#it’s just that sometimes doing my best is feeding myself and brushing my teeth

[mars-ipan]

so fucking annoying having a “common” disorder sometimes i’m sick of being fucking dismissed

[malii-the-bonehead]

The Other Woman pt2

yall stop this shit is so bad why am i posting this. lmk if u fuck w it pls and thanks.

enjoy<3

Slow burn

Summary: Chris, a popular hockey player at school where Y/n went, found himself falling for the beautiful, shy girl. As time went on he found out who Y/n truly was as a person and ultimately, he had to make the choice, his girlfriend, or the other woman.

Part 2

I woke up to the annoying ringing of my alarm. I groaned and flipped over, feeling around for my phone to turn off the blaring alarm. I ended up working until 2am last night, even though I was supposed to get off at 11:30. I rubbed my eyes and sat up slowly. 

“Alexa, turn on the lights,” I called out. The lights flickered on. I pinched my eyes closed, not excited about the bright lights. I moved the covers off my body and got up, getting ready to start my morning routine. School started at 7. It was 5, meaning I had more than enough time to get ready. I pulled my shirt off and grabbed another from my drawers, sliding it over my head before tying my hair back. I walked into the bathroom. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and fixed my hair. Normally I had my hair in a bun, but sometimes I’d straighten it. I decided to straighten it today. I turned off the light and walked back into my room. I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and also put on a pair of socks and my air forces. I put my lashes on as well. I couldn’t go anywhere without my lashes. That was my favorite thing to do in the morning. I walked down the stairs.

“Are you making breakfast?” My mom called from the couch.

“Oh, you’re awake,” I uttered. I won’t hide it, my mom was an alcoholic. Not an abusive one or a violent one, but a depressed, lazy one. She was kind to me, but she just drank and drank. I was the one to cook, clean, shit even work my ass off to feed ourselves and her addiction. I did things she should have been doing as my mother. But I loved her. I was grateful she was still around, even if she was drunk all the time. “Yes, I’ll make you some food.”

“Thank you,” She called, walking into the kitchen. I liked the mornings when she was awake because she normally didn’t start drinking until I left for school.

 “You look beautiful, you always do.” She pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. I smiled and walked to the fridge, grabbing some eggs to make her. 

“Thank you, mom,” I responded. 

“How has school been, you haven’t talked to me about it in a while.”

Truth is, I just talked to her about it yesterday after I got home from school. She just doesn’t remember how much I talk about it. 

“It’s been good, mom. My grades are very good.” I turned and looked at her. She smiled at me. She looked proud. I know she’s proud of me. She always has been.

“Good. I’m so glad you’re smart and beautiful. You definitely got that from your father,” she announced. I looked at her solemnly. 

“Do you miss him?” I asked, I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth, awaiting her answer.

“Everyday,” she uttered.

–

I pulled my gym shorts over my legs, stuffing my sweats into my bag before walking out of the locked room. I wasn’t fond of gym class, especially since it’s my first hour. I walked into the large, old-smelling gym. I glanced around before putting my headphones on. I sat down on the bleachers, waiting to hear what we’re doing for this class. I scrolled through my phone, sitting patiently by myself. I felt a tap on my shoulder and glanced up. 

Chris?

I dropped my headphones onto my shoulders.

“Hey,” he called. “Y/n, right?” I looked at him with a shocked expression on my face. I felt my cheeks heat up. He knew my name?

“Yes, that’s me. How do you know my name?” I asked.

“I’m Chris,” he pushed his hand out for me to shake. I looked at it for a while until he pulled it back, rubbing the back of his neck with it.

“I know,” I mentioned to him. Who didn’t know his name? He was the best hockey player at this school, alongside his two triplet brothers, Matt and Nick. Not to mention his looks. He was very nice to look at. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” I chuckled lightly. “So, did you need anything, yesterday you kind of freaked me out.”

Blunt. Straight to the point. Fuck. God, why did I say that, I thought to myself.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you out, I was just nervous I guess.” His cheeks started to turn red, as well as his ears. 

“Well, why don’t you sit. Tell me what happened to make you nervous.” He looked at me before sitting down next to me, not too close but not far enough.

“I think I knew what I was going to say but I couldn’t get the words out. Embarrassing, huh?” He laughed slightly. I giggled a little.

“It’s not embarrassing unless you make it embarrassing.” I looked around the gym. “I didn’t know you had this class. I would have noticed.”

“I don’t, I um, my teacher isn’t here. I got sent here by another teacher.” 

God, his eyes were blue. Don’t get distracted, Y/n.

“What class do you have right now?” I asked, curiosity showing on my face. He looked down at his lap before looking back at me.

“I have computer math with Scott,” he replied. 

“Oh, I have him too! He’s my 5th hour,” I smiled in his direction.

“Yeah, I don’t particularly like that class. I’m not very good at it. I actually barely passed computer math 1 last year.”

“Well I’m glad you did pass it. To be honest, it really isn’t hard if you rea=lly focus. If you’re struggling I can help you,” I smiled, then my face dropped. I did not mean to say that. I don’t want to help Chris. I mean I do, but I shouldn't.

“If anything, you should help me with my calculus.” His face lit up. “But, that’d be great! I actually wanted to ask you if we could hang out sometimes. You seem nice to be around.”

I looked down at my lap, blushing at what he said. 

“You want to hang out.. With me?” I mumbled. I didn’t think he heard me until he replied.

“Sure, I’ve been wanting to get to know you for a while. I’ve heard you’re a good friend to have.”

“Who said that?” I looked up at him again, looking into his eyes. 

“Alice,” he replied, shrugging his shoulders.

I’m going to kill her.

“Oh, well I guess we can give it a shot.” I smiled at him. I didn’t have a problem with Chris, but he was known around school. I wasn’t, and I liked it that way.

“Perfect. Hey, can I get-” He was interrupted by a whistle being blown. I turned my head to the direction of the ear-piercing noise.

“Shit, I have to go. Here,” I grabbed a pen from my bag. I grabbed his left arm, the one closest to me, and rolled up his hoodie sleeve. I scribbled my number on his arm before picking the pen up and standing. “Text me and we can talk about a time for your calculus lesson.”

He looked up at me. 

“Okay,” he nodded his head. I smiled and walked down the bleachers, glancing back and waving him off before putting my headphones back on and going outside to walk the track with the rest of the girls. 

Chris’s pov

I looked down at my arm and smiled. I sat there, admiring the number written down.

I did it, I thought. I pulled out my phone and put the number in, listing the contact name as Y/n. I wasn’t going to text her until later. Don’t want to seem desperate, right?

I stood up and walked out of the gym. Clairisa texted me 20 minutes ago to meet her in the auditorium, so that’s where I’m heading next.

I pushed open the door to the large room, seeing Clairisa sitting on the stage waiting for me. I walked over to her.

“What took you so long?” She asked, pulling me in between her legs and kissing my cheek. 

“I was in the gym.”

“Oh, why were you in the gym?” She looked up at me.

“I was talking to Y/n. She offered to help me with calculus,” I shrugged. I would never cheat on Clairisa and she knew that. She never got mad if I talked to other girls because she knew I wouldn’t hurt her like that. Yes, I liked Y/n. Really liked her, but I’d never do anything to harm Clairisa, ever. 

“About time. You needed it,” She giggled, pulling me into a hug. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Clair.”

[perplexingluciddreams]

An average day in my life

I want to make a post about an average day in my life, with higher support needs nonverbal autism (with continued late regression), severe ME/CFS, low mobility, hypotonia, and other health things. I need a lot of help with most things, and due to my conditions my everyday life probably looks quite different than many people's.

I tried to write this several times. I started with AAC, but I couldn’t see what I just wrote, so I got lost and jumped about too much. This time I made myself some questions to answer, so I can still use AAC to help with the words, but not get so mixed up. Some of this is written with AAC, some is typed.

Where do I spend most of my time? How do I spend most of my time?

I spend the large majority of my time in my bedroom, and the most of that time is spent in bed.

In bed, the things I do is: watch DVDs or other things on laptop, edit AAC, practice/write with AAC, play games on phone, listen to music.

When I am not in bed, I am listening to loud music in my swing! Best way of regulation for me, keeps me calm.

What does my bedroom look like, how do I have things set up?

I sit up in bed with a big wedge pillow and two normal pillows behind me. I usually have my laptop, iPad, AAC device, DVDs and DVD player, and fidget toys (dummy, chewy, tangle) on the bed with me. I also have an overbed table which always has my glasses and case and juice bottle on it. I change around what is on the table depending on what I am doing at that time.

My LED lights in bedroom is usually on orange or yellow colour, with lights fairly dim. The curtains and blackout blind is always closed.

I have a fan and book light always next to my bed. I have a weighted blanket as my duvet, with five other varying types of blankets on top of it.

What are the other activities I do?

I have some other activities I occasionally do with help and prompts. Sometimes I go downstairs (with stairlift) to watch TV and/or do walking (physiotherapy, walking back and forth with or without AFO braces). I also do walking upstairs, because getting downstairs is a real challenge.

I rarely remember that I have options other than the things I see in front of me, so my parents have to give me choices.

Occasionally Mum ask me if I want to play cards, or do something else not normally do. It depends on how I feel and how loud my brain is, but sometimes I say yes.

What are the few things I can do independently on a daily basis?

I can put shoes and socks on, and take off, by myself! Only with same pair of stretchy shoes, just pull on. I do this several times a day because I wear shoes in swing, but not in bed. So it is a strong motor path.

I can change my hoodie/take it on and off by myself.

I can go between my bed and swing by myself, no prompt. I can walk to go to the toilet and change nappy (diaper) by myself.

I can brush my teeth as long as my toothbrush and toothpaste is brought to me. Sometimes I also need a reminder, or I forget. I am more likely to forget in the evening. I remember better in the morning because I don’t like the taste of my own mouth.

I can drink from my juice bottle and feed myself.

I can put DVDs in and out of DVD player and plug it into laptop. I can choose what I want to watch on a few streaming services. I can navigate a few social media apps, and can even post/message on a couple.

I can use the two different remotes to control my LED lights and sensory light projector.

What is my main struggles and difficulties in an average day?

I can't do much without prompts so these two things (bed and swing) is basically all I can do on my own (I can also go to the toilet without a prompt most of the time, but sometimes I get stuck). I struggle to initiate tasks and transition between tasks. I also can only make my body go on strong motor paths (movement sequences that I do over and over that is strong in my muscle memory), and there is only space in my brain capacity for a small amount of these motor paths at a time. Learning a new motor path and making it strong can make me lose a previous motor path (usually whichever is weakest at that time). This is very limiting.

Even with the pillows I have, it is not enough support. My body is too weak and floppy. My posture is bad and I slide/slump down so I am closer to a lying down position than sitting. I am always in a lot of pain, so I shift around a lot trying to get comfy, but it is never quite right. This is even more for when I sit in swing (or anywhere else), there is next-to-none support there.

If I could, I would be in my swing all the time! But unfortunately I have very low energy due to ME/CFS so a lot of rest is necessary. I find this hard because I need to stim and regulate constantly.

It is necessary that I spend much time alone in my room. If I didn’t, the smallest things would send me into immediate shutdown or meltdown. I can’t be around people much at all, even voices noises is too much. Usually I am only around people for the time when they help me with something, or bring me something.

When I do be around people, even with AAC it is very very difficult for me to communicate - I can do a handful of simple signs but anything more complex is so hard to get out that it usually has to happen when I am on my own in my room (like when I write a post like this). I am sad that I can’t have important or deep conversations with a person in the same room. Most of the important things I communicate to Mum is through Tumblr or WhatsApp.

I am oversensitive to so many things because of sensory issues. I am always dysregulated and I spend so much time trying to keep myself calm with swinging, with out making my health worse.

Often I am much too tired and sore to go downstairs so I am stuck in my bedroom most of the time.

I don't feel many body signals, like my bladder. When I don’t feel the signals at all (or not until too late), combined with getting stuck and not able to initiate go to toilet fast enough, I have accidents. This used to be something I could just about keep on top of, but with regression I no longer can manage it, so I have to wear nappies (diapers). This also adds another task (change nappy) that I have to use my limited brain capacity to learn and hold onto.

I am so fatigued and in pain from doing small things, and my body response to fatigue is often a big trigger for many sensory issues. This often becomes a downward spiral of fatigue response -> sensory bad -> big stim to calm down -> stim makes fatigue worse -> more body fatigue response, etc.

What is my morning routine like?

The first thing that happens in the morning (approximately 9am) is Mum or Dad comes to my bedroom with breakfast and medication. They help prop me up in bed with a big wedge pillow, and two normal pillow behind me. They give me my headphones (I wear almost all day, every day) and help put all my things around me on the bed. They also give me my toothbrush and toothpaste. In the mornings I can’t communicate much at all (only occasionally a few signs), can’t look at another person or do anything that would overwhelm me even a wee bit. It would cause immediate shutdown or meltdown. Shutdown is more likely for the morning time.

What is my mealtime routine like?

Mum or Dad (or very occasionally sister) brings me my food, and if it is a messy food then I put a tea towel over my chest so I don’t get covered in food. I eat while watching something usually, because I need the distraction to not get so stuck. Every time I get new meal or snack brought upstairs to me, I get a fresh bottle of juice also. The bottle is approximately 450ml, and I have 3 meals plus 2 snacks each day. I also get a bottle of water (not juice) brought up with evening meds, so I don’t get sugar on my teeth after I brush them.

I eat the same snacks at the same times every day. I have the same exact breakfast every day, and it has barely changed since I was quite young. I have two lunches, it is the same except for sandwich filling - I eat one for weekdays, one for weekends. Dinner varies, but there is still a predictable amount of choices, and often I eat the same dinner for the same day of the week. Mum sometimes tells me what is for dinner, if it will be different than the usual dinner for that day of the week, or if I ask. But I usually forget by dinner time anyway! 🤷🏻‍♂️

What is my bath time routine like?

With bath, Mum always helps. I need a lot of prompts. I get confused and lost with all the steps. But I have gotten better with practice, and each step have a stronger motor path now. I need Mum to tell me what part comes next.

I use a bath lift to get in and out of the bath.

I can do the physical washing part mostly on my own, sometimes I ask for help with my back. Mum gives verbal prompts and puts the right soap/shampoo in my hand or on washcloth.

Sometimes even with prompts, my brain confuses the steps or the motor paths, and my body does the wrong thing. This happens more recently, because when there is a complex sequence of separate (at least it is stored separately in my brain) motor paths, I can go into “loops” of do same thing over and over. Or my wires get crossed and I simply do the wrong movements.

I can also mostly dry myself (I sit on toilet seat to do it), but Mum always does my back. I can’t dress myself, so once I put on nappy by myself, Mum puts my top on. Then I walk to bedroom and Mum puts my trousers on while I sit on the edge of my bed (it is a better height that sitting on the toilet seat). Then Mum opens deodorant and clicks it up, I put it on myself.

What is my evening/bedtime routine like?

I have poor sleep, usually, and a really weird sleep schedule! My parents go to bed at approximately 10pm (sometimes Mum a bit earlier), and Dad always comes in to tell me goodnight. But I am awake much much after that (usually between 1-3am is when I finally go to bed for sleep). Sometimes I still swing when my parents is in bed, but I try not to swing too late because it can click and make noises.

I stay up and watch things, or play games on phone and listen to music. I often get stuck and cannot transition to go to bed, so I force myself awake for long after I could probably already go to bed.

When I finally manage to force myself to do the bedtime routine (or when my body is so tired it force me), I have to move all the things off the bed (some go on overbed table, some go to charge on the other side of the room). I also then change hoodie from day hoodie to sleep hoodie. I also move big wedge cushion and extra pillow down onto the floor. And put special cushion under my sleep pillow so it is at the perfect angle. Then, finally, I can lie down.

Sometimes I still go on my phone after that, usually to read fanfiction, if I can’t relax enough yet. I also rock back and forth on my side to soothe myself, I have done it since I was very young. I have to put my fan on to sleep, the noise and the feeling on my face is necessary to fall asleep, and it helps keep my temperature okay.

Then, the cycle of morning starts all over again!

[baileypie-writes]

~Human!Panchito Pistoles and Human!José Carioca with an S/O Who has Depression~

Artist: chacckco on DeviantArt

(please correct me if I’m wrong!)

~~~❤️~~~🖤~~~💚~~~

Fandom: The Three Caballeros

Fanfic Type: Headcanons

Reader: Gender neutral, has depression

Relationship: Romantic

Characters Included: Human!Panchito Pistoles, Human!José Carioca(seperatly)

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Rating: PG

Warnings: Depression(Reader), mentions of Reader not taking care of themselves, probably unrealistic dialogue

Requested By: Anonymous

~Masterlist~

~The Three Caballeros Masterlist~

As someone with depression, I understand that it can be really hard. So to others like me, you’re not alone! If it’s getting really bad for you, and you’re having not-so-good thoughts, please reach out to someone close to you!

~~~❤️~~~🖤~~~💚~~~

~Panchito Pistoles~

~~~🐎~~~🐎~~~🐎~~~

~ Panchito has never personally struggled with depression. He’s just such a happy guy, so he finds it hard to relate to your feelings. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand them!

~ He obviously knows what depression is, and how it affects people. So he does his very best to help you. He just finds it unfair that he gets to be happy, but you don’t.

~ Sunshine is good for you, so Panchito makes sure you get plenty of it! He goes on walks with you, or just sits outside. If you wanna be stubborn, too bad. Because he is too. And he will get you to see the sun, whether you like it or not.

“C’mon (name), let’s go outside! It’s a beautiful day!”

“Mmm. I don’t want to…”

“Sorry Corazón, but I’m not taking no for an answer! Some vitamin D will be good for you!”

(Translation: heart/sweetheart)

“Ugh… fine.”

~ He’s always there to comfort you. He knows that depression is hard, so if you need a hug, or a shoulder to cry on, he’s there. He’ll give you all the affection you want! You deserve it!

“I just don’t know what to do. I want to be able to do normal things, but my depression stops me. Sometimes, I can’t even get up in the morning. It sucks.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry (name). I know it sucks. Ven aquí. It’s gonna be okay.”

(Translation: Come here)

~ If you can’t find happiness on your own, he’ll help you! He’ll take you somewhere fun; a park, a movie, the mall or anywhere you want! He’ll do anything to help you forget about being depressed, even for just a little while!

~ If you have trouble taking care of yourself, Panchito helps you! He’ll make sure you eat and drink water. He’ll even cook for you! He’ll also help motivate you to shower and brush your teeth. Afterwards, he always praises you. He hopes that’ll motivate you more.

“Here (name), I made pancakes for breakfast!”

“I don’t wanna eat.”

“Aw c’mon. You’ll feel better if you do. Here, I’ll feed you!”

“No, no. It’s okay. I’ll feed myself!”

~~~🐎~~~🐎~~~🐎~~~

~José Carioca~

~~~🚬~~~🚬~~~🚬~~~

~ José definitely understands depression more than Panchito. He’s been depressed a few times in his life. Though, of course, that’s nothing compared to what you go through. But even so, he still gets it.

~ His top priority is to make sure you don’t just stay inside and rot all day. He knows that’s what a lot of depressed people do, and he understands why. But still, it’s not healthy. So he makes sure you get out of bed and go outside, even if it’s just in the backyard.

“Okay (name), it’s 9:30. It’s time to get out of bed.”

“Ugh. Okay…”

“That’s the spirit! Come on, let’s get some breakfast. And let’s eat outside, yeah?”

~ He makes a little routine for you. It’s just a list of things to do throughout the day, just to make you get up and about. Again, he doesn’t want you to just rot in bed all day.

~ José always makes sure you’re taking care of yourself. Every day, he asks if you’ve eaten, drank water, showered, etc. . If you haven’t, he doesn’t shame you at all. He just reminds you to get them done. If you don’t have the motivation to, he’ll offer to help you.

“How many cups of water have you had today?”

“Dunno. Maybe two?”

“(name), dear, it’s nearly 6:00. You need to drink more.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll go drink some now.”

~ José is good at reading people. So he knows when your depression is particularly bad. Even if you try to hide it, he knows. He can be gullible, but not in this case. You can’t fool him!

~ He knows that people like you can feel like a burden to others. So he always lets you know that you’re not. He also tells you that you can always come to him for help. He loves you, and will always be there for you.

“I’m sorry that you have to deal with me all the time.”

“Please don’t say that, (name). I’m not ‘dealing with you’, I’m helping you. And I’m doing it because I want to. I don’t want you to think like that, okay?”

“Okay… but are you sure?”

“Yes (name), I’m sure.”

~~~🚬~~~🚬~~~🚬~~~

~~baileypie-writes

[blubushie]

22, 23, 29, 50

22: Role model?

Steve Irwin. Hands-down. Every day I try to approach life and the future with the same zest and hope he did. And he's what got me into conservation!

23: Strange habits?

I piss in jars sometimes cuz I spend a lot of time driving, sometimes I just don't feel like dragging myself out of bad, and most animals are afraid of human urine so pouring piss out around your camp is a good way to keep animals away. Don't do this if there's bears nearby though cuz bears don't give a fuck, it'll just attract them. Bears can take on a human in a fight and they know it. Don't fuck with bears.

I also time how long it takes me to piss. Record so far is 43 seconds.

Also I hold my cigarettes weird. The cherry faces the inside of my palm. Keeps the glow from being spotted while I'm outside cuz I'm a paranoid fuck and there's people want me dead cuz of the bounty hunting thing.

I don't wear socks (unless I'm wearing my boots, because unfortunately they got reshaped when I got them fixed and now they're rubbing blisters). But yeah I hate the feeling of socks. Ick.

If I'm showering I'm gonna brush my teeth in there.

I sleep on the floor most nights. Some nights I sleep in Matilda. But usually it's on the floor.

9/10 times if I'm sleeping my right hand is in my daks. My father does this too--and most men I've met, actually--but I'm personally convinced it's because of Misty's propensity to wake me up by nut-tapping me.

That's about all I can think of. Which means I'm fairly normal, or there's some extremely weird fucken habit I've got that's so normal to me that it doesn't register as weird anymore, and it's probably weirder than all of these combined. Iunno.

29: Best way to bond with you?

Feed me and/or go on a drive or walk with me. Feeding me will make me like you but the driving/walking will help you understand me better. I can get fussy on walks if people talk too much though but I'm a fucken chatterbox while driving some bush track with nobody around and no traffic to focus on.

50: What made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

I answered this previously! But a close second is Wiluna being very... possessive of me. So one time my girlfriend decided she'd groom her and Wiluna turned her head and sneezed and launched a snot rocket directly into her face. I'm convinced that was done intentionally and I laughed my arse off.

[Link to ask game.]

[gyroshrike]

Elderly dementia, suicidal ideation (not for me), negative venting.

(Please don't respond to this with advice or "it'll be okay," type messages. I just need to get feelings off my chest.)

