#tho I think part of it is that I’ve been living with my pain for so long it’s the background noise of my life and it’s just my normal

[bisexualamy]

sometimes it feels like stealing valor to say I’m chronically ill bc I don’t have One Big Thing wrong with me just a small cluster of chronic disorders, but sometimes I think about the fact that I need 2-3 specialists and a minimum of 4 daily medications to function enough to hold down a job and friendships and I just cannot believe people’s bodies and brains just… work.

[little-diable]

My Greatest Fear - Dean Winchester (smut)

Don't say I didn't warn y'all. Inspired by Benson Boone's new song "My Greatest Fear". Please like and reblog if you enjoyed reading this, your comments keep us writers motivated! Enjoy my loves. xxx

Summary: Dean broke things off with the reader years ago, the biggest mistake of his life. But when Sam tells his brother that (y/n) is getting married, Dean knows it's time to make things right. He won't leave this life behind without being able to call her his once again.

Warnings: 18+, smut, piv, ex-lovers to lovers, some angst, lots of fluff tho, reader is a runaway bride

Pairing: Dean Winchester x fem!reader (3k words)

Got a lot on my mind that keeps me up at night, I’m tossing and turning, thinking that my life’s gone to waste

“Thank you, sweetheart.” Dean shot the waitress a big smile as she placed his breakfast down, blushing as the handsome man winked at her. The older Winchester brother was too focused on his food to pick up on the uneasiness radiating off Sam, to focus on the sadness swimming in his brother’s pupils. 

“Fuck, that’s good.” Dean’s moans rumbled through him as he ate the greasy deliciousness, sipping on his coffee every now and then. It took him a while to lift his gaze, to allow his green eyes to focus on Sam’s untouched breakfast, forcing Dean’s eyebrows to furrow in confusion. “Not hungry? Shouldn’t you eat something after a long run?” 

“Mhm,” Sam’s eyes were focused on the window, unable to look at his brother any longer. His heart clenched in his chest, his mind was racing faster than it had in the past months, struggling to part his lips. 

“Sam,” Dean’s raspy voice forced Sam’s eyes back towards his older brother, unable to hold eye contact for long. “What’s wrong?” 

Dean had put down his breakfast burger while taking another sip of coffee. He patiently waited for Sam to speak, to spill whatever was visibly plaguing him. But Sam kept quiet, deeply inhaling as if he had to muster the strength to speak. Dean repeated his brother’s name, much quieter this time around, gentle almost – as if he had finally realised that whatever Sam was about to speak would hurt them both. 

“I received an email this morning.” It was a whisper, nothing more, words so obscurely simple that Dean couldn’t help but laugh. But Sam didn’t give in, killing Dean’s hope that Sam was simply fucking with him. Something heavy was about to claw through Sam, something heavy that could determine the outcome of this very day. “It was from Mary, (y/n)’s sister.”

Now it was on Dean to freeze, not expecting his brother to speak her name. Their eyes met, urging Sam to keep on speaking, to tell his brother about the email he had opened with shaky fingers, freezing in his step as he read the words she had written to him. 

“(Y/n)’s getting married, Dean.” Sam was forced to watch Dean sink back into the seat, arms crossed in front of his chest, uneasy eyes staring down at the table. And for a moment, neither of them spoke, letting the words sink in – words that had been Dean’s greatest fear ever since he had left her all these years ago. 

He had been stupid back then, too childish for his own good. Guided by his father’s words, he had dropped (y/n) and the life they could have lived together. His father had made pretty promises, telling his young son of women awaiting him, women he shouldn’t miss out on because of a marriage that would only tie him to (y/n), away from all the fun he could experience. The greatest mistake of his life, a mistake he hated himself for every single day. 

“That’s good for her. I’m happy she found somebody who treats her right.” The words pained Dean to speak, rolling off his tongue with a sharp edge that left Sam cringing. His hand found Dean’s forearm, gently squeezing his brother’s arm in a gesture so unfamiliar, Dean had to stop himself from shaking off Sam’s hand. 

