#absolute batman is a menace

[wuve-mwah]

“auto bots roll out” and then all the batkids rip from the seems of his thighs

[kuronekoartsblog]

I assure you, you don’t want to get on Robin’s bad side.

Here i am once again with more batman art like I promised 🥳

I really liked this pose, but not gonna lie coloring those f*uck*ss suits revealed to be harder than I thought 🫠

soooo YEAH. I still like it though

[mothemotics]

Tim you have to stop tormenting this poor ex grad student he's not prepared for how cruel a bisexual 13 year old can be

[sisaloofafump]

(Click for better resolution)

Remember how Nightwing was first invented as Clark’s Kryptonian “Batman” disguise (with Jimmy Olsen as the Robin-esque Flamebird)? Imagine if they got to interact like that. Just imagine.

Original comic panels from Superman #158 below (and the drawing variants).

And various background variants bc I am indecisive

[ahfrickenfrick]

tim drake took one look at the ‘tell a trusted adult’ message at like 5 years old and full of child rage, he decided to never tell anyone anything ever

[spooksify]

Batman and his kids

I need more Batfam fics that revolve around the JL having no idea who Batman is and has like zero clue that the bat kids have any relation to Batman. Like they are completely unaware that Nightwing has been doing the whole vigilante thing since he was a kid and that he was originally robin and that he’s actually Batman’s kid and at some point during some sort of mission they finally piece it together and are completely baffled, that Batman, dark and brooding Batman, has a kid (more than one actually) and is a father figure who isn’t actually broody and gruff all the time. It would be even funnier if the JL fully thought Batman didn’t have a secret identity in general, like they just thought he sat around in a cave all day until he was needed on duty. :p

[batbaffle]

daaamn

[whipbogard]

Anyway

I’m done with BTAA.

Prayer circle for everyone 🥲

[bibatfamdisaster]

Family photo shoot:

What do mean ‘Fancier’. THIS JACKET DOESN’T EVEN HAVE BLOOD ON IT

Tim there is a coffee stain on your shirt. Please go change it.

DAMIAN JERRY THE TURKEY CAMNOT BE IN THIS PHOTOGRAPH

HE IS MORE MY FAMILY THAN DRAKE IS

Dick if you tear your tuxedo on the chandeli-

*Crash*

Cassandra, Damian, you both look wonderful. STEPHANIE DO NOT COME HERE WITH THAT- NO

WE NEED THE WORLD TO BELIEVE THAT WE ARE A FUNCTIONAL FAMILY PLEASE AT LEAST PRETEND

The photographer: 0_0

After:

Tim you look like a constipated horse

Do not insult horses that way Todd

ALFRED

Dammit Cass you look like a Model

BRUCE ARE YOU ON DRUGS

No that insane look is the STRESS I get from all of YOU

WHO DREW A MUSTACHE ON ME HOW LONG HAD IT BEEN THERE

Take it again I blinked

[warrior-of-storms]

Warrior shouldn't be allowed to write pt 1 (real lines from my current WIP):

---

He jumped down from the balcony, rolling as he landed and wincing at the sharp pain.

“Are you sure you should be out here?” Dick asked, having followed him down, albeit in a much more graceful manner.

“Too late for second guessing,” Tim said, crossing the street and approaching the door. “We're already here.” He raised his fist and knocked.

---

Someone landed on the roof behind him, and Bruce twisted around, fists raised defensively, and found himself face to face with someone dressed mostly in white. Their teal ballet shoes caught his eye, as did the hot pink lining of their hood. At least it’s not Moon Knight, he thought gratefully, relaxing slightly but not dropping his fighting stance completely.

---

“How’d it go with Jason?” Tim asked almost as soon as Dick was back in the Cave.

“Pretty well,” Dick said, “I didn’t get shot.”

“Kinda sad how low of a bar we have for good interactions with him, huh?”

---

“You ever think about getting a Robin?” Gwen asked, mildly curious.

“What do you think you are?” Terry teased, quickly dodging Gwen’s attempt at a retaliatory kick.

“I am so not a Robin!! You wish I was your Robin!” she retorted. “You’d be lucky to have me if I were Robin!”

---

"I don’t know anything about dimensional travel. All I know is that it ruined my life and killed nearly all my loved ones."

---

“Fine, fine, but it's just… I'm worried about you. The old man says you've been down here for three days straight and he hasn't seen you sleep in over a week. You're not going to take a break, so this is the next best thing. Step away for a little bit.”

“That's the definition of a break,” Bruce said. 

“You're a very annoying man, anyone ever tell you that?” Terry huffed.