It's so hard listening to my grandmother talk on and on and be so convinced that my mom was hitting her, punching her, beating her, but will not believe me when I tell her that didn't happen. She talks about wanting to leave, move out, but then no one can get her out of the house, even when other family members come to pick her up. She talks over and over about wanting to die, to jump off a bridge and drown in the river and have it take her away. She has depression, but refuses to take her meds. She makes herself food but rarely eats it. She feeds the dogs human food until they get sick. She threatens to attack one of my sisters every time she comes to the house. She tries sometimes.

I don't have the spoons to help her. I don't have the energy to sit next to her every meal and make sure she eats and doesn't give it to the dogs. I don't have the energy to go through the song and dance every night of getting her to take her antidepressants. She won't even take her allergy meds without a fuss and often hides it. Trying to sit and talk with her always devolves into her talking about how much she hates this person or that person. I don't have it in me. I'm not strong enough.

She told my mom she never loved her.

She refuses to shower or brush her teeth sometimes, but she's so stubborn and proud you can never tell her what to do, only suggest and hope she's in a mood to be swayed that day. She'd never let someone do it for her.

She has nothing. She repeatedly destroys her sewing machine so she can't make the clothes she so desperately wants to. She takes apart her phone so her old friends can't call her number. She sits out on the porch and cooks and watches tv. Her little brain needs stimulation, but she destroys her access to it in paranoia and I'm not strong enough to hold her hand through it all to make sure she gets it. I can't even speak Spanish to her, which I feel would be so good for her because I think her English processing is slowly slipping away.

I'm so tired despite spending so much time hiding from her when she needs so much help. I don't have it. I give what I can. I handle her best out of anyone in the house. I'm one if the few she hasn't lost faith in. But I'm barely learning to keep myself afloat as a person, I can't carry her too.

[littleprincessfawn]

Okay despite my brain going a mile a minute I'm gonna talk to myself here and use Tumblr as my executive function boardroom meeting to take proper care of my ill ADHD self.

(looooong test post under cut. Likely boring but maybe useful to other people struggling with functioning and self care?)

I'm recovering from a tummy bug, nausea, diarrhea. Today I took all my meds at the one time, including my ADHD meds at full dosage, despite that I've been skipping them a bit lately. This has caused me to feel like maybe hypomanic, side effects too much meds, thoughts rushing, wrote too much to people. Ruining friendships with my social awkwardness of oversharing and being 'too much'. The ADHD meds are wearing off now. I am home alone. Today I have eaten rice crackers. I have had 600ml water. It's 5pm. I had 3 or 4 hours sleep last night because I was so ill. I am dirty and haven't had a bath or shower or brushed my teeth for 2 days. My house is messy in some places, the kitchen isn't so bad, and neither is my TV nook. I have a kitty to feed and look after.

Things I must do:

Feed kitty breakfast and dinner

Scoop kitty litter once per day

Put on dishwasher once per day and put away clean dry dishes

Sort out the laundry situation because right now it's insane. I have clean clothes and linens but they are in random piles around the house.

Take out rubbish to rubbish bins (maybe once per day as my house is messy and if I clean I will find rubbish)

Drink 3L of water each day

Eat healthy nutrition each day, spaced out regular meals, avoid spikes in blood sugar

Sleep!! Get sleep. Make a bed that is cosy, comfy, clean.

Shower or bath once per day

Brush teeth morning and night, or just night if struggling

Skin care morning and night, or just night if struggling

Comb my hair and wear it in 2 comfy cute braids

Spend more time on tumblr and being introverted and thoughtful, less time messaging people until my hypomanic symptoms have eased and I'm in control of myself

Figure out when to take which meds and at what dosage

Always take my leukemia medicine dasatinib at 12pm.

Do things that help me feel balanced and grounded

Slowly do things that will make my situation better e.g. tidying, throwing out junk, working through emails, making appointment phone calls, life admin stuff

Stay safe, don't do risky or harmful behaviours.

Make one room my dedicated SAFE SPACE. Make and keep it: clean, cosy, tidy, neat, spartan, minimalist, white sheets, soft lighting, good air flow, beautiful, relaxing, healing, comfortable, sensory good, suiting my needs. The rest of the house can be messy but if I have ONE room that is good I have a place to retreat to.

Choices for my safe room: my bedroom, my son's bedroom (he's at his dad's), my computer room, my TV nook.

My bedroom has a lot to deal with in it, but has the best mattress. I don't think I can fix my bedroom tonight.

My son's room is tidyish, wouldn't take long to fix up. His mattress isn't as good for my back. I sometimes like being in my son's room because it reminds me of him when he's away BUT I also ideally want that space to be just for him, with his things.

The computer room has the air conditioner which is nice for cooling but very loud. It has no mattress. It's a bit messy. I'd need to move furniture. It's not doable for tonight.

(Break to feed cat dinner, it's 6:17pm. Also cleaned and refilled his water.)

The dining room / library is insane. I wasn't planning on sleeping here. I just wanted to note that. Absolute chaos.

The TV nook is a small room with a couch and a single bed in it and the TV and a coffee table. I find the single bed mattress uncomfortable to sleep on. I find the couch comfy to sleep on. It's pretty easy to tidy up.

So my options are either my son's room or the TV nook, and there's a possibility of dragging my mattress from my room into either room if I can make it fit.

I am feeling very very dizzy and ill. I'll lie down now, then get water. Then I will probably need food. Protein, Complex Carbs, Veggies. Some brown rice is in the fridge. So is some tofu that I marinated I think it's still good? I might have some frozen green beans or carrots or something easy like that for veggies. I also have legumes like lentils, kidney beans, chickpeas. There's probably meat in the freezer but I don't think I can do that. I have eggs I think.

Okay, despite dizzy, now go get food and water. Then come back, eat on couch, while reading or TV, lie down, maybe sleep.

Plan more plans later.

For right now, get through the next hours. Give my body what it needs. Water. Food. Sleep. Hygiene. Maybe in that order or maybe after food and water I can do hygiene first.

Okay I have now eaten food and drank water. I think next need truly is sleep. My heart feels weird. But sometimes when I'm this level of messed up im afraid to fall asleep. I'm afraid that I won't wake up again. I'm afraid of that unknown darkness, of what waits for me behind my eyelids. But my body can do no more. I will clean my face with water and a washcloth. I will brush my teeth. I will put on my night cream. I will make the couch sleepable.

Now I have done all those. I've put a gentle lamp on. A fan blowing air. I will try and allow my body and mind to rest. I will curl up on my side and settle my racing heart. I am so nauseous and dizzy and sore and scared.

I must find my calm. And hold it close.

I wish I had someone to hold me. But I'm proud of myself for taking care of myself. It's a skill I need to master. Before I can find a Master.

[enby-trainer]

What does their bedroom look like?

Don't really have a bedroom. I live in a studio apartment. It's all one room except for the closet and bathroom. Like I've said before, it's pretty "bare-bones," but it's livable. I'm trying not to be as much of a packrat as I used to be.

Do they have any daily rituals?

Wake up, feed the gals, feed myself, brush my teeth, then shower.

Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?

I don't exercise other than going on walks outside with Nox and Delphine, every day.

What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?

I'd wait till it wasn't busy anymore. Only so much you can do.

Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

I used to have very poor hygiene skills. My parents didn't teach me much. I have tried very hard to correct this as an adult. I think it's going all right so far.

Eating habits and sample daily menu

Microwavable ramen, Boyardee spaghetti cans, and plain water, for the most part. Sometimes I get fast food for some variety. I spend more cash on the gals' diet so they're better nourished than I am.

Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time

Listening to Spotify for hours on end, daydreaming. I think it's good to just vegetate for a while sometimes.

Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging

I mostly indulge in things that are more enriching for my persian than for me.

Makeup?

Whenever I tried to wear makeup in the past, it always got smudged and thus became horrible looking eventually. I've all but given up on trying it now.

Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such?

I used to have suicidal depression, and to this day, I still have anxiety disorder. I have to avoid caffeine...though I do still drink less than half a cup of coffee (with lots of cream and sugar) every now and then.

Intellectual pursuits?

I like to write fiction (both fanfic and original) and draw digital artwork. Maybe I can make a career out of the former since my art isn't really commission-worthy, but before I become a professional writer, I'd like to try being a pokemon trainer first.

Favorite book genre?

Fantasy and scifi. Young Adult and New Adult.

Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?

I'm pan and gray-ace. Just let people live.

Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.)

I'm lactose intolerant, and that's about it.

Biggest and smallest short-term goal?

Biggest is making the rent month-to-month. Smallest is finishing more art pieces.

Biggest and smallest long term goal?

The biggest is becoming a professional pokemon trainer and being at least a bit good at it; smallest is figuring out how to travel on my own...well, with my gals, but still.

Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress

I don't have any clothing "rituals," but I do tend to wear casual and comfy clothes. Nothing too fancy or fashionable.

Favorite beverage?

Lactose-free strawberry milk.

What do they think about before falling asleep at night?

Will my job at a grocery store be not stressful tomorrow? Will I wake up in time to take the gals outside for a minute or two?

Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?

I used to get sick a lot as a kid because of my lack of hygiene skills. Sorry, I don't really want to share any "tales" about that.

Turn-ons? Turn-offs?

I like it when people care a lot about their 'mon and work hard to support and maintain them. It's an "off" when I see someone abusing them or caring for them poorly. I should have been a Pokemon Center doctor or nurse. But the math and chemistry would've killed me.

Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

Probably a drawing or a rambling journal entry.

How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life?

I try my best to be more organized than I was growing up. It may look a bit messy-ish at times, but I know where everything is and I'm attempting to be semi-minimalist.

Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?

I've been told I'm a good writer and that I should keep practicing at it, and at my art.

How do they see themselves 5 years from today?

I hope 5 years from now, I'll be a real trainer finally.

Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t work out?

Other than defeating at least one Unovan gym, not...really. I am not good at contingency plans.

What is their biggest regret?

Not trying harder to become a trainer sooner, I guess?

Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy?

My mom is the closest thing to a best friend I've got right now, and I don't really have a worst enemy except for myself probably. I used to think my dad was the closest thing to a worst enemy I had, but, he's just a grumpy old man with his own issues that he hurt me with sometimes, whether he meant to or not.

Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?)

Probably I'd call 911? If it seemed like no one else was.

Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies)

I'd be devastated, but I'd recover sooner or later.

Most prized possession?

Hell, I dunno; my wallet? My desktop computer?

Thoughts on material possessions in general?

Don't let your home become a clusterfuck. Like that one lady on the Internet said, "Does this spark joy?" If not, get rid of it.

Concept of home and family?

Your home is where your heart is. Your family is who your heart is with.

Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?)

I used to be an immense oversharer as a child/teen, but nowadays I keep pretty much everything to myself.

What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?

Listening to music or watching YouTube too often, probably.

What makes them feel guilty?

Whenever I feel like a bad pokemon owner, basically.

Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?

I am definitely an emotionally-driven person, not very analytical at all. Not to say I don't have logic, just that I'm not...a genius? Lol.

Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality?

Definitely type B.

What recharges them when they’re feeling drained?

Sitting in quiet for an hour or so with my 2 persian by my side. Lost in thought. Maybe listening to Spotify or watching YouTube.

Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither?

I definitely had an intense inferiority complex as a teen, and have shades of it even now.

How misanthropic are they?

Some days I feel like I despise people but it only lasts so long before it fades and then I return to my default state of being neutral toward them. Every once in awhile something comes along and restores my faith in humanity briefly, and then it goes back to neutrality again.

Hobbies?

Drawing art and writing fiction.

How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education?

High school was a bitch and a half for me. I barely scraped by. I don't think I would've done very well in homeschooling though because given the chance to procrastinate on schoolwork, I probably would have avoided it constantly.

Religion?

I believe mildly that Arceus is a creator god but I don't...go nuts about it? And that the other legendaries are indeed supernatural in some way. I refrain from talking about this part of myself much because I'm afraid of the scorn and side-eye it'll earn, although I'm hardly the only one who thinks this way.

Superstitions or views on the occult?

I am superstitious about some things but not ghost-type pokemon... not anymore. They're just pokemon. I respect that there are paranormal things in our world, though.

Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds?

Mostly words.

If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal?

Someone kind, open-minded and easygoing.

How do they express love?

Mostly through words of affection.

If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like?

That's a good one. You're joking me, right? I can't fight.

Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not?

Definitely, I want to die as an old person in my sleep. Not in a horrible, painful way or anything similar.

[kingdaddydaichi]

NSFW Alphabet || Katsuki Bakugou

I had so much fun with this! Vodka may or may not have been involved in the making of this little ditty. 🍸 I hope you shameless hussies enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. 😩

*Exhibit A:

(Source)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I feel like he gets clingy asf, but plays it off like it's something he's doing for your sake. He'll probably never admit that he feels so vulnerable after sex, but he does. If it was a rough session - which it usually is with him - he'll ask if you're okay, if you're hurt anywhere, kiss any marks he left on you - he's such a protective hero boi.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His: he's not gonna lie, he's fully aware of how well-endowed he is. He really is proud of his cock, the way it makes you sing when he works it - and he knows how to work it okay? Favorite non-sexual body part - his arms. He works hard to keep them cut (as in lifting, not cutting). 😬

Yours: listen, Katsuki is an ass man through and through. Go ahead and tell me I'm wrong, I'm 👏🏼 not 👏🏼 listening 👏🏼. He loves to watch the subtle ripples he sends through your ass cheeks when he's driving into you from behind. Also, our big scary boomboom man appreciates a nice, thicc pair of thighs. Bonus points if they're muscular/toned - he loves the way it feels when your thighs have such a strong grip around him.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Let's just say our boy's orgasms are explosive. He cums hard and loud, shooting long ropes of his hot seed. Consistency is about average, not too thick, not to thin, but there's a lot of it. He doesn't taste too bad - salty, but not too bitter. You're more likely to gag from the sheer volume and force of his cum hitting the back of your throat than the flavor.

His precum gets honorable mention here. It's fucking delicious. That is all.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

It took him no less than 2 years into your relationship to tell you this, and if you ever tell anyone he might actually kill you, or at the very least make your ass bleed. He hasn't gotten to the point that he's ready to try it yet, but he's not entirely opposed to the idea of you pegging him. Someday. It kinda does make his balls tingle a little just thinking about it tbh. He hasn't yet, but he thinks he might be ready to try working up to it and is really close to asking you to stick a finger in his ass and stroke his prostate. He's heard how good it feels and he's super curious to find out for himself.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Not very experienced, actually. He's only had 1 or 2 lovers before you, BUT he's determined to be #1 at everything. Couple that with how perceptive he is and you've got yourself a winner of a loverboy. He's going to make damn sure that, even if things don't work out between you two, he will always ALWAYS be the best you've ever had. No other man will outdo him, E-V-E-R.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggystyle all the way, baby. As stated before, he loves watching your booty jiggle every time he slams his hips against it. He gets off on spreading your ass cheeks to watch his slick-coated cock slide in and out of you. God he just loves hitting it from behind, makes his dick so fucking hard.

Bonus 2nd Favorite Position (couldn't help myself): you on your back with your ankles on his shoulders, your ass lifted off the bed, him on his knees and hugging those thick thighs of yours, keeping them closed as he reams into you. (Slight variation of this one: he leans over you, nearly folding you in half, putting you back on your shoulders with his hands pressing into the mattress beside you, angling you such that his prominent corona rubs over your g-spot as he drills down into you. 10/10 you're gonna scream his name when (not if) your liquid gushes all over him.)

Tell me the truth, am I a disgusting human being? Here are all the fucks I give:

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Bakugou is serious asf about his sex game. This is not the time to joke around or poke fun at him, understand me? If you do he will get pissed and either fuck the silly out of you, or if he's feeling particularly ruthless he'll just stop altogether and let you ache for him as punishment until you beg him for release.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He takes care of his body, paying a lot of attention to his hygiene, which includes manscaping to keep his pubic hair trimmed and kempt. The carpet's just a shade darker than the drapes, like a honey blond. If he lets it grow out, it sticks straight out just like his head hair. It's actually kind of funny and he hates it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

*sigh* Let's be honest. Katsuki is not the super romantic type, at least not outwardly. However, if he realizes something he's doing is hurting you - physically or emotionally - he's going to stop dead in his tracks and hold you close, push his fingers through your hair, and tell you how much he loves you and how safe you are. He can be rough and he can be an asshole, but if he thinks he's genuinely hurt you at all, he's all over you, doing everything he can to make you understand that he will never let anyone hurt you, especially not himself. Got that?

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He doesn't jack off very often. You two share a very active sex life so he doesn't see the need to. If you have to be apart for more than a day or two, he'll rub one out. Or if the need hits him particularly hard and you're not available or in the mood, he's not above closing his eyes and reaching into his pants to wrap his thick fingers around his cock and start tugging.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Lord Baby Jesus, where do I even begin? Kinky, kinky Katsuki. This man should come with warning signs and disclaimers.

First of all, he dom asf okay? Even if he lets you play with his ass someday, he's gonna be bratty about it. He's going to top from the bottom, hashtag facts. And trust that he WILL own you afterwards to securely reestablish his dominance.

Giving and Receiving: Hair pulling. DIRTY TALK - you think he's got a potty mouth in the streets? His mouth is downright filthy between the sheets. Loves it when you dirty talk right back to him. "You love taking my fat cock, don't you princess?" "Mm yessss, fuck me, Katsuki! Your cock feels so fucking good babyyy!" He eats that shit up.

Giving Only: Degradation. Praise. Spanking. Cockwarming. Dom/sub/power play. Shibari/ropework (he tried it bc you wanted to and he fucking loved it). Creampies. Begging. Discipline. Ravishment.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Literally anywhere inside your home/homes - bed, bathroom/kitchen countertops, kitchen/dining table, office desk/chair, any piece furniture is fair game really, up against a wall, washer/dryer, the fucking floor, ugh just all the places to fuck. Not one square foot is sacred tbh.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Wear something that showcases the curve of your butt. Doesn't have to be revealing per se, matter of fact he'll get possessive as fuck if you're showing too much skin in public. At home/privately though? He can't help himself. Dat ass tho...he is going to smack it hard enough that it stings and that's final, understand?

Tease him. You can't be obvious about it though. If he senses that you're doing it on purpose, it'll just backfire. But if you just so happen to brush against his crotch when you squeeze past him, it'll drive him crazy. Go commando in short shorts/skirt and cross your legs just so, his dick will twitch. Even better if you do shit like this in public where you know he won't act on it. But when you get home you best believe he's going to dick you down so hard, won't even bother to take said shorts or skirt off.

His ears and neck are his most sensitive erogenous zones. Whisper in his ear or kiss his neck and he's going to grit his teeth in an effort to fight back the shudder that threatens to rattle his bones.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Let's get one thing straight. Katsuki Bakugou does not share. This is non-negotiable. He will not agree to anything involving additional people - cuckolding, threesomes, orgies, exhibitionism, voyeurism (unless it's him watching you pleasure yourself - that he will gladly do, and probably start palming himself in the process).

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Loves giving and receiving. Giving puts him in full control of your pleasure, receiving makes him feel like you're worshipping his cock, which you probably are. Have you seen this man's cock? Of course you have. Gatdamn.

Y'all, Katsuki's so good at eating pussy. Like how does one get that good at eating pussy? I don't even know, but god the way he flicks his hot tongue over your precious, tiny bud before wearing it down like a fucking feed bag? It's unnatural. Like it could be his backup quirk if blowing shit up doesn't work out. You've seen the way he licks his lips when he gets excited, everyone has.* He doesn't even bother swallowing while he's feeding on you so you just be dripping in slick and saliva and he's just slurping away. It's lewd.

*See Exhibit A above.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

You already know this, but I'll say it anyway. His go-to fucking style is fast and rough, dominant and relentless, hard and dirty. But every once in a while he'll want to take you slow and deep and passionate. He'll hold you so tight in his arms and chest, you'll have to tap his shoulder sometimes to let you breathe. And he'll just roll his hips so fucking thoroughly both of you will feel every last inch, his pubic bone rubbing your clit so hard. You've told him so many times how much you love it when he makes love to you like this, but he maybe makes it a rare treat on purpose. 😈 Little shit.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickies are difficult for our boy. It's not that he's against them, it's just that he savors every drop of sensuality, he has a tendency to draw the pleasure out as long as possible. He can’t help it.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

The idea of having public sex turns him on, but he's only done it with you a couple of times when he was 10000% sure you wouldn't be caught. He can't risk doing anything that would tarnish his reputation and goal of becoming the #1 Hero. He might be freaky as hell, but he needs a sex scandal like an Alaskan needs a refrigerator.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He loves you long time. He's a Taurus for fuck's sake (well, Aries/Taurus cuspie, but that just sweetens the deal). Great stamina. Grinds you down like a whetstone. Can last as long as he needs to to ensure you cum for him as many times as it takes for you to beg him to stop. If he feels himself getting too close while you're blowing him, he'll stop you and go down on you instead. If he's inside of you, he'll pull out and start kissing all over your body, sucking, nipping, licking until his urge to cum passes, then he pushes it right back in and keeps going.

If on the off-chance he does cum before you, he'll be ready to go again in about 20-30 mins. Just give him some motivation, he deserves it.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He didn't own any toys when you first got together, but you did. He hated the idea of you using them though, especially when he's right there with you. You've since assured him that you don't want to use them to replace him, but to enhance the pleasure. So now you do use them from time to time.

The first time you managed to coax him into using a toy together, it was a small wireless bullet with a remote. When you brought it out and showed it to him, there was a wild glint in his eye. He carefully inserted the vibrator into you, his cock slowly following suit. He loved the fact that he had complete control over this thing, but later complained because the sensation of it against the head of his cock made him cum too fast. He still wants to use it sometimes though. 😏

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oh he can be so unfair. He loves teasing you until you're begging him to put his cock inside you. He's not so much into orgasm denial per se; he just loves to hear you beg him for shit - to let you cum, to suck his dick, to stop fucking you when you're overstimmed, etc.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Lol he's fucking LOUD! And he's going to make you cum so hard that you're screaming his fucking name. There was a time when one or both of you lived in an apartment and the neighbors would bang on the wall behind your headboard.

Shit, what sounds does he NOT make? He growls, moans, grunts, groans, yells, swears, fucks you so hard you can hear the wet sound of slapping skin, hell even the bed protests. Another reason he doesn't fuck in public - he can't stay quiet enough to be discreet about it.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Okay, as much of a wild sex beast as he is behind closed doors, he gets embarrassed so easily when your sex life is so much as hinted at around others. It's legit funny how flustered he gets about it.

If he goes into work real tired and Kirishima says, "Hey Bakubro, you look like shit this morning. You and (y/n) stay up too late?" while doing the finger in the hole gesture, Katsuki will just "Shut the fuck up, Shitty Hair, or I'll blast your ass right through that fucking wall!"

