#I don't want to lose my loved ones. I don't want to lose myself

[kaelidascope]

On one hand, I'm relieved to see that it isn't just me suffering in the engagement department whereas I used to get flooded with comments and the like every time I dropped something. It isn't the only reason why I've moved from fanfic work to original work, but it is part of it. The last round of engagement on the latest MM chapter was abysmal, and while I know it's not a reflection of my quality in writing, I kept beating myself up over the possibility that I took too long to update it and people gave up on it/forgot/fell out of love with my work because I as a creator was not performing good enough. It drove me into a bit of a depression for a while.

On the other hand, this is making me rethink my stance on never telling my favorite authors how much they have inspired me to take off with my writing career. This is going to get a little lengthy but I want to talk about it so bear with me here.

Closed circles know how much of an insane, unhinged fan I am of certain writers, yet I have never actually said a word to them. I think I left one comment on maybe two fics that went unanswered (which is fine. They're not active in the fandoms I'm in anymore and I'm just some guy out of probably hundreds all saying the same thing. They're not gonna reply to me) but apart from that, you wouldn't catch me dead actually admitting how much the works mean to me. But why?

I guess I was far too proud and too terrified of being let down if I exposed myself like that. Despite the fact that these authors were literal catalysts for borderline impossible feats I have done within the last year, WELL RECEIVED FEATS at that, I swore I'd never tell anyone how inspiring they were for me. (Unless a casual friendship has been established. I have had the tremendous honor to able to talk to some of my inspirations one on one but under incredibly lucky circumstances)

I had a scenario in my head that these were the cool kids, and if you ever got picked on at all for admiring anything, you know damn well you never tell the cool kids about your admiration. I was afraid that they'd take one look at the work that was inspired by theirs and laugh at it in their enclosed circles. I wasn't going to risk having my confidence crushed and lose the motivation to continue working on my projects by being a fan.

I know not all authors do this. Every time someone comes to me and tells me I've inspired them to be a better writer, I literally frame it in a collection of screenshots I have saved on a hard drive. Every. Single. Time. And I know anyone else would tell me that if the person I admire would actually be cruel enough to mock an up and coming writer, then they're not worth admiring. Which I agree with! But try telling that to sensitive little Kaeli that safeguards their interests with the fiery defensiveness of a feral bear on cocaine.

But then I see posts like this, and I put myself in their shoes. I don't know them. They could be a jackass but they could also be like me - someone who bases a lot of motivation for project completion based off of whether or not people even care to see it completed.

This is all a very long, round about away to say that who cares if the author you build a mini-shrine for in your brain thinks your cringe for liking their work? Odds are they probably need to hear that you liked it so much, it inspired you to do something with that feeling. We all need to hear it. They inspired you and now you're making something that will inspire someone else. To be a creator is to share that passion everywhere you go. There's nothing cringe about it.

A writer friend told me something that broke my heart a little bit today; they're going to quit publishing their fanfic.

My instant thought was that they had been trolled or attacked or that something terrible had happened in their life because this person is so passionate about their writing. It wasn't any of that. Engagement with their works has been going down, as it has for many of us. Comments are like gold dust a lot of the time, and just looking through the historical comment counts on old fics on ao3 demonstrates this trend very clearly. It was not simply the comments dropping off which caused them to decide to stop posting, however.

My friend came across a discord server for their fandom (I should point out here that their fandom interest and mine diverged a couple of years ago, we stay in touch but don't currently read each other's posts because I'm not into their fandom and they would rather gouge their eyes out with a wooden spoon than read anything Star Wars) and specifically to share fic in that fandom. They joined, because we all love a good fic rec, only to discover that their latest multichapter fic, which has almost no comments and very few kudos, is being hotly discussed in this server as one of the best stories ever. Not one of these people has bothered to say this to them on the fic. When they asked, none of participants could see the point in telling the author of the fic they apparently loved so much that they love it.

This discovery has absolutely destroyed my friend's love of sharing fic. They share because they love seeing other people's enjoyment, and fic writers do that through comments and kudos/reblogs/likes because we don't get paid. There is no literary critic writing a blog post/article about how amazing the story is for us to copy and keep/frame. There is no money from royalties. All we have are the words of the people reading our works.

