#I know it’s not true but sometimes I feel like if I didn’t have anxiety I would not suffer at all | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pitchsidestories · 6 months ago

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Pizza girl II Barcelona Femení x Teen!Reader

masterlist I word count: 2180

summary: You were raised through La Masia, but you still feel anxious, before your first game for the Barcelona Femeni A team. Luckily a team bonding evening with your teammates help to ease your anxiety.

a/n: hi, it's inspired by this request here. We really enjoyed writing this. Let us know if you'd read more platonic fanfics from us.

Sometimes you still felt the urge to pinch you. Training with the Barcelona Femeni A Team on a regular basis was like a dream come true for you.

Growing up in the Catalonian hills, Barcelona and the famous team seemed very far away until after a game someone reached out to your parents, telling them that you were a raw diamond which could be polished in La Masia.

It wasn’t easy for them to let you go, but they knew that all you ever wanted to do was to play football and it was a place where great players have started their career.

A few years have passed since the decision was made. You almost didn’t recognize the shy, little girl from her hometown village you were once. A piece of her was still in your sixteen-year-old heart. The anxiousness in your body came from her.

“Y/n.”, Alexia looked at you concerned, putting a hand on your shoulder.

For a second you were confused where you were until you remembered you were sitting on the bench in the changing room.

“Yes?”, you replied, there was a tiredness in your voice which didn’t get unnoticed by your captain.

“Are you okay?”, the midfielder asked worriedly.

“I’m just a little nervous before our match tomorrow.”, you admitted.

“We could tell. So, we have something for you.”, she replied, a warm smile dancing on her lips.

“You did? Wait, for me?”, you nervously ran a hand through your open, damp hair.

“Yes, we’ll meet tonight at my place.”, Alexia told you.

“Uhm, I thought I might do some extra training.”, you tried to brush of her kind offer. Desperate to prove that despite your anxiety you deserved to play the upcoming game.

“Oh, no.”, Salma shook her head.

“No chance, you’ll come with us.”, Vicky who was closest to your age decided grinning devilishly.

“Yes, this will be good for you.”, Esmee smiled encouragingly at you.

“We’ll make pizzas and I know you love them, so you can’t say no.”, Alexia explained the plan for the evening.

“Okay, I’ll come.”, you answered, wondering deep inside if relaxing was a better idea than exercising. On the other hand, maybe seeing your teammates would stop your thoughts from running wild. You knew it was especially bad when you were all alone in your room.

“Great.”, the blonde nodded, visibly satisfied.

“See you tonight, then?”, you looked up to her.

“Yes, we’ll see you later, it’s going to be good.”, she chirmed.

On your way home you realized that the midfielder has send you the time and place for the team bonding night. Your fear to arrive to late made you stand in front of Alexias appartement door five minutes to early, you knocked at the door nervously.

“Hi Ale.”, you greeted her, licking your lips anxiously.

The older player seemed genuinely happy to see you and immediately pulled you into a quick hug: “Hi y/n. Come on in.“

Politely smiling, she took a step back to let you in.

You held your breath as you took in her modern stylish apartment. “Thanks for the invite.“, you mumbled.

Alexia led you towards the kitchen: “Oh, you’re welcome. It’s always great to see our young talents come through the ranks so we got to make sure to welcome them with open arms.“

“Thats very sweet of you. It’s a dream that I’m able to play in a team with the Alexia Putellas.“, you replied. You wanted to keep your cool but somehow you failed to keep the awe out of your voice.

“Oh please. I once was as young as you are now… Remember, we all start somewhere.“, she said with a dismissive hand gesture.

You could feel the blood rush into your cheeks: “I know but…“

“But?“

“It’s still big.“

“Of course.“

You almost sighed in relief when the door bell rang

“Oh, that’s probably the others.“, Alexia nodded to herself and disappeared to let her guests in.

You bit your lip. Why were you being so awkward?

“Hi, girls!“, you hear her greet them from across the room.

Onas voice replied: “Hi, Ale.“

Lucy was the first one in the kitchen, winking at you to say hello while still talking to the captain: “We brought some toppings for the pizza.“

She put a bag down on the table.

Alexia looked at her with a mixture of disbelief and disgust: “Do you really think I wasn’t prepared for my own pizza night?“

“Yeah, Lucy didn’t trust you with that.“, Ona shrugged, smiling innocently at the midfielder.

Alexia rolled her eyes: “Typical.“

You followed the interaction with amusement until Lucy turned to you: “So we obviously had to make a little stop at the market. Try the tomatoes, y/n. They’re delicious.“

Lucy moved around in Alexias kitchen like it was her own, cutting you a sliece of a juicy red tomato.

You popped it in your mouth. It was sweet and flavourful. “Delicious!“

“Right?“

“Yes, I love them.“, you beamed.

More football player flooded the kitchen. You had not realized that Alexia had left again to let them in.

“Hey, everyone!“, Vicky called excitedly. For a second you felt the slight sting of jealousy. You were almost the same age, but she moved around the team like they have been friends forever. You hoped that it would be like this for you too soon.

She came over to hug you, her curls tickling on your skin and the jealousy was gone: “Vicky, hi.“

“And? Kind of cozy here, right?“, she grinned at you.

You took the scene of Alexias kitchen in. Drinks were on the table while a few players started to prepare the ingredients for the pizza and others were working on the dough.

It was a mess but somehow you felt very at peace. “It’s.“, you smiled.

“I hope you think so.“, Alexia raised an eyebrow at you as she walked past you, always the busy hostess.

While you all were in the process of creating cute and aesthetically pleasing pizzas you took all your courage to ask a question which has been burning on your tongue during the whole evening.

“Girls, how do you handle anxiety before big matches?”

Every player stopped moving around for a moment, thinking about the ask you just dropped. It was clear to them that it came from your heart and was something weighing heavily on your young shoulders.

“I don’t even know what that is.” Lucy joked, she immediately got elbowed by her smaller girlfriend.

“Lucy be honest.”, Ona demanded.

“Yeah, okay. Even us oldies get nervous at times. Right Ale?”, the older defender shrugged before turning around to face the blonde.

“Of course, I was very nervous when I came back from my ACL.”, she admitted earnestly.

“Understandable.”, Ona nodded empathetically.

“Oh yes.”, you whispered.

“Everyone is nervous before their first game for the biggest club in the world.”, Salma agreed solemnly.

“You all make it look so easy.”, you remarked. Memories from Vicky’s and her breakthrough were playing behind your eyes.

“It’s not.”, Alexia assured you calmly.

“But we’re here for you.”, Aitana promised in an encouragingly tone.

“Exactly, we’re all supporting you.”, Ona added, giving you a side hug.

“Everyone is so cute here.”, you teared up, their unwavering support made you emotional.

“Oh, we know.”, Salma waved it off nonchalantly.

“Please don’t cry, that floor was expensive.”, Alexia threw in teasingly.

“Oh, sorry.”, you quickly apologized.

“Alexia.”, Olga who came to the kitchen from work scolded her girlfriend.

“Sorry, y/n. But you know that I was only joking, right?”, the captain sheepishly smiled at you. It was always a miracle for you to watch the midfielder’s stern and serious face which she showed in matches and training change in the presence of the woman she loved.

“Typical, Ale.”, Lucy rolled her eyes playfully at her.

“I was suspecting it.”, you muttered.

“I promise you’ll used to her jokes.”, Vicky hugged you from behind, resting her head on your left shoulder.

“I hope so.”, you laughed insecurely.

“Pizzas are ready, we can go to the balcony now.”, Alexia announced. She and Olga took charge of getting everything which was needed at its rightful place. The delicious scent of freshly baked goods filled the room and was still noticeably outside.

For a moment you took everything in, the golden hour had begun and the view of the city from the appartement building was gorgeous.

“Wow, what a great sight.”, you mumbled deeply impressed.

Alexia smiled, clearly enjoying the sight of her beloved city once again: “It’s nice, right?“

“It’s beautiful.“, you agreed, finally tearing your gaze away from the view and looking down at your heart shaped pizza.

“Stop bragging, Putellas!“, Lucy called from the other side of the balcony, rolling her eyes.

“Excuse me? I’m just showing the little one that her future looks golden!“, Alexia played offended as gestured towards the view from her balcony.

Lucy grimaced with a laugh: “If she’ll become La Reina 2.0. The rest of us can’t afford this.“

For a second you wondered how much of this was true but you had no time to think about it as Ona smirked: “Besides, she’s a defender. Just like us.“

“Another Bronze would be a nightmare for this team.“, Alexia grinned directly at the English defender.

Lucy jokingly frowned: “What’s that supposed to mean?“

“You know exactly what I mean.“

“No, I don’t.“

Ona interrupted their bickering with a proud smile: “Y/n is going to be her own version.“

Again, you could feel the heat rush back into your cheeks while Mapi ruffled your hair: “Exactly, no pressure on the little one.“

“She’s already puts enough pressure on herself.“, Esmee agreed.

Alexias eyes softened as she looked at you: “We’re just joking with her.“

“I slowly start to get your humour.“, you smiled back at her.

“That’s good.“

“This could be a wonderful start for you in the team.“, Ingrid said, ignoring Mapi trying to steal a slice of pizza from her plate.

Chewing, her girlfriend nodded: “We’ll make sure of that.“

The next day, you were actually subbed in for the first time. It was five more minutes plus stoppage time to play.

Still, your anxiety was gnawing at you. Your heartbeat was too fast and you felt that sinking feeling in your stomach.

That was until you looked up at your teammates who applauded you. Ona who was subbed off for you, pulled you into a quick hug.

You were still nervous but you were okay with it. Whatever happened, this team had your back.

In the last minute of stoppage time, you made a run towards the goal. Carolines cross from the left came perfectly. You cleanly headed it in.

What had just happened?

Wide-eyed, you turned to your teammates: “Have you seen that?“

“That was insane!“, Alexia cheered.

Ona shouted from the sideline: “Incredible, y/n!“

Lucy patted your head with a little more force than necessary: “We told you!“

“She did it her way though.“, Mapi said, looking like a proud parent.

“Guys…“, you protested. The attention was a bit too much now.

“What?“, Vickys voice asked while she jumped onto your back in celebration.

“Stop.“, you laughed, trying to shake her off.

Once you got rid of her, Esmee scooped you up into her arms and lifted you up: “No, we got to celebrate.“

“What are you doing?“, you giggled. You felt like a trophy being passed around.

“Not impressed by that lift? Oh wow.“, Esmee pouted as she set you back down.

“Thanks.”, you sung relieved before you locked eyes with Alexia who beamed at you.

“I’m proud of you, kid.”, the captain congratulated to, as she put you into a rough hug.

“Thank you, Ale.”, you mouthed forever gratefully to play along side such talented and legendary players, afterwards Alexia released you from her grip with a happy sigh.

“But remember you’re a defender first, y/n.”, Lucy threw in teasingly.

“Coming from you?”, you raised an eyebrow at her.

“Hey, don’t get sassy!”, the English defender yelled. She looked amused by your behaviour, because it reminded her of herself.

“Sorry.”, you apologized only half-serious.

“Come here!”, Lucy commanded while ruffling your hair.

“Stop that!”, you demanded giggling.

“Lucy, stop.”, Ona intervened chuckling.

“Thanks, Oni. Can I go and celebrate with my family now?”, you asked your teammates impatiently.

“Yes, go and celebrate.”, the Spanish defender nodded smiling warmly.

“Thank you, girls. For everything.”, you muttered deeply moved. You loved being a part of this team with every fibre of your being.

“Yeah, yeah, leave, before we all get too emotional.”, Lucy waved it off. But you were able to see through her coolness and pulled her into a big hug too.

“Alright, bye!”, you told them and when you started running to your parents who have made everything possible.

Although deep down you knew know you had a family away from home now in form of your teammates who even made the anxious times pass easier and the glorious moments so much richer.

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makeupbychio · 4 months ago

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training season // logan howlett x fem!mutant!reader

Summary: Your actual training class sucks, so you asked Logan for his help if he’ll like to train you. He accepted and unexpected feelings were developed. The goal is to make you stronger and one of the best with or without your powers.

Warnings: Cursing, physical fights, injuries due to the fights, mutual romantic and sexual tension, vague mention of smut, Logan feeling unworthy, Storm cameo, just two idiots in love without saying it. Mentions of the Professor, Scott and Jean. Angst but with a fluff happy ending.

Words: 4k.

A/N: First things first, english is not my first language so I’m sorry if there is a mistake but I needed to write about this old man we all love so much. Also, very important to mention that your powers are related to energy and nature manipulation, and also you are a grown woman despite the fact that you take classes in the mansion. Thank you, hope you enjoy <3 Comments, feedback or ideas are welcome!! <3

- - -

From the moment you stepped into the mansion Logan knew you were going to be partners in crime. At first you were so cautious with your words and actions, it was because you never thought that you were going to find a safe place for you as a mutant, but once you saw all of the people that lived there and shared same fears and also joys, people just like you, you started to be your true self. Not just with your personality but also get the chance to get to know more about your powers and how to control it and be stronger.

The first times you talked to Logan were always with the Professor near, he was always trying to convince him to have his own class to teach the kids. All the times that conversation went on it was when Charles needed to talk to you or vice versa in places where Logan always somehow got it the way.

From your spot you saw every time they leave for a mission. And every day you work your ass off to be at their level and be part of the group because you wanted to be useful and contribute something to the x-men and not just live there and take classes.

One time you were walking to your class that Storm was in charge of, due to your ecokinesis powers being related to nature too, when Logan was going in the opposite direction. It was funny because he had such a serious face all the time but with you he always stopped to say hi and ask you how you are. Now or never you thought to yourself.

“Fine, thanks and you?” you asked him, looking up at him, you were grabbing your books close to your chest.

“Good, just going to the kitchen to grab some breakfast” he smiled at you looking at everything you were carrying.

You were so nervous to ask him about this but you saw what he could do, you stuttered and paced anxiously in front of him. “Cool, look I have like ten seconds before I’m late to Storms but I’ve been trying to ask you if you would like to give me a couple of training lessons? I know that you don’t want to have your own class, you made that very clear, trust me but…”

Despite your anxiety, you never break eye contact with him. So you saw how slowly his features changed to a surprise. He never expected that question from you. “Not to be mean, but why is that, princess?” he asked you full of curiosity.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen videos of you fighting and I need to be at that level” you answered him but still he wasn’t stoned because for him it is hard to love his powers sometimes since he’s been always treated as a weapon only. “Also, Scott classes are boring as fuck” you rolled your eyes just by remembering that you have that class before lunch.

Logan laughed at your statement, a cocky grin on his face now. His ego at his best because you were asking for his help instead of Scott. Logan didn’t want to admit that he would do it not just because to rub it in Scott’s face but also because since you arrived he couldn’t take his eyes off you. Every time you are around someone of the team he tries to crash the talk just to get to talk to you, he doesn’t know why he does that instead of just talking to you.

