#I forget that people just sometimes are the worst!!!!

[alessabriel]

And it didn't.

Summary: with the scars left by civil conflict, of broken relationships and shattered bridges the years passed, and she was finally caught up with the consequences of what she did.

Cw: NO CAITVI, angst for Caitlyn, post arcane 2 and my soft imaginings, Vi x Reader.

✄ — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Caitlyn had lost herself and neither time, nor regret could bring back the people she lost what was important to; I saw the one she pushed away so many times because of that stupid instinct to see her down for being from Zaun who contaminated and infected her, Jayce who even though I told her everything was resolved I still saw that resentment in her eyes and did not blame, her father still loved her and was there for her but in his eyes at times there was a disappointment so palpable that it hurt to see her because she had destroyed what her mother worked so hard for costing lives in Zaun. She knew that her owner and suffering was not justification, it would never be, just as she knew that she had made many decisions that were wrong and even today, at 35 years old, they still haunt her, stalking her in every free moment to think, in every corner of her psyche and heart, it is a curse that would never leave her and she accepted it, she let the remorse bite her skin, scratch her bones fragmenting them until it reached the organs underneath and stay there forever. Not that all Zaunites' looks at her were better or let her forget what she had done in the past, they all looked at her with a well-hidden and civilized rancor, which, in contrast to what happened years ago showed that Zaunites were not animals.

"It's in your blood, it will always be in your blood!"

These are words that still to this day follow her relentlessly, spoken to a woman who stood by her side unflinchingly, daring to wear the uniform of the very beings who murdered her parents, who oppressed her for years and who were part of Zaun's continuing misfortune. Vi wore the uniform and became an enforcer for her, and a with it at that moment, after a shared kiss hurt her and it was not the blow that hurt the most, but hearing Vi cry at the bottom of the well and left her without looking back, at that moment she never regretted it and thought she deserved it for not letting Vi go, she herself pushed her away. Now, as Sheriff with Piltover restored and Zaun in better condition after joining forces to drive away Noxus and his threat, she is surprisingly alone. She had managed to catch Jinx and served her sentence, helped restore Piltover as part of that sentence but even with everything Jinx was never left alone but was supported by all of Zaun and, to her own selfish pain; For Vi, Vi was in the process of Jinx's improvement and her mental treatment, when she was imprisoned and released by herself, she watched as Vi received her and although there was an uncomfortable air Vi saw her with a filial love and bright, shy accompanied by Ekko, Sevika, Isha and another person who did not hesitate to embrace Jinx. Even Jinx even with all the crimes on her list, she had so many people surrounding her and she on the other end just and Sheriff was alone, she knew it was her own fault.

There was a sea of guilt that was always at her feet, threatening on her worst days with a huge swell, monstrous waves that threatened to swallow her whole and sometimes she wished they would but, it would be selfish not to bear the consequences of her actions.

The council had been renewed for the sake of progress since they all had such archaic and cruel ideas by the next leaders of those same houses who were young, people who saw beyond prejudices and painted a difference, a before and an after. A renewed council, like Piltover, with Jayce and Mel at the head, but there were two representatives of Zaun who never showed up leaving two chairs together empty in their name. They had all changed, Piltover finally after seeing how hundreds of Zaunites risked themselves to drive Noxus away without caring about coming back alive showed them how much damage they inflicted on their twin city.

Damage she contributed to, added to, and how it tainted her mother's contribution so that the Zaunites could breathe.

She hated herself but dared not ask for forgiveness, because she did not deserve it and she knew it.

She lives each day mechanically in the Enforcers base office, and with documentation up to her neck, in a cold and monotonous rhythm until that day came, a day where Loris was coming to visit her as she had not agreed to stay in the Enforcers corps with the others but rather, was sentinel in Zaun an organization created by two people in Zaun along with other creations that Zaun did not have before.

"Wow, you're still dating the paperwork Sheriff?" questions Loris, walking into the office with a lazy smile looking at the paperwork by the pile.

"Let's just say they're nice dates" replies Caitlyn, inviting him to sit down, it's the little visits and sincere interactions he has that let him see that he kept too good people away from his surroundings because even Seb kept her at a distance, Maddie walked away from her after he had used her to forget Vi; spoiler he never could, Vi as soon as the conflict ended and the trials came she didn't return to Piltover, so Loris was the only one who still maintained some pleasant air between the two "Something going on? You usually come over on Fridays when I go out for a drink together."