“Dean, I’ve always loved her like a sister, I only want what’s best for her. But you’re my brother, I know how much not having her around scars you, I see it every day on your face. Get her back, try it at least.” 

Of all the things that I've been afraid to lose, my greatest fear of all is losing you

……

“I shouldn’t do this.” They were parked in front of the small church, eyes watching the big crowd of unfamiliar faces. Both Dean and Sam were wearing a suit, knowing that they had to blend in with the wedding guests to find their way to (y/n). “Why should she take me back? Why should she even listen to me?”

“Dean, if there is one thing I know it’s that she still loves you. Let’s get your girl back.” Sam was first to step out into the warm morning, eyes hidden behind a pair of sunglasses as they walked up to the crowd. He felt Dean close, not daring to speak up with his choked-up throat, with his heart pounding in his chest, knowing that this would be his only shot to make things right for once in his life. 

“Mary!” Sam’s voice echoed through the air, eyes focused on the frame of (y/n)’s sister. The young woman flung herself into Sam’s open arms, chuckling into his neck as he held her close for a moment. A moment too long for Dean who was growing more antsy with every passing second. 

“Thank you for coming. She’s making a mistake, Sam. You’re my only hope with this.” The words left Dean frozen, confused eyes flickering between his brother and Mary. He hadn’t read the email Mary had sent to Sam, hadn’t asked any further questions about the man (y/n) was about to marry, trusting that he was somebody she loved. “Come, I’ll bring you to her.”

“What the fuck man?” Dean growled the words at Sam as he followed them through the crowd and towards a small house built near the church. Sam fell into pace with his brother, watching Mary lead them towards the place where (y/n) was currently getting ready. 

“Well, you didn’t think I’d let you do this without knowing (y/n) would willingly leave her fiancé, did you? I wouldn’t destroy her happiness just like that, Dean.” Realistically, Dean should have known that Sam wouldn’t just push him into this without knowing that there was a chance to get her back. Sam had hated him for a while after he had left (y/n), punishing Dean for breaking her heart at any given chance, a broken bond that had needed months to be repaired. 

“(Y/n)? I brought two special guests.” Mary’s voice echoed through the small cabin, ringing in the brother’s ears as they waited outside. Dean felt his hands tremble, forced to let go of deep exhales as Mary opened the door for them, allowing them to step inside. His eyes were drawn to (y/n)’s like a moth to a flame, and his world stopped spinning, unable to focus on anything but her.

It took (y/n) a second to react, seemingly confused about the appearance of the two hunters she hadn’t seen in years. She was pulled into a hug by Sam, giving Dean another moment to admire her, the white dress she wore – a sight he had only seen in his dreams, imagining this very day, with him waiting at the altar for her. Dreams that had evaporated into a hazy nothingness the day he had left her. 

“Hi, sweetheart.” She sank into Dean’s grasp, clinging to him as if he hadn’t been the man who had broken her heart all these years ago. He watched his brother and Mary leave the cabin, giving the two some time alone as they kept on holding one another. 

“What are you doing here, Dean?” (Y/n) mumbled the words against the fabric of his suit jacket, not caring about smudging her make-up, not caring about anything but the way Dean held her close – as if he hadn’t ever stopped holding her. Carefully, Dean let her go, needing to give them some distance for the words he was about to speak, knowing that this could escalate any moment now. 

“I can’t let you marry another man without telling you that leaving you was my greatest mistake. A life without you has always been my biggest fear, I was stupid, so fucking stupid, sweetheart. I shouldn’t have listened to Dad, I should have married you right that day. And I hate myself for not doing it, for letting you go when you have always been my whole world. I know there is no chance for me to make things right, and even though Sammy and Mary hope that I will sweep you off of your feet and bring you back home to us, I know I can’t.” Tears dripped from her eyes, tears (y/n) didn’t care to wipe away. 

