#Stephanie is a menace

[strange-birb]

More secret band AU!!!!! With Steph as the drummer and slaying 💅 ✨

These are pretty rough Ngl….. I’ll eventually do a proper coloring lol

I put her in the outfits Victoria from måneskin wear cause she is an idol 👏

Idk I see Steph going ham on the drums and flipping her hair and being an icon. At the end of a showi see her kicking the set to shit and then bowing ( Emerson vibe) catwalks off the stage idk she screams drama and I think it would be funny 😂

Her family doesn’t really react cuz like she is chaos and it’s to be expected

Tim climbing on rafters and hanging from the ceiling as he screams… not so much

The batfam reacting to Tim: 🫢😶👀😳

Tim: P1…. P2…

JASON

[ti-girl1226]

Duke would use Martha and Thomas as an excuse to over power Bruce. Duke can see ghost y’all meaning he can probably find a way to communicate with them. (He probably uses sign due to him already knowing it for Cass) Anyway I can see him fully being done with Bruce who he dosnt really see as a dad dad, like sure he’s his dad on paper but Duke knew his parents for a long long time, like his dad was there and active and his mom was to and they still are alive just not there mentally. He would definitely get super sick of Bruce at some point and just go to Martha and Thomas, probably Martha and just bitch about Bruce to them. Oh and Steph and Cass definitely know about this they all come together at least once a month to bitch about Bruce together although Cass has few things to bitch about but she dose find it hilarious what the other two have to say.

Duke sitting on his bed holding his pillow as Cass paints his nails he’s talking to the group: -So then he yelled at me for buying bat burger in patrol! Like sorry I’m hungry You don’t pay me for lunch!

Steph sitting on a chair next to Cass painting her own nails: Right! Wait is Martha here?

Duke: Martha is always here

Martha nods watching the kids with a smile while Steph turns to Martha’s chair to imitate eye contact because it felt weird for her just to talk into space

Steph: So your Son today *cue fifty minutes rant about how Bruce tried to adopt her again which leads into how he then forced her to go to her apartment earlier like the manor dosnt have room for her and how Alfred had already had made her dinner so she guess she was okay with leaving to her apartment but she really wanted the pancakes that Alfred was gonna make the next day*

One day Steph is mad at Bruce for not giving his credit card away so she drags Duke into the room.

Steph: Is Martha here?

Duke, somewhat scared for his own life: no?

Steph: Martha!

Martha runs into the room or well through the wall but into the room still. Bruce is looking at Steph like she’s crazy and Duke is just confused.

Duke: she’s here now

Steph: can I use your sons credit card? (She says like an angel not the gremlin she was five seconds ago)

Martha gives a nod

Duke: she says yes.

cue the rest of the Batkids coming to Duke to get Martha’s or Thomas permission for things. There list are different on what they have granted but here are some of the highlights for each kid i think would be cool

-Thomas-

Jason- although I am tempted to put gun and every now and then go back to crime lord business because “back in my day we could only have the mob do things if we slept with them or gave them money” (no he did not elaborate on the slept with part.) I have to say it infact no matter how much Jason may want it to be that it is not that. It is when he asked if he could pay for the therapy with Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn with Bruce’s card.

Tim- Dating Kon and Bernard at the same time. (Yes I ship timberkon)

Dick- sadly doesn’t need much or ask for much so his is kinda lame compared to the last two but his would be to sneak out Duke and Cass.

Steph- Tea sessions being paid for with Poison Ivy, Cat woman, Harley Quinn.

Cass- a cat

Damian- to watch Harleys hyenas while the Ivy and her were on a date. Bruce never found out

—Martha —

Jason- college

Tim- got back into cloning at one point for the fun of it.

Dick- Not a really a request but wanted to get the same type of pearls that she had and give them to Cass as a gift. So he asked for the manufacture or well business she bought them from.

Steph- Baby names and advice. Duke wasnt there for his powers but one night a few years after she had her kid around the day that would have bin there birthday she cried and just felt like a shit mom, and just talked and talked about it just putting her feelings out there. The next morning she woke up to a note on her desk in a nice cursive telling her she was a good mom and how if she ever wants to she can just ask and Martha will find her baby for her. After all ghost don’t need to stay in one place and can’t be noticed.

Cass- outfit advice, although unprompted and not requested. She like the suggestions

Damian- again kinda veering away from request but he wished to know what kinda paint he should use and she told him where her old art room was and which key to take form Alfred to unlock it.

