i do, and i care for him… but im not going to totally emotionally depend on him for a while. if and when i fall out of love with him, i know i can handle it and do whats right. if that makes sense.

thats my perspective on MY relationship though. to answer in a broader sense, im keenly aware that hes never gonna truly understand my deep mistrust or contempt of men in the way other women do, but i accepted that the same way that i accept that i cant make every women embrace feminism or separatism. right now im happy to discuss and plan for separatism when im older and more stable, and my goal is to tell other women about it. and to always, always, always have VERY high standards, to know yourself completely so you know exactly what you want in life, and that a man is ultimately just… an option in a woman’s life. not mandatory for a happy existence by a long shot.

thats what it comes down to. women are, right now, not very primed to completely write off heterosexual romance, both bc economically its harder than ever to live on your own or only with other women, and culturally to swear off men completely. that sort of shame it gives you isnt easy to shake off. look at the backlash that resulted in 4B taking off online. my answer to it: if youre gonna buy into it, make sure you protect yourself first and foremost, period.

so those are my reasons for a rad-leaning women in a heterosexual relationship. i do not encourage women in my life to be with a man ever, but i dont care if she chooses to, either. i try not to describe myself as a feminist for this reason, even though i love discussing and reading about it, because feminism is real political activism that takes full dedication and respect, and i accept that i cannot give it what it deserves at this point in my life. but that doesnt mean i cant learn more about womens liberation and history.

[zukkaoru]

Hi, same anon as before haha, could you ever make a post about visually impaired/blind dazai?

ooo yes i do love the idea of dazai being blind in one eye/otherwise visually impaired. personally i am biased towards him having a prosthetic eye but this is just because of an inside joke with my sister sfdgfhj anyway have some thoughts (specifically based off dazai being blind in one eye/having one prosthetic eye):

for a while, ranpo is the only one in the ada who knows bc dazai is very good at hiding it. they don't say anything bc it's not their business, but they do try to make sure they either approach dazai on his left or make their footsteps loud enough that dazai can clearly hear them coming

yosano is second to figure it out bc she's a doctor. but she only catches on to the fact that dazai is somehow visually impaired and doesn't figure out the specifics until later

kunikida figures it out after a case where dazai gets injured bc the attacker came at him on his blind side and there was too much other commotion going on for him to hear them approach

obviously he's like why would you not tell me this!!!! it's KIND OF IMPORTANT!!!!!

dazai brushes it off like "haha i just forget everyone else has two working eyes :P" but really he. didn't want to expose any weaknesses to the agency members until he knew they could be trusted

after that it's treated sort of like an open secret at the ada. no one really talks about it, but yosano, ranpo, and kuni all do their best to cover dazai's blind side whenever they can. even if 98% of the time he doesn't need it

for a while, junichirou, kenji, atsushi, and kyouka have no idea. bc no one ever talks about it, the older ada members sort of. just. forget the younger ones would have no way of knowing.

so probably they find out when dazai makes some dumb joke about it. and they're all like HELLO????? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ONLY HAVE ONE FUNCTIONING EYE!?

chuuya ofc knows and has known since they were like fifteen. they also always did their best to cover dazai's blind side when they worked with him (this i think is canon to some extent,, a lot of official art has chuuya on dazai's blind side during their pm days when his eye was bandaged)

most of the rest of the mafia had no idea what was wrong with dazai's eye (or if there even was anything wrong with it) but also,, no one was going to just ask. mori is the only other person in the pm who knows what happened

dazai likes to joke that he and kunikida have "one working eye total between the two of them" bc kunikida's eyesight is pretty bad without his glasses

most of the agency members walk loud enough that dazai can hear them coming so he isn't caught off guard regardless of which direction they approach from. the one exception to this is kyouka. she has scared him on multiple occasions by approaching from the right. once she realizes what the issue is, she does her best to approach from the left

ranpo does occasionally try to bribe her to sneak up on dazai bc they think it's funny to see him try to mask his surprise. she may have given in once or twice. but only because they promised to buy her crepes.

nikolai & dazai visually impaired worsties,,

^^ they both make jokes about it all the time, bouncing back and forth off each other. everyone around them is annoyed and no one thinks it's funny at all but neither of them care

okay this got longer than i was planning so i'll end here but. yes <3

[arolegos]

@fiberturkey89 OK HI i love treating ninjago charactes like my oc so heres the umm explanation for my morro design!!! YAP SESSION under cut cause i dont wanna flood ppl with my yapping ...

ok so to me he was a member of the cloud kingdom!!! i know this is a somewhat popular headcanon although im not sure who first came up with it. i just wanted a reason to make him look cool at first

every different realm and region has a majority species . To me . i could go on and on about each one that i Made up but for now i will focus on the CK species (plus euphrasia for additional um. idk. context?)

idk what id call the species name. ill just call them Writers . for now. Ummm as u can see i believe that their species has a LOT of wings. like a whole bunch. each person can have up to like 3 colours for their wings, with white being the main one. the colours don't have meaning Yet but idk . they're mostly whatever colour i think fit best with their character .

