#Tim drake has the survival instincts of a wet paper bag

[galaxymagitech]

Jason’s allergic to asking for help from Batman, sure. Maybe he thinks Bruce won’t help without an agreement to follow his code, maybe he thinks Bruce will help and is afraid of that, but for whatever reason, he’s not going to ask Batman for help. But he’s also not incapable of realizing that he really, really needs help right now.

So he calls up his replacement and tells Tim that if he helps out with this one trafficking ring before they leave Gotham tonight, he’ll stop trying to kill him.

Well, Tim agrees of course, and he sees an opportunity. Not to increase his own likelihood of survival, but to bring Jason home. All he needs is a foothold, and Jason just offered it up on a golden platter.

The mission goes off without a hitch. Two days later, Tim shows up in the middle of Red Hood’s patrol with a flash drive of information. And Red Hood tells Tim that he better go away, because promising no lethal force doesn’t mean he can’t do any damage. Tim just shrugs. Jason doesn’t know it, but he’s already lost.

Two months later, Tim is sitting in one of Jason’s safehouses that he wasn’t supposed to know about, while Jason is making cookies and ranting about George Wickham. Suddenly, he freezes. It occurs to him how insane this is. Two months ago he wanted the Replacement dead, and now he’s making cookies after they teamed up to play a revenge prank on Bruce. “How did this even happen?” He asks Tim in horror.

Tim grabs a cookie, takes a bite menacingly and says: “You know the book, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie? I’m the mouse.”

[arenjix]

Baby Birds and Bat Caves

By IzzyMRDB

Complete

Summary:

Gotham was built on a cave system. Batman has referenced a Bat Cave before. Tim is currently in the cave system. He is in the cave system that he entered from Drake Manor. Drake Manor is right next door to where Batman- The Bruce Wayne- lives. Holy Cavern, Batman! Tim had just accidentally wandered into the Bat Cave’s cave system. OR Tim, having found a weird hole after a storm, decides to go exploring ignoring the fact that This Is Gotham and They Probably Have Cursed Stuff Down There. Luckily, it was just a cave system that spans the entire Gotham underground. Unluckily, Tim is a very curious child.

(Stats/Tags are under the cut)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: Gen

Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Batman (Comics)

Relationships: Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson, Stephanie Brown & Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown & Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake, Tim Drake & Edward Nygma

Characters: Tim Drake, Jason Todd, Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne, Barbara Gordon, Original Non-Human Character(s), Alfred Pennyworth, Stephanie Brown, Cassandra Cain, Edward Nygma

Language: English

Additional Tags: Caves, Fluff, Weird Gotham City, Tim Drake-centric, BAMF Tim Drake, Kid Tim Drake, the Bat Cave, Kids are so curious, Smart Tim Drake, Tim please stop running around in gothams cave systems, Stalker Tim Drake, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, no beta we die like robin, Tiny Tim Drake, Tim Drake has the survival instincts of a wet paper bag, Crack Treated Seriously, Humor, Tim looking at the cave system under the city: you know this might as well happen, Bruce please stop him, Child Neglect, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Inspired by Welcome to Night Vale, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Magic shennanigans, BAMF Stephanie Brown, BAMF Cassandra Cain, Edward Nygma Tries, Cryptid Tim Drake, Tim Drake is Crow, Tim Drake is Not Robin, Kid Fic, Stephanie Brown is Starling, Cassandra Cain is Black Bat, Cassandra Cain is Black Bird