“Meet me at the lake after lunch, and we can discuss this better” Logan gives you a wink, you smiled at him with a thank you and rushed to your classroom. Storm was already outside in the hallway waiting for you, watching Logan disappear. She knows him, and she knew what this was all about.

So deals were made that day, and he promised to give you some training lessons with the condition you promised him to always give your 200% to every lesson. You didn’t know how many lessons he was going to offer but when he knocked at your door to go on you never gave him an excuse, sometimes you trained really late when you should be studying or sleeping, you were training with Logan. You were not doing anything illegal but you can sense that maybe the Professor would not like this, or maybe yes.

At first the whole time together was dedicated to just training. You didn’t have a spot, sometimes the lesson was outside, sometimes inside. But after a couple of them, in between you two found time to get to know each other. Logan was amazed by the whole you. About how fast you learn, about your charming but badass personality, about your powers, about you always being so honest and empathetic. So he found himself so mesmerized and in love with you. He kept his promise and with your hard work, lots of hours of study and training sessions the goal was for you to get to control your powers and be one of the strongest.

About two months passed and to get to train you better he had a lot of conversations with Storm in her classroom for him to get to know and understand your power so you could use it for better, also to get to know your limits with it.

“Why are you doing this, Logan?” Storm asked him once he reached her for answers of your powers. She wanted to make sure you were not going to end up with a broken heart. “She’s my best student and once she’s ready I’m going to talk to Charles to include her in the team” she looked at him with a deadly look without blinking to not miss a single thing from his face to reveal the truth.

“That’s exactly why! I want her on the team too!” Logan tried to escape his friend. “You said it yourself, she’s your best student, and with her actual training lessons she was going nowhere, no progress”.

“So since you are so committed to having more people on the team, I’m going to tell Charles you are okay to have your own class” Storm kept testing him. Logan sighed, trying to keep in secret his feelings. “Don’t do this to her if you are still in love with another person…” Storm said, with pleading eyes because during this time she got to know you too and consider you a friend besides her best student. Womanhood at its best.

Logan looked at Storm with a surprised expression at the accusation. He got serious and sat down in front of her, he took the chair and placed it with anger. “Okay you want to know the truth? First, I totally agree with you that she’s the best, I hope that you are talking not just about her grades that she gets in your class, I hope you’re talking about her whole persona because you know what happened? Since you think you know me so well. I don’t care anymore about Jean since a long time ago. You understand? That happened like a century ago, so you know what happened to me?” Logan was unstoppable with his speech now that his friend got him on his nerves, Storm knew this was going to be a monologue without letting her say something. “It happened to me to get to know someone so pure, so smart, so kind, not just incredibly beautiful but someone who really makes me think this world can be fixed for the better and also makes feel every time I’m with her that this is actually a place where I belong to for fuck sake!”. He growls finally pouring his heart out to his friend. He was scared to finally accept his feelings towards you.

Storm didn’t know what to say, she didn’t mean to upset him or to make him remember the awful times he had with Jean. Also, she was speechless because you were just at the entrance of her classroom god knew since when, your figure standing there lost of words too.

You arrived just in time when Logan was giving Storm the answer the mutant was looking for. You were not looking for Logan, you were there outside her classroom because you had to deliver the paper she asked the class the week before. You knocked first but Logan’s words were louder for them to hear you.

Of course after that, your whole relationship changed with Logan. But at that moment you didn’t know what to do, what to say. It crossed your mind that maybe he had feelings for you but when you arrived at the mansion the first thing you knew about Logan was the whole Jean thing, so every time you had a vague thought that maybe he liked you your mind immediately reminds you about his story with Jean. So you tried to keep it professional but with every conversation you had with him you found yourself also falling for him.

Also, during the lessons he never crossed the line with you. NEVER. Even when you hinted him that he could, he never did it. That’s also another reason why you thought he was not into you. So you were confused because he always gives you the brightest smile, told you his darkest secrets and got him calling you all the pretty nicknames, but never took advantage of the situation. Because for the training he had to touch you, to correct your postures, to teach you the attacks, fight against him, etc. But he touched you with a firm and yet soft grip. He was a true gentleman so even when you flirted with him, he never made a move on you.

Logan was also dealing with this confusion, his mind also getting the best of him tricking him every night he went to bed if you were flirting with him or you were just being nice to him. So he wasn’t going to push you until you told him directly about your feelings or what you wanted.

Just two idiots in love without knowing the other one is in love too. Classic.

“Y/N…” Logan said once he noticed you were standing outside Storm’s classroom. Storm felt like shit to push his friend like that. If he only knew you were in love too, but you got scared and ran away.

“Fuck…” Logan murmured to himself. He should have told you how he felt, but time passed within your lessons with him and his mind just assured him you were not into him because of all of the awful things he had done in the past and told you about it. He didn’t want to scare you so he gave you your space. “Well, now I think I don’t have to do this anymore, thank you Storm” Logan sat up from the tiny chair compared to his body, Storm also sat up from her desk wanting to say something to her friend but at this moment it was going to make it worse.

Thanks to the universe, you didn’t have more classes that day so you ran and hid in your room. That night you had training with Logan but after your cowardice you assumed Logan was not going to knock at your door for a lesson. You tortured yourself in bed all day about what to do because at some point you needed to leave your room, you skipped lunch and dinner. Logan still showed up at the casino and hoped to see you, when he didn’t he noted himself clearly to not bother you.

You debate on how to deal with this situation, Logan has a special spot in your heart to ruin everything. If he didn’t see you in that way as you feel for him it’s okay. You hope that at least you could be friends or just future colleagues. You are a grown woman so you can deal with a broken heart, it wouldn’t be the first time. So you changed in your training clothes, maybe for the last time because you also would understand if Logan doesn’t want to do this anymore.

“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!” your roommate screamed at you that maybe someone heard them in the hallway. You told them about what happened earlier, they knew about the training sessions when they were worried about you why you left the room every night till late. “HE LITERALLY TOLD STORM HOW HE FELT FOR YOU, THAT HE LOVES YOU!”.

“No- I- He didn’t say he loves me” you corrected them.

“UGH I CAN’T WITH YOUR STUBBORNNESS SOMETIMES, MAYBE HE DID NOT SAY IT EXPLICITLY BUT HE SAID ALL OF THOSE AMAZING THINGS ABOUT YOU AND HOW YOU MADE HIM FEEL THAT’S LITERALLY LOVE!” they were about to hit you in the face to wake up from whatever delusional dream you were. “Go and fix this, if you really like him he should know”. They couldn’t blame your fear, you’d been through a lot and as a mutant they understand the feeling that you don’t deserve that kind of love because you were different.

After that awakening help from your friend you find the courage and before you chickened out you left your room to head to Logan’s room. It felt like it was so far away, like you were moving in slow motion. Once you arrived, you tried to knock on the door but Logan opened it to leave his room. His features changed immediately into a smile, so happy to see you. “Hi princess, I was about to go to your room to…” he explained.

“Logan, please hear me out. I’m sorry about earlier, I shouldn’t have ran away, I just- I never thought you would see me like that because I don’t think I deserve it, but what I’m trying to say is…” Logan never saw this side of you, nervous around him. Not even when you were also telling him your darkest secrets. He had always seen you so confident about yourself and your skills.

“Sugar, what if we go outside to train and we can discuss this also” Logan knows how to make you feel better. You always loosen up when both of you are training. It was a safe space, maybe it was all of the exercise that makes you feel relaxed or maybe that you both were alone without any pressure.

“Okay, yeah. Great idea, I’ll follow you” all the time you next to him heading outside to your favorite spot, the lake. It was late and the stars were shining bright. It was relaxing to see the water so calm and the warm breeze. The lake was really far away from the rooms, a lot of trees with damages due to the training of other students' powers, including yourself, that’s why the training classes were outside, most of them.

Somehow Logan just started the class like nothing happened earlier. “Okay princess, this one is going to be different. You have to knock me down with your skills and tactics I taught you”. he challenges you, ready for you to make your move. “I’m not going to give you an advantage, so…” he gave you a cocky smile. He was so ready, in another hand you were shitting bricks.

“Logan I don’t think I can do that, I’m- I don’t want to hurt you” you were regretting your decision, the truth is that your mind was full of what happened today that you can not think about anything else, so you were going to lose really fast.

“You can use your powers if you want, I’m not scared of it or of you. If you need to use them, go ahead, remember I heal really fast”. Logan was always encouraging you and celebrating your powers, not just because they are fucking awesome but also to make you feel good and make peace with them.

You’d learn a lot in every class about your powers, the natural energy manipulation you are connected to. You can communicate, influence, manipulate and control nature. Thanks to Logan’s words you feel confident that you can beat him easily by snapping your fingers to control something around him and win the challenge.

You recently learned about magma so you think about hitting with a magma fist, but rapidly he ran to you and knocked you down. “Okay, so this is going to be physical”. You groaned at the sudden pain, he was going to put it hard for you because you needed to learn to fight in case you were not able or stable to use your powers.

He was not going to use his claws, he surpasses you in height and weight but that didn’t stop you. He’s fast but after all of this time he teaches you some of his own tricks so you are now using them against him. This will be the only circumstance he will be throwing hands at you, and he’s still being gentle with you. Due to all the movement you are approaching the lake, so you corner him and with a kick on his ankle he is down.

Logan is trying his best to concentrate, he feels so stupid for being busy thinking how gorgeous you look tonight under the moonlight. So he got distracted easily when you pulled your hair up and next thing he was down on the floor so you took the opportunity to manipulate the ground around him, lifting him where he was laying and throwing him into the lake.

You didn’t punch him too hard so you hope he’s not going to drown. And he didn’t, he quickly surfaces his head. “Good job, princess!” he was so happy, already healing the pain you caused him with the kick. He was so happy all of the training was going so well with you.

“I’m sorry, Lo” you felt bad now looking at him stepping out the lake all wet. He got closer looking for your injuries, in case he accidentally used his claws. He is in front of you, really close looking for your permission to touch your scratches you got in your arm when he knocked you down. You just nod at him. He always asks for your permission even when you've been training for a while now. Every single time.

Unexpectedly, he touched your neck, finding a small scratch. You almost turned into stone at the sudden touch. His cold hand, due to the cold water that was still pouring all over his body, made you shiver. “I’m sorry” he looked at your face, that pretty face.

”Don’t worry, Lo. It was probably the dirt that made that. Not you” you assured him.

“I’m not talking about that.” now with a sad look on his face, almost like regret. “I’m not good at this, maybe because I’m not worthy but I should’ve told you about how I felt, about how YOU make me feel”. His body finally relaxing, feeling his chest like unraveling a really big knot.

You are getting all emotional, you shouldn’t have ran away that morning, you didn’t mean to hurt his feelings making him think that you didn’t reciprocate the love.

His hand is still on your neck, the other one holding your lower back. You ran your hand on his wet hair to put it all back, some of his locks covering his pretty face. You escape a small laugh looking at the new hair style. “What are you talking about? You deserve all of the good and love, I’m sorry for earlier but we are really dumb because I thought about the same about not being worthy of your love and also I thought you still have feelings for, well, you know, the rumors, so that’s why I never told you”. You leaned your head on his hand.

He brushed your tears with his finger, never wanting to see you cry again. “Like I said before, this is the first time I feel this and it feels really good because thanks to you I feel that I belong and have a purpose. I promise you princess if you want, I’ll protect and love you every single day”. His face is close to yours. Tears keep falling but happy tears to finally find someone so kind. You finally close the gap between your faces and kiss him so tenderly, because you couldn’t find any more words after his declaration. His smile is so big while he holds you close to him, never wanting to let go of this moment.

Like a cliche movie, the sky made a sound and rain poured from the dark clouds. Logan was already wet from the lake so he didn’t mind. He only cares about you. You broke the kiss to breathe, you looked deeply into his eyes and found that sparkle he always has when you are around him, but this time more intense. He looked up at the sky smiling, “Did you do this?”, he asked you with an eyebrow raised.

He wasn’t going to believe any of your answers. Because your emotions sometimes take control of your powers, what you actually did is that a lot of tiny flowers bloomed around where you both were standing. “I’m just guilty about this” you pointed at the ground.

“Okay princess, let’s go before you catch a cold” he took your hand to guide you inside the mansion.

Next morning, you showed up at Storm’s class with a wide smile, so she knew that the rain she made last night worked to make the moment more perfect. It was her way to make up for her two friends.

It took you about 5 months when he told you you were ready. It was a non stop thing, some days you trained twice. There were days you didn’t want to attend, because you had a shitty day, because you were feeling under the weather, or you felt insecure and unworthy. Your mind gets the best of you but every time you opened the door when Logan knocked, you felt way better when he greeted you with a smile and big kiss. “Let’s go, princess. Today we need to improve your attacks”. Every night after the lesson you ended up staying at Logan’s room for some reason.

Professor Charles noticed your improvement thanks to the recommendations from Storm and Logan, so he invited you to join the team. The day he asked you, you were so happy that you said yes in a second and ran to find Logan to give the big news. He was outside, fixing his motorcycle, a cigar in his mouth. Once he sensed you, he was greeted with your arms around his neck hugging him, he was so happy when you told him how it went with the Professor.

“Welcome to the team, princess” he kissed you, holding you impossibly closer to his figure. He knows this is important for you and he’ll keep his promise till the end of days to protect you every single moment, especially now that you are going to be out in the field too.

“Thanks, babe! I guess now we should be more cautious about us around the team” you frowned at him. Not wanting to be one of those gross couples in public but for Logan it is really hard to keep his hands off you.

“Fuck them, you’re all mine and they should be grateful I stopped complaining like I used to” his arms hugging your lower back, and his hands mysteriously always end up grabbing your ass. You giggled at his attitude, knowing he’ll fight the team every time they’ll complain. “God, can’t wait to see you in that uniform! You’re going to look even sexier”. He got all excited and you can feel it by being so close to him. It’s going to be hard for him to hold himself if he’s already like this without even happening your first mission as an x-men. “I think the training season is going to come back”.

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milliesfishes · 24 days ago

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౨ৎ꣑ৎLa Vie En Rose౨ৎ꣑ৎ

[fem reader] contains: age gap relationship, innocent reader pairing: young politician coriolanus snow x fem reader summary: you wear too short of a dress for coryo's liking author's note: thank you @phantomamor for inspiring me darling <3 <3 Pinterest Board Spotify Playlist

All your life you'd dreamt of falling in love. Of being whisked away by the man of your dreams in a magical way. Whenever you looked at the illustrations of princesses in your storybooks, you imagined being swept off your feet by a handsome Prince Charming.

There was no royalty in Panem, but Coriolanus Snow was about the closest thing to a prince you could find. He had charmed his way right into your heart, and you wouldn't have it any other way. He was completely enamored of you, his sweetheart, as he called you.

It was exciting for you to be in the public eye, on the arm of a promising up-and-coming politician. The tabloids splashed your picture across their covers, ones with your hand hooked in Coriolanus' elbow, a sweet smile on your face. You weren't used to all this attention, and so you clung to him at all the fancy events he brought you to, which he adored.

