#and i was gonna make an app with my therapist

[appavevo]

my big shame this holiday season is that i missed the open enrollment for my works medical insurance, although technically i'm involuntarily loosing my previous insurance because i'm aging out of my dad's, but i still haven't submitted any information about it to my HR person, and now i feel bad about it bc it's the holidays, and also it would have normally gone into affect jan 1

[mocacheezy]

Having sensory issues that you haven't quite registered as proper, real and VALID issues yet can be real interesting. For example;

Me, overwhelmed and fuming with rage and anxiety: How can I fuckity fuck make this better?

*remembers that sunlight and seeing what's outside can make people feel less claustrophobic ergo lowering anxiety*

*forgets that bright lights and colors are a sensory FUCK NO when overwhelmed*

*partially opens the window shutters*

*closes the window shutters*

[yuribalisms]

So I answer this phone call, and the lady is like “I’m getting the documentation to approve this” and I’m like oh thank GOD but then she says “I have to order you specific ear plugs that the company approves of :)” and I’m like “wait ear plugs as in to cancel all noise” and she’s like “yes :)” and I’m like “no this was about ear buds or headphones, things being completely silent is just as bad if not worse for my sensory issues” and she gets real quiet and is like “I’m a going to have to talk to your doctor about this then for some more clarification” and I’m like HFDJSIDKJDKDJDK that is what the letter SAIDD it specified ear buds so I can play things that I know help regulate my sensory issues and it also said in the letter to contact my therapist if anyone had more questions why are we even having this conversation are you fucking stupid it’s already been a MONTH since I turned all this in and now I have to wait even fucking longer because no one can read and wants to be as difficult as possible

[floral-hex]

Made some coffee because I need the boost

Going to go shave off my beard next because I like the occasional clear cut before growing it back and also no one ever sees me so it won’t matter how baby faced I am for the next week.

Going to stupidly retry buspirone later tonight. If you’ve followed my “lore” (and I’m sorry if you have), the last time I tried it over a few days, it only gave me extra anxiety and made me feel hot and incredibly uncomfortable. Maybe that was a fluke. Maybe it was interacting with the antidepressants I had just upped my dose of. Regardless, we’ll give it another shot and if it goes bad again, I’ll just take a couple benadryls, conk out, and not worry about them again.

Okay, I love you.

[milo-is-rambling]

I LOVE YOU PAST MILO -current Milo nauseas head in a sparkling clean toilet I cleaned literally a half hour ago and then got too high while celebrating how clean it looked and feel sick now😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[bratzkoo]

offside | seungcheol

Author: bratzkoo Pairing:  Hockey team player/captain! Seungcheol x Physical Therapist! reader Genre: fluff, chaos Rating: PG-13 Word count: 6.5k Warnings/note: i wrote this to start chaos. have fun reading!

summary: seungcheol's hockey teammates just wants a break from their captain's strictness with hockey practice and decides to force him to join a dating app.

taglist (hit me up if you wanna be added): @escoupseu , @yanabaaaaaaarysheva , @spnyin , @sousydive , @gyuguys

requests are open, but you can just say hi! | masterlist

"Desperate Times Call For Desperate Teamates"

"We need to do something," Seungkwan declared dramatically, sliding down the practice room wall. "I can't feel my legs, and I swear I saw Dino's soul leave his body during that last drill."

The maknae in question was indeed face-down on the floor, only managing a weak thumbs up to confirm his continued existence.

"He's gotten worse," Jeonghan observed from his position on the bench, watching their leader through the glass as Seungcheol reviewed practice footage. Again. "Yesterday, I caught him making a spreadsheet comparing different practice intensities. He color-coded it."

"That's... normal?" Vernon tried optimistically.

"At 3 AM, Vernonie. 3 AM."

A collective groan echoed through the room.

"Did you know," Mingyu started, still catching his breath, "he named his new hockey stick? I heard him calling it 'Dedication' while cleaning it."

"Better than last week's 'Discipline'," Wonwoo muttered, not looking up from his phone where he was apparently documenting their captain's concerning behaviors.

Jun raised his hand like a student in class. "Question: is it normal that he's memorizing the ice rink's maintenance schedule? He knows when they resurface the ice better than the zamboni driver."

"The driver's married, by the way," DK added helpfully. "Even the penalty box has more romance than our captain."

Hoshi suddenly sat up straight, eyes wide with his trademark tiger enthusiasm. "THAT'S IT!"

"Indoor voice, please," Woozi grumbled, rubbing his temples. "Some of us are still recovering from this morning's 'voluntary' extra practice."

"No, no, listen!" Hoshi was now pacing, his energy seemingly restored. "What does our Coups-hyung need?"

"A life?" Minghao suggested.

"Sleep?" from Joshua.

"Therapy?" Wonwoo pushed up his glasses.

"A GIRLFRIEND!" Hoshi announced triumphantly.

The practice room fell silent. Twelve pairs of eyes shifted to look at their captain through the glass, who was now rewinding the same play for what must have been the twentieth time.

"That..." Jeonghan started slowly, a mischievous smile spreading across his face, "might be the first useful thing you've said all year, Hoshi-yah."

"Hey!"

"No, no, he's onto something," Joshua leaned forward, already pulling out his phone. "Remember when Seungcheol-hyung had that crush on the girl from the coffee shop last year?"

"Oh yeah," Dino suddenly revived from his floor position. "He actually left practice on time for like two weeks."

"Until he scared her away by talking about hockey stats," Seungkwan reminded them.

"That's why," Jeonghan stood up, commanding attention like the second eldest should, "we need a plan. A mission."

"A mission impossible," Vernon quipped.

"Exactly!" Jeonghan pointed at him. "We need to get our captain a girlfriend before he turns this team into an Olympic training camp."

Woozi raised an eyebrow. "And how exactly do you propose we do that?"

"Simple," Jeonghan's smile grew wider, more dangerous. "We form committees."

"Oh no," Joshua muttered, knowing that look.

"Oh YES," Seungkwan perked up, loving that look.

And thus, Operation "Mission Impossible: Get Seungcheol a Girlfriend Because We're Afraid He's Gonna Be More Strict With Practice Like Let Him Get a Life Pls Pls Pls" was born.

"We need a shorter name," Wonwoo noted, already typing it in his phone.

"M.I.G.S.A.G.B.W.A.H.G.B.M.S.W.P.L.H.G.A.L.P.P.P?" Vernon tried.

"Perfect," Jeonghan clapped his hands. "Now, for the committees. Hoshi, you're in charge of daily tiger horoscope readings-"

"That's not a thing," Woozi interjected.

"It is now. Joshua, you're documenting everything. Mingyu and Minghao, you're on style watch - make sure he doesn't wear hockey jerseys on dates."

"Bold of you to assume he owns other clothes," Mingyu muttered.

"Seungkwan, you're our drama department-"

"I was born ready!"

"Wonwoo, you're researching dating apps. Vernon and Jun, you're our social media experts. Dino... just try to survive practice for now."

"What about me?" DK raised his hand.

"You and Woozi are our emergency extraction team. If any date goes wrong, you pull him out with a fake emergency."

"Can the emergency be my dying leg muscles?" Dino asked from the floor.

"Speaking of," Jun suddenly pointed at the glass. "Incoming!"

They scattered like startled cats just as Seungcheol opened the door, looking suspiciously at his suddenly innocent-looking teammates.

"Break's over. Let's run that play again."

The collective internal screaming was audible.

"We start tonight," Jeonghan whispered as they lined up. "For our legs."

"For our legs," twelve voices whispered back.

-

6:00 PM - Team Lounge Preparation

"Places everyone!" Jeonghan's voice commanded through the earpieces he'd borrowed (stolen) from the broadcasting team. "Hoshi, status on the PowerPoint?"

"Forty-seven slides of pure tiger-themed conviction!" 

"It was supposed to be five slides," Woozi muttered, sitting at the piano he'd somehow smuggled in. "Also, why am I composing 'The Ballad of Single Seungcheol' again?"

"Emotional impact," Seungkwan explained, practicing his dramatic slides across the floor. "We need background music for my monologue about dying alone."

"No one's dying alone," Joshua sighed, reviewing his crisis management notebook:

- Plan A: Direct confrontation

- Plan B: Emotional manipulation

- Plan C: Vernon's interpretive dance

- Plan Z: Release the embarrassing photos

Meanwhile, Mingyu and Minghao were strategically placing furniture.

"The chair needs to be exactly 45 degrees under the spotlight," Minghao insisted.

"We don't have a spotlight," Mingyu pointed out.

"VERNON!"

"On it!" Vernon appeared with a desk lamp and determination.

At the same time - Y/N's Clinic Break Room

"You need to date," Krissa, Y/N's coworker, declared while stealing her lunch. "When was the last time you went out?"

"I go out!" Y/N protested, thinking about her weekly grocery runs.

"The old lady with the hip replacement asking you to dinner with her grandson doesn't count."

"Mrs. Kim is sweet..."

"She's also convinced her grandson is the next president. He collects rubber ducks, Y/N. Rubber. Ducks."

6:30 PM - The Ambush Begins

Seungcheol was having a good day. He'd organized new training menus (color-coded by intensity), named his newest hockey stick ("Perseverance"), and only spent three hours analyzing game footage.

The first sign something was wrong: the lounge lights were off.

The second sign: Mingyu trying (failing) to hide his 6'2" frame behind a plant.

"What-"

"HYUNG!" Seungkwan's voice echoed dramatically. "Do you know what day it is?"

"...Thursday?"

"IT'S YOUR INTERVENTION!"

The lights flashed on. Seungcheol found himself surrounded by his teammates, each wearing matching black hoodies with "Code Red: The Captain NEEDS a GIRLFRIEND" printed in glittering letters.

"Are those... rhinestones?"

"Focus!" Jeonghan stepped forward. "Seungcheol-ah, we need to talk about your relationship with hockey."

"My perfectly normal-"

"YOU TRIED TO INSTALL AN ICE RINK IN YOUR APARTMENT!" DK interrupted.

"It was a small one-"

"Exhibit A!" Hoshi clicked to his first slide, featuring a pie chart of Seungcheol's daily activities:

- 60% Hockey

- 30% Thinking about hockey

- 9% Basic human needs

- 1% Everything else

"That's... not accurate?"

"Exhibit B!" Another slide: a photo series titled 'The Evolution of Our Captain's Dating Life' showing:

- 2019: Attempted to explain offside rules on first date

- 2020: Brought hockey stick to coffee shop

- 2021: Asked team manager for practice schedules during blind date

- 2022: "Is being married to hockey valid?"

Meanwhile - Y/N's Evening Commute

"Just download the app," Krissa had insisted, practically forcing Y/N's thumb onto the install button. "Trust the algorithm!"

Now, squished between a businessman and a grandmother on the subway, Y/N found herself mindlessly scrolling through profiles.

Too posed. Too filtered. Too... is that guy posing with a fish?

Then she saw it.

