#ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

[oh-shtars]

One thing I really liked about your rewrite is that your Asha has very strong feelings and a huge range of emotions (The Silence excerpt lives free without paying rent in my head btw).

She feels a lot of fear and shame, or a lot of love and determination. She reminds me a lot of Mirabel, someone who feels out of place and tries to keep her feelings under control, but they bubble under her skin. All dreams, passions, desires are always one step away from overflowing and it is AMAZING!!! Something that deeply bothered me about the original Wish is that Asha doesn't transmit anything! Did she find a literal wishing star falling from the sky? Joyful, "uhu I can't believe it", kind of perpetually in this quirk girl state, you know? She doesn't scream, she doesn't get scared, she doesn't get sad, she doesn't feel afraid. She doesn't convey real feelings. The only time she is anything other than happy is on the boat running away, she cries a little, but it soon passes. Your Asha? She feels fear, shame, self-loathing. But also kindness, love and courage. She is real. And a great heroine, complex, full of layers and emotions. Good job!

(Ps.1 I really want to see her angry. Local girl is very compressed and when all this releases, it's going to be a looooot destructive…I can't wait!!!)

(Ps. 2 This all applies to Sueño too. Boy has an incredible arc!)

KSJXNDKEKNXKS THANK YOU!! 💖💖💖 Your feedbacks are going to make me cry ✨✨

About your comment on the canon movie, I’ll have to agree with you there. I also find it hard to really identify Asha’s personality that is not just there because the “plot says so.” Something that makes her stand out a bit more from the past Disney princesses.

The movie just has a problem with ‘show, not telling.” Why does Asha love the things she loves? Where did she get her values from? Why is she the way she is?Does she struggle with anything? Any flaws? (No. Just caring too much is not enough. Disney, expand on that.)

Like overall, who is she outside of who the plot needs her to be? After all, Asha’s a person who had a life before her adventure. Right?

This is just one of my personal critiques of the movie though. The characters, even the main cast, I feel were too shallow to really get attached to them. I’m not asking for something very complex. Just a bit of depth would do so I can actually connect with them! Her father was mentioned but they didn’t even commit to it!! >:((

Anyways, have RFTS!Asha as a gift btw! Did a little practice and trial on digital drawing for once :3

[klarolinelibrary]

Hi KC Readers,

We have reached the end of the week which means we have new weekly releases for you! The stories below were updated during the week of May 1st - May 7th.

Happy Reading!

FFN

Gods on High

Author: slstmaraudersjple

Rating: K+

Length: 1,257

Summary: "In ancient times, they called her Hera. But when she was born, she was named Caroline." Greek mythology AU featuring Klaus and Caroline as Zeus and Hera.

Date of update: May 1 2021

Klaus POV - The Trouble with Spells (Chapter 23)

Author: ilovetf

Rating: M

Length: 91,722

Summary: The Trouble with Spells as seen through Klaus's eyes and his POV. Over the years, people kept liking this story and some even asked for Klaus POV, so I decided to give it a try. 

Date of update: May 2 2021

Cinderella's Beast (Chapter 15)

Author: Sci-fi Christian

Rating: T

Length: 59,065

Summary: He was a beast. An arrogant beast who carried his comments a little too far one day. Now, he may just discover that she is not what she seems. She's a Cinderella in disguise and his heart is the glass slipper she may leave behind. 

Date of update: May 2 2021

Fortitude (Chapter 8)

Author: G.M.Portraepic

Rating: M

Length: 15,256

Summary: Post TO 5x13: Even in his death, the key to Klaus Mikaelson having everything he has ever wanted, all at once, lies buried somewhere in the world. Can Caroline Forbes find it?

Date of update: May 5 2021

AO3

Without Pause Without Doubt

Author: ThrowMeAStory

Rating: M

Length: 3,679

Summary: 4x16, au. Part 9. Klaroline vs Damon.

Date of update: May 1 2021

Between Reality and Madness

Author: Eliliyah

Rating: G

Length: 8,395

Summary: When Caroline Forbes, Hogwart's resident Potions Mistress, is bitten by a werewolf, her father, the Minister of Magic, immediately orders she be taken away and imprisoned in a so-called "Rehabilitation Facility," mysterious camps from which no wolf has ever returned. Dodging curses, she runs for her life. Her only chance is to find the one person who seems to know a thing or two about wolves: Headmaster Klaus Mikaelson.

Date of update: May 1 2021

Our Time Now (Chapter 2)

Author: perfectpro

Rating: M

Length: 23,970

Summary: Caroline is going to spend her senior year getting into the law school of her choice, leading the cheerleading squad to a nationals title, and passing her sorority presidency to someone who will continue a legacy of excellence. She doesn't have time to take a bubble bath, much less to figure out what's happening with her relationship with Klaus. Not that it's much of a relationship to begin with.

Date of update: May 1 2021

no goodbyes (Chapter 11)

Author: deadofwrite (dead_of_write)

Rating: E

Length: 78,975

Summary: “Last night shouldn’t have happened,” Caroline whispered. Guilt. Shame. Regret. It was all the emotions he feared. And it was written all over her face. aka. a college/cheating au

Date of update: May 1 2021

All You Never Say (Chapter 6)

Author: misssophiachase

Rating: T

Length: 18,967

Summary: One wedding involving a best man and maid of honour who've grown up together but don't know quite how to reconcile their unresolved feelings.

Date of update: May 2 2021

A smutty anniversary (Chapter 8)

Author: kcatdino

Rating: E

Length: 5,414

Summary: Caroline and Klaus celebrate 3 months together with a day full of smut.

Date of update: May 2 2021

Darkness Becomes Thee (Chapter 3)

Author: BelleMorte180

Rating: E

Length: 12,317

Summary: Austria 1300s When Klaus met a young girl on a riverbank, he knew that he would one day come back for her. When he looked into her bright blue eyes, he could see a reflection of his own soul, a darkness that lingered inside both of them. When the young girl turned into a beautiful woman with a thirst for blood, his fascination with her turns into obsession. He wants not only her loyalty but her eternity, a possessiveness that is equally returned.

Date of update: May 2 2021

One of a Kind, Two of a Kind, or the Three Musketeers (Chapter 11)

Author: Phandancee74

Rating: T

Length: 24,114

Summary: Caroline recognizes how hard it is for Elena to be a doppelgänger, her fate predestined as well as her face. It's pretty tough being the last of your kind too though, and Caroline is determined to protect them both, with some very helpful Bennetts on their side.

Date of update: May 2 2021

Klaus’ Thousand Year Plan to be Her Last (Chapter 2)

Author: anncatherine

Rating: T

Length: 2,867

Summary: So these are some missing Klaroline scenes from my Elena/Elijah soulmate fic that I couldn’t include because they either didn’t fit or needed to be form Klaus or Caroline’s pov. I think it would be helpful to read at least the first couple chapters of that for background, but basically at twelve people’s soulmate’s birthday shows up on their wrist.

Date of update: May 2 2021

Cloud 9: A Collection of Klaroline Fusions and Crossovers (Chapter 11)

Author: klarolineagainnaturally

Rating: G

Length: 5,597

Summary: Various fusions and crossovers with Klaus and Caroline including Much Ado About Nothing, Ready or Not, and Tangled!

Date of update: May 2 2021

The Big Bad Wolf (Chapter 8)

Author: MorningStarGirl666

Rating: T

Length: 58,507

Summary: He was the Big, Bad Wolf of this story, there was no doubt about that. But Caroline? She was the light to his darkness, the moon that shone brighter than even the stars in a sky of endless void. Like every wolf, he fell in love with the moon, and every month, he was destined to cry for a love he would never touch.

Date of update: May 2 2021

Destination Wedding (Chapter 5)

Author: PumpkinDoodles

Rating: T

Length: 10,294

Summary: The first rule of going to your ex's wedding is 'make sure you look good,' but Caroline's seriously worried that this British Guy is going to make her late. And she cannot be late to Rebekah Mikaelson and Matt Donovan's wedding at a Virginia winery.

