britswriting

[britswriting]

Devotion (25)

Devotion Masterlist

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*Leighton's POV*

New year new me is what I told myself as I went to therapy this morning. I walked in with determination to figure some shit out, and I left with a fire under my ass as I dialed River, placing my phone in the cupholder as it rang, pulling out of the parking lot.

"Hello? Leighton?" he picked up, echoing around my car.

"Hey! River! How are things going?" I quickly asked, wanting to get the catch up out of the way.

"Doing alright, how about you?"

"Good.. good.. um, quick question." I chuckled nervously.

"Yeah?"

"Do you know Aaliyah's last residence? I saw her before Christmas, but I don't know where she is, and I have something I need to tell her." 

"Um..." He hummed, "I haven't really talked to her since we broke up. I've also been meaning to talk to her. I kinda want to get back together with her—"

"Kinda?" I harshly questioned.

"I miss her, Leigh. Things got hard, but I never wanted to lose her. I wanted to marry that girl, but you know, with everything going on being a new parental guardian, shit got hard."

"How are the kids?" I asked, really missing having talked with River.

"They're alright. They're finally made some friends, adjusted to the new school. I started sending them to therapy to hopefully help them if they have issues with me and don't want to talk, or helping them process losing their parents. I just.. it's been hard, but we're figuring it out."

"That's good." I nodded to myself, my mind reeling at the idea that he wants her back.

"The last I heard she was with you, but you could try asking Monica?" River suggested and I groaned.

Monica and I never got along. She didn't like me very much. Just another name to the list.

"She might be your only bet, Leigh." River reminded me.

"I don't even know if Aaliyah would've told her anything. She was kind of a shell of a person the last time I saw her. She seemed like she wanted nothing from me, and I just... do you think she would've gone to Monica?"

"It's worth trying."

"But.. if her sister doesn't know anything, I don't want to worry her, you know? I don't even know how close they are anymore. I also want to fix things with Aaliyah, and I'm only going to dig my grave further if I include her sister in her business when she doesn't want Monica to know."

"I don't know what else to tell you Leighton, she won't answer my calls either. I think I've lost her for good, and I'm kicking myself because of it. I really had something good, and I couldn't even keep it."

"You can't beat yourself up, River. You had a huge life change. You got up and moved across the country. We're all just doing our best." I reminded him.

"Yeah.., thanks Leighton. We should talk more. I've missed your friendship."

"Same. I'll let you know if I figure out where she is. Thanks River." 

My fire was extinguished, and I groaned in my car, going through the motions of driving to Cynthia's to get Gemma, but I still felt determined.

Aaliyah stuck by my side even with all the shit I put her through. The least I can do is return the favor.

I rang Cynthia's doorbell, Nova barking as Logan opened the door, welcoming me into his home with a hug.

I let out a deep breath, collapsing into my brother's chest.

It always felt like home.

"You alright?" He asked, and I nodded against him, squeezing him tighter.

After a few minutes I let go, exhaling a deep breath.

I really needed that.

"You alright?" Logan asked again, eyeing me as he pulled back.

I still can't believe he won't be just a drive away. He's moving to a whole other state, and I knew I was too... but the idea that I can't just drive over and be wrapped in his arms, or hang out with his family like I used to once I got out...

My eyes prickled with tears as I blinked slowly, my eyelashes becoming wet.

"Leigh?"

I gulped down the emotion building in my throat, pulling it together enough to get a few words out, "I'm good. Sorry." I sniffled.

"Leighton.." He sighed, pulling me back into his arms. "Everything okay at home?"

I nodded.

"Everything okay with the baby?"

I nodded again.

"Want to talk about it?" He asked and I shook my head.

I felt a tug at my leggings, my daughter looking up at me as I looked down at her.

"Hi, momma." She waved, a smile breaking out on my face.

"Hi, Gemma." I replied, letting go of my brother to hug my daughter.

"Wanna.. wanna see.. see what I make?" She asked and I smiled at her, nodding.

"I'd love to, bug."

Gemma showed me the artwork her, Harper and Papa worked on, beaming with pride at her little signature in the corner.

"Papa showed me how." She giggled.

"You did such a good job, Gemma." I ran my hand over her hair, pushing it out of her face.

"Momma?"

"Yes?"

"How.. how come.. how come you don't.. don't draw no more?" She asked, looking up at me with her beautiful big blue eyes.

"I just never have the time, baby."

"Why?"

"Momma's got to work, and then take care of you, and the house. There isn't really time for me to sit down and draw, baby."

Her lips pursed and she looked at the table.

"Draw with Papa and I?" She asked, grabbing her coloring book, handing it to me.

"I'd love to baby, but we need to get home. Coco should be home soon with Sam." I reminded her, watching her face light up at the name of her uncle.

Sam was staying over so they could do their merch photoshoots and team meetings this week together, Kat having come with, but I guess she was going to go see her friends, instead of hanging out at our place.

Shocker.

"LET'S GO!" Gemma yelled, speed racing out of the dinning room to collect her things.

"Gemma Lorraine! Come clean up your mess!" I called out, not wanting her to leave my brothers house a disaster.

Good lord knows this kid can be a walking dumpster fire if she wanted to. I swear if I stepped on one more Barbie shoe I was throwing them all away.

"Momma, see Sam and Coco!" 

"Once you clean up your mess."

Apparently seeing Uncle Sam was enough motivation to get her to clean up her mess in a giffy and get her tiny hinny in the car without causing me a migraine.

Gemma couldn't contain herself as I unbuckled the clips, letting her bolt out of the car to the elevator, impatiently waiting for me to waddle over to her.

I swear she was on a sugar high based on the energy she couldn't contain as she ran down the apartment hallway, yet again waiting impatiently for me to unlock the door.

"Hurry mommy!" She exclaimed, rocking on her feet as she waited.

With a twisted key in the bolt, Gemma rushed through yelling "Coco! Sammy!" throughout the apartment before returning to me with a confusing glance.

"Where go?" She asked.

"Where did they go." I corrected, Gemma nodding.

"I dunno!" She replied, looking around with a furrowed brow.

"No, baby. The question is: Where did they go. Can you say that? Where did they go." I tried, reminding myself to look at what kind of speech classes there were around here.

We've been trying our best to work on her stutter, and talking in third person, but my string was starting to reach its end. She'd be going into Kindergarten next year, and she sometimes still talked like she was a two year old. I knew every kid took their time, but I didn't want her to be behind, or god forbid get made fun of. I at least wanted to dot my I's and cross my T's with everything I can do to help her. I felt like a failure knowing she isn't where she should be by now. Like I was already letting her down, and ruining her chance at success. No matter what age. 

"Where did.. dey go?" Gemma copied slowly, watching me.

A smile broke out on my face, nodding, her own smile beaming.

"I did it?"

"You did it, bug. Where did they go."

"Where did they go?"

"Where did they go." I nodded, grinning now.

"Where did they go!" She matched my own grin now, a giddy energy radiating off of her.

"I don't know, baby. Should we call them?"

Gemma nodded, letting me unlock my phone and call Colby. We waited, and waited, yet there was no answer, so we tried Sam, who answered right before the phone hung up.

"Hello?" Sam answered, and I nodded supportively towards Gemma.

"Hi!" Gemma's tiny voice replied.

"G? Hi!" Sam's mood noticeably alters to a peppier, happier to hear from my daughter.

"Where go? Gem came home, no Sammy or..or..  or Coco?" 

"Coco and I are working, G."

"Oh."

Sam chuckled.

"We'll be home after your bath, right before bed, okay?" Sam told her, which I found weird considering Colby told me they'd be home around 4, and it was currently pushing 5pm, reminding me that I needed to get dinner started.

"Otay." Gemma replied, sighing hopelessly, making me chuckle.

"Okay." Sam laughed. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Otay." She sighed longingly again.

They said their goodbyes and Gemma's giddy spirit was now in the dirt as her shoulders sagged.

"Want to help me make dinner?" I questioned, watching the light come back to her beautiful blue eyes.

G dragged her stool to the counter, letting me wash her hands and pull her shoulder blade length hair up, rolling her sleeves to her elbows before helping me pour different ingredients into our glass bowl.

With our sauce simmering, I let Gemma help bread the chicken before I sent her on her way so I could fry it.

I plated the chicken parmesan, cut up Gemma's plate, and set it on the table before calling her for dinner.

"Coco not home." Gemma grumbled, sitting down on the chair.

"Water or milk?" I asked G, holding her cup.

"Juice?"

"Not this late, sorry baby."

"Why?"

"Because it has sugars in it that'll give your teeth ows and make you run all over the place and you need to sleep. Can you not fight me on this, baby? Milk or water?"

"Yummy water?"

I sighed, filling her cup and finding one of my flavor packets, sprinkling a little into her cup, knowing this probably has the same amount of sugar as the juice does, before dumping the rest of it into a water glass of my own.

With a quick stir, I sat it down in front of her, taking my own glass with me as I joined her.

 Life looked like this a lot lately. 

Just Gemma and I sitting at the dinner table, talking about our day and our plans for tomorrow, except tonight, Gemma surprised me by bringing up the baby.

"When baby come home?" She asked, stabbing a piece of chicken and awkwardly shoving it in her mouth.

"The baby will come when she wants to come, bug. She should be here around April. Do you know when April is?" I asked, Gemma's head shaking.

I got up, grabbing the calendar that was on the fridge, placing it on the table to show her.

"So this is today" I pointed to the calendar. "You see this word?" I asked, pointing to where it read January, Gemma nodded. "It's currently January. Can you say January?"

"January." She answered slowly, earning praise.

"And what number is this?"

"FIVE!" She yelled out, holding her palm out, showing her five fingers. 

"That's right. It's January 5th. Do you remember your months? January.. Feb..." I trailed off, waiting for her to finish.

"February!" She replied, a smile breaking out on my face.

"Mar.."

"March!"

"What comes after March? Ap.."

"April!" 

"So how many months is that? January.." I held up a finger, "February" another finger, "March" Another finger, "April" I showed her my hand, letting her eyes count before she yelled, "Four!"

"So baby sister will be here in 4 months."

"What's dat?" Gemma asked, pointing to the Calendar where it read "Colby's Birthday"

"That's Coco's birthday. What number is that?"

"Two!"

"That's correct. Colby's birthday is January 2nd. Remember how we made him a cake? And you gave him his presents?" I asked, jogging up the memory of our very chill birthday celebration.

Gemma nodded, looking down at the calendar. 

"How come.. how come we.. we wait.. four... four months?"

"Because babies take a long time to grow. They have to get big and strong and healthy before they come to meet their older sisters" I smiled at her, my hands resting on my bump.

"Baby my... my sister?" She asked, brow furrowing.

"Yes, Gemma. She's your sister. You'll be a big sister, and have a little sister. Are you excited to have a little sister?" I asked her, taking a drink of my water.

Gemma shrugged.

"Never.. never had one, momma."

I smiled, "I know. Are you going to be nice to the baby?" I asked, voicing one of my biggest fears.

I've always heard about older sibling jealousy, and I was extremely worried that with a four year age gap, going from being an only child, to having to share everything, including our attention, would create some behavior issues.

Gemma nodded, taking another bite of chicken, chewing with her mouth closed until I reprimanded her, reminding her of her manners. 

She began to ask me about hanging out with Noel when the door opened, in walking Sam and Colby.

"Coco!" Gemma rushed off her chair, Colby quickly catching her, tossing her into the air before kissing her cheek, saying hello. "You're home!" She giggled.

"Have you had a good day?"

Gemma nodded, Colby handing her off to Sam before kicking off his shoes, coming over to give me a quick kiss, noticing dinner on the table and apologizing for being late.

"You might need to warm it up a little." I warned him, Colby dishing his own plate as Gemma climbed back on her chair.

"Is Katrina not coming?" I asked, unsure if she was completely avoiding me.

"Her and Stas are meeting up for drinks tonight, I'm meeting up with them when she goes to bed." He nodded towards Gemma, myself nodding as I finished my meal. 

I started to buss the dishes when Colby stopped me, grabbing my hand.

"I'll get it."

I got G ready for bed, Sam reading her a bedtime story before bidding us a goodbye as he left to meet up with his friends.

I watched the hall light flick off before the bedroom door opened.

"You were gone awhile." I stated, looking back down at my laptop, viewing different house listings in Minnesota.

"Things went longer than expected." He replied, tugging his shirt off, tossing it in the hamper along with his jeans. "I'm going to take a quick shower." He told me, wandering back down the hall, leaving the door open.

My eyes rolled as I kept scrolling, Colby reappearing in a towel 10 minutes later.

"You're pissed." He said, the sound of the towel hitting the hamper catching my attention, Colby fixing the waistband of his boxers.

"I'm pissed." I nodded in agreement.

"About me being late?"

"Mhm."

"It really did go longer than expected." He sighed, plugging his phone in and taking a seat on our bed.

"You didn't answer when I called, and I know I need to loosen up because there's a million reasons, but what if it was the baby? What if someone was hurt? What if it was more than just you being late for dinner?"

"I'm sorry I was late."

"You know, I'm going to need you to actually be here when you say you're going to when this baby gets here. I need to be able to count on you, and if you can't be, or won't be, I need you to tell me. I don't think that's too much to ask, Colby."

"I promise I'll be better. I was just caught up."

I decided to let it go, leaning back against the pillows, grumbling when I could no longer see my laptop due to my bump.

"Never get me pregnant again." I huffed, sitting back up, struggling to readjust my pillows, Colby silently helping me before continuing to scroll through his phone. 

"Thank you." I sighed, relieving the pressure in my back as I sunk into the pillows. "Have you heard from the realtor?"

"I can check."

Silence fell between us when I heard his charger hit the floor, Colby leaning closer towards me, showing me his phone, and email open.

My brow furrowed as I scanned in, waiting to see the "Sorry you haven't been chosen." when my eyes widened and my heart began to pound.

"We got in? They accepted us?" I asked, taking his phone from him, reading the email again.

"They want to meet with us, but so far, yes. We've been accepted."

"Oh my god! That's great! When can we book a flight? Shit, I need to take time off with work—"

"I don't understand why you don't just quit. We're leaving anyway." Colby interrupted.

"Because we need the money."

"We don't. I have us covered, you just won't let me. You don't have to work right now, Leighton; and I hope you know you won't be working for a while once the baby is born."

"So what, my life gets put on hold because I'm carrying your kid?"

"Don't do this, Leighton. Not tonight. Please. Let us be happy. We got in." He sighed, mental wear showing on his face.

"I'd love to be happy, but you're trying to be controlling! I can work if I want to." I argued.

"Yes, you can, but we're about to have a newborn, and a toddler. That's a lot. You mentioned wanting to go back to school too. I'm not saying you can never work again, but maybe take some time off. Let's get through the pregnancy, the move, the newborn stage, and then regroup." He suggested, my lips pursing.

"Okay. I'm sorry for getting upset." I gave in, agreeing that I didn't want to blow up tonight.

"It's alright. You know I love you, right? I just want you safe, and happy, and the both of you healthy." Colby's hand rested against my stomach, rubbing softly.

"I love you too."

Colby scooched down the bed, pressing his lips against the fabric covering my stomach.

"I love you too little one" He murmured, pressing a few kisses before moving back up and kissing me as well. "Here's to a new adventure. I'll book the flights, you put in your two week notice, deal?"

"Deal."

~

"It's not perfect, but it'll work." I voiced, opening the door to our future nursery.

"It's just a small step to forever, remember. We rent this place, we find land, we build our dream house and move into our forever home." Colby said behind me as I opened the closet doors.

The house was old.

Don't get it twisted, it wasn't ancient, but it was dated.

Everything about it screamed early 2000s.

It was far from either of our styles, but it was safe, it was available, and they said yes to a move in date by early February, meaning we needed to get a move on moving.

We both signed the lease, confirming our move in date to be February 12th and I immediately felt the stress breathing down my neck.

A little over a month to move halfway across the country whilst I'm 6 months pregnant.

What have we gotten ourselves into?

Immediately I knew it was all hands on deck. 

Uncle Garret booked a flight to California so he could drive the UHaul, Aunt Ginger was going to babysit Gemma all month, meaning my daughter wasn't flying back with us. Melissa and Lincoln were flying with us to help us pack. Sam, Kat and Stas were also going to help us which surprised me.

Box after box got loaded and taped shut, shoved into a UHaul, the big slam of the heavy door rattled my bones as we locked it, Uncle Garret giving me the biggest hug before climbing in with Lincoln and waving at us as they started their trek.

Colby's car was packed full to the brim as well, mostly essentials and delicates, like things for the kitchen, bathroom things and some of Gemma's prized possessions.

"Kentucky is not that far." Cynthia reminded me, wrapping me in her arms. 

"I know... it's just... there's a lot's changing. You're not going to be a quick drive away anymore."

"We'll be a phone call away though, and a quick road trip. You're not losing him, Leigh."

"I know. Thank you for helping today." I smiled, hugging her tighter before letting go. "And thank you for keeping my dad until we get a bigger place" I swiped the tears away, blinking a few times. 

"Anything for family, right? Plus, he's good with the kids. Harper likes having him around."

"Hey, I'm heading out with Mel." Colby told me, his hand on my lower back, getting me to turn and look at him. "They're bringing you to the airport right?"

"Yeah. Drive safe and keep me updated, okay?" I gazed up at him, Colby nodding.

"Will do. I love you."

"I love you too."

"Text me when you land, okay?"

"Okay."

He kissed me for a few seconds, patting my ass before waving goodbye to my family and climbing into the car with my cousin.

The original plan was for me to go with Colby, but with how far along I am, and how uncomfortable I've been, a flight would be quicker and somewhat easier on me, leaving me to fly alone from LA to Minneapolis, meet up with Gemma and Aunt Ginger and drive to the new rental.

The only one of my siblings who didn't show up to moving day was Lexi, and honestly? I wasn't surprised. 

I climbed into Landon's car after being dragged off of Cynthia and Logan, him quite literally slamming the door on me and locking the car.

"Got to get you out of there somehow." He teased, starting the car before driving us away, Logan, Cynthia, Harper and my dad waving goodbye.

"How did it work out that you're driving me? You're one of the worst drivers right after Lexi."

"Because I was the only one willing to deal with LAX on a Friday night."

"Well, I appreciate it." 

Landon and I talked about his relationship struggles with Xander and Finley and what's been like navigating a poly relationship, followed by us belting out Taylor Swift together.

"I've missed this." I confessed, resting my head against the headrest as I looked at my brother. "I'm going to miss you. We haven't hung out as much as I would've liked lately, and I apologize. I know we've all been busy, but I really should've put in more effort. I promise, I'll try to call more often and you and your boyfriends are welcome any time. Okay?" I reassured him, Landon nodding, a small smile on his face as we were parked outside of LAX. "I love you. Thank you for driving me."

"I love you too Leighton. Now, go live out your dreams. Get the hell away from LA." He chuckled, letting me pull him into a hug before I grabbed my carry on, telling him I loved him once more.

I looked behind me once more, Landon waving, waiting for me to open the door before driving away.

Here goes nothing.

I crossed the threshold into the airport, all sorts of people crossing my path, shoving me out of the way and harshly talking on phones as I made my way back to check in.

It's been awhile since I've flown alone, and the entire three hour wait, I couldn't help but think about Aaliyah, and how I was leaving her without properly saying goodbye, and telling her I'd also contact her soon.

I wish I knew where to start. Who to talk to. Who would know where she was, but I guess her telling be goodbye truly was our goodbye, no matter how much I wanted to change the narrative, I guess that wasn't my story to end.

I looked out the plane window as we began to take off, saying goodbye to LA one last time.

Off to bigger and better things.

Or so I hoped.

~

"Upstairs, first bedroom off the bathroom." I directed my Uncle as he unloaded the UHaul.

Lincoln and Uncle Garret spent two hours unloading the UHaul whilst I began to unpack Gemma's clothes, hanging them in her closet.

The sun began to set as my family helped put together bed frames, Aunt Ginger making the beds, claiming "You need somewhere warm for your head to rest tonight." Gemma was overly excited about her new pink princess bed sheets my Aunt had bought her.

"What do you think of your room bug?" I asked, tossing another toy into a toy box.

She shrugged.

"It's only for a bit, okay? Coco and I are gonna build our own house and you can design your own room." I promised her, pushing myself up off the ground with a grunt. "Now, let's find some comfy PJ's, get a snack, take a bath, and get ready for bed."

Gemma sat on the floor in front of me as I brushed her hair, watching a movie on my phone when Colby and Melissa finally made it.

"Coco!" Gemma bolted to her feet, not giving me room to demand she stay put since we were almost done before bolting into his arms.

"Gemma! Come finish brushing your hair please" I called out, Colby giving her a kiss before carrying her back to me, plopping her on the couch.

"You guys have been busy." He commented, looking around at the furniture.

The couch was here, the TV was here, on the TV stand, ready to be hooked up. Our dining table was put in the middle of the tile right off our small kitchen.

"Beds are together too." I told him, Colby leaned down to kiss me.

"Drive go okay?" I asked, kissing him again, letting it linger for a few seconds before he replied.

"Between you and me, I'm happy I'm home." He chuckled quietly in my ear, kissing my cheek.

"That bad huh?" 

"I'm glad I'm marrying the right cousin, that's all." He grinned, kissing me again before telling Gemma to let me finish her hair whilst he unpacked the car.

Once Gemma was tucked away in her bed, her door left open, the hall light on as requested, Colby got started putting our clothes away whilst Aunt Ginger, Melissa and I started to unpack the kitchen, Uncle Garret and Lincoln hooking up the TV.

"I can't believe you're finally here. It's felt like years since you've mentioned moving back home." Aunt Ginger said, placing cooking utensils into a holder next to the stove.

"I'm just grateful I'm here before this baby decides to show up." I sighed, washing another plate, adding it to the cupboard.

"It feels good to have you home, hon."

"Feels good to be home. Feels like a breath of fresh air." I confessed, Aunt Ginger squeezing me in a hug from behind, placing a smooch against my cheek, surely leaving red lipstick residue that I didn't bother to wipe away.

Everyone said goodnight around 11, telling me they'd be back tomorrow to help us finish, claiming we needed a good night's rest.

"Oh I could orgasm right now." I groaned, every muscle relaxing into the mattress.

"I could make that happen if you'd like." Colby smirked.

"Too tired." I groaned.

"You're going to regret laying down before changing." He laughed, grabbing my hands and tugging me upwards. "Come on Up you go." He groaned, earning a glare.

"I know you're not groaning from my weight, Cole."

"Of course not. It's been a long day. A lot of heavy boxes." He replied.

"Mhm." I hummed, my eyes falling shut.

"Come on, lets get you into something more comfy. I'm thinking fuzzy PJ pants. A nice comfy lose shirt. No bra." he listed off, the sound of a drawer opening and closing as I moaned to the thought.

"No bra sounds great. My boobs are so sore." I sighed, stripping my shirt off, my bra following suit.

"As much as I don't want to lose sight of this, it's fucking cold out." Colby commented, tossing me a comfy shirt.

"Well Mr. Brock. Welcome to the first night in our new temporary home." I grinned, yanking my fuzzy pajama pants up my thick thighs. 

"You as well Future Mrs. Brock." 

"I'm never leaving this bed, I hope you know that." I warned, yanking the covers back and welcoming the flannel bedding with open arms. 

"I think your bladder will say differently."

"Can you believe we're in a cold enough place to use flannel bed sheets?" 

"Can you believe I'll have to deal with snow removal?"

"We could hire someone." I suggested. 

"We could. Or. I could go rogue with a snowblower."

"Do they not handle the snow?"

"Nope. Just the lawns."

"Damn." 

Laying in our new temporary home that night felt weird.

Colby fell asleep pretty quickly, snoring in my ear as I laid there, staring at the ceiling.

I could feel Lennon moving, my hands racing where the movement came from, trying to imagine life with a newborn again.

I knew life was different. Not only was I now in Minnesota, and I have a toddler, but I'm sober. I'm in a partnership with the baby daddy. It seemed like it would be smooth sailing here on out; just there was this itch I couldn't scratch.

I carefully got out of bed, my hand resting on my belly as I wandered down the hall to the future nursery.

I paced the room for a moment, running my hand over the textured walls, opening and closing the wooden closet doors.

This was my baby's room. 

It felt weird.

Like we were somewhere we shouldn't be.

This wasn't our home.

I sat down on the floor, my back against the wall as I looked around the bare room, trying to imagine which wall the crib would lay against.

Life's changed so much in the past 5 years. 

After a few moments, I carefully got up off the floor, went to the bathroom before laying back in bed, Colby still sound asleep.

This had to be home. For now. And that was okay. Right?

Sleep pulled me under, only to be yanked right out after what only felt like a few minutes, my phone blaring.

"Hello?" I sighed into the phone, not bothering to check the time.

"Leighton?" A sniffled voice spoke, causing my heart to race.

"Monica?"

* * * *  I restarted this chapter lolol - June 5th 2024

I got writers block lolol + I've been distracted with life - July 26th 2024

I wrote most of this in one sitting lol - August 12th 2024

Written on: May 21st, June 5th, July 26th, August 12th, 14th 2024

Published: August 14th 2024

Word Count: 5032

Part Twenty Six - Coming Soon

[britswriting]

Devotion (24)

Devotion Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

T/W: Talk of addiction, brief mention of pet loss

*Colby's POV*

Approaching Leighton's first Christmas without her mother was taking a toll on her. She was doing her best to save face, but I caught her crying a few times whilst we got ready to make the trek to my parents house.

The three of us made it to the car, Gemma having pushed each elevator button before yanking open the car door, climbing up and into her carseat by herself; once again showing her independence.

I slammed the trunk shut hearing Leighton and Gemma bicker back and force about who was going to clip her car seat buckles; Leighton typically letting G do it herself, but the other day Gemma got her skin stuck between the buckle and wailed for a good 20 minutes, resulting in Leighton also crying.

"Babe, if you don't let her do it, she'll just cry the first fifteen minutes into the drive" I tried, the longer we stood here, arguing witha four year old, the longer it would take us to get to Arizona.

"But if I let her do it, she'll get her fingers caught again" Leighton snapped back, Gemma huffing and shoving at her mother's hands.

"No I won't!" Gemma argued back.

"Gemma, do you promise to be careful?" I asked, peaking over Leighton's shoulder, the blonde toddler on the verge of crying or screaming, or both.

"Yes!" She whined, her tears threatening to fall.

"Leighton, just let her do it" I started to argue, wanting to get the show on the road already.

"I don't want her hurting herself, Colby" Leighton argued back.

"Baby, it was one time" I sighed, Leighton glaring at me before shoving me out of her way, walking around the car.

My head hung low for a second, my arms sprawled across the top of the car as my muscles flexed from the added weight of my body falling forward. 

"I do it Coco" Gemma whispered roughly.

"I know bug, put your hands here," I motioned towards the edges of the clip, away from where they'd meet, "And push. Keep your fingers away from here" I circled my finger away from where it'd clasp.

"Like dis?" She asked, tilting her head to look at me, myself nodding, Gemma pushing the clips together till they intertwined, snapping, a smile spreading across her face. "Good job, Gemma" I smiled, pressing a kiss on top of her head before adjusting the straps to fit better on her chest, checking that the clip was clasped correctly before handing her a bag of Goldfish and her juice.

One meltdown averted, another to conquer.

I shut the driver's side door, turning the key in the ignition before looking at Leighton, turning on Harry Styles' self-titled album for Gemma, one Aaliyah used to constantly play for her.

The quiet sniffle caught my attention, Leighton's head pressed against the window with her eyes closed, my hand caught her thigh, giving a little squeeze, getting her to look at me.

"Why are you crying?" I asked softly, backing out of the parking space before the toddler began to get antsy.

"I'm sorry for being a bitch" She mumbled, wiping at her face.

"You weren't being a bitch for not wanting her to be safe" I reassured her.

"I could've had more patience. I don't even know what's happening to me anymore" She let out a deep breath, sniffling again.

"We always joked that pregnant you was a monster" I teased, Leighton's head falling back against the window.

Shit.

An hour into the car ride of silence, well, other than Gemma screaming Woman to herself, my eyes catching her wiggling in her car seat as she danced, Leighton finally cracked out of her self pity party, conversing with me for the next hour or so before we had to stop for a potty break.

I chuckled when I noticed the bag Leighton was carrying seemed fairly heavy, Gemma crawling back into her seat, immediately asking for the donuts they had bought.

Leighton clipped her whilst Gemma was distracted with the donuts before climbing into the passenger seat, offering me the choice between apple juice and orange juice.

"Which do you want?" I asked, knowing this was a trick question; I had a 50/50 shot of taking the one Leighton secretly wanted, and I wanted to avoid as many meltdowns as I could this trip.

"I was a bitch earlier, you get to pick" She thrusted both drinks at me.

"And I know that you're secretly wanting one, and not the other. I don't care which one, babe" I smirked at her, Leighton rolling her eyes and handing me the Orange Juice. "Was I right?" I questioned.

"Shut up and drive Colby" She huffed, twisting open the Apple Juice.

I snickered.

"Ready to go bug?" I checked in, Gemma yelling in approval.

Half hour into the drive, Gemma was knocked out cold, Leighton scrolling through different baby names.

"So many sound good with Lennon" She groaned, having already listed off: Rose, Faith, Iris, Cathleen, and my personal favorite, Lennon Jolene.

"I don't like Jolene, Colby"

"Why not? Are you the one that is supposed to like country or whatever?"

"Me?!" She gasped, "You're the one with the so-called country song, plus, you're the one that wants our daughter to have a Dolly Parton song for her middle name."

"It's pretty" I argued.

 "Lennon Rose is prettier" She argued back, "Plus, you got to pick the first name. I get the middle name this time" 

"What? That's not how it worked for Gemma" 

"You're right. For G, I picked her name all on my own, and you see how well that worked out for me" She grumbled.

"What do you mean?" I eyed her.

"I named her after Katrina, and Kat and I don't get along. I thought I was going to like, bond my kid for life you know? Let her have a piece of you guys in her, and now look" She huffed.

"Gemma Lorraine is still a beautiful name, no matter where she got it. Plus, she has your mom's name, and that's pretty special" I smiled at her, Leighton matching my look, nodding.

"Yeah. I just.. I want some sort of tie to someone with the name, but I'm also too afraid to have a repeat like that"

"I still don't understand what exactly happened between you two" I sighed, leaning back into the seat.

"Nothing really happened... it's just.. I feel like she only wants to be my friend to hang out with Gemma, and won't admit it. Plus, we butt heads or whatever. Speaking of, I was talking in therapy about being selfish" that caught my attention, "and don't you lie. I know I am. Lindsay— my therapist, was talking about some reasons it may seem like I am, or whatever. I'm trying to fix it, like, settling and compromising more, she was saying it could have to do with feeling so alone all the time when I was younger, and how having a partnership is an adjustment; we're working on it. With Christmas coming up, I was thinking about everyone, like my family, Aaliyah, your family, Gemma's friends and Gemma's dad and doing better at compromising and taking turns and shit. Like how Gabe is doing Christmas with G when we get back. I thought there would be more of a fight from him, about not splitting Christmas or whatever now that he's home and she's not so codependent on me, but I think with med school, he's appreciating the quiet holiday, or maybe he has plans with Chase and Penny or something, I don't know" Leighton rambled.

"Leighton, you're less selfish than you are stubborn. You just want what you want. I wouldn't say your lack of compromise is being selfish. You took into consideration the things I wanted in the house we put an offer on and lost, as you did yours. You didn't want to settle, and there's nothing wrong with that. I still don't think we should settle, I just think renting out a place briefly in Minnesota until we can figure out our situation would be better. That way you can start pretting to have Lennon, and start settling in before we get a whole new baby added into this chaos." I explained.

"It's still so weird saying her name. Feels fake" She smiled softly, looking down at her bump.

"Yeah. I can't believe you're having my baby" I grinned like a lovesick fool, cupping the top of her belly in the palm of my hand, rubbing in a soothing motion, my eyes crinkling when I felt a kick against my palm.

It's crazy how much you can love someone without knowing it.

I thought you only felt that way for your children, but now that I'm in that situation, I definitely felt this way about Gemma before she was even born; then again, someone might argue that Gemma's always been my child, even though she's not biologically.

"What do you think, Lennon? Lennon Rose? Lennon Faith? Lennon Iris? Lennon Cathleen? Lennon..... Lennon... hm... Lennon...."

"Lennon Jolene?" I tossed back in, Leighton's eyes rolling.

"Colby, we can't"

"We could"

"I don't want to, and if I'm having to birth the kid, I think I get to veto some things"

"Lennon Catharine?" Leighton continued. "Nothing is sparking me. Like, how with G, you just knew. Like you did with Lennon. Once you say it, or think it, you just know. None of these feel right" She groaned, poking her stomach, 'What are you baby girl? Hm?" 

"Lennon Jolene" I mumbled under my breath, looking away from Leighton.

"Do you really want to?" She sighed, catching my attention.

"Baby, no" I chuckled, "I don't think that one is her name either, I just like messing with you"

"You suck"

"Tell me where and I will" I smirked, Leighton's lips parting from shock.

"Cole! There is a four year old right there!" She reprimanded, her head motioning behind her.

"She's asleep" I waved off.

~

I pulled into my parents driveway, both Leighton and Gemma out cold, making it easier for me to start unloading the car, greeting my mother as I carried in our bags.

"How was the drive?" She asked, taking a bag from me and walking down the hall towards the guest room.

"Was alright. They were both troops, all things considered. I will warn you, Leighton's been having a lot of back pain lately and it makes her kind of grumpy, so please, play nice" I begged, not needing World War Three on Christmas.

"Back pain? Is she and the baby all right?" Mom questioned, worry written on her face.

"They're fine. Pregnancy is just hard on Leighton's body, so if you catch her sitting, or napping or something, don't be too hard on her, please" I sighed, voicing the fears Leighton had voiced to me in the car, whilst complaining about her back pain telling me "I need to get all my complaints out before we get to your moms" then falling asleep not long after once the heated seats went into effect. 

"Why would I get mad at her? I do remember what it was like to carry your and Gage's big bodies" She teased, getting a chuckle out of me.

Whilst transferring Gemma out of the carseat and into my arms, Leighton awoke, getting out of the car to stretch and then swiftly making a mad dash towards the bathroom, flipping me off when I laughed, carrying a knocked out toddler in my arms to the guest room.

I walked past the bathroom door, when I felt my phone buzz.

Entering the kitchen, my mom already asking me something, I read;

Sunshine ☀️: Can you come to the bathroom please? I need your help

Getting flashbacks, I snickered and excused myself, knocking on the bathroom door.

"Leighton? It's me"

"It's uh, locked.."

"Can you unlock it?" I asked the stupid question.

"I can't"

"Whynot?" 

"I can't get up. Every time I try, my back pinches and it sends shooting pain down my spine and I need help" She gruffly replied. "I wiped, and I think I pulled something or something"

"Alright, one second" I called, walking back to my mom.

"Hey, do you have a spare key to the bathroom?" I asked her.

"Yeah, why?"

"Leighton needs help and can't get the door open" I explained, my mom's brow furrowing.

"Is something wrong with the lock? It was working fine this morning"

"No, nothings wrong with the lock" I grimaced, Leighton going to murder me with her cold dead hands if she found out what I was saying next, "Leighton just needs my help getting up, due to her back pain" I explained, my mom's eyes widening before she nodded.

With the key in hand, I let myself in, shutting the door behind me.

"Whew, it smells in here" I joked, her eyes glaring at me.

"I peed you asshole" Leighton hissed, "Can you help me please?"

"Don't need me to wipe your ass again? If I recall, that was a good bonding experience" I teased, Leighton's eyes rolling.

"Please just help me. I don't need to wound up in the ER again"

"How do you want me to help you?"

"Um... I don't know if it would be better for you to let me push off your shoulders, or if you picked me up.."

"Let's try the shoulder thing so we can go at your pace" I crouched in front of her, Leighton's hands bracing on my shoulders.

"Your daughter has been a pain in my ass this whole pregnancy" She grumbled, starting to push up, a death grip on my shoulders as my hands found her waist, ready to catch her if something happened. "Goooooood" She groaned, hissing in pain as she inched up, "This is so embarrassing"

"Why is it embarrassing? You're in pain, Leighton"

"I know" She voice wavered, "I'm tired of being in pain" She sniffled, her face scrunching up as she straightened her spine, "Motherfucker" She hissed under her breath, my own face wincing slightly due to the pressure of her hands on my shoulders, clutching for dear life.

"You're almost there" I encouraged, Leighton swearing under her breath until she was upright, tears streaming down her face. 

"I can't even pee on my own now. I was fine until I wiped, I don't know what happened" She cried, leaning into my shoulder, hiding her face.

"Four more months and then it's all done, you're doing so well. I'm so proud of you, you know that? I know it's been hard between the back pain, the morning sickness and the mood swings, but you're so beautiful and you're handling it a hell of a lot better than I would've. I'm so damn proud of you Leighton Rae. Now let's get you some pain medication, and do you want ice or heat?"

"Heat"

I pulled up her pants, smacking her ass before helping her to sit down on the couch with a heating pad and pain reliever.

Mom conversed with us for about an hour until we heard Gemma crying for Leighton and I.

"What's wrong, bug?" I asked, moving to sit on the bed.

"I woke.. woke.. alone.. and.. didn't.. didn't.. know.. know.. where.. where.. we... we... we were" She cried, crawling into my arms, wetting my shirt with her alligator tears.

"We're at my moms house. bug. I carried you in whilst you were asleep so you could keep sleeping, I'm sorry you work up scared. I have a question for you" I asked softly.

"Hm?"

"Would ice cream make you feel better? I think my mom has some in the freezer"

"Strawbwerry?" She asked, her head poking up.

"I don't, should we go look? Would that make you feel better? Then maybe we can go play outside when my dad gets home?" 

Her wet face quickly dried as she followed me to the kitchen, helping me get out a bowl and scoop.

"You got Neapolitan, Vanilla, and Moose Tracks" I pulled all three out, showing her the pictures, 

"Strawbwerry?" She asked, standing on her tiptoes, her fingers grasping the kitchen counter as she peered to see.

"There's some in this one" I pointed at the Neapolitan, "It also has vanilla and chocolate and they're all mixed together like this" I took the cover over, showing her.

"Can we add spwrinkles?" She asked, looking up at me with a mischievous gleam in her eye.

"If we have sprinkles then sure." I chuckled, "You want this one?" I confirmed, Gemma nodding.

I put the other two back, scooping out some ice cream and stifling through the cabinets before finding some sprinkles.

"I do it!" Gemma declared, making grabby hands towards the container.

I passed it to her, crouching with the bowl, watching her put what one would describe as, too many sprinkles, before happily taking the bowl and spoon to the table, digging in.

I put the sprinkles back before asking, "Feeling better?" chuckling to myself when she nodded enthusiastically.

~

Christmas Eve was very laid back. Leighton's pain subsided last night enough to sleep, and she woke up feeling better, so we were taking it slow today as my dad and I met Gage at the park with Gemma, Gemma's squeal making a flock of birds flee as she spotted my brothers Black Labrador Puppy.

"Puppy!" She yelled, running towards the dog with glee.

"Slow, G!" I reminded her, watching her little legs start to slow as Gage's dog pulled on the leash, yapping with its tail tagging a thousand miles an hour.

"This is Gunnar" Gage introduced, scooping the dog up so he didn't jump on Gemma.

"Be gentle" I warned Gemma, Gemma carefully petting the dog's head. "I didn't know you'd gotten a dog" I spoke up, my dad petting Gunnar along with my daughter.

"We got him maybe three days ago? Jen's been wanting a dog for a while" Gage informed me, Jennifer and Gage having been together a few years now, only recently getting engaged about a month or so ago.

I've only met Jen once or twice, due to her work schedule, so I was surprised when I saw her approaching the group, a water bottle and bowl in one hand, a ball in another.

"Hey, Jen" I greeted Gemma, looking up at the woman she'd never seen before.

"Hey, Colby! Is this your daughter?" She asked, nodding towards Gemma, and before I could reply, Gage beat me to it shaking his head.

"Leighton is still pregnant with Colby's daughter. This is Gemma, Leighton's daughter" 

Jennifer's eyes widened, "Oh, I'm sorry!"

"Don't be" I chuckled, rubbing my hand on Gemma's head, G swatting it away, telling me to stop as I continued, "This one's as much of mine as the new one will be" I grinned, taking my hand of Gemma's now staticy hair, her scowl making me fake pout as she tried to fix her hair.

"Awe, that's sweet! Hi Gemma, I'm Jen, Gage's soon to be wife" She introduced herself.

"Soon to be?" G questioned, her head tilting to look at me.

"They're going to get married soon, until they're married, she can't claim to be his wife yet. Kinda like aunt Kat and Uncle Sam, or mommy and I" I explained to her, Gemma nodding slowly; I could see the wheels turning in her head.

"I Gemma. Hi!" She grinned, bouncing on her feet. "I pway with puppy?" She questioned, her eyes fixated on the wiggly dog.

"You want to throw the ball for him? I was going to whilst you and Gage played, but if you want to, that'd be great" Jen smiled, offering the ball to the toddler, Gunnar trying his damndest to get out of my brother's arms, ready to run for the ball.

Gemma ran off with the ball, the puppy hot on her heels as us adults watched them play, Gage clicker training Gunnar each time he brought the ball back.

"Where's Leigh? I haven't met her yet" Jen asked, pulling sunglasses down onto her face, the slight breeze tossing strands of dark hair into her face, ending in Jennifer tossing her hair into a ponytail; clearly fed up.

"She's back home resting, her backs been giving her grief for a while"

"Does she typically have back problems?"

"We think it's just a pregnancy thing" I commented back, shrugging slightly.

"Hm. I just didn't know if she had chronic back pain or something"

"I don't think so"

"Well, tell her I hope she feels better and hopefully we can meet sometime. I'm hoping to be there for Christmas, but we'll see with the newest addition to the family" She chuckled.

"Mom's got a yard" I noted, Jen nodding.

"Fenced too" Dad chimed in.

I could see the longing in my dad's eyes as he watched the four year old play with the puppy, our childhood pets having died about six months ago.

"I don't know, we'll see. Gunnar's cute and all, but he's kind of destructive and I don't need to be on your moms bad side cus he chewed something up or peed on her rug or something"

"Please" Dad scoffed, "We raised boys"

"You peed on the rug?" she laughed at me, a smile overtaking my face as I nodded towards my brother crouched next to my daughter, teaching her how to throw the ball further.

"I'm sure he probably has"

The entire walk back to my parents house, Gemma was completely enamored by that dog.

"Please Coco?" She whined, tugging at my shirt.

"Not right now, bug. You've got a little sister on the way. We don't need a puppy right now" I sighed, knowing we won't be hearing the end of this.

It's been about a month since she brought it up, Leighton and I purposefully not putting on shows with dogs in them, but of course, Gage had to dingle her biggest life desire right under her nose.

Gemma just about cried as we walked through the front door, telling me that she'll take the dog potty, and feed it, and play with it; me knowing damn well she's too young for that kind of responsibility, and Leighton would murder me if I came home with another responsibility, especially since we're trying to move halfway across the country by the New Year.

Gemma blabbed all about the dog to my mom and Leighton, Leighton reminding her that we do not have the time to care for a dog right now, ending up in a full blown meltdown in the living room, and when we tried to calm her down, she hit Leighton, wounding her up in a timeout where she screamed and cried for a few minutes until she calmed down and Leighton left to go talk to her.

"Think she'll adjust to a sister pretty quickly? Mom asked, dad already in the pack preparing the grill.