A little not at the end from me I’m not trying to make Steph look materialistic here or that she is like a gold digger, I just think that Steph would first off end any other arguments, and arguments is a strong word here, with “your not my dad” but she needs her money because she don’t work with Bruce not to get paid. And he got so much money what’s a few hundred, she saw the amount Wayne industries brings in when she was dating Tim and even after that he can spare some change. Also felt weird having Duke fight with Bruce for the same reason because I feel like both Steph and Duke if they do get in trouble ever they just pull the your not my dad card. Steph will do the your not my dad like that one meme. Duke however will put on the manipulation to a ten and go “why are you being so controling and like this? Are you trying to be my dad?! Are you trying to replace my dad?” Then cue sobs and a I’m staying at Dicks, Jason’s, or Steph’s (if he’s feeling really petty he’ll say he’s going to Clark’s) and then a dramtic packing of things through (fake) tears Cass ask where he’s going and he pretends to be Sooo guilty saying he dosnt know when he’ll be back and he promises he’ll be back for her dance recital and also to tell Damien he’ll be there for the art show he has in a week. He never makes it out the door. Bruce gives in.

[anxi04]

tim is on the thinnest ice for becoming a supervillain. the gotham rogues don’t know just how thin it is but they are well aware that out of all the bats (yes even the red hood, yk the crime lord) red robin is the one most likely to end up joining their rogue status.

most of the batfam are not aware of this, except for bruce, cass, damian, and jason.

cass knows just from watching him cause of course she does. she also found one of his Completely Normal And Not At All Supervillain-y Plans. she has him tell her the plans so he’s not spending weeks fleshing them out and it’s more like ranting to her. she does however keep an eye on him during his bad days cause some of those plans were concerning

damian was about to kill someone (very deserved, and also very early on in his career) and tim just drops down in front of him so damian is obviously thinking “oh shit he’s gonna tell them and i’ll be cast out of the family and oh god-“ and he just. “want me to help hide it or do you got it?” damian just blinks cause what. he thought tim was gonna be the most strict on the no kill rule

tim actually deliberately let jason know cause he pissed him off once (interrupted his nap). all he did was take over jason’s gang for a week, made it seem like he was red hood without jason knowing what was going on, make it better, and then insult jason and tell him how he could’ve done it EVEN BETTER but he just didn’t feel up to it. jason has both a newfound respect and fear of tim. he’s also a little salty about just how good tim ran his gang but that’s between him and the gods

bruce knows cause one time during tim as robin he rold bruce “if you kill anyone i WILL become a villain and you are NOT prepared.” and then forced bruce to go to sleep. bruce honestly isn’t 100% sure if that was a hallucination or not but he’s leaning to not. he also just doesn’t know what he can do about it cause that kid made him eat, sleep, shower, and take proper care of himself what’s he gonna do? bench him? bench the kid who benches batman once???

steph also learns but that’s cause she stumbled upon him literally about to take that step and instead of doing anything about it just called him edgy and that was enough to shock him back. she’s not gonna become one with tim but she jokes about them having a batman and catwoman relationship and that alone is keeping him from actually doing so

[hehether]

INSIDE OUT ROBIN EDITION

Robin!Steph suffered so many terrible traumas too, let's acknowledge it 🤼‍♂️

[sparkletastic-cookiedough]

Bruce is horribly immune to most pranks… but Steph has a plan to mess with him.

Steph blames Dick for Bruce’s nonchalance. Mr. “Climbs a chandelier and breaks it” ended up breaking a lot of Bruce’s sanity as well.

Bruce barely reacts when she puts salt in the coffee instead of sugar. She gave him ghost peppers at the last Gala, and he gave his Brucie Wayne performance around the sensation of his mouth on fire. She dyed all his shirts purple, he convinced business investors it was a new fashion trend.

She needs to prank Bruce, absolutely befuddle him in a way that makes him question reality. She’s even prepared to use the other family members to do this.

She manages to get the other bats (and even Alfred!) to agree on this prank.

Steph has a plan. She has a new friend from school, Danny, who Bruce doesn’t know about yet.

She’s going to Gaslight Bruce Wayne into believing he has an extra child.

This is a good plan.

[timmydraker]

Tim accidently referring to the Joker as Dad but those who know about Joker Jr aren’t present and so everyone is left with the ‘realisation’ that Tim is the son of the biggest nightmare to their family.