Date of update: May 3 2021

We are young (Chapter 14)

Author: kcatdino

Rating: T

Length: 16,153

Summary:  Basically, Klaroline flirt in front of their kids who they are barely older than, and Landon is appropriately confused.

Date of update: May 3 2021

Road to Ruin

Author: Cupcakemolotov

Rating: ?

Length: 2,122

Summary: Caroline comes home for Elena's funeral two years after she made out of Mystic Falls to NYU, and meets Klaus Mikaelson, one of the enigmatic brother's who claimed Elena as their own.

Date of update: May 3 2021

Time Heals All Wounds (Chapter 2)

Author: khaleesiofthewolves

Rating: ?

Length: 4,393

Summary: Does time really heals all wounds? Deeply scarred by his past, he would beg to differ. Klaus never thought the midnight shift at the hospital would change his life and yet it did. When a certain blonde is brought in with severe injuries, Klaus will learn that sometimes doctors need healing as well. Will their inner wounds and scars help them grow together or just tear them apart?

Date of update: May 3 2021

Caroline in Wonderland

Author: BelleMorte180

Rating: E

Length: 25,491

Summary: London, 1903 On the day of her wedding, a young boy collides into Caroline's legs, all but knocking her to the ground. Seeing that she is dreading walking down the aisle, any moment stalling her from heading to the church is welcome. However, when she follows the young boy down a London street, something impossible happens and Caroline finds herself in a magical world that she had been told about as a young child- Wonderland. She embarks on a journey through Wonderland to find out who she really is, where she belongs and towards a man who she had thought was nothing more than an imaginary friend.

Date of update: May 4 2021

A Bee A Tulip and a Meddlesome Sister

Author: KatherineBee1814

Rating: M

Length: 15,107

Summary: Newly arrived in London from Kent Lady Rebekah Mikaelson quickly catches the eye of infamous Rake and rouge Lord Anthony Bridgerton but Andromeda will be damned before she lets him marry her favourite sibling.

Date of update: May 4 2021

Soulmate visions (Chapter 6)

Author: kcatdino

Rating: T

Length: 11,445

Summary: On your soulmate's eighteenth birthday, you see through their eyes for an hour, but they don’t know. And if your soulmate turns eighteen before you are even born, you never get a vision. Klaus gets his soulmate vision right after he orders Tyler to bite Caroline on her birthday….

Date of update: May 4 2021

White Winds Blow (Chapter 2)

Author: perfectpro

Rating: T

Length: 17,704

Summary: Caroline Forbes waits anxiously in the Riverlands to hear of the return of her betrothed, Elijah Mikaelson, from the uprising against the mad King Silas. Instead, a letter arrives from his younger brother, Lord Niklaus, telling her of Elijah's death and offering to uphold the joining of their houses himself. She will become the Lady of Winterfell, but Lord Niklaus, waiting at the heart tree, is a stranger.

Date of update: May 4 2021

later on, we'll conspire (Chapter 3)

Author: PumpkinDoodles

Rating: M

Length: 7,292

Summary: Caroline asks Klaus to choose her over revenge at the Winter Wonderland Party.

Date of update: May 5 2021

KC Drabbles 2021

Author: CandyCane1287

Rating: T

Length: 8,303

Summary: C1: Hybrid Klaus meets human Caroline earlier and they fall in love. But there’s more. Ps, Katherine didn’t turn Caroline and she’s still human. He used Elena for the sacrifice but Elijah revived her. He got Tyler to bite Caroline but Klaus healed her. Tyler and Caroline broke up cause he cheated on her and they weren’t that in love. A bit of talk of Damon, but doesn’t go into too much detail. I suck at summaries btw.

Date of update: May 5 2021

Revenge of the Fifth - TVD Edition

Author: kcatdino

Rating: M

Length: 4,057

Summary: A star wars AU for vampire dairies for May the Fourth Be with You! Caroline, Bonnie, and Elena are padawan learners at Luke Skywalker’s new Jedi training academy, desperate to prove themselves by taking down some of the new Sith Lords that have popped up. The problem is, those Sith Lords are the Mikaelsons, and each girl has a Mikaelson brother obsessed with them, unwilling to let them come to harm. Will that make it harder or easier for them to triumph over the Dark Side?

Date of update: May 6 2021

The Beach House (Chapter 2)

Author: kcatdino

Rating: M

Length: 3,812

Summary: When Rebekah blackmails Klaus into pretending to be her friend Caroline’s boyfriend for the weekend, he expects sand, sun, and horrible people who never left high school. And while Caroline’s friends may ‘suck’ (her term, not his), he increasingly enjoys the time he spends with the bubbly blonde. But nothing can happen, even while sharing a bed. Caroline might feel bad for dragging Klaus away from his infant daughter for the weekend, but the little intimacies and kisses for their performance build up and start to feel very real. And now she wants him bad. If only Rebekah hadn’t warned him off.

Date of update: May 5 2021

Author: VintageLilac

Rating: T

Length: 156,908

Summary: New York was home to the richest families in the in world. They were the elite and spent their days traveling the world, making money, and earning power. Although Manhattan wasn't just their home, it was their kingdom. Left with little parental supervision, no rules, and copious amounts of money, the infamous teenagers ran the city and as people say, long may they reign.

Date of update: May 6 2021

That Kind Of Power

Author: ThrowMeAStory

Rating: M

Length: 3,375

Summary: 4x16 au, Part 10. Caroline vs Elena.

Date of update: May 6 2021

Reasons Not to Date a Mikaelson (Chapter 5)

Author: kcatdino

Rating: T

Length: 9,517

Summary: Bonnie and Caroline gain a new roommate for their freshman dorm when a vision leads them to tracking down a pregnant Hayley in the Rockies. Also, Bonnie may or may not have raised a certain dead Original instead of Jeremy and Klaus takes a job at Whitmore teaching, to be annoying. He’s very good at it.

Date of update: May 7 2021

LITTLE TENSE (Chapter 3)

Author: wincefish16

Rating: T

Length: 3,592

Summary: Klaroline's life together as they work in Mikaelson and co. Different snippets of their life.

Date of update: May 7 2021

FFN: The Exclusivity Clause (Chapter 3)

AO3: The Exclusivity Clause (Chapter 3)

Author: slstmaraudersjple

Rating: M

Length: 12,529

Summary: When Klaus receives a call that his soulmate has been found after searching for her for almost a century, he sets off to claim her before his enemies can harm her. But his soulmate is human this time around, innocent and irresistible, and his wolf wants nothing more than to mark her. Soulmates Reincarnation AU.

Date of update: May 1st

FFN: Louder Than Thunder (Chapter 39)

AO3: Louder Than Thunder (Chapter 17)

Author: khaleesiofthewolves

Rating: M

Length: 256,589

Summary: All Hell was about to break loose. After dying while protecting a grieving Klaus, Caroline finds herself sent back in time, and she's not who she once was. She's more. Back in Mystic Falls, something else is stirring. After the arrival of a mysterious figure from Klaus' past, it all comes to a head. It really is louder than thunder.

Date of update: May 3 2021

FFN: Caroline the Not So Teenage Witch

AO3: Caroline the Not So Teenage Witch (Chapter 15)

Author: klarolineagainnaturally

Rating: T

Length: 35,304

Summary: Continuing the drabble inspired by Sabrina the Teenage Witch, young witch Caroline Forbes must learn to live with her old flame turned cat. Antics ensue as they try to get along and fix what has been done.

