#and im really like suffering a lot lol

[monstersinthecosmos]

I use TVA/B&G to backwards engineer The Devil's Minion a lot, not only as a rare and detailed insight into how human/vampire relationships tend to go in this series, but also just how many things they had in common, all the parallels, all the ways you can ask if Armand was working through his Maker Issues, and of course the final excuse that their hand is forced because the human is dying. But I think often about how much Marius struggled with it, and although he caved in the end, he changed his mind sometimes, he knew he was a monster, and it's always going to be the struggle of whether you love someone enough to let them go or if you love them too much to let them go, do you curse them with darkness or do you keep them so that you aren't alone in your own darkness, etc.

But I've wondered a lot how that journey went for Armand, how often he maybe changed his mind, if he felt tempted but then reminded himself he's a monster and shouldn't, and I'm absolutely haunted by their final separation before the concert. Lestat's book comes out, Daniel is wandering, Armand can't find him (or is avoiding him?) and there's just so much here, and how much of their relationship was violated by reading Lestat's book independently before speaking to each other, how much Daniel would've learned without Armand's consent or before he was ready, and how much Armand's abandonment issues would've been ripped the fuck open by reading about Marius and what he had to say.

"Whatever will happen will happen, but choose your companions with care. Choose them because you like to look at them and you like the sound of their voices, and they have profound secrets in them that you wish to know. In other words, choose them because you love them. Otherwise you will not be able to bear their company for very long." "I understand, " I said. "Make them in love. " "Exactly, make them in love. And make certain they have had some lifetime before you make them; and never never make one as young as Armand. That is the worst crime I have ever committed against my own kind, the taking of the young boy child Armand. " "But you didn't know the Children of Darkness would come when they did, and separate him from you. " "No. But still, I should have waited. It was loneliness that drove me to it. And Armand's helplessness, that his mortal life was so completely in my hands. Remember, beware of that power, and the power you have over those who are dying. Loneliness in us, and that sense of power, can be as strong as the thirst for blood. If there were not an Enkil there might be no Akasha, and if there were not an Akasha, then there would be no Enkil. "

It's just wow like.

Sincere advice that he never got to receive? In the same sentence as hearing he's a mistake? Does he read this and think he should make Daniel out of love, and at the same time feel all the more monstrous, and want to resist?

The choice is taken from him anyway, and he's forced, just as his own turning was forced. And as @nightislandnoveltymug pointed out recently, he treats it like a funeral.

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

[shidoukanae]

Hello to the Buddyfight fandom it's been a hot minute but god do i miss this show and have been making fanart for it in the background so i thought i'd post to tumblr too ^^

I swear every year I end up coming back to this show and wishing that it kept going, that it got rebooted, that i could just erase my memories of this show and just watch it all over again from the beginning to enjoy everything once again from Tasuku's own sense of justice twisting against him to Gao's suffering of PTSD and how heartfelt it was handled.

There's something very special about this show that I haven't been able to find replicated elsewhere. It has the most perfect world to exist (so much so that i'd love to be isekai'd into it if i could!!!) and while i have my own gripes with it (hi S3+) i honestly sometimes wish i could go back to my high school years of watching this show just to relive it all again :'D

Anyways!!! I hope there's still people out there who enjoy this show even ten years later who'll like seeing new funny artwork for it!

I wanna add too that i'm hoping to create a rewrite of FCBF (ft. seasons 1-3 + Ace) or at least create more artwork for my interpretation of it and its world!

Because, sincerely, this show is one of the few that, for all its flaws, hasn't disappointed me in the years that've followed unlike many other things i've seen and i wanna try to keep the spirit of it alive while I can thanks to that. And if there are any fans still in existence who love it, i wanna provide some food while its once again in my orbit because damn do i adore this show <3 <3 <#

[prettyboykatsuki]

i hope u guys know it is truly the very kind things you say to me that keep me going here a lot of the time. ive been in the worst fucking writing slump to the point ive really been barely writing at all and i finally felt like,, the same spark i had been missing this whole time after going through my hall of fame tag. thank you for everything so sincerely

[benrey-where-he-shouldnt-be]

Hey, I know it has been (checks blank wrist) nearly two years, and while you and I both know this account is probably completely dead, I need some monetary help while I have your attention. My car died a month ago and I'm going to have to get a new one. I just barely have enough for it, but that'll leave me with no money for other living expenses. I'm trying to save up to move across the country to live with my bf, and having to spend nearly 550 a month for car financing and insurance is going to kill my funds. I work minimum wage at a convenience store, and am going to be moving with my family and will be out of a job for a bit. I want to make sure I have enough to keep making payments during the unemployment period. But, you'll get something in return for your support!

