#ive been trying to catch when im doing stuff like that more often because i know i have a LOT of tricks like that that feel intrinsic to me

[soupblr]

oh im actually going to kill someone literally the first thing i thought was that the files must be transcribed weird. I WAS FUCKING RIGHT WHY IS IT TRANSCODING SHIT IN REAL TIME AT THE ABSOLUTE MAX POSSIBLE FUCK OFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!! THAT SETTING WAS OFF!! omg is it the files i got or something i thought they were fine. i feel like an insane person rn why is all my shit changed. if u literally told me someone broke in and changed a bunch of small things to make my setup work badly i would believe you because what the actual fuck. i was gonna say i need to listen to myself but i fixed like 3 other problems by not fixing what is probably the main fucking issue and itll be faster than before now but holy shit holy fucking shit oh my god

[paper-mario-wiki]

why are you so pretty?

mostly through a lot of effort put into personal development, becoming more in tune with hygiene routines to clean up my appearance and self confidence, catching myself when im not standing/sitting up straight to make my posture better, eating a little more healthy so ive got more energy during the day, teaching myself how to put on and wear makeup, and through LOOOOOOOTS of selfies taken until i get the exact right angle that doesnt show off too much of my protruding brow or my love handles and nothing too close to the camera so you cant see the dense dark beard hair under my skin because it's still there even if im clean shaven if im not wearing enough foundation.

i didn't fall into looking like this and taking selfies as often as i do by chance. i didn't start taking hormones and instantly realize "oh now i like myself!" (though that definitely helped the process). it was through directed long-term effort and attention to myself and specific needs i didnt even realize i wasnt filling. i honestly think a lot of my "prettiness" is just in the confidence im willing to let myself have in my appearance that i didnt have before, and that's because i started taking stuff like this more seriously, and my body has felt better as a result. and it is kind of a drag to keep all of that up (ya know, the thing that all women have to do to be accepted by society, which also becomes significantly more difficult if you are even remotely disabled), but most of the things i talked about are just healthy decisions that most people might benefit from hearing anyway.

the ultimate "first step" is to make a single small decision, because you cant start a whole program all at once. my first step (when i was still "Chase" by the way) was trying on cutting soda out of my diet, brushing out my hair more often, and shaving the beard that i'd been using to cover as much of my face as possible for years. if you want to make Big Sweeping Changes to your life, try starting with stuff like that!

[strawberrykidneystone]

Im not quite sure if you do various characters hcs? But how about Christmas time with like Sevika, Jinx, Vi, Ekko, Viktor, Silco, or any one really that you can or will write for?,!

CRACKS KNUCKLES IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UP

a/n: if they’re ooc im so sorry i’ve literally only ever written for sevika and vi before but i really want to try writing for all of them!!! also fuck it adding cait, mel and jayce in too

tysm for requesting anon <333

ANYWAYS

Christmas Time with Arcane Characters

sevika:

claims she’s not a “christmasy” person

did she cry when she watched the grinch with you? yes she did.

insisted on watching all 3 versions for comparison

gets really into grinch stuff

i’m talking pajamas, mugs, you even have a lit up fake dog with an antler tied to its head as decoration outside of your house

if you dress up at martha may you will not be walking for the next month

you sometimes catch her reciting lines while she’s busy doing chores

jinx:

oh she’s dragging you to all of the christmas light shows

yk how some zoos have zoolight nights or whatever?

yeah, y’all have annual passes

she still complains that you can’t actually see most of the animals and tries to yell at them to “wake them up” LMAO😭

literally SHOUTS whenever you pass a house that’s decorated with lights and insists that you stop to admire it

of course you oblige her because you also want to see the lights

she grabs your hand in hers as the lights reflect off her eyes, a joyous glow completely surrounding her

vi:

yk that scene in better off dead where he’s like “i’ve got this cousin that makes this monster eggnog made with motor oil”

that’s her

the spiked eggnog she makes is VILE

unless you realllllly like fireball with a drop of eggnog, then it’s good!!!

she makes the christmas dinner with a “kiss the cook” apron that jinx makes fun of her for

unfortunately she did have to kick you out because you were kissing the cook too often for her to focus

you almost made her burn the green beans!!!

ekko:

the WORST and i mean worst person to go christmas light decoration shopping with bc he’s like “i can literally make that for you at home”

shh it’s about the novelty and whimsy of buying things smh🙄

he drags you out of the store and spends the next few days making all of the decorations that you said you liked AND THEN SOME

he goes above and beyond, quite literally with the firelights stringing up lights up on the tree

once he’s done making the decorations, he gives you a smug grin as you admire them

“fine, you were right.” “i know, but it still feels good to hear you say it”

kisses your forehead before he’s pulled off to put up more decorations

viktor:

he would LOVE going on one of those hay rides that go around super decorated neighborhoods

idk if it’s everywhere but where i’m from there’s a certain neighborhood that has their electricity bill covered for like all of winter bc they’re all get SUPER into decorating and people pay to walk around

they also have hay rides that drive you through them so yes he would absolutely love that

i also feel like he would actually buys figgy pudding for carolers and is disappointed every year when none come LMAO

dw yall do karaoke to christmas songs and eat the pudding in the comfort of you own home

mel:

she’s has MULTIPLE christmas trees in your house, the main one being a huge white one with golden decorations that has all of your presents under it

the other “less aesthetic” trees have heirlooms and silly ornaments on them, but she loves them all the same

or so she claims

she has a mini tree in her nightstand that she treats like her baby complete it’s mini tinsel, ornaments, and even a lit up star on the top

she insists that it stays on when the two of you go to bed and you don’t have the heart to complain, plus it shines such a beautiful soft light on her that you can’t say no

goes to a LOT of holiday charity auctions with you on her arm and usually wins every bid, especially the items that catch your eye

jayce:

WHAT DO YALL KNOW ABOUT THE POLAR EXPRESS EXPERIENCE‼️‼️‼️

he'd be pressed up against the windows watching the landscape go by while the two of you are on the train

he’s BELLOWING all of the christmas carols and asks for extra marshmallows in his hot chocolate

the train ride is so much fun though and you’re both wearing matching pajamas of course

when santa comes and gives everyone their bells, he gives you his for safe keeping bc even though he KNOWS none of his pockets have holes, he’s still anxious about losing it

yes yes he knows that they arent the magic bells like in the movie, but he still smiles so brightly when they ring out

caitlyn:

she’s taking you to the nutcracker AND I DONT WANNA HEAR SHIT ABOUT BALLET BEING BORING I WAS A BALLERINA FOR 14 YEARS I DONT WANNA HEAR IT

anyways

the two of you get all dressed up and walk arm and arm into the theater, the lobby transformed as if you were stepping into clara’s party already

she def cries during the sugarplum fairy pas de duex

afterwards, the two of you stop at a little mom and pop diner and share a milkshake of your choosing<333

silco:

hosts the best christmas parties and always gives his employees a christmas bonus

only has 1 or 2 drinks at the party but loves seeing you get absolutely BLASTED

if they’re on the nice list that is

his favorite thing of the season by far is curling up with you by the fireplace and falling asleep in each others arms

even though he wakes up with a SERIOUS crick in his neck

[ofmdee]

😵

been having some thinky thoughts today, and for a while, rly, abt my Feelings abt breathing underwater and i tried to type something up on twitter but that jsut was not letting me think my thoughts correctly

i love BU........... so goddamn much. it started out as nothing more than a silly idea abt little mermaid ed meeting stede and kind of ballooned into what ive built it up into today. it's so important to me... but it's making me a little miserable right now?

miserable because i dont want to work on it, but i WANT TO want to work on it, i want to tell this story and read the finished product, ive got so many ideas, but i just. cannot get myself to do the actual WORK of making sentences and then staging all the pics........... what used to be a fun little pastime now feels like a chore, an obligation, a compulsion almost. it sucks, but it sucks more NOT doing it, you know what i mean? idk.

i know ive built it up into this big THING to myself, like... idk, i do this so often, i have big ideas and love to plan and organize them and then i get going with such intensity until i abruptly fizzle out. i start things and dont finish them, and i guess i just rly dont want this to be another thing that gets thrown on my unfinished projects pile :/

i have the next 2 parts drafted, but every time i go back to poke at them and edit them i just get so disheartened because it's obvious that my heart wasn't really in writing them, and it's difficult to salvage a rough draft like that. part of me wants to just delete those parts entirely and say fuck it im taking an indefinite hiatus, and i will start fresh when this is fun again! which would probably be the best thing, actually, but... i am reluctant to do that, because i just dont have anything else to rly fill my time rn.

i havent been getting a lot of joy out of... anything, rly, for a long time now, im so bored and apathetic and even my normal go to things arent cutting it anymore. and idk if it's a depression thing or if im truly outgrowing some interests, but either way i know i need to get more Things in my life somehow, because writing and sims are my two biggest pastimes, and then i combined them, and then i got sick of both so ive got so little to go on! so i keep poking at the things that i used to love, hoping to find that spark again 😪 i love these little guys and their little world!!! and it makes me sad that im not actually having Fun with the PROCESS.

it doesn't help that i am constantly torn between man i wish more ppl read my fic!!! i work so hard on it!! and man i never want anyone to perceive me or my writing ever it's so amateur!! idk what i want and idk what i want to DO about it!!

so, idk!! idk where this is all going, lol, i just... wanted to try and organize these thoughts somehow.

trying to reason w myself that at the end of the day, i am writing a fanfiction. that's it. it's not that big of a deal, and yet it feels huge to me, somehow. I don't wanna let down the ppl who are reading it, and i dont wanna let myself down again, either.

