#Jason loves kids

[harpersdragons]

Theft in the Family...By Jason Todd Chapter 4

finally finished chapter 5, so I can post this one! sorry it's shorter than usual, the next one makes up for it though.

Chapter count has gone up, so we're looking at around 7 chapters now.

Damian had passed out against Jason’s chest shortly after Jason finished cleaning up, so he turned on a movie, relishing being able to hold Damian. It’s a testament to how much the kid missed him that he’s letting it happen.

When the movie is over, he debates waking the kid up—they really need to change safehouses before it gets too dark—but ultimately decides not to. A sleeping Damian is a rare sight. He carefully shifts so Damian is on the couch, and puts his gear back on.

Once he’s ready, he grabs Damian and heads out the window, making sure to reset his traps.

Damian wakes up not long after they leave, looking around as Jason lands on a nearby roof.

“Incoming Bat.” Damian states sleepily, words slurring slightly, and rests his head on Jason’s shoulder again.

“Which one and where?”

“Robin, approximately 20 feet behind you.”

Jason does not startle, ok?

He just spins around really quickly, that’s all.

Sure enough, Tim Drake is perched on the gargoyle behind them. “Give me the kid, Phoenix.”

Damian tightens his grip almost imperceptibly, and Jason rubs his hand over his back.

“No. How do you know he isn’t my kid?” He adjusts both Damian and his cape so the kid is wrapped in it.

“He matches the description of a missing child from Bristol.”

“Well it is Gotham, kids go missing all the time.”

“Give me the kid, Phoenix.” Robin jumps off the gargoyle.

“Incoming, Akhi.” Damian murmurs in his ear. Jason can see the confusion playing across Tim’s face,

Nightwing lands lightly, much closer than Robin. “Hand over the kid.”

“Nope, finders keepers!” Jason backs up a step, eyeing the distance between him and the edge of the roof, and readying his grapple. He lowers his voice to say to Damian, “Ready to fly, Habibi?”

“That is not how it works with kids! You kidnapped a child, give him back.”

“That’s how it seems to work for Batman, does it not? Besides, is it really kidnapping if the kid asked me to take him?” Jason watches as the implication of his words hits them, and steps off the roof. Damian grips his neck tighter.

Jason enjoys his free fall for a bit longer, then fires his grapple at a nearby roof. He barely pauses before aiming at his next location, he knows the bats are right behind him.

He leads them in circles for a while, at one point letting Dick get close enough he can snag and deactivate one of the spare trackers.

It takes a while to lose the bats, but eventually he does. He heads off towards one of Bruce’s safehouses (Jason hasn’t had time to set up more of his own, ok? …no other reason).

Before he gets there, he triple checks the tracker is deactivated, and just to be sure stashes it in a different location.

He makes sure to overwrite the security when he gets to the safehouse, ensuring Bruce won’t be alerted. Damian is asleep by the time he’s done, and Jason sets him on the couch once he gets inside.

Jason gets his gear off and stashed around the utilitarian safehouse in record time, and puts Damian to bed and takes the couch for himself.

They just have to remain undiscovered for a few more days, then Jason can return Damian and possibly steal him for a couple days every so often.

___________________________________________________________________________

Dick can barely see Damian when he lands on the roof, the kid is tucked securely under Phoenix's cape.

He’s calmer than Dick had ever seen him, arms wrapped around Phoenix’s neck and head resting on his shoulder.

Phoenix steps towards the edge, and then off, and his parting words ring in Dick’s head.

Is it really kidnapping, if the kid asked me to take him?

Damian asked Phoenix to kidnap him?

Why?

They haven’t been bad to the kid, hell, Dick was pretty sure they were leagues (heh) better than the League.

Why would Damian want to leave?

“Nightwing.” Tim breaks him out of his stupor. “I know what he said, but we have to go if we want to have even a chance at catching him.”

Dick nods, and together they jump off the roof, flying through Gotham after Phoenix and their little brother.

The crime lord leads them in circles, always ahead of them.

WIth the exception of one time, in which Phoenix was close enough to catch, but Dick had gotten distracted and the vigilante darted away before he could.

Phoenix continued the game, because it truly seemed like this was a game to him, for a while. They were chasing him for nearly an hour and a half, before Phoenix lost them.

Dick landed heavily on a rooftop, staring in the last direction he saw Phoenix go.

