#I wanna see shit go down sometimes
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Nocturn: The files on Mitchell- Sidestep, who is named Mitchell:
#fuck. I didnt realize that#I played as a different character#because why not#I wanna see shit go down sometimes#BUT Ortega probably thinks Im the biggest fucking moron in the room. I cant believe this#fhr#fallen hero#sidestep#fhr ortega#fhr sidestep#but the main point is they said that and I had to pause#wym I fucked up that badly#Mitchel ran away and didn't change his first name. that's embarrassing#AND IT'S EVEN FUNNIER CAUSE MITCHELL (SIDESTEP) IS TRANS#CHANGED HIS NAME TWICE AND STILL FUCKED UP#I did endeed edit it becaue I realized I fucked up my thoughts#It's very typical of me to cross thoughts and have them overlap#it was Nocturn who mentioned it and I somehow thought it was Ortega during the tinfoil scene#dont look in my direction
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☆ even the gods bleed [ pt 4 ]
{☆} characters arlecchino, furina, lyney {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, multi-chapter, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings blood {☆} word count 3.7k {☆} previous [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ]
Fontaine was bathed in darkness, not even the moon daring to illuminate where the common man fears to walk. The streets were bleak and empty save for the constant, rhythmic ticking and clanking of machines marching on endlessly, dauntlessly wading where even the bravest dared not to venture. Not even the sharp click of the Gardes boots followed the occasional hisses of steam as they walked the barren streets.
It was haunting, and it'd been like that for days now. It showed little signs of stalling in the slightest, too. Every inch of Fontaine was practically crawling with Gardemeks– like a swarm of rats skittering about.
Arlecchino had secluded herself in the Hotel Bouffes d'ete for days at this point, waiting– biding her time. Her nails clicked against the wood as she tapped at the table in a stilted rhythm, the subtle click of the clock mixing into the clanking outside, weaving in and out of earshot as the patrols slipped by. She reached forward after a moment of thought, reaching for the white king.
She leaned back against the chaise, tilting her head just enough to catch a glimpse of a patrol of Gardemeks as they vanished behind the rows and rows of buildings. It wasn't enough to keep her attention for long, however, her features twisting in disinterest as she glanced back to the chessboard– and the letter neatly resting beside it. The seal was unmistakable and a sobering sight, demanding her attention– the soft hues of blue etched into the shape of a dragon stared back at her in a way that almost unsettled her.
She had already parsed through it's contents hundreds of times, but she was met with only vague, flowing script that only served to irritate her more then anything– it filled the page top to bottom yet managed to say nothing at all. Her hand reached out again, but instead of reaching for the letter she plucked the black rook from the board, setting it down with a soft click.
Arlecchino had all the time in the world to sit back and observe her prey, but all that time would be useless if she lacked the information to act.
And he was quite tight fisted about it, evidentially. None of her inquiries or attempts to decipher any potential codes in the letter left her empty handed. She could not act without even knowing the reason for his summons– it was almost worded like a personal affair rather then one would expect for a foreign diplomat. In truth, she'd expected a scalding report on her operatives, but it lacked any mention of anything of the sort.
She was no stranger to people masking hostility behind pretty words and compliments, not that it was ever unwarranted per se– the Fatui did not create connections through honesty and genuine kindness. They have strong armed more then their fair share of people into cooperation to the point distrust is all the Fatui are met with outside of Snezhnaya. Every word was meant to conceal the deceit, every action meant to conceal the price later paid.
So she had been..skeptical of the letter, to put it lightly. She doubted the Iudex of all people would offer a hand to the Fatui without a price attached– a trap, perhaps, meant to lure in the most powerful piece left on the board. Her eyes narrowed, reaching for a white rook and moving it to the right.
Or he was hiding something. Something that he simply couldn't risk getting out to anyone, not even the Divine themself. A tempting prize, whatever it was.
..A dangerous prize, too.
She'd considered burning the letter and forgetting it all together– the risk was great, and she couldn't risk getting caught up by whoever else the Iudex may have on his side of the board. But she could hardly pass up the challenge and the prize that he fought so hard to keep from prying eyes and ears. Even her agents came back empty handed each time. She lazily picked up a black rook, sliding the white pawn aside.
"Lyney," Arlecchino drawled, crossing one leg over the other and turning her gaze to the door as it slowly creaked open. The pale visage of Lyney stepped through, though his siblings were noticeably absent. The weariness that weighed down on his shoulders was apparent in the slightest furrow of his brows and the subtle creak of leather as he clenched his fists behind his back. "Father." He choked out, the title dragged out by the sharp inhale and shaky exhale.
He looked out of breath, she noted.
The silence that lingered after the small exchange was punctuated only by the click of another chess piece being moved. She sets aside the black rook, letting it sit among the dozen other pieces that had been wiped off the board. She can see the conviction glinting beneath the fog of exhaustion, but if he would utilize it was another matter all together.
He had seemed to make his choice quickly, at the very least.
"Our contacts and operatives within the Fortress of Meropide have gone silent– all we have is their final confirmed missive.." His voice is confident, but it is rigid as the words spill from his lips. He takes a sharp step forward, unfolding his arms from behind his back and opening his hands– the small, water stained and messily folded note catches her eye, plucking it from his palms with a half hearted interest. "They believe the Duke left the Fortress of Meropide..and that he may be coming to the Court of Fontaine."
