#like. fuckkkkkk I want to cry. fuck retail fuck fuck fuck I’m a failure wahhhhhhh I cant even handle beginner jobs
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I LOVE YOU PAST MILO -current Milo nauseas head in a sparkling clean toilet I cleaned literally a half hour ago and then got too high while celebrating how clean it looked and feel sick now😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#but yipppee sparkly clean. gonna put a little sticky toilet gel thing on the inside while I’m in here#maybe throw up if another nausea wave comes before I can stand up 😭#I had too much cereal and a lot of water at once and like. yuck yuck yuck I feel yucky high on the floor yucky I wish I was normal I need to#back off of weed a little to become a real person but also. I’d rather dig my own grave and bury myself in it alive than work a real job#like. fuckkkkkk I want to cry. fuck retail fuck fuck fuck I’m a failure wahhhhhhh I cant even handle beginner jobs#rattling the bars of my cage screaming crying throwing up why am I alive waahhhhhh okay nvm that’s too far it’s not that bad I’m chilling#the toilet is clean! look at the bright side. my therapist when I talked about like my mom maybe wanting to set a goal for working like a#certain amount of doordash hours and my therapists number she came up with was three hours and I was so happy like. she gets it. I am#exhausted just existing and she was like hmm you should work three hours a week. like. at most.#love her so much. it was probably a mistake but also. keeping it in my brain forever#imagine a three hour work week being backed up by my therapist to my mom like haha my therapist said I only HAVE to do three hours#god three hours still feels like a lot rn#like two weeks ago I dropped a salad in a tight packed restaurant and everyone watched me drop it and then walk back to the kitchen and wait#for them to make a salad so I could leave and fucking deliver the food and it was so embarassing and I haven’t done a single order since#then bc I get so anxious that I just exit the app if I don’t get an order like immediately which I haven’t yet so no orders.#I just get high. too high. and admire my cleaning work. it’s nice. I have to do the bathroom floor still. dog hair. dust. brother beard hair#my hair and bleach specks. I need to clean the bathroom fr. I’m excited I’m redecorating the bathroom in my mind and it’s giving me#motivation to clean it and I want to work more dooordash shifts (when I’m not this high) to save moneys to update my room and the bathroom#a little before the summer. just. replace air matress bc it’s low key a trigger now. so that’s fun. so buy a futon or smthing. and update#the bathroom into a thing that I like in my extra Milo type way. while making room for three ppl to share one bathroom. bc. it’s small#small bathroom for sure. but I’ll get it lookin good. add some cute decorations. maybe a candle or two. an incense thing for when I tak bath#slay. slay. building my dream bathroom in my mind and also. my Amazon wishlist land. and Pinterest land. I love making lists of things.
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