Sometimes there were whispers about the two of you, usually about your age difference. It was true that he was ten years your senior, but you couldn't see why that mattered so much. You loved him. And he loved you. He loved you so much that he'd arranged for you to come live in his fancy penthouse so he could have you near, right where he wanted. You had your own pretty bedroom done up exactly how you wanted, a closet full of beautiful things, and his undying affection.

With all the parties you attended by his side, there were all sorts of rules you had to learn that you didn't know about before, things you hadn't even thought of. Coriolanus was always sweet about teaching you, gently reminding you of certain things and making sure you were comfortable among his acquaintances.

You had learned so much in the time you'd spent with him. Which was why when Coriolanus phoned from work to tell you he'd be late and you should go ahead to the party without him, you didn't feel any twinges of anxiety like you would have a year ago. He told you hurriedly that he'd be along eventually, and you happily assured him you'd be just fine.

And you were! You breezed through the party, speaking to everybody you knew and greeting those you didn’t with a smile. You remembered everyone's name and lots of things about them. Coriolanus would be so happy with you. He'd drilled it into your head about making connections for him and you were confident that you'd been able to do it here.

You were speaking with the wife of another senator when you spotted your husband at the edge of the room looking directly at you. Gasping in delight, you excused yourself and hurried over to him, throwing your arms around his neck. "How was work?"

"What is this?" His tone of voice made you stop in your tracks. You looked down at yourself as if you'd forgotten, at your pale pink dress with the low neckline and short-ish skirt. It was pretty- you'd ordered it from a catalogue a month ago and had been dying for an excuse to wear it. Looking at yourself in the mirror before the party, you'd felt pretty. You'd thought he would like it.

In a small voice, you answered. "A dress."

He exhaled through his nose, taking your hand and pulling you into the hallway, shutting the door and muffling the noise of the gathering. "It's shorter than the dresses you usually wear."

"I thought-"

"You can't wear things like this in public," he said sharply, fingers finding your neckline and adjusting it, pulling it up as your lower lip wobbled. His sharp words sent a pang to your chest, and you found yourself fighting back tears. He was usually so gentle with you, conscious of your tender heart and wide-eyed view of the world.

You felt yourself crumble. All this time you'd thought you were doing a good job. "I didn't know," you whispered, eyes watery.

Coriolanus took you by the shoulders, turning you around. You felt his fingers in your hair, undoing the bow you'd so carefully tied when you were getting ready. He smoothed your hair out, tucking it behind your ears from behind. "I trusted you to pick out something nice."

"It was pretty," you tried, but the tears were seeping into your voice.

He came around to face you again, brow furrowed. Tucking your ribbon into his pocket, he cupped your face, brushing away the tear that had slipped out. "I know. I know, sweetheart." Coriolanus leaned in to kiss your forehead. "But I don't want anybody to say anything bad about you. You know how they can be." You nodded tearfully, sniffling and wiping your eyes, a little of your mascara coming off on your fingers.

Coriolanus smoothed your hair again. "I'm sorry. Work was a mess today and I-" he cut himself off. You lowered your gaze and he continued. "I'm sorry. You were trying your best."

You still didn't look at him, wallowing in your own shame. Coriolanus tilted your chin up. "Come on. Let's go back in."

The last thing you wanted to do was go back in and smile as if everything was okay. But you nodded meekly, clinging to his offered arm and letting him lead you through the door and into the party again.

This time you were more conscious of the way people looked at you, the way they lingered at your low neckline, your skirt that didn't quite reach your knees. One man in particular kept his eyes on you longer than you would have liked to know, causing you to dig your pink manicured nails into Coriolanus' elbow. He covered your hand with his, lowering his head to check on you. The second he saw the look on your face, he gave your wrist a pat. "Let's go home, darling."

He lifted your hand, pressing a kiss to your fingers, and you trailed behind him like a dejected kitten. On the car ride home, you were quiet, tucking your legs onto the seat and folding your arms. You couldn't help your tears, letting them fall freely now that you were in private. Your makeup had to be a mess by now, but you hardly cared.

Coriolanus reached over, pulling one of your legs into his lap. He fiddled with the strap of your shoe, undoing it swiftly and sliding it off. You watched him do the same with your other shoe, hooking the straps under his fingers and stretching out his arm to pull you close. He kissed your temple, arm holding your shoes sliding under your knees, the other finding your back. When the car stopped, he hauled you out and carried you upstairs, your face buried in his chest the entire time.

You didn't speak much, embarrassed over your mistake. What would they print about you the next day? Would they say bad things about Coriolanus because of what you'd worn? The thoughts tortured you all through the night and into the morning.

He had fallen asleep next to you, but when you awoke he was gone. Usually before he went to work, he would give you a kiss, maybe whisper something sweet before he departed. You reached for your pink bunny plushie with the ribbon around its neck, holding it tight and trying not to cry again. Sitting up, you tried not to imagine what he might say to you tonight when he came home.

The day was spent trying to distract yourself. You were obsessing over the mistake you'd made, upset that your efforts to please him had produced the opposite effect. Really, you should have known better, just like he said. Coriolanus had big plans for the future, and if you kept making mistakes like this, you could delay them, or worse, ruin everything.

When you finally heard his footsteps in the hallway, you righted your book, pretending as though you'd been reading the whole time. You didn't want him to know how you'd been obsessing over something silly like this.

At the light knock on your slightly open door, you looked up, seeing him standing there with a bunch of pink roses in one hand, a box in the other. You set your book to the side, unfolding your legs and stretching.

He set the roses on your dresser, coming over to press a kiss to your forehead. "How are you, darling?"

"Good," you smiled, squeezing his hand.

Coriolanus knelt in front of you, rubbing your thigh, his bright blue eyes fixed on you. He thumbed the fabric of your dress for a moment. “Sweetheart…I wanted to apologize again about yesterday.” He clasped his hand in yours, kissing your knuckles. “I was upset at you for something that wasn’t your fault.”

“I should have known better,” you murmured, and he shook his head, reaching up to rest his palm on your cheek, touch gentle as a butterfly’s wing.

“I’ve been too harsh on you,” he said quietly. You leaned into his touch, and he stood, lifting you out of the chair so he could sit. Once he was settled, he pulled you sideways into his lap and you folded yourself into him, snuggling into his chest.

“No, I’ve been naive,” you whispered, your fingers hooking on his pocket.

“No.” He shook his head, hand on your head to bring it to rest on his chest. “Darling…I’ve been worried too much about how the public will perceive us. Especially with you being so young.”

“I haven’t been good enough,” you murmured.

Coriolanus shook his head, kissing your hair and stroking your back, adjusting the strap of your dress over your shoulder. ”You believe your youth is a hindrance. But it makes you a treasure.” He took your face in his hand, rubbing your cheek. “I love the way you see the world, sweetheart. I love everything about you.”

You touched his wrist, leaning into his palm. “I love you too. Coryo…” Sitting up in his lap, you reached for his hands and he let you take them to hold, thumb automatically going to the ring on his finger, pressing into the indent of it. “You’ve given me so much that I couldn’t begin to repay-“

“You do every day,” he breathed, squeezing your hands. “Being at my side, choosing to stay. Loving me…I don’t deserve it. But the least I can do is give you what I can. What you deserve.”

Feeling as though you were going to cry again, you buried your face in his chest, and he cradled you close. “I liked the dress.”

“You did?” You peeked up at him, and he smiled fondly, smoothing your hair back.

“I did,” he said, squeezing your side. “Just…not for everyone to see, alright?”

“Alright,” you said, heart fluttering at the way he looked at you.

“I got this for you.” Coriolanus placed the little box he’d brought with the roses into your hand. When you opened it, the pale pink diamond necklace made you gasp.

“Oh, Coryo,” you whispered, hand flying to your lips. He lifted the string of jewels from the box, fastening it around your neck and carefully lifting your hair from the chain. Touching the diamond, you leaned into him, pressing a kiss to his mouth. “It’s beautiful.”

“I want you to have beautiful things,” Coriolanus said softly, kissing you once more.

He was no stranger to a gift. Often, boxes would appear in your closet containing handbags, expensive lingerie, shoes. You usually picked out your own jewelry, but this only proved further that his taste when it came to you was exquisite.

Touching the necklace again, you smiled. “I love it.”

“My angel,” he muttered, holding you closer. The feeling of safety that always encompassed you when he was near was prominent. You were secure in his love, encased in it and protected.

It didn’t matter what anyone said. Cuddled into his arms surrounded by proof of his love, you had everything you needed. Your fairy tale come true.

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etheraltides · 2 months ago

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QUIET STORMS ⊹ᡣ𐭩₊⋆

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x reader

Summarize: reader is having a tough night and decides to call Rafe.

Warning(s): mentions of anxiety, summarized description of anxiety attack. Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone in moments like this.

A/N: was it inspired by my night? maybe.

The quiet darkness of your room seemed to press in on you, the silence amplifying each frantic beat of your heart. It was too loud, too fast. You wrapped yourself tightly in your blanket, feeling the familiar weight of anxiety settle in your chest, squeezing tighter with every passing second. It was well past midnight, and you knew sleep was out of the question – your mind was a whirl of overwhelming thoughts and different voices criticizing you, and no amount of tossing and turning could drown them out.

You picked up your phone, your trembling finger hovering over Rafe’s contact. A part of you hesitated. You’d called him before, sure, but it had never been like this – never in the middle of a sleepless night with the tangled mess of emotions threatening to spill over. Still, before you could convince yourself to stop, you hit “call,” pressing the phone to your ear and holding your breath as it rang.

After a few rings, he picked up. His voice was rough, still thick with sleep. “Y/N? What’s up?”

Hearing his voice only made the guilt flare up stronger. You cursed yourself for allowing you drama to extend to someone else. “Rafe… I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you,” you stammered, the words stumbling out faster than you intended, finger picking your own cuticles. “I just- I shouldn’t have called.”

A pause lingered on the other end, and you could almost picture him rubbing his eyes, trying to shake off the drowsiness. But his voice, when he finally spoke, was calm. “It’s okay. I couldn’t sleep anyway.” He paused, as if waiting for you to respond. You knew it was a lie. “What’s going on?”

You took a shaky breath, unsure where to even begin. “I don’t know. I just… everything feels like it’s closing in, and I can’t get my mind to calm down. I didn’t know who else to call, but I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have bothered you-”

“Hey” he cut you off gently, his tone firmer now. “You’re not bothering me, okay? I’m glad you called.” His voice softened. “Just tell me what’s on your mind.”

You sighed, closing your eyes as you let the warmth of his voice wash over you. There was something steadying about it, like he was anchoring you to the present, pulling you back from the edge. You knew people would laugh at you if you ever said that out loud, but Rafe always acted different when you were alone. “I don’t know how to explain it… It’s like this constant pressure in my chest, and it feels like I can’t breathe” you admitted, hating how small your voice sounded. Broken. Fragile. A perfect mirror of what you were right now - sitting down in your bed, hugging your own knees as the tears fell freely down your cheeks.

He was quiet for a moment, then, with a calmness that surprised you, he said, “I know that feeling. I get it too sometimes.” You could hear him moving, and before you could ask, he spoke again, his voice determined. “You want me to come over?”

Your eyes widened, a rush of emotions flooding through you. “Rafe, no. It’s too late. I didn’t mean for you to–”

“Tough luck, I’m already putting my shoes on.” He replied, a touch of humor slipping into his tone. “I’ll be there in ten.”

The line went dead before you could protest, and you stared at the screen, a mix of guilt and gratitude swirling in your chest. You waited, biting your lip as you listened to the silence of your empty house, hoping you hadn’t asked too much of him. But true to his word, ten minutes later, there was a quiet knock at your door.

There wasn’t a break from your thoughts to brush down your hair, clear your tear stained cheeks. You wished you could only wash your mind like you did with your hair and then boom, all those persistent thoughts were gone. But you couldn’t. You could barely breath at the moment. You only moved at the sound of the knock, not wanting to leave Rafe waiting in the cold night when he could be asleep under his covers.

You opened it to find him standing there, a hoodie pulled over his messy hair, his eyes warm and sleepy as they searched your face. Without saying anything, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a gentle hug. His embrace was steady, grounding, and you felt yourself relax, the tension in your chest easing slightly just from his presence.

“Come on.” He murmured, guiding you to the couch and sitting down beside you. “I’m here. Just breathe with me, okay?”

You nodded, feeling the anxiety start to dissipate as he held your hand, his thumb tracing calming circles over your knuckles. He stayed silent, offering you the comfort of his presence rather than trying to fill the silence with empty words. It was one of the things you appreciated most about him – he didn’t try to fix everything, he just stayed beside you until the storm passed.

As the minutes ticked by, you felt yourself relax more, his warmth chasing away the lingering unease. Eventually, he started talking, telling you stories from the day and slipping in little jokes, his way of distracting you from the shadows in your mind. His voice was soothing, low and familiar, and soon enough, you found yourself smiling, even laughing softly at his dry humor.

After a while, he shifted, glancing at you with a faint smirk. “You look like you’re about to pass out.”

You rolled your eyes, though the exhaustion was finally hitting you. “I’m just… tired. But you really don’t have to stay, Rafe.”

He shrugged, stretching his legs out and settling back. “Too late. You’re stuck with me now.”

Without another word, he pulled you close, his arm wrapping around your shoulders as he guided you to lean against him. His firm hand holding the back of your head while he caressed your hair. The warmth of his hoodie, combined with the steady rise and fall of his chest, created a sense of calm you hadn’t felt in a long time. You rested your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes as his hand rubbed slow, gentle circles on your back. You couldn’t help but wonder if Rafe had someone to hold him like this whenever he had a night like this one but the answer came quickly: Rafe was a lonely person.

“Better?” he murmured, his voice softer than usual.

You nodded, feeling a sleepy smile tug at your lips. “Yeah… Thank you, Rafe.”

He hummed in response, content to stay in silence. A moment later, you felt your eyelids grow heavy, the exhaustion finally winning over. You barely registered the way he shifted, pulling you closer, his own head resting lightly against yours as you both drifted off.

When you woke up, sunlight was streaming in through the window, casting a warm glow across the room. You blinked, momentarily confused, only to realize that you were still curled up against him, his arm wrapped protectively around you. His breathing was slow and steady, his face softened in sleep, and you couldn’t help but smile at the sight.

As if sensing your gaze, Rafe stirred, blinking his eyes open as he looked down at you. A lazy, lopsided smile spread across his face. “Hm… Morning.”

You bit back a grin, feeling a warmth spread through your chest. “Morning.” You replied softly, your eyes watching him.

He stretched, not moving from his spot beside you, his arm still loosely around you. “Feeling better?”

You nodded, feeling a surge of gratitude for him that you couldn’t quite put into words. “Yeah… Thanks to you.”

He just shrugged, a hint of his usual smirk creeping back onto his face. “I guess I’m good for something, huh?”