Her eyes narrow dangerously, nearly crumpling the thin paper in her hands– yet just as quickly, she collects herself.
But she cannot get rid of the bitter taste on her tongue, lingering as she sets down the note and slides it to the side, her lips pursed into a thin line.
So the Iudex had shown one of his pieces..she tightly grasps a black rook, tipping over the white rook, letting it roll against the board.
If the Duke was involved, things were much more complicated then she expected– he would be a problem, she was certain. She couldn't blame the lamb for fearing the wolf, either. Whether her agents had been killed or captured by the man mattered little. He had his ways, and he was a force that could instill fear in even them.
Which meant the possibility that her operation was already compromised was far too real.
What had the Iudex so concerned he had gone through the trouble of bringing in the Duke and herself? The Fatui was one thing, but to specifically request one of it's Harbingers..
The Prophecy? The thought had her clenching her fist, but..no. If it were to rear it's head now, the Iudex could simply not afford to waste time on his contacts deciphering his nonsensical script– If the prophecy were to be the issue, there time would be limited to mere minutes in the worst of cases. Which meant it was worth biding his time in order to ensure absolute secrecy.
So if not the prophecy, then what?
Her next moves were..limited. She was already walking on eggshells considering her position and the reputations of the Fatui– especially with a Harbinger in the midst. If they caught wind of her operations, they'd weed out her operatives and be on guards for any snakes that lingered in their garden.
She reached for the chessboard again, picking up one of the white rooks from the board with a scowl. The sharp click as she sets down the white rook and sets aside the black pawn draws a shaky inhale from Lyney as she moves another black pawn, the dull click of the pieces drowning out the distant clinking of machines.
..A draw, perhaps.
The pieces were all falling into place– the players of this game were slowly being revealed. Whether she could secure her victory..she was unsure.
She wasn't even sure who her opponent was. Only that the Iudex himself was but another piece in their game.
Arlecchino reached for the board again, yet this time she hesitated. Perhaps she could still swipe the win from beneath them, if she played her cards right.
She would simply have to capture the king– or, if need be, let it end on a draw. Either way, she would not concede. She could not afford to concede. Down to the last piece, she would drag out this match until she was in a position to force their hand into the outcome she desired.
She stood slowly, picking up the king piece and observing it for only the briefest of moments before she set it down on the table, taking measured steps around the table and across the room. She was hunting a much more dangerous quarry today– it would be no simple runaway traitor this time.
"Do you remember the directive?" She inquired coldly, her hand lingering on the door for that long, tense moment. "..Yes, Father." Lyney faltered, taking a hesitant step back and bowing at the waist. "Then do not stray."
All that was left was the silence and click of the door shutting behind her as she disappeared down the hall, her boots clicking harshly against the floorboards. The rest of the agents knew better then to linger in her path as she stepped down into the lobby, adjusting the cuffs of her sleeves. She barely even acknowledged the Fatui agent standing at the ready by the heavyset doors, their gloves hands held out with her cloak held loosely in their palms. She quickly snagged it from them, tugging it over her board shoulders and clasping it around her throat.
With a quick tug, she brought the hood up over her head to conceal her sharp features, lifting her hand and placing a neatly folded note within their waiting hands. She had only one chance to make the right moves and secure her victory– no matter the cost.
Each piece had it's purpose.
Oft, that purpose was a bloody and horrible end– but for the grand goal of the Fatui built on the backs of the dead, it was an honor.
She didn't bother speaking a word as she dismissed them with a wave of her hand, pushing open the heavyset doors and stepping out into the barren, damp streets. The rhythmic clink and whir of Gardemeks was still distant– she needed to move. Her boots clicked and splashed in the rain soaked stone of the streets as she slithered between the buildings, ducking through the openings in the patrols.
It was almost too easy.
She tilted her head back, taking in the towering Palais Mermonia with a scowl, her hands clenched into fists. The final moves were being played– the king was within her reach, yet she felt no more confident then when she began.
The air carried a sense of unease, thick and heavy, filling her lungs until she felt her breath still in her chest– listening to the empty, bleak night that seemed so..quiet.
She'd done her fair share of research, had more then her fair share of her agents try to peer into the Iudex's office or the Archon's supposedly hidden chambers, but every attempt was a failure. She had to give them credit, they were quite elusive when they wished to be. Though now she only thought about it bitterly– this was all a risky gamble, in the end, and only time would tell if it paid off.
With minimal effort, she'd managed to pull herself to the flat, tiled roof, eyeing the massive tower peaking out of the center cautiously. At least here the wandering patrols down below weren't likely to notice her..she could hear them passing by the spot she'd been in only a few minutes ago, just beneath her. She pulled the hood further over her face, peering through the sheer darkness of the night for any oddities, but it was almost impossible to see in the dark.
Her boots clicked softly against the tiles as she approached the tower jutting out from the Palais, her hand gliding along the smooth stone, pressing against odd indents or crevices. If it was for the Archon's chambers, she doubted they made it very difficult– she'd only met the woman once, but she doubted the Iudex make it all that complex just from a brief glance. And it surprised her little when one of the stones sunk into the wall, gears whirring as the walls split open to reveal a stairwell straight into an inky black hall. Only the barest hint of light peaked under the door at the bottom, but it's occupants must have heard her, considering it went out not a moment later.