“I hated you for years, you broke me, Dean. You took away my life, my friends, the people I had grown to love. You ripped my heart right out of my chest, and even though I tried to fight for it, to regain its strength, I miserably failed. I should curse you, should tell you to fuck off and never show your face to me again. But I can’t. For Christ’s sake, Dean. What are we doing here?” He cupped her face with shaking fingers, letting his forest-green eyes run over her gorgeous face. 

“I want to kill him for getting a chance to love you, time that has been wasted because of me. But I don’t want to take another choice from you. If you want to marry him, I will watch from the first row, hell, I’ll even carry your veil.” His voice shook as he whispered the words, growing tense as (y/n) rested her hands on top of his, still cupping her cheeks.

“And if I don’t want to marry him?” 

……

I'm scared to take another picture of you, 'cause I'm scared to have another thing that I can lose, oh, dear, who am I without you here?

“I thought you were taking me home, where are we going?” Her laughter echoed through Baby, eyes set on Dean’s grinning features. They had left the church a while ago, running away like she had secretly hoped they would. (Y/n) had always been a dreamer, a dreamer who had pictured that very moment since the day it had dawned on her – about to marry a man she didn’t love. A man who wasn’t Dean Winchester. 

“We’ve got another thing to take care of first, I am not losing any more time.” Baby screeched to a halt in front of a pink church, a sight that left (y/n) confused, and Dean and Sam chuckling. They made their way into the church, with her fingers interlaced with Dean’s, with her white wedding gown clinging to her frame, with his suit hugging his frame. 

“Dean, Sam, I didn’t think I’d ever get to see you two around here!” An elderly man greeted them with a big smile. His brown eyes were drawn to (y/n)’s almost instantly, with a knowing smile growing on his lips – a smile that had an almost proud touch to it. “That’s her, huh? Took you quite some time, didn’t it.” “(Y/n), that’s Danny, an old friend of ours we met on a hunt. He could wed us, with Sammy as our witness, if you’ll have me.” Her heart had stopped beating, skipping a few beats as Dean’s words sank in. Her teary eyes found his and with a laugh clawing through her, she pressed a kiss to his lips, drawing a groan out of Dean, who tried to prolong the kiss for as long as possible. 

“I will always have you, Dean.” She was pulled towards the altar, unable to stop her tears from dripping as Danny began speaking a prayer she paid no attention to. All (y/n) could do was study Dean, the love swimming in his pupils, the way he looked at her as if she was his sun, alighting the darkest days with her mere presence. A soul crafted for his to hold onto, to love till their time together would eventually run out. 

“Do you have any rings?” Danny’s soft voice ripped (y/n) out of her thoughts, about to whisper a soft, disappointed “No”, but before she could even part her lips, Sam excitedly spoke up. Her eyes watched the tall Winchester brother, how he reached for his breast pocket to expose a small envelope to her glassy eyes. Wordlessly he pushed it towards Dean, who opened it with an unwavering smile stuck to his lips. 

“I bought these rings years ago, sure to eventually push yours down on your finger. I am sorry it took me this long.” Her sob left Dean chuckling, exposing his also teary eyes to hers. She had held onto all these longings for years, mere dreams that were now finally turning real – as if she was just sleeping through another longing. 

But, you're here, now, and that makes it better, somehow

……

“Let me.” Dean’s soft voice filled his bedroom. He was standing behind (y/n), carefully helping her out of her wedding dress with his gaze focused on the ring clinging to his finger. The past hours had flown by all too quickly, turning her from a runaway bride into his wife. His wife. A title so unfamiliar, Dean had to fight against the urge to pinch himself.

His for eternity. His to love. His to worship. 

“I love you, Dean.” (Y/n) whispered her words as she stepped out of her dress, exposing her underwear-clad frame to his hungry eyes. She was pulled into a teeth-chasing kiss, a kiss dripping with emotions that made her feel all too dizzy, having to hold onto Dean before she could be ripped into another dimension. 