Or if you two go out together with friends and the girls are talking about sex-related stuff, Katsuki will just roll his eyes and try to ignore it. But if one of them is all "So, (y/n), does Bakugou ever like accidentally let off explosions while you're doing it?" and you wink and say, "Only when he's especially *cough* frustrated *cough*". Katsuki will go red from his neck up to his hairline and start stuttering, sparks flying from his palms. "H-hey, d-don't tell them sh-shit like that! I-it's none of their god-goddamn b-business, (y/n), what th-the f-fuck?!" Meanwhile, you and the girls are in stitches while he stomps away, just mortified, bless his heart. When you catch your breath from laughing you'll follow it up with, "Looks like tonight's gonna be one of those nights", and you all lose it again.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

As has been mentioned, Bakugou's well-endowed. I figure he's packing about 7.5-8" in length x just under 2" wide. He takes some getting used to, that's for damn sure. Oh, and he's more of a shower than a grower. Like around 6" long x 1.5" wide when flaccid. Katsuki + sweatpants/basketball shorts = swinging dick print, alright sis? Take notes, this motherfucker visibly jumps when he does, class dismissed.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Eh, he's surprisingly not ridiculously horny. Maybe a little above average sex drive? A lot of times hero work just takes it out of him and he comes home utterly exhausted and just needs a soft place to land, and you provide him with all the love and nurturing in your heart. ❤

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends, really, on the time of day and what type of day it's been. If it's late (like past 9pm lol) and he fought more villains than usual that day, he's probs gonna pass out pretty soon after. If it's earlier in the day - especially first thing in the morning - it gets him pumped and almost comically genki.

[amor-immortalem]

You’re Important to Me

Warnings: thoughts and ideations of the un-aliving variety

Genre: Angst but it gets a lil fluffy at the end

Pairing: Mammon x oc

Summary: The way the witches and his brothers treat him leaves Mammon feeling replaceable and unimportant. His human takes it upon herself to try and make him feel better after finding out something heartbreaking.

A/N: since I hit 150 followers either last night or the day before, I figured I would do something a little different for tonight’s post and give y’all a little 2 part fic instead of art. I haven’t written in a long time and this is not proofread so please excuse any typos. I’m a little rusty.

Part 2| Part 3| Part 4

———————————————————————-

Another day full of studying for upcoming exams at RAD completed and Arella couldn’t be more greatful to finally shut her texts books. Sure, she technically didn’t have to meet the same standards as her demon classmates this time around, but if only one thing could be said about Arella, it was that she was a perfectionist at heart. She’d put in the hard work to get the best possible score- seeing the look of surprise on Satan’s face as she scored better than him would be worth it too, as much as a pipe dream that that would be.

With a soft yawn, Arella pushed away from her desk before grabbing a nightshirt she had stolen borrowed from her boyfriend and stumbled to her bathroom for a quick shower. As she brushed her teeth, she could feel a presence enter her room- well more like she could hear him. Mammon was never all that quiet or stealthy to begin with as much as he’d like to claim otherwise.

Peeking out from the small ensuite, she saw the demon sprawled out on her bed, his face buried in her pillows. Something didn’t feel right. Deciding the shower could wait, Arella made her way across the room to where the bed was located.

“Hey,” She started, gently placing a hand on his back to let him know she was there, “I thought you said you’d be out late with the Witches. Did something happen?”

“Not really….” Mammon starts, his voice muffled by the pillows before he turned to face her. “They got all they could get out of me so they jus’ let me go and I wasn’t havin’ a good time anyway so I jus’ came home….”

Arella frowned at his tone. He sounded upset, depressed almost.

“An’ then the moment I walk in the door, Lucifer’s on my ass ‘bout some stupid fuckin’ bill that came in…. So I got to sit there ‘n listen to him go on an’ on about how I’m such a fuck up and what worthless scum I am, not to mention the rest of my brothers took the first chance they could to hop on the bandwagon and I’m….. I’m just so tired.” At this, Mammon flops over onto his back, throwing an arm over his face.

“Mammon…” Her voice is soft, full of concern as tries unsuccessfully to pull his arm away so she could look him in the eyes.

“Arella, Am I important….?” Mammon asks as he tries -but fails- to hide the way his voice cracks. “Would everyone just be happier if I was….. gone?”

Its that question that shatters her heart to tiny fragments.

“Wha- Of course you are, Love. Why would you say that? I know your brothers take things too far sometimes but they’d be devastated if something happened to you. I would be heartbroken if anything happened to you. We all love you so much, Honey….”

“It doesn’t feel like it,” Mammon barked out a laugh that sounded bitter. “Not with the way they rag on me like they do…. Actually, they’d probly be jumpin’ for joy if I were to off myself- don’t know why I ain’t done it already….”

“Mammon, don’t talk like that. You’re scaring me.”

“Its true though. If I take myself out, then they won’t ever have to deal with the consequences when I fuck up. Won’t have to worry ‘bout me stealin’ their shit to get my hands on some extra grimm.

“Stop it right now, please.”

“It’s not like they’d miss me much anyway. You probly would but let’s face it, ya could do so much better than me anyway... Ya know, I got this pills that I swiped the other day, plannin’ ta sell ‘em an’ all but I think-“

“Mammon, stop!” Arella pressed her hands over his mouth to keep him from finishing his sentence “Please. No more….. No…. More.”

She collapsed down to his chest as violent sobs erupted from her. She had lost someone to suicide before, she couldn’t and wouldn’t go through that again- especially not with the person who was most important to her.

“I’m here for you. I will always be here fir you.,” Arella tightened her hold on the demon beneath her, her body still shuddering with each breath she took in a miserable attempt to compose herself. “So please. Please just don’t do it.”

At her tears, the demon could only react with silence. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting when letting his feelings out but it wasn’t a reaction like this.

Maybe part of him was hoping for her to agree with him and let her words feed into his terrible mood, or maybe part of him wanted Arella to scold him for daring to even think about taking his own life but there wasn’t any part of him that wanted her to react with sobs and wails, with her begging him not to go through with it.

Slowly, Mammon brought his arms to wrap around her, holding her tight against his chest. They were quiet for a long while as they just held each other.

“I’m….. I’m sorry….” Mammon was the first to speak, to break the silence that had suddenly become suffocating. “I don’t know what I was talking about….”

Arella didn’t reply right away, choosing instead to hold him just a little tighter a bit long.

“Do you feel better now that you’ve talked about what’s going through your mind?” She lifted her head from its place on his chest to look him in the eyes for the first time that night.

She smiled softly as he nodded, leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek. “You’re so important both to your brothers and to me. There’s no one like you in the all of the three realms. If you weren’t here our lives would be so much darker and so much more boring, do you know that?”

“Yeah, I doubt that.”

“No it’s true,” Arella hums, as she pushes his hair back and places a peck to his forehead. “You want to know something else?”

“What?” Mammon arches a brow, “if it’s something cheesy, I’m leaving.”

Arella laughs at that. “I love you more than anything in this life or the next, and, no, you’re staying in here where I can see you.”

“What? C’mon, babe, I won’t do anything stupid, so don’t worry ‘bout me. And the last thing I need is Lucifer gettin’ at me because I spent the night in here when I shoulda been in my room.”

“Then I won’t give you a choice.” She starts matter of factly, “I’m invoking our pact. You’re sleeping in my room tonight where I can keep you close and pamper you all night. Also you’re going to tell me where you’ve hidden those pills you were talking about earlier and if their in one of your safes, you’re going to tell me the combination to it.”

“Arella, I-“ he groaned starting to complain

“No. This is important, Baby. I’m doing this because I care. Not to mention if Lucifer were to somehow find you in possession of those pills….. his rage would be so great that not even I would be able to stand between you two.”

Another moment of silence happened between them as Arella’s orders went into effect. Mammon let out a soft, discontented growl before finally breaking the silence.

“Fiiiiine. They’re in the safe that’s hidden in my pool table. The combination it 0127. Happy?”

“Very.” She replies cheerily. “Now, you’d better get comfortable, sir, because I’m going to remind The Great Mammon just how amazing, how wonderful , how special, and how loved he is.”

“Whatever, you dork, jus’ get off a me so I can move to a better spot.” He huffed as he shifted around under her, trying to hide the faint blush was already threatening to make itself at home of his cheeks.

———————————————————————-

Masterlist 2

[britswriting]

Unbroken (16)

*Leighton's POV*

"You want to do what?" She asked and I just cried harder, the emotional defeat making me feel physically fatigued.

"I can't do it" I cried and dropped my phone on the comforter, covering my face with my hands as my heart raced.

"You can do it Leigh! Stop lying to yourself! You're thinking irrationally" She shouted through the phone and I just cried harder "This is the most rational thinking I've done since last year Aaliyah! I can't do it. I can't have my baby suffer!" I covered my face in my hands, my nose starting to drip making me gag.

I quickly got out of bed, rushing to the bathroom and throwing up in the toilet before grabbing a Kleenex and wiping my nose and throwing it away.

"Your baby won't suffer Leigh!" she yelled, sounding muffled. "Leighton, are you okay?!" Aaliyah called out and I sighed, flushing the toilet and washing my hands. I brushed my teeth and sat back down on the bathroom floor, my stomach feeling queasy.

I sat there for a moment before getting up and going back to my phone, only to be surprised as I saw tears fall down Aaliyah's face.

"Why are you crying?"

"I hate seeing you hurt Leighton" She sighed, wiping at her cheeks.

"I'm okay" I reassured and she shook her head. "You're trying your best and it still isn't good enough! I don't want you to give up your baby Leighton. You've wanted this baby since the moment you found out about it, you can't just give it to someone else!" She cried and watching her cry made me cry.

"I can't afford this baby. It would be selfish to put a baby through this, if I can give them to someone better" I tried to explain, but she just shook her head "Leighton there is no one better than their own mother"

"I'm useless if I can't feed them, put clothes on their back and give them a good home" I whispered, and I clutched my boobs making Aaliyah look at me weirdly. "They fucking hurt" I grumbled and she just started laughing which made me crack a smile and start to giggle.

"I'm sorry you're going through this Leighton" Aaliyah said softly, frowning.

"They say children are the best birth control. I say pregnancy is the best birth control. I never want to do this ever again, and the hard part hasn't even started" I muttered, my boobs still hurting.

"Why do your boobs hurt?" She asked and I sighed dramatically, letting go of my chest.

"They're growing to hold the milk to feed the baby, so they hurt like a bitch on and off throughout pregnancy and I read that some people start leaking before the baby is even born" I informed and he made a grossed out face.

"Leaking? Your boobs leak?" She asked, and I laughed, nodding. "If you don't pump or feed the baby, they get too full and hurt and leak. You have to wear these like nipple patches to hold back the milk from leaking through your shirt, otherwise you'll have these like wet spots on your shirt, around your nipples" I giggled at the end, smiling at how she was interested in how my pregnancy was going.

She showed more interest in my pregnancy than the baby daddy did, which honestly made me quite nervous for how this relationship of co-parenting was going to go.

I had to remind myself that Gabe was trying, and did ask sometimes how things were going.. it's just that he is so busy with work that I think he sometimes forgets..

"I'm glad that when I'm on my period and my boobs hurt, they aren't leaking" She joked and I cracked a smile, nodding in agreement.

It was quiet for a minute and I pulled out the peppermint oil from my bedside drawer, rubbing some of it on my wrists and sniffing it to calm down my tummy.

"It's kinda cool that there are certain smells or tastes that help your nausea" Aaliyah said and I nodded, sniffing my wrist again. "It makes me look weird though. Imagine I walk by you and I'm sniffing my wrist intently" I chuckled.

"It's okay, you already look weird" She teased and I rolled my eyes, debating on hanging up on her.

"You know you really made me pause on Gordan Ramsey. Why do you want to put your baby up for adoption anyway?"

"I can't have my baby taken from me due to not being able to take care of it. You realize that if I can't care for this baby, the government will take him or her away from me and the idea of my baby being ripped away from me without my permission feels like someone stabbed me in the heart. You don't understand how terrified I am! No one ever talks about the logistics of having a baby. Everyone talks about how they find out they're pregnant, they tell their friends and family and live happily ever after. This shit fucking sucks. Yes, it's a beautiful thing that I get to grow a baby inside of me, but it isn't like it's a painless experience. I'm 10 weeks along today and I already have back pain, sore boobs, nausea, cravings, almost peeing my pants, not to mention I'm basically lying to people, plus there is the constant fear of losing the baby. You aren't in the clear until it's born. It's terrifying thinking about how I could do one thing wrong and lose my baby. Hell, I could do everything perfectly, and still lose the baby. It's fucking scary how much is out of your control. Not to mention, I still don't know how the fuck am I going to tell Colby I'm pregnant? Everyone else found out by accident! I told you and River because what else was I supposed to do? Katrina found out because my ass almost passed out in a fucking bowling alley. I had to tell Gabriel because he was the father and it's not like I can shove a pregnancy in his face, he isn't the dad. Sam found out because he saw Kat looking at my ultrasound photos. My dad found out because I fucking passed out in the hospital room, same with my siblings. Like how the fuck am I supposed to tell them? I was planning to be moved out by the time I was four months pregnant. I didn't want to include so many people in this." I cried and Aaliyah sighed, leaning against the bathroom door, twisting a threaded bracelet that was on her wrist.

"Is that what this is about? You're worried about Colby?" She asked and I shook my head.

"I'm worried about him being mad at me and kicking me out. I can't afford to live on my own. I honestly need to figure out this money shit before I bring this baby into our lives. Like how will I pay for it? I still need to go to college to even get anywhere with my life, I need to buy my own place before the baby gets here, because I'm not raising a baby with strangers. Whether they're my friends or not, they didn't sign up for a baby to be in their house." It was quiet for a second and rubbed at my eye and Jake spoke up, catching me off guard since I thought he was falling asleep.

"I think tomorrow, we need to sit down and figure out a way to do it. I know you don't want friends and family to give you money, but there are ways you can make more money, we just need to think about it. I don't want you to give up any of your dreams Leighton. You already gave up one of them, and I know you regret it to this day. I don't want that for you Leighton. You're like my sister, I can't lose you. We both know you want to keep this baby, so let's figure it out. Let's go to bed, and then tomorrow we can figure it out okay?"

~

When Lexi and I walked into the hospital, Landon was standing next to Cynthia with a big smile on his face. "Mom's awake!" He exclaimed, a grin filling out his cheeks.

"What?! Really?!" My face was full of surprise and he quickly nodded. I shoved his text books into his chest that Lexi and I had picked up from their school and ran into her room. "Mom!" I shouted, my eyes tearing up at the smile on her face.

"Hey sunshine!" She smiled even wider as I wiped the tears, going in to hug her.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up! How long have you been awake for?" I questioned and I saw a guilty look flash across her eyes, making me confused.

"Since about 4am-"

"MOM!" I yelled, appalled that she didn't have them call us.

"What? I wasn't going to bother my family! You guys needed your rest!" She gave a bashful smile and I wanted to smack her.

"You almost died so many times and you didn't want to bug us by telling us you were awake!?"

"I'm sorry Leighton, but you're pregnant, you need it!" Her cheeks reddened as her smile grew and I shook my head.

"Whatever! That was mean" I pouted and she tugged on my arm, pulling me into her chest.

"How is my baby girl doing?" She asked and I looked at her weirdly.

"We don't know the gender yet?"

"I meant my daughter dumbass" She laughed and I grinned, excited that she was back to her playful self

"Don't let dad hear you utter those words or you'll get grounded" I teased and she laughed. "I'm doing alright mom. I gotta get to work soon though" I sighed, not wanting to leave her side.

"I'll be okay Leigh. Go to work, make your money, have a good day sweetie. I'll be here when you get back. You need to stop putting your life on hold just because of me" She encouraged me and I shook my head.

"You scared the crap out of me! You can't just send me off like it didn't happen! How are you by the way?" I asked, taking a seat next to her.

"I'm alright baby. Just sore, tired and I get headaches. We've done this all before Leighton. I'll be okay. We have to trust that I will be okay" She squeezed my hand and I sobbed, feeling her grip tighten against my palm.

I never wanted to forget that feeling.

"Are you taking care of yourself? Sleeping, eating? Taking your vitamins?" She asked and I nodded.

"I have a timer on my phone to take the prenatals. It's like birth control all over again" I chuckled "You need to stop worrying about me! You're the one who had brain surgery! Take it easy mom!"

"It's a mothers duty to worry about her children, and now I get to worry about my grandbaby too!" She smiled and I felt my heart drop.

If only she knew what I thought I wanted to do...

~

It was currently 4pm and I just got off my shift at Target, holding a fresh paycheck in my hands. It felt good to see the dollar mount on it. To know I was making money.

I was one step closer to achieving step one of my plan, and the feeling felt empowering.

The house was quiet, so I figured no one was home. I made a quick PB&J, waiting for the text from my dad telling me when my mom had woken up so I could visit. I decided it was time to look into how to set up an adoption, needing to learn about the process. I knew I needed to talk to Gabe about it, but I wanted all the facts first so I spent about an hour researching agencies and the ins and outs of the process. Every time I read "new home" my heart bled.

I really wanted this baby, but I knew I couldn't. I had to think of the child before myself. He or she deserved better.

I found myself staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, viewing my side profile in hopes of seeing a bump, or more bloating. Anything to indicate I was growing a baby, and much to my surprise, there was one.

It was small, but it was there and hey, size doesn't count, right?

I smiled at my little bump, brushing my hand over the slightly bigger bloating as I watched it move in and out as I breathed.

I don't know how long I was in the bathroom, analyzing my stomach, but I heard the front door open and voices fill the entryway making me walk out.

"I mean I think we should have enough people to play on the trip?" I heard Colby reply to whatever their conversation was. I decided to ignore them. I walked over to the couch and found my place in the article I was previously reading. I figured they'd go do their own thing, that was until I felt eyes burning into my soul.

I slowly glanced up over my phone, seeing Sam and Colby looking at me. "This is creepy y'know" I muttered and Sam chuckled tilting his head, and I copied his actions, tiling my own.

What were they up to?

"Do you want to go somewhere haunted with us?" Sam asked and my face scrunched up, confused as to why they were asking me this out of nowhere.

"Now why on earth would I want to do that?" I asked, flabbergasted by the idea of them asking me out of everyone they knew.

"It'll be fun!" Sam grinned and I could see he was going to do his best to convince me.

I needed convincing? How bad was this going to be? What were they up to?

"Where is it?" I asked, deciding to humor this idea they had, and he bit his lip. "It's a forest about 3 hours from here" He informed me and I shook my head. "Hell no. Last time I went into the woods I was hospitalized" Not to mention, pregnant, which he knew!

It would be extremely dangerous for me to go on this adventure. Anything could happen, and I needed to protect my little one! Why would he invite me to go to the woods with them if he knew I was pregnant?

"Please Leighton!" He begged and I eyed Colby who was glancing between Sam and I

What were they up to?

"Why do I have to go?" I asked, trying to figure out what their idiotic plan was.

I get Colby asking, since he didn't know, but Sam?

"Because I want to take someone who hasn't been! Nate's been already. I want to take someone who hasn't been before!" He said and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"That's the biggest load of bullshit you've ever said to me. Spill Sam" I raised my eyebrows at him, tired of whatever sly game they were trying to play.

"I'm not lying!" His outburst was loud, catching me by surprise.

"Bullshit Sam!" I shouted and he took a step back making me try to hold back a chuckle.

"Okay fine! We want to hang out with you" He confessed and I started laughing, causing them all to look at me weirdly.

And there it was.

"So let me get this straight, you wanted to con me into going to some haunted sketchy ass forest with you guys, just because you wanted to hang out?" I asked, catching my breath as I sat up.

"I mean, we also need to film a video" Sam confessed and I chuckled again, shaking my head in disbelief

"I'll hang out with you guys, but can we just play a game or something? I worked for 8 hours. I don't want to get lost in a forest" I half lied, giving Sam a knowing look.

Yes, I didn't want to go walking in a forest after working a long shift, but I most importantly didn't want to fall on my face and hurt my baby.

I definitely wasn't looking forward to growing as big as a watermelon and having swollen ankles. Walking would definitely suck then, so maybe I should get in as much walking now as I could before my ankles are bigger than my head.

"How about we invite over some of our friends?" Colby suggested and my heart raced at the idea of more people coming over and possibly learning my secret.

If I leave every 2 seconds to pee or vomit, surely they're smart enough to put two and two together.

"Can I invite over someone?" I asked, catching them off guard.

"You have friends?" Colby asked and my jaw dropped. "What is that supposed to mean!?"

"I only ever see you hang out with Jake" He told me and I glared at him.

I pushed myself up off the couch and I felt like a bladder was going to combust.

Fuck

I quickly shoved them out of the way and went to book it to the bathroom, only for Nate to be in the bathroom.

Oh I'm not going to make it.

I can't have my first time peeing my pants as a pregnant person when I'm 10 weeks along! Peeing your pants is embarrassing as it is, but it's even more embarrassing when you're not even that far along!

I repeatedly said "fuck" in my head as I quickly ran upstairs, rushing to the hallway bathroom. I have never been more thankful that I wasn't the size of an elephant with my baby weighing me down as I rushed up these stairs. If I couldn't move quickly, I for sure would've combusted on their stairs.

What was I? A puppy? Ugh.

"Oh thank god" I sighed, thankful I didn't pee myself in front of the boys.

I knew I should've peed when I got home.

I swear sometimes I forget I'm pregnant.

I frowned, that word repeating in my head

Pregnant

Was I really going to do this? Could I do this?

Could I let go of my baby?

Could I really go through with the adoption idea?

"Leighton, are you okay?" Sam asked outside the bathroom. I dried my hands, opened the door and nodded. "I was gonna piss my pants man" I breathed out and Sam laughed. "The bean is killing me" I grumbled, trying to be discreet in case Colby was nearby.

I honestly couldn't wait to tell him. I was tired of hiding. It was exhausting. I wish I knew what his reaction would be so I would be less afraid, but sadly the fear and anxiety kept winning.

All I could think about is how he already hated me, and I had no money to support myself.

I needed him, and that crushed me.

I hated depending on people

We walked back downstairs and Colby was talking to someone on his phone and Nate was scrolling through Instagram on his phone.

"Do you work this weekend Leighton?" Colby asked after he hung up with whoever he was talking to, catching me off guard yet again.

"Um.. I work tomorrow but I'm off till Tuesday" I sat down, grabbing a blanket from behind me to cover my tummy since I wasn't wearing a hoodie.

Last thing I needed was my shirt to cling to me and my little pudge to poke out.

I know I was being dramatic and that they more than likely wouldn't notice considering it probably was just bloating from all the water I've been drinking. Last thing I needed was for Colby to find out, add it to his case of why I'm sketchy, and then kick me out.

"Do you want to come with us to the Airbnb?" Colby asked and I couldn't help but glare at him.