She cautiously stepped down into the small crevice, her breath visible in the bitter cold air– her shoulders tensed at the subtle sound of muffled footsteps behind the door, her vision flaring with a molten heat between her shoulder blades as she reached for the worn handle of the door. The heat of her vision was enough to just barely heat the metal, her vision flaring like a quickly building inferno.
Arlecchino was prepared for a fight, if it came down to it.
The door creaked as she pressed against it, shoving it open with a grunt of effort and surveying the room with narrowed eyes and a biting remark on the tip of her tongue– the lavish opulence was expected, she supposed, but the lack of the towering figure of the Iudex was not.
Yet before she could get a word in or even take in her surroundings properly, the light flickered back on and she had to squeeze her eyes shut with a hiss at the sudden brightness. She could hear the door being shoved closed behind her, the hurried footsteps retreating just as quickly as her eyes adjusted to the light.
..This was a joke, wasn't it? It had to be.
She'd expected the Iudex, perhaps even the Duke if she'd been unlucky, not the Hydro Archon. She had half the mind to test her worth as an Archon then and there, her temper flaring like an uncontrollable blaze, barely kept at bay. It took all her self control to force herself to smile politely at the woman rather then snarl.
"Miss Furina," She sneered beneath her hood, x shaped pupils locked onto the startled, trembling Archon with thinly veiled contempt. "What a..pleasant surprise. You'll have to forgive my manners, I assumed I was meeting with the Iudex." She observed her body language carefully– the way her eyes darted about like a frightened rabbit seeking escape, the slightest tremble of her lips..
Arlecchino opened her mouth to offer another scathing remark, but her jaw audibly clicked shut as her entire body seemed to lock up. Even her vision went cold against her back, a chilling feeling creeping up her spine as someone, or something, crept up behind her. Their footsteps were almost silent, the slight rustling of their clothes the only thing she could hear over her heart pounding against her ribcage.
Arlecchino had always prided herself on being on the other end of that sensation– she was the monster, and her target was the prey frozen like a deer between the hunters crosshair.
It was a chilling feeling to have the dynamic shifted on it's head.
She couldn't even swallow, her jaw clenched so hard she could hear it creak as she tried to reason with her quickly splintering mind– a futile effort, her joints locking up almost painfully. Black spots were quickly swallowing her vision from the lack of air in her lungs, the sound of shuffling behind her barely audible over the ringing in her ears.
For a moment – a moment too long to have only lasted the seconds that it did, yet so quick it gave her whiplash – she thought she would hit the floor dead before she could even glimpse her assailant.
And then it was gone. She came crashing back into reality with a startled inhale, her lungs burning and her knees nearly buckling under her. The instinct to lash out and kill whoever had done it was intense, yet she couldn't bring herself to move even a finger– it would be so easy to twist around and ignite them with searing flames, but her feet were rooted in place.
She almost didn't notice the surprisingly gentle hands unclasping her cloak, tugging it off her shoulders, if not for the sheer intensity of the presence still lingering behind her. Her mind was still fractured, struggling to right itself after the ordeal, and it had her seething.
"..Are you certain you held back enough?" Furina croaked, the normally soft lilt raspy and almost hoarse. "Not– not that I doubt your capability, most Divine!"
Arlecchino felt her nails dig harshly into her palms, heat swelling beneath her skin– Divine? Had she lost her mind? The Divine was..
The Divine was upon their throne where they belonged. She'd seen them!
"Hm. Well, maybe? Sorry, I didn't think it'd affect you too." Their voice was sickeningly soft as they stepped around her like she wasn't even there, focusing their attention on the Archon who seemed more then delighted about it. "What gave you that impression, most Divine? Aha, I..was completely unaffected, as you can see! Perfectly fine."
Furina let out a small squeak when they pinched her cheek, but the almost affectionate smile that tugged at their lips revealed the lack of malice behind the action.
"You're a bad liar, Furina. You might want to sit down..please?" They didn't take her protests for an answer, gently pushing her to sit on the bed before abruptly turning to face Arlecchino once more, a forced smile on their lips. "Oh, good, you're..uh, not dead. That's good. I thought I fried your brain. Sorry?"
..Had she hit her head on the way here? The Divine should still be on their throne, yet she couldn't shake the weight of their stare– it felt tangible. She felt like she was standing face to face with the stars– galaxies and constellations bearing down upon her.
She grit her teeth and clenched her hands until she felt the sting of her nails against her palms, grounding herself in the pain through the sheer overwhelming nature of their existence.
"You.." She croaks, reaching out with a shaky hand and grabbing them by the collar of their shirt, lifting them up until their feet left the floor– she pays no mind to the startled protests of the Archon. Arlecchino would crush her like a bug before she even got the chance to intervene and they both knew it. "You shouldn't exist– you aren't them, and yet you..you're the imposter, aren't you?" Her grip tightens yet they face her without an ounce of fear, meeting her unyielding glare with a pondering look.