“I'm fairly certain Dick's told me at least once a month since he was fifteen,” Bruce said with an air of dry amusement.

--

“He’s okay,” Dick repeated, his voice soft. “I can’t believe it. You were right.”

“The confidence you have in me is astounding,” Tim said sarcastically.

“Well, I- yeah, I deserve that,” Dick admitted.

---

“I think he might’ve cried,” Gwen said, her first words upon returning to the Cave. Bruce stepped away from his workout.

“Did you pass on the code?” he asked.

“Yeah, that’s what made him almost cry,” Gwen said. “Have I mentioned yet that you’re a bunch of nerds? A movie reference as your interdimensional code, really?”

---

“Lectured by an eight year old,” Tim muttered, shaking his head slightly. “How have you fallen so far, Drake?”

“I am eleven,” Damian muttered irritably as he left, heading for the Cave, and he could hear Tim laughing behind him. Insufferable.

---

“Get Red Hood!” shouted a redhead that was trying to help the dude Jason shot. 

“Please don't,” Dick said, smacking the first man to move in the shin. Metal bar plus the electricity to the shin couldn't feel great, and he too fell to the floor. “This is the most civil he's been to me in years.”

--

“Yeah, but that’s different, you were like, what, mid-twenties? He’s my brother-”

“I was twenty-one.”

“You what?” Terry sputtered.

“I was twenty-one when I met Dick. Your first Robin isn’t going to make you a single father, so you have that going for you.”

“And he was eight?”

“Yep.”

“Maybe Matt isn’t so bad.”

“There you go."

---

“Hey!” Tim protested. He did not look like a nerd - he was a cool skater kid, or so he liked to think.

[red-balloon12]

You see…you say that as if I can’t recognize he’s absolutely terrifying as a villain while also thinking he deserves to be happy- BECAUSE I FUCKING CAN-

john doe is an extremely unsettling individual actually and i think most people forget/blatantly ignore how truly terrifying he can be because of popularized fanon interpretations

[kurogxrix]

Clingy Mornings

Bruce Wayne x Wife!reader, Batboys x Batmom

IN WHICH your clinginess towards your husband never fails to disgust your sons.

WC: 1.5k

“And where'd you think you're going?” The sudden sound of your voice, albeit muffled partly by your pillow and sleepiness, startled your husband from his sitting place at the edge of your shared bed. You could barely even see with the morning grogginess clouding your iris, yet Bruce’s defined back muscles somewhat managed to break through your view. 

Bringing a hand up to wipe at your eyes, you couldn’t help but relish in the sight of your husband’s fine muscles flexing as he turned to meet your eyes. The way his bicep laid there all deliciously as he tipped all of his body weight onto one arm, the other moving up to caress at your cheek lovingly. There was no denying the pure adoration that swam through his beautiful blue iris, they spoke for themselves. 

“Well one of us has to be downstairs before Alfred decides that we’ve had enough sleeping time and barges into our room.” he chuckled slightly, a rare instance for The Batman, yet he’d only show this side when he was Bruce Wayne alongside you. His beautiful wife and mother of his children, adopted or not, they were yours. He had to force himself and resist the urge to chuckle as he watched your expression morph into a pout, your delicate hand pulling at his arm as you tried to get him back under the sheets with you. 

“Cmon Bruce, just a few more minutes.” you pleaded, tiredness still evident in your voice but it progressively faded the more you stayed up begging your husband to fall asleep with you again. Your hopes spike as Bruce laid behind you for a second, but the fact that he was laying on his forearm and elbow immediately crushed all of your hopes. His warm palm never left your cheek once, making you snuggle deeper into the palm that was just as big as your face. 

“I’d love to, trust me. But are you sure that you don’t want to see those demons of yours before they leave?” Of course he’d do that, of course Bruce would use your beloved children as bait for you to accompany him downstairs and finally leave the bed. You grunted something along the lines of ‘well then you better carry me’ in the crook of his neck as you threw your arms around his shoulders. This time Bruce couldn’t resist chuckling as he grabbed you delicately by the hips, hosting you onto his lap as he stood up from the plush mattress. 

Bruce hadn’t complained once about your clinginess. Truth to be told you’d been like this since the night before because you had rarely seen your beloved Bruce for nearly a whole ass week. It wasn’t unusual that you both wouldn’t see each other, on days that you’d be busy with work and on nights that the city’s menaces just wouldn’t rest. But recently everything had just been too much, too many meetings, too many villains and yet not enough time.