"You already uninvited me dumbass"

Okay, so apparently pregnant me holds grudges now. That's good to know I guess.

I frowned at the idea of this baby slowly chipping my true self away, I just hoped these thoughts and feelings were worth it in the end.

"I'm sorry. The reason behind it was childish, will you please come with us?" He asked again and I frowned, trying to read through his lies.

Why did he have such a change of heart suddenly?

"Why would I want to come with you guys to a place you didn't want me to go to in the first place?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Leighton, can I talk to you for a minute alone?" Colby asked and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Why?"

"Please?" He begged, confusing me even more.

Was I asleep? Why was everyone acting so weird today?

Nate and Sam looked at us weirdly as Colby stood up and walked up the stairs. I glanced over to Sam who gave me a weird look, telling me he didn't know so I just blindly followed Colby, and I found him just chilling on the floor in the hallway.

"What the fuck?" I laughed, Colby laying on his back in the hallway. I decided to join him, and I laid down parallel next to him.

"Whatcha doin'?" I turned my head to face him and I saw a grin fill his face before he replied.

"Just chilling. What 'bout you?" He asked, staring up at the ceiling.

"J chillin'" I replied, going back to look at the ceiling. We laid in silence until I spoke up again. "Is this what you wanted from me?" I asked and he shook his head, sitting up and turning so he was leaning against the wall.

I copied his movement so we were sitting across from each other.

"I wanted to call a truce" He said and my lips pursed a little, my forehead wrinkling. "A truce? I didn't know we were in war" I replied and I felt my eyes feel tired from trying to gain any reading off of him.

I felt like all of today's events were finally hitting me. Things like me saying I wanted to put the baby up for adoption, to my mom waking up, to working to where we are now, I felt like my body was hit by a truck, and all I wanted to do was take a fat nap.

"Look, I'll stop thinking you're an evil witch, if you agree to not be an evil witch" He smirked and I pulled my lips in, a smile forming on my face against my will. "How am I supposed to eat the children then?" I bit my lip, trying not to break my cover. I watched his chest shake a little from the laugh he held back and made a "fair point" motion with his head, then leaned his head against the wall so his neck was stretched out and I watched his Adam's apple move, making my insides quiver a little bit.

God I needed to get laid.

It was quiet for a second before I let out an exhale. "I have a question" I spoke up, eying him and his eyes opened and he sat up straighter.

"Okay?"

"Will you tell me why you think I'm sketchy other than thinking I self harmed?" I asked and I watched his face fill with dread, causing a pit to form in my stomach.

"Look Leighton, I'm sorry. I know my words won't change my actions, but I am sorry for sussing you all the time"

"But why? If we are calling a truce, can I at least know what you're sussing? Is there any way I can clear the air with how you were and or are feeling?" I asked and he sighed before nodding.

"The day you got here for the interview, I was nervous because one, you are really pretty, but two, I knew you didn't fuck around. Before you ask, I never planned on pinning after you. I have no intentions of trying to get with you. That's not what this is about. I can admit you're beautiful though. It started when you walked in. You were the first girl we had interviewed to be our roommate, and I had told you when you came over how the other interviews had gone, so I was nervous you'd turn out like those ones. Like I already told you, we've never had to go through this process before. We usually knew someone who knew someone that needed somewhere to live. When you sat down on the couch you held your posture in a way that came off like you were very professional. Like this wasn't your first rodeo, but you also held a sense of insecurity. Like it was a cover up and you were hiding something. The way you were sitting, you showed you meant business, but the way your foot bounced and you fiddled with your rings meant you were nervous. I coughed it up to be because you were nervous for the interview. Then you somehow got really close to Kat, and I couldn't help but wonder how. Like I felt like there was a motive. Like Kat is all cute and bubbly, it's how we became friends and how she got Sam to date her" He grinned, almost seeming like he was reminiscing. "But when you guys met, she literally made you cry which was kind of bewildering. I don't think she's ever made someone cry before, and before I knew it, you guys were like best friends. You hung out alone a lot, she talked highly of you, she was mad that I thought you were being weird.. like she was all team Leighton, and then eventually Sam was also Team Leighton. It kind of felt like you were getting everyone to turn on me. Like you manipulated them into your plan, and I was the only one who could see through it. It felt like I was looking into a two way mirror. I will be honest, Sam asked you to live with us before I agreed to it and that also made me upset, and I was probably more annoyed with you than I should've been. Being kind of big on YouTube in our own little way, I'm used to people using us. Meeting new people is fun and exciting, but there is always that thought in the back of your head of "What are their intentions" because a lot of people used us, to gain off of. Like we had this cool idea, we did it, they saw it did well, they copied it ectara. One of our old roommates did that, and still does. Like even people we trusted turned their backs on us, so how was I supposed to trust a complete stranger who gave me the vibe of "I have a plan, watch me fool these idiots". I felt like you had a tactic and were up to something, and it made me nervous to live with you. I didn't want to feel like I had to always watch my back in my own home. We did that way too much these past few years. One of the reasons we only lived with Jake for a while after two of our other friends moved out. Every time I tried to tell Sam my concerns, he ignored me. Well I guess that isn't true. He did listen to me, he just thought I was reading too much into it, and y'know, maybe I was. I will say looking back on it, that that whole scenario was strange. We are pretty good at talking through things, but in my point of view, it felt like he had made up his mind and didn't care about what I had to say, and that was frustrating. But Sam thought I was acting weird because you were a girl, which wasn't the case at all. I've lived with other people's girlfriends before. I didn't care that you were a girl, but he went through with the roommate thing anyway. Our old roommates always did game night and stuff when we lived in a different house. Like we always hung out together at night unless we weren't home, and you wanted nothing to do with us, and I know that is an unfair suspicion, but I found it odd. Like why didn't you want to hang out with your new roommates? Get to know each other and create some sort of bond? Granted, we were all friends before so even that I will admit is a little different, and I probably overreacted, I'm sorry. And yes we moved in with strangers before, but we did know some people beforehand. But it still felt weird seeing you want nothing to do with us and I thought that was strange as well. You're like no one we've ever lived with before, and it triggered some alarm bells. It was just a completely different scenario and like Kat told me yesterday, you're different. Which isn't a bad thing! It's just hard adapting to new things, especially in your own home. Everyone we've lived with or are friends with, are pretty heavy into social media, and you don't have one at all. Which is kinda weird, just saying" He gave me a weird look that read "just saying" making me fidget with my rings, feeling the need to explain myself, even though I already told him why. "Like you have a job, and that has never been anything we've ever had to consider before. Everyone we hang out with does Social Media. They go by their own hours. We usually just text the group chat, see if anyone wants to come with us, and plan that way. We've never had to be like "Do you work on this day or that day" which adds to a whole new level of trying to hang out with you. When I found out your mother was going to have brain surgery that night we spontaneously went over to your parents house, I'll be honest, I felt sympathy. Not in the sense of, "Oh her mother is having brain surgery, how sad for her" but in the sense of "Oh her being scatterbrained is making a little more sense" Like I felt a little guilty for being so hard on you. For thinking you were up to more than you actually were. When Kat and your sister went upstairs to get you for the movie, Aaliyah asked your mom if she was nervous for her surgery, and obviously none of us knew about it and we were all confused, but she said that she had already done it once, and that she had to believe she'd be able to make it through again, it clicked that part of your weird actions. I thought about how it could have been because you had a lot to worry about with your mom's surgery being so soon. This past week, I've noticed you're more down to earth, even when you're still dramatic at times. Like you let your hard shell shatter for a couple hours, and showed us you aren't who we thought you were, in the best ways and I wish you'd show us that version of yourself more often. It's so much easier to hang out with you, when you let your guard down. I feel like I don't have to look for any signs, and I can actually enjoy your company. I know that sounds like the most obvious thing, but you NEVER let your guard down. I don't want the only version I see of you, to be the one protecting herself. You're more fun when your guard is down and you're enjoying yourself, than when you're always on edge." Colby's face had a really small smile on it, before his facial muscles relaxed and he started talking again. "Sam and I are home a lot, and we never see you. We see you pass in the halls, sometimes get food... but it was always like oh she's awake, she left, she came home and went to bed. You've been here for about a month now, and it's always been the same cycle. I was nervous to invite you on this friend's trip, because I couldn't help but let the idea in the back of my head toy with me some more. Like, what if she did have a plan to screw us all over? What if she leaked our phone number or our address? What if she was secretly trying to befriend my friends, gain clout off of them and then steal them and make her own thing out of it. I know it all has to do with trust issues and anxiety around what had previously happened... but I couldn't help but let it truly control me when I saw Sam become Team Leighton. Sam has been my best friend since we were 14 and it felt like he was easily replacing me, and it hurt. I'm sorry I took it out on you but I couldn't just let you steal him away from me, even if that wasn't your intention at all, so I acted out, and I'm sorry. That's why I wanted to call a truce. I was tired of being on edge, and watching your every move and thinking you were out to get us" he sighed and then paused before eyeing me "You're not out to get us are you?"  He joked and I kept a straight face as I replied, watching his face drop into a look of dread.

"That's for me to know and for you to find out" I teased and he narrowed his eyes a little at me, and I could tell he was trying to see if I was messing with him or not.

"You're not fucking with me right?" He asked again and I cracked a smile, shaking my head.

"I swear I have no plans to screw you guys over. Is it time for me to be honest?" I asked and he raised an eyebrow.

"I mean, I guess. What, you got secrets?" He asked and I gnawed the inside of my lip, shrugging.

"Sam knows, so I guess I only got secrets from you.  Let me tell the story from my point of view, and hopefully it will clear out any air holes yours has. So Aaliyah found you guys. She found your application and told me to apply. I had no clue who you guys were, and I was nervous to meet you guys because it was a household of guys, and for all I know you'll rape me or something, but anyway, you guys were the only option I had. With my current situation, I didn't want to live with my ex-boyfriend and I didn't want to move back home, but I'm tight on money and I didn't want to live with someone who's rent was really cheap. I guess you can say I'm paranoid of living with strangers. I went from my home with my parents to an apartment with my longtime boyfriend. Anyway, my... what you would call, motive or scheme or plan or whatever, was that I'd live here short term, get on my feet and leave. You would all forget about me. It was just a blip of time y'know? Like something you'd vaguely remember. I wanted to be out of here in a couple months, that was the plan. I just needed somewhere temporary to stay. I had no intentions of befriending you guys because I never planned to stay. My mind is focused on earning money, so I had to get a job and then the next step would be to rent an apartment and you guys would forget about me. I had zero intentions of mooching off you, or stealing your fame or followers or whatever it is you guys have. Kat and I clicked over something I don't want to talk about just yet, and she was there for me when others weren't."

"So you're leaving us?" He asked and I sighed, not prepared to talk about this yet.

I didn't even know my own plans yet, how was I supposed to answer him?

Now was my chance thought. I could tell him I was pregnant and it would explain everything he'd want to know... but there was one problem.

I was afraid.

Terrified even.

"Well I have some stuff going on in my life, that puts me down that path, so yeah, I'm working towards it" I shrugged and he nodded slowly.

Crap, did I make things worse?

"Is there any way we could help you?" Colby asked and I sighed, not wanting any handouts.

I shook my head, messing with the strings coming out of the rips in my jeans.

"You don't have to pay rent. That could help?" He suggested, and I shook my head.

"You guys wanted 200, and I agreed to it. Just because you know I'm struggling doesn't mean you get to hand me an easy way out" I fought and he rolled his eyes, propping his leg up, and leaning his elbow on his knee, his knuckles resting against his jaw.

"It wouldn't be an easy way out. I'm just trying to help" I could tell he was starting to feel defeated, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want help. I didn't want the easy way out. I wanted to look back and know I never took shortcuts. That I did it the right, hard working way.

"I want to be proud of myself for doing it. I'll be okay. It's just going to take longer than I thought. I already talked with Aaliyah and there are some avenues I can take. I'll be okay. Don't worry about me" I gave him a fake smile and he seemed to be eyeing me down.

Fuck, was he on to me? Did he know how bad it was?

I felt like anxiety was taking over my body and I wanted nothing more than to spill my guts, but I couldn't.

Colby nodded, stood up and offered me his hand. "Truce?" He asked and I nodded, taking his hand in my own and he helped me up.

"Truce" I shook his hand and he grinned, nodding as well.

"We better go downstairs before Sam and Nate think we're up to no good" Colby mumbled and I stopped in my tracks, watching him walk down the steps.

What does that mean?

I walked downstairs and Sam was standing in the kitchen.

I walked downstairs and Sam was standing in the kitchen when he asked me "So Leighton, are you coming with us?" and I'm sure surprise was written all over my face, which would be the explanation for his confused glanced towards Colby.

Oh yeah. That.

"Um..." I glanced over at Colby, remembering our truce and slowly nodding, watching his grin make the apple of his cheeks pop.

I guess sometimes you really do get to start over.

* * * *

Written on: January 6th, 7th, 8th 2022

Word Count: 6.4k

Part Seventeen

[lovemesomesurveys]

Is it currently raining where you are? No, but it was raining all day yesterday. I loved it.  

What's something that you have been wanting to say to someone? *shrug* What's your favorite thing to do at the end of the day? Well, I take my nighttime meds around 1030 or 11PM (it’s wild that I actually go to bed at a decent time now like most days I’m asleep before midnight thanks to my sleeping pill lol), so we have dinner around like 7 or 8 and my mom and I, sometimes my brother as well, watch TV until then.  When did you last use a lighter or matches? I don’t use them because I’m a scardy cat.  Do you or anyone you know have covid or the flu? My grandparents and one of my cousins currently have COVID. 

Do you have a hard time letting things go? Yes.  What did you last have to eat? A couple of Reese’s. I’ve always loved those, but these past few months I’ve literally been obsessed. Like, I have a couple (or a few, ha) just about everyday. I’ve gone through so many bags... :X Are you allergic to anything that is unusual? I’m allergic to tangerines, which is kinda random.  When did you last feel fear? Currently. I’m still dealing with health stuff and there’s certain things I’m afraid of happening.  What did you last drop? I think it was a roll of paper towels.  Have you ever been to a Halloween themed amusement park? No. What's something about your health that you would like to change? Everything? My health has taken so much from me. I haven’t felt like myself in SO long. This whole year was stolen from me. I want to be able to do things again and not have to be so dependent. I feel like I’m just wasting away. When did you last look on the mirror? Earlier when I brushed my teeth. I avoid looking into mirrors as much as possible cause I’m so self-conscious, so it’s only briefly when I really need to. I honestly prefer to use something like the back of my phone case that allows me to see enough, but it’s not a clear or full image like looking in a mirror. Yeah, I have issues.  When did you last have to go to the doctor? This past Thursday.  What color is your favorite shirt? Most of my shirts are black. What last made you smile? My mom brought me a bag of Reese’s.  Have you ever walked through a sunflower field? No. How often do you listen to music? I rarely do anymore, it’s so weird. For most of my life I always listened music, like not a day went by without it, but for the past couple years I’ve hardly listened to it and I don’t know why.  Are you a fan of Taylor Swift? What's your favorite song from her? No. Would you be happy if you got a lifetime supply of the last thing you purchased? I would love a lifetime supply of Reese’s, haha.  What's something great that has happened to you recently? I got positive news from my last doctor appointment, which was great. Finally seeing some real improvement with something I’ve been dealing with for years. Having a feeding tube and getting a lot of my nutrients that way, plus normal eating, has certainly made a difference. The progress has been slow, but hey it’s progress and I’ll take it.  How old were you when you had your first best friend? I was in preschool, so like 4.  Do you believe that anything is infinite? Well, I believe in life after death.  What did you last order from a fast food restaurant? My usual Taco Bell order: a bean burrito with no onions and extra sauce and cheese, a Doritos Loco taco supreme with no lettuce or tomato, a couple Cinnabon Delights, and a side of guacamole and sour cream. I’ve been obsessed with Taco Bell, too, which some of ya’ll may recall my obsession a few years ago lol.  How often do you have to purchase shampoo and conditioner? My mom stockpiles it cause she gets a discount at her job, so it’s been awhile since we’ve needed to.  What was the last pain you've had on your body? My back.  Is there anything currently bothering you? At this current moment I’m hot. I hate it because it’s been cold and my family is like wrapped in blankets all the time, but for some reason I’ve been hot most of the time. Last year I practically lived in my heating blanket, but I can’t even imagine needing that now. Although, I was really sick last year (worse than I ever knew, which I already thought it was pretty bad) so that’s likely why. I was so frail. :/ Would you ever paint your bedroom bright blue? Certain shades of it, perhaps.  What's your favorite way to eat rice? I like Spanish rice in my burritos sometimes. I’m not a big rice fan, though. Do you currently have a window open? No. I kinda want to open mine since I’m warm, but it’d get too cold for my family.  What kind of jacket do you like wearing most? I like my puffer coat.  Do you own a sherpa blanket? No. Are you currently wearing something green? I am, actually. I have a green shirt and a green bracelet.  Have you recently lost something? No. What's something that has really impacted your life? The incident that made me a paraplegic when I was 7 months old. That led to countless doctor visits throughout my life, several surgeries, and many health struggles.  What scents can you currently smell? The hand sanitizer I used earlier.  What did you last have as a snack? A couple Reese’s.  Are you currently listening to music? No. Would you say you're a strong person? I feel like a weak person, physically and emotionally, but I know some would say otherwise.  What's something you miss from the past? I really miss my childhood. It wasn’t without struggles, but honestly I think of more positive things when I look back on that time. I miss being a kid.  When did you last rush for something? I had to kinda rush to get ready for my appointment the other morning.  Do you require a lot of personal space or do you enjoy being around people often? I do like and need my personal space, but I also enjoy time spent with my family.  Have you drank enough water today? No.  Do you like lima beans? Blech, nooo.  What was the last lie you told? Uhhhh. What did you last plug into an outlet? I don’t remember.  Do you have anything due soon? Yes, but I paid all my bills for the month already. I need to hurry up and finish my Christmas shopping, though.  How many bottles do you see from where you're sitting? Two.  What was the last thing you took a picture of? It was a screen shot of a possible gift idea for my brother. 

[bumackerman]

warnings: sfw, light cursing, slightly suggestive at the end.

@aprilsdelights asked:

could i request c, m, n, and x for uraraka and/or monoma? from the sfw list. thank youuu <3

a/n: can i just say that this is my first time writing for a girl (not that it’s much different), and i am REALLY proud of myself. >:3 also, monoma’s is a bit long. he’s my favorite bnha character, so pardon me. ~>~

¬ c (cuddles): do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?

✦ yes! this girl is a sucker for cuddles! any chance she gets to hug her s/o, she will most definitely take it!

✦ due to her care-taking nature, she loves to be the big spoon! you’re not complaining, though. your back pressed against her chest is very comfortable.

✦ her favorite time to cuddle is when you guys are watching a movie together. she loves it when you lay on her lap as she gently runs her fingers through your locks. she likes the feeling of your hair on her finger tips. sometimes she even uses her quirk to make your hair stand up because she thinks it looks funny. (she’s so cute :,3)

¬ m (morning): how are mornings spent with them?

✦ have you ever seen those movies where couples brush their teeth together in the morning and look super happy just to be spending time with eachother? that’s literally uraraka and her s/o.

✦ you get dressed together, help pick out each other’s outfits, and genuinely just enjoy each other’s company.

✦ sometimes in the mornings, you‘ll make her fluffy pancakes in the shape of a cat, and she goes crazy every time. she’ll pepper kisses all over your face and hug you like she’s never seen pancakes before.

✦ “baby, why are you so excited? they’re just pancakes...” you ask with a blush spread across your cheeks. (‘raka is probably crying happy tears, not gonna lie.)

✦ “they’re not just pancakes! they’re CAT pancakes!” she says with happy tears rolling down her cheeks. you giggle as you kiss her tears away and lift her chin. leaning in, you press a gentle, but passionate kiss to hers lips, “you’re so cute,” you say as you pull away. “...i love you.”

¬ n (night): how are nights spend with them?

✦ night time is the perfect time for relaxation. a nice calming bubble bath with her s/o is just what uraraka needs. after a long day of hero work and nausea, all she wants is sparkling water and kisses in the bathtub from the love of her life.

¬ x (xtra): random headcanon.

✦ this may sound cheesy, but i think uraraka likes to feed her s/o sweets. not in the normal way, though. i think she enjoys using her quirk to float cake, candies, etc. into her s/o’s mouth and they have to catch it. i think it’s a fun little game that they made up, and damn, is it cute.

✦ “catch!” uraraka’s melodic voice rings out. you turn to face your girlfriend. seeing a piece of her birthday cake floating toward you, you quickly maneuver to catch in in your mouth. the sweet vanilla flavour soothes the taste buds on your tongue. the sound of her giggles made your heart flutter as you began to laugh.

✦ you shake your head at her smiling face. “too cute.” you say as you kiss the tip of her nose.

¬ c (cuddles): do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?

✦ to put it plainly, monoma is a brat. this kid refuses to admit that he wants to be cuddled. his ego is easily bruised, so please, for the love of god, do not confront him about it. if you straight up ask him if he wants to be cuddled, he’ll get deeply offended and probably pout in the corner like a little baby.

✦ if you notice that he’s finding (not so subtle) ways to get closer to, or run his mouth to you while sitting on the couch, please just push him over and lay on top of him. he’ll shut up real quick.

✦ his favorite position to cuddle in is when his s/o lays on top of him. he falls asleep really quickly when your weight is on his chest and his arms are wrapped around your body.

¬ m (morning): how are mornings spent with them?

✦ in the morning time, monoma always wakes up earlier than his s/o, which gets really old for them. especially because he will purposely be loud to wake you up so that he doesn’t have to coax you to get up yourself.

✦ even though he’s annoying, sometimes he’ll attempt to be a sweetheart and actually wake you up to the smell of pancakes and coffee from a nearby café. (don’t bully him, he’s trying his best :,)

✦ he’s not really the best at cooking. although, when he does try to cook, he looks really cute in the little apron that he wears. it’s way too small because it’s not his, but pink really suits him.

✦ the way he confidently squeezes the handle of his spatula as he stares intently into the pan (trying really hard not to burn anything) is really, really adorable. it’s so hard to resist kissing him while he’s concentrating.

✦ alas, you can’t resist the temptation of feeling his soft lips on yours any further. sneaking up behind him, you wrap your arms around your boyfriend and press your cheek against his back, making him snap out of his trance.

✦ “mornin’, bub.” you say in a sweet whisper. you hear his heart beat faster before the sound of loud sizzling drowns it out. monoma puts the spatula down neatly on the counter top before turning to face you.

✦ “good morning, my love.” he says with a softened grin. leaning in, he presses a lingering kiss to your forehead, and then to your lips. his long eyelashes brush softly against your skin. “how did you sleep?” he asks as he pulls away.

