#I don’t think to fix my normal | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bisexualamy · 12 days

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sometimes it feels like stealing valor to say I’m chronically ill bc I don’t have One Big Thing wrong with me just a small cluster of chronic disorders, but sometimes I think about the fact that I need 2-3 specialists and a minimum of 4 daily medications to function enough to hold down a job and friendships and I just cannot believe people’s bodies and brains just… work.

#my neurologist gave me a referral to a pain specialist today bc after 6 years I’m still having a minimum of 8 migraines a month #and they can’t figure out why #they were like ‘do you have neck and jaw pain’ and I’m like ‘yes every day of my life sometimes my jaw pain is so bad I can’t chew’#and like. I know that’s not normal but to me I’ve lived with it for so long that just like #I believe that my body will always be in like 2-4 level pain #I’ve had this kind of pain since I was like 12/13 and everyone told me I was too young to have back and neck pain #so I just figured that everyone was in this kind of pain and every time I learn that’s not true I’m shocked and I never learn my lesson #tho I think part of it is that I’ve been living with my pain for so long it’s the background noise of my life and it’s just my normal #I don’t think to fix my normal #ren speaks

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cool-star-beans · 5 days

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Sooo, who likes mermaids/sirens? Anyway, I absolutely adore when reader and the dca are little kids.

With this, I’m planning on making cute little comics with them. I don’t plan on adding any romance (only platonic love) or making this a full-fledged storyline; they’re just kids who don’t fully understand the dangers of being friends :D Silly little adventures

Hmm, I don't know what to call this any suggestions?

#my art #fnaf dca #comic #dca #sirens #messy art #I’m practicing on making comics because I don’t normally make them #ough I love them so much #this might not be their guaranteed design I’m still thinking about it #sorry for low quality I’m not sure how to fix it #platonic love is my favorite

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dykedvonte · 3 months

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why do you hate Joshua Graham or Honest Hearts so much?

This DLC and character represents a bigger issue with fandom spaces I have but particularly fallout fandom in general.

Fallout tends to tackle a lot of topics controversial and not. The first two games it’s heavy cause they are the most satirical and direct with how anti-war, nationalism and etc… they are. 3 loses this as it’s very clear once you play or learn about all the games that Todd and a bunch of guys at Bethesda just liked the 50s post apocalyptic aesthetic and refuse to actually critique the ideals of the time period like the earlier titles.

New Vegas is the game that really gets back into it a degree it almost seems like it’s taking too much on. There are things done exceedingly well while other things are done horribly wrong . I’ve made posts about it before and plan to make a big series of posts (it’s a lot of writing) but my biggest gripe is with Honest Hearts and all the gross and white savior esque depictions it has of indigenous peoples. The entirety if FNV does not do the injustices faced by indigenous people correctly on any count. My two biggest complaints are with the Khans and the tribes in Zion but I’ll talk about the former on a different post.

Both characters of Daniel and Joshua are the most accurate depiction of white saviors I’ve seen and I hate how the DLC tries to justify and defend them. The DLC treats Joshua like this man who has repented for his past actions when he is just retracing his steps after his cruelty bit him in the ass. He was one of the worst parts of the Legion and it is all but explicitly stated that if you don’t force him to be non-violent he will turn the tribes of Zion into the legion 2.0. The Dead Horses and the Sorrows are horribly infantilized by both Daniel and Joshua who both use them for self serving purposes guised by religious duty. The White Legs are the horrible stereotype of violent and savage indigenous and I personally think a lot of their interlinking with Ulysses, his hair and Ulysses character in general are distasteful and very telling of how BIPOC or POC where involved.

But outside of the game it’s the weird obsession people have with these characters ideologies and trying to make them seem more interesting/philosophical than they are. Tumblr is an echo chamber and many fans of Fallout are not the people on this site. Many people are not educated in the issues these characters convey and how poorly they do or used these characters as a poor introduction for their takes. Contrary to what a lot of people believe in, fallout has a prediomeny white cis male fanbase. More importantly a large portion of the fanbase is white.

You can joke how FNV made you trans or see the numbers on post/fics or diverse headcanons but these are kiddy numbers compared to the millions that consume the franchise and aren’t in those more aware spaces or don’t engage in the spaces the same way someone like me does/has to. Their views shape a lot more than people realize and it’s exhausting to be in a space where people don’t correct the more subtle yet toxic aspects of it but also adopt them into some weird quirky view point on the characters or issues. Some people don’t realize and some people don’t care.

