#accuses you of being the asshole when you fall apart about it

[musashi]

.

[ihfmseatsoch]

ok ok ok so if i may be so bold as to request something, ive been enamored wiht the idea of an older, controlling, borderline abuse boyfriend jimmy, like he and reader live together on earth, and reader goes to college, while jimmy works physical jobs trying to support them both. he's a SHITTY person though, so hes jealous of any man the reader talks to, reads through their phone, makes sinde comments about their weight and appearance, and (im totally not projecting here) eventually pressures them into dropping out, for like his perfect little live in partner/gf fantasy sjdhasd feel free to do whatever with this, but this specific scenario has not left my head for days

WHEEE this was fun to write ^w^ i rushed this a bit but i just didnt want you to have to wait any longer... :p

—

Jimmy Zare x fem!reader

reader uses fem terms (girl, girlfriend)

genre: how do i categorize this.... fic that makes you feel bad or horny depending on how you handle verbal abuse lol

word count: 1.8k

warnings/content: age gap, domestic abuse, manipulation, arguing, fat shaming, several references to the readers body/appearance, jimmy being the biggest asshole oh my god i hate him (i want him so bad it makes me look stupid)

(is it bad that writing about jimmy yelling at me turns me on... WOAHHH who said that .....😰 also dont kill me for the weight shaming part IM A FAT GIRL !!!!!! i like when evil men are mean to me !!!!!! RAAAH)

—

"He's a good guy, he can actually be really sweet!"

That's a sentence you find yourself saying out of complete muscle memory at this point whenever someone questions why your boyfriend–... well, they question an awful lot about your boyfriend.

For example, why he's over twenty years your senior whilst you're still going to class on the weekdays. Why he doesn't allow you to see your friends, wear certain clothes, leave your apartment without him, and why he takes up so much space in your brain, completely distracting you from your own life and goals.

You've missed at least four assignments this semester alone. It's stupid, really. You thought you'd be done with obsessing and crying over boys after you graduated highschool. It's completely immature for a so-called adult like yourself, but then again, you're hardly into adulthood at all.

Jimmy, on the other hand, has a lot more life experience, many of those experiences negative. That might be why you've taken some form of pity on him, going so far as to move into his apartment so you can take care of him when you're not busy. He needs someone to make sure he doesn't fall off the deep end.

The thing is, it's become hard to fit him in your schedule, but whenever you're unable to make time for him after he comes home from work, that familiar scowl on his face indicating it was another shitty day, he throws a fit.

He'll accuse you of everything under the sun; Infidelity being the primary thing.

"You don't love me. There's someone else, isn't there? It's that one kid that asked you to help him 'study' last week, isn't it? No? Give me your fucking phone, then."

This is what you come home to everyday, so it's nothing new. In fact, you're pretty used to it by now. Though today, Jimmy seems particularly pissed.

"Where have you been?" He crosses his arms and leans against the wall, eyeing you up and down like he always does when he's about to grill you on something.

"Sorry..." You mutter, way too tired to deal with one of his moods again. "Traffic." You answer simply, not having enough energy to overexplain yourself like you normally do.

"Uh huh. Traffic." He mimics you in a way that already tells you he's not buying it. Great.

"...It's the truth." You shrink into yourself at the way he's looking at you. Contemptuous as always. You're in for another argument, it seems. A million, desperate pleas run through your mind;

'Please don't give me another lecture about how you're my only financial support, and how grateful I should be. Please don't ask to see my phone. Please don't tell me to drop out.'

But, of course, you can't actually change the outcome of this. You're gonna get yelled at. Belittled. Degraded.

"You're two hours late, and you're gonna tell me you were just stuck in traffic?" He pushes himself off the wall and walks towards you.

"You're never home when you're supposed to be, and when you are home, you're all tired and upset.” He pokes a finger into your shoulder, hard. "What do you think that looks like from my point of view?"

"I'm sorry." You rub your face, exasperated. God, you wish he would shut up sometimes. Sure, he can be amicable, but lately... he's been a raging dick. Yet, you can't help but cling to the memory of his good moments. "I'll try to make it back on time tomorrow."

"Yeah? And how many times have I heard that before?" He sneers, "You're hiding something from me, aren't you?"

The way he accuses you so confidently, so sure of himself... it's insulting. Does he really think that little of you? "College has been kicking my ass, Jim. You know that. I'm not hiding anything from you, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, college this, college that. Always complaining about fuckin' college," He scoffs, his eyes stay narrowed, still glaring. "How about what I'm going through? You think I'm having a great time every day at work, hm?"

"No, I–" You stammer, hating the way he's turning this around to make himself the victim. Oh, woe is him, having to provide for himself and his girlfriend. How tortured he is. "I know, alright? I'm sorry. I just– what else do you expect me to do?"

"Be here. Like you're supposed to be. And I expect you to stop acting like I'm the bad guy for asking you to be a decent girlfriend."

Jimmy's voice raises slightly as he takes a step closer, towering over your sheepish figure. He nudges your shoulder again, even rougher this time.

"I'm busting my ass every day to put food on the table, and you can't even have the decency to show up on time, let alone look happy to see me?"

"I– I am happy to see you! I am, I'm just– you don't get it. I want to be here, but... I'm not even halfway through this semester, and–" You stumble over your words as you attempt, in vain, to defend yourself. It's not like he'll ever feel sympathy for you. It's always about what he wants. What makes him happy.

Jimmy rolls his eyes at your attempt to reason with him. It's as if he doesn't even register a word you say. "But what? What's more important to you, huh? Some stupid classes, or the guy who keeps a fuckin' roof over your head and feeds you? Be grateful, goddamn it." He snaps, grabbing your arms and giving them a forceful shake.

You flinch from being handled like you're not even a human being, much less one with feelings. "Stop, please, I'm– I am grateful, I really am..." You're not lying, either. To be honest, his guilt tripping works wonders on you. Are you really acting unappreciative? He wouldn't be this upset if you were in the right...

He seems unfazed by your frightened demeanor and continues to hold a firm grip on your arms. He looks you up and down, not even having to say anything for you to know he's judging you, as a girlfriend and person in general.

"Oh, you're grateful? Then maybe you should act like it for once." Jimmy gives your arms another firm shake, a harsh reminder of who's in charge here.

"I'm not asking much of you. I just want you to be here, and you can't even do that. Do you think I'm just gonna sit back and accept that bullshit?"

"No..." You shake your head, looking down at the ground in shame. Were you really that awful? You didn't want to be a bad partner, it's the last thing you ever wanted. If you could make eye contact without feeling guilty, you'd see Jimmy's face light up with satisfaction as he finally notices you're not even bothering to put up a fight anymore.

There's a condescending lilt to his tone as he speaks, "No one will ever love you like I do. You know that?"

You nod, knowing there has to be some truth to his claim. He takes care of you, doesn't he? He keeps a roof over your head, gives you money for groceries, and he's not always that unpleasant to be around...

He's a good boyfriend. You're the problem. You always are.

"Exactly."

The grip on your arms eases, moving them to place a hand on each of your shoulders, contrastingly gentle compared to his behavior only moments ago.

"You oughta thank your lucky stars you have a man like me who puts up with all your bullshit. You get that, right? How lucky you are to be with me?"

You know he's right. You were blessed with someone who still loves you, despite your many shortcomings. You're too fat, the acne on your face and body is repulsive, the way you do your makeup is weird... all of this being things Jimmy has told you directly. At least you have an honest boyfriend, isn't that what every girl wants?

He gives your shoulder a pat, like he's treating you like a small, petulant child. "You realize I could have literally any girl I want, right? Pretty, skinny, smart ones, even. But I chose you. Because I care about you."

He pauses, letting that sink in.

"But it would help if you'd actually put the effort in to look decent." He adds as an afterthought.

You've internalized every single snide remark he's thrown your way, reminded of them every single time you look in the mirror. Yet he still loves someone like you. Someone so difficult and embarrassing to be with.

"Jim, I don't... I don't know how I'm even gonna be able to free my schedule at all with school and stuff..." You mumble guiltily. You know he wants you to drop out, he's suggested it more times than you can count.

"That right there, that's why I'm frustrated, goddamn it," He says with an exacerbated sigh. He moves one hand from your shoulder to pinch the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "Why don't you get it? Dropping out isn't the end of the world. Just quit and stay home. Done. Easy."

"It's not that easy... I want to get a good job and help out too, you know..."

It's true that you want to pull your weight around your shared home. With your combined income, it'd make everything easier. But... with how shitty college makes you feel, leaving you beaten down and tired by the end of the day...

You find yourself listening to Jimmy on this for once.

He can tell you're seriously contemplating it this time, which makes him feel... more in control. He's got you thinking and believing exactly what he wants you to. Soon, he'll be able to get you to obey him without another word from you.

The thought of having you as his subservient, stay at home girlfriend is more than appealing. It's his goal to mold you into what he wants you to be.

"Yeah, yeah, I get that, I know. But you're stressing yourself half to death, and for what? Some stupid degree? Listen to me, I'm not gonna ask you again. You're just creating problems that don't need to exist. Just quit. You'll have plenty of free time that you can spend with me."

You can't deny how tempting the idea is. Hesitantly, after several moments of pondering the hypotheticals and what-ifs, you speak up,

"...I guess... dropping out wouldn't hurt too much."

He perks up at that, barely being able to contain a delighted grin. You're actually putting him and his wants first, and acknowledging that he's right. You're doing as he says, without any of the usual arguing or excuses. He'll finally have his dream complaisant, docile girlfriend to come home to every night.

It only took a month or two to finally get you to cave. You'll be easier to control from now on. Hell, maybe you'll lose some weight with some free time on your hands, stop wearing that shitty makeup...

"Good girl," He says in a patronizing tone, like he's addressing a child, "That's what wanna hear."

God, you really hope this isn't a bad idea. Jimmy looks pleased for once, so...

This decision can't possibly ruin your future too badly, right?

—

[ninyard]

last but most certainly not least. pt 3 of the bonus chapters (TKM)

Aaron's chapter (once again going to be putting like. the whole thing here.)

One of these days Aaron would love to know what about that mouthy liar had people bending over backwards for him [...] He could waste his time being angry, or he could go the tried-and-true Minyard route of infuriating everyone else around him.

i love how much he despises neil fr. and the Minyard route???? i love that

"Hey, Bee," Aaron said.

why did this like. give me such nathaniel neil vibes. hes so cunty for this im obsessed

Andrew looked relaxed where he was tucked into the corner of the couch, one knee hugged loosely to his chest, but Aaron wasn't fooled. They were twins: there was too much of them in each other despite all the years they'd spent apart.

one) andrew is so cosy <333 two) ouch. THERE WAS TOO MUCH OF THEM IN EACH OTHER DESPITE ALL THE YEARS THEY'D SPENT APART????? literally screaming into a pillow at this one

"Did you know Andrew's fucking Neil?" [...] Andrew cut in with a flat, "I'm not." Andrew wouldn't waste his breath lying when Aaron was right here to argue with him, but Aaron knew his accusation wasn't far off the mark. [...] That Andrew hadn't sealed the deal yet was the least important detail, but Aaron was willing to be an ass about it.

I love that andrew is banking on the technicality that like. no he's not. they haven't. and aaron saying andrew hadn't "sealed the deal" has me SCREAMING. thats so funny

"Go slash some tires, or whatever it is you do for fun."

HES SO FUNNYYY

"You made him a priority," Aaron said. "[...] but for the record, I think he's an insufferable asshole. [...] Exy this, Exy that, get a fucking hobby. Oh, but i guess he did?" He sent a pointed look at Andrew.

GET A FUCKING HOBBY. aaron minyard i'd die for you.