✦ you shrug, and turn to go sit at the kitchen island. “wasn’t anything special.” he chuckles and turns back toward the stove. his eyes widen as he fumbles around to grab the spatula again. “oh, shit! fuck, fuck, fuck-,” his panicking voice echoed off of the empty kitchen walls.

✦ soon enough, he turned the stove off and dropped the spatula into the pan, alongside a seared pancake. the smell of burnt food stung your nose as you awaited his declaration of defeat.

✦ an amused smile spread across your lips, “...you burnt it, didn-”

✦ “i burnt it.”

¬ n (night): how are nights spent with them?

✦ after a long, EXHAUSTING day of being monoma’s side kick, you take the time to change into your pajamas and go straight to bed. if you don’t, your head will surely explode if you hear him boasting about how you’re his underling.

✦ the only reason you’re putting up with it is because you couldn’t bare to see him as someone else’s side kick. that would just crush him. you love him too much for that.

✦ that smug smile of his is heavenly compared to his pretty face twisted into a frown. just imagining your boyfriend with his bottom lip pushed out into a quivering pout makes your heart ache. you want his beautiful blue eyes to be filled with pride, rather than seeing them filled with tears (unless it’s in a good way ;).

¬ x (xtra): random headcanon.

✦ i think monoma would often secretly copy your quirk just to learn a unique trick with it so that he can teach it to you later on.

✦ he would just get super excited that he can teach you something for once.

11/25/20

[raeisgrayte]

Must Be Fa(e)te~ Chapter One

There was a fable my mother used to tell me all the time when I was a little girl. It was about a regal queen, a noble monarch who lead her people with pride, though I always thought the princess was my favorite character. She was a warrior who fought in the great war against the human realm. She was someone who stood up for what she thought was right, like fighting against the humans polluting the beautiful springs that the merfolk of Wellspring lived in. The best part about the princess though, was her rainbow wings. My mother told of how the princess only used them when absolutely necessary. She was more of a walking girl, she liked taking walks through the forest's abundant beauty. She was magical, too magical. That's how I knew my mom was making this up as she went.

I only wish it were true, then maybe I could actually blame a real life person for making me the homosexual I am today. Instead when people ask about my "awakening" I have to tell them I fell in love with a made-up fairy princess when I was 3. Usually they giggle and agree that they knew it at a young age too, but some want to know more about the story. I always tell them, it's a good story after all. It leaves my lips turned up in a smile afterwards, thinking about magic and gay shit.

God how I yearn for some excitement around this town. We all just walk around with somewhere to go. I never saw someone stop by to smell the roses unless they were with a loved one. I let out a large sigh, putting my left hand on the wooden counter in my grandfather's pop up flower shop, Love You Florever. It was a play on the word floral, but I think everyone I tell about the flower shop understands, I just want to make sure. There are the people who give me a strange look and then those who seem genuinely happy that my grandfather was such a punster. I miss him.

I hear the ding of the bell before I can go into one of those really sad moments where I start thinking about all the lovely memories I had with my grandad. I will not be having a sad montage in my head today! Not after what happened last time. I'm still stuck in my thoughts, trying to be funny, when I hear someone clear their throat. I cringe at how awkward I must look right now laughing at my own jokes, inside my head. "Ahaha, heyyyyyy, welcome to Love You Florever! Would you like to-" My brain short circuits when I finally meet the gaze of the goddess who has stepped foot into the shop. Oh lawdy I'm about to faint. She has beautiful almond brown eyes with a mole under her left eye. I'm drawn to the envious length of her lashes and how they brush gently against her cheeks as she blinks. She has short ebony hair that shimmers in the setting sunlight. Her lips curve up in a smile and she tilts her head curiously.

"Would I like to what?" She teases, a small laugh leaving her mouth. That's it, I give up. If there is a God I'm coming to visit you real soon. This girl was beautiful and her voice is so smooth I thought my brain was oozing out of my ears. I feel my face start to flush from embarrassment.

"Oh-um, sorry. I have trouble thinking sometimes." I laugh and scratch the back of my neck nervously.

"Like a medical thing?" She questions, her eyes flashing with concern like she had offended me. My eyes go wide and I shoot out my hand shaking it in a 'no' manor.

"No no no no, oh god no! You're fine, I  mean like my brain just-" I hit my head softly to insinuate that I'm just a dumb gay bitch, "you know, doesn't work? Especially around pretty women- I mean," I drag my hand down my face. "Fuck." I whisper through gritted teeth. This makes her laugh loudly, so much that she wipes her eyes. She lays a hand down on the counter and grins at me.

"Thank you and I totally get the whole brain malfunction thing." She smirks as her eyes search my face. I feel like she's trying to indirectly tell me something. After an awkward amount of silence she bends her other hand at the wrist in the viral tik-tok "hey I'm gay" gesture. If this were a movie I'd look into the camera as everything pauses and I'd say oh my god, a gay.

I shake my head in understanding now. "Ah." I squeeze my eyes shut and let out a small chuckle. "I'm so sorry, um, would you like to buy anything?" I ask with a smile. I was running the store after all. I had to try to make some money. Her lips lift in a big smile and she suddenly looks nervous.

"Well, actually I came in here because you were the only flower I saw in here." First off, rude. She covers her face as a blush starts to form. Second of all, awww. I didn't really know what to say. I mean I could tell she was trying to hit on me, but her game was a little off. We'd just met and I don't know if she's a killer or something- oh who am I kidding?

"Oh really? That sounds about right to me." I smile as her face lights up.

"Oh gosh! I was so nervous but also confident that you weren't straight. I was so scared that I had misjudged you and there would be this whole thing-" Bo Burnham's Welcome to the Internet starts playing and I scramble to find my phone. I look at her apologetically as I finally find my phone buzzing in my back pocket. I see that it's my mom calling me, she knows I'm working the store today. I instantly answer it and turn away from the girl.

"Ello stinky, what are you doing calling me at work?" I ask in a posh British accent. I wait for my mom to reply, but all I hear is silence. Oh my goodness, did she butt dial me? "Mom? Are you there?" A whisper of anxiety drips into my stomach.

"Oralee, did you use my shampoo?" The sound of her voice calms the panic and I roll my eyes simultaneously. Funny how that works. Her shampoo?

"Are you talking about when I took a shower this morning? The strawberry stuff?" I question. I can almost hear my mother's annoyed groan.

"Yes the strawberry stuff, you know I'm going on a date tonight. My hair has to smell like strawberries! You know this." I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose.

"I didn't know you were going on a date tonight. When did that happen? I thought you were done with men and no I didn't use your shampoo." I reply curtly. I hear some shuffling around in the background and then it clears.

"Listen you know I haven't been getting any-"

"Mom! Oh my god! Shut up shut up!" I yell into the phone. I shudder with disgust at the thought of my mom speaking like she was a teen again. I hear her laughing at my pain and I almost hang up. "I cannot believe you, what is wrong with you!?"

"Hey nothing is wrong with me okay? I'm just a bisexual mother who needs two or three people to comfort me in the ways of the b o d y." She whispers the last part and I feel my whole body want to shrivel up and die.

"I cannot believe you. You're a tyrant." I hiss.

"But you love me." She quips.

"Yeah, I do. Now I have to go mom, I have a customer." I smile as I turn around.

"Ooou! Tell me all about her when you get home! Love you!" She yells and before I can ask her how she knew it was a girl she hangs up. I finally look up but the girl that was there before is now gone. I close my eyes and groan. There's goes any hope at living a happy life with a beautiful wife and a dog. I flop down in my swivel chair and continue to watch all the people walk past my beautiful flowers. Everyone was too busy getting somewhere, but I knew one day they'd rush in through my doors wanting some romantic flowers. I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. Yeah, that day will come.

+          +          +          +          +

"Lee do you like this one?" My mother holds up a small red dress with a low v-neck. Her eyebrows wiggle and I can tell she really likes this one.

"Well, let's see it on." I grin as she giddily runs into her ensuite bathroom and shuts the door. I lay back on her bed wishing I had asked that girl to wait for me to finish my phone call. Oh well, I guess it wasn't meant to be. Like most situations with girls, it never ended well for me. There was that time I had a major crush on the barista that worked in the Starbucks across the street from the shop. I convinced myself she had to be gay with how many rings and piercings she had. Turns out that was just how she liked to express herself and I learned quickly that assuming makes an ass out of you and me. You should never place feelings or sexualities on someone you don't know. You shouldn't even do that to someone you do know. Such as myself, I don't like to label myself as bisexual or lesbian, I'm more off the grid I guess. I like men okay, but then some days I will literally vomit at the thought of the male touch. It changes with the breeze to be honest. I just enjoy people's company and if something happens then I guess it does. Though, it never has. My mom has told me the day will come when I want to go serious with someone, but I'm pretty sure she was drunk when she told me that. Honestly I wish I was drunk when she told me that because then I wouldn't have to think that I'm such a failure at this romance shit.  

"So? What do we think?" Mom spins out of the bathroom and into the last bit of sunlight shining through her window. Wow, she looks absolutely gorgeous. I can't help but cover my mouth to hide the smile I have. The dress brushes at her knees and curves up her hips to support her larger than average chest.

"You look gross." I purse my lips and put on my best mean girl face on. She laughs and pushes my shoulder.

"Thanks Lee, I'll be heading out soon. Make sure you take care of Mirage, you know how she likes to let us know when we didn't feed her." I nod and watch as she goes to get ready for a night out. I didn't really care if she went out, I was used to being alone. In fact I appreciated some alone time here and there like everyone else. It was comforting to just be able to scream musical songs without the fear my mom would come join me.

"I'm going to head into my room!" I call into the bathroom. I hear her hum in acknowledgement so I turn on my heel and head towards her door. Mirage, our ragdoll cat purrs as she wraps her body around my legs, nearly tripping me. I grin and bend down to pet her. "Hey girl, you saying bye to mom too? She's going out to find some relief. She's been stressed lately for some reason, but we're going to behave and be nice to her. Right?" Mirage mews at me and I can tell there is nothing behind those eyes. She was just happy to be here. I chuckle and stroke her head. I decide to pick her up and take her with me into my room. I struggle to open my bedroom door with Mirage in my arms, but manage finally to swing open the door. I sigh as I smell the mango air freshener. I set Mirage down on my pink comforter that has a white swirling pattern. Mirage plops down with her muzzle burrowed under the blanket. I smile to myself, it's been a pretty nice Saturday.

I was about to sit down in my desk chair to chill and play some Minecraft, but I realize that I need to close my curtains or else I'm going to forget it all together and I know I'll curse myself in the morning if I don't do it now. I sigh and walk over to my two windows. The purple curtains flutter in the ac gracefully, almost like they're dancing. I grab hold of one of them ready to shut, but as I happen to look out of my window I start to notice someone in the middle of the road. A chill runs down my spin, it was creepy for someone to just be standing there. They could be waiting for someone I guess, but why in the middle of the road? There's a low feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I can't help the peak of curiosity I also feel. After all, my mother was about to go out, I want to make sure she'll be safe. It was a wonderful yet horrible thing that my curiosity would get the best of me every time. I'd so be the first one in a horror movie to just open a random door and get shanked. Anyway, that's not what we should be thinking about right now.

I pear out the glass to try and get a better look at this mystery person. I study their frame, noticing that their back is to me. I tilt my head to try and get a better look, but my eyes widen when I see what looks like them turning their head to look right at me. I audibly gasp as I stumble backwards and trip over the corner of my desk. I thud to the ground and curse under my breath. I rub my back where I hit it on my desk chair. What the fuck was that? I must be so tired I'm starting to see things. I sigh and then laugh at myself. Oralee Turner you cannot just manifest some person in the middle of the road looking right at you. Those are not good vibes. Plus you're not the main character girly, calm down. I mean sure you could be a main character if you put in a little effort but come on let's be real. You'd need to really work on the woe is me mentality. I brought out of my thoughts when I hear my mother's soothing voice behind me.

"Are you okay sweetie? I heard a noise." My mom appears in the doorway and I giggle at her frantic look. This makes her look even more worried. It's fine mom I didn't hit my head.

"Yeah I'm all good, I just need to go to bed I guess. I'm so tired I guess I forgot objects can trip me." I nod my head towards my desk. She clicks her tongue in empathy.

"Did you hurt yourself?" She leans into the room looking for any sign of injury. I shake my head slowly.

"I just bumped my back into the legs of my chair." I grimace as my back throbs.

"Oh hon, I can stay home and put some ice on that? I'll cancel my plans and we can watch a movie together." Her eyes frantically search my face for an answer.

"Mom I'm 18 years old, I think I can ice my own back, but thank you." I smile to try and calm her nerves. I want her to go out and have some fun. She deserved it. She sighs loudly and just when I think she's going to let it go there's a knock on our door. Mirage perks up and mom and I make eye contact. "Door to door service?" I smirk mischievously. I can tell she wants to say something more about our previous conversation, but another knock at the door calls her attention elsewhere.

"We'll talk more when I get home Lee." She turns to walk away but as if she has one last thing to say, she turns back. "Also, she seems like the kind of gal to walk me to her car and such. That's something you should want in someone. A lot of people don't do that now a days you just need to-"

"Mom, oh my gosh just go." I shake my head and try to shoo her away with a hand motion. She rolls her eyes but does as I suggest. I hear a distant voice and debate on meeting this mystery woman, but decide against it. I don't want to ruin the whole thing my mom probably has going. I also don't want this woman to think my mom is a- oh god- a milf. Before I can fold in on myself I hear a notification sound from my phone, which lays forgotten on my bed. "Hey Mirage would you mind growing a human hand to hand me my phone?" Mirage looks me in my eyes and as if directly telling me to fuck off, she hops off my bed and pads over to my closet. "Bitch." I grumble.

I heave myself off the ground with a grunt, only to flop myself down onto my bed. I somehow manage to grab my phone from under my leg. I wonder who would've texted me. I curiously unlock the phone and see a message from my best friend Tabitha.

Tabby: Hey! Let me know if you can make it to the party nerd!

I close my eyes and groan into my pillow. Social interactions in this day and age? No thank you. I'd rather go outside and touch some grass.

Buttface: I'm not sure if Phelo will let me :(

Tabby: You could just go anyway >:( Come on! I'll even drive you!

Buttface: I don't know Tabs, I just feel like it's going to be like last time all over again. You'll be the only one I know and you'll try to set me up with the one lesbian that'll be there. And before you say anything, no- I don't want to loose my virginty to some rando. That's not something cool I want to do.

Tabby: Oh come on that was one time and I said I was sorry :((( She won't even be here this time so you don't have to worry about spilling a drink on her again lol.

Buttface: I will kill you if you mention that once more :} Also fine, since you're a needy bitch I guess I'll stop in. When and where is it again?

Tabby: Don't worry about it, remember I said I'll pick you up! Just be ready around 6 tomorrow :)

Buttface: A Sunday night party? Really? We'll have school the next day.

Tabby: :)

God I wish she was the one with anxiety instead of me. I purse my lips as I remember how many things Tabitha has gotten me into. Like that one time she and I were walking in the park and someone yelled out that we were lesbians and she started to cry. I mean, who does that? Kind of scared me to be honest, I never want to walk with a girl anywhere ever again. Well, no that'd be a lie since women are goddesses and I am a simp.

It's then that I hear another buzz come from my phone. I almost don't look at it, I don't want Tabitha to have sent me something weird. When I look at my screen it's a message from an unknown number. I knit my brows together as I tap the message.

(xxx)xxx-xxxx: Hi, I hope this is Oralee Turner, if not that'd be awkward. You can just delete my message if you aren't her. If you are though, please respond with verification of your identity.

Verification? Who was this? How'd they get my number? This better not be another Tabitha set up. I swear one day I'm going to lock that girl in a room with some random guy I find on the street. I will actually not be doing that because men are scary, especially those who you don't know. I'm about to set my phone down and ignore this obvious scammer message, but for some very odd reason I text them back.

Oralee: Hi? This is she, I don't have your number saved in my phone. Who is this if you don't mind me asking? I don't feel comfortable sharing any information with a complete stranger :( Have to make sure you're not a scammer.

(xxx)xxx-xxxx: I understand completely! Of course you'd be cautious of an unknown number! Let me share some things that might make you a little more comfortable with who I am :) My name is Zandra Dominika and I'm 19 years old. I have your number because of your mother, Phelo Turner! I promise I'm not trying to scam you lol, just reaching out to see how your doing!

I think once I know someone is a female I instantly feel safer. It's... not the best feeling to acknowledge that, but then again it's good to still be aware of your surroundings. This person could still try to hurt me, plus they know my mom's name! That's absolutely fucked. I can't trust them right now. Why would I give them any personal information when they are most likely lying to me right now? Though the name Zandra did sound weirdly familiar. Like I knew it from a distant memory or something. Maybe I had seen it in my mom's memory book? I'd have to go check that out later.

(xxx)xxx-xxxx: I know you're probably taking so much time because you still think I'm a scammer, which is good! It shows that you're careful and smart! I'm glad you're not willing to send birthdates and shit to some rando. I'm not sure how I could prove to you that I'm not a scammer. I also know that I most likely scared you off with how I knew your mom. I could explain that if you'd be willing to listen?

Listen? I mean... I could do that, but no! This could be a ploy to get more information from my phone...or... they could be telling the truth. Damn it! I frown to myself, moving my thumbs to make the number a contact.

Oralee: It seems you know a lot about how I'm feeling and already have some information about me. I think this is all the recognition you need, but my curiosity does always get the best of me. Go ahead, tell me how you know my mother's name and how you got my number.

Zandra the randa: Okay... well I just knew how I would feel if someone randomly messaged me asking all these questions and knowing all these things lol. Anyways, I know your mom because she simply knows my mother. They go way back, like further than you're probably thinking right now. We've actually met before but I think you forgot lmao. We were really close actually, we didn't want to leave each other's side. Your mom is still in contact with mine so obviously I was curious how you were and asked for your number. I do think this is Oralee now so no recognition is needed anymore. I... uh... missed you a lot. It's lonely here.

I have to set my phone down for a second. What? I have a long lost friend? I really didn't see that one coming. I usually wasn't the one for making friends. I guess that gives me some explanation as to why I thought her name was so familiar. I'm going to ask mom to help me find that memory book when she gets home. That brings me back to what Zandra had last said. It's lonely here. What did she mean by that? Did she not live in our state? I wonder where she lives, maybe Montana? I'm going to ask her.

Oralee: So we used to know each other... I'm sorry I don't remember that at all honestly, but when my mom gets home I'm going to try and find some pictures if we have any. Maybe that'll help strike a cord in my brain. I do have a question though, where do you live? You make it sound like we're really far away :(

I straighten myself out on my bed, waiting patiently for a response, but one never seems to come. I wait for a good 10 minutes before deciding to do something other than just waiting. It wasn't healthy to get attached so quickly. I bite my lip. I wonder what she looks like. No, Lee there's no time to be gay now. Mom will be home soon and then you can look in the memory book.

I hope she's hot. You know, there are some days I wish I could just shut my thoughts off, especially the horny ones. She's got to at least be into DND, you know? If she can't enjoy be chaotic while being a mythical creature, I don't want it. DND was a way I could believe in small amounts that fairies are real. I smirk to myself as I think about all the times I tried to seduce something in our campaign.

"Lee? Are you awake? Honey I'm coming up!" I feel my body jolt from the sudden rush of adrenalin. Jesus, I guess my mom is home now. I didn't even hear the door open or a car pull up.

"Yeah I'm awake mom! I'll meet you in the hall." I hoist myself off the bed and shake my head. Shit, I didn't even know what time it was. It's nearly midnight and I have a shift tomorrow at the shop. I'm so fucked. I walk to my door and open it swiftly. I'm met with my mother leaned up against the wall across from it. She smiles sweetly at me, her eyes sparkling with delight.

"I missed you Lee." She holds her arms open for a hug and I instantly accept it.

"You too stinky. I hope you had a good night." I enjoy the smell of my mother, how it calms down my senses. It makes me want to cuddle with her all night watching movies, almost like what she suggested earlier. Shit! I never iced my back! That's going to hurt in the morning!

"Oh I did, it was long." I feel my body tense and I back away from her. My face scrunches up in disgust.

"Mom! God I don't want to hear about your night in that much detail!" I plug my ears like a child and shake my head vigorously.

"Meh, your loss." She shrugs and I can tell she wants to go to sleep. Her eyes are half lidded and she looks very loopy.

"If you're done, I do have a question. Where is that memory book you made when I was little? I got a text tonight from someone named Zandra Dominika. Do you know her?" I question, motioning towards her. She seems to suddenly wake up. Her eyes widen slightly as she processes what I just told her.

"Did you say Zandra finally reached out to you? Well thank fucking god, took her long enough. She's had your number for like 4 years. I thought ya'll would start where you left off, but I can see by your vacant expression that you don't know what I'm talking about." She smiles with a small chuckle. "Well, how about we talk about it tomorrow night okay? You and I can have some finger foods and maybe even some drinks. Talk for a while. I'll explain things to you clearly." She grins and gestures to my room. "Now, what do you say we get some sleep?" She nods and shuffles towards her room.

Well...how am I going to be two places at once? Do I want to go to a party or sit and veg out with my mom. Definitely the latter, but I have to go to the party, I promised Tabs. I'm just going to have to make both work!

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It was Sunday afternoon before I could think of an excuse to miss Tabitha's party. Ugh, why'd she have to be such a good friend. Yeah she's made plenty of mistakes in our friendship, but so have I. I've known her forever, I can't just let her down by telling her I'd come to her party and then not going. I know it shouldn't matter, but I just don't want to deal with her mad at me on top of trying to figure out who the hell Zandra was. My mom seemed to like her enough I guess, but was that just a mom thing? Was I really close to this girl or is my mom trying to get me a girlfriend? I purse my lips as I give that a little more thought. Nah, my mom isn't the type to do that, she's not that desperate to please her gay daughter. She knows relationships, especially those of the gay variety have to take time. They have to happen naturally, not by some silly match making friend. It makes both parties feel very uncomfortable.

"Miss? I'd like to buy those now." I hear someone say. It was a guy about my age who looked pretty nervous. He had that all time popular floofy hair and had sun kissed skin. His eyes were an emerald green, like how you'd see algae in a pond. His face looks like someone took brown paint and scattered freckles all over it. I smile in my customer satisfaction smile.

"Of course! Sorry I was just lost in thought about something going on." I laugh lightly to try and make this situation less awkward.

"Yeah I totally get it! I'm not sure what flowers she'll like, so I'm sort of freaking out about it." He looks up to meet my gaze, his emerald eyes lighting up. "Hey do you think a mysterious type of girl who doesn't really like flowers would like these?" He holds up black nemophilas. I smirk to myself. Did he really have to pick such a literal meaning for a flower? I think this guy is way over his head. He shouldn't be buying flowers for this girl, he should be taking her to watch the stars. She seems like the kind of girl to like that.

