the blog where i steal interactions with my friends to make incorrect batfam quotes
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Steph: Last night, I tried to explain the concept of she/they to Damian without giving myself away.
Duke: Oh? How did it go?
Steph: He respects it, but doesn't understand why people who use it wouldn't just use they/them pronouns.
Duke: It is difficult to explain beyond I don't know dude, that's my gender.
Steph: Yeah, that's what I ended up saying: "gender be fucky".
#batfam#batman#stephanie brown#duke thomas#damian wayne#damian wayne-al ghul#non binary duke thomas#non-binary duke thomas#non-binary stephanie brown#non binary stephanie brown#trans bats#enby bats#spoiler#batgirl#robin#signal
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Babs: What are some promposal type things you could do that also incorporate crime?
Cass: Arson.
Jason: Steal a bus.
Tim: Tresspassing with a stolen bus to commit arson.
Babs: ...okay, thank you, I'm no longer taking suggestions.
#batfam#batman#babs gordon#barbara gordon#cassandra cain#tim drake#jason todd#robin#red robin#red hood#black bat#batgirl#orphan#oracle#i have no memory of the context of this
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Bart: Anyway, goodnight y'all, man's got to be up early. By the way, I use man as a term for everyone, I'm not misgendering myself.
Tim: Man is gender-neutral except when you decide otherwise.
Gar: Like the way Shaggy from Scooby Doo says it.
Bart: Exactly!
Tim: Shaggy is an entire gender in himself.
#batfam#batman#tim drake#bart allen#garfield logan#gar logan#teen titans#robin#red robin#impulse#kid flash#beast boy#changelling#queer bart allen#enby bart allen#queer tim drake#queer garfield logan#everyones queer because i said so#shaggy rogers#scooby doo
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Tim: Help, I'm watching a Game Theory video on Merge Mansion.
Babs: You too, huh?
#batfam#batman#tim drake#barbara gordon#babs gordon#robin#red robin#oracle#game theory#merge mansion#you cannot convince me that tim and babs dont watch matpat
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Dick: Okay, I will click Play.
Tim: Okay.
Dick: And has the screen changed for everyone?
Tim: Yes.
Dick: Good.
Tim: You sound like the tired instructor at a summer camp.
Dick: I apologise for that, it's just my personality.
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Tim: Why did my brain, out of the blue, just say "Anthrax Cinematic Universe"?
Jason: I think that's just bioterrorism.
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Duke: There's this program on about a really fancy hotel and they're showcasing their luxury technology and one thing can project scenes onto the tables and-
Jason: Bro, you can get those in Maccies. Maccies did it first.
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Steph: I was a feral child.
Dick: So was I.
Steph: I used to bite everything. We still have a table with bite marks in it. From my stupid teeth. I didn't stop until I was 10.
Dick: You have seen the bite marks in my bedside locker.
Steph: Yeah, but mine was because I liked the texture. The texture of a wooden fucking table.
Dick: Okay, go build your dam, little beaver.
#batfam#batman#stephanie brown#dick grayson#robin#nightwing#spoiler#batgirl#autistic bats#autistic batfam#nd bats#nd batfam#neurodivergent batfam#neurodivergent stephanie brown#neurodivergent dick grayson
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Tim: I'm watching an interview with a naval architect and he just said "we wanted to design a ship that would knock everything else out of the water" and that phrasing knocked me over.
Jason: Oh no! The ship got you!
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Steph: One of the chefs threw pine nuts at another chef during my shift.
Babs: ...what?
Cass: Biological warfare.
#batfam#batman#stephanie brown#babs gordon#barbara gordon#cassandra cain#batgirl#black bat#orphan#spoiler#robin#oracle#birds of prey
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Dick: I'm stuck in work, RIP.
Steph: Use lube.
Dick: I've been made supervisor for the evening, I might get in trouble for that.
Steph: Supervise the lubing.