"I hope so. She doesn't talk that much about the baby, and I don't know if that's just her not understanding, or her in denial. Whenever we bring her up, she seems fine, but" I stopped talking, shrugging.

"Are you ready to become a dad?" Mom asked.

"I already am"

"It's a bit different" She commented back, my eyes narrowing slightly.

"How? I knew of Gemma since she was in Leighton's stomach, I was at the birth, I helped out when she was a baby; I live with them now. Gemma is very much my child as our baby girl will be" I defended my family, my mom's lips twisting slightly.

"But this one will be your flesh and blood. The feelings a little different"

"I don't think so mom" I shook my head. "I can't imagine treating G differently just because she's half of my wife, and half of another guy. My love for that little girl is like something I've never known"

"That's what I'm saying, Cole. Your love for your baby will be different. You'll look at that baby and know she's 100 percent yours. You do love Gemma, I know. I'm just saying it'll be a little different"

"Doesn't change the fact that they're both my kids," I said firmly. "I.. do you not think of them as your family?" I asked the hard question before it could bounce around in my head too long.

"What?" She asked, sounding surprised.

"Leighton and Gemma. Do you not picture them as your family?"

"Of course I see Leighton as my family, she's carrying my grandbaby" Mom replied.

"And Gemma?"

My heart started to pound as my mom stayed silent for a minute too long.

"It's just... it's weird, Cole" She said, my daggers landing directly on her.

"Weird how?"

"I don't know how else to say this, but there's a bit of a detachment there. I know she's Leighton's child. She has her own set of grandparents—"

"And that matters because?" I interrupted, feeling my blood start to boil; having to remind myself that this was my mother, and that I needed to take a few deep breaths.

"I just haven't spent enough time with her yet to feel grandmotherly towards her. She kinda feels like when one of you boys had a friend over. Like obviously I care about her..... but... if you had a falling out... I wouldn't be heartbroken" 

My jaw clenched.

She wouldn't be heartbroken?!

"Gemma is my daughter as much as the baby in my future wife's stomach. That is my family now, and you need to respect both of my children." I stood my ground, my shoulders broadening out as I straightened my spine, ready to square up with my own mother.

"You and Leighton have always been so on and off, Cole" She tried to defend herself, my tongue coming out to wet my lips.

"And there is now a ring around her finger—"

"Which has disappeared once, if not twice." Mom argued.

She's your mother. She's your mother. She's your mother.

I inhale, exhale, inhale again, exhale once more before asking in a calmer tone, "Why have you never liked her?" 

"I already told you I didn't want you dating someone who was an addict—" She started to repeat the spiel I've heard one too many times over the years.

"I'm an addict mom" My voice cracked, my eyes starting to sting, but I sniffled, swallowing the lump forming in my throat and taking another deep breath through my nose, fixing my posture once again.

"What?"

"I'm an addict mom" I repeated.

"No, I heard you" her voice became rough, "An addict of what? Drugs? Cole Robert—"

"No, not drugs. Alcohol" I corrected, watching the confusion fall over her face.

"Alcohol? You've never had an alcohol problem" 

"That you know of" 

I watched fifteen different emotions contort on her face one by one, the words processing rapidly in her head.

"I told you dating her was bad!" Mom spat out first, my nostrils flaring as I took another deep breath.

She's your mother. She's your mother. She's your mother.

"Leighton is not to blame" I spoke tightly, "I am not a diagnosed alcoholic, but I did have alcohol issues that almost tore my family apart.  I'm only telling you this so you understand that we both have problems. Leighton might be a diagnosed drug addict, and also struggle with alcohol, but she's not the only one who has had issues. If you're so scared of me dating an addict, then you should have the same feelings for her about me" I argued.

"You're having issues?" Mom's voice softened.

"Had mom. Had issues. Well.. they're still here, but I'm medicated, I'm doing the work, just like Leighton is, and has been. I honestly think I'd probably be dead right now if it wasn't for that woman, and it kills me to know you think that way about my family; about her. You and dad have had your ups and downs too. It's normal, and being an addict is hard, and it's a constant battle every single day, but she's never once done anything to deserve the coldness you give her, even when you're trying to be nice, and if having a drug issue in her history is something that bothers you, than you should know that I don't drink anymore. Could I drink and be fine? Sure, but I wasn't last time, and I almost lost my entire future to it; and to be quite frank with you, drinking has only landed me in messy situations." I honestly told her, memories of the club with Chloe flooding through my head, my heart pinching in hurt, as Sam's words rung through my head; "they're thinking about getting lawyers involved, you need to tell her."

"I sowwy Coco!" Gemma ran out saying, her face pressed into my legs, my arms picking her up into my chest.

"For what, bug?"

"For hitting" She cried, her face hiding in the crook of my neck.

"It's okay, bug. Did mommy talk to you?" I asked, Gemma's head nodding, my eyes finding Leighton, her looking between my mom and I, but she nodded. "Do you want to go play outside whilst my dad grills?" I asked, my dad having put in a playground for his, and I quote, "future grandchildren" 

Leighton and I watched Gemma swing, my chest pressed to her back as my hands scooped under her belly, relieving the pressure off her back, Leighton softly asking, "Everything okay between you and your mom? Looked pretty intense."

"I'll tell you later?" I asked, well, told, Leighton turning her neck to attempt to look up at me, eyeing me before nodding, relaxing back against my hold.

All night the tension between my mom and I was pretty high, my dad played oblivious, keeping the peace; Leighton kept eyeing us here and there before focusing on Gemma as she decorated sugar cookies I had gone out and boughten (I bought the premade dough that came in a tube, let Gemma put it on a cookie sheet to bake, and now we were decorating)

"Look at my Santa hat, Gem" I grinned, showing her my hard work.

"It looks silly" She giggled, noting the areas where I had messed up, "Mommy make good hat!" She pointed at Leighton, who, unfairly had very nice looking cookies. 

"Well mommy is actually good at art, bug" I snickered, "Coco isn't"

"I teach you, Coco! Awrt not hard" her head shook.

"Really? You'll teach me? That's so nice, bug. Think I'll be as good as you, mommy and Papa?" I asked, Gemma giggling as her head shook.

"Have... have... haveta twry!" She giggled. 

"Oh trust me, I'll try so hard, bug, you'll see!" I teased, grabbing another cookie. "Here, I'll prove it, what should we decorate this heart with?"

"Me!" Gemma giggled, pointing at herself.

"You?! You want me to draw you on my cookie?" 

"Yesssss!" She squealed, giggling to herself.

"I think that's more of a task for mommy. If I made you, you wouldn't have a nose" I half joked, "and your eyes would be all wonky like this" I made a funny face, one eye squeezed closed as another intended.

Gemma screamed, giggling, "Mommy! Will you makes me pretty pwlease!" Gemma asked loudly.

"I think Coco would do a better job" Leighton smiled at me, setting her beautifully decorated Star aside.

"You suck" I mouthed to her, wanting to kiss that smirk right off her cute face.

"Coco make my eyes all yucky!" Gemma whined, "Peas momma!" 

"I dunno, Gem. I think he's pretty spot on" She teased with a straight tone, humming to herself as she grabbed an offset knife to spread her frosting.

"I not wook wike dat!" She declared, "Gem's eyes not" she paused, making a silly face, trying to copy what I had done, yet failing miserably, making us laugh.

"I don't see a difference, they don't look like what?" I asked, pulling her leg.

She pulled the face again.

"Hm. Do you see a difference mommy?" I asked, moving my own eyes between Leighton and Gemma, G looking like she's ready to smack me.

"I don't, da—Coco" Leighton caught herself, her cheeks becoming pink.

"Not nice!" Gemma whined, "I not all silly looking!" She whined.

"What do you mean? I think you look pretty silly right now" I snickered, Gemma scowling.

"Why not makes me?" she asked, "pwease momma" she asked softly, "I wanna see!" 

"How 'bout Coco and I both make you, and we'll see who's better?" Leighton suggested. "Do you want to make yourself?" She asked, Gemma's lips pursing, shaking her head.

"I make.. I make.. Gunnar!" 

Leighton laughed, passing Gemma a circular sugar cookie as I internally groaned.

"How.. how make Gunnar?" Gemma asked once the silence had fallen over, Leighton grabbing the closest icing to skin color.

"What does Gunnar look like?" She asked, not taking her eyes off the cookie.

"Wike doggy!"

"How do you draw a doggy, baby?" Leighton replied, finally looking up and over at her daughter.

"I dunno!" She whined.

"Yes you do. Papa showed you, remember? What color is Gunnar?" Leigh asked, my eyes now fixated on my cookie as I tried creating Gemma how I said I would, listening to my girls converse.

"Bwake"

"Which one of these are black?"

"That one!"

"Correct. Carefully squeeze this onto your cookie, and then spread it out so it covers the whole cookie. Frosting goes a long way, so be gentle, okay?"

"Otay...."

I smiled softly at the sound of her focused voice.

Silence fell over the room before Gemma said, "All done, momma!"

"It looks good, baby. Now what does Gunnar's face look like? What color eyes did he have?"

"I don't know" She whined, the pour clear as day in her tone, chuckling to myself as I glanced over at the black blob of a cookie, frosting going down the side and landing on the counter.

"Did his eyes look like Coco's?" Leighton asked, Gemma kindly asking me to look at her before shaking her head.

"Look like mommy's?" Leighton asked, silence taking over the room. "So if they're not green, or blue, what other color eyes are there? It starts with a B" Leighton asked, tossing in a hint.

"Bwake?"

"Sometimes, but I bet the doggy had brown eyes. Do you know which one of these is brown?"

Silence, followed by confirmation.

I wanted to soak in this cute conversation as much as I could, wishing I was recording or something; not for my channel, but just to have.

We all finished our cookies, Gemma's eyes closing as Leighton placed a fairly cartoonish looking version of her daughter down, myself putting the fucked up silly version, mine looking like I was a toddler next to Leighton's.

"Alright, open your eyes in three... two... one... open!" Leighton smiled, grinning at her daughter whose eyes widened.

"Dat me?" She pointed at her mom's cookie, Leighton nodding.

"Do you like it? It's more of a cartoon style, like the books we read. What do you think about Coco's?" She asked after Gemma had nodded to her question.

Gemma scowled.

"Coco!"

"What?"

"Not nice!"

"I told you that's how you looked" I argued lightly, a smile tugging at my lips as she looked back at the cookies.

"Gem's eyes not all..." her face contoured, still failing as she practically had bug eyes with a twitch.

"He worked really hard on that Gemma, what do you say?" Leighton began to parent, Gemma frowning as she looked back at my cookie.

"Coco no talent" her head shook, a shocked laughter leaving my lips as Leighton stifled hers, lecturing Gemma.

"Gemma Lorraine, that is not nice. What do you say to Colby?"

"I no wook wike dat Coco! Coco bad" She glared up at me as I trained to contain my laughter.

I felt like I was getting yelled at by Gordon Ramsay.

"I think I did pretty well for not being good at art" I argued back, suddenly slightly defensive towards my cookie.

"Gemma, say you're sorry to Colby, and that you're grateful for the effort he put into the cookie" Leighton parented, Gemma frowning, turning to her mom.

"He did bad momma" She loudly whispered, my chest shaking with withheld laughter.

"He tried Gemma, say sorry, and thank you for your efforts. Now" Her mom look came out. 

"Swowwy" She grumbled.

"And thank you for your effort"

"Tank You" She huffed.

"You're welcome bug, and I know Momma's is better, I was just trying to be silly" I told her softly, leaning down to kiss her cheek. "Your puppy looks really good, bug" I told her, seeing the glops of different color frosting that she tried to do with the eyes and tongue, Leighton having had to put in some guidelines of where to put things and how to do it since it truly didn't look half bad, minus the swirl mixing of some black and red frosting, something clearly having gone  awry that I somehow missed the meltdown of. 

Christmas Morning was chaos.

Gemma was awake multiple times through the night, ready to get the day rolling, only to cry learning she had to go back to bed till the sun was up, meaning by the time the sun was up, all three of us slept like shit, and Leighton wore it all over her face as she groused all the way to the bathroom about it being "too damn early".

"Pwesent time Coco!" Gemma bounced on her feet, a smile making the apples of her cheeks tighten.

"We gotta wait for mommy, bug. Momma's slow" I teased. 

Gemma impatiently waited for Leighton, dragging both of us down the hall where my mom was already making pancakes and my dad was sitting in his chair drinking coffee, watching the news as if it was just another Tuesday.

Gemma's eyes were as big as saucers when she saw the gift pile.

Screaming, she bolted to the tree, Leighton lecturing her for running and telling her to sit her butt down at the table and eat breakfast whilst it was still warm.

I've never seen a four year old not only cry about having to eat pancakes, but scarf them so quickly that I was sure she was going to have a stomach ache later.

Wrapping paper was sprawled out all around the room as gift after gift were open, Gemma yelling about her new Barbie doll house, and a baby doll that pooped if you fed it the liquid mixture it came with.

I eyed my parents, wondering why on earth they'd buy her that.

"To prepare her for the new baby" Mom said.

"Does it actually poop?" I asked, eyeing the boxed toy.

"Apparently"

My mom had given Leighton baby clothes, which if I'm being honest, was a strange gift.

Nice, for the baby.... but not really as your only Christmas gift from your future mother in law.

Leighton kissed me after opening the necklace that had Gemma and Lennon's names engraved into little foot charms, smiling softly as she grazed both of their names, her eyes glistening in tears, caressing her belly next.

Gage and Jennifer did bring Gunnar over, my parents falling in love with that little dog just as much as Gemma had, striking up once again the puppy begging.

Jennifer and Leighton spent over an hour talking whilst Gemma and Gunnar played in the sprinkler out back, Gage constantly asking me what I thought they were talking about.

"Who knows, and who cares."

"I care" He grunted.

"Why? They're girls. I'm sure they're talking about the baby, since Leighton is pregnant; the wedding, since they're both engaged, how life's been. You know, catch up chit chat"

"Do girls really talk about their wedding? Jen and I talked about eloping.." Gage trailed off.

"Eloping? Mom's going to kill you" I laughed, quickly calling out that G was okay after watching her take a tumble, a breath of relief leaving my lips when I heard the giggles.

"Weddings are so expensive, man. We could put that shit into our house, or vacations"

"Women typically have their entire wedding planned before they even meet a guy. Leighton sure as hell did, but because I ended up proposing to her there instead, that place has new memories, plus with safety concerns now, I believe it's getting torn down if it hasn't already? I don't remember what the plan was with it" I told him, my eyes catching Gemma throwing the ball for Gunnar through the sprinkler again.

"Gemma, daddy's calling!" I heard Leighton call out, getting everyone's attention as we watched the four year old run to her mother, grabbing the phone to what I assumed was a facetime call.

I watched the scene in front of me for a minute, the smile on both my girls' faces, Gemma giggling as she nodded, her little legs swinging back and forth as she sat on the patio chair.

I felt a stir of something in my chest, not jealousy, or envy, but almost gratefulness? I was so happy for Gemma to see her father turning around and showing up for her. Being someone she can count on to call on Christmas, even when she's away. Someone who can make her belly laugh, and just be overall excited to see. Leighton and I both have seen a lot of changes in Gabe ever since he started dating Zara, so when I overheard Gage telling Gemma and Leighton that he proposed to Zara, I couldn't have been happier for him. Gemma deserved this. She deserved to have happy parents with happy partners who can fulfill her life in all the best ways. 

We've come a long way from him texting some random girl (who we learned to love) whilst Leighton was in labor, to getting married and showing up for his kid when he could.

I leaned back in my chair, rolling my lips as I contemplated every life choice I've ever made since we met.

Allowing Leighton to move in, unrightfully hating her from the get-go just because of my previous experiences; that night in the bowling alley, all the way to wanting to protect her and be there for both her and Gemma. The first time I watched Gemma by myself. The first date, the first time Gemma walked, the first time she said my name, the time we finally moved in together and all the ups and downs we've had since then... to finally get a ring on my girls finger, securing her for life, only for me to wake up hungover, confused with a girl in my bed as my best friend yelled at me.

Here Gabe was, announcing an engagement, working on his PHD for pediatrics, showing up for his daughter when it matters and here I was, sitting in my mother's backyard, withholding the biggest secret from my future wife; one that could easily wreck everything we've worked so hard to achieve, just to save face and hold the peace, all whilst I had Sam telling me we might need to get lawyers involved due to Chloe threatening to leak a sex tape. 

I had slept with another girl when I was out of my damn mind, all because I couldn't appreciate what was right in front of me. 

A future wife, a future daughter, and a future boy, it all could slip between my fingertips if I confessed. 

Somewhere down the line Gabe and I switched places. 

At the end of the day, he'll have everything I have, just with one less detrimental secret.

* * * * 

I was gonna remove the my daughter line, but I naturally wrote it, so I decided to leave it in hopes of you guys liking it lol

Written on: April 19th, 21st, 22nd, 23rd 2024

Published on: April 23rd 2024

Word Count: 7080

Part Twenty Five

[britswriting]

Do people still want Katrina in fics?? Like if I post blurbs... are we still using her? or are we switching to Katelyn now or what? People want part 3 of a series I did awhile ago, [the pregnancy roulette] but Katrina is a part of it, and idk if we're still doing that or ? lol help

[britswriting]

Devotion (23)

Devotion Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

Warnings: Sexual content - I didn't make it extremely detailed, because if I do that it ends up being 2k words...

*Leighton's POV*

Walking back through our apartment door felt like a slap in the face. I expected to immediately get into pack mode and start figuring out logistics; and yet here I was, no new house to prepare for, no concrete plans to think about. I felt stuck; it was infuriating.

Christmas began approaching with no news about us possibly moving and I was starting to lose hope. We really lost our dream home, and I can't imagine how we're supposed to replace that feeling. Having to start from scratch felt like a stab in the back for all my hopes and dreams.

"Got your bag, kiddo?" I called out, Gemma walking out of the bathroom to come put on her shoes.

"Oh no!" She fretted, racing to her room.

I giggled, loving the sound of her little voice as her feet slapped against the hardwood floor. I swiped my phone and keys off the side table, Gemma coming back with her bag over her shoulders. 

She looked like she was ready to go off to school causing my heart to clench.

Gemma bent over, velcroing her shoes as I snickered to myself watching her backpack almost topple over her head.

"Mommy help!" She whined, fed up as she tossed her foot in the air towards me, the velcro straps flopping.

"Baby, set your bag on the ground, then velcro your shoes. You're a big girl, you can do it. Daddy's waiting on you, let's go" I rushed, needing to get to Gabe's in time for my midwife appointment.

Gemma talked my ear off the entire way to her father's; running up to his door and jumping to ring the bell, greeting Zara with just as much enthusiasm, happily saying goodbye to me and practically leaving me in her dust as I walked back to my car.

I was happy she was happy with her father, but it still felt weird dropping her off and not picking her up for a few days. She was growing up and it was terrifying.

Colby met up with me at my midwife appointment, ending a phone call before greeting me with a kiss, "Ready to see our baby girl?" he asked, lacing our hands together.

"I'm ready to see how much she's grown" I replied, yanking the door open, cold hair hitting me in the face.

"Ms. Fox?" A bright new smiley face beamed from the front desk.

"Can't wait for the day it's Mrs. Brock" Colby murmured to me as I began to check into our appointment, a silly smile spreading around my face as I sided eyed him before focusing back on the papers.

"Claire should be out in a minute" The woman, Becky— reads her nametag, informed. 

Colby and I sat, Colby immediately pulling out his phone to scroll through Instagram, liking posts here and there before opening his text messages.

My eyes rolled as I sighed, quietly complaining, "You know, not to be that girl, but can you get off your phone and talk to me please? This is supposed to be like an important experience for us, and I feel like you're just here because you have to be" I expressed, the nervous butterflies running rampant in my stomach.

Colby glanced at me as I spoke, his thumb clicking the off button, "I didn't know you wanted me to constantly fill the silence" 

Is he serious? 

"Yes Colby. That's my fricken problem. I can't sit in fricken silence." I groused, turning to face him, "Are you for real? Is it really a big problem for me to want your attention? You know, I recall claiming I wanted date nights and shit when we got back together and look at us now" I huffed.

Am I stupid to think he actually means it when he says he wants this? I swear we agree on one thing and do another. I don't know how else to communicate with this man then bluntly telling him what I want, or need; yet here I am, pregnant with his child and it feels like he'd rather be somewhere else completely.

"I've been busy" He tried to defend, a defeated sigh leaving my lips.

"Yep" is all I said before Claire came and got us, leading us back to the room. 

Colby stared as I went through the motions; even when my shirt was resting under my breasts as she measured my belly, just stared. No comments on the baby, on me, not voicing anything. Just his blue beady eyes staring at me like he had fully checked out and got lost in Colby land.

It wasn't until our daughter was on the screen that he made comments, things like "Look at her hand moving" and "She yawned!"  cooing over our daughter; it definitely made my ovaries think about how I could maybe keep doing this for him. We got our ultrasound photos, set up our next appointment and Colby asked, "Are we going back to the apartment and taking one vehicle to lunch?" Checking in, twirling his car keys around his finger as we walked.

"That's the plan" I replied, hopeful that this would be like a reconnecting date for us. Something I know we would gratefully benefit from. 

No phones. No work. Just us, eating lunch, talking together, enjoying eachothers company.

~

"Your burger and fries," The waitress placed a plate in front of Colby, "and your grilled cheese and tomato soup" she slid the plate and bowl in front of me. "Can I get you anything else?"

"I'm good, you?" I eyed Colby, Colby kindly dismissing the waitress. 

I dipped my grilled cheese before taking a bite, Colby swirling his straw in his soda cup, followed by a drink.

"Do you think I should just give birth in California? I mean, what is the likeness of us finding a house, moving and settling in by the time this baby is born? Especially with a home birth..." I sighed, "I really want to have a home birth, but I feel like every sign is pointing towards it being a bad idea. We literally don't have a place to do it and I'm due in April" I stressed.

With my dad's house having been sold and him temporarily moving in with Logan and Cynthia, I was feeling the pressure of figuring this whole house thing out even more.

Not only was I hitting nesting mode with no nest to prepare, but I was very aware of the calendar days ticking by. This baby had to come out at some point and we were nowhere near prepared. 

"Isn't it too late to decide to do a hospital birth?" Colby questioned, not at all making me feel any better about how short our string was getting.

"Is it ever too late? Can't you just show up to the ER in labor and say, GET OUT OF MY WAY, I'M HAVING A BABY" I whisper yelled, Colby chuckling with a head shake.

"That's exactly how Gemma went. I remember it vividly" he teased, popping a fry in his mouth.

"Oh shut up" I scoffed, snickering, taking another bite of my grilled cheese. "I can't believe I'm back in the situation of having a baby with no plan. I really thought things would be different this time. I had such high hopes for that house.. and I can't believe it slipped through our fingers just like that" I snapped my fingers, huffing.

"You have a plan." He credited, "It just isn't going to plan. Like most labor and deliveries"

My eyes rolled, "Shut up. Now is not the time for an I told you so. Am I just going to shove this baby out in our apartment bathroom? Might as well be on a public bus" I grouched.

"We'll figure it out, Leighton" He reassured, taking another bite of his burger.

"When?" I snapped, "When I'm dripping fluids and in severe pain? Because I think by then it's too late to figure it out" My eyes narrowed. 

"We can always move after she's born" Colby suggested.

"But that wasn't the plan" I whined, my face scrunched up at the idea of trying to move halfway across the country with two children.

It was a pain in the ass when Gemma was an infant, let alone to have a toddler and a newborn.

"But it's a plan" He emphasized my eyes narrowing again.

"Might as well move back in with Aunt Melissa" I huffed, dragging my spoon through the thick red liquid.

"That's also a plan. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if we were actively house hunting. Your aunt and uncle love when you're over" 

"I don't want to keep being in her hair. I'm too old to constantly run to them when shit gets rough"

"I'm just saying we have options. Or we could rent a place, but you don't like airbnb's because of your fear of secret cameras"

"It's a valid fear" I defended, sitting up straighter, feeling the pulling in my lower back.

God I can't wait to get this baby out of me.

"It might be a dice we have to roll if you want to move there before baby girl is born"

"I just hate that nothing, and I mean nothing, ever goes to plan. If it's not one thing, it's another. I don't understand why you aren't more frustrated about this?" 

Colby wiped ketchup from his mouth, licking his lips before clearing his throat, "I am frustrated that we keep having to jump through hoops, but we can't just see what's happened. We just need to figure out plan B"

"Well at this point, we're on plan Z" I grouched.

"I'm trying here Leighton, and you're shooting me down" Colby sighed, leaning back against the chair.

"I know, and I'm sorry, It's just.." I sighed, "I'm beyond frustrated with everything. It's pissing me off"

The entire drive home I scrolled through different houses in our price range, none of them marking every checkbox like the house that we lost. 

Either you had nice bedrooms and a shitty backyard, or a great backyard but it was on a busy street, and if it wasn't a busy street, it had a nice kitchen and family room, but the crime rate was too high. 

Why does nobody talk about how hard it is to find a house to raise your family in?

"We could always build" Colby reminded me, my eyes rolling.

"Colby. I'm due in four months. We're lucky if we can create a fucking floorplan by then" I grumbled, "God," I groaned, "Why couldn't this baby be coming in like.. 2 years from now or something. Something that just gives us more time"

"Leighton, I don't know what to tell you. We need to make a decision eventually, even if it's just temporary. We can always rent a place for a while and build a house or whatever"

"But nothing feels right"

"Babe, you're going to need to give an inch here. If we want to move before this kid is born, we need to have already made solid plans. So what if it isn't your dream kitchen, or beautiful master bath. It's a house that will house our beautiful children temporarily whilst we figure out our long term plan."

I knew he was right, but it didn't make it any less frustrating.

Later that night Colby rubbed the knots out of my back as I showed him different rental properties, holding my tongue about the things I disliked.

It's a house that will house our children. It needs to be safe, not perfect. 

We narrowed it down to a few, even sent two to our realtor with offers, sending us back into the agonizing waiting game.

"My body was not made for pregnancy" I groaned, the weight of this baby in my belly taking a toll on me more every single day.

"And yet you carry it beautifully" his warm lips pressed two soft kisses to my left shoulder blade.

"Don't get any bright ideas, Brock. We're done after this" I half joked, relaxing against his touch, allowing all the weight on my back to press into him.

"Are you being serious, or?" His tone was soft, yet concerned.

"I mean.. do you really think I can do this a third time?" I genuinely asked, "I know Gemma's pregnancy medical wise was worse, but this one is really making me miss when there wasn't a baby in my womb. She's killing my muscles"

"Just wait for when she's on your bladder" He half joked. 

"You put those words right back in your mouth" I playfully snapped, glaring at him, a smile tugging at my lips; only to give in fully as he kissed me.

"You know I love you, and your body, and the way you carry babies, but if you're being serious about being done....... I guess I just need to cherish this pregnancy a little bit more" He caressed my stomach, placing yet another soft kiss on my stomach.

Flashes of earlier at our midwife appointment appeared in my head, but I shoved them far far away, desperately wanting to bask in the affectionate side of Colby that I've been begging to return, then argue about whatever was going on inside of his head only a few hours prior. 

"I'm not saying I'm done for sure.. I'm just... it's hard, Colby. Carrying babies is hard — and if you tell me I carry it beautifully one more time I swear to god" I rushed, Colby's chest vibrating behind me as he chuckled. "I just don't know.. right now.. if I want to do this a third time. I'm sure if we wait a few years I'll want it again, and regret it halfway through, but don't expect me to shove six kids out of my vagina, and if I do, please.. for the love of god, shake some sense into me" I begged, giggling.

"Why would I do that if you make beautiful children?" he asked, kissing my neck.

"Colby" I groaned.. or well.. moaned.

"Hm?" he hummed against my skin, the grumble vibrating against my pulse point, earning yet another moan out of me.

"This isn't fair. I can't think straight if you're making my clit swell, greedy for attention" I huffed, feeling his hand slip between my legs and rub my covered sex, my eyes closing as my legs happily let him in.

"But I like your clit swollen, and greedy for attention. If you want me to stop, tell me to stop and it'll stop" he murmured against my skin, warm wet kissing going up and down my neck from under my jawline all the way down to my collarbone.

"Finish what you started, Brock" I groaned, my back arching off his chest as he pushed my underwear aside, tracing my folds with the tip of his finger, circling around my clit before plunging into my aching center. "Oh my god" I moaned, his finger pumping in and out of my vagina. "Another, please" I begged, or well, cried.

His fingers moved in and out of me, stretching me out before he finally messed with my clit, liquid rushing out of me before I could even process what was happening; my moans loud enough for whomever was on the other side of the wall to hear. 

"Jesus christ I've never come so suddenly" I panted, "Pregnancy is wild" 

"And beautiful—"

"Shut up Colby before I don't want your cock near me" I groaned, moving to face him.

"Look at your bump, baby" he fawned, his hands running over my stomach.

"Colby" I groaned, my hands on the front of his shoulders, shoving him more into the pillows as I straddled his thighs, his erection pressing against my aching cunt. "Can I try something?" I asked, slightly rubbing myself against him, loving the way I could feel him through our underwear.

"Go for it" he struggled out, pleasure written all over his face as his hands rested against my hips.

I began to slide up and down his cock, the head of his penis pressed firmly against his underwear, peeking out from underneath us as I moved against his length, loving the pressure it put on my clit.

Before I knew it, Colby was groaning, cum seeping through his underwear, the white mess making a puddle that seeped into my own underwear, causing me to move quicker, chasing my own orgasm only for him to carefully flip me over, pulling his cock out from his underwear and slipping it into my quivering center, pounding into me with no remorse.

"Oh my fucking god!" I moaned.

"You're so fucking wet" he grunted, my body slamming against his as our hips moved roughly against each other.

"You're covered in cum" I snickered, my nails raking down his back.

"I'm so fucking sensitive; I'm going to come again" he warned, the bed shaking beneath us before we both came undone together, breathless panting, moans and groans emerging as we separated

"We need to have sex when I'm pregnant more often" I panted, my eyes falling shut as he chuckled.

"That means you need to stop being mad at me so frequently" he smirked, my hand slapping his pec.

~

Gemma, Cynthia, Harper and I wandered around the mall Christmas shopping, reminding the toddlers that picking out Christmas wishlist gifts is not the same as buying it so we can play with it when we get home.

"So he just blew you off?" Cynthia asked, holding an upset Harper in her arms — moments ago she tried running off, ending in a lecture on safety and strangers before getting swooped up and put in air jail, Gemma toddling in front of us, hopping on the squares of the tile, trying not to step on the lines, her shoes slapping against the shiny white linoleum flooring.

"Well I reached out because of Christmas, you know? And Sam seemed like I was the last person he wanted to talk to, and then I asked Kat, because duh, and I swear it was like I had the plague or some shit. They ended up telling me they couldn't come due to going to their own families for Christmas, but it still rubbed me wrong. I swear ever since Colby and I got back together, things have been weird and it's just strange. I feel like I'm taking Colby away from his friends, but whenever I reach out, it always feels like I'm the last person they want to talk to. The only person who responds to my texts in a proper friendly manner is Stas, and even then, she's busy doing her own thing. So not only do I constantly feel like an outsider, but I can't even group people together to to meet up and spend some time together" 

"If you've put in the effort, then that's on them. You can't change the way they act towards you. It's not your fault if Colby never sees them because they decide to be offstandish with you" Cynthia shrugs, "You tried— are trying; you're doing your best. It is strange that Sam's dismissing you though. You guys were close, no?" 

"Yes" I sighed, "I'm telling you, ever since Colby and I got together, everything's been weird, and like, Colby used to put Sam on speaker when they talked, or let Gemma talk with him, but there's been so many hushed conversations and anytime he gets lost in his head, he's been conversing with Sam. I just wish one of them would talk to me; I feel like I'm losing them both. The other thing is I tried reaching out to Aaliyah again, but I still haven't heard from her. At this point I feel like I'm just pestering her" I sighed, "And it sucks, because she's my best friend.. or was my best friend, and all because of one stupid fight she's been AWOL. I can't even show up at her doorstep and confront her because I don't know where she is" I complained, "Ugh, enough about my life, how's it going with you and Logan? Is my dad an alright roommate? I swear, Colby and I are working on getting him out of your hair" I joked, Cynthia grinning.

"He's been fine. I think he's enjoyed being around Harper more. I uh.. Logan and I have been meaning to talk to you about something though." Oh god, "Logan has been thinking about doing another year of the Military. Not on active duty, but helping the guys prepare and such, but um.. Harper and I would be following him, meaning we'd be moving out of California for who knows how long. It's just, it's a full time position and I can't go x amount of days without seeing him again" Cynthia's worried expression burned into my brain as my heart rate picked up, "Especially now that we have Harper" 

"You're moving?" I questioned, Cynthia slowly nodding, before letting Harper down so the girls could go play at the tiny play spot in the mall. "I know I'm also moving.. but I just.. I don't know, there is something about finding out he's also moving that feels weird. At least it isn't active duty, right?" I sighed, running my hands through my hair. "Why hasn't he told me? I was on the phone with him last night.."

Logan and I try to call each other weekly at least and just catch up, why wouldn't he have mentioned something? How long has  he known?

"You're his best friend, Leigh. He's afraid of breaking your heart. He almost didn't take it and thought about following you back to Minnesota" Cynthia confessed.

My heart dropped, "He was?"

"Yes, but then he got this opportunity and it made good pay and such.."

"No, no.. I get it.. it's just.... where is it?"

"Fort Knox, Kentucky"

"Oh. Well that's not too far..." I drifted before looking over at her, "Wait, did he try seeing if he could go to Fort Ripley? That's not tooooo far from Aunt Melissa's"

"All the spots are full. Don't think he didn't try to stay with you. I've never seen a closer sibling bond, I swear he'd leave me in a ditch if it meant protecting you" She laughed, "And that wasn't a dig. I love that about him. I love how close you are. You both need each other, and I love that you guys have each other. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you before we both chickened out and landed in Kentucky and had to figure out a way for you to think we were still in California"

 Back at Cynthia's house, the girls and I helped carry in her bags worth of gifts, Nova greeting us at the front door, pulling on my heartstrings, especially since Gemma has been relentlessly asking for a dog, Colby and I's only defense being "The apartment doesn't allow pets" but I knew we were toast once we actually moved.

"Look at that dopey face" I cackled, cupping the rotty's face in my hands, "You're so damn cute" I cooed.

"Remember when she was a puppy? Now look at her" Cynthia laughed, handing a cup of juice to both of the greedy toddlers.

"I'd love to own a rotty, I just.. with two kids and planning to start college I can't imagine trying to puppy train until baby girl is done with her own potty training" I sighed, tossing a rope for the dog.

"Colby will be there to help. I swear you forget you guys are literally engaged. He's made a commitment to help" She laughed.

"He's always working. I can't juggle the house, two kids, working, college and a dog whilst he's gone working" 

 "But then they're home for an extended period of time, right? He'll especially be around to help with the baby" 

"Speaking of the baby. Colby wants to name her Lennon, and I think I agree with him.. just.. we can't figure out a middle name. I swear this baby is coming into this world into complete and utter chaos" 

"Lennon is a pretty name. Colby came up with that?"

"Right!? I was surprised too" my chuckle getting drowned out by laughter from the girls, both of them running through the house with some sort of light up, singing Disney wands. "No running through the house!" I yelled, "Someone's going to get hurt!" 

"Girls, why don't you go play with Nova outside?" Cynthia shooed them out, both of us moving to the kitchen to keep an eye on them.

We sat at the kitchen table, watching the girls as I explained my frustrations with everything going on.

I mean honestly, was I bringing our daughter into this world with everything being a mess? I haven't even begun to think about what her nursery would look like, or gone through the few things I had kept from Gemma.

We haven't talked about baby showers, or middle names, or if we're co-sleeping, or bottle feeding...

My mind was racing and lagging all at the same time and all I wanted to do was cry.

Gemma and I ended up staying the night since Colby was back in Vegas with Sam, it did not take much to convince us since Logan and Cynthia promised to feed us and Gemma got to have story time with her Papa.

"Do you mind if I drink some wine?" Cynthia asked, a bottle in hand.

My head shook as I scrolled through my phone.

"I missed wine when I was pregnant" Cynthia sighed, plopping down in between Logan and I, a movie ready to be played whenever we were situated, my dad and the kids having gone to bed.

"I miss Deli meat" I snickered, hugging the blanket closer to my body. "I miss sandwiches and like my roll up snacks. I swear you crave the things you can't have when you're pregnant; it's so annoying. Thankfully, Colby doesn't eat them around me, so at least he's thoughtful like that" I chuckled, opening Colby and I's text messages.

Colby 💘: Are we spending Christmas in California? My parents have been asking if I'm making my way to Arizona for the holidays seen

Shit.

Um.

Every reply I tried to send, I ended up deleting, just staring at his message.

I knew we should. It was his family after all, and I've kept him away from them enough as it is.. but Arizona? With a toddler? And me being pregnant? I'm sure all the flights are taken too..

Do you want to?

Really Leighton? Out of all the possibilities you could've sent..

Colby 💘: You don't?

Aren't the Christmas flights taken?

Colby 💘: We could drive

That's what I was afraid of. 

With a toddler? Remember last time?

Colby 💘: So no? 

Motherfucker.

I groaned, feeling Logan's eyes on me as I sent a quick reply back.

Could they come here?

"What's wrong?" Logan asked.

"Colby wants to go to his family's for Christmas. Yes I know how that sounds" I grouched, "It's just.. 13 hours in the car when you're pregnant and your toddler doesn't like to sit still? It's going to be a nightmare. Let alone the traffic of everyone else traveling for the holidays. If he wanted to go, I wish he would've mentioned it sooner so we could've looked at flights for us or them"

"Some nightmare's are worth going through if it makes your husband happy" Cynthia piped up, ignoring my glare.

"Cynthia, zip it" I spoke through clenched teeth, Logan's head cocking.

"Oh? What kind of nightmares are those?" he asked, my head falling back with a groan.

Here we go.

Before I knew it, Cynthia and Logan were "arguing" - bickering more like it, but it seemed more serious. If it was Colby and I, we'd already be yelling.. or well.. I'd be yelling, but is that really an important detail?..

"I say just suck it up and go. Especially with how guilty you feel "dragging" him to Minnesota" Cynthia shrugged, placing her wine glass in the kitchen whilst Logan took Nova on a quick nightly walk.

"But 13 hours" I whined, "And then some. That's not counting pit stops for both me and the toddler" 

"But it will make Colby happy" 

"Will it? His future wife and his daughter complaining the whole time about how hungry they are, about how much they don't wanna be in the car anymore? How shitty they're feeling? Not to mention I don't really feel like playing fake happy wife who loves her partner's family when I'm trying to just get through this pregnancy. I'm truly so fucking done of everything hurting and she's even been kind to my bladder lately"

"I still say just do it. Especially since you don't see them that often"

Easier said than done. I don't see her looking like she's about to burst at the seams.

I snuggled in the blankets on their fairly comfy couch, my father having taken over the guest bedroom, opening Colby's texts back up.

Colby 💘: Not with their back pain

What about my back pain?

Colby 💘: I can look at possible flights later.

Colby 💘: Sam and I are going to start filming again

Colby 💘: Goodnight. I love you.

Uggggggh

We can go

I'm staying at Cynthia's tonight and  we're heading to bed so goodnight I love you too. Be safe with Sam please.

That morning I woke up, immediately checking my phone only for my eyes to practically pop out of my head at my notifications.

Colby 💘: Thank you 

Sam and I just got to the hotel I'm getting home around 2pm tomorrow fyi

Landon 🙄:

How long do you boil eggs for?

I keep fucking it up. 

Finn and Xavier think I can't cook 🙄

Aaliyah ✨: Hey. I'm sorry for being MIA. Can we meet up and talk?

"Mornin' Momma! We make.. make pan..pancakes!" My darling daughter announced at an ear piercing volume.

"Gemma, inside voices" I groaned, stretching as I sat up, realizing just how badly I had to pee.

"Momma?"

"Yes honey"

"Coco didn't call" she pouted, her  arms crossed over her chest.

"What?"

"Coco didn't call. Coco always calls when bye bye"

Oh.

"I'm sorry baby. Coco was busy talking to mommy about seeing his parents. We'll make sure he pays for forgetting, okay? Where's Papa?"

"Papa with Harper" 

"Why don't you go join them whilst momma pees and then we can go eat your pancakes?" I suggested, shoving myself up off the couch.

"OKAY!" She yelled, already running off.

Kids have too much energy at all times of the day.

I opened Aaliyah's texts whilst I was peeing, my heart pounding as I replied, yet again constantly typing and deleting my message.

How do I calmly reply without making it awkward? Or like I'm overexcited? 

Where would you like to meet? 

I groaned at my reply, not only hating how "nonchalant" it felt, but also knowing that I now had to wait for a reply. 

Colby called whilst we were eating breakfast, Gemma taking over the phone call as I helped Cynthia keep eggs and pancakes off the floor — much to Nova and my backs dismay. 

Why does nobody talk about how much squats suck when you're pregnant? Cynthia ended up having to help me up a few times which was almost as equally embarrassing as it was wobbling and almost falling over.

Gemma gave Colby an earful about breaking his promise, Colby profusely apologizing, bribing Gemma with an ice cream date in exchange for an acceptance of apology, happily winning her over.

Colby had barely walked through the apartment door before he and Gemma were off on their way, abandoning me with my nerves as I got ready to meet up with Aaliyah.

I slipped on some maternity jeans, a flowy top and ran a brush through my long dark hair, pretending like I wasn't sweating buckets at just the thought of what she wants to talk about.

My fingers kept tapping the steering wheel as I drove, completely off beat to the music I put on as an attempt to distract myself. 

I refused to allow myself to sit in my own nerves any longer, slamming my car door shut and swinging the coffee shop door open, the intense coffee ground smell smacking me in the face, slightly triggering my gag reflex.

Great.

With a grimace smile, I pushed my shoulders back and scanned the shop, not seeing anyone who remotely looked like Aaliyah.

I sent a quick text before ordering a pastry and finding a seat.

I guess I was going to have to sit in my nerves after all.

 I couldn't get myself to sit still if it had to save my life. My fingers kept tapping against the table, or swiping through nonsense on my phone; the pastry quickly diminishing as I just sat here waiting. 

She reached out, out of the blue, having ignored me for months... for what? To just chit chat? That is if she didn't stand me up first.

Colby texted, informing me that they had gotten back to the apartment, texting me a photo of Gemma's speech therapy games, asking which ones she was worse at, thankfully providing me a few minutes of distraction. 

Every time the bell rang above the door, my eyes glanced up, hoping, only to be let down.

Was I seriously getting stood up? Was this her idea of a joke? A final fuck you? 

With singed hope, I checked our texts one more time, hearing yet another bell ring, only to finally be greeted by a woman who vaguely looked like my once best friend.

"Hey.. you haven't changed at all." A soft, sad voice said, my brow pulling together.

Was that a compliment or an insult?

"Aaliyah?" I questioned, watching her nod, finally taking a seat across from me. "You look... different" I stumbled, trying to keep a straight face, knowing I was failing.

Her roots were dark, showing, not that that was a problem, it just was unlike her. I don't think I've ever seen her natural hair color show this much. Her blonde hair was long, appearing tousled. She's always been skinny, but she looked skinner, her baggy shirt appearing a size or two too big, rather than huge her form like it used to.

"I uh, how are you?" She asked, my face had to look bewildered as I stared back at her in shock.

"Me? How are you?! It's been what... forever?" I expressed, sitting up straighter in the chair, my hand covering my bump so it didn't hit the table, drawing her attention to it.