they also got Eyes on their wings . this would be the tertiary colour (or the same colour as secondary) . they have a Lot of feathers on their body (neck-chest, arm-wrist, around knee-ankle). They also have . featheered tails . Ok that's about as much as ill detail for their species bc i do have madeup culture for them But i don't want this to turn into a 9 paragraph yap session . I will focus on morro now

MORRO FAKE LORE! WOOHOO!!

ok so in the world where hes my oc. he was a part of the writers of destiny (or rather one in training but he lived in the cloud kingdom nonetheless) . anyways . he didn't really like the life there bc he always wanted to be More than just a writer of destiny. he wanted to be there to experience the damn thing himself, but that obviously wasn't allowed in the cloud kingdom (bc . well. u can see that theyre kinda strict on their rules (one destiny one path sort of thing or whatever) . so he eventually gets kicked out after enough misdemeanours (so probably he misbehaved like One time) . anyways they bound him to a flightless life (bc . flying was . well. a pretty big thing in a community full of people who have wings all over their body) and exiled him to Ninjago .

he cant fly back home so he doesn't. not that he would anyway. this is why he keeps his wings folded/closed almost all the time. they do not serve any purpose. he would love to chop them off if he could

he makes a few friends on the streets but theyre hardly 'friends' in the natural sense of that word.

also. in a fucked up twist of the world, he ends up being the elemental master of wind.

(this ones connected to another thing i also made up but if the Ninjago writers get to forget things and make things up at random So Can I; anyways my point is that wojira was defeated by Nyad . who was one of the two elements that matched the um amulet thing. and since she transformed into the sea i cant imagine the first EM of wind was just like Oh well okay then i guess its all over. In my mind they became one with the wind too and was probably from an even higher plane than the cloud kingdom but their powers ended up there anyway . Taken by some. Freak.)

around this time is when he meets wu and stuff. u know everything that happens from here so i will not be retelling shit but i am sooo adamant on them Not being father and son sorry. or at the very least i think it was only one-sided . i think wu wanted company and morro reminded him of a younger version of his older brother . thought of him as a 'son' bc thats the only way he could really see him. whereas morro thought wu was some stinky old man who was nice. very nice and sweet to him. promised him a destiny bigger than himself. but not a father. what even is a father? he does not see that in wu sorry . tgey will never be father and son to me . that relationship dynamic is too simple for the complexity of their relationship

yeagh well wu 'lied' about his destiny (I mean . of cours i dont actually think that way. wu kind of Had no way to tell if he really was destined to be the green ninja although It is kinda Freaked up to suggest it to a like. 10 year old. i guess he did learn his lesson . ) and morro was like Fuck u i choose my own destiny . And left and died. ok yea this is all stuff u already knew

(also i imagine he went looking for FSM's tombstone (aka he was Really just looking for the realm crystal) so he could go back home . to rewrite his own destiny. to be like Yeah i actually AM the green ninja and you cant stop me.)

okkokokk this is a bit graphic cause. believe it or not. morro dies. so like. i will be describing that a little

annywaayyyysss morro goes to the cave of despair and. gets lost. falls a bunch. at some point he realises hes like completely lost as in like to the point of no return . and while hes panicking there are Fuckinf geysers gushing out and rumbling the damn ground. he falls but he doesn't die immediately. he breaks his wings first though. not that they would've helped him fly out. but im just explaining why his wings look so wilted and like theyre just 'hanging off' in his ghost design. its bc they r. those are broken wings that cannot move naturally . he cannot keep them folded bc they are broken

his cause of death was thirst . starvation was a factor too but like. thirst got his ass first (as it would anyone). he ripped his sleeves while venturing around the cave but he did use some to try and wrap around his wounds . didn't really Help tho cause he died anyway .

Extra fucked up fake lore ? Writers have feathered tails that fall off to impending doom. as a final play on a destined fate (Dying!!!! LOL!!!!). so like days before morro dies the feathers of his tail fall off one by one until there are None left . if it makes it any better it doesn't hurt like a broken bone . just imagine if one day you woke up to your.? idk? leg gone? like it didn't hurt its just gone and you can feel that its gone but not the pain of the loss. if u get what i mean. or maybe thats not the right comparison. idk. your hair i guess?

. in his last moments his thoughts are not of any happy memories Because he straight up has none sorry gang i dont want him happy. Ok kidding im sure he thought of wu. im sure part of him wished wu had come after him. im sure a part of him wished he hadn't stepped into the cave. but i also Believe he probably welcomed death pretty nicely. with a warm hug and all. he probably leapt into that mfs arms.

anywaygsss . he gets sent to the cursed realm (Whicg is crazy im not going to lie but apparently he did a bunch of crazy shit while looking for the FSM's tomb so. maybe deserved. i dont know.) and the preeminent is like Yooo what is this freak doing here . Do my taxes. and morro is like Ok but u have to curse some realms. And the preeminent is like Yeah i already planned on doing that

also its only BC he went to the cursed realm that his wings are black in his ghost form!!! it looks more decayed and Cursed that way

ok yeah thats all the stuff i made up i think . unless i missed something. i dont think i did

also Lloyd would not have had his wings while he was being possessed . he only had like traces of them (ghost feathers would fall off his back when he moved but they weren't /actually/ there . it confused the fuck out of the ninja the first time. they were like Woah your voice got deeper. Why are you shedding feathers.)

morro is my favourite fucked up evil OC im so thankful they didn't give him a redemption arc thank yiu so much i love it when villains refuse to be redeemed even when given the chance im cheering adn clapping. morro never get revived. thank you.

