#I don’t know how people think normally but my ex made it very clear that it’s not the way I have been doing things

[starredforlife]

it’s so funny how sometimes you’ll be like I’m an evil person and I shouldn’t let myself exist and then you have to battle and win the mind thoughts to be normal again and then it’s fine. until the next time

[dreamwritesimagines]

The Eye of the Hurricane [1] - A Night Out

A.N: Here we go my loves, the first chapter! ❤️ I hope you'll like it, and please don't forget to tell me what you think, thank you! ❤️

Summary: A night out with an old friend can lead to surprises.

Warnings: Violence, death, guns, crime, blood, explicit language. This is an AU, friendly reminder that I don't condone any of the actions depicted on this story and please read with care.

Sometimes you wondered what it would be like to have a normal life.

Granted that was never in the cards but you liked to pretend from time to time. You knew it was selfish and incredibly dangerous as everyone kept reminding you, yet you didn’t care. After all, it was one of the very few luxuries you couldn’t afford and you were nothing if not determined.

Besides, considering since you were expected not to be a part of the family business, you figured you could enjoy the benefits for the time being.

So far, there was no sign of any bodyguards your father always made sure to put on your tail which meant he was blissfully unaware of where you were or what you were doing. If it were any other time, you would have been surprised by that alone but surprises seemed to be the theme of the week. To be completely honest, you had your doubts when your ex from college had contacted you to say he was moving to the city and wanted to catch up with you. Even though he was one of the very few ex-boyfriends you had broken up with on good terms, he still had an inkling about your family and most of the time, people were too intimidated by that to catch up with you.

With good reason.

But tonight was going to be different. Setting up a casual dinner and drinks night outside your father’s territory was a great first step for in your opinion, for a couple of hours you could pretend you were a normal girl who was having a normal night out with a normal guy.

You even drove your own car to the bar, something you hadn’t done in a long time.

“So yeah, let’s just say that it wasn’t the wisest decision.”

You let out a laugh, tilting your head.

“I don’t know Ethan,” you said. “Taking a girl to a horror themed corn maze? You get an A for effort.”

“In my defense, it was like two weeks after you broke up with me so I wasn’t thinking straight,” he said. “Besides, she said she liked horror movies.”

You hummed. “And how did that go?”

“Terribly,” he pointed out with a grin. “We got lost, and then I had this bright idea of finding the guide myself and we went in different directions, and she got out and I ended up getting even more lost.”

You pressed your palm on your mouth to hide your laugh.

“Then she sent the guide to find me,” he said and you cleared your throat, trying to keep a serious expression.

“You do realize you are the type of person who wouldn’t last an hour in a horror movie, right?”

“People who are trying to survive in horror movies have too much ambition if you ask me,” he said and sipped his drink. “How about you? Any terrible dates since our uh…fairytale romance?”

“We dated for like three months during sophomore year Ethan,” you said with a laugh and he nodded with a grin.

“They were good three months though.”

“Oh please,” you said. “I’m not even sure I could call that dating, I basically had to beg you to spend time with me.”

“We spent a lot of time—”

“In daylight,” you corrected yourself. “You had no problem finding time for me at night.”

He scrunched up his face, then nodded his head.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “Yeah I’m…I’m sorry about that. I was an ass.”

“Water under the bridge,” you said, waving a hand dismissively. “College is the perfect time for relationship mistakes, and to be honest I was kind of an idiot.”

“Oh come on Y/N,” he said with a chuckle. “I was the idiot. You were perfect, you still are.”

You scoffed.

“Not even close, trust me,” you said and raised your hand at the bartender, motioning for another drink. The bar wasn’t crowded by any means, only another couple by another booth and three men playing pool. A silence fell upon you and Ethan shifted his weight.

“So uh—can I ask you something?”

Your heart skipped a nervous beat but you made sure it didn’t show on your face. “Sure.”

“Was it…” he paused and took a deep breath. “Was it true?”

The waitress brought you your drink and you thanked her, then turned to Ethan again. “Hm?”

“You know, back in college there were all these rumors,” he stammered. “About your family and you never really said— whether they were true or not.”

Ah. Back to that, of course.

You had practiced this calmness way too many times for it to falter even for a moment, and you sipped your drink.

“I totally forgot,” you said. “Remind me what those rumors were?”

“People used to say your father—he and his business partners, I mean,” he said with a nervous laugh. “My friends used to say the city was divided between them.”

“Sounds quite medieval,” you pointed out, leaning back as a couple of men walked in, chattering. Ethan thought for a moment, then scoffed a laugh.

“Right,” he said. “I don’t know why I…don’t mind me. It does sound unreal, I mean—what are the chances that a couple of families rule the entire city, right?”

“I don’t know, I hear it was a thing in the 18th century,” you stated, catching the gaze of the man who had just walked up to the bar and ordered a drink. You eyed him up and down and by the time your gaze fell on the shape of the gun tucked underneath his jacket, you had already straightened your back, your whole body going tense.

“Jesus you should’ve heard the things they said. To be honest with you, I actually believed that whole underworld thing for some time,” Ethan said as the man said something to his friends while your eyes darted around the room, your heartbeat getting faster as you reached for the knife beside your plate.

Great.

This was not your ideal night out alright.

“Now to think about it, it’s not—”

He didn’t get to finish his sentence when you threw the knife at one of the men and kicked the chair under Ethan, making him lose his balance before you flipped the table so that you could use it as a cover for you both as soon as the shooting started. The bullets wheezed past you, the couple by the other booth screaming while you pushed Ethan’s head down.

“What the hell is going on?!” he asked as you looked over the table for a second and turned to him, your heart beating in your ears, adrenaline rushing through you so fast that it made your head spin.

“I can explain later, do you have a gun with you?”

“What?!”

“I don’t think I should be repeating myself right now Ethan!” you hissed as shots echoed through the bar and he shook his head.

“No of course not!”

“The one time I ditch the bodyguards,” you grumbled “This is unbelievable…”

“Miss Y/N!” the man’s voice rang over the bar and you gritted your teeth. “The infamous princess. Such a surprise meeting you here, where are your daddy’s men?”

“On their way here I’m guessing but before they get here, I just have one question,” you called out. “Are you guys fucking idiots?”

He tsk tsked.

“That daddy of yours spoiled you too much,” he said. “Has anyone told you that?”

“Yeah, multiple men,” you retorted. “Didn’t end well for them I’ll tell you that.”

“I’d say it looks like it’ll end well for me.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure buddy,” you said. “I’ll be surprised if you last the night.”

Several gunshots came from the corners of the bar, and you took cover again but before you could say anything else, you felt someone grab you and pull you upright. You grabbed the gun from him and fired it right at his knee, making him let out a scream of anguish and fall to the floor. The door of the kitchen was kicked open right before more guns were fired in the chaos which made it clear that it wasn’t Steve’s men who were trying to shoot you considering it was his territory, this was his one of many bars and these new people, whoever they were, were shooting at his men as well. It made absolutely zero sense that someone would attack you like this, especially since—

“Everyone stop or the next bullet goes through his head!”

 You turned to point the pistol at the owner of the voice but as soon as you did, your heart dropped to your stomach. The man –probably the leader— holding the gun at Ethan’s head smirked and motioned at you.

“Drop the gun sweetheart.”

“Y/N, don’t!” Ethan said, trying to get out of his grip but the man fired the gun through his shoulder, making him yell out in pain and you gritted your teeth. The headlights of a car flashed outside, capturing your attention for a moment before you lowered the gun, someone hastily grabbing it from you. The leader pushed Ethan to one of his friends and stepped closer to you, now aiming the gun at your face but you were way too good at keeping your fear under control in situations like these to flinch at it.

You’d had a lifetime of practice after all.

“So what do you say we take a little trip outside huh?” he asked and you arched a brow.

“What do you say you go fuck yourself?”

He cocked the gun and you rolled your eyes.

“Oh no, a gun,” you deadpanned, checking your fingernails. “Am I supposed to be scared now?”

“This is not your daddy’s territory, girl.”

You scoffed a laugh and lifted your glances from your nails. “Doesn’t matter, you idiot. The truce has been going on for years now, and anyone who breaks it will pay for that mistake with their lives. What is this, your first day on the job?”

“No one taught you not to smart mouth the man holding the gun?”

“No one taught you not to sign your own death sentence?” you asked back and he gave you a dry chuckle, taking a step towards you, still holding the gun.

“Keep talking like that,” he said. “Maybe I’ll take my time with you before handing you over to the boss.”

You opened your mouth to retort but before you could say anything, a deafening shot echoed through the room and blood splattered all over your face and your dress. The leader’s lifeless body dropped to the floor and you wiped at your face with a grimace before you turned to glare at your savior who looked almost amused at your annoyed expression.

“Bucky,” you gritted out and he winked at you, that arrogant grin you knew so well pulling at his lips.

“Hi Charm.”

[pedrithink]

i don’t feel alright ✩ kylian mbappé

Summary: you went for the first time with kylian to a party, but you didn’t expect to see his ex-girlfriend (she’s mean 😡)

Note: just a little bit of angst and i tried my best, so i hope you guys like it! :)

Kylian puts his arms around your waist and tucks you better into his lap, he knows how much you love being close to him and does everything to make you comfortable.

"It's your first time here, right?" Neymar asks with curiosity in his eyes.

You lift your gaze to him and nod briefly with a small smile. "I've never been here before, I'm not normally one to go out much."

"But I'm changing that." Kylian moves you to sit sideways on his lap so that he can face you as he speaks.

"Unfortunately." You chuckle.

In the meantime, you got lost in the middle of Neymar’s conversation about the Liga’s games and watched the people dancing around with drinks in hand.

For a moment you thought you saw wrong, but you knew better, and you knew VERY WELL who that person next to Tchaga was.

Tchaga came closer and with each step you felt your heart speed up a little more. Why was he bringing her close to you? It was so uncomfortable, you felt uncomfortable with the presence of a person who always teased you.

During the months you and Kylian have been together, she has always made it clear that she doesn't like you and that Kylian’s friends are her friends too. The only thing you had to do was to accept this and keep all this teasing to yourself.

"Hey, doll. How are you? Long time no see." Tchaga pulls you off Kylian’s lap and hooks his arms around your neck pulling you into a hug. It's impossible not to like him, he's always been extremely affectionate and kind to you.

You disengage from the embrace and smile openly at him. "I'm fine, I missed you so much."

Tchaga runs his hand through your hair affectionately and already sets off to greet Neymar and Kylian. When he leaves your field of vision, you see the way Rose looks at you.

Of course she ignores you and goes off to greet the boys with all the happiness in the world, but you let it pass. You won't let it ruin your night.

Conversation goes on and on and you can only get stressed out by the way Kylian doesn't seem to notice in the way she treats him. You hate the way she laughs at him, you hate the way she puts her hand on his knee while talking and you hate even more how no one seems to notice the way she ignores you.

They believe this talk of her wanting to keep their friendship, even after they have been dating for 2 years, and simply ignore how she still loves him and how she still wants to be with him.

These thoughts of negativity come at you and you just want to run away, you just want to get out of there as fast as possible and ignore them until everything is sorted out in your mind.

It's not jealousy, you swear it's not. It's just unfair how everyone seems to ignore how you feel and not even question whether you would be comfortable with her presence there.

You murmur, already getting up to leave. "I'm going to get something to drink."

Kylian turns to you and lets out a smile, already getting ready to get up to walk you to the bar. You put a hand on his shoulder to make sure he stays seated. "Stay there, I won't be long."

He finds your attitude strange and your manner of speaking so serious, he really doesn't understand what has happened. He watches you leave with a frown and is tempted to leave to go after you, but Neymar looks at him and says to leave you alone for a while.

You lean against the bar and feel Kylian’s gaze burning into your back, but you don't turn to face him. You just need to take a deep breath and think straight before you say something that could hurt both of you in the process; you don't want to act impulsively and regret it later.

You order a drink from the barista and just feel your phone vibrating in your front pants pocket, you know it's Kylian and try your best not to pick it up and read the messages, but you can't control yourself.

Kyky 🥰: hey!!!!

Kyky 🥰: What's going on?

You took a deep breath and stuck to answering his messages briefly.

You: Nothing happened, I just felt thirsty.

Kyky 🥰: I know you. Kyky 🥰: Please, don't lie to me.

And he is right, he knows you. He knows you so well that you get annoyed, he knows every single detail about you and he can decipher your every thought and expression.

You: I don't know, Kylian. I really don't know.

You: I only feel like a stranger when she is around you.

You let out a sigh after sending this message, letting this thought that has been troubling you for a long time get out of your mind and transmit it to Kylian causes you a mix of anxiety and nervousness about what he will think.

Kyky 🥰: I'm coming to you, stay there.

You put your cell phone back in your pocket and lean more sharply against the bar counter in expectation of Kylian’s appearance.

Lost in your thoughts, you only feel a pair of strong arms around your waist and Kylian resting his chin on your shoulder.

"You're the most important person in my life" He whispers in your ear and in the meantime leaves a kiss on your neck. "I'm sorry if I made it seem like I was letting you down and that your feelings aren't important."

You let out a tense sigh, the fear of losing Kylian terrifies you in a crazy way.

"I don't want it to sound like I'm forbidding you from seeing your friends, but…" You pause to think of the right words to describe what you are really feeling, "I don't know, Kylian. She doesn't like me because she still loves you, she wants to get back with you and the thought of losing you hurts me and I really don't want to go through another disappointment, I don't know…I…"

Kylian turns you around to face him and stares deep into your eyes. "Hey...Look at me, I'm completely in love with you. I can't even think of another word that defines how I feel about you except love." He sighs and runs his hand through your hair, messing up a few strands. "I hadn't noticed these attitudes of hers and I guess for a moment I was excited about the idea of keeping the friendship, but if she doesn't treat you well and it bothers you, I completely understand and respect that. I want to apologize for not noticing this sooner, but I need you to communicate more when something or someone bothers you, mon amour…" He strokes his thumb across your cheek and looks at you with those dark eyes.

You see the sincerity in his gaze and regret not having spoken to him before, you would have avoided so much inorpotent upset thoughts.

“I was scared to look like a neurotic, but I don’t really feel comfortable with these attitudes of her, Kylian.” He runs his arms around your hip and you melt into the comfort of his arms. He always knows how to make you feel good.

"I will never ignore your feelings and try to put you in that "crazy" position" He caresses your cheek once more and leaves a kiss this time. "I know it's a complicated situation and I apologize again for not asking you instead of just letting her into your life like that, even more now knowing that she treated you badly."

You completely understand his position, especially since you didn't speak or explain your thoughts. Kylian will always find a way to work things out with you and help you sort out your feelings and that's one of the things you love most about him, the way he always makes a point of caring about how you feel.

"Thank you for understanding me, I love you." You first leave a kiss on the cheek, another on the neck and forward your lips to his deepening a kiss to show all your love for him.