“I love you too, sweetheart. And I’m so fucking sorry for missing out on this for years.” He pressed her down on the mattress, giving her a show as he slowly undressed. Her body was aching for him, needing to feel Dean close after all these long years apart. 

“Stop apologising with words and show me that you truly mean them.” His lips kissed her chest, the valley between her breasts as he undid her bra, exposing her hardening nipples to his twinkling eyes. Dean could cum just from the sight of her naked frame, a sight he had only seen in his dreams for the past years, not daring to imagine being this fortunate again. 

“God, you’re so beautiful. I promise to worship you for as long as you want me to.” Dean’s raspy words vibrated on her skin, covering her body with goosebumps as he kneaded her soft flesh. His cock was pressed against her clothed heat, drawing moans from her whenever he moved against her heat, desperate for the kind of friction that left them both trembling.

“I need you inside of me, Dean.” Her raspy whispers left him groaning against her skin as she raised her hips to help him pull her damp panties down her legs. Just this morning, (y/n) had imagined this very moment, knowing that she’d think of Dean when her husband touched her, a loveless marriage she would have been trapped in. 

“Are you still on birth control?” (Y/n) could only nod her head, mind taken up by the feeling of his wandering hands, keeping her pressed against him. Dean's cock twitched against her naked cunt, brushing through her arousal-covered folds to coat himself, “I love you, and I’ll do my best to prove it to you for the rest of our lives.”

“I love you too, Dean.” He pushed into her with a groan, forehead falling against hers as she fluttered around him. It felt as if he had entered paradise, falling to rest on clouds covering his body. She was his Elysium, his safe haven, the one where Dean could be the truest version of himself. 

He moved slowly at first, both needed some time to adjust to one another after all these years, but the second their bodies relaxed, properly enjoying one another’s closeness, Dean began to move faster. Their bodies met with every thrust, eyes holding a contact so intense, (y/n) feared her heart would explode right in her chest. 

Dean was taking his time with her, this wasn’t a rushed fuck to make up for all the time lost, no, it was so much more. This was the purest form of love, a one-of-a-kind love both had clung to in lonely nights, with wandering minds and trembling hands. This is what they had been destined to have, years ago – a love they were now rediscovering. 

“You feel so good, baby.” He felt her clenching around his cock, drawing another gritty sound out of Dean. (Y/n) was long gone, pushed into another dimension where she only knew Dean, nothing but his love, his touch, his irrevocable longing for her. Sensations she was taken hostage by, unable to shake them. 

His warm fingertips found her pulsing bundle, circling it with just enough pressure to draw his name out of her. (Y/n) could feel her orgasm slithering its way up her body, whispering to her to hold onto her husband, and with her fingernails clawed into Dean’s shoulders, she came. He followed her right down the edge, moaning against her lips as their bodies were moulded together. 

“Fuck, we’ll have to do that all through the night, husband.” (Y/n) whispered the words as a few heavy pants left her, making a laugh claw out of Dean who chased her slightly swollen lips for another kiss. 

“Trust me, I won’t let you leave our bed for weeks, wife.” 

Don't know how the broken pieces fit together if you leave it, so, don't go, don't go, I would take your hand if I could reach it

[7ndipity]

False Pretenses

fwb!Jungkook x Reader

Summary: Just how fair does the ‘benefits’ aspect between Friends with Benefits actually extend? Based on this meme.

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: crack to fluff, suggestive moments and ending, swearing, Jk has side by side washer/dryer units cause it’s funnier, reader’s referred to as ‘Ma’am’, not proofread

A/N: Thanks to the lovely anon who requested this! Sorry it took me soo long to get to, I hope you’ll still like it tho! (I’ll also be posting a couple more pieces with this pairing in the next couple weeks, so keep your eyes peeled if you liked this)

Masterlist

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

It was the type of text you had gotten more than used to receiving from him over the past few months, smirking down at your phone as you waited for the elevator in his building.

