#Robin incorrect quotes

[bat-stuff]

Reporter: about your late son, Jason…

Bruce, with tears in his eyes: I miss him every single day

Meanwhile at the manor:

Jason, throws popcorn at the tv while watching a documentary: I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE FUCKING BEES

Jason: SHOW A GUY THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

Alfred: Master Jason, please take your anger of animals to a lower level

[ragingbookdragon]

Tim: I just want you to know that I think your whole “mask-not-mask” thing is dumb.

Jason, who hasn’t even had breakfast yet: Oh, so you just woke up and decided to choose violence this morning, didn’t you?

Tim, who suddenly remembered he is a younger sibling: I—I just mean that the actual hood makes more sense, you know! You’re the Red Hood! Not the Red Mask. Jason? Big bro?

Jason: You know what I think? I think you taking back up the Robin mantle because Damian is off doing his own little thing is dumb.

Tim: He quit!

Jason: I think you being seventeen going on eighteen becoming Robin again is dumb when Red Robin made you look cooler and more respectable.

Tim: You thought I was coo—

Jason: I think you being Robin just makes you look like you’re having an identity crisis as well as a mid-teenage crisis which may as well be your mid-life crisis, because let’s be real, you won’t make it to thirty—cause you’re dumb.

Tim, who’s being consecutively, verbally punched in the face: I—

Jason: I think you trying to relive the glory days as Robin you never got because Damian took it from you is dumb.

Tim: Hey, that one was really uncalled for.

Jason: Welcome to “Here’s The Reason We Don’t Play Stupid Games at Seven AM With Jason: We Win Stupid Prizes.”

[ryemiffie]

Quotes from my day as teen titans quotes this time!

Starfire: Didn't you learn anything?! Appearances are all that matter!

Dick!Robin: Hey! I grew up with a celebrity and I can attest that appearances are not all that matters!

Starfire:

Dick!Robin: It's also smell, that matters a lot too!

[avamedera]

Damian : Everyone knows that Santa is an invention designed by the big five corporations to sell tinsel and video games to an unsuspecting public. Jason: The whole “childhood wonder” stage just blew right past you, didn’t it?

[everwalldigan]

Bruce: who are you? A new crime lord?

Jason: *takes off his helmet*

Bruce: *squints suspiciously* a new crime lord who looks like a grown up version of my dead son?

Jason: *sighs in annoyance and forces a bright smile*

Bruce: JASON THE NEW CRIME LORD???

[ahfrickenfrick]

vicki vale: and what do you have to say about the rumors that Bruce Wayne and Batman are the same person?

12 year old, newly appointed robin, jason todd: ??? that would be really weird cause i’ve literally seen them kiss before??

bruce: *in the Wayne tower, popping up from his paperwork* …something just happened…

[confused-wanderer]

Dick: Hey Bart! How’s it hanging?

Kid Flash: We accidentally travelled back in time like ten years or so

Dick: what else is new

Kid flash: .. Tim ran into his younger self

Dick:

Tim *walking past them and muttering under his breath*

Tim *mimicking*: Look at me! I’m so young and dumb! Such an annoying kid my god no wonder our parents were always trying to get away

Dick:

Tim *mimicking*: I’m so happy I’m smiling!

Kid flash: He-

Tim: Just suffer like the rest of us you coward

Tim *mimicking*: That’s not fair!

Tim: oh! Look at that! LIFE’S not fair dumbass

Dick:

Tim: Waah I’ve been hurt! I want love! Please don’t leave me!

Tim: Fool. Shut up and carry on with that pain in silence like the rest of us. Pathetic I was never like that . People are overrated and crying is underrated.

Tim *mimicking*: Oh! Batman’s awesome! And so is Robin!

Tim: Batman’s a goddamn idiot. Robin.. well okay true for the first one. But the second? The second one is a BITC-

[alittlerightalittlewrong]

[theaceofarrows]

A Robin tradition

-

13 year old Jason: Dick, I need to borrow the Batmobile! Roy needs help with his English homework, Alfred is busy, and the Batmobile is the fastest car we have!

18 year old Dick: [is mad at Bruce and knows full well that this is going to piss him off] Say no more

[Dick gets the keys]

Dick: I'll hide the keys to the motorcycles and the plane. When Bruce tries to call you, just ignore him

Jason: [running to the car] Thanks, Dick! You're the best!

-

[Years later]

Tim: Jason please help me! I need the Batmobile to save Kon from Kryptonite Zombies!

Jason: 'Kay, try not to hit any pedestrians

Jason: [takes the Batmobile keys out of his pocket tosses them to Tim]

Tim: You just had them in your pocket...?