"You're very pregnant." She noted, "When are you due again?" 

"April. What uh.. what have you been up to?" I asked, hating the way her shoulders fell.

"Nothing much. How are you and Colby? Still going strong?" She asked, her eyes telling me she didn't care and was just trying to be polite.

She all around lacked emotional presence. I felt like I was staring at a shell of my best friend, her eyes confirming my assumptions as the once shining gleam lacked their glimmer.

"Still engaged" I showed my left hand, wiggling my fingers, "Have you found anybody new?" I asked, Aaliyah shaking her head. "Where are you living now?"

"With a few roommates" She replied numbly.

"That's nice. Are they nice?" I asked, trying to brighten the mood a little bit; failing.

"It's fine" 

"All girls?" I asked, Aaliyah nodding.

"That's nice. Where do you work then?"

She was quiet, chewing her lower lip, finally replying, "With my roomates"

"Oh. Interesting. What do you guys do? Is it like.. work pays for it or whatever? Or did you guys start a business together? Did you meet at work?" I tried to engage with her, wanting so desperately to be back in her life, but it felt like pulling teeth to get even an inch of slack from her.

"No I um.. well.. uh.. what are you doing for work?" She quickly changed the subject.

"Oh. I've been working in sales in a clothing and shoe store. Nicer pay, easier whilst pregnant, but uh, Colby and I were talking about moving, so I might put in my notice soon. Plus with the baby coming soon. A lot's been going on. Have you tried talking to River since you guys broke up? Any idea how he's doing?" I asked, fishing for anything to work with.

Her head shook.

"How's Gemma?" She switched again, a smile broadening on my face at the name of my daughter.

"She's good!" I grinned, "She's four now. Taller. Speaks more. Drives me nuts sometimes" I giggled, "She's indifferent about being a big sister. Some days she's excited, other days not so much"

"I'm sure she's forgotten about me" Aaliyah sighs, slouching back in the chair.

My head shook, "How could she forget her Lay Lay?" I tossed a sympathetic smile. "You're her godmother Aaliyah. She'll always remember you"

"Have you thought about who will be the godparent of this kid?" She questioned, surprising me. 

"Haven't discussed it too much. I thought about asking Landon, or Sam. I don't know what Colby wants" 

Aaliyah nodded, glancing around the place.

I sighed, "Why did you finally reach out, Aaliyah? I've tried for months. I hated how I treated you when we argued. I've wanted to apologize for ages, and you've just gone mute on me"

"Well.. I didn't have a phone for a while. I finally earned money to get another one" She showed me an older model IPhone. "I uh.. honestly? I wasn't in a good place to rehash everything with you. I needed to figure things out"

"And have you?" I asked, Aaliyah's head shaking.

"No, which is why I finally wanted to meet up with you. I.." she trailed off, "I just wanted to see how you are. If you're okay. How things have been. How Gemma is. How the pregnancy is going. Wanted to check in on someone who was once my best friend"

Ouch.

"Once was?" I whispered, my eyes starting to get glassy.

Was my best friend breaking up with me? Is that even a thing?

"I'm not good for you Leighton. You're thriving" that was a stretch, "and I just.. I just wanted to see it for myself. You have a future husband, children, an entire life ready for you. You know I'll always be there for you, but..." But? I felt warm tears start to fall down my face, Aaliyah looking away. "You're so much better off without me. Without me meddling. I just.. I think you've grown so much without me, and it's a good thing. It's a good thing that you've made so much progress in your own life. Just the way your face lights up when you talk about your daughter tells me that much" Her own tears fell, "I just wanted to make sure you were happy. That you were okay. You're still sober, right?" She asked, my head nodding. "See?" her voice cracked, "You're good without me, and I think it needs to stay that way"

I so desperately wanted to tell her just how wrong she was. How my life was still a mess, and how I was nowhere near ready to plan a wedding, or have a baby, but I couldn't help but focus on how it felt like she used me. She got me here with wishful thinking, knowing she had ill intentions. Who does that? Who reaches out, talks about reconnecting after months of no contact, only to practically break up with you? 

"So that's what this was?" I sniffled, wiping at my face, "You met up with me, just to tell me you didn't want to be my friend anymore?" 

"It's not that I don't want to. It's that I can't" She replied, adding salt to the wound.

"You can't? What does that even mean! I've tried so hard, Aaliyah! I know you think I'm selfish, and maybe I am, but I've tried too hard to reach out. To talk to you. To be there for you, and you just.. you can't be my friend anymore?" 

"It's not safe for you to reach out, Leigh. You have an entire life going for you. We'll always have our memories, but... I needed to tell you in person that I can't do this anymore. Okay?"

Not safe?! What does that even mean! 

"No! Not okay! What the hell, Aaliyah! You're scaring me. What's going on? What's wrong?"

"Leighton. Please" She quietly begged, my head shaking rapidly.

"No. I refuse to give up on you. You have no valid reason to not be my friend. I can respect your boundaries, but nothing about this feels right! Tell me what's going on, please" I begged.

If she wanted to cut ties, fine. If she no longer wanted to be connected to me, I could deal with that... but this... it felt like she had a gun to her head and needed to say what she needed to say to get out alive; it just didn't sit well with me.

"You're better off without me—" She tried again.

"Bullshit!" I interrupted, "All I've wanted is to be your friend. To be there for you. I don't care if that's you at your worst, or your best. If this is your worst, just tell me. Tell me how I can help. Is it your living situation? Do you need somewhere to stay? Because I have options Aaliyah. I have family more than willing to open their doors to you. I have a toddler at home who would love to see you. You can't just walk away for no reason. You've been there for me way more than I have for you, and when I finally get the chance to repay you just.. you what.. cut the goddamn cord? No." My head shook, my lips pursed as I refused whatever insane thing was going on right now. "What do you need from me? How can I help you? Clearly something is going on" I begged, hating how I was getting shoved away without a chance to fight for us. 

I could tell she had made up her mind, I just wish I knew why.

Was it really all because of that stupid fight? or was it something more?

"You can't help me, Leighton"

"That's not true—" I interrupted, only for Aaliyah to interrupt me.

"I'm happy you're happy, Leighton. Truly. If anyone deserves it, it's you" She smiled softly, her hand reaching across the table for me, her touch burning with bittersweet memories.

The tears were flowing freely, my brain trying to catch up with what was going on right now, failing miserably.

"If I need you, I'll call you. Okay? Just.. let me do this. Please" She begged, my head nodding before I could stop it.

"I love you. Okay? Whatever you need. Just tell me" I begged her to promise, Aaliyah bending to hug me, whispering back that she loved me, and that she was happy for me, before walking away; right out of my life.

What the hell just happened?

I walked through my apartment door in shambles marching past Colby who was sat on the couch, laptop resting on his thighs, shutting our bedroom door behind me, undressing.

I felt dirty. Like my crystal clear lake was now a murky pond.

The entire drive home I tried to understand what I had done. Relaying every text I sent, every conversation we've had. How it got to this point. I simply didn't understand and I don't think I ever will.

All I know is I lost my best friend. The person who's been there for me through thick and thin... and the second she needed me like I needed her, she cut the tie.

I lost her before I could even try to fight for her and I had no clue what to do.

* * * *  This chapters been "done" since January. I just wasn't happy with it and got writers block cus I didn't know how to fix it... and well.. now it's March uh..

If this book was a jenga tower, it's about to tumble 👀

Written on: December 21st 2023, January 4th, 7th, 8th, 10th, 14th, 22nd, March 6th 2024

Published: March 6th 2024

Word Count: 7210

Part Twenty Four

[britswriting]

Devotion (22)

Devotion Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

- Unedited - I've read through this so many times over the past month, that honestly if there is an error, I wouldn't notice it anyway lol

*Leighton's POV*

Gemma's fourth birthday went as well as a spoiled four year olds birthday could.

Colby and I woke G up with a pancake breakfast before we got ready to pick up Noel; having lunch with Logan, Cynthia, and Harper followed by us all playing at the park.

"You excited to have your first sleepover, bug?" Colby asked her as we drove back to our apartment, car full of excited toddlers.

"Yessss!" She squealed, making our ears bleed followed by an echo of toddler gibberish over how excited they were to play with all the Barbies and watch all of the Disney movies in one night, their words, not mine.

Colby joined in on their excitement, ramping Gemma up about all her new toys waiting for her at home, ready to be unwrapped and played with. I swear Colby was more excited to give her her gifts than she was to open them.

Gemma spent the night at her dad's to celebrate her birthday a few days ago, giving Colby and I ample time to go gift shopping for our now four year old; Gabe and I having worked out the whole birthday thing due to his school and work schedule.

The five of us got up to our apartment and the girls roped us into watching Tangled followed by Aladdin and finally Toy Story as they colored, played with new Barbies and Littlest Pet Shop toys, running all over our apartment screaming and laughing.

I was convinced we were never getting them to bed, that was until pizza came and we thankfully we had hit a food coma. I have never felt so grateful when all three of them were crashed out cold in Gemma's room, snuggled in all of the blankets I could find, more than I was as I very slowly, and as quietly as possible, left the bedroom door cracked open.

"First sleepover down" Colby huffed, plopping down on the couch as a breathy laugh escaped my lips, plopping down next to him. "I am ex-haust-ed" 

"You're one to talk! Try being pregnant and chasing toddlers around to get the pizza sauce and grease off their fingers! All walls almost had greasy toddler fingerprints on them"

"Hey! Try getting them all into pj's!" He countered, my quick "I helped!" ended us both in laughter, Colby pulling me into his chest, kissing my temple as we stared at the blank tv.

"I can't believe she's four. Feels like just yesterday I found out you were pregnant and Amber and I were rushing you to the hospital. She's growing up so fast" He said quietly, a hint of reminenacne in his tone. 

"And now we've got another little one on the way" I matched his tone, craning my neck to look up at him. "She still needs a name you know. And a home" I chuckled.

"You're dads coming with us to Minnesota, right? To go look at those houses?" Colby asked.

"That's the plan. We need to get it done before I can no longer fly"

"Working on it, baby. You know just as well as I that moving is a whole thing. Moving states is even more of a chaotic mess"

"Yeah but we've moving a family. It's a little different. Let me know when you book flights so I have time to check up on Lexi. I know she says she's been fine, but I mean.. are you ever really fine after an abortion? I'm sure there is all kinds of conflicting emotions. I just... I don't know, I want to be there for her. Do my sisterly duties" I expressed, guilt seeping out of my heart knowing how much time has already passed of me being a shitty sister.

"Did she ever tell Brennen?" He asked, chewing on his cheek.

"I don't think so, and honestly? I don't blame her. Granted, I'm not in that situation, but I mean.. it's kind of understandable why she wouldn't want to. Either way, it's her life, her choice. I'm going for moral support and to be a good sister. I'm trying to make up for loss time" I sighed.

I wouldn't say I had regrets in life because I somewhat believe in the butterfly effect, and how everything works out in the end like it's supposed to for you, but I do wish I could change the way I handled certain situations. 

My actions have made me lose a lot of people and make some pretty poor choices. If I were to regret something, I'd definitely regret acting out the way I did with Aaliyah, or the way I handled Lexi's situation; it has although taught me to be more patient, and really hear people out. I wish I would've guided Lexi more than lash out. Thankfully I was given time to do that. To correct my mistakes.

"Is she ever going to tell your family? Or is this some sisterly secret I'm in on that I shouldn't be?" He asked, eyeing me as if he can read my thoughts.

I shifted, shaking my head. "I don't know what she's doing, but she's over 18. Yes we're blood, but I've already done her wrong. It's not my place to out the abortion. Her life. Her choice. I have no right to tell our father like this is some tattle tale over a toy"

The day before our flight Gemma and I brought over food for Lexi, spending a couple hours with her as I made sure she was okay.

I walked into the unfamiliar 

Gemma, Colby, my dad and I all made the flight to Minnesota over Thanksgiving, spending the holiday with Uncle Garrett and Aunt Ginger.

"I can't believe you're thinking about moving back home" Aunt Ginger expressed, setting another christmas ornament on the tree as I sat on the couch and watched, snacking on Saltine Crackers like my life depended on it as nausea kept hitting me in waves.

Being only five months along and feeling this miserable felt like a joke. Every morning I wake up and already wish to go to bed the second my feet touch the floor.

"Feels right. I don't want to raise my children in California. It almost feels like a disservice to them" I laughed, my hands resting on my belly as I imagined two little girls growing up, playing in the snow and swimming in the lakes.

"They say your heart comes back where it's fondest" She eyed me over her shoulder, grinning.

"Is that so? I thought the saying was time apart makes the heart grow fonder or whatever" I snickered, watching her eyes light up.

"Maybe that's it! You're just missing your uncle and me and you need a good ole' cooking dance party!"

"You know what, maybe you're right" I laughed, "I just can't imagine staying in a place that holds so many unhappy memories; I feel bad though for taking Colby further away from his family. I mean, we're leaving behind his family in Arizona, my siblings in California.. I just... can you really stay in a place that holds all the worst moments of your life? Not to mention Gemma and her friends, and I know she'll make more friends... I just feel so goddamn guilty all the time. Like no matter what choice I make, I can't win. I'm going to be hurting someone in the end"

"What about the best? Having Gemma, meeting Colby, getting sober. Glass half empty, or glass half full, you know?"

"I think I'll just always view California as the place that's ruined my life and maybe that sounds dramatic, but I can't help but view it so tainted"

"You guys gossiping about me?" A voice interrupted, my head turning to look behind me, Uncle Garrett walking through the kitchen into the living room with Dakota hot on his heels.

"Aren't we always?" Aunt Ginger grinned, standing up on the tips of her toes, attempting to hang an ornament. Uncle Garrett making his way to her, placing a kiss against her lips before taking the ornament out of her hand and placing it higher up on the tree.

"How you feeling, Leighton? Named that precious baby yet?" Uncle Garrett questioned, my body scooting forward on the couch so I could pet Dakota. "You're only going to be an incubator for so long" he teased, my jaw dropping as I laughed.

"An incubator?!" I repeated, Uncle Garrett chuckling. "You're lucky I love you" 

"The luckiest!" His eyes crinkled as his cheeks tightened.

"No we have not named the little one yet. I'm trying to make sure she has a home. Hoping we can find one on this trip. I'm nervous Dad and Gemma are going to be a pain in my ass; Colby would tell you I'm the picky one though"

"I personally think Garrett is a great name" He smirked, my brows raising as I nodded.

"Ah yes. I can't imagine how she'd ever get bullied in school if her name was Garrett" I teased.

"Are you talking naming my daughter without me?" Colby's loud, dramatic voice called from behind us, the sound of a patio door closing followed by screaming giggles and thumping paws hitting the tile.

"There's the newly found four year old!" Uncle Garrett swooped up the giggling toddler, Bentley still barking which made Dakota start to bark, enabling the chaos that surrounded me.

With the barking and the laughter and the loud talking over each other... it felt like home.

No stress, no worrying.. just laughter and smiles.

I could feel my heart swell as tears prickle my eyes, imagining this to be my life. 

Coming over whenever, hanging out with the family; my daughters laughing and running around with the rottweilers, my uncle cooking and singing obnoxiously as my aunt and cousins tried to somewhat keep us under control.

It all felt perfect. Like I had finally found the missing puzzle piece.

This was home.

That thought was only solidified as the six of us: Colby, Gemma, my dad, Uncle Garrett, Aunt Ginger and I, walked through what would be our final house tour of the day.

It was perfect.

"Why are you crying, Leighton?" Colby asked quietly, pulling me into his arms.

"We have to make an offer, Colby. This is it. This is our home. It just... Colby" my voice cracked as my vision blurred. "The room closest to the stairs? Imagine a beautiful nursery. Our daughter growing up in there. Gemma right across the hall; them fighting over the shared bathroom between them. The master bedroom at the end of the hall? The most amazing sex of our life could be help in there-" he laughs, "and the most comfy cuddles and our girls driving us wild. The beautiful backyard where they can go play with maybe a dog, or our family. The kitchen that's so fucking perfect.. this is it. It just feels right. Tell me you feel it too. Tell me this is the house" I begged, wiping under my eyes as I looking around the upstairs hallway, feeling like my future was rolling out on film right in front of me.

"This is our home. Let's make an offer tonight, alright? We'll fight for this one. The twinkle in your eye as you look around this house is the only thing that matters. I swear you were about to drool over the kitchen appliances" he laughed, pulling me into a kiss as I giggled, my cheeks warming up.

"Don't act like you weren't melting over that room that would become your office!" I pointed at him, loving the way he smiled, not saying a word.

Back at my Aunt and Uncle's house, we made an offer through our agent and tried to keep ourselves busy as we waited to hear something back.

"What about Riley Colette?" Melissa suggested, the entire family lounging in the living room as we tossed around baby name ideas. 

"It's cute for sure" I acknowledged, my hand moving back and forth over Dakotas side as she snuggled into my leg.

"Jessie Paige?"

"Brock? Jessie Brock? No" My head shook, hating the imagery of a girl with a cowgirl hat and some sort of yodel dialog line dancing around my home. 

"Johannah?" 

"Brock? No" I vetoed yet again.

I swear hundreds of names were listed and we were getting nowhere.

Colby and I laid in bed that night, still scrolling through different names, testing them out when silence fell between us, his soft voice finally breaking it.

"I found a name I really like, but it's kind of out there" 

"Shoot" 

"Lennon? L-e-n-n-o-n?" He spelt, my head wobbling side to side as I thought it over.

"Lennon Brock? It's not bad. It's not that strange" 

"Lennon Paige? Your family seemed to like Paige"

"Paige sounds weird with Brock, I veto it"

"Alright. Do you like Lennon? Should we test it out for a while or should we keep scrolling?" I asked, already scrolling through his phone again before I could respond.

"We can test it out" I nodded, leaning my head against his shoulder, my eyes closing.

"Really?"

My eyes opened, "Why do you sound surprised?"

"I thought you wouldn't like it" He shrugged, jostling my head slightly.

"Hey!" I winced, "Careful! I'm fragile, you know" I teased pinching his thigh.

"You are far from fragile" he cackled, his head hitting the headboard, my loud laughter drowning out his "Ow", unable to stifle it.

"Are you okay?" I asked through laughter, shifting so I was sitting upright, leaning forward slightly causing my head to have to turn further to see Colby who has happened to roll his eyes.

"I'm fine, not that you care" He teased, my own eyes rolling this time. 

"You know I care; just sometimes you have to laugh first" I grinned, giggling as he pulled me back into his chest. "Careful! I'm housing a child here!" I jokingly panicked, Colby's hand coming to cradle my side, pulling me closer to him so I didn't fall off the bed.

"And you look very beautiful doing it" He sweet talked.

"Shut up" I groaned, trying to pull away, only to be stopped and somehow moved onto Colby's lap.

"It's true. You look very beautiful pregnant. I've always told you that" 

"Not true. Everything is swollen, and everything hurts and your baby is murdering my ribs and my bladder and how did you do that? I weigh as much as an elephant and I know you've been slacking in the gym!" I whined, attempting to move off of my fiance, only to be held in place by his strong hands gripping my hips.

"You do not weight as much as an elephant" he smirked, both of us laughing at him not denying my gym comment.

"Alright well if you keep my crotch on your dick things will start to happen and we can't be doing that with my daughter asleep next to us in my Aunt and uncle's house"

"I thought pregnancy sex was your favorite kind of sex?" his thumbs hooked into the waistband of my sweatpants.

"Mhm" I moaned, falling forward a bit, scooting back slight on his crotch, Colby's face scrunching slightly as he moved under me, "But not when my daughter is asleep on the floor, snoring, might I add" 

"You don't think I'd actually initiate anything with her right there, do you?" His eyes clouded with concern, my head shaking.

"No, but I don't want to be soaked through my underwear and have to go to bed needy and desperate. So, I'm just gonna-" I carefully got off his legs, laying back down next to him, "and we are gonna pretend each other aren't right here so my you know what can calm down"

"You want to pretend I'm not here?" he asked, my head nodding as my eyes closed, only to feel his warm breath on my neck followed by warm lips.

"Colby, stop" I groaned.. or well.. moaned.

I do not feel like slathering makeup on my face any day, let alone to cover a hickey!

"I love you Leighton Rae" he murmured against my skin before backing off, my head falling back as I huffed.

"I hate you" I grumbled, Colby chuckling next to me. "I love you too, now leave me alone. Don't you have your own situation over there?"

"Feel and find out"

"Colby!" I whisper shrieked, extremely aware of my four year old not even ten feet away, the audiotrack of her snoring being a painful, yet sobering reminder of why I cannot do exactly what my vagina wishes I could.

"We can always go sneak off to the bathroom" He suggested.. or well, reminded. 

"With this pregnancy bump? No way. You know I need pillows to be comfy and I will murder you if you're the only one who gets a release" I grouched, Colby's chuckle against my skin making a shiver go down my spine as I snuggled closer into his warm chest.

"I'm excited to start our life together, Leighton. I hope they take our offer and we can finally start this whole moving process" He sighed, lacing our fingers together, his thumb rubbing against my knuckles, eventually landing on my anxiety ring, spinning it a few times. 

"I can't believe we're buying a house and I'm ready to start putting together our nursery. I really want to do this whole baby thing the right way" 

"You're having a home birth, I don't think you understand what the traditional right way is" he laughed, my eyes instinctively rolling as I snuggled closer to him when something dawned on me.

"Shit!" I hissed, "We need to find people here for that!" I quickly - well as quick as you can when you're five months pregnant - snatched my phone to go into research mode, Colby's hand grabbing my arm, pulling me back into him.

"One thing at a time, Leighton. We can do it tomorrow, just lay here with me, please" His soft words lulled me into his chest once again.

"You're offly clingy lately" I noted, inhaling his chest, my eyes closing as I felt his chest rise and fall under my touch.

"Just feeling grateful. I've been talking with Sam a lot lately and it's just reminding me how grateful I am to have you. To have Gemma. This baby. Is it a crime to want you close?" 

"Only if I can't breathe" I fake choked, gasping, Colby swatting my ass making me laugh before kissing him.

The next couple of days felt like we all could barely catch our breath as we awaited the conformation that the house was ours, along with researching nearby facilities for our at home birth. I knew in the end I wouldn't regret the choices, but in the current moment I couldn't help but feel like I was way in over my head as Colby and I searched high and low for our best options as well as calling backup hospitals in case of an emergency.

Who moves halfway across the country when you're due to give birth in four months - an at home birth at that, with a four year old? 

Psychotic people. That's who.

"Have you heard anything yet?" I asked Colby for what was probably the tenth time since we've awoken and it was only 3pm.

"No, Leighton"

"They said it would be a few days! It's been a few days! Do you think maybe other offers came in?" I worried, tugging a shirt over Gemma's head before letting her step into a pair of leggings, getting ready to go to the park.

"I don't know baby, we've just got to wait"

"I hate waiting" I huffed.

"Me too!" Gemma chimed in making me laugh.

"See, she gets it!" I pointed to Gemma, G grinning as she nodded.

"Yeah! I get it!" The peanut gallery communicated, a sassy grin on her face.

"I also hate waiting, so why don't we go to the park and bypass some of this waiting time" Colby reached for Gemma's hand, the two of them leaving me in their dust as they made their way outside.

I sat on the bench, listening to Gemma's screaming laughter as her and Colby played on the swings and then the slide, followed by monkey bars.

"Mommy! Come play with us!" Gemma squealed, running around in the sand before climbing up the playground stairs.

"Mommy's resting, G" Colby reminded her, a sigh leaving my lips.

"But I want to play with mommy!" Gemma whined, staring down at Colby from the playground landing.

"But G-" He started, my voice quickly interrupting.

"No, no. It's okay. We'll play" I confirmed, wincing slightly as I pushed up off my thighs.

Ignoring the ache in my back, the soreness of my feet and the shortness of breath, I plastered on a smile and walked the best I could over to my daughter.

"What do you want to do lovebug?"

"Come up and play!" She squealed, bouncing on her feet.

"You alright" Colby asked, eyeing my tight smile and head nod. "Leigh-"

"My daughters waiting"

I carefully climbed the stairs, Gemma's "Come on mommy!" was the only thing I was focusing on.

Fuck the back pain, the lack of deep breathing, and my puffy ankles. 

"Where to honey?" I huffed out.

"Slide! Coco, catch us!"

Oh god that's a long way down.

"Slide with me mommy!" Gemma demanded.

"Okay baby, one sec.." 

How the fuck am I gonna do this?

The ground was a long way down. Once I'm down, I'm not sure if I'm getting back up again.

"Come on, mommy! Come on!" Gemma rushed.

Slow and steady win the race...

I carefully eased myself to the ground, attempting to block out Gemma's persistent rushing. By the time my ass hit the slide, I felt both relief, and panic. Relief because I was sitting; panic because now I have to slide with a four year old and I can't even see my feet over my belly.

"Colby you better catch us! I can not afford to fall on my ass with this baby in my womb!" I warned, Gemma crawling over my thighs as best as she could, proving this whole sliding whilst pregnant thing to be difficult.

"Careful, G" I reminded her, not wanting her pressed to hard against my stomach. "Ready?" I cooed, wrapping my arms around her tummy, pressing a smooth to her cheek before sliding down the slide, Gemma's giggles being drowned out by my slight fear and panic of how quick we're going down the slide.

"Coco! Catch me!" She squealed, Colby crouching, arms wide, swooping Gemma up and setting her aside before stopping me and helping me up.

"You alright?" He checked in, my head nodding as my heart pounded. "What do you say to mommy, bug?" Colby asked, Gemma already climbing back up the playset. 

He sighed, a smile plastered onto my face as I went to go join her again.

"Hey, you don't need to chase her around" he reminded me, cupping my face between his hands.

"In a few months it won't just be her anymore. It's okay. I just need to be careful and go slow.."

"Leigh" Colby's warned, my back already turned towards him ready to meet my child back at the slide.

"Just make sure you catch us"

~

"Your baby is kicking my ass" I groaned, a heating pad on my back as my ankles had ice packs draped over them. "You were on the phone with Sam for a while out there, everything okay?" I checked in, having not heard from him nor Kat in a while.

"Yeah. He said they're moving back to California" Colby dropped his bombshell, nonchalantly scrolling through his phone. "We also are scheduling a filming trip at the end of December.."

"The end of December?" I questioned, my brow furrowed as I stared him down. Colby's head turned, catching my eyes as he nodded. "Like.. as in.. Christmas time?"

"After Christmas"

"When would you be back?" I questioned, nervous that I would be losing him for the holidays.

I thought about inviting Sam, Kat, Aaliyah — if she'd actually reply and meet up with me, and my siblings over for some sort of holiday party before we end up moving, but if Sam and Colby are out filming, there goes that idea. 

"I don't know Leighton, but we need to stockpile content before Lennon gets here" He said, my ears piquing in intrigue.

"Lennon?"

"We're trying them out, right?" Colby asked, eyeing me almost like he was waiting for me to punish him.

"Well what about Riley?" I half teased, still shell shocked out of him suddenly using Lennon.

"It just doesn't feel right" His head shook, turning away from me to look back at his phone.

I snickered, "What doesn't feel right? it's a popular name"

"Has that ever really been your style? Trend following?" 

"I'm dating you, aren't I? Mr. I Run paranormal side of youtube" I grinned.

He smirked, an eyebrow cocked before shaking his head, "I just mean, I can't see my daughter being named Riley"

"Lennon is just so out there though" I faux teased, chewing on my lip, expecting banter back only to sigh through my nose as he replied, grumbling, "No worse than what the Kardashians are naming their kids" my lips pursing as I caught the quick attitude change.

"I'm not vetoing it, Colby. I'm just saying we should keep our options open. There are millions of baby names. It's a big choice"

"I understand it's a big choice, but you're also due not that long from now" he expressed, my own brow furrowing.

Was he.. nervous? 

Typically I'm the one running around like a chicken with their head cut off freaking out over how soon my baby is going to be born, and how many things we have to get done.

Was it finally hitting him?

"I'm due in April" I reminded him.

"And before you know it, it'll be here" 

"It?" 

"Your due date"

"Oh! I thought you were calling our daughter and it" I cackled, Colby's eyes rolling. I quieted down, my shoulders dropping, wishing I could touch him but he was too far away from me, "Are you alright?" I worried.

"I'm fine" 

"Colby..."

"I have a lot to do Leighton. With the baby coming, the move, Gemma... us always being on and off and Sam breathing down my neck about.. about.. about our channel.. I just.. I just want to at least check one thing off! What's wrong with Lennon?" He asked again, shifting his whole body to face me on the couch.

"Nothing's wrong with it babe, I just think we should keep our options open"

His bobbed black and forth slowly, "Meaning you don't like it"

"I didn't say I didn't like it. I just said it was out there. It caught me by surprise when you said it so nonchalantly. I'm sorry if my reaction seemed negative. I just wasn't expecting you to so blanelty call her that"

"Why wouldn't I? That's what we're doing, right?"

"Well you haven't been too receptive to the idea" I murmured. 

"There's just a lot on my mind" He took a deep breath through his nose, leaning back against the armrest of the couch before straightening out again, glancing around the room before looking back at me. 

"So I've heard. The Move. The baby. Filming" My eyes rolled, "We're all stressed Colby, and god knows I like to complain about it, but at least I complain, or well, cry about it. You just stew in it until you practically shove me out of the way to go explode somewhere. Do you really like Lennon that much? Then let's try Lennon. It's not that I don't like it, or that I'm saying yes to just shut you up. It's just scary to me to name a baby. It's their name for at least 18 years, if not their entire life. It's scary to me to make such a big commitment so quickly" 

"You did it with Gemma" He grumbled, unlocking his phone again.

"Like hell I did" I snickered, "I had a million ideas for Gemma, but nothing felt right and by the time I chose Gemma, I still questioned if it was right. If my mom would've liked it. If it felt like a name my daughter would have. If you like Lennon, let's keep using it. See how it feels" 

"I like Lennon" He confirmed, his eyes locked on me; studying me.

"You like Lennon" I repeated, nodding, watching the way his brow pulled together.

"You say it like you disagree" his eyes narrowed.

"I'm not going to keep going in circles Colby. I said what I needed to say. Let me just sit on it, okay? Let me look at nursery decor with the name in mind, look at it in different fonts-"

"Different fonts?" he interrupted.

I nodded, "Different fonts. I just want to imagine the name in our life" A snicker threatened to slip out, but I shoved it far, far down like my life depended on it, trying to figure out what his deal was.

"Okay" He hummed.

"Okay?" I reconfirmed, struggling to read his expression.

"Okay" he reconfirmed, "Pull up the fonts"

"Fonts? Now? With you?" I faked appaul.

"Yes with me" He scooched closer to me, our thighs now touching as he leaned over me, grabbing my laptop.

"It's a personal matter" I tried, Colby turning on my laptop.

"Personal matter? I put a baby in you. That was a personal matter"

"And what a good personal matter it was" I reminisced, grinning when Colby's cheeks gained a red hue. "You remember it well, don't you?" I teased, missing our intimate moments together. 

"I remember a lot of our sexual altercations well"

"Altercations?" my jaw dropped.

Who calls sex an altercation? It's not like I trapped him into putting a baby into me!

"What fonts do you want" He distracted, scrolling through different ones, the name "Lennon" written out, sized up to be very in your face as he shuffled through fonts.

"How's this one?" He questioned, showing me "Lennon" in Caveat, followed by Georgia and then Dancing Script when I finally stopped him.

"Colby, I was just joking. We don't need to go through every single font." I eased, "Why do you like Lennon so much?" I pressed, having this inkling feeling that there were some reason he was pushing the topic so hard even though I've already stated we can keep trying it out.

"Does there need to be a reason?" he asked.

"Is there not a reason?"

"I don't know" Colby sighed, "You keep saying it has to feel right. That there is this.. what, connection? Or whatever. It just.. it feels right. Leighton, Lennon and Gemma. My girls"

I felt my heart swoon softly at the words "my girls", feeling pathetic as I stared at him with heart eyes. 

"L's huh?" I teased, "Sure G won't feel left out?"

"Then we better hussle this kid out and get another one in and give them a G name" He smirked.

"You want three kids? You want to deal with my pregnant ass a third time? Are you sure?"

"You're right. Maybe we should adopt, or do surrogacy"

~

I watched Colby pace on the patio, phone held up to his ear as I dipped another potato chip into my chive and onion sour cream.

Colby's been talking to Sam a lot lately, but instead of their casual catch ups, talking about work or figuring out their next hang out... it's been hushed voices, popping veins in his forehead and Colby acting a little too clingy afterwards. 

I knew he was hiding something; I just didn't know what.

Christmas surprise maybe? I know he likes his vacations, but what would that have to do with Sam? 

Crunching on another chip, I watched him pause, his back to me before his head fell back for a moment, then resuming the slight pacing.

"Mommy!" Gemma whined, a piece of paper clenched in her fist as she walked up to me.

"Hi sunshine, what do you need?" I smiled softly, turning around.

"I cwlor-"

"Color" I corrected, her brow furrowed.

"Cwlor"

"Color"

"THAT'S WHAT I SAID!" She yelled, shaking her paper at me.

"Hey, no yelling at mommy. I'm just trying to help, bug. What's wrong?"

"I cwlor on paper but..." She grumbled, shoving her paper in my face, "I get out da lines and.. and.. and.."

"Hey, breath baby" I coaxed.

"I messed up! And.. and.. and.. it was for.. for.. Coco! And I... I.. I do.. do bad job!" She began to cry, showing me the "messed up paper"

"Let me see, bug. I'm sure it's not messed up" 

She handed me her paper, and I looked at the precise coloring, different colors slightly out of line but it appears she tried her hardest.

Surely this would've caused a meltdown ages ago if she noticed the "imperfections"

"Where did you mess up baby? I don't see anything wrong. It looks beautiful bug" I complimented, Gemma frowning.

"I cwlor da puppies nose.. nose... rwed.. not.. not.. bwack and.. and.. and.. I try fix it! But.. but.."

"Hey, look at mommy" I carefully crouched, both of us eye level to each other, my hand clutching the countertop for dear life. "Inhale, exhale" I coaxed, "Mommy's not going anywhere. You don't need to rush" I wiped away a tear, my hand staying on her cheek, cradling her face, "It looks beautiful, my love. Coco will love it. Not every mistake is bad. It just makes it more unique. Coco loves unique things, Gem" 

"But.. but.. see!" I whined, 

"I'm sure, lovebug. Coco's on the phone but once he's done, I'm sure he'd love to see it. You did such a good job, sunshine. No more tears, okay?"

"Otay.."

"Okay" I chuckled, offering her a hug, Gemma walking into my arm, her arms wrapping around my neck.

"I love you Gemma Lorraine. You know what we could do in the meantime?" I asked, Gemma pulling away to look at me.

"What?"

"We could go find Papa and show him your beautiful artwork! How does that sound? We go find Papa and show him the puppy you worked hard on?" I asked, watching the light come back to her eyes.

"Yesssss!" She squealed, snatching the paper, "Come on, mommy!"

Gemma and I found my dad, Gemma happily showing her artwork, a pride to her tone now as she explained how long it took her. 

I heard the patio door slide open, turning to look over my shoulder as Colby stepped inside, softly closing the door behind him.

"Hey" I chimed, his head snapping to look at me.

"Hey" He replied bluntly, walking over to the kitchen island, opening the fridge.

Okay..

I walked over to him, taking a seat on the barstool across from him.

"Everything alright? You've been stressed after talking with Sam lately" I asked, "Something going on with work?" I guessed, attempting to pick his brain for any sort of clue of what was going on.

"Works fine" He replied, taking a drink from his glass.

"Communicate Colby. I can't read minds" 

"I don't want to talk about it" 

"Oh, great. So should I just sit around and wait for you to explode? Or are you just going to keep stuffing it until you decide to leave one day and go cliff drinking and land back in jail?" I hissed, keeping my tone low as I stared him down.

"That's not fair" He challenged, my brow raising in, ready to go head to head about this.

"How is it not fair? I'm asking you to share with me what's stressing you out.  I'm asking you to communicate. To let me be your shoulder to lean on, and you're telling me you don't want to talk about it? I get it, maybe you need space, you want to process things but dammit Colby! I'm not doing this again! You don't get space. You don't get to process. We do this shit together. I cannot lose you to drinking again. I've seen this movie one too many times and guess what? The ending fucking sucks. So suck it up and tell me what's wrong!" I whisper yelled.

His palms laid flat on the counter, his arms outstretched as he leaned forward, shoulders up towards his ears; staring at me. "I'm not leaving you to go drink. I just want to think. Okay? Can you let me do that? Can you let me think?" He asked, or well, belittled.

I Iicked my lips, my jaw clenching as I kept my eyes locked on him.

My own shoulders hunched forward, my hands pressed against the edge of the counter, "You do not talk to me like that. You do not disrespect me like that. You do not belittle your future wife, the mother of your child. You do not get to act like I'm a child when I'm the only one acting like an adult in this conversation; and fyi, Gemma wants to give you something and I'm only telling you this once. If you as much as think about talking to her the way you just did to me, I will personally buy your flight to Nevada—"

"Nevada?"

"Nevada. You can go back to Sam and leave me, and my daughters the fuck alone." I pushed myself off the stool, ready to walk away, my head looking over my shoulder as I said, "I'll give you space, but I expect you to tell me what's going on, or this isn't going to work Colby" before finally waddling towards the bathroom, desperately wanting to decompress.

I stripped out of my clothes in the bathroom, staring at my belly in the mirror.

There is life growing inside of me again, and if that wasn't crazy enough, it's Colby's.

That fact alone felt fake. How the hell did I go from wanting nothing to do with him, to carrying his child, not to mention having his ring on my finger being a physical reminder of our promising future together.

I stared at my protruding belly button, a shiver going down my spine; I'll never get used to that. 

I've always hated it. Hated the way it looked, the way it felt. It always gave me the heebie jeebies.

Staring at my perfectly imperfect bump, I couldn't help but have Colby's name suggestion swirling around in my head.

Mentally, I started to test it out;

Lennon.

Lennon

Lennon?

"Lennon" I whispered, my fingertips feather touching my skin, feather light touches skimming over my skin sending a shiver down my spine.

"Lennon" my voice got a little bit louder, not ready to commit to fully testing it out.

"Riley?" I murmured, my head tilting before I changed to view from the side. "Riley? Is that your name? Riley? My daughter Riley. Gemma and Riley. Riley's birthday. Riley's going to school. Riley's missed you Cole-" I froze, my tongue wetting my lower lip, my head shaking. "You're not Riley, are you baby girl? You've never been a Riley, or a Jessie"

My eyes prickled with tears as I faced the mirror again, staring at my belly.

My feather light touch dragged down, then over, spelling out Lennon against my skin, the tickling feeling making my body shake, followed by a baby kick; my face breaking out into a smile as I laughed, a tear rolling down my face.

"That's your name isn't it baby girl? Your daddy was right wasn't he. You're going to be such a daddy's girl aren't you. You and G are going to have him wrapped around your little fingers. Is that your name baby? Lennon? Did daddy name you munchkin?"

I started to cry harder, staring at my belly, imaging holding my beautiful baby girl, kissing her sweet little forehead, watching her cute little smile. The way her eyes opened and closed.

God I can't wait to see those beautiful eyes.

The way her nursery would look with Lennon written over the crib. 

Lennon Brock.

Lennon Paige Brock?

Lennon Colette Brock?

Lennon.... Lennon... Lennon what?

"What's your middle name sweet girl?" I asked softly, cradling my belly between my hands. "Daddy didn't give you a middle name"

"Lennon and Gemma, Gemma and Lennon. Gemma and Lennon Brock... Gemma Brock? Lennon Brock? Leighton..... Leighton.. Brock?" I struggled, chewing on my lower lip, sniffling the tears away. "Lennon... Fox? Lennon Fox..... Lennon Fox?"I tested out, my heart heavy with guilt at the thought of baby Brock not having Colby's last name.

Could I really walk away from him if it came down to it? I mean, I knew I needed to protect myself, and my girls, and that he has no right to take his shit out on us... but could I really leave him? Give his baby my name? Lose this ring yet again and fully cut our ties?

The thought of never seeing him felt wrong. Like saying goodbye to someone suddenly lost all too soon.

Sighing, I turned on the shower, letting it warm up before stepping in, sighing of relief as the warm water washed away my pain and tears.

There was something about hot water hitting your sore muscles that made me want to melt in this shower and stay here forever.

Eventually stepping out, I wrapped a towel around my body, grumbling as it didn't fit. I stared at my stomach, and part of my boobs that weren't covered. "You're killing me munchkin" I sighed, "I swear if my boobs are growing again.." I compared, jumping, my head quickly turning to my left at the sound of a knock. "I'm naked!" I called out, all of a sudden on edge, the fear of being walked in on - even if the door was locked - as I was naked becoming very real.

"Leighton? Babe? You alright? You've been in here a while.. I was hoping we could talk? I want to apologize for earlier" Colby's 

"I uh.. yeah I'm fine. I um.. I'll be in our room in a few. Let me get dressed please" I called out, scanning the room for clothes... shit. "Wait— Colby!" I called out, waiting, trying again when there was no reply. "COLBY?!" 

"What? Are you alright?" Colby's muffled voice asked, a thud being heard against the door.

"Yes! Sorry.. I just.. can you bring me clothes? Those black wide leg yoga pants — you know what I'm talking about right? With the belly band? In my suitcase? Can I have those please? And um.. like a flowy sleep shirt? — And underwear! I need underwear too!" I yelled, afraid of him having already walked away.

"One sec" he replied, leaving me alone, naked, barely covered in this bathroom, dependent on him to complete the task due to this damn towel not fitting around my boobs and bump.

I ran the towel through my dark hair, my eyes landing on my tattoos.

I smiled softly, bringing my hand up to Gemma's tattoo before letting my hand trace over the empty spot on my other collarbone.

Lennon? Riley? Jessie? Hannah? Colette? Paige?

I stared at the spot, imaging a mirrored tattoo of Gemma, but of this baby's name, losing track of time as my mind wondered about what that would look like.

"Leighton? Can I come in?" Colby asked, lightly knocking on the door.

I quickly held the towel over my body, opening the door, careful to not turn around, holding out my hand for the clothes, his eyes fell down to my open palm, slowly handing me the clothes, refusing protest as I shut the door.

He looked like a kicked puppy.

 I walked into our bedroom, dressed, crouching to dig through my suitcase for a hairbrush when the door shut.

"Hey" His soft voice started, taking a seat on the bed. "I'm sorry for how I talked to you earlier. I've just been stressed with work, and figuring things out with Sam. G showed me her picture. She did a good job" he rambled slightly, my brush getting caught in my hair, myself wincing as I brushed through the snarls. 

"She did do a good job" I agreed, nodding.

"I'm sorry" he repeated, silence falling between us, "Leighton" he sighed, a grumble to his tone gaining my attention. 

"What?"

"Why are you ignoring me?"

"I'm not ignoring you. I just have nothing to say. I thought you were the one that was supposed to be talking?"

"You're pissed" he observed alone, his tone flat.

My eyes rolled, tossing the hairbrush back into my suitcase.

"Why do you do this?" I sighed, turning around to face him.

"Do what?"

"Stop playing dumb. You know what you're doing. You're avoiding the situation. You said you wanted to talk, so talk! It's incredibly frustrating when you drag me in here with the intention of talking and then just staring at me like I'm the problem. I don't understand how your brain works! I'm trying so damn hard to communicate with you, and to have a better relationship with you — something you said you also wanted to do, and you just sit there letting the silence linger instead of talking to me like a damn adult"

"I wanted to apologize for how I talked to you. I'm not ready to discuss what's going on right now" he communicated, the look he was giving me told me that he thought he had cleared his name, when in fact he just made me circle it in permanent ink. 