'Cheol, 26'

The first photo was clearly candid - a genuine smile, caught mid-laugh. Someone had badly edited out what looked like hockey gear in the background, leaving obvious white spaces.

The second photo: attempting to look serious but his eyes gave away suppressed laughter. More suspicious white spaces around him.

The third: clearly taken without his knowledge, feeding a stray cat.

Bio: "Just a guy who likes ice sports and dad jokes. My friends made me download this. They're currently holding my training menus hostage. Send help."

Y/N found herself smiling. There was something refreshingly honest about him.

Back at the Ambush...

"And THAT'S why penguins mate for life!" Hoshi concluded slide thirty-seven.

"What do penguins have to do with-" Seungcheol started.

"EVERYTHING!" Seungkwan was now lying dramatically across the floor. "Even flightless birds find love, hyung!"

"Woozi-hyung, music!" DK cued.

The opening notes of 'The Ballad of Single Seungcheol' filled the room, accompanied by Vernon's unexpected contemporary dance.

"When did he learn-" Seungcheol tried again.

"STOP DEFLECTING!" Jeonghan commanded. "Mingyu, the phone!"

"For our legs!" Mingyu declared, executing a perfect phone-grabbing maneuver.

"YAH!"

"Jun, Minghao, initiate synchronized intervention dance!"

"We have a dance?!" Minghao looked panicked.

"Improvise!"

- After 15 minutes of improvised dance, they managed to make Seungcheol agree in making a dating app profile: "Bio first," Wonwoo adjusted his glasses, phone in hand. "Interests?"

"Hockey!" Seungcheol offered from his chair, where he was being guarded by Mingyu and Jun.

"NO!" Eleven voices shouted.

"Put 'enjoys sports'," Joshua suggested diplomatically.

"And dad jokes," Jeonghan added. "He needs to warn them early."

"What about: 'Looking for someone to share ice cream with'?" Vernon suggested.

"That's... actually cute?" Woozi sounded surprised.

"Add 'good with kids'!" Hoshi insisted.

"I've never-"

"YOU LITERALLY TUCK US IN AFTER PRACTICE!" Seungkwan interrupted.

Photo Selection Committee:

"No hockey photos," Mingyu declared, scrolling through Seungcheol's gallery.

"That's 98% of my photos-"

"We know," Minghao sighed. "That's the problem."

"Oh! This one!" Dino pointed. "From team dinner!"

"Too many hockey players in frame," Joshua vetoed.

"We could edit them out?" Jun suggested.

"NO-" Seungcheol started.

"Wonwoo, your Photoshop skills!" Jeonghan commanded.

"On it."

"Is that... why is there a white blob where Mingyu was standing?"

"Artistic choice," Wonwoo muttered, concentrated.

Meanwhile - Y/N's Apartment

"You're overthinking," Krissa's voice came through the phone as Y/N stared at Cheol's profile.

"His friends clearly made this profile-"

"That's cute! It means he's not a player."

"But what if-"

"Y/N, I swear, if you don't swipe right-"

"His smile seems genuine..."

"SWIPE. RIGHT. NOW."

Back at the Ambush:

"And done!" Wonwoo announced. "Profile complete."

Seungcheol looked horrified at the final result:

Photos:

Team dinner (now with mysterious white blobs)

Feeding cat (only half-edited hockey stick visible)

Candid laugh (suspiciously cropped)

Bio: "Just a guy who enjoys sports, dad jokes, and ice cream. Good with kids (and teammates). My friends made me download this. They're currently holding my training menus hostage. Send help."

"It's... honest?" Joshua offered.

"Too honest," Seungcheol groaned.

"Now we wait-" Jeonghan started.

ping

Thirteen heads snapped toward the phone.

"Is that..." Dino peered closer.

"A MATCH!" Seungkwan actually collapsed.

"Someone check if he's breathing," Woozi muttered.

Y/N's profile lit up the screen.

Seungcheol felt his ears turn red as he read:

"Physical therapist who loves dogs, rainy days, and helping people recover. Looking for something genuine. Probably swiping through this while drinking coffee."

Her smile was warm, natural. No filters, no posed shots. Just... real.

"She's perfect!" Hoshi declared. "The stars-"

"If you say the stars align one more time-" Woozi threatened.

"But they do!"

"Quick, say something!" Mingyu urged.

"I can do this myself-"

"The last time you messaged someone, you sent hockey statistics," Jun reminded him.

"One time!"

"Three times," Joshua corrected, consulting his notes. "Four if we count the referee explanation."

Seungcheol looked at Y/N's profile again. Something about her eyes seemed kind, understanding. Before his teammates could interfere, he typed:

"Since you're a physical therapist, any advice for teammates who dramatically fall during interventions?"

Across Seoul, Y/N was curled up on her couch when the message came through. She laughed out loud, typing back:

"Depends. Was it a planned fall or genuine distress? In my professional opinion, dramatic interventions require proper falling technique."

In the team lounge:

"She has humor!" Seungkwan had revived just to faint again.

"And medical knowledge for your old joints!" Dino dodged another flying pillow.

"Mission status?" Jeonghan asked formally.

"Phase one..." Joshua consulted his notebook, "surprisingly successful?"

"Now what?" Vernon asked.

"Now," Jeonghan smiled mysteriously, "we begin Phase Two: Operation First Date."

"We have a Phase Two?" Woozi looked concerned.

"We have phases up to Z," Joshua showed his notebook.

"God help us all," Seungcheol muttered, but he was smiling at his phone.

Little did Y/N know that her simple right swipe had initiated not just a potential romance, but had inadvertently involved her in the chaos of thirteen hockey players' most ambitious mission yet.

And somewhere in the lounge, Hoshi was already preparing his "Why Tigers Make Great Wedding Mascots" presentation.

-

“How To Text While Twelve People Read Over Your Shoulder"

Team Lounge - 10 Minutes Post-Match

"Don't just stare at her message," Mingyu urged, practically draped over Seungcheol's shoulder.

"I'm thinking-"

"That's your problem!" Seungkwan had recovered enough to offer wisdom. "Less thinking, more heart!"

Seungcheol typed: "My teammate's falls are an art form. Years of practice-"

"NO SPORTS REFERENCES!" Twelve voices yelled.

Delete, delete, delete.

"Just be yourself," Joshua advised.

"But not too much yourself," Jeonghan added.

"What does that even mean?" Seungcheol groaned.

Meanwhile - Y/N's Apartment

"He's taking a while to respond," Y/N muttered, watching the typing bubble appear and disappear.

"Maybe he's nervous?" Krissa suggested through the phone.

"Or composing poetry," Y/N joked.

"Or being attacked by friends," Krissa laughed.

If only she knew.

Back at the Lounge:

"Okay, how about..." Seungcheol tried again.

"You have to match her energy!" Hoshi was now doing his tiger-energy dance.

"Stop pressuring him," Wonwoo adjusted his glasses. "Statistically, overthinking first messages leads to-"

"No statistics!" Jun covered his ears.

Finally, Seungcheol managed to type:

"Would you believe me if I said one teammate has a dedicated falling technique for every emotional situation? We're currently at 'betrayed by captain who won't date' level dramatics."

Send.

"OH MY GOD HE SENT IT-" Seungkwan started hyperventilating.

"Quick, everyone act natural!" DK suggested, immediately striking the most unnatural pose possible.

Y/N's response came quickly:

"😂 As a professional, I'd love to analyze these techniques. For medical purposes, of course. Does he take appointments?"

The lounge erupted:

"She's funny!" from Vernon.

"She used an emoji!" Dino noted.

"Medical purposes," Woozi smirked.

"RESPOND FASTER!" Mingyu shook Seungcheol.

Meanwhile, in another corner, Operation Phase Two was already underway:

"Gather round," Jeonghan whispered to his secret subcommittee. "We need to prepare for every possible first date scenario."

Joshua pulled out a new notebook labeled "First Date Contingency Plans A-Z":

Plan A: Coffee Shop

- Pros: Casual, easy escape

- Cons: Might talk about hockey

- Solution: Remove all sports channels from café TVs

Plan B: Dog Café

- Pros: Cute animals, natural conversation

- Cons: Seungcheol might be allergic

- Note: Test for allergies immediately

Plan C: Restaurant

- Pros: Traditional, romantic

- Cons: Too much pressure

- Solution: Have team occupy all surrounding tables

"Should we include Plan T for Tiger Zoo?" Hoshi asked hopefully.

"No."

Back to the main conversation:

Seungcheol: "He's currently booked solid with interventions, but I hear he's willing to demonstrate for medical professionals 😊"

Y/N: "How generous! Though I should warn you, my professional opinion might include prescribing more social interactions for certain hockey-focused captains 😉"

The lounge went silent.

"Did she just..." Vernon started.

"She figured out..." Mingyu gasped.

"A WOMAN OF INTELLIGENCE!" Seungkwan declared.

Seungcheol felt his ears redden but found himself smiling as he typed:

"Caught me. Though in my defense, my team's intervention included a PowerPoint about why penguins finding love means I should too."

Y/N's Apartment:

She was grinning at her phone, ignoring Krissa's demands for updates. There was something endearing about this clearly hockey-obsessed captain and his concerned teammates.

Y/N: "Penguins are quite romantic. Though I hope your team knows humans have slightly different courtship rituals. Slightly."

Team Lounge:

"Is this... flirting?" Dino whispered in awe.

"Taking notes," Joshua muttered, scribbling furiously.

"We should give them space," Woozi suggested sensibly.

Nobody moved.

"I meant that as a command," Woozi glared.

Still nobody moved.

Seungcheol, somehow managing to type despite twelve people breathing down his neck:

"Would you be interested in discussing these human courtship rituals over coffee? I promise no PowerPoints. Can't guarantee no dramatic teammates though."

The lounge held its breath.

Y/N: "I'd like that! Fair warning though - I might assess your teammate's falling technique from afar. Professional curiosity 😊"

"SHE SAID YES!" 

Chaos erupted:

- Seungkwan fainted (again)

- Hoshi began his victory tiger dance

- Vernon started his congratulatory rap

- Woozi contemplated early retirement

- Jeonghan's eyes gleamed with Phase Two possibilities

"Operation First Date begins now," Joshua announced formally.

"Can I just plan my own date?" Seungcheol tried.

The look of pity he received from twelve pairs of eyes was answer enough.

- "Operation First Date (Or Twelve Ways to Overcomplicate Coffee)"

The Pre-Date Strategy Meeting - 3 Days Before

"ATTENTION!" Jeonghan stood at a whiteboard, pointer in hand. The team lounge had been transformed into a tactical command center, complete with:

- Floor plans of every coffee shop in a 5-mile radius

- Weather forecasts for the next week

- A mysterious PowerPoint titled "Tiger Luck in Romance"

- Seungkwan's "Emergency Scenarios" binder

- Joshua's "Date Exit Strategies A-Z"

Seungcheol sat in the corner, wondering where it all went wrong.

"First," Jeonghan began, "location analysis."