Date of update: May 3 2021

FFN: A Beautiful Symmetry (Chapter 155)

AO3: A Beautiful Symmetry (Chapter 155)

Author: Uppity Bitch

Rating: M

Length: 419,840

Summary: A collection of random AU one-shots featuring Klaroline. Chapter 155: Part 2 — Fright Wedding. This is a sequel to Chapter 141: Fright Wedding. The alliance with the Mikaelson kingdom failed when they declared war, but Caroline was certain Klaus would be an excellent ally. Or hostage. Or possibly something more?

Date of update: May 3 2021

FFN: Royals of New York (Chapter 28)

AO3: Royals of New York (Chapter 27)

Author: VintageLilac

Rating: T

Length: 162,215

Summary: New York's royals spend their days traveling the world, making money, and earning power. With little parental supervision, no rules, and copious amounts of money, their children have New York as their own personal kingdom. May their reign be long and prosperous.

Date of update: May 6 2021

[commander-rahrah]

RESIDENCY (AN OPEN HEART FIC): PART SEVENTEEN

Pairing: MC (Jordynne Holland) X Ethan Ramsey X Bryce Lahela; MC X Bryce; MC X Ethan

Masterlist: Click Here

Chapter Rating: T (Swearing)

Word Count: 3600+

Description: Ethan comes back to Boston after hearing about Jordynne’s suspension and upcoming hearing. Jordynne is upfront about her feelings to someone. Bryce finally says what he has been thinking for a while now.  

Disclaimer: Characters, storyline, and parts of the dialogue are taken from Pixelberry’s Choices. They fully own the characters, dialogue, backgrounds, etc. MC Jordynne’s background is my own creation, based loosely off of MC in-game’s personality and provided with more details.

Author’s Note: Typing up 3600+ fanfiction on your iPhone is not very fun. If my phone calls Bryce “Bruce” one more time I may rage. I have had scenes from this chapter stuck in my head FOREVER. I’m so glad to finally post this chapter because it also means I am getting closer to the 30 diamond scene with Ethan!!!!!!! 

Also, this fic is now at over 75K words total! Which is super crazy insane. 

As always any and all likes, reblogs and comments are VERY appreciated. If you would like to tagged for future updates, please reply or send me a DM to be added to the tag list. <3

PS: Speaking of the tag list, can you tell me if your tag works?! :)I’ve been having so many issues with it, and it drives me crazy. I have gone through it and edited -- realizing there was some ppl I never added (facepalm), new handles, etc. If you ever want to be removed please just let me know!

Taglist: @drakewalkerfantasy​ @owleyes374​ @lahelable​ @mayar-mahdy​ @paisleylovergirl​ @nicquix​ @emilymay100​ @octobereighth​ @llamasgrl​ @timmagicktoad​ @lilyofchoices​ @msjpuddleduck​ @mfackenthal​ @paulfwesley​ @ccolz88-blog​ @jooous​ @themingdynasty​ @perriewinklenerdie​@mindlessdreaminxo @jens-diamondchoices​ @omgjasminesimone​ @indiacater​ @chasingrobbie​ @writingsbymissy​ @binny1985​

Previous Updates: Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part ElevenPart Twelve Part Thirteen Part Fourteen Part Fifteen Part Sixteen

Song Inspiration: Ghostin’ - Ariana Grande

I know you hear me when I cry I try to hold it in the night While you're sleepin' next to me But it's your arms that I need this time 

Look at the cards that we've been dealt If you were anybody else Probably wouldn't last a day Every tear's a rain parade from hell

Baby, you do it so well

You been so understanding, you been so good And I'm puttin' you through more than one ever should And I'm hating myself 'cause you don't want to Admit that it hurts you

I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again Over him, mmh I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again 'Stead of ghostin' him

Previous Chapter: Part Sixteen

It was weird coming back to Edenbrook.

It looked different somehow.

Did it though? Maybe Ethan’s mind was just playing tricks on him. Guilting him for walking away from the place he had called his home for ten years.

It was still early — and especially after a night of triage — there wasn’t a lot of staff yet. The soft light of the sun rising was cast into the atrium, turning the white walls and floors orange.

Ethan ducked into the elevator quickly — avoiding any lingering stares or confused faces. He wasn’t sure if anyone would recognize him without his white coat and quaffed hair. Not many people had seen Dr. Ramsey is wrinkled trousers and threadbare sweaters. But this was an emergency.

He walked the familiar path to the chief’s office — hesitating at the door before finally pushing himself to knock.

He heard the familiar clicks of Harper’s heels before she opened the door. Her expression was stunned — blinking at the sight of him. Then it turned — her eyebrows furrowing and arms crossing over her chest. She spun on her heel — going back into the room, and leaned against the edge of her desk.

“So it just took dropping her name to get you back here, hey?” Her mouth was gritted into a hard line.

Ethan swallowed, shoving his hands into his pockets, “What?”

“Holland. You quit, leave us high and dry, dodge my calls, tell me to fuck off —,” Harper’s nostrils flared, “But one message about Dr. Holland being suspended and here you are.”

Ethan wasn’t sure what to say.

She sighed at his silence, “Well, it’s too late — she’s suspended and the preliminary ethics hearing is in a few hours. You can’t vouch for her anymore.”

“She’s a good doctor, Harper. You know that.” He stepped forward — his blue eyes big, pleading.

“She is. And it’s a shame that she probably won’t be a doctor anymore after this.”

His stomach tightened as she said that. He couldn’t imagine her not being a doctor — everything she had worked so hard for. It just couldn’t happen. He opened his mouth to speak, but she caught him off.

“You can’t do anything, Ethan. You don’t work here anymore — you don’t have a spot on the panel.” She shook her head, her silver hoops dangling off of her ears, “And there is no chance you’re testifying.”

He took his hands out of his pockets, putting them out to her, “If anybody in this place knows her character it’s me.”

“Exactly. You’re too close to this, Ethan...,” Her brown eyes betrayed her for a moment, “I know you have feelings for her.”

“I—“ Ethan blinked, his mind whirling. He did — he knew, Jordynne knew that. And apparently, Harper did too. How did she know?

She noticed the quizzical look on his face and furrow in his brow. “I’ve seen the way you look at her — I can recognize it anywhere. You used to look at me like that. Once upon a time.”

The pair stood in silence — remembering the time that they were together. Before their schedules and administration got in the way. Before bitterness and tension settled in. Before everything had changed.

“I don’t even know if something’s happened between you two — and I don’t want to. But if the council gets a whiff of it, Ethan — it’s over. She needs a fair, clean trial. And having the Attending she may or may not be romantically involved with testify for her will not help.” Harper stepped forward, grabbing onto the crook of his elbow,  “I’m not just saying this as administration Ethan, I’m saying this as your friend. The best thing you can do for her, for both of you, is to stay out of this.”

He chewed on his lip — doing his best to keep his emotions at bay. He wanted to hold on — to fight. His heart wanted to so desperately. But his mind — it knew better. She didn’t need someone like him. A failure. The heartless robot.

“I won’t interfere,” Ethan finally croaked, looking down at his feet.

“Good.” She finally let go of his arm, pushing her hands back onto the desk. “So are you going to tell me why you quit?”

He closed his eyes — his throat closing up. What was he going to tell her? That he had secretly been treating a patient in the newly constructed wing behind her back? Oh, and that patient was Naveen — both of their long-time friend and mentor. And he had handed him his death sentence last week. “I can’t.”

“No, Ethan. You just won’t.” Harper let out an exasperated sigh, before moving around to the other side of her desk. “I have a hearing to prepare for, so if you could see yourself out.” She started shuffling through papers — not looking at him.

He stood there for a moment — and nothing came to mind. Pursing his lips, He turned on his heel and left her office — closing the door quietly behind him.

_______________________________________________________________________

Jordynne sat on the edge of her bed — the mattress sinking softly, the soft white duvet wrinkling. She let out a loud exhale — her face buried into her hands, arms propped up against her knees. She was still wearing her blouse and blazer — her attempt to look professional for her preliminary hearing.

