#I wanna see shit go down sometimes
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Nocturn: The files on Mitchell- Sidestep, who is named Mitchell:
#fuck. I didnt realize that#I played as a different character#because why not#I wanna see shit go down sometimes#BUT Ortega probably thinks Im the biggest fucking moron in the room. I cant believe this#fhr#fallen hero#sidestep#fhr ortega#fhr sidestep#but the main point is they said that and I had to pause#wym I fucked up that badly#Mitchel ran away and didn't change his first name. that's embarrassing#AND IT'S EVEN FUNNIER CAUSE MITCHELL (SIDESTEP) IS TRANS#CHANGED HIS NAME TWICE AND STILL FUCKED UP#I did endeed edit it becaue I realized I fucked up my thoughts#It's very typical of me to cross thoughts and have them overlap#it was Nocturn who mentioned it and I somehow thought it was Ortega during the tinfoil scene#dont look in my direction
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sometimes. what i like to read or write in fic or just generally play around with.... is different and, dare i say, sometimes even contradicting to what i think the canonical reading is offering. like yeah he would not fucking say that but every once in a while i do like to indulge. sue me
#*mine#mona rambles#people do be taking things so seriously these days like#sometimes i just wanna see a silly lil oneshot where the blorbo du jour Fucks Shit Up and go#idk where this weird idea comes from to assume everything i ever write down in a fic or in some rambly headcanon post is like#equivalent to saying 'i think this is what the text says' like???#the text says they had wives and are straight and don't fuck their brothers too like. come on now#and i don't mean this in a dismissal of/disdain for canon sort of way either#i hate the whole 'fuck canon i know better' attitude that's not what i'm talking about#i mean this more in a. not every oneshot i write is a 'this is a meta-analysis of textual realities'#and more a 'okay this absolutely isn't canon but what if it WERE#let's explore'#sometimes you just gotta pat canon on the head tell it i love you and i know this isn't you but I'm going to anyway <3#peace and love. etc etc#god i know people will so wildly misinterpret this as a 'she doesn't even care about canon then what is even the point 🙄'#or a 'YEAH FUCK CANON I KNOW BETTER 😤' kind of way i'm already tired#to the three people who'll get it ily tho <3#i do think the crux is the awareness yk. like. knowing deviation or smthg. anyway#bisexuality. love wins <3
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eepiest little man in the building
#HIS EARS ARE SO BIG HELP#so ive heard type shit#he has a habit of tilting his head back when he’s being petted like he fucking CONKS it back its so funny#we visited a cat cafe today I wanna go back again… there are so many of them#the room was really well maintained like we wore shoe covers and everything. and there’s a back room for the cats to go if they wanna#tap out so thats nice. BUT THIS LIL GUY. OHHHHH LIL MAN#he looks almost completely black but he seems to have these slightly darker stripes which are hard to see..??#THERES ALSO AN ENORMOUS MAINE COON NICKNAMED THE KING OF THE ROOM? HES HUGE JESUS CHRIST#made friends with a curious white and orange one who looked like he was thinking of pouncing down on me#and a very VERY pretty white and silver point with blue eyes who was happy to greet everyone#my brother was stuck on the floor bc a Persian that snubbed everyone else looked at him like ‘you. your lap is MINE’#and kept him there for 20 minutes. another cat wanted a turn but the Persian claimed him ;w;#my brother was popular with the cats bc they could probably sense he’s the calmest person in the room LOL#diary#yapping#cats#I wanna go back again sometime…
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The way I wanna see Luis go completely apeshit and just start doing things that he wouldn’t do in canon. In canon we know he feels immense guilt for his past and wants to make up for it all. We see him trying to do good over and over again. He wants to redeem himself and prove he’s changed.
But a part of me so badly wants him to kinda just,, lose the plot for a hot minute. The whole “be the monster they always said you were” kinda ordeal. He gets left for dead after the Krauser attack and nobody came back for him so he’s kinda bitter about it. I know it would be out of character because of what we’ve seen him go through and do, but… I do kinda wanna see it happen anyway.