“Need you so bad rn. Come over?❤”

The heart was a new addition, he must be feeling particularly needy today, you thought to yourself as the elevator doors finally opened.

Since the two of you had established this new part of your friendship, it was rare for you to go more than four or five days without receiving some variation of the same short message from him.

You were still slightly surprised by his text, seeing as you had only been over the night before, but you weren’t complaining by any means. Though you may have enjoyed pretending that Jungkook was the needier one in your arrangement, if you were completely honest, you were just as affected by him, finding yourself missing him on the nights you didn’t spend together.

When he opened the door, you noticed he looked a little more disheveled than usual, his hair sticking up all over the place, as if he’d been running his hands through it, a habit you knew he did when he was stressed.

“You got here fast.” He noted, letting you into the apartment.

“Well, your text made it sound kinda urgent, didn’t want to leave you waiting too long.” You said, wandering through into the living room, slowing to a stop as you caught sight of the chaotic state of the space, cleaning supplies and laundry scattered around, furniture moved all out of place.

“What happened in here?” You asked, turning back to Jungkook, who was now avoiding your eyes. “Koo?”

“I lied, I didn’t want sex.” He said guiltily, looking up at you. “I need you to help me clean.”

“I-, what?” You blinked at him, unsure if you heard him correctly.

He slumped back against the counter, looking stressed as he ran his hand through his hair again. ”My parents decided to surprise me by announcing they’re coming to visit tomorrow, but I’ve done nothing but sleep since I got home from tour last week, so the house is a fucking mess and everything’s a disaster and I need help, please.” He pleaded, staring at you.

You immediately began pulling your coat back on, turning back towards the door. “You’re unbelievable.”

“Y/n, please!” He quickly followed after you, catching your sleeve. “I’ll do anything you want! I’ll buy you dinner, I’ll rub your back, I’ll even let you pick what we watch for a month!”

You paused, turning to look back at him with a raised brow. “Even if I want to re-watch ‘Our Beloved Summer’ for a third time?”

He bit lip, trying to fight back a pained grimace before nodding slowly. “Whatever you want.”

You stared at him for a long moment.

“Fine.” You said reluctantly, caving as you saw the genuine desperation in his eyes. You could never say no to him.

“Thank you!” He sang, catching you in a tight hug and spinning you around in a circle. “I promise I’ll make it up to you!”

“Yeah, whatever,” You grumbled as he set you back on your feet. “Where do we start?”

“Laundry room?” He offered. “It’s mostly done, I just need to vacuum behind the machines.”

Do you really think your mom’s gonna look back there?” You raised a brow, following him down the hall.

“She’s very thorough.” He said seriously.

“Fair enough.” You shrugged. “I don’t quite see why I’m necessary for this part though?”

“I was afraid if I tried to clean back there by myself, I’d slip and get stuck or die.”

“So you want me to slip and die behind your washer instead?” You shot him an accusatory look.

“No! I’ll hold onto you and keep you safe,” He smiled reassuringly. “You know, like the buddy system.”

“I thought the buddy system was for camping so you didn’t get lost or eaten by bears?”

“It’s a multi-purpose system!” He said, his earlier agitation starting to flare up again at your teasing. “Are you gonna help me or not?”

“Yeah, I’ll do it, pass me the vacuum.” You relented, boosting yourself up on top of the dryer.

He held onto your hips to keep you balanced as you cleaned, his mind beginning to wander as he stared at your ass, his fingers starting to slowly knead your flesh absent-mindedly.

“Koo.” You warned, shooting him a quick look.

“Right, sorry.” He snapped back to attention, ceasing his movements and focusing back on the task at hand.

You finished up quickly, passing the vacuum attachment back to him and letting him help you down.

“Thank you.” He said.

“You’re welcome.” You answered, looking around expectantly. “What’s next?”

