#Marvel incorrect quotes steve rogers
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mesmerize-the-mayhem · 2 years ago
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Steve: Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.
Tony: I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Steve.
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hurtspideyparker · 4 months ago
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If Civil War didn't end in divorce and everyone lived together Part 2
Read Part 1 and Part 3
Tony: Why is Underoos mopping the ceiling?
Sam: Told him since he's sticky that's his chore
Bucky: It's only fair he helps out around the house
Tony: Hm. Makes sense
-
Vision cooked dinner:
Peter: *pushing around food to make it look eaten*
Natasha: *surreptitiously spitting into napkin*
Steve: *taking small bites with tons of water*
Bucky: *just stares at full plate*
Tony: Well this is disgusting, I'm ordering pizza
-
Sam: C'mon man stop moping around, you gotta get yourself a girl
Bucky: Ok.
Sam: Ok? Okayyyyy! I know-
Bucky: Give me your phone
Sam: Oh you got a number in mind already hotshot? *hands phone over*
Bucky: *ring* Hi Sarah ;)
Sam: BOY-
-
Peter: Ned thought you would seperate your colours from your lights but he also thought you'd be homophobic so I don't pay him much mind cuz clearly I'm more of a superhero expert than him but he does have a 2% better average than me in history so like maybe you do hand wash your clothes and that's why I asked what underwear you wear because-
Steve: *listening intently with apprehension and alarm*
Natasha: I can't believe you found the one person on Earth who talks more nonsense than you
Tony: I know right, it's incredibly unnerving. I'm planning on adopting him
-
Peter: Mr. Stark I have to tell you something. I think Vision is a... *whispers* pervert
Tony: Um, why?
Peter: He keeps floating through my room without knocking! He saw me changing, he saw my nipples !
Tony: Well if anyone's a predator here it would be you. I mean showing your nipples to a 2 year old? Deplorable.
Peter:
Peter: Oh god, I'm the pervert...
-
Bucky: Y'know animosity isn't good between teammates. I think we should spend more time together
Sam: Am I being punked right now? Where's the camera
Bucky: I'm serious. I think it would be healthy for us to bond
Sam: Okay fine I'll bite... what did you have in mind
Bucky: Wanna go for a run?
Sam: *slams door in Bucky's face*
-
*staring at Bucky's sparkly clean metal arm*
Bucky: Dishwasher?
Peter: Dishwasher :)
(later that day)
Bucky: I've decided to let the child live
Peter: YoU wHaT?!
-
Thwip
Tony: Who took my coffee cup, It was right here
Thwip
Bruce: Um, has someone seen my book? I just had it
Thwip
Steve: I could've sworn I was holding a pen a moment ago
*giggling from the ceiling*
Tony: Young man I will take those webshooters away if you use them for shenanigans and rascality
Peter, muffled: Mr. Hawkeye told me to!
Clint: Oh so you're just gonna rat me out like that?
Peter: Sor- OOF
*falls out of ceiling vent*
-
Sam: You're in my spot
Bucky: There are no spots, it's a common area
Sam: Well that's my spot
Bucky: Did you buy the chair??
Sam: No, but everyone knows that's where I sit. Right Steve?
Steve: Oops I forgot something in my car, be right back *leaves*
Sam: Still my spot
Bucky: Still not
Sam: *sits on him*
Bucky: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL THE COUCHES ARE FREE-
Sam: IT'S MY SPOT YOU CAN'T TAKE A MAN'S FAVOURITE CHAIR-
BUCKY: YOU HAVE ISSUES GET OFF ME-
(one hour later)
Steve: Hey so turns out I don't have a car! Isn't that funn...
Sam & Bucky: *Squeezed awkwardly on the chair together*
Steve: I think I left something in my car
-
Steve: Leave the bedroom door open when you have Vision in there
Wanda: UGH you're so protective
Tony: Teenagers, am I right? Caught Pete reassembling my particle accelerator at midnight because he needed to neutralize a miniature nuclear bomb he nabbed off some guy he neglected to tell me was trying to kill him
Steve:
Steve: Wanda y'know what do whatever you want
Wanda: Really?
Steve: Yes just keep being normal. At least I can read about our issues in a parenting book
-
Thor: Ah, new warriors I see! Good to make all your acquaintance. But why are you so grumpy my friend?
Bucky: *glaring*
Peter: He's always like that. It's um, P- P- PMS? Wait -
Natasha: Yes it's PMS
Wanda: He's got it bad
Steve: *genuinely concerned* Bucky you didn't tell me something was wrong. What can I do to help?
Bucky:
Bucky: I like chocolate
-
Wanda: Welcome to the first annual girls night! This place reeks of men, so I thought we needed some women time
Pepper: Why is Vision here?
Wanda: I get sad when he's gone
Natasha: Why is Pietro here?
Pietro: Slay queens
Wanda: Moral support I think
Maria: Why is Peter here?