BUT it's not supposed to make me feel miserable it is supposed to be fun i am lowkey crying rn because like urghghghgh why isnt it fun?!!?!

so. i think i gotta do some more thinking, because not making any kind of decision is making things worse! and idk, if all of this hasnt put u off of the idea of my fic, here is the series page lmfao i could use some encouragement i guess......

but i am going to seriously put more thought into an official hiatus, because i think i am getting Too preoccupied with it again and it's messing with me!!!

i actually had a decent time doing those kitty ed pics today, even tho they didn't do so hot, so maybe i am just gonna try to focus on that kind of thing, doing stuff that actually catches my attention, and also doing things without the intention of sharing them at all. allowing things to be messy. i get so caught up in the thought of someone else seeing my work that i paralyze myself trying to make it PERFECT.

i had a decent time doing that oneshot from ed's pov as well. so maybe i need to work on projects that are a bit smaller scale. i dont have to say goodbye to BU stuff forever, but i am just so ALL OR NOTHING that it feels like a way bigger decision than it actually is 😓

so i guess....... im gonna sleep on it for a while. think about it and try and come to a firm decision. because if i take a break, i need to REALLY take a break, which includes not thinking about it all the time and constantly beating myself up for not doing it 😅

idk, thank you if you read this far, here are a few kitty pics of ed for ur time:

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

i guess i need some. advice? encouragement? about some stuff thats been happening recently so suicide/violence cw under the cut

i won't go into detail but i had. a very huge emotional/physical/mental breakdown today. where i was just. basically screaming and howling about how suicidal ive been lately. I haven't said anything out loud/via text on the internet abt it because i know saying i want to kms so often is bad for my own well being and ultimately makes other uncomfortable as well

so yeah i've just been. holding all that in. i knew the thoughts were coming in and out the past few months but was just shrugging it off as just being stressed abt the nightmare year i had. but i really was just. lying to myself and others because i didnt want to worry anyone/didn't want to admit how horrible i was doing after a couple years of good progress. but as it stands things are heading into a really bad direction for me rn. its not normal to go to sleep suicidal and immediately be suicidal upon waking up.

I don't really know what i can really do harm reduction wise. i'm unable to have regular visits with a psychiatrist/therapist bc of availability issues + i tend to just. lie. because its easier to say im fine than it is to advocate for myself and get actual help. and even then medication will not save me and coping skills can only go so far if im so deep in it im unable to take care of myself/feed myself/clean myself/eat/etc so none of it is effective enough in the moment. i know it CAN be effective and some of the skills ive learned can help during situational issues but this is really deep rooted improperly treated mental illness and i need a stronger foundation to be able to use any of the skills

i use a means of self isolation to punish myself, because i'm so upset with myself for not being able to pick myself up on my own. people can say im not a burden over and over but theres always gonna be a catch in the end. i freak out because what if this is one of my last meltdowns before they decide enoughs enough and i just get abandoned. again.

I feel like maybe being so Online is making things worse?? but i don't know??? my concentration is completely gone even when trying to use dnd/closing discord completely and im just constantly refreshing social media every 10 seconds and just stew in the bad feelings.

I don't know if just. leaving the internet cold turkey for a bit would do more harm than good.....i dont want to be alone and caught up in my thoughts. but i have a hard time doing things in 'moderation' and don't know how to even begin to roll back my internet/screen time usage

fandom is fun and great. but i dont think i should be using video games as pure escapism or playing them 24/7. im already getting bored and unenthusiastic about the things i like because its ALL i do.... I want to have at least SOME time away from screens. i hate having the impulse the check social media or refresh even 30 seconds (im even doing it NOW) but i just dont know where to begin in cultivating non-screentime hobbies and have the ability to focus on things more long term without having than doing 1000 things all at once to keep myself busy. i play video games muted most of the time, have a yt video playing, sometimes i'll stop mid video game and pull out my ipad while still having the games open, and im always on discord

there's books i still want to read, i eventually want to pick up sewing again. im considering getting a craft set for making those beaded bracelets (my brother gets them from concerts all the time and thinks it would be fun to make them too) but that all requires money

and i just. idk where im going with this rn but. any advice or suggestions or just. words of encouragement would be. really nice rn

[jev-urisk]

A Musing Monday 🎐

Today I am musing on too many things! 😵‍💫

My brain feels crowded by little rabbit holes and I keep catching myself fully lost in them to the point where im getting salty or spicy or sad over imaginary scenarios. Ive been having more nightmares than usual lately, too. So I guess what im going to muse on today is processing things (I'll leave musing on innovation and the way its weaponized against the working class ((one of the rabbit holes🐰))for another monday)

WHY am I circle-thinking about stuff like 'what would I do if I was stuck in the past?' 'why didnt the industrial revolution provide more ease and profit for every class' or 'how would I convince strong people to protect me if I was in an apocolypse situation?' 😣💫

Now take this with a grain of salt, I may have a psych degree but im not a researcher or anything (just a nerd with autism 🤓); my brain is using fictional scenarios to practice processing🎭🧮. It feels the need to practice because there's a LOT within my brain thats unprocessed right now (hello trauma, hello issues with finding a better job, hello feeling very vulnerable lately). 👋😩

Our brains are solving machines geared to find the answer🤖, and when that answer is not immidiatly available we may experience things like nighmares and intrusive thoughts and maladaptive daydreams to try to get an angle on The Thing thats not processed.🔬

Thinking about The Trauma directly often puts the body in a stress mode thats not condusive to creative problem solving📉. Like being stressed is literally counterproductive to solving bc we go into 🔥survival mode🔥where fight flight etc are The Options Available. Imagining yourself in a historical fiction situation is not a 1-1 ratio to 'what exactly happened when abuse appeared in MY past' and but ya know what, its close enough for our brains to bring it up as a substitute. 🤷

And the fact that our brains have this reaction to The Bad Thing is interesting in itself. 🤔 Why are some bad memories just things that happened, and some are so triggering your mind would rather process terrifying nightmares every night than just.. face The Memory? 🫠 Like it's over, it can't get you now, the past is dead, right?

The solution? Well obviously it looks a bit different for everyone, particularly depending on where you are on your path. 🧭 Like if you have nightmares/intrusive thoughts/maladaptive daydreaming and dont uh... dont have any trauma coming to mind that aint my place to tell you whats next 🤐. I can only really mind my own gourd here and MY next step is Accelarated Resolution Therapy🗃, which is often used with war veterans with ptsd, to store my truama memories in a better, less triggering way. 📈

Well it turns out that memories like to be filed away by our senses 📂. Like memories sit best and retrieve easier (lets take xmas as an example🎄) if you're remembering the smell of xmas dinner, the sound of wrapping paper, the bite of the cold outside and the taste of hot coco✨️. When memories store poorly, as they usually do with trauma 😔, your body is not just remembering- it is acting as if You Are Still There. 💥📍

Infact to prepare for ART, I have had to purposly bring up all my old memories 😬, which has in turn signalled my brain to circle around pseudo truama thoughts when I'm 'at rest' in attempt to solve whats not really 'solvable' and with that weve gone fuuull circle on my musings here lmao ➿️

I got two weeks until that all important therapy session and until then I figure my brain is gonna keep trying to hampsterwheel 🐹🎡, but perhaps my loop will inspire something within you, or help you out of a loop, or perhaps make you realize you’ve been in a silent loop for awhile now.. 🔄👁👁