"You not wanting to discuss it with me makes me feel mad. It makes me not want to stand here and talk with you. It makes me feel like you don't think I'm capable to comprehend, or to help you in this situation and that's extremely frustrating. I'm tired of crying, and I'm tired of yelling. I don't want to fight with you, Colby. I'm going to go hang out with Gemma and the dogs.. I need some time away from you for a little bit. You said you want to process whatever is going on, and I need time to think. If you hear about the house  offer, please let me know" I told him, grabbing a hair tie off the dresser before leaving the room.

It had begun to snow, dusting the ground in a crisp white which overexcited my toddler, wounding us out in the backyard trying to catch snowflakes on our tongues.

"I got one!" Gemma cheered, jumping up and down with her head back, tongue out as she tried to catch more.

"Good work lovebug! Are you excited to have snow? I know I've missed the snow"  

"YESSS! Getta build snowman like Fwozen!" She grinned up at me before running after Dakota, giggling with snow between her mittens.

I watched Gemma play in the snow, a warm gooey feeling in my chest as I listened to her laughter and the dogs barking as they played.

Everything about this trip has felt like hime.

"Leighton?" Colby's voice carried throughout the yard, his head poking out from the patio door.

"Yeah?"

"I got an email about the house"

I traded places with my dad, not wanting to leave my four year old unattended outside whilst I joined Colby in the kitchen.

"Good news?" I questioned, sliding the door shut behind me, toeing off my shoes.

"I haven't opened it yet. I saw the notification on my phone" 

We both sat down on the stool, Colby having already snatched my laptop from the couch.

With a quick log in to my email, my heart pounded in my chest as I held my breath, Colby clicking the email.

He groaned.

"What?"

"It says to call him" he huffed, grabbing his phone to dial our relator.

I listened to it ring and ring and ring before finally hearing "Hey,  Colby! Thank you for getting back to me in a timely manner" followed by a chuckle.

Colby cut to the chase, "Did we get the house?"

My heart dropped at his sighed, "The owners got back to me. They decided to go with the higher bidder. I'd say we could counter offer, but it's already a done deal. They informed the buyers about an hour ago that they were taking their deal" 

I felt like the rugged just got pulled out from under me. That warm fuzzy feeling in my chest was replaced with stone, crumbling into rubble right in front of me.

I saw Colby's lips moving, but I wasn't listening.

How couldn't we have gotten the house? We put a good offer in! More than they were asking for! 

The house.. it felt like our dream home. Like it was the one. How couldn't it be ours?  

Everything felt like it was falling into place.

I guess the saying is true; 

If it feels too good to be true, it probably is.

* * * * 

I struggled a lot with this chapter, not going to lie. To be honest, I struggled a lot with description of tone. My brain kept going blank at the descriptive words and it was giving me writer's block; I apologize if the lack of descriptive words made things feel more repetitive. I truly couldn't get it together lol

I posted a 1k word deleted scene from this chapter in the Extras book if you want to read it It's Colby attempting to tell Leighton, but I didn't want it to happen yet so I deleted it and posted it elsewhere.

I took an accidental hiatus. My mental health was rough :/ sorry for disappearing. I'm doing my best to get stuff done. It's just hard sometimes (:

I'm still having a hard time, but all I can think about is how I haven't updated in ages.. so I'm finishing this up with music blasting in my ears so I can decompress and focus and hopefully get this out. Well.. I guess if you're reading this, it happened lol - December 18th. This would've been out on the 10th.. but I got writers block on the ending..

Update, it didn't happen lmao - December 20th I finished writing this at exactly 12am lol

Written on: November 25th, December 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 10th, 20th 2023

Published on: December 21st 2023

Word Count: 8170

Part Twenty Three

[britswriting]

Fallen For You H.S | AU - Seven

Fallen For You Masterlist - find description here

Read on Wattpad

Rancher!Harry x Plus-sized!OC

🦋Delaney🦋

I was pleasantly surprised when the weekend went by without a hitch, and I knew that was all thanks to Harry; whether he wanted to hear it or not, we wouldn't have survived without his help.

I walked into the barn where Harry and my dad were working surprisingly well together only to see my dad in there alone.

"Hey" I announced my presence, my dad appearing to be cleaning one of the stables.

"Good morning, Lane" Dad replied back, not bothering to turn and look at me.

"Hey, uh.. where's Harry?" 

"He left this morning. He had something to do, he'll be back tomorrow morning" Dad replied, shuffling something around in the stable before the sound of a broom brushing against the floor was heard again.

The past few weeks, every Sunday Harry has disappeared and came back Monday morning getting straight to work.

I knew he had asked for at least one day off, which is completely fine and makes total sense. Everyone deserves a break, I just didn't expect him to be gone overnight for his break.

My brain couldn't help but spiral.

Was he seeing someone? Was he at his girlfriend's house? Did he have a whole other family? Did he have his own place? His own things? His own food? It would make sense why he was so weird about us buying him groceries, but how could he just leave that all for a week without so much as uttering a word to us?

Monday morning I argued with myself in the bathroom mirror over the fact that I willingly woke up early to get dressed for a man who seems to not give a fuck about me.

I mean honestly, who gets up before the sun just to curl their hair and apply makeup and make sure their outfit looks cute just for a guy! 

Stupid, stupid Delaney!

I ran my hands through my dark loosely curled hair, my fingers separating some of the curls, applying another layer of mascara; double checking that I didn't have lipstick on my teeth before pulling my jean shorts up a bit more on my waist.

I stared into my brown eyes in the mirror, looking at myself completely done up for a man who could have an entire family somewhere else in this world that he left every Sunday to see.

Stupid, stupid Delaney!

My eyes began to burn as they started to blur; my quick blinking to prevent tears from falling wasn't working as they began to free fall down my artificially blushed cheeks, wrecking my still wet, fresh, mascara.

You're so fucking stupid, Delaney! 

My shoulders slumped as I pulled open a drawer, yanking out a makeup wipe and proceeded to start wiping off all my effort.

First went the lipstick.

This was so fucking stupid. Why the fuck did I do this?

Then the foundation.

I could've been asleep this entire time! 

Then the eyebrows followed by the mascara.

He's not even going to fucking care, nor notice! I not only wasted makeup, but my time and effort! All of this shit could've gone towards a job interview! A family reunion! A date for god sake! 

I stared at my bright red, assaulted, skin; dark mascara still under my eye, smears of lipstick left behind, telling me I needed another makeup wipe.

My eyes burned as the tears settled in my waterline.

I looked date ready, and maybe that's what hurt? Knowing I looked date ready for a man who would never want to date me.

I washed my face with water and a cleanser before grabbing a hair tie and throwing my hair up into a now high, loosely curled ponytail.

I leaned back against the wall, my dark circles from lack of sleep, and the mascara residue staring me in the face.

Pulling off my expensive plain white shirt that had pretty lace detailing on the cuffs of my sleeves left me in a white, lacey bra; I groaned.

This was so fucking stupid.

Unclipping the fancy bra, I tossed it to the ground, ignoring the way my boobs fell and weighed down my chest as I entered my bedroom, grabbing a simple nude, plain bra and a loose t-shirt.

Stupid stupid stupid Delaney! 

I wiggled out of my stupid skin tight shorts, grabbing some loose, easy to move in jeans that had wide, baggy hole's in the knees.

The sun was starting to rise, and I knew Harry would already be out this morning taking care of the animals and I felt like I was going to be sick.

I just wasted two hours on a man just to wipe it all off because of my stupid impulsive decisions! I could've just left it all on, said fuck him, and felt good about myself all day, but nooooo, I got insecure and wiped it all off and wasted it! I didn't even take a fucking picture!

Stupid stupid Delaney! 

I ran my hands over my face, a strangled noise coming from my throat before I took a deep breath, grabbing my phone ready to hopefully get through today.

All day I avoided Harry the best I could. 

I couldn't face the fact of what I had done this morning, knowing damn well this man didn't want me. Along with the fact that he could have an entirely different family and I refuse to be a homewrecker! Or.. or.. or.. I don't know! Anything that will paint me in a bad light! I didn't need the drama. 

I got home from the market, my dad having called me asking me for help in the barn.

Walking in, Sassy trailing behind me like she owned the damn place, loudly meowing for attention; my father happily scooping her up and saying hello.

Spoiled brat.

My dad informed me that the horses needed their trail ride today before leaving Harry and I alone in the barn.

I stared at Harry's back, knowing I had to ask him for help, but deeply regretting ever needing him to begin with.

At least I wasn't wearing a lacy shirt, red lipstick and a probably crooked liner.

"Uh, hey.. how's it going?" I asked him, Harry bent over pulling bags of horse grain from a crate, placing it on the floor.

"Fine" he gruffly replied,  pulling another large bag of grain out of the crate, tossing it next to the other two.

I nodded — even though he couldn't see me, trying to think quick on my feet to not let what now felt like awkward silence, at least to me, linger longer than necessary.

"Are you busy?" I stupidly asked, regretting it immediately.

"Yes" he replied instantly, my head falling back on my shoulders as my eyes closed.

Of course he's fucking busy Delaney! He's literally doing a task right now!

"I uh.. are you able to help me with the horses?" I quickly spit out, "My dad has to go back to the Rickman's" Harry froze, his muscles visibly tensing, "And the horses need to go on their trail ride, I just.. normally Morgan, or Wrenlynn help me, but uh.. well" I stumbled, my anxious racing thoughts no long becoming coherent in my brain.

"I don't ride horses" He firmly replied, grunting as he picked up one of the horse feed bags, his boots thudding against the concrete as he walked over to the ladder, impressively, yet scaring the shit out of me, climbing it with one hand as the other held the feed.

I watched intently, afraid of him acting all macho and then falling off and busting his skull open.

I couldn't help myself but call out, "But you're a rancher?" knowing damn well I should've left it alone, but I was confused by how someone who works on a farm doesn't ride horses?

Harry didn't reply, in fact, it seemed as if he was ignoring my entire existence, shuffling around stuff on the loft, "Harry?" I called out again, standing far enough away that I could watch him moving the bags of grain around, acting like it was as easy as tossing a throw blanket into a ball on the floor. I sighed, "Harry, how can you not ride horses? You're a rancher" I stated the obvious again, wishing this man would open up more so I could simply understand his stiff and stern reactions. "Look, I wouldn't have asked if I knew it was a firm no; it's just we need to do it, and everyone else is busy, and it's a lot to do by myself. I was just asking for help is all, but if you can't, or don't want to, fine" I turned on my heel, walking towards Baylor, my all black Shire horse, grabbing my brush to clean his coat before braiding his mane, wanting to prevent tangles and matting whilst we worked when I heard Harry say directly behind me, "Can't you wait for your father to be back?" making me jump due to the close proximity.

"He's booked solid helping the town, Harry. It's fine, it'll just take me longer" I replied, running my hand down Baylor's side.

I grabbed my step stool, taking the two steps up before draping a blanket over his back, fitting the saddle over the blanket. I made sure nothing was too tight or too lose, and that the blanket was lose yet snug in all the right areas. Grabbing my lead, I begun to lead Baylor out of the stables, hoisting myself up and over when Harry asked, "This is your horse?"

"This is my baby—" 

"Baby nothing. That horse is bigger than you are!" He declared, my brow furrowing. 

"That's the point" 

"What?" 

"That's the point. A big girl needs a big horse. I like that he's big. I like that I feel safe and secure on him, even at my height and weight. He's a gentle giant" 

Harry appeared perplexed before shaking his head followed by saying, "My job is to help you, but I don't ride horses"

"May I ask why?"

"No" he replied instantly, my body stilling like someone had dumped cold water over my head.

 Oh.

Why?

"Alright well, I need to get started. If you need anything.... I'm sure you can find someone" I unintentionally huffed, giving Baylor his command to start walking down the driveway.

I got halfway down the road when a loud, "FINE! I'LL HELP!" made my head turn over my shoulder, Harry standing a good fifty, sixty feet from me with his arms crossed over his chest just staring at my horse's butt.

I stopped Baylor, getting us to turn around and face Harry, calling back, "NO ONE IS FORCING YOU!" my hand running down Baylor's neck.

"DO YOU WANT MY HELP OR NOT?!"

Baylor and I got back to barn after Harry just stared at us; Harry watching me slide down my horse, tying him to the barn post so I could grab the horse Harry would use, "So what changed your mind?" I asked, clearly having a death wish, silently praying he didn't decide then and there to leave me yet again in the dust.

"It's my job to help you" 

Ah. Yes. He's here because he has to be.

"Alright well, this is Tina" I showed Harry our Morgan horse, Harry scowling.

"I'm aware of your horses, Delaney"

"I know. This is your horse today. You said you don't ride horses, and she's really good for beginners" I ran my hand down her neck before starting to saddle her.

"Who names their horse Tina?"

"Don't disrespect Tina" I warned, "And Wren did"

"Of course she did" he scoffed, arms laid over one another across his chest.

I moved my mouth closer to Tina's ear, whispering, "Don't listen to him" 

I could practically feel Harry's nerves seeping out of him as I grabbed his protective gear.

I held out a helmet for him, Harry just starting at it before slowly taking it and placing it on his head. He clipped the buckle under his chin and I grinned.

"I look stupid, don't I" he stated, rather than asked, huffing slightly as my grin widened.

"You look great" I laughed, his eyes rolling. "Have you ever ridden a horse?" I asked, Harry nodding, staring at Tina like she was some alien. "When's the last time you rode a horse?" my curiosity piqued, the senseful part of my brain ignoring the blaring alarms telling me to shut up and leave him alone and just be thankful he is actually helping me.

Instead of replying, he asked, "Won't I break her?" making me snicker, shaking my head.

"Nope"

"But your horse is ginormous?" He frowned, tugging at my heartstrings as he appeared like a little boy afraid to learn to ride a bike.

"Shouldn't that make you more afraid?" I asked, Harry's head snapping over to look at me.

"I'm not afraid" he stated, sounding offended that I would even utter such thing.

Yeah, okay.

Tina was saddled up, and I led her out of the barn, handing her off to Harry before hopping up onto Baylor, waiting for Harry to do the same.

I watched Harry stand still, staring at Tina, his eyes closing for a moment before watching him take a deep breath.

Oh. This is more serious than I thought.

I watched as he hoisted himself up onto the horse; I could practically see him shaking in his boots from here.

I started to lead Baylor back down the driveway, assuming that once we got going Harry would be fine. I poked my head back around my shoulder, Harry still just sat on Tina by the barn.

"Come on slowpoke!" I called out, teasing.

I continued down the driveway, stopping to wait for Harry, only to see he was still by the barn.

I went back to the barn, hoping off Baylor and tying him to the barn again then walking over to Harry, smiling. 

"Hi" I grinned, Harry's eyes narrowed at me, "Need help?" I asked, not able to wipe the smug smile off my face. "Haven't ridden a horse before?" I asked, my tone slightly teasing, "Hm, figured you would've since you're a rancher and all" I giggled, rubbing my hand down the top of Tina's nose.

Harry's nostrils flare as he goes to get off, confusing Delaney

"Where are you going?" I asked, frowning.

"I'm not going"

"Why?"

"You're making fun of me. I have better shit to do anyway" He huffed, getting off the horse, beginning to walk away.

 I knew I was teasing him, but it was all in good fun! I didn't think he'd actually get upset! 

"I'm only making fun of you a little!" I call after him, snickering as my fingers pinched together, referencing my words. "I'll help you! Come back, please! I really need to get the horses out" I begged, guilt consuming me at the idea of having upset him. "Harry! I'm sorry!" I called after him, quickly jogging to him, my hand reaching out for his arm.

My fingers grasped his bicep, surprised by how warm his skin was, Harry still walking, ignoring my attempts at stopping his strides.

"Harry! Please!" 

"I offered to help you, and you made fun of me"

"I know, I'm sorry! I didn't think you'd actually get upset!" 

He turned quickly on his heel, facing me as I halted to a spot, "Why wouldn't I? I don't ride horses for a good reason and you made fun of me! Do you know how sick and twisted that is, Delaney?"

"But.. but I didn't mean to hurt you! I just.. you're a rancher Harry and you don't ride horses! It's a little comical. I'm sorry, please" I begged, "If I knew how serious it was, I wouldn't have done that, I promise!" I could feel my heartbeat in my ears as desperation crawled out of me, wishing I could take back everything.

"I don't appreciate being made fun of" He said, turning around, back enroute to his house.

"I'm sorry! Harry, please, stop!" I cried out, tired of chasing this man all over the ranch. "You know what? Fine! Pout! I didn't know it was this serious!" I yelled, my frustration staring to bubble over, "You know, maybe I wouldn't have made fun of you if you would've just been honest with me in the first place instead of keeping everything locked away! God, I try and I try and you just.. you just.. you ignore me! And you know what? Maybe that's my fucking fault for caring and shit, but YOU'RE A GROWN ASS MAN! Act like it!" I yelled, feeling eyes surround me.

My chest was moving rapidly and I quickly moved my head to see that all the animals were looking at me.

Great.

I ran back to Baylor and Tina, grabbing Tina and leading her back into the barn to take all her stuff off until I was ready for her again, tears flowing freely down my cheeks as I choked on a sob or two.

This day has been a disaster from start to finish, and I was sick and tired of it.

I was tired of constantly walking on eggshells, feeling like I can't freely express myself down to just making a joke. If he would've told me how serious it was, I would've taken him more seriously! Just telling someone "I don't ride horses" when you're a rancher sounds stupid! Why wouldn't I have thought he was just being an asshole to be an asshole? Somehow me reading him wrong has me crying yet again like it's my fault! If he would've just been honest I would've helped him.

I wiped at my face, pulling myself together before getting back on Baylor, very much so needing this trail ride for my own mental health rather than just exercising the horse.

"Delaney" Harry's rough, flat voice said, my head dropping low.

"What, Harry?"

"I apologize for not being honest with you." He said, getting my head to lift, turning to face him. "I don't ride horses anymore" He emphasized.

"Let me guess, I can't ask why" I huffed, tired of the back and forth.

His head shook, "I'd rather not talk about it, no" 

"Okay, well. Thanks for apologizing, I guess"

I commanded Baylor to start walking when Harry stopped me again.

I groaned, stopping Baylor.

"You know Harry, I could've been done already. If you don't want to help, you could've just told me. I need to get this done. I have a lot of stuff to do today. I asked for your help because I figured you'd actually be helpful" I huffed.

I swear he flinched, his jaw clenching as he nodded.

"Sorry for disappointing you then" His voice was monotonous with a hint of sarcasm and... disappointment? 

Shit.

"That's not what I meant" I groaned, my entire body wanting to just crumple into a ball on the floor.

"No, Delaney. It's exactly what you meant" He glared.

"No it's not—" I quickly defended, wishing I could just shut up and let him be mad at me; it would be a hell of a lot easier than bickering with him.

"Sounded pretty fucking crystal clear to me" He interrupted, frustrating me further.

"Goddammit Harry, will you just shut up for two seconds! That's not what I meant! I'm tired, I'm frustrated, and I have a lot to do! I swear I can't say anything without you getting mad at me and it's tiring!"

"You asked me for help!" His voice raised, nostrils flaring slightly before he took a deep breath, rolling back his shoulders, his Adam's apple visibly bouncing as he swallowed.

"I thought you'd be helpful!"

"I'm trying!"

"How?! You stop me every time I try to make progress!"

"I haven't ridden a horse in almost two decades, Delaney! I want to help you, I just don't remember how exactly" He grumbled, his hand moving up to brush against the tip of his nose before falling to his side and pulling at the end of shirt, attempting to straighten it out more, followed by running his hands through his hair, a few pieces falling down against his forehead.

"You could've just said that, you know. I would've helped and we could've avoided this entire song and dance you like to put us through" I huffed yet again, wishing I could strangle and kiss him all at the same time.

"My job is to help you. My job is to do what I'm asked. I.." he paused, chewing on his lip for a second, his eyes narrowing, "I can't do my job, when I don't know the task"

My head tilted, "Why do you view everything as a task?" I asked, brow furrowing as I licked my lips, rolling them.

"You assigned me the task"

"No," My head shook, "I asked for help" 

"Same thing"

"No Harry, it isn't. We're doing the task together. I just.. I don't understand why everything feels like a game to you? How many times do I have to tell you that this ranch is a team effort? I don't expect you to know everything! Or to get everything done in one day! If you're afraid of horses, or don't know how to ride a horse, you could've just said that. I wouldn't have pushed you any further, or made fun of you; I could've helped you if you had told me. Can you please, please, stop viewing me as the enemy? I'm trying here, Harry and you just keep shoving me away! It's frustrating, and tiring, and honestly? I'm getting sick of it"

"I haven't ridden a horse since I was ten" he said abruptly, shutting me up.

"What?"

"I haven't ridden a horse since I was ten" he repeated.

"Yeah, no, I heard you the first time. Explain further please?"

"No"

"No? Harry—"

"Stop! Stop pushing all the goddamn time! You want to talk frustrating?! That's frustrating! You act entitled, like you deserve to know everything! I'm starting to miss when you were quiet, overthinking to yourself. You don't need to know everything, Delaney. You say I keep playing games with you, then what is this? I tell you something and you just can't leave it alone!"

"I'm just trying to understand you better" My voice cracked, my chest feeling heavy as I watched him glare at me.

"Well don't. Just teach me how to ride this damn horse so I can get this over with" he roughly replied, walking towards the barn, his back to me once again.

I took a deep breath, attempting to collect my spiraling emotions.

 I'm starting to miss when you were quiet, overthinking to yourself.

Trust me, I hear you loud and clear this time. 

"Come on slowpoke!" Harry called out, my eyes widening slightly as the burn intensified.

Did he just...?

* * * * 

Harry shaved his head. This was not on my 2023 bingo card.

I would've had this out sooner, but I redid the entire chapter twice..

Written on: November 3rd, 7th, 10th 2023

Published on: November 10th 2023

Word Count: 3729

Part Eight - coming soon

[britswriting]

Devotion (21)

Devotion Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

T/W: Parental Death

Leighton's mother does die in this chapter. I do not drag it out, nor make it graphic! This *ONE* chapter will contain everything death and memorial, and then we're moving on! So if you're triggered, feel free to skip this chapter!

*Leighton's POV*

The morning of October 14th was somber. Everyone was moving very numbly this morning. The sound of cereal dropping into a ceramic bowl and the clank of a metal spoon being placed in before the bowl scraped against the counter towards the toddler who slowly munched on her breakfast were the only sounds you could hear on the main floor of my childhood home.

I slowly climbed the stairs, walking into my mothers bedroom where Landon was sat, tears rolling down his face as he held our mothers hand; the beeping machines and the woosh sound of her oxygen slapping me in the face with reality every single day.

I softly knocked on the door, announcing my presence, offering a soft smile when he looked up, watching me walk in before focusing back on mom.

"Hey" I spoke softly, my hand rubbing his back slowly as we both looked down at my mom, my arm moving over his shoulders to pull him into my side. "I love you, Landon. We're going to be okay" I reassured him, hating watching all of my family break down. "She's going to be okay"

Different people trickled in and out, awaiting for her doctor to arrive, countless tears had been shed and stories had been told.

"Remember that one time..." was said more than I could count.

My aunt Melissa was the last person in the room before it was just my mom and I again, everyone sending me a knowing look as they left, as if they weren't also going through it.

I held her hand in mine, my eyes burning with the need to overflow with emotions as I tried to soak in these final moments with her.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy.. when skies are gray" I softly sang, my throat tightening up as memories flashed through my head of all the countless times I could recall that she had sung it to me. "You'll never know, dear, how much I love you.. please don't take... my sunshine... away" I finished, my voice hoarse as a hot fresh tear finally fell down my cheek. "The other night, dear... as I lay sleeping.. I dreamed I held you.. in my arms.." I sniffled, a weak squeeze of my hand shattered me completely. "I love you so much" I cried, feeling each moment slipping through my fingers. "I'm so sorry for ever disappointing you. For everything I've put you through. Through my addiction, and my drama.. everything. I'm so sorry"

A knock startled me; my eyes quickly found the cause of the noise, Colby's presence causing my breath to hitch.

"Are you alright?" He asked quietly, reminding me that I was once again crying like a baby. I quickly nodded, wiping at my face. "Do you mind if I talk to her privately?" He asked, piquing my interest as I nodded, moving out of the way.

I went to slide past him, Colby catching my hip with his hand, softly pulling me into him before pressing his lips against mine.

I could feel myself melt into his kiss, my eyes falling shut, sighing when he pulled away, whispering "I love you" before sending me on my way.

"Mommy!" Gemma squealed, running down the hallway, crashing into my legs.

"Hi baby"

"See Nonna?"

"You can see Nonna in a few minutes baby. Coco's talking to Nonna" I smiled softly, running my hand through her hair. "Did you finish your breakfast?" I asked, leading her down the hall, Gemma teasing me for being slow as I carefully walked down the stairs.

"See mommy's belly?" I asked, G nodding, "Your sister in here. We have to be careful, so mommy goes slow" I tried to explain, missing when I didn't have a toddler who mocked me all day long for being pregnant.

Gemma's speech and processing of sentence structures has been getting a lot better the more we've worked on, meaning she's become quite the little mouth talker about anything and everything, whether you want to hear it or not.

Things like, "You're getting big mommy!" was said to me one morning and I refrained from crying, explaining once again that we don't comment on peoples size and weight followed by re-explaining pregnancy to her.

Gemma is also starting to voice her preferences on food, meaning we are very quickly entering our toddler chicken nugget era.

"Have you thought any more about name ideas, G?" I asked, following her to the living room, seeing the barbie Colby had bought her laying next to a few stuffed animals.

"Name?"

"Mhm, for your sister. You know how you have a name? What's your name G?" I asked, taking a seat on the sofa, watching her thinking face shine through.

"Gemma!" She grinned, giggling.

"Mhm, know who else's name is Gemma?"

"Who?!"

"Nonna"

"NONNA?! Really?!" She yelled, getting a rare smile from me lately.

"Mhm, you're named after Nonna. You and Nonna share a name"

"Nonna die?" She frowned, my smile dropping.

"Nonna is dying" I nodded slowly, preparing myself for all her questions.

"Why?"

"Nonna's sick, remember?"

"I get sick I no die"

"No, you don't, baby, and I'm very grateful for that. Nonna has something called Cancer. Have you heard that word before?" I asked, Gemma's head shaking. "Well, there are different kinds of Cancer-"

"Wike cereal!" her brain clicked, my chuckle making her grinned as she rocked on the floor, unable to sit still.

"Yeah, like cereal" I smiled softly, "Nonna has a type of cancer that doesn't get better and now Nonna is dying from it. Remember what we talked about when someone is dying?"

"They no be here no more" She frowned, my head nodding.

"Yeah, we can't see or hear Nonna anymore. Coco is upstairs talking to Nonna for the last time, and then you can go talk to her, okay?"

She nodded, zoning out before asking softly, "No more Nonna?"

"No more Nonna, baby" I sniffled, trying my best to keep it together.

I never expected myself to have to sit here and explain death to my three year old.

"No more Papa?" She asked, my shoulders dropping as I leaned forward as best as I could.

"Papa will still be here, Gemma. You can still talk to Papa"

"Papa sad?"

"Papa will be sad, yes. Just like Mommy, and Logan, and Cynthia, and Landon, and Lexi, and Coco—"

"And Gemma!" She interrupted, her voice loud and assertive.

"And Gemma" I agreed, "Do you understand? Does it make sense, baby?"

"No more Nonna. No talk, no see Nonna no more"

"How do you feel about that, bug?"

"No Nonna?"

I nodded.

"I dunno" She shrugged, a sneaky smile appearing on her face before she shot off the floor jumping over to me, "Careful!" I quickly warned, not wanting her to land on my stomach, "Wive with Papa now!"

"We've got to talk to Coco and Papa about that, okay? Remember, baby sister is coming. Papa might not want to live with a screaming crying newborn"

"COCO!" Gemma squealed, running to the stairs where Colby was descending.

"Gemma!" He replied back with as much enthusiasm that he could muster, clueing me in on the fact that whatever happened upstairs has messed with his emotions as well.

"Papa wive with us?" She immediately asked, making me chuckle softly, Colby eyeing me with a curious look.

"You want Papa to live with us, bug?" He asked, scooping her up, making her laugh as he tossed her in the air before attacking her with kisses, her laughing distracting her from the previous topic.

"You ready to go see Nonna, G?" I asked, huffing as I pushed myself up off the couch.

Gemma ran up the stairs as quick as her little legs could get her, already climbing into the bed by the time I made it there.

"Eye Nonna!" She smiled, snuggling in next to my mom.

"Do you want to hold her hand, baby?" I asked, grabbing my mothers other hand. "Can you take a photo, Colby?" I asked, giving my mom's hand a quick squeeze, softly saying "I love you mom" as Colby pulled his phone out, the voices of Logan and Cynthia came closer to us as they approached the door, Colby aiming his phone at us.

The room began to fill again as everyone came back, the sight of a nurse and doctor behind them made my breath hitch.

I wanted to scream, and cry, and act like a toddler throwing a fit, but instead, Dad and I held my mom's hand, all of us taking turns telling her how much we loved her, and how much she meant to us as her the doctor began to start the process of letting her go.

It took about thirty minutes before we watched her take her last breath, all of us doing our best to keep it together as much as possible before collectively our sobs broke out, the lack of heartbeat coming from our mother making this entire nightmare become reality.

Colby had me wrapped up in his arms, Gemma snuggled into my mother as my dad stood next to her, my siblings and their spouses surrounding the bed, holding each other or comforting those around each other.

I would've killed to hear her saying "I love you" one last time, or watch her be healthy again.

I sobbed against Colby's chest, his arms tight around me as he let me get it out, his own tears falling into my hair as we both felt the guttural punch of reality.

Colby pulled away, confusing me, until I saw Gemma was standing at his feet, looking sad and confused, Colby picking her up with one arm before cradling us both again.

"I be sad?" She asked quietly, Colby bending to kiss her cheek, jostling her upwards more under his arm.

"You can be sad, G. It's sad to lose someone you love, especially a woman like Nonna"

"No more Nonna?" She asked, my head falling into his chest as I cried, hating the way it sounded out of my daughter's sweet innocent voice.

"No more Nonna" Colby confirmed again, "How do you feel, bug?" He asked her softly, different sounds of people grieving and comforting each other, my dad's voice soft as he talked with the doctor.

"Nonna still here?" She frowned, pointing over at my mom, it finally hitting me that I'm letting my daughter stare at her dead grandmother.

Oh god I'm the worst mother of the year.

I quickly snatched Gemma from Colby, scurrying out of the bedroom, my fiancée hot on my heels as I rushed into a bedroom, almost slamming the door shut on his face.

"I'm so sorry!" I rushed, hating how confused she looked, scared even.

"Leighton, what are you doing?" Colby questioned, softly closing the door behind us.

"I shouldn't let my toddler see death, Colby!" I freaked, his features softening from panicked confusion.

"Baby, it's her grandmother. I know she's young, but it's important. It wasn't graphic. She looked the same as she has the past month" he tried to ease, Gemma beginning to cry, turning into a wail, Colby taking her from me.

I'm a horrible mother! What mother lets their daughter witness death?! What mother doesn't protect her children from the harsh reality of this ugly world?

I could feel myself zoning out as the voices took over.

How could I do this to her?

I felt little arms wrap around my neck from the side; peeling my eyes open, Colby stood in front of me looking like he was at war with himself, Gemma leaning into me.

"It's okay, momma!" She reassured me, the tiny walls I've been building crashing once again.

My toddler should not have to reassure me. It should be the other way around!

"I need to get her into therapy, Colby! I need to fix this! Undo this! I'm.. I'm messing her up! This is shit that creates serial killers!" I freaked, patting myself for my phone, only to realize I had left it downstairs.

Shuffling up, I tried to move past Colby as quickly as I could, his arms stopping me once again, pulling me back into his chest.

"She's okay, Leighton. We're going to be okay, honey. Worry less about her and go be with your family. Gemma doesn't fully understand it anyway. We'll both be here when you're ready, okay? Go be with your dad, and your brothers and sisters, and your aunt and uncle. Surround yourself with your family" he kissed my forehead, intertwining our fingers before practically dropping me off with my family.

*Colby's POV*

I pushed Gemma in the baby swing, her smile making me smile as she giggled, squealing each time she went high.

Watching the love of my life go through something as life changing as a parental death has been an interesting dynamic these past two weeks.

Leighton has spent the past two weeks at her parents house, Gemma and I being left alone at the apartment — I could've stayed with them, but we wanted to keep Gemma's life as normal as possible. The less disturbances with a toddler the easier, or so we've been told.

Which means I still get up at the ass crack of dawn and get Gemma dressed, fed and ready for tumbling class, or we go to the park, or to April's house to play.

Whist Gemma's out of the house when Leighton would normally be working, I stop over at her family's house to offer as much help as I can; Cynthia's been meal prepping for Leighton's dad, stocking his fridge with quick and ready meals, myself kept busy with maintaining the house and being a shoulder for Leighton to cry on whenever she needed before I picked Gemma up again at the normal time Leighton would be done from work, brought her home and worked on her speech with our homemade flashcards then feeding her, playing with her and tucking her into bed, laying awake alone at night in our bed. I couldn't help but let my mind wander to all those nights Leighton was left alone, doing exactly what I'm doing, except in my version, I know where she is. I know why she's gone. And I feel like an ass all over again, not including the rock sitting in my chest and stomach with the fact that I have yet to confess to her about my infidelity.

The morning of the funeral, I dropped Gemma off at April's so her and Noel could hang out, knowing that sitting still at the age of three, almost four was an impossible task for this giggly girl.

"Look pretty, Coco!" Gemma hummed, the back of her walking down the hall, my suit covered arm holding her small tiny pink glitter backpack.

"Thank you, bug. Are you excited to go see April and Noel?" I asked, helping her hit the elevator button.

"Yes! April says we make.. make.. um.. um.. make.." She paused, frowning, looking up at me. "Make.." the paused again, her brow furrowed. I watched her nose twitch as her eyes started to squint shut, a cry starting to whimper out of her lips.

"Hey, it's okay lovebug. Explain it to me" I suggested, crouching to her level, leaning my body weight against the elevator wall so I didn't fall over, my arm resting against the bar, "What shape is it? Is it a circle?" I asked, making a circle with my hands, Gemma's head shaking, "A square?" I tried again, Gemma's brow furrowed, her head shaking. "A triangle?" I asked, watching her lips purse, tear stains on her cheeks as her head shook again, "Hmm... a heart?"

"No Coco!" She whined, sliding down the elevator wall in defeat.

"It's okay, bug. We can ask April, okay? You're going to have so much fun. I'm so proud of you, Gemma, you know that? Coco loves you so much"

The elevator doors opened, Gemma getting up off the floor and walking with me to the car.

Typically you listen to her singing along to the music, or asking you questions, but today she was quiet.

She rang the doorbell, Kevin, April's husband letting us in, April behind him, her hands holding some sort of toy.

"Hey!" I greeted, setting G's backpack on the entry table.

"Hey! I'm sorry about today" April immediately said, Kevin nodding in agreement.

"Thanks. Hey um, Gemma said you guys were making something today, but she couldn't figure remember what, I told her I'd ask you"

"Oh! We're making homemade lasagna! I told the girls they could help, hope that's okay" I smiled, the two girls already off playing together.

"I mean, it's your house. Your mess" I joked, slipping my shoes off, the habit ingrained into me now after living with Leighton, sneaking over to my daughter, stealing a quick hug and kiss, reminding her to be good and that I'd see her before bedtime.

Leighton's mother's funeral was held in a beautiful church full of her friends and family.

I took my seat next to Cynthia, watching her children walk down the aisle before taking their seats.

The pastor of the church said some beautiful things about my future mother in law, my hand in Leighton's the entire time, offering her support as she quietly cried, listening to the few speakers that stood at the podium.

"Next speaker is Gemma's eldest daughter, Leighton," the pastor announced, my hand squeezing hers before letting her go.

Leighton was wearing a long, black dress that swayed slightly at the bottom as she walked.

Her hands bunched the dress up as she climbed the stairs before standing at the podium, gripping it like her life depended on it.

"I uh.. hi everyone" She stumbled, her voice cracking a little before she swallowed, glancing around, her eyes eventually falling on the paper in front of her. "I'd first like to thank everyone who has shown up to remember my mother with us. Each and every one of you meant something to her, to me.. and I just.. it um.. it just means a lot, so thank you" I flashed a weak smile, the mic picking up a soft sniffle followed by a deep breath, Cynthia's hand holding mine, passing me a reassuring smile as we all prepared to watch our beautiful, strong, Leighton break down in front of everyone.

When Leighton agreed to talk at the funeral, I felt compelled to talk her out of it.

It was going to be a hard day as it is. Not only was she grieving her mother — the point there has been not one, but two emergency therapy sessions so far, but I knew how much she hated standing in front of a group of people, her insecurities only skyrocketing even more when she was pregnant.

"Gemma Christine Fox was one of the softest, strictest people I've ever met. I don't know if that's her Italian blood with thick family ties, or if she was just special like that. When she loved you, she showed it. She meant it. She made sure you knew how special you were to her. How much her life benefitted from you in it. When you messed up, she also made sure you knew it. She could be hard on us, I'm sure you all know" She chuckled, sniffling again as she wiped a tear, "I uh, I remember telling her I was pregnant with my first child, and being so afraid that I'd only see the strict side. The side that was going to tell me how badly I had messed up, but instead, she welcomed me with open arms, immediately going into outfit shopping for my now almost four year old. That's just who she was. She constantly surprised you in the best ways, and just loved you like you were the only thing that mattered. You guys knew her as a wife, sister, friend, daughter..., but I knew her as my mother, and my daughter's grandmother. Three years was too little to watch my mother fulfill her Nonna duties.. but I'll never forget them. I'll never forget all the nights I fell asleep to her singing me You Are My Sunshine, to the countless home cooked Italian meals, all the way to her holding her first grandbaby as I informed her that they had shared the same first name. My mother has four beautiful children, Logan, Me, Leighton, my younger siblings Lexi and Landon and she has two beautiful granddaughters, Harper and Gemma. Even with her accomplishments, and her legacy... she's gone too soon. Cancer has stolen my mother. My daughter's grandmother. My fathers wife, your sister, your friend, your niece... her heart of purity was taken from us, but not without a fight. I um... watching my mother go through this has been one of the hardest things my family has ever had to go through, and all of our extended family and friends' love and support has meant the most to us. I remember when my mom was told she beat cancer, there was just this.. this.. aura? of life, that was given back to her. The idea that she had won the fight and now got to spend the rest of her life with her children, grandchildren and husband... it's a day that now feels like a tainted memory. Watching my mother fight again, with no hope at the end.. yet still keep a smile on her face.. showed me she really was the best remodel. Saying goodbye to her so soon has left me with a lot of reflections.. but one of my takeaways has been that at the end of the day, you do your best, you remind those you love how proud you are of them. How important they are to you, and that when your time comes..." tears streamed down her face, Leighton looking over at the closed casket, "That when your time comes, the legacy you have left behind carries forever. My mother is gone, but will never be forgotten. I always told you it'd be You and me till the end, momma. I love you so much, you are my sunshine."

You and me till the end

I watched the pastor help her pregnant ass down the stairs, wishing it was me, but she wanted me seated next to her family, so here I sat.

Once she was next to me, tears rolling down her cheeks, I offered her a Kleenex and a kiss against her temple.

We continued to listen to different speeches from loved ones before her father ended reminding everyone about donating to Meningioma research funds if they could afford it, in memory of his wife.

I watched her walk down the aisle again, followed by her family before we regrouped in the dining hall for food.

By the end of the day, I could see how much wear it had taken on her.

The car ride to get Gemma was quiet, Leighton asleep in the passenger side with smeared makeup and a Kleenex clenched in her fist.

I collected Gemma, reminding her to be quiet because mommy was sleeping.

I carried a tired Gemma up to the apartment, Leighton leaning against me sleepily the whole way.

With the toddler in fresh pj's and cozied up in bed, I turned on the sound machine and her night light before leaving to find Leighton.

"Hey" I said softly, the bedside lamp being the only light on in our room, Leighton sitting in our bed in just her bra and underwear, her beautiful belly catching my attention.

"I wish it was me" She stated numbly, just staring off into space.

"No. It shouldn't have been" I disagreed, moving to stand in front of her.

"I'm the one who deserved it. I'm the one who decided to go and be an addict as a teen, then fall pregnant with a child out of wedlock. I'm a disappointment, Colby. It should've been me in pain, and suffering and then dying. She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve to lose her life"

"And neither do you, Leighton. You're constantly putting yourself down, throwing your past in your face. We all have shit, Leighton. I'm sure your mother has things she isn't proud of. Things she wishes she could change. Everyone's time on this earth is different babe. You said it today, she left her legacy. She has four incredible children. Two grandkids. She might've not done it all, but she did enough that God thought it was her time. I'm so sorry you've lost your mother. I'm sorry Gemma lost her grandmother. I wish we could change it all, but baby, you have to remember she isn't suffering anymore. She's no longer attached to every machine possible to keep her heat and her lungs pumping and expanding. She's had a hard fight, and it was time to let her rest, baby. It was time to say goodbye and let her be at peace. To watch over us and watch her children and grandchildren grow. She'll always be remembered, talked about.. our baby girl is going to know who her Nonna was, even if she never met her. I know you're hurting, baby, and I wish I could take it all from you, and I know I don't understand what it feels like, but you're not alone. None of you are alone and your mother loves you so much Leighton. She's so fucking proud of you"

"You don't know that" She hissed, wiping at her nose.

"Baby, your parents and I were closer than you'd know. They knew I was asking you to marry me. That I wanted Gemma as my own. That I wanted to create a life with you. Your parents are hard on you because they love you. They want the best of you, and you've made so much progress! We're all so proud of you, so no, it shouldn't have been you"

"She's never going to watch Gemma grow up, or meet our daughter. She's never going to see us get married. Watch us be happy and I'm never going to watch her do those things. She wasn't supposed to die, Colby! She had beaten fucking cancer! She had done it! She should be alive right now! Happy, healthy! Being the best damn mother and grandmother we've ever seen, but no! I had to go to her fucking funereal today, Colby! Twenty Five years old and I had to tell my almost four year old that her grandmother was dying! That's now how life is supposed to work! It should've been me!" She cried, her head falling into her hands. "I feel like I had so much to prove, to show... and now I'm never going to get to do that. I know it sounds selfish, but I can't help it! Is it so wrong for me to want my mother to be proud of me? To share my accomplishments with her? Gemma's birthday is literally in a couple weeks, and my mother isn't going to be here to watch her turn four!"

I was at a loss of what to tell her to make her feel better.

I couldn't bring her mom back. I couldn't go back and fix everything, but even the thought of her mom watching over us wasn't helping.

I felt like I was watching her spiral right in front of me. It's like when you see a car crash start to happen and your morbid curiosity doesn't let you look away.

She was crashing right in front of my eyes.

I decided to let her just sit for a moment as I got ready for bed, the stress of today weighing on my shoulders as the hot water cascaded down my back.

I walked out with a towel around my waist in search for boxes when my body stilled, hand in drawer as Leighton said,

"I want my dad to live with us"

* * * *

I struggle at writing death chapters that aren't main characters.. so sorry if this was.. boring? Idk. I didn't want to make it too graphic or triggering.