Kylian reciprocated, letting one hand slide to your hip while the other went to the back of your neck so he could have control to deepen the kiss even further. After your little show, he separates giving you three pecks. "Let's say goodbye to Tchaga and Neymar and let's go. We have business to discuss, young lady."

He gives you a smirk and pulls you by the waist to say goodbye. Now, more than ever, you know there will be no more ex-girlfriend problems.

[k-s-morgan]

Hello! I sincerely hope everything goes well for you in the future. The reason I am sending this ask is that I am taking a class in Stanford called “Genocide and Humanitarian Intervention” currently, and while we haven’t gotten to the part in the course where we talk about current events, my professor said that there is a very clear case to be made that Russia is committing genocide against Ukraine. I was wondering if, as a Ukrainian, you had anything you wanted/would be willing to add. I know you talk about your experiences in Ukraine quite frequently, but I don’t remember if you ever touched on this specific topic. Sorry if I am making you repeat yourself or if this is formatted or worded poorly.

Hi! Thank you for your ask, I'm more than willing to share my thoughts!

Of course, there are large things. Russia is committing genocide by murdering Ukrainian men, women, and children (we have so many new cemeteries now), stealing and burning our land, bombing historical sights and churches, attacking fields with crops, factories, etc. It's eliminating our language and culture in the placed it occupies, and it's been doing it for decades. Most ex-Soviet countries have Russian as their pre-dominant language. Not because they lack their own language, but because USSR spent a lot of effort on turning everyone Russian and making people forget where they come from. Ukraine is not an exception, although it's incredibly resilient, especially now, after the full-scale war.

But Russia is also committing genocide in smaller ways. It bombs our critical infrastructure. We have a severe lack of electricity as a result. What does it entail? Much more than people normally think. As an example, right now, it's over 40 degrees Celsius outside. When there is no electricity, the elevators and air conditioners don't work. Just recently, I was taking a walk, and I saw an old man sitting on the bench, asking people what time it was with increasing desperation. It was already dark outside, and he couldn't get home because he lives on one of the top floors. He can't use the stairs, so he's dependent on the electricity to simply get home.

During the winter 2023, multiple Ukrainians froze to death, mostly those who weren't able to leave their apartments due to the lack of heating and working elevators, the consequence of bombing.

Sick people, disabled people, those with fragile health are all being slowly killed by the situation Ukraine is in. I barely function in such a heat, and I'm a young woman. What about people with heart diseases? What about the elderly?

Hospitals and vet clinics can't perform surgeries with certainty that the generator isn't going to break at the most critical moment. Small business close down because they can't afford to work.

Russia has made bombing a gruesome art. When the bombing is coming, first, it turns on the connection on a combat range. Usually, it happens around 20:00. From then on, we know that the whole country is about to be bombed and people and animals are going to die - we just don't know who's going to bear the worst impact. At around 22:00-23:00, Russian bombers fly out. It takes them about 4 hours to approach our borders and send their missiles. Then another 1 or 2 hours. Sometimes they are faking it. Most often, they are not.

Imagine how it affects every Ukrainian. To know what's coming hours in advance and to be unable to do anything about it. How many nerve endings are being destroyed. How many stress-related diseases are brewing already inside us, waiting to kill us months, years, or decades later.

Fearing for our lives, for the lives of our loved ones. Fearing losing our apartments - regular people like me will be homeless if the missile targets our houses. Fearing dying in the war. Fearing Russians burning down and occupying our cities, towns, and villages.

Russia is killing us in many ways, some instant, some not. And if nothing changes drastically, if the world continues to condemn Russia on words and play nice with it in actions because it's beneficial to them, I think Russia will succeed. We are a very small country compared to it. It will simply overwhelm us at some point, killing and injuring hundreds of thousands and displacing millions of Ukrainians.

Another short video. Note that it's just some scenes from some bombings in some regions in Ukraine, all taken this week. This week alone, Russia sent over 700 bombs, 170 drones, and 80 missiles against my country, including my city, killing many people. And this happens every. Single. Day. For two and a half years.

We are surviving against all odds. For now.

[sturnsstar]

Treat you better ✶ Matt Sturniolo ✶ pt. 1

a/n: first fic I write for this fandom! Feedback is greatly appreciated :) Hope you like it! This will have two parts, the second one will contain smut xx

pairing: fem reader x Matt Sturniolo

warnings: angst and fluff, swearing, reader has a panic attack and is very insecure. SMUT in the next part!!

requested: no

summary: After reader's boyfriend breaks up with her, she starts feeling unworthy of anyone's love. Luckily, her friend Matt is ready to prove her otherwise.

P.S. english is not my first language.

Even though I’m trying  not to think about it, everything seems so hard right now. I feel drained and tired: every cell of my body is screaming at me to run away and hide from everyone. I don’t  want to be here, at this party, full of people I don’t know who are not aware of my feelings at this very moment.

My boyfriend, or now ex-boyfriend, just dumped me. Right on the spot. Without an apparent motivation or a justification. He made me get ready to accompany him at this stupid party I didn’t want to attend in the first place just to break up with me once there. 

I don’t  know what to do or what to think. Do I just go around this house pretending nothing happened? No one I know is here yet, and there’s a high chance I’ll see that asshole somewhere, probably too occupied to flirt with some random girl, now that he is a free man. 

I read once that heartbreak can actually cause physical pain but never believed it. I have to reevaluate that, because the pain I feel on my chest right now must be real.

I walk through the kitchen and the many bodies crowded there, hoping to reach the back door to get out and find some fresh air. The house feels so constricted, my lungs don’t have enough oxygen to keep functioning normally. Once I realize what I feel coming is a panic attack it’s too late. I should have known the symptoms, since they’ve been so frequent for me the last few months. Between the start of my first Uni year and the numerous fights I had with Hayden, I often found myself with a hand to my chest and my eyes closed, trying to regain my breath and clear my head. The stress and the pressure I felt lately decided to burst through during the most inappropriate times, one of them being right this instant, in a place where I don’t feel safe. 

I am so vulnerable and weak, my head is pounding and I let my eyes close for a few seconds, trying to adjust my breathing. What will I do now? How can I get over this? Tears are streaming down my face, ruining, I’m sure, the make-up I applied a few hours ago.

Suddenly, there’s a warm feeling on my shoulder. A hand, big and smooth, is gripping me tightly, and a voice I think I know from somewhere is calling my name, bringing me back from the dark place I was before.

I open my eyes, finding in front of me a pair of blue eyes with a worried expression, staring right back at me.

“What is it? What happened?” 

I want to tell him, I really do, but words feel like a boulder in my stomach. My mouth opens, but no sound comes out, except for a feeble screech. I feel so ashamed and yet safe, now that Matt is here with me. I am not alone anymore, I know he will help me. He’s the only one who knows what I am going through right now. Matt is always there when I need him, somehow. 

His expression changes, like he suddenly has a realization. He understands what’s wrong with me, even without me saying anything to him.

“Alright, this is what we’ll do. You follow me and we sit down on that bench over there. I will hold your hand, if you want. Think you can do that  for me?”

That is exactly what I need. The reassurance, someone who tells me I can rely on them. So I grab his hand, the one that wasn’t on my shoulder, and my silent answer is enough for him, cause he turns around and starts moving towards the white bench, his hold on me strong and firm. We sit next to each other, his jeans cladded thigh brushing against mine, our hands still connected. 

My breathing slows down, but it’s still a bit difficult for me to talk. Matt speaks again. 

“Listen to my breathing and try to match it. You’re okay. We’re sitting on a bench in a backyard, there’s no one else, just you and me. You can feel safe with me, you know that.”

Of course I know that. It’s one of the few facts I am fully certain of. In all the years I’ve known Matthew Sturniolo, he has never let me down once. He was my favorite playmate at kindergarten; the little boy I went crying to when someone made fun of me in elementary school; the one who copied my math homework through middle school and high school; the boy who knew all about my insecurities and my secrets no one else was aware of.  

I finally stop crying and my breathing goes back to normal after a few minutes, thanks to Matt’s presence and its power to ground me. 

“Will you tell me what happened now?” His face is worried, there’s sadness in his eyes and it irks me to know I am the cause of his apprehension.

So I tell him: I recount the last few months of my life, the ones where he wasn’t present exclusively for the fact that Hayden wanted me to stay away from him. I tell him about the anxiety I’ve been feeling, the fear of not meeting everyone’s expectations over me. I tell him about what happened tonight, how the pain I felt was so unbearable I needed to get away. And he listens, silently, at every word I speak. 

“I am so sorry, Matt, for how I treated you” I whisper, looking at the ground. I am too embarrassed to face him, because he always had a weird feeling about my ex-boyfriend and I never really listened to him. Embarrassed also for the fact that I let him go so easily, just for some stupid tantrum of an insecure guy.

He chuckles, and his hold on my hand tightens. 

“Don’t worry about it, I knew something like that could have happened, with an asshole like Hayden” I laugh at that, releasing a bit of the tension I accumulated tonight. 

“Are you here with your brothers? I haven’t seen them in so long, I miss them” I ask him, feeling ashamed once again and also needy of their company. Chris and Nick were a big part of my childhood as well. My bond with them is not as strong as the one I share with Matt, but the affection I feel for them it’s immense.  

“I left them at the entrance. They’re not very happy with me right now, since I forced them to come to this party. But I knew you were there and had to see you.” Matt smiles and gets up, urging me to do the same. I blink at his last words, but he doesn’t let me elaborate them cause he’s practically dragging me back to the house, his face now covered from my view, but I can notice a slight blush forming on his cheeks.

Turns out, Chris and Nick weren't mad at me either. Well, Nick tried to act tough at the beginning, but seeing my state and the murderous look Matt gave him, he stopped pretty quickly and gave me a warm hug, almost causing me to cry again. I just missed these guys so much, I can’t believe I went without them for three whole months.

We stay at the party for a bit longer, Chris trying his best to make me laugh and generally succeeding, even though some of his best jokes consist of burping in front of his brothers’ faces, causing punches and swears to fly around. 

Matt drives me home. The journey is quiet except for the music playing from the car stereo. He stops in front of his house first to let his brothers go home, and I frown at him. 

“I don’t want to hear them complaining because they’re tired or some shit” he explains to me, and I still look at him with a raised brow, so he just sighs. “Fine, I want to be with you for a while longer without them. Is it so hard to believe?” It is actually hard to believe for me right now. Not because of Matt, though. 

The sadness I felt earlier tonight has dissipated, but it’s not completely gone. My head is making a thousand thoughts and my insecurities have taken hold of me. I feel so unworthy of Matt’s care for me, when I did nothing for the past months but hurt him. 

He starts the engine and we’re on the road again. My eyes trail outside the window seat, mesmerized by the city lights. 

“You can tell me how you’re feeling, you know” Matt’s voice breaks my reverie, and I sigh.

“I just…” I start, eyes still not looking at him.“I don’t understand what I did wrong. I did everything he told me to do! For fuck’s sake, I stopped seeing you because he felt jealous. I guess I’m just trying to get some kind of closure, you know?” I’m rambling right now, but I don’t care. Matt never judged me before, and I need this, I need to tell someone what’s going on in my head, otherwise it will be a never ending circle of self pity.

He hums, listening intently to my words. I vomit all the insecurities that crept up upon me that evening, and without even realizing we arrive at my place.

Matt turns off the car, he unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out of the vehicle. Confused, I follow his lead, coming out of the car almost the exact time he reaches me. I look up at him, expecting some kind of encouraging words towards me or even a little lecture. 

Instead, all I see is such adoration and love in his eyes that I almost have to look away, but before I do that, his arms encircle my shoulders and he pulls me against him, his warm chest a welcome caress against my cheek. I freeze, so unaccustomed to the sudden physical affection. But my body knows this feeling quite well, and it acts on its own. I hug him back, my arms encircling his waist and my head resting against his chest, listening to his fast heartbeat.

His voice, muffled against my hair, trembles with a frantic plea. "Never again," he whispers. "Promise me, don't vanish like that. And don't believe that nonsense. You're not unworthy of love. You just happen to have chosen the wrong person to take it from." I can't muster the strength to argue with him; I simply shake my head, too weary to contradict his words. 

Matt moves his head away from my shoulder, his arms still around me. 

“I wish you’d see yourself the way I see you. Maybe you’d understand, then” I frown at him.

“How do you see me?” I’m not sure where the courage to ask that question comes from, but I have a feeling in my stomach that his answer might change everything for me. For us.

He smiles at me, his teeth showing. “Now it’s not the time or place to tell you. If you still want to know, ask me in a month or something” he steps back and goes to the driver seat, getting in the car without looking at me, while my head spins. What is that supposed to mean? My curiosity is killing me, I want to know what he means so badly, but I know him: if he’s made his mind up, he won’t tell me until he feels like the right time has come. 

I shake my head, the shadow of a smile on my face, and I turn, going towards my house. I hear the car’s engine starting again, and it’s only after I close the door behind me that Matt departs. 

Fine then, I’ll wait for him to tell me. Something to look forward to, maybe.

Part 2 will be published soon!

[notyouraryang0dd3ss]

There is this YouTuber whose channel is called “swiftologist”. I find it very puzzling because even though he can be critical of TS (e.g, her billionaire status and how she got it), he is still supporting her financially and seems to genuinely love her as a person. I was curious about his perspectives on her latest album TTPD, especially on So Long, London (SLL) and But Daddy I Love Him (BDILH). But to my surprise, he is completely on board with everything.

For SLL, he has no problem with her airing out a person’s metal health information and making it about herself. Calling him a Turkey for being boring and bland. I was really baffled at how much hatred he has for this particular ex-boyfriend (Joe Alwyn) and I thought maybe JA did something bad that I wasn’t aware of. Turned out, he really hates JA because he think JA made his Queen suffered from boredom while she could have had so much fun given who she is. In the comment section, her fans are joking about how they expect cooked Turkey (Joe Alwyn) on the menu (TTPD) but they are served cooked Rat (Matty Healy) instead. It’s truly about her personal life (they call it Lore) more than her music to them.

In BDILH, he didn’t think it was about him because he didn’t call her out when she was dating the guy from 1975. He said OG fans “know” TS, so they knew the relationship wouldn’t last because Taylor would soon break up with that guy so they just let her have her funs while it lasted. But the new fans and the general public don’t “know” her so they make a big deal out of nothing, and dare to insinuate that a woman’s good name can be ruined by a man’s actions. First of all, unironically and proudly say you know a celebrity as a person is a clear sign of a parasocial relationship. He and another fan said that only people who “know” TS is capable of appreciate TTPD, very elitist of them in my opinion. Second of all, how can he (swiftologist) think a full-grown adult dating a racist is just a phase or fleeting fun is beyond me.

the first thing i thought of when i finished reading this ask is “is swiftologist white?” and then i checked and he’s white LOL

i find people who are like “i can be critical and acknowledge my fave’s problematic behavior/identity” and then go on to wholeheartedly support them are such clowns. you are only fooling yourself thinking you’re exercising critical thinking about your fave when you’re still going on to support them monetarily.

and it seems like swifties don’t even listen to her music for her music but for the “lore” (as you called it)? its so weird that they bond over their hatred for HER exes??? swiftdom is actually crazy because they are so deeply convinced they know this woman from her music and her overexposed relationships when people who have a normal detachment from this woman have legitimate critiques they interpret it as attacking their best friend without any plausibility. insanity

idgaf how much a celeb overshares about their life on social media or thru their music or thru interviews 99.9% you will never know them as human beings. you will never actually meet and befriend them and KNOW them. taylor swift has so thoroughly convinced her fanbase they do know her through her intentional lack of boundaries and cultivation of parasocial relationships that they will do anything to defend her.