You winced as his hands came to lay across the bruises that now decorated your hips, two huge hand marks engraved into your skin as a remnant of the previous night. Needless to say that the reunion sex had you reaching for the stars, and the faint ache between your legs was a constant reminder of just what Bruce’s perfect girth could do to you. 

Your husband moved his hands with expertise as he descended the stairs, having only one hand under your ass to support your weight as the other laid along your back. You weren’t even concerned about a potential fall, because your husband did happen to be Batman, and his strength was unmeasured to your body weight. No matter what it was. 

Dick had been the first to notice his father walk into the living room, not that it was hard to notice him considering the absolute unit of a man that your 6’4 husband was. Your eldest son was perched up on the sofa, a bowl full of cereal and milk as the TV played in the background. He froze at first, unable to see you from your buried position in Bruce’s chest. Dick was afraid that you’d walk in shortly after you dear husband and start ripping one off on your son for eating on your couch, because even as the grown ass man that he now was, Dick was the messiest eater that you’d ever seen.

Though luckily for him that never came because it seemed like you had better plans, which included being stuck all day to your husband. No exaggeration. He watched in amusement as Bruce sat down amongst his children on the sofa, Damian not even displaying an ounce of attention towards his father as his eyes strained on the TV. could tell that it was a lazy morning for the both of you, even if Bruce claimed that it wasn’t for him. He had been clearly too bothered to dress before going down, instead clad in nothing but a pair of black boxers that he’d quickly thrown on in the morning. His warm, bare skin brought warmth against your clothed one, making you cling to him even harder than you previously were. 

Dick couldn’t help the smile growing upon his lips as he noticed the way your hands were clamped tightly around Bruce’s neck alongside the way your legs caged his waist. Like a clingy koala, he thought. 

You’d not moved from your position upon arrival, and at first your children could’ve thought that you were sleeping, and that Bruce was the clingy one after having snatched you from the comfort of your bed to snuggle with you downstairs on the couch.

Although they quickly found their assumptions to be wrong as they watched Bruce hand move up to your lower back, rubbing it adoringly before he gently tapped you to move and cuddle his side so he could eat. The bowl of cereal that he’d quickly grabbed from Alfred sat on the table staring at him, and his stomach was yelling for it. 

You squeezed in between Bruce and Damian as you climbed off your husband's lap, offering him the limited space that he’d get for the rest of the week. By all means you were still cuddled up to his side, an arm wrapped around his bicep as you rested your head on his bulging muscles. 

In the back of your mind, you heard a little voice telling you that this morning was all too weird. Why? Because the living room was far too silent for it to harbour all four of your children at once in. Maybe If you’d both been a little more aware you would’ve caught the sight of Jason trying and desperately failing in his attempts of ‘secretly’ snapping a picture of you both since the moment you’d walked in. 

Bruce could be sure that in a few hours he’d get a ping from his phone and a bunch of notifications about some sort of instagram post that your son has posted about the seemingly intimidating Bruce Wayne cuddling up to his wife. The caption would read ‘Bruce Wayne has gone soft, nobody is safe from the softpocalypse anymore’, but you didn’t know that as of now. 

Maybe you’d catch sight of that devilish grin adorning your youngest’s face, yet again that was nothing new. Or maybe you would have been able to notice the way Tim would often part from his beloved cup of coffee to check if Jason got the right angle. Although Bruce would admit later on that there’s no shame in showing some well deserved love to your spouse, he’d most definitely ground them all for playing this little ‘prank’ on him. 

You slowly returned in Bruce’s embrace after watching whatever idiotic movie that Dick had put on for god knows how long. Bruce’s bowl now empty and sitting on the coffee table before you. You took it as a sign that you could retake your spot within his arms, and your brooding husband didn’t even complain once as you got comfortable. With your face now buried in the warmth of his neck once again, you couldn’t help yourself but to give him a chaste kiss here and there.

“In front of my coffee.” you paused your movements at the disgusted tone in Tim’s words, effectively getting your other son’s to turn towards you both. You relished in their disgusted disagreeing, carefree laughter escaping you while blocking whatever sound came from the TV. You watched as your boys all left the room one by one to go on with their days, claiming that they can’t stand you two being ‘too in love’ because it was far too disgusting.

A solid minute after the room regained its original silence, save for the soft sounds of the movie still playing, Bruce allowed himself to relax in your arms. He slid down the sofa in a lazy position, keeping you tightly trapped in his embrace as he rested his head above yours. Hands regaining their comforting motions above your back, a rare and cocky smile graced Bruce’s face. Now that the whole mansion knew that you both were up and going, all in your ‘disgusting’ clinginess, he could only guess when the next person who dared to walk upon you both would come and disturb you. 