#so naturally I’m brainstorming a corruption arc fic that will never be completed bc nobody wants to see this#and also because I will get people saying it’s ooc#I love him for how good he genuinely is and how human he feels I swear#but sometimes I just wanna see my beloveds go fucking berserk#I’m sorry i think he would also kinda be hot as a mad scientist#you ever see someone reach their breaking point? where they realise everything they’d done had been for nothing? completely useless bc#nobody bothered to see the good in them?#ofc Luis had Ashley Ada and Leon who saw the good in him and gave him the opportunity to do good#but also nobody went back for his corpse for a proper burial so like…#idk. I’m just saying shit out here.#Luis Babygirl Serra#moose rambles#moose posting#focusing on his anger bc if I think about his sadness I’ll break down and cry
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it may come as a surprise to you all but im thinking about kingdom rn
#what is on my mind. well im specifically thinking about jahan just did the new bss song dance and it's reminding me#how jahan and arthur did the maestro dance with dino and afterwards jahan talked about how mortifying it was to ask dino to do it#then like two weeks later the maestro mushow behind was released and the behind of tkds challenge was featured in it. and#some of the svt members were talking about how happy it made them. outside of tkds range#and when someone pointed out to jahan how they made it into the behind he lost his shit#and i am also thinking about my dann jahan unit pola. and sometimes i don't realize how much detail is in a polaroid#and how lucky i am to have a signed pola of my bias line in one of my top fave stage fits. like how did the universe align like#that for me. that's crazy#and well im thinking about how much i like them. i think when i first got into kpop i didn't understand how people decided who was an ult#or a semi ult. or whatever. and the time just moved so fast and my feelings fluctuate so much how do you know but now i just knowwwwww#when i look at them and when their songs come on shuffle and when i gif them and when i look at my album shelf and i see the hok albums#line up and my photocards and how they're the biggest portion of my binder and how i felt seeing them in concert both times#and im also thinking of the concert im thinking about the shitty ada route for the venue. how the ramp was a solid 45° angle and i managed#to go up but i was so nervous to go down cuz i certainly couldn't walk my rollator down and i didn't wanna fall#and i had to be nearly carried down cuz i was so unstable and it was so embarassing and then i heard dann singing and it was just a really#grounding moment. his voice is so comforting to listen to on my phone and it was so invigorating to hear on stage but to hear it#softly up close. because he always sings back stage and the ada route was backstage and they were behind me to go back to#the green room and I didn't know and. it was such a surprise but it was so nice. so nice#so calming. and how i was so embarassed my rollator was taking up space when i was talking to ivan and when i readjusted it it got#stuck on a crack in the floor because of the angle and i apologized but he immediately told me it was okay and helped me get it unstuck cuz#i was shaky on nerves and adrenaline. and they're just sooooo. wow#ughhhhhh and hwons smile when i did polas with him first tour. and how he held everyone's hands despite the staff saying not#to touch the artist he always grabbed your hands first if you let him and i did cuz i didn't know what to do and he was just so excited#to be there and getting to talk to him while we waited for the pola to print. dude he's so tall like i knew he was tall going in but nothing#prepares you for How damn tall he is till you're right there next to him and god#they r the best. genuinely. :•( i love them so bad#speaking.txt
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#i’m so fucking frustrated right now.#i can’t remember the last time i haven’t woken up to my roommates dogs barking and whining#my room is right over the living room. and all i hear is them barking and whining and the puppy’s pen being dragged across the floor#i go to bed way later than my roommate because of my work schedule#like sometimes i don’t get off work till 12:30 am and then get to sleep around 2#and her fucking dogs wake me up so gddamn early i feel i’m permanently exhausted#like sometimes she will take the dogs if she’s gone all day at her parents or whatever#but she didn’t today. and when i went downstairs the puppy had shit and the whole house stinks and i don’t even wanna leave my room#like i know it’s not my responsibility but i feel like she’ll blame me when she comes home and sees that the puppy has been in the#pen all day.#like it’s 3 pm and i haven’t even gone down to make myself food because i can’t stand it. i fucking hate it i hate the whining the fucking#barking.#i know that i am actually very fortunate in my situation. like my housing and roommate situation could be a lot lot worse.#and it’s not that my roommate is horrid. we’re just. strangers. and i feel so fucking alone and alienated#i do not want my life to be like this.#like i feel so horrid i need to do laundry and clean my bathroom and actually get shit done#but i don’t want to leave my room.#i just don’t want my life to be like this.
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Being a Gen 5 fan and seeing countless people being so negative about it feels exactly like this image
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#ok I wanna make one thing clear: I don’t care if you don’t like the new generation because that’s your opinion and it’s valid#the generation has some flaws that bring it down and some of the character designs could be better#but sometimes I feel like a lot of the hate for the show is built off of people simply liking Gen 4 better#and like fine I understand that. Gen 4 is one of my favorite gens#but if you dislike Gen 5 because of that…you could just not acknowledge it?#it’s fine to have opinions on stuff because I sure do but I find that the best way of going about stuff like this is#is to just…not give a shit about it#idk I’m probably just peddling nonsense at this point lol#people are free to have their own opinions on this matter as long as they remain respectful#this is sort of a vent because the amount of absolute fucking hatred I would see on Pinterest while looking at Gen 5 pins is just… good god#might delete this later might not#cw rant#tw rant#< just to be safe#mlp gen 5