In anycase, thank your brain for me! Particularly if its doing these things I described above. It's trying so hard to help and protect you 🧠🫶 My apologies for giving it something so tough to chew on this Monday lmao 😅 Stay safe out there 🫂

(I don't have a taglist for my Monday posts yet, hmu if you want to be tagged on these zanny adventures plz)

[stellewriites]

twenty questions for fic writers 🫡

thanks for the tag @syoddeye!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

50

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

699,806

3. what fandoms do you write for?

oh god, ongoing or previous too?? uhm currently batfam, star wars, cod, st - but i’ve had a few extra that i used to write for too

4. top five fics by kudos

i’m not linking them all bc some are,,,, far from my best work. also can u tell i love a long lyric title?

if you can’t give me all, give me nothing ; memorise the way you make me feel ; the way you move like you do ; i’m addicted to the way i feel when i think of you ; took the words right out of my mouth

5. do you respond to comments?

literally every single one,, before getting this account back a few months ago it was the only way i interacted w people in the fandoms so 🤷‍♀️ sometimes it might take a week tho but i try to be quick

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don’t tend to do angst endings? like even in darker angsty fics i usually twist it so it’s like dubcon happy at the end 🥴🥴 sooo maybe either no grave can hold my body down or can i steal a kiss or two? or even choices made in anger

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

liiiiiterally any other fic i’ve ever written lmao

8. do you get hate on fics?

not often? BUT i usually do fluff fics and when i started dabbling in darker stuff that’s when i got more hate - specifically on one fic in particular

9. do you write smut?

yeah! not all the time but maybe 65%

10. craziest crossover:

i dont really do crossovers but my last mando fic was inspired by justified if that counts?

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of,, again im not very online to be able to know :/

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

yeah! just one but now i dont do it,, learning curve for me

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

almost when i was first starting out writing 6 years back but it fell through - katy if ur still out there i hope ur enjoying life <3

14. all time favorite ship?

ffffuckkkkkk i don’t think i can choose bc i dip in and out so often but i do tend to always come back to jaytim? they’re my for lifers i think but soap x reader is a close second atm

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i’ll always finish my wips bc i can’t stand to see them unfinished,, but it’s been like three years since i first said i was going to write my sci-fi dystopian jaytim fic and im still not past the first paragraph :/

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i’m good at dialogue and catching accents and nailing personalities pretty quick,,

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i’m so fucking slow. if nothing else, watching people write for cod on here has shown me how quick everyone else seems to be able to write :’)

and also with longer fics i’ve gotten into the (bad) habit of leaving out like integral details that i assume the reader will just know bc ive been too in my own head about it all and ive forgotten what i’ve established already; leads to decisions looking like they’ve come out of nowhere or random personality changes

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i’ve attempted it but i have to google translate it so i try to keep it to a minimum and ask for correction in the comments. sometimes i do it italicised but written in english so readers can understand that it’s meant to be another language but dont have to skip to the bottom notes or another tab to understand what’s being said

19. first fandom you wrote in?

teen wolf 🥴

20. favorite fic you've written?

idk if i’ve got a favourite,, in hindsight a lot of the ones i think about most fondly are the ones that absolutely killed me off when writing so i’ve got real rose tinted glasses about them all. however these are few that should get honourable mentions just because i like them and they didn’t pop up earlier

whew this was long i think i yapped ontoo much lmao but it was so fun!!

no pressure tags: @glossysoap @mikichko @kyletogaz @femalefemur @sentientcave @gemmahale @madstronaut and anyone else who wants to give it a go!!

[kquil]

AAA THE BIGGEST OF CONGRATS FOR 1K!!!!! i've only recently been dragged back to my marauders phase, so i regrettably haven't been following you for long (i followed like earlier today but i've been silently reading your stuff for a few weeks). that said, please feel free to ignore this 🧁 request!!

omg so nervous to do this bc i've only done smth like this once before BUT i'm a 4'11" girl (very small very angry). i'm generally very quiet and calm, but i do have lots of thoughts about this that i'm often too scared to share. i think i'd be best with someone who will listen to me or someone who likes to let me listen to them. i'm also a bit of a romantic and often take to daydreams, but that doesn't mean i'm not plenty organized and focused on reality! i have many goals i want to complete and work very hard for them, i like to be very responsible with everything i'm doing, and i'm very rule-abiding.

so hope that wasn't too much and feel free to ignore this once again!! happy 1k and the biggest of congratulations as well

thank you so so much for the congratulations darling! and for enjoying my works, i really appreciate all the support and love ૮꒰˶ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ˶꒱ა˖⁺‧₊˚ also welcome back to the fandom, i hope you're still back in it because i took so long to write this, im so sorry!

i ship you with Regulus Black 

i. regulus is the only person you trust to voice your thoughts to without having to worry about being heavily judged, he’s just so chill with it and sometimes he even likes to add his own thoughts and opinions to your personal take; it leads to a lot of fun but deep conversations which help you two grow closer to each other — it’s very wholesome but most people that would sometimes overhear your conversations wouldn’t know what to make of it but since you’re with regulus, they never pry or make any unwarranted comments about it; regulus is your confidant and shield in that right

ii. you return the favour by being regulus’ confidant and shield as well, you are each other’s comfort and are always grateful for the other being there no matter the circumstances. regulus has confided in you the struggles he had growing up and you do your best to be there for him, unfortunately, you don’t think you’re doing too much but it’s the exact opposite; regulus has never been able to have someone like you in his life and he’s so grateful that he has you with him now. because of you, many of the other slytherins have gotten to see regulus smile and soften his features whenever he’s around you, they sometimes think you’ve cast a spell on him or something! but if the try to confront you about it, regulus is always there to deter them with an icy, stone-cold glare and a silent threat in the unpleasant curl of his lip

iii. sometimes he’d catch you daydreaming with starry eyes and the prettiest smile on your lips and he can’t help but smile to himself at the image. He often asks what you were thinking of whenever you snap out of your daze and he loves it even more when you eagerly tell him whatever was on your mind. however, he hears one of your friends ask you before he could one day and you were more hesitant to reveal your daydream. when he asked about it later, you happily disclosed all the details to him. and that was the day he discovered, with the softest heart, how much you trusted him with your thoughts — so he endeavoured to return the same amount of trust and love to you by sharing his thoughts and feelings without hesitation, only with you

iv. he also appreciates how idyllic you are. his parents have destroyed his idea and perception of love but you were healing him from it, persistent in sharing your daydreams and expressing how much you would love it if a romantic gesture was ever directed at you, such as receiving a bouquet with a love note on it. hey-ho, the next day, you receive a bouquet of flowers at breakfast from your owl, along with a loving note that he wrote himself. he savours your adorable reaction and smiles when he sees realisation come over you at recognising his hand writing before looking up to meet his eyes and smile at each other lovingly. 

v. regulus also takes a lot of inspiration from you when it comes to his attitude; you’re so high spirited and hard working. he appreciates that so much, being around you is so uplifting. he was given many goals as a child and forced to complete them because of his parents so he never really had much passion or the like to motivate him the way you were motivated to achieve your own goals. He admired your will and the drive you had, it was something he knew he was missing and he craved it, which is why he loved being around you even more, simply because that drive and emotion you had was infectious coming from you — it actually made working hard fun for him, you cuddling him, kissing him and being affectionate with him was also an added bonus, he couldn’t think of a better reward for working hard than your sweet kisses, warm hugs and kind words. he loves you so so much…

1K MILESTONE EVENT : CLOSED | NAVI.

[daryldixonsdoormat]

idk if ur still writing Outsider fics but if you do, i would DIE, i mean die begging on my knees for HCs of ur favs (Two, Darry + Steve and soda if your willing) of the reader flashing them during an argument idk why its so funny but man i think its hilarious and the boys’ reaction would be so funny

OMFG YESSSSS, I LOVE THIS. I'm doing the 'adults'. Which would be Darry, Twobit, Sodapop, and Steve. also mini stroy for each and headcannons because ive been so absent.

Warnings: implied sexual themes, steamy situations (nothing crazy)

Darry ( the actual love of my life).

~ “You dont ever think” he cuts in with a tired sigh, attempting to not raise his voice. “Darry, you gotta be fucking kidding me, I think more than anybody in this house there is no way your saying that to me”. “I am and I mean it, you need to be more careful and stop worrying–” you interrupt him quickly stepping closer to him and sticking as finger up. “Darrel Curtis don’t you raise your voice at me like im one of your siblings”. Darry groans loudly throwing his hands up obviously not letting this silly argument go easily. “I just wish you would—” you lift your shirt up flashing Darry silencing him immediately. Darry walks over to you his calloused hands sitting on your waist, “Darling this conversation isn’t over even when you try and distract me” he looks at you smugly with his eyebrows raised. You reply with the same smugness bringing a hand to the back of his neck to pull him inevitability closer, “worth a shot though”.