Caitlyn looks at her former partner and notices it, a nervous uneasiness almost shy about how she keeps herself hidden and how Loris tries to keep the air light, jovial and pleasant. Loris was a very short time active part of the Enforcerd but damn but he was a good element and the Sentinels would take a good element. She watches silently as her former partner takes a seat, but it never goes unnoticed the conflicted eyes of the man in front of her and she honestly can't blame him as Loris is one of Vi's best friends and continuing to talk to her feels like some sort of betrayal, or so Caitlyn assumes.

"Well, I'm not wasting your time with my humble visit Sheriff" she concedes, lightening the mood and tension, pulling out a simple envelope sealed with wax and a unique flower that only grows in Zaun "Consider coming, she asked me to deliver it to you."

Caitlyn with that, spends the rest of the day dreading opening the letter leaving it on her office bookshelf as if it has the toxic and poisonous in it, so at the end of her day with the evening light streaming in through the glass she plucks up her courage. She sits up from her chair and takes the letter, it is made of a soft and in plain sight recycled paper but it has a fresh floral scent, with some fear creeping up her joints she opens it using the letter opener seeing how the black wax falls on her desk next to the small single flower of Zaun that she takes and keeps it, inside the envelope is a paper folded in three and when she opens it something stirs in her gut with such force that she feels her organs pushed into her bones and the physical exterior of her body, she restrains herself and swallows the bile to start reading, though she knows that doomed her because she suspects it is.

† Violet and [R] †

Just reading that line generated an immense, monumental dismay in him, had he stopped loving Vi? She didn't want to know the answer because it would hurt, because when she pushed Vi away, making her feel guilty for everything, guilty for not being able to stop loving her sister in spite of everything, what was she thinking back then? Making her choose implicitly only served to further establish the imbalance and mistrust in whatever it was they had, and lo and behold the consequences years of loneliness and minimal, if any interactions with Vi that were for matters merely concerning both cities. At the very thought, the very image of it tightens her chest.

Vi was getting married and he was inviting her to his wedding, with a +1.

She dropped into her chair, tossing the pretty invitation on the desk before scrunching up her face, stressed, hurt, regretful and with an amalgam of feelings of self-pity and cruelty towards herself for the past, for the hatred her being since she was a child had harbored towards Zaunitas which only incubated until it exploded that fateful day where she took it out on Vi, took it out on a woman who knew how to read her better than she did herself and prevented her from doing something she would regret more. He knew he could not give, if he would fail as Vi said but his pain did not allow him to see, understand, or comprehend. His hands tremble running it over his face in an attempt to get rid of that mutilating feeling in his chest, and he feels the pain climb up his bones, Vi was going to marry someone and by name it's a woman; [R]. A short, concrete text, a wedding which will be held in the newly opened temple of Janna, signed below in sweet, flowing calligraphy in Violet's name, next to another straighter, linear calligraphy signing with [R]. They sure did that cute thing of writing each other's name would Vi love her? Would that unknown woman love Vi? How long had they been in a relationship? Did they love each other? Why was Vi inviting her?

She doesn't want to go.

[konahana]

Talking about my rant from X to here, about Merold and Kurode Situation

"Condescending Affectionate" describe Merold to the T, i think. The type who would go and say "You're so weak so I will protect you"/"You don't need to do anything since you won't be able to do it anyway"/"My little brother is a coward, so I need to protect him, you know~"

BUT I also can feel even though he has this condescending affection, deep down he feel guilt. He said that "he (Kurode) make me feel as if I'm the selfish one". He spoke immaturely afterwards, but that doesn't change the fact that Merold feel he himself is selfish, because of Kurode.

I can see now why Kurode feel so complicated about him. You won't ever catch Merold giving him a praise, BUT HE IS AFFECTIONATE!

("Condescending affection" truly the worst sometimes. It make you feel complicated. You loved him. But you also resent him.)

AND IT WILL ALSO MAKE SENSE WHY KURODE HAS BIG, BIG INFERIORITY COMPLEX DAMNIT.

I bet it's not only because of the comparison. But because of how Merold give him love. Who wouldn't after receiving such affection mixed with casual condescending!?!?

I love Merold and Kurode's relationship and can't wait how it will develop in the future. BUT I NEED MEROLD TO CRY FOR KURODE AT LEAST ONCEEEE

(The Will to make whump fanfic just to make Merold feel immense guilt ugh. Or maybe a fanfic where Kurode found a new, actual, big brother figure that make Merold feel that Kurode will forget him)

(Looking at you, Stella twins. Or maybe Ciel. How delicious it is where Kurode feel Ciel and Merold is similar but also different in which he's actually nice)

Oh by the way I find it quite funny that Kurode has full-on new CG from Merold but Merold doesn't have one from Kurode yet.