"You know, I asked him about you. I asked him if he was taking advantage of you. He tried to punch me out." "You bring out that urge in people," Andrew said.

i'm so glad that we know now that andrew knows about this interaction. like i wonder how he felt hearing that.

"Betsy and I were talking about Monday." [...] Andrew hadn't called her "Betsy" in over a year. He'd never seen Andrew so hard on a back foot, and it was as terrifying as it was thrilling. [...] Andrew didn't want to talk about Neil with Dobson because once he broached that subject he either had to lie to all of them or admit Neil was more important that he wanted him to be.

throwing up, literally no words just throwing up

"I like Neil's promise ring, by the way."

AARONNNNN. HIS PROMISE RING. PLEASE. and also the "Matching set, very cute." why is he so funny

Andrew's smile was all ice, and he wielded honesty like a knife. "They're not decorative, you ignorant little shit. Someone like you wouldn't understand the importance of hiding scars." [...] Aaron would have to figure it out later, but not now. Andrew was trying to pull him off track and [...] he'd never find his way back if he followed it to whatever ugly truth Andrew was hiding. He forced Andrew words aside to haunt him later

this just made me wonder if there's every going to be a moment where aaron figures out what this means. like. my stomach feels sick thinking about it just him having this moment where it clicks and makes sense and he realises what andrew's hiding and will they ever be able to have that conversation?????

"It bother you your pet project is queer?"

AARON

"I'm not always okay with what he is, but these days it's less that he's gay it's that he's [...] weaponized it. It took him so long to come to terms with it that now he lashes out first, pushing as hard as he can to figure out who's safe and who isn't."

nicky baby :(( why does this make me so sad

"I don't care that you're gay, and I don't care that you picked the literal most irritating person on the planet to fall for. I care that you're being a hypocrite."

Aaron Minyard #1 neil josten hater.

Andrew was picking idly at his jeans: an agitated tic that had mostly disappeared once his medicine was out of his system. [...] Maybe he needed a few more moments to come to terms with their easy acceptance. [...] Finding out how important he was to Andrew was an ongoing, eye-opening experience. Finding out just how important Dobson was, that Andrew wouldn't risk her unfavourable opinion by telling her the truth about his sexuality, was equally fascinating. [...] She truly mattered to Andrew when so few people did anymore.

once again andrew :((( my boy :((( why am i crying

"I love Katelyn. I love her more than anything. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but I am trying so goddamned hard to wait until graduation because you asked me to. So why aren't you doing the same?" "You have abysmal taste in girls," Andrew told him.

KATEAARON YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS TO MEEE

"Neurosurgeon, right?" [...] He and [his mother] had been watching a medical drama with dinner while Andrew hovered silent and distant in the doorway, and Aaron had foolishly said, I want to do that. His mother laughed him out of the room for daring to think he could make anything of himself."

one) andrew talking about aaron to bee two) andrew being the only person who remembered or knew he wanted to be a neurosurgeon three) his mom laughing at him :(( for daring the think he could make anything of himself???? what the fuck and also andrew signing to the team for aaron's sake to get him through college to follow his dreams??? sobbing

"I'm trying, okay? I'm trying. Years too late, I know, but you refused me first. I begged you to come home with me. You can't blame me for not trusting you." "I am capable of multitasking," Andrew said. Aaron heard what he didn't say: I blame us both.

SDHFGAOLFGAJRDHGJDF

"She's just another tiny skirt here to use him up and distract him from what he wants."

ANDREW

"My hands are full with too many idiots," Andrew said. "When she shows her true colors, I will not have the energy to put him together again."

one) liar. i know you'd go to the ends of the earth again and again and again for him. two) TOO MANY IDIOTS

"You can't be brothers while you are each other's jailors."

:D screaming

"Says the man dating a mafioso." "I'm not dating him," Andrew said, with a hint of impatience. Aaron saw right through him, and it was enough to make him smile as he turned his gaze out the window. "Liar."

sobbing. they love each other so much and Andrew is such a liar and i can't deal with them. they kill me

[momentomori24]

Keiji is a character that I'm pretty sure every one of us can recognize is an absolute weirdo (ok maybe some are too hard on copium for the "weirdo" part) and sketchy as hell, but thinking about everything he's done it really feels like he's so much shady and ruthless than we give him credit for. So here's me bulletpointing some the moments that I haven't seen too many talk about, a little theory throwing his status into question and addressing the massive elephant in the room that almost everyone refuses to acknowledge. If there's something else you feel I missed or wanted to evaluate on, do leave it in the comments.

[Also, disclaimer: I will be discussing Keiji and Sara in a romantic light near the end of this post, so if that makes you uncomfortable please proceed with caution or skip entirely. This should go without saying but for my own sake I will say it anyway-- No, I do not condone their relationship in real life. No, this is not meant to be "shippy" or endorsement of any kind. This will simply be pointing out their dynamic as another example to prove the whole point of this rant. But if someone else does ship them that's totally fine. Fiction doesn't equal reality and if you harass a real person over fictional characters you will not see the light of heaven. Be civil, please and thank you. My block button is rated E for Everyone and if anyone decides to ignore the warnings and be an asshole I won't hesitate to use it. Thanks for listening. Disclaimer over.]

*Being a murderer.

I feel like I should start with the most obvious and undeniable. I don't think this is debatable to anyone here. Mr. Policeman may have been an accident and kinda confirmed by Midori to have been set up, but he still shot and killed an unarmed man in a moment of panic and recklessness. Even putting that aside, there's no denying that he killed Megumi in cold blood to get out of his debt to her and covered it up to the group to preserve his credibility. Regardless of what you think of Megumi, he has no excuse here. Not only is he one more kill away from being a serial killer, he's the only participant in our group that has actually killed people directly aside from Alice. Another reason why I bring this up is cuz something that completely flew over my head is this:

At the start of the game he had the audacity to complain about not having a partner or someone he knows with him like Sara does as if he didn't literally let Megumi get ripped apart by chains probably not even an hour ago Keiji what the hell--

*Throwing Kanna under the bus repeatedly.

Despite positioning himself as a protector and someone to rely on, he's far from above putting their youngest members in danger. Next to voting for the fourteen year old girl to die, he had the great idea of letting said fourteen year old be the one to babysit their biggest liability. Up to the point where they would stay in the same room both day and night. While I absolutely 100% trust that Sou would never EVER do anything to her, Keiji had no guarantee of that when he send her off. Hell, he literally just got done accusing Sou of setting Joe up to die (which I don't believe almost solely based on the fact that he said it, more on that another time maybe). He knew Sou was bad news, and openly acknowledges how adults can be terrifying, but he did it anyway. The dubiety of throwing the already traumatised little girl to keep watch on what they thought to be the most dangerous adult that had manipulated her once before is not lost on me, and that he didn't take any responsibility for her afterwards isn't lost on me either. To be fair, the Sou and Kanna thing doesn't just fall on him, it falls on everybody (Alice gets a pass because he actually swapped out with Kanna to watch Sou for her), but he was the one with the final say on the matter and who encouraged her to take the role despite Reko's rightful protests. The fact that he also voted for her to die in the Main Game, and is the only adult to do so, doesn’t help his case.

*Attempting to frame Sou knowing Reko was actually responsible.

While you could argue he was trying to cover for her since he knew why she did what she did, trying to pin this act on Sou to cast more doubt on his is extremely shitty. Never mind the blatant corruption and the irony of a supposed man of the law abusing his power to knowingly frame an innocent person (in this situation at least), and him sowing more seeds of confusion and resentment within an already rattled group, and giving Sou legitimate reason to be suspicious of him (and by extension Sara)-- this makes it so difficult to trust him after realising he's done this. Literally every time he accuses someone of being or doing something suspicious (mostly Sou), I always have to think in the back of my head if he’s telling the truth or just telling a blatant lie. He's shown that he's willing to not only lie to cover for himself, but to lie to delegitimize someone else. And Sara never caught onto it (Sou and maybe even Nao likely did tho). She never openly acknowledged it-- No one did. The complete lack of mention of what he did here makes this action quite missable. Hell, I didn't even catch it the first time. Has he done this before? Who else has he lied about? Who else would he lie about? Who else would he knowingly pit against the group? You don't have to wait for that answer, because I will provide an example later. And with "later", I mean now.

*Casting suspicion on Gin before the vote while hiding the fact that he killed Megumi.

While it's not as blatant as with Kanna, there are two instances where Keiji shows a readiness to either put or leave Gin in harm's way. The biggest one for me is in the Main Game. Like, how dare you. That is a furry child, sir. This kid’s like TWELVE. Even though he makes a valid point about calling out suspicious actions to clear them up so we can all trust each other, casting doubt on Gin of all people right there feels pretty screwed to me. This was before the preliminary vote. His words could’ve very well gotten Gin voted for if he couldn’t disclose why he did what he did for whatever reason and therefore being unable to clear himself from suspicion. It’s even more fucked when you realise that Keiji has literally murdered his partner and is currently planning to get Sou killed while giving this whole spiel about doubting others so that we can believe them and pointing the finger at a little kid to make an example to the group. But when Nao, Sou and Sara call him out on his suspicious actions that could rightfully damage his credibility, he tries to shut them down completely. My brother in Christ, you brought it on FIRST (don’t get me wrong I’m very much aware he didn’t really mean the whole “trusting each other” bit but come on dude)--

Speaking about not meaning what he says:

*Letting the group think he’s Ok to vote for knowing he’s the Keymaster.

This kinda got to me because I thought this was Keiji actually being… vulnerable? Accepting the consequences of his actions and allowing them to vote for him in their distrust without protest even tho it could cost him his life, maybe. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I can’t remember a lot of times-- or any times, really-- where Keiji has willing put himself into the line of fire, at this point at least. He always finds a way to keep himself safe, give himself insurance, and I thought that this would be the one time he doesn’t do that. But this feels so ominous looking back knowing that he was the Keymaster the whole time. That our distrust and betrayal and his resignation to it all didn’t matter because he was going to be safe no matter what. That he knowingly allowed us to assume that he was a safe vote because he didn’t want his plan to kill Sou to be ruined, which narrowed down choice of people we can safely vote for even further. That this action is ultimately the reason why Sou and Kanna were our only options to kill off in the end. If he had admitted it there, we could’ve found someone else to vote for so our final options could consist of three people, not two. But he didn’t, and the rest is history. There’s a lot of things he’s done I can’t get over. This one ranks pretty high. The second Main Game is already a huge sore spot for me for obvious reasons; knowing that a lot of the things that happened were due to his inaction where it truly mattered and activity in all the wrong places doesn’t make me fee any better. He didn't say he was a safe vote-- he didn't lie-- but his words carefully omit that voting for him means a total party death, something he should've stated then (and before this, really).

*Leaving Sara with the sacrifice card.