I'm doing art commissions (for those who have seen my art on here, I've improved quite a lot!), starting at a base rate of $5, up to $30 (minus add ons). The information for it is here . Any interaction with it is appreciated.

Thank you for your time, and thanks for supporting this silly project. Maybe I'll kick it back up if enough people want me to!

[liquidstar]

baby guild :)

aka the timber scouts! they're basically just a bunch of kids in a sort of guild prep-course. so, not a real full official guild, but functions like one. all the kids have different woodland animal gimmicks to go with the scout vibe. They have a very loose shared uniform too, they're pretty much allowed to customize however they want as long as they keep the white button-up, brown outerwear, dark brown bottoms, and brown boots. also like a lot of kids in other guilds, their weapons are toys or otherwise "safter" items. But that's pretty much all! They aren't super deep characters, but more general info still under the cut :p

Name: Ceres

Name Origin: Dwarf planet named after the goddess of agriculture and motherly relationships

Pronouns: They/them

Age: 29

Guild rank: Guildmaster

Weapon: Pocket knife

Ethos (Power): Aegis (The ability to cast a protective shield around others but not themself)

Flaw power is based on: Their tendency to put others first, in a way that makes them a pushover.

Notes: Suffering.

Name: Aquila

Name Origin: The eagle constellation

Pronouns: They/them

Age: 12

Guild rank: 1 star

Weapon: Hula hoop

Ethos (Power): Aerial burst (A powerful burst of air created with their wings)

Flaw power is based on: They're flighty and feather-brained

Notes: Birds just wanna have fun

Name: Procyon

Name Origin: A star in canis minor, the name technically means "before the dog" but refers to the raccoon family

Pronouns: He/him

Age: 11

Guild rank: 1 star

Weapon: hacky sack

Ethos (Power): Scaling (He can climb any surface)

Flaw power is based on: His rowdy uncontrollable nature

Notes: Yeah he can kick the hacky sack while on a wall, no big deal.

Name: Kochab

Name Origin: Beta Ursae Minoris- brightest star in the little dipper

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 11

Guild rank: 1 star

Weapon: Honey dipper

Ethos (Power): Honeymelt (She can turn solid structures into a more gooey form with the consistency of honey)

Flaw power is based on: Her sluggish listlessness

Notes: Wait until you meet mama bear

Name: Vulpecula (Val)

Name Origin: The "little fox" constellation

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 11

Guild rank: 1 star

Weapon: Jump rope

Ethos (Power): Tactful sense (Heightened senses for what's going on around her)

Flaw power is based on: Her desire to control everything around her

Notes: She's the first on track to getting a second star (according to herself)

[jacklesraised]

sometimes life w a v high pain tolerance means im still in pain but quiet abt it to not bother other ppl and sometimes it means im in such horrific pain for literally no reason (there is a reason oft just related to afab insides so ppl dont care) but i have to go to work anyways bc calling out is bad and somehow its ‘so brave’ to work while wanting to die as your insides torture you it feels like youre burning alive and your organs are breaking but hey we gotta go earn that dough right

[bmpmp3]

the epic highs and lows of trying to read an ongoing shounen manga

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[pepprs]

last few hours in boston :(

[blorboresidue]

trying not to think about it but also i need to figure out what im gonna do with my hermit crabs and it's not like. urgent but at some point im gonna have to figure out how to change out their substrate and also there's a solid chance i'll have to rehome them someday :(

[stevengrantshubby]

so im like 2 volumes behind but ive seen ppl say that ruby rose should have been a faunus, a wolf faunus specifically, but really i think oscar should have been like a dog faunus too.

along with more skin tone variation i think there should have been more "main" faunus characters so blake isnt mostly by herself. if i just look at the 1st three volumes, id pick nora also being a faunus (a goat faunus specifically cause thor had some goats pull his chariot) thatd be cute.

so really...ruby, blake, nora, and later oscar. if i had to pick without changing too much.

[liberty-spiked]

yeah i propably got a chronic pain disorder lol there is no fucking reason for my wrists to feel like i fractures them (did that once and the pulling pain in the muscles is the same lol) or for me in general to feel this exhausted after a good 8h of sleep and 3h of work.

good thing my doc is closed today, huh? :D

[soupblr]

oh im actually going to kill someone literally the first thing i thought was that the files must be transcribed weird. I WAS FUCKING RIGHT WHY IS IT TRANSCODING SHIT IN REAL TIME AT THE ABSOLUTE MAX POSSIBLE FUCK OFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!! THAT SETTING WAS OFF!! omg is it the files i got or something i thought they were fine. i feel like an insane person rn why is all my shit changed. if u literally told me someone broke in and changed a bunch of small things to make my setup work badly i would believe you because what the actual fuck. i was gonna say i need to listen to myself but i fixed like 3 other problems by not fixing what is probably the main fucking issue and itll be faster than before now but holy shit holy fucking shit oh my god