She wasn’t sure if it had worked. The formal hearing was still called. Chief Emery announced her official suspension until then. Jordynne had to turn in her badge and watch as Zaid and Ines reassigned her cases to the other interns.

She needed to be confident — she knew that. Everything was on the line. But it’s what she had needed to do. Walking around the hospital, hiding what she had done was wrong. She had given Mrs. Martinez a chance — hope. And even though it hadn’t worked out the way they had wanted it, Jordynne knew that Teresa would not want her to regret it.

But she still couldn’t fight the aching inside her.

Falling back onto the mattress, her blonde hair fanned out behind her. She needed to focus on the hearing — this was her career, everything she had been working for. But she couldn’t help the gnawing in the back of her mind, the pain that felt like a knife slowly twisting in her stomach.

She didn’t want to leave Edenbrook. She definitely did not want to leave Boston. There were so many unanswered questions, so much more left to learn and explore and see. And the people.

Jordynne gulped guiltily. The people — that’s why she didn’t want to leave. Was it people? A certain person? Her mind was reeling.

A soft knock at her open bedroom door caused her to blink back to reality. Her eyebrows furrowed — she was home alone, all of her roommates where working shifts at the hospital. And Landry hadn’t been to the apartment in days. Thankfully.

The tiny form of Sienna poked her head around the door, her almond eyes soft. “Hey, how you holding up?”

Jordynne pushed herself up onto her elbows, looking at her roommate quizzically, “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

“Yeah, I just came home for my lunch instead today.” She shrugged, trying to look nonchalant.

“Sienna...”

Her friend chewed her lip, “I just wanted to make sure you were OK.”

“You don’t have to do that.” She played with her fingers, looking down at the worn floor of her bedroom.

“I know I don’t have to. But I wanted to.”

“Right,” Jordynne murmured. Another sigh escaped her lips as she fell back onto the mattress.

“Hey, everything will be okay. You’re gonna rock this trial.” Jordynne felt the mattress sink a little as her roommate sat on the edge of it.

“It’s not just the trial.” She croaked out, blinking away tears as she stared up at the ceiling.

Sienna’s eyebrows furrowed as she thought, “Is it Br—“

“It’s Ethan.” She blurted out, interrupting.

Sienna was quiet for a moment, her eyebrows furrowed even deeper. “Ramsey?”

“Yes.”

“Dr. Ramsey?” She questioned again.

She nodded.

“The Doctor Ethan Ramsey?” Her eyebrows raises high on her face, her neck strained as he looked at her friend.

“Sienna!” Jordynne reached behind her and grabbed onto a pillow. She hit her friend with it lightly.

“Sorry!” She put her hands up in defense, “It’s just just — Wow... Ethan Ramsey. And you mean... like...”

“Yeah.” Grabbing the pillow from the floor, Jordynne clutched it to her chest and she laid back down.

“Wow.” She repeated, “Did you...?”

“No! We — we’ve kissed.”

“When?!”

Jordynne’s green eyes focused on the ceiling again, her fingers nervously picking at the seams of the pillow, “Miami... At the conference. And again, the night we found out about Teresa. Right before he quit...”

Surprise washed over Sienna’s face, “Miami?! That was ages ago! You’re just telling me now?”

“I didn’t know what to make of it then.”

“And what do you make of it now?”

“I — I don’t know.” Jordynne let out a sigh, “But with everything going on right now with the trial, and suspension, and Landry... I have so many things going on right now, but the first thing I think about in the morning is him.”

Sienna settled into the bed a little deeper, crossing her legs and staring at her friend, “Does he know that?”

“We —,” She hesitated, “We’ve never really gotten the chance honestly.”

Sienna bit her lip, looking worried, “Does Bryce know?”

Jordynne nodded, “Mhmm.”

“And how did he take it?”

“Oh you know, like an absolute angel.” Tears welled up in her eyes, “Haven’t really decided anything — since we’re casual and uh, since Ethan and I are just — well, nothing really.”

“Wow,” Sienna repeated again.

“Yeah.”

“How good were those kisses?” A huge grin spread across her face, and she poked at her friend's side.

“Sienna!”

“What? I mean, it’s Dr. Dreamy Douche — only like half of Edenbrook staff have imagined kissing him.” She purses her lips, attempting to hide a blush, “Maybe including me.”

“Kissing him...,” Jordynne paused, thinking. “It felt right. And that probably sounds awful with hiding it, and Bryce, and it being so ‘complicated’,” She air-quoted the final word, “But it did.”

“Have you heard from him since he quit?”

She clutched the pillow to her chest a little tighter, “No.” She whispered. “I don’t know if I’m more afraid of never seeing him again or seeing him again, you know?”

“Oh, Jordy,” Sienna leaned over and grabbed onto her hand, clutching her fingers. “He doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

_______________________________________________________________________

Coffees in hand, Bryce showed up as soon as his shift ended that night. He was greeted with shouts telling him the door was open — maneuvering into the apartment he saw the roommates spread throughout the living and dining room — picking at boxes of pizza. The familiar blonde was nowhere to be seen.

Closing the front door with his hip, Bryce walked in with his eyebrows raised, “Where’s Jordynne?” He asked.

Jackie nodded towards her closed bedroom door, before taking a large bite of pizza.

“She okay?” His eyebrows furrowed, pausing outside of the door.

He watched Sienna’s face fall before she quickly corrected it. “Yeah — yeah, she said the preliminary hearing went alright.”

Bryce studied her face for a moment, before nodding, “That’s good. I’ll— I’ll be back.” Still holding the paper cup in his hand, he used the back of his knuckles to knock quietly on her door, “Jordy? It’s me.”

He heard a soft “come in” from the other side of the door, and he slipped inside.  It wasn’t entirely dark in her room — there was a soft orange glow from the lamp on her bedside table, illuminating her figure as she laid in the bed.

Jordynne’s blonde hair was pulled up into a bun, her glasses sitting crooked on her nose as she hugged a pillow. Most of her body was covered by her white duvet, but Bryce knew she had her threadbare Oregon State sweater on.

“Hey,” He whispered, shuffling into the room and next to the bed. He placed one of the cups down on the nightstand, “I brought you a coffee.”

The corners of her pink lips tugged up, “Only you would feed my addiction at 9 o’clock at night.”

“Hey, I know how to deal with gremlin Jordynne any time of day.” He took a swig of his own hot drink, before setting it down next to hers. He carefully sat down on the bed, sitting in the space between her stomach and legs as she laid on her side. “So how was the preliminary hearing?”

“It was alright. Declan was there.” She rolled her eyes, “But this is what I needed to do. Teresa would want this.”

Bryce nodded along with her, before giving her a sad smile. “So if it went well, why are you hiding away in here?”

“I’m not hiding in here.”

“There are three large pizzas outside that make me think differently. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you say no to extra cheesy, greasy pizza.” He smirked.

“I—“ Her green eyes flickered to the door, betraying her, “I’m just not in the mood for it.”

He placed his hand on her side, squeezing her waist, “Talk to me, Jordynne.”

“You don’t want to hear it.” The pillowcase rustled as she shook her head.

“If it’s making you upset, I do.” He squeezed her again, Maybe I can fix it.”

“You can’t fix this, Bryce.”

He shrugged, “Try me.”

“It’s Ethan, ok?” She said quietly.

“Okay.” He chewed his lip, thinking for a moment, “You know, you don’t have to keep hiding this from me.”

“It’s just not fair to you. I don’t—“

But he caught her off, “Jordynne, I know exactly what I signed up for.”

She let out an exasperated sigh, “But I’ve made everything messy. And confusing. This isn’t what you wanted, I’m sure.”

“All I want is for you to not feel like this.” He moved his head until they were both looking at each other. His dark eyes studied her green ones, “So if that means Ethan... or me. Regardless of what happens, with the trial or with him I’m going to be here. Probably with coffee. Until you tell me not to be.” He slipped his hand into hers, squeezing it gently.