The apartment wasn’t nearly as bad of a mess as he claimed it to be, but it still took both of you several hours of work to get everything back in order, finishing off with laundry and changing all the bedding.

“Why are these sticky?!” You asked, mildly horrified as you helped him strip the sheets off his bed.

“Relax, it’s just caramel sauce.” He said.

You looked up at him confused. “We didn’t use-?”

“No no, that was just me,” He explained quickly. “I had ice cream last night.”

“Without me?!” You said, clutching your chest in feign hurt, making him roll his eyes as he let out a huff of laughter.

“I’ll add that to the list of things I need to make up for, okay?” He said.

“Eh, it’s better than where my mind went.” You said, only half joking as you grabbed the fresh sheets from him and turned back to the bed. “Almost thought you were fucking around behind my back for a second there.”

Facing away from him, you missed the way his expression suddenly turned serious as he looked at you. “I would never.”

It was strange, despite the supposedly ‘casual’ nature of your arrangement, you both found yourselves making little comments like that, words and exchanges that sounded a lot more like things said between a committed couple, rather than just two friends helping each other out till you found something more serious.

“Alright, I think that’s everything.” You said, snapping him out of his thoughts. You had finished making up the bed, even turning down the covers for him.

“Thank you, y/n.” He said gratefully. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

“Probably called Hobi.” You smirked, making him snort.

“Now, you promised me food, and if you lie to me twice in the same day, I’m dumping your ass.” You said, earning another laugh from him.

“Alright, whatever you want, just like I said.” He said, leaning down to give you a quick kiss.

“Although, if you wanted, I could make up for my false pretenses from earlier in a different way?” He offered, eyes darkening slightly as his hands drifted over your hips

You lightly shoved his hands away. “Not a chance, Loverboy, I’m way too tired now. You’ll have to try and ‘make it up to me’ some other time.”

“How about tomorrow?” He said, eyes twinkling mischievously, looping his arms around your waist instead to keep you close.

“I thought your parents were coming over tomorrow?” You reminded, raising a brow at him.

“You could come over after.” He suggested. “Hell, you could even come to dinner with us, my parents like getting to meet my friends.”

“Friends?” You looked up at him skeptically.

“Yeah, what?” He laughed, squeezing you lightly.

“Do you let your other friends suck your di-?”

“They don’t need to know the details of our relationship!” He said quickly, his face flushing slightly, making you snicker. “You’re still my friend, one of my best friends actually.” He added, in a soft tone.

The way he said it made your heart twist in a weird way, though you didn’t quite understand why.

“So?” He asked, staring down at you hopefully. “Will you come?”

You chewed your lip, considering. It felt like a really big commitment to meet his family, regardless of what your relationship was, but you tell it would mean a lot to him if you said yes.

“I’ll think about it.” You said finally.

He beamed.

“Thank you!” He said, leaning in to kiss you again, his lips lingering longer this time, tracing over yours lightly, making you shiver.

You pressed closer to him, hooking your arms around his neck as you tilted your head to deepen the kiss, letting your tongue delve into his mouth as his hands grip on your waist tightened.

When you pulled back for air, his pupils were blown wide, eyes almost black as he stared down at you, breathing heavily.

“Take your shirt off.” You ordered, your breaths equally unsteady.

“But I thought you said-?”

“I changed my mind.” You cut him off, tugging at the fabric impatiently. “Shirt off, now.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

Taglist: @sopebubbles-replies @btsw1fe @this-must-be-my-tardis @whitefoxgirl @bethanysnow @coffeedepressionsoup @main-bangtansmauyeondan @feminympho @a-gayish-unicorn

[multifanrae]

Reasons why Tim and Sasha’s friendship is so fucking important to me. (An appreciative essay to the Magnus Archives and also a mostly related rant on how media usually portrays relationships)