Wonwoo stepped forward, pushing up his glasses:

"I've compiled data on 47 potential coffee shops based on:

- Ambient lighting

- Background music volume

- Table spacing for optimal conversation

- Distance from hockey-related establishments

- Escape route availability"

"It's just coffee," Seungcheol muttered.

"JUST COFFEE?!" Seungkwan clutched his chest. "This is your FUTURE!"

"Moving on," Jeonghan continued. "Mingyu, wardrobe report."

Mingyu unveiled a clothing rack that definitely wasn't in the lounge this morning.

"I've prepared three categories:

1. 'Casual but Make It Romantic'

2. 'Yes I'm a Hockey Captain but I Read Books Too'

3. 'Trust Me I Have Other Hobbies'"

"Are those my clothes?" Seungcheol squinted.

"No, these are better," Minghao replied, sorting through fabrics. "Your clothes all say 'I sleep in hockey gear.'"

Meanwhile - Y/N's Preparation

"Just wear something comfortable," Krissa suggested, watching Y/N tear through her closet.

"But what kind of comfortable? Coffee comfortable? First date comfortable? Meeting-a-hockey-captain comfortable?"

"Is that last one a category?"

"I'm making it one!"

Back at Strategy HQ:

"Conversation topics!" Joshua read from his notebook.

DK raised his hand. "What about-"

"No hockey," everyone chorused.

"But-"

"NO. HOCKEY."

Hoshi bounced up. "The stars say-"

"No horoscopes," Woozi interrupted.

"But the tigers-"

"Especially no tiger horoscopes."

Vernon, surprisingly practical: "Why don't you just... talk normally?"

The room fell silent. Everyone looked at Vernon like he'd suggested playing hockey blindfolded.

"Talk... normally?" Jeonghan tested the words.

"Like... without a script?" Jun looked concerned.

"Absolutely not," Seungkwan declared. "We need contingency plans!"

The Emergency Scenarios Binder appeared:

- Scenario 1: Awkward Silence

  Solution: Pre-planted conversation cards under sugar packets

- Scenario 2: Hockey Mention

  Solution: DK's emergency dance distraction

- Scenario 3: Rain

  Solution: Strategic umbrella placement by Jun

- Scenario 4: She Recognizes Surveillance Team

  Solution: Mingyu's "We're Filming a Documentary" cover story

"Surveillance team?!" Seungcheol stood up.

"Sit down," Jeonghan commanded. "We're not done with the scenarios."

"There's more?!"

"There's always more," Joshua said ominously, flipping to his notebook's section labeled 'Crisis Management'.

Dino raised his hand. "What about our positions?"

"Ah yes," Jeonghan pulled down a blueprint. "Operation Coffee Shop Placement":

- Wonwoo & Mingyu: Window seats, pretending to study

- Joshua & Jeonghan: Counter, monitoring drink orders

- Seungkwan & Vernon: Outside café, "casual" pedestrians

- Jun & Minghao: Corner table, fake art students

- Hoshi: Emergency tiger energy provider

- Woozi: Getaway driver

- DK & Dino: Backup dancers if needed

"Getaway driver?!" Seungcheol looked alarmed.

"You never know," Woozi shrugged.

"And I'll be monitoring everyone's positions through these," Hoshi proudly held up twelve earpieces.

"Absolutely not," Seungcheol stood again.

"You're right," Jeonghan nodded. "We need color-coded earpieces."

The Day Before - Final Preparations:

Text from Y/N: "Looking forward to tomorrow! Any preference for which café?"

The team lounge exploded into action:

- Wonwoo consulting his café spreadsheets

- Mingyu checking lighting angles

- Joshua reviewing escape routes

- Seungkwan practicing his "casual pedestrian" walk

- Hoshi doing good luck tiger dances

Seungcheol, somehow maintaining sanity: "How about Stone Street Café at 2?"

"THAT WASN'T ON THE APPROVED LIST!" Seungkwan screeched.

"Perfect timing and place!" Y/N replied.

"She's perfect," Hoshi whispered. "The tigers were right."

"The tigers weren't-" Woozi started, then gave up.

"Tomorrow then," Jeonghan announced dramatically, "Operation First Date begins."

"Can't wait! 😊" Y/N texted, blissfully unaware of the twelve-man tactical team she'd inadvertently invited to coffee.

- "Operation First Date (Or How Twelve Hockey Players Became Drama Addicts)"

D-Day: Stone Street Café

1:30 PM - Initial Positions

"Everyone remember their roles?" Jeonghan whispered into the earpiece.

"We could just... not do this," Woozi suggested from the getaway car.

"COMMITMENT!" Seungkwan adjusted his "casual pedestrian" beret.

1:45 PM - Target Sighting

"Eagle has landed," Vernon reported, watching Seungcheol approach. "He's... wait."

"Report!" Jeonghan demanded.

"He looks... good?"

Everyone peered through various windows and hiding spots. Their captain had somehow:

- Styled his hair naturally

- Worn the outfit they approved

- Arrived early

- Wasn't carrying any hockey equipment

"Did we enter an alternate universe?" Minghao whispered.

1:55 PM - Second Target

"Y/N approaching from the east," Mingyu reported from his "study" table. "She's..."

"She's?" Eleven voices asked.

"Wow."

Y/N walked up to the café, a simple sundress and genuine smile making their captain visibly malfunction.

"Oh no, he's frozen," Jun panicked.

"Deploy emergency-" Seungkwan started.

But then...

2:00 PM - The Shift

Seungcheol smiled - not his camera smile, not his captain smile, but something softer. He opened the door for her, and...

"Did you see that?" Joshua whispered.

"The way they both laughed at the same time?" Jeonghan was already invested.

"Shhh!" Dino hushed. "We can't hear!"

Inside the café:

"I honestly wasn't sure if you'd come alone," Y/N grinned, settling into her seat.

"What makes you think I did?" Seungcheol raised an eyebrow.

Y/N casually glanced around, spotting:

- Two very tall men aggressively pretending to study

- A pair of "art students" who hadn't touched their sketchbooks

- A beret-wearing individual walking past the window for the fifth time

"Just a hunch," she smiled.

In various hiding spots:

"She knows!" Vernon whispered.

"But she's not running," Wonwoo observed.

"Guys," Mingyu suddenly said, "look."

They watched as Seungcheol and Y/N fell into easy conversation. No emergency cards needed. No tiger horoscopes required. Just... natural.

2:30 PM - The Evolution

"Should we deploy conversation starter #7?" Seungkwan asked.

"Wait..." Jeonghan held up his hand, watching.

Inside:

"So," Y/N leaned forward, "tell me about hockey."

Twelve hearts stopped.

But instead of launching into statistics, Seungcheol said, "Only if you tell me about what made you choose physical therapy."

She lit up, and suddenly they were sharing stories, laughing, completely lost in their own world.

The Surveillance Team:

"Are we... watching a drama?" DK whispered.

"Quick, someone film this!" Hoshi was emotional.

"Already on it," Joshua had his phone out.

3:00 PM - The Realization

One by one, the earpieces went silent. The elaborate plans forgotten. Twelve hockey players found themselves completely invested in watching their captain just... be happy.

"They're perfect together," Seungkwan sniffled.

"The way she makes him laugh..." Dino observed.

"The way he actually listens..." Mingyu added.

"No one mention hockey once..." Woozi noted, now inside with popcorn(?).

4:00 PM - Mission Evolution

As Seungcheol and Y/N prepared to leave, plans for a second date already made, the team had completely abandoned their positions in favor of:

- Seungkwan and DK writing a musical about them

- Hoshi planning their wedding

- Joshua documenting everything for future generations

- Jeonghan already plotting "Operation Second Date"

- Mingyu and Vernon designing couple merchandise

- Minghao and Jun choreographing a congratulatory dance

- Wonwoo calculating their compatibility (98.7%)

- Dino learning wedding songs

- Woozi pretending he wasn't composing a love song

Outside the Café:

"Your friends are really invested," Y/N commented, watching various heads duck behind plants.

"I'm sorry about them," Seungcheol rubbed his neck.

"Don't be. It's sweet. Though..." she grinned, "they might want to work on their stealth skills. I don't think art students usually cry over other people's coffee dates."

They both looked at Seungkwan, who was openly weeping into his beret.

"Second date?" Seungcheol asked hopefully.

"Definitely. Maybe somewhere with less... audience?"

"IMPOSSIBLE!" came a chorus of whispers from various plants.

Later - Team Lounge:

"Mission status?" Jeonghan asked formally.

"Complete success," Joshua reported, still emotional.

"Better than success," Seungkwan declared. "It's true love!"

"It's one date," Woozi reminded them.

"But did you see how they LOOKED at each other?!" Hoshi was already preparing his "Why Tigers Make Perfect Ring Bearers" presentation.

"So..." Vernon asked what everyone was thinking, "Operation Second Date?"

Seungcheol, walking in: "No."

"But-"

"Absolutely not."

"We'll be subtle!" Mingyu promised.

"You cried into a textbook."

"Those were subtle tears!"

Y/N's Apartment:

"How was it?" Krissa demanded.

Y/N smiled, thinking of gentle eyes and genuine laughs, of twelve not-so-hidden supporters and one perfect afternoon.

"It was... unexpected. In the best way."

Her phone buzzed:

Seungcheol: "I apologize for my team. They're... enthusiastic."

Y/N: "They care about you. It's cute. Though I did wonder why one kept making tiger poses."

Seungcheol: "That's just Hoshi. Wait until you meet him properly."

Y/N: "Looking forward to it 😊"

Team Lounge:

"She said she's looking forward to meeting us!" Seungkwan announced to the group chat.

"FAMILY DINNER!" twelve voices decided.

"No," Seungcheol texted back.

"Too late," Jeonghan was already planning.

"Operation Family Dinner begins now!" Joshua declared.

"We're not calling it-" Woozi started.

"OPERATION FAMILY DINNER!" everyone chorused.

Seungcheol sighed, but he was smiling. Maybe their chaos had led to something perfect after all.

-

"The One Where Someone Actually Likes Hockey (And Him)"

Operation Family Dinner Prep - Team Lounge

"Ground rules," Jeonghan addressed the team. "No embarrassing stories-"

"There goes my PowerPoint," Seungkwan sighed.

"No tiger facts-"

"But-" Hoshi started.

"NO tiger facts, and absolutely no-"

"MISSION ACCOMPLISHED BANNER!" Mingyu and Vernon burst in, proudly displaying a giant banner reading "THANK YOU FOR LIKING OUR CAPTAIN"

"Take it down," Seungcheol groaned.

"But we used glitter!" Vernon protested.

Meanwhile - Y/N's Apartment

"Twelve hockey players," Krissa repeated. "You're having dinner with twelve hockey players."

"Plus Seungcheol," Y/N added, trying on her fifth outfit.

"The same twelve who stalked your coffee date?"

"They weren't stalking! They were... enthusiastically supporting."