Despite making a big show about “always being by her side” and being her “reliable policeman”, he chose to look away when she was in real danger. He attached himself to her as her right hand man, made her shoulder the responsibility of being the leader, constantly manipulated and flattered her to win her trust and gain her favour-- but when she needed him the most, he basically left her for dead because it was the most beneficial to him. Keep in mind that not only did he know about her getting the sacrifice (he was also the sage so he'd have seen the trade happen), but he had the tokens to help her get rid of it. But those tokens weren’t for her life. They were for his. He used them instead to give himself the Keymaster as insurance for the Main Game (the Keymaster he stole from Sou/Kanna most likely to buy Sara’s trust btw). His desperation for survival outweighed his sense of obligation to keep her safe, and that’s the most subtle yet transparent he’s been about his selfishness. What makes this so much worse is that Keiji is our support character. He’s an ally, and our closest one at that, to the point where Sara burned her hands in a futile attempt to rescue him and signed her life away to save his. And yet his loyalty and protectiveness pale in comparison to other characters. Compare his actions to Sou’s: one of their many parallels and similarities is that both their girls get hit with the sacrifice card. As we’ve established, Keiji was fully aware of Sara being send the sacrifice by Sou, had 50 tokens ready to go and chose to secure his own survival than save her life. Kanna ended up doing it instead, attempting to trade the card off Sara with Sou realising what happened immediately. And what does Sou do? Completely bend over backwards trying to keep her alive. He lied about being the Sacrifice so the others wouldn’t suspect Kanna of having that role, meaning he could try gathering vote for her without anyone seeing his true intentions. He tried to stop her about coming out with the truth of what she had done so she doesn’t sentence herself to death. After everything he did to survive-- after how much he lied, how much he schemed, how much he hurt, and how he had thrown himself away to replace everything that made him Shin with the man that had traumatised him years before the game began to scrape together even the tiniest chance to survive-- he threw it all to the wind and was willing to let it all be in vain if it meant she got to make it out of the Main Game alive. The worst part is that Sou had never intended to make it through that Main Game. He confessed to already knowing that Kanna would choose Sara over him if she truly had the Sacrifice card. Yet he still did what he did all in the hopes that she could win. Because it was all about her survival first, not about them surviving together.

It also gives a different context to Sou's panic and him stumbling over his words trying to come up with any argument to get them to stop. At first I thought that Sou was afraid for his life. Which would make sense-- Keiji and Q-taro set him up to die and seemed pretty adamant on having everyone voting for him to get it all over with. But he was already prepared to die the minute he realised Kanna traded with Sara. So it means it wasn’t his life he was fearing for here-- it was hers. To him, if they voted for him there, it wouldn’t have just been his end but hers too. But we know that Kanna isn’t the one who has the sacrifice. It’s Nao, and considering how the Main Game can end either or both of them dead, I wonder if he regrets not having given up there, not letting Keiji get away with that shitty stunt he pulled knowing it would’ve at least guaranteed her safety than leave her fate in hands of a girl with enough reason to kill her. Ignoring the sounds of my heart shattering into pieces for the 100th time thinking about the Greenblings, it’s so fascinating that our biggest rival and most distrusted member has a greater sense of loyalty and responsibility for his ally than Keiji has for his own. Sou can be a liar and manipulative and selfish, but for how unpredictable he is something I can always trust is his love for those he holds dear (Kanna) and general desire to protect our most vulnerable (Gin). Sou loves Kanna, and so he’s fine with protecting her even if it comes at a price he never wanted to pay. Keiji surely cares about Sara, but unfortunately that is something I can’t say about him-- at least at that time (also the fact that Sou ended up taking more care and responsibility for Kanna despite Keiji having been the one to throw her on him in the first is so ironic).

*Continuously pushing Sara to take on the role of leader.

I think one of Keiji's biggest failures in the game come from his treatment of Sara despite positioning himself as her most reliable ally and her partner. From the very get-go, he was very adamant of making Sara be the one to shoulder the responsibility of the group. He, along with Joe (he didn't do anything wrong here), pushed Sara to be the Challenger during the Russian Roulette, despite Q-taro and Kai being readily available. He made Sara be the one to interrogate the suspicious convict while distancing himself from the situation. And he encourages her to lead them through the Main Game, lets her make the choices that steer them all forward and as a consequence take the fall for them as well. Rather than take on the role himself, or let another adult take it, he places his full trust in her and makes her shoulder everyone's weight so he doesn't have to. And he can see the effect it has on her: having horrific hallucinations due to the immense guilt she feels. But having Sara as their leader gives him a greater shot at survival and helps his credibility, so even though he tries to provide her comfort he still continues to keep her in that role. Again, the high schooler taking responsibility for the adults falls on a lot of the older people here, but Keiji was the one who kickstarted it rather than just go along with it like everyone else had. Gin, Nao, Kanna, Reko and even fucking Sou to an extent all have moments where they take the burden off her and relieve her of that pain she shoulders all the time (or at least try to). I need Keiji to take more responsibility for both the group and for her.

*Pitting Sara and Joe against each other.

This is just another example of the previous point. This isn't as bad, and I could give him the benefit of the doubt that this might have not been intentional, but it's something I want to bring up regardless. I'll be the first to say that Keiji wasn't wrong here. Prying into everyone's votes is a very bad move, especially since no one knew that Mishima would actually die (it was introduced as a practice round, after all). I agree with him, Joe was being rash, but instead of leaving the conversation there, he decided to throw Sara into it to pick a side. Which is... not good. He already won the argument and already had Reko on his side. Bringing in Sara could not only make Joe feel worse and potentially strain their relationship (especially if she rightfully chooses Keiji's side like he was expecting and hoping for), but just puts Sara in the spotlight during something she doesn't want to be part of. While there's a chance he might've done this because he know Joe is more likely to listen to her than him, he should've known better than that. It again makes her take the responsibility of giving the final verdict that would've otherwise gone to him.

*Asking Sara to take responsibility for his life

I've got nothing other that the grown adult swearing his life to the grieving, unstable teenager to take responsibility for while asking her if she'd die along with him is weird as heck. Keiji's said weirder things prior to this, but this one is a different weird. I think Beanieman's post mostly echoes my thoughts on this on, so I'll link it here for this point. This part kinda bothers me:

He shouldn't be encouraging her taking on anymore responsibility than she already is. He knows that the deaths that happened under her leadership haunt her. He knows that she's very much unstable enough already, to the point where he takes baby-steps to avoid triggering her trauma over Joe. He positioned himself as her reliable partner, her rock to lean on (quite literally sometimes). We see first hand how emotionally dependent she is on him. If he died, it would destroy her-- she'd destroy herself over it. He knows this (or should) but he still does it. His disappointment and dismissiveness when she understandably rejects him makes it worse. The guilt of potentially not living up to his expectations is not what she needs.

*Potentially working for Asunaro

This is more ambiguous than everything else here and more a theory than anything but it's been on my mind for a long time that Ranmaru might actually be onto something here. We know that Asunaro has a strong hold on the police. Midori was able to infiltrate the force, and they were able to get rid of Mr. Policeman for looking into the corruption going on, first having Megumi fire him and secondly getting Keiji to kill him by planting false info about the suspect having a gun. Megumi was also able to get Keiji off the hook for murder, which I believe Asunaro had a hand in too (I theorize this might've been her wish). There's also Alice, who was arrested and sent to prison despite the fact that he (legally) didn't kill anyone since Midori was a doll. The police are connected to Asunaro-- by extension Megumi and extending further potentially Keiji.

Something I've seen someone rightfully point out is that neither of the options you're given to say in response to the accusation... actually deny it? Both choices dance around answering directly, which is suspect as fuck. If Keiji truly wasn't with Asunaro, why not shut that theory down immediately? There's no benefit to answering anything but "no" when he's innocent, and he's lied straight to people's faces for less. So why not just debunk it? I think it's cuz there might be some truth to what Ranmaru was saying here. The biggest reason I think this is because despite the fact that Keiji quit the force, he and Megumi were still associating with each other years later. They were kidnapped together and partnered up for their first trial. One missable piece of dialogue is Keiji admitting that he was with his partner-- or rather a "coworker"-- before getting knocked out.

That slip of the tongue and backtracking makes me believe this part to be true. Him switching from "my partner" to "a coworker", which is a lot more distant and impersonal, makes me think it's got to be Megumi. However, I don't believe that Keiji would wanna keep in touch with her after what happened willingly, so I can only imagine that it's due to that debt he has to her. My little game theory here is that after the shooting, the debt he owed her was a forced recruitment into Asunaro. It's the only thing I can imagine he meant by "the worst kind of debt", a debt he'd literally let her die for to get out of. And if this is true, then it could also explain away his instant attachment to Sara, since he'd know beforehand that she's someone he can depend on due to her having the highest chance at survival. Maybe he already knew about her beforehand, one way or the other. We know Hayasaka did (which I think we as a fandom moved on from way too fast btw). Kai and Sou did too. There's always a chance. And unlike Sou's victory rate and Midori's favourite number, it's not zero. One person made a comic about this idea I recommend checking it out, it's tastefully unsettling. But still very much unsetling and uncomfortale. Be warned that it's also Keisara-centred, so if that makes you even more uncomfortable they did the job right you can ignore it. Proceed with caution or don't read if you don't like.

*Being a predator

I have been waiting so long for this one XD For context: a while ago I made a longpost discussing the sanitisation of soushin and this kind of toxic attitudes in fandoms regarding "problematic content" (ships, characters, shows, you name it). In it, I mentioned that it's not only soushin that receives this treatment but a certain other dynamic too. It's not a rainy day, however this has been way overdue and if I don't get this done now I never will.

Something I've seen a lot, and I mean a LOT-LOT is this notion that Keiji acts "like a father" to Sara and that their relationship is a completely platonic father-daughter bond and that he's the resident dad of the group? Like, it's cute, but that's not at all what their relationship is. At all. Not even a little bit. We called Sou and Kanna siblings before the Greenblings reveal. The difference is that not only does half the fandom think this man is gay, but he's only ever been protective and caring and loving without any romantic intentions towards Kanna ever. His title as her brother was deserved, based on the genuine affection and platonic protectiveness similar to that of Alice's. Keiji has made advances tho, on many occasions, and his flirting is repeatedly acknowledged by other characters. Namely Sou and Reko.

(Sou grills him for being a creep every chance he gets I love him XD) But yeah, these are not the type of reactions and comments you receive when being a "father-figure" to the teenager. You get all this when you hit on the teenager. Which he does all the time by calling her "cute" every time she asks something and his "cute little detective", swearing himself to her by saying that "he's always on her side" or something like that, asking her if she'd die alongside him, repeatedly claiming or insinuating that they're on a date, or ""having a moment"" and going to ""take the next step"" when in private (*cough* groomer *cough*)-- you name it, he likely said it. He's a walking-talking ladykiller machine and teenage girls aren't safe, apparently.

(Quick note: The dialogue for the Russian Roulette one is a tad different now. In the new translation he says "cause you're so darn cute" now. I dunno if that makes it sound any less weird, but I felt like putting that out there. What I'm also putting out there is that according to the trivia he calls her cute 8 times throughout the game so. Yeah. *Cough* groomer *COUGH COUGH*)

Like, who tf says this?? Especially that last part 💀 Even if you wanna die on the hill that these are supposed to be "jokes" not to be taken seriously, we should all be able to agree that the (ex)police officer in his late 20s jokingly hitting on the high schooler he follows around is still weirdo behaviour at best and down right despicable at worst. The fandom seeing lowkey predatory/inappropriate behaviour from a figure of authority persistent for almost three entire chapters and dismissing it as "fatherly" and "platonic" is, well, concerning. It's very concerning. If your dad acts like Keiji, you should probably call the police. Unfortunately for Sara, Keiji is the police. And considering this guy got away with manslaughter, I don't think said police would do anything anywho. But yeah-- he uses flattery and flirting to distract her from prodding to much at him while simultaneously aiming to gain favour in her eyes. He showers her with reassurance of his loyalty and affirmation of his deeper attachment towards her and her alone every chance he gets to cement his position as her closest and most trustworthy ally. He insinuates a romantic partnership between them to others to mostly keep her to himself or the two of them alone (he always does that when they're investigating or going to investigate by themselves). There's such an obvious romantic undertone to their relationship and his actions that it going almost completely ignored in the fandom feels weird to me.