My main issue is just the idolizing of these sort of thing in this fandom space and people try to acts like a game like fallout whose tagline is “War never changes” and has never had a game not revolve around political or militaristic factions issues isn’t that deep or doesn’t relate to real issues. I think it’s mainly caused by how over powered you can become and how you can strong arm your way past these learning moments as majority of people who play this game do play it as a power fantasy where they can do so as they please (which of course, go ahead it’s fun) but never take in parallels or lessons in the story as if it was just another first person shooter.

Also like another personal gripe is Cazadores spawn like hell whenever I’m there and I have not found a mod that works to mod them out so I have to play Indigenous Racism the DLC while getting jumped by giant wasps WHILE helping Mormons. Like I cannot catch a break.

#I’m mostly silly or character headcanon focused on this blog #but sometimes I forget some people literally have never interacted with someone slightly outside of their ideologies or don’t learn about #philosophies that don’t pertain to their view point and actively block them out #and so I have like a meltdown and occasionally post about it cause like I see more people hate Danse for regurgitating BoS teachings than #hate Joshua Graham who helped found the legion participated in their practices and still has this weird bloodlust #like make it make sense why do you like this white man genuinly like outside of his aesthetic #I can say silly shit about them hit it’s always I think it’s surreal they even exist while others genuinely wish they did so they could fix #them and some of all don’t realize how quickly jokes lead people down rabbit holes and pipe lines cause ur not gonna see posts even pitying #that man in here #like when I defend Danse it is through the signs and events in game that show he is not stuck in his ways and possibly only adopted those #beliefs because of his tramatic events with super mutants and the bos being very anti anything not human #their are affinity reaction that concern this while Joshua like moans yes when killing the white legs and is always polishing his gun goon #pile like I’ve learned too much about him the Mormon faith and that dlc to be told I’m playing favorites he is not fixable or repentent #this fandom has one of the worst issues of he’s my fave so he can’t do wrong when some of this characters are literal unapologetic rapist #racists or individuals who condone or perpetuate like ideas and concepts like obviously I’m gonna not like them????!#like I still think it’s interest to dissect them and I try so hard to not be a hypocrite but sometimes it’s like the whole this is just a #fun thing for you but like be aware of what you are taking in and reflect like is so important fiction can slowly seep into your morals #I’m rambling and losing track of shit so imma stop here before I reach the tag limit but again dm and ask cause this is the stuff I will #blab about #horrible at normal conversation tho #fallout #fallout new vegas #joshua graham #honest hearts #ask #anon #fallout 3

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starredforlife · 5 months

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it’s so funny how sometimes you’ll be like I’m an evil person and I shouldn’t let myself exist and then you have to battle and win the mind thoughts to be normal again and then it’s fine. until the next time

#star’s thoughts #I don’t know how people think normally but my ex made it very clear that it’s not the way I have been doing things #like not to sound like the joker #sorry #I’m simply tired of the way things work in here 🧠#there is smthn weird with me that’s very hard to fix and also very difficult to live with

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sharkzippo · 1 month

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fics that remember jubilation lee is actually in the original trilogy ( despite having less than a second of screen time ) and have her as john’s actual non-bobby best friend are so big brained, actually. and they’re right! jubilee is 100% john’s bestie and his worstie all rolled into one.

#⧽ ⠀ ⠀ ── ⠀ ⠀ ooc : maybe magneto had a point actually.#jubilee being more john’s friend and kitty being more of bobby’s #it just feels right!!!#god i love thinking about the pre movie school dynamics. they’re v interesting to me!!#i don’t think john had many friends outside of bobby. like... it really might have just been jubilee because she’s as stubborn as he is #and refused to be pushed away no matter how much john tried to scare her off with his asshole persona.#like if bobby is his best friend then jubilee is his closest just by the nature of their personalities #as much as john loves bobby (which is part of the problem) they end up butting heads more often than not.#there are things he can’t talk to bobby about. things bobby doesn’t and couldn’t understand just because of the sheltered life he had.#but jubilee does #and even though he’d make jabs about her 'finding another pet project to fix' she has become one of the more important people in his life.#she’s the one person he actually feels bad about leaving behind once he leaves.#but yeah!!!!!!#these tags have gotten too long and i probably should have just put my ramblings in a normal post but oh well #even tho i don’t write with any jubilees (yet?) i wouldn’t expect them to adhere to any of this anyway!#this is all just personal headcanon and mostly serves to round out my john’s life prior to what we saw on screen #but if any jubilees are reading this (👀) i’d be more than happy to plot or discuss any different ideas you may have!