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Things I need in bg3:
let me pet Us at the camp with Scratch and Cub
Let me kick ulder’s ass. Just a little bit
Please let me come back to camp and gossip with withers. PLEASE let me rock up and talk shit. Like he a million percent already knows all this but I want SO BAD to show up for the night and go oh my GOD kahga gets on my NERVES-
Also um. The same with astarion. I think he’d also be funny to talk shit with :3
Oh also lemme see how dyes r gonna look before I use em so I don’t have to save and then test everything out reload and start all over again
But mostly petting Us and throwing punches and gossiping :P
#this is a very fun game I like sometimes sitting down and going hm I’m deciding events r happening :3#I need to do another sillies run tbh#take t’ev’s vibes and run with em a bit but like. no replaying for better results allowed. gotta take what I get the first time#do y’all even KNOW they were asking withers to braid their hair (he said no) (they went SIGH FINE and go gossip to astarion while HE braids#their hair. and then gets Sippies about it. and then t’ev turns around and gossips to withers over breakfast anyways#like YES this is like talking to a brick wall sometimes. but I like to imagine he’s at least a little amused by all the dramatics u see#OH ALSO I WANNA GLASSES THEYD B SO FUN#I’m sure there’s a mod for this shit but um. I’m scarwed of mods for no reason lol
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I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun
#sorry if anyone sees these im tired of using my personal discord servet to vent. i always spiral too much#anyways i have an idea for a good poem to write for class because of recent events#ughhhh idk i just wish i wasnt so annoying about asking if i can open ip to people#or if someone would just ask if i was okay. i mean actually id probably lie i am not actually good at being open.#but like hey idk it feels nice to feel like people genuinely want to know#ughhhhfhfhf i do this to myself sometimes JSHSJSKDJDJD#welp its just how life goes. i feel lonely all the time and i soldier on#surely helping the next person will make me feel better! nope. surely helping yhis next person will make me feel better! nope. surely-#tgats me. thats what i sound like#yeah idk it feels like everyone is going through something worse than me so itd be a moral failing on my part#to ask them if i could just like. feel bad. noticeably#not even talk about it just look down and out of it for a day#yknow i emailed one of my teachers asking permission to go by a new preferred name#this is at like. a massive very queer and trans art school.#and i asked him permission to do this#and i was joking with my friends about how pathetic i sounded in it#and one of them patted me on the head and said “there there buddy” like very jokingly#but i almost cried because thats the first time in so long someone has like. really tried to comfort me#or shown me much physical affection#my mom gives me hugs and stuff but thats always about her. i dont blame her shes got a lot of stuff going on#but idk its really selfish of me but i just wanna have people see me and feel bad for me and it be about my pain for a little while#ill get over it im just being a teenager but shit god fucking damnit#i just want a break from feeling like my world is falling apart#then getting some footing#then it falling apart again#okay i feel a bit better now better stop the complain train JDJDJSKSJD#hey why do i never hear that it rhymes and everything thays so good#damn i gotta use that more#welp weve reached our stop sorry if anyone ever read thjs. hope you have a nice day tho lol
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Look I don't know what the fuck antarctica is.
It's like stuff your ass ain't surviving past though
#I could see myself as a dragon the sixe of creation watching you breathe fire for me though#the little dragon female is like whaever you want master *poof* *puff* *snap dragon*#and the master dragon breathes into creation once again#look honey I had to grow it process it and sometimes ship it over the Christopher Columbus route#it's the most crazy part of it all and I already know it's true because I was there and I am going to be there#it was a simple time#car ride and some food#the old man that I like is there and things go well usually#I kinda remember me thinking about myself man what is this guy's deal#like after seeing myself selling nothing can ever compare#me: dude I would NEVER work at a restaurant that is for chicks#and yet there I am pretending I suppose#like how about I retire and go manage a restaurant like no mother fucker that's not what he does....he does those two#waitresses#uh well if anything gets a bell 133 I can claim it solo or in pair#I want to take extra sugar with you and one hand on each hood just gently letting you both feel my spark#connecting one hand with two hands#it's like water if you stare at each hydrogen right you gave two hos#but yanno let's get naked and get high and have fun and if you want to call it magic then that's what it is#she says wait til you taste that meat#shot out to your pics with your eyes red as fuck though.... that's hot#one thing you don't want to do is bring a dreamcast into my domain and not expect me to unlock the company logo to fight you#like logos ethos pathos.....like more than they claim but they don't know shit#like yeah.....I wanna slowly feel my bulge as you both demonstrate and begin the way of the hiot#yeah you've been doing it for years let's see it first#first time for me anyway#which makes it your most important teaching hoot#drugs teacher student relationship#sex: owner slave (s' down the line) relationship#I never wanted to be a phlebotomist but for you I will learn
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Okay I’m finally excited abt term starting now this is gonna be GOOD