“second of all, how can he…think dating a full blown racist as an adult is just a phase or fleeting fun is beyond me.”

it’s because he’s 1. white and 2. doesn’t impact him. this is near universal truth in standom but most ppl will find harm their faves caused to a more marginalized group negligible if the group isn’t them. and if you’re a swiftie, you still find that shit irrelevant even if it did directly impact you. this is what i mean about swifties being delusional in their politics because there is no way you can unironically yourself a leftist or feminist or ally and be a swiftie when youre simultaneously supporting a woman who is a racist white billionaire who weaponizes white female victimhood to attack people of color.

so yeah. fuck swiftologist and any other swiftie who identifies as anything further left than a moderate/neoliberal when ur supporting a women like taylor swift

[loveislandthegame]

thoughts on todays volume!

i had the tiniest sliver of hope when the girls asked who MC wanted to see. i picked jesse, but MC’s villa meet up ended up being with hayden. great for OG LI girlies but a snoozefest for me 😭 with the gem scene we learn that jesse is getting along with a casa girl, but they haven’t done anything yet. also that dean is full of shit, but i don’t think we need to pay 29 gems to figure that one out

next up is a compatibility quiz with hayden and caleb ! once again, a snoozefest for me. i wish lisbeth and jesse could’ve been options here. the answers are super obvious so i just alternated between them, and ended up getting hayden. for the astrology lovers, caleb’s a virgo. it suits him !

let me preface this by saying this dress isn’t too bad, & it’s not even the worst outfit this season, but you should’ve seen the face i made when MC was hyping up her show stopping look, and decided to pull out this 2012 pinterest abomination . it’s horrible and i kinda love that

stick or twist time ! i chose caleb, lisbeth chose yash (they are cute together, & also she’s made it very clear she’s strategically twisting, but UGHHHH💔)

isadora and nyah stuck with ethan and milo. when i tell you i almost jumped for joy that neither of them chose dean. FB seriously needs to retire that trope of one casa guy being a sleazeball. it’s fine if we can’t romance all of them, but why not make them a friend ?! make them interested in somebody else without being an absolute knob, literally anything else (i think it’d be cool if there was an casa guy that entered a friendship couple to graft on a villa guy, but FB can’t write for beans and they’re allergic to openly bi/pan men)

we go back to the villa, and why can’t we just walk in with our partner normally ?😭 i picked “pretend to be delivering a parcel” because it was the only one that i felt wouldn’t be disrespectful to either hayden or caleb. it’s so unserious but it wasn’t as ridiculous as i thought it would be

eisha is so gorgeous ! and she flirted with MC 🎉🎉🎉 i won’t get my hopes up for a love triangle tho, because i already know that the game is gonna force us to chose between her or lisbeth in the next couple volumes. i’d love to be wrong, but that’s how wlw routes have been for like 5 seasons now. anyways, it’s so funny/interesting that between my MC, lisbeth, and eisha, all of jesse’s LIs (except sofia) are wlw (plus he has two dads) he’s rolling with the LGBT 🏳️‍🌈

ethan and milo end up apologising. that is the most bare minimum thing ever, but my expectations were in hell after we couldn’t call out nyah for acting like we were BFFs again. i forgave them because i’m too much of a softie to actually commit to a villain route. they better sleep with one eye open though

i think ava is pretty, but i will say she’s giving bootleg s1 Cherry, with a dash of lucy (personality wise, plus being the ex…something of our casa LI) i wish we could be friends with her but she’s doomed to be our bland one dimensional rival. snoozefest 💤

the only reason i’m happy to be in the villa again ❤️❤️❤️

also there’s gonna be a dumping ?😭 we just got back. i would say FB should actually let the villa be full for once, but this season has been so glitchy that it’s probably for the best. anyways, it will probably be nyah/milo or isadora/ethan unless they decided to do another twist. maybe tristan and sofia will hop out the bushes 😍

overall, a bit boring for me. i wish that there was content for people who aren’t mainly romancing their OG LI or casa guy. especially when it comes to compatibility challenges or rivals. i’m just mindlessly tapping through it all (but at the same time, this season has had way too much going on so it’s nice to get a break i guess ?…😭)

[smoshsfavoritepizzaplace]

You asked about first Shourtney shipping moments. This is gonna be a long answer but hopefully it's an interesting read.

I started my Smosh journey with Games videos from 2022-2023 and immediately sensed that Shayne and Courtney have an interesting bond. Initially, I thought that Shayne was secretly crushing on Courtney (but tried to keep things professional) whereas Courtney was acting flirty with everyone. I also noted that they would be cute together but didn't think too much of it.

It was actually the comment sections that made me more interested in their dynamic since fans had so many different views of them. Many commented on their "sibling energy" or admired their friendship but some were convinced that they were not in good terms anymore. And obv there were a lot of shipping comments as well but those were often ridiculed or viewed negatively. As a new fan, I felt confused 'cause I've never encountered so many contradicting descriptions of an onscreen duo. I also found it weird how some fans were trying to deny any romantic tension between them when it seemed pretty clear to me that they were not acting 100 % platonic with each other.

So I'd say that I became interested in their dynamic almost right away but it was Shayne Interviews His Exes (nro 1) where I became much more sceptical that they would be just friends. Shayne seemed weirdly shy when Courtney walked in, and Courtney had a very loving gaze when they played the "shouting" audio and Shayne was cry laughing. It just didn't seem like normal friend behavior to me.

Also, Courtney basically buried Shayne's head in her boobs which like... idk. At that point it seemed like something other Smosh members wouldn't do to each other. (My views have changed a bit once I started to know Amanda and Chance better...)

A long-winded answer but I don't know how to explain this more shortly! It was more of a process than an immediate thought to me.

Don’t worry about sending long asks in, I enjoy reading all of them and this one especially. Aside from 2019, I think 2022-23 had some of the most interesting yet very telling shourtney moments imo. Shippers have gotten a lot of flak/criticism in the past and some even now, there were so many people who really believed we ruined Courtney and Shayne’s friendship. Meanwhile, they were dating/engaged most of the time that was being said. I’ve also seen a bit of people say that since Courtney was considering leaving smosh at one point, her and Shayne started letting loose more in videos and presumably when she finally decided to stay, they cut back a bit. I guess they thought that bc if Courtney actually left, they wouldn’t have to deal with the pressures of being public while still being in videos together.

You also said that you started noticing a shift in the Shayne’s exes, don’t forget Keith switched his wig around and mentioned that Shayne liked blondes better. When I first watched that video, my mind couldn’t not think of Courtney, especially because her character was in the next clip I think. I feel like you’re the first person I’ve seen actually say that was the video that made you a shipper. I don’t think I have seen anyone say/write that before.

But yeah, all the people that said Shayne and Courtney have sibling energy, I wonder where they are now. This may be a controversial take but a part of me feels like calling two friends sibling like is a little weirder than shipping. Of course it depends on the duo and what they’re comfortable w/ but I think Courtney has said she feels weirded out by that and not shipping (as long as it’s boundary respecting).

[revlischarm]

SO APPARENTLY I NEVER POSTED SEASON 3 DETAILS FOR THE LMK MORRO AU.

I feel like an idiot ugh

Anyways. Uh.

Take that, because I know if I don’t attach art to this post it will fade into obscurity.

Details about season 3 under the cut!! So, so much lore, it’s a very long post honestly.

• Okay so starting off Season 3 with Macaque attacking the ship

• Morro can tell from the moment Mac shows up initially that there’s something screwy going on, not on any spiritual level but more in a way of “What kind of motive would Macaque have for working for the Bone Demon?? Why would he????”

• So we have Morro making a lot of biting remarks every time someone tries insulting Macaque for being on LBD’s side

-Wukong, to Macaque: “You always had a sidekick kinda vibe.”

Morro: “And you always had a shut-the-fuck-up kinda vibe but hey, look at you!” (Credit to @breathlessmonkie for the joke)

• He just knows there’s gotta be something else going on. Or at least he’s hoping so.

• I mean Macaque definitely has some residual LBD vibes on him since she’s got her claws in him, and Morro can sense that, he just can’t pin it down specifically yet

• He wants to help his monke dad but he can’t and that frustrates him immensely

• And during Macaque’s actual attack on the ship/them trying to escape LBD initially, Morro’s broom ends up getting smashed. And I mean that quite literally it is reduced to splinters

-Rest in peace, Morro’s broom. It’s honestly surprising you made it this far with how much Morro refused to use you for your intended purpose

• Ohohoho Morro and LBD’s dynamic is so much fun btw

• LBD’s whole thing is about fulfilling the path of destiny, and meanwhile Morro’s schtick was all about defying his!

-They clash really well!! I adore the parallels

• Oh, and Morro can instantly recognize possession like that upon seeing her

-He was a ghost for fucking 40-ish years (I don’t know the exact timeline), it’s a sensation that sticks with you—being able to tell that sorta thing, I mean. He was literally a cursed spirit for longer than he was actually alive, for fuck’s sake.

-Morro is super twitchy when it comes to possession just in general. Like, he’s an expert on it and knows a ton of information about it (obviously)

-And he knows immediately that this isn’t a possession that can be broken via willpower, that’s a fucking child who is frightened and definitely not strong enough to resist this demon.

• Morro hates LBD a lot honestly, they don’t like anything about her

-She’s so dedicated to destiny and she’s possessing people

-They loathe how she seems so sure of herself, and how she uses “It is destiny and nothing you do will change this” as a justification for everything she’s doing. They think that destiny is a load of bullshit and people can do what they want, not just because someone said they should.

• While on the topic of LBD and ghosts in general I’m gonna take this time to go over my concept/thoughts on how Morro’s newly resurrected body works. I even made up a super weird and unhelpful diagram where I try miserably to explain my thought process.

-Physically, it’s difficult for an ex-ghost to get possessed because their spirit used to be departed. Like…it’s super hard to explain, but the body and spirit work? A bit oddly?

-That new body in theory was created from nothing in a way? It’s from the spirit themselves, it’s got weird physical attributes going on. I mean, Morro’s actual body is rotting away in a cave

-So he had to conjure up a whole new body when he got brought back

-It’s just like. The connection between body and soul acts differently than it would for a regular person. His body is an extension of his spirit?? They’re not really separate.

-For a normal person you’ve got a clear divide between soul and body, it’s like a shell, you know? Whereas Morro’s body is more of uhhhhh. A second skin. It’s rooted into him and attached. The soul is the body, and vice versa.

-His soul has turned into a physical form, so there’s no separation there! That’s just. It’s all Morro! It is so hard to explain and so frustrating that I can’t word this right and I’m repeating myself

-I can say that Cole is a special and different case

-There’s two ways that Cole’s whole deal could operate; one of which involves a fun notion that when Cole failed to escape the temple he actually ended up leaving his body behind, thus that’s what it meant by “becoming a ghost”. His body sorta smacked into the doors and his soul kept on walking, so. That’s a fun idea. If that’s the route we go with, then his resurrection would work just the same as Morro’s, but if it isn’t then he gets some completely different funky dynamics

-It’s overall frustrating sometimes to have to think about because both cases are so unique and isolated that I can’t really draw from any other examples since there are none. I just end up having to make up my own lore along the way

-TLDR: Morro is a ghost with skin

• On that note if anyone wants to contribute any ideas I would love to hear them, there are so many things in this au that are rough concepts at best and could really use polishing up

• Anyways…back on my other bullshit, it’s hard to possess something that isn’t really. A body/empty husk.

-It’s just Morro, all one thing packaged together

-Yeah LBD can taunt him and get inside his head (mentally), but not actually possess him

-She tries and just bounces off of him like a rubber ball because it’s literally just colliding with another spirit except he’s solid

-Plus there’s mental complications too. Someone who used to be a ghost (for a long time at least! You’ve gotta have experience with possession, you know?) would know all the tricks that someone does when possessing, so they’re psychically fortified, they just. They know how to lock out a secondary conscience with relative ease.

-When possessing someone, you have to keep that person’s will/conscious under wraps and separate it from your own! It works the same way as that.

-Just imagine Morro as being a physical ghost in a way idk I’m trying my best to explain

• Morro can touch things both on the spiritual plane and the physical plane

-He doesn’t have ghost powers tho, this is all just side effects from the Rift

-But Morro can interact with stuff in the mortal plane as well as any spiritual stuff, which is something others can’t do.

-He can’t separate LBD from her host or anything like that, possession isn’t really like. That’s an entirely different thing from grabbing something that’s on the spiritual realm like an object, and it’s not something I’ll go into detail about since it’s not relevant

• LBD’s powers also slip off of Morro a lot

-They can’t really. Latch onto him? It’s very touch-and-go.

-She can’t do any kind of long-distance contact with Morro either

-You know how she can get in MK’s head sometimes from a distance? Whatever that pang of blue outline is. She can’t do that on Morro

• The Mayor also struggles against Morro somewhat. It depends on how exactly he’s attacking. Physical attacks work normally, like nothing is really changed about that, but any sort of magic/spiritual stuff could be a tad wonky? I’m not sure

• Morro can also see stuff on the spiritual/astral(?) plane in addition to his being able to make contact with stuff! Think MK’s gold vision, except only for spiritual stuff

-So when Wukong is communicating via astral projection to MK, Morro is able to see that. His immediate reaction is “Oh hey Monkey King finally killed the bucket lmao” (he says, jokingly)

• Also Morro grabbing LBD’s chain things without consequences is something they can absolutely do

-Of course all this is to say that this stuff doesn’t make Morro immune to all spiritual attacks; if anything, at times they impact him even more. But it depends on what it is.

• Ohohoho plot time now

• Morro is freaking the fuck out when the ship crashes into the ocean. His powers just start going haywire underwater because of how bad he’s panicking.

-They have an actual panic attack, and are having flashbacks to their death via the Preeminent and how much they feared water as a ghost

-It’s a very rough time for everybody

• He’s tryna make an air bubble for people but keeps failing because Panic Attacc

-He’s upset and generally out of it overall; not entirely lucid

• Morro 🤝 Wukong: Being useless underwater

• So they get to the dragon palace, right? First things first, the moment they’re out of the wreaked vehicle, Morro sorta just stumbles to the ground and is having trouble breathing right.