The Dinner - 7 PM

Y/N arrived at the team's favorite restaurant to find:

- The banner (they didn't take it down)

- Seungkwan practicing his welcome speech

- Hoshi's "subtle" tiger decorations

- Twelve very excited hockey players

- One very apologetic Seungcheol

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "We can leave-"

"Are you kidding? This is adorable!"

The team collectively melted.

Dinner was in full swing when Seungcheol started explaining a particularly complex play. The twelve teammates watched in fascination, each processing this unprecedented scene differently:

Jeonghan's Corner: "I've seen him scare away five dates with hockey talk," he whispered to Joshua. "Six," Joshua corrected, still filming. "Remember the coffee shop girl who ran away during his penalty explanation?" "But look at Y/N..." They watched as she drew actual play diagrams on napkins. "Are we sure she's real?"

Hoshi & DK's Observation: "The way she gets excited when he gets excited," DK clutched his chest. "It's like watching a drama!" Hoshi wiped a tear. "Better than your tiger documentaries?" "Nothing's better than- OH MY GOD SHE JUST ASKED ABOUT GAME STRATEGIES!"

Mingyu to Wonwoo: "Remember when he tried explaining hockey to my sister?" "She blocked his number," Wonwoo nodded. "But Y/N just asked him to explain MORE." "Statistically impossible but... happening right in front of us."

Minghao noticed something: "Look at his hands," he whispered to Jun. "What about them?" "They're not doing the nervous thing. He's just... comfortable." Jun sniffled: "Our captain's growing up!"

Woozi's Mental Notes:

First date to survive hockey talk ✓

Actually understands offside rules ✓

Makes Seungcheol laugh naturally ✓

Might need to compose a love song after all

Seungkwan's Live Commentary to Vernon: "Did you see that? She just made a hockey joke!" "And he actually laughed-" "NOT THE POLITE LAUGH, VERNON. THE REAL ONE!" "Should you be taking notes this intensely?" "This is historical documentation!"

Dino, watching it all unfold: "Hyung looks... different." "Happy," everyone replied simultaneously.

The turning point came when Y/N casually mentioned:

"Oh, that reminds me of your game last month - the one where you adjusted the defensive formation mid-play? That was brilliant."

Seungcheol froze mid-explanation. "You... watched our old games?"

Y/N blushed slightly. "I might have done some research? I wanted to understand what you love about it. Plus," she grinned, "watching you lead your team is pretty attractive."

Several things happened at once:

Seungkwan choked on air

Jeonghan dropped his phone

Joshua caught it without looking (still filming)

Hoshi started doing tiny victory tiger paws

Mingyu and Minghao high-fived

Wonwoo's glasses fogged up

DK clutched Jun in emotional support

Vernon patted a crying Seungkwan

Woozi pretended he wasn't writing lyrics

Dino watched his hyungs lose their collective minds

But most importantly: Seungcheol looked at Y/N like she had just scored the winning goal in the championship game.

Later, during dessert:

"I have a confession," Y/N admitted to the table. "I might have noticed you all at the coffee shop."

"We were subtle!" Seungkwan protested.

"You cried into a plant."

"Those were subtle tears!"

"And the one doing tiger poses by the window..."

"That was for good luck!" Hoshi defended.

"And the two tall ones pretending to study..."

Mingyu and Wonwoo suddenly found the ceiling fascinating.

"...was actually really sweet. He's lucky to have people who care so much."

The team melted all over again.

"She understands us too," Jeonghan whispered reverently.

"ONE OF US!" Seungkwan declared.

"We're keeping her," Hoshi announced.

"That's not how it works-" Woozi started.

"Too late! Already adopted!" DK confirmed.

Y/N laughed, fitting perfectly into their chaos while her hand found Seungcheol's under the table.

Later that night, Team Group Chat (Minus Seungcheol):

Seungkwan: EMERGENCY MEETING Joshua: It's midnight Seungkwan: LOVE DOESN'T SLEEP Jeonghan: Operation Wedding Planning begins Woozi: It's been ONE dinner Hoshi: BUT DID YOU SEE THEM?! Mingyu: They're perfect 🥺 Vernon: The way she understood hockey... DK: The way he smiled... Jun: The way they looked at each other... Minghao: The way they just fit... Dino: So... Operation Wedding Planning? Wonwoo: sends spreadsheet 

Meanwhile, Seungcheol walking Y/N home:

"I'm sorry about them," he started.

"Don't be. They're wonderful. Chaotic, but wonderful."

"Like a hurricane of love," he laughed.

"With a tiger twist," she added.

He looked at her then, really looked at her, and thought maybe his team's crazy plans weren't so crazy after all.

- Something was definitely different about their captain. The first signs were subtle - arriving five minutes late to practice (unheard of), constant phone checking (suspicious), and most alarmingly, humming while setting up drills (miraculous). The team huddled at the corner of the rink, watching Seungcheol with a mixture of awe and disbelief as he smiled at his phone for the fifth time in ten minutes.

"I think we broke him," Seungkwan whispered, clutching Vernon's arm. "Our plan worked too well."

Two months into dating Y/N, and their strict, hockey-obsessed captain had transformed into someone who said things like "the ice understands love" with complete seriousness. The man who once made them repeat a play 47 times now ended practice early because "the lighting at the coffee shop is perfect at 4 PM."

The real shock came during their morning practice. Seungcheol, still typing on his phone with a soft smile, casually announced, "No Sunday practice this week." The rink fell silent. Twelve pairs of eyes stared at their captain as if he'd just declared he was quitting hockey to become a tiger trainer (much to Hoshi's disappointment, he wasn't).

"Why?" Jeonghan dared to ask, though they all knew the answer. Their captain's ears turned that telling shade of red as he mumbled something about Y/N planning something special.

"WHIPPED!" Seungkwan coughed not-so-subtly, earning a half-hearted glare from their leader. The fact that he didn't assign extra laps for the comment only proved the point.

Meanwhile, across town at the physical therapy clinic, Y/N was having a similar effect on her workplace. Her colleagues had grown used to her sudden laughs at hockey memes ("He explains the rules so passionately!"), her lunch breaks extending whenever a certain captain dropped by ("Just five more minutes, he's explaining a new play"), and the way she lit up every time her phone buzzed.

"You actually enjoy his hockey talks," Krissa observed with amazement during their break. "Like, genuinely enjoy them."

Y/N smiled, remembering how Seungcheol's eyes sparkled when she asked about his game strategies. "He's cute when he's excited about it. Besides," she added, checking her phone where Seungcheol had sent a detailed analysis of their morning practice, complete with heart emojis, "his passion is attractive."

Back at the rink, the team was experiencing the full effects of their captain's transformation. Team meetings that once ran for hours now ended with "Any questions? No? Great, I have a date." Their notorious extended cool-downs had shortened considerably because "Y/N found this great lunch spot."

"Remember when he made us sleep at the rink before big games?" Jun whispered to Minghao during water break, watching their captain practically skip while texting.

"Now he leaves early because 'Y/N might get cold waiting,'" Minghao mimicked, though his smile was fond.

The team often found themselves "accidentally" having lunch near Y/N's clinic, watching their captain transform from fierce hockey leader to soft boyfriend in seconds. He'd arrive with her favorite coffee and snacks, his whole demeanor changing at the sight of her smile.

"It's actually kind of beautiful," Seungkwan sniffled, watching through the café window as Seungcheol forgot about his beloved hockey for a full minute, just staring at Y/N like she hung the stars.

"Disgusting," Woozi corrected, but he was already composing what he'd never admit was a love song.

"Remember our mission?" Jeonghan mused, watching their captain laugh at something Y/N said. "Get Seungcheol a girlfriend because we're afraid he's gonna be more strict with practice?"

"Mission accomplished?" Joshua suggested, still filming everything for their future wedding video.

"Better than accomplished," Mingyu grinned, pointing at their captain who was now excitedly explaining a play with sugar packets while Y/N watched with genuine interest. "We got him a girlfriend who actually likes hockey."

"And him," Vernon added importantly.

"The tigers blessed us," Hoshi declared solemnly.

For once, no one argued with the tiger agenda. They were too busy watching their captain being happy, finally having found someone who loved both his passion and him, hockey statistics and all.

- It became their thing - late evening walks after his practice and her clinic hours, usually ending up at the quiet café near the rink. Tonight, Seungcheol watched as Y/N drew little stick figures on a napkin, seriously explaining how his last play could be modified. The café owner, used to their presence, had long stopped asking if they wanted refills, just quietly placing fresh cups of coffee at their table.

"See, if you shift this position slightly," Y/N pointed with her pen, completely focused, "it might give you better coverage on the left side." She looked up to find him staring at her with that soft expression he seemed to reserve just for these moments. "What?"

"Nothing," he smiled, reaching across to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "Just... do you know you scrunch your nose when you're really focused on explaining something?"

"Says the one who gets excited sparkles in his eyes when talking about new practice drills," she teased back, catching his hand and intertwining their fingers.

These quiet moments were theirs, away from twelve enthusiastic supporters (who they both knew were probably somewhere nearby, with Seungkwan likely crying into Joshua's shoulder about 'true love'). Here, they could just be Seungcheol and Y/N - not the hockey captain and the physical therapist, just two people who found each other through a chaotic intervention and some badly edited dating app photos.

"I never thanked them properly," Y/N mused, playing with his fingers.

"The team? Pretty sure they consider you letting Hoshi explain tiger love compatibility at dinner last week as thanks enough."

She laughed, remembering how seriously Hoshi had presented his PowerPoint while the others tried (failed) to stop him. "Not just for that. For caring about you enough to stage that whole intervention. For being so invested in your happiness that they turned into part-time spies."

"Terrible spies," Seungcheol corrected, thinking of Mingyu's failed attempts at stealth despite his height, and Seungkwan's dramatic crying behind plants. "But yeah, they're... special."

"Your family," she smiled softly.

"Our family now," he corrected, then blushed at his own boldness. "I mean, if you want- they've kind of already adopted you- but no pressure-"

She stopped his rambling with a gentle squeeze of his hand. "I'd love that. Though I should warn you, I might enable your hockey obsession more than they'd like."

"You mean you'll actually listen to my game analysis?"

"I already do that."

"And watch practice sometimes?"

"Already planning to."

"And not run away when I name my hockey sticks?"

"As long as you don't name them all after me," she teased.

His ears turned red. "About that..."

"Cheol! How many?"

"Just the new one! And maybe the backup one. And possibly the special game day one..."

Her laughter filled the café, and Seungcheol thought about how perfectly she fit into his life - into their lives. How she understood not just his passion for hockey, but also his need to take care of twelve chaotic teammates. How she'd become part of their family so naturally, like she was always meant to be there.

"Hey," he said softly, making her look up from where she was still drawing play diagrams. "I love you."

It wasn't the first time he'd said it, but it still made her heart skip just like it did that first time (when he blurted it out after she attended his game and actually understood why a particular play was brilliant).

"I love you too," she smiled, "hockey obsession and all."

"And the twelve-man emotional support team that comes with it?"