They stayed like that for a moment, before Jordynne sat up a little. Her face came towards his, and Bryce felt his breath hitch for a moment. Her pink lips grazed his cheek with a small kiss. “Thank you,” She whispered, a sad smile spreading across her face before she laid back down.

Bryce swallowed hard — burying the feelings that had flared up in him as she had neared his face. He had thought — well, it didn’t matter.  

He left a couple hours later — after finally coaxing Jordynne out of her room with the coffee and pizza and friends. He had sat across the table from her — unable to tear his eyes away.

Now, he was strolling down a sidewalk in downtown Boston. Opting to walk home instead of taking the subway — the crisp night air was turning his cheeks red. But he had needed the time to think and unwind. It was late now and everything felt heavy — his steps, the long, slow blinks of his eyes, among other things.

All at once the inky black sky opened to let out a shower of rain. It came down slowly at first, before turning into the large droplets that splatted against the sidewalk and Bryce’s face. Scrambling at first Bryce started to pull up the hood of his jacket, before laughing at himself. He was already drenched, soaked from the cool rain.

As he rounded the familiar corner near the hospital, Bryce’s eyes squinted at the familiar neon glow of a pub near his apartment. He could hear the thudding music from inside the building, muffled through the windows but getting slightly louder as patrons went in and out. He had never been inside before — usually opting for the familiar bar near the hospital instead.

As he got closer to the establishment, Bryce’s footsteps started to falter a little in the rain — noticing a figure stumble out of the bar. Just like him, they got immediately drenched by the rain — though the man had no coat like Bryce. He watched as he tipped his head back, letting the cold rain hit him in the face before barking out a hard laugh. Then the man looked to the side, finally noticed he was being watched.

Bryce studied his dark features before recognition washed over him.

It was Ramsey.

Ethan must have realized who he was too, cause in that moment he turned on his heel and began striding away in the opposite direction.

Anger boiled in Bryce as his steps moved faster to match with his — attempting to catch up to him. Jordynne has been constantly worrying, waiting to hear from him — and now he was in the city and still hadn’t reached out to her?

“Hey!” Bryce called putting after him, almost in a jog at this point. “Hey!”

“What do you want, Lahela?” Ethan slurred, finally twisting around to face him.

“What I need,” Bryce took him by the shoulders and pulled him under a nearby awning away from the rain. His breath was a little ragged, and he took a moment to take a few deep breaths, “What I need is for you to figure out what the fuck you want.”

“Excuse me?” Ethan was looking anywhere but at Bryce. He reeked of booze — the scent lingering on him even though his sweater was soaked. And he looked like, well, shit. The surgical intern had never seen the ex-Attending look so disheveled.

“This.” Bryce jabbed a finger into his chest, “You. Whatever this is — it’s killing her.”

He studied his face when he said that — noticing the guilt that washed over Ethan’s face. He knew who he is was talking about.

“What you’re doing is killing, Jordynne. I’ve never seen her like this. And it’s because of you.” Shoving his hands back into his jacket pocket, Bryce backed away from him a little. “So decide man, do you want her? Or not? Because she does. She wants you.”

The pair were silent for a moment, tension still slowly pulling between them.

Finally, Ethan spoke again. “You just admit to losing Lahela? Your girl wants me over you?”

Bryce’s nostril flared for a moment, but he pushed the anger back down. “I could give a shit about losing to you. All I care about is her being happy. And for some god damn reason, you do that for her.

I could care less about being her second choice. I could be her hundredth choice, and I would still be ecstatic. Because everyday with her is like winning the god damn lottery. And if you don’t fucking realize that, then you need to let her go. Because it’s killing her. And I can’t watch it anymore.”  

Ethan’s steely eyes were wide for a moment, and his Adam’s Apple dropped as he took a hard swallow. “How long have you been preparing that?”

“Since the moment I found out how she felt about you.” Bryce let out a long breath through his nose, “In my head, there was a pretty good right hook to your face too. But I figure I shouldn’t do that.”

“Thanks.” Ethan breathed out. Bryce watched him stumble a little towards the curb, before lowering himself onto it and sitting down. Ethan put his face into his hands.

Letting out a sigh, he sat down next to him — feeling his jeans get soaked from the water running off the sidewalk. “Why are you being like this?”

“Well, I would approximate that I’m at 0.15% Blood Alcohol Content right now. That probably has something to do with it.”

“That’s not what I—,” Bryce chewed on the inside of his cheek, “Then why are you drinking like this? To forget?”

“Maybe to remember,” Ethan said quietly.

The pair watched in silence as a car drove by on the other side of the road — hitting a puddle and sensing a large spray of water over the asphalt.

“I’m not what they think I am.”

Bryce’s eyebrows furrowed, “What?”

“Jordynne. Naveen. Harper. All of them. I’m not what they think I am.” Ethan waved his arm at himself, sitting on the curb, “This is the real Ethan Ramsey.”

“Jordynne doesn’t seem to think so.” He gulped.

“Well, she’s wrong.” Ramsey croaked.

“Maybe you should let her decide that.” Bryce put his hands on his knees and pushed himself off of the curb. “And stop ghosting her. Talk to her.”

“I—“

“No. This,” Bryce pointed to Ethan drunkenly sitting on the curb, “Is not helping anyone.”

Finally, he offered his hand out to Ethan. He hesitated, but then grabbed onto the surgical intern's tan hand and allowed him to help him up. “I still don’t like you though.”

“I know.”

“And you don’t like me.”

“Nope.”

“But I — we,” Bryce corrected himself, “We like Jordynne. So.”

“Yeah.”

Bryce didn’t say anything else. He noticed a cab turning the corner near them, and he flagged them down with a wave. “You too drunk to remember where you live?”

“Hyde Park?” Ethan asked through the open window of the cab. He got a nod from the driver, and he pulled the door open. Ethan paused with the door open, “I’d offer to share the cab, but I feel like if you spend any more time with me I risk getting that right hook to the face?”

“Yup,” Bryce said coolly.

Ethan barked out a laugh, before giving Bryce a final nod and slipped into the cab.

He watched the yellow cab pull away, and he finally realized how long he had been standing (and sitting) in the rain for. Pulling out his phone, he sighed when he noticed the time and pocketed it again.

What had he gotten himself into?

Part Eighteen

[queer-as-used-by-tolkien]

OH

But you know I CAN'T do that.

Know why?

Because Anet didn't tell us. I don't know Forgal well enough to write that. I don't know his history and I don't know why he's stern and gruff and I don't know what his opinions on the other Orders are and I don't know what he does when he's stressed out! I don't know what he does when he's emotionally vulnerable! I don't know what he does when he's physically vulnerable! I can default to 'he attacks it' but that's not always the answer and he would know that! Or would he? We don't actually KNOW! We need to know these things!!

But we don't know this stuff.

True story: I have a long-term fic in progress set in the PS. Forgal is a major character.

Last night I looked at my writing and said, "he sounds like BRAHAM." his speech patterns, his emotional vulnerability - I had him trying to apologize to an ally he had wronged and Anet I do NOT know how to do that!! What does he do when he feels shame? Does he hide from it (unlikely) or confront it (very Forgal-ish) or does he have some awkward probe the person until THEY initiate conversation that would be a sort of - like -

This is what I mean when I say we don't know him. We know Sieran loves cherries and we know Tybalt loves apples, but what about Forgal? What are his likes and dislikes?

How does he respond to compliments? What is his reaction if someone genuinely insults him? Insults his dead family? Threatens him? Pushes his buttons? Flirts with him?? Makes disparaging comments about his partner? How does he escalate a conflict, disengage, or report to a higher authority?

We do not even know his opinions about the other Orders. We can guess he's okay with the Priory (he's friends with Trahearne, after all), but would he think an alliance with them would be profitable? And what about the Order of Whispers?