Series: Part 1 of Gotham Caves and Reality Aberrations

Published: 2022-03-20

Completed: 2022-06-30

Words: 30,113

Chapters: 20/20

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

Gotcha Bug

by Mgootd Shutterbug has been a silent informant to the Bats for three years. No one knows why they send valuable information to Batman or why they keep their identity a secret even from other masks, but they've helped foil many Rogue plots and Bruce is working on his control issues, so he lets Shutterbug keep their secrets. This status quo has kept them all safe, until a shadowy conspiracy forces the elusive Shutterbug into the spotlight and leaves the Batfamily rushing to save the city from Ra's al Ghul's latest machination. Tim Drake helps Batman by surveilling Rogues by night, has study hall with his favorite Robin (Though Jason doesn't know he knows that) and lives in a mansion full of stolen artifacts that will 100% destroy his family if reported to the authorities. It's a delicate balance, to help the world's greatest detective without drawing too much of his attention, but Tim's managed it for three years. When he discovers his own parents are at the heart of a blackmailing and smuggling plot that threatens the entire city, Tim can't stay in the shadows any longer. The only way to save Gotham is for Tim to reach Batman, but doing so means losing everything he knows. Words: 3268, Chapters: 1/4, Language: English Series: Part 1 of Tim Drake's Photo Album Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: F/M Characters: Tim Drake, Tim Drake's Parents, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Cassandra Cain, Stephanie Brown, Barbara Gordon, Jim Gordon, Ra's al Ghul Relationships: Tim Drake & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson, Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown & Tim Drake, Tim Drake & Barbara Gordon, Jim Gordon & Batfam, the briefest Bruce Wayne/Selina Kyle Additional Tags: Tim Drake Joins the Batfamily Late, Tim Drake is Not Robin, Jason Todd Lives, Identity Reveal, Ethiopia Happens but with a Good Ending, Bruce Wayne Tries to Be a Good Parent, POV Multiple, Lazarus Pit (DCU), Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Tim Drake Is a genius, Tim Drake has the survival instincts of a wet paper bag, Tim Drake isn't Robin but he's still solving crimes, Tim Drake accidentally crashes Ra's al Ghul's party, Tim Drake Needs a Hug, Smuggling, Extortion, Creepy Ra's al Ghul, Tim Drake is Shutterbug, Jack and Janet Drake's B- Parenting, Absent Parents Jack and Janet Drake, Blackmail, Swearing, Canon-Typical Violence, Lazarus Pits work the way I say so, Canon is just a buffet and I get to pick out what I want, Batdad via https://ift.tt/NsWa6UH

[aflamboyanceofflamingos]

Asking the Batkids “How do you want to die?”

Jason: I would like to mention that I’ve already died

Dick: Jay we get it, you’ve died. Please stop making jokes about it. Anyway, I would like to die protecting my family

Steph: The fact that you didn’t say of old age speaks to your mental health. I really don’t care how I die, just that Tim remembers to cover my corpse in glitter and then cremate me, so I’m both fabulous after death, and so Ra’s can’t do shit to my dead body

Jason: You really think Timberlina here’s gonna live longer then you? The kid has the survival instincts of a wet paper bag

Tim: Rude, but honestly I’m beginning to think I can’t die given all the shit I’m been through. Unfortunately.

Duke: Am I going to turn out that depressed too? And like Steph said, old age

Damian: I simply will not die.

Tim: Haven’t you already died as well?

Damian: Shut up Drake, I’ll last longer then you for certain. You should better your diet if you want to live anywhere near as long as me

Dick: Awww, Dami you care! Also Tim he’s right. You can’t survive on Kraft Mac and Cheese forever

Tim: Am I hearing some hypocrisy from Mr. I Eat Lucky Charms For Every Meal?

Cass, watching as they all bicker: I would like to die knowing that my family loves me and that they know I love them

[thatthirdtriplet]

Relationships:

Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne Tim Drake & Jason Todd Tim Drake & Dick Grayson Stephanie Brown & Tim Drake Stephanie Brown & Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake Tim Drake & Edward Nygma

Characters:

Tim Drake Jason Todd Dick GraysonBruce Wayne Barbara Gordon original Non-Human Character(s) Alfred Pennyworth Stephanie Brown Cassandra Cain Edward Nygma

Additional Tags:

Caves fluff weird Gotham City Tim Drake-centric BAMF Tim Drake kid Tim Drake the Bat Cave kids are so curious smart Tim Drake Tim please stop running around in Gotham’s cave systems stalker Tim Drake implied/Referenced Child Abuse no beta we die like Robin tiny Tim Drake Tim Drake has the survival instincts of a wet paper bag crack Treated Seriously humour Tim looking at the cave system under the city: you know this might as well happen Bruce please stop him child Neglect Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent inspired by Welcome to Night Vale Hijinks & Shenanigans magic shennanigans BAMF Stephanie Brown BAMF Cassandra Cain Edward Nygma Tries Cryptid Tim Drake Tim Drake is Crow Tim Drake is Not Robin kid Fic Stephanie Brown is Starling Cassandra Cain is Black Bat Cassandra Cain is Black Bird

Summary:

Gotham was built on a cave system. Batman has referenced a Bat Cave before. Tim is currently in the cave system. He is in the cave system that he entered from Drake Manor. Drake Manor is right next door to where Batman- The Bruce Wayne- lives. Holy Cavern, Batman! Tim had just accidentally wandered into the Bat Cave’s cave system.

OR

Tim, having found a weird hole after a storm, decides to go exploring ignoring the fact that This Is Gotham and They Probably Have Cursed Stuff Down There.

Luckily, it was just a cave system that spans the entire Gotham underground. Unluckily, Tim is a very curious child.

[howaboutthisblr]

So - Y’all remember the “Tim Drake has the survival instincts of a wet paper bag” tag on AO3 and how we were lamenting on how that hasn’t been a standardized tag by now? Good news - it’s a proper tag now!

It’s now officially known as “Tim Drake Lacks Self-Preservation Instincts.” I’m still gonna use the fun variant, but it’s fantastic that’s it’s officially recognized and linked appropriately. I’m delighted!

I swear it must have been very recent - like just this past week because I could swear the tag was still unofficial a few days ago, and even recently updated fics with it still say “how is this not a tag yet.” I wanted to share the news since I just found out by clicking on it for shits and giggles barely an hour ago.

Hats off to the officiants/volunteers(?) who actually made it a thing! Spread the word, and Reblog this especially if you know more about the tag, like other names it could be found under!

A screenshot with the tag on AO3 is below! Here is a link to the AO3 tag itself, while I’m at it!

[oookaline]

Matter Of Course, An Implication Of Violence.

One is Lonely, Two is Company, and three is a Blush.

What if Dick never went with Bruce in the first place? What if instead of a big house and a parental figure he had the streets and a criminal to look up to?

Or; the one where Dick ends up homeless after his parents death and ends up getting two little brothers in the end anyways, because in every universe, a blush of robins always ends up beneath a bat's wings.

See tags n link below :)

link: Matter Of Course, An Implication Of Violence

DCU (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman (Comics)  

Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd Minor or Background Relationship(s) Selina Kyle & Jason Todd Dick Grayson & Selina Kyle Dick Grayson Jason Todd Tim Drake (DCU) Selina Kyle Bruce Wayne

Rating May Change Other Additional Tags to Be Added inspired by Dynamic Duo (Movie) Court of Owls Bruce Wayne is Batman DC stands for Disregard Canon alternative take on "Talon Dick" Timeline makes some sense if you squint enough Jason Todd is Robin Selina Kyle is Catwoman Dick Grayson Needs a Hug Jason Todd Needs A Hug Tim Drake Needs a Hug (DCU) birdfam soon to be batfam Dick Grayson Tries to Be a Good Older Sibling Genius Tim Drake Good Sibling Jason Todd POV Multiple Unreliable Narrator no beta we die like jason Domestic Violence Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence Hurt Jason Todd Hurt Dick Grayson Canon-Typical Violence Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting Tim Drake Has Abandonment Issues Tim Drake has the survival instincts of a wet paper bag Stalker Tim Drake (DCU) Dick Grayson-centric for the start of the story

[why-rock-look-tasty-if-no-eat]

This is why my favorite ao3 tag for Tim is 'Tim Drake has the survival instincts of a wet paper bag'. It just fits so well

I think it would be very funny if the Batfam and Tim had two drastically different reactions to the Teen Titans Incident.

Like Bruce is super concerned about Tim's safety, and Dick is tearing himself apart because on one hand, the perpetrator is his little brother and Dick remembers him as tiny little Jason who loves classic stories and on the other hand, his new little brother has just been brutalized and possibly traumatized. Jason pretends that he is okay with having beaten up a child, but he is drowning in guilt and can barely look Tim in the eye.