I'm not proud of this chapter to be honest. It just needed to happen storyline wise, and I wanted it to be skippable for those triggered, instead of tossing it in with something else. - this is one of those things where if I was writing this and not posting it, I'd figure it out later.. but to be transparent, idk how to do that with a first draft aka what you're reading, so uh.. hi.. here's this mess? Next chapter will be better, sorry lol

Written on: September 23rd, 25th, October 12th, 16th, 17th 2023

Published on: October 17th 2023

Word Count: 4739

Part Twenty Two

[britswriting]

Hi! I love your Harry fics! I’m not sure if you’re open to writing for Demi again too, but I was wondering if you could write something (it can even be super short or even just some headcanons if you don’t want to write a lot) of what Demi’s reaction would be to their afab partner coming out as nonbinary? :,) I need some loving encouragement, and I’m a lovatic who is extremely deprived of content. It’s okay if you don’t want to, but I thought I’d ask in case!

Do you follow me on Wattpad??? - I ask because I've been talking over there about coming out with a new fanfic where Demi's partner is nonbinary lol

I do indeed still write them! I just have a lot on my plate right now with the different one shots and fanfics, but I can defiantly add it to my list. I don't know when I'll post it considering I've been thinking about using a non-binary love interest as a main character in a fanfic.

My demi one shots books might be marked as complete? But I still update them, just not frequently. One shots are something I work on when I'm bored, or stuck.

Ngl, it's kinda fun getting a Demi ask here considering I didn't post many of my Demi one shots here. I guess if you're from tumblr and don't know my Wattpad, I have 2 Demi lesbian one shot books there - I don't believe any of them have nonbinary characters in them - I apologize, it was written years ago. I have however been working on a one shot for a while of Demi's partner coming out as trans to them, so hopefully I can start adding more diversity into them! Everyone deserves to be represented <3 Much love you to and I'm so proud of you for learning who you are! - if you'd like any updates on the one shot, or want to remind me, feel free to msg again or DM me! I do view all my messages :)

[britswriting]

Quadrupled | Quadruple The Love H.S

Quadruple the love masterlist

read on wattpad

Unedited  - I'm tired 

"I'm bigger than the house we first bought together" I huffed, Harry helping me get into the hospital.

Today we were meeting our babies and I was scared out of my mind.

Normal pregnancies have forty weeks to worry. Forty weeks to figure out names, nursery, how you want to parent, what diapers you want you use, are you breast feeding or bottle feeding, cloth diapers or disposable diapers, co-sleeping, or strict crib rules.

I lost ten weeks of worrying.

Ten precious weeks that might've given me more answers than I knew now.

Not only have I been "in hiding" for months, keeping out of the limelight with my big ole belly — Harry and I agreeing for the safety of me and the kids; it was best for me to keep close with our families. We didn't want to tell the world that we're having quadruplets until they were already born, home and safe. 

The good lord knows that last thing we want to do is explain about some sort of horrific event we had to go through when we only announce we have one, or two, or three. 

I'm terrified.

"You look so beautiful, love" Harry smiled over at me; a nurse waiting at the door with a wheelchair. "We're about to be parents" 

"To four babies. We're doomed, Styles" I sighed, wishing I could focus more on the highs than the lows, but I couldn't help it.

Four babies is a lot. Even with help.

"Y/N Styles?" The nurse asked, my head nodding. "Take a seat, I'm sure your feet are killing you" She smiled, and I nodded, agreeing.

I carefully sat down and we were brought to the front desk for paperwork before being brought to our pre-op room.

"How does it feel to know this is the last time they're going to be inside of you?" Harry questioned, grabbing the hospital gown to help me change into.

"Strange" I answered honestly, my voice soft as I started to strip. I was covered in red stretch marks on my stomach, my back, my hips, my thighs, even my ass and boobs. These babies took a toll on my body in more ways than just physically. "I'm looking forward to the relief on my boobs and back" 

"I can't wait to meet them all" He sighed, a cute smile dancing on his lips.

I couldn't help but smile back up at him, "I know, me too. It's crazy to think what all can happen in just 30 weeks. They're going to be so tiny. You think they'll be okay, right? I mean, they're supposed to be in there for ten more weeks" I began to panic a little; something Harry was all too familiar with through this pregnancy.

"The Styles name lives on" He grinned, doing a little shimmy with his body, my eyes rolling as I giggled, turning around so he could tie the back.  "You ass look cute" he squeezed, my head shaking as I smiled.

We haven't had sex in months. I've given him more handjobs in the past few months then I did our entire dating relationship. I've been too tired, sore, or just downright uninterested. My sex drive has diminished completely.

Thankfully he still finds me attractive enough to get hard; I don't think I could mentally survive if I was trying to get him off and he simply couldn't do it. 

Your body changes a lot when you're pregnant, I knew that going in. However, I wasn't prepared for all the changes that would couple with having quadruplets. The size alone of my stomach was enough to make me already start planning a tummy tuck and an extra skin removal just to feel better about myself in the shower, or the mirror.

I knew I wasn't going to be skinny after having kids, and I was okay with that. I was prepared for that, yet the idea of so much extra skin once my stomach started losing it's after birth bump... mentally, I was dreading.

I'd be lying if I said it had nothing to do with being married to the Harry Styles.

It wasn't all of it, but it was a lot of it. 

I couldn't help but think about the pap pics, or the interviews, or the social media posts. People were mean even if you were the most beautiful person on the planet. Now I've got four babies and a thrown our figure. 

Harry and I had planned to do interviews after we announced their birth and that alone kept me up at night. How many pairs of spanks do I need to buy? Do I wear black? It hides you best.

"Alright love, look at you" Harry smiled, telling me to do a spin for him; chuckling when I carefully toddled on my feet in a circle. "Stunning! The most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I love you so much, gorgeous. The babies have the prettiest, sweetest, most caring mumma ever" Harry wrapped his arms around me as best as he could, ending in me huffing, trying to push him away before he hugged me from the side, kissing me.  "We'll always make it work" He mumbled against my lips, kissing me again.

A knock at the door pulled us away, a few nurses coming in with charts, an IV and a blood bag.

Great.

With a urine sample off to the lab, I was settled in the hospital bed before they started my blood draw and IV drip, going over a few chart questions until the anesthesiologist and obgyn surgeon came in with consent forms.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, already dressed in scrubs.

"Nervous" I admitted, my leg uncontrollably shaking.

"Well, although it is my first time getting out four babies, it isn't not my first c-section, or my first time with multiples. My team and I are as prepared as we can be; all hands on deck, I promise" She smiled and I just nodded, wishing her reassurance eased me more than it actually did.

Getting shaved by someone other than yourself was an awkward experience I thoroughly wished to forget by the time I looked back at this moment ten years time. 

"Look babe, our babies are going to be in these" he pointed at the hospital bassinets, a smile on my lips as I watched him fawn over  it, "We're going to need three more" he chuckled, looking around at all of the baby things. "What's this?" he pointed at a station with a lamp above it.

"I think it's too keep the babies warm, I don't know for sure though" I hummed, eyeing the clock, awaiting for our surgical time.

Twenty minutes passed, Harry gloating about how he got to pee, instantly regretting it when he saw my face before we got rolled into the operating room.

Harry was held back to put on scrubs and do his antibacterial scrub whilst I got monitors placed on me, a catheter inserted, yay me, and my stomach cleaned before Harry showed up at my side, a grin on his face, "Here we go baby" he said, looking adorable as I stared up at him; the room crowded in all sorts of different people; four different baby stations set up, ready to start clearing their airways, cleaning them off and keeping them warm.

"Please let everything go away" I softly prayed, my eyes falling shut as the nerves begun to take over.

Please let my four babies all be okay. All be perfect, and healthy. 

Please let them all have good breathing, and hearts, and movements. 

Please keep my babies safe.

"We're going to be okay, Y/N. We've got the best medical staff. All these people are here, ready to help" He eased and I nodded, calling out, "None of you better post this on TikTok", knowing we had everyone sign legal forms even worse than just patient confidentiality 

Chuckles were heard around the room, I just hoped they knew I was serious.

I don't want my birth story our there before I get to tell it. 

With the drape up and the anesthesia administrated, the surgery begun.

I stared at the hospital ceiling, my heart knowingly racing — I could hear the nurses talking about it; Harry's hand finding mine as he crouched down next to me, his mouth brushing against my ear.

"Hi baby" He murmured, "You're doing so well. You're the strongest woman I've ever met, and I'm so thankful to call you mine. I'm so grateful you're our babies mother. That you're the person I get to do this with. You're going to be the best mum ever. The babies are going to love you so much. I just know it. I love you so much, you're doing so so so good. It's going so well, hear them? Hear them talk about how well it's going? We're going to meet our babies, Y/N. They're going to be the most perfect little humans we've ever seen. Our families are going to be enthralled with them. My mom's already on her way" he chuckled, kissing my cheek, my brain focusing on his voice, and let of the talk around me. "Little did we know when we first met, that you'd be in an operating room waiting to meet four of our children at once. Can you imagine telling our younger selves that? When the doctor said you couldn't have kids, that you'd be meeting four of your flesh and blood in just a few minutes? Just one easy peasy lemon squeezy producer later? I hope they have your beautiful smile, and colorful personality. I can't wait to watch you mother the hell out of them" he laughs softly, his thumb stroking my knuckles, "Watch them grow up with us. their first breath, their first bath, their first night home, their first laugh. Their first food and first time crawling or walking. Our entire life is starting all over again once we leave this hospital, baby; and I'm so lucky I get to do it all with you" 

"First baby's out!" I heard, my breath hitching, Harry's smile brightening as a sob escaped my lips.

"We're parents, Y/N. It's official" He kissed me, my chest shaking as I cried with pride, joy and fear.

"It's a boy! Time, 7:16pm" We heard, followed by a rush of people talking, movement heard; Harry and I holding our breath's until we heard the cry, a collective sigh of relief was heard around the room.

"I love you so much" Harry confessed, my brain too fried to reply as it was panicking with fear and excitement.

We're parents.

We have a baby.

Harry and I have a son.

A soft voice was heard behind Harry, Harry straightening up, our son coming into view.

"Oh my god" I exhaled, Harry being handed the baby, his eyes glistening under the bright white lights before they fell down his cheeks as he stared down at him, carefully holding our son to show me. 

"Look at his cheeks" Harry exhaled, both of our breaths taken away by the sight of our son.

"Second baby's out! It's a boy! Time 7:21pm" Was heard again, my body on the ultimate adrenaline high.

"He looks just like your newborn baby photos, your mom is going to be thrilled" I cried, smiling at my sun, wishing I could hold him; but he was taken away right when we heard the second cry.

Another breath of relief was heard, the team of doctors and nurses doing their tasks before the second baby was brought over, followed by a third  "Baby's out! It's a boy! Time, 7:24pm"

Everything was happening so quickly, I felt like I couldn't fully process the fact that three of my babies are now in the world.

I have triplets.

"You're a dad" I stated, it finally hitting that our dreams were coming true as Harry held our second son, his tiny little body not processing yet.

They were so small.

Three high pitched screams were heard around the room, my eyes falling shut as the noises flooded my brain, each wail, beep, and murmur being etched into my memories. 

"They're cleaning up the babies and getting them under heat lamps" Harry informed me, apparently he could see around us; whereas I'm stuck seeing the ceiling. "One has a getting checked with a stethoscope" 

"Please let them all be okay" I repeated quietly, awaiting the arrival of our baby girl.

"I'm so proud of you Y/N" Harry repeated, his hand brushing away my tears, "You're incredible, love"

The longer it took to hear the arrival of my daughter, the more concerned I got. 

I hated this. Lying here. Helpless. Just waiting. I can't do anything. I'm numbed, trapped on this table.

I can't reposition, I can't push, I can't pull.

I just have to lay here and wait; it was agonizing.

"Baby girl is out, time 7:32pm" 

I held my brain waiting for her cry, my hands shaky, Harry grabbing my left hand and squeezing.

With the quiet cry being drowned out over the boys wails, I felt uneasy.

"Why is she so quiet?" I asked, wanting to scoop them all up and protect them from anything that could be causing them torment.

"The boys could be louder?" Harry said, worry evident in his tone.

Upon further exam, we were informed that she was having difficulty breathing and would be given oxygen, supposedly from being crushed by her brothers.

My heart cracked at the idea of her being squished so much that she was struggling to breath.

Harry didn't even get to hold her before they were all whisked away to the NICU and my stitched up stomach was eventually rolled to the post op room.

I was so tired, my body shaking, but all I wanted was my kids.

I didn't get to have them laid on my chest, or to see them the very second they were born. As silly as it sounds, I felt robbed.

I didn't get to have the dream labor and delivery; and I know it sounds silly and life is unpredictable; but there was no skin to skin. No cut the umbilical cord. No immediate bonding.

Everything was extremely different than I dreamed of. It was to be expected due to having quadruplets, but that didn't change the fact that it felt disappointing.

I wanted the best for them, and they're already hooked up to god knows what sitting alone in a room without me. 

I'm already useless to them.

I sat in the recovery room alone, shaky, tired and sobbing as Harry left to go see the babies in the NICU; my body still numb as I just laid there, tears strolling down my face.

Harry and I were parents, which was a dream come true within itself, and I was incredibly thankful to have my four kids, but laying here, alone.. it just felt dehumanizing.

I was their mother. I was supposed to care, and protect them, to love them. Yet I'm stuck here, alone, just waiting for whenever I'm allowed to see them.

My boobs hurt, aching to feed my babies, and I already knew they'd be on formula due to their being four of them.

I hated feeling defeated.

Like I was already failing and they were just born.

Harry gets to parade around the hospital seeing his children whilst I just lay here, alone, without them.

All I got was a glimpse of my sons before all four were taken away and I was abandoned in this room.

My eyes burned from crying and tiredness, the exhaustion eventually taking over and my body lulling into a sleep.

I woke up to Harry sitting next to me in fresh clothes, cheeks red as he stared down at his phone, his thumb scrolling from right to left.

I just stared for a moment, his head lifting, our eyes meeting.

He looked tired.

"Hi" I whispered, my body still feeling like dried cement.

"Hi" He replied just as softly, shifting closer on his chair, taking my hand and kissing my knuckles.

"How are they?" I questioned, chewing my lower lip as my body ached.

"They're small. I have pictures; I just.. want to warn you, they're um.. they're.."

"They're what, Harry?" I rushed, ready to hop out of this bed no matter how much it hurt, to go find my children.

"They're hooked up to all kinds of stuff. They're so tiny, Y/N. They've got monitors.. and breathing tubes..; their diapers barely fit" He was starting to get choked up as he looked away, swallowing the lump in his throat before sniffling.

"They were born ten weeks early, Harry" I quietly reminded him, knowing I was brave enough to do all kinds of research of what to expect, but Harry wasn't.

He wanted to live in naive land, and just be excepted about their birth.

Harry showed me all the photos and videos he took; Harry's finger bigger than their palm.

Each photo you could see his anchor tattoo, and I swear his hand was bigger than their body.

I broke my heart to see my babies suffering, both of us sat here crying over pictures and videos when asked when I could see them, Harry telling me we had to wait for a nurse to bring me in a wheelchair.

I just wanted to hold them, but I knew from my researching I needed to be prepared for that not to happen.

All I could do was hope that one day all of this hurt, and pain, and worry, would just be a blimp of a memory as I watched them all laugh and play together; snuggling each one into their cozy beds and sending them off to school the next morning.

I knew to take one day a time, one hour even; but if I didn't think about the future, and just stayed in the present, I'd go crazy.

I had to cling onto hope. It was the only way I'd survive however long they were in the NICU for.

* * * * 

Their birth - part one :)

Next parts and Harry + Y/N in the NICU + bringing them home, meeting family etc and then announcing them to the world! 

I'm ngl, I still don't have names.. so we gotta figure that out too lol.

Written on: October 9th and 10th 2023

Published on: October 10th 2023

Word Count: 2997

tags: @ashleighsss @theekyliepage

[britswriting]

reblog if you’ve read fanfictions that are more professional, better written than some actual novels. I’m trying to see something

[britswriting]

Fallen For You H.S | AU - Six

Fallen For You Masterlist - find description here

Read on Wattpad

Rancher!Harry x Plus-sized!OC

🦋Delaney🦋

"How's it going with the cowboy?" Wren asked, the two of us sat in the Bunny Pen.

"I think I need to give it up" I confessed, regretting ever throwing myself out there.

I mean, how many times does a guy have to ignore you, turn you down, and blatantly tell you he wants to be left alone before you finally leave him alone. 

Wren's eyes narrowed, "You said dinner the first night went well?" 

"He doesn't want to be around me" I sighed, "I need to respect his boundaries. If he doesn't want me, I need to leave him alone. Plus, he seems to have the farm stuff figured out" I shrugged, softly petting one of the bunnies that had hopped over to me.

Wrenlynn leaned back on her hands, looking over at me, "I think he's just nervous, Laney" 

"Harry? Nervous? Please" I scoffed, Wren grinning at me. "What?" my eyes narrowed, "Why are you smiling?"

"You're so cute, Laney" 

"You never say that with intentions of it being a compliment" I stated, already sussing her out.

"Remember all the stuff we used to hear about the Rickman's?" She asked, my head nodding, confused as to what she was getting to. "They're not nice people, Lane. I'm sure coming here, and being treated differently, is a lot to take in. Think about it, you spend god knows how long over there, then come and work for dad. It's hard to change expectations. I already told you he doesn't socialize with the employers. — I'm not saying ignore his boundaries, but maybe.. I don't know, Lane, maybe just approach him with caution? You really like him. You really like him" She repeated, "Unless he's mean to you, show's behavior you don't like, or tells you he doesn't like you.. I think you just need to be patient" She shrugged, falling back against the grass. "Maybe he just needs a friend right now"

"I'm not going to ignore his boundaries, Wren. He said he likes eating alone"

"And yet you've had dinner with him twice"

"Well, not really. He sort've kicked me out; and honestly Wren, I think the first time was a fluke. I think he wants me to leave him alone, and I need to respect that. We can't lose him" I sighed, wishing I could just outright ask if he liked me at all, even if it went nowhere; but the fear of rejection - even at 26, and the likeness of him fleeing was too much of a warning sign that I needed to tread carefully.

"I just think you need to keep shoving yourself at him. Obviously, not in a way that's going to get you hurt, or upset him... but like, be around? Ya know? Befriend the loner" She said with a teasing undertone.

I groaned, feeling like we were going to go in circles.

Instead of replying, I just nodded and sighed, letting the silence fall between us.

All day I had an internal conflict about if I should just pretend Harry never existed, or if I should put more effort into it. It was a blurry line I was dancing on.

I was struggling to find an organic way for our paths to cross, the evenings being the only open area I could mess with, yet he likes to eat alone. So how was I supposed to try and hang out with him?

We're both busy all day long, there is no room for me to wiggle myself into his day even if it was to be his friend like Wren suggested.

"What if I cooked him dinner?" I asked Wrenlynn; following behind her through the market as we accumulated the things off my Grandma's shopping list.

"You threw a whole fit about how he eats alone" She numbly replied, my dreadful sigh making her look at me, "What? It's true"

"But, he can eat alone. I said make dinner. Not eat it with him"

Wrenlynn stopped, turning to look at me, "Delaney, what's the purpose of that?" 

"To hang out with him?" I questioned, confused. 

I thought that was obvious?

She suggested I be his friend. Isn't this literally her advice?

"Laney, I love you. You know that. I support you being happy, and loved, and successful. I just.. I don't want you to get hurt, okay? I know I was practically shoving him at you, but he seems troubled, Lane. I don't think overdoing it on your end is going to end well for you. Mom likes making dinner, Harry eats it. What's the point of doing all the work to just hand it over? At least mom gets a family dinner. I think you need to be there, but give him space." My face fell, Wren's facial features softening, "Delaney, I want you happy, and healthy, okay? If that's something he can give you, go for it, but don't let him walk all over you. Don't let him use you and don't let your overthinking lead you down the wrong path"

I frowned, "It's just dinner, Wren"

"It always is, Lane. You saw how beat up Morgan was with her ex. I just, I don't want that for you. Just be careful, please?" 

"Always am"

We carried ourselves throughout the store when a lightbulb went off in my head.

"Cowboy Casserole" I blurted, Wren turning to look at me, her brow furrowed.

"What?"

"What if I made him Cowboy Casserole?" I suggested, mentally figuring out all the ingredients I'd need.

"How is you making food for him any different than mom making food for him?"

"Because it'd be from mom" I stated the obvious.

"I thought the purpose was to spend time together?"

"God, Wren! Throw me a bone here!" I urged, Wren's eyes rolling.

"You do you, Laney. Just be careful"

"I'm trying here! You said be his friend! Isn't this friendly?" I scrunch my face, frustrated by the whiplash that was my sister.

Her eyes rolled, "You seem like a desperate girl trying to impress a guy with her cooking skills. Being a friend isn't making him a five course meal with the hopes of him eating you out for dessert at the end"

My eyes widened as I smacked her arm, "Wrenlynn! We are in public! I don't need to be the talk of the town" I hissed.

"Chill, no one is around. Plus, you don't like being in the kitchen? Why are you wanting to make him dinner?" 

"He needs to eat right?" I shot back, wincing slightly.

"How considerate" She snickered.

We continued walking, collecting our ingredients, and I decided to say fuck it and make Harry dinner anyway.

Who cares how it comes across. He'll at least be fed, which was a rule he made.

I carried my ingredients into the kitchen, seeing the clock read 4:39pm.

Pulling out a pan, I started browning the ground beef, listening to the ruckus that was my family members walking in and out of the house.

"What are you making?" My younger brother Keegan asked, hoping up on the barstool.

"Nothing"

"Doesn't smell like nothing" he shot back, an annoying smirk evident in his tone.

"It's not for you, so it doesn't matter" 

"What is it?"

"Cowboy Casserole"

"Oooooo" His voice peaked.

"Don't even think about it" I shot down, draining the grease from the meat before pouring it into a baking pan.

"Why can't I have any?" He huffed, climbing on the chair and leaning over the counter, getting closer to my food.

"Because it isn't for you"

"Then who's it for?"

"None of your business"

"Tell me!" Keegan whined as I pulled out a cutting board to chop up some green beans onto smaller pieces.

"No. Go away" I huffed, rinsing the fresh produce and placing it on the cutting board.

"Since when do you cook?" He asked as I started the chop the green vegetable.

"Don't you have chores to do? Or homework?" I grumbled, sliding the cut green beans into the pan.

"Nope!" He grinned, knowing damn well he was annoying me.

Aren't little brothers great? Sigh.

"Mom's gonna be pissed if your dirty clothes aren't in the laundry room" I reminded him.

Mom hated searching the house for the clothes, so if it wasn't in the laundry room it wasn't getting washed; little younger boys were really bad about doing it until they were almost out of things to wear.

Keegan's eyes widened as he scurried off the barstool, rushing down the hallway.

Ah. Peace and quiet.

I finished adding the cut carrots and the corn; pulling out a can of chicken noodle soup to pour over it when another voice was heard, followed by the slam and rickety hinged storm door.

"God have I had a damn day" Morgan huffed, taking the bar stool that was recently abandoned.

So much for peace and quiet.

"Why? What happened?" I humored, mixing the soup around in the pan before popping open a bag of tater tots.

"What are you making?"

Oh my god

"Nothing"

"Smells weird"

"What do you mean? Mom used to make it"

Morgan's nose wrinkled. "Maybe it's just the pregnancy. It doesn't smell good" She huffed, my eyes rolling. Then leave? "Anyway—"

Morgan proceeded to tell me about how hard it is to do shit whilst you're pregnant, followed by the complaints of doing the simple task of walking. Apparently our driveway was too long.

With the dish in the oven, I cleaned up after my mess just in time for my dad and one of the barn cats to stroll in; my dad covered in dirt.

"I'm showering, no one flush the toilet or use the dishwasher or you're going to be in for it!" He called out, walking down the hallway.

The storm door opened once again; the annoyance that was probably seeping out of me would be a clear warning sign for anyone but my family.

"Whatcha makin' now, Laney?" Wren asked, sitting down next to Morgan whom opened her big fat mouth before I could.

"Dinner that we can't have"

"Ooh" She dragged out,  "For the cowboy?"

"The cowboy?" Morgan questioned, my eyes shooting daggers towards my twin sister.

"Laney here—" 

"Wrenlynn, shut up" I warned, wanting to smack the smirk right off her face.

"Lane has a crush on the new rancher" She said anyway, my body collapsing against the counter as my arms stretched out and head rested against the cool countertop.

I hate my life.

"Oooo! The guy I had to give dinner to?" Morgan asked, a hum followed up by Morgan.

Can the ground swallow me whole? Surely I've already dug my grave at some point in my 26 years of life.

"You like him, Lane?" Morgan's brow furrowed, judgment evident on her face.

Here we go.

"She's smitten" Wrenlynn egged on, my head whipping up to glare at her.

"Shut up, Wren. It's none of your business. What are you? Twelve?" I snapped; Wren grinning, pissing me off as Morgan continued.

"He didn't seem very nice Lane. I've heard he's very arrogant" Morgan put in her two cents; as if I asked for it.

"What's wrong with having self worth?" I questioned, Morgan's head shaking.

"Having self worth and being full of yourself are two different things. Remember The Housley's talking about how his rate was outrages?! What did dad even pay him to begin with? We're broke as it is. He's just milking us for everything we're worth" She scoffed, clearly having distaste for a man she's never talked to.

"I'm sure he has his reasons, and honestly, he's deserving of it. He knows his worth and he uses it"

"But what about the occasional helping hand? Doing it out of the goodness of your heart? He's greedy Delaney; and arrogant, and quite frankly rude"

"Rude?!" My mouth gaped. Wren watching us like we were the best reality tv show out there.That sneaky bitch. "You delivered food. That's it. You can't take tired for rude. He's not very talkative" I defended, Wrenlynn snorting; my head whipping to face her, "What?" I snapped, before glaring, "You know what, no. Screw you both! I didn't put myself in this situation! Wrenlynn, you're my least favorite person today. I hope mom serves you cold peas and Morgan? Stop fucking judging people based off one interaction" I snapped, quickly exiting the kitchen towards my bedroom.

I heard Wrenlynn yell out, "Gonna need some ice for that burn!" Only making my blood boil even more.

What was their fucking problem?

So what if I liked a guy who maybe can be rude to outsiders; or knows his worth and uses it two his advantage? It's not like they're saints themselves! Who knows why he needs the money. It's not like he's living in a really nice house on his own property! Why is it such a big deal if I make dinner for him? Part of his contract is he has a fresh warm meal each night. He never said it had to come from my mom.

My trickle of tear drops quickly became a full sob as I laid in my bed hurt, overwhelmed, and flat out tired of everyone's opinions.

I'm not a child anymore. I can make my own choices; whether they like it or not. 

A knock on my door followed by a whine made me groan, yelling for whoever it is to come in as I wiped at my face.

"Lane?" My dad's voice called out before he walked through the door, Opal right behind him, ready to hop on my bed and provide snuggles. "You're crying pretty hard in here. You alright?" He asked, shutting my door behind him, standing in front of the closed door; a look of concern searing into me.

"I'm fine" I mumbled, accepting Opal's love and affection.

"Would you like to talk about it? Maybe vent? I can offer some possible solutions if you want?" he offered, my head shaking. "Alright. I'm sorry you're upset, honey. My ears are always ready if you need to talk, okay?" He reminded me and I nodded, hiding my face in my beloved Bernese Mountain Dogs fur.

"I love you" I murmured into Opal's neck, running my hands through her thick fluffy black fur. "I know, you hate seeing me sad" I giggled, feeling her warm wet tongue lick against my skin. "You're such a good girl" I sighed, staring into her beautiful brown eyes. "If only animals could talk. I'd have so many more friends"

Opal was getting older. She's a retired working dog; she helped pull carts on the farm, helping us transport stuff. With her old age came medical issues which contributed to her lack of energy, so for the best interest in her, she is now simply a family bet who loves to be a rug on your floor, steal scraps you may have dropped whilst cooking, and offers the best hugs whenever you're feeling down.

She truly was one of my favorite dogs, and it saddens me to think about losing her.

Eventually the timer rang and I grudgingly got out of my bed, pulling out the hot casserole to let it cool.

Am I crossing boundaries again? Is this a bad idea? Am I chasing him away?

 "What did you make Lane?" Grandma asked, opening the fridge and pulling out a covered bowl.

"Cowboy casserole?" I stated, although it sounded more like a question as I prepared for 20 questions.

"Sounds yummy. Wasn't your mom and dad doing steaks? Did the plans change?" She asked, reaching up to fix her headband that held back her short, fluffy, silver hair.

"No, they're doing steaks. I uh, need to just um.." shit, how to I tell her I need to take this to Harry without telling her I need to take this to Harry?

"Are you joining us for dinner?" She asked, ignoring my stumbling.

"I um.. yes, I believe so" I stumbled once again.

"Then what's that?" She nodded towards the steaming hot casserole.

Shit. Would Harry have rather had steak? He would've, wouldn't he.

"Oh um.. just uh.. meal prepping for this week ya know? Busy helping Mimi. Gotta make sure we have something grab and go" I lied straight through my teeth.. or did I?

Should I just deliver the steak and potatoes to Harry?

"That's smart. Your grandpa used to do that. He hated packing lunch" She chuckled, a soft smile filling my cheeks.

Grandma doesn't talk about Grandpa very often. Especially when they got divorced, but ever since he died, he's become a sore, sad topic; so I welcomed the topic with open arms whenever I could.

Dinner time rolled around; my dad bringing in the freshly grilled steaks as Morgan, my mom and grandma finished up on the sides.

"I'll dish Harry's plate in a moment, Delaney" Mom informed, Wrenlynn quickly chiming in with the fact of "Laney made him dinner", mom looking up from the cutting board, questioning me.

"I um.. burned it. Steak's fine" 

"See! I told you you can't cook" Wren laughed, chin quivering a little as I nodded.

"I uh — yeah. You were right" I muttered, watching dad place a steak on the white plate, followed by mom adding sides and a napkin; sending me on my way.

Since when did I become the designated delivery service? Not that I'm complaining..

I knocked on the door, staring at my sneakers when I heard an "It's open!" yelled from the other side.

God damnit.

I was really hoping I could just hand the plate off and be on my merry way.

Shuffling inside, I gently closed the door behind me and just stood on the welcome mat; not wanting to take off my shoes.

"I uh.. have your dinner?" I stuttered, huffing at the fact I could hear my voice wobble.

He's just another person, Delaney. He has to eat too.

"Sorry" Harry said, walking out of the bathroom in dark sweatpants and a red tight t-shirt. Water droplets from his hair fell onto the fabric covering his shoulders, Harry running his fingers through it before looking over at me — our eyes met, then the plate.

"You're here" He stated, licking his lips.

"I am" I nodded.

"You weren't here the past few days" He continued, to which I nodded again; not offering a deeper explanation.

"Your dinner" I held out the plate, Harry's brow furrowing before he relaxed his face, taking the plate and sitting down.

He looked back at me as he sat, lips pursed, picking up his knife and fork.

I guess I should go.

I turned on my heel, twisting the knob when I heard; "Why?"

What?

I looked over my shoulder, "Why, what?"

There was silence for a moment.

"Why weren't you here?" he finally asked.

"You said you wanted to be alone" I stated the obvious, confused why we were doing this song and dance.

Doesn't he want to eat his dinner in peace like he asked? Shouldn't I be leaving now?

"I said I liked eating alone" He corrected, my shoulders dropping in defeat.

"Why is that?" I questioned, rocking slightly on my feet.

"Why is what?" he hummed, taking a bite of his steak.

Alright, this is getting annoying.

"Why do you like eating alone?" I asked in my best — my patience isn't running thin —voice.

He just stared at me. Blank stare. No emotions or thoughts behind those beautiful green eyes.

A few seconds passed and I turned around, opening the door, expecting him to stop me; but he didn't. He let me walk out the door. 

I walked back into the kitchen, racing thoughts of what  could possibly be through his head getting drowned out by the conversations my family were having, already eating.

"Did he say if  it was cooked how he liked it?" Dad asked, my head  shaking, "Ask him when you see him next, please" 

"Why can't you ask him?" I snapped, taking my seat at the table.

Dad's head tilted, "Because I'm going out of town tomorrow morning"

Oh

"Out of town? For what? What does that mean for all the chores—"

"We hired Harry for that reason, Delaney" He interrupted.

"No. We hired him to help us. Not take over. What about your jobs?" I asked, my mom side eyeing us before continuing her talk with Grandma, Wren and Mimi.

"Delaney, it's one weekend—"

"We're not the Rickman's!" My voice raised, "We can't do th—"

"Damnit Delaney! It's one weekend! We need the money so we can fucking pay him! I don't know what else to tell you" Dad snapped, everyone going quiet.

"We can't overwork him!" I argued back, knowing that picking up dads slack means even longer days.

Dad took a deep breath, eyeing my mother then looking at me, "It's one weekend. He'll live"

"Does he know that you're leaving?" I questioned, feeling my blood boil. How can he just leave everything to Harry? "What about the hoof cleaning at the neighbors?"

"Yes, he knows; and they've assigned someone else to it for the weekend" He told me, my cheek between my teeth becoming sore from how hard I was biting it.

"So we're losing money there, too? Where are you even going?" I pressed, confused why no one has told me anything. "Is it just you going?"

"I'm going to the homestead near Fawn Lake" 

Fawn Lake? That's three hours away!

"For the weekend?"

"For the weekend" He confirmed and I just nodded slowly.

I continued to grill him. Asking how much he's making; to which he said he doesn't know yet since it's hourly. I guess he's doing some sort of maintenance and helping out with a few of their horses. I also asked who all was going. Apparently my dad, mom and grandmother. Which was followed up by, whose cooking? To which Wrenlynn oh so happily piped up to say that I burn things, to which immediately signed her up for the job to which she protested about.

I couldn't help but have this nagging feeling in the back of my head telling me;

He's going to think we're the Rickman's and we're now overworking him, and we can't pay him.

We're fucked.

I laid in my bed after showering, Opal on a pile of dirty clothes on my floor, fast asleep, when my a message popped up from an unknown number

010-342-8759: Where do you keep the toilet paper?

What?

I quickly replied; "Who is this?" watching the three bubbles pop up.

010-342-8759: Harry Styles.

Oh.

OH.

Oh.

Oh my god.

I quickly changed his contact, replying "Toilet paper?"

Harry: I'm out

Me: There's none under the sink in the cabinet?

Harry: No

Me: Oh. Um.. we have some? You can come get some

The three bubbles popped up for a while before a message finally came through

Harry: I can't. I'm preoccupied

Preoccupied? Is he texting me from the toilet?

Me: Preoccupied?

Harry: Bring toilet paper over

Me: Please

Harry:

What? 

Me: Say please

Harry: Please.

I grinned, getting out of bed to grab some spare toilet paper, slipping on my flip flops and quickly leaving out the back door, Harlow eyes opening, looking at me.

"Shh" I held my finger up to my lips, slipping out the back and quickly walking down the dirt path to Harry's home.

"Landshark!" I knocked on his door, grinning as I held the toilet paper.

"It's open!" He yelled, welcoming me in.

I walked in, taking in the pull out couch that was made up for bed, the table lamp on next to it; the sheets folded over, appearing ready for Harry to crawl into. His kitchen was clean. Not a dish in sight. I scanned the floor as I slipped off my flip flops; no laundry here.

Either he didn't live here, or he was very tidy.

I looked to my right again, my eyes widening.

"Are you pooping with the door open?!" I shrieked, terrified to walk over there now.

"Toilet paper, Delaney" Harry huffed, and before I knew it, his hand poked out from the door.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

OH MY GOD.

"I uh.. um.. I.. okay" I stuttered, quickly walking over, keeping my eyes on the ground as I shoved the bag into his hand. "I'm just gonna go" I rushed out; wondering what the fuck just happened.

Mental note; Harry needs more toilet paper.

On the side bar.

He poops with the door open?!

* * * * 

Written on: October 2nd and 7th 2023

Published on: October 8th 2023

Word Count: 3.9k

Seven

[britswriting]

Baking with a toddler H.S

A/N: Quick little dadrry blurb for my friends birthday! Happy birthday jess <3 Summery: Harry and his son bake brownies for his son's mothers birthday I wanted to add more details, but there's only so much you can add with a small recipe lol, blame Jess who chose brownies.

Read on wattpad Masterlist the recipe I used to write this

*

"Come here, little love" Harry huffed, scooting the toddler's standing highchair to the counter, picking him up and placing him into the highchair, allowing the toddler to be at counter height. "Gonna help me?" He hummed, grabbing an empty mixing bowl, placing it in front of the child.

"Yes! I help!" He cheered, hitting the palms of his hands on the counter.

"Alright bubs. This is the recipe. We don't want to spill on it, kay?" He hummed, setting the printed out directions on the counter, scanning through the ingredients for his wife's favorite brownie recipe.

"Oh-tay!" the boy grinned, ready to help his dad cook.

"We need to crack two eggs and put them in the bowl. Do you want to do it or do you want daddy to do it?" Harry asked, pulling the egg carton out and placing two onto the counter.

"I try!" His son declared, reaching for the egg.

"Hold on!" Harry abruptly grabbed the son's hand, his child frowning.

"But daddy I crack egg"

"I know little one, but we have to be careful, okay? It needs to land in the bowl or else we need to sanitize the counters again, alright?" he reminded, the young one nodding, "Alright, lightly tap it on the bowl, here" Harry pointed to the edge of the mixing bowl, grabbing his own egg to show, allowing the yellow yolk and egg white to fall into the metal bowl before discarding of the shell. "You're turn" he hummed, standing behind the toddler, monitoring him.

"Like dis?" He softly hit the egg, not cracking it.

"A little harder. We have to crack this shell" Harry pointed at the outer shell, his son nodding.

With a quite a fit of force, the toddler hit the egg against the bowl, cracking the shell; the egg white starting to pour out - half in the bowl and partly down the side.

"In the bowl! In the bowl!" Harry rushed, moving his son's hand to hover over the bowl, "Pull the shell a part, put your fingers here, move them a part" Harry directed, letting his son figure it out now that egg wasn't dripping down the counter.

His pride and joy got the egg open, letting the yolk fall in with a grin, "I did it, daddy!" 

"You did bub, good job. You see this?" Harry pointed at the small piece of shell in the yolk.

"Mhm"

"We need to pull it out. Do you want to or do you want me?" Harry asked, his son's lips pursing before deciding Harry could do it, not wanting to get his hands all sticky.

With the shell discarded; Harry grabbed a measuring cup, scooping the toddler around the stomach with one arm, lifting him out of the highchair; moving to the sink.

"Turn on the tap; we need a little water" once the faucet was running Harry handed the measuring cup to the child, allowing him to fill it and turn the tap off before being carried over to the counter where the little one poured in the water into the egg mixture, finally being placed back in his chair.

"Daddy has to do this part, okay?" Harry informed, grabbing the oil and measuring spoons.

"Why?" 

"Because it's heavy, and oil sucks to clean up. Like butter" Harry said, the child nodding.

With the oil added, Harry grabbed the vanilla extract and let his son measure it out and pour it into the bowl.

"I—" his son motioned stirring over the bowl, "now?" he asked, Harry nodded, handing him a fork.

"side to side to break up the yolk. You see this?" Harry hovered of the yellow yolk, his child nodding, "We don't want to see that. We want it broken up so you just see yellow in the bowl. Does that make sense?" He asked, his son nodding.

Harry watched with pride as his child broke up the egg yolk, a look of complete concertation on his face.

"Now stir. Circular" Harry directed, watching all the ingredients get combined before grabbing another bowl for the dry ingredients. "Alright.. let's see" he hummed, peaking at the recipe. "Coco.. powders surgar"

"CHOCLOATE!" his son yelled in glee, Harry chuckling as he nodded.

"Mhm, gotta make it all yummy for mummy" Harry fetched the dry ingredients, turning around with wide eyes, "Hey! Y/S/N! Careful!" He quickly pulled his son off the counter, placing him back into his spot. "Your mummy will be mean to me if you get hurt. No climbing. Do you want to do the coco? You need to be careful" Harry reminded, handing the box of brown powder to the child.

With a quick hand, his toddler scooped up the powder; small flakes of powder falling onto the counter, leaving a trail as he moved it sifter that was sitting in the dry bowl.

They repeated the process with the powdered sugar; his son stirring the two together which landed in a coughing fit as the toddler got a little wild.

With a quick wash of the counter, Harry helped his son pour the egg, oil and vanilla extract into the coco powder and powdered sugar.

"We need to stir again. Careful, please. The more mixture in the bowl, the more brownies you'll have" Harry snickered, helping his son stir the ingredients together due to the batter being quite thick.

"Mummy like deese?" The little boy asked, trying his best not to spill as he combined the mixture; struggling.

"Mummy loves brownies. You and mummy both love chocolate, don't you" Harry brushed the hair off his sons forehead in an upward motion with the palm of his hand, placing a tender loving kiss on the exposed skin before letting the hair fall again; the little boy giggling.

"Chocolates yummy!" the boy giggled, Harry grabbing his baking pan. 

When he turned back around, the younger boy had his fingers in the batter, Harry rolling his eyes as he snuck up on the child, swiping his longer finger through the thick batter and booping his son's nose, listening the complaint followed by giggles as he licked his finger clean; the child wiping the substance off his skin, licking his hand.

"Caught you red handed, mister" Harry teased, running the washcloth over the boys hand and nose.

"What's dat mean?" The boy questioned, Harry grabbing a spatual.

"It means I caught you in the act of being naughty, you batter thief"

"Mummy steals batter!" the toddler defended himself, Harry chuckling with a nod.

"Mhm, you and your mummy are two peas in a bod, love. Alright, let's pour this into the pan. I'll hold it because it's heavy, you scoop it into here, okay?" Harry instructed, picking up the bowl, angling it so his son could scrap it out. "Get  as much as you can, then you can lick the spatula" Harry reminded his child; watching some of the batter hit the side of the pan, partly following on the counter. "In the bowl" He chuckled.

"All done!" The little one declared, Harry peeking at the inside of the bowl; nodding.

"Two swipes and that's it, okay?" Harry handed the batter bowl over, grabbing the pan to place it into the oven.

Four sneaky swipes of the batter latter, Harry and Y/N's toddler was sat at the counter, drawing on a folded piece of paper whilst Harry cleaned up the baking mess.

It was tradition that their son hand made the card up until he was over it; the memories it held was more important than anything a store bought card could say.

Before Harry started cleaning, he grabbed  a marker and asked what the young one wanted the card to say, reminding him that it was his mothers birthday.

With pencil, Harry wrote down the letters, letting Y/S/N trace them as best as he could with the marker.

Happy Birthday Mummy!

I love you so much!

Hope you like the brownies 

and gift!

love  Y/S/N 

followed by a sticker of a green monster at the end, colorful scribbles all over the blank paper; filling it up to his delight.

With the brownies out and cooling; Harry and the quite independents toddler got to wrapping the gifts.

He let his son mess with the wrapping paper, helping him where he needed it; which was everywhere, but Harry would never admit that. 

The wrinkled, crumbled, toddler attempted wrapping paper was just as good as a pristine crease cornered bow tied present. 

 On the table there was his wife's favorite flowers in a vase, adding more color to their daily lives; the wrapped presents laid next to it as Harry placed the homemade brownies in front; propping up the home made card.

A couple photos later of their only child and all the effort he put into his mothers birthday; his mum finally walked through the door; arriving home from her spa day.

"Happy birthday mummy!" Y/S/N yelled, running over to his mum, wrapping his arms around her legs, happily being scooped up by his mother; giggling as she kissed him all over.