I feel like this foreshadowing that the one who has more difficulty moving on is actually Merold, not Kurode.

Like yeah Kurode still has the determination to surpass Merold, but more importantly, he forge a strong bond with more and more people that his focus is not solely to Merold.

Kurode has more and more people that surround him. Kuromi. The citizen trained by him. Willmesh & Myunna.

Additional: From the profile, it said Merold doted on his brother but his feeling is never properly conveyed. If he's really the condescending affectionate type, NO WONDER IT NEVER PROPERLY CONVEYED, YOU MORON. /CRY

[spaciebabie]

I'm tired of ppl wasting my fucking time

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Good morning, Sleepyhead.

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[dykedvonte]

why do you hate Joshua Graham or Honest Hearts so much?

This DLC and character represents a bigger issue with fandom spaces I have but particularly fallout fandom in general.

Fallout tends to tackle a lot of topics controversial and not. The first two games it’s heavy cause they are the most satirical and direct with how anti-war, nationalism and etc… they are. 3 loses this as it’s very clear once you play or learn about all the games that Todd and a bunch of guys at Bethesda just liked the 50s post apocalyptic aesthetic and refuse to actually critique the ideals of the time period like the earlier titles.

New Vegas is the game that really gets back into it a degree it almost seems like it’s taking too much on. There are things done exceedingly well while other things are done horribly wrong . I’ve made posts about it before and plan to make a big series of posts (it’s a lot of writing) but my biggest gripe is with Honest Hearts and all the gross and white savior esque depictions it has of indigenous peoples. The entirety if FNV does not do the injustices faced by indigenous people correctly on any count. My two biggest complaints are with the Khans and the tribes in Zion but I’ll talk about the former on a different post.

Both characters of Daniel and Joshua are the most accurate depiction of white saviors I’ve seen and I hate how the DLC tries to justify and defend them. The DLC treats Joshua like this man who has repented for his past actions when he is just retracing his steps after his cruelty bit him in the ass. He was one of the worst parts of the Legion and it is all but explicitly stated that if you don’t force him to be non-violent he will turn the tribes of Zion into the legion 2.0. The Dead Horses and the Sorrows are horribly infantilized by both Daniel and Joshua who both use them for self serving purposes guised by religious duty. The White Legs are the horrible stereotype of violent and savage indigenous and I personally think a lot of their interlinking with Ulysses, his hair and Ulysses character in general are distasteful and very telling of how BIPOC or POC where involved.

But outside of the game it’s the weird obsession people have with these characters ideologies and trying to make them seem more interesting/philosophical than they are. Tumblr is an echo chamber and many fans of Fallout are not the people on this site. Many people are not educated in the issues these characters convey and how poorly they do or used these characters as a poor introduction for their takes. Contrary to what a lot of people believe in, fallout has a prediomeny white cis male fanbase. More importantly a large portion of the fanbase is white.

You can joke how FNV made you trans or see the numbers on post/fics or diverse headcanons but these are kiddy numbers compared to the millions that consume the franchise and aren’t in those more aware spaces or don’t engage in the spaces the same way someone like me does/has to. Their views shape a lot more than people realize and it’s exhausting to be in a space where people don’t correct the more subtle yet toxic aspects of it but also adopt them into some weird quirky view point on the characters or issues. Some people don’t realize and some people don’t care.

My main issue is just the idolizing of these sort of thing in this fandom space and people try to acts like a game like fallout whose tagline is “War never changes” and has never had a game not revolve around political or militaristic factions issues isn’t that deep or doesn’t relate to real issues. I think it’s mainly caused by how over powered you can become and how you can strong arm your way past these learning moments as majority of people who play this game do play it as a power fantasy where they can do so as they please (which of course, go ahead it’s fun) but never take in parallels or lessons in the story as if it was just another first person shooter.

Also like another personal gripe is Cazadores spawn like hell whenever I’m there and I have not found a mod that works to mod them out so I have to play Indigenous Racism the DLC while getting jumped by giant wasps WHILE helping Mormons. Like I cannot catch a break.

[kil9]

everyone agrees that the patriarchy teaches men to hide their emotions, and that this is a bad thing, so why is it that when men actually show an emotion everyone jumps to call him an abuser or manipulator or whatever :\

[desertduality]

life is wild I can just be hanging out existing and suddenly get slammed with the most intense bout of loneliness ever. like okay i'm in the middle of eating string cheese can we not do this now

[itspileofgoodthings]

my life is a very slow process of everyone around me telling me not to be anxious and me fighting them all tooth and nail while inching towards more stable mental health.

[kiwikiwiandkiwi]

.