What was his life like between the fall of Port Stalwart and the founding of the Vigil? When did he meet his wife? What were his kids' names? How old were they when they died? Is there any specific powerful Icebrood that killed them, and did Forgal get his revenge? Was his family corrupted and did Forgal kill them, or not? (If not, this is something we should know so we can put them to rest for him!) Why is he a friend of Almorra's? Did he hear about the Vigil and come join, or did she know him beforehand? Or was he one of those whose existence prompted her to form the Vigil?

Does he have a special reason for being in the Vigil that would invalidate my AU idea about him being a Lionguard instead?

Does he have any personal nemesis? Does he have any friends other than Almorra and Trahearne? If not, why? What is his relationship with Laranthir and Efut? How did Trahearne get his respect? How did they meet? What would Forgal's opinion of Sayeh be? What was Forgal's reaction to first hearing about/seeing a sylvari? Is it still weird for him to see them since they've been around such a small percentage of his life (and old people are famous for being resistant to change)?

He was old enough to have seen original Lion's Arch. What does he think of this?

Did anyone he know die at Port Stalwart - or Port Noble - or original Lion's Arch - was he present during some of the battles in the novel Sea of Sorrows? Could he have known Cobiah Marriner (or his crew) personally? What does he know about Risen and Dead Ships that was lost with him? Or that Trahearne got out of him... and then died himself?

We cannot carry on the legacy of Forgal Kernsson without knowing these things.

Sieran and Tybalt were presented as simple characters - full of emotion and intensity, but simple. That is good - they are good as simple characters. That is why they are so loved.

But Forgal's design is that of an extremely complex character. And it was done so extremely poorly. This is why I can see people crying over Sieran and Tybalt but referring to Forgal as "that norn guy." Because Anet did his story wrong and awful.

The worst part is I can't even fix it in a fic because I don't even know him well enough to do that. I'm good at making stuff up and filling in the blanks, but there is literally not enough information for that.

Storyline Study: Order Mentor

When you joined your Order at level thirty and met your mentor at level forty, each of the three was instantly revealed to be a different person altogether from the other two.

Tybalt Leftpaw, Lightbringer of the Order of Whispers, was on his first-ever field mission. He was very blatantly calling for you in a sort of undercover way, and simultaneously panicking when you tried to mention the full name of the Order. Your supposed mentor was as new to this as you, had a (sometimes very human-teenager) sense of humor, and had a rather sad backstory balanced by his good nature. You knew he liked apples.

Sieran, Magister of the Durmand Priory, was full of reckless abandon, disregard for authority, boundless curiosity and a heart for the little things. She was confident in her role and her ability, and unhesitatingly took you into dangerous places for the sake of exploration and adventure while brushing off rebuke like a tree sheds sap - even when it was heartily deserved. You learned to be rather frightened for her.

Forgal Kernsson, Warmaster of the Vigil, was an archetypal gruff, stern old mentor whose every drop of praise spoke volumes. But he also carried a sort of wildness to him, that rough edge from growing up a hunter in the Shiverpeaks, coupled with every willingness to say it like it was if it was true. He could be surprised, he could observe calmly when something was new, he could snark like the rest of them and even say things he didn't mean from time to time.

They all fought the dragons - they each more or less took it seriously. But Tybalt was a partner and friend, you were keeping Sieran in check, not the other way around, and Forgal trained you mercilessly.

You all grew together - they had each changed for the better by the time they died. Tybalt had learned that he was worth something, Sieran had learned friendship was worth everything, and Forgal had learned... well. He'd found a student to be proud of, a partner to fight with, a friend to trust... a child to carry on his legacy. But I'm not sure, exactly, what Forgal learned - what the point of his story was.

Sieran was more-or-less well suited to her role in the story; she symbolized innocence and cheer and optimism and the beauty of the world - so you could recognize what was being lost by the dragon's onslaught. Tybalt's story was one extremely well-suited to his character; he taught you that working together was vital to survival, even when neither of you knew exactly what you were doing - a valuable lesson as the story progressed. Both of their stories fit well enough into the three-mission story sequence concluding in their death.

But Forgal was different. He was the mentor who dies partway through. He was the one who trained you and taught you all he could, who died imparting one last gem of wisdom. Or, he should have.

I am not attacking Forgal. I am attacking ArenaNet. We had too little time with Forgal for the story Anet was trying to tell with him. He was like Obi-Wan but without showing up again as a ghost, without the prequels, without being able to send Luke to Yoda - without, most significantly, being able to explain why he'd said Luke's father was dead.

We don't know Forgal. We don't understand him. We only know his family died to Icebrood... but why is he with the Vigil, specifically? Why is he a good friend of Almorra's - allowed to butt in and insult a diplomatic ambassador with barely a reprimand? Forgal is the character that tells me the Vigil has been around decades, not a mere five years. Was he in another military? Forgal was over a hundred years old. You don't join a military at that age and, five years later, are a highly self-disciplined warrior such as he was. Maybe he was Lionguard? Hear this: Forgal is actually older than Lion's Arch. If he'd survived, he would have been old enough to bear witness to all three incarnations of that city. But, apart from being able to recognize the Orrian Scout on sight, this is only a trivial piece of lore.

After he judged us worthy, we should have had long training sessions with him - sparring matches wherein he would easily fend off our blows while simultaneously teaching us about the world, all the wisdom he'd gathered, expounding just a bit on the history of the Elder Dragons (perhaps customized for player's race!) - and then we go off and have a real Vigil mission. Perhaps remove the racial sympathy 'choice' and have all five! A sparring match before each one, with a different lesson (the racial sympathy missions were awfully short anyway). And if you want to keep the idea implied by the term 'racial sympathy,' you could change the tone of some of them, make the player more reluctant and Forgal more impatient, have a middle-of-mission lecture on why it's important to work with everyone - this way you joining an Order feels less 'oh you've always been sympathetic to other races' and more 'wait who are these people.' But you know the real kicker? These training sessions would have made us actually feel like we were a treasured part of his life, the kid he never had, that he takes the effort to train us and takes the time to correct us when we're wrong, that he shares his history with us.

And then, at Claw Island, he would place a hand on our shoulder and tell us - hey - don't worry. You did good. You tell my tale and you take my lessons and put them to good use, you hear me? Listen to Trahearne over there - I've told you a bit about him - he's a good kid, he's smart and he knows what he's doing. And - partner? Partner, I need you to put me down if that blasted dragon raises me.

And we're in tears and Trahearne standing there also puts up a fight and tells him not to go, but Forgal goes anyway, roaring his defiance at the dragon - and his famous line, "you may win the battle, dragon, but you will never defeat our spirit!" And maybe he adds - "you may defeat me, but I will be avenged!" like some cartoon villain only you know - you know that means you.

That is the storyline Forgal deserved. (I selfishly also fixed it just a bit with regards to Trahearne, but...) I don't care if we add an extra ten or twenty levels to the game to account for the four extra racial sympathy story chapters.

And see, now you'll argue that that's biased in favor of Forgal, to do all that with him but not the other two - and that's part of the idea.

Forgal isn't like the other two. He shouldn't be compared to the other two. The storyline we have is good for the other two. Extending their stories would feel... false. Yes, there are supposed to be parallels between the three Orders, but... in that case, ArenaNet should have done something entirely different with Forgal.