"Well, those flowers have a secret meaning, you wanna know what it is?" I raise my brows like I'm about to whisk this guy into a crazy story about how these flowers got their name. He nods his head frantically. "Those are black Nemophilas, they usually are small beautiful flowers, but can bloom in all white, pink, white with some purple, or like what you have there. They're called black Nemophilas but they actually look purple with white around the edges of the petals right? Although it's cooler to think that they bloomed black. They're mostly grown as a houseplant because of their resistance to freezing temperatures." I grin widely. I get so happy talking about flowers. I meet his eyes again and he looks extremely happy.

"Shit. Thank you so much. I'm sure she'll love these." He smiles kindly and for the first time in a while, I see him lift the buds to his nose. He takes a small whiff in and a grin spreads across his face. "It smells like sweat." He laughs.

"I-uh... yeah, they're not known for smelling too nice." I stumble over my words, still shocked that someone actually stopped to smell a flower in my shop. They were always too busy buying the flowers to care about what they smelled like. It seemed like the first time someone had cared enough to take time out of their day to smell the flowers. Instead of picking up the prettiest rose and whisking it away without a second glance my way.

I gulp in, not knowing why him smelling a flower got to me so much. "Uh, yeah if you'll just set them down here I'll get them prepared for you to take." I nod curtly and whisk around to the preparation counter. It has scissors, shears, a spray bottle, and some other gardening things. Get it together Lee.

"Thanks so much for this by the way. Pretty sure she's going to fall in love with me because of the sweaty flowers. My name is Elijah, I think we go to school together." I feel my back tense. Great, he goes to my school.

"Yeah?" I say over my shoulder. "What grade are you in?" I ask. Lee why are you continuing the conversation? You don't even like to talk to your cat most of the time.

"I'm a junior, struggling in Mrs. Groution's English class." I can almost hear the smile in his voice. "You're a senior right?" He prods. Dear lord he has seen me around school.

"Yup!" I reply politely. "I'm just ready to get out of here and graduate you know? I have the case of senioritis bad." What I said was honest. I didn't like my high school. It was filled with fake kids and even more fake adults. We had a "zero tolerance" for bullying, yet some of my friends can tell me stories they've heard that says otherwise. It was just an overall distaste for the whole putting on looks situation. A school wasn't supposed to use kids like that, I absolutely hated it. His voice takes me out of thought and back to the situation at hand. I was having an interaction, I needed to focus on that, no matter how much I wanted to hide from it. There were days like this, the ones where I didn't want to be around people at all, but other days it's better to be around them so I can thrive off of some energy people give off.

"You seem a bit lost in though, I'm sorry I can just get out of your hair." He laughs, but I can tell he's a little hurt by the fact I'm so lost in thought. I feel bad even though I barely know the guy.

"Nah, I'm just a deep thinker you know? I get lost in thought very easily. I'm not the best in social situations face to face." I turn to give him a genuine smile. I see his eyes light up again. Good, he feels better.

"Oh no I totally get how that feels. I hate how our school does this whole," he instantly puts on a fake posh accent, "We have the smartest and happiest kids." He lets out a chuckle afterwards. "Little do they know that half of us are depressed and the other half are too busy peaking in high school to be bothered by their sadness." I turn to look him in the eyes, mine growing wider by the second. We make eye contact and then suddenly burst into laughter. My word, he does get it. Shame on me for assuming Elijah and I would have nothing in common. After a bit I can finally breathe again from laughing so hard. I wipe my eyes still giggling lightly.

"Here are your flowers Elijah, good luck." I smile as he graciously takes the flowers and waves enthusiastically to me as he leaves. The smile stayed on my lips for the rest of my work day. Then it was time for me to get ready for Tabitha's party. Joy to the world.

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I ended up wearing something comfortable over cute. If anyone had issue with it, I'd just tell them to fuck off. Well, not actually, I'd just think it. I was in some black sweats with a stretchy maroon shirt. I slipped my off brand crocs I got from a farmers market with my mom a couple years ago and a cute anklet. I pull my hair up in a pony to keep it mostly out of my face. I had normal blonde hair that was naturally pretty curly, but I had a Great Aunt who would give me perms every once in a while. Noting this, I pull some curly strands to frame my face so it didn't look so round. I put on a dangly bracelet and my chain necklace. I'm overall happy with my look, but I'm sure Tabitha will have something to say about it. I decide to put on some gold rings to match the chain in hopes that they'll suffice for her.

I stuff my phone and some earbuds in my pocket and then grab a few dollars out of my wallet. I could need some cash for food later, not sure. I do a once over of myself in the mirror and pat my pudgy stomach. "Oh yeah Oralee Turner you are looking sexy tonight." I give myself finger guns in the mirror and head out my door, grinning to myself like an idiot. I hop down the stairs and towards the front door. Mom hadn't come home yet from errands so I write her a quick note to let her know I'll be back a little later than midnight, seeing as it was getting close to 6 already. Speaking of the time, where the hell is Tabitha? She said was going to pick me up right? I cram my hand into my pocket to find my phone. I unlock it only to find Tabitha had texted me a couple minutes earlier.

Tabby: Hey, I can't pick you up tonight! :( I have to meet up with someone pretty soon so you're going to have to drive yourself!! Sorry babes!

I groan and turn my phone off. This was a great start to the night, because not only did I not like driving, but I was definitely not okay with my car going to a party. I angrily grab my keys from the bowl in the halltree and rush out to my car. I want to be one of the firsts ones there so I can find a good place to sit and an escape route. I start my small car and am met with my comfort station of old rock songs. Okay, maybe this wouldn't be so bad. I pull out of the driveway and roll my window down. The fresh nigh air whips the tendrils of hair I pulled out around my face, it's slightly annoying, but I like the fresh air. It smells like rain and it was such a cool night. It's about a couple minutes into driving when I realize Tabitha didn't tell me where this party was being held. Damn it why am I still even trying to go to this thing? It's like I felt some kind of pull to go and I hated that Tabitha could just pull on my heart strings like that. I pull over into an abandoned parking lot and pull out my phone.

Buttface: where the fuck is this party again?

The reply is almost instant.

Tabby: Ah, it's at this jock's house. 1987 Elmore North, I think his name is Elijah, come on get here girl!!

My eyes widen and a grin spreads across my lips. You sneaky son of a bitch. Did Elijah buy those flowers for Tabs? Maybe this is why I felt such a pull to go to the party. I can get to know Elijah more and if he's that cool then maybe the people he invited are pretty cool too. I feel like a ton of bricks have been lifted off my shoulders as I set my phone down in one of the cup holders. His house was a short drive from where I was now, it would only take me about 2 minutes to get there and his neighborhood is rather large, meaning big houses, meaning there's bound to be a dog to pet. Count me truly ready to party now.

I make it to his house and hop out of my car. I feel lucky that not a lot of cars are there yet and that I can see Tabitha's. Should I have brought something? No, I did help him pick out those flowers. I subconsciously put my hands in my pockets, walking up to the backyard gate which is open. There are outside lights set up and small campfire flickering in a stone firepit. There's a deck with a grill and below ground pool near the fence line of the property. It's a pretty nice backyard, but I only see a couple people out here and none of them are anyone I know. I hurry up and spot the glass sliding door to the inside. Of course it's a glass sliding door. I clumsily wander over to the door and slide it open. I'm hit with warm air and a yelling voice coming from deeper in the house. I glance back to the group outside which consists of 2 boys and 3 girls all chatting about an English assignment. I definitely don't want to try to join in on their conversation so I step inside and shut the door from behind me.

"I thought we had something Tabby!" I hear a familiar voice yell.

"Well you don't know shit! And don't call me that! I should have never come here! Damn it!" Once I hear my friend's name I'm on my way to find her, when I do find her, I find Elijah with her. Tabitha has the flowers clutched in her hands, breaking the stems. Elijah breaks his angry stare from Tabitha when he spots me. He looks almost shocked to see me, but his demeanor changes when he puts it together that I'm not here to be on his side. "What took you so long Lee? I was waiting for you!" Tabitha stares at me with pleading eyes, her grip on the flowers hardening, I can tell by the way they droop even lower to the ground.

"I-I had to drive myself and I didn't know where I w-was going at first." I look between the two of them. "What's going on?" I shouldn't have come here. I shouldn't have come here. Why did I come here? I take a few steps backwards.

"This fucker thought flowers where his way into my pants." Tabitha hisses and tosses the flowers to the ground. I wince. I get that she was upset, but the flowers didn't do anything. They had a nice life after all, I cut and prepared them. Someone actually stopped to smell them. I got to share facts about them! I never get to do that! "Well fuck that." Before I can think she stomps the flowers into the hardwood floor. Her boot cuts into their stems and when she's done it's a mess of petals and leaves.

"I wasn't trying to get into your pants!" Elijah finally shouts. "I actually just wanted to be a gentleman because so many fucking guys out here are disgusting!" I can tell he's upset about her stepping on the flowers and her words by the way his voice wobbles and his eyes flit between the crumpled petals. I'm upset now too. I can't really tell why I'm so upset but I meet Tabitha's eyes with tears in my own. My brows are drawn into an angry expression as I glance down at the mess by her feet.

"I-they-you- those flowers had no part in this... why'd you do that? You know how I feel about flowers Tabs. They have lives too." I meet her gaze again. I want her to apologize but all she does is roll her eyes.

"They're not alive Lee, don't be such a pansy. For fuck's sake can we focus on my problems here?" She hisses. A chill runs through my body. I can feel my blood boil and freeze almost simultaneously. Elijah stares at her in disbelief.

"Fuck you." I hiss and squeeze my eyes shut. The tears finally break over the barrier and fall down my cheeks. I rush out the way I came, a sick feeling settling in the pit of my stomach.

She knows how I feel about them! She knows how much they meant to my grandad. How much shit he had to go through to keep the shop going. He raised me, teaching me about the different effects flowers could have. Flowers were a language not spoken by many.

"Lee! Lee wait I'm sorry! I was angry! Lee-" I run. I run until I'm outside and shutting the door. Why'd I come here? Why'd I do it? God I was so stupid? Stupid. That's me. No no no no, fuck! I ball my fists and wipe at my face. I realize the group outside is looking my way and I curse under my breath. I turn on my heel and fast walk the fuck out of there. I try to make the tears stop falling, but they keep streaming down my face.

"Fuck, fuck, shit." I curse, then suddenly I knock shoulders with someone who grunts because of the impact. I stop in my tracks, I may be upset but my mother taught me manners. "Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" I finally look up to see who I bumped into. A tall girl about my age stands in front of me. She has pink hair tied into space buns and heart shaped glasses on. Her earrings are also in the shape of hearts as well as the choker she's wearing. She has high-waisted jeans on with a flowy blouse to match. She was absolutely stunning. She even had a beauty mark under her eye that stood out in the moonlight.

"It's okay," She pauses as she gets a better look at me. "A-are you okay?" Her brows instantly knit in concern. Shit, has she noticed I'm not mentally stable already?

"I-uh... yeah I'm fine." I decide to answer. "I... I'm actually going." I sigh. She purses her lips and then frowns.

"That's too bad, you seemed cool. I was hoping to talk some more." She grins. I nod in agreement.

"I am pretty cool, but I should really get going." I jab my thumb towards where my car is.

"Lee?" I whisk around to see Tabitha at the gate.

"Shit." I hiss. "See ya, I gotta go!" I yell and practically Olympic sprint to my car. I unlock my car as fast as I can and hop in. I turn the key and start to back out when I see Tabitha waving wildly in front of me. Yeah, I'm never going to another one of her 'fun' parties. I shake my head and wipe at my face. Pansy? I tense as I speed towards home. Never again.

I get home around 8:45pm and to my surprise my mom is home. I pull in behind her car and put mine in park. I don't think this night can get any worse. I get out of my car, lock it, spin my keys around my fingers a couple times, and then head towards my front door. Before I can open it, it's opened for me. "Evening sweetie, what brings you home so early?" My mother stands in the doorway with a frown on her face. I sigh and lightly push past her into the house.

"Oh you know, just too cool for the party life." I give her a fake smile and she clicks her tongue.

"That bad?" She questions. I nod and flop down on the couch. It's then that I notice the memory book on the coffee table. Her eyes light up. "Oh yes! Miss Zandra, you wanted to see a picture of her right? Now, since you're home so early we're going to have lots of time to look at pictures and discuss, but I need you to have an open mind." She gives me a stern look. I roll my eyes.

"Mom, I'm a gay teen, I have to keep an open mind at all times." I fire back. She pauses for a moment then nods her head in agreement. She flops down next to me grabbing one of the books. I snuggle up next to her, loving her comforting scent.

"Ah here's a good one, it's of you guys when you were little." She flips the book for me to see the picture. It's little me with that appears to be strap on fairy wings on my back, same for who I'm assuming is Zandra.

"That's her?" I point to the other little girl. She nods and coos about how cute we look. Zandra has the same sparkly dress up wings on. I chuckle at how cheap they look. Mom flips a couple pages and gasps.

"Oh and here's a more recent picture of her!" She taps the page excitedly. My eyes widen as I scan the photo in front of me. Pink hair tied back in regal braids, a white dress with gold accents trailing up the bodice, her slender arms folded in front of her, and those same sparkling wings on her back, only about four times the size. I gasp as my eyes follow what seems to be a swirling pattern in them.

"I-is she into fantasy shoots or something?" I choke over my words. She was beautiful. It takes me a moment to finally notice the glimmering gold crown around her head. It has a hanging purple jewel dangling in the middle of her forehead. My eyes trail down her face and land on a beauty mark under her eye. If my eyes could widen any more I think they did at that moment.

"Um, well not exactly sweetie, there's been something I've needed to tell you for a while now."

Of course.

[fragileizywriting]

bad day blues

pairing: Luka / Marinette (Viperion / Multimouse) word count: 10,418 chapter: 1/1 rating: E summary: “How is it that I can sling myself across rooftops for years, day and night, but I can’t even walk in a straight line once I’m out of my suit and end up spraining an ankle?” “Don’t be so hard on yourself, Mousey. That’s not good for you.” “I wish I wasn’t such a klutz.” “You’re not.” Luka kisses the top of her head as a punctuation to his words. “You just had a bad day, that’s all.” “One of the worsts in a while,” Marinette nods into his shirt. “Luka? Could you make it better for me?” He laughs. “And you call me the insatiable one, little mouse.” Her eyes sparkle. “Who was the one that jumped me when I was going to go shower after my pool trip with my friends? One look at me in a towel and suddenly my boyfriend’s hands are all on me— sounds pretty insatiable, if you ask me.” AO3 | Start Here To Read The Whole 'Out of The Closet' Series! | Previous Fic in Series | Next Fic in Series

Here's some more Lukanette! Don't worry, there's plenty more incoming, too. This series is so wonderful to write, I'm having so much fun!!! Especially since Luka is my favorite character 🥺

Enjoy <3

She’s having a bad day.

Like, a really bad day.

There is that whole cake ordering business that her parents live off of, that she helps out with. She’s rolled so much fondant out that her arms hurt, and they’re barely attached to her body when she’s rushing out of the door to get to her class when the second bad part of the day happens.

She spills coffee all over herself.

Well, it isn’t her coffee. Her dad’s been getting into the habit of walking around the bakery and the pantry with his mug she got for him for his birthday, a delicate piece of ceramic that is absolutely dwarfed by her father’s large hands. She’d knocked into him while scarfing down some breakfast of her own, where she’d tried to get bits and pieces of it into her mouth while rolling out fondant for that particular eight-tiered cake that is surely going to be the death of her that she still has to pipe and decorate when she gets back from class.

Her blouse is stained, and it’s warm. It doesn’t seep far into her shirt, because her dad presses his apron right on the stain to soak up as much moisture as possible, but she yelps anyway out of sheer instinct.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?”

“I’m fine! I’m so sorry for making you spill your coffee, baba. Are you okay?” She waves him off with a little smile. These things happen, it’s okay. Besides, smelling like coffee isn’t the end of the world. It isn’t the smell of a particularly expensive perfume, but she can hardly say no to smelling like coffee when she’s lived at a bakery for the entirety of her life.

“I ran into you, sweetheart, not the other way around,” Her dad shakes his head. “Go change your shirt while I get you some packed food to take with you to school for you and Mullo.”

“Thank you! I’ll be right back.” She kisses him on the cheek, making sure to stay clear away from his mug. She rushes up the stairs, trying her best not to accidentally tear her skirt, but isn’t as delicate to her blouse as she could be. The side rips open. She squeaks while getting it off. “Oh, no! I just bought this!”

“Oh! Is everything okay?” Mullo peeks out from the little cubby Marinette’s made into her own little room.

“Yeah— I’m okay! These things happen, don’t worry. I’m just going to change my shirt into something better and then we can head out, okay?” She snaps open a drawer, tossing her soiled top into the laundry bin near her desk. She’s not opposed to wearing other shirts with this particular skirt, but… she really likes wearing that peter pan collar. This is fine. A normal button-up will go fine with the skirt, even though now she looks a lot more formal than she wants to be.

It’s a good thing her bra is nude-colored. She’s already in a rush as it is.

She hasn’t learned a single thing since school was at a walking distance, clearly, because she’s rushing to get to the metro, running back down the stairs, tugging her backpack over her shoulder with Mullo zipping into the pocket of her skirt, and kissing her dad goodbye and thanking him for the food— all the while trying her best to go over the list of things she needed to do before heading off to class.

Feed Mullo, though the little mouse can definitely go scavenging for blueberries whenever she wants. And yet… Mullo starts to whisper that she’s hungry the moment Marinette makes it down the stairs of the metro and goes pawing for her metrocard. She’s grateful that she’s placed a small container of fresh blueberries inside her backpack, with even a portion of small chocolate chips in the screw-top compartment of the container, just for the little mouse— and the small kwami is giggling and back to being happy before Marinette can even blink.

She looks for her metrocard. It’s on the inside of her phone case, which is good, so she’s able to go through the ticket booth with no problem— thank goodness. She doesn’t need another stressor for the day— but she needs to make sure she repays the bill for her monthly pass before the next month arrives so that she isn’t late trying to pay for it the day of, and hopefully she can remember this thought for long enough to write it into her agenda so she doesn’t forget during the week.

Oh, gooseberries. Hopefully she’s not late.

She checks the time on her phone once she’s safely situated inside a subway car, only to look at the turned-off screen with a confused noise. She tries turning on her phone but blinks with so much confusion when the black screen refuses to light.

Wasn’t one of the things on her list to make sure that her phone was charged last night?

What in the world happened to her phone battery?

She tries to think about it, pinning down that the only real reason it would be out of battery would be if Mullo wanted to use it to watch videos or listen to music while Marinette was asleep.

She makes sure to unzip her bag, peering down at the little mouse kwami with inquisitive eyes, trying to understand why her only communication device isn’t charged, speaking in a hushed voice to not alert anyone in the subway car with her. “Lolo, did you watch videos last night?”

Mullo is asleep. At least she remembered to put the lid back onto the container, which is some good news. Marinette can’t feel too upset, looking at the little creature. It’s a good thing she packed her bag and made sure to grab her portable charger— it’s not often that Mullo gets in the habit of overusing Marinette’s phone— but she’s always prepared, just in case. Mullo likes texting Sass, too, though all their texts look like gibberish to her and Luka whenever they try to reread it.

She opens the front pocket zipper with the cute little mouse charm attached to the handle and freezes.

This isn’t her school backpack.

She’s not sure how it didn’t dawn on her before, but this isn’t the right backpack at all.

The only thing it has is a plastic bag with her swimsuit she’d used during the weekend— it’s not exactly dry, given that it’s been in the baggy for at least four days since she’d come back from the pool with her friends. That’s strange— she’s not one to just drop her bag off to the side and not put away her stuff— so, what gives? She chews on her nail while she thinks about what could’ve possibly distracted her from hanging up her swimsuit and letting it dry, and stopped her from putting away this particular backpack, and squeaks to herself when she remembers.

Oh. Right. That’s right.

Viperion had shown up in her room just as she was going to go take a shower— having completed patrol on his own because he wanted her to have fun with friends and go swimming— and since her boyfriend is somehow allergic to learning how to swim, he’d happily shoved her out of the house with the pretense of keeping Paris safe while she relaxes for once in her life— no wonder she’d been so distracted and completely forgot about the backpack.

He’s so insatiable, nowadays, wanting to spend so much time with her that it’s completely pointless to try to keep clothes on around him. He’d taken one good look at her while she was making her way to her bathroom tucked into her towel and had decided to wash her himself— joining her in the shower without even taking his suit off.

She knows that their hexleather is water-resistant— but she didn’t know that it’s enough to keep water from completely entering his suit.

He’d cleaned her inside and out— pressed her up against the bathroom tiles, hopeful that she would keep quiet, as Viperion slicked two fingers inside of her.

The hexagonal grooves on their suits had never been something she’d even considered until now— it was obsession at first touch, in all honesty.

Her back is filled with love bites and possessive teeth marks that make her toes curl in her shoes when she thinks about it more, or remembers it whenever she brushes up against her shoulders. Not to mention she feels a comfortable full-body ache when he finally slips away to go home— she’d spent the rest of that afternoon in bed, curled up, dreaming of the day the two of them can always wake up next to each other.

She shifts in her seat, feeling damp and uncomfortable. She misses him already.

But all of that means… her school backpack is still at home. And she’s carrying nothing except her wet swimsuit, instead of her agenda and planner and notebooks and sketchbooks and pens.

Oh, sugarcubes.

It’s fine, though. These things happen. Sometimes no matter how much she plans and prepares, the universe sometimes throws her for a loop, and that’s okay. A good planner knows how to plan for things going wrong— even if she doesn’t want it to happen in the first place.

In all honesty, this is probably not what Luka meant when he said to let things flow and don’t let things bother her, but it is kind of hard to stop her tendencies to want to plan for the worse.

Okay, so how does she fix this?

She has a lecture that starts in about twenty minutes that she can technically skip out on and go back home to grab her things, assuming she switches subways at the next stop. Since she’ll be late, she might as well change out of her clothes, too, into something much more suited for her. She doesn’t like wearing button-downs— especially since, oh, gooseberries, it looks like she’s missed out on about three buttons and gotten her neckline skewed. There’s no point in even fixing it, as long as she’s able to tuck her miraculous back underneath her shirt without someone seeing it.

What else does she need to do?

Well, she definitely needs to make sure she gets the right backpack the next time she slips through the door. Make sure to bring another container of blueberries, too— she never knows when there’ll be another Akuma, and of all things to not be worried about, this is something she’ll never stop.

Everything will be okay. No worries. The lecture wasn’t that important, she’s sure of it.

The moment she makes that same thought, the subway car slows to a crawl. The lights in the car flicker, and she looks around to the other passengers, hopeful to see anyone who has any idea of what’s going on.

Everyone looks nonchalant. They probably assume it’s an Akuma, at this point.