Those people on that server could have taken five minutes of the time they spent gushing about how amazing my friend's story was to other people and used it to tell the one person guaranteed to want to hear that praise how much they loved it. They could have taken a moment to express their opinion to the person who spent hours upon hours plotting, writing, editing, and posting those chapters. Instead, they deprived my friend of thing that keeps them sharing their writing, and in the process have killed their love of it. My friend now feels used and unmotivated.

I won't be sharing a link to their fic, they said I could share their experience but not their identity. I know they plan to post one final chapter. I know they intend to express their hurt at being excluded from the praise for the thing they created, and I know they intend to announce that as a consequence they will not be posting for a long while, if at all.

So please, I beg you, don't hide your love of a story from the writer. It's just about the only thing we have.

[fruchtfliege]

Midnight Monday Snippet 🤍🐺

Tagged by @ksbbb and @honestlydarkprincess (thank youuu and don't look at the time it took me to post this) so here's the beginning of my new WIP!!

First Chimera!Liam and Scott's Beta!Theo. :))

They all stare at the new guy leaving. Kira and Scott are both wearing a cautious smile while Stiles crosses his arms with a deep frown. His foot taps on the concrete and echoes in the silent night as he starts thinking. Usually just as suspicious as him, Theo looks uncharacteristically dazed. All he can manage with the few brain cells he has right now is to stare with wide eyes as Liam smiles and does a tiny wave at him. Theo can't even bring himself to wave back, he feels flushed all over.

“Well, that was weird,” Stiles says like they were all thinking it.

“What was weird?” Kira asks, changing her sword into a belt again.

Stiles gives her a face of disbelief but he sighs when he sees that Scott is just as confused. “The- H- Him! Liam! Did you see how he just sweeped in at the last second to save our asses? C'mon, we know better than that now. That guy is sus! Theo, back me up on this.” Stiles waits, still staring at Scott and Kira, but back-up never arrives. “Theo?”

They turn and Theo is still staring at where Liam was standing just a second ago, a dumb little smile on his lips and a genuine tenderness in his eyes that they’ve never seen before.

“Him!? Really?” Stiles screams with a very high-pitched voice.

Kira breaks into a bright smile at Theo's soft expression and Scott affectionately taps his friend's shoulder, knowing full well what's going on.

Stiles loses his questionable composure seeing this. “Don't encourage him! I spent three years trying to find him someone! I introduced him to every girl, every guy, every both, and every nothing I could find and he was always ‘meh. not for me.’ Here I was, thinking he was either the pickiest dude on earth or straight up nosexual! And the first blue-eyed short king he sees, he's gone for? If I had known I would have saved myself the trouble!”

Scott gives him an unconvinced look. “I thought you were pretending to be a wingman to flirt with people.”

“Is it my fault that my generosity and thoughtfulness is very appealing to people? I just didn't want him to be single all his life.” Stiles groans with an eye roll.

Scott frowns. “You're also single,” he says, confused.

“Not as single as him!” Stiles points to Theo with a scoff.

“Maybe not for long,” Kira says with a singsong tone and a knowing glance.

“You all skipped the part where I said the new guy was sus, didn't you?” Stiles asks woefully but Scott and Kira are already walking away towards the library, both taking one of Theo's arms and dragging him along. “Anddddd you're walking away. Great! Great talk! Love how we've achieved this level of communication through our years of hardships, guys!”

No pressure tags: @thiamsxbitch @aristarr @hemlocksandfoxgloves @opheliathiams @honestlydarkprincess @ksbbb @cdo499

[radykalny-feminizm]