Jason: Zombies, Tim

Tim: Right! Thanks! [Runs away]

-

[Even more years later]

Damian: Drake! I require the Batmobile. Connor needs assist-

Tim: [already tossing Damian the keys] Cool, see ya later

Damian: [already running to the car] Thank you!

[imhere-imqueer-ilikedeer]

Jason: There's a thin line between being a genius and being an idiot.

Jason: Tim uses that line as a fucking jump rope.

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

Jason, on the floor: Go on without me!

Dick, crying, kneeling beside Jason: No! We can get through this!

Jason: There's no time! You must defend our honor. Don't let my death be for nothing!

Dick, sobbing: I can't do this without you!

Jason: Goodbye, brother. *goes limp*

Tim, whispering to Damian: They do realize that this is just a dodgeball game, right?

Damian, aiming at Dick: Drake, this is war. Show no mercy.

[bat-stuff]

School counselor: So, tell me about your family.

Damian: I was raised by warrior-monks who spoke only the language of the blade.

[myimaginarymary]

Sometime in Gotham:

Jason Todd [on the phone]: How did the Joker die?

Damian Wayne [on the phone]: Cats ate his face.

Jason Todd: Damian, I think you’re confused. I’m asking about the Joker.

Damian Wayne: Cats ate his face.

Jason Todd: Look, would you just put Dick or Tim on the phone?

Dick Grayson: Hello?

Jason Todd: Dick, what happened to the Joker?

Dick Grayson: Cats ate his face. Here, Damian knows more about it than I do.

(Source: Malcolm in the Middle)

[incorrectbatfamandfriends]

Bart: So your half Superman-half Lex Luther right?

Kon, grumbling: yes.

Bart: Does that mean you’re genetically predisposed to loosing your hair?

Kon:

Bart:

*4 hours Later*

Kon: What do you mean you don’t know how he lost his hair?

Tim: I mean I’ve been through 20 years of articles and none of them mention it. There’s like a five year gap between the last picture of him with hair and his first appearance bald.

Kon: Tim, you’re one of the world’s greatest detectives, I need you to find out how he lost his hair.

Tim: Why does it-

Kon: I can’t be bald, Tim!

Tim:

Tim: You could call and ask-

Kon: I’d rather go bald, thanks.

[avamedera]

Jon: Did you just refer to a knife as a "people opener"? Damian: should I not have?

[everwalldigan]

To anyone who thinks Bruce has a clear and consistent favourite child I raise you this: it is infinitely funnier for Bruce to have a complicated and elaborate “ranking” system of his kids that only he’s privy to.

Picture this: Batman, dosed with truth serum, gets asked as a gag from one of the goons holding him captive who his favourite bat-vigilante is and instead of giving a straight answer, he launches into this whole explanation about the ranking system and who’s in the current lead, who’s hanging behind, etc. At some point (this is a mystery to everyone involved) a whiteboard appears and he starts explaining his system like he’s a football coach before an important match. Out of nowhere he starts pulling out little cardboard cutouts of his kids and pins them to the board. At some point the red string comes out.

Jason hasn’t killed someone in a week? Automatically promoted to favourite. Tim hasn’t caused an international incident in the past month? Puts him a few points ahead that keep decreasing the longer he refuses real sleep (20 minute power naps don’t count Tim! Says powernap inventor Bruce Wayne). Cass gave him a hug this morning and wished him a good day? Favourite until he gets a call from dick telling him (without shouting!!!!) that he’ll be there for this week’s Sunday dinner. Duke accidentally scratches the Batmobile? Demoted to the “in trouble” zone (which, honestly, that’s where his kids spend most of the time in😭). Damian did not attempt to free all the animals in the zoo they visited? Favourite. Until Bruce found out he was just trying to conceal the cat hidden in his room that Bruce explicitly forbade him from keeping.

Dick arrives at the family dinner with a busted shoulder and a bruise the size of Texas on his face? Gets demoted so far down that even azraeil scores higher than him. He’s in the “in trouble” zone for a constant month after that. Oh one of them survived an almost death? Favourite for at least the next week. At least. Multiple people survive an almost death? EVERYONES the favourite. The least favourite is the growing grey hairs on his head.

The end of day results are decided by who bothers to wish him goodnight and if all of them have fucked up in some way the past week then Jon (Kent) becomes the automatic favourite until someone cracks a joke that Bruce actually finds funny.

The favourite child changes daily, hourly even, and his kids are aware this system exists and keep trying to crack the code but he always Knows and just smirks smugly.