It’s probably Jason and Steph, her there to bother Tim but Jason went to the manor for food and the two naturally started arguing. Maybe Jason tells Tim to stop costing on his case and prove a point be made against blonde, but Tim just offhandedly goes, “Later, I think my dad broke out of Arkham again but the guards aren’t doing anything. Maybe they’re in on it…”

The two present naturally look at each other with confusion and for the first time stop bickering to peak over his shoulder and see what his case is because, holy shit Tim had a villain for a dad and didn’t tell us? Only to see numerous photos of the Joker in his cell and many reports over the last week of how he’s been behaving and Jason…

Steph pushes the man out of the room when she sees his face go from frozen fear to anger, thinking it’s towards Tim and his secrecy and, while she totally gets that, now isn’t the time.

Though when they get into the Jason starts a rant about how Bruce and Dick should have told him that the monster had a child, even if that child wasn’t Tim! Jason protects kids! Did they think he’d hurt him just because of who his father is?

No!

If anything, he’d become the kids full time body guard to stop that mad man from making Tim into another version of himself!

The two naturally go to tell the others, pulling Damian, Cass and Duke into a mostly unused room and telling them what they discovered, all while Tim stays in the library working on his case.

Cass is beyond worried but also confused because he doesn’t seem to have any physical characteristics of the Joker or Harley, but maybe the mother is different? Perhaps it’s still Janet and either she had a fling with the Joker or something far worse, which makes the young girl enraged on the woman’s behalf.

Damian makes a comment about him killing Tim, not in a serious manner but more as an option, but Duke shuts it down, saying that having a villain for a parent doesn’t mean anything about who you will be. He points out those in the family of that nature and other heroes like Superboy.

When asked why they didn’t get Dick or Babs involved, Jason says they defiantly know and lied about it.

It’s only after another three hours of working that Tim catches himself referring to the Joker as dad and shuts his laptop, making his way to Bruce’s room to hide under the older man’s bed like he usually does when that happens, only to overhear what his siblings are saying.

Tim presses his ear against the door to hear better.

“If that maniac had a kid, surely he’d have told everyone he had an heir or something.” That’s Steph’s voice, filled with worry that only he and Cass could detect as she hides it under a whiney tone.

Jason is next to respond, “maybe he doesn’t know? I mean, did Tim ever even interacted with him before he became Robin?”

It doesn’t take much more than that for Tim to realise that he must have been talking aloud again or absently answered someone earlier and misspoke in front of them.

Panic fills him as he avoids telling Bruce when he gets bad, even if it’s just a small thing, because the older man will start of being a concerned parent then go into Batman mode and only just stop himself from putting Tim in the confinement cell. Sure Tim came up with the idea of the cell so he wouldn’t hurt anyone if his conditioning got too bad, but he’s learnt the signs. He’s not a mindless drone, he still knows who he is and doesn’t hear someone talking to him or anything like that.

He just… sometimes forgets the Joker hurt him.

It’s not Tim’s fault that memories of watching TV with him and Harley, tucked between them with a big bowl of ice cream felt better than most memories of his real parents.

But he knows it’s wrong, always comes back to calling the Joker his enemy.

Bruce just doesn’t get that.

Tim hears them talk a bit more, theories about who his mother might be, if Tim is safe at the manor, if Joker knows he has a son…

Opening the door, Tim stands there and stares at them as all eyes snap to him in alarm.

He doesn’t let anybody speak, cutting them all off quickly, “He’s not my dad. Go the cave and search for file number 26557933301-JJ and put in the code AGELAST, all caps.”

With that he turns and leaves, walking at first before running to Bruce’s room to hide.

He goes to family dinner and pretends not to notice the quietness or how Jason is still there, eating his food quietly and waiting for the ball to drop.

Naturally, Damian is the one to say what he wants first, “So why is okay that Tim shot the joker but I got in trouble for stabbing Bane?”

Everyone groans.

[catpriciousmarjara]

Getting a PHD literally anywhere else: Wow! Congratulations! What a great achievement! Amazing!

Getting a PHD in Gotham: Wow! Amazing! You're now on several Government, Civilian, and Bat watchlists.

So if any of the Wayne kids get a PHD, then the entirety of Gotham would be squinting at them suspiciously. They're rich, so resources, and most likely already insane with all the shit they pull.

What I'm saying is if Jason went and got himself a Doctorate in Literature, the whole city would anticipate the appearance of his villainsona called the Dead Poet(emphasis on the dead) or Bookkeeper or something else similarly nerdy and themed like that for sure.