Arlecchino wanted to make them bleed just to see if she could, the urge to sink her teeth into skin welling up in her chest to the point she visibly snarled, her mask of politeness long . "You're the imposter." Her expression falls for a moment before she schools it into one of apathy, setting them back down and holding them there for a moment, finally releasing them after a tense moment. "Or you were supposed to be."
Hers brows furrow– she wants to demand answers, to throttle them for damning them to being nothing more then dolls for the supposed Divine to break at their whim, but none of the words come to her.
"..Why now? The current Divine has been in power for years, yet you descend now?" Her shoulders tensed, lips pursed into a thin line– it's impossible to ignore the truth that lay before her. The Divine is a fraud and this..imposter is the true Divine. How many years had they been in power, now? How many years were they waiting? Why did they wait? Was the suffering of Teyvat not enough? Was the blood that painted the steps of their stolen throne not enough?
She'd personally been on the wrong end of the Divine's wrath– she wonders..had they watched? Had they seen the cruel hand of their imposter and turned their back on Teyvat?
"I.." They hesitated. It made her seethe, her hands clenching into fists at her sides– her vision flickered, flames swelling within it's casing just to be smothered by the presence of the Divine. But once that spark had been lit, she refused to let it go out. "I didn't know."
The answer does not satisfy her. There is an itch beneath her skin that she cannot scratch, a fire that burns in her chest so hot it scorches even herself.
"And what about now? Are you content to cower like prey in the safety of the Palais Mermonia?" She snapped, taking a step forward, her brows furrowed and her glare intense– she can see the slightest bit of worry in their eyes. She revels in it. "Will you let them use your acolytes like pawns? How many more need to be broken on the steps to your throne before you act?"
Again, her vision flares and dims– it refuses to be used against the Divine that created it.
"Have you no answer?"
The room is silent. They do not speak and neither does she.
Even the world itself seems to quiet in the face of her accusations, fury boiling to the surface so hot it incinerated all it touched.
"I will kill them myself."
Their words are quiet, but they are not soft– there is a vindictive, searing anger that explodes out like dying stars within their eyes. The sight of constellations replaced by a void that would not be . The smell of ichor grows stronger– to the point she feels almost lightheaded.
"..I am aware that I have failed in preventing this, but I had no choice in the matter. Still," They muse, their voice like the tolling of bells. A solemn melody that stills the swelling fury burning in her chest, if only for a moment. "I will rectify it– I will tear down their throne of lies and let not even the earth tarnish itself by burying their corpse among it's soil."
They pause for a moment, holding out their hand– scarred and bandaged by the weapons of the devout, yet still they take upon the burden of dirtying their hands to save those who did not save them.
"Do you trust me, Arlecchino?"
Did she?
"Will you help me?"
She exhales heavily, meeting the starry iris' of the Divine with a scowl still tugging at her lips. Arlecchino trusted no one but herself.
"..Yes."
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#fic tag#imposter au#genshin cult au#genshin impact cult au#arlecchino#lyney#furina#you do NOT wanna know what i got put thru writing this fic#trying 2 find out where arle was in the few times we DO see her and going down a rabbit hole of fuck fontaine and its layout actually!#I spent like 3 hours looking it up and checking in game it gives me a migraine thinking abt it. ew#anyway trying to write a really smart character is surprisingly difficult when ur as dumb as rocks#also used an actual chess match for this and gave myself an even worse migraine trying 2 make sure i didnt repeat moves or smth#furina doesnt get a spotlight yet just imagine her sitting in the corner trembling like a wet kitten you found on the side of the road#arlecchino goes thru a crisis more at 11#shes a tired single dad shes isnt getting paid enough for this okay#hands u a fic over half the length of the other THREE PARTS#ehe :]#is arle actually on ur side??? is she gonna double cross u???? who knows!!!!!#shes unpredictable she might stab u for funsies#anyway im gonna go nap in a ditch now this took SO LONGGGGG OH MY G-D#also just think acolytes who arent buddy buddy w reader and even resent them is so tasty#bc how r they supposed 2 know reader was a human vibing 5 minutes before their got eebied 2 teyvat..#reader gotta roll up their sleeves and get 2 WORK sometimes murder IS okay#they gotta fix some shit around here and that means committing several crimes all at once. sometimes more#a group can be g-d (just got here) their dragon (neuvi) their cat (archon) their dog (wrio) and their wolf (arle)
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sometimes. what i like to read or write in fic or just generally play around with.... is different and, dare i say, sometimes even contradicting to what i think the canonical reading is offering. like yeah he would not fucking say that but every once in a while i do like to indulge. sue me