Tim lands behind him, and Dick kicks the ledge of the roof in frustration.

“N, we’ll get him back.”

“Will we? You heard what Phoenix said. Damian asked to be taken.”

“He might have, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that Damian is six. He’s in danger, and he doesn’t realize it!”

Tim is right, of course he’s right.

But something feels off.

Damian is a smart kid, raised by assassins. He knows danger.

He knows how to protect himself, even against assailants three times his size.

But there was something else.

Something in the way Damian was acting.

“Do you think Damian was drugged?” He surprises himself when he voices the question aloud. “He was …sluggish. Overly tired, slurring his words.”

“He’s also six, and it’s nearly midnight. Besides, according to B he had some sort of head wound in the alley.”

“So he likely has a concussion and he’s currently being towed around the city to god knows where with a crime lord known for cutting heads off. Great.”

“We’ll get him back, ‘Wing.” Tim, at least, sounds sure of his answer.

Dick wishes he could say the same for himself.

[glitter-stained]

Random goon: Hey boss, were you the one to pick that name as an alias? And why this one?

Red Hood : I used to have another name, before... A long time ago. But that person is dead now. I get to choose for myself now, they can't take that from me. I won't let them.

Goon: Huh.

***

Random Goon: Say boss, why do you never take off your shirt in front of us?

Red Hood: Well uh, I actually have that really fucked scar on my chest and I'm not comfortable with...

Random Goon: Don't worry boss, we get it, you don't have to explain yourself to us.

***

Red Hood, high on some toxin: God, I wish my family...

Random Goon (on boss-sitting duty): why not try reaching out to them?

Red Hood: They would never accept me as I am now... They wouldn't agree with my so-called "life choices". Besides, they don't miss me, they miss the person they think I used to be... I wasn't even a man when I last saw them.

Random Goon: Damn boss, that sucks.

***

And then the goons throw the Red Hood a party on trans visibility day and Jason is so confused he straight up cries.

[prlssprfctn]

Once Clark tells Batkids that if they need a safe space or some comfort, then they can come and visit his farm — he'll do his best to provide some help or support.

And he means it.

However, he is pretty sure that they will rarely use this advice of his. They are Batkids, after all! Independent and uncommunicative at the most.

Well.

Turns out he was wrong.

Damian and Dick are frequent quests in his farm, anyway — Damian hangs out with Jon, always appearing out of nowhere, and Dick visits them here and there — so it takes Clark some time to notice that others are here, too.

Tim starts joining them on occasions first. Mostly with Kon by his side, but he still steals sweets from the countertop that they hide from Jon, and Clark just... smiles. Okay. It is cute. Kon is a part of the family, and he is clearly in a good relationship with Tim. It is not bad at all.

...Until, Cass randomly appears in his study room out of nowhere, scaring the shit out of him, telling that she needed a quiet place to read the book.

And then Lois almost gets a heart attack when she wakes up in the middle of the night to drink water and bumps on Duke and his magnificent glowing eyes, because... Because Duke munches their cereals in four am???

(He was nearby after some mission. Was lazy to go to the safehouse. Whatever.)

Clark finds Stephanie sleeping with his sheep, caged in her hug later that week. When he returns home to tell Lois about it, he finds out that... She stress-bakes with Red Hood himself, while they both loudly shit on the Batfamily for different reasons (but mostly it is about Bruce, of course).

Alfred calls him a few hours later, asking to send the kids home for dinner.

Clark thinks that maybe — just maybe — moving out is not a bad idea, after all!

[notrobinsomethingworse]

Dick (Nightwing) and Jason (Robin) stare at Bruce. One sports pleading eyes, the other a shit eating grin. There’s a child between them with black hair and blue eyes.

Bruce, he doesn’t know what’s happening but he doesn’t like it: No.

Dick, grinning: He’s our younger brother now.

Jason, nodding seriously: You’re not gonna take him from us.

Tim, got kidnapped while taking photos of patrol, just happy to be there: Where’s the Batcave?

Bruce: what.

Dick, grinning wider: He’s ours now.

[spocks-husband]

In Bruce's phone, he keeps the contact photos for all his kids as their baby pictures (or the closest approximation that he has).

Dick's is a photo of him when he'd first designed his Robin costumes, smiling ear to ear as he proudly showed off his first hand-sewn prototype.