You rolled your eyes, nudging him playfully, but you couldn’t deny that, in that moment, he was everything you needed. And as you sat there in the quiet warmth of the morning, his arm still around you, you realized you were more grateful than he’d ever know.

“You’re good for many things, Rafe.” You whispered, letting out a relaxed sigh. It felt good to don’t feel alone.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆

#rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron oneshot #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron one shot #rafe cameron #rafe cameron outer banks #rafe cameron fanfic #rafe cameron fanfiction

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gangplanksorenji · 1 year ago

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Kinknuary Day 11: Riding

Pairing: NMIXX Haewon x Male Reader

Word Count: 4,359

[Kinknuary Masterlist]

--------------------------------------

You’re making a fool of yourself, and Haewon too.

You tend to be an attentive person, capable of being aware of anything and tend to go straightforward but you’re just acting like you’re oblivious and god, you’re bad at it. Thankfully, Haewon is worse at reading your true emotions towards her and that’s a sigh of relief—you didn’t want it this way but it just feels uncanny being romantically involved in a relationship with her, even though you’re one of her close friends.

I guess, you’re just in the “friend’s zone” no matter what happens, but you could never be so sure because sometimes, she can be unfathomable.

“God, I've been so stressed lately.” Haewon thuds at your couch as she stares up at the ceiling, feeling a little exhausted from the earlier party the both of you attended.

“Maybe you’re just being too harsh on yourself, Haewon.” You remark as subtle concern emanates through you in which, Haewon jokingly teases you with that, not before rolling her eyes and letting off a scoff towards you.

“Wow, you’re concerned for me, hm? That’s not you—that’s not you!!” She changes her lazy demeanor into a lively one as she looks at you with a surprised face (knowing it’s genuinely sarcastic), rushing towards you and then holding your shoulders as she slightly shakes you, teasing you even more as her dorky personality shows.

“Yah, stop it!” You brush Haewon off with your arms as she pouts after you remove her hands all over you, a little bewildered with your possibly irritated approach. “I’m just saying that you’re maybe just overworking yourself on too much, that’s all.”

Haewon reflects for a bit, thinking that you’re maybe right in these circumstances as she takes this a little too seriously. Maybe approaching such deadlines and procrastinating too much isn’t going to do the job, and setting time schedules to do productive things would be the right call and you’re letting her know how she can be more efficient and she can do better than that.

Of course, you’re thoughtful about her, even though you may act like a hypocrite sometimes and deny it, there’s still a heart inside you that values her as much as she does towards you. The sign of the hint of anxiety painting her face earlier as she overthinks about it is alarming for you, and you don’t want Haewon too feel like that everytime, even when there are times (like earlier) that she should enjoy and have fun but because of it, it’s going towards the opposite way.

“Yeah, maybe I am—sorry though…”

You paint a confused face from her nigh-melancholic remarks as you’re not used to seeing Haewon being down all of a sudden. “Sorry for what?”

“You know—how I acted a little off earlier, at the party. I know I should be enjoying it earlier and I’m sorry for that…”

Haewon is now being true and open to herself and it’s great to see that she’s vocal about it. Brushing off the whimsical atmosphere from earlier, you offered her to sit down onto the couch as you’re all ears on what she just said. You’ve never felt this serious about addressing your concern towards her and of course, you reassure her by stroking her hair and letting her know that everything is going to be alright because you’re there by her side, as always.

“You don’t need to be sorry, Haewon. You just need to plan things ahead and you’ll cope out of this, alright? I’m here to help, too.”

Haewon smiles at your reassurance, feeling genuinely thankful with your thoughtfulness even though you don’t really show it to her often. “Yeah, thanks though—maybe I needed that…” Not so long after, awkward silence ensues between the both of you as it’s clearly obvious that the both of you aren’t used to being thoughtful against each other but nonetheless, the both of you (especially Haewon) appreciated your kind words. “You know what? I wanna do something since I’m getting pretty stressed lately.”

Ah yes, the usual dodging and the turmoil of current topics—it’s a classic move by Haewon and with those words and that tone being uttered by her mouth, this can mean two things and it’s pretty straightforward: it’s either she wants to battle against you in an online game or basically, she wants to destress by having sex with you. The former is pretty obvious since she loves playing one-versus-one games with you whenever she is feeling competitive, or if she just wants to relax and chill out, then she’ll invite you to play some farming games yet the latter, is something interesting and somewhat, what piques you into this moment. Sex isn’t new for the both of you as you casually do it with whenever the both of you feel like it and it’s also the time where the both of you confess your kinks, wants and some experimental stuff that you both want to try. It even comes to a point where the both of you needed to take breaks because on how wild and exhausting you guys went into and also buying some soundproof foams just for your neighbor’s ears to be saved mostly from Haewon’s screams of pleasure—and it’s always bleeding your ear, every goddamn time but you didn’t care.

Well, I guess the both of you are the freakiest friends to ever exist.

“Just say you want to have sex with me, Haewon.” You’re straightforward and stern whilst Haewon is in utter hypocrisy and in denial. Even though she’s back at her usual roots when it comes to gaslighting you, you can’t deny that her eyes are glistening with lust as soon as you say those words and you're not oblivious nor stupid to not think about it.

“What if it’s not the case, huh, pervert?” You’re not affected by that knowing it’s just one of her tactics of another gaslight and soon, she’ll eat her words up.

“I highly doubt it, Haewon. I bet you’re wet as fuck right now imagining my cock ravaging your tight pussy—”

“Yah! Not too fast, idiot…” Haewon lightly punches your shoulders as she feels aroused at what you’ve said, crossing her legs a little as she can feel her urges finally turning her on. You know how to pick her locks and as much as she wants to deny it, she can’t help but voice out her needs as the inevitable desires that she’s been seeking for is now making her a different girl. “But you’re fucking right—I want it now~”

Of course, she’ll give in to her own desires in some time as she swiftly hops her figure to mount over your clothed nether region and rubs her hips greedily onto it. You, smirking in delight, finally caught her eye as you tease her with her needy state, her constant small whimpers and biting of lip is a good reason behind it.

“See, I know you’ll give in soon, Haewon—I know you.”

“Fuck you—just shut up and let me do my thing.” Haewon continues to grind onto your crotch in which you loved the feeling because of how mutually arousing it is for both parties. You and your hands didn’t become idle as you encouraged her with more dirty talk and your hands caressing the slender finger that her outfit shows, your eyes lighting up in admiration as her body is simply the epitome of perfection. Of course, with both your desires needed to be attended as soon as possible, the both of you didn’t waste time to strip off your the clothing that has been preventing the both of you with such enchanting touches as Haewon starts the show and you, picking up the scraps and following her steps.

With the hot scene being taken in place, you want both parties to be busy with something torrid and—there you go, pull her wrists to initiate such an intimate kiss and she eagerly reciprocates like always. The kiss was full of profounded fervor as every second finds vigor in every peck and neither of you chose to even pull out, not even Haewon herself because she just fonds herself indulging into it further. Knowing how you’re insatiable and delectable at her end, she wouldn’t dare to act tough and push you just to pull out and say that she doesn’t want it—you’re pretty confident that she won’t retaliate as it’s working effectively so far but you could never be so sure. Why is this such a big deal? Well, there are a couple of things why and here are those: firstly, Haewon wants to go straight to where she wants her needs to be unattended, no matter which hole or whatever she may think of; second, kissing Haewon this intimately like this is like finding a needle in the haystack as you know that she doesn’t really indulge into deep kisses like this and that’s why you’re a bit perplexed that she’s not pulling out of your lips’ warm embrace and lastly; Haewon doesn’t really want to share her true feelings as she’s afraid of spilling something out of her mouth that could make both of you uncomfortable. Some of these conclusions are mostly correct as with years of knowing her, you knew that these are the possible reasons but you could never be so sure.

Speaking of the devil, it didn’t last that long as she pulled out and as much as you want to indulge further, that wouldn’t be possible as the both of you untangle each other’s lips and hurriedly catched breaths, chasing oxygen. While you were utterly satisfied that you got to taste her luscious lips, Haewon, on the other hand, isn’t really a fan of it—and again, peak hypocrisy is possessing her and obviously, she’ll deny that she felt more than greatness making up a torrid kiss with you.

“We’re not going to make love with all of these kisses—I want you fill me up, nice and easy—”

“Stop acting like you didn’t love it, Haewon.” You roll your eyes out as you express annoyance and a hint of disappointment towards her hypocrite actions. You know she loved it, considering how her hands involuntarily coursed it’s way onto the back of your neck, stopping her from stripping her outfit and with that, she can’t help but embrace defeat as she doesn’t have a strong weapon up in her sleeve to fight back.

“You’re so annoying! Maybe I did because you’re a good fucking kisser—there, happy?” Of course, Haewon expresses her discomfort with your sudden intimacy as every word is laced with sarcasm as every isn’t genuine because you could feel and you know her too well. You know she isn’t seriously angry in any means and meant to just annoy you and tease you, so you didn’t find her “furious” demeanor too serious.

“Hah, come on, Haewon, you’re no fun! But honestly, I’ve been wanting this all along, not gonna lie to you.” Helping her strip away her clothing with the dexterity of your hands, you get rid of it one by one as you can see Haewon’s face getting curious and puzzled, wondering what could be the real cause of your wants.

“To kiss me intimately, hm? ‘Cause all I really know is that my lips are as addicting as my tight pussy, isn’t it?” Opposite from Haewon’s hypocrite approach and repudiative personality in terms of vocalizing each self’s wants, you, on the other hand is more straightforward and optimistic, always lying onto complimenting people as it gets better for both parties and you still keep the persona even with Haewon, but teasing and mocking is inevitable as it’s such a guilty pleasure to see Haewon being annoyed or angry at you.

“Well, you’re definitely a clever girl with that judgment, Haewon.”

You can’t lie about that as every feature Haewon has is pure art as you all love them equally but one must prevail and it’s pretty obvious for you since you love the thought of just mindlessly hammering her tight, warm cavern until she submits into full submission and lust. As she completely undresses the possibly hectic clothing out of her scrumptious body, you were met with a simple yet lethal look that complimented the slender curves of her body: a white-laced bra followed by a set of white panties in which, would be deemed useless once the show starts over. You don’t want her hanging by a thread, leaving her almost naked as you undressed your clothing off, unbuttoning your pants as quickly as possible and yanking it off you and then throwing it out on wherever it lands on the living room, as well as removing your polo shirt off within a speed of light. Leaving the both of you with only a single defense left before you drool on each other’s bodies, the both of you didn’t even hesitate for a single bit as you removed the last bit of your iron walls and immediately, your eyes collapse onto each other’s remarkable features: you eyed her perky breasts and her taut nipples, as well as her probably wet cunt from all of the dirty talk from earlier and Haewon eyed your fully-erect length like it’s a meal to be savored and used, her eyes getting lit up with lust in every throb it does.

“I’m just going to say this again, because I’ll know you’ll tend to forget it—” Haewon gets dangerously close towards you as she’s inches away from feeling her touch but she has other plans, and tends to whisper such factual claims that you’ll absolutely agree on. “—I’ll rock your world today to the point that you’ll forget anything except my tight pussy around your rock-hard cock.”

Well, she isn’t wrong, because whenever the two of you had sex, it always ends up with both of you succumb onto your needs as the moans of satisfaction is enough as an evidence and also on how much arousal and stimulation the both of you are into whenever you fuck each others’ brains out. In your words, she’s truly the epitome of a switch but now, you’ll let yourself be the meal that she’ll devour but she has more thoughts kept in her sleeve.

“Well, Haewon—how do you want me today, hm?”

“You know, since you’ve been so good on me lately and I’ve been wanting to do this with you…” You set off a puzzling look as Haewon softens her tone, wanting you to be all ears on what she has to say as curiosity fully sets you off onto asking her what she wants for now.

“What would you want to do, Haewon?”

Haewon fixes her position as she lets you lay down onto the couch, relaxing yourself as you fully immerse yourself onto what she’s going to be up to and she utters, “I want to ride the living fuck out of you—that’s what I want to do.”

Well, that wasn’t much of a hard guess since the position and her mounting onto your crotch is indeed an obvious sign that she wants to ride you. Well, this wasn’t new on your watch as she rode you for like months ago and would love to experience it again and here you are, fulfilling that dream of yours. This wasn’t anything you’d really want to do with her as you find this unorthodox on your own words because you’d rather fuck her and gain the better leverage and dominance to handle her body in which, she fully submits to.

You won’t complain since it’s also an arousing thought with Haewon having to ride your cock like it’s her last and you’ll give her what she wants.

She started off with such leisure strokes that made you groan in pleasure, such sensual sensitivity also adding to the twist and making everything better. Not so long after, she teases her glistening lips onto your throbbing shaft, as you can already feel the wetness enveloping your tip and soon enough, you grew impatient with her antics, and you need to let her know about it.

“Aren’t you going to ride me or just tease the living fuck out of me?”

“Just wait, you horny fuck—” Haewon glares at you with an intent to faze you but it was the opposite. The anticipation is too much to handle and you can’t take anymore, and neither does she. “—foreplay is an important element so chill your horny ass down.”

But you know she can’t resist feeling your entire length inside her and you can sense it even if she tries to deny it, like how she always does. So, without any time to waste, she slowly hops on your cock as it sluggishly engulf her tight walls and the feeling is just too good to be true, making the two of you moan in need and pleasure. She slowly sinks in your whole length as it didn’t take long before her butt meets the skin of your thighs and ensues at such a slow pace that’s pleasurable enough to make you feel butterflies. As she’s fully indulging towards her own desires, she finds herself picking up the pace as she grinds her hips onto a moderate pace and inevitably, she tends to moan out her satisfaction as your whole length makes her feel good.

“Not gonna l-lie—ahh, y-your fucking cock is so big that makes m-me feel good…”

“And your wet cunt is so tight that it’s j-just too good to be true.”

Again, feelings are mutual and you won’t dare her to stop even if you can’t take it—you just find yourself wanting Haewon to ride you until your balls are fully drained. Feeling euphoric, Haewon’s hands course its way onto your chest as she aids herself on a better pace as she caresses it from time to time, reassuring you on how great it feels. Just with her touch, you could sense and read how she feels at that very moment and it’s all just peak pleasure at its finest. She expresses such a smug demeanor, confident on how great she’s riding you even though it’s not even a minute that you’re inside her—you know how she loves it genuinely when shows such emotions of confidence and pure lust, her assertive demeanor letting you know her primal desires and her satisfaction.

Thanks to her wetness, it wasn’t really the hardest to take her all as she maintains her pace and eases herself up with every thrust she does at your raging length. She just finds herself moaning too much as your cock does wonders all over her body, constant pleasure surging in her veins and with all of those events occupying your mind, Haewon is now trying to accustom herself onto this new profound pace. Every clapping of her cheeks onto your pelvis sends vibrations all over the living room as the sound adds up to the sinful symphony the both of you composed a while ago—and god, her hypnotic bouncing really sends you into overdrive as her pussy just feels so great that you just wanna bury your entire length inside it all day.