~ definitely doesn't let arguments go easily , but he definitely loves that mini distraction and some stress relief (ifykyk).

Steve Randle (Goofy ass mf)

“Steve I don’t know why this is a big deal to you honey” you say in a calm and settle voice trying to calm him down. To your dismay he is still not happy about the situation at all, “No you can’t just throw stuff out like that, what if I still wanted it? Then what?”. You rub your hands down your face unamused by his ridiculous behavior, “Steve that shit has been sitting out for days now, I would’nt of let you eat it anyways”. Steve starts pacing back and forth in the kitchen thinking of something to say to “win”, then a new idea comes to mind which will end this banter once and for all. “Are you still mad Steve?”, he turns around abruptly “of course im still mad—”. Your shirt is lifted up giving Steve a good view for a few more seconds before you drop the fabric down, “how about now?”. Steves lips are parted still looking in the same direction where your breasts were once on full display, he glances up, “what you say baby?”. “Come here Steve”, Steve walks over his hands grabbing your face about to kiss your lips, “I’ll make you more ok?”. Steve pecks your lips a few times before replying, “Ok baby”.

~ he will probably purposely start arguments so you can flash him more often, obviously you'll catch on and ignore his attempts.

Dallas Winston (mama im in love with a criminal)

Dally pulled you into his room at Buck’s obviously pissed over a encounter downstairs. “Why the fuck didn’t you call me over, I could’ve easily handled that fucker” he says holding onto your wrist you guys nearly face to face. You pull back from him forcing him to release the grip he had on you, “He was just having  a conversation with me Dallas. Whats your problem?”. Dally runs his fingers through his hair while backing up instinctively, “ That motherfucker was practically undressing you with his eyes. Let me see him even glance at you again I swear y/n”. Dally turns around and slams his hands on his dresser with his head down. Your fed up, Dally is fed up why not end this right now, you walk up behind him and tap his shoulder. “What?” he says still not looking at you, quickly you throw off your shirt as well as your bra, “Dally can you look at me baby?”. Dally sighs but complies none-the-less, a smirk graces his face beautifully as his hands make contact with your chest. “Trying to cheer me up doll?” you kiss him deeply making Dally stumble back a little. “Im always yours Dally not some random guy”.

~ poor thing is always so jealous and protective over his girl.

Sodapop Curtis ( I want to be that towel)

You canceled plans on Soda, work asked you to stay late, the more hours the better especially because some of that money is going toward Sodas family. You walk into the empty Curtis house where only the shower is running, Sodas clothes are laid on the couch. You sigh and drop your bag down, taking off your shoes and getting into comfier clothes. The water stops running, you walk over to the door and knock on it softly, “Soda? Can I talk to you honey?”. The bathroom door opens showcasing Soda with just a towel wrapped around his waist, “Sure hopefully you wont cancel our conversation next”. He walks past you and into his room rifling through his drawers for socks and a pair of boxers, you tread behind him leaning on the door frame. “I took the extra hours so I could help you and your family” Soda groans because he knows he shouldnt be upset over it. “I know but I can still be disappointed, we havent been able to be alone for weeks now”. You smile lifting your shirt over your head about to ask him to turn around, “Come on Soda can you at least look at me?” you say walking up closer to him. Soda turns around sighing, his eyes widens and he stutters over his words a little at the surprise, “Baby, you look..gorgeous”. Soda hold you by the sides and smiles, “Wanna spend some alone time with me y/n?”.

~Sodapop definitely values quality time

[yandere-daze]

omg omg omg congrats on 1400 followers!! i found you thru a recommended post and ive been secretly admiring your page since 👀 im very in love with your work!!

for the tarot requests, may i ask for the Emperor, the Chariot, and the Devil with mika kagehira-? (also if you take reoccuring anons, can i be known as brew/☕?)

Hello, hello? Welcome to my blog and wow you´re being super sweet! Thank youuu☺️ I´m very happy to hear that you like what I´ve been posting!!

Also ohhh my first emoji anon! I sure do take them ^^ Welcome brew, I´m looking forward to seeing you in my ask box again!

Mika is one of my favorite boys so I´m excited with any opportunity I get to write for him!

tw yandere, obsession, low self-esteem, stalking, stealing

The Emperor - How much of their darling’s life does this yandere dictate/want to dictate?

Mika would never ever dream of trying to control how you live your life! You´re like a god to him, a being firmly placed above him. He basically worships you and thus anything you say or do is right to him. He just wants you to look at him, to spare him even a crumb of your affection and he feels like everything is okay.

If he had the opportunity to be selfish for a bit though. Mika might admit that more than anything he wishes that you could just keep looking at him and no one else. He doesn´t like it too much when you talk to others but he bears with it because he can´t even imagine the blasphemy of trying to order you around when you are so high above him

The Chariot - What freedoms would this yandere allow, and take away?

Very similarily to what I said above, Mika would allow you to do anything you wish, especially to him. You could walk all over him and he would still appreciate the attention and time you decided to give to him. He never demands anything from you, instead believing that you can do no wrong and he has no right to tell you what you can´t do. He lets you do anything you want, even if he doesn´t like it. Who is he to refuse you?

On the flipside, please order him around! He just wants to make you happy and he feels like he´s incapable of treating you like you deserve to be treated if you don´t give him any guidance.

He´s like a lovesick puppy around you, practically begging for your attention and praise and yet not having the confidence to ask you for it because he feels like he´s so far below you. As long as he can be with you then you can do whatever you wish! Just please take him along when you go out, okay?

The Devil - What taboo things would this yandere do to their darling?

Not necessarily to you but Mika is a very big stalker. He feels a bit nervous being in your presence because he feels like he´s not worthy of being close to you so he often tries to observe you from a distance.

He´s not the best at staying hidden and is really afraid that you might catch him one day while he´s stalking you. He knows it´s bad and you would hate him for it if you found out. His heart hurts at the very thought and he feels like crying but he just can´t find it himself to stop. The excitement of seeing you when you think you are all alone, watching you go about your day or admiring your sleeping face while taking plenty of pictures with a loopy smile on his face.

He´s also absolutely going to print all of them out and keep them in a hidden box which he only takes out when no one is around. Shu would scold him to no end if he were to see all of the photos and he doesn´t want that to happen either!

Would also steal stuff you might have thrown in the trash or even break into your house to steal some of your clothes so he can feel closer to you

[oceanid-writes]

aot matchup please!! (any gender is fine)

im an infj 9w1 taurus. i have pink hair currently, blue eyes, and freckles. i am nonbinary

for a few things about me - id say i can tend to be pretty kindhearted and selfless (i have been told). i can easily understand other's issues and have empathy for them, and often find myself helping out with those types of things, or taking on others needs as my own. as an infj, i love a good conversation. deep conversations where me and the other person forms a good connection. my hobbies are mainly drawing (something ive done all my life) but ive always loved activities on the internet (gaming, talking, etc.). im not super physically fit or athletic, and i can tend to be pretty clumsy and airheaded sometimes. im also pretty short (5'1). nsfw is fine by me <33

Honestly, I instantly knew who to pair you up with. I also did make it a little spicy but not very much so.

Yandere Attack on Titan Matchup

Warnings: Non-con, manipulation, yandere behaviour, stalking, dark themes.

Yelena is certainly... someone to have in love with you. Maybe not love, exactly, because when she first runs into you I'd say it's more of an obsession. Even though the reader in my fic is in a regiment, I don’t think that in most cases Yelena’s darling would ever be a scout. Trying to devote every fiber of her life to the titan who saved her, well, sometimes she finds herself straying a bit. It doesn’t matter much though, because in all the battles she puts herself in, she always sees an end goal, and few different ways to attain it. But until she met you, she never thought about after the war, only expecting to die and go down in history as some sort of important figure. Maybe, having someone to come home to could be nice. All she knows is that you could be the real light at the end of the tunnel, the prize she gets to come back to for implementing Zeke’s plan. Whether she comes home to you locked up and uncooperative or happily greeting her, it won’t really matter.