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aliosne · 2 months

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Me earlier: what if when they scan my tiddies they see a angry little gnome in there whose been causing all my various Ailments and they kick him out and then I dont suck anymore

#my right wrist got better but my wrists have been continuing to flare #today I got a lot done and felt almost normal #I was like ‘wow im having to walk across the mall and I don’t feel like im dying :)’#I think no longer having shoes with sole aeration is helping with some things #but like god what if there was something wrong with me that they could fucking fix #instead of just being like *shrug* idk man that’s your life (now)

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butnotbubblegum · 2 months

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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, don’t read them if you’re having a bad day, they’ll probably not help in the slightest.

#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea #like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit #and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble #and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal #and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die #and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide #like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif #like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat #is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself #is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills #feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing #actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub #i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local #and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id #if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like #such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just #is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state #by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about #living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the #urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends #and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so #fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i #hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever #bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc #everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m #father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop #i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak

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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 5 months

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what is your most wacky ship??? i'm really curious

hmmmm . hmmmmmmmmmmm. probably gojo/higuruma…… just because they haven’t interacted at all :0 i just know in my heart that gojo would Love him <3 higu is literally just a blend between geto and nanami so. yeah. gojo is falling so fast and higuruma would just treat him very decently i think …….

OH AND . haibara/geto is popular in some corners of the jp fandom i think but !! i love them lots :(( they’re so underrated.

#i think kissing a dilf could fix gojo #but yeahhhh i don’t think my ships r That wacky. i just tend to go for dynamics that ppl don’t see in a shippy way :3 #i’m sure lots of ppl see sukugo and gojoken as super wacky and that’s fine i just . Don’t. they’re Normal to me #they’re so gooddddd T_T #WAIT GOJO/IJICHI MIGHT BE THE WACKIEST #i mean not Really but like… yeah. i could see ppl giving me side eye for that one pdjkd #ask tag ✩

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the-casbah-way · 5 months

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grabs my computer screen and starts shaking it how to cure gender dysphoria HOW TO CURE GENDER DYSPHORIA

#kidding theres no way to fix it when it’s like this #everything i’d normally do to alleviate it makes it worse when it’s this bad #because it’s like wow look at you trying so embarrassingly hard to not look disgusting and failing miserably #i had to cancel my plans yesterday and today because girl i can’t go outside when i feel like this i can’t even get out of bed #looking at myself makes me want to VOMIT why do i look like this #i look back on old pictures of myself and try to work out what was different back then so i can replicate it #but people say i look exactly the same in those photos as i do now #and i remember taking those old photos and feeling ugly and dysphoric back then too #if i lean back into my more cis look i’ll get gendered correctly again which i want #but i don’t like playing cis man it’s not who i am and it makes me feel weird and gross #i just hate what i look like no matter what i do to my appearance #every single part of my physical self makes me feel really ill and anxious and bad and guilty #there’s not a single bit of me i can stand to look at when i feel like this #i feel like everyone who has ever seen me thinks i’m disgusting and ugly and horrible to look at #and i want to like hide forever but i can’t #it’s so hard to function like this #i hate everything about me so much #someone affirm my stupid dumb ass gender right fucking now i’m going to die

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gregmarriage · 1 day

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my period app being like ‘late for 38 days!!’

baby girl, i haven’t had a period, since this time in may, but alright <3

#surprise i’m pregnant!!!#imaoooooon nahhhh #but my body is weird and i don’t get super regular periods bc my weight is constantly up and down and for probably a whole host of other #reasons #i’ve never been regular in general #but like missing a month is considered pretty normal #i swear i didn’t have a period for like a year once #and it’s been like nearly four months(?) now soooo 🤷🏻‍♀️#like i’m fine otherwise #idk what my current weight is but like i don’t think it’s like dangerously bad rn #i don’t like to think about it too much bc my brain LOVES to latch on to that shit and not let go and make me feel like shit #just in general i have a hard time keeping weight on #and like it’s not that eat too little (except sometimes i do oops)#bc like half the time i eat the same as my brother and he’s like 10 stone or something #i have been flip flopping between 8 and 9 for the last couple years #but it’s not like all my problems would immediately be solved if i were heavier (using that term lightly)#but like not eating does my symptoms worse bc like obviously not eating = lack of energy #but like eating doesn’t make my body magically fixed and function like a able bodied person’s is what i mean #but anyways i don’t think i’ve had a normal menstrual cycle in like 5+ years #so hehe x #gwen rambles #gwenposting