-Morro is able to calm down from his panic with some help, but there’s not exactly time to recuperate properly when the plot starts moving along again

• So they meet with Ao Guang, and because of the green streak in his hair and the power of plot convenience and his having powers, Ao Guang is like “oh another dragon kid? I don’t remember you but okay. Bring him in too.” Plus the dragon pendant Morro is wearing adds to that as well.

-Not to mention Morro is still so frazzled that Ao Guang would feel bad throwing him in the dungeon anyways. He looks like a really sad wet cat and I love him for it

• Morro’s clothes got all torn up and wet during the chaos, so Mei insists that he get a change of clothes too. Cue the fashion montage!!

-And Morro dyes his hair purple as a kinda nod to Macaque. He’s also got his own color scheme now!! Trying to find his own identity and life and such. He’s got the ribbons to represent his friendship with MK and Mei! And bc they’re very pretty and I wanted something to flap around in the wind for dramatic effect.

-Morro actually lends MK his dragon pendant thing to be a part of MK’s new outfit! It doesn’t do anything, it’s purely sentimental/ornamental.

-MK literally asks, “What’s it do? Is it magic? Does it turn into some cool secret weapon??”

And Morro just goes “No? It’s just a pendant?”

-MK has the idea in his head by this point that Morro must have been some sort of ghost hunter since he’s able to punch ghosts in the face and knows a lot about them

• AIWUWHWJWJ picturing MK dying a streak of green in his hair to match Mei and Morro one day since literally two of his friends have that

-That’s unrelated, it’s just funny to think about

• Oh, and since Morro’s broom got broken, he steals a guandao from one of the guards as they’re breaking out

-The guandao stays with Morro for the rest of the season! And even after that, though a brand new broom is his typical weapon of choice, he’ll bring out the guandao (he keeps it in MK’s room lol) when he knows he’s going into a fight

-Morro, dual-wielding a broom and a guandao: “Don’t fuck with me! I have the power of the FSM and found family on my side!”

• Also also also!!! When they crash into the ocean and everything, Morro’s makeup that he’s been using to cover up his cursed markings gets washed off. Yes, he uses a lot of concealer, but so much happened that it couldn’t really withstand all of that

-He can’t reapply it because he doesn’t have any spare concealer on him, and the purpose is defeated seeing as everyone’s noticed the markings now

• When Morro had first arrived, they immediately went and stole concealer once they passed by a store. They spotted their reflection in a shop window and went “Shit I gotta hide these” since they’re a red flag in Ninjago

-And then he ended up getting stabbed by me after that lol

• Now they don’t know what the marks mean (Tang has a few suspicions tho), all they can see is that they’re etched into his skin. MK compares them to Macaque’s or Wukong’s face markings

-But Morro steadfastly refuses to elaborate on what his markings mean specifically, or how they originated

-He’s extremely vague and dodgy about the subject and will even go so far as to brush them off as a “birth defect”

-Then Amnesia Wukong comes along :)

-Yeah that’s actually part of a lovely big reveal for Morro’s new uncle figures Tang and Pigsy hehe

• Oh and when Wukong is meditating btw Morro absolutely draws on his face and messes with him. Takes pictures with his phone to send to Macaque later.

• I’m just gonna jump right into the amnesiac Wukong stuff because it’s a lot of fun

• I wanna start off with saying that Macaque’s plan when he separated the group was to specifically have Morro around with Wukong, that was intentional on his part. He didn’t want to have to deal (presently) with facing Morro.

-Like he’ll fight MK, sure, but he knows if Morro was with MK then they’d end up protecting the kid at all costs, whereas Macaque is aware that Morro doesn’t care very much for Wukong.

-Thus the way Macaque was thinking, he’d be able to subdue MK (without Morro knowing), and then go over to pick up Wukong without too big a fight

• Anyways back to Wukong revealing some sensitive information that Morro really wishes he hadn’t

-Like…Wukong says it so casually, too, as if it’s a glaringly obvious fact and not something Morro’s kept buried from everyone

-At least normal Wukong has the decency not to, you know. Mention the fact that his gold vision and centuries worth of experience let him know that Morro’s been cursed/dead at some point.

-But amnesiac Wukong? No tact whatsoever. “You! Spirit! Why are you hovering over there next to my master?!”

-This SWK only calls Morro variations of spirit, phantom, ghost, wraith, etc.

-Morro is wondering if Wukong has a fucking thesaurus or something on him with how many synonyms he’s spouting

-On that note allow me to list some because data collection is fun

-Apparition, shade, specter, banshee, poltergeist, phantasm, shadow, spook…those are the most relevant ones I could find. Although Wukong’s favorite/most used is gonna be spirit or phantom.

• That aside, Morro is mortified when he gets addressed in that manner

• This reveal happens before Tang gets snatched by the Scorpion Queen, so he hears SWK call Morro that along with Pigsy

-So that was fun for Tang to ruminate on while he was kidnapped lol

• Like, Wukong glances around and sees Morro and after some back and forth, proclaims “Well they’re clearly an evil spirit! Though they may hide in that mortal form, they can’t conceal the distinctive markings on their face! Those show who they really are: a being that was cursed upon death!”

-Cut to Morro’s expression getting increasingly alarmed while Wukong’s saying all of this, eventually tackling the monkey to the ground in an impulsive effort to silence him

-“Shut up shut up shut up! You don’t get to say those things, you don’t get to talk about any of that as if you—as if you understand! You have no right—!”

-Morro is frenzied and panicked, horrified that SWK may have just scared away the few people who he’d actually grown quite fond of! The last thing he wants to see (though he wouldn’t admit it aloud) is them looking at him in fear and revulsion.

• Pigsy definitely questions Morro on what Wukong meant while they’re looking for Tang, although that’s after needing to convince Morro not to immediately bolt when Wukong had finished talking. Morro was ready to fucking sprint off and start life anew as the local woodland cryptid; that’s how freaked out they had gotten. So Pigsy has to calm them down enough to at least get them to like, stay stationary.

• Once Morro’s settled enough (and even then, he’s got a very flighty look to him) Pigsy starts questioning him

-Morro is. Extraordinarily hesitant to disclose anything—he always is—but he seems especially cagey about this topic in particular, which is saying something.

-Morro, thinking to himself: “Oh my FSM I’m turning into Wu with the amount of information I’m keeping to myself.”

-He absolutely, positively, refuses to reveal anything about himself dying. He cannot and will not voluntarily mention that. Reluctantly and after a lot of prodding, he explains to Pigsy that yes, he was cursed at one point, but that’s as much as he’ll let on.

-It’s so frustrating for anyone to try and get backstory details from Morro lmao

-“I did something awful/something I wasn’t supposed to do, and it pissed someone off, I guess. It got me cursed, and it’s nothing that I want to talk about. Please.” Or he even mentions that he “defied destiny” and was cursed for it.

• The big reveal that Morro had died previously comes during the confrontation with LBD and Wukong

-She is definitely the one who reveals it seeing as there’s no feasible way that Morro is willingly divulging that information

-She straight up mocks him about it I’d wager

-“You, who have so foolishly defied destiny time and time again, and even defied the very cycle of natural life. O’ Morro, former champion of the Cursed Realm, general to the Preeminent—how low you have fallen in your futile reach towards a life of repentance.” LBD probably knows shit, dialogue ain’t set in stone, I’m really just trying to set the mood for these events

• If anything, I’d only imagine she knows about the ghost stuff for whatever reason. I don’t know. I’m making my own canon. She can tell he’s died before? She can tell he was cursed, specifically that he was, you know. Powerful/chosen/appointed some high rank. She doesn’t really know his life story.

-She just knows about his ghost status and that he’s died at least twice—she knows some vague details, and that’s only because of plot reasons and also because like. It’s like.

-Yeah she knows he tried to curse a whole realm/all the realms, she’s an ancient demon and has access to certain knowledge

-She wanted to find out who exactly Morro was that she couldn’t take hold of him. So she did some research spirit-wise and found out the basic information of Morro’s rank and role, and that he’s died at least twice, and that he just. Cursed spirit, you know?

-Reading Journey to the West I discovered that apparently you can just up and go to some records or whatever and find some convenient info out

-Literally Wukong did a whole quest to go find out more about LBD in the show

• So Morro is just. The most mortified and distraught and furious at her for the sheer audacity she’s shown to have outed him like that

-MK might even say, “You lied to us?” To which Morro immediately snaps that that’s bs, he did not lie about anything. He just wasn’t telling them every little detail about him.

-He left information out but he didn’t lie because they never specifically asked so yeah lmao

-Morro: “I told you I wasn’t the best person.”

MK: “Dude I thought you were just being like, angsty and edgy.” (Credit: @breathlessboy)

• Oh LBD totally calls him a hypocrite, too

-LBD: “You tried to curse all the realms across time and space, and yet you really think yourself better than I?”

• Morro lets his emotions get the better of him during this whole encounter, I mean he’s been bottling them up for awhile as is

-This is when Wukong went off to go battle LBD on his own

-Morro and MK and Nezha are closer to the whole fight this time, and Morro’s actually trying to lend a hand since he does have powers and all

-Since they’re up in the air a lot, Morro has an extreme advantage, and aids the wind to Wukong’s side while making it way less favorable for LBD

• Either way LBD does this reveal when they’re closer to the ground/on the ground (so MK hears it), and it winds Morro up a lot.

-He’s very emotional at the moment and thus, his powers aren’t the easiest to control? Yes, he’s controlling the wind, but the wind is reacting in tune to his rampaging emotions right now.

-So he can’t focus them completely on, you know. The whole fight. This ends up making things harder for LBD and for Wukong, as well as MK and Nezha who can’t get near him amid the whirlwind he’s practically shielded himself with.

-He’s genuinely upset, he doesn’t want to hear about this after he’s already tried so hard to put it behind him. He had a chance he didn’t even ask for to start fresh with this clean slate, and it’s been ruined.

-Both Wukong and LBD are getting tossed around like rag dolls by the wind which is fun to watch tho lol

-Still, it means they just have to fight harder against the relentless gale

• Morro snapping that he’ll tear LBD apart and inadvertently frightening MK

-Because Morro is so goddamn scary and pissed off right now, his hair’s all a mess and has long since escaped from its bun, his eyes almost seem to glow in the darkness…it’s eerie, to say the least.

• Morro ends up going to attack LBD and unfortunately gets shot down because he’s so emotionally vulnerable she’s able to sneak attack him

-He’s off his game, he’s distracted

-She sorta knocks him out of the air and down into the mech/ground

-He gets up from the crater he’s created and he’s injured, but not badly enough to the point where he can’t stand.

-He is seething and then he spits out another, “I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!” which is met with a “Morro, stop!” from a terrified MK nearby

-Nezha is standing in front of MK almost protectively and MK looks extremely shaken up

-MK then having to remind Morro that LBD is possessing a child. They’re fighting a little kid right now.

-It settles Morro down a little bit, lessens some of that frenzied rage, but not by much

• “I’ll rip her out of that kid if I have to—possession can be undone, MK! Even if it takes me having to beat that wench out of her! She won’t possess a vessel that isn’t usable!”

-Which Morro regrets saying immediately upon hearing himself aloud

-He is just. Horror-struck, realizing he sounds just like he used to and hating it immensely.

-“I’m—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…I didn’t…oh First Master, what am I doing? I was trying to be better than this, better than her, and I…”

-He gets so genuinely upset here because he’s trying so hard all this time to do better and be a good person, to make the most of his new life, yet the moment his past is brought up/he has to face that, he immediately snaps. He’s disappointed in himself and it has him fearing that maybe he can’t be redeemed. Maybe, no matter how hard he tries, he won’t be able to change and he’ll always be this—this bitter, awful person doomed to failure.

• Morro‘s very caught up in his breakdown right now and he’s experiencing a lot of not-fun feelings and doubts

-Morro’s gonna choke out something along the lines of “I’ll never be able to change, will I? This is just what I’m always going to be no matter how hard I try. I can’t fix this—I can’t fix what I am, and I don’t deserve to either.” And that in particular is gonna distract Wukong for a brief moment since he’s pinning LBD down on the mech rn, and thus, you know. Possession stuff.

-Morro feels guilty about that afterwards

• Morro also absolutely gets struck by a possessed Wukong at one point

-He’s so freaked out and in his own head that he just doesn’t see the attack coming

-He gets knocked back, MK runs after him, and Nezha holds Monkey King off

• Macaque saves them and Morro knows it’s him, he’s familiar with his magic, and he feels so much relief when those shadows teleport them to safety

• They get dropped in a jungle and into the mud, and MK is you know. Dialoguing to himself before saying to Morro, “Well…we should probably get going,” but Morro is just on his hands and knees in the mud, muttering quietly, “No, don’t go just yet, please stay” to seemingly nothing. MK assumes he’s speaking to him, goes over, and it snaps Morro out of his dazed trance.

-“I wasn’t—I wasn’t talking to you, MK. I…nevermind, just forget I said anything.”

-He was talking to Macaque (who wasn’t there and was already gone maybe? Idk)

-He felt Macaque’s magic and the teleportation and mourned when that went away. Morro just wants to talk with Macaque and vibe. He misses his monke dad.

• Morro’s also in a bit of a daze as he follows MK, he’s definitely aware but at the same time? Sorta disassociating.

• Although when he gets himself together after a few minutes, he’s reverted back to bitter remarks and insults. Unfortunate temporary character regression and hiding behind a wall as a defense mechanism, essentially. He’s withdrawn, he’s upset, and this is just how he copes.

• Oh I also wanna mention that when Macaque delivers the Mayor to the gang and makes his appearance, Morro can’t help himself from rushing forward and tackling him in a hug

-He’s just so relieved and it’s very surprising to the others in the room because 1. Morro doesn’t usually initiate that kind of physical contact and 2. DON’T HUG THE ENEMY

-“I missed you and also I screwed up bad and can I crash at your place when this is all done for a bit? I may need a spot to stay.”

• Dude thinks he’s gonna get kicked out of MK’s apartment for his behavior and also for the secrets that got revealed

• Macaque is taken aback by the sudden onslaught of info but then he sees how absolutely defeated Morro looks and deadass says aloud “Who hurt you??”

• They don't even need to tie Mac up, they just let Morro cling to him and it keeps the monkey in place (credit: @breathlessmonkie)

• Morro: “I never liked the Monkey King but I didn’t want him to get fucking possessed.”

• Oh yeah literally seeing them interact together? Everyone starts asking like “you two are really close? When did this happen??? How did we miss this?”

-Morro revealing “uhhh so I’ve actually been training with Macaque for a while now in secret haha”

• But legit like this is the moment that Macaque decides “This is my kid now.”

-He succumbs to the fate of being dad-caque

• Morro is also the one who voices concern about sending Macaque in to fight against Wukong

• Alsooooo Morro definitely fights by Macaque’s side the best he can for that encounter

-“Dude I know you’re insanely strong and all that but I can help. You shouldn’t have to face him alone.”