Jason's is a picture Alfred got of the boy sitting on Bruce's shoulders while they went over a case.

Tim is him fast asleep in the middle of taking notes on his first real mission (he wanted to impress Bruce really bad).

Damian is a polaroid he got from Talia of him when he was about a year old, teething on a mango seed as he sat on the floor of his mother's room.

Cass is entirely blacked out except for her big bright eyes that can be seen in the darkness-- Bruce thinks it's the cutest photo ever.

Even Babs has hers set to a photo of her with her first computer, grinning happy as she probably hacked into a federal database somewhere. He got that photo from Jim.

Likewise, of course, Alfred's (very bareboned) smartphone that he barely uses has Bruce's contact set with a photo of him playing in the snow as a little boy.

[arkangelo-7]

Love the idea of the Batfamily showing a serious, united front whenever they’re working with the Justice League (i.e., obeying Bruce’s orders without question or defaulting to Dick’s authority, following Bruce’s comm protocol, upholding expected field etiquette, coordinating with one another with terrifying efficiency, and generally just not fucking around), but then the minute they get back to the Cave they immediately start to throw hands over who gets to use the PS5.

[bruciemilf]

Something something violence has always been the primary love language for Waynes, something something.

It breaks me that Bruce loves Jason so deeply, and Jason is so completely unaware of it. He comes to the conclusion that love is religion. You have to see to believe.

I’m just thinking about Jason watching evidence of how wrecked Bruce is after his death. He stalks Batman, always, tracks down every movement and breath. He waits for the perfect moment to shoot.

Your father only dies once, after all.

That moment, mysteriously, doesn’t come.

Jason’s never been scared of Bruce. Fear, to him, is darkness and cold and a bleach white face laughing at him. Fear of Bruce not being there at all. That’s fear.

I need a scene where Jason, — Red Hood, — watches Batman pin down a mugger.

He doesn’t know what that man says. Something about getting on him for not being there when Wayne’s boy got killed.

He’s never been scared of Bruce.

But when he punches that man, over and over and over, when his throat makes those horrible sounds of gasping effort, animal and feral, he’s afraid. Afraid Bruce won’t stop.

He’s about to jump in when another, smaller pair of feet runs up to the scene and Jesus Christ that’s a kid — A kid wearing Jason’s old uniform. Wrapping his arms around Batman’s and clinging.

The man on the ground is motionless. If he didn’t blink, Jason wouldn’t know there was a face anymore.

But that’s not the worst part.

The worst part is Bruce crying. Gasping, punched out noises, his hands drenched with red, squeezing the kid so close to him.

“My baby. Oh my baby.”

[brie-annwyl]

Jason and Damian meeting at the league but Batfam doesn’t know Jason’s alive is one of my favourite fanfic tropes.

Dick, in his hoe era talking about getting beat tf up by some girl’s boyfriend: I genuinely thought the dude was gonna kill me! I was framed, I swear! Istg someone must’ve planted a strawberry handkerchief on me or something.

Damian, barely listing: was that an Othello reference?

Tim: how did you know that? I didn’t even catch that.

Damian: it was ja- *long pause ensues*

Tim: is his programming malfunctioning?

Dick: Ja??

Damian, brain farting: yep. “Ja”

*frantically messaging Jason saying he almost broke his cover*

—

Damian, annotating Jason’s old copies of the classics: I forgot how much of an idiot you were back then. *takes sticky note off page* “RIP queen, this is actually so depressing.” Yeah, Ophelia just died. Way to state the obvious.

Dick: ??

Damian:

Damian: I’m a medium. He-uh, talks to me.

Dick: oh okay- wait. What?

—

Damian, sneaking back into the manor after having a visit with Jason: *tip toeing his way to the stairs*

Bruce, waiting in the living room with a lamp: Damian, Where were you?

Damian, who can’t improv for shit: uh-

Bruce: *eyebrow raise*

Damian: I was kidnapped by red hood *runs upstairs*

—

Bruce, in his feels era: I wish jaylad was around to see this.

Damian, not thinking: can we not just ask him to come over?

Bruce:

Damian:

Bruce: what-

Damian: we can use a ouija board. That’s how I communicate with him.

Bruce, concerned: what???