#it might just be that I just watched queer eye. who knows#but I’m like. actually sorting out a pretty significant amount of the things all in one go bc this is how I do things apparently#saltatory evolution. anyway#I’m gonna go back to uni and see my FRIENDS#I’m doing a bunch of stuff in freshers week bc I’m running a stall in freshers fair and then there’s ice hockey which is gonna be insane#at the start of the year it’s SO busy and I gotta run it and it’s gonna be stressful as hell but so fun#even the times when it’s super busy and I have to do things more than play it’s good it’s a rlly nice atmosphere#and I made plans to go skating with some of my friends after we finish setting up the stall on the Tuesday#and I’m getting a bunch of stuff for my room!! I have a rug and I’m finally getting a sun lamp#and stealing some photos and I’m gonna get some nice ones printed. definitely buying another poster#and I WILL make the kitchen nice this year if it kills me I wanna have people over and actually eat there sometimes#and I’m getting some new clothes!! and I’m gonna get some when I’m back at uni so it’s lower pressure#oh and I actually realised that even though it’s Hard I kinda like the molecular biology module I’m doing#I think it should be manageable if I keep up with it and I have all the things set out to do that#AND a free enough timetable that I’ll be able to keep up with it with a little effort#I’m gonna get a planner or something I think bc they’re fun to write in and it’ll be nice to have everything in one place#OH OH AND IVE MADE PLANS TO COOK WITH MY OTHER FRIEND WHO LIVES LIKE FIVE DOORS DOWN#which is gonna be SO nice#I’m gonna tell my goddamn flatmate to keep his shit off the kitchen table#and I’m living with people I actually like now#with a bunch of my other friends next door#and one of my best friends will actually have free time this year!!!! she had none last year we’re actually gonna be able to do things#this is gonna be a good year I’ve decided I don’t care I will MAKE this year a good year#it’s gonna be a good year.#luke.txt
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Okay so I just got done watching the thing 1982 and like. That movie is AIRTIGHT damn
#fucking love body horror it was so gross#making me think of a particular oc. and I wanna incorporate some of this shit into them#I’ll go into more detail later once I get that sorted out kinda#the dog too it was EERIE#cuz like. you know how huskies are right? loud as shit bouncing off the walls and everything#it was like it was a GUY. it was so still and quiet and aghg#and then that whole part when it got locked into that kennel with the other normal dogs#it was so fucked man. that one dog trying to tear open the gate to escape. and the Assimilation#and the practical effects agghghgh#the part with the head spiderrrr#I can’t remember anyone’s names cuz I’m bad at that when watching movies sometimes but like.#the way that you start being hyperaware of how everyone’s behaving and like. you try to guess who it is. and it’s so hard to tell beyond#maybe one or two little clues if any at all#kinda wanna watch it again sometime and go over it with a fine toothed comb and see if I can spot anything#I’ll shut up nowwww#oh almost forgot but like. the idea of the thing not being One Individual Harmonius Being#and instead being multiple entities without a sense of self that’ll just fuck off entirely#if that part senses that it’s in danger#literally down to the cellular level#is such a rad concept fr
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I swapped the placement of tumblr and reddit on my phone so I use tumblr more. But now every now and then I’m like “oh I really wanna look at tumblr” instead of passively tapping where reddit used to be I have to intentionally open tumblr and I get a bit confused for a minute
#I would just passively scroll Reddit#and at some point I was like “man I still want this app because sometimes I need to harass the book binding subreddit to help me figure out#what I did wrong but I don’t wanna use that app so much anymore as filler for boredom’’#so I swapped them because stuff I see on tumblr I tend to rlly enjoy n shit#like oh yes I will take some cool fanart for a thing I’m not really into but can still dig#and why yes I will take an interesting long post on a random subject#and I still get my fill of people being a little silly and making fools of themselves#Also reddit just has a uhhh#more aggressive user base almost?#which I feel like may be encouraged by the ability to downvote#but like. minority do dumb thing may only be put into retrospect a few comments down and that’s it#if I see a kind of funky post I can directly promote a person who is putting it into retrospect#also shouting into the wind has a far less direct means of getting a response#I can go crazy in the tags and it’ll mostly be okay
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funny update a couple of months later for People Who Want to Know: i dont have the car that got me into this Incredibly Minor Accident anymore. while after the accident, i did have to get the brakes serviced (wow, they were faulty, who knew!), it proceeded to have Several More Issues, such as: the transmission being fucked up and Trouble With Turns. i still drove it regardless because i needed that shit to get to college but eventually the radiator fan stopped working on it (where it would start overheating if the car wasn't moving (if the car was moving then air could still blow over the engine, cooling it down)) and My Mother deemed it too dangerous to drive. RIP to the shitty 2012 jeep liberty hand-me-down with 200k miles that led to the creation of the Kim Moment(TM).
need to share an experience i had 30 minutes ago
(edit: thanks to @walks-the-ages for providing and reminding me to put alt text, sorry it slips my mind alot lol)
#also i have not had any Kim Moments since. SAD!#very funny to me all the people with systems relating w/ this. unfortunately my brain likes to play with characters like dolls and it will#do this to me sometimes. shoutout to the times when someone would text something to me and then id envision what one of my OCs would respon#with in my head. adhd hyperfixation moment if i can be quite honest.#also i never got a follow up from the other guy that i got into the accident with so im assuming his car is okay. thumbsup emoji#and i havent been in any accidents since so erm... w for me!#(i have only been driving this new car for like 5 days and im Nervous. and ill be driving it more than my old car because im Getting Job#soon.... ough)#i remember the day that My Mother decided the car was too unsafe to drive very clearly. because it happened recently.