[tangerinecherrygal]

Thoughts on Bridgerton S3 so far.

Under the cut for the sake of my poor moots and for spoilers. And first and foremost, I am a hater, so I will have some complaints but most are positive.

Positives:

Developing Cressida’s character. I’ve wanted this since I started watching with season 2. I love that she isn’t a cardboard cutout mean girl bc she gets shat on (deservedly sometimes) a lot by the main characters. Also I’m not sure which way they want to go with her character but I don’t think she needs any kind of redemption, maybe just a softening of her character.

Disabled visibility. It’s very clunky, but it is a step in the right direction.Period pieces tend to be worse than other types of shows and movies at erasing disabled people. It’s easy to forget that disabled people did exist and were apart of society. I can’t speak much to how they were treated, but this is bridgerton so it is very possible to portray them in ways that are realistic to the more modern experience of, say, being in a wheelchair.

Portia Featherington. Send tweet.

Benedict being a fun little guy.

Sibling dynamics of the bridgertons are really sweet to see and always make me smile.

Penelope serving cunt, intellect and agency.

Thr Mondrich family being on screen more. I’d love a side show on them like Queen Charlotte. Their relationship is so sweet and I am observing 👀 with upmost respect.

I do like Colin’s new look buuut… we will come back to this.

Francesca’s new actress is so talented. The shy girl rep that I need. She looks a lot like Phoebe and fits in perfectly.

The other stuff (and how i would change it)

Penelope’s makeover seemed rushed. I think her transformation should’ve been gradual as she gains confidence. Almost like Kate’s last season. She starts to reflect her confidence e gains throughout the season and i’m thinking that a fanfic may be brewing oh no.

Colin’s makeover is needed bc they had to downplay the actors beauty in earlier seasons. But I don’t see him as a devilishly handsome rake all of a sudden. Luke Newton has a kind and approachable (kind of baby) face and I think that they should play on that. A pretty kind of handsome instead of trying to immitate the more masculine look that they used for anthony. I know it’s because he is putting on a performance but I think they could have gona another way. His look in season 2 is great in my opinion, maybe if his clothing was more relaxed but he kept the same hair then it would be perfect.

They’re trying to convince us that he’s suave and smooth with the ladies but it’s not consistent with his character

The threesome scenes? Not a hundred percent sure who that was for. Sapphics let me know if you appreciated those scenes because I know they weren’t doing that for their famously large straight male audience. I also saw someone say it reduces the sex workers to props but in context that kind of works into the story so idk.

Colin went from being lost at the end of last season to gaining a sense of identity that isn’t implied to be an act.

Lots of side stories make it seem messy and wastes time that can go into understanding Francesca, Penelope, and Colin. Instead of focusing on stories like Lady Bridgerton’s romantic story they really should make a QS 2 where they can explore the older cast of characters.

Paaaaacinnng. Everything is happening so fast and the side stories mean that Polin doesn’t even make much sense to me. I don’t feel any chemistry. I’m not going to count how long they’ve been on screen together this season, but it’s not enough for me to believe that Colin finally sees Pen in a romantic way. The helping Pen find a husband quest lasted for a second and immediately he realises his feelings. I just don’t buy it. I almost want to cut away to horny ass Kanthony to see actual chemistry.

if anybody reads this and has their own takes pls comment. I love talking about the show and hearing what other people thought.

[allol12]

Arcane Characters + Universal Studios Headcanons

Hi!! I wanna be more active on here and since I've hit a bit of an artblock I've decided I'll do my second favorite thing which is headcanons!

As a Floridian, I decided to start with a topic I am quite familiar with which is of course, Universal Studios. In this imaginary situation they have the 2 parks 1 day ticket bc that's the one I usually use.

Also this would be a modern setting for obvious reasons.

------------------------------

Jinx would 100% ride as many rollercoasters as she can. She rarely gets motion sickness.

If the lines weren't too long she would ride them multiple times all day long.

If they were, Cait and Vi would get sick of seeing her suffer through the long ass lines so they would just buy her an express ticket.

Ekko usually rides with her but he can only take so much.

When she was a little older, (still Powder by this point), Mylo tricked her into riding Jurassic Park (85 ft drop). He thought it'd just be a mean prank, little did he know he created a tiny adrenaline-seeking monster.

She would also violently compete against Caitlyn in Men in Black.