"Especially them. Though..." she glanced at the window where several suspicious plants seemed to have gathered, "they might need some work on their stealth skills."

Outside, they could faintly hear Seungkwan's emotional "They're so perfect!" followed by multiple shushes and what sounded like Woozi dragging him away.

Seungcheol just smiled, squeezing her hand. Let them watch. Let them see that sometimes the craziest plans work out perfectly. Let them witness that yes, someone could love both hockey and him, statistics and all.

And if their next date happened to be watching game footage while Y/N pointed out defensive patterns and Seungcheol fell more in love with every observation, well... that was just their kind of perfect.

[In the group chat later that night] Seungkwan: THEY'RE SO IN LOVE 😭 Jeonghan: Mission Accomplished ✓ Hoshi: The tigers blessed this union 🐯 Woozi: Stop watching them on dates Joshua: But the wedding video... DK: They're literally perfect??? Mingyu: Hyung named THREE sticks after her Vernon: Whipped culture Jun: Worth all the spy training Minghao: We did that Wonwoo: Statistically impossible but real Dino: So... Mission Possible: Wedding? All: MISSION POSSIBLE: WEDDING!

[rottenlemonontheroad]

ig I’m doing that notes thing that I’ve been seeing a lot (all numbers r gonna be low cuz my account kinda dead rn)

5 notes: I’ll post more cat pictures cuz people seem to enjoy those

10 notes: I’ll lock in on the writing requests I got rn

15 notes: I’ll try to better my sleep schedule

20 notes: I’ll start recording for the slenderverse arg

25 notes: I’ll get a therapist finally

30 notes: I’ll come out to my friends

That’s all for now :)

Edit 1:

I GUESS IM ADDING MORE

60 notes: I’ll hang out w my friends again

65 notes: I’ll try to get back into doing art

70 notes: I’ll try n get a boyfriend :)

80 notes: I will post bunny pics ( I hav a pet bunny too)

100 notes: I’ll get a job

115 notes: I’ll work on a ren fair costume n post photos

125 notes: I’ll do a hair reveal

140 notes: finish reading the books I haven’t finished

edit 2: 

190 notes: I’ll start doing Duolingo again

200 notes: I’ll take a shower every night for 10 days

220 notes: I’ll stop being a iPad kid and go outside 😭😭

240notes: I’ll make some sushi n eat it :) (tbh I really m craving sushi rn so yeah-)

260 notes: Kinda like the one on the first one BUT I will start sleeping for a WHOLE 8 HOURS A NIGHT!!!! (For at least a week cuz no way I can do that forever)

270 notes: I’ll start wearing makeup again :)

300 notes: I’ll clean my room

320 notes: I’ll post my dumb ahh art

340 notes: I’ll organize my phones apps (w proof)

370 notes: i organize my computer (w proof)

400 notes: I’ll actually try hard this coming school year

430 notes: room tour

450 notes: I’ll start sewing stuff again

500 notes: I’ll put a screen time thing on my phone 😭

Edit 3:

Since people hav been asking for more here it is (Unachievable goals so they take longer) most of these r gonna be writing cuz i havent wrote in a while n need to

600 notes: I'll update all of my wattpad fanfics w a new chapter

680 notes: I'll start writing the book i have been thinking about doing (+Post it)

720 notes: I'll finally post my requests that ppl hav given me n that i hav just kept updating

750 notes: I'll post my oc's

800 notes: I'll start playing the flute again

900 notes: .... I will give you guys my wattpad account....

THAT'S ALL FOR NOW

@chlover-my-shingles

[l0velymia]

MDNI, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT !!

Warnings: Smut, oral (fem receiving), Overstim, Mentions of a safeword.

------------------------------------

Thinking about rough pussy-whipped Levi..

You could be clenching, writhing, thrashing, and he wouldn't even give a fuck.

"F- fuck! L- Levi!!! S- slow down! Shit! I- I'm gonna cum..!!"

He wouldn't stop, he's too entranced and addicted to your nectar.

"Taste so fucking sweet princess, mmm, good girl. That's right, cum all over my tongue. Good girl. Good fucking girl, just like that."

He would overstimulate you so bad, awe what's that? You're too sensitive after 5 orgasms? Too bad. Levi doesn't care.

"Leviiii!!~ Ahh!~ N- no! Not again...!!" You would beg, gripping his hair tightly. Back arching off of the bed, mouth wide open, eyes rolled to the back of your head.

Levi swears he's never seen a prettier sight.

Don't get me started on the days where he's particularly stressed, even more so than usual. He would have you begging to stop, doesn't mean he'll stop though.

"Levi!! N- Ngh!~ Ah!~ Ahh!!~ N- no!!~". "Do you want to use the safeword?" "N- no!- but!-". "Then do me a favor gorgeous, stay silent and lay there."

Sometimes when you two are alone, he'd just bend you over any surface when he's feeling stressed, and just start eating you out like a starved man.

"Shit Levi!~ Wait!-" "Shh."

Of course, he'd give you soft aftercare afterwards, bathing you in warm water and soap. Of course, not before he makes you cum multiple times around his cock first.

I definitely need a therapist don't I?

--------------------------------------------------

All rights reserved © l0velym1a || Do not copy, translate, alter, repost onto other apps/medias my work without my approval + credit.

[llatimeria]

I feel so resolved right now bc I've been getting a little frustrated with the Instagram reels I've been seeing that's mostly het women complaining about how their husbands don't share the mental load of housework - which is absolutely justified, ofc. everyone needs to partake in taking care of the home as close to equally as is reasonable.

the thing is this mostly takes the form of people making fun of how their husbands say things like "Yeah sure I'll share the load :) Just make me a list!:) just tell me what to do! :)" when that's kind of defeating the purpose -- if your partner's making lists of chores for you, you're still basically offloading a ton of mental effort onto them, which doesn't actually help the problem.

however I know from experience that I am that husband lol. and I'm sure a lot of these men are just kind of inconsiderate, but from my perspective as a disabled neurodivergent person, I reflexively try to offload things like Making Lists or Asking To Be Told What To Do onto my (overstressed, often panicking) partner because I'm scared that if I make decisions about what I need to do, I'll focus on something my partner didn't even have on their radar and waste all my energy "fixing" something which they didn't consider broken, leaving me with nothing to help solve the problems they actually care about.

I'm not trying to be a dick or deliberately being lazy, I just need to know what's bothering them the most so I can start there instead of starting on a random side quest that doesn't matter to either of us. considering how many of these people I've run into are in nd4nd relationships, I'm pretty sure I can't be the only "inconsiderate husband" out there who's having this feeling, and it's a little frustrating to see it being completely attributed to a moral failing and not, like, a possible symptom of their partner's own mental health issues. (like we definitely can't pretend like misogyny never plays a part in the Just Make Me A List type of behavior, but I know relatively certainly that is not where it's originating from in my own personal relationship, and I'm not that unique)

just when I was about to just make a kind of grumpy post about this problem and offer absolutely no solutions, I fuckin run into a reel where someone actually tells people how to bridge the gap between offloading mental effort and actually knowing what your partner wants you to do- literally just. offer a couple of observations to them instead of hoping they'll do everything for you. ie - instead of "just tell me what to do!!", say "I see the dishes have to be done and the trash has to be taken out, so I was gonna do the dishes then take out the trash, unless there was something else that needs my focus first". this tells your partner that you are taking on some of the mental burden, but still offers them the opportunity to point you in the right direction if you're WAY off.

it just makes so much fucking sense and I never would've thought of doing that on my own. genuinely an extremely useful video to just algorithmically be provided to me. it's actionable advice instead of just telling people "share the loaaaddd" without providing the scaffolding someone needs to do that when theyre unused to it (whether that be due to neurodivergency or growing up as a guy in a misogynistic society).

and its just like. God damn it. this is bullshit. I can't believe the stupid camera app is helping me in real ways. maybe the mental health gurus and internet therapists have a goddamn point sometimes. fucking hell

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Wibta if I told my mom she loves a cat more than her own children.

I do feel like an asshole for this. I’m 17f and I have a younger sister 15F. My parents are married and for the most part good. When have a 12 year old cat that my mom just adores.

This part is all speculation, but when I very young like I was 5 or something my mom had an event that changed a lot. She stayed with her parents and would visits us. My grandparents would help out and no one really ever explained what happened to her but she lived there for like a year, she did move back in with us. My dad got her a cat to cope while she was away. The speculation is she had really bad post partum depression and had a break down. The reason I believe this/and this is my own theory, was when I was struggling mentally, my mom encouraged me to go to a therapist and they asked family history and she said she had struggled with depression/episodes and had tried medication but never stayed on. She just said when she was younger she had a hard time regulating emotions, and she wants me to worry about me and my own emotions. The post patrum comes from the fact that I asked my dad why did you two have kids and he admitted he wanted kids and my mom was more on the fence. I also find it weird she gets really nervous around Mother’s Day and will often try to not celebrate. (She always says she could be a better mom)

My mom is a good mom don’t get me wrong. She’s always encouraged my sister and I to try and do our hobbies. She’ll drive us where we gotta go. I know she works overtime when she wants to make sure we can do stuff for the family. It’s just sometimes, she seems more like a distant mom. She’ll listen to us, do anything asked, but idk how to put it into words.

But she really loves this cat. And I do love our cat too, but this cat and my mom are bonded. The second my mom comes home and the cat greets her and my mom picks her up and kisses her. She calls the cat her pretty princess and a hundred other nicknames. She calls me my dad and sister honey, bunny, and sunny. I know the cat actually makes my mom happy. Her eyes light up when she sees the cat. I know she looks forward to coming home to the cat. When we go on vacations she’ll miss the cat, or if she goes on a work trip she’ll always ask for pictures of the cat or ask to see the cat on FaceTime. She throws a small birthday party for the cat every year and makes a cake. For our birthdays she’ll ask what we want and sometimes she resorts to store bought desserts.

So this is where it gets bad. Our cat is now sick and probably has a year left to live. The vet told my mom she’s a good cat owner and has always done right for her, but with her age, treatment isn’t really the route because it’s not gonna prevent death, so just focus on making the cat happy and comfortable (this vet appointment was her 6 month check up.) My mom hasn’t been doing well mentally. She’s always struggled with mental health. She just seems to have a shakey mind at times if that makes sense. She very much before would hide her struggles, but we knew she’d have them. Before she would like stand still just gripping the counter with one hand. Now my mom is definetly depressed. She will come home be greeted by the cat, and go to her room and cry with the cat. She’s been just not happy.

My sister and I kinda decided to see if telling her we got good grades would cheer her up, and she’ll say good job and will sometimes offer to cook something or get something for us, but her eyes are just like very tired. (There is also an app she can use to check out grades but she never once used it and will just take our word face value) We’ve talked to my dad about this and he basically said that our mom has always loved animals (she use to work with her grandpa at a pet store he owned, but apparently her grandpa wasn’t a good person to most people in the family except her, so that was hard on her). I asked my dad what he thinks and says it’s normal for someone to be sad about this and that he’s gonna work hard or make sure we get all our needs handled. Which is nice, but I kinda wish it was my mom. I don’t feel dire need of anything, I’m just annoyed/jealous a cat can destroy my mom mentally.