#1 and also the most important, their friendship is just so GOOD. Like yeah what we see is mostly just joking around and a bit of poking fun, but it’s so completely free of malice which is actually really hard to achieve. Because that’s what my friends and family do to each other but it always seems like there’s some deeper undertones that end up at least slightly hurting someone, but from the intonation and the small insight we get into their relationship, that harmful part seems to be absent and like it really is just fun to pass the time and make conversation. And in order for that to work, the relationship has to be really deep and vulnerable to negate that kind of preying on insecurity which just shows how close they really are

#2 having a man and woman just be really close friends for some reason just means a lot to me personally. I know they allude to past relations, but the core of it is they both recognize and respect that they’re really just good friends, and even though they explored a sexual/possibly romantic avenue, they both concluded it was really just platonic, and it’s agreed upon and respected enough to the point where it can be joked about without discomfort. I just love that they get to be so close and important to one another without the romantic element because I’m so tired of seeing m/f relationships only being romantic and/or sexual especially from an unrequited standpoint. (Specifically when the man, despite many objections and boundaries, continue to see her as a sexual object or conquest)

#3 just having good platonic representation. Don’t get me wrong I’m a slut for romantic subplots. (Mostly when they’re gay because I’m a lesbian deprived of representation but still) I think platonic relationships are incredibly important to represent because they’re so often shown as less significant than a romantic one and that’s not true and not fair. Platonic relationships are incredibly important and incredibly meaningful. In some cases I’d even say more than romantic ones, because there isn’t the expectation of sex (assuming it’s an allo relationship). And friendships tend to last longer than romantic affiliations anyway, so it’s stupid to assume that just because you aren’t romantically or sexually involved that the relationship is inferior

#4 I just fucking love their dynamic. I really think they actually just bring out the best in each other. They’re both smart in similar but different enough ways and they seem to just fuel the best aspects of each of their personalities, even if the teasing may seem crude at first glance

#5 I’ve just been watching the RQGG20 stretch goals with Mike and Alastair and the “hello, my name’s Timothy Stoker, you killed my brother and my best friend, prepare to die” fucking TOOK ME OUT. I know it’s a Princess Bride reference, but the delivery and the fact that the stranger took the two most important people of Tim’s life was a realization that felt like a fucking knife to the chest. (Yes I did only realize that just now). They were seriously such best friends and the fact that Tim was living and interacting with someone he didn’t know wasn’t Sasha is just hurting me all over again. Because the pain I’d feel if my best friend was switched out with a monster and I didn’t notice (even tho that’s literally the point) like the guilt and pain that cause

[thesharktanksdriver]

Hey! So I wanted to ask something about determination! reader, have the characters of the movies meet Reader? Like for example Uta or Tesoro of film gold?

Anyways I lover You work and I hope to see the part of Roger! ✨

Hello!!! Sorry for getting to your ask so late, I’ve been really tired these past few days lol.

But as for your questions kinda?

I have to retcon y/n meeting Uta as a baby cause it doesn’t match up timeline wise. I assumed Shanks found her just before Roger died but I’m pretty sure I’m wrong about that lol.

But I do want to write a lil something for Uta, she’s a personal favourite of mine and she in my opinion doesn’t get enough attention.

I’d like to make something about y/n meeting her and somehow convincing her of how the wake-shroom is dangerous, maybe by eating it and dying lol. I might even make something later on with the straw hats meeting up with her in Elegia for a reunion for her and Luffy….plus a duet between her, Brook and y/n would be killer. I just want good things for her 😭

As for Tesoro if think something interesting could be that they both met while slaves, but I’m unsure if that timeline wise since y/n was a slave when boa and her sisters were for an undetermined amount of time until Boa was forced to kill them.

Really sad idea for that though is that in that time Tesoro tried his best to help and protect them before they were killed. Maybe they had even met because he could hear them quietly singing to try and comfort Boa and her sisters and it reminded him of Stella :[

That idea is really funny tho when it comes to one piece gold cause he has a panic attack realizing their

A) alive after he assumed they died cause he saw the girls they were with uncontrollably sobbing, now he thinks they had somehow escaped

B) with the straw hats he’s actively trying to kill

C) damn, he needs their skincare routine cause they look like they haven’t aged at all!