I just know that it would turn into some Gotham inside joke with memes abound, and everytime Jason would, I don't know, give more funding to the neglected Arts Departments in Gotham University, or go to a school for read alongs to encourage kids to read, Gotham social media would go crazy and be like:

"The Dreaded Villain Dead Poet Reads Alice in Wonderland to Children! How Despicable!"

"Villain Dead Poet Lambasts Government on Banning Books! Leads Librarians to Riot!"

"Dead Poet Ramps up his Villainy by Establishing Educational Programmes in Crime Alley! Uplifting the Poor! What a Dastardly Villain!"

"Dead Poet Goes on Live Ranting About his Favourite Books! Favourite Author is Jane Austen! Is this the Feminist Agenda?"

And so on! It's a meme that refuses to go away. His siblings actively participate, and make the situation worse.

Dick held an online Gotham Villains and Anti-Heroes Poll and Dead Poet came out on top, over Red Hood. Jason is an actual Gotham crime boss, but his crowdfunded villainsona is more popular. No he's not salty about it at all.

Duke would create a montage of Dead Poet sightings.

Stephanie would make a Dead Poet meme compilation.

Tim would arrange Wayne Enterprises to donate to local libraries after allegedly being threatened by the heinous villain Dead Poet. (Jason did ask Tim to do that but not like that)

Barbara created an extremely popular Villain Watch account for Dead Poet.

Cass tweeted out Jason's favourite books as the villain Dead Poets reading list telling people to avoid them 'wink wonk', causing a massive uptick in the sale of those books ala Bigolas Dickolas.

Damian of all people tweeted out a pic of Jason playing with Alfred the cat accusing the evil villain Dead Poet of attempting to kidnap his cat.

And thats not to mention all the shenanigans they pull in their batsonas.

God bless Gotham and it's home grown, organic, not even remotely ethically sourced, free range chaos.

[thedevilundercover]

Tim Drake de-aging fic but everyone is just kind blown how that little monster is the Timothy Jackson Drake that they know.

He’s not even a gremlin, he’s just mean and knows a little too much about stuff than the usual rich brat.

Damian: tsk, you’re such a disgrace the Wayne name.

Tiny!Tim: yeah? And your mother should have swallowed, but we’re both here aren’t we?

or

Jason, thinking he could bully smol Timmy: you stopped so low that you replaced a dead boy! *emo edge lord noises*

Baby!Tim, having learned new slang words via duke and Steph who think this whole thing is hilarious: have you ever thought about just getting better?

Jason: ex-fucking-cuse me?

Tim, shrugging: dying really is just a skill issue ngl

it would be even more funny if he was like this only to Damian and Jason so everyone thinks Tim is such a smart, adorable little boy but the two of them are screaming at Dick and Bruce to get that fucking demonic child exorcised

[deadsetobsessions]

What Do You Have There?

A knife!

Danny plunked the butter knife in its pedestal of importance. The nice thing about having a billionaire vigilante for a... foster is the amount of money Danny was allowed to drop on his hobbies. For example, his extensive collection of souvenirs.

They're not just any old regular souvenirs. No, no, no. That would be so boring! No, these souvenirs, he obtained from the various muggings, knife fights, and various other situations he's been in ever since he was dropped ungraciously into Gotham.

The butter knife? Damian. Precocious, stabby Damian who he had startled into the stab instinct. A point of pride, really. Danny knew Damian was good at fighting! It was practically, in ghost terms, a super enthusiastic hello! Yes, the butter knife would be kept in the well lit part of the wall. Alfred had told him to stay home today to recuperate. He didn't need it, since the wound would heal in an hour or two, but he'd take staying at home any day.

A couple of hours later, well into the afternoon and right before what Danny knew to be their patrol hours, Danny had a visitor.

"Danny."

"Oh, hey, Damian! What's up?" Danny turned around to see Damian hovering awkwardly near the door.

"I am here to... check upon your wound. It is imperative that it gets proper treatment."

Ancients, Damian was exactly like those alley kids. He just ate a thesaurus instead of the drawling accent the alley kids picked up. Which meant Damian endeared himself to Danny pretty quickly. Like a little ghostling.

"Oh, I'm good. See? No blood is leaking out of the wound." Danny held up spotless bandages.