Favorite Universal Rides : Rip Ride Rocket, VelociCoaster, The Hulk, and Men in Black

Favorite Park: Islands of Adventure

I get the feeling Vi would be a foodie. And I can't blame her, theme park food is a lot of fun to explore. (I spent a good chunk of 2018 binge-watching DFBguide)

She would always try to go to a new restaurant every trip, and you will most likely find her chomping on a turkey leg.

When it comes to rides though, she also likes her fair share of rollercoasters. Though, she tries to ride them in the morning off the bat so she could eat in peace without feeling sick later.

I do think she'd like the 3D rides a lot too! I can definitely see her liking Transformers and Spider-Man.

Favorite Universal Rides : Hagrid’s Magical Creatures Motorbike Adventure, Rip Ride Rocket, Revenge of the Mummy

Favorite Park: Universal Studios

Caitlyn likes the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I know this is a bit on the nose because her VA was literally in Harry Potter, but it's a good combo between atmosphere, thrill, shopping, and treats.

I don't think Caitlyn is too into rollercoasters. I think she'd be more into rides with movement and a few drops rather than full on coasters.

The HP rides are mostly pretty tame in comparison to the rest of the coasters in the parks, so I can see her liking those the most. Gringotts and Forbidden Journey in particular.

I think she'd definitely be the most into shopping, her favorite park would probably be Studios due to this.

She likes going to Honeydukes with Vi, they like trying all the different sweets and treats together.

Lets Jinx win in Men in Black because she knows if she beats her Jinx will be annoyed at her for the rest of the day. If she's not going against Jinx though, she would absolutely annihilate you.

Favorite Universal Rides : Gringotts, Forbidden Journey, Men in Black

Favorite Park: Universal Studios

This poor man has a horribly weak stomach.

Jayce is NOT a rollercoaster fan. He is strictly 3D and dark rides only, with very few exceptions.

Hell I think the Gringotts drop might be too much for him. Not the first cart, but the second cart for sure makes him feel uneasy. (I am projecting, sitting in the second cart was not fun for me LMAO)

I think he and Viktor would have a blast looking into the behind the scenes part of theme parks, especially the engineering element.

If they're in Universal Studios Hollywood they would absolutely do the Studio Tour.

With the level of charisma he has, I can see him LOVING meet and greets. He really loves playing along with the characters. By the end of the day he'll have his little autograph notebook full of characters.

Favorite Universal Rides : The Simpsons Ride, The Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man, Transformers

Favorite Park: Universal Studios

Viktor doesn't really mind rollercoasters. He wouldn't die on them like Jayce, but he doesn't actively seek to ride them. Maybe if the line was short and the group wanted to ride it, sure.

Actually speaking of lines, he would get an accessibility pass so he wouldn't have to stand for extended periods of time. He would also make sure to sit down and take breaks as to not strain his leg too much.

Breaks could also mean going to watch the many shows Universal provides, like the Horror Makeup Show or The Bourne Stuntacular.

Back to rides though, he likes, no, LOVES Transformers. It's fast, the queue is very scientific-esc, and honestly.. transformers just give me machine herald vibes.

He is very awkward when it comes to meet and greets, so he's usually just taking the picture for Jayce. However, the only meet and greet he really truly looks forward to is the Transformers. He is extremely fascinated with the way Universal was able to create such an immersive and realistic looking replica of them.

I think him and Jayce would be intrigued by the interactive wands in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. They think it's fun that they found a way to create the illusion of magic by using sensors in the wands.

I think he'd like Forbidden Journey bc the ride makes you feel like you're flying, and he seemed to be having a blast in Ep 3 haha

Favorite Universal Rides : Transformers, Forbidden Journey, Skull Island: Reign of Kong (literally only to see that insanely realistic looking animatronic)

Favorite Park: Universal Studios

------------------------------

My god that took longer than I thought it would. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed! I adore theme parks so this was a lot of fun to do.

Also as a bonus, I have a little paper Viktor cut out that I take basically everywhere, including Universal! Here's him in front of the Universal ball haha

[pillow4t]

These are just my favorite/main headcannons tbh

• HEAVY on the they/them Moria

• Cassidy is a girls girl™ If he's out on a mission with (insert literally any woman in ow) and some creepy guy is hitting on her/touching her, he'll go over and defend her, pretending to be her boyfriend so they'll back down

•Trans Junkrat!!! Trans Sombra!!!!

•Roadhog had a wife and kids before he joined the AFL idc what anyone says

•Baptist calls lifeweaver "Flè mwen" which means "my flower" in Haitian Creole (I used a translator so let me know if I'm wrong <3)

•Pharah stole one of Cassidy's hats back in his blackwatch days when she was 13, she still has it (and sometimes wears it around the bass)

•Genji has a drink named after him at the bar he used to frequent when he was younger

•Junkrats mom spoke Arabic so that's why he gravitated to Ana when he was first around her, he hasn't told anybody tho

•Mercy loves to harp on Cassidy about his smoking habits like she isn't living off of coffee and cigarettes (and sometimes a bagel bc of pharah😌

•Cassidy got Ana a "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt for Christmas, he bought it as a joke, she wears it regularly.