You’d be most likely to catch her eye, because I think she’d really look for docile and kind traits in someone, and if you can have deep conversations with her, that’s a total bonus. She also LOVES that you’re a little clumsy and airheaded, so that she can better assert her self as the dominant in the relationship and the breadwinner. Plus, easier manipulation, because she can always play the “You’re a little clumsy and daydreamish so you shouldn’t worry about things just let me do everything” card. I don’t think she’d look for someone very athletic or strong either (being taller than her darling is also a must-have) because she completely wants a housewife type partner. She’d prefer if you would cook and cuddle with her (she would never make you do housework or potentially strain yourself, and would get very angry if you did do it) after she comes home from a long day on the battlefront. 

But, then again, you don’t have to be her perfect docile partner right away. She can tie you up and lock you in a dark cellar (with a lot of blankets of course so you won’t get cold) until you start to learn that your life is with her now. Yelena will cuddle and love on you about 60 percent of the time, and the other 40 percent is her trying to harshly force stuff she wants to happen onto you.

She truly believes that if you don’t share and accept her feelings, you are just incapable of making good decisions for yourself. You’re so sweet and naive, you might not know that she is the only person who can protect and take good care of you. This extends everywhere, even in the bedroom, and while she won’t force herself on you (unless you do something very big that makes her very very mad) she will try to coerce you into doing stuff with “I just want to take care of you properly” and other things like that. If you aren’t cooperating with her in general, she might try to pin you down to the bed and attempt to do something more personal with you to asset her place, but if you’re crying and struggling she’ll stop (though she will be like a wounded puppy for the rest of the day) and leave you alone.

Why won’t you just let her take care of you?

[wizkiddx]

your song blurb

hello!! sorry ive been so inactive and I have got a number of req that I am trying to work through - I am sorry, please be as patient as you can with me. general life shit and all hasn't been ideal. I am aware I reaaallly need to update my master list and will get round to it when I can I promise ;)

also have lots of asks abt the t + z situation but all I have to say is im so very happy for them and hope people respect their privacy ;)

harryhollandxreader // friends --> lovers blurb

summary: harry never sings in front of you, until you need it

//////////////////////////

There were some things that Harry, even after being friends for years, kept close to his chest. The one that you always tried to catch him out on was his singing. For some unknown reason, he was super self conscious of it. Every time he was nonchalantly humming along to himself, all it took was for you to make a single sound, and he’d immediately lock his mouth shut. From those fleeting moments, you had thought he didn’t even sound half bad, hence where your frustrations drew.

Because whilst you, who sounded like a cat being tortured, would scream your lungs out - Harry, who wasn’t even that bad, refused to make a fool out of himself.

It was exactly what had happened this evening when you had let yourself into Tom’s house otherwise unannounced. It’d been years since you’d been given a spare key by Harry - when they were both away, you often ‘house-sat’ for Tom; plus, you spent most evenings there too because that was where your best mate was.

Tom had messaged on the group chat to say he would be out for the evening, and Haz was around his girlfriends tonight, meaning on arrival, you’d known it’d just be you and Harry. So once you heard the quiet tune of a song, that you couldn’t quite place yet, safe to say you were on stealth mode. Sliding your shoes off and wincing as the floorboards creaked a little, you slowly crept through the house to find your frizzy-haired friend.

Sure enough, as you made your way through the kitchen, you found him stood over the hob, stirring round a wooden spoon of a saucepan - presumably filled with pasta he’d promised to have ready for you. Pouting as you leaned on the doorframe and crossed your arms, marvelling at him. He was dressed just in grey joggers and his favourite pink hoodie, arms rolled up to his elbow as the poor boy slaved away at the stove.

You stayed silent, to what you now recognised as billy joel, only unable to stifle a giggle when he reached a particularly high note. Like a rabbit caught in headlights, he jumped around and yelled, eyes fiery and pointed at you.

“OH fuck off Y/n!!”

“Billy Joel, an old school choice.” You smirked, now walking into the room to greet him properly.

“How long have you been stalking on me?”

“It’s not stalking if the stalkee gave me the key.”

“I don’t think that’s admissible in court.” He deadpanned back, pouting for a couple more seconds before finally shooting you a wide grin. The boy held his arms out, welcoming you into a proper greeting hug. Happily reciprocating, you inhaled deeply with your face pressed into the crook of his shoulder.

“How was work?” He murmured, already guessing the answer correctly.

“Shit. Exhausting. Hell, you want any more adjectives?” Harry just snorted back as you leaned away from his warmth.

“Nah rule of three is quite enough. Did you never pay attention in GCSE english?”

“Fuck off you can’t even spell GCSE.”

That was always how your friendship had been; it had always been a piss-taking battle. You simply were one of the boys - or at least that’s what you thought. Said boys though (meaning Sam, Tom, Harrison, Tuwaine and even Paddy) disagreed. You didn’t know, or didn’t believe, that Harry did NOT treat you like one of the boys. He cared about you differently, too. Tom thought it didn’t stop there, that Harry did in fact love you.

And yes, you might’ve admitted to Harrison on one very, very drunken night that you had occasionally thought of Harry as something more than your sarky friend. He had been since sworn to silence, though Haz had in fact, told Tom - who only replied with an ‘i told you so’.

Even though everyone else saw your relationship as complicated, to you and Harry it was just simple. You were just the best of friends.

And that’s how the evening went. The two of you were just messing around as usual; after eating the tomatoey pasta creation Harry had tried, you both made a right mess of the washing up - water ending up coating the floor and maybe one of the walls too (Tom would never know). And just like usual, it ended with you sprawled out on one sofa, Harry mirroring you on the adjacent one.

It was love island season, which meant every night at 9 pm there was only one place on earth either of you would be. On your respective sofas, watching the most trashy tv in the world.

Tonight though, no matter how excited you were for the next instalment of who-likes-who, your day of work caught up with you. Not that you noticed, but you’d pretty much passed out as soon as the opening scenes started. There were only two minutes of silence before Harry registered something was up - typically, he was trying to make you shut up so he could actually hear the TV. To investigate, he jumped off the sofa and leaned over the couch, the sight making him pout.

He knew work had been super stressful recently; and he also knew that your insomnia had been coming back with a vengeance. So instead of treating you like ‘one of the boys’ and throwing things until you woke up - Harry used a different approach. He draped the blanket that hung off the side of the sofa over you, biting back a slight smile as you huffed in appreciation for the soft quilt. Then Harry left you alone, knowing you could do with every little bit of rest you could get.

That was all good until it reached the third set of adverts when Harry heard you huff and move about on the sofa. And then again and again. Then again with what sounded like a bit of whimper too.

Brows furrowed, he paused the TV and slowly got up, rounding the sofa to see you somewhat matching his expression. Your face was contorted in one of distress, and you kept thrashing your head from side to side of the pillow. It didn’t take a genius to work out; this was your nightmares rearing their ugly heads.

Harry just wanted to stop this for you. Although the two of you were never particularly ‘mushy’ or vulnerable with each other - he knew just how much you were suffering recently. So without much thought into it, Harry knelt down to sit on the floor, side leaning up against the sofa as he looked towards you. Trying to hush you, he ran his hand over your forehead and over the top of your hair, though it seemed to take little effect. And then, again entirely without hesitation, Harry started to softly sing.

It’s a little bit funny

This feeling inside

I’m not one of those who can easily hide

Why Elton John was the first that came to mind was a mystery to Harry - except maybe that the lyrics ran true a little.

And you can tell everybody

This is your song

It may be quite simple, but now that it’s done

I hope you don’t mind

I hope you don’t mind

That I put down in the words

How wonderful life is while you’re in the world

You’d always loved old 70s music, you were the one that had properly got you into all that stuff - the beatles, billy joel, elton, even a bit of springsteen. He owed half his music taste to your Spotify playlists, even if he’d never admit it to your face.

So excuse me forgetting

But these things I do

You see I’ve forgotten, if they’re green or they’re blue

Anyway the thing is, what I really mean

Yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen

With a final huff, you finally settled down, Harry swore he could see all the discomfort literally melting away from your face. It took a minute but your breath evened out, mumbling something incomprehensible as you curled up toward him on the edge of the sofa.