#for some context: i live 30 minutes away from one of the campuses of my college. but the campus i need to actually attend (because it's the#campus with all of the IT shit at it woo network admin) is a full on hour away and also located inside a big city. thankfully the campus i#live near has a service that sends a bus between those two campuses so i can drive to that campus#and then get on the bus for the remaining 30 mins it takes to get there#now imagine you're me. because of fears developed by having Childhood ADHD i am very afraid of being late for ANYTHING. because i need to#rely on the bus schedule between the two campuses#every day i make sure to leave at least 30 mins earlier than i realistically could. this is both because if i dont i'll be Late To Being#Early but also despite my route not going across any major roads#i live in Suburban Bumfuck Town and the two-lane roads i use to travel are the exclusive lifelines to the rest of Everywhere Fucking Else#so they have a tendency to get backed up when backups happen in Everywhere Fucking Else (could specify more but i dont wanna doxx myself :p#cue The Day. i am Driving to College. i already have some knowledge that my car seems to have some trouble with cooling itself down#but i'm not sure what the cause is or how big of a problem it is yet. unbeknownst to me an Accident has occured on one of the major routes#in my area. as I'm approaching to be about 10 mins away from the campus i start to see evidence of The Traffic because of this.#while being just a dinky two-lane road this shit is practically bumper-to-bumper. moving at a snail's pace#and i imagine it's likely because people are being jackasses about merging onto this road from the people who have had their route#unexpectedly diverted because of the accident.#so im sitting there in the traffic. the car is not moving or it is moving very slowly across short distances.#DING! goes the car. ah crap the engine temp is starting to get high... maybe being stopped is what causes it i think to myself#so now i am Slightly Worried. the car has Dinged. and i might even be Late to School because of the traffic. but surely the cars gonna be#fine driving me the rest of the way right?#advance forward in time about like 5 minutes. i have moved forward but not much. i am near the gas station i usually refill at en route
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Toji and his shy girl cuddle fucking WHO SAID THAT
A/N: EEHEE I heard it too 🤭 Even if the echo took a while to reach me 😔 No, but really, I loved this! It's been a while since i've written out a request 😅 I'm excited to start trying some of these, again :)
Thank you for sending in this request 💙
Toji and His Shy Girl
"Hey, you," Toji says, grinning like a menace at the way your body minimally jolts, like he scared you. "You don't like me or something?"
You turn to look at him, a barely there crease between your brows. "What? I do. What do you mean?"
"I mean, why don't you wanna be with me? You're sitting on your own island over there, while i'm over here... all alone... feeling like chopped liver."
He's cute, you think. Playfully dramatic enough to make you giggle. It's always nice to know he wants you around, too, when you keep your distance to give him that choice.
"I just thought you would want some space, is all," you explain. "This is a pretty long movie, I don't want you to be uncomfortable."
"Would sitting with me make you uncomfortable?" Toji asks.
"No," you respond, though the thought of sitting next to him or on him, has your heart rate picking up. Most of the time, Toji wants it to be the latter, and when this happens, it feels like he's peeking at your soul. You feel like every nerve in your body is tingling and like your skeleton is buzzing. You know he can sense your nervousness, most of the time, and yet he doesn't take it easy on you. His patience, his charm, and his irresistible way of trying to seduce you—none of it ever gets easier to withstand without you feeling flustered.
"You're comfortable, I'm comfortable. We're both comfortable, so, come closer, sweetheart." He sees hesitance flash through your features, before you finally give in and start inching closer.
"Come on. Closer, baby," Toji instructs, watching as you continue to inch towards him. "Look at all this space. Get rid of it."
He chuckles at the properness of your folded hands in your lap, when you sit on the edge of the couch cushion, in front of his legs. "You're gonna stop there and keep watching the movie all uncomfortable?"
"It's fine," you say, smiling at him before facing forward, again. You can feel him staring at you as you try to focus on the movie. His hand goes to your thigh, an act that has your heart beating rapidly in your chest, close to being heard in your ears. He tugs at your sweatpants, earning your attention.
"I'll spell it out for you, doll. I want you here, lying right in front of me. Wanna cuddle with you and shit." You return your gaze to the screen and though anybody would think that it's rude, because it seems like you're ignoring him, Toji knows what it means. He knows it's hard for you to hold eye contact with him, sometimes, and that you looking away gives you time to collect your thoughts and prepare what you want to respond with.
"But you won't be able to see the movie," you say, as a last ditch effort to let him enjoy the movie without obstructing his view and invading his personal space.
"We'll make it work. Just come here. Please?" He pats the spot in front of him, directing you to lie right where he wants you.
"Okay," you say, more to yourself than to him. You scoot down a little more, before lying down on your side, on the exact spot he said he was wanted you. In an instant, you're swallowed up by him. He pulls you in so that you're pressed up against him, his leg overlaps yours, and his face goes straight for your neck.
"T-Toji, I know you can't see the movie. I can go back, if you want."
"Mm-mm. Nope. It's all good. Got what I need," he assures, low against your neck, a hand planted on your stomach. "Pretty baby," he murmurs, pressing kisses onto your skin. "You smell so fucking good."
You feel like some sort of soothing toy for him, with the way any time you sit with him, you end up stealing his focus and withstanding the way he mouths at your skin and runs his hands all over you.
"You comfortable? Have enough space?" He asks, kissing your earlobe. You nod in response and he hums, a click of his tongue and a couple pats to your stomach, expressing his disapproval of the nonverbal confirmation. "Say it, baby. Yes or no?"
"Sorry. Yes, i'm comfortable," you confirm, in a manner more to his liking.
"Mm... you're so good to me, doll," Toji praises, adding a kiss to the appreciation.
He understands that sometimes it's difficult for you to say things out loud and you'll dismiss your own discomfort for the sake of not having to verbalize what is bothering you. It's why he's so adamant on hearing you talk, over seeing you nod or shake your head in response to things. He's working on this with you. He's heard 'sorry' so many times, now, and each time, he rejects your apology, deeming it unnecessary, because he knows you're trying.
