#Robin incorrect quotes

[bat-stuff]

Reporter: about your late son, Jason…

Bruce, with tears in his eyes: I miss him every single day

Meanwhile at the manor:

Jason, throws popcorn at the tv while watching a documentary: I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE FUCKING BEES

Jason: SHOW A GUY THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

Alfred: Master Jason, please take your anger of animals to a lower level

[msfantasy-comics]

Dick Grayson is Romani not Romanian!

Y/n: How often do you visit Romania?

Dick: I’ve never been to Romania.

Y/n: Really? I just figured you visited regularly because you have a Romanian background.

Dick: I don’t have a Romanian heritage babe, Im Romani American.

Y/n: Huh? Aren’t people from Romania called Romani?

Dick: … no sweetie…

[ragingbookdragon]

Tim: I just want you to know that I think your whole “mask-not-mask” thing is dumb.

Jason, who hasn’t even had breakfast yet: Oh, so you just woke up and decided to choose violence this morning, didn’t you?

Tim, who suddenly remembered he is a younger sibling: I—I just mean that the actual hood makes more sense, you know! You’re the Red Hood! Not the Red Mask. Jason? Big bro?

Jason: You know what I think? I think you taking back up the Robin mantle because Damian is off doing his own little thing is dumb.

Tim: He quit!

Jason: I think you being seventeen going on eighteen becoming Robin again is dumb when Red Robin made you look cooler and more respectable.

Tim: You thought I was coo—

Jason: I think you being Robin just makes you look like you’re having an identity crisis as well as a mid-teenage crisis which may as well be your mid-life crisis, because let’s be real, you won’t make it to thirty—cause you’re dumb.

Tim, who’s being consecutively, verbally punched in the face: I—

Jason: I think you trying to relive the glory days as Robin you never got because Damian took it from you is dumb.

Tim: Hey, that one was really uncalled for.

Jason: Welcome to “Here’s The Reason We Don’t Play Stupid Games at Seven AM With Jason: We Win Stupid Prizes.”

[ryemiffie]

Quotes from my day as teen titans quotes this time!

Starfire: Didn't you learn anything?! Appearances are all that matter!

Dick!Robin: Hey! I grew up with a celebrity and I can attest that appearances are not all that matters!

Starfire:

Dick!Robin: It's also smell, that matters a lot too!

[avamedera]

Damian : Everyone knows that Santa is an invention designed by the big five corporations to sell tinsel and video games to an unsuspecting public. Jason: The whole “childhood wonder” stage just blew right past you, didn’t it?

[everwalldigan]

Bruce: who are you? A new crime lord?

Jason: *takes off his helmet*

Bruce: *squints suspiciously* a new crime lord who looks like a grown up version of my dead son?

Jason: *sighs in annoyance and forces a bright smile*

Bruce: JASON THE NEW CRIME LORD???

[ahfrickenfrick]

vicki vale: and what do you have to say about the rumors that Bruce Wayne and Batman are the same person?

12 year old, newly appointed robin, jason todd: ??? that would be really weird cause i’ve literally seen them kiss before??

bruce: *in the Wayne tower, popping up from his paperwork* …something just happened…

[demonicsuffrage]

Civilian, mad after robin did some property damage while saving them: Um, I would like to talk to your manager?

Robin: Oh my manager?

Robin, speaking into his comm right in front of the civilian: Batman, some Bitch wants to talk to you

[timdrakewhump]

Press, holding a microphone too close to Tim’s face at a gala: how are you settling in at the Wayne’s now you’re officially adopted?

Tim, with a confused face: What do you mean? I’m not adopted.

Press: ..What? No, you were adopted-

Tim: Bruce gave birth to me.

Bruce, behind Tim, nodding: Obviously.

[theaceofarrows]

12 year old, 4'4ft Jason: Tall people really act like they earned their height

17 year old, 5'10ft Dick: Short people really act like we stole their height

Bruce, internally: [don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh-]

-

[Years later]

19 year old, 6'2ft Jason: Hey, remember when I stole your height? Good times

24 year old 5'10 Dick:

Dick: First oF ALL, YOU SASQUATCH SIZED BITCH-

Bruce, internally: [DON'T LAUGH, DON'T LAUGH, DON'T LAUGH-]

[bat-stuff]

School counselor: So, tell me about your family.