• Oh and Morro accusing Red Son of stealing his look lmao

-“Hey fuck you, the sleeveless black top is MY thing”

• Yes I know there’s a lot of things I didn’t go over like the Samadhi Fire, Red Son’s and Morro’s dynamic (spoiler alert: they can and will refer to each other as cousins. Do with that information as you will), a deeper look on Morro’s actual relationships with each character, etc, etc.

• This post is just way too long as is so I’m gonna end it here and continue in a different one

• Oh and one final teaser for y’all: there is absolutely eventually gonna be a confrontation/crossover that happens where the ninja show up and hehe

• I’m plotting and scheming and cackling with delight

[heymeowmao]

#LYN _ I Was Married Once, But Have No Children

“I saw some things that I felt like I needed to come and respond to. Rather than a response, it’s more of an explanation. I see that some of you are asking me if I’m okay. I’m fine- there is no “okay” or “not okay”. I’m an adult. I was working, and my staff told me about this, so I thought it was time for me to come stream. It’s my style, right? Just stream about it, to make things clear.

This is my first time talking about this- though I know there was a similar topic previously- but this is my first time talking about this and it will be the last time as well. It’s about... (my) marriage.

Can you hear me clearly? If the stream lags then I would have said all this for nothing. You can? Alright. I’m streaming from my phone today, because I’m on set. I’m working. It’s like this... I thank everyone for their interest in me- though some of you may not be interested at all, and are just here to partake in the commotion. Some of you may be here for the gossip. The ones who are concerned must be my fans, most of all, since you’ve been with me all this time. You’re concerned for me and you’re willing to believe me, or whatever I need. Today I am here to give a clear explanation to the larger public and the fans who are concerned for me. This is the first and last time I’ll talk about this. 

First of all, I- Liu Yuning- have previously been married. Of course, I am now divorced. There are no children. I am not in contact with my ex, either. Today, because of me, it has caused her and her child to be exposed to the public. I am very sorry. I’m sorry. Very, very sorry. Because of me. I am the public figure and you can comment and pry about anything concerning me, but to her, I must say, “I am sorry.” I’ve disrupted her life. 

Secondly, I think, that no matter how much people can’t stand to see me or curse me, if you have the ability you can just keep doing as you have been. You can dislike me. You can look down on me. All you need to do is come at me. Why would you find the need to hurt just a normal, common person? Someone who is just trying to live her life? I just don’t understand.

Now, people are talking about the legality- about whether you should keep following this topic or not. But I just want to say that you’ve hurt a normal person and her child, who is a minor. I think that whether morally or legally, that’s crossing the line. You can do/say anything you want to me, but I don’t think you should have put a normal person and her child’s picture online. That’s- just inhuman, in my opinion. That's just what I think. 

The logic is very clear. I’ve seen what this ridiculous person had posted- a strange and disconcerting post on weibo on the day I attended an event, and I saw my fans replying to it. The path was clear. First, they made a post, saying, “This internet-famous individual made it to where he is today by this and that...” The thing is, they were waiting for my fans to fight back. When my fans fought back, then they could flip it, saying, “Okay, then. Don’t blame me for this.” After that they could righteously reveal material against me. Their excuse is, “Don’t blame me. The fans came after me first, so that’s why I posted what I did.” They've played this type of trick on me. I think.. there was no need.

You can hate me all you want, and you could have played any tricks you wanted, it didn’t matter what you did to me. You just shouldn’t have hurt a common person and her family. She has her own life now, and her own child. Just because I am a public figure, does not mean that I should be the cause of disturbance in her life. You may have blurred her face, but the people who know her all know who she is. The people around her must have recognized her. The people around her must also have recognized her child. It’s a very inhuman thing to do. She has her own life and she’s doing very well. 

This- this happened in 2013, and I debuted in 2018. I just want to say- I’ve never thought of hiding this information. I know that in this industry any information on any artist cannot be hidden. People even know my flight carrier and seat number when I take a plane. Is my personal information something hidden and mysterious? It’s not. I’ve never once thought of hiding this, but I also never felt I had the need to take this information and lay it all out in the open. I didn’t see the need to tell my fans, “I’ve been married, but I’m divorced now. We never had a kid, though.” I didn’t think there was a need to tell any of you that because I knew that if I did, it would bring her trouble. There was no need to do that. This is her own life, and she has her own future. Everything I have received from being an artist- the income, the glory- everything I’ve received has nothing to do with her. Why should she have to endure this from you? Why does she have to endure all the trouble that I’ve brought to her? That’s why I feel so sorry. I think that you can do whatever you want, as long as it doesn’t hurt others. That’s my bottom line.

I think... there wasn’t any need to do this. Of course, my fans are saying they’ll do this or that.. I think that’s fine. I will not... I just want to say that my attitude is very determined. I think I will definitely take legal action. It’s not for myself. It’s just what I should do. It’s something that I need to do. I want to return justice to her. It’s something that I have to do. I don’t care how long it takes, I’ll do it. No matter how complicated, I’ll do it. This is the first and last time I’ll talk about this topic. I’ve already made myself very clear. Still, I have to say, I’ve caused chaos in your daily life and I’m terribly sorry. I’m the most sorry to the person who once shared a marriage with me. I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry. I’ve disrupted your life. I apologize.

Alright. That’s it, because I am still working. I’ve said what I needed to say and I hope that everyone can prevent this from circulating again. Please don’t go around hurting innocent people or try to look into who this person is or find out anything about their life. Don’t disturb other people. That’s my request to all of you. Thank you. She has her own life, her own peaceful and happy marriage, and their own happy child. Let’s not disturb them any longer. I don’t want to bring her any more hurt, just because I am a public figure. Thank you, everyone.”

- Liu Yuning, 2023.03.27

[starkidlabs]

Question for the Court part 2

Genuinely I really need to know if this is normal behaviour because I’ve never experienced someone like this and it kind of makes me uncomfortable. Here are his behaviours:

He texts me on average 30 times a day. He always initiates the conversation (I never do).

He sends me morning and good night messages (this is something that even my ex and I didn’t even do). His messages often say things like ‘Good night. Have beautiful dreams of yours greatest desires.’

He’s been telling my sister (who he’s friends with) how excited he is to play a certain board game with me. Even though I have never said I will play a game with him. Then he told me last night how he had found 2-3 people so we can play a different game together. I haven’t said I wanted to play this game with him. I do not know these other people at all. So why is he asking people that are strangers to me to play a game with ‘us’ when I haven’t even asked him to?

He is overly complimentary to the point of it being just weird. So for example I wrote a review of a play. He responded with 3 whole paragraphs essentially reviewing my review but only with positive feedback. Like “I smiled to myself when imagining you watch the play” etc. like obviously I don’t mind someone saying ‘oh wow that’s a good review’. But three paragraphs reviewing my review is very ????

He had come up with a nickname for me that I do not like but he won’t stop calling me it even though I have never positively responded to.

He’ll often send me paragraphs expanding on something he’s clearly interested in. Then I’ll say ‘ah that’s cool but that’s not really my thing’ and his response will always be ‘yeah I hate that thing too’.

Now this is the thing that kinda weirds me out the most. So I have very particular interests. As soon as I mention I like a thing quite a bit he suddenly becomes obsessed with them too. So 3 examples.

I love musicals. I talked to him about musicals at one point. He went from only having watched Les Mis to asking me to send him a musical to listen to every single day. Then he spent an entire weekend watching musicals, sending me images of the musicals he was watching to kind of prove that he was watching them.

I told him I like the Frogwares Sherlock Holmes games. He suddenly went out and bought them all, and play the Awakened in one sitting. Then he went out and spent near to £100 on Sherlock Holmes games and novels, even though he clearly has never had any interest in Sherlock Holmes past bbc Sherlock. (I mean if he did wouldn’t these be purchases he made before?).

I talked to him about starkid two days ago because he asked me what it was. He has now donated £50 to their new kickstarter even though he has yet to watch a single show. He sent me the receipt to prove it.

Now the thing is I know he does often display some of these behaviours towards other people. My sister said how one time her and two other people were discussing rollerskating then this guy went out to buy rollerskates even though none of them had actually planned to go rollerskating yet (and they never ended up planning a trip). And while I think thats sort of similar behaviour to my last point I think the difference is that this was a thing he did because he clearly wanted to go out with this group of people. Where as with the last point with me there is no end goal of going out - like clearly buying a tone of Sherlock Holmes novels doesn’t lead to a Sherlock Holmes outing in the same sense. Instead I think it’s sort of clear he is intensely getting into the things I like to impress me, but in a way that no person would unless they have become obsessed with said person.

And I also know that he actually sort of became obsessed with this other person I knew to the point where he would hang around at her desk everyday, until someone else had to speak to him about leaving her alone. When I mentioned that I think he’s doing the same to me, my sister implied that the circumstances were entirely different ( I think they might have gone out on a date or two and decided to just be friends - but the guy was still obsessed with her). But still I think it might be a similar situation.

It’s just I feel like I’m going crazy because everyone I tell who knows this guy keeps underplaying like ‘ah that’s just what he does’ but I definitely think this is more intense than what he normally does.

[lyon-amore]

Behind the lies Duskwood Chapter 4 final

Chapter 3 ----------------------------------------------------------------

Two years. Two wonderful years of happiness. MC had met a fantastic man after that night. She finally had that date, she didn't cancel it. She refused to do it, not giving in to the feelings she felt for Jake. Two years loving a man who gave her happiness. What brought her laughter, comfort and security.

 Two years, loving.

 Two years of kisses.

 Two years of relationship.

All so that the very jerk hooks up with her roommate. Or even worse, her roommate and her boyfriend. A threesome. All because she never wanted to! She began to throw all the shoes at them, seeing the three of them in her roommate's bed. When she arrived, she had heard him. Between laughs    "Dear! Come on! Let's talk!” Said her boyfriend, or better yet, her ex-boyfriend.    “Asshole, son of a bitch!” MC yelled, while she hit her roommate in the face because her ex used her as a shield.    "MC- Oh!" Her roommate raised her hand to her face "Girl! I'm sorry! It was an accident!"    "An accident that I'm going to cause if you don't all leave MY HOUSE!"    "Look, we understand" the boyfriend of her roommate began, raising his hand to prevent her from hitting him with something else "we should have invited you, you feel bad about that."     MC approached them with a smile. But instead of accepting that invitation, she reached for the night light, ripping it out of the plug.    “Everybody get out or else I'll hit your head with this!” She yelled at them as he followed them around the room.     The three of them started running to the exit, yelling that she was crazy.

When they left. She didn't think twice. She went to her roommate's room and began to throw all of her things out the window. She was officially kicked off her apartment.    "MC! Don't do this!” the girl begged from the street, putting on the clothes she had thrown away.    “Baby, love!” Her ex began to beg, getting down on his knees “Let's talk! I didn't want to do it for real! You know how important you are to me!"    "Well, for me you don't exist anymore!" She entered inside and grabbed the mattress, trying to throw it out the window. Unfortunately, she couldn't "Shit… Have to throw it down the stairs…" She said, pushing it around the house."

Little by little, she moved it until she reached the door of the apartment. Which in the end, she threw it down the stairwell.    "Very well done, girl!" a neighbor yelled from above.     Little by little the neighbors came out to applaud her. It almost looked like a movie scene. But… why not take advantage of the moment and greet the public? She curtsied, looking up and down. Well, she felt like taking revenge on her for what the two people she trusted the most had done.

 When night fell, she was left alone. Completely silent. She no longer listened to the laughter of her partner or would listen to the day that her ex-boyfriend had spent. She is alone again.

She blew out a breath, changing the channel. It wasn't like she'd expected since she'd moved again to be even further away from Jake. She wasn't going to deny it, from time to time she wondered what would have happened if she had really accepted. Although looking at today's situation, it was clear how she would have ended up… which made the situation much better, she didn't want to be the one to get thrown out the window.

It was strange. She hadn't cried. She wasn’t in pain. Maybe she was angry, but... Despite the two years with that man, she wasn't shedding any tears for him. Was she alright? It was normal? It was a long relationship, she should be crying because he had cheated on her. Well, it wasn't as bad as it seemed. At least her ex never lied on her with his true identity.

It was as if whatever happened, everything went back to the past. To those moments when she met him. Oh how stupid she was. Too stupid to think about Jake again when he didn't deserve a thought. Yes, she had told him to make up his mind, but…did she really mean it at that moment? Did she really want to be with somebody like that? Immature? She thought Jake was a different guy, but… In the end she was disappointed. She didn't expect that the boy who said all those nice things to her would be someone so despicable. She no longer wished him anything bad. Just for him to forget about her and get on with his life. His family. He had a wonderful daughter and a woman much more beautiful than her. He had it all. Even an incredible apartment. She hoped that in these two years, his life would have returned to the normality of meeting her before.

After two weeks being the talk of the neighborhood, she decided to visit her parents. They were so concerned about her that they decided to have her come home for a weekend. And also, because her older sister was going to return after a theatrical tour. They wanted the family reunited. The worst thing was that she had to hear the "I already told" from her sister.

"I already told you" her sister told her, drinking from her Irish ", when you told me about his fantasy-"    "You warned me, Becka, yes" MC sighed. It was like having a female Dan. Only she wasn't drinking whiskey… she was drinking a bottle of gin ". Well, it wasn't a fantasy, he just asked me in the ‘’hypothetical case of’’."    "Yes, and in that hypothetical case, he put both them and him from the ass."    "No, that was literal…" she replied, trying to joke. Although she didn't even feel well enough to do it.    "Have you told Mom and Dad why you broke up with him?"     She shakes her head. With a scared face.    "Do you want Dad to go detective-like and kill him?"    "Well, a little scare would have be great to that jerk." Becka replied with a mischievous smile.     MC laughed. A scare would have been nice, maybe he would have learned the lesson of never cheating on someone again. The young woman began to look at the coffee cup. Cheating... she'd always been lied on: Richy, Jake, her ex... What a lucky girl she was. Becka gave her a concerned look at her expression. Her little sister was already beginning to think too much.    “You never got an answer from Jake, did you?” she asked her, finally bringing it up.     Only Becka know. Again, she didn’t dare to tell her parents. If her father found out that a boy had cheated on her little girl, he would have gone after him.    "No, never... "    "Then better" Becka banged on the table, settling into the chair. The clients looked at her annoyed ". Fuck him, he's lost a good girl. If he never got in contact with you after two years, he didn't love you.” MC nodded slowly. Her sister was right ". He was and is married, you were just a little fun for him, the things he told you weren't true."    "Are you helping me or are you making me feel worse?" the little sister asked confused, frowning.    "What I want to say is that I know that this guy made you have a hard life, MC, he got you into the subject of his sister and ended up getting you into cuckolding" she explained softly, seeing that her little sister looked at her badly ", and who knows what else he would have gotten you if you had accepted his disgusting proposition. Seriously sis, I don't know how you manage to attract guys like that…."    "I don't know, maybe my name is cursed or something like that" she sighed, leaning against the table ". Like last year, when I had to help in another case."    "And all because of that guy, Jake" She waved an annoyed hand at her ". If he hadn't put you in the first case, no one would have known about you and you would be having a quiet life. Now you're showered with offers to help them by getting you into more trouble."     MC rested her head on the table. Yeah true. Now everyone wanted hers help. Even she didn't know how she solved the first case, Hannah's. She just know it.    "MC…" Her sister caressed her head affectionately, sighing "I'm sorry little girl, I can't tell you anything other than sorry. You will see how now everything works out for you."     The young woman looked up, smiling. She hoped that she was right. Not everything had to be so bad in life.