Danny watched Damian step into his haunt- his room- with a pleased hum. Damian inspected the bandages and stepped back with a sharp nod of approval. His eyes flicked to the wall that Danny was rearranging (again) and did a double take at the butter knife in the middle.

"Is that the butter knife I stabbed you with?"

"Why, yes, it is!" Danny beamed.

"Why on earth would you display that?"

"Because you stabbed me with it?"

"That makes absolutely no sense, you simpleton! When someone stabs you, stab them back!"

"That would be mean!"

Damian spluttered. Danny tugged the kid closer to the wall, cheering inwardly as Damian didn't shove him away. It might be because he was exaggeratedly wincing as he moved his "injured arm" but Danny has learned to take a win where he could find them, especially with ghosts. Not that Damian was a ghost, but he sure acted like one.

"Do you want to see my collection?"

"Your collection?"

"Yeah!" Without giving him time to answer, Danny barreled ahead. "So this is the knife you stabbed me with. Which, by the way, was an awesome show of strength and accuracy."

Damian grimaced. Danny continued blithely, secretly memorizing Damian's reactions to laugh at later.

"And this is the knife those guys stabbed me with that one time Cass found me. And this one is a bullet someone shot at me down by the docks. I think I interrupted some kind of meeting?"

Damian's jaw had a slight tick to it that would have been a baffled frown on anyone else.

"And when was this?"

"Oh, like a week ago."

"What? When did you go to the docks?!"

"At night. I couldn't sleep."

"And you went to the docks?! How did you even get there?!"

"Walked," Danny lied, like a lying liar. He floated, obviously, but none of them knew that. "Anyways, this is a law book! Someone threw it at my head!"

"Hey, guys! What're you doing?"

Danny and Damian turned around.

"Richard? Brown? What are you doing here?"

"Oh, Bruce wanted me to come back for the weekend," Dick said. Danny knew it was code for "something's going down and we need back up." Man, he still couldn't believe they didn't know he knew they were crime fighting vigilantes.

"Same!" Stephanie said. Danny was glad to see that her wounds from "cartwheeling in the manor" were healed.

"I see. Danny was showing me his collection of... objects people have used as weapons against him."

"What?!"

"Yeah!" Danny beamed, completely innocent. "Come on! I'll show you!"

With that, Danny continued to ramble. He just knew that the way Dick's and Stephanie's smiles strained would give him a good laugh for weeks to come. "And this is the glass bottle a drunk tried to shank me with in Crime Alley, and this is a knife the Red Hood himself threw at me."

Dick interrupted, face stiff. "Hood threw a knife at you?!"

"Yeah, but that was because my kids broke into his safe house and I was trying to get them to stop looting the place. And he didn't know I was a kid too, so he aimed a gun at my head. He shot at me too, but I couldn't go back to get the bullet, or else it would have joined my collection." Danny grabbed a box and shook it, metal rattling inside.

Dick smiled sweetly, Stephanie and Damian inching away from it.

"Oh, wow, I see!"

----

In his apartment, Jason shuddered. He grabbed his guns.

"Something's wrong. I just know it," he muttered to himself.

----

Danny smiled innocently as he described the horrific, near death events he got his souvenirs from.

"This is my bullet box! Man, Gotham has a lot of gun fights. I got shot so many times!" Danny complained, shaking the box like a rattling toy.

"Did you know Danny snuck out to go to the bay?" Damian snitched immediately, like a snitch.

"The Bay?! Danny! You know that's where people dump bodies, right?!" Stephanie poked him in the arm.

"Yeah, but like... I wouldn't die. And besides! I missed my friends!"

"You mean the minions you made in Crime Alley?" Steph asked. Danny pouted, eyeing the way Dick's gaze roved over his souvenirs and paling the more he realized how often Danny "got hurt."

Damian bumped a shoulder against Dick's arm. Danny returned to the conversation.

"If anything, I'm their minion." He said, remembering the times the Alley kids sent him on food runs.

"Fear Danny, the overlord of street rats."

Danny snorted. And- "Oh! Yeah, there was like a weird owl looking guy? And then they stabbed me with a finger and I kept it because woah, cool talon looking thing, right? And then they threw a bunch of those tiny knives at me? And then they just kind of vanished? Gotham is so weird."

And now, with all of them pale and stressed out of their minds, Danny swung a devastating blow called guilt trip.

"And that's the batarangs!" Three heads swung over to the line of batarangs. "Those vigilantes kept throwing them at me! One of them even hit me in the arm. Those things are sharp, man."