Things are still for a few moments. You get fully comfortable, lying there on the couch, with Toji spooning you, and manage to refocus on the movie. His hand goes under your shirt, meeting the warmth of your skin. It's a gesture that disturbs the calmness of your heart, as well as your focus on the TV, again.
"This okay?" He asks, caressing your stomach, occasionally pinching it, gently.
"Mhm," you hum, in response, before pretending to pay attention to the movie. You're too distracted by the dragging of his fingertips and the goosebumps he lures onto your skin. You're sure he can feel them, too, because his hand starts wandering higher up your torso, like he wants to get more reactions from you. You shift minimally when his fingers slide beneath the elastic band of your sports bra, grazing the bottom part of your breast.
"Still comfortable?" Toji asks, keeping his hand still until he receives a response from you.
"Yeah... you're okay," you assure, once again, resting your hand on his forearm. Your breath hitches when his fingertips brush against your nipple. Toji grins at the involuntarily squeeze you offered his arm, finding amusement in the way your body reacts to his touch.
Toji chuckles, lowly, at all your sudden fidgeting. "Does that feel good, mama? Want me to keep going?" He asks, planting a kiss on your shoulder. You're not stopping him. If anything, he can feel you gently pushing his arm so that his entire hand goes up your bra. "It's alright. You can tell me," he says, encouraging you to respond.
"It feels good. Please..." Your soft voice halts, a shuddered exhale released through your nose.
"Mhm, give me more. Please, what?" He says, baiting a more elaborate response from you. "Just saying 'please' doesn't tell me what you need, pretty."
"Please... keep touching me." You cringe, internally, the second the words come out. You don't even realize how proud Toji is or get to indulge in the praise he offers, because you're too busy overthinking what you just said.
"That was perfect," Toji murmurs, scattering light kisses onto your neck. His enormous hand stretches your bra, and grabs ahold of your breast. "I'll give you anything you want, sweetheart. Anything. The trick is... you gotta ask for it."
That alone is enough to teach you another lesson on not always being able to get what you want. It's not always so easy for you to ask Toji for things. He's seen you get frustrated, because of this. It happens, even if your frustration is never loud and you don't raise your voice or throw a tantrum. It's quite the opposite. Too many questions to your initial request, results in you shaking your head, as if to say, 'never mind. I'll do it myself'. Having to repeat yourself too many times, gets a similar result. Even in times when he's just asking you to describe something more, you lose patience with yourself and your inability to communicate what you need, efficiently, and essentially give up on explaining it to him, doing it yourself, instead.
It's times like these that really help you out in that aspect. You want something that you can make yourself feel, but receiving it from Toji makes it so much better, because of the element of surprise. You give him access to your entire body and he gives you everything you could ever want in terms of pleasure. You never know where he's going to touch you and what he's going to touch you with.
"You understand?" Toji asks, seeking comprehension from you. A small whimper interrupts the silence of an expected response. "I know. Tell me," he encourages.
Your grip on his arm gets tighter and more of your restrained soft sounds reach his ears as he keeps rolling your stiffened peak between his fingers. You gasp when he shifts his attention to your other breast and writhe in his arms. "Y-Yes—please—yes, Toji. I understand."
"Sensitive thing." He chuckles. "Look at that little arch. Bet you're soaked, already, huh?"
"Oh... god, i'm sorry," you mumble, relaxing your back against him, again. You feel like you could implode with how much attention you're being given. You just want to shrink and hide under the couch, and just watch the rest of the movie from there.
"You're fine, doll. I know the slightest touch does a lot to you," he says, brushing over your nipple, knowing that your reaction will emphasize his point. "You nervous?"
You groan in response to the question and turn your head so that your face is planted in the pillow, earning another deep chuckle from Toji.
"I'm not gonna eat you, mama," he jokes, grinning at the way your body trembles with contained amusement. "I mean... I can't lie and say I haven't thought about it before. You're sweeter than any candy or cookie—even cake. You're sweeter than all of it, but I need you here with me, so I can't... I won't eat you, alright?" His method of getting you to lighten up worked enough to lure giggles from you. "Yeah, there you go. Relax. Just wanna love on you," he murmurs, pressing kisses to your shoulder. "Wanna make you feel good. You want that, gorgeous?"
Throughout your time with Toji, you've learned that he's a very hands on man. He's constantly seeking your warmth and softness, because physical touch is his love language and he'll put in the work to get you to comfortably connect with him that way, too. You find that sometimes when you're lying in his bed, ready for the sleep part of sleeping over, he'll stick his head up your shirt and just fall asleep like that on your chest. It's easy for him to relax when he can hear your heart wildly beating in your chest. Sometimes, randomly, when you're just sitting next to him, he'll pick you up and set you down on him, just to watch you get flustered when he starts talking to you within such a close proximity. He loves the way you scramble to escape his sight, always ending up with your face buried in his neck.
