bat-stuff

[bat-stuff]

Bruce: I think I’ve come down with a sickness

Dick: Ooh wah ah ah ah

[bat-stuff]

Thug: Go to hell

Jason: Already been, it didn’t agree with me

[bat-stuff]

Stephanie: Updating my tumblr feed instead of hitting someone with my car

[bat-stuff]

School counselor: So, tell me about your family.

Damian: I was raised by warrior-monks who spoke only the language of the blade.

[bat-stuff]

Wally: Why are you wearing a tux?

Dick: It's after six. What am I, a farmer?

[bat-stuff]

Dick: Over here we have the kitchen

Tim: what’s with all the bran flakes? I thought you only liked Lucky Charms?

Dick: oh that’s the dog’s cereal

[bat-stuff]

*after being sent the wrong location on patrol*

Jason: Where’s everyone going? Bingo?

[bat-stuff]

Reporter: about your late son, Jason…

Bruce, with tears in his eyes: I miss him every single day

Meanwhile at the manor:

Jason, throws popcorn at the tv while watching a documentary: I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE FUCKING BEES

Jason: SHOW A GUY THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

Alfred: Master Jason, please take your anger of animals to a lower level

[bat-stuff]

At a charity ball:

Socialite: So Bruce, how has Damian been warming up to the household?

Bruce: He’s been great. Damian is such a caring kid–

Damian, appearing out of nowhere: Father. Three decomposing hags had the audacity to caress my face.

[bat-stuff]

Tim: Bros gotta pause to make his emo face.

Jason: *smolders*

Bruce, exasperated: just tell me what happened without the theatrics

[bat-stuff]

Jason: Do you ever feel—

Tim: Disoriented? Depressed? Hopeless? Wondering when it all will come crashing down?

Jason: *pauses music*

Jason: like a plastic bag, Tim. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SING THE REST OF THE SONG

[bat-stuff]

Diana: So how’s the new Robin doing?

Bruce: oh? Uh yeah he’s alright

Meanwhile back at the manor:

Alfred: Master Timothy, the weather is lovely outside-

Tim: just a minute Alfred…Does Bruce know that the woman he met at the gala last night is Oliver Queen’s third cousin’s wife’s sister-

Alfred, who just wants Tim to go outside: I’m sure he-what?

[bat-stuff]

Dick: That’s one of my biggest fears. Like, if I ever woke up as a donut…

Wally: you would eat yourself?

Dick: I wouldn’t even question it

[bat-stuff]

Journalist talking to Bruce at a Gala:

Journalist: And your son, Richard, he seems like a sweet boy.

Bruce, sweating: yes hes a very well behaved kid

Meanwhile:

Dick, hanging from the chandelier: if I time it just right, I can drop this cheese slice on that man's head

[bat-stuff]

Stephanie: Ok, people like compliments. So if you want Bernard to like you, you should compliment him.

Stephanie: Why don't you practice on me?

Tim: Ok uh, you're eyes are...

Stephanie: Go on

Tim: they're, uh blue?

Stephanie: *groans*

[bat-stuff]

Dick: Sometimes I'm not really feeling the mood

Dick: and sometimes the mood is not really feeling me

Jason: what the hell are you talking about

Tim: I hate it when the mood feels me, like bro where is your consent

Jason: are both of you high?

[bat-stuff]

Tim: Have you ever pondered the inevitability of death?

Jason: Considering that I survived that shit, no.