"Thank you baby. Did you have a good day with daddy?" She asked, Harry smiling as the young one nodded. 

"We made brownies! See!" he pointed towards the table; Harry's cheeks hueing pink when he met his wife's gaze after she'd noticed the set up, a wide smile spreading across her face.

"You made be brownies?" she asked, her son nodding. "All by yourself?" 

"Daddy helped!"

"He did? Why aren't I so lucky! My boys made brownies! Are those gifts I see?" She pretended to peak, the toddler nodding with a grin, wiggling out of his mums grasp.

"I WRAPPED THEM!" He screamed, running over to the table, swiping it off and running back over to show her.

"You're so talented little one. It looks so good Y/S/N" She smiled, grinning as the little holes in the wrapping paper, appearing to be held together by tape.

Y/N and Y/S/N made their way over to the table, Harry greeting her with a side hug and a quick kiss, murmuring "Happy Birthday, love" against her lips; loving the way her eyes sparkled as she stared at hm.

"Thank you" She mouthed, listening to her toddler ramble about his day with his dad.

"Takeaway is on it's way" Harry informed her, scooping up their loud mouth toddler, attacking him with tickles, loving the way his talkative babble turned into screaming giggles.

"Should we open gifts now or after dinner?" Y/N asked, Harry setting the panting toddler back on the ground.

"NOW!" her offspring yelled, attempting to climb onto the table, Harry scooping him off with the dad look.

"It is my birthday" She hummed, watching the way her son's eyes lit up in hope; "I guess we can eat dessert first and open gifts whilst we wait for the takeaway to get here"

* * * * 

Written on: October 4th, 5th 2023

Published on: October 5th 2023

Word Count: 1780

tag: @theecollby - happy birthday bestie <3

[britswriting]

Fallen For you H.S | AU - Five

Fallen For You Masterlist - Find description here

Read on Wattpad

Rancher!HarryxPlus-sized!OC

⚒️Harry⚒️

My nervous system was short circuiting. 

What the hell was she doing here?

"W-what?" I stumbled, completely thrown off by the five foot six, black hair, brown eyed girl who was standing in front of me appearing like she had all the confidence in the world. Only the slight rocking of her feet tells me another story.

If she was so nervous, why the hell was she standing at my front door? 

She said I hadn't forgotten anything, so why the hell would she be so nervous? Let alone come back here with another plate of food?

My eyes did a quick once over, noticing her now slightly frizzy black hair was pushed behind her shoulders. The humidity decided to take its toll on her. Her neck was covered by a collared shirt that wrinkled inwards towards the dip of her breasts from her bra. Her sweatpant-like shorts that stopped mid thigh were showcasing her legs; leading me to her bare feet.

Barefoot? Why?

"May I come in?" She asked, her voice sounding soft, delicate, unsure, making my stomach clench as I nodded slowly; stepping aside, extremely confused why she wasn't at the family dinner she was so set on me constantly attending.

Every bone in my body wanted to turn her away; but the intrigue my brain felt was too strong to tell her to get lost and leave me to eat my dinner in peace.

Instead, Delaney walks over to the table, setting her dish down before taking a seat in the empty chair across from me. I followed suit, my eyes lingering on her, awaiting her next movement. She stared at me for a few seconds before looking down at her food, spoon in hand as she moved it around slowly, then scooping it and letting it drop back into the bowl.

She looked nervous to the point it was making me nervous. Why was she here? Did her dad send her? He seems to do that. Pass her onto me like I'm some sort of punishment. Or at least that's what it felt like.

I could feel myself start to get agitated as I tried to figure out the motive for her arrival tonight. The silence on her end only made my spiraling thoughts worsen.

I knew I frustrated her. I could see it in her eyes anytime I spoke. She looked fed up with me. Like she'd rather be anywhere else than around me, but then I could feel her eyes linger on me. A feeling I knew all too well that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand tall as I kept walking, hoping they kept their promise that this place was nothing like the Rickman's. So far, that was true.

I wasn't overworked. If anything, I made myself work ten times harder than they had asked. After all, I was used to working on a much larger ranch. When I finished my chores for the day I started fixing little things here and there; keeping myself busy so they didn't have a chance to yell at me for twiddling my thumbs, even though it was never asked of me.

I knew Mr. Fallen didn't expect me to play handyman, but fixing gate latches and a leaky pipe here and there on the hoses made my job easier. I just hoped that they'd be more grateful than annoyed that I had gone and taken it upon myself to alter something they hadn't asked of me to do.

With the Rickman's it was always a toss up. Either you did something they didn't ask you of, and it was never mentioned, — they wouldn't be caught dead praising you for doing something of their benefit, even though you knew they had noticed; or you got yelled at for stepping out of place. Blamed for taking a job from someone else; that person then getting punished for letting their job be stolen.

If you weren't working twice as hard, you weren't working well enough, and if you stepped on someone else's toes by taking their work from them, you were considered greedy and inconsiderate. Yet if you had your jobs taken from you, you were reprimanded for not being active enough. For allowing it to be taken from you, even if you were gone doing another task.

Every day was a fucked up game of Am I going to get yelled at today? Fired? Belittled?

Some days doing more earned you extra, other days you were told you didn't know your place and that it was selfish of you to take someone else's job.

After all, we all needed our work. Just if you did more, you earned more. You were constantly competing against your other coworkers with the possibility of losing it all. Every day was a gamble.

The worst was the night shift. No one wanted the night shift. 

"Aren't you going to eat? It's going to get cold" Delaney's voice shook me out of my head, my eyes focused on her as she timidly ate her food.

I bought a spoonful of what was considered warm comfort food to my mouth, silence falling between us until Delaney had had enough.

"What do you think of the soup? It's my Grandpas' favorite. He loved whenever my Grandma made it, and my dad really loves it; so my mom learned how to make it" She informed me, the new slip of information piquing my interest.

"Your grandpa?" I questioned, Delaney nodding.

I've never heard anyone utter anything about a grandfather.

"Yeah, he passed a while back" She shrugged, "Anyway, do you like it? I'm not like" She pauses, giggling to herself, my lips threatening to show a small smile at the sound, "I'm not forcing you to say you like it" She giggled again, "It's just, my mom wants to know what you like. What her and my Grandma should make more often. It sounded like I was trapping you in a corner, sorry" She grinned, "You must like the soup or else you're kicked off the premises, mister!" She mocked in a low tone voice, wiggling her head as she spoke, hands on her hips before giggling to herself.

"It tastes fine. I'm not too picky" I replied stoically, moving some of the soup around before scooping it up, placing a dumpling in my mouth when she spoke up again. 

"So, what do you like to have for dinner? You can request things, you know. You don't have to eat what we are. Mom's been nagging me about all the things you like, claiming that we hang out so much I should know" her eyes rolling as she inhaled.

"I'm not picky" I repeated, Delaney sighing, setting her spoon back in her bowl.

"You've got to give me something to work with Harry! The woman won't leave me alone. She doesn't understand that us hanging out isn't secret sharing, and more like you hating my existence" She huffed, grabbing her spoon again.

"I don't hate your existence" I told her, Delaney's brown eyes looking up from the soup; our eyes meeting before I looked away. "I just get frustrated, is all" I stated, wishing she'd go away so I could eat and breathe in peace without feeling like she was searing judgmental holes into every part of my body.

Silence fell between us again before Delaney once again spoke up.

"How are you on food? Do you need anything? Don't be afraid to ask us to pick up on stuff. Oh!, and if you want any like snacks or desserts, let me know! I make requests all the time!" She grinned, wiggling a little in the seat as her face lit up, "I made Wren these cupcakes right? They're her favorite! They're like a golden brown yellow cake mix, right? Cooked perfectly so it's all warm and moist but she likes a little crunch on the outside, so I use my darker baking pants to darken the edges like she likes and then I fill them with butterscotch buttercream in the center and I dip them into hot melting chocolates so the top is coated in this yummy milk chocolate! Ugh! They're to die for, Harry!" She groaned, her head thrown back with her eyes closed for a moment before she leaned forward, opening her eyes again. "I'm just saying, you can request things.'' She giggled, "I love trying new baking things. My dad loves Poppy Seed Muffins and I'm honestly getting tired of making the same thing every week" She sighed, scooping up more of her soup. 

"I'm good on food for now" I finally answered her question, watching her cheeks flush pink turn red as she rolled her lips in, murmuring "Sorry" making me let out a low chuckle as I ate more of the soup, tearing a piece of the roll apart.

"I have a tendency to ramble" She confessed, her spoon messing with her soup again; "I know that annoys you so uh.. just tell me to be quiet when I do that"

She sounded so deflated that it almost made me feel bad.

When did I say it bothered me? She looked cute, all excited and happy talking about it.

Wait

Cute?

No.

She's not cute.

She can't be cute.

She isn't allowed to be cute.

I don't have time for cute.

She has to be a ugly troll under a bridge for the rest of her life. I can't do cute, right now. Mr. Fallen will murder me if he finds out that I even for a moment thought his daughter was cute.

The one time I tried to mingle with an owner's daughter did not land in my favor, and since then, I've been working in a place where I did my best to avoid the daughters who thought I was "cute".

Delaney continued to talk, trying to engage conversation with me as she ate her dinner, leaving me perplexed.

Why is she conversing with me? The employers don't talk to the employees. I'm here purely for work. Just like they wanted me to be. It was made clear that they needed me; and what my job entailed, and that they'd do anything to have my help.

I knew what came along with being the help, and conversations over Chicken Dumpling soup with one of the owners daughter wasn't it.

"Oh my god!" Delaney groans, "You can't take me anywhere!" She laughed, her hand holding part of the fabric that was covering her stomach in-between her fingers where she had spilt on herself.

"You've uh.." I paused, Delaney looking over at me, "Um.." I pointed at her face, her head tilting, "Food, here" I motioned towards under my lip above my chin with my finger, her entire face turning red as she wiped her hand across her chin.

"Oh my god" She whined, "That's so embarrassing! I always do this! I should've known.." She trailed off, getting up out of the chair, grabbing a rag and wetting it before dabbing her shirt.

"Do what? Slop on yourself?" I asked, turning to face her, abandoning my food completely as I stared at the back of her.

I couldn't help but notice the way the shorts clung around her ass before falling towards her thighs; the band noticeably clinging to her wide hips due to her shirt being bunched up at her waist as she cleaned it.

When she moved to turn around, I quickly looked away, grabbing my food again and shoveling some more into my mouth, scraping the bottom of the bowl.

Delaney sat back down, her face still hued pink as she grabbed her bowl.

"Sorry. I didn't grow up in the classiest of households. I tend to uh.. be a bit messy, sometimes" She said, not daring to look me in the eye as she took a bite out of her roll.

"I'm used to cleaning up messes" I numbly replied, wishing it came out more in a teasing tone like intended, but my monotone voice slipped out instead making me mentally groan at myself.

I wish I could just relax. Let her in like she so clearly wants, but I can't. I don't know how.

She isn't someone I should mingle with. There are boundaries in place that give me a million reasons as to why letting her in would be a bad thing.

For starters;

I need this job.

We can't afford to let something as silly as a teasing comment cost me the money I'm earning.

I knew from the moment I met her that she wouldn't be like the Rickman girls. She fumbled too much and was too stuck in her own head to be sultry and purposefully seductive. Like she fumbled her way through life more than critically thought out her next move.

Even her stares never felt intentional. She never kept her eyes locked on me when I turned around; almost like she didn't want to get caught, unlike someone who was trying to purposefully seduce you.

I learned pretty quickly with the Rickman girls that eye contact can get uncomfortable within seconds. Especially when they're openly masturbating in front of an open window right where you're working.

It got uncomfortable the moment I realized what was happening, and then it just never stopped.

You'd think with the presumptions of the male species, I'd get turned on. Want to enter her room, help her out. Fulfill the fantasy; but when it isn't mutual, it's just downright awkward and uncomfortable.

Sure if it was my girlfriend, or wife, maybe I'd put on a show. But my employers' daughter? It made my skin crawl.

I'd be stupid not to notice the immediate differences between the girls. 

For starts; Delaney was heavier set than the Rickman girls. Which wasn't a bad thing, but it of course is one of the things you're taught to notice about people.

Their height, their weight, what they're wearing, the way their hair is styled. The way they smell, if they have straight white teeth or crooked stain ones.

You're taught to judge their appearance within seconds of meeting them.

Delaney seemed anxious when I first met her. She fiddled a lot. Was constantly daydreaming. Hard to have a conversation with; not like I wanted to in the first place.

Her dark hair was pin straight, cascading down her back. Light wash blue jeans covered her thick thighs, a tucked in pink shirt curved around her breasts and belly, hugging her hips as she rocked on her feet, looking like she was going to hurl the more her parents spoke.

The Rickman girls were a lot skinnier. Dark skin, dark hair, dark eyes, dark intentions. 

The moment I met them, I thought maybe we could be friends. I was used to seeing everyone all the time, talking with them whilst I worked; but that quickly changed.

Not only was Mr. Rickman on my ass all the time, along with Mrs. Rickman which was surprising, but their daughters were the least bit subtle when it came to making their intentions crystal clear. 

"Are you done?" Delaney asked, getting me to look up at her.

Her brown eyes screamed uncomfortable, a pang of guilt stinging inside of my chest.

Was it me? Did I make her uncomfortable?

She looked like she was trying to find any reason to slip out of the house they've lent to me; which was fine by me. I wasn't forcing her here. She invited herself here.

"Uh, Yeah. I'll just clean it real quick and you can take it back" I informed, standing up from my chair, grabbing the dishes and walking them to the sink.

"Harry, you don't have to. We have a dishwasher—" She started, my head shaking with disapproval as I turned on the tap, rinsing it before adding soap.

"I can clean my own messes" I reminded her, running the washcloth in the bowl.

"Harry" Delaney's soft voice piqued my ears' attention due to the silence that surrounded us. "You're not working. You're not earning your keep. We're just hanging out. You don't have to do your dishes to gain approval"

My body stiffened at her words before I quickly rolled out my shoulder blades, setting the clean dishes aside, turning to reach for hers, "It's fine" I replied, "I don't mind doing the dishes"

I regret ever telling her that I had to earn my keep. I knew the second it left my mouth that it was a mistake.

She sighed as I cleaned her things, stacking them into a neat pile before stacking them all together and handing them to her.

Delaney took the dishes, looking at me, then the dishware, then me again before her shoulders dropped and she gave a small nod.

"Thanks for letting me eat with you" She sighed, leaving the tiny house, allowing me room to breathe again.

I expected whatever this was to be a one and done type of thing, so the surprise I encased when she showed up at my door the next night, two plates in her hand made the skin between my brown wrinkle as I let her in; watching her set both plates down, moving to my cupboard, grabbing too cups before slipping something out from her back pocket that I didn't realize was there.

"Wait" I finally spoke, having watched her pull two glasses down before twisting open a bottle cap. "Was that in your pocket?" I questioned, Delaney giggling with a nod.

"It was pulling my jeans down!" She giggled, "It also barely fit. We need bigger pockets! I uh— you're not like, against alcohol, or something, right?" She asked, and that's when I noticed she had two Mike's Hard Lemonades.

"You don't need glasses for those" I stated, Delaney's head tilting before looking over her shoulder at me.

"Oh? You wanna drink straight from the bottle? I can get down with that" She grinned, putting the glasses back and grabbing the two bottles between her fingers, moving to set them down on the table.

"You're here again" I stated, Delaney nodding as she sat down.

"I am"

"Why?"

"Why not?" She countered back, picking up her fork, slicing into a porkchop. I stared for a second, watching her take a bite of the food before slowly walking over to where I sat. "Thanks for joining me" She grinned, a teasing twinkle in her eye as she cut another piece of the porkchop, dipping it into some sort of brown sauce.

"What's your motive?" I asked, not bothering to pick up the utensils until she tells me whatever game she's getting at.

This entire thing felt suspicious.

Dinner with me? The ranch hand? Two nights in a row? When she's never done this before? There has to be some sort of reason.

Her brow furrowed, "Motive?" She questioned, as if that was an absurd thought.

"Yes. Your motive" I confirmed, Delaney setting down her fork as her lips parted before pursed, pushing them to the side in a thinking manner, then relaxing.

"What do you think my motive is?" She played, her brows raised as she looked at me, followed by picking up her fork and cutting another piece of meat.

"I prefer to eat alone" I stated, Delaney's body tensing as she slowly chewed, swallowing with a small nod.

"You want me to leave?" She asked.

"No I just, I don't know." I sighed, frustrated with the mind games. "Why are you here?" I questioned, hating that she was making me flustered.

I can't remember the last time someone has made me stumble this much. It was aggravating me to no end.

I was used to working towards a goal. To have a reason. Her being here wasn't again tonight wasn't one of them and it was throwing a wrench into my routine; sending me for a loop as I tried to figure out what the sudden change was. 

If she wasn't quiet, she was yelling at me. Or laughing. Or telling me to go away. 

It was confusing.

She was always around, yet never seemed like she wanted to be there, even though I never asked her to be there. Maybe her dad had like the first day I arrived?

"I wanted to hang out with you, Harry. You're quite the loner" She hummed, taking a swig of the lemonade.

She wants to be here? Like I said, confusing.

"I'm not a loner" I huffed, "I just like being alone. There is a difference"

"Damn. Hit a nerve, did I?" She teased, my nostrils flaring, "Oh calm down, it's dinner. What's the worst that can happen? Mr. Harry Styles isn't alone for a full 24 hours?" She scoffed, repositioning her plate to reach the sides. "Anyways, how was your day? I've been busy out of my mind all day" She informed me, glancing up at me, waiting for a response.

"Was fine. Did my work" I numbly answered, Delaney nodding.

"My dad's been talking high praise of you lately. Saying you were worth the investment. You're allowing him time to go out and outsource more income. Although mom wishes you'd join us for dinner" She looked up at me over her plate, her brows raised.

"I'm fine alone" I repeated; indifferent about her invading my personal space.

"Harry" She sighed, and I knew I was in for whatever lecture was burning on the tip of her tongue. "You may think you're fine alone, but no one can ever truly be alone. We need socialization. You don't talk unless spoken to. We've invited you to join us for dinner because we want you there. You're not banned to these four walls. If you don't join us at least once for dinner so my mom can get off my ass about it; these one on one dinners are going to become a lot more frequent" She said, a smirk tugging at my lips.

I was right.

"So there is an ulterior motive" I replied smugly, Delaney's eyes rolling, sighing in defeat once again.

"I know that's what  it sounds like—"

"You're right" I interrupted, "That's exactly what it sounds like. It sounds like you're buttering me up so your mom will leave you alone"

"I'm not buttering you— Okay, stop. Listen. I'm here because I want to be. They think I'm eating out back with the bunnies— Don't ask" She warned, "Instead of sitting in here with you. I'm just bringing up that you're welcome to join family dinner. It isn't a big deal. You're talked about at the table anyway, might as well be there to hear what they're saying"

"I don't want to hear what they're saying" I stated, already knowing that if there was a problem, it would've been said already.

"Fine. Just know my mom won't let this go. She holds grudges like a mother" Delaney giggled, wiggling her eyebrows before taking another drink of the lemonade. "Anyway, what do you think of the lemonade? My sister Morgan brought it. I love lemonade and she claims everyone needs a drink or two here and there"

Morgan? She has another sister?

"Why aren't you eating with your family, Delaney?" I asked; exhausted.

I just wanted to be alone. To decompress from today. Instead, I sat at this tiny ass table with a girl who seemed to be playing chess whilst I'm playing checkers. 

 "Do you really want me to leave that badly?" She asked, sounding surprised that my statement of liking to eat alone held more truth than expected.

"I'm tired, Delaney. I want to eat my food in silence. Get ready for me, and be unconscious until my alarm goes off at four fifteen" 

"Jesus Christ, four fifteen?"

"Delaney. Whatever it is you're getting at, get there. I'm too fucking tired to try and decode whatever is going on" I snapped, hating the way she flinched as her nose twitched; glancing away from me.

"There is no ulterior motive, Harry. Sure it seems like I'm begging you to go to a family dinner. I'm just relaying the information. I can respect your boundaries if you do not want to come. Why do you think no one has forced you?" She asked, looking ready to keep talking when I interrupted her.

"You're here. In my personal space. That I requested. You're forcing yourself on me either way" 

She stared at me for a moment before nodding slowly.

"Okay. I apologize for not respecting your boundaries. I'll leave" She excused herself, reaching for her lemonade and plate, scooting out of the chair and turning to leave.

I heard the clink of the bottle being set on the counter as she opened the door before grabbing it again and walking out, leaving the door wide open.

I growled as I exhaled, getting up to close the door only to see her walking down the road instead of turning left, back down the pathway that led to the main house.

Why isn't she going home? 

I stood in the doorway for a few seconds, watching her trail down the dirt road before turning left and sitting down in the grass.

What is she doing?

I slowly closed my door, going to sit back at my table, only to look out the kitchen window and see two big white dogs were next to her now and she appeared to be talking, before handing them something.

I couldn't help but stare at her as I ate dinner, watching her eat her own food, drinking her lemonade and petting the big white giant ass dog that I rarely saw.

As I was washing my dish, I watched her get up, the dogs following her up the dirt driveway, headed towards the main house. The second she was out of view, I felt a tightness in my chest as I realized I could no longer see what she was doing; nor ask why she sat with two dogs instead of joining her family.

The following night I awaited my food to come, feeling an anticipation swirl around in my stomach as I awaited Delaney's' presence, The knock on the door making dopamine rush through me as I opened the door, only to be met with a girl I've never seen before holding a plate of food and a bowl of what looked to be some sort of vegetables mixed into potatoes.

"Your dinner" She said and I nodded, grabbing the food, watching her turn around and walk away before I could even think about saying something; leaving me standing gobsmacked in the entrance of my home.

I couldn't help but think; Delaney would never.

* * * * 

I've redone this chapter so many times. I should be committed into an insane asylum for this chapter alone🤪

For how many times I've read through this, there better not be any errors lol

Written on: September 28th 2023

Published on: September 28th 2023

Word Count: 4.3k

Chapter Six

[britswriting]

Fallen For You H.S | AU - Four

Fallen For You masterlist - find description here

Read on Wattpad

Rancher!Harry x Plus-sized!OC

🦋Delaney🦋

All week felt like a whirlwind of chaos. I barely found time to sit down and have dinner with my family; the only time I saw Harry was to deliver his food before calling it a night, and I couldn't help but feel disappointed with the lack of his presence in my day. I looked forward to our interactions; even if they were frustrating. Now the best I got was sneaking glances at him over my hands full of baking dishes as he took care of our animals.

I was currently on my way with Wren to deliver the fresh baked goods to the market stand, along with fresh bottles of milk.

"I feel like my arms are going to fall off. What is in these things?" Wrenlynn groaned, my eyes widening as I called out, "Careful! Don't drop them!" watching her shuffle around my freshly baked pies.

"They're fruit pies! They'll make us good money, don't you dare drop them!" 

"Jesus christ, do they have bricks in them?" She huffed, my arms shifting the bucket of cookies and bars to my left hip so I could quickly open the door for her.

"No, you just have like 6 pies" I laughed, Wren glaring before quickening her pace to our market table.

"Wonderful! You're just in time! We just sold our last apple crumble bar!" Mimi grinned, my eyes falling on the empty spot at the table.

"I've got a few fruit pies: Strawberry, blueberry, banana cream" I listed, Wrenlynn happily setting down the baked goods as Mimi and I rushed out a reminder to be careful, "In here are some Oatmeal Raisin, Chocolate Chip, and White Academia Nut with Cranberries" I set down the large closed totes.

"Yum!" Mimi hummed, glancing at the fresh goods, popping open a container to take a whiff of the freshly baked goods.

"I have more of the apple bars; dad hasn't scarfed them all yet" I giggled, "And the lemon bars that Mrs. Housley requested. Her name is on them. Remind her they're five dollars a tote" I gave Mimi a stern look, knowing she's prone to giving frequent customers discounts.

It's not like I want to be a bitch, but we need all the money we can get. We need to order more dog food soon and I just wanted to make sure we were covered.

"This is wonderful Delaney! We should be good for the weekend. Have you found the ingredients for my famous cherry and pineapple pie?" Mimi asked, my nose wrinkling, making her laugh.

She knows how much I hate that pie.

"If you want that pie, you're making it. I won't be caught dead having my name attached to that" I scoffed.

Back at the ranch, a smile tugged at my lips as Harry turned around from the sound of the truck tires on the dirt road, only to drop when he looked away.

I sighed, licking my lips before rolling them inwards, Wren snickering next to me.

"Why don't you make a move? Worst he says is no"

My nostrils flared as I looked over at her, "No? That's the worst he can say? Clearly you've never talked to that man!" 

"Laney-"

"No! He lives here Wren! I have to bring him dinner every night! I can't just knock on his door and be like 'Hey Harry, I like you. Would you like to go out sometime?' He'll kill me! You will no longer have a twin, Wren! I'll be horse food!" I freaked, hopping out of the truck, slamming the door shut before she could reply; my feet quickly carried me towards the main house, empty totes in hand when I noticed Harry was struggling to corral the sheep.

Brow furrowed, I walked over towards him, looking for the Aussies who were supposed to help him.

"Hey!" I called out, loud enough to make his head turn, "Where are the dogs? They'll do it" I asked, looking around for Milo and Daphine 

Harry ignored me, shutting the gate behind him.

Is he serious?

I eventually found the dogs, bringing them out to the pen so they could do their job. Right as I opened the gate, letting them run in, Harry yelled, "I don't need their help!", sneering at me as I shut the gate behind me. 

"You looked like you were struggling" I replied, "They can help you. It's their job"

"I'm perfectly fine on my own!" He glared, stomping over to me with his biceps flexing; completely distracting me as I watched his clothing tighten around his arms.

I wanted so badly to be held by those arms. To feel safe and secure in his hold. To lay my bed on his chest and hear his heartbeat. Or look up at him and have our eyes meet before he leaned down, kissing the top of my head.

Everything about him screamed comfort protector; even when he was acting like an asshole. 

"Yeah, looked like you really had it handled" I sarcastically replied, tired of him not letting our pets work.

They're on the farm. They have jobs. They're here to help. Let them! 

Every time I spot Harry working, there is no dog in sight. It's like they're dodging him completely. Like even the dogs know messing with Harry always ends in disaster.

"I don't need no damn dog to help me on the farm! I've done it by myself for years!" He continued to argue, completely unaware of all the hard work the Aussies were doing right behind him.

I motioned for him to turn around, Harry's jaw clenched as he turned; ready to explode at any moment.

"See. They help. All you have to do is open that gate. Why are you so stubborn about this? They're here to make your job easier; plus they love what they do!" I grinned, really wanting to shove an I told you so in his face. "And they love the meal and warm house they sleep in each night after a job well done" I reminded him, struggling to hold back the smirk my lips wanted so desperately to show, only for it to be completely wiped off my face as the ticking time bomb finally hit it's clicker.

"What's the point of working here, if these fucking dogs are just going to do my damn job?!" He snapped.

"They're literally making your job easier" I stated, "I don't understand why you're so peeved about a canine's help? Shouldn't you be glad you're not spending an hour moving sheep?"

"I don't want easier! I want my damn job" he sneered, his entire body looking like he was going to explode right in front of me. I swear I could see his forearm veins quivering. "At least at the Rickman's I knew I wouldn't lose my fucking job to some damn dog who won't live for more than what, 6 years?" He hissed, my brow furrowing.

Is he serious? 6 years? Herding dogs live 10-14 years depending on health issues.

I wanted so badly to say, "Then fucking go then!" and just get rid of all the drama in my life, but I knew how much I— we needed him. As frustrating as it was, he was getting things done around here, allowing my dad to do odd jobs in town, earning us all extra cash that was much needed.

"You have a job! You're the ranch hand, and a damn good one at that; remember? The dogs are a part of this farm. We love them. They love us, and they work just as hard as you do, if not harder! Accept help, Harry! We help each other on this farm! I don't know what the Rickman's made you do every day, but here we do things together. We work together. Whether you walk on two legs, or four paws, we work together. They had their job first, but that doesn't mean they're replacing you—"

"I can't earn my goddamn keep if I'm losing my work to some fucking animal" He interrupted. 

I could feel my breathing becoming more rushed as I started to notice  the quick spiral that was Harry Styles Emotional Tornado. 

"Okay! Okay!" I rushed, "Listen, please" I begged, noticing the familiar look of his temptation to turn around and leave us in his dust. "Herding dogs. The Aussies and Borders; they have jobs on the farm. They are also quote unquote earning their keep. They help us, the humans, make our  job easier. They get to run around and chase the cattle and sheep for us. So we're less tired during the day and because they move quicker than us. The perk of them is that they're helpful with quickening the task. They're not only helping us, but they have fun doing it. It's their job. They love it and when they're done, they retire. They work as long as they love doing it, and whenever they start to show lack of interest or are getting old, they retire. You're not being replaced, Harry. They're here to help you; not replace you. Let them help you." I urged, hoping to see some leeway, only to sigh and continue. Might as well list some perks the dogs get out of doing their jobs. "It gives them good exercise. Keeps them healthy. It tires them out physically and mentally making them better behaved in the house. It gives them purpose. They strive for a job well done just like you do. They want to make us happy. To do a good job; just like you. Am I wrong?" I asked, Harry's head shaking briefly. "You're both similar, Harry. You want to achieve the same thing and believe it or, you could both sleep in the main house but one of you decided not to. Why is that, Harry?" I asked,  praying he wasn't fed up and decided to flee right in front of my eyes again.

"Why is what?" He questioned, frustrating me.

Does he ever listen to me?

"We need to go close the gate. They're done" I noted, Harry looking over his shoulder before turning to leave, me hot on his heels as I continued; "And why won't you sleep in the main house? You act like you've been banned to the so called rabbit shack, and you act like it's some sort of punishment when it's what you wanted! Everything you have an issue with you wanted!" 

Harry stayed quiet, locking the gate as the dogs ran over to me with their tongues hanging out of their mouths. I praised them, petting them and cooing before they ran off towards the barn; Harry walked past me without saying a word. My eyes lingered on his tone back covered by a tight tan t-shirt; trailing down to his jeans, unknowingly chewing on my lower lip as I lingered on the back of his jean pockets; watching him walk away.

The things I'd do to see that man's—

"Laney!" Wren yelled, my body jumping.

'What?!"

"Mom needs your help!" God damnit. "And Harry's!" She chimed, a gleeful tone to her voice telling me she knows damn well what she's doing.

"Harry's? Why does she need both of us?" I asked, Wrenlynn shrugging. "Can you ask Harry? I'm pretty sure he hates me" I huffed/pleaded.

"No can do, Laney! I'm off to meet up with Dylan" She grinned, showing me the truck keys in her hand.

Dylan was Wrenlynn's wannabe boyfriend and she knew that; milking him of everything he was worth. It sounded bad, but she made it clear they were just friends, so as painful as I assumed that is for him to deal with, he decided it was better than being nothing. Now they hang out all the time and I'm convinced that he's just trying to woo her slowly; Wren falling for his obvious trap, getting free dinners and gifts along with it.

Harry and I walked into the garden, my mom now on the opposite side of the fertilized patches; one of the black and white bunnies hopping around, munching on the scrapes that were being tossed to her.

"You needed us?" I spoke, making her aware of our arrival; my mom's head snapping up as she nodded.

"Yes! Lane, I need you to take these to Grandma so she has them for dinner, and Harry, I wanted to ask if  there was anything you wanted planted? Anything you like having fresh?" Mom started, picking up a bin of harvested fruits and veggies, holding it up for me to take before shooing me away.

"No Ma'am, I'm okay" He replied as I grabbed the bin.

"It's no problem, truly! This is your home, Harry. We all have our things. Lane likes the lemon tree; my mom loves her carrots and strawberries. Matt loves the raspberries. I want you to have things you like in here. You sure there isn't anything?" Mom asked again, Harry's lips parting before closing again, shaking his head. "Alright, well, if you think of anything, let me know. I need to start prepping for our next big planting. Some of these plants have seen better days" She huffed, scooping up the bunny who had crawled into the bed of strawberries. "Oh! Harry, can you wash this out for me?" Mom asked, grabbing a bucket that had leftover soil in it, tapping it out over the dirt before handing it to him; "Then bring it back. I want to put scraps for the bunnies in here" Harry nodded, grabbing the bin. "Delaney, show him to the kitchen, please"

Harry and I walked down the path to the main house, my fingers turning weight  as I struggled to carry the bucket of harvestable.

"Here" Harry stated, handing me the dirty bucket.

I frowned, "I don't want your bucket. My hands are full as it is"

His eyes rolled, grumbling, "Trade me. You're struggling"

"I'm fine" I huffed, shifting the bucket up, almost losing one of the apples.

Harry stopped walking, setting the empty bucket on the ground, reaching over and grabbing the full bucket from me, "Teamwork, right?" He said, not giving me time to reply before hiking the bucket up the porch steps; "This place is a fucking shit show" I heard him mutter as I picked up the empty container.

I frowned, following him.

Why is he constantly insulting the farm? I know it isn't luxurious, but it isn't like it isn't livable, and one can argue that he has the best lodging on the entire farm! 

I quickly met up with him in the kitchen, Harry placing the container of harvestable on the counter with a huff.

"That's why I'm so jacked" I teased, turning on the tap, letting it run in the farm sink whilst I grabbed a washcloth.

"You looked like your arms were going to fall off. Do you have an ounce of muscle in you?" He asked, my head tilting.

"Is that a fat joke?" I asked, my heart starting to pick up in pace as my stomach did a whirl of disappointment.

"What? No. I mean—" He fumbled. 

My arms crossed under my boobs, "Just because I have extra weight doesn't mean I'm incapable. I was doing just fine before you came in to save the day"

"That isn't what I was saying. Look, I'm sorry—" He tried but my head shook, dismissing him as I pulled the bucket closer to me, grabbing a few of the apples I'll need for later, washing them. "Delaney" He sighed, walking around the kitchen peninsula, hovering behind me as I rinsed out the bucket. "I can do that" he reached for the bucket, my grip tightening on it as I shook my head.

"It's fine" I dismissed, expecting him to give up and go away; only be proved wrong as he turned off the  tap, my brow furrowed as I looked over at him, "What are you doing—"

"I'm sorry" He apologized, confusing me even more. 

"For?"

"I don't mean to be rude. I'm not used to the change. I'm used to doing everything by myself" He sort've confessed. 

The way he said it made it feel like he was telling me some jaw dropping news, as if I haven't picked up on that clue already.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, turning the tap back on, only for Harry to turn it back off. "Harry!" I snapped, turning it back on, Harry yet again turning it off.

"No, listen, please" He begged, shocking me.

So he does have manners.

"I'm waiting" I hummed, Harry nodding, his throat swallowing before his lips parted.

"I wasn't making  a fat joke. I was trying to joke in general. I apologize if I unintentionally hurt your feelings. You joked that that's how you got jacked, so I joked back and I can see it didn't land. I apologize" he said, looking, and sounding sincere.

I sighed, setting moms bucket in the base of the sink, "Harry, it's fine. I was slightly pulling your leg. I know I have more flab than muscle. Trust me. I live in this body. I know how it works; and the bucket was heavy. So thank you for taking it, but I carry heavy things all the time. I know people who are fit struggle to understand when someone who has more weight on them says they're comfortable in their body.... but Harry, I'm not looking to be thin. I'm looking to be healthy. Thank you for clearing up the misunderstanding though. Can I uh, ask you something?" I asked, feeling like I needed to tread the waters carefully.

He nodded, turning the tap back on to finish washing out the bucket for my mom.

"Why do you refuse  to accept help? I know you've turned away my dad, telling him you've got the jobs. You won't let the dogs help you, even though they're trained to do so, and it's beneficial for them" I commented again, Harry stilling, the washcloth frozen at the  bottom of the bucket before he moved again. "We're not the Rickman's Harry" I reminded softly, hoping I don't accidently say the wrong thing.

"If you couldn't do it alone, you weren't worth doing the job and if  you didn't do the job, you didn't earn your keep" He stated, scrubbing the bottom of the bucket harshly.

"At the Rickman's?" I questioned, Harry nodding. "What do you mean earn your keep?" I asked, backing into the corner of the counter, my hips resting against the edge.

Harry exhaled through his nose, "You earned things. They weren't given to you" He stated, rinsing out the bucket before grabbing a rag to dry it.

"Earned what?" I pressed, hoping what was popping into my head was incorrect.

"Shelter. Food. Sleep" He listed, setting the bucket on the counter, drying his hands on the rag before placing it back on the  rack.

"Harry" I sighed, wishing I could hug him, but I knew my limits, "You were given shelter. You didn't have to earn it. You're always invited to family dinner, you refuse. Why is that?" I questioned, wishing to get as much out of him as I could since he was apparently willing to talk.

"I'm not the family. I'm the employee" He  stated, "I need to get this back to your mom and go finish my work for the night. Please bring me my dinner when it's ready" He said, grabbing the bucket and leaving me standing there dumbfounded and sad.

He  had  to earn his keep. 

I knew the Rickman's overworked their employers, but I didn't know he had to quite literally earn the right to sleep.

I could feel my eyes sting with tears at the idea of him being so overworked, and then not being allowed to sleep all because of what, a job not well done? 

That evening, my mom scooped Chicken Dumplings into a soup bowl, placing a bread roll on the side of the plate that was sitting underneath before sending me on my way to deliver his food.

I hated this.

I hate walking down this stupid fucking pathway to his rabbit shack of a home with my hands burning from the hot plate or bowl of food all because he didn't want to join us, or well.. I guess doesn't feel like he has the right, no matter how many times he's invited.

I knocked on the blue door, Harry calling out that it was open, my face scrunched as I twisted the knob, walking into what appeared to be an empty living space.

"Harry?" I called out, setting the bowl on the small table.

The bathroom door opened, Harry walking out, sweatpants sitting on his hips as a new black shirt covered his torso. Hair dripping wet, his fingers running through it, shuffling it around a bit before shoving it out of his face as he walked to the table.

God he looked yummy.

I tried to inhale as he got closer, hoping to inhale the scent of whatever he just bathed in, only to just smell my mothers Chicken Dumplings.

Harry sat down, sliding the plate over to him, grabbing the spoon only to look up at me.

"What?" He asked, "Did I forget something? Your dad said it looked good" He said, more so sounding worried rather than confident that  he's done for  the day.

"No, I uh.. um.. are you sure you don't want to come over for dinner?" I tried again, Harry giving a small nod as he spooned the soup into his mouth. "You're welcomed Harry. You've always been welcomed" I continued, wishing he felt worthy of joining our family.

Harry pulled out his phone, starting to scroll through it, silently dismissing me.

I sighed, leaving his house and walking back down that stupid dirt pathway that led right back to the gray rickety wooden stairs that flexed even more under my feet.

 I grabbed my bowl, dishing up my food as my dad and Grandma sat down; my brothers asking my mother something when Mimi asked, "Harry isn't joining us?" I shook my head, grabbing a roll, dishing myself the same way my mom did for Harry.

"Do guys mind if I eat alone tonight? I just want to decompress after today" I asked, my dad and Mimi shaking their heads, Grandma too caught up in whatever my mom had just asked her.

I thanked them, slipping away and walking down the hall towards my bedroom before taking a quick right turn down a hallway, slipping out a back door and quickly walking down the same dirt pathway.

Is this a bad choice? Am I royally fucking up right now? Should I just leave him alone? He didn't seem like he wanted to be around me.

I couldn't help but think about his confession of having to earn his keep. Of not being family; just being an employee.

He was far more than an employee.

I quickly knocked on the door again, having an internal war with myself of if I should make a run for it, the blue door opening, Harry looking confused.

"Did I forget something? I can do it right now" He stated, moving to slip on his shoes.

I quickly shook my head, "No. You're done for tonight" I eased, watching him freeze, looking up from his shoes to me. 

"Then... what are you doing here?" He asked, his eyes falling on the same dinner I had just delivered, looking even more confused.

"Do you mind if I join you for dinner?"

* * * *

I'm finally hitting the point in my outline where things start moving hehe

Written on: September 25th, 26th, 27th 2023

Published on: September 27th 2023

Word Count: 3869

Part Five

[britswriting]

Devotion (20)

Devotion Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

T/W: Talk of rape, domestic abuse, abortions, parental death 

Smut Warnings: Oral sex (f), anal play/fingering, cream pie, name calling (slut, whore), spit play(?) - idk how many warnings to give. I'm not used to this lol

Half-ass edited because it's 10k words (my bad-) and I'm tired and I'm embarrassed of my smut so I don't wanna relive though lolol bye

*Leighton's POV*

I wanted to watch my sister's abuser's life drain from their eyes as my hands wrapped around their neck as I watched the tears pour down her face as she hid herself from the public.

Every bone in my body wanted to find him and tear him into pieces, but my heart wanted to wrap my sister in a big hug and never let her go.

The metal from the chair scraped against the floorboards as I got up, Lexi's head snapping out of her hands to see what I was doing, quickly being met with my arms wrapping around her, pulling her as best as I could into my chest; working around my bump.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that" I whispered against her hair, my hold tight as she shook in my arms, her hot tears landing on my collarbones.

After a few minutes, I could feel the other consumers stare searing my skin, pulling away to grab our things and drag her out of there as she wiped the tears from her cheeks.

 "What about my car?" Her voice cracked, the two of us reaching Colby's SUV.

Colby's been using my car lately, having given me his SUV that he got after he totaled his car; telling me, "You have Gemma most of the time" which didn't make sense since we're only two people, but then he listed all the safety features and practically threw the keys at me, claiming "I like cars better anyway" making me think he bought the SUV for me, and not him; but that's a fight for another day.

"We can come back and get it, let's just get out of here. You deserve to breakdown privately; not in front of nosy coffee shop drinkers''

I drove back to my apartment with my little sister crying next to me, profusely apologizing for breaking down, even though I completely understood the mental torture that came with not only having such thing happen to you, but processing it yourself, and sharing it with someone you're close to. It's a lot.

I unlocked the door to the apartment, slipping off my shoes and setting down my bag as I wandered into the kitchen to grab her something to drink, fetching nearby Kleenex and meeting her on the couch.

Once she pulled herself together and the used Kleenex was thrown away, I decided it was best to emotionally bond with her first. 

"I'm sorry that happened to you" I replied quietly, listening to her sniffles as she wiped under her eyes. "I uh, I'm not bringing this up to make it about me, but to let you know I understand part of what you're feeling. I've been raped before" I stated, my tone numb as I tried to close off that part of my brain. Lexi's eyes lifted from the ground, widening as her lips parted, "Not just once.. or twice. I understand how horrific and violating it feels. I don't know what it feels like to have a loved one do that to you. Gabe and I never had a good relationship.. we didn't have what you and Brennen did, and I'm so incredibly sorry that you had to go through that. I'm also so sorry that you had to go through it for so long, and that you were alone. I'm glad you finally told me, and that you think so highly of our relationship that you could share that with me. I just.. I want you to know, I understand; and the reason I never told you, is because you're my baby sister. It isn't that I didn't trust you, or want you to know. It's that my job.. as your older sister, is to protect you from the world. To guide you through life, and I'm very sorry that I've failed to do that for so long" 

"Leighton, you didn't fail me. You told me not to date him" She replied.

"I could've done more" I huffed, picturing Brennen's punch-able face.

"I'm an adult, Leighton. I made a mistake. It's my mess"

"Well it shouldn't have to be your fucking mess!" I snapped, "You shouldn't have to have gone through all this bullshit! You shouldn't have to be put in this place of shitty decision making, and it's bullshit that you can't tell anyone all because of this shitty society! He should've never laid his hands on you, or had non-consensual sex. Lexi, listen to me, and listen to me closely. His shitty actions say nothing about you as a person—"

"I should've left" She interrupted.