“We are having technical difficulties,” The subway car emits a tinny, metallic little noise from the speakers near the doors. “Please stay calm and wait while we fix it.”

Marinette groans. Okay, maybe she’ll be late for a lot more than just her first class. This is fine. Things happen. Things like this just happen— she just needs to relax about it. At least it’s not an Akuma— and it’s not like she can be blamed for the subway being stuck.

There’s just nothing to entertain her, though. No pencil, no pen, no paper to doodle and keep her occupied. No phone to listen to music or keep her busy. Just her, the plastic bag with her swimsuit in it, a sleeping kwami, her breakfast, and half a container of chocolate chips. She might as well start eating now, since there’s nothing else to do— eat and think about her boyfriend’s pretty blue eyes.

-*-

She has— well, had— a pop quiz in her missed lecture.

Worth twenty percent of her grade.

She stumbles into the classroom after everyone’s starting to clear out, looking for the professor and her continuously bored glare she gives to the class on the regular. “Uhm, excuse me— sorry, I didn’t attend class today because of the metro—”

“You can’t make it up.” Her professor says, collecting a thick stack of paper into her briefcase. The only professor she’s ever met to actually use a genuine briefcase— it makes her look more like a lawyer and less like an introduction to fashion history professor.

“Make it up?” Marinette blinks, confused. “Make up— make up what, exactly? I wasn’t in class.”

“The quiz. Twenty percent of the grade, of course, because no one in class was answering my questions today for some reason.” Because Marinette’s the one who usually answers for everyone, of course. No one stepped in, probably, because they were most likely too comfortable with her answers to actually come up with one of their own. “You missed out on the quiz. You can’t make it up.”

“Oh.” That’s fine. Things happen. Sometimes the universe just throws curveballs— her grade in this class won’t suffer. “Uhm. Is— is that all I missed?”

Her professor gives her a good look. There’s something in her dull, tired eyes, like she registers who Marinette is in the class— and what she brings to the lecture hall. “I’m going to give you the homework, even though I technically shouldn’t. You’re a good student— you’ve never been late to class— and definitely never missed an entire lecture. And today, without your questions, it was completely and totally quiet.”

“Oh.” She repeats. “Th— uhm. Thank you.”

She pulls out another stack of papers, handing her a stapled group of paper from the top. It looks ridiculously thick— as in— maliciously thick. Maybe at least thirty pages. “Here’s the homework. Make sure to finish it by next class.”

One week to finish the assignment. No problem. She can do that.

“Of course,” Marinette breathes, slightly overwhelmed, looking over the title of the assignment. She has no idea where to begin— the lecture today must’ve been all about it. Maybe she can find one of her classmates and ask about it? Although, she’s never really made a friend here before… “Thank you very much.”

“Don’t make it a habit to skip,” The professor calls out to her as she leaves through the door.

“Understood,” Marinette mutters under her breath. The strap of her kitten heels breaks when she runs her foot too close along the doorframe as she leaves behind her. She trips, falling into her second person with a coffee today, spilling all over her shirt again. This time, it’s cold— it’s an iced latte, of course, and ice cubes fall down her collar and into her shirt, and pain blistering up her ankle.

She tries to walk it off, she really does, but it ultimately just collapses back onto the floor the moment she tries to put pressure on it. Mullo comes out of hiding when she makes sure that there’s no one around, asking if Marinette’s okay— and all she can do is just smile at the little kwami, trying her best not to wince.

Today just isn’t her day, is it?

-*-

By the time an Akuma actually comes around, and tries to do damage in the city of Paris, Multimouse is running on fumes from how close she is to breaking down.

She’s weaved and dodged most of the attacks, relying on her rope to get out of the way. Her ankle doesn’t hurt as much when in the suit, of course, because the magical properties of the miraculous make it so that they focus on the fight first than anything else. She can put her weight on it, which is the good news— and that’s enough for her to walk and run and jump rope when she needs to.

Seeing Viperion is such a blessing. She hasn’t been able to text him much all day, aside from the vague ‘good morning’ text she sent when she finally managed to get her phone to turn on— she’s been too busy to respond to all of the texts he’s sent throughout the day.

Hopefully, she can talk to him after the fight is over. She needs a little bit of downtime.

But she can’t exactly focus on how thankful she is to see him when she’s in the middle of weaseling out of the Akumas grabby hands. She tucks and weaves, snaps her rope out like a whip when she needs to, and does her best to roll out of the way of the Akuma that falls into their trap using the Liberty that sends him spiraling across the city with it. Viperion is nearly on the other side of the city taking care of the sentimonster when she feels her ankle start to blister in pain again, indicating that she’s putting far too much stress on the ankle for even magic to make it stop hurting.

By the time they’ve got the Akuma purified, the sentimonster dealt with, and the victim is in safe care with the social worker from the workforce that’s been assigned to assist people who have just been Akumatized— Multimouse can barely stand up. She chooses, instead, to keep sitting down on the lip of the sidewalk between a couple of parked cars, her legs spread out in front of her, trying her best to seem like she’s just out of breath. She keeps her right boot completely straight, hopeful to not put any more strain on her ankle, but lets her left boot sag against the asphalted road, and tries her hardest not to hide her face in her hands.

Viperion makes his way back to her after he’s done talking to the social worker.

“Mousey?”

“Hi, Vai,” She speaks into her gloves. Some battles are just too difficult for her to focus on, and trying to keep herself from doing something just isn’t worth the effort anymore. “That was a tough one, huh?”

He sits down next to her, shoulder to shoulder. There’s probably not enough space for him in between the cars, since his shoulders are wide, but he makes the effort anyway. Besides, if it’s truly that bothersome, all he has to do is give a gentle push to the car next to him— the miraculous suits give them extra strength, after all— but even without the suit, he’d probably be able to push it forward. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” She leans into him. “I missed you so much.”

“You didn’t text me today like you usually do,” He murmurs into her hair. He’s a thick wall of heat right next to her, and she’s so thankful for him like usual. “Everything okay?”

“Everything is— it’s fine— I’m sorry. I forgot to charge my phone last night, and Mullo was watching videos while I slept, so my phone just went kaput.” She smiles in her hands when he makes a noise meaning that he understands exactly what she means. “I only got to text you when my phone was back on. I’m just tired, really. I’m not having a good day.”

The road is going to be populated soon with whatever foot traffic it usually has, now that the Akuma’s been taken care of. They need to probably get up to higher ground before the people of Paris come out to ask for autographs or selfies— and, okay.

She wants to give everyone the best treatment possible, of course, but she’s in absolutely no condition to do that like this. Definitely not like this.

It’ll be better for everyone’s comfort if she doesn’t stay around to listen to what people have to say about the fight— she’s Paris’s sweetheart, she knows, but if anyone says anything remotely negative in her direction, she’s pretty sure she’ll start crying.

Not to mention that if she hears anything bad about Viperion, she’ll start crying while beating civilians off with a ten-foot pole. She’s not in the mood at all to continue behaving like the sweet little Parisian Princess today— she can’t do it.

“Are you stressed out?”

“Yes. Very much. Ironically, the Akuma was my break from stress. Imagine that?”

He laughs. It’s a loving noise, usually, but there seems to be an edge to it this time. “Do you want me to help you with that? I think I saw an alley over there. Let me help you relax.”

She steams red behind her gloves. Oh, she knows exactly what he means— and, well, the answer is always yes. “Yes— but maybe not here. People are going to show up, soon, and I’m already in pain as it is—”

Viperion looks at her. She can tell because her face starts to prickle underneath her gloves. “Pain?”

She takes a deep breath, looking up at him. His hair is starting to curl around his neck, it’s so lovingly him that she can’t help but comb her fingers into his hair and smooth it back. The confusion on his face morphs into contentment as she takes her time brushing his bangs back, getting a good look at what the top of his domino mask looks like. “Nothing’s wrong— things are fine. Everything is fine. Sometimes things happen, and we can’t control all of it.”

Liquid golden eyes look back at her when she’s done petting through his hair and, he— he smiles at her. Really smiles at her— he knows that she’s trying to repeat the quotes and virtues that he usually says to himself. His smile makes his domino mask crinkle, the scales on his hexleather shimmering turquoise and green, and it’s not exactly a front when she smiles back at him. “That’s true. Sometimes things happen that we can’t control, even if we really try, but sometimes we can fix whatever is hurting us. So what really happened, Mousey?”

“Just a bad day,” She uses her left foot to brush against his, taking her hands back from his hair to follow the scale pattern on his chest. The muscles underneath are no illusion— he’s truly that filled out. She likes physical contact with him, just as much as he loves physical contact with her— and she finds a certain kind of sweetness in the way he leans just slightly into her touch as she traces his collarbone. “I’m not kidding— I’ve been having a really bad day.”

“The Akuma didn’t help all that much, huh?”

She cups his cheeks with her palms. She can’t feel him, because her fingers are covered in protective hexleather, but it means all the same to her when she presses their foreheads together, smooshing their bangs against one another. “I don’t know about that. I’m getting to see you, after all— I love being able to see you, Vai.”

His eyes twinkle as he laughs, giving her a kiss. “Stand up for me? I want to check if you’re missing any body parts.”

“What? I’m not missing anything.” She finds herself laughing at the strange request. “See? Look: I have my two arms, my two legs. Tail is still here, and so is my miraculous.”

“I don’t know about that,” His face is oddly serious, even as she continues to giggle. “Wiggle your fingers for me so I know they’re still there.”

“Vai,” She makes a face as she laughs. When he implores her, she rolls her eyes, twiddling her fingers in the air. “Told you.”

“All ten fingers?”

“I think so,” She breaks into a grin. What is this man on about?

“Let’s see.” He takes her hands in his, bringing every single finger up to his mouth so he can count them with a kiss. “One. Two.”

“Oh my gooseberries. Vai,” She giggles hard enough for her shoulders to shake.

“Don’t make me lose count, Mousey, this is important. Three, four—”

“How did I get so lucky to have you?”

“I think it’s the other way around, honestly. Five, six— how did I get so lucky to have you?”

“By treating me like this,” She can’t help but bite her lip when he makes it past seven and eight. “By treating me so sweetly.”

“Sue me, little mouse. I like treating my girlfriend well. Nine, and ten.” At the tenth finger, he kisses where her fingernail would be, then her knuckle, then the back of her hand. He kisses up her arm, too, all the way up to her shoulder as she snorts and giggles, until he tilts his head and kisses her against the jaw, finally completing his quest and kisses her softly on the lips— she melts. He keeps the kiss soft, though— and if her ankle wasn’t rolled, she’d honestly climb into his lap for more than just something so chaste. She deserves it, after this horrible day— and he always makes her feel loved and comforted. “I think your hands are okay.”

“You think so?” She feels a little dopey from the kiss.

“Move your feet, too, so I can figure out if your legs are still attached.”

She moves her left foot only, letting her right boot rest. Instead, she pulls up her right leg, hoping to look like she’s just switching up her sitting position, but that’s enough for Viperion to break eye contact with her and look at her knee. “See?”

But he’s smarter than that. “Ah, there it is. So you did injure yourself during the fight?”

“No. I— uhm— no. Not during the fight.” She’s not lying, but her smile dies down as a quiet contemplation morphs on his face. “It’s— I’m fine, Vai, honestly, I’m okay. My ankle will be fine after some ice, I’m sure—”

“Oh, Mousey.” He looks hurt for her, immediately swiveling in his seat to look her over. He grabs gently for both of her legs, lifting them up to place in his lap, and gently starts to move her foot at the ankle back and forth.

The first leg is the good one, so she barely even reacts— let alone blinks— to him swiveling her ankle around and testing the elasticity. But her bad ankle— oh— it’s enough to make her start to squirm.

His eyebrows pinch when she continuously flinches, her half-sentient tail batting against the asphalt behind her as she tries her hardest not to cry out in pain. He supports the back of her ankle with his palm, and doesn’t let her foot rotate when he puts her leg back in his lap. “When did this happen, baby girl?”

“It happened at school,” She hides her face back into her gloves. “Just the cherry on top, honestly. I fell and twisted my foot. I thought I was okay, but— I can’t walk in my civilian form.”

“School? And you fought the Akuma while injured? Oh, Mousey— I’m so sorry, I wouldn’t have let you stay alone with the Akuma if I had known. What else happened? Tell me what’s wrong.” She feels the gentle pressure of his thumb against her calf, even through the hexleather. “Maybe I can help you. I sure want to try, at least.”

Why is he so gentle with her? Why is Viperion always so sweet and soft to her— kind and loyal?

She knows why— there is the whole ‘they’re dating’ part of the answer— but honestly, how did it get this way? When did Viperion become the boy she fights crime with, day or night, live or die— to the man who snags her just before her showers, who makes it a habit to make her toes curl every time he sees her, who is happiest when she cuddles and routinely hides in his bed with? How in the world has she gotten this lucky?

How? How did she get so lucky to have a man so conditioned to care about her?

Why did he ever fall in love with someone like her— someone who needs everything to be in its place or else she has a nervous breakdown? Someone that loses her demeanor when there’s even a slightest mistake, because everything needs to be perfect or it’s not worth doing at all and— and— why would he even stay with someone like her like this? Why? She’s completely the opposite of him— so— why does he stay and deal with someone so completely different than him in every single aspect?

The thought is enough to make her cry— and— oh— that’s it, really. That’s what makes her push over the edge and start hiccuping into her hands, tears falling down her cheeks. “Oh—”

“Mousey, it’s okay. Shh. Your ankle will get fixed up in no time, okay? We can fix this.”

“I’m sorry,” She says, more to herself than anything else, gesturing to her leg before hiding back in her hands. She sags against him so easily when he pulls her onto his lap. “I’m sorry— I’m so sorry, Vai. It’s not just— just the ankle— I’m just—”

“I know.”

“And— such a bad day—”

“Breathe, Mousey,” He traces circles against her back.

She gasps for breaths between sobs. “And I just— I really did try to not let it get to me— I really tried—”

“You did very good. You are doing very good.”

“It really hurts, Vai, I’ve never rolled my foot before, it’s so painful— and I know I’m going to be in more pain when I’m out of the suit. I’m so exhausted, Vai— today has been so difficult.”

“Tell me what happened.”

Where does she begin? “So much coffee on my shirt, I smell like an espresso machine—”

He listens to her ramblings, even if they don’t make any sense without the full context. He’s gentle when he shifts her even closer, making sure that her foot doesn’t hit up against the car next to them, tucking her in next to his collarbone and letting her cry it all out. His chest is so warm against her. “Everything’s going to be fine.”

“And then the subway— and I don’t have more blueberries for Lolo right now because she ate them all already, even after I went back home and refilled her cup—”

“We can get more in my house, it’s okay. All the blueberries Mullo could want.”

“And I was also stuck in the subway for two full hours with just a swimsuit—”

“You went on the subway with only a swimsuit on?” He makes a face. “That doesn’t sound right.”

“In my bag,” She explains, even if it doesn’t make much sense, sniffling around her gloves. “I mean— I picked up the wrong backpack— the wrong bag— before leaving the house and it was just my swimsuit in there— the subway got stuck and I thought it was because of an Akuma so I was just—”

“Take a breath, Mousey.”

She sucks in a breath, trying to fill her lungs in all the way, before the inevitable fresh wave of tears that she continues to border on. “And I— I couldn’t— even text you. I couldn’t, because my battery was out— and I was underground— and— oh, sugarcubes, I was so bored— I just kept coming up with more and more ways to sneak off the train without being seen because there was nothing else to do and I ended up overthinking everything.”

Everything. All of it. Every single thing. If she’s doing well in school— if what she’s trying to get a degree in is even worth it— if she’s wasting her time not focusing on defeating Hawkmoth— if Viperion even finds her necessary in fights. After all, most of what she does is just a distraction for him to get close and defeat the Akuma— but there’s not really a genuine need for her since all he has to do is move his ouroboros miraculous over to the side and turn back time and do whatever needs to be done, right?

“I thought about how you’re so much better without me during Akuma battles— I thought how much of a klutz I am— I thought about how I always have these nervous breaks whenever something goes wrong and you always just deal with them and I wish I could just stop worrying about every little thing without making it into a thing— and— and—”

Gentle hands make it to her wrist, and she looks up, sniffling and biting her lip. Viperion’s smile looks soft on his face as he wipes away her tears— golden eyes looking at her like she’s the most important thing in the world. He kisses her forehead, her cheeks— her nose, too— all in favor of getting a smile back onto her face. “None of that is true, okay? There’s no need to overthink about any of it anymore. You’re okay, you’re here— exactly where I need you to be. You are the entire reason why Paris is safe every day— I’m just here to keep you company, in all honesty. You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever known, little mouse, and I absolutely cannot do any of this without you.”

Amazing woman? Has he met his own mother before? “But— what about your family—”

“I’m aware of what I’ve said,” He smiles. “I don’t deal with your problems, we deal with our problems. You getting worked up about something is something we both work on together— I’m not going to let you suffer alone when you’re nervous about something.”

She blinks slowly at him, her lashes damp and full of tears, only being able to offer him a watery and a heartful: “Oh.”

He nods, encouraging her to smile back. “Everything’s going to be fine, just like it always is, okay?  You’re not a klutz. You’re doing great. Everything is going to be fine.”

“But—”

“Breathe, Mousey. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

She looks at him in the eyes, her breath slowing down, looking around them to see just how empty the street is. It’s an unpopulated street to begin with, so there are only a couple of shops at the corners, nowhere near them where they sit in between the cars, catching their breath from the battle. “I’m— I’m going to be okay. I am okay.”

“You’re okay.” He nods, smiling gently, taking her hands in his.

“I’m— I’m fine.” She takes another breath. She still feels watery, still feels like a wet sponge, but it’s a little easier to breathe. “Sometimes days just don’t go my way, no matter how much I plan for it.”

“Good, good— but you’re forgetting the second half of that.”

“The second half?”

“For every day that it happens, whenever your days don’t go right, I’ll be right here for you to cry on because you and I have always been a team.” He kisses her bangs, smoothing his gloves at the back of her head, behind the buns in her hair. “As much as I don’t like seeing you cry, baby girl, I know that I’d rather see that, than have you bottle it up inside.”

She sniffles, giving him a little smile when he pulls away to gauge her reaction. “Thank you, Vai.”

“I love you.” He kisses her on the lips again.

“I love you, too.” She ducks her head as a blush stains her cheeks underneath her domino mask. “Oh, I’m— I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For crying on you and turning this into a mess.”

“My girlfriend seeking out comfort from me— what a scandal, little mouse,” He teases with a flash of his fangs. “How dare my Mousey want reassurance from me.”

She has the reflex to giggle, even though there’s a bit of tears still trying to make its way down her face. “It’s probably not what you had in mind for today, huh?”

“All I had was work today,” He wipes at her cheek again. “The Akuma is always unpredictable, but it’s not like your parents don’t know why I have to leave the register when our phones start to ding with the Akuma notification, right? And I’m always thinking of you, so, in a way this is sort of what I had in mind.”

She kisses him. It’s not as quick as it should be— it definitely isn’t as innocent as it has to be, given that they’re in public and they haven’t technically told the public yet that Viperion and Multimouse are more than just a duo, not to even mention that they’re a lot, lot more than a duo now, if her wandering hands are any indication— but she breaks away just before she has the urge to shift her position on him, laughing softly when he narrows his eyes at her. “We should— uhm— probably go back, right? Your mom is probably calling your phone right now, asking why in heaven’s name you picked the Liberty for the trap location— Alya will be here any moment now to ask things for the Ladyblog.”

“Hmm? What did you say? I was too busy living in the moment of hearing you laugh again. Such a sweet melody.” He looks back up to her from looking at her ankle. She has no idea what’s going on in that head of his— and it bothers her, because she so desperately wants to know, even as he gives her a wink and a smile.

She’s so thankful for this man. So ridiculously thankful.

She bites her lip to stop herself from smiling harder. “We need to go. Out of here. And I need a favor.”

“I’ll do whatever you need, Mousey. What is it?”

“I need you to marry me.”

His eyes widen, completely caught off guard. “What?”

“I mean— I mean carry—” She gasps, hiding her hands behind her mouth. “Oh gooseberries— I’m so sorry. Sorry! I meant carry, I promise! Slip of the tongue, oh sugarcubes— I’m so sorry— that’s not what I meant at all.”

“Breathe, Mousey, come on.” He snorts so hard that he has to hide his face behind his hands, shoulders shaking in mirth. “Obviously I’ll carry you. That’s without question— I’m not letting you walk like that. Come on, let’s get you back home.”

-*-

Marinette’s finally sleeping by the time he’s back into her room.

They’ve wrapped and bandaged her foot, kept it elevated and out of the way for her. She sleeps soundly, even as he struggles with her trap door to not make any noise. He’s not good at being quiet when he really tries— the universe is always out to get him whenever he tries to do something quietly. Or maybe he just gets too self-aware of himself.

“How’s she doing, Sass?”

“She’s been sleeping for the whole time since you brought her home,” The little kwami answers just as softly. There’s a couple of doll-sized lounge chairs on her nightstand, as well as a small little dining table with a couple of cushioned seats— it looks like a playset, in all honesty, but they’re the perfect size for the two kwamis to sit and eat away at their food.

Sass looks like he’s finished with his eggs, which is good to see. Mullo is still working on her blueberries, chewing through each one almost anxiously as the two kwamis watch Marinette rest. He’s never known just how many blueberries is enough for Mullo, so he’d grabbed a heavy container full of it and put it in a small basket to keep her entertained.

“Is her foot going to be okay?” Mullo squeaks out.

“She’ll be fine,” Luka sits on the floor to be at eye level with the kwamis. He takes a couple of berries in his hands to snack on in order to have something to do. “She’s never hurt her ankle before, so it’ll heal up fast. Master Fu wrapped it up for her, after all— her uncle wouldn’t lie, would he?”

Both kwamis nod in agreement.

“I feel like this is all my fault,” The little mouse makes a face. “I should’ve helped her today, I shouldn’t have been quiet the entire time. Maybe things wouldn’t have gotten this bad. Maybe I could’ve told her she was taking the wrong bag— or maybe I could’ve remembered to plug in her phone. I fell asleep watching videos on mermaid history, I’m pretty sure— I don’t think the videos were worth her twisting her foot.”

Sometimes kwami and holder are really alike, huh? Even the face that Mullo makes is so reminiscent of Marinette, it’s incredible— he tries his best not to smile lovingly but can’t help himself. “It isn’t your fault at all, Mullo. There’s no point in thinking about what you should’ve done— all of it has already happened. It’s okay.”

“She’s never gotten injured like this before for as long as I’ve known her— and you said earlier that she hasn’t torn any muscles since I was given to Luka. Her ankle will heal before you know it.” Sass is quick to pet his friend’s arm. “But until then, she definitely won’t be able to act should an Akuma arrive.”