#*mine#mona rambles#people do be taking things so seriously these days like#sometimes i just wanna see a silly lil oneshot where the blorbo du jour Fucks Shit Up and go#idk where this weird idea comes from to assume everything i ever write down in a fic or in some rambly headcanon post is like#equivalent to saying 'i think this is what the text says' like???#the text says they had wives and are straight and don't fuck their brothers too like. come on now#and i don't mean this in a dismissal of/disdain for canon sort of way either#i hate the whole 'fuck canon i know better' attitude that's not what i'm talking about#i mean this more in a. not every oneshot i write is a 'this is a meta-analysis of textual realities'#and more a 'okay this absolutely isn't canon but what if it WERE#let's explore'#sometimes you just gotta pat canon on the head tell it i love you and i know this isn't you but I'm going to anyway <3#peace and love. etc etc#god i know people will so wildly misinterpret this as a 'she doesn't even care about canon then what is even the point 🙄'#or a 'YEAH FUCK CANON I KNOW BETTER 😤' kind of way i'm already tired#to the three people who'll get it ily tho <3#i do think the crux is the awareness yk. like. knowing deviation or smthg. anyway#bisexuality. love wins <3
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eepiest little man in the building
#HIS EARS ARE SO BIG HELP#so ive heard type shit#he has a habit of tilting his head back when he’s being petted like he fucking CONKS it back its so funny#we visited a cat cafe today I wanna go back again… there are so many of them#the room was really well maintained like we wore shoe covers and everything. and there’s a back room for the cats to go if they wanna#tap out so thats nice. BUT THIS LIL GUY. OHHHHH LIL MAN#he looks almost completely black but he seems to have these slightly darker stripes which are hard to see..??#THERES ALSO AN ENORMOUS MAINE COON NICKNAMED THE KING OF THE ROOM? HES HUGE JESUS CHRIST#made friends with a curious white and orange one who looked like he was thinking of pouncing down on me#and a very VERY pretty white and silver point with blue eyes who was happy to greet everyone#my brother was stuck on the floor bc a Persian that snubbed everyone else looked at him like ‘you. your lap is MINE’#and kept him there for 20 minutes. another cat wanted a turn but the Persian claimed him ;w;#my brother was popular with the cats bc they could probably sense he’s the calmest person in the room LOL#diary#yapping#cats#I wanna go back again sometime…
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The way I wanna see Luis go completely apeshit and just start doing things that he wouldn’t do in canon. In canon we know he feels immense guilt for his past and wants to make up for it all. We see him trying to do good over and over again. He wants to redeem himself and prove he’s changed.
But a part of me so badly wants him to kinda just,, lose the plot for a hot minute. The whole “be the monster they always said you were” kinda ordeal. He gets left for dead after the Krauser attack and nobody came back for him so he’s kinda bitter about it. I know it would be out of character because of what we’ve seen him go through and do, but… I do kinda wanna see it happen anyway.
#so naturally I’m brainstorming a corruption arc fic that will never be completed bc nobody wants to see this#and also because I will get people saying it’s ooc#I love him for how good he genuinely is and how human he feels I swear#but sometimes I just wanna see my beloveds go fucking berserk#I’m sorry i think he would also kinda be hot as a mad scientist#you ever see someone reach their breaking point? where they realise everything they’d done had been for nothing? completely useless bc#nobody bothered to see the good in them?#ofc Luis had Ashley Ada and Leon who saw the good in him and gave him the opportunity to do good#but also nobody went back for his corpse for a proper burial so like…#idk. I’m just saying shit out here.#Luis Babygirl Serra#moose rambles#moose posting#focusing on his anger bc if I think about his sadness I’ll break down and cry
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#i’m so fucking frustrated right now.#i can’t remember the last time i haven’t woken up to my roommates dogs barking and whining#my room is right over the living room. and all i hear is them barking and whining and the puppy’s pen being dragged across the floor#i go to bed way later than my roommate because of my work schedule#like sometimes i don’t get off work till 12:30 am and then get to sleep around 2#and her fucking dogs wake me up so gddamn early i feel i’m permanently exhausted#like sometimes she will take the dogs if she’s gone all day at her parents or whatever#but she didn’t today. and when i went downstairs the puppy had shit and the whole house stinks and i don’t even wanna leave my room#like i know it’s not my responsibility but i feel like she’ll blame me when she comes home and sees that the puppy has been in the#pen all day.#like it’s 3 pm and i haven’t even gone down to make myself food because i can’t stand it. i fucking hate it i hate the whining the fucking#barking.#i know that i am actually very fortunate in my situation. like my housing and roommate situation could be a lot lot worse.#and it’s not that my roommate is horrid. we’re just. strangers. and i feel so fucking alone and alienated#i do not want my life to be like this.#like i feel so horrid i need to do laundry and clean my bathroom and actually get shit done#but i don’t want to leave my room.#i just don’t want my life to be like this.