This wasn't the first time he’d sang to you in your sleep - and he sort of hoped it wouldn't be the last either.

feedback is really appreciated <3

harry taglist : @euphorichxlland @lovehollandy12 @pandaxnienke @msmimimerton @crossyourpeter @hallecarey1

[finagled]

absent but busy

life never seems to slow down to let me catch my breath, so ive been busy trying to keep things going!

this has been a hellish year but also a spectacular one in so many ways. my dad’s death has shattered me tbh, im just not the same person i was before he left and life will never ever be the same with him gone. as somebody who already struggles with identity issues, i had a real hard time knowing how in the world i was supposed to keep going without his input and support. he always saw right through me and could point out things about me i wasnt even aware of yet, but he was always spot on, too. bouncing my ideas off of him is how i learned to human. im coming to realize i loved to succeed and experience so i could tell him and listen to how he loved to hear about it. with him gone, ive felt a sense of emptiness with everything.

im trying to hold on to what he’s taught me. he gave me so many lessons on how to be a person, a good person. he played devils advocate so id learn how to fight for what i knew to be true, and to reevaluate my stance if i couldn’t. he taught me how to treat other people, how every stranger deserves kindness. he taught me that you can be wrong, and that sometimes being wrong is a beautiful thing, because then you learn what’s right. he taught me nothing is worth sacrificing your morals.

the answer to where to find this person now is that now, i have to be this person. the only way for those things about him to live on is if i perpetuate them in my own life. im trying so hard to do this. its not going easy. im told over and over again that im smart, that i work hard, that im good with people, and yet my success has not materialized no matter what i’ve done to secure it. i think, if i just had mental health care and meds, if i could just see a doctor, then id be so great. but i can’t think like that. whether that’s true or not and that’s the only thing in the way between me and living like i feel like im meant to, it doesn’t matter. trying to get government assistance, at least in this state, feels impossible. i dont have the energy to keep hoping they’re going to help. im frustrated to come to the conclusion that i am going to have to metaphorically “pick myself up by the bootstraps” and find a way to push forward in the meantime.

i know im intelligent and have skills that can genuinely and directly help people, because ive done it before. its taken a really long time to have confidence in myself about anything. but i need to start, and then do something with it, because im wasting time waiting for help to arrive.

this is a big ol ramble but it feels good to have the energy to write stuff up. vari and i have been working real hard this past year trying to get the house and our lives set up in a way that will set us both up for success. we’re slowly getting a handle on chores and bills, and our mental health is improving. im slowly pulling all the tangled yarn apart in my brain and getting things sorted.

they took me off adderall and onto strattera, which i actually dont mind. ive heard the medication can precipitate manic episodes in bipolar individuals though, so i wonder if i like it because of that. im depressed so often and its been so long since hypomania, that i really done mind when i wake up with the excess energy and vigor. it doesnt feel extreme like hypomania, more like just having gusto for the day. ill have to keep an eye on it more since its only been about three weeks, but im grateful i havent lost much progress from getting off adderall. the side effects aren’t nearly as powerful either, which is nice.

so im trying. i have too many people i should be getting back to with messages so if youre one of them, im sorry. theres a million things going on and only so much energy each day, but ive drawn up some routines that i hope will encourage me to do more stuff throughout the day other than just chores and sims ;)

thanks to anyone for reading :3

[sarah-writes-marvel]

Oxygen: Avengers x gn! reader

S.S.: Heya... its been a while. This is another fic kinda based on personal life stuff but I hope you like it still! 

--Little back story, Ive got a congenital heart defect and if I push my self too far this is kind of what happens. :)

Warnings: mentions bruises and cuts, difficulty breathing, other than that its just fluff!

Word count:1,589

Y/F/M: your favorite movie

MASTERLIST ============================

“Alright! Good job team. Another success.” Tony celebrated walking through the helipad entrance of the compound.

“We still took a heavy hit out there tho.” Clint argued massaging his newly wrapped wrist.

“But we’re still alive,” Tony said turning and walking backwards, “I’d say that kinda evens out the bad.”

Clint rolled his eyes at Tony’s slightly faulty logic before the team entered into the common area of the building. Tony immediately took a seat at the bar pouring a drink while everyone else just stood for a minute.

“Well, I don't know about you guys but I'm tired and in dire need of a shower.” you broke the silence, catching their attention.

“I second that,” Nat agreed. “And then maybe some pizza and a movie.”

Various words of approval echoed in the common room.

“Man, I was thinking about throwing a banger of a party!” Tony whined, with a sly smirk, which was returned with cold stares from each of the members. “Jeez, I was kidding.” he mumbled into his glass.

“I’m gonna go shower. I suggest you boys do the same. It's starting to smell.” Nat teased as she made her way to the elevator. Protests and grumbles came from the men standing there.

“She’s not wrong.” you whispered under your breath as you followed her into the elevator.

“I heard that!” Steve yelled out as Clint threw a throw pillow (how ironic) towards the elevator door, hitting the metal before it reached you and Nat.

After a fit of giggling at the attempt, you both leaned against the walls of the elevator, opposite sides of each other, trying your best to filter out the images of the mission running through our heads. 

“Hey, you alright?” her voice attracted your attention as you peaked open your closed eyes.

“Ya, I’m ok. I know that missions don't always end how we want but there's not much we can do.” you sent her a reassuring smile.

“I’m glad you realize that but I was asking more about how you're feeling. Your lips have a very subtle purple hue to them and you're just kinda pale.”

“Oh. I mean I don't feel completely awful. My chest kinda hurts but it's kind of a normal thing for me I guess. Maybe a little out of breath. And a headache.” as you continued to list off my symptoms it seemed more apparent, like the sudden lightheadedness, and the constricting feeling of taking in a breath.

“Do you need to go to the med bay?” She asked on full alert.

“No Nat. I'll be fine. It kinda comes with heart issues. I just need to rest.”

“You’re sure?” she looked at you sceptically, as if you would lie to a perfectly trained assassin who can pick up on any micromovement made.

“Positive.” As soon as you seemed to calm her down from her motherly attentiveness the elevator doors opened to our floor. You quickly gave her a smile and turned to my room while she turned towards hers.

As soon as you were in the safety of your room you striped your tactical gear, doing your best to keep an even breath as it began to feel like the material was constricting your body. With one last solid tug you freed yourself from the clothing leaving you only in underwear.

The reflection in the mirror wasn’t terrible… Maybe that was an understatement. Your lips did in fact have the not so lovely purple tinge to them, your skin looked almost as white as paper besides the bruises and cuts. The burning feeling in your chest and the headache just kind of added to the pain. 

You shook off the slight shock at the reflection, turning on the shower before stripping and stepping under the steaming water, washing away the grim that had apparently become one with your skin.

Despite it being relaxing, the shower did little to help the chest pain that burned through your chest, nor the continuous feeling of not having enough air in your lungs. So as soon as you stepped out of the shower and back into the room you found the little oximeter device and placed it onto your finger waiting for a number to pop up on the small screen.

‘80% oxygen level’ Well that's not good.

“Mx., should I call for a medic to assist you?” Jarvis’ voice echoed through the room causing the number representing your heart rate to spike.

“Uh- no, no it's alright Jarvis. I’m fine, thank you.” you reassured the A.I., pulling the device from your finger.

“Very well.” 

You pulled on an oversized shirt that just happened to have landed into your laundry one day and a pair of thin comfortable pants before moving to your closet.

“Man, I’m gonna regret this.” you opened the door revealing the several oxygen tanks hiding under the clothes that hung in your closet. They were there only for emergencies and no one else knew about them except Bruce, who you had sworn to secrecy which he thoroughly disagreed with.

You chose one of the half sized tanks and the shoulder bag that carried it, slinging it onto your back and adjusting the fit. You carefully wrapped the plastic cannula over your ears before taking the plastic wrench piece and opening the flow of the tank settling at a fairly quick air flow. Almost immediately you began to feel the benefits of the small amount of oxygen entering your lungs, breathing a sigh of relief.

You quickly slipped on your slippers before returning downstiar which you figured everyone had returned too by now. You followed the sound of voices and wrappers crinkling in the kitchen, walking into the group there intimately discussing the best type of popcorn. But as soon as Tony caught sight of you standing in the doorway the conversation halted.

“What's with the getup?” he motioned to you.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t know whose shirt it was, it was just in my clean laundry a few days ago.” you said, avoiding the obvious object in question. You looked up to see Nat giving me a pointed look and a deadpan from Tony.

“I meant the tube, and the backpack.”

“It's my new jetpack. You like it?” you smirked childishly at him as he rolled his eyes.

“Y/N. What's with the pack?” Steve commanded, obviously over the jokes.

“Sorry. I just needed a hit of oxygen. Nothing to get your undies in a twist.” you replied quietly. “What movie are we watching?” you asked, grabbing a slice of pizza from one of the various boxes that sat on the counter.

“Why do you need oxygen? Are you ill? Do you need new lungs?” Thor questioned passing over your previous one.

“Do you need your vitals checked?” Bruce suggested.

“How about we just take you to medical and have them look over you quick.” Clint suggested before stuffing the last of his pizza crust into his face.