Don't you realize that male and female are social constructs? They're ideas. Scientists don't even believe biological sex is a thing anymore, we're all just people. Gender is almost like religion, it can change, some people are really sure on theirs and others aren't, forcing someone into one is always wrong. Do you know why you're cis? Do you ever think about the possibility that you're not, about what it would be like to be something other then what you were born as. Would you still feel like a woman if you didn't have a womb, if you didn't have breasts or genitals or estrogen? It was a combination of contemplating these things, and mystical experiences with the goddess Hel that got me to realize I was agender. I thought I would lose certain things when becoming nonbinary and genderless, but I didn't. I don't know about you, but know you can be happy as an enby or a boy, you can be loved, and cherished and comforted as an enby or as a boy. I don't know if you're nonbinary like I am. You might find you really do identify with womanhood, but if you do really want to be a woman, then know that that's the same feeling amab women have. I know what it's like to think the way you do, I used to think that way, and I've had bad experiences with men and with the expectations society has for people with bodies like mine. But you don't have to take your pain and call it womanhood.

I'm not cis.

I didn't choose to be a woman.

I don't identify as a woman.

I don't feel like a woman.

I simply am a woman.

And being a woman isn't a social construct or an idea.

Being a woman is a biological reality.

I was born with a female body. That's a fact. It's not something I can change.

Saying that scientists don't believe in biological sex is a blatant lie. I can't believe that it needs to be said, but male and female bodies differ not only on the outside. We get affected by different conditions & illnesses. We have different immune systems. We have different pain levels. We have different hormones & health issues related to them. We respond differently to drugs and their dosages. Not to mention our reproductive systems and everything related to them. Our bodies are far away from being just a concept.

Being a woman in itself doesn't make me happy or unhappy. Just like being white & Polish doesn't make me happy or unhappy. Those are just facts about me.

And being a woman doesn't mean that I have to look or act in a specific way. What is womanhood for you if you think that males can identify with it? Is it about wearing dresses and makeup and acting silly? If a man does that then he's a woman? And if a woman doesn't do that then she's not a woman? It's absurd.

If you claimed that one can identify with a specific race by acting & looking in a specific way, everyone would (rightfully) say that it's offensive. Racial stereotypes are not okay, but gender stereotypes are fine & valid? Both sex and race are in the same category of material reality.

Being a woman doesn't determine who I am as a person. Being a woman is not a personality trait, just as race isn't. I don't have to do certain things so I can call myself a woman. There are no certain things one can do in order to "become" a woman.

But being a woman does shape my position in society and it also shapes yours, whether you like it or not. You can identify as whatever you want. It doesn't change the fact that society sees you as a woman. You can't identify out of oppression. You can't stop identifying with pay gap. You can't stop identifying with your reproductive rights being taken away. You can't stop identifying with the fact that women are being raped and killed by men everywhere, everyday. Women in Afghanistan can't stop identifying with the education ban.

Goddess Hel won't help you once men decide to take your rights away. Identifying as agender won't either. Stop being delusional for your own sake before reality slaps you in the face.

[chiso]

Exercise burns WAY too little calories to beat a bad diet, that is very true. I also lost the weight I lost (which his 20kg since summer 2023) through diet alone. Perhaps I did SOME exercise if you count the physical strength and steps you HAVE to do when you walk around in a warehouse, but I was "fat" back then even while working there before, so I don't think it made that much of a difference.

Ofc it's fine to stay happy and learn to love yourself as you are, I just know that I for myself couldn't and I find myself way more attractive now that I lost weight and for anyone who is like me and wants to shed some kgs without a horrible diet that ends in a yoyo- I'll add what I did under here, btw this is for no profit at all, I just want to help fellow people unhappy in their skin and I thought for WAY TOO LONG that losing weight is impossible, when it's actually not that hard.

It's annoying af, I know, but calories count. Get an app that calculates your daily need of calories. It needs your height, age and weight to know the right number. Once you have that, you can extract 100-300 kcal from that total and make this your goal to eat less of that every day for a few weeks, you'll see the weight WILL get down. The scale will sometimes stay the same weight for weeks though but if you keep going you WILL see the change!

Additional to step 1- 100-300 kcal we sometimes take in just with a sweet drink or a snack. It's not that hard to eat less of it and you can still get full! You can google low kcal meals that you can eat lots of- A personal tip from me is eating thin wraps (the thinner the less kcal) with salmon or other protein fillings- since protein makes you full AND is necessary for weight loss and muscle gain. BTW don't you dare to eat less than that, it WILL hinder your weight loss, we need a certain amount of calories to work!!!!!!