•Junkrat can swallow something then bring it back up, it's a great party trick, he thinks, but it usually grosses people out. It's come in handy on missions tho

•When Sojourn brings Murphy to the watchpoint, she gets SMOTHERED with pets, kisses and love from everyone. The same thing happens when Brigitte brings Mitzi around.

•Symetera and Lifeweaver have completely opposite tastes in music so they were CONSTANTLY arguing about who gets to put on music when they shared a dorm (sym usually won)

•When Hanzo laughs he snorts

•Lúcio has real bad arthritis and his skates are more braces than anything, he also has knee, hand and back braces at the ready

•Tracer gets Emily a souvenir from every place she gets deployed to

•Zenyattas favorite color is Yellow

•JunkerQueen carries around hamster treats in her pockets when Wreaking Ball is with her "For when the champ gets hungry!" She always says(in reality she just thinks it's cute how hamsters eat)

•Torbjorn sometimes brings his (older) kids around if the original group of Overwatch is there, he trusts the others...just not with his kids and is really reluctant with Brigitte

•Roadhog has been teaching Junkrat how to properly write and read and it's really improved how Junkrat functions when they're not fighting for survival in the outback

•Illari is a jewelry girl, but she cant wear to much because it gets in the way of training/fighting, but her collection of gold accessories is off the charts

•Sombra took the username D.va on social media and finds it SO funny that Dva has to use a different variation of her gamertag

•I feel like Reaper still has the same sense of humor he did in over/blackwatch and will constantly make witty jokes to Widowmaker or Moria who just give him a blank stare, Doomfist usually finds them funny tho

•Kiriko and Genji literally cannot cook to save their lives and usually takes two of them to make a small microwave meal

•B.O.B had his voice box removed when he was working for Ashes parents and even after all the years of her offering him to get his voice back, he chooses to use sign language instead but the offer is always on the table, Ashe says

•Lúcio has a 10k DJ set up in his room, and gets violent if anyone tries to mess with anything, literally almost took Cassidy's other arm off when he moved a bunch of dials, he'll show you around the soundboard if you ask tho!

•Kiriko is Hanzo and Genjis Cousin (Asa is their mom's sister <3)

•Reinhardt snores. LOUDLY. Brigitte had to get him a sleep apnea mask so she was able to sleep in the same vicinity as him

•Reaper is from Michigan🫶🏻

•Soldier76 gets made fun of by D.va for being old, but the second he's like "me and Ana are practically the same age" D.va gets all defensive "you just called a woman old!"

•Mei and Tracer share a room, they both sleep better with company

•(Blackwatch)Moria and Genji had an anime night where they would watch 10-20 episodes of any given series they were on, but

---

RAHHH OKAY I LITERALLY HAVE MORE LINER UP BUT I FEEL LIKE ITS ALREADY A SUPER LONG POST

But yeah :) I'm incapable of liking something a little bit so yeahhhh

[yomiurinikei]

the ask i got for this fucking SPLODED idk what happened to it… but! mido-do-do-dori!! :3.. she’s so silly to me i need to wrap her in a blanket

•FIRM red velvet supporter. #1 advocate. biggest fan. which is funny bc she prefers vanilla over chocolate

•likes sweets but has a low tolerance. they make her feel sick/jittery easy. which isn’t even a result of her disability (iirc it shouldn’t be?) she’s just sensitive to sweets

•kakeru always let her try all the donuts in the box if anything was new, then pick what she wanted, since he’d be having the rest bc she couldn’t

•an oddly particular eater in general. she’s just picky in Strange ways. BIG fan of crackers she has tons of assorted types. 

•had short hair for a good while and liked it, but kinda affiliates it with a time when her condition was Really poor, so she’s grown her hair back out

•speaking of, has kinda thin hair. she’s a Wee insecure abt it but not enough to ponder haircare habits

•generally stresses a bit over her appearance, but gets VERY flushed if u call her on it

•the type who’s Curious abt makeup but too embarrassed to ask

•just a highly stressed creature in general to be so honest. making friends is Also rough on her bc one, she got so used to the social structures of the hospital, and two, poor girl has the yamaguchi scary expression curse

•likes fish. she’d really enjoy going to an aquarium to see all the types- but doesn’t have a particular fondness for big or colorful fish. lowkey finds minnows the cutest

•really likes the look of embroidery and wishes she could embroider well. just doesn’t stick with it, but she Does have more knowledge than your average person

•once got her thread so Miserably tangled she just slumped to the floor and cried. not projecting NOT PROJECTING

•would be really good at effectively Any instrument if she ever got the chance to try

•doesn’t even have perfect pitch or anything, but scales and harmonics and even just things like rhythm and tempo would just make Sense to her

•her aforementioned stress is a Big issue post tragedy. on the one hand, she’s way better at managing it- but consequences can get so high, if she loses it, it’s usually for good reason, which makes it hard to relax

•favorite method of self regulation is to try and tap her hand against her chest in time with her heartbeat (as she guesses it is), but she feels watched if she does this in public

•looks up to rei a Lot. rei coming in and saving the cast in 6.5 was something that stuck with her

•in her early days as an employee at the foundation she wanted to trail around after rei a lot, but that was Hard to pull off. 