They left the cafeteria and Becka began to search in her bag. MC looked at her confused.    “What's wrong?” she asked, watching how she continued to search.    "Shit… I think I left my phone on the table" the older sister looked at the little one, as an apology "Wait a minute, I'm going to get it."    “Okay."     Becka went back inside and MC stayed outside waiting. While she waited, she looked everywhere. A bad habit that she got from everything that had happened. She thought that she was going to be recognized again. And she was. She was recognized. But she also recognized him.

It came as a surprise to her to see that Jake was across the street. Of all the people who could be in the same place where her parents lived, it had to be him. They both exchanged glances. He was dressed as she imagined when she first met him, before learning the truth. The one in the black sweatshirt. The one that there was supposed to be no lies between them. It seemed strange to her after meeting the Jake who lied to her. She stood still, not knowing what to do. Should she come closer? No. Sh shouldn't. That would be dragging. In addition that… He didn't deserve it. Jake put the phone he was holding in his pants pocket. Without taking his eyes off her. He began to walk slowly, straight towards her. MC got nervous, her heart started beating fast.

Jake's footsteps quickened, until they crossed the street. There was a moment when a car almost ran him over, while he was distracted by her. MC put her hand to her face, scared. Unbelievable that he would risk his life to get close to her like that. She lowered her hand and saw that he was getting closer to her. And the closer he got, the more nervous she got.

Jake managed to get to her, staying in front of her. Without touching her, he just looked at her. His breathing was ragged from putting his life in danger, but he had done it. Surely the people passing by on the street were wondering why there were two idiots looking at each other in the street.    "Hello…" Jake finally said, a little nervous.    "Hi…" MC swallowed, looking directly into his eyes.     It was the first time after two years that they saw each other. And she still hadn't forgotten his face.    "What a…coincidence, is not it?" Jake continued, with a small, nervous smile.    "Yes... Too much." The young woman herself didn't know how to react. Just a few minutes before, she was talking to her sister about him, and now, here he was. In front of her.     Obviously it wasn't because he had followed her, but rather, they would have crossed paths long ago, is what she suspected. But the doubt was there.    "I'm here" her sister left the cafeteria, and she watched them ". Hello, hello" Before long, she changed her tone of voice when she saw Jake, to a more flirtatious one ". I'm Becka, MC's older sister.” She offered her hand to the mysterious boy, not knowing who he was.    "Jake" MC started to signal him not to continue, but he didn't realize it ", Jake Donfort." He squeezed her older sister's hand, greeting her.     The little sister put a hand to her face, hiding her gaze. This was not going to end well. Becka immediately changed her gaze. She looked at MC and then at him. Then again to MC, who had uncovered her face a bit, embarrassed.    “Is this Jake?” she asked, pointing at him, annoyed.    "Yes, but-"     MC didn't give her time to continue that her sister had punched Jake in the eye. The little sister made a surprised and frightened sound at the reaction of her sister, who was waving her hand in pain.    "That's what you get for playing with my sister's heart, you bastard!" Becka yelled at him.    "What are you doing?!" MC yelled scared, approaching Jake "I'm sorry! Very sorry!"    “It is alright” Jake hissed “, I know I deserve it."    "DAD!" The three heard from across the street.     They turned and saw a girl of about eight nine years old, looking at them scared as well.    " ’’Dad’’?" Becka asked, giving Jake a dirty look "Did you bring your daughter to use her to win her back?"    "Becka!" MC yelled at her, embarrassed.     The girl managed to cross the street at the zebra crossing, approaching the three adults. Rose smiled when she saw MC, excited and forgetting her father was hurt.    “MC!” she exclaimed with a big smile.    "Rose!" MC greeted, receiving the girl's hug.    "Why did this woman hit my father?" the girl asked, looking at Becka, her arms folded.    "Because your father is a pig, girl, he deserves a lesson." the woman replied abruptly.     MC nudged her sister and then returned to Jake.    “Are you okay?” she asked. Although it was true that he kind of deserved it, but in front of all the people she could cause problems.    "I think so" Jake said, putting his hand up to his face ". Your sister has a good right hand."     Becka blew her fist, proud. Nice reunion. She hoped that no one would call the police and arrest her sister.

The four of them went to Jake's house. It was better to argue in private than to put on a show in the street. And MC had already put on enough shows to now do it in the place where his parents lived.

She placed a couple of ice cubes on a cloth, in order to relieve and reduce the swelling in the eye. Jake was sitting on a kitchen chair, his hand over his eye. The young woman took his hand so that she would let see it. It really was very red.    "Ow…" she said between her teeth.    "Is it that bad?" Jake asked, unable to open his eye wide.    "Not so... bad" answered MC, placing the cloth carefully, giving small touches.     They stayed silent in the kitchen. No one dared to say anything. Too much time had passed and too much had happened to start a conversation, but the silence was also uncomfortable.    "How… how's everything?" Jake asked, trying to hold a conversation.    "Oh, pretty good" the young woman replied sarcastically "I just ended a two-year relationship because my boyfriend had a threesome with my roommate and her boyfriend, but everything's fine."    "Define fine?" Jake asked, rhetorically.     MC laughed. She didn't even know why she had told him. What did he care what had happened to her in her life? Jake brought his hand to hers with the rag. MC, thought that maybe he wanted to touch her, but she was surprised by his words.    "I will do it myself." said the young man, picking up the cloth to continue with the treatment.     She backed away from him, leaning against the counter. She watched him carefully. Yes. He was still attractive. How she hated it.    "And what about you?" MC asked him "How are you?"    "Oh…" Jake began to think. She didn't know if that was good or bad, if he was looking for an excuse "I guess fine" he finally answered, looking at her ". Taking care of Rose while Katherine is away for work."     MC nodded. Understanding it. He had stayed with his wife.    "And is this house a kind of second home?" asked MC, remembering that they could even afford an expensive apartment.    "He's been divorced for two years!" they heard Rose at the kitchen door.     They both turned and saw her stick her head out, smiling.    “Mom and dad divorced two years ago” Rose continued, resting her hand on the doorjamb ". Since then dad is single."     Jake sighed and MC laughed. She was surprised that he didn't say anything to her as soon as they saw each other.    "So now you know MC, my dad is free."    "MC!" Becka also appeared at the door, leaning against the frame "Don't even think about paying attention to this Gremlin." her sister looked down at the girl.    "I have a name, is Rose" the girl replied, raising her head "and with that attitude no one will like you."    "Sorry, girl, but I fu-" MC coughed, stopping Becka "I make a lot of friends" she was correcting herself, seeing how Jake nodded his thanks ". But seriously, if you listen to her I'm going to hit her."    "Rose, why do not you go watch something on television?" Jake began to ask.    "Becka, come with her." MC said, looking at her sister, crossing her arms.    "Come on girl, let's go watch Teletubies." Becka started walking, taking Rose with her.    "I don't watch Teletubies." the girl answered, annoyed.    "So Ladybug?"    "No, unsolved crime shows."    "Are you sure that's for your age?"     Jake and MC laughed watching how they were talking to each other. They were pure comedy.

They were left alone again. That discomfort returned. The young woman didn’t know what to say with the new information that Rose had given her, but she was surprised. Two years divorced? Knowing how much he loved her, she was quite surprised.    "You left Katherine then..." MC began to say, starting the conversation.    "It did not feel right to continue lying her like that" Jake replied, lowering the rag so he could look at her. He had a very good punch mark. Becka had hit him hard.    "You admit you were cheating on her."    "Yes" the black-haired youth sighed, with a regretful voice ". I ended up telling her everything and… Well, I knew that I should not continue like this, that it was better to get away."     MC nodded. It was the best thing he could have done.    "And now I live here" Jake looked into the kitchen, letting out a sigh ". I changed the job position to one that would not be dangerous for Rose or would have to stop seeing her” He looked at MC. That confused man was no longer seen, but rather a proud father of his daughter ", so, these two years, I have dedicated myself to being by my daughter's side and… Face my past."    "You mean your father?" MC began to approach him, sitting in the chair next to him.    "And it was not pretty at all" Jake continued, putting the rag back on ". I told him everything I felt towards him. Unfortunately, I broke up another family… But I gained two sisters."     The young woman chuckled when she heard him. She knew that Jake was Hannah and Lilly's half-brother because he told her so himself. It was at least nice to know that it was true that he was really the girls' half-brother.    "And... Is what Rose says true?" MC looked at him curiously, biting her lip nervously. "You've been single for two years?"    "As I said, I did not want to do anything other than dedicate myself to my daughter" Jake finally left the cloth on the table, looking at MC, intensely, but at the same time a little more serious ". I did not want to make the same mistakes with her that my father made."     MC looked at him proudly. At no time had he told her anything about how he felt about her or taken advantage of her to get 'Oh look at me, I am the poor single father looking for a mother for my daughter' way.    "And you?" Jake raised an eyebrow, with a half laugh. "With how smart you are, how were you able to take down a guy like that?"     MC laughed, playing with the rag. She denied with her head. Not even herself knew about it.    "I guess…" she looked into his eyes, letting out a sigh "Well, we were good for two years and…" she shrugged, shaking her head again "Look, I don't know, he was a guy who made me happy and after two years I see that he is having a threesome as if he were not dating me. And in my own apartment."    “I am curious what you did after."    "I threw it all out the window."    "What?" Jake started to laugh.    "All my roommate's clothes, her boyfriend's and my ex's" MC made a gesture of spreading his arms across the table, creating the scene in her head ", down the street."    "I have a feeling it is not the only thing you did."    "No" MC smiled proudly ". I grabbed her mattress and threw it down the stairwell."     Jake laughed and MC followed him, remembering the scene and how they were begging her to forgive them. But not. She didn’t forgive them. Besides that she blocked her ex from everywhere. She deleted him from social media. He no longer existed for her.    "Remind me never to make you angry." Jake teased, with a charming smile.     MC's heart beat fast at the sight of that smile.

She then remembered what she suffered and looked the other way. She did not know what to do. Yes, okay, he had changed, but that didn't mean that she was going to throw herself into his arms the first time.    "Hey MC" she directed her gaze to Jake. His voice sounded hurt now. He saw him rub his hands, he seemed uncomfortable "I want to apologize for all the bad I made you feel" MC looked at him, paying attention. The young man ended up looking at her. He didn't dare look at her for fear of her reaction ", if I did not look for you before, it was because I thought you would think it was because I had decided-"    "But have you decided?"    "No" he replied. MC's heart broke in two ". I do not want to say that it is not that I have not made up my mind, but that-” Jake took a deep breath. He didn't know how to explain it well without making it sound like he was seeking her forgiveness or pitying him “I did not want you to get your hopes up that I was going to see you about that."     MC smiled. Good. They were nice words. She didn't mind, on the contrary. In these two years, he had devoted himself to her daughter, to being the father that Rose needed. If he was stuck in the desires of which woman was better or if he could keep both. The decision not to go after her and to divorce Katherine admired her. A small smile appeared on MC's lips. And Jake answered it with another.    "Thank you" MC replied ", for respecting me."    "I hurt you a lot" Jake continued ". I apologize for everything I did to you."    "I forgive you Jake" the young woman smiled more broadly ". But I’m also glad to know that you have done everything for your daughter."    "It was worth it" he gave a small laugh ". I do not think many parents could put up with two Frozen-themed birthdays and Frozen two themed like me."     MC laughed, imagining him preparing everything for little Rose and her fanaticism with the movie.    "It is good to see you again, MC." Jake opened up, keeping a bit of that distance with her.    "Me too, Jake."     The atmosphere was no longer uncomfortable.

They both looked at each other with a happy smile, but it was clear that they were not going to take the step again. Not yet.    "And you are going to be here a long time?" Jake asked, curious, but not trying to sound interested.    "I'll be staying the week for vacation" she replied, brushing her hair out of her face. She was trying not to seem too interested in his question either ". We are visiting our parents."    "Rose will be delighted to know" he sighed, never taking his eyes off her ". She missed you so much."    "Me too" she answered sincerely ". Maybe I'll stop by to see her then."    "Tomorrow we were going downtown to see the horse parade that will be there" the young man asked without giving it much importance ", so if you want, you are invited, I am sure she will be very excited for you to come."     MC nodded. She wanted to dare to ask him if he would be excited for her too, but she preferred to leave it that way. This was not the time to mess it up.    "Sure, I'll give you my phone number and I'll let you know." said the woman, taking her phone out of her pockets.    "Yes, of course, I will give you mine too if you want."     They both exchanged cell phones, writing down each other's number.

 They stared at each other's number as they returned their phones. Then look at each other with a smile. They met thanks to her phone number. And now, she was sharing it with him again. She wasn't giving him a second chance because there never was a first. She was giving him a chance to fix things.

 But it was better to say it this way: It was an opportunity to really get to know each other better.

THE END

[tarnishedxknight]

[ Wounds That Refuse to Heal ]

Hearing that Ashelia was the only survivor among her siblings made Mantis’ eyes widen. It hit too close to home, and something inside her chest seemed to tug painfully as her antennae became droopy. Before Ego learned that Quill was still out there, Mantis thought for the longest time she was the only child of Ego left alive. Then Ashelia said it did not matter now. “But it matters to you…” Mantis said softly. “Therefore, it matters.”

Ashelia’s reaction to the flowers was endearing, and Mantis smiled. Her antennae perked up when Ashelia said Mantis was very kind, helping Ashelia despite knowing nothing of her. “I do know a few things. Basch and his brother did mention you… But do not worry, they did not criticize you. Basch truly cares about you, although I believe you are aware.” Ashelia’s offer was really sweet, and Mantis’ face lit up as Ashelia brought up being a healer. “Oh, that is wonderful, Princess! I can do some healing, too. Though… I think it has less to do with the art of healing itself, and more to do with my ability to control others. I can try to control an injured part of their body and leave their will intact. For example, I can get them to stop bleeding.” Mantis tilted her head. “Though it can be difficult for me to do so if I am injured. It makes it harder to heal myself. I am thankful for your offer and I will make sure to ask for your help if I need it, but you do not need to repay me.”