I want to make clear that there's nothing wrong with headcanoning Keiji as a father figure to Sara. It's cute. Keiji didn't have a dad himself, and the closest thing to a father figure he had was the man he shot dead. He's a damaged and hardened guy. But Sara's dad is involved with Asunaro and Gin's is an alcoholic, and in a situation where they both need guidence and protection he tries his best to grow and change, fumbling to become that decent father none of them got to have. It's nice, and a wholesome dynamic for our "characters with memorandum counterparts and only non-determined deaths" trio. But that's obviously not what their dynamic is. There's a difference between headcanoning something and erasing canon and the Yttd fandom leans heavily into the latter. Keiji's a creep, he always has been, yet 90% of people I see always portray him as a Mr. Dad Guy or completely sanitise him to hell when him being creepy and unnerving to be around is what made him such a fascinating character. Just like I said with Soushin, the sanitisation to make canon more digestible is one thing: harassing or insulting the people that explore canon is another. I'm gonna take a bullet, derail this rant and say it-- Keisara shippers get so much shit for literally being right it's so infuriating. Keiji does hit on Sara, a lot. He's creepy and weird like that. Him flirting with her isn't a "mistranslation" or a joke or anything like that; his dubious wording and antics are very much intentional. Yet the only people I see actually addressing and acknowledging that without adding fluff is keisara shippers and other ""proshippers"" only for them to get fucking sniped for it I cannot 💀💀 I have yet to meet a single eastern fan who calls this cop "fatherly". This really feels like such a western issue cuz the majority of the japanese fandom agrees that this man's a predator (correct me if i'm wrong but keisara is the most popular ship in the japanese side of the fandom, right?). Then again, eastern fandoms are more chill over there when it comes to separating fiction and reality in general anywho.

*Yeah, I think I'm done with the Keiji slander. Yay. Time to unceremoniously end this.

There's more to say about that, but this is a Keiji post, not another shipping discourse post (although it's hard discussing Keiji's predatory behaviour without bringing it up too). Before I do spiral from the original point, I'm going to try and reach some sort of conclusion here. While I did spent the majority of this post just reading Keiji to filth, and am very salty towards him in particular, this was not just to rake him through mud for my own sanity (tho it's part of it XD). Keiji's character is that he started off as someone who wanted to do the right thing, someone who wanted to be good and moral and protect others by joining the force only to kill all the progress he made along with the person who inspired him to become an officer in the first place. It heavily contrasts the Keiji we have now, a sleazy, unreliable and corrupt ex detective who flirts with underage girls and is willing to resort to the most bankrupt of decisions to save himself. A man that has long lost hope of his wounds healing that he lets them fester and his rot spread onto others. And while I headcanon Keiji to just inherently be a piece of shit, his former self tried his best to be genuinely good before he became so convinced he can never be better that he made peace with his shittiness in the end.

With all this I wanted to highlight some the shadier and bankrupt things he's done that I haven't seen much discussion around and refresh myself on them before the final part. Both so no matter how emotionally dependent and therefore rose-tinted Sara is about the man I don't forget what he's actually like and what he's done while also being able to appreciate how much he's changed for the better. Some of my favourite examples about how he's changed are these:

Before the second Main Game Keiji was willing to let Sara and Kanna die because it was the most beneficial option for him, but in Chapter 3 he takes the on the role of "it" from Kanna and refuses to tag Sara when he thought he was gonna die after failing to beat Midori.

Actually showing more sympathy towards Sou after the Main Game. He was very mean about dismantling his pretence of a cold front to Kanna's death, don't get me wrong, but he showed a lot more consideration and understanding for Sou's feelings and acknowledgement about his active role in it than he ever had beforehand.

He was genuinely fighting for everyone to survive the game, not just himself. While Keiji would prefer everyone making it out safely, he has a tendency to guarantee his own survival first through any means necessary. His plan to corner Midori in the banquet could've cost him his life if it weren't for Q-taro's final stunt, yet he still reassured Sara to save Gin even tho it could've resulted in his execution from Meister potentially finding him guilty of violating the rules.

Him hugging Mai and trying to be more cheerful was cute as heck. I'm sorry but him showing more vulnerability around his allies and being less closed off in a way he hasn't been before is something I'm very head empty about. That he was hugging and interacting with Mai without making any unwanted advances or ladykiller jokes and generally just having a more friendly vibe was nice. It makes his creeping on Sara more unfortunate, but I'll take what I can for now. The bar is in hell.

And that's it, I think. Overall, I hope they do address some of his actions here in the final part or make them have an impact on his and Sara's relationship. Especially that Asunaro part. The person who wished for Sara to join the death game is still unknown and so is Keiji's consent form wish (same goes for the Dummies, Hinako and Megumi), so I'm curious if they're related or not. If he's going to go down an even darker path or redeem himself as much as he can we'll see when the final part drops. He has the potential to go both ways. This is going to be kinda awkward if the next part reveals him to have been a decent guy all along, so hopefully that doesn't happen. Please be morally bankrupt, man. This post didn't end up the way I wanted it to, nor bring up as many points as I would've liked, but I know I won't finish it if I went full perfectionist on it (I already spent months on this writer's block do be a bitch) and it's looking kinda long already. Hopefully it's still decent enough as is right now. I'd like to say that this is my apology for the last longpost I made, but I brought up one of the most controversial and hated ships and traits of Keiji's character and defended them, so maybe I shouldn't 🙃 Anywho, hope you enjoyed and cheerio.

[cherrycola27]

afterglow

Series Warnings: Language, alcohol and drinking. Military inaccuracies. Allusions to and eventual smut. Friends to lovers. Mutual pining. Unrequited love. Minors DNI. 18+. Banner Credit: @thedroneranger

Masterlist Previous Part Next Part

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Chapter 5: Don't Walk Away

Jake knew that his time with you was coming to an end. He couldn't believe that you were seriously leaving. Be couldn't stomach the idea of you flying with someone else.

Since you were going back to Lemoore, Cyclone had decided to make him a single seat pilot like he was during the uranium plant mission. God, that fucking mission. If he could go back in time, maybe he wouldn't have flown it. Maybe he would have fought harder for you to go with him. That was the beginning of his downfall with you.

Jake couldn't believe how stupid he was. He had you in the palm of his hand, and now he was watching you slip through his fingers like sand in an hourglass. You were leaving in two weeks, and you hadn't spoken to him since the night he confessed his feelings for you.

It broke his heart when you told him that jt was too little too late. That you had been waiting for him to say that for almost two years. How could he have been so blind? Because he only cared about himself, that's how.

Jake had taken you for granted, and he could see that now. He'd always expected you to be there for him, and now that you weren't, his world was falling apart.

This week, he was finally cleared to fly. You had opted to stay on desk duty until you left.

He climbed in the cockpit and went through all of his preflight checks, but before he could take off, he had a panic attack and jumped out of his jet, and became physically sick all over the tarmac.

Everyone had asked him if he was okay, but how was he supposed to tell them that the thought of you not being in the plane with him made him feel like an elephant was sitting on his chest and made his vision go blurry. The rest of the team watched him spend the entire week trying to get up in the air, but it all ended the same way. Right before takeoff, the anxiety with set it, he would jump out, puke, and run into the locker room like clockwork.

By the time Thursday rolled around, everyone was in a good mood because you'd all been given a three day weekend. Tonight, the Daggers were throwing you a going away party at the Hard Deck. They wanted one last chance to celebrate with you before you left them next Friday.

Penny had agreed to close the bar down, but it still seemed like all of North Island was there. Well, almost everyone.

You sat in a tucked away corner booth and fiddled with the straw in your drink. You'd been watching the door all night, willing him to come.

"Glow, why is the guest of honor sitting alone looking all sad?" Rooster said as he slid in the booth next to you.

"I'm fine, Roo, honest." You told him.

"He'll be here. He may be a gigantic asshole, but Hangman cares too much about you not to come. He's been a mess all week. Couldn't even get his plane in the air." Rooster told you.

"What?" You asked him. You had been trapped in an office and hadn't heard anything.

"Jake would go through all of his preflight stuff, get cleared to taxi, and then he'd freak out, jump out of the cockpit, get sick, and run away. I asked him about it yesterday and he said he couldn't fly without you." Rooster told you as he sipped his beer.

"He sure didn't feel that way when they offered him the uranium plant mission." You grumbled under your breath.

"No one ever accused him of being smart." Rooster shrugged. You chuckled and smiled for the first time that night. Just then, the bell above the door chimed. Your eyes shot over to it, and there he was. Jake Seresin in all of his glory.

But he didn't look like his usual self. His hair wasn't neatly styled, dark bags had made a home under his eyes, and he didn't have his usual glow about him. Rooster quickly got up to leave, and Jake spotted you across the room.

He walked over to you and you noticed he had something tucked under his arm.

"Hi." He breathed out as he approached you.

"Hi." You replied.

"Glow, can—can we please talk. Privately?" He asked you. You sighed and nodded. You made your way through the crowd to the back deck. When you pushed through the doors, the noise of the party faded and was replaced with the sweet sounds of the ocean. You leaned against the railing, admiring the rays of the setting sun.

You turned to face Jake. He paced nervously across the old wood.

"I—I have something for you." He stammered as he shoved the box he'd been carrying in your hands. You untied the ribbon and lifted off the lid. You gasped when you saw the contents of it.

"Jake—you can't be serious." You met his eyes. "I am." He replied as he swallowed thickly.

You looked back down at the box. Inside where his wings. The ones he'd worn every day since his father pinned them on him, and his discharge papers, dated three months from now, when his contract was up.

"Jake, I thought you said you were going to spend your thirty years or more and then retire. What happened to that? What happened to becoming Admiral Seresin? Wasn't that your plan, your dream?" You ask him, still not believing what is in front of you.

"I haven't been able to fly for a week without you with me. You really think I can go another twenty years? I can barely go twenty seconds without thinking about you!" Jake exclaimed.

"If you're not flying with me. I don't want to fly anymore." Jake breathed out.

"You didn't seem to feel that way when you first came here." You argue back.

"I know. I was so stupid. I was so desperate to make a name for myself. To prove myself—that I— I forgot that it wasn't all about me. My biggest regret right now is not fighting harder to get you on that mission with me. If I could go back in time and do it all over, I would. I would choose you. I would choose us." Jake admits to you.

Your breath catches in your throat. "Jake—"

"I'm not done." He cuts you off. "You have been the best thing in my life. You have always been there for me. You have my six in the sky and on the ground. You're my constant, my anchor. I am a better person because of you. I know I can't take back all those hurtful things I said and did. But I can spend the rest of my life making up for them and proving to you how much I love you. Because fuck, Y/N, I love you so goddamm much it hurts." Jake declares with tears in his eyes.

"Jake—" You begin, fighting your own tears.

"I would do anything for you. To prove to you how sorry I am, even if that means hanging up my wings." Jake breaths out.

You don't know how to respond. You stand there looking at him, holding his wings in your hands, and you finally let the tears fall.

In this moment, you realize how serious he is. You can see his hard exterior cracking. You've never seen him be so vulnerable.

When you meet his eyes, it isn't the cocky Hangman standing across from you. It's Jake, your Jake.

The one who took care of you when you were sick. The one who always saved you a seat in flight school. The one who punched an ensign for grabbing your ass.

It's the Jake who watches rom-coms with you and was more concerned about your well-being than his when the two of you had to eject during a training exercise. You remember how scared he was then, and you can see that same look on his face now.

You open your mouth to speak, but Jake rushes across the deck to you and cups your face in his hands and kisses you. It's warm, and it's soft, and it feels like home.

"Please, Y/N, please don't go. I need you. And I promise if you stay, I'll never leave you again." He whispers as he presses his forehead to yours.

"Okay." You choked out. Sobs still catching in your throat.