•her shadowing habits have worn off, but getting to work on something for rei + get commended by her still means a Lot. she’s very inspiring to midori

•(rei has Somewhat picked up on this. she’s too busy to do much w it but she is a bit extra kind to midori. will offer the last treat in the break room to her first)

•(…in a way, it feels to rei like a means of recognizing kakeru. she was in the locker when he tried to save kanata. she thinks a lot about what she would’ve done if she weren’t tied up, and what kinji could’ve chosen to do, and the things that kakeru did. she can’t try to step into his role, not for a million different reasons- but irregardless of her views on the afterlife, she thinks he’d be glad to know his choices are leading to more kindness for midori)

•Not the reason minako started trying to curb her addiction, but midori was the one who came up with using lollipops as substitute for the motions/ritual of it. 

•keeps a few in her bag because she’s around minako so often

•…also admittedly Enjoys giving them to kids she sees (family of foundation members) though she grapples a bit with “…am i really encouraging them to take candy from strangers?”

•hm. i think as she grows older and gets closer with the 6.5 cast, she does get better about her issues with feeling like a burden/unhelpful…. 

•but she just feels sort of.. Aimless. she doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life or where she wants to go. a lot of those more common exploratory experiences in childhood were shot down by her illness

•midori needs to learn that it isn’t too late to try new things, and also that it’s okay to just do what makes her happy, there’s value in whatever she’s inclined to doing- but she’s not there yet. she has time to learn though

•for a while she tried to kinda shadow hikaru, but pretty quickly went from doctor -> diagnostic specialist -> receptionist -> “oh i am Not built for this”. hospitals just stress her out!! she doesn’t need/want to be spending More time there

•+ probably not the best for her health

•dog person with a preference for big dogs with long coats. usually too shy to ask to pet one on the rare occasion she sees one- ryutaro will Always without fail ask for her, as soon as he notices it. has shouted across the street “HEY CAN WE PET YOUR DOG ?” before midori spotted it before. she gets flustered, but is v happy for the opportunity 

•kinda has eclectic taste, in terms of style/decor? curating an aesthetic never occurred to her. she’s Very content so i have no notes i fully support her!!!

•i think.. her relationship with her grief is just Weird. compared w ryutaro and kiyokas more normal bickering relationship, kakeru was like… sorta her best friend, tho she doesn’t realize it. he always looked out for her like a good big brother, but he also brought donuts to her hotel room and had fun passing time with her. she misses his presence in So many ways. doesn’t really feel particular survivors guilt, her biggest struggle is Regret. she wishes they had more time

•cries a lot the birthday where she turns older than him

•in non despair, i think she’d want to become a paralegal, but kakeru would try and dissuade her because of the stress. who wins the debate is up to you !

[mandy4ever69420]

i'm going to be so honest. i have never understood why people are so certain that mandy is younger. its like not that important bc the difference between them has got to be less than a year. like they are on Such equal footing more so than ian and lip bc lip Does do big brother shit which mickey and mandy don't do around each other.

rewatching i was literally looking for clues because i thought i might've missed something but no they literally never say that. i mean maybe this is due to the fixation people seem to have on jane levy's mandy whom we barely knew but was cast as-age compared to mickey. who did seem to have a different relationship to mickey than what we saw with main mandy. which i liked less tbh she didn't seem to like him very much vs main mandy who clearly was very fond of it but too closed off to express or even accept that as true most of the time

but tbh i think that fixation has to do with a misunderstanding of og mandy.

s1 mandy i think ok first of all she's bubblier which makes people who don't want to deal with women who are difficult more comfortable. but she does have more interest in ian's relationships. because he's gay. and as a straight teenage girl she finds that interesting and novel. the GBF thing is a form of objectification. i think fandom's general tendency to objectify gay men makes this relatable to viewers who imo need to self reflect on how they treat gay men. BTW i don't have a problem with homophobia being a trait mandy has specifically bc she clearly grew and learned to view ian as a very real serious friend. i think that's funnnn i think it is worth noting she gives no indication of outgrowing her homophobia against Women specifically that she has. <-character arc for future mandy that i'm going to enjoy imagining

anyway i think mandy is more compelling as a middle child towards whom mickey is protective Because she's the only girl. has more to say about gender dynamics (partial credit: every older sister with protective older brothers i've met) & about mickeys personality as someone who just Is protective & about mandy's opinions on mickey / how she's able to skirt around a lot of negative attention -> she can separate herself from her family and think of herself as Different (via aunt rand: you're the best milkovich) Except for being subject specifically to gendered violence.