Mantis listened intently as Ashelia explained how surprised Basch had been by Vossler’s betrayal. How Ashelia could tell that Basch had no idea his friend was capable of doing something like that. “Perhaps he wants to project kindness and goodness as the default, and see the best in others. If I am honest, it is something I would be more guilty of myself if I wasn’t able to read people’s intentions. I believe that is why he was disappointed, especially considering this man was his friend.” Her hand moved to gently rest on Ashelia’s shoulder. “If you do not wish to tell him, then don’t. But I believe telling him could make you feel safe. Maybe you are right, maybe he would blame himself, but… he would be mistaken. It was his friend who chose to attempt to hurt someone.”

Mantis knew that expecting Ashelia and Noah to clear the air was a rather idealistic approach. But in her defense, it was one she had learned as she lived with the Guardians: no matter how often they argued, how loud their fights were, how different they were from one another. At the end of the day, they were a family of choice. They loved each other and were willing to protect each other from danger. Mantis knew there was no love between Noah and Ashelia, but they still had something in common: Basch cared deeply about them both.

“Of course I will accompany you, Princess.” Mantis smiled warmly. “Do not worry, I will not let things escalate.” If Ashelia and Noah could not actually be kind to each other, Mantis could always use her powers to, at least, make sure they wouldn’t get physical again. Mantis stepped aside, for she had no idea where Noah could be. “After you.”

__________

Ashelia smiled. It did matter to her, but more and more she felt pressure to let go of the past. She didn’t feel ready to do that, but she wasn’t sure there was any adequate amount of time that would ever make her feel ready. “Thank you. I do know that, I just… I need to strike a good balance… between adjusting to this time period and keeping the memories of those I loved close. I haven’t figured out how to manage that yet, but I am trying,” she said honestly. “They have something here called therapy. Have you heard of it?” she asked so innocently, having no idea how common and normal as thing it was on Earth in this time period. “It’s a wonderful thing. There are kind people who will listen to your problems and concerns and then give you advice on how to solve them or heal from them. It has helped me immensely, and I truly wish such an activity had existed in my time.”

“Basch cares for me?” she asked as soon as Mantis had said it, but she was quick to correct. “Oh, I think it is the duty he still feels to my father. He told me he promised my father to protect me after he was gone, and so I think he still feels as though he has to continue in that duty.” Because it couldn’t be for any other reason. Especially after she’d been so cruel for him when they were reunited after his imprisonment. Even so, her cheeks turned a bit pink.

As Mantis lit up, so too did Ashelia. To hear of another healer was always a joy, because the world was full of hurting, injured, and sick people, and wasn’t it always a wonderful thing to be able to ease that pain? “How fascinating! I have never heard of someone healing in that manner. That is a truly useful skill to have!” she said excitedly. She then nodded happily when Mantis accepted her own offer of healing, should she need it in the future. “Very well, then. I shall be glad to help you.”

Mantis was right, of course, about telling Basch. Ashelia knew she should have told him. Gods, she should have told him that night. Now there was nothing he could do about it, and Vossler was already dead. “You speak the truth…” Ashelia mused, looking down at her hands. “But somehow, when he is before me, I find I cannot speak about it. He has carried so much pain within him, for a great deal many reasons, and all this time I could not bear to add to it, but now I fear he may be even more hurt by my having waited so long to tell him…” She sighed and nodded. “I will tell him. Soon. Somehow,” she decided.

“You are so very kind, thank you so much!” Ashelia said at Mantis’ agreement to accompany her. “I am so sorry to drag you into all this… I hope I am not interrupting your afternoon schedule,” she said, feeling a bit guilty but so grateful to have someone else with her as she confronted Noah yet again. She felt a great responsibility to apologize to him, even if she detested the man and still hadn’t forgiven him for murdering her father. He was not guilty of… of… well, of whatever she saw flash in his eyes as she folded in on herself in a panic. She was genuinely sorry for having made him think that she thought he would harm her in that way, especially since even in her trauma-clouded state she could still tell that he’d been very hurt by the notion.

“Let us try his quarters first. If he is not there, then… perhaps the gym. Basch has said that, sometimes when his brother is very angry, he goes to train in the gym,” Ashe said as they began walking. When they reached Noah’s room, there were distinct noises of things being thrown, broken, and other such crashed from inside. Ashelia’s eyes widened. “Perhaps we shouldn’t?” she whispered to Mantis, shaking her head, not knowing that this was a common way Noah burned off steam when there were no other calming forces to help dissipate his energy. Drace had been able to do that for him, but she was dead now, and long forgotten to the past. Alone, such as he was, Noah needed to get rid of the anger and self-loathing somehow…

[into-thev0id]

I just need to vent and let this one out. I’m not ready to tell my friends or family. Or maybe I’m too fucking nice and don’t want to bash my ex even though he’s a piece of shit person.

I spent the past 5, nearly 6 years of my life with someone who ultimately showed me the “love” I don’t want nor deserve. I basically begged this man to love me for almost 4 years. Sad isn’t it? The last year is the only time I truly felt loved by this person.

There has been so much back and forth, breaking up and making up, and every single time when we get back together- we’d be swearing that things would be different.

Just two months ago, almost three- I had made the call to break up due to things he cannot refrain himself from doing (I.e dm-ing women behind my back, following random women and women he claims to not be attracted to.) And immediately after he does all the things that knows hurt me. Whether it’s to hurt me or not, who knows- but it’s still being done. You don’t do things like this to someone you claim to love.

After every dispute I usually get sent his profile from tinder or bumble. It honestly would never surprise me if he was already up there.

I do not and will never understand someone who has lost your trust so many times, and can try to convince you that they love you, and at the sign of any disagreement tries to rip you to shreds. (I.e. “the only reason I stay with you is bc my dog loves you”, “you’re not very smart,” “you can’t do anything,” “you don’t bring value,” etc.) To believe that they are baffled at your distrust is absolutely insane.

He came over to my apartment one night after the last breakup to give me the remaining things I had. He was sad as fuck, apologetic as fuck. Promising me my wildest romance dreams. Telling me I was all he needed and wanted and that social media validation didn’t matter to him. He even made his own decision to delete his Instagram, unwarranted. I gave him all the reasons to keep it but he really made me believe that he was here for me and told me he knew he was the one for me. It’s honestly sad and laughable looking back now. I really bought it and thought, finally- the moment is finally here. Maybe he is the one for me. So I gave it another shot, but I told myself at the next slight lie I can spot- call it off. I really hoped that moment never came.

Flash forward two months later, the moment comes. He downloads Instagram and reactivates the account he swore he deleted and told me. Now I don’t know about you but it’s pretty clear to see the difference between deactivating and deleting… but besides that, he did that and had the nerve to tell me, that he “wasn’t thinking”, he “didn’t want it” and that he’d delete it as soon as he could. Only for me to find out that wasn’t true.

Because I’m me, I noticed something he did in our last breakup. The first three people he went to find to follow again were three women I have accused him of being attracted to. Why? Well for one he can’t miss a post, he always somehow looks for these women first after every dispute, and I’ve seen him flirt with these women online whether it’s be on twitter or a dm on Instagram trying realllly hard to talk to them. I brought this up to him and suddenly I become the bad guy.

Honestly I just know now this man does not know how to healthily discuss important things. That could’ve been an opportunity to strengthen our relationship. Instead he chose to shit on me. Made me feel less of a person for even feeling any type of way though I thought this was someone that loved me and would console me.

You’d think huh? I’m obviously wrong.

Anyways- I broke up with him on Friday due to the lie of him telling me he’d delete his Instagram. If he was going to do it, he would’ve did it then or at least said something to me. He kept instigating me and my feelings.

A weekend goes by- he stays idle. Monday comes and here we go. The follow train. Honestly this was a world record for him because normally it takes him less than 24 hours.

And surprise, surprise it’s all the women I have ever accused him of. Funny how it’s usually always the same ones that he goes to look for. The ones he could somehow never talk to in front of me.

And it’s crazy that he really made me feel seen and understood the night we made up for the last time, i felt loved and finally understood.

Point now is he doesn’t care. He put me in a shitty position, and now I have to handle a medical procedure on my own. I had many plans for the rest of our lives together bc that’s what I really saw with this person, or at least tried to. It sucks to have that being ripped away from you in a matter of a second.

It just really fucking hurts when you spend such a long time trying to trust someone who has mishandled your heart so many times. I really wanted this to be different but it obviously never will be and I forced myself to make a decision I didn’t want for the better of our lives. I don’t have to train someone on how to treat me. How to be a thoughtful partner. How to have empathy.

It just sucks man. I will never understand how someone who has ever claimed to love me could do shit like this to me and my heart back to back to back for damn near 6 years straight.

Im always left embarrassed. Shattered. Sad.

I know I’ll eventually be okay, but fuck him for this and fuck me for giving 6 years of my life to someone who obviously never deserved me or my time or my money.

I gave him everything I had to offer.

My last ex beat me physically, this one abused me mentally and verbally. I’m hoping and wishing for someone specially different who will never dream of hurting me in the future. I see it possible in my friends’ relationships and my parents relationship. I know it’s somewhere there for me too. I hope I meet you soon. For now, it’s just me and my healing.

I’m better off. I’ll be happier. He will too.

I just know that the difference between us is that he’ll be trying to fill a void, and I’ll be the one actually fixing myself. The next person I meet I hope to be the love of my life. The one who will make it make sense on why it never worked out with anyone else.

[mypoisonedvine]

peaches & cream || soft!dark Jake Wyler x reader

for @stargazingfangirl18​'s 5k challenge! I used the prompt, "the town golden boy isn’t as sweet as everyone thinks."

word count: 3.6k

warnings: smut (noncon), stalking/obsession, some degradation/negging (but lots of praise during the actual smut), kinda yandere vibes?, touch of breeding kink at the end, definitely flirting with the boundary between soft!dark and regular dark but I like to think it’s a fine line

“Sorry, but that’s a seasonal flavor,” the girl at the counter explained in a snarky monotone.

“Well, yeah, but isn’t it still… the season?” you pressed; normally you weren’t the sort of person to argue with a cashier over a milkshake, but the look she was giving you made you feel like she was holding out on you— especially when the promotional poster for the very thing you were trying to order was just behind her head, and said the flavor was available for two more days.

“We’re out,” she answered firmly, but then her face suddenly shifted to a much more pleasant expression as you heard the chime of the front door opening behind you.  

You felt his body hovering behind yours just as his hand laid on the counter beside you, caging you in.  It was even more unsettling with the context that there was a whole line of people waiting behind you already.

“I’ll get your usual,” the girl promised to the man beside with a flirtatious smile as she disappeared to the back, returning almost instantly with a shake in her extended hand.  “Peaches and cream milkshake— extra whipped cream, no cherry.  Enjoy!”

Your eyes widened at the reading of your own order.  “I thought you were out!” you protested, going completely ignored.

"If you were my girl, this sort of thing wouldn't need to happen."

You recoiled from Jake's voice in your ear, and he smiled in spite of your snarl, bringing the straw to his lips slowly.  With a shudder you walked away, deciding it was probably better to forgo a milkshake anyways— especially if it was a chance to avoid everyone’s favorite senior, the football king who basically owned the whole town for no other reason than being good-looking, athletic, and allegedly “charming” or whatever.

Of course, he followed you, sitting across from you in a booth and silently shooing his posse of fellow teammates to go off and give you two some space.  If only he would give you space.

“We can share,” he offered as he held the milkshake out towards you.  “I know it’s your favorite… it’s mine too.”

“I’ve lost my appetite,” you explained quickly as you pulled a book out of your backpack, intent on ignoring him since you couldn’t physically force him to leave.

He shrugged and returned to sucking on the straw, watching you unwaveringly as you tried to read your book— staring at the page was going well, but you couldn’t seem to actually get any words down.  Had you forgotten English as a written language or something?

“Could you leave?” you finally asked as you groaned and looked up from your book.  “You’re distracting me.”

“I’m literally just sitting here,” he reminded you.

“And it’s distracting!”

He smirked proudly.  “My presence tends to have that effect on people.  Nothing to be embarrassed about.”

You rolled your eyes, burying your face back in your book.  “You know, you may have everybody else fooled, but someday you’re gonna have to leave this pathetic little town and go into the real world where throwing a ball isn’t a career and nobody fawns over you just because you have the audacity to be attractive.”

He chuckled lightly.  “Right, because you have those big city dreams of yours, but believe it or not some of us like this ‘pathetic’ little town.”

“Well, of course you would,” you snorted.  “Your dad’s the mayor and your girlfriend’s the head cheerleader.”

“My ex-girlfriend,” he corrected, finally getting your attention enough to make you shut your book.

“What?” you blurted out.

“Yeah, she dumped me,” he explained plainly.

“Why would she do that?” you asked, making him look much too proud of himself again.  “Finally snapped out of the brainwashing, huh?” you added, effectively killing his smug expression.

“I guess you could say that.  She met some college guy from out of town… I think her parents liked me too much, she needed a bit more rebellion.”

“Well, my condolences to you,” you smiled, “and my congratulations to her.”

“I thought you hated her,” he scoffed.

“Well, now she and I have something in common: a complete lack of interest in you!”

“I mean, I wouldn’t go that far,” he smirked, “she still comes over every now and again to suck my cock.”

You choked on nothing, face getting warm at his crude language.  He didn’t talk like that with anyone else; it was so cruel the way he kept everybody in town under his spell except you, the way he let you in on his real darkness with no one else to confide in or believe you.  

It was so fundamentally lonely, being the one person who wasn’t in love with Jake Wyler.  It was even worse being the one person Jake Wyler loved.

At least, that was the word he used multiple times in his semi-anonymous letters, his incessant calls and emails, his speeches outside your window.  He’d actually cooled off lately, you wondered if maybe he had finally let go of this ‘the one thing I can’t have’ obsession and learned to appreciate his girlfriend (who, for all her personality flaws, was objectively gorgeous, and seemed to at least be nice to him if nobody else).

But now that she left him (which you were still trying to process, honestly), you were surprised he hadn’t already moved on to the next best wannabe model and/or reinstated his campaign to win you over.

Then again, the look in his eye kind of made you think you were about to witness the second one.

“You know, when she does come over, I can only ever finish because I’m thinking about you,” he revealed in a low voice.  You grimaced and slid out of the booth, stuffing your book into your bag and barely managing to throw him a goodbye before you dashed out.  

It wasn’t like you really thought you could get away from him— he had made it clear over and over that you couldn’t— but the idea of being crammed in that booth with him, surrounded throughout the diner by his adoring fans who somehow didn’t manage to overhear him when he said those awful things, made you feel nauseous.

What you should’ve considered was that, fans or not, those people were witnesses, and now that you were running out into the dark streets of the town and he was chasing after you, you didn’t have any.  It was just you and him, and when you turned into an alleyway to try to get home faster, even the dim glow of the streetlights couldn’t see you anymore.

“Hey,” he stopped you with a tight grip on your arm, pulling you back into him.