"Aw, don't go all quiet on me, now, pretty. You know better. Say what's on your mind." His hand slides out of your bra and goes back down to your stomach, the roughness of his palm rubbing your soft skin. You don't like making him beg for you. He's patient enough with your nervous tendencies, you know he doesn't deserve it.
"I want you, Toji," you say, softly. It's a huge contrast to the hammering going on in your chest and the annoying rhythm in your ears.
"Yeah? Keep fucking going, baby. How do you want me?"
"Please," you mumble, reverting back to the familiarity of simplicity.
"No, not like that. Give me a little more," Toji clarifies.
"I... I want you to touch me... and make me feel good. Want you to feel good, too."
You feel and hear the rumble of his laugh behind you, a sound that makes your fingertips tingle and your stomach erupt with butterflies all over again.
"You precious angel. You want me to fuck you?"
You don't know how long you can last with your heart beating so fast. It's a miracle that it hasn't exploded, with how it's almost always racing when you're around Toji.
You feel like your face is on fire, but you nod, and offer a soft, yet, clear, "yes, please," giving Toji the consenting words he's been listening closely for.
"Alright, ma. You just focus on the rest of the movie and i'll take care of you, 'kay?"
"Mhm," you hum, in response. You pull on the drawstring of your pajama bottoms and begin pulling them down with one hand. Toji watches with a sly smirk on his face as he feels you shift around, more of your skin coming into view. This is your effort. This is what makes him love you so damn much. You try for him. He knows your heart is probably in shambles, as you kick the article off and wait for what's to come, but you're showing him that you want this, and that means beyond everything to him.
"You're so perfect, my girl," he says, pressing kisses to your ear. "So, so perfect..." he trails off when his fingers meet the wetness of your panties. He was right. You're utterly soaked. His hand dips into your underwear, instantly greeted by your warmth as he keeps digging. Two fingers drag through your slit, back and forth, for just long enough to have you fidgeting as he collects a sample of your sweetness. Once your thighs attempt to shut around his hand, craving more, he pulls it out and admires the glossy coating on his fingers. Without hesitation, he brings the digits into his mouth, a low hum of satisfaction leaving him as he licks them clean. His cock is throbbing in his pants, straining mercilessly against his boxers as he savors the aftertaste of you on his tongue.
"Straight up fucking sugar," Toji murmurs, as he hastily starts pulling down his own pants, ready to get a feel of what he just tasted. There's a breathiness in his voice, urgency that you can't process, because you can barely believe he sounds that way after tasting you. Then you feel it—the monster he packs, pressing against you.
"I'm all hard, just for you, pretty," he murmurs in your ear, as he starts grinding his bulge against your ass. "Feel that?" He groans. "It's all for you. All yours." He plants a kiss on your neck and halts the movement of his hips against you. His hand returns beneath your shirt, a slow drag up your abdomen, towards your chest. His fingers dip beneath the elastic once more and splay over your breast, squeezing. He can feel the stutter in your chest as he feels up the entirety of it. You keep fidgeting against him, and he recognizes this as your way of saying you need more.
"You ready for me?" He asks, still toying with your stiffened, sensitive peaks.
"Ready," you respond, maintaining your voice as steady and clear as possible. You squeeze his hand through your shirt for deeper assurance.
Toji smiles softly at your little gesture and pulls his hand out of your shirt. Just as he did when he was directing his touch towards your chest, he follows the same path down, tracing your curves until his hand makes it way between your legs. He moves the gusset of your underwear aside, an act that has you shaking your foot against the couch cushion.
"Relax, sweet girl," Toji hums, a low chuckle following. He lowers his boxers enough to pull his throbbing, drooling cock out and smears the precum that beads on his tip all over his length. Once it's all covered he guides his tip to the warm, slick ridden space between your legs. After running it through your slit a few times, to hear the squelching sounds and your little whimpers when he catches your clit, he slowly starts sinking into you.
"There, baby," Toji murmurs. His warm palm rubs the softness of your stomach and he scatters wet little kisses on your shoulder and your neck, all while he continues feeding your cunt his inches. "You're so fucking cute," he coos, listening closely to the sound of your little whimpers and gasps. "Fuck..." he groans, once his hips are flush against you. He can feel the way you clench and flutter around his pulsing cock, making the fit even more snug for seconds at a time.
"All good, little lady?" He asks, pinching your goosebump covered stomach.
"Mhm," you hum, a chime of your giggle following.
Toji's hold on you is secure. He has you. Warm and gentle caresses and brushes of his fingers on your skin prove it, along with the way he languidly grinds his hips against you, as if to remind you that you're connected in the most physically intimate way. It's not like you could ignore it, anyway. You feel all of him. His warmth, his strength, his company. It's impossible to ignore Toji.
"This movie's pretty boring, huh?" He asks, not even paying attention to what's going on, like he hasn't been since you crawled into his arms.
"You're not even watching," you reason, smiling at the kisses he presses to your ear.
"Got a reaaally good distraction right in front of me." He buries his face in your neck, inhaling your scent. "So warm and pretty and mmm... Can't focus on anything else," he purrs.
"It's okay. You can choose the next... the next one, too..." you gasp at the slow thrusts he offers. With every roll of his hips, his cock slides out just about halfway before sheathing back into the velvety warmth of your walls.