Wanda: He looked really upset when I said he wasn't included and I felt bad
Wanda: Anyways... yay girls! Who wants me to paint their nails?
Peter: ME ME ME
-
Steve: Pancakes or waffles?
Natasha: Pancakes
Steve: Good because I don't have a waffle maker
Natasha: Then why would you ask-
Steve: It's important for your voice to be heard, as team leader I value your opinion
*2 minutes later*
Steve: Good morning Clint, pancakes or waffles?
Clint: Waffles
Steve: Oh no.
-
Some of these were based on requests (ex. more Sam & Bucky, dad Steve w/ Wanda) so if you have certain dynamics you enjoy let me know !
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literaryavenger · 9 months ago
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Steve, seeing Y/N babying Bucky: What happened??
Y/N, putting a bandaid on Bucky’s finger: Bucky got a paper cut.
Steve, rolling his eyes: Seriously? Yesterday Sam was screaming "I've been stabbed!" and all you did was yell "shut up!"
Y/N, after kissing Bucky’s boo-boo: That's because he was screaming "I think I've been stabbed!" Bitch, you're either stabbed or you aren't!
Steve:
Y/N:
Steve:
Natasha, sitting next to them while casually eating cereal: She's right.
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ironshieldchild · 4 months ago
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a little something i made lmao
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white-wolf-actually · 1 year ago
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That boy never minded his own business a day in his goddamn life.
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thewrittenpodcast · 7 months ago
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Steve: so. You thought-
Peter: oh my god a live psa demo
Peter: can I video this?
Tony: a live what
Steve:
Steve: oh no
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irondadspiderson4evr · 5 months ago
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Avengers on a mission:
Bruce: Well, that went good!
Steve: Yeah, surprisingly.
Rhodey: It’s… too quiet. Now that I think about it, the whole battle was too quiet.
Tony, holding up his hand in the front: where’s the kid.
Pan over to Peter who is playing with puppies he saw halfway to the battle.
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super-marvel-dc · 1 year ago
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Steve: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.
Bucky, Wade, and Y/N: Ok.
Steve: If you don't want to die, give me all your money.
Bucky: Bold of you to assume I have money.
Y/N: Bold of you to assume I don't want to die.
Wade: Bold of you to assume I can die.
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ironspidersblog · 5 months ago
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Peter, overstimulated: MY SPIDER SENSES ARE PISSING ME OFF AND IM GONNA MAKE IT EVERYONES PROBLEM
Tony, trying to figure out how to make the perfect sensory friendly room in five seconds: Pete-
Steve, trying to not say language so hard: young man I-
Bucky, also overstimulated: lol yeah
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incorrectquotesmcu · 2 months ago
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Steve: So does anyone have any healthy stress outlets?
Tony: Screaming.
Natasha: Violence.
Bruce: Tea.
Clint: Also violence.
Steve: …Okay, so we’ve got tea.
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romanoffshouse · 5 months ago
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Y/N: Bye Natasha!
Y/N: Bye Tony!
Y/N: Bye Steve!
Y/N: Bye Bucky!
Y/N: Bye Natasha!
Tony: You said 'Bye Natasha' twice.
Y/N: I like Natasha.
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chaxan08 · 5 months ago
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Steve: I truly believe that water can solve all your problems.
Bruce: Weight loss? Drink water.
Tony: Clear skin? Drink water.
Natasha: Want to get rid of someone? Drown them.
Everyone:
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hurtspideyparker · 6 months ago
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In a timeline where Civil War didn't end in divorce and everyone lives in the compound:
Steve, walking into the living room: Don't worry Buck I think you'll really fit in around here. Everyone is super nice
Peter: Oh my god you're living here too?! Can I please look at your arm? Please please please please please-
Bucky: *turns around and leaves*
-
Clint: So... wanna test if your spider-sense defeats my perfect aim?
Peter: Oh my god do I ever
Tony & Steve: NO.
-
Peter: Hi. Big fan. Y'know we're like a spider duo. Crime fighting spiders. Arachnid pals
Natasha, staring blankly:
Peter: Web friends? SPY-ders?
Natasha:
Peter: Spinneret associates?
Natasha: Leave.
Peter: Yes okay sorry ma'am
-
During a meal:
Bucky: *glaring at Sam*
Sam: Ay Rogers come get your dog
Steve: Bucky, leave it
Bucky: *glares down at soup instead*
-
Peter: Mr. Rogers could you help me with my homework?
Tony: What the hell kid, I'm right here
Bruce: I have... so many degrees
Steve: Hey I know a thing or two myself. Sure Queens, what do you got?
Peter: Great! I'm just gonna ask some questions for my essay. What would you say the role of war propaganda was in your decision to enroll in the military? Was being poor a factor? Actually, how was the Great Depression for you?
Steve: Less depressing than this conversation.