"Okay?" He asks.

"I'll stay. I wasn't going to say anything until after the party, but, I retracted my transfer." You confess to him.

"Wh—why?" Jake stutters out.

"Because leaving wasn't going to solve anything. Believe me, I think we've both learned that lesson." You tell him. Jake gives a knowing smirk.

"And the idea of not being around you hurt more than being around you. We are a team, through the good and the bad. I couldn't walk away from you—from us. We have something, Jake, and I don't want to lose it." You tell him.

"I don't want to lose it either. I don't want to lose you, Glow." Jake tells you. "Tell me you're still mine. That we can move on from this." Jake pleads with you.

"I'm willing to try if you are. But I need you to tell me that I'm all you want. That I'm enough for you." You say to him.

"You're more than enough for me. You're all I want." Jake tells you earnestly.

"Now, can I take you home? And I promise I'll still be there in the morning." Jake asks.

"Yeah, let's get out of here." You grab his hand as the two of you jump off the back deck and sprint to his car, giggling like idiots.

I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter as much as I did! I'm thinking there is going to be about two parts left (and possibly) and epilouge for this story!

Taglist: @thedroneranger @roosterscock @shanimallina87 @desert-fern @teacupsandtopgun @mayhemmanaged @lovinglyeternal @lovingbradshawafterdark @wkndwlff @roosterforme @daggerspare-standingby @dakotakazansky @startrekfangirl2233 @hecate-steps-on-me @cassiemitchell @na-ta-sh-aa @milestellerlover @katieshook02 @mak-32 @je-suis-prest-rachel @soulmates8 @ohgodnotagainn @diorrfairy @eli2447 @xoxabs88xox @potato-girl99981 @djs8891 @roosterbruiser @roosters-girl @sebsxphia @rosiahills22 @dempy @olliepig @seresinsweetie @linkpk88 @my-obsession-spn @eternalsams @callsign-magnolia @alchemxx @stargazer-88 @clancycucumber230

[theloganator101]

Does She Really Love You? Chapter 1 outline

The chapter opens up with dialogue about how happy Charlie is to be in a relationship with Vaggie, as she grew up sheltered she didn’t really have many friends growing up so forming relationships has alway been a bit difficult for her. But now she has Vaggie, so nothing can go wrong

Sir Pentious is the first to realize something is up when he tries to invent something to make breakfast more easy to make… only for Vaggie to mistake it for another invention and tell him to trash it. He tries to beg Charlie to not let it happen, she was about to agree but after a quick look from Vaggie, caved in.

Next is Husk, who after leaving from how far the trust exercise went hears the commotion going on on top of the roof, hearing Vaggie say how she’s supposed to make her girlfriend’s dreams a reality… and saying what’s the point of her if she can’t do that. To him it kind of sounded a bit like Vaggie was guilt tripping her for not doing things her way. And then later he hears that CHARLIE’S the one apologizing.

Niffty was going about her business of cleaning when she hears Charlie and Vaggie talking about how to bring in more clients. Charlie offers that she could put on a show in the city to attract attention and maybe others that like that kind of thing. Niffty agreed with the plan but Vaggie shoots it down, saying that it’ll make her look like a fool in front of everyone. Charlie tries to explain and insist but Vaggie tells her to not do it at all. Charlie eventually agrees and leaves it at that, agreeing to just go hang out flyers.

When Charlie finally separates from Vaggie, the others confront her on how Vaggie’s been acting as of late… both to her and them. Charlie tries to explain away that somebody has to be the spine of the hotel and that she means well. The others don’t buy it though, telling her that if this relationship was healthy, then why has Vaggie been clinging to her instead of going out to be her own person?

This question rings her head for a while, all coming to a boil when it’s almost time for bed. She decided to ask Vaggie a few questions regarding herself, only getting responses all about her and wanting to make her dreams come true. And when she asks what she dislikes… it’s all about letting her down and demons being an asshole to them.

This makes Charlie realize that the others were right and starts seeing her relationship with Vaggie in a new light, one that isn’t blinded by having her first friend and love. As she now realizes that this can’t go on for much longer. She tries telling Vaggie that maybe she should take some time off from the Hotel, that she can handle things while she goes out and explore the city for something SHE likes.

Vaggie however, denies as she believes the place will fall apart without her there. Charlie tries to tell her that they got Alastor in case things go wrong, but Vaggie retorts that he can’t be trusted and that she knows her. The conversation evolves into an argument between the two where Charlie accuses Vaggie of not trusting her and only sees her as an object to protect, while Vaggie is accusing Charlie of not being grateful for her efforts and living in a fairy tale.

But the final nail in the coffin was when Charlie yelled. “Then why can’t you ACTUALLY try to trust them to change instead of hating them all the time!? If you really believe in my dreams you would be doing it out of free will! Not because of an obligation of me saving you!”

Vaggie, in a fit of rage, punches Charlie right in the face while yelling back “SHUT UP! YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME!” When she realized what she just did by seeing Charlie’s hurt expression and the bruise forming, she tried to apologize but was instead met with Charlie telling her to get out… that she doesn’t want to sleep with her right now.

She complies, leaving Charlie alone as the Princess cries herself to sleep.

[taytrashmouth]

Im not a kid Joel!

Joel miller x female reader

Description: camping out in the woods after a pretty rough escape from a group of clickers and a bloater. Joel accuses you of being a kid, another piece of cargo that had to learn when to stand back and you loose it with his constant mood and tell him just how wrong he is

TW: mentions of rape, substance abuse, murder, teen pregnancy, blood, yelling, swearing etc.

————————The Last of Us————————

The fire was cracking and the noise of the wind flowing through the woods made me tense.

Ellie had fallen asleep reading her comic, she had a long week, after escaping all the clickers, watching Sam and Henry die. All of it.

Joel and I stayed up, keeping watch.

“Why don’t you get to bed, I can keep watch.” Joel spoke up.

I just shook my head. “Wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway, hurts.” I pointed to the huge slit down my face, from my lip to my eye. Some raider attacked me.

There was a short silence.

“Thank you.” I spoke up. He just frowned.

“If you hadn’t have shot that clicker when I tried to save Ellie I probably would’ve been dead, we both would’ve.” I looked at his messy hair in the orange fire light and I thought about how messy my long hair looked after a couple weeks without a brush.

“Yeah well you should know when to step back.” He mumbled.

“Excuse me? I saved her.” I pointed to Ellie who was curled up in her sleeping bag.

“No you endangered her, if you hadn’t have moved in the way I would’ve had a clear shot and killed the damn thing sooner!” Joel was yelling in a hushed tone trying not to wake Ellie.

I stared at him in shock.

“You’re no better than her, you’re a kid, and you don’t know what you’re doing.”

I scoffed. “I’m 37 Joel! And might I remind you that the only reason I’m here is because Ellie is the first one in 20 years that is like me.”

I watched Joel’s eyes trail to my healed bite on my neckline.

“Why the fuck are you even mad!?”

“BECAUSE YOU COULD HAVE FUCKING DIED Y/N! And I don’t have time for your childish behavior! It’s bad enough having one of you!” Joel yelled.

I Flinched.

“Joel I am many things but a child is not one of them….I wasn’t a child when at 5 years old my dad left and I wasn’t a kid when my mom overdosed and while she was out my stepdad raped me, when I was 8, and 9 and 10 and every year after that until I was 15 and I got pregnant.”

Joel stared at me. I had tears in my eyes but my gaze never left him.

“I wasn’t a kid when I gave birth at 16 and my mom kicked me out, or when the outbreak started when I was 17, with a 1 year old and a shitty boyfriend called Dan….but I loved them both.”

Joel watched my tears fall down my face rapidly.

“And I definitely wasn’t a kid when at 18 Dan got bitten and he didn’t tell me, I woke up one night to find him chewing up my two year old, and I haven’t been childish since I put a bullet between the eyes of my baby and the man I love.”

My voice was shaking.

“Now you’re an asshole! And I don’t deny that I might not know what I’m doing but Im still alive and I’m here. So do not take whatever anger you have out on me.” I finished.

After about 10 minutes Joel spoke.

“I’m sorry y/n.”

I didn’t look up, I just started walking towards my sleeping bag.

“What was its name?” Joel asked. I stopped walking.

“His name was Joel…” I whispered.

He was quiet, probably thinking about how I complimented his name when we first met.

“I lost my kid too”

“I’m sorry.”

“First day of the outbreak, her name was Sarah.”

I turned around and sat next to him.

“I’m only mad because everyone I love, i loose and I can’t loose you too y/n- I can’t-“

“You love me?” I interrupted.

Joel just looked at me, shocked at what he had just admitted.

His eyes fell to my lips and I took that as the green light. My lips were on his, both chapped. He pulled me closer to him and my hands were in his hair and his were on my back. The kiss felt like it lasted forever before we broke apart.

“You’re still an asshole.” I sighed with a smile and for the first time since Ellie’s diarrhea joke I actually saw him smile.

We both started laughing and our foreheads were touching, looking at his every feature so close was so intense.

“For Mr tough guy your kisses are real sweet.” I joked.

“I think it’s past your bedtime.” Joel sighed.

“You’re not the boss of me.” I laughed.

“With almost 20 years between us I think I am” he gave me a look that told me he was in charge and I liked it, it made me feel a twist in my stomach that I hadn’t felt in years.

He picked me up bridal style and I laughed and kicked as he put my on my sleeping bag and kissed me so gently as he walked back to the fire holding his gun, ready to protect me, to protect Ellie.

I smiled as I stared at the stars.

“Fucking finally!” Ellie whispered next to me.

“You little shit!” I whisper yelled and she just smirked.

[lovethatmakingcoffee]

Part 2

Forever

I have seen amazing artists and content creators come and go, and some get taken out by cancellation. Whether it was true or not, I’ve seen the fellow painter and aspiring film maker be chased off respective platforms or generally scared away because of the negative effects of cancellation. They will be canceled over stupid things they did in the past close to a decade ago or over something that isn't true. And honestly, I'm sick of it. I don’t care who you cancellers are, I want to rip you apart with fangs and claws. And I'm sick all of you trolls getting what you want. 

There was one artist I knew who made the most beautiful pieces and one random asshole one day called them out for being a pedo. Were they? No, and how would they even know anyway? But everyone just jumped up and dogpiled her. I tried my hardest to intervene and tell her not to listen to what they had to say, but the damage had been done, they succeeded and chased her off. And I will never forgive them for that. Such a talented person chased off and for what? To stroke someone's ego? Because they were jealous? It doesn’t matter. This terrible rage in my stomach has been building up with every artist running away with the fear of being cancelled and I can’t take it. 

When it first began, the cancellation movement, some foresaw how bad it would be and realized that they didn’t want to face it. For example, my beloved Jenna Marbles. Who knows, maybe she was tired of the whole YouTube scene to begin with, she had been doing it for ten years after all, but she decided to do her own cancellation to free herself from someone bringing it up instead. Maybe she realized how dangerous this was and that she should just leave before it was too late, cause with 2020 and that cancelling movement on the horizon, I don’t think my girl had the strength to keep up. She did her own cancellation suicide and fucked off, escaping criticism by criticizing herself. And I was heartbroken. Still am. That it had gotten so bad that a content creator would freely air out her own dirty laundry to feed the rabid wolves and make her escape. And there were those who relished off of it. Happy she was gone. Making me sick and fueling my anger even more. 