How about this: Almorra assigns us to someone else for a mentor, but we show such epic promise she switches us to Laranthir. His storyline? It's right in his idle dialogue at the Vigil Keep - he's always sought love. This puts his storyline on par with Sieran and Tybalt. What about Forgal? He's a Lionguard that all three Order mentors know well. We do racial sympathy with Forgal plus our Order mentor (doing those with only one ally is kind of absurd anyway). This can help set-up and foreshadow the tactical significance of Claw Island, too - and hey, maybe Forgal can even survive that! Or maybe he doesn't survive it but our Order mentor does! (Yeah, that fits better, since Laranthir is important in HoT.) And then, once the Pact is formed, their stories end more naturally without regard for the Order parallels, which would keep the story unique - where your choice of Order still matters even when it doesn't anymore. Tybalt didn't have to die - in fact, it's kind of absurd that he did since his story was about finding his own heroism, and then he dies. He can die later, perhaps, after he's thoroughly proved himself. (And hey, throw in an encounter with his old warband! Bonus lore points!) And Sieran 0 maybe Sieran could go through a heartbreaking transformation in Orr, the land of the dead - you see something far more heartbreaking than her death as she loses her spirit, and you and Trahearne both resolve that even if you're super-busy with the Pact, you can still cleanse Orr together to save Sieran. (This makes cleansing Orr a personal thing for you as well as Trahearne!) And Laranthir - well, I don't know what he was doing originally. Maybe he stayed back at the Vigil Keep to manage things, but you still see him now and then and he gives good advice and (since his storyline was about falling in love or something) you get to tease him about whatever's going on in his life, and then later he shows up again in HoT.

I'm going to stop - I already just presented a rough outline of a whole rewrite of core PS, I'm not going to step into HoT territory. (But since his storyline was about falling in love - ? Anything could happen really. Maybe his love died in the crash (we don't actually know of any characters who died in the actual crash. Awful shame) and that's why he takes the lead against Mordremoth. That would give him a cool motive.)

Anet I want this now.

I only wanted to say how unfair Forgal's story was to him, and then I came up with this whole thing - ? Some of it included a few helpful fixes for the Trahearne hate - this isn't something I can write out into a whole fic since I have a main fic and while this is a significant AU it's not quite enough for a whole fic but also far too much for just a headcanon - maybe I'll invent a new Commander.

[fujoshialive]

Today, I see this post in one of the Overwatch Facebook groups, and it triggered me to hell. I wrote a long answer to this ignorant-rude-kid, and wanted to share it here also. Reason why I want you to read my long assay is because this kind of people think they are right and they in actual are NOT. And they have to learn it. Thank you if you read my post, and I kindly ask you to reblog if you agree with me, this means a lot.

PS. Before starting, I want you to note that the things I said to the DPS players on my post targets to the ones that no matter what, plays DPS and doesn’t care about team / team composition / team needs. Tl;dr, trash DPS players that going solo in a 6-player team.

“Some ignorant and extremely rude people like you think exactly this way which "frustrates me".

Look, first, correct your generalisation. Not every "girl" (and it's not 'girl', if you call yourself a man you must call us women, ignorant kid) you see on the game is playing support, ignorant bastard. I main DPS heroes mostly besides from Mercy. Most men I see play Mercy in contrast with your baseless belief.

We are not self-centered, but seems like by writing a post like this, you are. Exactly. I'm sorry if you didn't get enough healing from the games with a Mercy and crying here, but your offensiveness is most likely to backfire at you in this rate. We DO switch when we feel that it is not enough with Mercy, or when people like you make us feel like they should not have a support. And when there is no Mercy in the game, you whine that you can't get rez. Such a shame that you being rude first to cry second. 

From what you are crying here, I can see that you lack the knowledge of 'teamwork' and go flank by yourself and die alone. If a Mercy is clever enough, she would know that she shouldn't go beside flanking heroes, resulting her death. If she is doing this every time and dying, it's mostly her fault. But aside from this, not protecting her is 100% YOUR FAULT. If;

Mercy has noone left to use Shift inbetween a firing,

Mercy couldn't reach you when you need healing because you were simply following your instincts to kill a man instead of playing the game objectives,

Mercy couldn't reach you when you need healing because you're never seen in Shift range,

Mercy won't heal you arbitrarily because you treated her like you are doing in this shitty post of yours.

Mercy is not protected by someone in the game and left open to any hit,The team is overextending (which is the biggest problem of your kind of DPS players, only to play solo flanking), Mercy wouldn't want to go near team, since it is utterly MAKING NO SENSE. 

Not one time I whined in internet about my Mercy play like you did with this post, since I know I have pros and cones in my Mercy play. And I have no reason to comment on your 'cry on reddit' part therefore.

Of course DPS heroes are made to be flankers, if they were not, how are we supposed to do tricks and damage. As I said earlier, if flankers are going solo to the enemy, Mercy better not be the one with flanker, she should stay with team. But sometimes it becomes important that Mercy has to come with flanker, knowing that it will change the route of game. In these times, you have the responsibility of her mostly. She is not a hero to stand alone in front of enemy spawn door.

 If a Mercy is yelling at her teammates, which I rarely do, watch her play in the game when you have time, to decide whether the player is right to get angry or just simply caught in-fire of a team fight or stayed behind and getting killed senselessly. It wouldn't hurt you to stop for a few seconds to save a Mercy trying to get away from tanks/snipers. Sometimes I cry from the anger I had for the teammates, since you DPS players leave the payload to me alone and go overextend, just to kill more and get the POTG or Epic Card, or just for record. Then, don't wait me to come to your overextended position and heal you. Nope, no player on his right mind would do that. And sitting on payload alone, trying to reach it to target by Mercy self is pretty hard you know. Mostly one of enemy team's flankers know that one is left, ignoring you guys and coming directly at the one person you left at payload. Another thing is, when you go fighting and leaving the payload alone, do you think it moves by itself? The right answer is no, congrats, here is your 1m dollars. So get your ass to the payload instead of playing solo every fucking time. I must heal everyone, not sit on the payload. This shows that you don't know teamwork as I said earlier.

She might be easy to play, but when we give you damage buff to kill enemy in front of you, you put your tail in between your legs and cry about your healing requirement. If someone is truly a Mercy main, she would know exactly when to buff and when to heal you. But you don't using your chance is your loss, and a Mercy deciding giving which one might be the best is what makes her harder to play correctly. Only left-click holding all day is not the option here. Mercy players have to fly, reach someone, heal them/buff them, or might be even save your ass by playing attack. How many times I had left to play attack Mercy just to save filthy asses of the 'team' and defend a point or payload, I stopped counting. Most DPS heroes doesn't need choice making you just click right-click + left-click and a-ha! You have a kill! But Mercy doesn't have kills, no credits in the game, no thanks. As a Mercy main, when the support is not me, at the end of the game I write to chat thanks for the support, since I know that ones like you will never ever be a man to say something like this, and I feel what that support feels from facing with ones like you. So instead of crying here, go watch a Mercy play and get amazed by the player who sweat his/her ass to keep you in the game and die because of your shitty play. No one will appreciate your Genji skills but someone will appreciate my Mercy. You're world's top 1 Genji player? Guess what? I don't care! If you are where you are know, thank that support to not let you die so that you can save the game or learn how to play properly. Don't come here to whine ignorant kid. As in my 22 years of life, I always hated the all bark no bite types like you.

And when you reach 8000 hours of Genji or Reaper, no one even cares either. 2000 hours of Mercy is something to be proud of, a prove that despite rude and lack-of-brain players, you stood up and stayed alive for 2000 hours, playing the most supportive support in the game. I'm proud that Mercy is in the top 3 of my most played heroes even when I reached 400 level.

And you, who picks DPS/tank/defense heroes and never turns back to the support when needed? Always curses supports but never gets his ass to save one? Congratulations, you're the toxic player we report!

[mikazukikannagisjourney]

Mercury Retrograde in Pisces - February 17- March 10 2020 (With Energetic Support and Tips)

Hi all, how are you all doing? Sorry I wasn’t able to post anything when the Rx started, well, let’s just say it’s an effect, both in physical (devices) and non-physical (I got drowned in emotional purging and all that stuff, as usual lol). But then again, that’s what happens when there isn’t much preparation for mercury retrogrades. 