“You’re riding me so well, Haewon—keep that pace just like that—fuck!

Of course, you encourage her well in order to maintain the incredible feeling that has been coursing down your veins. Haewon’s hips now slam hard in every time she fucks herself onto you and it’s an incredible feeling, especially when your hand course its way onto her supple butt and give her hard spanks and as a response, her velvety walls clench tightly and you groan in a hint of pain because of it.

“You like that, huh—you like me riding this fucking dick like it’s my last? You like how my pussy clenches? You like filling myself up balls-fucking-deep? Shit—I fucking—I can’t stop riding this dick!”

“Yeah, Haewon—I never though this will this fucking good—ride me harder and faster!”

You can’t really stay idle and just relax while Haewon is gyrating her hips like her life depends on it. So, encouraged with her wetness enveloping your entire cock and the squelching of it in every thrust she do, your hips starts to oscillate such a pace that increases the fire of lust between the both of you as the trajectory of both bodies muster such libido that’s unstoppable. Her hands are now gripping your shoulders as the pace is now the wildest she could ever imagine, uttering such erotic moans that blesses your ears and arouses you into oblivion. Haewon still maintains her wild pace as you increase yours too, your balls now wildly slapping against her puckered hole as her juices are now staining the couch as everything doesn’t matter right now except the paramount of delighted sex—you’ll probably regretting having a sensual intercourse with her on your couch as it’s going to stained enough for you to maybe change it.

You could never ask for more when every man’s wish is fulfilled at this moment and god, Haewon is one of a kind when it comes to her sexual masterclass and as the top of the pyramid, her scrumptious, insatiable body is all for you to feel and use. With all of the monstrosity the both of you went into, it wasn’t long until Haewon felt herself inching closer to the promised land and wanting herself to go near it. In the point of no-return, she conveyed such profanities that can outstand the most sinful discordants as her thighs quiver and voiced out her nearing high to you.

“No–oh god! I’m g-going to cum s-so soon! Shit—your cock makes me feel so good!”

“Hah—and you’re bickering earlier that I cum so prematurely, huh?”

Haewon shows off an irritated disposition from your mocking remarks as she retaliates, articulating such a mindful response even though her mind is being clouded with sex and pristine pleasure. “Shut the fuck up and m-make me cum sooner, how about that?”

That, you won’t be denying to do. You’ll please her as much as she does to you and finding such a better way to opt for a climax, you ram your pelvis onto her pulsating cunt harder as her walls clench even harder than ever before. If she’s going to achieve her high this euphoric, might as well add up to the sensation she’s feeling as your fingers directed onto her emanating heat, swiping her folds in a rhythmic tempo in aims to stimulate it further and help her chase her own high sooner.

Whenever her pitch reaches the crescendo, it’s the point where everything ascends and your ears wish to fall deaf as her throat escaping such lustful symphonies comes to a halt, voicing out her climax and Haewon fully succumbs onto her orgasmic trance. With such an unstoppable approach as lust fuels Haewon’s mind, she further penetrates herself deeper and harder onto your whole length as a rivulet of her own nectar stains your pelvis and onto the couch and god, it’s rich and volume which makes you think on how euphoric she felt at this given moment. When the pace of her hips gradually decreases, you can find yourself doing the job by thrusting upwards and chasing your own orgasm too as the high-drunken Haewon helps you with your own reward too, riding you with an incredible pace as she didn’t mind the sensitivity that comes right after.

“What the fuck, Haewon—you came so much… You better find money to change this fucking couch ‘cause fuck—you stained this so much.”

“What do you mean—god, I fucking hate you but fuck—I can’t r-resist your cock!”

Such oxymoron is laced within that sentence as she cursed herself to submerge onto her devilish desires to the fullest, finding her wild pace again as you relaxed yourself and let her do the work. Even though Haewon may love the fact that she’s riding the living life out of your whole length with her walls begging a healthy load to be deposited deep into her cunt—yes, the fulfillment of your orgasmic trance will soon be near as you stop Haewon with her current remarks which earns an irked disposition painting her face.

“Why the fuck—”

“You want my cum deep in your pussy, right?” She nods without any question as her face quickly fades into a delightful one as she anticipates your load in the fullest of manners.

“Gosh—just ram my pussy like y-you meant it—oh god—f-fuck! Just shoot i-it deep in m-me—fuck, harder!!”

Now switching another position, her legs now hug around your waist as you carry her and ravage her tight, snug pussy like it’s your last, every thrust meant to make her forget about anything except you and your cock. Within a few more thrusts, the inevitable will soon come and there’s no one or nothing on earth that can stop this monstrosity. Within the vigorous pumps and the numerous moans she’s letting out to encourage you more, you let go of your grip on hers as you push your entire length in her, burying it balls-deep as you groan with your anticipating orgasm and god, it’s so fucking much.

Haewon finds this endearing that you’re this stimulated with another position she loved trying. Her mind comes back into being clouded full of sexual desires as you shoot ropes of thick, warm semen that filled her up to the brim in which, she damn treasure as every second that passes is just being closer onto the paramount of every delight possible—your mind now full of bliss as it does wander all over your mind. The both of you fall limp on the couch after such a steamy session and an ecstatic orgasm of yours as silence ensues but ragged breaths fills the air, and suddenly, no one talks as exhaustion envelops all over your bodies and drowsiness doing its job.

You never thought that she’ll be into this more than what you expected and you just want to rest and maybe, opportunity seeks its victims tomorrow or possibly, even later—who knows how fate can make your destiny?

#kinknuary 2024 #nmixx smut #haewon smut #nmixx x male reader #haewon x male reader

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rachalixie · 1 year ago

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a/n: a bonus mini changbin for @katieraven :))) (warnings: anxiety mention)

“hey,” a voice strikes you out of your daze and you turn your head towards changbin, blinking slowly at him. he raises a brow at you, as if expecting something, but you don’t know what it is.

“yes?” you sound out slowly, unsure and utterly confused.

“i asked you what you wanted to eat three times, and you didn’t answer,” he says, gentle even though it felt a little like an accusation to your swirling mind.

“oh,” you frown, trying to remember hearing him but coming up with nothing. all that you could hear was the static running through your ears. “sorry?”

“are you okay?” he asks, leaning closer to you so he could press a hand to your shoulder. it felt good, grounding, the heavy weight of it welcome on your tired body. you sag into him, feeling utterly spent.

“yeah?” you ask more than tell, mouth twisting in displeasure at having to answer that question - you didn’t like lying to him, but being honest about things like this was worse than pulling teeth, sometimes.

“oh,” he says, nodding in understanding as he pulls you into himself, folding you up into his arms as if you were some small thing to protect. he always knew just what you were meaning to say, even if it was the opposite. “was it something that happened, or just in general?”

you pause for a moment, a confirmation of the latter resting on your tongue but is that true? because being anxious for no reason was making you more anxious, and that was something specific. but it wasn’t what caused this, nothing did, really. but that brings you back to -

“okay,” he drawls out, booping your forehead with his fingers, drawing you out of your own head. again. “here’s what we’re going to do. i’m going to put on mario, and we’re going to play a few rounds. and you’re not allowed to disappear into your pretty head, because if you lose more than i do, you’re buying us dinner. and if i lose, i’m buying. got it?”

“yes, mom,” you roll your eyes but lean into him a little more, trying to get your body to relax into his. you knew what he was doing, he was never the type to try and hide his helpful gestures from you. he wanted you to know exactly what his intentions were, always. it made your heart swell up just a bit that he cared that much to think these things through for you. he knew exactly what things would get you out of your own head, and getting the opportunity to beat him at mario was definitely one of those things. “get ready to get your ass kicked, loser.”

#stray kids imagines #stray kids fluff #stray kids #skz fluff #changbin fluff #changbin #changbin imagines #changbin x reader

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oracle-of-dream · 10 months ago

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Favorite Seat

Minors DNI

Summary: Jay never complained when you’d sit on him, for comfort or pleasure. But sometimes, Jay would almost beg you to sit on his lap.

Warnings: Male Reader, Dry humping, PDA, Inscure Sunoo x Sunghoon, Cumming untouched, Slight Exhibitionism

Word count: 1.9K

“Are you ready, babe?” Jay called from downstairs as he paced the living room. He was already dressed for the day out with you.

Jay agreed to go see his friends today and they all encouraged him to bring you. It would be the first time you’d meet them, and he was more than a little anxious.

You walked down the stairs, “just finished. Relax, Jay,” you assured him.

The look in his eyes was a mix of pride and anxiety. “You won’t be cold or anything? I can bring my jacket,” Jay didn’t wait for a response as he was already moving to the closet to get his jacket.

“Hon, I think you’re overreacting. It’ll all be fine,” you kissed his cheek as he brought the jacket to you. “I know everything will be fine. As long as we’re together, tonight will be great.”

Jay nodded his head, his slicked-back hair softly shaking. “You’re right, I don’t know why it’s bothering me so bad. Maybe I just need to breathe,” Jay pulled you into his embrace by the waist as he breathed in your scent. “Better already,” he chuckled as he let you go. He awkwardly shifted in his pants, pulling them up while also raising one leg.

“Really? Hard from just a hug?” You teased.

Jay’s ears went pink, “You just do something to me… I didn’t mean to.” As you reached down to touch your boyfriend, he caught your hand, “Y/n, we can’t! We’re going to be late…”

“We can be quick,” you lean your body against his. His hands automatically fell onto your hips as he felt you grind against him.

“N-No! We can do that later,” Jay struggled against you.

You backed off, “Okay if you think you can hold on. Then I don’t mind.” Jay is the kind of person who was always honest and true to his ideas, so if he promised something later then he’d keep that promise. But you couldn’t help but feel a little want to pounce on him when he was being so cutely vulnerable.

Jay drove you to the meetup. It was a cool restaurant he picked out, one that the two of you had been to before so he knew there would be something you liked. Jay was a nervous planner, down to even who’d arrive in what order. And he was rarely wrong too.

First was Jungwon. He was a shorter boy, with a thin frame but you could tell he was in shape. He was friendly and smiled often, what stood out to you was his bright red hair and how hard he laughed when telling goofy stories.

Next was Sunoo and Sunghoon. A short king and his tall prince. You didn’t want to assume they were a couple, but Sunghoon’s energy towards Sunoo was extremely different from everyone else. Jay would have to fill you in later.

Heeseung, Jake, and Ni-ki came last. Heeseung was the one who had to pick the other two up, so he’d usually end up being late. Especially because Jake would sleep for too long.

After everyone arrived, the food Jay had ordered when you’d gotten there was just arriving. He’d ordered something you mentioned was good from last time as well as new dishes you wanted to try. The others weren’t too picky so they were fine with everything that was brought out.

You were seated on the patio, there was a heater near your chair in case you got cold. Jay also offered his jacket to you four times, probably trying to predict when you’d eventually ask for it.

Sunoo mentioned needed to go to the bathroom, and you felt the urge to go with him. So the two of you, plus his shadow went to the bathroom. Sunghoon didn’t have to go, so he waited outside next to the door.

While washing your hands, Sunoo spoke to you, “So you can Jay, huh?”

“Yeah! What’s the story with tall, pale, and eyebrows outside?” You pointed at the door but whispered hoping Sunghoon wouldn’t hear you.

“We’re an item too,” Sunoo shyly confessed, “None of the members know directly yet, but I have a feeling that Sunghoon isn’t very subtle…”

You shook your head, “I’m afraid he’s exposing you hella.”

Sunoo shrugged, “Well we’re happy. And I’m glad there’s another couple in the group! It felt sorta awkward being the only couple, so we never tried to show it in front of the others…”

“Don’t be shy! Everyone seems nice, and I’m sure everyone would be cool. If you want, I’ll show some PDA to Jay a little too,” you winked.

Sunoo mulled it over, his fingers pinching at his sleeves, “You’d really do it with us?”

You nodded, “Yeah!”

You knew Jay wasn’t much of a PDA person, but he also wouldn’t deny you if you approached him. “Just be natural and it will come to you, and Sunghoon will pick it up,” Sunoo followed you out of the bathroom and Sunghoon followed the two of you back to the table.

Jay looked up at you expectantly, opening his jacket a little. Offering it again…

You whisper to him, “Let me sit with you.”

Jay didn’t hesitate to scoot back and let you sit on his lap, but you could feel his nerves spiking at you approaching him so suddenly. You gently sat in between Jay’s legs as he laid one hand on your thigh and the other on the arm of his chair.

No one said anything, Jake poked Heeseung and pointed at the two of you which made him look up from his food. The two of them smiled at each other, exchanging looks between each other.

You watched Sunoo as he looked at you. Giving him a wink of confidence, you nodded for him to try being physical with his boyfriend.

Sunoo nodded gently and put his hand on Sunghoon’s leg, near his hand. Sunghoon’s expression moved to surprise as he looked at Sunoo for confirmation. Asking if it was okay to touch him.

They exchanged glances, and Sunghoon took Sunoo’s hand in his. His smile was big and didn’t fade, while Sunoo kept interacting with the others.

It was so cute watching them slowly scoot closer together until their chairs were touching. You even caught a glimpse of Jake leaning on Heeseung, which piqued your interest but you decided you’d meddled enough. Jay was getting more comfortable with everyone in front of you. He let his hand sit on your hip and would rub your side to make sure you’re okay.

After the food came the drinks. It had been a while since Jay had drunk with friends, and you’d never seen him drink with his friends.

Heeseung, Jay, and Sunghoon drank the most. Jake tried but wasn’t keeping up, with Jungwon swapping his drink for juice when he wasn’t looking. Ni-Ki and Sunoo entertained themselves by messing with their drink buddies while you sipped at your drink. You felt it was probably best you didn’t get yourself drunk in front of everyone on the first time you met them…

It wasn’t until Jay lifted you and placed you closer to him that you felt how hard he was. Maybe it was the alcohol, but he was sneaking in friction with your ass as he moved in his chair. Nothing to show the others but you could tell he was going to be a handful. You moved back to your chair, claiming it was so he didn’t spill any alcohol on you, but Jay was saddened by not having you with him.

Sunghoon ended up pulling Sunoo out of their seat and into his lap, sitting him on one of his legs. His arm locked around Sunoo’s waist. Sunoo tried to not think about it, but the pink hue in his ears showed how much he was enjoying it.

Jay leaned over to you, “How come they can sit together and we can’t?”

You smelled the alcohol on him, “it’s so you don’t make a mess, baby.”

Jay huffed, “I wouldn’t make a mess.”

You nodded, “Sure, hon.”

Jay leaned back and started man-spreading, almost displaying his bulge for his friends. He wasn’t usually the needy type but drunk Jay sure was. He was almost begging with his eyes for you to sit on him again.

“You’re not going to let this go are you?”

He shook his head, “No, I’m not.”

You sighed as you moved back to his lap, Jay catching you as you moved down onto him. He pulled you close and held you tight, his hardness poking at you.

You turned, “No funny business.”