Protein, you have to eat enough protein a day for this all to be lasting. I read you have to eat your bodyweight (kg) in grams of protein in a day. For example, back when I was 60kg, I had to eat 60g protein a day. But also don't beat yourself up over it if you don't get that amount daily, I didn't either, just try to whenever you can, and it'll help!

ADD your workout. I had an app that also counted my steps and automatically added the kcal I burned to my daily kcal app. It motivated me to move more because 10k steps is like 100kcal and that was 100kcal I could eat more even WHILE dieting.

Cheat meals. Important: MEAL not day, every Saturday or Sunday I had a cheat meal, sometimes even smth as big as a burger on TOP of my usual daily intake. It helps your metabolism and body to stop thinking you're starving (which makes weight loss slower) so it's not only helpful in case you're starving to eat more (bc ngl it WILL be hard until your stomach has shrinked a lil but you can do it if I did bby) but also helps your diet physically fr! So do these!!! Reward yourself for your hard work

"So does that mean I will 4ever have to count calories?" God no, I did it for over a year until I was sick of it myself. I went from 68kg down to 49kg, when I stopped counting I gained again ofc, but I still know now what contains how many calories and know by heart what I can eat and what I shouldn't. I am 52kg for months now and I don't gain anything more and even if I would, I would know now how to lose it again if it gets really bad. THAT WAS BASICALLY already it. I know not every day will be easy and sometimes you WILL mess up. The trick is not to beat yourself up over it and keep going! Wearing the cute clothes you always wanted to wear will be SO rewarding and worth it, at least it was for me. Disclaimer that I never had children, don't have diabetes, and am in my early 30ies so idk if this will work for everyone but it did for me, and if this just helps one soul my job here is already done!!

Me: Exercise does not cause weight loss. This is a fact that has been demonstrated so robustly in research that even doctors, who hate and fear evidence, are grudgingly starting to admit this.

Someone reading that post: Cool, but have you considered that exercise leads to weight loss?

Me: I am going to eat you

[tiredeg]

💗 a fic you’ve reread again and again and why!

omg thank you em and thank you anon i really wanted to answer this one lol i've been strategising my answers to this game so i can recommend as many of my favourite fics as possible heehee

from this fun little fic game

💗a fic you’ve reread again and again and why!

ok so i need to front this by saying i am a HUGE rereader of fic, like i definitely reread more than i read new fic, and i read a good bit of new fic lol

i think i'm going to pick a category here and say these are comfort fics because i was actually thinking of making a post about comfort fics anyway so this is a lovely excuse

Comfort reads Water Will Touch My Skin and Home Come Next Spring by @love-leah i have to limit myself to 2 here but every single thing leah has written. if i have a bad day i come home and i read one of these. i've actually recently had to put these into a category for absolute emergencies so they don't lose their magic but i've probably read these 10-15 times each and there's no sign of that happening yet

hot to go by orphan_account this fic is the definition of warm to me, it feels like a wooly jumper but not a scratchy kind, like going away down the country with your friends for a weekend, like curling up in front of the fire in cozy socks.

around your corner by @prettydangrotten this is escaping to the bathroom at a party you don't want to be at, thinking about the person who makes things better... everything in here is so careful, from the phone album set up to the photos, it's so claustrophobic but so warm at the same time, this is all time carlos to me

ok one more gotta be your familiars fic em, lol sorry to recommend you your own work again, i read this when i was still a lurker, it was posted when i was in the middle of grading a bunch of undergrad exams at like 1am or something stupid just after christmas in my parent's house and i saw it on my pomodoro break and it gave me the strength to keep going. i most recent read this the morning of the US election results if that tells you anything.

[littlemanthings]

Dear Fandom,

To say I am deeply disappointed in what this fandom has become is an understatement, but because I really don't want to start aggression by using vulgar language or to stress the VAs out anymore than they probably are; I'm going to try keep it at a certain level. But man, there are better ways to ask for a whole army to come after you with pitchforks like this was the fucking middle ages and without having all this damage being done.