“Stop!” you demanded, quieting the group. “I’m just fine. I checked my own vitals. I don't need new lungs and I'm not ill. I don't need medical treatment. What I need is just a relaxing night.” you stated.

“Are you sure? It wouldn't be a bad idea to-” Steve started before you cut him off.

“I'm sure. I’ve lived with this my whole life. I know what I need to do. Obviously if the out of breath feeling and the dizziness are constant then yes I’ll let one of you know that I need medical attention. Until then I just need some oxygen and RnR. Can we do that please?” 

“Fine, for now. But if you still feel crappy after the movie you're going down to medical. No questions.” Tony compromised.

“Alright. I'll try not to faint on you guys until then.” you smiled, which immediately faded when no one laughed. “Im kidding.”

“Well, Miss Comedian, what movie are we watching?” Nat asked as she poured herself a glass of water.

“Y/F/M?” you offered, getting nods and sounds of approval. Steve's eyebrows crinked in confusion.

“What's that?”

“You’ll love it, capsicle. Covers everything from the last thousand years.” Tony smirked, grabbing a box of pizza and leaving the kitchen.

Steve glanced at you before looking at everyone else who just smiled and followed Tony. Eventually he got up and walked over to you.

“Hop on.” he said, crouching in front of you. So of course you followed orders, adjusting the tank on your back before climbing onto his.

“Man if I get service like this I should wear my oxygen tanks outside of my room more often.” you smile as he carries me to the living room.

“Wait? You’ve felt the need to wear oxygen before and you didn’t tell us?” his grip under my legs tightened a little.

“Oh wow, they already got the movie set up!” you said, trying to wiggle from his grasp.

“Y/N.”

“Yes, I have just because I know that this would've been the reaction. Im sorry. Next time I feel like this I’ll let you know.”

“Good.” with that he let you down, sitting next to you on the couch once youve settled down. You carefully maneuvered yourself so that your head laid in Steve's lap while your legs were across Thor while the movie played.

It was nice to be worried about every once in a while despite the overbearing motherly attitudes of most of the male teammates, but what can you do?

========================

S.S: Hope you liked it! Again I realize its kind of a case sensitive fic but I havent seen alot of fics with physically disabled characters. Thanks for reading!!

[daaziscoolbesties]

[REPOST] MY 2K WORD COMMENTARY/ANALYSIS OF RANBOO’S LORE STREAM

‼️‼️This post contains lore spoilers from Ranboo’s 4/23 stream, “The Enderwalk Saga. Chapter 1: The Lessons”. If you haven’t seen that stream don’t read ahead unless you want spoilers‼️‼️

disclaimer: this isnt really an analysis as much as a bunch of commentary and half-baked theories.

-on the way to the mansion he was sort of talking to himself saying stuff like "i'm good i'm good" which m a y be a normal thing but also maybe it's not and it flew over our heads cause he talks to chats and donos like that so often

-again, this one may just be a normal thing but when he was climbing up the stairs in the mansion looking for foolish, he repeats some of his words like down to the exact same tone of voice and everything. 12:42,  "this mansion is way too big actually. this mansion is way too big actually." (why the repeated actually? seems odd to me but again it might just be a normal thing that i haven't picked up on). (right after) "okay okay lemme find him lemme find him" again repeated words in the e x a c t same tone.

-does everyone know about ranboo's silk touch hands ability thing? or was that just a techno and ranboo main character moment. bc if it was, how would foolish know that ranboo could pick up the full cake after it'd been partially eaten. unless everyone on the sever knows about that in which case this means nothing. but if they d o n t know... how would foolish know? ranboo wrote about it in the do not read book so maybe if it's not a publicly known thing maybe foolish got his hands on the book and read it??

-14:53-ish, they're talking about the war room and how it was for tubbo or whatever and ranboo says, and i quote "he prepares for lore but he's never gonna do it." now funny thing is at first i couldn't tell if he said "war" like in reference to the war room or "lore". but after playing the clip over and over i can say with ALMOST 100% certainty that he said lore. there is a definite L sound at the beginning of the word. which either means a) this was a slip up (doubtful bc he said later that there were no mistakes), b) he broke the fourth wall because they were supposed to be rping at that point, or c) i'm completely wrong and he said "war" which leads down an entire other road of possibilities

-15:17 "are you a book reader?" "*checks inventory for do not read book* uh yeah i'd say i'm a book reader-" dunno how i didn't catch this the first time I HATE THAT DAMN BOOK

-15:18 there's blue in his hotbar. where did he get the blue.

-16:40 "it's like a metaphor- i have two minds: i have my normal self, my normal little shift-dancing self, and then the builder one. the builder one is demanding. it's a very demanding mind." ranboo then lets out a weird sigh after this. i feel like what foolish was talking about was an indirect(?) parallel to ranboo in and out of enderwalk, there's how he normally is, trying to do best for others, and then there's enderwalk, meeting up with bad guys and "demanding" things (its very late as i write this i really don't know what i'm talking about)

-17:11 "you have your panic closet" i'm sorry his what now 😀 no but seriously how the hell did i miss some of these

-18:04 "you're asking me if i remember?" very funny ranboo thank you for making jokes in these trying times

-18:25 WHY DID HE GET OUT THE AXE WHEN STARING AT THE BEE

-19:38 why did foolish hold the grass block- most of these observations probably mean nothing but- h u h - is that- i'm too tired for this

-19:54 "i never properly thanked you for the deal you made with me" so foolish got something out of this deal, we're not sure if ranboo did. "the green cardboard box" again do you mean dream's house- but seriously the only people i can think of on the server that are associated with green are dream and sam. and i have no idea what cardboard box could be referring to.  foolish got a lime colored shulker from drista

-20:30 "we're supposed to only talk about it at a certain location" hmm now where would that be? panic room maybe? cause like usually after doing a big thing in the enderwalk state ranboo wakes up in the panic room so maybe?  the deal was that they only talk about it in his house

-21:52 how does ranboo receive(?) the lessons? like are they whispered to him in his mind or is he seeing them as words in front of him like we see? hmm

-"Lesson 14: If you have the opportunity to gain a favor, take it." "gain a favor" don't you usually ask people for favors though? how does one "gain a favor"? anyways i'm pretty sure lesson 14 has to do with the deal foolish was talking about. (the deal explained because i now have info: at some point a bit ago foolish met up with ranboo and asked to make a deal, he'd gotten a shulker box from drista. the deal was that ranboo would have ownership of the box, it would be under his name but foolish rents/borrows it indefinitely. ranboo negotiated that if he took ownership of the box he would get a "war favor"  from foolish where if something happens that creates sides, ranboo can ask him a favor that could change his side. but why would foolish want ranboo to have ownership of the shulker you may ask? well i have an answer for you. a theory actually but still. basically since drista technically isn't supposed to give out shit on the server if someone where to have that stuff then they may get in trouble. foolish wants to be able to use the shulker but if it gets found he doesn't want to get in trouble, so he can blame it on ranboo seeing as it's under his name.)

-22:16-ish "i still have this from when you *can't understand whats said here*" well i guess that sort of explains why he had the grass block? idk man (info update: he had the grass block from when ranboo threw it at him telling him to calm down like what ghostbur does with blue)

-31:35 "i figured out how to cause it" how to cause the enderwalk state

-38:30 "ninety three lessons" I STILL DONT KNOW WHY HE KEPT SAYING NINETY THREE AND NOT NINETY FOUR AND ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY LMAO

-39:01 "it's all for the greater good" okay well when are you gonna start thinking about yourself and not everyone else for once huh. self care bitch.