[cherrylight]

dreamily sighs and screams

[parabiota]

One thing I love so much about my job is that it’s no longer an issue if I get sick… I feel like I’m the service / nursing industry I would call my boss like ‘hey I’m sooo sorry but can I please have today off or come in late I have a fever and I’ve been throwing up…’ & that would be met with so much backlash. now I can just email my boss and tell him that I won’t be coming into work because I’m ill and he doesn’t really have a say in the matter.

Like that would be a fireable offense in any of my old jobs. That’s fucking insane to me. Why is this not a policy everywhere

[coridallasmultipass]

Personal vent post, how I tag things, apologies for this probably showing up in search results because I'm not censoring words (do not have the spoons rn)

-

So I'm getting really frustrated (at the situation, not at individual people! Sorry to vague right after getting a request, I was gonna make this post like a week ago) that multiple people have asked me not to tag Bro/Cal reblogs as Stridercest.

Stridercest does not mean incest, it means Strider/Strider relationship. I'm tagging it for followers who don't want to see Strider/Strider at all (or for those who do, too, I guess). On MY blog, it has NO bearing on whether or not something is incest. Lil Cal has been a Strider since Day 1 to me, way before any of the events after Act 6, as a pure vanilla puppet. A Strider by marriage, in my opinion. But I'm not opposed to calculating the amount of Strider that got put in Lil Cal, as I've done before. You also have Dirk/Hal which is also Stridercest, but not incest (at least in canon, sometimes it is incest in fan depictions). Or Guardiancest, which I don't think counts as incest in canon either (but usually always is in fan depictions). Even selfcest between one Strider (beta!Dave/beta!Dave in a time travel situation, for example) is still gonna be Stridercest to me.

The ONLY Stridercest I add the specific ship tag for is Bro/Cal, because that's otp5eva for me, separate from any other Strider stuff (Stridercest probably doesn't even make top 3 HS ships for me). Everything else only gets the blanket Stridercest in reblogs, because I already tag a lot, I don't have the energy to add nuanced tags for weird Strider situations, and whether or not that constitutes incest, or which version of a character it is, especially when the artist/authors don't usually make the difference explicitly stated in their own caption/tags, and sometimes it's vague on purpose! (I'm currently writing a fic where Bro and Dirk are the same person! I'm not gonna make the distinction a big deal.)

It's mostly frustrating because then I have to decide if untagging the relationship as Stridercest is going to make someone else following me uncomfortable who will then see it untagged.

Going forth, I am going to delete whatever reblog I made if I get this request from someone else again. I'm trying to remember names, so I don't reblog any future content that would conflict with their requests, but this has already happened with three people in like the past two weeks. Had to block one person for telling me to die because I tagged "Stridercest" on the post preventatively, as usual, because I care about tagging for my followers. (I literally checked their blog like 3 times to make sure they didn't have a DNI pinned, and I still got told to die for my efforts lmao.)

Literally, please just DM me privately (thank you to the other people who did, sorry for the trouble!), and I will either delete the reblog, or block you if you request that. I'm not TRYING to make people uncomfortable, which is the whole reason why I tag it to begin with.

So, I'm not un-tagging shit anymore, it's delete only from now on. I'm not going against my own blog rules I set both to try and accommodate my followers, and to make searching my blog easier for myself. (Used to not tag anything from like 2011-2016 or later, and I'm still in the process of back-tagging everything, since it's been so frustrating to find old fandom posts.)

[theonlycabbage]

me having a conversation with another human being without talking about "what's fucked up about my brain chemicals and why I'm a sad sack of shit" challenge level: impossible

[todayisafridaynight]

I gotta be honest I’ve been trying to stay away from rggtwt both because of the unnecessary beef and also because of the rampant whitewashing that seems exclusive to Twitter

Like I know it’s a problem with every fandom but I can’t help but scream every time i see shishido and co lookin absolutely ghostly

funnily enough twitter had been relatively lax on drama as of late, only recently it's been starting up again (tho ig thats cause of the release of gaiden and LAD8 interviews dropping that peple are given reasons to talk bout the games)

[theevilicecreamsoda]

I think i ever processed anything that happened from 2021 to now like ever

[djpurple3]

yknow like none of my fics do the same numbers they used to when i wrote sanders sides fic and i shouldnt be upset about that,,,,, but sometimes im kind of upset about that

like commenting culture is so weird i know already but like augh... pspsps.... please.... tell me u like it....

the fandom that is the best at leaving comments (that arent too weird, too) in my experience Has been the ninja turtle people tho. idk whats in that fandom but they leave some good comments