& wrt her condescension as concern and how unimpressed she largely is by mickey & how she can say "what are you looking at" when he finds her bruised and he really does just back off immediately... this has always made more sense to me. i think a lot of treating mandy as like mickeys darling, baby, infant sister, who is so incredibly small just winds up a way to avoid the things about her that are morally complicated & the harm she's capable of. bc that's Really not how mickey sees her. he takes her seriously.

anyway in conclusion. Hi :)

[blueiight]

re: choose violence meme Utena answer, I don't want to drag you into the wretched discourse lol, so no pressure to answer, but... okay so I haven't watched IWTV but from what little I see. you seem SO TAPPED IN to what's going on w interplay of the book VS the tv show's handling of race, gender, etc. so I am wondering... penny for your thoughts on Ikuhara's handling / not handling of race (and / or sexuality)... and / or the fandom's takes... orz

oh yeah im down& i appreciate the compliment!<3 im hesitant to over-speak, but i know ikuni & saito have explicitly said anthy is based off lalah sune from mobile suit gundam.. lalah is from bombay (mumbai) & was trafficked into the flannigan institute (2d space military experimentation) as a means to experiment n find the answer on newtypes, which r basically an esoteric arbitrarily defined concept from gundam to gundam thats exploited in the space age military apparatus. lalah sune in the uc gundam series is used as a plot device: its one of char’s greatest mistake/s in his culpability in lalah’s situation, therefore once again violating his father zeon’s revolutionary precepts on what the newtypes were for, and one of amuro’s greatest mistake/s in that he made a brief but rather profound bond w/ such a ~kindred spirit~ n ended up being the one who killed her. she ends up haunting both of them in char’s counterratack & while i thought that was enjoyable to watch.. its laughably easy to read lalah as a pretext for amuro + char’s later fixation on eachother (& tomino even encourages it). ultimately, lalah’s own characterization, much less any story arc on how she was the means to introduce newtypes in the gundam series is tertiary to what she represented to amuro and char. now why am i talking about lalah here? bc ikuni+ saito r explicitly inspired by her in making anthy n ima try to say my piece in how ikuni, and the rgu narrative in both animanga treat anthy (& akio, as a result of being her brother)’s racialization. a lot of shoujo animanga period always has the trope of the character or two at the most who r noticeably darker than the pale-skinned cast, yet theyre never really clearly defined as who or what they are much less is this used to supplement their characterization. with rgu, as u have discussed before, ikuni nem use eternity as a motif. like what does it mean to be eternal? n all. u have anthy and akio, these two darker skinned (indian) characters like lalah, being seen as the vanguard , the introduction to and the disseminator of this esoteric concept that ever eludes the rest of the cast. u have these indian characters who play into these new-age stereotypes , namely how the new age has coopted a lot of the indian faiths & refuse to see yalls cultures as something that actually evolves, but is stagnant + ‘eternal’. the modern world is outside, ohtori headed by akio is the cycle of life repeating over& over n over again. when it comes to the vitriolic protracted abuse + projection anthy faces thru the series, its implicit that this is bc shes a darker skinned girl in a sea of lighter skinned people & abused by her older brother. i cant say if it was ikuni nems intention in doing this but the canon is ample for this argument n how i read this idea of being the rose bride , the ultimate target for humanity’s hate to be a commentary in part on what it means to be a girl/woman of color. dios having the burden to save all of humanity is the archetypical prince, and the expectation on boys of color to prematurely ‘rise up’ n ‘be the man’ so & anthy pulling her brother away from this burden made her a target to all of Humanity, metaphorically for refusing to play the martyr. n ive faced shit in the past for articulating such& bc im a bw, ppl have seemed to misinterpret me saying this as saying ‘anthy is black’ LOL. the fandom is woefully reluctant to tackle this, bc there is no immediate white (european) involved. they want to say utena tenjou n em are ‘white’ bc theyre so eurocentric that this is the only way they can think. when these are japanese creators , creating characters n r relying on stereotypes of indian spirituality + people to define them in relation to the japanese characters. like its a reason they made anthy , the rose bride, the witch, based off lalah sune & not like. utena or shiori yk? the question of sexuality tied to this is rly weighted too, esp bc anthy (+ akio?) sport the marriage colored bindi, but i feel like that was the most intentional they went there

[jihyoruri]

okay I NEED to talk abt this bc richgirlyn is literally me FORREAL 

so uhh not the analysis I thought I’d be doing but I need to. the other one will be later 

ok tw for eds I guess like this is the entire analysis 

disclaimer. this is all my interpretation as well as my experience. I’ve had an issues w eating since 8 (almost twins!) and it’s been literal years. this is just what I think based on what I’VE seen and done as a girl. I know men can have ed’s but I will be talking abt it from my standpoint, which is hashtag girl. everyone’s experience is different.

key: ana=anorexia, ed=eating disorder 

Ive never dealt with real bulimia so take whatever I say with a grain of salt

okay. here’s why richgirlyn having an ed, specifically how she develops ana as she gets older makes a lot of sense (Ive had a fixation on eds and the way they affect the mind for so long..)

i feel like people forget just how genuinely maddening have an eating disorder is.

most of the time in movies they’re there for laughs and portrayed as “oh she just kinda throws up!”  (heathers, the musical) or “oh she wants to be skinny so bad she js doesn’t eat!” (mean girls) (I love both of them btw they’re just what come to mind)

like that is not what they are like AT ALL

eating disorders are some of the most deadly mental illness there is and because it mostly affects teenage girls and women people literally treat it like something not that serious or a joke it’s actually insane how people do not gaf about it

so anyway.