-40:31 he started holding the axe when he was looking at sam- gonna say it i really don't like that axe ahahah- WAIT A DAMN MINUTE THE AXE IS NAMED "axe of ender" I DONT LIKE THAT I DONT LIKE THAT AT ALL

-41:53 is there something?? physically keeping him from telling sam??? or maybe it's sort of like his enderwalk state taking control to make him shut the fuck up??? so many questions and approximately zero answers

-43:18 ranboo raising his voice legitimately scares me 😀👍

-"Lesson 27: Do not reminisce on what you have lost for it will weigh you down." showed up when he was thinking about and REMINISCING about the community house 👀👀

-"Lesson 53: Never fully trust anyone." showed up literally after he said that he thinks he can trust the other people on the server enough to tell them about what he did

-"Lesson 67: Leave no evidence of what you have helped with." this is different from the others because there doesn't seem to be at least a semi-direct connection to it? unless maybe at the time ranboo was near something he may have "helped with"? not sure about this one

-"Lesson 94: DO NOT LET THEM KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE" yeah yeah i get it i get it he's fucked up some shit in enderwalk i don't feel like analyzing this thanks

-OH OH NOTICE HOW HE SAYS "REMEMBERING" WHEN THE LESSONS SHOW UP. IMPLYING THAT THIS ISNT A NEW THING, ITS HAPPENED BEFORE AND NOW HES REMEMBERING IT. MAYBE HE WROTE DOWN THE LESSONS WHEN HE WAS IN ENDERWALK AND NOW THAT HES BEEN EXPERIMENTING ITS BEEN EASIER FOR HIM TO REMEMBER THOSE ENDERWALK MEMORIES

-okokok the experiments are that he's been e x p e r i m e n t i n g on how to purposefully induce the enderwalk state. and we know now that it wasn't from the pain of the water because on the stream afterwords he said that it's caused by the intense fear of something happening. and so the "side effects" of the experiments is that since he's in enderwalk more often(?) he starts remembering more things from it

-OH MY GOD WAIT "there is a reason sam, there's so many reasons, theres ninety three of them" (44:47) WHAT IF EVERY LESSON IS TIED TO A QUOTE UNQUOTE "reason" THAT RANBOO THINKS HES A BAD PERSON/NEEDS TO BE LOCKED UP BUT HE SAYS NINETY THREE INSTEAD OF NINETY FOUR BECAUSE THE NINETY FOURTH LESSON DOESNT HAVE A REASON YET/HE DOESNT REMEMBER IT HAVING A REASON

-dude honestly the whole sam part hurts so much this man is scarily good at acting

-46:46 "i cant put you in the prison you wouldn't be able to see michael anymore" bestie that's the point he doesn't want to accidentally hurt michael or tubbo in the enderwalk state—

-okay but there's no way that sam couldn't tell that ranboo was at least TRYING to confess to something- i feel like he definitely knows more than he's letting on because usually like when people do bad shit or admit to doing bad shit he's like in Prison Guard Mode™️ (he literally cut off ponk's arm because he stole some keycards or something) and whatever and idk what he knows but he definitely knows something and is trying to protect ranboo. or he's trying to manipulate him or smth either one works—

-50:38 "you are a good person" "i am?" you can hear my heart shatter. "yes you are" "i don't think so sam" "i do, even if you don't" "i really don't think so" and there it goes again

-51:25 hello badboyhalo i see you to the left of ranboo

-52:44 "but then my curiosity got the best of me" curiosity killed the cat, bitch

-52:54 "there's ninety three, ninety four, ninety- theres so many reasons!" SEE!! NOT ONLY ARE THERE THAT MANY LESSONS THERE ARE REASONS THAT CORRESPOND IM S O SMART—

-52:56 "i don't want to remember anymore!" *quietly brings forth my theory that when ranboo loses a canon life his memory gets wiped*

-53:13 "ive opened pandora's box" isn't the prison?? literally called pandora's VAULT??? so this m a y be a stretch but i'm thinking that maybe this could be taken in the literal sense that he "opened" the prison and let dream out (the sirens at the end of quackity's stream confirm that dream is indeed out)

-53:42 mans just straight up walked through a ghost i—

-55:37 so are we just gonna ignore the eleventh page of the book? "he's alive, but hopefully soon dream won't be"??? alright nevermind it's most likely bc when tommy came back he recruited ranboo in his plan to kill dream

-55:47 notice how he writes "what am i?" as opposed to "who am i?" no elaboration here idk what it could be

-56:08 just so it's clear for anyone who doesn't know- he's wearing armor at this point, and i'm like 90% sure that when he wears his armor water can't hurt him. and i saw someone say somewhere that like with splash potions when thrown it turns into a gas-like thing? so again, it didn't hurt him, he didn't get hurt. he said in the chill stream that he wasn't comfortable making it where his character had to hurt himself to do that. the thing that causes the enderwalk isn't pain, it's intense and sudden emotions like fear and stress. thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

[kedreeva]

Hi! I write but sometimes I feel like everything I write is trash compared to other people. Ive been trying to join zines for a while and ive been rejected so often (at least 20 at this point) and its getting a bit tiring.

I like writing and the act itself brings me joy. But sometimes I feel like im not good enough at it and I wish I knew how to improve because its as if no matter what I do im just not making any good writing... Do u have any advice on the matter as a sort of fandom/writer mom?

Hi again! Yes I do!

Keep doing it!

Sketch!! Lots of stuff you write is going to be sketches! Ask any artist how many sketches they do compared to how many finished, polished pieces of art they make- and I am including the little doodles in margins, the hands, the eyes, the gesture drawing sketches. A sketch piece of writing doesn’t just mean “a finished first draft” it means do little bits of writing. Write down sentences, write down mood scenes. No one can make perfect things every time, and I think a lot of writers don’t really understand practicing can be any bits of writing and that not every piece of writing has to be polished. ever.

Find a beta reader! Seriously that is the best life decision a writer can ever make; someone that is not afraid to tell you when AND HOW something can be better (but also be prepared to make judgment calls if you think they are wrong). Get more than one if you can! Make friends with editors!

Please note that a good beta reader DOES NOT mean “harsh” it means that they are willing to listen to what you want out of your writing, and they figure out how to help you get there. What that means is different for everyone!

Stop calling your writing trash, even in your head, even if you think it is. This is 100% a case of fake it til you make it. The better you treat yourself with regards to your writing, the better you will feel about it, and the easier it will be to practice enough to do it more and doing it more is the best way to get better. 

Got stories you enjoyed reading? Great! Go fetch them, and then pick them apart for what mechanics they are using that you liked. Do they have good descriptions of stuff? What makes it a good description? Do you want to do what they are doing? Cool! Emulate it! Same goes for sentence structure, characterization, plot arcs, etc. I’m not saying plagiarize someone’s work, but for pete’s sake, artists use references when they’re trying to draw something they want to draw, writers can use references too.

Read your stuff out loud to yourself, and/or get a voice reader and have THAT read your stories to you out loud. I have improved a LOT of my writing by listening to “someone else” (my voice reader) read my writing AND by reading it to myself because I realize where I stumble needs to be changed to flow. It’s so much easier to catch when sentences don’t flow, or when stuff gets repetitive/boring.

I say this one with the caveat that you should ALWAYS take writing advice with a grain of salt (including mine!), but go out and find lessons on story structures, tropes, character creation, plotting, and other story writing elements. Read what others have to say, and put together a mental collage of things that may be useful to you. Discard the rest. Look into the “rules” of writing (sentence structure, word use, grammar, etc) so that you know them; only by knowing them can you break them to a useful, clever effect. 

Join writing groups! Talk about your problems with other writers! Ask for advice! Here’s the one I made a while ago, it’s got a few hundred people in it and Marie runs events sometimes (and is also a GREAT private editor, if you have spare change) and it’s a great place to start: https://discord.gg/YafqNBQ

Do writing events! Even if it’s just for you, or just on tumblr, just do writing events. Do nanowrimo. Do prompt week events for your fandom. Do word-prompt lists. This goes along with the “practice” thing, it’s just one method of practicing. Prompt lists (either organized events, or sentence prompt posts etc) are often a GREAT way to get ideas for little bits of writing that you don’t have to feel obligated to finish out.

Analyze your own writing! Look for things that you like, and things that you can do better on. Why do you like it? Why isn’t it up to snuff? You are harsher than others on your own creation, so this is where having a beta is a GREAT thing; go over your own writing, decide which things you want to talk about before you hand it over, and then (without telling your beta first) compare to what your beta tells you. If they haven’t talked about things you want to talk about, bring them up, and go over them. Sometimes you’re going to be right. Sometimes you’re going to be told “no it’s fine you’re worrying about nothing.” Importantly, IF and WHEN you find things that you both agree can be improved, don’t just change it and move on. Change it, reassess, see if the change worked, and then look at WHY that change worked.

ALSO go over the stuff you got RIGHT. Because OFTEN beta readers may not say anything if they think they understand something, but if you say, “I wanted to present this part this certain way, did it come off like that?” it may cause them to think about it and maybe they thought it was something else, but also maybe you both agree yep, that’s exactly how it came off. Affirming when things have gone right goes a LONG way toward helping you feel better about your writing.

Write up outlines. I don't mean outline your story. I mean write up outlines, even if you never intend to write the story. Outlines help you learn to structure a story from start to finish. They are a sketch of an entire story plot. Sketching is important!!

There’s probably more advice and resources on my “/writing+advice” and “/writing” and “/writing+resources” tags but these are the things I do and/or have done.