Jay giggled at you, “You love funny business,” he pushed you down onto him as he pushed his hips up. He groaned in your ear, just loud enough for you to hear, “It’s your fault anyway… It hasn’t gone away since earlier.”

He’d been hard since you left the house? You smiled to yourself, prideful at his love for you.

Jay kept himself pleased by occasionally rubbing against you, but his acting was spot on. No one seemed to notice anything, especially with the other two drunk boys at the table.

Sunghoon started bragging about how amazing of a partner Sunoo was. Jay chimed in mentioning you were the perfect partner. Then Heeseung casually mentioned Jake was better than you and Sunoo combined, leaving the group silent while they processed what they’d just heard.

Jake was the first one to react. “What!? Heeseung, why would you say that, we’re not- Guys we’re not a couple, it’s not like that!” Jake tried to defend himself but Heeseung made it pretty clear he wasn’t to take back what he’d said. He sealed his sentence by kissing Jake on the lips. Then Sunghoon kissed Sunoo.

Jay turned to you, “well?”

“Well, nothing. We’re not here to show off we’re a couple, baby.”

Jay’s shoulders slumped, “Not even one?”

With a sigh, you kissed Jay. His hand pulled you into his pelvis, taking advantage of your position, while his other hand held you to his lips.

Over half the table was making out with each other and Jay was tongue fucking you in front of his friends. You were feeling it until you felt Jay tense and shudder.

You pulled away from him, and spoke in a whisper, “Did you?”

Jay nodded, “I’m sorry, it just- happened.”

“How bad is it?”

Jay moved to let you see while using you to block everyone else’s view. There was a dark spot forming in his denim, and getting bigger.

“Are you still going!?”

Jay bit his lip, holding himself together with strands of sanity. He could only look up at you with slight shame.

You checked on his friends. They’d stopped kissing, and Jungwon and Ni-ki sat laughing at everyone. Sunoo was scolding Sunghoon for being embarrassing. Jake was still trying to deny anything while Heeseung looked like he was trying to dive in for a second round.

This would be the best time to leave.

“Hey guys, it was so awesome getting to me you all, but I think Jay’s ready to go home now,” you announced to the table.

There was an overall mumble of agreement and understanding.

The sober people figured out rides for everyone. You stopped drinking early on and didn’t even finish your drink, so you’d take Jay. Ni-ki would take Jake and Heeseung. Sunghoon and Sunno would ride with Jungwon since both seemed a little too distracted to drive safely.

Everyone went their separate ways as you helped Jay to his feet, covering his pants with his jacket and your body.

In the car, Jay kept whispering how much he loved you as he drifted off to sleep.

At least meeting his friends was interesting…

#oracle of dreams #kpop x male reader #kpop x male reader smut #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen x reader #jay enhypen #jay enha #x male reader #x male y/n #x male smut

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xiatarot · 10 months ago

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pick a pile: how do they feel about you?

< choose an image >

for entertainment purposes only.

take what resonates, leave what doesn't. ♡

your person sees you as someone that changed them for the better. communication with you for them has always been very introspective and your words and way of doing things always pushed them to become the best version of themselves. they see you as someone very kind and sweet, someone nurturing and full of love who likes to take care of the people in their life and make them happy. you make them feel very calm, i’m hearing ‘like coming back home after a long day at work’. they hold so much respect and admiration towards you. a lot of affection as well.

i’d be surprised if you and this person were in communication right now, because it seems like there’s distance between you two and a lot has been left unsaid. i don’t think this person has ever told you how they feel about you, i feel like they want to keep this hidden, so if they’re acting really distant and not communicating, that’s why.

they have a lot of anxiety towards this situation, because they want to come forward and open up their heart to you, but they might fear rejection or a situation that won’t go anywhere. i think that if they want to have something with you, they want it to be secure and long lasting. despite their fears, i do think they’re gonna come forward and very soon as well. they have a lot they want to say to you but as of now they’re still just daydreaming about it.

when they do come forward, they’re going to do it in a very lighthearted way, they might crack some jokes here and there or just act like they don’t care much, but they’ll be freaking out on the inside. they will want to test the waters first and then they might drop a bomb on you very unexpectedly, telling you how they truly feel. you might be caught off guard.

zodiac signs: taurus, leo, sagittarius

channeled song:

get your personal reading here: ♡

II.

your person definitely has romantic feelings for you, however i don’t think they’re ready to tell you that. you might be in the same friend group or have just known each other for a very long time, i’m hearing childhood friends. it seems like they’re scared to open up because they’re not really sure about how you feel and if they told you and you didn’t accept their feelings, things between you two would become awkward and they don’t want to lose the connection you two already have. if they want to come forward, they want to make sure that they’re not risking losing your friendship in the midst of it all.

they might’ve tried to open up to you in the past, maybe in a social setting, because i’m seeing them regretting not doing it and wondering how things would be now if they did. you’re really a dream come true to this person and inside of them they’re very determined to make your friendship more than just that but i think that when they see you all of their courage turns into weakness, and they let their insecurities and fears take over.

they might be putting a facade on, in order not to let you know how they truly feel, and that is hurting them deeply. they’re giving me a very frustrating energy.

you and this person could have had past lives together.

they might ask you indirect questions sometimes in order to understand if there’s a possibility of you reciprocating their feelings. i think the universe is kinda pushing them towards you so that you two can finally be together.

zodiac signs: aquarius, taurus, leo

channeled song:

get your personal reading here: ♡

III.

this person is fighting with their feelings right now. i feel like they do have strong romantic feelings for you but they’re just not ready to acknowledge them at the moment, so they’re trying to convince themselves that they don’t feel anything, but, big spoiler, they do, and it’s a lot. i feel a very very strong sexual energy, so if you were intimate with this person i feel like they just can’t get it out of their head. maybe they expected this to just be a physical thing, but it turned out they want more with you. this could be someone that’s not used to genuine romantic relationships and just prefers to keep things physical. could be a bit of a control freak too, and that’s why this situation is very frustrating for them.

they do want to open up and tell you about this but i feel like their ego is way too strong right now and they’re letting it lead them. they could be making up excuses as to why they can’t tell you about this or how things could go terribly wrong if they did. this person will have to figure out some stuff, do some shadow work and understand the reason why they act the way they do before they can commit to someone and have a healthy relationship.

they might be acting cold towards you and i wouldn’t be surprised if they ghosted you even. there’s a lot going on internally for them and i feel like you unconsciously triggered some stuff that they’ve been trying to suppress for a very long time.

as of now i don’t see them coming towards you in the near future because they need to work on themselves, and my advice for you would be to detach and just let things flow. focus on yourself and your needs and if this person is destined to be in your life, they will be when the time is right.

zodiac signs: leo, aquarius, gemini, libra

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loserlvrss · 5 months ago

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꒰ 𝐀𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐋 ꒱ 김동현

summary : you had just woken up from a bad dream, but your boyfriend was there to comfort you in your time of need

genre : angst, hurt-comfort, fluff, leehan x gn!reader tws : angst, mentions of neglect, alluded ptsd, mentions of emotional abuse, emetophobia, suicidal ideations/death, depression, alluded panic/anxiety disoders, language author notes : this has nothing to do with personal experiences, i swear (i need a leehan in my life) word count : 1.1k

“hey,” you felt a gentle stir, delicate hands rolling you over to be pressed against his warmth—when all you felt was cold and empty.

you blinked away the sleep, your eyes stinging slightly. “are you okay?” he asked, thumbs coming up to brush under your upper cheeks. “you were crying.”

you were foggy—not knowing the difference between reality and the inside of your brain—still half asleep. you’d never felt more neglected within your own head. the dreams you had, had caused actual tears to flow from your eyes. and the worst part, it wasn’t even a scene you could scratch off as being untrue… because it’s happened to you. it was your history that replayed throughout the night.

memories of your parents being hurtful. memories of them not caring about your feelings. memories of them being emotionally abusive, and dismissing to your tears. memories that caused you to resent them. memories that kept you from feeling normal. memories you’d rather forget.

you thought you’d gotten over it…

and, maybe at one time, you had. but regression was a natural thing you couldn’t escape. you can’t always have good days (or dreams, for that matter).

sometimes they caused you to get into your own headspace, and when triggered, panic. you weren’t a stranger to falling victim to thoughts you were molded to have, but they never hurt any less. and, you guess, time isn’t always a healer, like people say it is.

you sniffled, finding solace in what you knew was true; what was right in front of you. leehan. the boyfriend who vowed to take care of you in your time of need. the kind soul who didn’t get scared and run away when he saw you hyperventilating on the bathroom floor. the man who stepped into your life and shut the door behind him. the rock who kept you grounded when you felt light headed. the arms that kept you comforted when you felt unwanted. the love that never left you, even when you’d argue. the stars that he took from the sky, and put into your eyes, to remind you of how bright you are to him. the words that reminded you that you deserved someone as perfect as him, when you remembered being told that you were never good enough.

he was everything you needed, and everything you (at one point) wished you could be.

“i’m okay," you repeated comforting words he’d told you before. "it was just a dream.” yet, your heart hurt, and your stomach turned, and you couldn’t help thinking about them still, though you tried not to.

you tried to will your faucet to turn off, you tried everything to get the tears to stop falling. but, what was comforting, was knowing that his smooth fingers were always there to wipe them away… for however long it took.

“yeah?” he asked, lips coming down over your face, kissing various parts; under each eye, your nose and forehead, until lastly your lips. “it might’ve been just a dream, but i can see that it hurts.” he whispered. “what was it about?”

“i-i,” he stayed silent, ready to listen while letting you take your time. he pulled your head into the crook between his shoulder and neck, putting you to rest. his arms caged you against his body, chest to chest; pressure to stop you from panicking. he could feel your beating heart as you tried to speak—as he tried to comfort you the way you started to gradually let him. “it was them.”

you alluded the reason, but he needed no further context. he knew. he always knows.

he once stayed up all night researching and reading people’s stories on depression and panic disorders; he could tell you all about the chemical imbalances and what synapsis misfire in the brain now. he once stayed up all night watching you sleep, jumping at any sudden (or-not-so) movements; he could recount every time your breath hitched, and eyebrows came together that night. he once stayed up all night to understand something he’s never experienced—to better understand you.

your tears started to run faster, and at one point he had almost gotten emotional too. he hated to see you hurt, because he knew how special you really were. he hated to see you try and undo the coding your parents had programmed you with as you grew up. but, despite that, he knew he’d always be the one to hold you tight, and remind you that you didn’t have to contort yourself to fit into his world—you were his world.

the good, bad, and exceptionally ugly.

he loved you as the snot coated your bottom lip. he loved you as you drooled in your sleep. he loved you when you swayed with the music in your headphones, doing miscellaneous tasks. he loved you when you’d smile so wide it made your cheeks hurt. he loved you when you’d wretch over the toilet, your hair in his hands. he loved you when you were curled up on the shower floor, crying your eyes out. he loved you when you’d talk about nothing, and everything, all at once. and, he wished he could take away every bad memory, replace them, and make you feel like you deserved to be on this planet.

nonetheless, he’d spend his whole life reminding you—of that, he was more than sure.

his heart beat for you; you were his twin flame that burned blindingly bright. you were his red string and olive theory. you were his other half. you were his soulmate that he was lucky the stars aligned for.

he was lucky to have you, and he’ll be damned if you ever thought anything else.

he’d never let you be alone again. he’d never let you stand at the edge of the cliff by yourself. he’d never let you jump. he’d never let anything take you away from him—and if it ever came down to it, he’d proudly hold your hand and topple over the edge with you.

it was you and him until the end of time, and then whatever came after that.

“don’t ever forget,” he mumbled, pulling you closer to him. he’d let you cry into his shoulder the entire night, until your eyes were red and puffy, until you finally had enough. no matter how many of his shirts you soaked through with tears and snot. no matter how much it broke his heart, because he knows deep-down it heals yours just a little bit more. “i love you.”

and, he’d never stop saying it. even after you two were buried in a stone garden together, cold and rotten. a pile of nothingness. he’d still love you like it was the first time; blood, teeth, bones and all.

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justalia · 1 year ago

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address the feeling

recently i’ve been thinking about my understandings of the law and i decided to read again some of the stuff i read at the beginning of my journey. i’m glad i did because i now have a deeper understanding of what i thought i understood before, but actually never truly grasped its full meaning.

i have to be honest with you sometimes i still have my moments of anxiety, i still have my mind wondering if i’m doing things right and once in a while i still ask myself if i’m doing enough. shocking right? from my posts you may be thinking that there’s no one that understands the law better than me and you may be thinking “she must have the most perfect self concept i can’t wait to get there”

truth is: we are all humans at the end of the day and we are gonna have our moments, no one is better than anybody and the fact that my posts have helped people fill my heart with joy because i do not think of myself as a teacher, i merely try to share the notes of what i studied for myself and try to write it in a way that can reach anyone easily.

i haven’t felt inspired to post something in a while now, i was just numb cause i thought “there’s nothing else i could possibly share my thoughts on” and i have drafts of posts i have started writing but never finished because i didn’t feel called to do it and i don’t like to force myself to write something.

all my posts come from a burst of inspiration and i write them all at once (or at least i try) seizing the moment in which i feel the most inspired.

this being said what i’m about to address in this post is probably the most important teaching i have come across while reading the source and reading some material again has struck me with inspiration.

————————————————————————

“feeling is the secret.”

what does that mean?

to say that feeling is the secret is to say that feeling is the womb in which all things are born, when felt an idea has to be expressed whether you like it or not, unless you change the feeling and fuse your imagination with its opposite.

you see your physical world has no way of existing if it wasn’t for your imagination, it reflects that and the ideas you believe to be true.