-

Hope my bruce girlies eat this shit up. also this is UNEDITED😔

[arkangelo-7]

Okay, but, the GCPD and the Batfamily having a dysfunctional working relationship would be hilarious. Like, the cops know they need the Bats to help keep Gotham’s streets clean, but man, they are fucking troublemakers.

Take Dick, for example. He’s already naturally at home in a police station, so he’ll regularly waltz into GCPD headquarters to give pointers on cases, act as a translator, and will occasionally bring donuts for the night officers. But he’s also been trying to get them to unionize since 2009 and will also unabashedly steal things from the evidence locker. (He always returns it, usually with the adjacent case completed, but it’s a lot of red tape and that’s very annoying.) He also fucks up the coffee machine every time he uses it.

As for Jason… On one hand he is excellent at tracking down perps that have escaped custody or gone to ground. It’s not uncommon for him to pull up with a van full of criminals on the wanted list, which is great… expect for the fact that Jason is also on the wanted list. So whenever he shows up the GCPD cops have to put in effort (minimal as it may be) to try and “capture” the Red Hood so that they don’t get audited by Homeland Security. So now like once a month they have to chase the Red Hood across Gotham proper, because he handed the Penguin into their custody or something, and they have to look good for their bosses—it’s a waste of resources and really fucking annoying, but, hey, they got the Penguin?

Surprisingly, Tim and Stephanie are the most frequent visitors of the GCPD—and they are also the most dreaded. Because Tim is a plucky little know-it-all, but also he can and will update their entire database in a single night and will, at random, solve a cold case they’ve been sitting on for 20 years. The problem is that he’s just fucking annoying about it, and every other week he’ll break into the vending machine to steal the energy drinks—that shit is impossible to get replaced. And Steph? She’ll talk the ears off the night shift and get everyone off task, because they’re busy gossiping about the accounting department in the Manor’s office and planning a prank war on the fire department.

You would think Cassandra would be everyone’s favorite because she’s quiet and much less destructive then her siblings, but you’d be wrong—Cassandra is an absolute menace and the night shift workers have spent years trying to prove it. She will sneak up behind people, leave random pebbles in people’s shoes, and will put googly eyes on anything she touches. The day shift thinks the night officers need to chill because, “isn’t she the chill one?” (No. No she is not. None of the Bats are chill.)

And then there’s Damian. As Robin, the closest he usually gets to the GCPD is through Batman, via his consultations with Commissioner Gordon. But on the rare occasions he’s permitted inside the GCPD, he is dotted on extensively by the officers. He’s deadly and abrasive but they love him. They give him candy and head pats and let him use the sketch-artist supplies to do drawings, which they religiously pin to the break room refrigerator. Damian will pretend to despise this despite the fact that he so clearly loves it.

Lastly, there’s Duke. As the only day shifter, he’s widely considered to be the most well adjusted and relatable Bat. Half a year into his tenure as Signal, he’s on a first name basis with half the GCPD, has his own locker and fridge space for his lunchbox, a coffee mug with his logo on it is kept in the break room, and he’s already been nominated for Employee of the Year despite the fact that he does not actually work for the GCPD. The night shift refuses to accept that he is real.

[archeronlochan]

poor Jason for knowing exactly what Tim and Dick are capable of and absolutely no one believing him when he tries to point it out

-

“Tim has literally blown up the League, he REGULARLY LIES TO BATMAN”

“Jason, please. Tim would never”

-

“Jay we just don’t understand why you think Dick is ‘a menace to society’…”

“Have you met him?!!!”

-

The only person who would have any idea is Babs and I firmly believe she elects to ignore it or, even more likely, finds immense joy in watching this play out

[brucewaynehater101]

au where everything is the same, but Tim Drake thinks that Bruce Wayne and Batman are a married couple.

when he goes to Bruce after Jason dies, the whole jist of his speech is “I know ur grieving both, but please get your husband under control, he’s beating up homeless ppl”

Wait!!!! For me, I personally love Tim finding out and deducing their identities at the age of nine.

So! Here's my idea to combine that:

Tim knows that Bruce Wayne is Batman, but he doesn't want Bruce to know that he knows (he's scared of Bruce, doesn't want his memory wiped, doesn't want to get involved, thinks it's improper, or whatever reason you want).

Tim, after seeing another fan theory (or fanfic) of Brucie Wayne dating Batman, gets a brilliant idea. He'll beg Bruce to "stop his husband/lover/boyfriend" from beating people up.