Dick: We're strictly a no-lube work place.
Steph: Fuck. Abolish the lube policy, then police the lube.
Dick: No. Lube would make my job worse. I've already had realy pervy comments from old men at the bar today, the lube would not improve it.
Steph: It would make it more interesting.
Dick: Would it?
Steph: Technically.
Dick: No.
Steph: Hear me out: lube piñata.
Dick: Hear me out: suck your mom.
Jason: Use the old men as piñatas.
Dick: Good thinking.
Steph: Now, that's a shout.
Dick: I'd have to hang them first though and that's a lot of effort.
Jason: The bar does have high enough ceilings though.
#batfam#batman#dick grayson#stephanie brown#jason todd#robin#red hood#nightwing#spoiler#batgirl#bartender dick grayson
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Steph: So at the end of my last driving lesson last Thursday, my driving instructor had to remind me that I wouldn't have a lesson this week because I'd be in Spain. Despite this, he sent me a text sating he'll be at mine for 10ish. Gary, please.
Tim: Okay, but Gary's a mood to be honest.
Steph: Oh, for fuck's sake, he's just messaged me saying he's outside. GARY, ARE YOU IN ESTEPONA, MY GUY?
Tim: adsfdfasvsds
Steph: I can receieve texts, but not send them while I'm abroad because my phone plan sucks so Cass has had to text him.
#batfam#batman#stephanie brown#tim drake#cassandra cain#robin#red robin#spoiler#batgirl#black bat#orphan#stephcass
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Tim: I know this was set a while ago, but it's slightly bizzare to see someone in school planning their wedding.
Steph: When I was in junior year, a girl from my year in middle school was married with a kid.
Tim: Like I know people who wanted to get married and stuff, but like to see someone sorting out seating plans and flowers and all sorts from a dorm room is so weird.
Steph: I remember friends wanting to plan weddings together as a game, but I was always the weird one. Because they'd all choose traditional stuff and I'd like what if I walked down the aisle on a zipline, best man chasing after it? Is it best man who walks the bride down the aisle?
Tim: No, it's usually the father who walks the bride down the aisle.
Steph: ...that's not the best man?
Tim: ...no.
Steph: Oh. You can see why I was the weird one.
Tim: The best man is someone of the groom's choosing.
Steph: I think if any of the bats get married, the best man should just always be Lucius.
Tim: I'd make Damian do it because it'd be funny.
#batfam#batman#tim drake#stephanie brown#robin#red robin#spoiler#batgirl#damian wayne#damian wayne-al ghul#lucius fox
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Damian: I found a bag of things that you'd like.
Dick: That's ominous.
Damian: It's little animals as erasers.
Dick: AWWWWW
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Duke: Weezerposting is a great name for a Weezer tribute band.
Steph: Can we start it? I wanna be Rivers.
Jason: Don't we have to be virgins?
Steph: I'll call myself Streams. Look, I'm a virgin at heart.
Jason: Yeah, I'll accept that.
Tim: Virginity is a social construct so if you're not a sufficient virgin at this current moment, simply construct new virginity.
Steph: Can you do that in Minecraft?
Jason: Store-bought virgin.
Duke: If you can't afford store-bought virgin, omemade is fine.
Steph: That face when you forget to pick up a sacrifice.
Jason: That face when mom says "we have virgin at home".
Tim: And of course, you can buy Virginatrix for $4000 on Goop.
Duke: Virginatrix sounds like an early 2000s villain.
#batfam#batman#tim drake#duke thomas#stephanie brown#jason todd#robin#red robin#spoiler#batgirl#red hood#signal#weezer#goop#minecraft#virginity
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Kate: Genuinely, hayfever can go fuck itself. I also nearly typed gayfever.
Steph: GAYFEVER.
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Tim: "Turn into a bald rapper at the full moon", -Stephanie Brown, 2022.
Dick: Is that a demand?
Steph: Yes.
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