[hyperblue]

one thing that will always be funny to me about batfam is that jason is forever convinced that dick is bruce's favorite child while all of his siblings know for sure that bruce's favorite child is actually jason

some random reporter: who's your favorite child?

bruce: how DARE YOU imply that i play favorites, i love ALL of my children equally

dick, without missing a bit: oh he absolutely plays favorites, it was jason

tim: rest in peace

[fanaticalthings]

Just a cute lil thought:

Since Bruce's kids all love to play around and hide in his cape as Robins, I wonder if he makes them blankets out of the same materials as his cape so they can have a piece of security when Bruce isn't there?

I remember in Dick and Jason's older comics (correct me if I'm wrong), they used to stay up late waiting for Bruce when he'd go out as Batman alone, so I'm gonna take this as confirmation that all his kids have done this at some point.

So now I'm totally gonna hc that in order to encourage his kids to not stay up late for him or as a way to help them feel more safe and secure when he's not there, he makes them all blanket replicas of his cape for them to snuggle with :')

And also just imagine his kids all grown up, and they STILL have the blankets with them, regardless of if they've moved out.

[clarisse-doodles]

inspired by this post, in which Damian does not know what Vine is

[redsray]

I love the hc that Tim never really stopped taking pictures of heroes and vigilantes even after he became Robin. Not even out of hero worship or anything-- he just found it fun. In fact, being Robin just made this hobby easier to do. He has them separated in folders and definitely has blackmail photos included.

The first time Tim met the Justice League one of his first reactions was to sneakily take at least one picture of each of them. Clark vaguely heard a camera shutter but he could never find any cameras or camera owners.

Sometimes Bruce comes to him and asks for specific pictures of members of the JL doing things they shouldn't be doing i.e Barry ditching a meeting cause he was eating Chipotle in the Watchtower kitchen. No one knows how Bruce gets the pictures except for the other Batfam members.

Tim is the god of blackmail right behind Babs. You need older blackmail or videos? Go to Babs. But Good quality blackmail photos? Tim is your guy.

He has at least 4 folders full of pictures of Dick specifically. One for his time as Robin, one for Nightwing, one for Discowing and one for just Dick.

He also manages to have pictures he definitely should not have because how did you get into the cave before you were Robin, Tim, but he refuses to elaborate on those. i.e Robin Jason out of costume, cozily reading at the batcomputer ("seriously, Tim, that's creepy"), Dick when he first adopted Haley ("were you there when I rescued her?!"), Damian training with the League of Assassins ("how the hell did you get that"), Duke back during the We Are Robin movement ("I do not remember you pulling out any cameras what the hell")

[arandomao3user]

Batfam incorrect quotes because I like to:

Bruce: Alfred, what do I do?

Damian: This is an issue...

De aged Dick: I told you I didn't want little siblings! D:<

De aged Jason, crying under a table with a batarang: I DON'T WANNA BE KIDNAPPED!

De aged Tim, staring at Bruce with big, wide eyes: :o

De aged Stephanie, tackling Dick:

—

Bruce: Alright, until Zatanna can get here, you're gonna need to be on your best behavior.

Stephanie: I want my Mom!

Stephanie, kicking Bruce's shins:

Bruce: I am so glad you're not my kid.

Dick, staring at a Nintento game card: Why's the game cartridge so small!?

Bruce: Oh, yeah, I forgot you grew up in the 90's... Um...

Tim, trying to eat said game card:

Bruce: Timothy Jackson Drake, no!

Tim, dropping it quickly and posing like a startled Red Panda: :o

Alfred, holding Jason by the scruff: Sir, master Jason attempted escape again.

Jason: I'm telling my Dad on you! He'll beat you up! MY PARENTS ARE GONNA CALL THE COPS ON YOU! JUST YA WAIT, THEY'RE GONNA BE HERE AND TAKE ME AWAY FROM YOU FOREVER!

Bruce: Hrn, maybe I should've talked to Jason more about his birth parents when I got him...

Alfred: No Father is perfect, sir.

Stephanie: MY MOM SAYS EAT THE RICH!

Stephanie, taking a bite out of Bruce's hand:

—

Bruce: Look, I turned on a movie!

Dick: . . . Why is THE LION KING IN REAL LIFE!?

Bruce: It's live action—

Dick: KILL IT!