The room goes silent again as the three of them settle back into what they were doing. Sass is curled up, of course, enjoying the luxury of the little doll chair that is stuffed to the brim with cotton and sewn expertly shut. The dollhouse furniture looks well-loved, though— he’s under the assumption that Marinette most likely bought second-hand miniature sets for Mullo to play house in when she had first been given the mouse miraculous. There’s no dollhouse in sight around anymore, but the bookcase near Marinette’s bed still has two cubbies empty in favor of a little curtain pulled open to reveal two fake little rooms.

There’s a little closet rack full of little clothes. There are hats lined up against the bookshelf wall with two slits on the sides to make space for Mullo’s ears. There’s a doll bed with a blanket and a cushion— there’s a couch and potted plants all made out of felted material in order to decorate the space. A rug, too, underneath all the furniture.

All of these little trinkets and toys, so loved and cared for by a young girl and the love she has for her mouse— now something cherished by a young woman. “You know, I’ve always wanted to ask— how long have you two known her?”

“The Cheng family has always kept the miraculouses safe,” Mullo bites into another blueberry. “We’ve been passed down for generations.”

“Well, usually. Master Fu is the guardian right now, but he’s making sure that Marinette is the next guardian.”

“I know that, yes— but I meant Marinette specifically. How long have you two known Marinette?” He turns to her, wondering if she’s in any pain. The inflammatories must be working well in her system because there’s nothing on her face that indicates that her foot’s been wrapped and bandaged to stay still.

“We’ve known her ever since she was little. About eight years old, maybe? All of the kwamis loved playing house with her— the little princess was always so sweet and lovable. Growing up an only child was really lonely for her, so we played with her whenever we could.” The dollhouse furniture makes a lot more sense now. “You name it, we played it. Hide and seek, dollhouse, tea time, dress up— princess and the knight, too.”

Of course Marinette would’ve made them little clothes, how could she have resisted? The idea is adorable.

“Kaalki would frequently run away from Master Fu’s place in order to come play with her. Who could blame him? I for one loved it when it was tea time. Princess always made deviled eggs, just for me.” Sass slips his eyes shut to sleep. He always gets tired after eating his share of eggs following an Akuma attack— Luka’s thankful he works at a bakery, where eggs are plenty.

Sass is out like a light.

Mullo giggles to herself, holding a giant blueberry between her two paws, turning to him in her little chair, speaking as quietly as possible. Marinette may be asleep for longer, but Sass’s hearing is always so sensitive— they don’t want to wake either of them up. “I just ended up being the lucky one that got to stay with her. All of the other kwamis were really upset when they heard that I was her permanent friend— especially Kaalki. They all loved playing with her. We’re sure that Plagg and Tikki will love her, once we find them again.”

So much history between Marinette and the kwamis. No wonder Sass was so happy when they’d finally revealed their identities to one another. “Hey, Mullo— how come she didn’t tell me about her ankle?”

“She didn’t want to worry you.” Mullo replies in her soft, tiny voice. “You both needed to focus on the Akuma first.”

But in the end, she’d hurt herself. What he wouldn’t give to second-chance her ankle back to normal— but it’s been hours, not minutes, since it happened.

He takes his time eating the handful he’s picked from Mullo’s basket. The blueberry is sweet in his mouth, and tasteful, and something quiet to do while he looks at Marinette’s sleeping form. She’s working herself too hard, isn’t she? Trying to keep up with all the things at university— and trying to keep up with everything at home— and definitely trying to keep up with Akumas on top of it all. They haven’t technically even been on dates together, if that’s something she even wants, because her life is so full. It’s commendable, but watching the girl of his dreams get pulled in all different directions makes him understand entirely why a multitasking miraculous is the perfect one for her.

“You should rest, Luka. It’s getting really late.”

“I don’t know if I should— I don’t want to accidentally wake her up.”

“She’ll be more upset if she wakes up and you’re not in bed with her,” Mullo argues. He smiles, because he can’t help the humor at the sincerity of her words. “You should join her.”

He’d have to take off his jeans, and go pawing for one of his shirts she’s stolen from his room in order to not get flour all over her bed, but it’s doable. Her parents already know he’s up here, after all— he’s said he was going to check up on her once his shift ended. Her parents had let him go without barely any warning gaze— in fact, Mrs. Cheng had implored him to spend the night and make sure Marinette didn’t attempt to run off, in case another Akuma were to pop up.

They trust that he’s a good person and will actually stop her from leaving the house. And he doesn’t want to disappoint.

The last thing he wants to do is go back home and listen to the absolute earful he’ll be getting from his mom about using the Liberty as bait, so he’s going to camp out in Marinette’s room after sending about a billion and one heart emojis to Juleka, hoping she’ll try to keep their mom out of trouble.

Maybe it’d been a bad idea to tell his family about his identity— just his family in general. It’s safer this way, now that his family knows, so there won’t be any nasty revelations down the line and his family won’t turn into Akumas (and if he has to fight Reflekta or Captain Hardrock any more times in his life, he’s going to quit) but now there’s the added bonus of his mom knows why he disappears all the time.

So.

Heart emojis sent to Juleka it is.

“And what about you? Won’t you be going to bed?”

“I’m still hungry, so I need to dip downstairs and get some more food, if that’s okay. Or, better yet— do you want me to take Sass downstairs with me when I go?”

He raises a brow. Surely she doesn’t mean to imply… “She’s— Marinette— come on, Mullo. She’s injured.”

“I’m not sure she needs her ankle for that!”

This doesn’t top the weirdest conversation he’s ever had, but this is definitely up there. “And she’s asleep— I’m not comfortable with the idea.”

“She’ll wake up soon. You should ask her then, obviously.”

“Mullo.”

“You’re two aren’t our first holders, you know, we’ve done this so many times before.” Mullo giggles behind a paw. “So, do you want privacy? If you don’t, I’ll stay right here. Mari likes to tell us that we’re as scary as actual dolls, sometimes, with our beady little eyes.”

No one has to tell him that. He learned the hard way when he’d woken up the first time with Sass looking straight at him. Beady little eyes indeed— it’d scared him shitless and almost caused him to scream at a bleary five in the morning. Sass is a terrifying little creature when he wants to be.

“Maybe it’s a good idea to give us a bit of time.” He tries not to blush when Mullo tilts her head in acknowledgment. “I don’t think she wants anything except sleep, but, who knows.”

“We’ll give you all the time you two need,” The little mouse nods. She grabs Sass’s sleeping form by a paw, taking one last bite out of the remaining blueberry, before the two of them phase through the floorboards down below. Sometimes kwamis are weird little creatures with all of their powers, honestly— he’s gotten used to Sass appearing out of thin air in his attempts to scare him, but it’s always so concerning to see it happen without that context.

He lifts himself up from the floor, peeling open some of her drawers in search of one of his shirts. She’d taken his pleading to heart, and now has a steady collection of his clothes starting to grow and multiply in her closet— he’s running out of his own clothes, honestly, but he can’t say no when she smiles at him like she always does before squirreling away a new shirt into her bag when she wants to keep a piece of him with her.

He should probably take some of these shirts home with him, though. If the point was for her to smell like him, well, he should probably make it happen.

He folds his shirt and jeans. Marinette doesn’t have piles of clothes everywhere unlike him, so he makes the executive decision to stack his clothes on her desk chair. By the time he’s going back up the ladder over to her bed, Marinette’s shifted onto her side, facing him— she wakes up the moment he tries to shimmy his way under the covers with her.

“Oh. Hi.”

“Hi.” She has pieces of her hair catching in her eyelashes— he brushes it away, shifting closer to her. Her entire bed smells of faint traces of lavender, what a nice scent. “How are you feeling, Mousey?”

“A lot better,” She’s quick to smile, even as she’s groggy from sleep. Adorable. “Probably because of the amount of pain killers I’m on right now, though.”

He laughs. “Master Fu told me you don’t usually take painkillers. You must just completely relax under it, then, since your body isn’t used to it.”

“I don’t think I tore anything, did I?”

“No, I don’t think so. Your uncle said you’re fine, after all, but you should just stay out of commission for this week until you can put weight on that foot again.”

She looks so disappointed. “Where’s Lolo?”

“Downstairs. She’s probably eating through your entire pantry at the moment.”

“And Sass?”

“Went with her. Mullo took him to give us privacy. Are you okay?”

He should’ve known better than to relax his guard around her. The moment he’s completely at ease in bed, she grabs for him, pulling him so close to her that they’re perfect puzzle pieces. “How is it that I can sling myself across rooftops for years, day and night, but I can’t even walk in a straight line once I’m out of my suit?”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Mousey. That’s not good for you.”

“I wish I wasn’t such a klutz.”

“You’re not.” He kisses the top of her head as a punctuation of his words. “You just had a bad day, that’s all.”

“One of the worsts in a while,” She nods into his— hers?— shirt. “Luka? Could you make it better for me?”

He laughs. “And you call me the insatiable one, little mouse.”

Her eyes sparkle. “Who was the one that jumped me when I was going to go shower after my pool trip with my friends? One look at me in a towel and suddenly my boyfriend’s hands are all on me— sounds pretty insatiable, if you ask me.”

How can she blame him? She has such soft and delicate skin. Everywhere.

He loves touching and feeling her up whenever she lets him and asks him to. Not to even mention her ass— god— he could write so many songs just about it— he likes biting her everywhere he can, and he’s sure he’d done exactly that while sneaking his way into her shower box. Marinette always takes to bruising really well when it comes to him teething at her, she blossoms into hickies whenever he has his mouth on her. Not to even mention just how excited and turned on she was when he’d finally fingered her to completion.

“I don’t believe you were complaining, were you? Besides, I was just giving my girlfriend what she likes the most.”

She snorts and giggles. “And what is that?”

“Word is around here that she really likes Viperion. Has lots of fantasies about him— and, hey, I’m a pretty understanding guy. If my girlfriend wants to call out his name instead of mine, I get it.” He loves it when she laughs this hard— it’s always so much better to hear her laugh than it is to hear her stay quiet and in her thoughts. “It’s a good thing he likes helping out, too. The guy’s taken a real liking to my girlfriend, even though I’ve heard that him and Multimouse are a thing.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” She smiles against his mouth. She’s feeling a lot better now, he can tell, because her hands disappear under his— seriously, hers?— shirt, teasing all of the skin available to her. Her fingers are ticklish against his chest and abs— she’s just as handsy as he is, most of the time.

“Insatiable,” He kisses her before pulling down the covers.

Her sleepshirt is soft and stretchy in his hands, and it’s easy to pull it up enough so he can kiss her stomach and hip at the waistband of her panties. He’s careful with her leg, of course— he doesn’t want to move it, just to make sure the wraps on her ankle don’t come undone by accident. He helps her out of her underwear slowly and gently, pulling the cute panties off so he can get her completely bare.

Such cute underwear. But then again, he’s always a little biased to anything green or blue— and the mint green color is adorable on her pale skin. The cut is cute, too— he doesn’t know enough about women’s underwear styles, but these are a lot cuter on her than he’d imagined. They rest just at her hip, with a pretty little scalloped edge that is just a smidge too Marinette for him to reasonably handle.

But he likes her better naked, of course.

“You’re already this wet?”

“Don’t tease, Luka.” Her hands disappear under her shirt. He doesn’t get to exactly see what she does underneath with her fingers, but it doesn’t take much brainpower to recognize the arching of her back like she always gets whenever he’s pinching at her nipples.

He follows the line she’s made with her body with an appreciating gaze, kissing up and down her thigh so slowly that she makes a frustrated noise. “Awh, don’t be like that, Mousey. Tell me why you’ve soaked through your underwear, I’m curious.”

She groans. “I thought of you the entire time I was in that stupid subway.”

Oh, did she? “No wonder you’ve been so tense today.”

She makes eye contact with him after a little flinch and a little exhale— she must’ve pinched herself just enough to make it count. “I was thinking about what you did to me in the shower. You’re such a glutton, Vai.”

He grins at her. Oh, he loves it when she calls him that. “I’m not so sure about that.”

And gives her what she needs.

He takes his time licking between her legs, even though she’s wet enough that it wouldn’t take much effort at all to slip his fingers into her. He likes this part, personally, even to the point where he shifts his hips down into the mattress to alleviate some of the pressure building at the base of his spine, starting to get desperate himself. It’s always so satisfying to go down on her— the noises she makes are always so attractive, and he loves making her come without much regard to himself. Marinette isn’t loud when she vocalizes her likes and dislikes, but not because she doesn’t want to be— she always hides her mouth behind her hands— and it always feels like a contest.

Today is no exception.

Her ribs heave under her shirt as he licks and licks, swirling his tongue at the place she loves the most. Her sighs are soft and sweet, even as he pulls her good leg up and over his shoulder, burying his face into her cunt as she makes a noise halfway between an exhale and a laugh.

“Who’s the glutton now?”

He makes a humming noise, not exactly interested in answering her question— he’s more in favor of showing. He’s glad to help, after all— pulling noise after noise from her when he licks his way into her, digging his tongue in as far as he can possibly reach. Her hips lift, using his shoulder as an anchor, and she moans— but still, again, it’s so soft and nearly quiet like she doesn’t want anyone to know what they’re up to. Always so considerate of others.

Cute.

By the time he’s got two fingers dipping into her, she’s wound up tight already. He can tell by the way she twitches, how she bites the fleshy part of her thumb— and how she bites harder when he uses his free hand to cup her ass and give her a squeeze. Soft. Soft soft soft.

God, so deliciously soft.

“Luka,” She whispers, trying her absolute hardest to stay quiet as he curls his fingers into her. Her free hand makes it to his hair, brushing it back so sweetly— she’s more cuddly this way, than an actual sexual deviant, like she’s desperate for reassurance. “Please please please?”

He loves it when she starts to beg for more and asks for more physical touch whenever he makes a home between her legs.

“Easy, Mousinette. Take a breath,” He kisses her thighs, liking the way how her thighs get sticky and messy with it. She sucks in a breath at his suggestion, looking at him with her hazy, pretty eyes. “You’re almost there, aren’t you?”

“Yes—” She cuts herself off with a particular sigh that makes him piston his fingers more into her. She reaches down with the hand that was in his hair, gesturing for his hand underneath her to join her. “Could you— oh— please—”

“There you go. That’s it. Come whenever you want, baby girl.” He intertwines his fingers and clasps hands with hers, giving her one last swirl and flattening of his tongue, before he feels her start to come on his fingers.

“Luka—” He doesn’t let up once he recognizes the exhale, or the squirming— especially not when he feels the attractive fluttering of her walls. She squeezes and squeezes, milking his fingers desperately.

He can deal with his erection later. For now, he slowly eases his fingers out of her, and kisses her thigh again when she complains about the loss of his hand between her legs. “How are you feeling, Mousey? Better?”

“Always am when I’m with you. Sex or no sex.” And— oh— if he wasn’t so desperately hard in his boxers, he’d fall in love with her on the spot all over again. She’s always so honest with him— it’s always such a shock, even when he knows that’s just how her personality is. He watches her eyelids struggle to keep open, even as she raises her hands up in an attempt to coerce him to bed— barely clothed, with a sleep shirt that covers nothing except her chest and her shoulders at this point. “Come cuddle? ‘M tired. I want my boyfriend.”

“Probably not a good idea. I’m going to end up dry humping you— I’m so fucking horny.”

“Vai…” It’s so heartbreakingly cute that she tries to be stern even while falling asleep. “Cursing.”

“Sorry,” He laughs, gesturing to himself even though she’s not really looking at him. “I’ll be right back. I should probably go take care of my di— uhm, I mean, this— in your bathroom, and wash my hands too.”

Her face unpinches. “But what about cuddling?”

“I will after I clean you up,” He kisses the lines of her abs— pulling her shirt down enough to get comfortable. “If you fall asleep can I still towel you off? You know I don’t like it when you’re left messy.”

“Always take good care of me.” She mumbles, completely oblivious to the way he hides his steaming face behind his hands. She nods a confirmation, patting the spot next to her. “And then after cleaning come cuddle. Please.”

By the time he’s made himself orgasm while thinking of her, and washed his hands clean of her, and made sure that she’s no longer sticky between the legs— Marinette is still bravely putting up a fight with sleep. He helps her put on some new underwear, making sure that she doesn’t move her ankle as much when he does it— but he’s completely caught by surprise when she pulls him in for a hug— and, honestly— he should know better by now.

He loves it, though.

So much.

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[spices-and-cherries]

Being domestic with Benoit Blanc would include...

There’s not nearly enough content for this wonderful man and so here I am, making it myself. I hope you all enjoy!

Warnings: Fluff

- You! Have! Matching! Mugs! You had seen a nice mug set for couples and had asked Benoit if he’d be okay with it. He said yes! A few months later, he had come home from a trip and surprised you with a new set. He bought them as a souvenir and thought you’d like them. Now, you have four sets. If it weren’t for the fact that you don’t really need an exorbitant amount of mugs, you’d probably have more.

- He’s messy. Not in a bad or gross way, he just tends to be disorganized. He’s one of those people who know exactly where everything is even though the place looks like a train wreck. It’s for that exact reason that you don’t go into his office very often (unless it’s to bring him a snack).

- His closet, on the other hand, is very neat. It’s most because he doesn’t have much there to begin with. He just sticks with what he likes and only gets new clothes when he really needs to. That being said, he has one drawer from your dresser just for his ties. He usually picks them out based on his mood and he takes his time to choose the right one. Pro Tip: Get him one for the holidays or for his birthday. He’ll wear it for a week straight.

- He doesn’t tend to take cases that are out of the region. He likes being in the comfort of his home and you - it helps him think better than some hotel room. He always asks if he can talk his thoughts out loud and you almost always say yes. It didn’t take long for him to start bouncing ideas off of you.

- He loves helping you out with your job just as much as you helping him. He’ll listen to you with all of his attention when you feel you need to go through your presentation just one more time. He likes to learn and likes to hear your voice. It makes him feel better about him always talking about cases - he doesn’t want you to feel like he’s taking and not giving. Of course, you’ve never thought that because you love to hear him talk and to see him get excited.

- You’ve split the chores and do as much of it as possible on Saturday. The both of you try to make it as fun as possible with music playing or having jeopardy in the background (the winner gets a forehead kiss). There is no laundry machine in your apartment, so you have to go downstairs. Folding and hanging it when it’s done, while a bit tedious, is the best part. You get to rest a little and talk about the week or anything new that’s caught your interest.

- At some point, you get a cat. He has short hair and is a sand color. His name is Sleuth. You and Benoit took almost a week to find the perfect name. You take turns feeding him and taking care of the litterbox. Sleuth is pretty affectionate and will most definitely sit on you as you cuddle on the couch. You may or may not have a folder of Sleuth and Benoit napping together saved on your phone. When you need to take five at work, it’s usually the first thing you go to. They make you feel fuzzy inside.

- You really want to have at least one plant, but Benoit doesn’t have the attention span and you’ve always had bad luck with them. You settle on a nice arrangement of cacti instead. They sit along the windowsill in the living room.

- He always let you use the bathroom first. You never really understood it so one day you dragged him in with you so you could brush your teeth together. Now, it’s a daily routine. Maybe you’ll shave at the same time or do your make-up next to him. This is also how you got him into skincare. He has very delicate skin, but he always stuck with moisturizer. You offer some of your foam cleanser and he accepts out of curiosity. He ends up liking it, so you buy another bottle. He was very touched.

- After getting sleuth, he brushes the hair off his favorite coat every morning. You end up getting him a lint roller because it was getting a little ridiculous.

- You now have an affinity for cigars. He usually smokes them outside out of concern for your shared space - not to mention Sleuth. You find that the smell of cigar smoke and his aftershave becomes very comforting. Maybe at some point you’ll give it a try. Maybe you’ll even enjoy it or decide to save it for special occasions. If you are ever curious about cigars, he would be more than happy to tell you anything you want to know.

- Benoit is sober. He finds that alcohol can mess with his brain and he doesn’t like the feeling of not being in complete control of himself or having no awareness of what’s around him. He totally respects it if you do enjoy a glass of wine with dinner or relaxing with a can of beer. For fancy occasions, like an anniversary or a holiday dinner, he may have a glass of wine and actually enjoy it. While he doesn’t have a lot of experience with wine, he does like white over red because it’s not as bitter. Either way, he’s the most content with his cigars.

- Sometimes, when the both of you can afford to stay up late, you put on a movie. While he enjoys mysteries, he has a strong affinity for older comedies and musicals. They remind him of his childhood. Some of his favorites are My Fair Lady (1964), Harvey (1950), and anything Charlie Chaplin. He also enjoys more modern comedies, not just because of the humor, but because you were the one to recommend them. He makes sure that there’s always enough popcorn and blankets and enough space for Sleuth to join you. These little dates are some of your favorites.

- You’re not the biggest fan of shoes in the apartment - you like to keep them by the door. Benoit makes an effort to remember to take his off when he comes home.

- He likes hearing you sing, whether it’s while you work or washing the dishes. He’ll try to keep as quite as possible so you won’t stop. On the rare occasion that you spot him and continue singing (you usually clam up immediately), he’ll sing or hum along.

- He’s really good at listening. If you are crying, he’ll just hold you close to him, rubbing your back or kissing the top of your head. He’ll wait until you want to talk and always knows what to say or when to not say anything at all. It’s not often that he himself will cry. If something happened at work, he won’t talk much. It doesn’t happen a lot, but you can see the tells and will let him have his space. You might have to baby him a little to get him to eat because he will forget. When the two of you go to bed, he becomes the little spoon and will melt into your arms. You’ll rub his back and run your hand comfortingly through his hair.

- He’s not super into PDA, but loves cuddles. He likes to be the little spoon when you’re on the couch taking a nap. He loves having your hands running through his hair. If you two are sitting, you’ll be resting your head on his shoulder and your arms around his. In bed, unless he’s sad, he is the big spoon. He like feeling like he’s protecting you. He will make you wear socks if your toes are cold, but finds it amusing if they end up anywhere but your feet by morning.

- He radiates heat. You end up eating less pasta during summer because for some reason it makes him almost unbearably warm. It makes him sad that you are less willing to cuddle with him as a result. But in winter, it’s a whole other story. It’s the best time to cuddle because he’s almost like a weighted blanket. Hot cocoa, blankets, a movie and Benoit Blanc equal a wonderful winter weekend. It’s also the only time of the year that you demand he holds your hand when you find yourselves outside. At first, bless his heart, he thought it was because you kept forgetting your gloves (which was partly true) and kept reminding you to not forget them - he grabbed them himself at one point. If you just tell him you want to hold his hand, he’ll understand a lot quicker.

- He’s not very good in the kitchen. You try and teach him, but at this point, it’s a lost cause. He makes up for it by cleaning up the mess after. However, if you decide to do something super easy, you like to make him wear your ‘kiss the chef’ apron because it absolutely looks better on him than you.

Please feel free to send me requests or ideas! I really liked making this one, so I might do a Part 2... 

- Simpy