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kind of annoys me sometimes how I can happily listen to my roommate explain the entire plot of whatever she's currently into but when it comes to my interests she can only listen for a few mins before wordlessly walking out of the room
#ive only slept 4 hours and its a sunday so im probably just cranky and getting irrationally annoyed idk.#but i wanted to talk abt revenant gun bc im enjoying it and havent gotten to discuss it w anyone :-(#i dont wanna post on here bc i dont wanna see spoilers and i dont have anything to say that other fans would find particularly interesting#ik half the arcs of the veilguard characters despite the fact ill never play it bc i like listening to her + hearing her opinions#but damn i guess she doesnt gaf shes got better things to do. im not being fair i get we jusr socialise differently n thats fine.#and ik its not true but sometimes i feel like she doesnt like being around me very much bc shes always halfway out the door#and she doesnt suggest we watch shit together anymore n has turned me down the last few times ive suggested it#but ik shes doing shit w other ppl shes always calling n playing games n stuff w other friends so well maybe its a little true#and she acts so strange around me sometimes like she'll move to the other side of the room if i go open the fridge or whatever#like damn girl im not gonna fucking bite u. whats up with the constant 5ft distance. bc u dont ever do that with other friends just me.#and then it pisses me off when it sort of comes up as a side thing to smth else bc it ONLY ever comes up around other ppl she'll never#bring it up directly with me and she'll blame it on me as if we havent had this conversation multiple times where ive explained exactly#why im weird abt shit sometimes and where my boundaries are and what i would like and then nothing at all changes#like last time she brought it up around another friend she was like oh well we can hug more if u want like no we fucking cant bc u act#like we're magnetically repulsed u hate me being in ur space and only tolerate it when we're around other ppl which is why it makes ME#uncomfortable when she does try to be physically affectionate or whatever bc she 100% exclusively does it in front of others#like man u dont have to put on a fucking performance??? or even worse do it just bc u feel guilty abt leaving me out i hate being pitied#even if ik i very obviously do get hurt at being left out. but thats my problem man i would never fuck w someone elses boundaries#i hate hate hate when ppl have inconsistent conditional boundaries and never communicate what the fucking conditions are so theyre#constantly moving the benchposts around and acting unpredictably like how am i supposed to know where they are!!!!!! please#snd then so embarrassing to pointedly say its bc of MY behaviour in front of someone else like oh ok. u couldnt have told me this before.#in private so we could actually communicatr. sorry this has gotten so off track im feeling so gross this morning and everything is#frustrating me im so tired i feel nauseous ughhhh#okay well anyway. got my list of tasks lets just focus on this shit instead before i spend yet another sunday miserably ruminating#.vent#im not actually mad at her or anything like i said we just socialise differently we have different incompatible flavours of autism#and thats not her fault but its just so frustrating that we cant seem to communicate very well. i think im allowed to be frustrated#anyway yeah sorry im leaving it im leaving it. i should go polish my boots before i shower
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okay this means nothing to anyone but every time i see an anti bucktommy girlie have a horrible take i have to take a step back and realize how genuinely small they feel. like imagine throwing a fit, drawing pictures of a person as a lizard, creating blogs and posts about how much you want to kill him all over a fictional relationship that may not even last the entire duration of a show about firefighters. like permanently altering relationships and rejecting friendships over things like this. like they have such a cesspit inside themselves, they are deeply unhappy with being online in these spaces, they are tormenting themselves over something that doesn't matter and i remember how much i can't let myself fall into that like oh my god please never let me be that kind of person
#i don't wanna sound too on my high horse but i mean this so sincerely please step away from the tumblr lol#these things don't matter that much and using extreme language and isolating yourself isnt good for you or your real life#like imagine your boss finds your twitter post about how much you want to kill a fictional character#or your friends who i hope to god arent that online for your own sake just to ground you back to reality see you act like that on instagram#or your coworkers or your family or anyone in your life who's life isn't dedicated to “fandom” and shit like that#like my mental health is always in flux if im honest with myself im up and down and up and down and i always have been#literally anything can send me into a suicidal spiral and sometimes i'm actually worried about the way other people go about online space#being online is something that i can only let myself have id im feeling good and its a struggle to keep a balance#if you feel small and fragile and constantly on edge#like you're constantly fighting with something you have no control over and it makes you feel helpless
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Being a Gen 5 fan and seeing countless people being so negative about it feels exactly like this image
#ok I wanna make one thing clear: I don’t care if you don’t like the new generation because that’s your opinion and it’s valid#the generation has some flaws that bring it down and some of the character designs could be better#but sometimes I feel like a lot of the hate for the show is built off of people simply liking Gen 4 better#and like fine I understand that. Gen 4 is one of my favorite gens#but if you dislike Gen 5 because of that…you could just not acknowledge it?#it’s fine to have opinions on stuff because I sure do but I find that the best way of going about stuff like this is#is to just…not give a shit about it#idk I’m probably just peddling nonsense at this point lol#people are free to have their own opinions on this matter as long as they remain respectful#this is sort of a vent because the amount of absolute fucking hatred I would see on Pinterest while looking at Gen 5 pins is just… good god#might delete this later might not#cw rant#tw rant#< just to be safe#mlp gen 5