And then there were more. Mostly men, cancelled here and there. I won't name names, but we know them. Know who they are if you followed any cancellation ever. And chased off usually over some stupid shit they said in their twenties or being accused of grooming. Which the former most of the time seems easier to bounce back from then the later. Being called a racist, homophobic, etc., can be subjective. Especially during this day and age when the internet is so unbelievably sensitive to everything because they read every word with malicious intent towards themselves specifically. But so many content creators get targeted at the height of popularity or just because they were extremely popular. It’s obvious. So well known, and the bigger they are, the harder they fall. And some if not many, y'know, don’t deserve it. Some if not many don’t deserve cancellation and I will bite with so much rage in my being on their part. I know they can probably take care of themselves, but there are so many who can’t. They can’t hold on in these seas of accusations.

And then there are those who bounce back. Many will argue that they shouldn’t, but after time many seem to have forgiven what they were canceled about or just simply don’t care. Like Mr. Logan Paul for example. The man had such a lack of sense that he filmed a dead body and posted that on Youtube. And now he is doing interviews for Mr Beast. I just find that one... Interesting? Now, I don’t know much about Logan Paul except for all his drama. I don’t care too much for him cause he’s pretty loud and that hurts my ears. Nor is his content for me. I don’t know much about him as a person at all and can’t speak on behalf of his character. I don't know if Logan Paul grew up or gained some common sense, but what I do know is that he held out. He washed off all the judgment and accusations, drama or whatever and held on. Which seems to be the only cure for cancel culture on the internet. Is to endure.

And I don't want these trolls to feel more empowered than they already do. Cause I hate these trolls and want to cave their teeth in. Or maybe expose them too. Show your face, cowards behind the screen. You accuse those who are wide out in the open of the most terrible things, at least have the balls to say it to their faces instead of hiding in your monitors.

And frankly, when has cancellation ever helped anyone? I find it very useless and it just hurts people. Maybe if it was directed at large corporations or films making ugly versions of sonic, then I could see that as impactful. But no, it usually goes after the individual which is just so stupid. Hounding them about the past and past shit they said. So idiotic, it baffles me that people still allow it. To let the trolls say they have moral superiority over you and what they say goes. Gross. And you just know that these bastards on the other side of the screen have done shit too. They’ve said the wrong thing to the wrong person. Probably worse. Made the nastiest of jokes and comments. And are just being hypocritical and immature. I know I am also not above people and stupid dark jokes and these trolls should quickly learn this too if they know what’s good for them.

And these cancellers certainly have a lot of time on their hands. They might be young. Maybe. Might be a stupid kid which if so I could expand the notion, that if it is a stupid kid, then yeah, they could be forgiven for what they've done one day as I would expect these content creators to be forgiven for the stupid shit they said in their youth one day too. But also, what they did was horrible. I would respect Forever if he actually went about suing someone, but I don’t think he can sue a child. But still, what a horrible child. If only their parents knew. That they are dismantling lives just because they find someone annoying.

But to be for real and realistic, I think this person is some sad boring unemployed troll who resents him for whatever reason and this is their way of retaliation. And with that... Forever get their ass. He is upending your life and attempted to do the same to some of your friends. Get em.

And lastly, if Forever really was a creep, which no he is not, I want to ask Quackity if he did background checks on any of these content creators? Or did he just invite them in which I could see as a major oversight. Because these creators, I feel like when inviting them into something like a Minecraft server, it’s akin to a sponsorship. It supports your project but you have to do a thorough background check to see if they are safe for stream. Which is just why I found that it doesn't make sense at all that at least Quackity wouldn't know about Forever’s past! With how rife and pungent cancel culture is now, if I was him, I'd be so on edge. Especially if it’s my passion project was on the line. And he should know what it's like, even at his young age, he should know from what he's seen. And maybe the QSMP was seen as something small at first so he didn’t make the precautions, but once QSMP was getting bigger, wouldn’t he have checked? He should have been able to as well. Some rando online found these tweets thanks to pure spite, I'm sure Quackity and co could have done some digging sooner, months earlier and have made a decision. So this, this here, makes the least sense to me out of this entire nonsensical situation. 

But hey, if Forever somehow is a freak which I can tell he’s not, then I will eat my words. But that is not today.

(Same with part 1. I will block you if I find you too annoying. My temper is short and my block button is sincerely right there.)

(But I have said what I wanted to say. There is probably more. But Goodbye for now.)

[llamamicrowave]

Why I ✨Hate✨ Phin Mason

(any racism will be deleted <3)

In the Miles Morales PS5 game, we are introduced to a new version of the Tinkerer. Originally a one-off villain from the original Spiderman comics, the PS5 game developers try (and fail) to elevate the character.

First off, her personality. In most of the scenes, she is in with Miles, she’s just ruthlessly bullying him, this would be fine if it were a mutual thing but Miles just sits back and takes it?? Her entire personality basically dissolves into an ‘asshole that is better than Miles in every way possible’. The developers make her a weird tech genius, implied to be smarter than Miles and even Peter Parker in some scenes. This choice makes sense with her Tinkerer persona but (in my opinion) they kinda give her Ganke’s original personality and reduce him to a social media guru (refer back to the Thanksgiving scene at the beginning of the game).

In her FIRST SCENE (before we know her as the Tinkerer) she and the Underground attack a Roxon plaza where Miles’ mom Rio is campaigning. At this point, Miles doesn’t know Phin is the Tinkerer but Phin knows for a fact that Rio would be there (once again, refer back to the Thanksgiving scene at the beginning of the game). She is KNOWINGLY putting her friend's (and implied crush) mom at risk along with innocent civilians. And the WORST part of this is that this was completely unnecessary to the Underground's actual goals. Their real target was a truck containing Nuform of the COMPLETE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN, and since Phin is the leader of the Underground SHE chose to send a ton of her men to the rally, all while knowing Miles and Rio would be there. She then, out of costume, apologizes to Miles and blames the attack on Spiderman. HUH????

This bitch is dumb. And I mean that literally, her plan doesn’t make any sense. Despite the developer's attempts to make Phin seem like an evil genius, her entire plan falls apart once you think critically. Her goal is to halt the production of Nuform, a new, dangerous energy source developed by her brother, Rick. Nuform was also responsible for the eventual illness. Keep in mind that this illness didn’t kill him. While trying to destroy all the remaining Nuform, he got electrocuted (I think?) by it and then died in front of Phin.

(Apparently, this whole family is dumb ‘cause who takes a teen girl into a highly secured lab?)

Phin’s plan is constantly changing from the minute she is revealed as the Tinkerer to the final act. At one point Miles tries to warn her of Roxon's plan but she doesn;t take his warning and her entire plan falls to shit. And she has the AUDACITY to blame him for that!

And I haven’t even gotten to when she finds out that Miles is spider man! She accuses him of lying to her (which he was) in order to get access to her DOMESTIC TERRORIST ORGANIZATION! Did Miles lie, yes. But did Phin put innocent civilians at risk, including Rio? Yes! Phin needed to be taken down and she wouldn’t listen to anyone else instead of Miles.

The game wants us to believe that Phin is a sympathetic foil to Miles instead of the aggravating dumbass she really is. We see this in almost every interaction the two have. Miles is painted as a liar who doesn’t deserve a friend like Phin and is constantly apologizing to her, despite Phin being the aggressor and often in the wrong. Where ass Phin is depicted as a misguided girl with good intentions.

This is a problem because the plot of the game depends on Miles and Phin’s relationship, and if we don’t care about that relationship the emotional payoff at the end falls flat. Spoiler alert: the bitch dies. (DING DONG).

[pippin-pippout]

Wow Miao An Su really did forget all that friendship after a few conniving words from the empress's plant and her manipulative af husband. The Duke tried to kill her so-called best friend, and when her best friend's servant - who is more like a sister to her - points out that the Duke is an asshole who committed crimes and shouldn't be worshiped, her husband hits himself a couple of times, to distract from the fact that her servant was disrespecting the head of household just like she'd just accused Su Lan of doing, and An Su suddenly forgets common sense.

She orders one of her former friends that she grew up with to be beaten for calling her husband illegitimate (and yeah I think that was too far of su Lan but I understand why she was angry given that she and Dou Zhao have been put in mortal peril multiple times by that man her former friend is paying homage to) and then An Su accuses the other former friend of treating her like an animal when she hadn't even said anything against her - only against her servant for being disrespectful and spreading discontent? Then she goes father and throws everything Dou Zhao did for her in her face, saying it wasn't friendship it was sympathy. Ok? Let's say it was, at least she wasn't doing nice things to manipulate you. She never asked for anything back. Shouldn't that tell An Su who is actually on her side? But instead she's going to believe the lies of this evil servant and her husband who is clearly, deeply messed up.

If she is going to be that easily manipulated and choose someone she's known for a few minutes who clearly has ulterior motives with Prince Qing (THAT SHE KNOWS ABOUT) over her best friend, then I'd rather her story end here. I can't stand to watch well built female friendships fall apart because it's more convenient to the narrative, and this is definitely one of those cases.

[misspieckfinger]

Reminder you are not the Asshole if you don’t want to spend all your time listening to angry, upset, hyper emotional people fall apart all day. You do not lack empathy because of their failure to respect the fact that you have things to do, places to go, other people to which you would rather devote your time, things you’d prefer to be doing.

What does display a lack of empathy is a person who assumes you will spend your time consumed with the very negativity they complain is hurting them. There are people that get off on trying to push their problems onto other people, that is not healthy & you’re not a bad person for not liking it.

You have your own stressors, feelings, hopes, dreams, desires & everyday you get up & you be strong, you use your reason, you use your discipline & you don’t spew misery everywhere you go. The other person is just as capable of doing so. They could go educate themselves, they could independently learn techniques for managing their emotions just like you did, they can control themselves. They’re not because they find the idea of causing chaos & upset in other people’s lives more emotionally satisfying for some reason & that is not your fault. You didn’t make them that way, it’s not your job to fix then. You have your own issues that could have sent you that way if you were a different person. You’re busy fixing you. Everybody is busy with their own life’s work on themselves.

A covert narcissist will be the first person to call people unenlightened, unfeeling, unempathetic, when they aren’t being given the option to swallow up another person’s life with their upset. It’s important to look at whether they’re being empathetic to you & your time & your desires to determine if they’re telling the truth or if this is hoovering. Their whole construct is “im special because I feel so deeply, that’s why I’m so emotional like this & if that bothers you then you’re just not sensitive like me”.

That person is sensitive to their own emotions only. Show them one of yours & see if they don’t immediately try to divert the conversation back to how THEY feel & their needs. A real empath will keep track of the conversation & take the time to equitably respect & entertain your feelings without making it about themselves or getting triggered. A fake empath with a PD won’t be able to do that & if you point that out they’re going to cry about “keeping score” & try to accuse you of being the problem. You’re not.

There is no amount of gentle working out of the covert narcissist’s emotions that will make them stop being a black hole of directionless upset. If you offer understanding they get upset & you don’t understand. If you express a solution they’re triggered by it & you’re still the bad guy. They don’t feel better if you talk to them, they are prodding you for something else to get upset about so they can cry “how could you say that to me”.

This isn’t your fault & you have to understand the routine as part & parcel of their disorder. They have something wrong with them & it has nothing to do with you. Even animals out in the wild that live in groups understand that considerate & empathetic rapport is a give & take. Don’t doubt yourself don’t let them convince you, it’s like a glitch with them. If you say “I think you’re being too much” they’ll tell you that doesn’t count you’re not a therapist, if a therapist tells them the same they’ll have an issue with that particular therapist, if a better therapist also tells them their behavior is bad they’ll have an issue with therapy as a field. If god himself told them they’re being nasty to deal with they’d have a problem with religion. If Hawking rose from the dead & told them the constant upset makes them a jerk they’d have a problem with physics.