Meanwhile, Tim just... does not care. It was literally another Wednesday for him. He is so delusional, he looks at the Red Hood and thinks "Yeah, I can take him." There is no fear in those eyes, just revenge.

[ao3feed-jaydick]

On the Borderline

read it on the AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/61129735 by Realm_Of_Red_Shadows "This bond? This bond was what had been the main feature in Tim’s dreams. And he finally had it. But he had nothing that he wanted with it; not the affection of Dick or Jason nor their choice in giving him this opportunity. It was just a taunt." ___ Or: Even in a world of Sentinels and Guides, Tim--in a utterly shocking turn of events--doesn't believe he's worth loving. And since you can't survive off of unrequited love, you might as well choose spite as the alternative. Words: 3727, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Tim Drake (DCU), Jason Todd, Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Stephanie Brown, Cassandra Cain, Duke Thomas, Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth, Members of the Team (Young Justice) Relationships: Tim Drake/Dick Grayson/Jason Todd, Dick Grayson/Jason Todd, Tim Drake/Dick Grayson, Tim Drake/Jason Todd, Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Duke Thomas & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Bart Allen & Tim Drake & Kon-El | Conner Kent & Cassie Sandsmark Additional Tags: Tim Drake Needs a Hug (DCU), Tim Drake Gets a Hug (DCU), Tim Drake-centric (DCU), Requited Unrequited Love, Alternate Universe - Sentinels & Guides, Angst with a Happy Ending, Tim Drake is Red Robin (DCU), Tim Drake has the survival instincts of a wet paper bag, Tim Drake Has a Crush, Tim Drake has Denial as well, Batfamily Dynamics (DCU), Caring Batfamily (DCU), Mildly Dubious Consent, but not really, If you read this you'll understand, Polyamory read it on the AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/61129735

[rusomnia]

[4am, Jason's safehouse]

Tim, climbing through the window: help me with my english essay

Jason: what

Tim: alfred says you're an english lit nerd, help

Jason: i tried to kill you last week

Tim: and i have an essay on macbeth due friday, now help

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

I'm kind of surprised that I haven't run into any fics yet where Tim's parents bring something Super Cursed back from one of their archeological digs and either Baby Tim or Robin Tim has to deal with the fallout. Have you/your followers ever encountered one?

I haven’t seen any like that but now I’m very interested

Anyone else seen something along these lines?

[galaxymagitech]

So, I finally read the Gotham War arc from start to finish, and the whole thing was insane, but it has provided even more evidence that Tim has absolutely nonexistent survival instincts.

Early on in the arc, Tim basically says that he’s sympathetic to Catwoman’s ideas. Bruce threatens to arrest him. You’d think Tim would…maybe be more careful? Nope. Later, when Bruce and Jason are fighting, Tim grabs Bruce and attempts to pull him off Jason. Keep in mind, this is a teenager attempting to move a large adult, there is NO way this was going to work, but Tim tries it anyway. And then, Batman throws him off and kicks him hard enough that he flies across the room.

It should be pretty clear at this point that Batman cannot be reasoned with. And yet. And yet. When Nightwing and Batman start fighting, Tim arrives and takes over for Nightwing. But instead of fighting Bruce, Tim says he just wants to talk and they can work this all out. Batman then attacks him and breaks his bo staff with a punch, tells him they can only talk when Tim comes to his senses, and hits Tim hard enough that he, again, goes flying.

You’d think at this point, Tim would’ve long since given up on diplomacy. But nope! Nightwing tags into the fight. And then, as Nightwing is winning, Tim pulls Dick off of Bruce and tells him that fighting isn’t the answer and Bruce “needs help.”

I can’t decide if this is hilarious or horrifying. Like, Tim Drake has the survival instincts of a wet paper bag…but the fact that he’s still defending Batman after this is concerning.

[incorrectbatfamandpals]

Tim: The absolute chutzpah I have whenever I handle anything hot... Maybe, I have hurt my finger again.