"Uh. Which ones?" Stephanie asked.

"Hm?" Danny hummed obliviously.

"Do you know which vigilantes?"

"Oh, it was like... the purple one. And the sword one? And like the one with the yellow insignia in the middle. And... all of them, I think? Except for signal. That guy's cool."

Stephanie and Damian had matching veiled looks of guilt. Dick shot them a sharp look. Danny decided to deal the last bit of damage to Dick.

"I'm glad you guys are way less stabby than the general Gotham public though, butter knife incident aside. At least I don't have to worry about you guys getting into danger, right? If you guys got hurt like my family did... I don't know..."

Danny smiled-squinted at them, channeling Cujo at his cutest and saddest: when he doesn't get to eat off of Danny's plate. So, pretty sad and pathetic.

"Uh, yeah." Dick said, guilt splayed all over his face. "Alfred said dinner was almost ready."

"Yes," Damian cleared his throat, looking away. "We shall partake in Pennyworth's hard work."

"Ahaha!" Stephanie laughed, nervously. "Welp, let's go bother Tim!"

Falling into step behind them, Danny grinned.

[gothamundernightlight]

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Tim: *develops a plan

Steph: Not gonna lie, that sounds like a war crime.

Tim: It’s never a war crime the first time. Now whether it gets designated a war crime after…

Tim: That’s not my problem.

[hijinxinprogress]

Has Nightwing ever witnessed Tim just like blatantly lie??

Nightwing discovers how often Tim lies to Bruce and he’s horrified bc “you don’t lie to me right? ….right??” And tim has the saddest and most offended expression when he assures him “no of course not!! I’m kinda offended you’d think that I would” 

If he’s with the bats Steph, Cass, and Duke are making a face that screams bullshit bc they know he’s lied to dick several times today and it’s only fucking 3am and Damian’s claiming that “drake could never fool him, he’d see through his deception in a millisecond in his asleep whilst suffering from the plague” so Steph just starts listing all the shit Tim’s lied about that damian believed just to watch him get angry and Jason just shrugs when Dick turns to him bc “I’ve never believed a word from that little shit since I met him”

But if he’s with yj, they all make eye contact then walk away giggling and dicks distraught bc “I can’t believe my little brother doesn’t trust me 😔” while Tim looks at the nearest camera in exasperation likes he’s on the office while consoling him in a deadpan tone and dick makes him promise that he won’t lie to him anymore (he lied)

[strange-birb]

Cough*

Jason’s design……

Next time I’m going to go ham with platforms on him like 👀

Not really a design I app for him. I feel like he’s not gonna go all out he’s just vibing idk. He set the makeup being the most prominent thing. His theme is dead boi

He does actually have the scars but I figure paint them all glowey and no one questions it?

He has fun being the zombie on stage and watching his family squirm when they see him in all the makeup lol

Blue lips cold skin wrecked fingernails

Bruce would have an attack 🤣

I don’t really know what to do with Jason’s designs and I’m open to any ideas fr

Official secret band AU!!!

Steph is drummer. Tim singer. Jason guitarist

I’m debating adding another but it won’t be batfam 🤷‍♀️

Tim.

Steph

ROY

CASS

[arandomao3user]

!TW: Fanon Batfam Content, Be Warned!

(Based off "Love Me For Who I Was" on Ao3, by Chara_Jame)

Stephanie:

Stephanie: Y'know the term girl Dad?

Jason, suspiciously: Yes..?

Stephanie: That's you. You're a girl Dad, but a boy brother.

Jason: I have no idea what you mean.

Tim, breaking the door down with a bō staff, mid mental breakdown: I LIT A BUILDING ON FIRE! :D

Jason: Let's think that over next time before we do it, sweetie. Go use your weighted blanket and I'll be there in a minute to talk things over, 'kay?

Jason, turning back to Steph: So whatchu mean?

---

This is basically your preview to the fourth part of this series...

[arkangelo-7]

Okay, I know it’s more canon-typical for Bruce to have a super-detailed, meticulous manual that outlines all the procedures, rules, and safety protocols that he expects his Birds to follow when they’re out on patrol or on a mission (whether or not the Birdies actually abide by these rules/regulations is a different matter), but I personally think it would be much more hilarious if this manual was actually just like a random ass, sparkly spiral-notebook with a bunch of random advice the Robins have passed down over the years.