And now we're losing a big part of this show because some people just had to cross the line over a hundred fucking times now. I'm so ever proud and impressed with Kat for dealing with this and for so long— and with three other jobs as well? All I can do is hope that she knows how important she and all the others who work with the shows is to us all.

I don't like getting personal, but if there is that small chance that any of them read this I just wanted to share this with you; about like two-three years ago I was very lonely, and my head space was not in the right place, but in that same year I also found the SAMS channel, and my heart kinda just made a nest there. Then Lunar and Earth started their own thing and things just felt better. For a while I really thought one of these years was going to be mark the end for me, but these characters, the writing, everything about it made me want to stay a little longer— just until I got to see how it ended, I would tell myself. And now I'm pretty sure I do want to be here long after the curtains fall.

So thank you, if I could say it a million times I would. Thank you for making Earth who she is. Thank you for representing the rest of us girls out there. Thank you for reigniting my love for writing. Thank you for unknowingly raising a young teenager who wants to live thanks to you and a lot of other people (you too Davis and Reed).

To clarify a few things; I am not in any way trying to convince Kat to not quit writing for the shows, I understand her decision and fully support it. I hope to god I didn't make things weird or project myself onto this situation, I really just wanted Kat to know she means a whole lot to us.

[lorynna]

Don't you realize that male and female are social constructs? They're ideas. Scientists don't even believe biological sex is a thing anymore, we're all just people. Gender is almost like religion, it can change, some people are really sure on theirs and others aren't, forcing someone into one is always wrong. Do you know why you're cis? Do you ever think about the possibility that you're not, about what it would be like to be something other then what you were born as. Would you still feel like a woman if you didn't have a womb, if you didn't have breasts or genitals or estrogen? It was a combination of contemplating these things, and mystical experiences with the goddess Hel that got me to realize I was agender. I thought I would lose certain things when becoming nonbinary and genderless, but I didn't. I don't know about you, but know you can be happy as an enby or a boy, you can be loved, and cherished and comforted as an enby or as a boy. I don't know if you're nonbinary like I am. You might find you really do identify with womanhood, but if you do really want to be a woman, then know that that's the same feeling amab women have. I know what it's like to think the way you do, I used to think that way, and I've had bad experiences with men and with the expectations society has for people with bodies like mine. But you don't have to take your pain and call it womanhood.

"Female" and "male" are two distinct sexes with distinct differences, set by science and based in reality - you saying scientists don't support the importance of sex is firstly wrong (i can see you've never read any papers written by anyone outside of your bubble) and secondly, very worrisome.

Nothing about sex is a "social construct" because the fact of being either female or male as itself is first of all: a completely neutral, innate and unchangeable fact.

woman = adult human female

man: adult human male

What society does when they attach sexist stereotypes, sex-based expectations etc. to a certain sex, like "a woman must be nurturing by character", "women can wear dresses and skirts, men don't", "it is not manly to show your feelings, you must be strong" etc. that is GENDER. I am a woman, so acording to the logic of gender ideology I must identify with society's image of what a woman has to be, has to do, act like and all of that to also label myself openly as a woman because that is what "identifying myself as a woman" means, right?

But guess what, wearing clothes from "the men's section", cutting my hair, playing football, defying all of those stereotypes does not make me male. Nothing could every make me male because I am born female (first and foremost) but the point is that being a woman or a man for that matter is just something you either are or are not. You don't have to identify with anything or be a certain way personality wise to "earn" any titles and you can also not be "stripped" of them.

Having a hysterectomy does not make you less of a woman / having to remove your testicles due to testicular cancer does not make you less of a man just like loosing a leg or an arm does not make you less of either.

Doctors need to know your sex to be able to accurately dose your prescription or to treat you with other things. Men and women can have different sex specific diseases, like ovarian cancer won't affect a man. If you walk into the doctor's office, both a man and a woman and tell him that one of you is pregnant, who is he going to do the ultrasound on? I wonder how he knows.