Tim, lifting a camera up slowly and snapping a picture of Bruce from a corner:

Bruce: !? Tim?! Where'd you get a camera!?

Tim, dropping to all fours and quietly crawling along the shadows to leave the room:

Bruce: . . . What?

Damian: Father, permission to be a tad bit suspicious of Tim's humanity?

Bruce: He didn't have any when I met him, now I think he might not be human.

—

Jason: I'M IN A BATMOBILE AND YOU'RE NOT!

Bruce, trying to open the door frantically: Jason Peter Todd get out of that car right this instance!

Jason: TAKE ME HOME!

Bruce: Jason, please, I'm not trying to kidnap you.

Jason: I WANT MY MOM!

Tim, popping up from the back seats to climb into the passenger seat and snap a photo of Bruce, desperately struggling to get inside the bat mobile:

Jason: WHERE'D YOU COME FROM!?

Tim, shrugging:

Jason: . . . YOU'RE WEIRD!

Dick, running around in Stephanie's Robin uniform: BATMAN, NANANANANANANA!!!

Stephanie, squealing as she swings Tim's bō staff around:

Damian, chasing after them both: ENOUGH, BOTH OF YOU! YOU ARE ACTING CHILDISH!

Jason, crying: I want my Mooooom.

Tim, turning on the radio, gasping when it works: :o

—

Dick, glaring at a laptop: That's not normal. Why'd you flatten the computer?! WHAT IS THAT THING ON IT!?

Bruce: It's a laptop, and that's internet, and I'm trying to contact Lucius to inform him neither Tim or I will be there for work today.

Damian: Must I go to school? This seems like a family emergency.

Dick: I don't wanna go to school either!

Tim, dropping from an air vent onto the floor, landing face first like a limp rag doll:

Bruce: OH MY GOD!?

Tim, coughing once before picking himself up and snapping a picture of Bruce:

Bruce: . . . I need to get Tim tested.

Damian: For?

Bruce, watching as Tim waddles away: Everything.

—

Stephanie: This place is to big, my Dad would never let me stay at a place this fancy.

Jason: We're being human trafficked!

Stephanie: I dunno, that guy hasn't tried anything.

Jason: Them why do you keep bitin' and kickin' 'im?

Stephanie: I just like to.

Tim:

Jason: WHERE DID YOU COME FROM!?

Tim, lifting up a blank, thick, white binder, flipping it open to reveal page after page of pictures of both Bruce and Batman, as well as Dick and Robin:

Stephanie: What's that?

Tim: Batman.

Jason: YOU CAN SPEAK!?

Tim: . . . Wanna hear me talk about Batman?

Stephanie:

Jason:

Both: Sure.

Tim, big gasp: :O

—

Dick, swinging from a chandelier, singing: WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!? WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!? WOOF WOOF WOOF!

Bruce, sipping from a mug of coffee: I'm glad I got those reinforced...

Tim, taking a picture:

Bruce: . . . Are you hungry?

Tim:

Bruce: You... You haven't eaten.

Tim:

Bruce: . . . Alfred, can you contact Cass? She might be able to communicate with Tim.

Alfred: Right away, sir.

—

Cass: Hi, Tim.

Tim:

Cass: What am I meant to do?

Bruce: Communicate with him..?

Cass: . . . How?

Bruce: You know body language better than I do.

Cass: He seems neutral.

Bruce: I don't think his facial expression has changed once.

Cass: What?

Bruce: Unless blinking counts.

Tim, looking at Bruce: I know what you are.

Tim, waddling off:

Cass: Why was he scarier as a child?

Bruce: The only one who wasn't terrifying as a child was Tim.

Jason, running through the halls with a bucket on his head, right into a wall: Oof!

Bruce: . . . And Jason.

—

Stephanie: You're pretty.

Cassandra: Thank you.

Stephanie: Why is there so many boys here?

Cassandra: Men usually have a harder time dealing with complex emotions and so are more likely to turn to violence to cope, hence why Bruce became Batman. As for Tim, Dick, and Jason? They ended up with Bruce and inherited his... Coping mechanisms.

Stephanie: . . . What?

Cassandra: . . . Want to go hang out at our girls only club?

Stephanie: YES!

—

Babs: Permission to ask?

Cass, braiding Stephanie's hair: No.