-
Steve: Take a jacket, it's chilly
Wanda: Okay thanks dad
Steve:
Wanda:
Peter: Ha! That's so embarrassing, it's like calling your teacher dad
Wanda: Shut up Peter, you call Tony dad all the time
Peter: Yeah but I do it on purpose so it's not embarrassing. I'm very open about my daddy issues
-
Tony: I wanna punch you in your perfect teeth
Steve:
Tony: Looking at me with your angelic blue eyes, like a freak
Steve:
Tony: Stupid Dorito ass build. Making me wanna take a bite
Steve: I feel harassed but I'm not sure what kind
-
Natasha: Hey bird brain!
Clint and Sam both turn:
Natasha: Hm, that's a problem. You have thirty seconds to decide who gets bird brain. The other will be feather head
Clint and Sam: *start arguing*
Tony: I can't believe they're fighting to be called an insult
Steve: She has that effect on people
Peter: Aw man, I wish the Black Widow gave me a nickname :(
-
Peter: Hey old man
Bucky:
Peter: I'M SO SORRY SIR MR. WILSON MADE ME DO IT PLEASE DONT KILL ME
Sam: *cackling in the background*
Bucky: *stands up and turns to Sam*
Sam: Oh shit- kid you're not getting the money if you're gonna snitch!
Peter: That's okay, I'd like to think my life is worth more than twenty bucks
-
Bucky: I need your... help
Tony: Sure, what's up?
Bucky: *glances back at Steve who stands in the doorway and nods approvingly*
Bucky: Arm.
Tony: Ok... this conversation is killing you isn't it?
Bucky:
Tony: Say please
Bucky: Nope can't do it-
Steve: Do I need to get out the get-along shirt?
*Bucky and Tony share a look of alarm*
Bucky: Please fix my arm
Tony: Yep of course no problem buddy
-
Read Part 2 and Part 3
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headcanonthings · 17 days ago
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Sam: I don't want Steve to die Sam: You don't want Steve to die Sam: So now we need to make sure that Steve doesn't make Steve die Bucky: Fantastic plan, but have you fucking met him?
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Pre-serum Steve: Am I going to far? Bucky: No, no, no. You went too far about 7 hours ago. Now you’re going to prison.
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ghoststillhaunting · 1 month ago
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My current favorite hobby is to make my own incorrect marvel quotes cause I think I'm so fucking funny
Here are some of my favorites :)
~
After a rough mission
Steve: whew! well that was crazy! I definitely need a smoke after that. Anyone got a cigarette I can bum off them?
Sam: uh Steve? aren't you asthmatic?
Steve: I mean I was? but what does that matter?
Bruce: cause cigarettes have been known to cause asthma...
Steve, who was prescribed cigarettes specifically to TREAT his asthma: What
~
Tony: Hey Steve. what'cha reading there?
Steve: Oh! it's this short horror story called I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream. It's about this AI that gains consciousness and sets out to destroy humanity.
Natasha: sounds right up your ally Tony
Tony: That's not funny 😐
~
Tony: Now I do believe that capitalism can work-
Steve, who literally grew up during the Great Depression: I don't. It has done nothing but fuck us over and is the disease at the core of America.
Interviewer, taking notes: "Captain America is a communist" got it.
~
Tony: hey kid! what're your plans for Christmas?
Peter: Uh me and Aunt May don't really celebrate for Christmas
Tony: WHAT!? WHO WOULD EVER DEPRIVE A CHILD OF THE SWEET JOYS AND WONDERS OF CHRISTMAS???
Peter: Mr. Stark...I'm Jewish.
Tony:...oh
~
Steve: Hey Peter! Hey Ned!
Ned: omg Captain America knows my name!
Peter: Ned, you have dinner with us. Every Friday. Of course he knows your name.
Ned:...I know but it's still CRAZY
~
Tony: Peter. You must learn the consequences of your actions therefore I have no choice but to punish you. You aren't allowed in the labs for a month.
Peter: OH SO YOU WANT ME TO KILL MYSELF
Tony: PETER
Peter: NO NO I SEE HOW IT IS YOU HATE ME AND WANT ME DEAD
Tony: PETER YOU RECREATED A LIGHTSABER AND SLICED THE COUCH INTO TWENTY PIECES
Peter: GOD I CAN'T DO ANYTHING IN THIS FUCKING HOUSE
~
Tony: Kid WHY and HOW do you know how to use a gun???
Peter:...I play a lot of call of duty?
Tony: this is the closest i have ever been to wanting to punt a child
~
Steve: Jesus Tony stop being such a cunt!
Tony: 😦
Peter: ATE
~
Bucky: Peter...do you think i'm gay?
Peter:....you are wearing a rupaul muscle tee
Bucky:...you didn't answer my question :(
~
Interviewer: What are your thoughts on immigration?
Steve: my parents were immigrants...what do you think my thoughts are?
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