There are matters in this world where sex is always going to be important no matter how progressive we would become with discarding gender stereotypes. The gender paygap is sex-based. Do you think they ask you if identify as a woman before they decide to pay you less than your male peers? Female oppression is sex based. Do you think they ask the women in Afghanistan if they identify as a woman before they force them to cover up fully and never speak in public? When you walk into a clothing store, why would a woman head into the women's section? Same reason as to why she would not walk into the kid's section, the clothes there are made for women's bodies rather than that of a man. They have more waist space and are not as large. Could you buy unisex? Yes, but it will never feel as comfortable or look as flattering depending on where you want to go and want to look nice. Why all those differences? Because in this world it matters wether you are female or male. Just because you pretend that sex doesn't matter and that you can't differentiate a woman from a man does not mean the world can't. Ask a male predator why he knew exactly that his target was a woman and why her gender identity didn't matter to him.

Just like the women in Afghanistan, you think them saying they don't feel like women would save them? You cannot identify out of things like these.

I am going to reply to your question. Yes, of course I have thought about what it would be like to be a man in the face of knowing how female socilisation works. I mean, how would my life have turned out? Would I still feel like a woman if I didn't have a womb, breasts, estrogen and genitalia? Answer: Being a woman is not a feeling. Again, it is a biologic fact. No woman in this world goes around "feeling like a woman". That universal feeling you are asking about does not exist. You just are or you aren't. This is not a sensical question. Assuming you meant to ask that if I was suddenly turned into a man if I would still "feel like a woman" is just something no one on this world can answer to. If you were suddenly turned into a tree, would you still feel human?

Womanhood does not mean pain and pain doesn't mean womanhood. Unfortunately female oppression exists under the wings of patriarchy but trying to identify out of it does not help you nor anyone else. There are better ways of combating this.

[loulougoingsolo]

"Just yourself be, if weird is you."

I don't often get annoyed by Rhett or Link, and it is probably a strong word to use even now, but...today's Ear biscuits episode kinda made me growl at Rhett a little.

I'm not going to talk about the entire episode, but the guys were answering listener questions, and the last one was about midlife crises, if they have them and how.

Now, as someone who is less than a year younger than Link, I've probably tackled a crisis of my own in the recent times. (You could say my entire adult life has been a crisis, but I won't.) But I loved Link's explanation of his midlife crisis, which was basically finding the limits of how weird he can be without making Christy scratch her head too much. Like, Link basically said he is still exploring what he is and what he wants to be (and I'm not implying he was talking about his sexual identity - I think he meant he is exploring his identity in a broader context of being human). Rhett took this as an opportunity to remind Link that when someone chooses to be "weird", they need to understand that it might impact their relationships. And at that point, I growled.

I'm a weirdo. I spent way too many years of my life trying not to be weird. The funny (not really) thing was, trying to act normal only made me sick, made me behave in a very unnatural, stiff way around other people, and I was miserable. I dare to say, nowadays, after, thanks to a lot of soul-searching, therapy and embracing my true self, I come across much more likable than before. I'm not tense, I don't need to put on a mask, and I am more comfortable with myself, which just makes me more fun to be with. Syre, there are people who think I'm too weird, don't act my age, or make strange stylistic choices. The people I love accept me as I am, and I may have infected them with dashes of self-acceptance, too. So, grrr at you, Rhett.

Seriously though, I love that Link is less tense these days. I know some people are annoyed by him, but I love how he has blossomed from an antsy guy who stuck to wearing t-shirts and jeans to an actual fashion icon. He's less afraid of showing his emotions these days (good and bad), and he's just overall more at ease. I'd hate for his loved ones to try to tame him too much, and I hated the way Rhett managed to make his advice sound like a threat that if Link gets too weird, he'll lose some of his relationships.

Maybe I heard more than was said. Maybe this rubbed me the wrong way, because I see myself in Link more than I do in Rhett, and I recognize the things Link said in myself. I hope to hear other people's thoughts on this episode, and this answer about midlife crisis in particular.

Also, for anyone planning to go hiking with a cat: I love the idea, and if I see you with your cats on the trails I take, I want to be your friend. I have been known to lightly stalk a lady who was in the library with her cat on her shoulders, just so I could coo at the furbaby.