My mom has gone over load for the cat. She cooks for her, makes her dinner buys the best food and mixes then. She often cries while cooking, and asks the cat if she likes the food.The cat doesn’t even know what’s happening.

I was looking at prom dresses online and asked my mom to look with me and she was just out of it. She would just say she’d like one or she’s not a fan but don’t let that discourage me. She’s just kinda lifeless. I try talking to her about it and she’ll aplogize and says she’ll get better. (It’s been like a week)

It boiled over when my mom’s sisters came over. (She’s the youngest. One sister has kids and one doesn’t) My mom tried to be happy and perky but ended up crying about the cat. Her sisters kinda said that she’s gotta be strong for her family and my mom just cried saying everything’s gonna be so much harder without the cat. I wasn’t in the room, they were in the basement, and there’s a vent where you can hear everything down there. My sister and I do easedrop to see what they say (her sisters are loud but we can never hear what my mom is saying without the vent. Normally we do it because my mom is a more different interesting person and again we don’t know our mom well. Away from us she kinda puts down the facade and actually talks). I was just angry. Her life isn’t hard. We’re middle class, if she wants to go to therepy she can afford it. We all deal with grief and loss. Yes I’m gonna be sad when our cat passes, but she is an older cat. I don’t imagine my life becoming “harder” other than my mom being depressed, but she is an adult who will heal from this.

After her sisters left and she was doing her night routine, I asked her if she loves the cat more than my sister and I. She said that’s not true and if she could do something more for my sister and I please name it. I told her that that’s the problem is that she does stuff for the cat without thinking, but for us it’s all asking us and she’s the adult she should know. She’s said she’s not a mind reader and she’s gonna rely on the information I give her to help me out where she can. I went to my room because ovbiosuly that conversation wasn’t going anywhere. I feel like my mom understands a cat more than her own daughter.

My dad came in a little while after and we talked. He assured me my mom loves me and this cat has been like an emotional support animal through the years. He mentioned my one friend who has an emotional support dog and compared them and told me that the cat has helped my mom emotionally with emotional regulation and just helps her steady herself. I asked if we were enough, or if my mom regrets having a family and she would just be happier if she just left us for the cat and lived by herself. My dad told me she loves all of us, but depression can be hard to navigate. I asked him about how he wanted us more than our mom and he just said that he was more excited, but my mom wouldn’t have had us unless she wanted us (which I don’t think is totally true.)

I went into my parents room and my mom was there with the cat. Again going to the cat for comfort. I told her I was sorry for saying she loved the cat more than us and she apologized for how her treatment towards the cat can seem that way and if I ever need anything please ask. It made me mad because she again is relying on me to know what’s wrong/ or ask, instead of her just idk taking initiative. I didn’t say that.

I get people can be mentally ill, but she’s also my mom. I do feel bad about telling my mom she loves a cat more than me, but I also don’t feel too reassured.

[gayfanservice]

Kei with a male reader. figure their on the debate club or something and Kei vents to them because their a non biased person regarding volleyball and his team. Figure they give encouragement and kei just bluntly asks them out.

Guess who’s back (back again) I am back! (Once again)

Friends to lovers, i dont know anything about debating

*********

“-and that tiny-ass-mother-”

“Too strong, Kei, try to keep the emotions at an even level so it doesn’t cloud your judgement.”

“Huh? I’m not debating this, he’s tiny!” Kei huffed, cheeks pink and puffed ever so slightly as (Y/N) chuckled.

“Right, sorry, continue.”

Kei was currently flopped on (Y/N)’s bed, who was sitting at his desk, a notepad and pen in hand, looking like a therapist.

“He’s so annoying. We’re doing basic drills and these two just keep arguing! They argue about this, they argue about that! All they do is argue!” His hands dramatically extended to the air.

“Mhm, and how does that make you feel?” Kei sighed at his friend’s poor attempt to be funny, who found it just a little funny to fuck with him. If Kei didn’t like him so much, he would’ve kicked his ass for not taking this outrageous news to heart.

“Awful, because after practice I came here only to have your ass joking about my suffering.” There was obviously no malice behind the words; a playful undertone was hanging from them as his heart sped up. He huffed, again, and rolled to his side, cheeks turning more red, “If you were there, you’d understand.”

“Maybe, the only teammate of yours I know is Yamaguchi.” (Y/N) continued writing in the notepad for a few seconds. “Do you know why they fight?”

“‘Cause they’re stupid.” Kei snorted out, a proud look on his face as he rolled onto his back. “And immature, can’t forget that part.” He heard his friend hum, acknowledging his words. “But, you have no idea how much that twerp gets me so… angry! Genuinely, he’s the most annoying guy I know!”

“Have the captains-”

“Captain, technically there’s just one captain.”

“Just gonna down-play one, got it.” (Y/N) grinned, “Has the captain and co-captain, or whatever term you guys use, talked to them?”

Remembering how the two were literally thrown out because they couldn’t get along with each other, Kei bursted into a short, obnoxiously loud laugh, “You have no idea, they literally kicked them out of the gym until they could get along!”

Surprise was evident on (Y/N)’s face, “Wow, that, uh, yeah, that is a pretty intense hatred.”

Kei let out a long, exasperated sigh. “I can’t deal with those two, I swear.” He mumbled, rubbing his face, glasses pushed up to his forehead. “Thanks for letting me rant, without much interruption of course.”

“No prob, dog-”

“Gross.” If only he didn’t like this debating nerd.

“It’s always good to get stuff off your chest.”

“Is that way you joined the debate club?”

“No, I just like telling people they’re wrong.”

“I- that happens? I thought… actually, I don’t know what I thought.” (Y/N) cackled as he continued writing. Kei’s heart swelled at the noise, staring at the faint outlines of those glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling, no doubt that (Y/N) had since childhood. He sighed obnoxiously loud, again, “What am I gonna doooo,”

“Well you could quit-”

“No?” Kei scoffed at the audacity of this man to even think he’d quit volleyball because of those two dumbasses.

“-or you can tough it out. Just because they don’t get along now, doesn’t mean they never will. I bet in a couple weeks they’ll tolerate each other and stop being annoying.” The emotionally intelligent one said, still writing in the notepad.

“Yeah, I will.” As if he wasn’t already doing that.

The two sat in silence, for only a couple minutes. Kei went onto his phone, scrolling through whatever app was available to him. His face was still warm, heart still faster than normal. He liked the other boy for quite some time now, but he never had the guts to actually say anything. Hell, Kei wasn’t even sure if (Y/N) even liked him as a friend, but at this point it’d be awkward if he didn’t, so he assumes yes.

Kei took a deep breath, heart pounding faster and face turning red as he sat up, phone discarded to the side. Might as well confess after spilling your hateful guts, right?

“(Y/N),” He got a hum as said boy stopped writing, making eye contact with a red Kei, “Wanna go out with me?”

(Y/N) froze, the bluntness and randomness completely taken him by surprise. He felt his face heat up and tried to keep his composure, “Wow, very blunt and straight forward, never expected less from you, Tsukki.” He grinned.

“Oh, fuck you.” (Y/N) laughed as Kei deadpanned, not fond of how his friend called him by his childish nickname. “Statement: retracted.” He crossed his arms and tilted his head.

“Wait- no- Kei, I’m sorry!” (Y/N) snorted, amused by Kei’s childish actions, “I’m sorry, you just took me by surprise and I had to get you back! Yes, yes, I’ll date you, sourpuss.”

“Hm, I don’t know if you deserve it anymore.” A smile crept onto Kei’s face no matter how hard he tried to stay nonchalant. (Y/N)’s grin widened, setting the notepad and pencil down.

“Fine, you leave me no choice,” He held his hands up in a mock surrender, “I guess we’ll both just be single for the rest of our lives, forever craving the touch of one another.” He held a hand over his heart, almost tipping the chair over with how far he leaned back.

“God, you’re weird.” Kei feigned disgust at the display in front of him.

The two laughed as they finished whatever they just did, the afternoon sun casting a shadow into the dimly lit room.

(Y/N) got up from his spot, “So, are we dating?” He asked as he sat beside Kei.

Kei’s heart once again sped up at the closeness of the other, “Uhm, I don’t know,” he didn’t know why he was awkward now, perhaps his brain was occupied with how easily he could lay down and finally cuddle (Y/N) like he’s thought of for the past couple of months, or perhaps it just suddenly got really hot out of no where, “are we?”

(Y/N) pretended to think, putting a finger to his chin as he leaned on Kei, “Sure, why not?”

*********

It has been… awhile lol

Read the rules before following

[many-but-one]

Hey, you, person scrolling on tumblr.

It does get better.

I know you hear it all the time, you’re probably sick of hearing it. I know I was when I was going through it. Like yeah, great, it’ll get better in ten years! Doesn’t help me right now, though, when I’m going through mental hell and just wish that death would take my suffering away.

I get it, I’ve been there.

Whether you are actively suicidal and practicing writing your note in your phone’s notes app, whether you’ve attempted and want to attempt again, whether you’re passively suicidal in the “I’m gonna start smoking because I don’t care if it kills me” way or the “I don’t drive with a seatbelt just in case I get in a car wreck and might have my suffering finally ended” way or in the “I don’t look both ways before crossing the street because maybe someone will be speeding and not paying attention and kill me” kind of way.

I’ve been in all of those states before. Many times. I’m writing this because I’m feeling ideation and it’s why I’m writing it. The reason it’s ideation and not action and why I’m not acting is because I know it will pass. I just gotta ride the wave.

It does get better. It doesn’t happen overnight. It can take hard work. Which sucks, because I know you’re tired. You’re bone tired. Soul-deep tired. I know. Hard work sounds like the last thing you wanna do right now, when you wish that every time you slept that you wouldn’t wake up again.

But it’s not the kind of hard work that you have to finish at a certain time. There’s no due-date for wellness. You have plenty of time to get it done, all you have to do is keep showing up.

For some, it’s talk therapy. For some it’s therapy and medication. For some it’s gonna take processing some deep seeded traumas and it’s gonna suck. But it is worth it. It really is.

Currently you are looking through life with sunglasses on. Everything is so, so dark. Even on sunny days when sunglasses can be helpful, you’re still muting the world around you. The colors aren’t vibrant, everything is a dull shade. You step inside and it’s dark. At nighttime, it’s too dark to even see. Eventually you gotta work on taking those sunglasses off. It might seem futile to step outside and take your sunglasses off because you know that you’re just going to put them right back on. But every day you go out and take those sunglasses off even for a minute at a time and really take in everything you’ve been missing, you’ll start leaving them off more. You’ll get to see more things. Do more things. Things you would have totally missed with them on. And eventually you’ll realize that if you had killed yourself, you wouldn’t get to see and do all of these beautiful things you’ve been missing.