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Things I need in bg3:
let me pet Us at the camp with Scratch and Cub
Let me kick ulder’s ass. Just a little bit
Please let me come back to camp and gossip with withers. PLEASE let me rock up and talk shit. Like he a million percent already knows all this but I want SO BAD to show up for the night and go oh my GOD kahga gets on my NERVES-
Also um. The same with astarion. I think he’d also be funny to talk shit with :3
Oh also lemme see how dyes r gonna look before I use em so I don’t have to save and then test everything out reload and start all over again
But mostly petting Us and throwing punches and gossiping :P
#this is a very fun game I like sometimes sitting down and going hm I’m deciding events r happening :3#I need to do another sillies run tbh#take t’ev’s vibes and run with em a bit but like. no replaying for better results allowed. gotta take what I get the first time#do y’all even KNOW they were asking withers to braid their hair (he said no) (they went SIGH FINE and go gossip to astarion while HE braids#their hair. and then gets Sippies about it. and then t’ev turns around and gossips to withers over breakfast anyways#like YES this is like talking to a brick wall sometimes. but I like to imagine he’s at least a little amused by all the dramatics u see#OH ALSO I WANNA GLASSES THEYD B SO FUN#I’m sure there’s a mod for this shit but um. I’m scarwed of mods for no reason lol
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I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun
#sorry if anyone sees these im tired of using my personal discord servet to vent. i always spiral too much#anyways i have an idea for a good poem to write for class because of recent events#ughhhh idk i just wish i wasnt so annoying about asking if i can open ip to people#or if someone would just ask if i was okay. i mean actually id probably lie i am not actually good at being open.#but like hey idk it feels nice to feel like people genuinely want to know#ughhhhfhfhf i do this to myself sometimes JSHSJSKDJDJD#welp its just how life goes. i feel lonely all the time and i soldier on#surely helping the next person will make me feel better! nope. surely helping yhis next person will make me feel better! nope. surely-#tgats me. thats what i sound like#yeah idk it feels like everyone is going through something worse than me so itd be a moral failing on my part#to ask them if i could just like. feel bad. noticeably#not even talk about it just look down and out of it for a day#yknow i emailed one of my teachers asking permission to go by a new preferred name#this is at like. a massive very queer and trans art school.#and i asked him permission to do this#and i was joking with my friends about how pathetic i sounded in it#and one of them patted me on the head and said “there there buddy” like very jokingly#but i almost cried because thats the first time in so long someone has like. really tried to comfort me#or shown me much physical affection#my mom gives me hugs and stuff but thats always about her. i dont blame her shes got a lot of stuff going on#but idk its really selfish of me but i just wanna have people see me and feel bad for me and it be about my pain for a little while#ill get over it im just being a teenager but shit god fucking damnit#i just want a break from feeling like my world is falling apart#then getting some footing#then it falling apart again#okay i feel a bit better now better stop the complain train JDJDJSKSJD#hey why do i never hear that it rhymes and everything thays so good#damn i gotta use that more#welp weve reached our stop sorry if anyone ever read thjs. hope you have a nice day tho lol
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"You get to see her understanding of how things really are. And so that becomes much more present on the surface. (...) In this season, we get to see her fall deeper in love with him but also navigate those challenges. And also becoming an anchor for Rhett but also struggling with his decision, 'Is this what I want for my future as well, as much as I love this man?'." - Isa in an interview with The Knockturnal(x)
#outer range s2#outer range s2 spoilers#maria olivares#isabel arraiza#i want her to leave this relationship but also... not really??? idk man#truly no one can make maria angry like autumn can#i would LOVE to see the dynamic with her family like... what are her parents like?#because it seemed like she had been waiting for approval from a mother figure once cece hugged her...#they could never make me hate you maria olivares#i have seen articles say that her role seems reduced but i kind of have to disagree... i feel like she gets more scenes and more to do#if they mean that there's not much else to her this season besides her love for this man and her desire to leave they're kind of right?#but you also get to see her go against almost every instinct to run away but ultimately can't because of her love for him#which makes her both admirable and foolish#but sometimes love makes you do stupid shit... idk how it will pay off#i just don't want her to get hurt in the end#i DO in fact have a bias for her#it's obvious that there are parallels between rhett and royal but i see some similarities between cece and maria(very minor)#the denim jackets and hands in the pockets and (possibly?) their faith? although maria doesn't seem as religious#the more i think about it the more scared i am for her and rhett's future because i'm reminded of clana s7#like lana was also told that she's not a part of clark's future and she ended up leaving too?#i guess what i'm saying is that maria and lana are there in the moment but in the back of their minds they have doubts#obviously i don't like that she still doesn't trust him but at the same time... when is he planning to leave?#she can't wait forever for her life to start so ultimately if she has to leave without him she should...#but i'm so scared of them breaking up or her leaving him#also her moral compass is wavering like lana's did in that season so i feel like if he doesn't know she's been stealing he'll be let down#i wish we knew more about her dreams and ambitions... does she still wanna be a vet?#i know she doesn't want to break his heart so idk if she would leave but i'm just prepping for the worst#truly was worried for maria when isa was asked about her growth and she was like ''... not so much growth''#look i get to compare her to eurydice in hadestown because she worked with both patrick page and andré de shields /hj#maybe she sees leaving as a solution to their problems because she doesn't want rhett to choose between her and his family?
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Look I don't know what the fuck antarctica is.