The constant game of thinking other people’s perceptions shouldn’t count is what makes them difficult & unhealthy in the first place. Don’t get upset, it’s not personal they have problems & you didn’t create those problems, they’re just proving your point by doing that. They would have you believe everybody’s feelings are wrong but theirs, they’re the ones who are wrong. It’s never we all have feelings & we can all have subjective value to ourselves, it’s they think your feelings are wrong & theirs are right-they’re not & you don’t need a dozen experts to verify you don’t feel good around someone. All you need is the feeling you don’t like them & if that upsets the covert narcissist let’s be honest, they were going to find something to get upset about anyway. If somebody can’t find positive things in life with all its beauty, all the good things in it that’s abnormal & there’s something wrong with that person.

Do some people get depressed & experience temporary lack of enjoyment? They do. But those people largely, entirely actually don’t sit around & try to make other people feel at fault for that. They remember good things, they want things to be good again, they understand the negativity to be a problem.

If you encounter somebody who thinks everything is bad, always was bad & tries to convince you that’s normal that’s a different mental disorder & run. A person with empathy doesn’t seek to convince other people life is horrible & they should see everything as horrible. That’s a bad person who wants people to suffer & that’s not permissible. No just depressed person actively tried to spread their hurts to others. Somebody that does that is wrong a different way & do not get sucked in.

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

regarding fandom misogyny with mary i agree

its weird i seen people try and say shes the yoko ono or courtney love of our fandom when really no? like yes i get it band fandoms can be absolutely mean to women and blame them for stuff that wasnt them at all but with mary shes actually done shady shit and we can call her out on it lol. yoko and courtney are different since they are blamed for basically for "ending" the band or changing their partners for the "worse"

when 1 queen never broke up so yeah theres nothing to blame them a falling apart for and even if there was stories of past tension in the band nobody ever points fingers at her at all to what i seen and 2 mary and freddie stopped dating for most of the original queen lineup so its not like they were even partners to the end

considering i seen the opposite for major consensus. i seen more praise or relatively not really anything bad for her as the general consensus than "hate" or criticism

ofc not denying people will be weirdos because she is a woman and say batshit stuff but to call genuine criticism and dislike of her "misogyny" is weird

God, those comparisons are so fucking stupid. You're right. Queen never broke up and no one has ever blamed the problems that the band did have on a woman.

Secondly, as you said, Mary actually did bad things. That's what people always conveniently ignore when they defend her or write off the people who criticize her! We have her own words and actions to hold against her, and that's not even counting what credible sources have also said about her.

What drives me even crazier is that some of the same people who'll say "uwu hating Mary for stealing people's cats, being homophobic, and being an asshole to Freddie's loved ones is misogynistic :(" will also turn around and defend male celebrities with domestic violence accusations against them. They don't give a shit about women.

[thecapitolrogue]

Closed | Self Para. | The Capitol: Kyan's Apartment | Day 72

“You’re an asshole, you know that?”

The image of Gleam is hazy, blurred by time. Her biting remarks had stayed with him as if the words were scars upon his skin, but they were never so sharp. Far from a joke, yet hardly an attack. An observation between friends. He couldn’t deny the accusation.

“Never said I wasn’t.”

Kyan was never one to dwell on the past. What’s done is done, the world pushing them ever forward, but he was helpless against the cold shock of dread and panic. He’d give anything to be there again, 15 years old and tossing insults while they perfect their knife work. He’d give anything for one more back alley meet up, hiding from suspicious officials. He’d give anything for them to take it back, to say they’d been confused, that this wasn’t her fate. 

The holo’s remote shattered as it hit the wall. He hadn’t even been aware he’d thrown it. For the first time in his life, Kyan’s hands trembled as the usual cold front he maintained crumbled to dust. Was this devastation? Desperation? 

“I’ll be fine.” 

The dusty back room of the Justice Building was sweltering as he saw Gleam off on reaping day, foolishly jealous that her name had been pulled and not his own. Her arms crossed over, expression hardened as if his farewell had been an inconvenience. 

“I dunno, you were pretty pathetic at target practice last week.”

If he were being honest, he had never once doubted her ability to reach victory. They’d spent years sparring, trading blows as freely as they had cutting remarks, and even if Kyan had spent years mocking her technique, Gleam was a more than capable fighter. 

Was.

But she’d never been good at controlling her anger, never made an effort to keep in line. Gleam was loud and unapologetic, refusing to fit the mold they had cast for her. They should have known it would be her downfall.

The Capitol pinned hit on the rebellion, but Kyan was smarter than that. Her years of nonconformity was a danger to no one but Snow and, of course, herself. There was nothing the President hated more than an unruly victor who threatened the system. Gleam had never been one to let someone hold power over her, and Snow refused to be painted a fool. It was only natural for him to get the last word in whatever war they’d been waging.

Kyan was under no illusion this had been a message for the rest of the District 1 team, as well. There was no doubt Snow had known about their secret meetings or the pretend romance with Helios. Gleam’s death was a warning — a promise — that with any misstep, they’d be next. 

Their conversation from just a few days prior came back around. The remnants of the morning’s storm pooled around them in shallow puddles on the back alley’s cobblestone. Kyan hated the rain, but he had gone for her. Because she had asked him to. When Gleam told him of the threat, of how going home to One seemed like a trap, he thought the war was getting to her. His words were not of warning, but of exhaustion.

“Would it kill you to just do what you’re told? For just once in your life?”

Neither of them could have predicted an ending such as this. Killing a victor had been unprecidented before the war, after all, and while she was difficult and incisive in private, the public only knew her to be devoted to the Capitol. It was his fault then, for encouraging her to just go do the damn thing. 

The bottle of whiskey must have apparated in his hand, because Kyan couldn’t recall reaching for it. He took a swig regardless, inviting the burn of the liquor to ease the pain of the sky falling around him.

[panda-writes-kpop]

Avengers AU - Hidden File #2 - Villain, Hero, or Neither?

A/N: Hi guys, girls, and non-binary pearls! This fic is based on an idea I originally had for the series, but I scraped it because it was a tad too dark for what I was going for originally. Once again, it's up to you to decide if this is Canon or not. (Also, let me know if you're interested in another part!) 💖

TW: Some spoilers for the main series, this is supposed to take place after the last Canon chapter, Death of loved ones, death of a main character 😶, funerals and burying someone, reader pushes the line of a morally grey character, cussing and lots of it, arguments, negative comments about someone's appearance (please be kind to others), accusations go fucking FLYING, 2yoo angst and they don't like each other (obv not related to their irl relationship, this is for the ✨️ dramatics ✨️), Yoohyeon is mean to the reader (like really mean, once again, this isn't a reflection of her personality), reader is also an asshole, lots of angst ;)

Summary: After the death of your loved ones rocks your world, you take action. That action, as you're quick to discover, sets off a domino effect that changes not only your life, but the lives of those you care about.

♡ Masterlist ♡ 》 》 》 ♤ AU Masterlist ♤

You turn on the TV in your small New York apartment. After everything that has occurred, you feel calm and settled in, as if nothing can hurt you n-

Brrring!

Your cell phone continues to ring, so you sigh and mute the television.

Who can it be now?

"Hey, who's calling so late?" You warmly answer before getting off of the couch.

"Is this Y/N L/N?" A young woman's voice asks.

"Yeah, it is. Is something wrong?"

"I'm an officer with the NYPD. I have it on the records that you were the caretaker of two young children, a boy and a girl, after their parents had unfortunately passed away."

"Did something happen?" You anxiously await an answer, and you hear the officer sniffle slightly.

"The whole family died in the crossfire of some sort of secret operations mission. We're looking into it now, but we want to notify any next of kin or living relatives, and we were wondering if you-"

You choke back a sob as the woman's words finally resonate with you.

"I don't know anyone, I'm sorry." You manage to say before more tears escape your eyes.

"Well, I figured it was worth a call. Thank you for your time, and I'm sorry for your loss." She quickly hangs up the phone as you immediately fall back onto the couch.

There can't be anything good for me in this world! Those kids, they didn't deserve any of this.

~

When the tears reside, anger bubbles up inside you. It's toxic and poisonous, and you're more than willing to let it take over you.

Justice needs to be served in one way or another.

You can't resist grabbing a computer and going to work. Researching is like second nature to you, and before you know it, you find a video of a fatal accident.

You click play, and you watch a familiar woman in a red and yellow suit shoot at some sort of creature in the background. You hear people screaming in the background, and a few seconds is all you can take before you slam the computer shut.

Time to get to work, then.

~

"I must say, I wasn't expecting a call from you so late. Is this about business, or are we being social for once?" Irene raises a teasing eyebrow as you chuckle.

"Social, of course."

"That means that I can break out the good whiskey then." Irene grabs a bottle from the bar in her luxury apartment as you tightly grip the gun that's hidden in your hand.

An eye for an eye, isn't that what they always told you?

"Yeah, the good stuff is the best." You mumble softly as you debate whether or not to pull the trigger.

She isn't completely bad since I've learned to get along with her. Yet again, I've had to broker peace between her and Dami, so maybe that's why?

The thoughts of the kids, your kids, cross your mind, and you silently turn the safety off on your gun.

Irene knows what she did. She hurt those people, and for what, exactly?

"One second, Y/N. I need to grab another glass." She quickly faces you to set a glass and her whiskey of choice down before turning around.

This is it, Y/N. You've turned all of the security cameras off. Take the shot.

You take a shaky breath before raising the gun at Irene's head.

"I think that we should have that drink another time."

TAKE THE GODDAMN SHOT!

"Oh, and when would that b-"

BAM!

~

The only guilty part of you that lies deep inside your core is awakened when Gahyeon sobs again and again after looking at the closed coffin. She continues to hold onto you for dear life as it is lowered into the ground.

You're conflicted on whether you should continue to be sad, or if you should be glad that Irene is a chip that is now forever off of your shoulder. Another look at Gahyeon tells you that the sad, dejected look on your face needs to stay put, even though you want to throw a party and celebrate.

Killing has never felt so good and deserving… why did I ever stop?

"Gahyeon… I-" Siyeon stops a step or two away from the two of you as you watch Yoohyeon and Handong follow behind. "God, I'm so sorry."

"Shit, I mean, I hated the woman…" Yoohyeon crosses her arms and shakes her head. "But death? That's too extreme, even for heroes."

"Nobody deserves to die like that." Handong grumbles to no one at all.

"Like what?" You tilt your head innocently, as if you didn't enjoy watching Irene bleed out on the floor.

"Yo-You didn't know?" Gahyeon softly asks as she looks up at you for a moment before burying her head in your arms again.

Your face heats up, but you shake away the shyness as you continue to comfort her.

"I was at home, asleep. I didn't know what happened until I woke up." You say as Siyeon sighs.

"Well, I guess a hero can never rest, right?" Siyeon shrugs as she readjusts her funeral attire. "We've got to find the people behind this."

"People?" You ask again.

"Not one person is able to take out a security system and then kill a target within 15 minutes. That's nearly impossible for a team to coordinate, but if they got lucky enough, it'd work out in their favor." Yoohyeon explains as you nod.

They have no fucking clue!

"Where's Lia and JiU?"

"Lia was out working on a project, remember? We've contacted her, but no one's heard back since." Siyeon says.

"JiU hasn't left her room since the news broke." Handong reports.

"Chaeryeong and SuA are gonna fly out for the remembrance service tomorrow. Haven't heard shit from the Asgardians, but that's typical of them. The only person who I expected something from was that sorceress, and her name was-"

"Dami." Your heart stops as your eyes connect with Dami's. She's standing farther back, and as the people file out of the cemetery, she's still silently standing there in all-black attire.

"Whoa, wait a moment, you know her?" Yoohyeon conceringly asks.