“yeah alia you’ve said that”

i know i know, i have addressed this, these are the basics, but bear with me.

pay attention to what i’ve just said “it reflects the ideas you believe to be true”.

how tiring does that sound? does that mean we have to change our beliefs? does that mean we have to do shadow work and see what ingrained belief we have to dismount?

it doesn’t.

self is what we believe to be true and what gets reflected? self.

inevitably when we start to think about this we think we have to find a magical way to change our beliefs and to trick our mind into believing something new about ourselves or we pretend in hopes to fake it till we make it. we begin this journey prepared to train ourselves, prepared to do dozens of techniques and we fill ourselves with hope.

self is what we believe to be true in this world of imagination, our beliefs get reflected and this is why not every single thing we imagine gets reflected. yes, imagination gets always reflected and it happens instantly, but for that to happen you must believe in the reality of said idea.

what is a belief?

a belief is something, an idea, a concept YOU feel to be true. you is the key word because the sole operant power is you, in your life your world operates according to your assumptions, in your life there is no other creator but imagination, YOUR imagination.

a belief is something you feel to be true because a belief it’s just an idea and it’s powerless until we feel it to be true.

why do we feel it to be true? we decide it is.

you decided that your friend was rude to you because they don’t want to be your friend anymore; you decided that your partner was losing feelings because they were distant one day; you decided you were going to fail the test even if days away because you didn’t feel good enough.

you decided the reason your friend was rude to you was because they didn’t want to be your friend anymore, even if just yesterday they asked you to hang out.

you decided the reason your partner was acting a bit distant today was because they are losing feelings, even if just yesterday they said how much they loved you and bought you flowers.

you decided you were going to fail the test before you even started studying for it because you decided you weren’t smart enough, even if the last test you did went beautifully.

you have been making decisions dismissing the senses your whole life and probably occupying states that do not serve you at all without even realizing it. you have misused your power for so many years it feels too good to be true to finally realize it’s all in your hands.

to decide that your friend was rude because they don’t want to be your friend is just as easy as deciding they just had a bad day and accept that as true.

to decide that your partner is losing feelings because they are acting a bit distant today is just as easy as deciding they just were busy today and accept that as true.

to decide that you’re going to pass the test and that you are smart enough is just as easy to accept as true.

how? how can i accept that as true if reality is showing me the opposite? how can i accept it as true if i failed in the past?

we always disregard appearances, we always disregard and dismiss the senses and accept things as true based on our imagination. there is no outside reality because the true reality is within and as within so without. you accepted it as true and now it is expressing in your life, your mirror is just reflecting what you decided to be true, you had no other proof when you started assuming those negative things about yourself and about others.

think about it! when you first started worrying your partner was losing feelings, did you have proof of it? did you have concrete proof that made you think they wanted to dump you? i think you made an assumption, decided it was true hoped with all your heart it wasn’t, but felt it to be true and soon you were provided with proof and there you go: “just like i thought”.

you decide everything all the damn time!! trust me this is nothing new, the thing is that when it comes to positive things we want to believe to be true we think we need proof, and what is proof? the permission to believe something as true. the 3D never played a part in this, when it came to you assuming negative things about yourself or about others you didn’t think about how it wasn’t true on the outside, did you? when you started feeling insecure in your relationship and worried they would dump you, did you think about how it wasn’t “real” on the outside? did you worry about how the outside was opposite so it couldn’t possibly be true?

no, you didn’t.

you decided it was true, trusted it, dismissed the senses even when completely opposite and soon enough the universe, god, whatever you believe in, provided proof for you.

the power we have is the power of dismissing the senses, the power of deciding what is true or not. and you do that using imagination as your instrument. yes, imagination gets expressed but imagination is not just the silly little scenarios you make up, imagination is your mental activity and what gets expressed is what you believe to be true in imagination.

again when it came to negative stuff you were well aware that the outside was opposite from what you believed to be true but you didn’t care one bit and it still manifested into your life. your lover was distant one day, you assumed they lost feelings, the next day they tell you how much they love you and you assume they are lying, you assume the outside isn’t as true as what you believe to be true inside.

you sustain that feeling, you trust it, and it gets expressed.

you never actually waited to look at your partner and see them telling you they were losing feelings before you assumed they were. you never worried about what the 3D was showing you, you never CARED for it.

when you assume something new about yourself and you imagine yourself to already be the one you wish to be you do so because by imagining you are experiencing it in the true reality. imagining it to be already realized helps because your imagination is a tool, it’s an instrument that makes it easier to trust the new idea you decided to assume about yourself because you actually experienced it.

when you imagine yourself in a new state and you do so by, for example, conjuring up a scene, you do so because you want to experience what you desire. you want to live it, you want to experience it and feel it to be true, that’s what the scenes are for, you visualize a scene that implies your objective realized and you indulge in that peacefully enjoying it.

you don’t have to necessarily visualize scenes, affirm, or do this or that technique. these are just tools, methods you can use to use your imagination in a way that is most comfortable to you. for example i am naturally a visualizer so to get myself in a new state sometimes i find it helpful to conjure up a scene that implies my objective realized and experience it, i enjoy it fully and when i open my eyes i trust the implications of that scene to be true, i just experienced it, who’s gonna tell me i didn’t?

what you need more than anything is to give yourself permission to trust in the reality of imagination, that’s the only thing you need.

yes, you are allowed to believe you are good enough for that job; you are allowed to believe you are safe and secure in relationships; you are allowed to believe anything you want no matter how far fetched it might seem.

you can be so bold with your scenes, or your affirmations. you imagine the most perfect scene or say the most wonderful affirmations but i dare you to be as brave with feeling as you are with your scenes and your words.

i dare you to accept it is true, i dare you to believe it is true because you said it is, and then again i’m not talking about the outside!!! i’m talking about imagination because imagination is the only reality. if it is true in imagination and it is because you can just DECIDE it is, then it’s truth. there’s nothing more to do on your part, you just sustain that state and everything else will take care of itself.

free yourself entirely in your mind and accept as truth whatever you desire to be true about yourself, you can imagine yourself to be confident, smart, beautiful, loved, cared for and you can give yourself permission to accept it to be true inside of imagination and see yourself exactly how you want to see yourself.

stop caring about how it’ll happen or if it will happen or what will happen and just FEEL.

FEEL WHATEVER YOU TRULY WANT TO FEEL.

address the feeling

what do i mean by that?

pay attention to your mental activity for one day and see where your mind wonders naturally, that will tell you your current state.

let’s say you get ugly thoughts, you think you’re not enough and that you are going to fail the test you have in two weeks. pay attention to your mental activity and see how the thoughts FOLLOW the feeling, and not viceversa. first you get the feeling of unworthiness and then you start thinking “i’m not enough i will fail i can’t do this”, there is no inherent truth in those thoughts.

it may be difficult to notice at first but everything starts from a feeling and then the thoughts follow. there is no thought you have to flip because they hold no truth and no power by themselves, they are simply a manifestation of your FEELING.

fearful feeling gives birth to fearful thoughts. anxious feeling gives birth to anxious thoughts. lonely feeling gives birth to thoughts of loneliness. insecure feeling gives birth to insecure thoughts.

the only reason why you believe something to be true is because you FEEL it. there’s no actual truth in those fearful, anxious, insecure thoughts.

YOU FELT FEAR and the fearful thoughts came along and then you started worrying about them manifesting into your life. YOU FELT INSECURE and the thoughts of insecurity and unworthiness came alone and you started feeling bad about yourself and unworthy of your desire.

just as easily as you felt insecure you can feel secure, just as easily as you felt fear you can feel safe.

you create the feeling you desire to feel and you indulge in that, you FEEL it because why would you deny yourself of such experience if you can have it?

why would you deny yourself from experiencing what you want in your own mind? why would you create blockages? why don’t you feel what you want to feel? because you are scared? scared of what? of it not working? working for what?

this is not a method for fuck’s sake. this is not a technique!!! this is how you are living, this is how you have lived and how you’ll always live.

change your feeling, allow yourself to feel what you want to feel and thoughts will naturally come from that, and from thoughts will come actions and from actions will come events. NATURALLY.

there’s no work on your part, meaning that you don’t have to worry about what you need to think or do, you will naturally do that. and this goes for opposite action too: if you’re manifesting to pass all your tests with straight A’s and you go and decide to sit on your ass all day without studying you are still messing with the how! you are pretending you have something IN THE MIRROR when you DON’T! you have it in imagination ONLY. your job is to change self and you don’t change self by pretending or acting as if you have something in the mirror.

your job is to simply FINALLY give yourself permission to actually FEEL.

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httpscomexe · 5 months ago

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Forbidden Secret Desire

Summary: You just can’t seem to find yourself in this stupid school for freaks, but just when you’re sure no one cares anymore, a man with adamantium claws disturbs your groaning with a promise. Except he forgot to mention everything good comes with a price.

(Find What I’m currently writing by checking my pinned post)

Parings: Logan Howlett x Reader

Warnings: (Individual warnings per chapter) Anxiety, hints to violence, loneliness, I guess angst, manipulation (The reader is helpless and will look for anything to make her happy), some hints towards suggestive material near the end, bad language word use, pet names.

Word Count: 3523 (Find all chapters here) Chapter 2

P.S. If you’d like to be tagged, ask in the comments, you also have permission to send an ask, but make sure it is NOT anonymous, so I know your username, don’t worry, I’m scared of confrontation too. But this is a SAFE SPACE where I will not judge. Thank you again.

Xavier's Mansion.

Also known as the school for “Gifted Youngsters,” or simply for what society prefers to call, “Freaks.”

You’d been there for a few months. You have a very unique power, something even Xavier himself doesn’t understand how to control.

You get these looks all the time when you're walking in the halls of the mansion. You notice it when people cover their mouths to whisper about you and you can’t not notice it when you seem to create a bubble around you as some of the kids try to keep a distance.

Yea, it hurts. You couldn’t deny that either. Sometimes you’d even have to find a restroom really fast to cry to yourself in one of the stalls, but even that hurts when some of the students quickly flood out of the restroom after you enter.

Nobody knew how much it hurt you, nobody even knew what powers you really had. If they did, you would’ve already been sent to the ice box, but luckily, you didn’t know how to use your more dangerous powers. You figured Xavier probably knew about them, considering he can read your mind and he knows just exactly how powerful you really were, but he didn’t know if you knew about them. And what you don’t know, can’t hurt you.

The hardest part was going to class. While everyone else had a table of four people, you sat alone. You did every project alone, with high soaring grades by the way, and you never got to speak to anyone during discussion or free time before the bell rang.

Sometimes you wish you were just… normal.

Of course, you weren’t the only person that was avoided. There were a few other students and even some of the adults that were always avoided. The only true friend you seemed to have was Hank McCoy. Everyone used to fear him, thinking that he couldn’t control the “Beast,” so he knows how you feel. But sometimes it only felt like he tolerated you because you were smart, and you were the only student that could aid him in building anything related to tech, and nanotech, and coding, and all that good stuff.

“Have you figured out why it isn’t working?” Was the first thing he asked you as you walked into his lab. Not a good morning, no how’s class, and not even hello. “I was thinking it had something to do with our maths, that maybe we calculated something wrong but I’ve looked over it again and again and couldn’t find a single thing wrong with it.” He tells you, picking up his notebook which you could see was now full of mathematical equations and random scribbles which seemed to radiate with frustration.

“I don’t think we got the maths wrong, I’ve checked it about a thousand times.” You say quietly, then gently put your bag full of books down under one of his desks so it wasn’t in the way. “Pretty sure it just needs to be smaller. Nothing really about maths though. Other than that, the fibres need to be smaller.”

“So it is the maths?”

“Eh, kind of.” You groan a little and stretch before grabbing a small, delicate pair of tweezers. “This is still too big.” You tell him, placing a sample of part of your tech down under a microscope, strong enough you’re surprised it couldn’t see atoms. “See, this is about as thick as a piece of hair, which is about the size of…” You sigh, looking back at your maths. “It’s about 50,000 nanoparticles, so not a lot, but we need it to be a little smaller.” You tell him, then look away from the small bit of tech to look up at him, his eyes squinted in your direction as is he was trying to understand what you were saying. “Okay I’ll dumb it down. It’s about as thick as a piece of hair right now, we need to numb it down to about… only one hundred nanoparticles, so it should be about as thick as graphene.”

“What’re you two nerds going on about now?” Another voice cuts into your explanation. It was none other than the gruffy voice of Wolverine.

“Oh hey, Logan.” Hank abandons the workstation to go over Logan who was making himself some coffee. “Just figuring out something about nano…”

“Nanoparticles.” You finish his sentence.

“Yea, that.” He says plainly, not bothering to look at you as you turn away from their conversation and look through the microscope.

“Now how do I make you that small…” You whisper to yourself, gently lifting the particle string with your delicate tweezers and examining it through the microscope. “Hmm…” You hum to yourself.

“Y/N!” Hank calls for you, and you turn around. “I’m going out to pick up some lunch for the both of us. What would you like? I’m getting Mexican.” You tell him what you would like, and he takes a moment to clean his work area and stuff his wallet in his pocket before he finally leaves. Leaving you to stand by your desk, doing all the work that has to do with nanotech, but also leaving the Wolverine with you.

“So what exactly are you two working on?” You hear his voice behind you, then you see him next to you.

“Teleportation. Not as complicated as you think, it’s just the fear that gets to everyone really.” You look away from your work, and your eyes land on him. His arms crossed as he leaned on a nearby table, showing enough respect to not sit on your working table.

“Seems complicated. What could possibly be scary about it though? It's just teleportation.”

“Well. If you think deeper into it. Your body and every single atom and particle of your body has to be completely broken down into an uncountable amount of smaller pieces and then your body has to rebuild itself in the secondary location, you just have to hope that it rebuilds you correctly. Or the next thing you know half your right arm is also half of your left leg with toes for fingers.” You say without taking a breath, taking a deep breath after letting it all out. Staring back up at him, his eyes were now squinted in confusion.

“I don’t think anyone is scared of that except you. I’ve never even thought about that.” He shrugs, taking a sip of his scalding hot black coffee.

“Yea well… I’ve had a lot of time to think about a lot of things.” You tell him through gritted teeth, mumbling before grabbing your notebook.

“You know…” He pauses, placing his hot coffee mug on another table away from your work before walking back up next to you, placing his palms on your table where there wasn’t electronic junk lying around. “You aren’t the only one.”

“The only one?” You question, turning and grabbing another tool before looking under your microscope, turning the string around to try and figure out how to break it into a smaller piece, without actually breaking it.

“The only one that’s feared.”

You stop what you’re doing, still looking into the microscope but not actually paying attention to what was right in front of your eyes.

“I’ve seen the way some of the other kids look at you, bub. Like there’s something wrong with you. I know how it feels to not fit in.” He crosses his arms as he leans against your table, attempting to get your full attention. He clears his throat before speaking again. “I’ve seen you in the halls. Your name is Y/N, right?” You nod, his eyes and yours locked onto each other. “Logan.” He says, reaching his hand out to shake yours. Your hand basically gets engulfed by his as your soft hand meets his, which were rough and still yet soft, that surprised you, considering… “Hank talks about you a lot also. Not like he loves you or anything, he just tells me you’re smart. Like really smart.” He shrugs.

“Hm…” You hum a little. This is the first conversation you’ve had with someone in this school where they’ve actually treated you like a real human.

“Considering the way you explain this stuff, I’d say he’s probably right about you being smart.” He nodded towards the nanoparticles still sitting under your microscope, it was hard to see from even a foot away considering it was the width of a single piece of hair. “So what exactly is a nanoparticle? Or nano…”

“Nanoparticle" is correct. It just like a piece of tech or anything made of tech like certain fibers that can be visible to the naked eye but they’re very small. Just this one piece is the width of 50,000 nanoparticles.” You carefully pick up the string, and gently put it in it’s container.

“And what was that other thing you mentioned earlier?”

“Graphene?”

“Yea.”

“It’s made of about 50 to 100 nanoparticles, and it can be seen with the naked eye through a refraction of light in a mirror or clear substance that has a bend in it.”

“I’m not completely sure what any of that means. But I trust you know what you’re doing.”

“Yea, I’m kind of a nerd.” You chuckle awkwardly, then reach down to pull your bag over your shoulder, your social battery is pretty much near zero for the day, or maybe week. This was you first time ever speaking to Wolverine and you just nerd out on him? What were you thinking?