I feel like if children have issues with food they always start out thinking of purging

it makes sense! if you don’t want calories, just get rid of them.

obviously, it doesn’t work that way, and purging doesn’t even actually work well LMAO most of the calories are absorbed unless u throw up like the second food enters ur mouth like it is not foolproof at all.

but to a child it makes sense. the food is gone so you can’t gain weight

and when you’re a kid your gag reflex is way more sensitive so it’s way easier to vomit. when you get older it’s so much harder

bulimia is not really possible long term for idols because of its side effects which are:

erosion of tooth enamel making them appear clear other than white

sunken in, bulging eyes

swollen cheeks

hair loss 

GERD

also for the fact it doesn’t really help much with not absorbing the calories + the fact that it affects the appearance, which idols need to be perfect, + the fact that it affects your voice, which idols need, and also throwing up is difficult 

much more common in idols is anorexia.

so! actually the side effects of ana aren’t as noticeable if you’re not restricting a lot! at about 700-800 calories max a day I didn’t experience hair loss or getting spots on my skin

It was mostly that I was just tired all the time and kind of irritable. i never experienced any physical effects other than losing weight (didn’t lose much muscle bc most of the cals were protein and I worked out everyday)

anyway

richgirlyn definitely likes control.

we can see how control has been taken from her time and time again— mostly by her dad, making all the decisions while she doesn’t get a say, and later, how her members and the people around her treat her.

eds are about control more than looks. It’s the one safety net, the one thing you can always be good at.

when everything around you is falling apart— you can control what you eat. it’s like an accomplishment. look how low I got the number! I’m so good at this! I’m so disciplined!

It’s like. “no one could ever get as low as me”. It makes you weirdly competitive 

and obviously there’s pressure to be skinny as a trainee. It’s what half of your self worth is based on. so if you can control that? and punish yourself (because as we’ve discussed richgirlyn does NAWT like herself that much) while you’re at it? It’s literally gold

she practices and practices, trying to be good enough, the best, and she doesn’t want to eat. eating is kind of like admitting defeat and saying you’re weak and giving in to the need to have food. 

oh and y’all don’t KNOW what mommy issues do with an ed like.

if losing weight makes someone PROUD? oh you KNOW you’re dropping to size 0 trust like it’s actually insane. I can’t even explain the real insanity that comes with an ed it makes you actually crazy. you start becoming afraid of certain numbers because they look bigger even if it’s not how it works. ex: it’s better to eat 98 cal than 50 because 98 feels “smaller” like it’s CRAZY. the state of mind you have when you’re doing that is really seriously not normal like I know it’s obvious but people don’t GET IT. you become very obsessive and cagey over it like if you eat over a certain limit you will literally either break down or get up and go work out until you think you’re back under and the guilt eats you up inside. richgirlyn is SAUR MEEEE FOR REAL

so ANYWAY richgirlyn having an ed makes sense. specifically ana.

she likes control, she wants something to feel proud about (along with her singing and dancing and rapping abilities), it’s something her mom’s PRAISED HER FOR so you already KNOW when her mom is like “wowww you’ve lost weight!” she is like I’m gonna get so much worse.

and also there has to be a part of her that wants someone to worry. i know she hates being seen as weak but I just know minjeong saying smth like “oh I wondered how u stay thin it’s cause u js don’t eat” made her feel so validated because it’s proof that she’s sick and she’s not okay and she’s not making it up.

I’m very sure her being well off has completely fucked with the idea of her being “allowed” to feel negative emotions. like “I’m rich, I shouldn’t be sad” but with any negative emotion.

and I know she was getting better until she got put in le sserafim I just KNOW especially CURRENTLY?

the stress of her members disliking her makes her feel worse abt her self making her want more control and also there’s this very fucked up part of it where it’s like. the less I eat and the less space I take up the more they’ll like me, they won’t hurt me if they think I’m sick and fragile and GODDD that’s so her. she wants to be strong so bad but sometimes.

anyway it’s 1 am this isn’t a great analysis maybe I’ll circle back to this but I needed to talk about it

I love richgirlyn she’s witerwally me 

-🎏

It’s crazy that everything you just said is so correct like completely correct when it comes to richgirl!yn’s problems.

and because this has been going on since she was ten it’s just a normal routine for her all that girl does is try her best to become better, and because she knows that her image is something that her mother actually pays attention about her, so it’s rlly important to her.

even now that she’s an idol she doesn’t talk to her mom but there’s times when her mom will call her and be like “you look a little different.” and then she’s completely back in that cycle