My head  shook, "No. His bullshit is not your fault. I don't care if you were in racy lingerie or the baggiest sweatshirt. It isn't your fault that he's an asshole. I'm telling you this to show you I understand, not to put the attention on you or gain sympathy, okay?" I started, Lexi nodding slowly. "Do you remember when I got arrested?" I asked, Lexi's eyes narrowing, nodding. "I was high off my mind and just completely out of it. Of course I didn't comply immediately. I mean, what young girl wants to go to jail?" I chuckled, swallowing the lump that was forming in my throat. "I was put in the police car, hands cuffed behind my back and I ended up being sexually assaulted by the officer in the back. His reasoning? It was because I was another drug filled "prostitute" who needed to take it like she deserved if I was going to walk around down in a tank top and shorts"

"Is that why you stopped wearing that?" Lexi asked quietly and I nodded slowly.

"I wore them when I was pregnant because it was fucking hot out and it was part of my therapy. But me being high and wearing shorts and a tight tank top was not a reason for him to do what he did to me and whatever Brennen told you, or whatever scenarios you're playing through in your head has nothing to do with his horrific actions and I'm so incredibly sorry I couldn't protect you from that"

"I'm sorry you've gone through that" She sniffled, wiping under her eyes, my own head shaking again.

"You don't need to apologize. It's been a while, and I've done my trauma work that I've gotten through a lot of that PTSD feelings. I just want you to know that this doesn't break you forever. If you do the work, as hard as it is, one day you can be with someone again. Don't let Brennen ruin relationships for you. Ruin love and happiness that you can find within other people. If I have let every single time someone has done those things to me stop me from proving them wrong, I would've never had Gemma, or met Colby and now be pregnant with our own baby girl" I smiled, my hands rubbing over my stomach; Lexi's eyes lighting up. 

"It's a girl?" She asked and I nodded, Lexi shooting up off the couch to come hug me. "Congratulations, Leighton! So.... have you thought about names?" She grinned, the twinkle shining bright in her eyes.

"It's definitely been a topic of discussion. Why? Do you have any good ones?" 

"Lexi's pretty great" She grinned, my eyes rolling at how cheesy and cliche that was.

"I only have room for one Lexi in my life" 

"Oh but you have room for two Gemma's?"

"I don't know about you, but I call mom, mom" I teased, smirking before giggling when Lexi's eyes rolled.

Lexi and I talked a bit about my pregnancy and the comparisons I've noticed between Gemma and this baby before she suggested baby names, finally asking the million dollar question, "Whose last name is she going to have?"

"Brock. If I'm going to marry Colby, I'd like her to have his last name. Colby's a lot more involved than Gabriel ever was"

Lexi's eyebrow raised, "You guys are still getting married?" 

My own furrowed in response, "What?"

"I haven't heard anything about a wedding"

"We haven't planned one"

"See"

"See, what?"

"See, this is why I thought you weren't getting married"

"We're engaged? We're moving into a house together? We're having a kid together?" 

"I didn't mean to offend you. I just didn't know you guys were still going through with it"

"Kay, well, you've been preoccupied with breathing trash" I huffed, pushing myself up out of the chair, practically panting as I wobbled on my feet.

Lexi reached forward to stable me, my glare quickly stopping her actions as she muttered, "Just trying to help"

"I'm pregnant. There is a lot of disproportionate weight. I wobble. I'm fine"

I heard the front door click open as I walked into the kitchen, Colby and Gemma's voices bringing a smile to my face up until I heard Colby's odd tone as he greeted my sister.

I quickly moved to stand in the archway of the kitchen, seeing Gemma hugging my sister and Colby giving her a weird look, before looking over at me with a squinted gaze mouthing, "What's she doing here?"

I waved him off, painting a smile on my face as I walked over to greet him, giving him a quick kiss before asking if Gemma was hungry.

"Are you staying for dinner?" I asked Lexi, Gemma immediately pleading, tugging on Lexi's clothes.

The five of us wounded up seated at the kitchen table, Colby scooping dinner onto Gemma's plate whilst I filled her cup with milk.

I felt Lexi's eyes on us both as we moved around the kitchen, bumping into each other a few times making the two of us chuckle as I blamed our unborn child for messing with my depth perception.

Colby and I finally sat down, Colby tucking Gemma's napkin into her shirt making me grin out of amusement.

"Well don't you look proper Gem" I teased.

"Wook silly" Gemma complained, taking the napkin out, throwing it back at Colby who gasped.

"Gemma" My tone disapproving, "We don't throw things. What do you say to Coco?"

 "Sorry, Coco" She mumbled, Colby kissing the top of her head as an  accepted apology.

Dinner felt awkward with Lexi just quietly watching, barely contributing to our table talk.

Colby got Gemma ready for bed as I put leftovers away, Lexi helping me clean up the dishes since it was getting harder to bend over and load the dishwasher.

"Gemma's waiting for a goodnight hug and kiss before letting her lids close" Colby informed, his hand against my back as he moved behind me.

I nodded, drying my hands on the dishrag before making my way to Gemma's bedroom.

"Mommy?" Her little tired voice spoke, melting my heart.

"Hi baby. Coco get you ready for bed?"

"Mhm"

"Have a nice warm bath? Brush your teeth? Nice comfy jammies?" I checked, Gemma nodding as she rolled over in her blankets. "You're getting so big baby" I sighed, carefully sitting down on the floor next to her toddler bed. "Was it nice seeing Auntie Lexi?"

"Yes! Missed her"

"Yeah? Mommy missed her too. You're going to sleep so good for momma, right? Have the best-est dreams ever! So good that you tell me about them in the morning, okay?" I kissed her forehead, Gemma giggling with a nod. "Coco and I will be in our room if you need us, okay? If you hear weird noises, momma gets up to go potty in the middle of the night, okay? Nothing to be scared of. Just your little sister making me have to pee" I reassured her, remembering that toddlers start to enter a fearful period of sleeping in the dark. "Do you want the noise machine on?" I asked, grunting as I got up, feeling a pull in my back as my weight shifted to stabilize my hips.

"Yes, peas"

I clicked it on, listening to the woosh sound before clicking on her night light.

"All good?" I questioned, picking up her dirty clothes with my feet, carefully reaching for them with my hand before tossing them into her hamper.

"Yes!"

"Alright lovebug. You have the best dreams ever, okay? Sleep so well for me so you can have fun at tumbling tomorrow. I love you so much, bug" I smiled, Gemma squeezing her stuffed cow.

"Wove you, momma"

"Love you more, Gemma Lorraine. Sleep well. I'll be in my room if you need me, okay?" I reminded for the last time, Gemma nodding as she shut her eyes, allowing me to slip out, leaving the door cracked so she could wander out if she needed.

"She go down?" Colby asked, myself nodding, taking a seat on the couch where Lexi was. "I'm going to go shower" Colby informed, already walking down the hall before I could reply.

"Thanks for helping clean up. I appreciate it. Things are starting to get a lot harder as this belly grows" I sighed.

"It was no problem. Least I could do. I uh, sorry if this is uh.. crossing a line? But uh, do you regret having Gemma so young? I mean, um.. like.. if you could redo it and still have the same daughter, would you in hindsight want to be older?"

"I think everyone who has kids young would say so. It's really personal preference and what your situation looks like. Obviously, if you're well off and can swing it, I don't see why it would be an issue unless you didn't want kids. Is this because you're expecting, or?" 

"You and Colby just seem like you have it all together and I just.. I can't see myself like this. Having a child depend on me. A family so young.. I just.." she paused.

"Lex, if you don't want it, no one says you have to. There are a lot of choices. If it isn't abortion, there's adoption. If you want to go through the pregnancy, and not have the baby, you can always put it up for adoption"

"But can I really go through life knowing my kid is just out there somewhere possibly one day looking for me?"

"I can't give my opinion here Lex. I didn't go through with that and I'm not saying you have to follow my footsteps, but I didn't see myself having Gemma so young either and even after all we've been through, I love that little bug more than I could've ever thought. That doesn't mean my story will also be yours. It's your body, your life, your choice, Roo. Look, just stay here tonight. It's getting late, we'll get your car tomorrow. Guest room is all yours and we can make your doctor appointment tomorrow. Talk to the professionals. Hear them out. Discuss options, worries etcetera. That's what they're there for"

I said goodnight to Lexi after making sure she had everything she needed, and knew where the dishware, extra toilet paper and spare toothbrushes were before crawling into bed naked.

"Well hello there" Colby grinned, leaning over to kiss me. "Did I miss the memo? Isn't your sister down the hall?"

"Shut up, I need to buy more sleep clothes and my nipples are sensitive , I don't want stuff touching them — You lick or touch them I'll castrate you!" I warned, Colby holding his hands up in defense as I shifted the comforter to sit under my bare chest.

"So you're just going to have your boobs on display and I can't touch?"

"You can look" I grinned, leaning over to plug my phone in before rolling back onto my side so I could breathe. "I'm starting to hit that point where I can't wait to get this girl out of me. I miss laying on my back and being able to breath. Or bend over and not be out of breathe"

"Just a few more months, babe"

"I know" I sighed, my eyes falling shut. "Speaking of, we need to find a new house so I'm not bringing my baby home to no nursery and an apartment filled of boxes"

"You haven't told me where you want to live"

"Lies!" I gasped, my eyes opening again, "I suggested we go back to Minnesota, I just am nervous to pull us away from everyone we know" I frowned.

"Leigh, we've gotta start doing things for ourselves"

"But!" I whined, Colby's head tilting, ready to test me, "Ugh!" I groaned, "I just, your family finally moved closer to us, and we'd be moving right back near where they just  left! And my moms dying and I can't just abandon my dad, and Lexi's finally back and I just... I feel like I'm abandoning everyone"

"Leighton, we can stay here"

"But I don't want to stay here!" I whined, stuffing my face into my pillow before I started to not be able to breath, shifting back, "I don't know what I want. I just don't want to bring my baby home into chaos. I want to do this right"

"Leighton, baby, we've got time. If moving to Minnesota is going to make you happy, then let's start looking at houses there. If anything, we can always move back in with your aunt and uncle until we have a house"

I groaned, wishing I would've pulled my shit together a lot sooner.

The next few days, I felt like I was running around like a chicken with their head cut off as I continued to figure out the housing situation with Colby, having to get in contact with Aunt Melissa about us visiting to go house hunting (She doesn't know the latter though), arguing with my dad about taking my mom off life support, and hurrying to meet Lexi at the hospital as her emotional support system for the chaos that is her being pregnant.

I stayed in the waiting room, wanting to give Lexi privacy to talk about anything she wanted without prying eyes and ears, anxiously awaiting her to come out as I got comments from different expecting moms asking me if I was due around the corner due to my belly size.

Instead of yelling that I'm not due next week, I just smiled and nodded, keeping my thoughts - and hands to myself, exhaling a breath of relief as Lexi walked back into the waiting room over to the front desk.

Once she came back to me, I offered a smile and pushed myself out of the chair, grunting when my hips brushed against the sides.

Stupid hospital chairs.

"Hey! How'd it go?"

"It went.. well. I'm definitely pregnant"

"Is that.. a good thing?" I asked carefully, Lexi sighing. "Bad then? I'm sorry" I apologized, confused when she shook her head.

"Just means I have important decisions to make"

"That you do. Are you coming back to mom and dads?" 

"Yeah. Gotta fight with you about this mom situation"

"Yeah.. I think I'm going to lose the war though" I sighed, praying I didn't let my emotions start to spiral too much. "Are you going to tell mom and dad about the uh.. situation?"

Lexi immediately disagreed, "Not unless I'm keeping it"

~

"Leighton, if you're here to fight with me, it's too late" My dad warned, pouring cereal into a bowl for Gemma.

"Too late?!" My voice shrieked. 

"The dates have been set" he stated, sounding so heartless it was mind boggling.

"Excuse me?"

"October 14th-"

"THAT'S IN A WEEK?!" I shouted, Gemma looking over at me, quickly reminding me little ears are around. "Dad-"

"Leighton. We can't keep prolonging it. She's not getting any better honey"

"Why can't you just keep her on life support?" I argued, my dad sighing.

"Because it's expensive Leighton"

"So, what? Mom isn't worth it?" I scoffed, my dad shooting me a warning look that I've seen one too many times.

"Leighton Rae, your mother is the love of my life. It kills me to do this, but watching her suffer isn't how I wanted things to go. She isn't getting any better. We're only prolonging her pain, and our grief. I hate this just as much as you do, but Leighton, it's happening one day or another. A week gives everyone to stay their goodbyes and for the nurses to prepare things and for me to start calling funeral homes-"

"Funeral homes?! Are you hearing yourself!"

"What's a fune-rel 'ome?" Gemma asked, the words sounding out of place from her little mouth.

"It's a place where family and friends go to show their loved and appreciation for the love ones they can't see anymore" I replied, dancing around the word death.

"Leighton, I'm telling, not asking. I'm hoping you'll act like an adult now that you are one" He raised a brow at me, his face full of disapprovement as I let out a harsh exhale through my nose.

A week wasn't long enough for me to say goodbye. Not only was I not the only one who had to say goodbye, meaning I'd have to share my precious time, but it wasn't welcomed! 

I already felt bad for always being up in her room, away from my own little family, but now with the thoughts of moving away from they'll all need me, I felt insanely selfish.

I laid in my parents bed, my hand grasping my mom's boney one as tears quietly streamed down my face as I tried to memorize this moment. I didn't want to waste a single second. 

I slowly pulled myself together, wiping the salty tears off of my cheeks, jaw, neck and lips before placing my moms hand on my belly, taking in the sight.

She'll never meet my baby.

My little girl will never know her grandmother.

My mother will never see me get married, or move into my first house, or live happily ever after like she wanted. She'll only know me as the mess that has always been my life. Her daughter is a walking talking hurricane, who can't make up her mind to save her life. She'll never see me finally flourish, or watch her grandchildren start to live her life. I feel like I'm losing her before my life ever really began.

"That's your grandbaby, mom" I smiled softly, moving her hand against my stomach. "Maybe she'll kick for us. Little one, can you say hi to Nonna?" I cooed, my own hand caressing the side of my stomach. Every once in a while there would be a flutter, but it wasn't too often that I felt them.

"Mommy! Nonna!" Gemma squealed, running into the room and crawling up onto the bed. 

"And that's your other grandbaby, mom" I giggled, quickly reminding Gemma to be careful. "Want to put your hand on mommy's belly?" I asked, Gemma moving to straddle my leg, placing her palms on my clothed stomach. "Feel silly?" I giggled, Gemma nodding.

"Baby inside?"

"Mhm. Your little sister is in here. You excited to meet her?"

The next few days family members came in and out throughout the days, each night ending with Colby and I sitting with Logan and my dad in their room, helping the night nurse bathe my mom and brush through her hair, rubbing the lotion onto her skin and making sure there were no kinks in her cords.

Lexi stood in the doorway and I quickly slipped out of the room, giving her privacy only to peek in a few hours later, seeing her painting polish on my moms nails, talking to her softly.

"Hey" Colby's soft voice startled me, his hands wrapping around my waist, "Whatcha doing?" 

"Watching"

"Creeping?" He teased, pressing his thumbs into my shoulder blades, working out the tight muscles.

"It just feels weird watching everyone start to get ready to say goodbye. It feels wrong"

"Because it is wrong, Leigh. Your moms still young. You're still young. It isn't time yet, but sadly, we don't get to pick life's timeline" 

"I hate knowing there's a deadline" I shifted in his hold, shoving my face into his chest. "I feel like I'm running out of time. Like I haven't finished the checklist yet"

"What checklist?"

"Ya know, like your life bucket list?"

"Bucket list? For your mom?" His lips twitched slightly, holding back a smirk as I hit his chest.

"You can't make fun of your fiancé who's losing her mom! It's against the rules! And yes, a bucket list pre se. I just, I never imagined getting married without my mom. I never imagined having kids, and my mom not being there whenever I needed her. I just.. I feel like I'm failing"

"You're not failing, baby. You're doing life at your pace. You're not even 30 yet. Losing your mom sooner than you imagined, doesn't make you a failure. It fucking sucks and that's the understatement of the year, but you're far from a failure. We both know how proud she is of you. Getting married won't change that. Buying a house won't change it"

"But.. she won't be there. The only memories I'll have are her absence in such huge milestones of my life—wait-"

"What?"

"I said wait, you asshole!" I laughed, pulling away from him, "Do you have plans, say, two days from now?" I asked, Colby giving me a weird look.

"Plans? You're looking at them"

"Great! So you're free!" 

"What? Leighton Rae, what is going on inside that head of yours?"

"Thoughts on us getting married?" I asked, butterflies swirling in my stomach as my heart started to beat just a little quicker.

"I proposed, didn't I? Or was that just some dream only I had?"

"No, no. You proposed" I wiggled my ring at him. "What if we eloped?"

"Eloped?! Are you out of your damn mind?" He whispered-yelled.

"What? Why? What's wrong with eloping?"

"Since when have you ever wanted to elope?"

"Since my mother is dying!" I harshly whispered back, Colby's head shaking.

"We're not eloping"

"What? Why!"

"Because! We're not speeding along our story all because you're scared"

"But my mom's dying, Colby!"

"I know, but you're not thinking clearly right now"

"So what, your mom can come to our wedding and mine can't?" I glared, Colby taking a deep breath.

"That isn't what I said"

"It's insinuated! I mean, my mom won't be alive anymore so what's the fucking point, huh? As long as Colby and his mom get there happily ever after! Screw Leighton and her hopes and dreams right?" I grumbled, Colby withholding a smirk.

"Are you done yet?"

"No! I mean, what's so wrong with eloping? We can do it in front of my mom! Then she'll have witnessed our wedding, knowing it actually happened! I won't have to live with the fact that she wasn't there—"

"What about our real wedding?" He interrupted. 

"Our real wedding?" 

"Yeah, you know, the one with the dress and tux, and the cake and the flowers. All the extravagant bullshit that's going to milk our bank account. What about that one? She'll still miss out on that one"

"Way to ruin the mood, asshole!" I yelled, shoving past him as best as I could, grousing to myself as I had to slowly walk down the stairs. I could feel him standing behind me, almost mocking me for having to wait for my disruptive outburst to finish as I moved at snail speed down the staircase. "I can feel your smirk" I hissed, Colby chuckling as he replied, "I have no smirk"

"Liar"

"Would I lie to you?" He asked, my hand tightening as I looked over my shoulder.

"Yes"

I walked out to the patio, Colby right behind me, much to my dismay.

"Leighton, can we talk about why you want to elope other than the fact your mom is dying?"

We both sat down on the patio chairs, my feet aching as I stretched out my foot.

"I just.. I don't want to lose her. I don't want her to miss out on these things, and I thought weddings weren't important to you?"

"They weren't"

"Weren't? As in past tense?" I cocked an eyebrow, watching him uncomfortably shift in his chair.

"Mhm"

"What changed?"

He turned to look over at me, "You're joking, right?" 

"What? No. Why?"

"Leighton, fell head over heels in love with you. That tends to change some things"

"Like weddings?" I asked, resisting the urge to pinch myself to find out if I'm dreaming.

"Like weddings."

"You want to have a wedding now?"

"I want to have a wedding now" His cheeks were pink as He looked away from me; the grin on my face made my cheeks hurt as I carefully got out of the car.

"Move forward" I stated, "In the chair" I clarified, Colby giving me a look before shifting forward.

I carefully straddled his thighs, Colby's hands immediately holding my hips, murmuring, "Careful, careful. What are you doing?"

"Straddling my fiancé"

"Don't take this the wrong way, but uh, your cute little bump takes up most of the room. I don't want you to fall off in this small chair"

"Hey!" 

"I said don't take it the wrong way!"

"Yeah, just because you say don't be offended doesn't make it not offensive! If I recall, you made me this way"

"Mhm, and I'm damn proud of it too" He grinned, leaning forward to kiss me.

"You want a wedding" I mumbled against his lips, Colby kissing me again before humming "I do"

"Save it for the wedding" I joked, giggling as he kissed down my jaw to my neck. "No hickies! My dad will murder you! I'll murder you!"

"You're no fun" He pouted.

"That's what happens when you knock them up. They're moody, and grumpy, and sore, and have to look respectable. I can't look respectable with a bruise on my neck from my lover"

"I prefer the term fiancé" He spoke softly.

"Sorry, fiancé" I giggled, finally moving off his lap, starting to get uncomfortable. "So is that a uh, no on the elopement?" I asked, adjusting my shirt back over my bump.

"What will us eloping do for you?"

"It'll give me a memory of us getting married with my mom still alive"

"Will it alter your feelings of her not being there at our actual wedding?" He asked, leaning forward in the chair, his eyes locked on me.

"I don't know" I confessed, "I just, I want a memory of her being there. Her being involved. A bride's mother is supposed to be involved. Now I'll have no one"

"You won't have no one, Leighton"

"But I won't have my mother"

"Will you be upset that we eloped, even if your mom was alive for it and it not be the wedding we now both imagined?" He asked, carefully treading the water that is our future.

"I don't know, Colby. I just know I don't have a lot of time to think about it" 

"I just don't want you to regret such a big decision, Leighton. I don't think rushing this will change your memories or feelings about when the time comes. I strongly think you'll still have wished she was there, rather than just replacing the memory with an impromptu elopement — I'd love to get married to you whenever; I just don't want you to regret anything. I know you wish you could have a longer time with your mom and that everything could go to plan and I'm sorry you're losing her" he apologized, my lower lip becoming sore due to my gnawing as I tried to push down the bubbling emotions.

"I'm not ready to say goodbye" I whimpered, hating the way my voice cracked; the emotion breaking through.

"Do you want a hug?" He asked, opening his arms for me. I hesitated before slowly nodding, walking into his embrace. 

"Sorry for always crying" I pathetically giggled, relaxing into his embrace as I let out a sigh of contentment. "I know it's annoying"

"Babe, if crying is how you process things, then it isn't annoying. I'd rather you cry than bottle it up like I do" He reassured, kissing the top of my head before squeezing me closer to him. "Plus, I think it's justifiable to cry when your mom is dying" he teased, my head lifting from his chest as my smile broadened. 

My hands moved around his neck to pull him closer whilst I stepped onto my tip-toes, pressing my lips into his for a few moments before pulling away.

"Thank you for being here with me; I don't know how'd I'd go through this without you"

The sound of the glass door sliding open caused our heads to turn, Lexi slipping out as she closed it behind her.

"Am I interrupting?" She asked, her tone making my brow furrow.

"No...? What's wrong?"

"I uh, can uh.. we um.. talk? Please?"

Colby tossed me a look as I slowly nodded, Colby excusing himself, entering the house as Lexi took his seat.

"Everything okay?"

"Yes!" She quickly stated before sighing, "No.., I don't know!" She exclaimed, "I just.. it's all happening so fast!" She panicked, a smile tugging at my lips as I watched her freak.

It was like watching my younger self sit right in front of me.

"Lexi?"

"Yeah?"

"Breathe" I exhaled, coaching her through a quick deep breathing exercise. "What's wrong?"

"What isn't wrong?!" She freaked, "Why are you grinning?"

"Because" I chuckled, Lexi huffing.

"Because why? This isn't funny"

"It's a little funny"

"How?!"

"Because you sound just like me" I giggled. "Lex, no one knows what's going on right now. Nothing feels right; it all feels fucked up. It's not just you"

"But I'm pregnant" She whined, my lips pursing as I nodded.

"Yeah, I know how that feels" 

"I don't know what to do" She exhaled, slumping back in the chair.

"About what?"

"About the baby, Brennen, mom, you"

"Me?" My voice peaked.

"Yeah"

"What about me? What did I do?"

"Nothing. I just.." I watched her throat swallow before she quietly whispered, "I'm just like you, aren't I?"

Oh.

I frowned, "Just like me?"

"Pregnant, scared, alone.." she trailed off, my jaw tightening.

"I am not alone" I argued, not having a valid point for the first two.

"The first time" She clarified.

"Okay, well, I figured it out, didn't I? I worked, I got a room, I had the baby, I did the damn thing. Why do you sound like being like me is some sort of shameful confession?"

"I never wanted to be like you" She said quietly, my face burning like her hand slapped me.

"Yeah, well, I didn't want you to be like me either; but here we are. You know, you're not the first scared, alone, young, pregnant woman to ever exist! If you want the baby, you figure it out. If you don't want the baby, there are options. All I've done is try to be helpful towards you, and all you have in return is "I never wanted to be like you"?" I altered my voice, mocking her before crossing my arms over my boobs.

"I just meant I saw you struggle. I saw what happened; I don't want that, Leighton"

"Then there are options! And Lexi, I wasn't just struggling because I had a newborn. There were a lot more factors to the equation than late night feedings and diaper changes sending me for a spiral. You cannot take my suffering at face value for what having a baby at a young age will mean for you. I'm an addict. I struggle with that. I had relationship problems with everyone. I struggled keeping a job, I struggled to pay rent sometimes. Everything was up in the air all the time because I struggled. Day in, day out, I struggled; and I still do. Even the hard days with Gemma, I would never change it. The days I want to relapse, I don't look at her face and think "You're the reason I'm sober". Some days, she's the reason I want to drink, or smoke, or snort something and that's the reality of struggling and having an addiction. You love them to pieces, but sometimes, they're the reason you want something to calm you down. You can have wine at the end of a hard day. You can wind down, relax, and start over tomorrow. I don't get to do that Lexi. My struggle is not the same. You may be pregnant, and we may be sisters, but you don't have the same rocky path I do; or, at least I hope not?" My head tilted, my eyes narrowed as I tried to read her faceless expression.

"I don't" She verified, and I just nodded, knowing that even if she did, the likeness of telling me was slim.

"You need to understand that this child is a lifelong commitment. Whether someone is by your side or not, he or she is yours and I hope that you never have to worry about CPS coming to your door. I hope you never have to call someone to babysit your child for two weeks whilst you're in rehab - but Lexi, if you do, I want that person to be me. I want to be in your corner, whether you have this baby or not. If you want an abortion, I'll be there if you'd like. If you want an adoption, I'll help you look into agencies, if you want to keep it, I'll help you any way I can, but... I don't want you to see that being pregnant at a young age is identical to what I went through. My shit was a completely different beast. It'll be hard, and shit will never make sense, but... Lex, you're not alone.. and" my voice quivered as my eyes filled with tears, "I really.. I really need you.. to hear me.. when I say that, because.. because hearing you're not alone.. when it.. god, sorry" I exhaled, sniffling, taking a deep breath and rolling out my shoulder blades, I tried again, "Hearing you're not alone, when it feels like you against the world.. just.. it feels like you can breathe again" I felt my sinuses start to burn as I withheld the tears from cascading down my face, glancing away out of embarrassment for showcasing my raw emotion; I placed my hand over my chest, "I finally had someone tell me it wasn't just me" feeling my throat swallow the built up emotion as my vision blurred, "And I finally felt like I had a team behind me, and to.. to.." I swallowed again, sniffling, "To have someone in your corner.. to have support? It changes your view on life. On.. on your choices. I.. I wanted to maybe abort G, or give her up.. but I had these voices in my ear telling me I could do it. These people who were down to help whenever I needed, telling me.. telling me that" I sniffled again, wiping under my eye to quickly catch the escaping tear, "Telling me that I wasn't alone, and they.. they were there to help. Gemma wouldn't be with us today if it wasn't for them. I need you to know at the end of the day, whenever you need it, I'm here to help and I love you no matter what choice you make for the baby" the tears finally flowed, my hand struggling to keep up with the cascading emotion as the memories of Sam and Colby played through my head like an old movie on film.

Lexi was quiet as I pulled myself together, licking her lips before looking up at me.

"I feel guilty" She confessed, licking her lips again.

"About?"

"I think.." she paused, glancing down at the concrete for a moment before back up at me, "I don't think I can do this. I don't think I can be pregnant, knowing what it's from. Who it's from. Birth a baby and have them live with the fact that they're a product of such a horrific situation. Look into their eyes and just.. just know what I'm looking at. I'm terrified it will never go away. The thought, the 24/7 replay in my brain that this child is a child of rape, and not love.. feels.. feels so wrong! And.. and.. and volatile! But I feel so guilty for having the word abortion float around in my head because I know that isn't what mom would want. That isn't how I was raised.. and the idea of this baby being babies is terrifying! But every time I look at my stomach, and think about it growing, and giving birth, and raising that baby... all I can think about is how I got here" She spiraled, her shoulders tensing as she sat upright, "I'm losing myself, I'm losing mom, I'm losing my family and my friends and I'm possibly going to lose this baby that I don't even know if I'll regret! 12 weeks is a short amount of time to make such a big decision!" 

"You're not losing yourself, you're just finding a new version" I repeated the words that I've heard one too many times from my therapist. "And Lex, the way you're phrasing possibly aborting the baby tells me you already know you'll regret it; even if you don't know that yet. You can't lose something you've never had. You have one, and if you were okay with willingly giving it up, or away, I don't think you'd be losing it so much as gaining something else instead and hey, you don't want to look like this?" I motioned to my belly, wiggling my hips as I pointed at it before wincing, my hand moving to my back as Lexi laughed at my miserly.

"Yeah, nothing better than tripling your weight, constantly being in pain and always needing to pee" She sarcastically replied, my smile broadening.

"Don't forget the vomiting!"

"Ah, yes! The selling point!" 

We both laughed, my cheeks tight from my smile, "You know, the real selling point is the baby, right? All of this is worth it because you get a baby at the end" 

"Didn't you just tell me your daughter wanted to make you smoke and drink?"

I laughed, "Yes, but the cute I love you's and watching them grow is what I meant! I mean, you've seen G and when she isn't crying or screaming, isn't she just adorable?"

"That feels like a trick question" She snickered, the feelings of butterflies in my stomach made me giggle as I placed my hand over the feeling. "Plus, if I kept the baby, what would I do about Brennen?"

"Just don't tell him. Colby hasn't seen him in forever. Just tell people you don't want him to know" I shrugged, Lexi glaring at me.

"How are you so nonchalant about this?"

"Because if I'm not nonchalant I'll leave to go smash his face in with my fist. Plus, even if you did tell him, doesn't mean he'll stay. This baby is inside of you and as much as it sucks, it is yours whether he pays child support or not" I shrugged again, taking a seat due to my hips starting to hurt.

"Did Gabe pay?"

"Pay what? Child support?" I questioned, Lexi nodding; "At times. He's in med school, so there were times I didn't get it and he's been trying to make up for it. All of it goes towards Gemma and leftover shit stays in a G bank account so if I need it for her when I'm in a pinch, or if she grows up, she has it. It's hers"

Lexi and I watched the sunset over the horizon, pretty oranges and yellows masking the sky above the tall green trees as we discussed baby's and life with a newborn turned toddler. 

It felt so weird to sit in the backyard, talking to my baby sister about her having a baby. I felt like I popped into the middle of the fourth season of a TV show; completely clueless and fumbling the clue card pieces together.

 "Just know, it's your choice to make. You're making the right choice for you right now, not you in the future. If you keep it, great. We're all down to help. You see them all with G. You should know you'll be okay, and if you chose to not have the baby, that's your right now choice. You can't regret it later just because your future changed and hey, maybe you'll never regret it. The future till tell you, but you have to make the smart choice for you right now. Not you in three to five years, or ten years down the line. Forget Brennen and his shitty placement in it. Think about this baby being a baby, and not a reminder of what happened and if you truly can't get over the idea of it, there are always open adoptions" I reminded her, Lexi and I wrapping up due to Gemma's bedtime approaching.

Slipping on Gemma's shoes whilst Colby double checked that we had everything left a buzzing feeling in the back of my mind; an overwhelming thought of leaving Lexi and my mom in time of need washed an immense feeling of guilt all over me as we backed out of the driveway.

"You're quiet" Colby noted, his hand on my knee, squeezing softly.

I could feel his eyes on me as I leaned against the cool glass window, watching the world go by as we drove home.

"Just thinking"

"You're always thinking" he hummed softly, cluing me in on the fact Gemma was falling asleep in the backseat. 

"There's a lot to think about" I replied quietly, hearing him chuckle softly. 

"Want to share with the class?"

Do I tell him Lexi's pregnant? Do I tell him what Brennen did? Is that crossing some sort of sister line?

"Not right now" I chose before I could fully think it through, Colby's questioning gaze burning a hole in the side of my head from his quick glance.

"Is it something bad?" He asked.

Is it?

I mean, yeah.. but.. not for me?

How do I answer this?

"Just complex. It doesn't concern me though, so I don't know if I can share. Lexi has a lot going on right now, and I feel like I'm slowly getting my sister back and I don't want to ruin it by telling you something I shouldn't"

We both quietly did our night time routine.

Colby placed Gemma in bed, me starting the dishwasher and sanitizing the counters before we both met in the bathroom to brush our teeth.

Colby spat out his toothpaste, running his hands under the water before drying them on the towel.

He stared at me for a second through the mirror, discomfort making my muscles tense as I paused brushing my teeth, tiling my head.

"You sure you're alright?" He asked, my eyes squinting before nodding, leaning over to spit out the toothpaste and run the water over the toothbrush.

"I'm fine, Colby. Promise. Well, besides my back murdering me" I chuckled, Colby immediately moving behind me, pushing his thumbs into my sore muscles releasing a relieved moan from me; this hand pushing in on my lower back.

"I've missed the sound of you moaning, it's been a while" He hummed, his lips finding my neck, my head resting back against his chest as I relished in the physical attention.  

"I'm sorry I've been so absent with you" I sighed, "I'm struggling to juggle all these life events that keep getting chucked at me. It doesn't help that everything hurts. I swear this pregnancy is going to murder my body by the end of it"

"You've always struggled unloading some of your plate on someone else. I'm use it, Leigh baby" He snickered, pressing a kiss on my upper back, just below my neck.

"If we go easy on my back, I might be willing to end our celibacy" I watched him through the mirror, biting my lower lip then giggling when his head whipped up with wide eyes.

"You serious?"

"I mean, it has been a while and all your kisses are making my vagina remember just how good it felt having you back on it, and in it" I smiled, my hand finding his, pulling his hand down to my crotch, slipping him inside of my underwear to feel the warmth and wetness accumulate.

I could hear the quiet groan he let out as he melted into my back; his chin resting on my shoulder as his fingers began to play with my crease and folds before spreading me and teasing my center.

I quietly moaned as I felt his middle finger go in a slow circular motion around my opening, desperately wanting him to indulge.

"Fuck, that feels good" I exhaled, my eyes falling shut as he did it again, pathetically panting like a bitch in heat as he toyed with me.

"I've missed this" Colby murmured, his lips finding my neck against, sucking and licking at me.

"I swear if you leave a mark there-" I started to threaten, only to gasp when Colby shoved two fingers into me, my sore, tight muscles contracting and burning a little as he stretched me open.

"God, you're so fucking tight" he groaned, pulling a mewl out of me. "It's been a while since I've stretched this perfect pussy, hasn't it?" he hummed, my head nodding slowly as my body weight fully leaned against his back.

I could feel his erection start to stiffen against my ass, Colby rutting against me softly as he pumped his fingers.

"You are not getting me off by dry humping me, I swear to god if you cum and you're not inside of me- Oooh" I whined, feeling another hand slip under the waistband of my shorts and cup my ass, his finger brushing up and down the crease of my ass, teasing me.

"You want it, baby?" He teased, a slightly louder moan making me bite down hard on my lip, feeling his fingers work me as his thumb brushed against my clit, his other hand squeezing my bare ass. "Should we get rid of these shorts before you wreck them? Hm?" 

"Fuck, Colby" I groaned, his fingers leaving my skin as he pulled down my shorts and underwear, exposing me under the harsh bathroom light. 

"You're so beautiful baby" he cooed, his hand rubbing my ass before slapping it, a gasp leaving my lips as my hips spread for him, my hands grabbing the counter.

"As hot as this is Colby, I've got a bowling ball in here. I can't lean against the counter if you want to spank me. We have to move to the bedroom or it's getting cut short" I informed, feeling my body want to fall against the counter top as my body craved his and the weight of my belly reminded me gravity exists.

Colby grabbed my hand, pulling me into our bedroom, flipping on the side lamp as I carefully crawled onto the bed, Colby placing a few pillows for me to elevate myself before he turned on some music, placing it on the dresser next to the door to try and help drown out our noises.

I leaned on all fours against the pillows, relief on my muscles being a welcomed feeling.

"Comfy?" He asked, myself humming as I rocked on my knees a little. "How sore do you want to be?" He questioned, the bed dipping behind me, the feeling of his bare legs against mine as he leaned forward on my back, moving my shirt up, exposing my skin to him, placing kisses against the skin.

"Nothing extreme. I'm already in pain as it is. Pain isn't pleasure when you're pregnant" I chuckled, shifting slightly so my hands were in front of me, relieving the weight from my elbows.

Colby placed his hand on the middle of my back, slowly moving down to my ass before rubbing the tender skin and spanking me a few more times.

The feeling of his warm breath on the hot skin made me squirm, panting out of need and annoyance of being quiet.

His fingers traced over the crease of my ass before moving down to my vagina, spreading my labia with his fingers, my moan being drowned out by my face in the pillow as he licked at me.

"Oh my god" I groaned, pushing back against him as his tongue lapped at my clit and his fingers slowly pushed back into me, moving in and out at a snail's pace.

"You're getting so wet, baby" He groaned, licking from my opening all the way to my clit, his tongue circling around the sensitive nerves before going back down to my opening.

"Colby!" I shrieked, feeling his tongue press against my asshole. "I— oh my god" I groaned, my cheeks flushing pink as his finger prodded at the tight muscle. 

His finger came back down to my opening, pushing in and doing a circular motion against the muscles, collecting my wetness before pushing back again at the tight ring of muscle holding protest of his entry.

"You're getting so fucking wet, Leighton. You love the idea of me playing with your asshole, don't you baby? Getting all wet and fucked out for me. Looking so fucking pretty and needy as I play with your pulsating holes. Fuck," he hissed,  "You look gorgeous, babe. One second, I'm grabbing the lube" He communicated, abandoning my helpless and needy body.

I heard the bottle pop open, the anticipation growing as my eyes fell shut, awaiting the blissful feeling that was my soon to be husband.

"Ready?" He questioned, my head nodding as I exhaled.

"Yes" I finally answered, catching my breath as I tried to relax for him after repositioning my body, feeling my left hip muscle pull in my back.

Colby's slender, lubed up fingers slowly pushed into my ass; I took deep inhales and exhales as I tried to stay calm, wanting to feel him in me.

His fingers very slowly started to scissor his fingers, opening me up for him.

"It feels weird" I giggled, wiggling slightly, causing me to push back against him, a low grumble leaving my throat before I gasped, "Fuck, that feels good. Wait-" I slowly rocked my hips into him, loving the feeling of his finger moving in and out of me. "God, that's good" I groaned, ignoring his chuckle. "We've got to do this when I'm not pregnant and my knees aren't wanting to chop my head off" I snickered, repositioning again, only to feel Colby's fingers leave me again.

"Flip over, baby"

"I can't lay on my back, Colby"

"Mhm, I know. We'll prop you up so I can make you comfortably cum" He teased, helping me move onto my back, pillows behind me, giving me a better view of him in all his glory.

"You're so fucking hard" I noted, feeling my muscles clench around nothing, "Please, fuck me, Colby" I started to whine, the need becoming unreal.

"Are you turning into a pretty little slut for me? Begging for my cock? It's been so long, hasn't it baby girl" He coaxed, crawling up onto the bed, his hand wrapping around his erection, giving a few tugs before swiping his head through my folds.

"Jesus christ, Colby!" I yelled, the tip of his penis pushing up against my clit.

"Feel good, baby?" He did it again, and again until I was a moaning mess, begging him to enter me and give into my craving.

My hips started to rock against his as he kept hitting my clit, desperate for some sort of relief.

"Please, Colby!" I begged, "I need you inside of me so fucking badly" I cried.

Without any warning, I felt the head of his penis at my opening, pushing my muscles open again for him, welcoming him like a warm hug as I cried out from relief.

"You're so fucking wet, Leighton" He groaned, pumping into me at a slow pace.

"God, you're stretching me out so good" I mewled again, rocking my hips slightly, "Oh my god!" I yelled, Colby pushing in deep, hitting all the right nerves to make my eyes roll back. "Jesus christ!" I panted, "Fuck! Pregnancy sex hits fucking different, oh my god" I groaned, wishing I could ride his cock without my hip muscles burning.

I wanted to be fucking railed and fucked out of my mind, but I knew I couldn't and that pissed me off.

I tried so hard to make it rougher and quicker, but every time I slammed my hips up to meet his, I could feel the tightness and the soreness in my back muscles.

"I need you deep, baby" I whined, tears starting to roll down my face. "I want to ride you so badly. Go so fucking deep- Ahhh!" I moaned out, Colby's fingers entering my ass again. "Oh my god- ohh! Fuck! That feels so good, please don't stop! Oh my god" 

"Cum for me baby. You look so pretty all fucked out and begging. Tears streaming down your face as you plead for me to keep going. I've missed this with you, Leighton. I've missed marking you and reminding you how good we feel together. God, you're dripping down your thighs" He groaned, removing his fingers from my ass, ignoring my protest as he covered his fingers in my arousal, licking them clean with a groan. "Fucking" he thrusted, "Missed" thrusted again. "This"

"Please let me ride you. I need you deep, baby. I need you so fucking deep" I cried, wanting to feel him in my belly.

"Come here baby" His arms went under mine, pulling me towards him before having me move back onto my tummy, "Spread your beautiful thighs for me, Leighton. If you want me deep, I need you open for me. Does anything hurt?" He asked, my hips rocking against the pillows.

"My.. my lower back is.. is sore. My hips.. hips burn a little" I communicated, starting to whine as I continued to rock, wanting to feel him inside of me again; "Fucking worth it though"

"Want this pussy sore too, baby? Want me to pound into you deep and hard? Make you see stars?" He asked, my head nodding as I groaned into the pillow, "Stop moving your hips, Let me do the work" 

I obliged, feeling him push himself back in slowly, resisting the urge to slam back against him.

He started moving slowly again before slowly picking up pace and eventually pounding into me, the sounds of our moans and groans along with our skin slapping together filled the bedroom, drowning out whatever music was playing.

"I'm so fucking close!" I cried out, feeling the perfect amount of stretch that was going to remind me of tonight, tomorrow. "Fuck, it feels so good, Colby!"

"You're so fucking wet, I'm practically slipping out of you" He groaned, "What got you so wet, Leighton? Was it me kissing your skin? Eating you out? Playing with your tight little asshole? Maybe it was that puffy little clit that missed my attention. It reacted so sweetly to me, puffed up real nice and big, letting me know just how fucking ready you were for me. The way this cunt fucking dripped as I lapped at it, pulling me big fucking cock in with need. You're so fucking needy, aren't you baby? Wanting my fucking fingers in your pussy so bad, you just had to fucking have me in the bathroom. Couldn't fucking help yourself, hm, Leighton? Needed me so fucking badly?"

I couldn't reply, moans of ecstasy falling out with no signs of stopping as my stomach clenched, the warmth spreading all over as my muscles tightened around him.

"I'm going to fucking cum! Oh my god!" I cried out.

"Cum, baby. Cum all over me. Fucking drench me. I've missed my messy baby girl. Remind me how much your puffy pussy leaks" he coaxed, slapping my ass, getting a groan from me as my body still. I could feel the wetness drip down to my ass and onto the bed as I cried out, Colby fucking me through my orgasm. 