"Yeah, why?" You glance at Yoohyeon as she looks over at Siyeon and Handong.

"You two can go ahead and chase the boogeyman that's hunting superheroes. I'm staying with Y/N."

"Is that what you want?" Siyeon asks, and Yoohyeon nods.

"Yeah, it is."

Handong looks ready to object, but Siyeon places a hand across her body.

"Handong and I will be fine. It's good that you stay here with Y/N. Keep her safe, alright?" Siyeon winks before leading Handong away.

"Gahyeon, honey, you have to let me go one day or another." You try to shake her loose, but Gahyeon won't budge.

"I'm not letting you go. You're the only person I really have left. I'm staying with you, Yoohyeon, and Dami, and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Gahyeon-"

"No, this is what I want. End of story." Gahyeon shuts down any sort of argument from you as you wave Dami over.

"I guess it'll be the four of us, huh?" You try to crack a smile as Yoohyeon narrows her eyes at an approaching Dami.

"Yeah, I guess so."

~

The uncomfortable atmosphere that surrounds the four of you grows to a combustible level as you enter Dami's study.

"You know, this place isn't half bad, even though it's a bit messy." Yoohyeon comments as she observes the large piles of books that cover every available surface.

"I prefer the word eccentric." Dami calmly comments before turning to face you and Gahyeon while ignoring Yoohyeon. "Tea?"

"Yes, I'd like some. Gahyeon?" You give the girl in your arms a squeeze, and she nods into your body.

"I'll make three cups, then." Dami quickly turns on her heel and heads up the stairs before Yoohyeon can say a word.

"God, she's pretentious. How can you stand her?" Yoohyeon rolls her eyes as you maneuver yourself and Gahyeon over to a nearby sofa.

Gahyeon finally lets go of you in favor of a teddy bear that was abandoned there by one of the kids.

She loved that teddy bear… and I'm sure that she would be glad that Gahyeon got to enjoy it too.

"You either get used to it, or you melt the icy layer away." You nonchalantly explain as Gahyeon hugs the teddy bear for dear life.

"So you're just numb to her asshole-ry?" Yoohyeon jokes as you try not to snort.

"You know what I meant, Yooh."

"No, I actually don't think that I do, Y/N." She teases as you stand to match her.

"I guess I'll have to show you, then~" You slyly walk over and wrap an arm around her waist as she blushes.

"Yeah, but not now, I have work to do." She slips out of your arms, and you huff.

"Work? You're not doing any work now, are you?"

"I didn't come here for social hour, Y/N." She deadpans as you gasp in surprise.

"You came here to question Dami about a murder that she did not commit?" The anger in your voice is visible, yet Yoohyeon stands her ground.

"You don't know that for sure, Y/N."

"You can't be serious right now, Yoohyeon." You fold your arms across your chest as a weak laugh escapes you. "I can't believe you! Why would you chase a dead end?"

"How do you know that Dami is a dead end? She could be the answer that we are missing! You know that the two of them did not get along, right?"

"Dami is not a killer!" You yell as Yoohyeon yells back.

"How do you know that?!?"

"We dated for three fucking years, Yoohyeon!" You scream before immediately placing a hand over your mouth.

The dejected look that crosses Yoohyeon's face makes you regret ever opening your mouth in the first place.

"...You dated her? Why?" Yoohyeon manages to say in the softest and weakest voice imaginable as you remove your hand from your mouth.

"Because she took me in when no one else wanted me, Yooh."

"What about me? What about us?"

"You were off in another country, fighting a war much greater than the two of us." You gesture between the two of you. "For the record, there was no 'us'. You made that very clear for me."

"Me? What about you? You were always ogling over some other girl. It shouldn't even surprise me that you would like Dami, anyways."

"I'm sorry, are you accusing me of cheating on you when we weren't in a relationship, or are you just that jealous and insecure about yourself?"

"Excuse me?!? If anything, you should be jealous that you don't have someone like me. I mean, look at yourself, Y/N! You're lucky that you pull in anyone at all."

"Oh shit…" Gahyeon mumbles as you give Yoohyeon the harshest stare.

"So you think I'm ugly and disgusting, huh? Am I that much of an abomination to you? Are you ashamed to be seen with me?" You ask with pain in your voice.

"Y/N, wait, that's not what I meant!" Yoohyeon reaches out for you, but you take three steps back before she can get close.

"Fuck off, Yoohyeon." You mutter under your breath before climbing up the stairs.

"Y/N, please-"

You turn around and face Yoohyeon with a deadly look in your eye.

"Do you want to know why I chose Dami over you? This is why, Yoohyeon. She doesn't degrade me every time we get into a fight. Of course, there's nagging and anger from both of us, but it's because we care about each other. You're just throwing hurtful words at me, and for what reason? So you can win an argument? You're pathetic, Yoohyeon."

Yoohyeon scoffs before speaking.

"Your looks aren't the only ugly thing about you, Y/N. Your personality is shit as well."

"I wish we never fucking met." You spit before turning around.

More tears come from your eyes, and you nearly run into Dami, who grabs your arm while balancing a tray of tea mugs and goodies.

"What's wrong, Y/N?"

"Nothing." You say as tears freely flow down your face. "You shouldn't bother asking about me, anyways."

"Y/N-" Dami sets the tray aside before pulling you into her arms. "Darling, I heard the argument from the kitchen. What did she say to you to get you this upset?"

"I-"

Yoohyeon snorts before chuckling to herself.

"You really would choose her over me, aren't you?"

"If you didn't insist on having your way, Yoohyeon, maybe you'd have a shot." Dami shoots back, but you quickly shush her.

"This isn't your fight, Dami."

"Yeah, but your fights are my fights. Let me protect you for once, like I failed to do all of those years ago." Dami insists before pushing you behind her.

You wrap your arms around her middle, and you feel her body heat up as you snuggle into her warmth.

"Know your place, witch." Yoohyeon hisses, and her anger suddenly scares you.

Something's wrong with her, but there's also got to be something wrong with me. I told myself that I enjoyed killing a woman! How can I be considered sane after that?

Dami gently pulls you off of her before slowly descending down the staircase.

"So, you come into my sanctuary, attack someone that I care about, and then expect to play investigator with me and earn my respect? Absolutely not, Yoohyeon. I am not putting up with your childish antics and games-"

"But Y/N, they-"

"I wasn't finished talking, Yoohyeon. Listen carefully because I will only repeat myself once. You shall leave this place immediately, and you will not set foot upon this sacred place until you have regained your former glory and honor. Are we clear?"

"What about Irene? She was murdered-"

"A tragedy, yes, but it doesn't give you the excuse to bully other people into giving you the answers you want to hear. Blame me for her murder all that you wish, but the sands of time will prove my innocence. Good day, Ms. Yoohyeon, and for your sake, I hope our paths never cross again."

You can tell that Yoohyeon wants to say something else, but she bites her tongue and storms out of the sanctuary.

Dami chuckles before climbing back up the stairs. She grabs the tray that she abandoned, along with your hand.

"See, Y/N? I only needed three tea cups after all."

[zahlenfreak]

After a good night's sleep I have some more thoughts on Da Vinci's Demons. I was thinking about why I didn't find most characters that engaging. It's not the actors' fault. For example, the pope is very much an evil caricature, but the actor James Faulkner pulls it off by making him really threatening. Many scenes are well filmed and acted. The animated view into Leonardo's mind are intriguing. So what has put me off so much?

It's not just how any queerness has been squeezed out of the story as much as possible and how objectified the women are (booobs! and we must have as many het sex scenes as possible). I was warned of that beforehand. Up until ep. 2 I found the depiction of nudity and sex ok, but it accumulated afterwards.

It's not even just the othering of people of colour as mystical, magical beings talking in riddles. Although when you think about it even for a second, it's glaring. This person said it better than me.

I came to the conclusion that it must be the writing which can be atrocious at times. In ep. 5 we have the male sex worker who accuses Leonardo of rape and in the end his motivation has been to make Leonardo gay again (?) and they reconcile. Wat? That's baffling on so many levels. Then we have Lucrezia, the spy. I think the story wants me to feel sorry for her, but the reasons for her doing what she's doing are so mysterious it all falls apart. Although she's indeed doing things (like murdering someone), it feels like she has no agency at all.

In short there is a lot of style over substance in this story. It's trying to be spectacular without being very logical (let's teleport Leonardo to Dracula's castle :D). It wouldn't be so bad if the story was more light-hearted, but it takes itself so seriously most of the time.

Character moments I liked: Finally Leonardo's father got some character development into more than an abusive asshole. They had an almost touching scene together. I like the disaster that is Giuliano. He's relatable when he fails so hard and it was heart-warming seeing him do something that worked for a change (putting on The Decameron as a play in the most vulgar way possible).

I feel I should say something about the main character. I expected to like him very much and at times it's there and he's delightfully weird. His character as a distracted genius is interesting, but not very likable when he thoughtlessly uses his friends for experiments and leaves decomposing corpses in his workshop. Again, it would help if the show was a bit more light-hearted. And why must he always have sex with Lucrezia? To titillate cis-het male viewers, I know, I know. *sigh* In my opinion it doesn't gel very well with the rest of his character.

And then we have Girolamo Riario. Let's see if I can write something down without devolving into keysmash again. I find cold-hearted villains with polite manners fascinating. If it was just that, I'd find him interesting, but nothing more, not even with his pretty face and soft voice. It's that he comes across as vulnerable. I don't know how to explain it clearly. There is some nuance to it that grips me and pulls me in. I made a gif of the moment that really made me interested.

There's more to it, but maybe I'll talk about concepts like gender envy in another post.

[cardentist]

this is objectively Not What This Post Is About

yes. All Fanbases Are Bad, because if you get enough people in a group some of them are going to be assholes, shit stirers, or creeps. if you got every knitter in the world together in one cohesive group they'd have drama that the average person couldn't conceive of.

this post is about a genuine push from bigots and reactionaries to tear the show down Specifically Because it features women, people of color, and queer people as prominently as it does.

Some of it came from inside the house, but much of it absolutely cannot be blamed on "fanbases." the people who genuinely accuse rebecca sugar of being a nazi or promoting pedophilia because of the show generally are not a part of the steven universe fanbase.

I would recommend this series of videos, which looks back on and debunks some of the video essays that were the most influential in ruining steven universe's reputation and changing the way that people talk about it to this day.

the sheer Amount of overt, unfiltered bigotry is just genuinely staggering. nevermind how much of it is just factually wrong about the show.

the point is that steven universe was never uniquely bad, either as a fanbase or as a show. it was openly targeted because of the kinds of people and themes that it chose to depict. this is important both in understanding the history of this show in particular

(it is, after all, not nearly as understood that the show ended as abruptly as it did because it got cancelled for prominently featuring a gay wedding between core cast members)

And in recognizing the pattern. in the future And for all heavily publicized queer media that's come out between now and then. art is torn apart Because It Is Queer. and that doesn't mean that queer art can't be criticized (nor should "but it's queer" be used as a blanket defense for any criticism by default), but it Does mean that we need to be more vigilant about what's being said and Why.

when people are being actively inflammatory in a way that does not fit the situation. when there are calls for a moral panic.

and this is not just conveyed through conservative language. lily orchard got away with convincing plenty of people of plenty of heinous things because they saw her as more reasonable Than the conservative alternative. (nevermind that she was openly transphobic within her video, among other things)

people will use language that you trust to try to convince you of something awful. and you need to be aware of that to protect yourself from falling into it.

"steven universe was a good show ruined by a bad fanbase"

no, all fanbases are bad. steven universe was a good show ruined by bigots making video essays about how terrible it was because it had gay and trans people in it that people took at face value because it was the 2010s and they were 13