Tim knows it's Bruce, but he refuses to admit that he knows. He even goes so far to doctor "proof" of Bruce Wayne and Batman's relationship.

Surprisingly, Tim begging Bruce to reign in Batman is working. The antics of the kid plus the way he absolutely trash talks Batman to Bruce's face give Bruce a light to focus on outside of his grief.

Also, Tim is a menace. He comes over every day to vent about how violent Batman is, politely offers Alfred help, and shamelessly starts pranking Bruce until the man relents

[fancyfeathers]

Mother!Reader and Bruce are relaxing on a couch. (Much to her discomfort.) Daughter!Reader comes running in carrying a raccoon calling it her "Son". Mother!Reader: Sweetheart where did you get that? Bruce: ... The rest of the batfamily comes running in because what does she mean "son"?! Only for them to see Daughter!Reader holding a raccoon that is eating the bacon she didn't eat that morning at breakfast. Even worse for them, she doesn't let Damian pet her "son", and she makes Dick buy baby diapers for her "son" because her "son" can't be having accidents around the house. The paparazzi catches Daughter!Reader at a gala and soon the news crew come running over too. Gotham Daily Times: Ms. Wayne what is this new exotic pet of yours? Daughter!Reader: Ah, Wayne is not my last name, (whatever last name of theirs) is my last name. But, um, this is Wally. He likes to run really fast around me, say hi Wally. (Cut to her holding her son, Wally, up to the microphone of the reporter only for him to sniff it.) Gotham Daily Times: Well, Ms. (last name) has just confirmed a raccoon, her "son", named Wally is officially her pet. Can she out beat Bruce Wayne's son Damian Wayne in hoarding exotic animals? We shall see next time on Gotham Daily Times news channel nine. The speedsters watching from central city: Wally? Because he likes to run fast? ... Someone call Batman how does she know our identities.

Yandere Batfam w/ Wife/Mother!Darling & Daughter/Sister!Darling Masterlist

I LOVE FERAL DAUGHTER!DARLING!!!!

Love the idea of her being an absolute menace when it was just her mother raising her and Bruce having no idea what he is getting himself into with this.

Like it was when she was playing out in the garden in the morning, perhaps even the morning right after the wedding, there is no real honeymoon besides on paper at Wayne Enterprises since Bruce is still the Batman. The two of them are just getting up, after the kids have had had breakfast together and Mother!Darling is literally about to tell Bruce about her daughter’s rather… playful behavior-

“Mama! Mama! Look what I found!”

She already feels like laughing when she hears her daughter’s overeager voice and the bedroom door opens with her daughter running in with her holding something in her skirt and-

“This is my baby! I found him in the yard, I think his mama is dead…”

Her daughter holds up a baby raccoon while Bruce is half way through tying his tie.

“Can we keep him?”

“Of course, little love.”

“Dear-“

“You have something to say, Bruce?”

Well played, if Bruce was to say no now it would break her heart and set everything off on the wrong foot. When she runs out of the room she looks over at him with a knowing glance, she may have been fired into a marriage, but he will feel the consequences of his actions…

“I suppose I forgot to tell you about her… mischievous habits, you will get used to it eventually, and no, there is no taming her, do not try.”

Jason does not understand why she wants it around, it’s a raccoon in Gotham, a baby but still, but hey if it makes her happy and even slightly annoys Bruce, he is fine with it.

Dick is fine with it? He is just confused as of why, I mean if his little sister wants a pet she gets a pet, but why no a cat, dog, or even something like a ferret, but a raccoon? Alright, he’ll ask Babs if she can find any books on exotic animal care and he will take her to the pet store with Damian to pick up supplies-

What does she mean Damian can’t come? When they are little, she is terrified of him, honestly she is always terrified of him. Why would she let him anywhere near her pet when his stare makes her feel daggers. She is holding her baby raccoon away from Damian, and his pets, Alfred the Cat, Titus. Damian is pissed and very well could go whining to Bruce about it.

Then Tim is just freaked out by it, but when he is sitting the furtherest from his new sister and her new pet in the living room and everyone is suggesting names…

“How about Wally? Dick what do think?”

“Ya, he definitely reminds me of Wally.”

“Who’s Wally?”

“Don’t worry about it, lovebug.”

But then this naming choice certainly backfires when Wally West comes running (literally) to Tim about it, at first he is panicked about it but then he sees her playing with the raccoon and-

“Fuck… I hate that you’re not wrong about that.”

Though this situation only escalates over the years when she finds other animals, a husky puppy her father suggests to name Clark, a baby owl named Diana, a hummingbird named Roy, and cats named Barry and Connor.