"I don't want to watch TV, anymore. Wanna watch you," he murmurs, monitoring your reactions to his movement. Every twitch, every shift of your legs against his. It's adorable, the way you push your face just a little bit more into the pillow when he tries to get a peek at you.
"Like that, baby?" He murmurs, a deep groan following. "Mhm? Yeah, I know," he says, like he's responding to your moan.
"Toji," you hum out, an unintentional amount of sultriness dripping off his name.
"Fucking- god, you sound so pretty, mama. Let me hear that again. Do it again."
His hips pick up the pace a little, just enough to coax more of those melodic sounds of yours. His hand dips lower, proceeding down the front of your underwear, his thick fingers gliding down towards your slippery clit. It doesn't take much of this electric addition to your pleasure to have you squirming and writhing against him. It's hard not to want to squish his hand between your thighs.
You whimper, a slight arch curving your back. Your clammy, shaky hands grip onto the couch cushion beneath you, your knuckles protruding from the force you put into your hold. You think he's on the brink of devouring you—absorbing you— with how he's holding you like you'll teleport into space if he lets go for a second.
"Say my name," he says, calmly, directly in your ear. "Call for me, sweetheart. Who's touching you? Who's making you feel like this?"
"T-Toji," you obediently pronounce, meekly, yet, to the man's utmost satisfaction.
"Again—fuck, baby—again," he groans, speeding up his fingers on your clit. He knows the motions spiked your pleasure because of how your body tensed up against him.
Sloppy kisses are pressed to your nape, as well as the side of your neck, where you know fully well that he must have left a plethora of marks already. You can hear the consistent sharp breaths he releases through his nose as he begins to desperately roll his hips into you, chasing what's coming up on him ridiculously fast. He's not aggressive—not entirely soft—but there's just enough movement to where you can hear a slight creak in the couch.
"Toji," you croon, softly. "T-Toji, Toji," you repeat, a high pitched whimper ending your little chain of his name.
"Oh, you're so fucking sweet, doll. So fucking sweet..." he mutters, his voice deep enough to make goosebumps spread anew, all over you. He hums at the feeling of your cunt erratically clenching around him. It's a tell tale sign—along with the frequency of your precious little sounds—of how you're right there, about to cum all over his twitching cock.
Toji loves how flustered you get when he has you tell him that you're about to cum, but he also loves the abruptness that comes with you being so overwhelmed by his touch and how he handles you, that for a few seconds you tense up and release all the sounds that bubble up in your chest, caving to the relentless amount of pleasure you feel without a warning.
"You're my pretty girl," Toji says, lowly, grinning when that's all it takes for you to gasp and arch off his front. Your body trembles and your thighs squeeze around his hand when his fingers continue to rub your clit. His tip just continues to prod at the sensitive spot within you, further intensify the sensation coursing through you. You're aware of how your moans have gotten louder and attempt to muffle them with the pillow, but your breathy little cries can be heard, regardless.
They spur on Toji's own release. His hand comes out of your underwear to avoid overstimulating you and glides up your abdomen, aiming towards your chest. He grabs ahold of one of your breasts, his hand smothering the entire thing as he squeezes and kneads it. You can hear his breathing grow heavier, his thrusts more punctuated, and a little faster in pace. The creaking of the couch is more frequent, as are his groans in your ear. His hold on you is tight. With his forearm having brought you back as close as you can be to him, you're locked in. With a few more thrusts, into your dripping wet warmth, he's spilling his load into you, breathy, deep voiced expletives tumbling off his lips as smears your gooey walls with all the warm, creamy substance.
"F-Fuck..." he groans, slowing the roll of his hips to a languid grind. "I got you," he says, chuckling at the gasp you let out from being filled even more. He drags unfocused, wet kisses over your shoulder and stills his hips entirely with a heavy breath. "Got you, mama." He loosens his hold on you, allowing you to breathe and move a little more freely. "Good?"
"Mhm. Good," you assure.
"Good. Gimme a kiss," he requests, smirking at the sound of your tittering. "What? You laughing at me 'cause I want a little smooch?"
"No," you say, through soft, but, more audible giggling.
"You promise?" He says, grinning at the slight tremble of your shoulders as your twinkles of laughter continue. "I'll let it slide, just this once. Now, give me a kiss, baby."
With a smile lingering on your face—the aftermath of your short giggle fit—you lie back a little and crane your neck as much as you comfortably can. Toji leans in the rest of the way and presses his lips to your sweet, lip balm layered ones, brushing them over and over as if he's parched and you're a glass of water. Both of your bodies react to the spark of desire reigniting through the gentle gesture. You can feel him throbbing inside you, while he can feel you clenching around him. His hand pawing at your chest makes butterflies swarm in your stomach and fuels the fluttering going on below.
You hear the dramatic background music of the movie's end credits and break the kiss, facing forward. You realize now that you paid just as much attention as he did—almost none—even when you agreed to keep watching as he touched you.
"Play another boring one," Toji says, behind you, already nipping at your ear, because your attention isn't solely on him anymore.
"But you won't watch it," you say, shuddering at the chill that runs down your spine, when you feel his lips behind your ear.
"That's the point."
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