[aquaticlime]

STUFF I’M ALWAYS LOSING

Ib| @hrrtshape

I loved this idea and wanted create my own. Go check out the original creator though she has so many great posts, your sure to find something that tickles your fancy.

˚✩ Sweatshirts and hoodies that weren't mine to begin with, I merely adopted them from his closet into mine.

˚✩ My pajama bottoms I think the washing machine liked the taste of my socks so much it wanted more

˚✩ Keys of any kind, I’ve never needed to carry them from day to day before and I don't think I should have to start.

˚✩ Any snack I put in my purse gets eaten by said purse. Small price to pay for carrying everything else I guess.

˚✩ My silk hair bonnet is most likely stuffed in between the couch cushions in my trailer but then it could also be in the last hotel i stayed at when I was in London.

˚✩ Words elude me often, when I need to form a witty reply or an intelligent excuse I can never find the right ones.

˚✩ Chapstick's can be found in every bag and drawer but never when I'm searching for them.

˚✩ Mementos I save for my junk journal tend to get left in the same place I intended to take them from or blown onto the streets for someone else to collect.

˚✩ Hair ties I lend to everyone that asks without saving any for myself, never mind that I care not to request them back.

˚✩ Highlighters I had the night before when cozied and going over scripts in my favorite reading chair by the french windows in our house.

˚✩ My Clinique lipstick when I haven’t got any snacks in my bag for it to eat.

˚✩ Sticky note reminders for myself left in half read books that I swear I'll get back into.

˚✩ My sense propriety when he walks into a room or even my line of sight for that matter.

˚✩ My favorite pair of earrings that match every outfit I'm wearing without fail, it doesn't help that they are comfortable to sleep in.

˚✩ Flowers from the weekly bouquets delivered to whichever dwelling or dressing room I'm occupying for the time being. They've either been regifted to my castmates or pressed in scripts to live on forever.

˚✩ Ideas either plucked from the recesses of my mind or freely given from strangers that I didn't mean to let escape me.

˚✩ Any earbuds I apparently repel, good thing sound quality is better in headphones

˚✩ My travel ibuprofen bottle guess its traveling without me now

˚✩ Body mist I got to help elongate how long my signature scent spend lasts but there’s no way I used it all that quickly.

˚✩Track of time when I'm with him, we were just supposed to grab coffee and walk back to set and somehow we ended up in my trailer

˚✩ Pens that I asked to borrow with the promise I'd return it back swiftly but instead misplaced shortly thereafter.

˚✩ A crystal pouch that I handpicked that morning for good vibes and instead abandoned in a jacket or purse pocket if I'm lucky

˚✩ Phone charging cubes, I can keep track of the cords well enough but the cubes get left behind in every possible outlet.

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[bird-likes-to-fandom]

if you make dementia jokes, I genuinely think you should go to hell. btw.

[chalkrub]

mockley time it's mockley time will you have some mockleys of mine

[musashi]

.

[justalittlebluetiefling]

I haven't been involved with coaching for almost 3 months now and somehow I am still getting dragged into the drama.

[batsplat]

casey also talks about sepang 2015 what do you think of that

oh in that podcast? uh... lemme listen again...