And what’s even more WONDERFUL is that for this year, ALL of the mercury retrogrades are in WATER SIGNS. Surprise, surprise. 

Here are the dates:

In Pisces: Feb 17- Mar 10

In Cancer: June 19- July 11

In Scorpio: Oct 16-Nov 2

So what does this mean for us? Well, it depends actually on your priorities, or what your Soul needs to do. If you’re able to read your own natal chart I think you can have an idea on what you need to do to ensure that you’re doing what your Higher Self needs you to clear or what. 

Well, like what?

For example, old projects, ideas, memories, old and stale relationships, family karma (If you’re reading this you’re probably the Family Karma carrier, so yeah, hugs to you, we’re on the same boat. We can clear that though, just believe). Basically we make CLOSURE on all of these things. Or finish what needs to be finished. Even if that’s just cleaning your closet, laundry, or house because that moves energy and allows the good Chi/Qi to flow into your space. That may sound woo-woo but seriously, after crying and getting suuuuuper tired after cleaning, doesn’t it feel good SEEING EVERYTHING CLEANED AND ORDERLY? That’s already good Qi right there, my friend. I have no Virgo in my chart, but in my chart where I have all water signs (which sorta affects me a bit more during this retrograde, aside from my Gemini sun) I still think despite crying and getting tired I feel like I have accomplished something when I see one corner of my place cleaned. Even more so whenever I feel depressive. If you can relate to that, yeah I feel you, fam.

Apart from cleaning and finishing and making closure on things, hey, it’s not a bad idea to also have some fun every now and then, I mean, I do mention a lot that in this journey of awakening, and emotional and karmic purging and shadow work, it is important to feel all emotions, and I mean ALL. Which means that to find balance, especially when you’re stuck in a sad rut, it’s OK to feel bad, but it’s even more OK-er to do everything in your power to be happy.

Yes, happiness is something you make, it’s not a by-product. It’s like love, it’s not an adjective, or a noun, it’s a freaking VERB. It’s something you act upon, or act into. You do it, basically. 

But hooooooowww?

Don’t worry fam, again I got you covered on that.

If you need tips on HOW to make room for happiness, here’s a short list:

Pet your pet. Whatever that pet is. I have cacti, a California reaper seedling, dogs, and even pet rocks aka my crystals. I pet them all and for some weird reason the energy moves. Try it, even if it’s a pet rock. For at least 2 minutes. Feel the energy lifting and clearing up. Do more as needed.

Drink water. The most beneficial mineral-rich and cleanest you can. Please for the love of glob don’t drink 100% water AKA Nuclease-free water AKA Deionized water unless you want to suffer so much before greeting Death. That just sucks. I mean, we’re all infinite beings so no matter how much you do your best to leave the physical plane you’ll get bumped into elsewhere and that might be suckier than now. I had a feeling that I did that in a past life so now it’s even more suckier so might as well clear my entire being in this lifetime so I can go back to source for good. Yeah now you know my lifeplan lol

I don’t preach eating ONLY fruits and vegetables. I advocate BALANCED DIET. And eating JUNK every now and then. I just make sure to eat MORE of the good stuff (which is actually easy for me because in this part of the world, poor people eat veggies and the rich people eat meat so as I try to shift my mindset into an abundance mindset I still eat vegetables from my garden or what.) Remember this disclaimer: IF some spiritual gurus shame you from you eating some form of junk that they say is bad BUT you actually eat just whatever you want AND YOU ACTUALLY FEEL GREAT from eating what you crave despite what others say, it just means that your body is calibrated to function at a different level. If you need more tips on that, hit me up with a comment or like and I will make that information available for you. =)

Make other people happy with no expectations of getting something from them back. TAKE NOTE: I say FROM THEM, because the universe can handle and send the rewards for you. No matter how tiny that would be. Honestly me sharing this post right now, or even as I type this without any expectations that people will even like or read this, I feel happy already, and looking forward to what the universe would bring.

Meditate, in all ways, shapes or forms. Choose your adventure, because at times active meditation can help you move energies, going Yang on feeling great, and at times inactive meditation like undergoing altered states and doing it Yin style can give you a lot of insights. Again, if we are to dismantle the DUALISTIC nature of things to move past that, we can start by accepting that there is no ONE thing to do anything. As the old saying goes: There is more than one way to skin a rat. And as a person who worked in research for more than 10 year, I can attest that this is true.

Do creative stuff, however your skills are in that activity. Whether you’re sucky at it or a really good one at it, just do it. Especially when you haven’t done anything creative in the past years, or even your life. Sing, dance, draw, make poems or fanfics, whatever floats your boat. Keep at it until the dense energies move, and feel the nice and feel-good Qi flow to you. Being a dumbass at it will all be worth it. Besides, if you really want to find some purpose while you’re feeling heavy, do your best mastering that chosen activity. If you’re reading this right now and this helped you in any way, tag me with your output. I’ll wait. =)

Grow and keep something alive. Be it an animal, a plant, or a rogue mushroom or that weird slimy thing in your kimchi bottle, help something stay alive. You can be as attached and hands-on as you want, or as minimalistic and detached as you want. I just send Reiki to my plants and dogs and aside from petting and feeding them I just leave them alone. It kills the destructive thought patterns, helps the energies move through my body, and weirdly gives me insight on what I need to do and clear.

Among all the stuff I have written here, I didn’t mention anything about binge-watching anything, or looking at the feeds or posts of other people. Simple trick to improve your happiness level: Just focus on yourself, keep other people away from you while you work on yourself. Once you’ve raised your happiness levels to a maximum, then sure, look at the achievements of other people. If you feel happy at other people’s happiness, it means that you’ve reached that level. Otherwise, go back to your cave and work on your happiness some more.

Of course, this works mostly for introverts who like to turn inward to solve things and reenergize through their own efforts, but if you’re an extrovert who thrives on other people’s energy sorry I can’t give any sound suggestions. Maybe find some friends to hang out with and be happy with? No pity parties, or maybe you can host a pity party but remember to end that with a happy high note. So you can sleep happy and wake up refreshed.

I also didn’t mention getting high on drugs or getting low through getting drunk. Those aren’t exactly options I offer, because those just keep people in a destructive spiral of finding the low-vibrational or temporary form of happiness and if you’re thinking that those are the best options to be happy, well, WE DON’T DO THAT HERE. Also you might have some problems, please talk to a counselor, a trained and certified mental health professional, an elder or a mentor you trust, life coaches or energetic healers (ahem, ahem), or if you’re brave enough like everyone who’s in this journey, well, do it at your own pace and own way. Not the best option but for someone who has no other options other than leaving this planet, for me that was what made me want to live a bit longer, 3 years and counting. Of course, leaving abruptly is still on the table but right now I am just exhausting all options until I find that breakthrough, I mean, that’s still a thing for me so I just respect it looming above my head, but also at the same time do my best to swim in this mudflow of life.

Well that escalated quickly. But at least I am not sugarcoating my message. I strive to be honest and authentic, because it’s already 2020, lies and pretending to be what I am not aren’t hot now. Truth and honesty are the new soul handbags lol what kind of analogy is that even. Zero regrets though.

So before I log out, here’s a photo infused with energy to help you navigate the Mercury Retrograde energies, as energetic support:

Yeah it’s Pisces season I think a photo of a disc or a flowerhorn is fitting. Honestly I don’t know what it is, I think the owner mislabed it flowerhorn but that’s just my opinion lol

I hope this post served you well, I will come back on Sunday for the Piscean Full moon post to give more energetic support and other insights that I might get from the universe and Source. 

Despite what happens right now, whether it’s happy for you or sad, always remember:

All these too, shall pass.

So just enjoy the RIDE.

Love and hugs from Source Above,

Mikazuki

PS: Hey, do you feel generous because the information I shared have so much value for you? Don’t fret, you can share energetic exchanges here! Any amount from the heart is welcome. Thank you!