[springrls]

Ughhhhh ever since I woke up from my nap I've been in such a bad mooddddd

[aroaceofthesea]

Anyways a bit of a recap of my life these last few weeks bc its crazy how much stuff ive done what do you mean its only the 14th of july it feels like summer should be ending soon and ive been very inactive on here:

Starting with sant joan lol (aka 24th of june) some friends came over and we hadnt really seen each other in a couple years (like yes but not really really like it was always super awkward but it was super cool this time😋😋)

Then the next day when they left one of my best friends came home too :) he was at the town next to mine and we spent the afternoon together :)

Then we did diving classes with my mom and also some family friends im now an open water diver that was pretty random ngl

Then after like. 2 days. chilling with just my mom (my sister was like 100% of the day every day with some friends that were around) some friends from a summer camp i did last year came over😋😋

They spent like 4 days i loved every day ngl we played cards a lot we went to the beach we did so many things how did we have time to play mao so much thats crazy lol (also so many crazy rules @ ppl that i know irl i have so many great rules to add when we play again weve gotta do iit)

When they left it was sad :( but i had no time to mope bc i had exactly 15 minutes at home so i kust took a shower and then went with another friend to canet rock (catalan music festival) it was super coool :) had the opportunity to see oques grasses live again♠️🪿 (though they didnt play bancals😭😭 one of my fave songs ever)(they have too many epic songs to play them all they need an extra hour at least ngl) anyways it was crazy loved almost all of it (not miki nuñez why did they put that guy in there) and yeah it was super cool

Then i went home arrived at like 9:15 am and proceeded to sleep almost 25h until 10 am the next day im told i missed a sushi lunch with family friends :(

The next day some friends were like who avalon :) so ofc i was like meee (usually during summer im not in the city but i was that say so ofc i was like i gotta go) (just so you gt an idea i couldnt talk like at all like half my sentences were whispered bc i had lost my voice at the festival and that game is like. you gotta talk or why are you playing lol) anyways luckily they guy i had gone with to the festival was also there and also couldnt talk so at least i wasnt alone😅😅

Then i was going back home and on the way home i met one of my only remaining childhood friends lol she went with me to elementary school (or idk what you call it until 6th grade whatever) and plays the trumpet with me and we spend a lot of the summer together and it was nice to see her she had also gone to that festival (its a very very popular festival and ppl my age could go basically for free so a lot of ppl went) and also had no voice lol but it was nice to see her

Then with my parents we went and had a pizza :)

Then i spent the week in barcelona (were talking about this week already) and tuesday a friend came over bc hes from outside but had a play in barcelona like every night that week (he plays the trombone hes reaaally good) so we spent the mornings together and then the afternoons he went there (i wish i could go they were playing with fucking dagoll dagom (catalan company that made famous musicals in catalan like mar i cel and they are closing the company this year😢😢) like hoow i wanna go😭😭)

Then friday i went to my summer home and there were my mom and also that friends brother and father lol so anyway weve spent the weekend together and it was rlly fun

And also like i was looking for cool concerts around here this summer bc festa major concerts are just 🔝🔝 you get to see your fave groups for free and like even if they are pretty popular when it isnt in a big town or a very well connected one maybe you have 100 or 200 ppl to very known bands like its crazy anyway i was checking (using the very efficient method of looking where each concert of each group was and putting it on google maps) and i was getting kinda depressed bc there werent any of the bands i like most and then i was like ok whatever lets check buhos AND THERE WAS ONE YESTERDAY (THE DAY I WAS LOOKING) AT LIKE 20 MINS so obviously we went and like even though i was basically alone (bc the guy i was with is like 14 and he knew some friends that were also close and went too so he spent most of the time with them and i didnt have any friends close) it was a buhos concert so obviously it was super cool also rlly cool bc they are like one of the only bands i like that didnt play at the festival from last week so rlly cool that ive gone to concerts of all my fave bands in just a week i love this (also i was like. 3 meters away from where the tahirt they threw fell😭😭 i wanted a buhos supporter tshirt thats sad)

OH ALSO yesterday too we went to the beach and we played volleyball with random ppl and it had been a whilr since we did that bc they usually see my sister who is very good and they are intimidated but my sister wasnt there so ppl kept coming and asking us to play (we have a net which is like telling ppl pls comee if youre less than like 7 or 8 ppl) and it was rlly fun (even though that one guy was very very annoying but the rest were rlly nice lol)

So yeah now you know basically everything about my life the last 3 weeks