yeah idk it's not really anything new I'd say? he's said basically all the same stuff in more interesting and extensive ways elsewhere. I think casey inevitably has a very 'well feuding is bad and helps nobody' point of view, has expressed that before in the past, does it here again, and he's also drawn a parallel between himself and marc on several occasions. which... well, of course there's similarities in terms of public discourse or whatever, but the parallel really falls apart whenever casey argues the feuds cost valentino. like, I do think it's sometimes important to just. keep in mind. it's interesting that casey draws this comparison in his mind but that doesn't necessarily means he's right about this. I'm not sure how you'd argue that starting a feud with casey cost valentino anything competitively? you can argue it didn't help him I guess, and then we can have a debate about the ins and outs of the 2008 season. we can also have an argument that in a hypothetical world where casey isn't ill in 2009, valentino doesn't break his leg and casey isn't on a piece of junk in 2010, and valentino isn't on a piece of junk in 2011-12, then actually maybe valentino sparking open animosity with casey COULD have cost him. but we don't know that! didn't happen! I wish we could have found out, but we never got the chance! as it stands, the tally on this is pretty straightforward: casey won the title when things were reasonably civil between them in 2007, and valentino took control of the following season at the exact moment he worsened the relationship between the pair of them in 2008. obviously, it's all more complicated than that and casey would of course argue laguna didn't negatively affect his subsequent performances... but it certainly didn't help them. like, at the very worst valentino escalating tensions in 2008 is a complete net neutral. after 2009, them being bitchy to each other every other tuesday was completely competitively irrelevant beyond maybe affecting how they approached occasionally fighting for a podium position. hey, maybe casey used that feud to fire himself up through sheer spite throughout the later stages of his career, but that doesn't actually support his anti-feud stance - it's basically the exact same thing as what valentino does. they're both quite similar in that regard! always so hungry to prove a point, to show how someone else is wrong. kinda half the point with this feuding business is to get yourself going, get yourself motivated, yeah. he straight up openly admits to using yamaha's repeat rejection of him as a way of giving himself motivation, and at the end of the day that's really not all that different?

anyway, what else does casey say... oh yeah, that him and the other aliens were already kinda prepared for this and had learned vale's tricks. that valentino had only been able to get into the minds of the previous generation. welllllll *wiggles hand* sure, I mean, he did clearly have to change his approach... he couldn't just use the exact same playbook to get to them, either on-track or off-track. but that's why he did change up the playbook... again, whether you want to believe valentino won his final two titles 'in the head' rather than just through pure pace kinda depends on how you assess the evidence, but it is at the very least a debate. and, y'know, it's always worth remembering that valentino's most important mind games with casey didn't happen in a press conference... it was on the track. and the on-track stuff really is just embedded in how valentino approaches winning. speaking of aliens, this is what dani and jorge have said:

like, valentino's entire approach to his riding, even to the way he's setting his bike up, is deliberately about directly fucking with you... he's not actually always trying to be faster than you as much as he's trying to give himself the tools to make your life miserable, to pressure you into mistakes, etc etc... and again, especially with casey (if anything because he was so mentally sturdy), the off-track stuff was really just window dressing. (I know they bicker a lot after 2009 but it's just so fundamentally irrelevant to actual on-track competition.) so you can be aware of those tricks, but it also doesn't necessarily help you when someone's being nasty to you on-track in a way you just fully do not enjoy. which is what it was like for casey! for casey, a lot of this comes back to the truly unpleasant context of how he was perceived by the public, how he was treated as mentally weak or 'broken' or whatever partly because he had the misfortune of coming up against a bloke who had the reputation for breaking rivals. I think it's quite natural to end up with a bit of a hardliner 'actually I've never been mentally affected by a result in my life' stance - and of course casey is a lot tougher than a lot of people give him credit for. that being said. sometimes your rivals affect you, shit happens, it's part of the game. it's fundamentally a nice idea to think that valentino's tactics weren't just morally wrong but also ineffective, which is kind of the appeal of this narrative, right? you want to believe you're above that, you want to believe you were adequately prepared and wise to valentino's tactic. it's unsurprising and understandable that casey does tend to tell the story that way, but again it's *wiggles hand* also hard to describe it as completely factual

uh. what else. oh I'm thrilled casey does canonically know valentino and marc were friends, he has said he wasn't following motogp too much during that time period so you couldn't be sure of that. does this mean anything? does it tell you anything? well, no, but it's just a pleasing thought to me. I like that. oh also 'provoking particularly aggressive riders isn't a good idea' is kinda a funny take from casey? like, he of all people would hate the idea of being cowed by someone's reputation like that... casey's right that provoking fast riders can potentially be dangerous, but y'know I do think that's probably not news to anyone almost nine years later. um. that's all I've got I think

[cartoonghosts]

not vibing i feel like my depression has been sneaking up on me like I thought I was good for so long and this isn't even sudden and I'm genuinely considering death I don't know what's going in, I'm enjoying life and things are good but fuck I don't want to do this anymore. The trees aren't as beautiful as they used to be. I think it's ending.

[xray-vex]

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