“Let me go!” you whined, trying to tug yourself away but only ensuring that his hand would leave a bruise on your arm.  

“I will when you just hear me out, okay?” he hissed, spinning you around to look up at him.  "Why don't you just give me a chance?  Don't you wanna be popular?" 

"I don't want to be anything that requires being within ten yards of you!" you spat.

He seemed bewildered, but you knew he wasn’t actually that stupid.  "Why?"

"Because you know why!"

He sighed, slumping his shoulders a little.  "Are we still on that, really?  I told you, you should take it as a compliment.  You know how many girls would kill to catch me jerking off in their panties?"

"You're sick, Jake,” you sighed, “and you're really good at hiding it from everyone else but I know what you really are.  You told me you needed help with algebra and I actually believed you, for months you were lying to me to get close so you could perv on me when you already had a girlfriend and two side chicks anyways— god, Jake, you're crazy!"

You yelped when he pinned you to the wall, blue eyes darker than ever.  "I really, really hate that word."

Against the wall, your back straightened as you felt the tone shift completely for a moment before he was back to his jovial self again, giving you a somber but almost-genuine smile.

“The only kind of crazy I am is crazy about you,” he defended with a laugh, leaning in a little closer.  “Why can’t you see that?”

As his eyes moved from your own to your lips, a renewed sense of fear shot through you.  “Jake…” you mumbled, apparently your feeble attempt to ask him to stop.

“Just one kiss,” he bargained, “and then I’ll let you go.  Okay?  That’s all I need.”

“N-no,” you whimpered, turning your head away as he leaned in even further.  “Stop.”

“Come on, it’s just a kiss, baby,” he cooed.  “Then you can leave.  Hey, you might actually like it.  You know, I think that’s what you’re really scared about… and I get it!  When I first realized I was in love with you, it was scary for me, too— I mean, I’m the most important guy in town and you’re just some bookworm, it’s sort of social suicide for me so I had a lot to worry about.”

There he went with his negging again, trying to bring you down to his level.  Your brain knew that, it saw right through it, but your gut still sank with doubt.

“But I know now that love is nothing to be afraid of,” he concluded.

“No, Jake,” you whispered, feeling tears well in your eyes, “I’m afraid that you’ll hurt me if I don’t do what you want.”

“Well, that is something to be afraid of,” he replied with the coldest laugh you’d ever heard; you didn’t hear any agreement, but the lack of denial was deafening.  “So just be my good girl and let me kiss you…”

You swallowed dryly, your eyes wide open and searching for anywhere to look but up at him.

He was so close now that his lips brushed against yours with his command: “say it.”

You stammered over your breath, not sure exactly what he was asking for, and you winced as you felt his grip tighten on your arms.

“Say, ‘kiss me’,” he clarified in a harsh whisper.  “Say, ‘please’...”

“Please,” you repeated awkwardly, hearing it in your voice but so clearly not your own words, “kiss me.”

He let his mouth intertwine with yours and your eyes were still wide open as he let his own fall shut, moving his hands to clutch your face gently instead as you gave a weak effort to kiss him back.

Objectively, he was good at this.  A lot of things were objectively true about Jake: as much as you forced yourself not to see it, he was handsome; as much as it didn’t really matter to you, a boycotter of all things sports, he was talented; and, as much as no one else realized it, he was completely deranged.  For every word of kindness from him there was another of anger.  For every love letter in your locker, there was a threat left scrawled on crumpled paper inside your bedroom, just so he could remind you that your parents would let him into the house if he asked and never question it.

Which was why it was extremely important that you did not enjoy this kiss.  You needed to hate the way his fingers traced over the pulse in your neck, the way his tongue tickled yours, the way his teeth just barely grazed your lip until your knees went a little weak.  

But wow, there was something primally satisfying about melting into his arms, feeling his strength support you like it was nothing when he held your waist and pulled you closer.

You could almost forget that it was him.  But then he mumbled your name into the kiss, nearly moaned it in fact, and it pulled you back to reality.  With a gasp, you pushed him away and blinked your eyes open, not even realizing you’d closed them; hating how quickly you’d started to give in to him.

“There, one kiss,” you mumbled, wiping your mouth with the back of your sleeve.  “I’m gonna go home now—”

“You can’t be serious,” he laughed incredulously.  “You’re gonna kiss me like that and tell me you don’t feel this, too?  We’re so meant for each other— we even order the same milkshake!”

“That doesn’t matter!” you denied.

“I love you!”

“That doesn’t matter either!”

You turned to leave but he grabbed you again from behind, covering your mouth with his hand when you opened your mouth to scream.  “Don’t fucking talk to me like that,” he hissed in your ear, “and don’t walk away from me.”

Fighting against his grip did nothing but exhaust you: he only needed one arm to hold you back as he dragged you deeper into the alley.  Your legs swung wildly and landed a kick to his shin, and he plugged your nose while he was covering your mouth so you couldn’t breathe.

“Listen to me, you stuck up little bitch,” he growled.  “I’m really sick of this ‘hard to get’ act.  I know you want me.  So shut up and let me show you what you’ve been missing out on, okay?  You gonna be good?”

In that moment, you would’ve agreed to anything for a chance to fill your lungs with fresh air, and so you nodded, the back of your head rubbing against his chest.

“You gonna be nice and quiet so nobody catches you getting fucked like a whore in this alley?”

Another nod, more feverish than the last, ended with a sharp inhale as he let go of your nose.  But he was still covering your mouth, his arm around you now feeling less like restraint and more like an embrace.

"I've wanted you for so long, you can't even imagine," he explained softly as he leaned down and kissed your neck, gripping your waist tighter.  "You and this perfect body of yours.  This smart little head that thinks too much…"

You swallowed dryly as his hand trailed lower.

"This pussy you've been hiding from me for much too long," he added darkly, roughly shoving his hand up your skirt.

You whined behind his hand but he didn’t seem to care; he pulled your skirt up and grinned at the sight of your panties— because he recognized them.

“I remember these,” he purred.  “They look good on you, baby, but they looked better covered in my come.”

Your cheeks burned with shame— you already hated yourself for still wearing the pair he’d tampered with, but it was harmless after a few runs through the washer, right?  You weren’t going to stop wearing your favorite panties just for him, that would mean he won, in a sense; or, that’s what you told yourself to justify not burning them.

“Don’t worry, they’re gonna be soaked by the time I’m done with you,” he purred, slipping two fingers between your legs and growling slightly.  “Well, actually, you’ve already done a lot of the work for me.”

He pulled the fabric aside and explored your pussy instead, tightening his grip over your mouth as you made little muffled yelps.  The rough pads of his fingers found and targeted your clit instantly, that megawatt smile pressed against your ear as he started to rub your bud harder.

“Mm, feels good, huh?” he taunted, moving even faster as your hips jolted unintentionally.  He stopped only to bring the fingers to his lips, humming at the taste of you which he sucked off of them.  “So sweet, babygirl— better than any peaches and cream milkshake, that’s for sure.”

The wet fingers trailed down your body again, finding your entrance that he suddenly pushed into; it was a little too much without any warning and it made your eyes shoot wide open, a squeak barely escaping your throat.

"Just as tight as I imagined, baby,” he sighed, “all those times I used your panties, or hooked up with somebody who almost looked like you from behind.  You’re gonna feel so good on my cock, I know you want it so bad.”

He took his fingers out of you to reach back and open his belt with one hand, the sound of the buckle matched in upsettingness only by the sound of his jeans sliding down to his thighs.

You heard your own breath loud and heavy against his hand as you felt his hard cock press against your thigh, a drop of precum smearing on your skin.  Your breathing halted suddenly, though, when he slid himself between your legs to rub his cock over your exposed and swollen pussy.

“Oh, babygirl, you really are too good to me,” he grinned, kissing your ear tenderly.  “So fucking wet and ready for me, huh?  You need it that bad?  You’re gonna get it, baby, ‘m gonna give it to you so good…”

Bracing yourself as best you could, you felt the head of his cock push against your entrance before he slammed in all at once, making you hiss in pain.

“Oh god,” he groaned, “fuck, you’re so warm…”

Already he was fucking into you roughly, pumping faster and deeper, paying no mind to your choked sobs of pain from the wide stretch.  Even when it stung it felt oddly good, and the underside of his cock seemed to slide perfectly over your g-spot with each movement until your eyes began to roll back in your head.

“So fucking good,” he moaned hoarsely as he braced you against the brick wall for leverage, reaching back down with his free hand to rub your clit again.  He chuckled when your legs quivered, and he must have felt your walls tighten around him, too.  “I wanna hear those pretty moans, baby, if I take my hand away are you gonna be good?” he asked darkly.  You nodded, enjoying the brief feeling of freedom that came from not having his hand over your mouth anymore.  But then again, it was humiliating that now he could hear your panting breaths, your desperate mewls that you failed to swallow down.

He made a sound that was almost like a laugh as he watched you squirm in his arms, one more way he had to lord this all over you, as if forcing you to take him in an alley wasn’t enough on its own.

His breath against your ear was hot and strained, each meeting of your hips to his accentuated with a little grunt from him.  It didn’t help at all that his fingers were rubbing you just right, with so much skill that you wondered if he’d somehow figured out how you touched yourself when you needed to get off.  Honestly, you wouldn’t put it past him to have spied on you before, even if you couldn’t figure out when or how.

The hand that used to cover your mouth slid up under your shirt and pulled your bra down, a large, rough hand groping each breast and pinching your nipples until you bit down on your lip to stay quiet.  For all the mocking and teasing he’d done before, he was pretty direct now— like he was trying to make you come as fast as possible, overloading your body with sensation.  

And did he have to be so fucking good at it?

“I know you’re close, babygirl,” he whispered in your ear, “just let go…”

“Jake, please,” you sobbed, too far gone to appreciate that no begging would make him stop now.

“Come for me,” he demanded roughly, fucking you even faster as he sucked a mark onto your neck, and finally it all came crashing down with a choked-out cry of his name and a gush of warmth dripping out around his length.

“Ohh fuck, there you go, fuck it feels good when you come for me,” he grunted, thrusting even faster.  “You’re gonna milk my cock with that pretty pussy, babygirl— you’re gonna make me come…”

“J-Jake, not inside!” you interjected, getting his hand back over your mouth in return.

“Shh, it’s okay,” he soothed, “waited too long for this to pull out now.  Feels too fucking good.”

Behind his hand, the difference between whines of hatred and moans of pleasure was irritatingly subtle.

“I love you,” he reminded you in a voice exhausted yet heavy with desire, “so fucking much…”

A few more erratic, brutal thrusts accompanied by heavy pants and he was gone; you could feel his cock pulsing with each rope of come that filled you, so deep that your head fell dejectedly with the realization you had no hope of washing it out now.

His hand fell from your mouth but he didn’t pull out for another few moments as he caught his breath, gently peppering your neck and cheek in slow kisses.  “Baby,” he finally sighed, breaking the crushing silence, “you’re so fucking perfect.  I knew you were made for me.”

I hate you, you wanted to cry out, but words escaped you as he hugged you tightly and pulled your panties back into place, soaking them with his come as it leaked out of you just like he’d promised.  He stuffed his cock back into his jeans and helped you adjust your clothes back to looking almost presentable, finishing it off by turning you around and smiling at you with serene pride before kissing your forehead.

"You're gonna make such a beautiful prom queen," he cooed, “especially if you’ve already got a nice little bump showing…”

His hand rubbed beneath your belly button for emphasis, making you whimper and force your eyes shut as tears rolled down your cheeks.

"Shh, don’t cry, baby,” he soothed, kissing your cheek softly.  “Trust me, you're gonna love being my girl."

[quicksweetdreamer]

Leonardo and not trying in fear of failing… or succeeding : an essay by your local psychology student.

It is now 1AM, my family’s asleep and it’s time for my brain to analyse every bit of the characterisation of my dear boy in blue in the ROTTMNT movie. (Which was so good.)

Let’s go!

Most of us have heard of the concept of not trying in fear of failing: basically someone will unconsciously be so afraid of the possibility of failing at something and be so unable to take that possible hit to their fragile self that they won’t (or won’t be able to) put any effort in doing the thing. Because failing at something you never tried to succed at hurts much less than failing at something you put effort in. You see this kind of behavior a lot in students, and they can end up droping school altogether if they don’t strengthen their self and learn that failing is ok, a normal part of everybody’s life and doesn’t mean your intrinsically bad.

Leonardo definitely has some of that; if he doesn’t try to come up with a genius plan for this mission, then if it fails it won’t hurt as much. AND if it succeeds, it will be only because of his instinct, talent and wits and it will boost his ego. Win-Win! (I will add that I don’t think he really consciously realises that he does that, because when there isn’t exterior pressure for him to make a plan, he’s able to make extremely efficient and brilliant plans.)

But there’s another aspect of this behavior that can seem a lot less logical: not trying in fear of succeeding. Yes, this can seem conterintuitive, but there’s logic behind that too.

Say you want to enter this prestigious school, but you need to make it through the selection so you make big efforts and you work hard and you pass the exams and get to the selection and… you get in! Yay! Hurray you!

But… now that you have reached that standard… you must keep up with it. By meeting your goal you have shown you can achieve a higher level of productivity and success than ever before and you might now feel a lot of pressure to maintain this level all the time. That’s a big change in your life. One that will probably be accompanied by other big changes and questions (ex. What’s your new goal now that you’ve achieved this one? If it’s a new school, will you have to move away? Will your friends and family be close?)

And if there’s one thing that’s scary it’s the unknown and change.

Now to come back to our favorite boy in blue, if he starts to come up with plans and they work, then people (and himself) will start to assume he’s always gonna be able to make good plans and come up with startegies and that’s a whole lot more pressure than succeeding at an exam because it comes with heavier responsibilities. Like the life of his team.

Responsibilities his big brother has always carried before. Not him, not really. And he sees how heavy they weight on Raph, how much he worries and as much as he makes fun of his "Raph chasm", Leo knows that if he takes the leadership, he’ll gain all those worries and responsibilities in addition to the pressure of meeting this new standard and it scares him.

So he doesn’t plan, he wings it. He doesn’t listen to the worries he avoids them. He doesn’t try and takes nothing seriously. He’s scared.

And that’s also why he very much needed to learn to rely on his team. Because no leader is perfect, no leader can have foolproof plans 100% of the time and sometimes they fail and sometimes they can’t come up with a plan and need ideas from their team (a good leader should always listen to their team anyway and they made it clear) and sometimes they can’t protect everyone and that’s ok because they’re humans. (Or mutant turtles in some cases… my point still stands.)

Humans are imperfect and that’s why they aren’t alone.

They need people to rely on sometimes.

And I’m so glad Leo learned that, because that’s the first step towards being a good leader and the first step away from those fears that hold him down.

(I love this image because Leo looks very happy but also a little scared; he still has so much to learn and it’s all so new for him and of course it’s scary but he’s also with his family and he knows they will support and help him. Thank you animators for such top notch facial expressions.)