Stephanie, eating a king sized Hershey bar, looking like Kirby as she opens her mouth to consume it whole:

—

Bruce: Alright, I had to bribe Alfred with a months vacation, but...

Bruce, putting down two big bags of McDonald's:

Dick: MCDONALD'S!!!!

Tim, snapping a picture:

Jason: Is it drugged?

Bruce: No more than Gotham's food usually is. I got you a Wonder Woman toy.

Dick: I WANT SUPERMAN! :D

Bruce: You got Superman.

Jason: Hm . . . Bribe accepted, but only because if you try to hurt me I'm gonna tell the cops your Batman and get you arrested for forever.

Bruce, knowing damn well Jason hates the police and ain't no snitch: That's fine.

Jason, digging into a bag instantly:

Tim:

Bruce: Uh...

Bruce, slowly lifting a French fry between two fingers:

Tim, eating it from Bruce's fingers before waddling away:

Bruce: . . .

Dick: Wait, isn't that our neighbor?

Jason, lifting his toy in the air: WONDER WOMAN!!!

Dick: Wanna make her fight my Superman!?

Jason: HELL YEAH!

—

Bruce: Alright, Zatanna will be here in an hour. Thank god.

Dick: Is she gonna make us grown ups again?

Bruce: Yes.

Dick: YAY! NO MORE SCHOOL!

Jason: But I like school! Can I still go to school as a grown up?

Bruce: Uh... Of course, Jay, lad.

Jason: YES! EDUCATION! I can't wait to graduate again! :D

Bruce: uhhhh...

Tim: I ate the game card.

Jason:

Dick:

Bruce:

—

BONUS:

*Tim and Bernard, sitting in a hospital room*

Bernard: How'd you get a Stardew Valley Nintendo switch game stuck in your large intestine?

—

[dcxdpdabbles]

Danny: Don't drink that Tim: What? Danny: Don't drink that. I just saw a guy slip something into your drink. Tim: When? Danny: When he and his friend passed by your table, he poured some white powder from his pocket into your cup. Tim staring into his cup: Shit, I can see the pile in the foam. I wouldn't have noticed because I was so focused on my laptop screen. Thank you. Danny: No worries. There is no place in society for creeps like that. Hey, I saw his face. Do you want to press charges? Tim: Yeah, that would be ideal, thank you. Can I write what you say down? It would help the police. Danny: Of course. It was two men in their late twenties and mid-twenties. The one with the powder was wearing a leather jacket and had a streak of white in his hair, and the other was wearing a blue hoodie- Hours later Bruce: I can't believe I was called to bail you out of jail for something like this. What were you two thinking? Dick: In my defense, it seemed funny at the time. Jason: I can't believe they arrested us for that. You pour salt into your brother's coffee as a prank, and everyone loses their minds. Bruce: It's because you both look like hooligans. This is not how I raised you to be. Dick/Jason: Sorry, Dad. Danny: I'm so so sorry for jumping to conclusions. Bruce: No, chum, you did the right thing. Thank you for protecting my son. Jason: Yeah, kid, that was a great thing you did. It's cool to protect others. Dick: See something, say something. I'm not mad at all. Tim: I just feel bad you waited so long to give your report. Can I make it up to you? Dinner? This Friday? Danny: Oh, you don't have to. Tim: I want to. It was harmless now, but it could have been so much worse, and you stepped in to stop it. Danny: It's not a big deal. Tim: It is. Does Friday work for you? Say around seven? Danny: Yeah, okay, that sounds great, thank you. Bruce whispering to Dick: Put a tracker on that boy. I want to know everything about him before Tim goes on his date. Dick whispering back: Hilarious that you think I didn't already plant one. Jason: This is why you'll never be a grandpa, Bruce.

[arkangelo-7]

I think the scariest part about Batman is the loyalty he inspires. Like this motherfucker has an army of children who might at any given time hate his guts, but are still 100% willing to throw hands for him if Bruce needs them to. And then there’s the Justice League, who also at any given time might hate his guts or find him insanely irritating and/or weird, but will also fall in line and listen to his plans if the need arises. And that’s like the most intense form of power someone can wield—voluntary obedience from people physically more capable than them.

[dragonpyre]

Crack idea: Jason Todd gets all dressed up one day for smth and styles his hair and everything. Immediately gets mistaken for Bruce.

He cries in the bathroom for an hour