Jason: Tim.

Tim: ...I'm gonna keep doing it.

Jason: TIM!

Tim: I'll be more careful next time.

Jason: Will you?

Tim: No.

Jason: Tim.

Tim: But like, it's not gonna give me a second degree burn, it's fine.

Jason: Timothy.

Tim: What? I mean, it's not technically a burn, it's a scold and I have stopped handling the boiling water.

Jason: Good.

Tim: ...for now.

Jason: TIMOTHY

Tim: I don't even think Hashem Himself could get me to stop being like this.

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

Fatherless Behaviour

by lemonlimemadness Tim Drake, trapped in a contract with the League of Assassins with no end in sight, sets out on a different path to pull Bruce out of the time stream. As it turns out, messing about with time has consequences. Maybe, just perhaps, being de-aged a few years isn’t too bad in the long run. He’s still got his smarts and his allies, and his enemies sure as hell won’t be expecting this. Unfortunately, he completely forgets to account for the rest of his pseudo-estranged family.   Or; Tim Drake fucks around with the timestream and finds out. Now, he has to suddenly deal with a baby face, his family (and hiding from them), the loss of his precious middle child status and the burgeoning realisation that Damian is taller than him. Words: 4185, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Red Robin (Comics) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: Gen Characters: Tim Drake, Bruce Wayne, Prudence Wood, Ra's al Ghul, Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Damian Wayne, Stephanie Brown, Cassandra Cain Relationships: Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Prudence Wood, Tim Drake & Ra's al Ghul, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Damian Wayne Additional Tags: Tim Drake-centric, Kid Tim Drake, Young Tim Drake, De-Aged Tim Drake, Age Regression/De-Aging, BAMF Tim Drake, Tim Drake Needs a Hug, Bruce Quest, Tim Drake & Damian Wayne Bonding, Tim Drake & Jason Todd Bonding, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson Bonding, Dick Grayson is Batman, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Tim Drake is Red Robin, Damian Wayne is Robin, Unreliable Narrator, League of Assassins Tim Drake, Protective Batfamily (DCU), Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, hes trying, Tim Drake has the survival instincts of a wet paper bag, Slightly Feral Tim Drake, Batfamily Dynamics (DCU), Batfamily Shenanigans (DCU), Angst and Humor, Kidnapping, Crack, Tim Drake: The world’s smartest dumb person, Mistaken Identity, Oblivious Tim Drake via https://ift.tt/hVf5w3k

[salparadiselost]

Tim Drake has the survival instincts of a wet paper bag.

Pass it on.

[thatthirdtriplet]

Relationships:

Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne Tim Drake & Jason Todd Tim Drake & Dick Grayson Stephanie Brown & Jason Todd Cassandra Cain & Jason Todd Tim Drake & Damian Wayne

Characters:

Tim Drake Dick Grayson Bruce Wayne Jason Todd Stephanie Brown Damian Wayne Cassandra Cain Alfred Pennyworth Barbara Gordon Duke Thomas

Additional Tags:

Worried Parent Bruce Wayne I am using this fic to push forward my steph and jason are chaotic siblings agendaTim Drake Whump shamelessly whumping him lol no beta we die like jason Todd Tim Drake has the survival instincts of a wet paper bag Tim Drake Needs a Hug(he gets it) Hurt/Comfort Tim Drake is Red Robin Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent torture electrocution water boardinghouses WoundsTim Drake's Missing Spleen Tim Drake Has a Bad Time broken Bones pneumonia somehow the end of this fic turned into crack title from earth by sleeping at last protective Jason Todd protective Batfamily (DCU) Human Trafficking feral Tim Drake Tim Drake is Not Okay Batfamily (DCU) Feels medical Inaccuracies

Summary:

In a moment of clarity, Tim remembers his emergency button. He remembers patrol, and he remembers a gang and a shootout.

He uses his free hand to fumble around until he manages to find the chest piece and press the emergency button. His vision is fuzzing at the edges and the last thing he sees is a dark figure leaning over him, a gun pointed at his face.

Well fuck, is his last thought before everything fades to black.