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herearedragons · 8 months

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A non-exhaustive list of possible alternative endings for Devil of Caroc:

the Watcher is a cipher; they use their mind reading abilities to download Devil’s maintenance routine directly from Galvino’s brain and then teach it to her

same as above, except the Watcher (any class) uses their soul reading ability to watch the moment from Galvino’s past when he came up with said maintenance routine

the Watcher is and/or knows a brilliant mechanic; they reverse-engineer Devil’s maintenance routine and then teach it to her

a restored Abydon offers the Watcher a boon as thanks for helping his restoration; the Watcher asks him to bless Devil’s body so that it wouldn’t rust. Optionally, Abydon empathizes with the experience of being stuck in a metal construct and also gives her the ability to sense/smell again.

same as above, but Abydon straight up turns her back into a flesh and blood human, mirroring his own restoration

#pillars of eternity #devil of caroc #the white march #pillars of eternity spoilers #devil’s endings have always been weird for me #her GOOD ending is being stuck at the bottom of the sea forever??#and. it’s kind of treated like she’s doomed by the narrativeTM #but? she’s not? all that stands between her and a semi-normal life is one(1) stubborn old guy?#I do wonder if she’s supposed to parallel Abydon in some way?#like the robot body and her being consumed by the ocean = Abydon’s identity being destroyed by Ondra #but I think that the last option preserves that #if you don’t restore Abydon Devil rusts and sinks to the bottom of the sea #(in her “good” ending)#and if you do she gets to live on #(in her actual good ending)#and it could show how his identity as the god of preservation is important #anyway this is my pitch for Devil of Caroc fix-it fic #herearedragons meta #i guess

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heartual · 28 days

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#🍄.txt #putting away clothes feeling overheated and dizzy and getting overstimulated bc everything makes me feel sick and crying about it for 5 mins #i feel really normal about things and react appropriately #so maybe heartburn and chest pain flare ups all day yesterday did a lil number on me #decided not to shower before coming up to bed because i was exhausted and didn’t feel like coming out of the shower dizzy #and feeling even more overstimulated because i feel so dirty because i showered the night before and not in the morning #and remembering i have to go out and see family later that i don’t think i can get out of because my cousin has the guiltripper gene #and liked using it against me so i’ll probably never hear the end of it #i love being overstimulated like actually the only thing that’ll fix me is killing myself #laying in bed feeling paralyzed and dirty because my hair and my face feel oily ok #hair on my pillow i need to wash. ok #i feel really normal about this #not at all like i can’t remember the last time i took my anxiety medication this past week

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fated-normal-767 · 1 month

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Godddd I bet Zagreus and Melinöe would actually kinda fucking hate eachother . Not even in a necessarily fun siblings way like I could see them killing eachother or something . Speaking of which, who do you think would win in a fight? I think they’d both be pretty evenly matched but I’d give the edge to Melinöe if we’re counting upgrades via mirror of the night / the tarot(?) but if not then Zagreus might be able to win given our reliance on being able to replenish our uh. Magic thingies in the second game .

I think melinöe would win because Zagreus seems to have the belief that (in the first game) even though he doesn’t really know most of the gods they’re family so he can trust them and work with them, so even if he didn’t like what melinöe was saying or her morals he’d still try to convince her. and she wouldn’t do that.

#‘I need to help everyone and fix everyone’s relationships’#vs #‘I need to protect my allies and respect everyone else formally and that’s it really’#I just think melinöe would have the advantage of not hesitating #I don’t think that melinöe is mean or not a good person #but I think the whole thing with chronos suppresses the ability to act Normal #she’s got a Job that’s the most important thing.#I’m really curious about how she’ll adjust afterwards.

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wallflowerglitter · 5 months

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Well, the good news is I managed to get hula hair Barbie’s hair brushed….