“Alright, I got food. Where are you heading?” Hank finally comes back, a bag full of boxes with the three of your foods in them in his right hand as he enters the lab, letting the metal door close behind him.

“I’ve got a bit of a headache, I was gonna go back to my room.”

“Well you know the rules. No food in the rooms.”

“Yea, yea. I know.” You sigh, setting your bag back down as he hands you your box of food and you hop onto one of the clean counters to sit down as you eat your food.

“Have you seen Xavier today?” He asks Logan, handing him his food also.

“No, he’s out on some special mission with Mystique right now, won’t be back for about another week.”

“And what does he have you doing? You never leave your room so I’m assuming he's’ got you doing something?” Hank stands next to Logan as they both talk back and forth.

“He has me teaching his third class and fifth class. I guess that one is the anger management class and the other is meditation.”

“Ah, so he’s got you teaching the two classes you used to fail in.”

“Ironic, isn’t it?”

After working in the lab, a lot shorter than usual, you actually head back to your room. You hate to admit it, but you’ve been ecstatic to meet Wolverine for years, and when you finally get to have a conversation with him, you just geek out on him about nanotech?

As you hang your bag on the wall and remove your jacket only to throw it on the back of your desk chair, you can’t help but want to just smash your head on a wall until you’ve forgotten about everything that’s happened today.

You mope as you walk into the centre of your small room, stopping and staring at the mess on your desk, a bunch of full notebooks covered in little pen markings of maths and science that no one else in the school would understand.

You walk to the desk, take one of the notebooks in your hand that had some free space left, and drop down on your bed. Reaching behind your head, you pull your sweater over your head and discard it on the floor before leaning against your headboard and clicking the back of your pencil until the led is at your desired length.

As soon as the tip of the led touches the paper, your mind wanders. That was so embarrassing… You realise, scribbling random maths into your notebook. I can’t believe I just made a professor hate me too… Not only had you dissociated, but you also completely nerded out. You talked about nanoparticles as if it was the only thing you cared about. You care about more though. You care about the family that was so scared of you they sent you off to this stupid school, calling you a freak and breaking all ties with you. No, you don’t care about them. But you care about your friends so much! You don’t have any friends. Hank is very special to you, he holds a space in your heart. A very, very small space. Yea he doesn’t care about you, you’ve just been able to make about a thousand breaks in his experiments. Then of course he would take all of the credit when he would show it to Professor X.

Why do you even try? I guess working with Hank is the equivalent of the other students going out to the mall with their friends. The only difference is he wasn’t your friend.

You take it back, you had one friend. If you could even call someone you only text cause you’re too scared for actual confrontation, a friend. Nightcrawler- or Kurt. The one guy who’s ever made an actual effort to try and be your friend, he’s just always out on missions. Or so that’s what his actual friends tell you. Maybe you should send him a text and actually verify whether he hates you or not… You get up from your bed and unzip your bag, sticking your hand into the pocket where you always shove your phone, but it’s not there. What the fuck? You take your bag off it’s hook and search the rest of the pockets, and still no phone. You go to your bed, searching under the covers and getting on your knees to check under the bed, still no phone. You check your desk, your discarded sweater, and you sweep the floor with your eyes looking for it, thinking it might’ve just fallen out of your pocket. You hate seeming desperate for a simple device that rots your brain to default, but God that phone is your escape.

“Hey, is everything alright-?” A voice cuts into your messy search as you turn around and your door is cracked just enough for him to stick his head in.

“Sorry, Mr. Howlett, I just can’t find my phone.” You chuckle awkwardly, standing in the centre of your room as he peeks around your room at the mess you’ve created.

“Again, you can call me Logan. I don’t mind it, I prefer it actually. Do you mind if I step in?”

“Yea, it’s fine. Sorry for the mess, I haven’t really had time to clean it.” You nervously link your fingers together in front of you and let your thumb pick at your skin as he comes in, closing the door gently behind him.

“It’s not a mess, just a sweater on the floor and notebooks on the bed.” Sweater on the floor. Of course. Yea, you were standing in the centre of your room, in your shorts and a black fucking clasp on bra. Now you suddenly feel naked standing in front of him, so you cross your arms, hoping to hide at least some of the embarrassment.

“Well uh, what’s up?” You try sounding cool but immediately cringe.

“You left this in the lab.” He tells you, then reaches into his pocket and pulls out your phone, handing it to you backside up, so you could see the glittery phone case, adorned with pink sparkles. “Was gonna give it to you in class but you kids go crazy over your phones.”

“Oh I wouldn’t go crazy…” You tell him, humour in your voice as you awkwardly look around your room, the sheets halfway off the bed and your pillows tossed in the middle, the result in the crazy search for your phone. “Would just be a little annoyed…”

“So is everything okay?”

“Yea, why do you ask?”

“I was knocking on your door and sayin’ your name. but you didn’t answer.”

“Oh,” You laugh dryly. “Sorry, sometimes I get lost in my head and kinda just block out all sounds and sometimes I’ll block out what’s in front of me."

“Oh I see.” What do I say to respond to that? “What were you working on?” Why is he still here?

“Honestly, I don’t know, I was just scribbling.”

“Had enough maths for the day?” He jokes.

“Had enough maths for the month.” You mumble, but then he laughs. A short laugh. But a laugh nonetheless. Isn’t he annoyed by you? Why is he still- “What would you be doin’ if Hank didn’t have you doing all this brain stuff?” Oh.

“Well uh, nothing probably.”

“Not one for hanging out with your friends?”

“Friends? Hah!” You laugh with sarcasm, then walk over to your discarded sweater, bending over to pick it up, deciding to distract yourself with cleaning. “It's not easy for a freak to make friends.” You mumble to yourself, hoping he wouldn’t hear, of course, he did.

“You’re not a freak.” He crosses his arms as you look over your shoulder at him.

“Yea sure. Everyone in the school would so easily disagree with you on that.” You say back, folding the sweater before tossing it into your dirty laundry basket. “Professor X won’t even let me leave the school because he doesn’t trust me. I’m sure you’re no different.” Shit that was supposed to be said in your head. Stupid, stupid, stupid. You’d smack yourself right now if it wouldn’t make you look stupid, if he wasn’t in your room still.

“So you think everyone’s the same?” He asks, more of a statement.

“No I- I don’t mean it like that. I just-” He clears his throat.

“Come here.” He demands, looking into your fucking soul. So of course, with a gaze as threatening as his. You stand right in front of him after you walk up to him like Bambi in a traffic headlight. Wobbly, and frozen. “Good, now look at me.” Oh, you forgot that part.

You looked away from his shirt, and tilted your head back to look up into his eyes and for a man who’s so adept at killing his eyes were so soft, and broken…

“If you didn’t randomly blank out, you would’ve also heard Xavier when he told you the only time you could leave, is if it’s with someone else in case there’s an emergency.”

“Emergency from what? Me losing my temper?”

“Exactly that.” Is what shuts you up. “When I said I know how you’re feeling, I meant it.” His voice softens, and you feel your throat knot as you hold back embarrassing tears. “It wasn’t easy for me to make friends either, but honestly I prefer to be in a small crowd. Normally I’m not the one to comfort a student, but you just don’t seem to want to talk to anyone. Why’s that?”

“I’ve tried talking to people. They just give me a look and then walk away.”

“Does that actually happen? Or is that just what it feels like?”

Shit. You hate to admit it, but he makes a point.

What the fuck. Was your next thought as his hand moved up and he gently placed his hand on your cheek.

“I know you hate everyone at this school from the fucking bottom of your heart, but I’m gonna have you try to refrain from hating me. We can strike a deal by letting me take you out of the mansion. I’m sure you’d love to get out, can’t remember the last time you left.”

“Never have.” You whisper, shrugging your shoulders. Your voice is only quiet so your tears aren’t cascading down your face.

“Well if you can just promise to behave, and tell me when you’re getting stressed, then I’ll supervise you like Xavier wants.” He tells you, promising some sort of freedom. “I’m not saying I’m scared of you. If anyone is scared of what you can do, it’s you. Am I right?” You nod. “Use your words, bub.”

“Yea…” Your voice cracks as you barely mutter an entire word.

“Hey, hey…” He says softly, then he suddenly pulls you into a hug. “I’ve got you.” He gently rubs your back, which by the way is still bare since you never got to throw on another shirt. “Just cancel your plans with Hank, I can help you more than he ever will…”

He promises. His fingers gently run over the metal clasps on the back of your bra as you loosely wrap your arms around him, embracing his hug and you nod, not able to formulate any more words as you cry quietly against his chest, your tears wetting his shirt as you both stand there in silence. A quiet smirk on his face as he holds onto you…

#marvel #marvel smut #smut #fanfic #marvel fanfiction #x reader #wolverine #logan #logan howlett #wolverine x reader #logan x reader

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neiptune · 1 year ago

Text

always for the first time

c/w: 1.2k wc, reader is deep in her head, gojo is stupidly in love & wants nothing more than to be the best boyfriend on planet earth, sickeningly sweet, disgustingly self indulgent, inspired by andré breton's poem, wrote this in like 10 minutes, reader discretion advised: you'll drown in fluff

Life has been brutal in teaching Satoru the consequences of not picking up on things in time and with that now comes the anxiety of missing out on hints, small details, imperceptible signals.

He is a good learner, although he wasn’t ready for what you had in store for him. He can be too much, always has been too much, people have told him. Too strong, too loud, too obnoxious, too dumb. He didn’t know how to juggle his worst traits and keep them under control around you, has never wanted not to scare someone away so bad.

Satoru is also, and most importantly, a keen observer.

He has to be, not only to watch his back every now and again but also to pick up on more subtle things that could escape a less trained eye. You are one of those things.

He has studied you, mapped out every twitch of your lips or crease between eyebrows, he has memorized the heaviness of your sighs and which limits it’s best not to push. He knows you need your space and that some people don’t appreciate how overwhelming his interest in them can be. Because what if his insistence ends up crushing them? What if he cares so much you eventually drift away?

So Satoru knows when to keep quiet, when to leave you be or wrap his arms around your waist to bury a gentle kiss in your hair. You have taught him that he doesn’t have to prove his presence all the time, a broken record of I’m here, don’t you know that I’m here for you?

You know. His presence is embedded in every aspect of your life, in every soft thought crossing your mind. He’s there when he lies on top of you in bed, infinity turned off for good measure, cheek pressed to your stomach and arms wrapped around your frame in a petulant attempt to convince you to stay five more minutes. He’s there when he gets back early from a mission and you come home to the tall, familiar figure making a mess of your kitchen. I had half an hour to spare and I thought you’d like soup.

Satoru sees the flow of individual atoms that make you, you. Which means that he knows when you’re in pain, feels your sadness creeping up into his very bones, only experiences true fear the first time you bury your face into his chest and your body shakes in his arms, consumed by the terror of not seeing him again. Satoru is not scared because he thinks the thought of something happening to him is even remotely rational, it’s the thought of leaving you without him for a second too long that petrifies him.

He’s there when he looks at you and sees everything there’s to see, the good and so much of the bad. Satoru has eyes that grant him extraordinary perception and cause a constant, exhausting influx of information. But he can now see you as well as he sees cursed energy: the flux of excitement, sadness, rage or embarrassment. He sees how big your heart is and yet deems it not nearly large enough to contain the love you have for him and for others, threatening to bubble over at all times.

He sees your shame and insecurities and how desperately you attempt to keep those from him. Sometimes he forces himself to respect it, other times it’s hard not to at least attempt to work his charm.

You could get mad but he can’t risk skipping the chance of reminding you once more that he’s there. Just in case. He’s there.

“What’s up?” he asks nonchalantly, nose still buried in that book you couldn’t stop talking about for an entire week.

“Nothing’s up. If something was up, you’d know first” your grin is charming although a little forced and when you go back to the cooking show you’re watching on television, Satoru lets a few seconds pass.

“I think something’s up”

You sigh. He’s not even looking at you but you feel the wary concern vibrating in his voice.

“I’m okay” your own pitch gets softer, a gentle reminder that there’s nothing to really worry about. It’s just that your mind can get very loud at times, but that’s not to become another one of his battles. He has enough of those already.

But that’s when he puts the novel down, a bunch of dried lavender twigs used as a makeshift bookmark.

“I can see that” he knows the punchline will always make you roll your eyes with fondness, especially if he has his blindfold on “your limbs are still attached, your hair looks pretty, skin is fairly hydrated” you huff out a laugh as he crawls over you only to slump his long, inconveniently heavy body on top of yours.

“But something’s wrong” he whispers it into your skin, hopes that it’s easier to get you to open up if you can’t see him and think he can see less of you. His lips are pressed to your neck and snowy hair tickles your chin, so you attempt to comb some of it back with a light scoff.

“You currently obstructing my airways?”

He lightly pinches your side and you squirm underneath his weight with an airy giggle.

“Stop doing that”

“Doing what?” you flick his forehead but he doesn’t even flinch.

“Deflecting. Something’s wrong, I can feel it”

Satoru wishes he didn’t sound every bit as pathetic as he did. But he’s made peace with the fact that this is what love does to him a long time ago. He’s in love, and pathetic, and simply prays it’s one of the times he’s lucky enough you’ll give him the green light to make a breach in the walls.

“You can feel it?” you muse “what are you, obsessed with me or somethin’?”

“I am” he lightly nips at your jaw and draws a gasp “what a stupid question”

As obsessed as an invincible man can be, one that spends each day hoping he’ll be allowed to gain yet another victory over the ache throbbing in your ribcage. What good is being the strongest if he’s barely allowed to shield you from yourself?

“I’m just tired” you articulate the words slowly, attentively, and your heart swells in your chest when he instantly stills his movements “it’s a tiring day. I’ll be fine”

And Gojo hums against the warmth of your skin, tightens his arms around you. Of course you’ll be fine, he’ll be there to make sure you will be. Not that you need him to fight your battles, you never needed him in the first place.

“Thank you” for making this one of the moments I’m allowed to climb over those walls, even if just to take a small peek.

“You’re so silly” you smile and don’t even understand how the hell someone could get so lucky.

“S’why you love me”

“Wrong, I love you because of your pretty face and remarkable abs”

“I’m more than a nice piece of ass, y’know?”

Another silent laugh fills the air, now lighter, and you can already feel his smile as you gently pull his blindfold down. Satoru lets you, lifts his face to make your job a little easier and when his eyes slowly flutter open there’s nothing but sincere adoration swirling in them. There’s trust, and love, and you can’t help but force them shut again as you gently press your lips to both his eyeslids.

To tell him that you love him with just as much fierceness, with every fragment of your flawed, human body.

To thank him for seeing you with such earth shattering clarity, always for the first time.

#gojo x reader #satoru x reader #gojo x you #gojo satoru x you #jjk x reader #please be nice it's only my second time writing fully for him #and I must confess angst gets me going more than fluff #anyways #I'd love feedback!!

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