"Are you close?" I cried out, coming down from my intense orgasm, his cock twitching inside of me before he could even reply.

"So fucking close; gonna fuck my cum into you, remind you how I knocked you up in the first place" he panted, harshly thrusting into my sensitive cunt.

"Want you to fill me up so bad!" I whined, "Want your cum dripping out of me, making a fucking mess all over my thighs. Mark me up baby, leave me drenched in white" I begged, wishing I could watch the way his cum would spill out from the head of his cock into me.

"God, you're such a slut for my cum, aren't you?" He groaned, his eyes falling shut before opening again, finding mine as he stilled hovering over me; the warmth and wetness filling me as he groaned loudly.

I whined, spreading my legs wider, wanting it fucked back into me; only to feel his cock slide out.

"Colby-" I started to complain, only for him to interrupt me.

"You're so fucking full of cum I just fucking fell out, you fucking whore; god I love you" he groaned, swiping his finger through my sensitive folds, showing me our cum mixture.

I stuck my tongue out, awaiting the welcomed substance, only to feel his spit land on my tongue before he swiped his cum down my tongue with his finger, his lips immediately finding mine, shoving his tongue into my mouth, playing with it as I moaned at the feeling. 

He pulled away, both of us breathless; "You look so beautiful, Leighton. I love you" 

"Mm" I moaned, "I love you too. Now fuck your cum back into me. Don't want it go to waste"

* * * * 

This chapter without smut was 7.8k goodnight and goodbye. This is the longest chapter of the entire series I- I didn't want to rob you and uh.. well.. I got carried away 🤪

I always play Into You by Ariana Grande or Body Say by Demi Lovato when I write smut lol #funfact  - What do you think Leigh + Colby would put on for a sex song? lol

We're halfway through this book already O_o

Written on: September 5th, 8th, 11th, 18th, 19th, 20th, 22nd, 23rd 2023

Published on: September 23rd 2023

Word Count: 10201

Twenty One

[britswriting]

Odd One Out! | Quadruple The Love H.S

Quadruple The Love Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

Take your quadruplet gender guesses now before reading!

"Babe, your leg is shaking" Harry hummed, placing his hand on my knee, our skin contact making a warmth spread across my body.

"Sorry. I'm just nervous" I confessed, being mindful about my physical signs of my over- flowering anxiety.

Every hospital appointment I'm convinced I'm going to send Harry's blood pressure through the roof due to my outrageous anxiety. I couldn't help but be a bundle of nerves as far as three to four days leading up to our hospital appointments; the physical reactions only getting worse the closer we got.

I was petrified that something was going to go wrong. That one of the babies wasn't gong to be okay, or that I was doing something wrong. 

Due to being a high risk pregnancy, It feels like I've been living at the hospital the past few months. Countless tests, exams and fetal monitoring made me feel like A: Something was wrong with me. B: Something was wrong with my babies or C: I was some sort of science experiment.

"Y/N Styles?" I heard Harry offering me his hands, allowing me to grasp them so he could help me up out of the chair.

Harry offered me a comforting soft smile whilst I got my weight checked, refusing to look at whatever offensive number it was going to read.

You're carrying four babies Y/N, you're going to gain a lot of weight. I have to remind myself, Harry's hand lacing between mine as we walked down the hospital room corridor.

"Do you want to do the blood work test to learn the sexes of the babies?" The nurse asked, my eyes widening as I looked over at Harry; his expression mirroring my own.

"Up to you baby, I'm fine either way" Harry said, his thumb offering a comforting rub against my knuckles.

Do I want to know the sexes?

"How uh, how does that work? — With multiples, I mean" I asked, all new kinds of nerves creeping up on the back of my neck.

"Well, we'd be looking for a Y chromosome. Female DNA is an X chromosome, so if a Y shows up in the bloodwork, that tells us you're pregnant with a boy. If a Y doesn't show up, we'd make the assumption all the babies are female. Now, for multiples.. it would really only tell us that at least one of them are boys. We can look and see if we can find out through ultrasound but with there being so many, I have no promises of us learning today" He explained and I nodded slowly, chewing a hole into my lip as my hands were folded against my stomach.  

"Can I think about it?" I quietly asked, the nurse nodding.

We went through the routine questions before he left and an ultrasound technician came in, offering a happy smile.

"Mr. and Mrs. Styles. Happy to see you again" glanced between Harry and I before turning on the machine and grabbing the gel. "We're just going to be checking that everything is going smoothly. Pretty routine at this point" She stated, myself nodding as I braced for the cold liquid to touch my warm skin.

Once again, our eyes were locked on the screen that displayed each one of our baby's, one by one as the heartbeats played through the speakers.

"They're got some strong heartbeats" She smiled, pride smothering me.

"You're already raising such strong kids, my love. Knew you'd be a wonderful mother" Harry's warm lips pressed against my temple, offering another form of comfort to me.

"Baby A had ten toes" She announced, my head jerking away from Harry back to the screen, watching her count their little fingers. "Appears 10 fingers. Their hand is in a little fist" She giggled, my hand so desperately wanting to reach towards the screen and brush their delicate little fingers.

Staring at your baby and not being able to touch it felt like a cruel punishment.

"Do you want me to look for a gender and tell you?" She asked, turning the screen back towards her.

Do I?

I looked back over at Harry who always seemed to get lost in his own little world at these appointments.

"Do we want to know?" I asked, my hand wrapping around his forearm, gaining his attention.

Harry looked down at me, his eyes glistening under the low light, showing me they were full of tears as his soft smile made his dimply just barely pop.

I watched him swallow before speaking up, "Up to you, love"

I sighed.

Fuck it.

"Can uh, you just write them down if you can see, and we can decide later?"

The silence was excruciating. The second I saw her pick up a pen, my heart started racing.

Oh my god

I looked back at Harry, a tear rolling down his cheek, melting and breaking my heart all at the same time.

"Babe, why are you crying? I thought I was the hormonal one" I joked, the tips of my fingers brushing against his calloused fingertips. 

"I'm sorry-" he started, my words quickly interrupting him.

"You don't have to apologize for being emotional, baby"

"I know, I know" He sighed, "I'm just.. embarrassed, I guessed" he bashfully admitted, his hand wiping away the evidence of his hardened exterior cracking. "I can't help but feel these emotions overwhelm me" He started before going radio silent, igniting a wildfire of worry through my chest.

Was he regretting this? Did he not want four babies? I mean, who wants four babies at once..

"Can you let me into your head, please?" I asked softly, no longer focusing on the ultrasound tech, Harry nodding.

"I um, just looking at that screen.. seeing their little bodies on the screen and knowing they're inside of your stomach is just... getting to me I guess. I can't help but think about all those times we stayed at the negative pregnancy tests, and now here we are, with not just one, but four babies. I'm fucking terrified for the late night feeds and trying to potty train them all; but I'm so fucking excited too. I mean, you were told you couldn't have kids, Y/N. That shattered your entire world, and now... now we have four healthy babies. Four of them Y/N"

"Not to interrupt, but I know two of the genders. I couldn't see the other two. The positionings were awkward and one of their legs was squeezed shut. I have them on this piece of paper what baby C and D are" 

"You know?" Harry asked, the tech nodding. "Babe, someone on this earth knows what we're about to be parents to" Harry looked over at me, his face unreadable.

"If you want to know, you can. You just can't tell me" I chuckle, Harry's lips rolling in thought.

"Baby, you know I suck at keeping secrets!" He groaned, "I'm going to want to start buying things immediately"

"Well, I mean, we're having four babies. What's the chance of them all being girls or boys?" I noted, thinking we got a 50/50 shot of at least one of them being different sex from the other. "We could do a cute sex reveal?" I suggested, "Nothing big. Maybe like.. the balloons in a box in our house or like the cupcake ones? Then we could find out together" 

With the envelope and scans in hand (Including the gender reveal scans in the envelope) Harry and I left the Hospital, fingers intertwined and smiles on our face the entire drive home.

"I can't believe our future is sitting in the envelope and it's just sitting on the counter" Harry huffed, his eyes locked on it.

"Do you want to just look at it?" I asked, twisting off the cap of my water bottle. "We both suck at keeping secrets, so if we look at it, you know we're going to want to tell everyone" I reminded; Harry groaning, his head tossed back like a defiant child.

"I think I want to find out just with you, and then we can tell our family in a different way?" He said, his hand reaching for the envelope.

"So you're looking?"

"I— I don't know. Should I?"

"Well there is no going back"

"God, I hate this! What if these four are our last four, and we don't get to do a different route?"

"You mean to tell me you want a fifth kid?" I replied in disbelief, unsure if I even wanted a fifth kid after this. I mean, we literally climbed Mount Everest for the first one.

"I don't know, Y/N. I  don't want to decide to look at the envelope and then regret not doing the cupcake thing; or not having the ultrasound tech tell us. I just don't want to regret how I choose to find out since I have a choice"

"We could always wait to find out?" I reminded him, Harry immediately shaking his head, making me giggle. "What? Don't like that idea?"

"Baby, we can't name four babies if we don't know their sex"

"You just pick out four of each, babe" I laugh, moving towards him to rest my forearms against his shoulders, my fingers intertwined at the base of his neck, Harry's thighs opening so I could stand between his legs.

"Do you want to wait?" He asked softly, his hands resting on my ass.

"I want to do the cupcake thing, where you bite into it and it has pink or blue frosting" I chewed my lower lip, feeling Harry's hands move from my ass, to my hips, to my stomach before softly caressing my stomach through my shirt.

"Then let's find a bakery"

* * * * 

Harry and I stared at the white cupcakes with white frosting sitting in a white bakery box, Harry's phone set up to record the moment as I shook out my jitters.

"I don't know why I'm so fucking nervous. It's only two cupcakes!" I exhaled, Harry placing down to small plates, placing each cupcake down.

"I can't believe we're eating something that will tell us what two of them are" He snickered, my eyes rolling.

Ever since I dropped off the cupcake order, Harry's been very vocal about how dumb of an idea this was (Which made me cry quite a few times since I thought it was cute, and it didn't harm anything) - even though he was very on board originally but he put his opinion aside and let me thankfully have my moment.

"We just bite into it, right?" He asked and I nodded, peeling the wrapper off.

"The filling should be pink or blue" I hummed, licking my lips as the nerves ran rampant in my stomach. 

"Ready?" He asked.

"Are you?" I countered, Harry's dimples popping as he leaned over, his smile meeting my own as we kissed before he pulled away and replied, "Ready", my cheeks becoming pink and warm.

We both watched each other bite into the cupcake, making me laugh at how awkward this was.

I refused to look inside as I chewed, whereas Harry immediately held the cupcake up to his face, his eyes widening as he turned it around, still chewing.

It was blue.

We were having at least one boy.

My own eyes went wide as I swallowed, Harry motioning for me to flip my own cupcake around, but my head shook as my own eyes trailed to the colored frosting.

It was blue.

I apparently didn't flip my wrist fast enough after my face showed surprise because Harry grabbed my wrist and turned it for me, seeing the blue frosting for himself.

"Two boys!" He yelled, my smile widening as he set our cupcakes down and pulled me into a kiss. "Oh my god" He groaned, hugging me the best he could due to how large and in charge my stomach was. "We're having two boys, baby"

"Mhm. I hope they look just like you. Brown curly hair, green eyes, dimples and all. Pure perfection" I kissed him again, Harry's cheeks tinting pink as he dropped to his knees, lifting my shirt to kiss my stomach.

"Hi boys" His lips moved against my skin. 

I could feel his lips move against me, but I couldn't hear him before he placed soft kisses against my stretch marks, getting up off his knees and kissing me.

"Happy?" I teased, Harry wildly nodding.

"Two down, two to go"

* * * * 

"Let's hope they're not shy this time" Our tech chuckled, moving the wand against the gel on my stomach, Harry and I watching the ultrasound machine for the umpteenth time.

"You guys know the two genders, right?" He double checked, Harry and I nodded; Harry informing him we knew at least two of them were boys.

We went over if we wanted to know if he could see them, or have them written down again; surprisingly Harry said he wanted to know from the tech; making this entire situation even more anticipated.

"It's noted that baby B and C were said to be boys" he hummed, showing us the ultrasound of the two, their penis very evident on the screen; confirming they were indeed boys. "So we need baby A, and baby D" he hummed again, flipping the screen. "Let's see.. this is baby A, they're a wiggly little one. I'm sure that can be uncomfortable. They're on your lower right" He said and I immediately nodded. "Let's see, their little fist is still clenched" He chuckled. "We could always have you drink some cold water, it usually gets them moving. It will make you have to pee though" 

Two cups of cold water later, the wand was back to moving across my stomach, the three of us looking back at baby A who's tummy was moving up and down, legs still closed together.

"God damnit child!" I groaned, Harry and the tech snickering, "They're already being difficult!"

"Let's look at baby D" the screen flickered against for a better view of the baby on my left side. "This one's tucked in near your ribs" He winced, apparently knowledge on the fact that baby's against your ribs fucking suck. "Oh!" His voice peaked in pitch, "See here" He pointed at the screen where we could see between their legs due to the movement.

"Is that-" Harry paused, the tech nodding.

"Oh my god" my eyes prickled with tears, the perfect heartbeat filling our ears as happiness washed over me.

"Baby D is a boy!" The tech announced, writing it down on the paper.

"Three boys" Harry spoke in disbelief.

"Let's try looking back at baby A again" The tech noted, Harry and I waiting with baited breath.

Would the fourth be a boy? Were we having all boys? Do I want all boys? How am I going to raise boys? 

"Come on little one, your mum and dad want to know what you are" he murmured to himself, trying different angles, but due to how the baby was positioned, even with the movement, we could only see their leg.

Sadly we couldn't see what Baby A was, leaving us with yet another appointment of anticipated mystery.

Our third gender related appointment, Harry and I had our fingers crossed, as the tech checked again, already noting that everything seemed to be alright even though they were all quite small.

"This little one is definitely shy" The tech chuckled as Harry and I nervously waited, although we decided to not find out what baby A was, and to have it written down on the paper so we could have one surprise at our gender reveal party with the family, it was still anxiety inducing.

What if they never showed and we just had to wait till my c-section?

I knew it wasn't the end of the world to not know; but it sucks having your heart set on something, just for all of that to be taken away. As silly as it sounds, Harry and I couldn't help but have a plethora of pillow talks about our kids, and what if we thought the fourth one would also be a boy.

It made my pregnancy dreams pick up as I imagined having these babies, except the fourth one just kept switching out from boy to girl every time I looked at them.

"Oh? I think we have a chance!" The tech exclaimed, my heart rate picking up as I desperately wished to turn the screen towards us; watching the techs head tilt, Harry's hand squeezed mine as he whispered, "This is it" in my ear, softly pecking my cheek afterwards.

"Oh my god, you know!" I accused, watching him pick up the pen with a small smile on his face.

"I do"

"Oh my god, tell me!" I joked, before quickly adding, "I'm joking! Don't actually!"

"I still can't believe we're having quadruplets" Harry laughed, taking the sealed envelope.

"I can't believe I'm working on a case of quadruplets!" The tech chuckled, wiping the gel off my stomach.

"This entire thing has been a daydream and a nightmare all wrapped in one messy package" I sighed, Harry helping me up so I could pull my shirt down.

"They appear healthy though, which is the best part of my job" The tech offered us a small smile, shuffling some of the paperwork on the counter before scooping up a clipboard.

The second we got home, Harry and I grabbed a few snacks before sitting down on our couch and immediately starting to plan this party.

"How are we going to buy balloons if we don't know the gender?" Harry asked, my pointer finger hitting the down key as I scrolled through different Pinterest Ideas.

"I'm more so wondering how original we want to be" 

"You said you wanted to do Balloons in a box in our living room" Harry's eyebrows raised in suspicion.

"But is it stupid?" I worried, Harry's eyes rolling.

"Babe, gender reveals in general are stupid"

"No they aren't" I whined, pouting as I moved the laptop off of me and onto the coffee table, "They're special! We're telling our family and friends what we're having! It's fun and special"

"I understand that it is special. But extravagant things are a bit much, no? I told you this with the cupcakes"

"It was two cupcakes, Harry" I huffed, tired of coming back to this conversation. "Plus, you're literally the king of being extra! I don't understand what you're so hung up on"

"I'm not hung up on anything"

"Bullshit! You were all excited about this when we first found out, but the section I put everything into motion, you became Mr. Bah Humbug!"

"I'm not being Bah Humbug, I'm just thinking.. this is a lot, babe. You're six months pregnant, love. I don't think we need to be doing some huge party; let alone planning it. You're supposed to be resting and protecting yourself and our babies-"

"So what? Now I'm a bad mom?" I frowned, Harry's cheeks puffing as he blew our air.

"You know I didn't say that, babe. I just don't want you overdoing it, is all. Plus, how are we supposed to order and put these things together without knowing? Doesn't someone else typically do this?"

"I just want it to be special, Harry" I sighed, my eyes falling shut as I let my body give into the comfort of our couch.

"It will be, baby. I just think decorating and all that is something we don't need to do ourselves. There are professionals for a reason. Shouldn't we just hire someone? Then all that stress is on them, and I can keep you comfy and cozy in bed as you do the hardest job out of anyone" He smiled softly, his thumbs digging into the soles of my sock covered feet.

"What? Laying around?" I scoffed, Harry's smile widening as he shook his head, replying, "Growing our babies"

* * * * 

Our house was decorated to the gods.

Pastel pink and blue balloons were blown up and attached to all sorts of different signage around our downstairs. 

A "Girl or boy?" a banner was hung over our entry table where cute little guessing game activities were.

Different jars read, "All boys" "All girls" "Three girls, one boy" etc of the different variants; marbles ready to clatter into the mason jars.

A calendar with the month of our due date was shown, "Guess the due date" being listed with a jar under it where you can slip a piece of paper into it and finally, a place to leave baby name suggestions was sat next to a cute "Welcome to the Styles' gender reveal party! Please no social media posts, or stories! This is a private event!" With parenthesis underneath reading "Please don't share the genders of their babies on social media either"

In the kitchen we had an assortment of catered foods and bowls of snacks; the prized Cake sat in the middle that had a cake topper reading, "Boys or girls?" 

Harry's event planner got a four tiered cake ordered, each layer being frosted with blue or pink frosting so when you sliced into it, and took a piece out, the answer was in the frosting.

In our living room stood four taped shut boxes that  had the balloons in them, the final box being the one Harry and I didn't know.

Harry was wearing a pastel pink shirt with blue jeans and I was wearing a cute pastel pink and blue tie dye maxi dress.

On our dining room table the baby gifts were sat wrapped in perfected wrapping paper and bows, or puffy tissue paper peeking out of bags. Harry and I fought over the idea of being gifted things since we could very well afford everything but annoyingly Harry brought his mom into it, who explained that "It's just so special to shop for baby gifts. It's so fun to see something you bought them being used! Especially clothes and things"

Harry made sure I sat most of the time since my feet were pretty swollen, different people coming up to me and conversing before we played a few party games awaiting the real reason everyone was gathered here.

"Ready, love?" Harry asked, my head nodding as my hands grabbed his, the leverage of his pull helping me onto my feet, a few people chuckling before Harry kissed me, lacing our hands together before helping me waddle over to the boxes, taking a different seat right in front of the final two boxes on the left of Harry.

"Hello!" Harry's voice boomed over everyone else's, getting them to focus on him. "We just wanted to thank everyone for coming! Y/N and I can't wait to go on this journey together as you all know. In case anyone has forgotten, We are expecting quadruplets!" Harry and the crowd cheered, my eyes rolling as I replied, "How could I forget?" getting a few laughs. 

"You look stunning, babe" He reassured me, "Now Y/N and I do know what is inside of the first three boxes" he motioned towards them with his hand, "This is for you. The last one is a surprise to us all" 

"Get going already!" My mom shouted somewhere from within the crowd, all of us laughing as Harry nodding.

"Alright, better now than never" he chuckled nervously, crouching next to me to open the box. "Ready? Five.. Four.." he led, the crowd joining them before reaching zero, the box opening and the small blue balloons floated up to the ceiling.

The crowd cheered and whistled, a few cries of excitement and curses of "I thought it'd be all girls" were heard around the room.

The process repeated two more times, the anticipation growing as blue balloons laid at our feet, my hands shaking a little over the fourth box.

This was it.

We'd finally know.

"Come on baby boy! All boys! Let me be right!" My mom prayed in front of me, her fingers twisted into a promise hold.

"Open it!" The crowd cheered, Harry and I smiling at each other before I pried open the box, refusing to look until the balloons floated out, the crowd cheering in excitement as Harry pulled me into a hug; pink balloons above us.

It was a girl.

We were having a baby girl.

"I love you so much, Y/N" Harry told me, kissing me for a few moments before pulling away.

"I told you they wouldn't be all the same!" I laughed, his eyes rolling as he grabbed one of the pink balloons.

"I can't believe we're having a girl. I really thought they'd be all boys" he chuckled, "With the first three being boys, I had a pretty solidified thought that you'd be the princess of the family, but uh, I hope you don't mind being the queen" He teased, tossing me the pink balloon.

Everyone came up to congratulate us, my body feeling numb as I tried to process all the new information.

It felt fake. Like all of this was a lie.

If it wasn't for my big belly and constant medical check ups, I would've thought they were pulling my leg. 

Harry and I were really having quadruplets after our long infertility struggle. We were having three boys and a girl, and it all felt surreal. You couldn't wipe the smile off our faces even if you tried, but that didn't mean the worry didn't build up higher and higher each and every day the news started to set in. As fake as it felt, it also felt extremely real. We were going to be parents to quadruplets in just a few months and we didn't have anything picked out and ready.

Anne came up to us, full smile and hugs before exclaiming, "I can't believe I'm going to be a grandma! You guys are  definitely going to have your hands full but I'll be here whenever you need! I can't believe you're having a little girl! After all those blue balloons, I was certain I was going to need to stock up on everything boy" She laughed, Harry grinning down at his mother.

"Trust us, we're both in just as much disbelief as you" 

ynstyles

♡ liked by: annetwist, yourbff, harrystyles, and 27,940 others

tagged: harrystyles

ynstyles: Struggling to get out of bed!! #toopregnant 

view all 13,758 comments

harrystyles: You can stay in bed for as long as you want babe ↳ ynstyles: @/harrystyles I would, but my bladder says otherwise!

yourbff: I can't wait to touch your belly!!

↳ ynstyles: @/yourbff Okay that sounds weird lol

harryfan1: I can't wait till Harry becomes a dad! It's going to be so cute!! ↳ harryfan2: @/harryfan1 That is if they share it with us :/ ↳ harryfan3: @/harryfan2 Oh shit, true O_o

harryfan4: Does anyone know how far along she is?

harryfan5: Since when was she pregnant? 

harryfan6: I need Harry cuddles :(

harryfan7: I can't believe she's having his kid 🙄This divorce is gonna get messy!! 😬 ↳ harryfan8: @/harryfan7 Divorce? :(

* * * * 

I have no baby names picked out help

September 13th, 16th, 17th 2023

Published on: September 17th 2023

Word Count: 4417

tags: @ashleighsss @theekyliepage

[britswriting]

Fallen For You H.S | AU - Three

Fallen For You Masterlist - find description here

Read on Wattpad

Rancher!HarryxPlus-sziedOC

🦋Delaney🦋

I tucked my phone into the back pocket of my jean shorts, bending down to pull up my ankle sock that annoyingly kept falling down my heel in my boot before quickly going down the rickety wooden steps; feeling them flex underneath my weight.

I knew we needed to redo the deck, but it really makes a girl feel good when the floor flexes under your feet.

I was met with a few of the dogs who followed me to Harry's door, my knuckles stinging slightly from how hard I knocked against it; wincing, I rubbed them, awaiting him to open the door. Trying a few more times, I was met with no response.

Did he leave?

I raised my hand again, ready to knock one or two more when I heard "Delaney" behind me, quickly spinning around on my heel, almost tripping over Milo in the process who quickly moved out of the way. "What are you doing?" he asked, sounding.. assertive yet confused? I couldn't quite place it. Intrigued, maybe?

"I was looking for you" I replied, "My dad said I had to show you around the place. Are you uh, ready?" I questioned, taking a quick glance at him, swallowing the saliva that once again accumulated in the back of my throat.

His hair looked like his fingers had recently run through it, hair strains tossed to the side; even dangling slightly against his forehead. The scruff on his face was starting to grow in, telling me he hadn't shaved that morning. No matter how desperate I wanted to linger on his facial hair and lips, my eyes continued down. A black snug t-shirt, blue jeans, same expensive looking cowboy boots that Louie tried to ruin.

He looked just as he always does. If it wasn't for the new shirt, I would've just assumed he grabbed the same clothes off the floor from the night before, until I looked closer.

A new belt buckle and no brown staining on his thighs and knees told me he put in some effort; even if that didn't include shaving or doing his hair.

I couldn't help but giggle to myself when I realized my outfit didn't match his at all.

I was wearing dark wash blue jean shorts - unlike Harry, whose were more of a medium wash; a tucked in loose t-shirt - a need when you're working in the heat, and even down to my white ankle boots screamed opposite.

"What?" He asked, my head titling.

"Hm?"

"You laughed" He said, my eyes widening slightly.

Shit

That wasn't in my head?

"Oh.. uh" I nervously chuckled, "I just uh.. we're so different" I giggled again, looking down at my shoes before looking back at Harry.

"What?"

"Our outfits, they're very different" I pointed at his jeans and tight fit shirt, then my shorts, grabbing the loose fabric that was bunched up where it was tucked into my shorts to hopefully get my point across.

"Why are you wearing shorts?" He asked, not sounding like a question, more like an accusation.

What's wrong with wearing shorts?

I looked down at my legs, confused.

Did he have a problem with me wearing shorts?

"Because it's hot?" I hesitantly responded, noticing his gaze lingered on my legs, beginning to make anxious thoughts swarm my head.

I chewed on the inside of my lip as I fought the urge to hide my legs.

Should I have worn pants?

But it's hot out. Sweltering even. If I had worn jeans, they would've chaffed my thighs, or stuck to my skin, and or even ripped. Shorts felt like the best option for functionality.

Harry stayed silent and I sighed, debating if I should change or not.

I waffled for a few seconds before deciding to screw him and just stay in my shorts.

Who was he to tell me what to wear? If he didn't like my thick thighs he can get lost. He's here to help us, not the other way around.

"Alright, well" I I sighed, glancing down at Milo, giving him a quick pet before moving to walk in front of Harry, Milo following me, knowing it was breakfast time. "We better get working" I continued, my back to him. "First step is the barn so I can feed the dogs and cats and show you where certain feeds are"

Harry and I opened the big barn doors, a smile plastered to my face as I was met with our beautiful horses; the grin quickly vanishing when the waft of horse manure filled my nostrils.

Yuck.

"Welcome to Fallen Ranch!" I laughed, ready to joke that the work was about to begin, but once again, Harry was hot on my heels with his reply.

"Oh, I thought it was fall in. Like fallin' apart" He.. joked? I think it was a joke? Was it not? He was joking right?

I frowned, "Falling a part?" I asked, Harry nodded as he looked around the barn. "That's rude" I grumbled, moving over to a workbench that was against one of the walls; a stack of food bowls ready to be filled.

I started laying them out in front of me, reaching for the scoop in the dog food bag, ready to pour it in when our bitch of a cat jumped onto the workbench.

"Keep your nasty paws out of Leo's food!" I scolded, scooping the calico cat off my work bench and gently tossing her to the floor, "Dogs first you little brat" Sassy mowed at me, jumping back up, "Sass-a-frass! You're a freeloader! You don't do shit around here— DON'T EAT THAT!" I yelled, her head dipped into Opal's food bowl. "Oh my god" I groaned, beginning to feel overwhelmed.

"What the hell are you yelling about?" Harry grumbled, opening one of the horse stalls that lead to the fenced in outdoor grazing area, starting to let out the horses for the morning.

"My sister's bitch of a cat is eating my dog's food" I grumbled, my eyes widening when the work bench wobbled, Knox's front paws resting on the edge. "Get down!" I scolded, Knox immediately jumping down, my hand grabbing the cat and removing her yet again. "Can you help me, please?" I asked, wanting to get these dogs fed before it all landed on the floor from either Knox or Sassy.

"That is not a part of my job description" he snapped back

"Yeah well shoving my foot up your ass isn't mine either but the days still early!" I snapped, having had enough of everyone's attitudes.

I like to think I'm a pretty patient person, but my fuse runs short when the cause is days, if not weeks long.

Everyone has a snapping point, right?

"Days still young" he replied, leaning against one of the wooden support beams in the barn, watching me.

"What?"

"It's "Days still young" Days still early just sounds stupid" He corrected, pushing the right button to make me give any less of a fuck than I thought was possible.

What's this guys problem?

"You know what?" I huffed, immediately getting interrupted before I could continue.

"What? Enlighten me" Harry replied, not missing a beat as the forming smirk popped a dimple yet again.

I swear my eyes had hearts in them, even though I wanted to shove him out of my way and never see him again.

How can one be so cocky and disrespectful?

I swear I'd walk miles for this man with sores on the bottom of my feet, and it still wouldn't be enough.

"I don't need your help anyway. I was doing' just fine without you" I finished, setting down Knox's food bowl since he was right here before setting down the others all holding Sassy in my arm, ringing the food bell and waiting for the four legged little helpers to come get breakfast.

"If I recall, your family desperately hired me because of how much you needed me" he smirked, his egotistical aura making me want to scream.

Why did I think he was to die for again?

"So you feed off the poor?" I questioned, the ick starting to form deep down, even as his stupid dimple popping smirk wanted to make me do irrational things to him.

Harry's arms crossed over his chest and his lips formed a line, "Aren't you supposed to be showing me around? Isn't that your job?" He emphasized, apparently ready to move on from a conversation I was very ready to have.

This man was infuriating in an annoyingly sexy way that it was truly starting to piss me off.

I walked him through the barn, showing him where everything way; Harry adding Hay to the troughs whilst I put in fresh water.

The bucket of manure always made me gag, even when I was a kid; thankfully I ran away before he could try and make that my problem.

"How many damn dogs do y'all have?" Harry asked, his tone causing a frown to tug at my lips as Harlow, Knox, Daphine and Milo gathered, eager to work.

"They come in pairs of two, besides the Pyrenees. There are three. Knox and Harlow are the cattle herders" I explained, climbing over the fence much to Harlow's dismay, "Grab the shovel, we got shit to clean up, literally" I laughed, wobbling slightly as the heel of my ankle boot got caught on the top of the barbed wire fence almost sending me straight into a pile of cow poop, Harry's chuckle was heard over my instinctive shriek of horror and disgust as my heart dropped to my stomach. "You could've helped ya know"

"Why would I do that?" He asked as I watched my step, my nose wrinkling at the smell.

People say when you live on a farm you get used to all the smells; but that was never my truth.

"Because a decent human thing to do when someone is falling is try and help them" I huffed, seeing out of the corner of my eye, our female Border Collie's front paws on the fence. "Harlow, wait" I instructed, showing her the palm of my hand, silently telling her to stay.

"Here, you can do that whilst I feed them" Harry said, dangling the pooper scooper shovel over the fence, ignoring my comment about human decency. Typical.

"Why can't I feed them?" I argued, really not wanting to clean up cow poop in my white ankle boots.

"Your farm" He shot back, still holding out the shovel.

My brow raised, "You're the rancher. If I recall, picking up shit is apart of your job"

"Then why are you the one in the pen, and I'm the one over here?" he smirked. I swear my knees buckled a little when his dimple popped yet again.

God the things I'd give to lick it, or kiss it.

His pink lips looked so inviting.

I could feel my body start to become mush. The inside of my stomach felt all warm and gooey as my knees metaphorically buckled; ready to give in at any moment.

God damnit! Get a grip Delaney!

Can't you focus more on how frustratingly annoying he is? And less on how kissable he looks right now? I mentally scolded, but the thought of kissing him made me start to wander again.

I bet he gives the best kisses. Sweet, warm, just enough passion to make you yearn for me; knowing his asshole tendencies, he'd leave you to suffer though. Tease you. Make you want more.

His big strong arms would hold you so soft and tight. Comfort and protect you in all the heartwarming ways. His green eyes would look at you so lovingly it would hurt.

"Delaney" Harry grumbled, the shovel clattering against the fence, startling me.

"Whatever" I huffed, quickly recovering as I turned around, "Get moving. We got a lot to do"

"Why do you daydream so much?" Harry asked, his eyes squinting at me.

"None of your business" I grumbled, shockingly choosing to scoop up poop over talk to Harry.

Five minutes into cleaning the pen, I grimaced with a shriek, my white ankle boot covered in a dark brown sludge that I knew all too well.

God damnit!

"You've got to be kidding me" I grumbled, dragging the sole of my against the dirt, knowing damn well I shouldn't have worn white shoes.

I wasn't supposed to be cleaning the pen today though. I was supposed to show this dreamy muscle man where everything was, preparing him to work for us before going off to help with my actual job! Now my shoes are covered in disgusting cow poop!

I heard a chuckle next to me, my head whipping up to find Harry's sparkling green eyes and annoying sexy dimple mocking me as I tried my best to get the cow poop off my shoe.

"How's it going?" he asked, a teasing undertone to his words. Or.. maybe he was mocking me in an aggravating manner? It sounded like he was teasing me, but maybe he was ready to explode on me at any given minute.

"Shove it, Harry" I groused, my eyes prickling with tears as my pushed down emotions began to bubble over.

I can't fucking cry in front of him! It'll give him just another reason to make fun of me!

I kept my head down, leaving the shovel against the fence before letting Harlow and Knox in to help move the cows to the other fenced area for grazing.

"Just open the gate, they'll get them in and then close and lock it and bring the borders back to the main house. I'll be right back, I need to clean my shoes" I spoke quickly, wanting to get the instructions out before the knot in my throat grew too big that I couldn't suppress my emotion any longer.

The second I slipped my once white shoes off, bending down to carefully pick them up by the collar of the shoe with a grimace, the slow hot tears started falling one by one down my only what I can assume pink cheeks as I rushed to the bathroom to try and save my shoes from landing in the trash.

I struggled to clean them off with my watery vision, but thankfully I managed, leaving them in the tub to air dry as I took a quick glance at myself in the mirror, praying I looked presentable enough to go finish helping Harry.

My full rose cheeks were bright pink, along with my nose and eyes. My face had damp tear stains; my hands quickly swiped them away.

There was no fixing this.

Fuck.

Slipping on my worn down cowgirl boots, I met back up with Harry; his eyes narrowed at me, like he was trying to place me from somewhere, but I ignored him, "Ready to finish the tour?" I asked, Harry taking a few seconds before nodding.

I showed him where the sheep were; showing him how the locks worked, mentioning they all had to be replaced eventually.

"The sheep get fed three times a day" I started, Harry interrupting me yet again.

One can argue his habits are more annoying than my daydreaming ones.

"I know how to care for sheep" he stated and I nodded slowly, deciding to just drop it and let us both do our jobs.

I commented that we do sheer them at least once a year, my lips pursing, feeling like everything I was telling him was going in one ear, out the other.

I couldn't tell if it's because he didn't care, and truly already knew how to do everything; maybe my dad has walked him through it already? If that was the case, surely my dad wouldn't have asked me to do this then, right? And wouldn't Harry have said something about my dad showing him already?

Was it because I was a woman, and this was a "man's" job? I scoffed at the thought, feeling my lovey dovey rose colored glasses turn cold dark and gray.

Surely that isn't it, right? He couldn't be sexist, right?

With the sheep's out in their fenced in field, I took him over to the garden, smiling at our flourishing plants.

"This is our garden!" I grinned, the feeling of pride washing over me as I watched him look around; "It's my grandma's favorite part of the farm. She's tended to this garden for decades" I told, "We love using stuff from our garden to cook with, or to feed the horses and stuff. If you ever need anything, feel free to help yourself! My grandma comes out almost daily to harvest since our bunnies sometimes like to swipe stuff" I paused, cupping my hands around my mouth as I began to whisper loudly, "Even though she literally gave them their own garden patch by their hutch" I grinned, watching Harry crack a smile, sending my stomach swirling once again.

God the things I'd do to see that on a daily basis.

I took him over to the bunny hutch, noticing a few of them out in their fenced area.

"This one is Lydia" I pointed at the one near us, "She's mine. She's a Holland Lop" I smiled over at him, bending over the fence to give her a little pet, "The gray and black one over there" I pointed to the far corner, "Are the neighbor girls. They like to visit and see them but their family doesn't have room for them. So uh, if you see 2 tween looking girls on the Ranch, It's probably Sarah and Fiona" I informed, "Want to pet her? Lydia's super friendly!"

"I'm good" He stayed stoic.

Party Pooper.

"Well I want to hang out with her for a while" I stated, not ready to leave my bunny. "I got her when she was really young which was fun" I decided to tell him, entering their pen and taking a seat in the grass, smiling when Lydia hopped over to me. "She always comes over because I typically bring her snacks" I giggled, watching her cute pink nose flutter.

Getting distracted with the bunnies, I heard Harry's familiar, "What the fuck!" making my head shoot up, seeing him scowling down at his cowboy boots again.

"What?" I asked, confused as I pushed myself up off the ground, careful not to step on Lydia.

"What is with your fucking animals biting me!" He shouted, my eyes widened yet again. I swear they were going to get stuck like that.

I noticed Charles, "our" duck next to Harry.

I snickered, Harry glaring at me.

"It's not funny! These are expensive! You still owe me for your fucking rat of a dog leaving marks!" His brow furrowed, the scowl only making my giggle turn into a laugh.

"I think they like you" I teased, "This is Charles. he's our duck"

"Your duck?"

"Well, a duck" I corrected, "I mean, we don't own him.. but he hangs around here. He has a duck wife and ducklings of his own" I told him, surprised Charles wandered over to us.

Usually my younger brothers were chasing the ducks by the pond, so maybe nipping Harry was payback.

I giggled again, thinking about the duck being spiteful, Harry's glare deepening.

"This is why you don't own animals" he huffed, marching away from the duck who was waddling after him, my grin never leaving my face as I giggled, watching a grown ass man get chased by a duck.

"Animals bring joy to your life!" I countered, "Just like kids"

"No" his head shook, "They bring chaos"

"But isn't that fun? Life's boring if it's so routine all the time"

"Routine isn't boring. It's orderly" Harry corrected, turning to face me again.

"Again, borrring" I dragged out, a big smile on my face as I teased him.

I stand by it though. Who wanted to spend all day doing chores? That's the shit you get done so you can go have fun!

When the time came to milk the cows, Harry and I reached the warehouse-like area we used for it.

"They just.. go in?" He asked, seeming impressed that the cows did it in such an orderly fashion.

"Mhm. They like it. Think of it like your morning pee. It's reliving, plus, they get fed after" I noted, slipping on my gloves. "Right here" I pointed to the wall on my left, "Is how you clean the materials. We'll get to that, but just in case you forget"

Harry scoffed, telling me off, "I won't forget, I'm a professional" which only made me roll my eyes at his cocky attitude.

Can't this man ever just accept that not everything is routine? Some things have to be new and take a learning curve?

We got to our first cow, and I sat down on the stool, this entire process feeling like muscle memory, having done it with my dad so many times in the last 26 years.

"So, if god forbid, a machine is broken, this is what you do" I looked up from the cow, seeing that Harry was surprisingly paying attention like my words actually mattered.

This is new.

I couldn't help but feel my heart smile at the idea of me mattering to him. Even if it was as silly as how to milk a cow, it still made me happy that it appeared that he cared.

"Okay, so she is eating her hay right now, so she couldn't honestly give less of a fuck" I giggled, moving my bucket. "Come here and hold this bucket" I demanded, surprising him since he quickly moved. "Grab that stool, take a seat, stay a while" I joked, handing him the sterile bucket we use to catch the milk. "So, these are her udders" I chuckled, glancing over at Harry, expecting a chuckle or maybe even sexual innuendo, but his eyes were just locked on the cow. "They are clipped, as you can see here" I showed, "We keep our cows healthy" I commented, hoping he knew we did not stand for animal abuse or neglect here.

"Clipped?" he asked, surprising me.

I nodded, "You clip them to keep them clean"

"How do you clip udders?"

"Well, there are two ways. You see here, how her udders are just skin?" I asked, Harry nodding, "That's because we've shaved the hairs to keep her udders healthy and not have bacteria etcetera. My dad prefers to manually shave them. We only have a few cows after all, but the other method is singeing with fire. If done properly, it works well, but we don't like to risk possibly burning their skin or something"

"You.. hold fire? To the cow?" Harry sounded bewildered, staring at me like I have three heads.

"It's a way to do it, yes. Anyway, we do keep up on that, and I'm sure my dad can show you when the time comes, but for now, don't worry about it. Oh! Also, make sure the area is clean" I grab the paper towel, "You kind of just... swipe? At the udder? Uh, here, let me show you" I cleaned around the udder, noticing some dirt and what looked like grass, "Don't use water" I warned, "It can prevent the teat from opening"

"Tit?"

"Teat"

"Cows have tits? Is that why people refer to nipples as tits?" Harry asked, my eyes closing as my head turned out of shameful withheld laughter.

"It's a teat, and uh, I guess. Women's nipples and cow's teats produce milk" I chuckle, pulling myself together so I can focus. "Step one, you put on gloves. Keep everything clean and sterile. They're all over the place around here. Let us know if you need a different size" Harry nodded, "So, the step two once you're gloved is to prep the teat. You take this" I grabbed our pre drip solution, "You want to cover the four teats with it for at least 30 seconds. You do one at a time"

I could feel Harry intently paying attention, even with how in the zone I got, wanting to do this properly.

"Next, you grab the udder like this" I wrapped my hand around it, "You squeeze slightly downward.. kind of half twist? You don't want to like.. ring out the udder, but kind of guide the liquid out? I uh.." My cheeks flushed, "You've um.."

Delaney, no! Stop!

"Hm?"

"You've uh.. um.."

Delaney, seriously! Don't!

"I've what?" Harry asked, my slight squirming not helping as mental imagery flashed through my head.

"You uh.. you know how you uh.. um.."

"How I..?"

Oh my god

You're fucked!

Totally completely fucked!

You did this to yourself!

You couldn't just shut up and think of a better example?!

This is definitely not how your father taught you!

"So uh, you know when you um.. masturbate?" I rushed, "You kinda.. do a similar motion" I refused to make eye contact with the man. I can't. I won't. I refuse. "Just uh.. slowly.. like.. like edging"

DELANEY NICOLE FALLEN, YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT

I could feel the heat radiating off my face.

I can't believe I just said that.

I did not just bring up Harry masturbating whilst I have my hand wrapped around a cow udder.

Oh my god.

The rest of the explanation only got worse as the liquid began to drip out into the bucket, unacceptable mental images of Harry doing things I should definitely not be thinking about whilst I'm milking a cow, Harry right next to me, refused to leave my head.

I've never wanted to run out of a room quicker in my life, and it was my own damn fault!

I thought it couldn't get worse, but the redness in my cheeks stayed put as Harry took place on the stool, his own hands gloved as he began to prep the next cow to try doing it himself.

I slowly walked him through it again, his hand wrapping around the udder, with a soft chuckle and head shake, softly confessing, "I wish you didn't compare this to masturbating"

You and I are both, buddy.

I'd say it's a safe assumption that I want to simply forget today ever happened.

* * * * 

I listened to Lacy by Olivia Rodrigo the entire time I wrote this lol

Written on: September 9th, 10th, 11th 2023

Published on: September 11th 2023

Word Count: 4.2k

Part Four