It's like stuff your ass ain't surviving past though
#I could see myself as a dragon the sixe of creation watching you breathe fire for me though#the little dragon female is like whaever you want master *poof* *puff* *snap dragon*#and the master dragon breathes into creation once again#look honey I had to grow it process it and sometimes ship it over the Christopher Columbus route#it's the most crazy part of it all and I already know it's true because I was there and I am going to be there#it was a simple time#car ride and some food#the old man that I like is there and things go well usually#I kinda remember me thinking about myself man what is this guy's deal#like after seeing myself selling nothing can ever compare#me: dude I would NEVER work at a restaurant that is for chicks#and yet there I am pretending I suppose#like how about I retire and go manage a restaurant like no mother fucker that's not what he does....he does those two#waitresses#uh well if anything gets a bell 133 I can claim it solo or in pair#I want to take extra sugar with you and one hand on each hood just gently letting you both feel my spark#connecting one hand with two hands#it's like water if you stare at each hydrogen right you gave two hos#but yanno let's get naked and get high and have fun and if you want to call it magic then that's what it is#she says wait til you taste that meat#shot out to your pics with your eyes red as fuck though.... that's hot#one thing you don't want to do is bring a dreamcast into my domain and not expect me to unlock the company logo to fight you#like logos ethos pathos.....like more than they claim but they don't know shit#like yeah.....I wanna slowly feel my bulge as you both demonstrate and begin the way of the hiot#yeah you've been doing it for years let's see it first#first time for me anyway#which makes it your most important teaching hoot#drugs teacher student relationship#sex: owner slave (s' down the line) relationship#I never wanted to be a phlebotomist but for you I will learn
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Okay I’m finally excited abt term starting now this is gonna be GOOD
#it might just be that I just watched queer eye. who knows#but I’m like. actually sorting out a pretty significant amount of the things all in one go bc this is how I do things apparently#saltatory evolution. anyway#I’m gonna go back to uni and see my FRIENDS#I’m doing a bunch of stuff in freshers week bc I’m running a stall in freshers fair and then there’s ice hockey which is gonna be insane#at the start of the year it’s SO busy and I gotta run it and it’s gonna be stressful as hell but so fun#even the times when it’s super busy and I have to do things more than play it’s good it’s a rlly nice atmosphere#and I made plans to go skating with some of my friends after we finish setting up the stall on the Tuesday#and I’m getting a bunch of stuff for my room!! I have a rug and I’m finally getting a sun lamp#and stealing some photos and I’m gonna get some nice ones printed. definitely buying another poster#and I WILL make the kitchen nice this year if it kills me I wanna have people over and actually eat there sometimes#and I’m getting some new clothes!! and I’m gonna get some when I’m back at uni so it’s lower pressure#oh and I actually realised that even though it’s Hard I kinda like the molecular biology module I’m doing#I think it should be manageable if I keep up with it and I have all the things set out to do that#AND a free enough timetable that I’ll be able to keep up with it with a little effort#I’m gonna get a planner or something I think bc they’re fun to write in and it’ll be nice to have everything in one place#OH OH AND IVE MADE PLANS TO COOK WITH MY OTHER FRIEND WHO LIVES LIKE FIVE DOORS DOWN#which is gonna be SO nice#I’m gonna tell my goddamn flatmate to keep his shit off the kitchen table#and I’m living with people I actually like now#with a bunch of my other friends next door#and one of my best friends will actually have free time this year!!!! she had none last year we’re actually gonna be able to do things#this is gonna be a good year I’ve decided I don’t care I will MAKE this year a good year#it’s gonna be a good year.#luke.txt
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Okay so I just got done watching the thing 1982 and like. That movie is AIRTIGHT damn
#fucking love body horror it was so gross#making me think of a particular oc. and I wanna incorporate some of this shit into them#I’ll go into more detail later once I get that sorted out kinda#the dog too it was EERIE#cuz like. you know how huskies are right? loud as shit bouncing off the walls and everything#it was like it was a GUY. it was so still and quiet and aghg#and then that whole part when it got locked into that kennel with the other normal dogs#it was so fucked man. that one dog trying to tear open the gate to escape. and the Assimilation#and the practical effects agghghgh#the part with the head spiderrrr#I can’t remember anyone’s names cuz I’m bad at that when watching movies sometimes but like.#the way that you start being hyperaware of how everyone’s behaving and like. you try to guess who it is. and it’s so hard to tell beyond#maybe one or two little clues if any at all#kinda wanna watch it again sometime and go over it with a fine toothed comb and see if I can spot anything#I’ll shut up nowwww#oh almost forgot but like. the idea of the thing not being One Individual Harmonius Being#and instead being multiple entities without a sense of self that’ll just fuck off entirely#if that part senses that it’s in danger#literally down to the cellular level#is such a rad concept fr
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I swapped the placement of tumblr and reddit on my phone so I use tumblr more. But now every now and then I’m like “oh I really wanna look at tumblr” instead of passively tapping where reddit used to be I have to intentionally open tumblr and I get a bit confused for a minute
#I would just passively scroll Reddit#and at some point I was like “man I still want this app because sometimes I need to harass the book binding subreddit to help me figure out#what I did wrong but I don’t wanna use that app so much anymore as filler for boredom’’#so I swapped them because stuff I see on tumblr I tend to rlly enjoy n shit#like oh yes I will take some cool fanart for a thing I’m not really into but can still dig#and why yes I will take an interesting long post on a random subject#and I still get my fill of people being a little silly and making fools of themselves#Also reddit just has a uhhh#more aggressive user base almost?#which I feel like may be encouraged by the ability to downvote#but like. minority do dumb thing may only be put into retrospect a few comments down and that’s it#if I see a kind of funky post I can directly promote a person who is putting it into retrospect#also shouting into the wind has a far less direct means of getting a response#I can go crazy in the tags and it’ll mostly be okay
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