we remain the same (i'm not sure about that)or pretty much the same.flynn - 25 - he/him // no minors
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The insane tug of war between "I have to choose myself and move into the new life I'm creating for myself" and "I want the familiarity of my old life and the comfort it brought me even though there's nothing left to return to—I want it back" like well girl die then idk what to tell you
#1. there's nothing there. even if you COULD return it would be horrible you know that.#2. you are literally doing amazing things and growing so much. you're proud of yourself and the person you are. why throw that away?#it's sooooooo crazy rn#some part of my brain really just. cannot fucking understand all the bad times and is so fixated on the good#like yes i get it but there was a lot wrong there and it wasnt going to get fixed.#and then invites the 'well i just want it to be fixed' like. it's such a young part of me#a young part who doesnt understand there's nothing to be done#it just sucks it rlly does. i really wish it ended differently and that we got to have a real conversation. but that was never gonna happen#and i have to accept that that huge part of my life did in fact end like that. and it's not fair and i'm not ok w it!#but that's the stupid fucking reality.
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And u know what I wasn't a great partner and I wasn't faultless and I know that
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who’s gonna tell tumblr that executive dysfunction is more than Not Doing Things?
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Anyone who's ever done anything creative needs to fucking see this.
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ya gotta stop caring what people think and start being extremely weird. but never cruel. i think that might save you
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Strangling him with our red string of fate
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weird and off-putting but endearingly so
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"Where did you get that?"
YELLOWJACKETS 106. Saints ➙ 303. Them's The Brakes
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Being lead now after 4.5yrs of childcare experience + a supportive environment is great. It has given me so much confidence too and like...I really am a natural leader lmao...
I just need to get over my fear of being seen as bitchy or bossy. But when I'm the lead I. AM the boss. Of my room at least lol. But like I naturally love to problem solve and I SEE everything that needs to get done and it's up to me to make sure it happens. I LOOOVEEEEEEE being in this position, everything is like a puzzle and we have to slide the moving pieces together before we can get to the next thing. I say "co-teacher, you do this ans I'll do this ok. And if you do this with this I think that will be the best option for us." I get to be in charge of the teaching and learning and the atmosphere and once I start letting go of the fear of being judged I really start to bloom.
Like im going thru a hard time rn but u should have seen me at that party. Talking to people and being an idiot. Then at inservice I got up in front of everyone and was silly and loud. We went to the other location for a training and I just sat down wherever I didn't gameplan w my friends. And yes I ended up being surrounded by strangers who all knew each other but KAKSHFHGSKFGKHS it was fine!!
I'm getting much better at letting people judge me and being ok because I know my own worth and I know who I am. And letting them think whatever because it simply doesn't matter
#like i just need to choose this#time and time again. over and over and over#i have to choose to grow and move and keep at it#and it pisses me off how down i get in it because i really am just.#i am a leader and im so wise and smart and funny and intelligent and.???#and YET????#i get bogged down wishing for things that made me hurt myself and feel confused and depressed and justttt. fucked me up#like. babe.#it's gone now. and whoever you end up with is gonna make you feel 10x wiser and smarter and funnier#they're gonna love you so much that they will live for you. they'll take care of themself and they'll share a life with you fully#and yk why i know that?#because you wont settle for less! and i trust myself w that!#i was with her for 2yrs! i wanted her to be that person! i wanted to stay! i didnt want to go and i didnt feel ready.#but i knew if i didnt go i never would. because that reality wasnt the life i wanted.#and i know that i'll claw my way thru this world until i find what i want#whether that's myself or someone else yk#i have these amazing qualities and it's just gonna take a lot of unlearning and working thru issues to get them to come out#unlearning shame and processing trauma and the ideas that it instilled in me#the things i learned growing up fat and 'weird' yk#conflating love with boundary crossing etc#but then i do it and look at me. im a LEADER? OH MY GOD I AM#i see what needs to get done and if i just stop caring what people think i can get it done
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It just gets so hard doing it the right way. That's why so many ppl choose the easy route. Anyway apologies sent out in the universe for the things said during this crash out and previous ones. Back to basics. Back to breath and the present and myself.
#i have my life. my intentions. my beliefs. you have yours#they will not align and it is what it is#i think this time it was just 4 or 5 days.?#which is good.#time before was 2wks i think.#they get shorter#i need to figure out my triggers#it wasnt valentines day funny enough#it was something stupid it was like some post about missing someone and i was like yeup here we go#it was 2yrs of very intense emotions. it is going to take a long time to parse out#the next time i claim to be over it smack me and remind me i want to achieve ego death lmao#truthfully idk if i'll ever be 'over it' bur as long as i can move thru the world without it being such a big part of my life that#s ok
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Here's a sammy for ur troubles
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Wonderful tarot/oracle reading. I asked for tough love and she (deck) delivered. First two cards that Sammy picked are kinda sus tho tbh🤨
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i created a new animal it's called a hellwalker
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