I know that analogy makes depression seem like a choice, but hear me out. Sometimes you will need help taking those sunglasses off. Sometimes you will need to take medicine that makes taking the sunglasses off easier. Sometimes you’ll need to talk to your therapist about this dark world you’re seeing, and you know you need to take these glasses off but they are so heavy. Eventually you will gain the skills and the strength can take them off one minute at a time and experience the bright world you’re missing. Sometimes you need that mobility aid that can help you get outside in the first place, that pain medicine that helps you get out of bed to even make it to the door. It can take time to get those things too, and it’s so devastating when it takes so long to get the help you need, but you can’t give up. There is so much beautiful world out there and you deserve to see it.

Rainy days will happen in the midst of the bright and sunny ones, and that’s okay too. Rain is necessary, it keeps the world bright. It makes flowers grow, it nourishes the earth around you. But rainstorms don’t last forever, and neither will this bout of sadness amongst your sunny days. (Talking to you, folks who have been doing well and feel yourself getting bad again. Ride the wave, things will settle down again soon.)

Ten years ago I was sixteen. My first suicide attempt I can recall was when I was eleven. In the last ten years alone I’ve had many, many more. Some were meant to end my life, others were related to my specific circumstances and were meant to cause me harm but not kill me.

I am glad I am here today, at 26. These last six years alone have been some of the most difficult parts of my mental health journey outside of my young childhood. I had to work through some serious trauma. I had to learn how to set boundaries. I had to divorce my wife whom I had thought was good to me but was actually abusing me and I didn’t know it because I didn’t know what a healthy relationship was supposed to be. I had to finish college. I had to come to terms with a physical disability. I had to learn how to be comfortable asking for accommodations. I had to learn to stop fighting my brain and start working with it. I had to learn how to love myself. Every version of myself, even the versions of myself that are small and scared and hurt and want me to die. I had to work on my self esteem. I had to come to terms with cutting out toxic family for good. I had to go to work while I’m doing all of this. I had to find a reason for living every day, even if the reason is so simple as “my cats would wonder where I went if I died.” Even if the reason was “I don’t want my internet friends to wonder why I’m not posting anymore.” And as I started to gain larger followings of people who were rooting for me, it became “I can’t let them down, I have to show them that healing is possible.”

Something I’ve said to a lot of suicidal people who feel bad about telling me that they are only alive because they don’t want to make me sad is this: “if that is what is keeping you alive right now, then good. Whatever keeps you on this earth is important. Because every day that you are here is one more day that you will get closer to being able to live not just for other people, but for yourself.” And I am here to tell you that it is possible to be in a place where you are living because you want to. Where you are living because you are excited for what the future will bring. Where you are joyfully curious to what you can accomplish. Where you will look back on your toughest years and say “shit, if I can get through THAT then I can get through ANYTHING.”

I am 26 years old and I still get suicidal ideation. Usually because of trauma related stuff. Triggers, anniversaries, etc. I am not suicidal every day anymore. I don’t wish for death every time I go to sleep. I love myself. I look at myself in the mirror and even when I’m sleepy headed and bleary eyed with dry ass skin and messed up teeth, I am like “DAMN LOOK AT YOU SUPERSTAR” because gods damn, if I can live through all I’ve lived through already, then I sure as hell can take on just about anything the world can throw at me.

I am in a healthy relationship now. It’s not something I thought was possible. (Seriously, the first time I saw my girlfriend look at me with love in her eyes I almost cried because I’ve never seen a partner look at me that way.) I’m learning how to be a good partner too, and how to set boundaries. I’m still learning how to be a human being. I’m still learning how to speak up when I get mistreated by people at work or out in public. I still get anxiety about leaving the house on occasion.

I’m learning that romantic love and platonic love can be equally deep and rewarding. I love my best friend with all my heart and soul. I love my girlfriend just as much. I’m learning I can have healthy amounts of intimacy with both my friend and my girlfriend, and it doesn’t have to end in a triggered spiral or desperately taking a shower trying to scratch the feeling of skin on skin contact off of me.

I’m learning that grounding methods and distractions are some of the most important tools in my healing toolbox. I’ve learned that sadness and anxiety and emotional pain doesn’t last forever. This post right now is me distracting myself and riding the wave through this triggered feeling I’m working through. I’ve learned that another important tool in my toolbox is hope. Hope that I will get better, hope that my life will not always be one nightmare after another, hope that things will settle down and I’ll be able to breathe again. And maybe have a fancy umbrella drink to celebrate, too. (Inside joke😉)

It will get better. Sometimes all it takes is a scenery change. Other times it takes literally tearing your life apart at the seams and gently stitching it back up into something you want to live. If you are a teenager reading this, you would be shocked at how much better things get when you move out of your parents’ house. If you feel stuck in an abusive situation and there’s no way out, I’m here to remind you that there is always a way out, and there will be people who will help you do so.

And remember, you’re not alone. No matter how unique your situation may be, someone else has either gone through it or is going through it now too. Find a community who is centered on support and healing. Changing your mindset and perspective is important.

You can get better. It takes time, patience, grit, and determination. And you’ve already got all that. I know, because you are here reading this post.

It will be okay. You will be okay. Deep breath.

You got this.

[emmitaaa4]

Addressing some fandom BS inconsistencies

Gwyn was shadow mommy, Az was shadow daddy, they were gonna have shadow babies with her extra super pliable bones.

I audibly chocked when I read this @nikethestatue (btw everything said in this post was on point). No but seriously this is how they sound, too many of them insisting that there is nothing wrong with basing the likelihood of a ship on who has the more suitable uterus to be with a man... cause supposedly they're just picking up on the hints SJM wrote for them? She likes babies for HEAs so ofc children are the end all be all of a relationship, plus there's absolutely no way that she could ever write an adoption plot SJM is literally adopted and has done it in other series. Selective reading strikes again.

A minimum amount of critical thinking would tell you that 1) the infamous *magical uterus change* scene was about nessian (& feysand), not about any ship; 2) if SJM had written Nesta changing Elain's uterus, it would have given too much away, not to mention 3) how disturbing/violating it would have been for Nesta to change her sister's reproductive anatomy WITHOUT HER CONSENT?! None of it makes sense narratively; my girl Nes would never, especially given the trauma they both suffered from having their bodily autonomy--and so much more--ripped away by the Cauldron.

This argument is so trivialized that I see it every other day on reddit/tiktok/*insert media app*, and yet elriels are the toxic side of the fandom? The ones whom people are allowed to insult, to ridicule for theories all made in good fun, the women that are villainized over a difference of opinion? Don't get me wrong, there's assholes on both sides and people keep calling one another variations of delulu (and the nastier personal attacks). But by painting this fandom-wide villain there is such a lack of accountability for the plethora of harmful talking points spread by other portions of the fandom. (I've been silently reading the anti-elain & anti-elriel tags for like a year, and I'm on tiktok. Yes, I have self-destructive tendencies).

Anyways.

I never understood either how people ever actually thought (or well still think) that gwynriel would happen BEFORE elucien?? It makes no sense logically, narratively, or in terms of characterization & the arc she's set up for Elain, Azriel, and Lucien. Yet it took one controversial bonus chapter for people to decenter Elain in her own story, that is make her choice of romantic partner--which SJM spent 3+ books setting up--Azriel's. It took one bonus chapter that soo many readers are still unaware of, to brush Elain off as a "sexual object" Az is using to distract himself until his therapist-extraordinaire Gwyn comes in and heals him all up. Because ofc she will: she's badass and not the "passive and weak and boring" Eplain (aka "Plant" or "brain dead gardener"), she fits the YA archetype of the spunky warrior-girl so she can handle his darkness, and SJM supposedly spent time fleshing her out because she wrote her as a LI for Azriel; she's made for him, she is what he needs to grow (I actually enjoyed Gwyn's character btw, just pointing out how silly it all sounds). “Next book is a love triangle between Elain/Az/Gwyn” “Elain will turn evil or is secretly evil”. So you're telling me that SJM would pit Elain & Gwyn against each other in a love triangle over a man... all because of a necklace that was not even mentioned once in the actual books? Please, let's be logical for a second.

All this because instead of reading the bonus chapter in the context of the books, some people are reading the books in the context of the bonus chapter. Which now that I think of it is probably why so many people mischaracterize Az the way they do--because yes we know enough of his character to know half of the stuff the fandom diagnoses him with is questionable. Azriel? Entitled incel x fuckboy hybrid (gotta be the first of his kind, minute slay ig)? Interesting tell me more. No joke I saw a semi-popular post on here where a gwynriel said they read the bonus WITHOUT HAVING READ ANY OF THE BOOKS. I'm sorry, ship wars are silly and believe it or not idc who ppl ship, but it makes it hard to take some of the things they say seriously.

All this to say that the fandom isn't even debating the right thing. If you consider everything SJM has said in her interviews:

(she's been planting seeds for Nesta & Elain's book since acomaf; she knows who she is writing the first 2 books about + is keeping things open for the 3rd one--with 5 different ship options--which automatically rules out "Elain will close the series"; she said she's doing research for Elain's book in the ACOFAS bonus & there's seeds for future bookS in acofas; all she said recently about her beloved *heroines* and the themes of fate/true love/choice she finds *very* interesting & wants to discuss)

and if you also consider all she's written in the actual books (elain's characterization + the overarching plot in general & how she fits into it), then it's pretty evident that Elain's book is next.

The question then would be who is the MMC / 2nd PoV in her book, aka would acotar 5 be an elucien or an elriel story? Because logically, gwynriel was always a consequence of elucien. I honestly do not understand how people don't see that.

Oh and they always think they're gagging elriels with the "obviously Azriel is the next MC" as if elriels aren't saying the same thing? And we're the ones twisting info and not making sense. It's just funny at this point.

---sidenote: I realize that this post generalizes some things, and I just wanted to say that I have interacted with lovely eluciens / people on either side of this headache of a ship war. My hard limit is Elain haters though... back off I say 🤺 BACK OFF 🤺

---sidenote 2: I would have written this as a reblog except im not entirely sure how tumblr works and I get no visibility from them rip.

[forrest-dunn]

I roll the dumbbell back onto the rack, my forearm flexing in the mirror as sweat drips down my temple. Perfect. Body tight. Skin glowing. I know my family thinks I’m shallow, but what else is there? Appearance is currency, and I’m wealthy as hell. The truth is, when you look this good, people forgive a lot. Even things you don’t ask forgiveness for.

My phone buzzes on the bench. My cousin. Justin. I hesitate before grabbing it. I know I asked him to call, but now I anticipate a lecture, rather than a bragging session.

“I slept with my therapist.” I started with, wanting to rip the bandaid off. 

“Jesus, Forrest.” Justin exhales hard at the greeting, as though he’s trying not to laugh or scream. “Why the hell would you do that?”

“Why not? She’s hot. We clicked. It wasn’t a big deal.”

The sound of frustration from the other end makes me want to hang up. “Forrest, you’ve gotta stop with this crap. It’s like you’re on this self-destruct mission, and you don’t even care.”