No one actually knows where the tradition started, as at least half the pages are torn out or have been exposed to some sort of explosion/alien substance, but the current highlights would include:

Stay strapped or get clapped” — Jason wrote this after he forgot to pack the bat-a-rangs for patrol and Bruce made him do like 100 pushups as punishment.

“Do NOT ask Killer Croc if he’s featured on The Crocidle Hunter or Swamp People.” — by Tim, who almost drowned before Batman pulled him out of the sewer.

“ >:( “ — Cass drew this after she went on a deep-cover solo mission for two months, and will not elaborate any further on what it means or what about the mission was so crappy.

“You’re my dad, boogie-woogie-oogie!” — Scribbled in a margin by Dick when he was high as a kite on some weird drug that Scarecrow manufactured. It’s not really advice but everyone thinks it’s fucking hilarious.

“Ask Ivy for Weed” — is from Tim, but no one knows whether he accidentally wrote that down as a reminder about a case, or if he’s actually suggesting that they hit up Ivy for a good time.

“Cuddles are essential to the Mission!” — No one knows if Dick wrote this when he was Robin and trying to get Bruce to spend some quality time with him, or if Dick wrote this when he was Batman and trying to get Damian to hug him. Either way, the general consensus is that Dick wrote it.

“Eat the Rich” — an addition by Stephanie, and despite the fact that the Birds all are, by extension of Bruce, uber wealthy, there is a general consensus that it remains.

“Please refrain from the use of the monogrammed towels during post-alien-invasion clean ups” — is one of only two notes from Alfred, who dropped like 2 grand at the dry cleaners after the Birds ruined all his fancy towels when wiping alien goop off their uniforms.

“The first person to say ‘yeet’ next time I throw a projectile will be on case work duty for a week” — this is the only thing Bruce has ever written in the notebook, and the only reason it hasn’t gotten torn out yet is because yelling “yeet” also annoys Selina, and no one is allowed to annoy Selina.

And, lastly, while this isn’t necessarily a piece of advice, I think the way page in the notebook an exceedingly detailed drawing of Bruce, with an arrow pointing at him reading “boring old bat.”

(Damian drew it. It’s his only entry. The Birdies cackle every time they look at it.)

[appleswan]

People like to debate which batboy is the worst at galas, but let me tell you it's NONE of them. NONE of them are the worst. You know who is the worst at galas and benefits and shit? Stephanie Brown. We're all missing the potential of Stephanie Brown being the worst at galas

She's not a Wayne, she's not part of high society, she's a nobody to these people. These galas don't mean anything to her. Why should she care about saying the wrong thing to the wrong person? She's quite literally never going to see these people again.

So what if her name ends up in the news? Her neighbors would probably salute her for making fun of the wealthy socialites. She'd be a hero for putting them in their place.

Bruce loathes inviting her. Everyone else cannot wait to see what she's going to get up to

[gothamite-rambler]

Batfamily Adentures presents: Me wondering this, but with the understanding that there's reasons why her made Grayson his Robin... I'm just having fun here with this.

Stephanie: Hey, Bruce, couldn't you have thought about making your kids Robins when they were, like, eighteen?

Bruce: For Christ's sake, Tim just showed up! He wouldn't leave because my first dumbass son thought an eye mask disguised his face!

Dick dropped his orange, shocked and offended, while Tim chuckled.

Dick: I was just standing here eating fruit! Why drag me into this?

Stephanie: Okay, okay, fair. But Dick was eight when he became Robin. He was all cute and bouncy and had a cute catchphrase.

Dick: Aww… Thank you.

Stephanie: Oh my goodness, he's still cute I'll give him that. Look, Bruce, you took in an orphaned circus kid, but you couldn't let him be a civilian until he was eighteen?

Bruce: It’s odd, I can’t deny it, but he was a good sidekick. I can give you tons of reasons; I even journaled them. I guess I didn’t want to fight crime alone. Although, yeah, eight was a bit young… That’s why when I got Jason and Tim, they were thirteen—way less weird.

Dick: I agree!

Bruce resumed reading from his book about depression, effectively concluding the conversation.

Stephanie: Okay, but like, thirteen isn’t… You couldn’t—

Tim silently walked over, grabbing Stephanie by the shoulders and gently steering her away.

Tim: You became Robin and Spoiler to spite your dad. Just… shut up.

Stephanie: Okay… but I’m demure enough to do that, so there.

Stephanie sashayed out of the room.

Tim: For the last time, that is not an explanation!