Damian: I was raised by warrior-monks who spoke only the language of the blade.

[sprinkleofquirk]

Tim, on his 13th attempt to sneak out of the mansion to go on patrol with the flu and walking pneumonia: I didn’t “lose” my spleen. To lose something is to imply you don’t know where it is, and I know exactly where my spleen is; it just isn’t in my body-

Alfred, tired™ and armed with a tranquilizer: Even so, Master Drake, I must insist you get back into bed.

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

Tim: Oh, Damian's tried to kill me lots of times.

Tim: There was one time when we were younger, he disguised himself as a case file, because he knows I love case files.

Tim: So I went to pick it up to work on it and he took off the disguise and went 'MBLEGH it's me!' and stabbed me.

Damian: *smiles fondly at the memory*

Dick: Damian, no stabbing your brothers.

Jason: There's a more important issue here. How the fuck was he disguised as a case file -

[confused-wanderer]

Dick: Hey Bart! How’s it hanging?

Kid Flash: We accidentally travelled back in time like ten years or so

Dick: what else is new

Kid flash: .. Tim ran into his younger self

Dick:

Tim *walking past them and muttering under his breath*

Tim *mimicking*: Look at me! I’m so young and dumb! Such an annoying kid my god no wonder our parents were always trying to get away

Dick:

Tim *mimicking*: I’m so happy I’m smiling!

Kid flash: He-

Tim: Just suffer like the rest of us you coward

Tim *mimicking*: That’s not fair!

Tim: oh! Look at that! LIFE’S not fair dumbass

Dick:

Tim: Waah I’ve been hurt! I want love! Please don’t leave me!

Tim: Fool. Shut up and carry on with that pain in silence like the rest of us. Pathetic I was never like that . People are overrated and crying is underrated.

Tim *mimicking*: Oh! Batman’s awesome! And so is Robin!

Tim: Batman’s a goddamn idiot. Robin.. well okay true for the first one. But the second? The second one is a BITC-

[avamedera]

Jon: Did you just refer to a knife as a "people opener"? Damian: should I not have?

[everwalldigan]

To anyone who thinks Bruce has a clear and consistent favourite child I raise you this: it is infinitely funnier for Bruce to have a complicated and elaborate “ranking” system of his kids that only he’s privy to.

Picture this: Batman, dosed with truth serum, gets asked as a gag from one of the goons holding him captive who his favourite bat-vigilante is and instead of giving a straight answer, he launches into this whole explanation about the ranking system and who’s in the current lead, who’s hanging behind, etc. At some point (this is a mystery to everyone involved) a whiteboard appears and he starts explaining his system like he’s a football coach before an important match. Out of nowhere he starts pulling out little cardboard cutouts of his kids and pins them to the board. At some point the red string comes out.

Jason hasn’t killed someone in a week? Automatically promoted to favourite. Tim hasn’t caused an international incident in the past month? Puts him a few points ahead that keep decreasing the longer he refuses real sleep (20 minute power naps don’t count Tim! Says powernap inventor Bruce Wayne). Cass gave him a hug this morning and wished him a good day? Favourite until he gets a call from dick telling him (without shouting!!!!) that he’ll be there for this week’s Sunday dinner. Duke accidentally scratches the Batmobile? Demoted to the “in trouble” zone (which, honestly, that’s where his kids spend most of the time in😭). Damian did not attempt to free all the animals in the zoo they visited? Favourite. Until Bruce found out he was just trying to conceal the cat hidden in his room that Bruce explicitly forbade him from keeping.

Dick arrives at the family dinner with a busted shoulder and a bruise the size of Texas on his face? Gets demoted so far down that even azraeil scores higher than him. He’s in the “in trouble” zone for a constant month after that. Oh one of them survived an almost death? Favourite for at least the next week. At least. Multiple people survive an almost death? EVERYONES the favourite. The least favourite is the growing grey hairs on his head.

The end of day results are decided by who bothers to wish him goodnight and if all of them have fucked up in some way the past week then Jon (Kent) becomes the automatic favourite until someone cracks a joke that Bruce actually finds funny.

The favourite child changes daily, hourly even, and his kids are aware this system exists and keep trying to crack the code but he always Knows and just smirks smugly.