“I’m fine,” I snap. “Business is killing it, I’ve got the app launch coming up, and Anissa is visiting this weekend. Life’s good.”

“You think this is good? Sleeping with your therapist? Hooking up with different girls every weekend? Bro, you’re spiraling. You’ve been spiraling since Carson.”

The name hits like a punch. My jaw tightens. “Don’t go there, Justin.”

“Why not? It’s the truth. You’re not fine. You’ve never been fine, not since…” He pauses, probably realizing I’m not in the mood to hear it. “Look, you can’t keep running from this, Forrest. At some point, you’ve gotta deal with your crap. Or it’s gonna catch up to you.”

“Thanks for the pep talk, Coach.” I end the call and toss my phone aside.

The gym is quieter now, only filled with the sound of weights clinking and my breath steadying. I glance at the mirror again. My reflection stares back, perfect as always. But something about it feels off.

Shaking the thought, I grab my phone and text Anissa: Still on for this weekend?

Because that’s what I need. Distraction. Not Justin’s lectures or his amateur therapy sessions. Just something simple, uncomplicated. Someone who doesn’t expect anything from me.

The phone buzzes with her reply: Can’t wait.

Neither can I.

[plurapony]

A Letter to SystemsCringe

r/systemscringe is a subreddit that i love to hate, and have been obsessed with for probably months now. and i KNOW it's a problem, it's something ive even spoken to my therapist about on various different occasions.

but u/Full-Nature-9787 you are obsessed too. I called you stupid on a poll (because you made a really braindead post) and then for the last two days you've been stalking my account, cherry picking all of my posts to find ones that are "cringe" and you can broadcast to all your reddit buddies to make fun of me - and call me a "faker"

but the truth is? i really don't care. im not faking and some stupid redditor online isn't going to make me become insecure or doubt anything. i hate my words being misunderstood and i hate lies being spread about me and my image being tainted. it really says more about you than me (especially when your reddit history shows you defending relationships with anime children and invading minor spaces as a 20 year old...)

(eric cartman voice) erm actually you replied so you must care!!!! why else would you post heh

Well you see the last two days I've been off work sick with a stomach bug, and when you're spending that much time in the bathroom you get bored pretty quickly!!!

im cringe. it has nothing to do with my did im just cringe. if i didn't have did i wouldn't act any differently, i would still be just as cringe! and you know what? being cringe makes me happy, and it makes others feel content being cringe too! and that is so so worth it for me - all i ever want is to be joyful and whimsical and encourage others to be as well.

so i think that im just going to continue to be me :) if you wanna continue finding posts from my account and if that truly brings you joy in your sad miserable life, go for it! im gonna continue posting and if my words get misunderstood for "faker behavior" then oh well shit happens I'm autistic and not everyone has reading comprehension on this app!

toodles! and to everyone cool on this app, be cringe and be proud! be you - because that's the best person you can possibly be :D

[IMAGE ID: ponyville is a (pro) endo free zone break dni and get blocked loser! END ID]

[eeveebitches]

balcony. || Roman Roy

Pairing: Roman Roy x F!Reader

Summary: You're Roman's sad assistant, Roman is your comforting boss. There's something unspoken, too.

Word count: 1.685

The harsh autumn wind bites at the skin exposed by your party dress, leaving goosebumps in its wake. It's times like these where you curse yourself for your 'the jacket ruins the outfit' mentality. Sure, the moment you wanna go home you can step into a cozy Uber. But this jacket-less lifestyle doesn't support emotional breakdowns on balconies.

You're not sure why you feel the way you do. Maybe it's just life-- too much and too little, constant scratching and clawing just to get out of bed. Or maybe it's this dress, and the fact it just doesn't look as good on you as it used to look. Maybe it's the fact that you're lonely, no matter how much time you spend with others.

"Are you thinking of killing yourself? Because that's, like, lame." Your head turns for some reason, as if it isn't immediately clear to you that it's Roman. "Only a little bit," you weakly chuckle out, turning back to look at the view. Small lights blinking from high to low, desperate to shine through the darkness.

Roman wordlessly walks to stand next to you, although he turns his back to the view. He leans on the old, marble railing, hands tucked in his pockets for only a moment before he pulls them out again.

He's clearly nervous. Emotions aren't on the forefront for him, and the dysfunction of his upbringing definitely hasn't made him capable of handling yours any time, either. But his hands clasp and unclasp, his eyes blink rapidly, and with a single sentence he dives into the deep end.

"So are you, uh, okay?"

Your breathing stills at the question. Suddenly the cold air blows into your eyes, and now suddenly it's making you tear up. Damn the cold air for making you look weak. "Yeah, I just... I don't know," you mumble out, carelessly wiping your eyes, any make-up you had on now smudged. From the corner of your sight you can see Roman's eyes widen. His head starts darting around, like he's searching for something in the air, as he hesitates in his next actions.

He takes a single step. A small one, for sure, but the step is to get closer to you. One leg over the other, and now his arm is touching yours. "D'you wanna... talk?" You shrug, still mindlessly staring out in front of you as Roman struggles to think of ways he can show he does care about your feelings, even if he wouldn't outwardly admit it.

"Wanna be my therapist?" You laugh bitterly as you say it, to which Roman cracks an uneasy smile. "Sounds like a fun time, maybe even a little hot. Doctor, patient, stuck in a room for way too long," he tells you, carrying a nonchalant grin.

As always, he makes you laugh. "And a therapy couch to have crazy monkey sex on. I'm into it." Roman's grin grows at that, teeth peeking out as he finally turns to look into the night as well. "Soooo, what, is the party so bad you're considering suicide?" You roll your eyes at him with a light smile, which he happily reciprocates. "You're on the right fuckin' path, though, since their wine tastes like the aftermath of a grape juice enema," he groans out, eyes squeezed shut in faux annoyance.

With each smile you give him, he feels more secure. Like his feet are properly tied onto the ground, instead of floating out into the empty cold of space. "I'm just sad is all, Romes. Not about the shit wine, though, I haven't even had any tonight."

"Seriously? I thought that guy from the app company sent you a drink. He wanted to get into your panties bad, you do know that, right?" He tries not to come over as jealous, since this is your moment of vulnerability, but you can tell he is by the way he runs a shaky hand through his hair. All you do is shrug in response. "Didn't accept it."

He cackles, which makes you smile. "You stone-cold bitch. Poor guy's gonna jerk himself off as he cries, and you show no mercy?"

Another shrug from you, and another laugh from him. His laughter dies down quickly when he sees the change in your expression. There's a quiet somberness to it. The kind that brought him back to his childhood, uniforms and broken mirrors. 

He hates that somberness on you.

"Seriously, what's up? You're all quiet and fuckin' depressed, it's giving me the heebie jeebies." Your head doesn't turn to Roman as you prepare to speak. You keep your eyes on the twinkling lights of the buildings far away from you. Twinkles of humans who are just as awake, and possibly just as solemn as you are. "It's these parties. They just kinda highlight my loneliness, it's... it's just a bit much tonight," you sigh out, head not moving an inch.

You don't bother looking at Roman's face. It's most definitely a melancholic one, eyes round and glassy with his eyebrows slightly knotted. "You have me," he mumbles out, and despite his weak attempt at making it sound humorous, you both know it fell flat. He's too desperate for you to acknowledge that for it to be funny.

"I know I do."

A silence falls between the two of you as you both stare out. Roman's arm is still flush against yours, a lick of heat that's so miniscule yet so warming to you. 

He's thinking of something, anything, to say to you. Something that'll comfort you like you always comfort him. But how can he copy the eye contact you make across a room, or the hug you always give him where you squeeze his shoulders extra tight? Nothing he could say could ever carry the nurture your perfume carries for him.

"You don't have to say anything, Romes, just... be here with me?"

Roman stills. His hands stop fiddling, and his eyes stop darting around, searching for an anchor point to help him stay ashore. He lets out a heavy sigh, before grabbing your hand and tugging you with him. "C'mon," he mumbles, not daring to look at your expression, "let's go home."

There's something far too domestic about how he texts his driver with one hand while the other one holds onto yours. Like you're not his underpaid assistant, or his closest friend, but instead his partner. Your mind floods with images of his apartment flooded with your things, and Sundays together in bed. 

The two of you weave through the crowd. Roman speaks for the both of you every time someone tries to speak to either of you, probably to ask why you're leaving so early. He simply throws a 'fuck off' their way as he continues leading you to the exit. 

The taxi is somehow already standing there. "Let's ditch this shitty granny orgy," he chuckles out. He's clearly just as nervous as you are about the implication of whatever is happening now, but he doesn't hesitate in sitting snugly against you in the car. You let your head fall onto his shoulder. A heavy sigh escapes you, the kind that felt like it had been in your lungs for years.

"Just so you know, I didn't do groceries." You huff out a small laugh. "I told you to start doing them though," you mumble against his shoulder. His head falls to lean against yours, digging his nose into your hair. "I know, I'm just really fucking stubborn, like, all the time," he mumbles back.

This makes you laugh a little harder. He laughs too, content in your proximity to him. It felt right, sharing body heat. The car stops, and as the two of you step out Roman grabs your hand again. He doesn't let go, not even when unlocking his door.

Your hands disconnect to let Roman remove and hang up his jacket. He scurries to his bedroom, leaving you to take in his apartment. You've been in it plenty of times, but never like this. Never in a way that made it feel like home.

Roman returns, already changed into a sweater and loose pants. He hands you some clothes, as well, head nudging you towards his bedroom. "It's all oversized, because my pecs are fucking huge and stretch my clothes out," he jokes, flexing his muscles as if he can't hear his blood flow in his ears.

With a sheepish grin you head to his bedroom and change. You try not to dwell on how constant Roman's scent now is, or how you're pretty sure he uses the same fabric softener as you. Instead, you call out his name, thoughtlessly throwing yourself into his bed.

He bites back a quip, and silently enters the bed to lay next to you. It's like there's no air in the room as you lay your head on his stomach, your arms carefully wrapping around his waist. Gently, he strokes your hair, other hand swung over you, keeping you as close as you can be.

Roman's body stiffens at the first sniffles. Your tears roll down your cheeks, but you don't let out any sobs. He pulls you up, and tightly wraps his arms around you. Only when your head is buried in Roman's shoulders, you let out a strangled cry. You convulse in Roman's hold, shivering despite the warmth he's giving you.

"Hey, it's okay, I'm here," he whispers as he keeps his hold on you strong, lightly rocking from side to side. There's a lump in his throat as he listens to you gently weeping. You, out of all people, shouldn't ever have to feel this way.

As you quiet down, only letting out the occasional hiccup, Roman lightly pulls you to look at him. He cradles your face with his hands, shakily wiping your wet cheeks with his thumbs as he tries to think of anything to say.

"If you need a salary raise, let me know."

A hoarse laugh escapes your throat. You smile through your tears, and Roman smiles back. 

"I think I'd like that."