Even if this route isn’t the case, i cousl kinda see him doing his whole thing In gold of trying to capture and kill the straw hats but then sees they have this random kid with them that reminds a little too much of Stella and assumes the straw hats kidnapped them and is holding them as some sort of hostage.

Which in turns makes him even more pissed and determined (lol) to kill these damn pirates and save this kid.

If this was the case of scenario of their meeting, y/n opening up about their own time as well as a slave would be really interesting. Especially since in many regards he became like the world novels he hated, taking pleasure in others suffering as well as having insane amounts of wealth to live in luxury while also being hypocritical and hating other wealthy people who act exactly like him.

Tesoro wouldn’t get why y/n looks at him with a sad and also horrified look in their eyes.

Why they seem afraid of him when he had “saved” them.

Another potential movie character I can see as an interesting person for y/n to meet is Z.

Because for a much as Z hates pirates I don’t think he’d be willing to hurt a kid, not when his was killed. So he’s left in a weird impasse of wanting to kill the straw hats but also trying to keep y/n not involved even if he knows they’re also a pirate and their actively joining in on the fights.

Doesn’t help that the marines there to stop him reaallly want y/n too, so he kinda has to deal with Borsalino and making sure that the admiral nor y/n’s crew doesn’t get them.

I’d definitely imagine y/n would get in heated arguments with the dude, especially since they’re not letting someone mess with Roger’s legacy and cause they get his pain (somewhat at least).

They’ve been on the receiving end of cruelty from pirates.

But at the same time marines have done arguably much worse yet uphold the status of justice.

What is justice when they murder all infants on an island due to fear of Roger having a blood child.

What is justice when they wipe out an entire race of people and take their land to make Mary geoise.

What is justice when they make living weapons.

What is justice when marines can kill civilians with only so much as a small punishment by HQ.

What justice is there in tracking down escaped slaves and being lapdogs for celestial dragons.

At least pirates though some are equally terrible don’t proclaim themselves under the hypocrisy of “justice”. Don’t claim to be holy saints when they try and kill someone for the sin of their father being a pirate.

[asordinaryppl]

A3! Main Story: Part 4 - Act 15: PAINFUL RE:BAKE - Episode 21: Sugarless Boy

Keiku: ?

Keiku: I’m kinda busy, as you can see. Long story.

Vulgar young man A: Hel…

Vulgar young man B: P-Please… stop…

Omi: I can’t overlook such a one-sided fight.

Keiku: …

Vulgar young man A:  –gh.

[Running]

Keiku: Ah, they ran away.

Keiku: Wanna fight in their stead, Onii-san? TYSM in advance.

Omi: I’m not looking for a fight. There’s just something I want to ask you.

Omi: You’re the one who’s been going around calling himself “Nachi of Wolf”, aren’t you? Why do such a thing?

Keiku: This was his turf a while back, wasn’t it? I saw it on the internet, so I made it my username.

Omi: … I’m the former boss of “Wolf”.

Omi: Nachi was my best friend. He’s gone now. Don’t use his name so lightly.

Keiku: Huh–

Keiku: … Damn. He’s dead?

Keiku: … Using a dead guy’s name should be fine, tho? Might just be a coincidence anyways.

Omi: There are people who will be sad and hurt to see their loved ones’ names be used so lightly. Myself included.

Keiku: … That so?

Omi: Why are you doing this?

Keiku: Communication.

Omi: What?

Keiku: Ain’t this what we call diversity in communication? I mean, saying somethin’ hurts is easy to understand… yeah?

Keiku: My understanding of my own emotions and others’ is sorta vague.

Keiku: It’s all a fog in my head, and I don’t get much about myself or others.

Keiku: But, y’know, when I hit and get hit, I feel the pain, and my mind becomes clear. That’s easy to understand.

Keiku: That’s why, you can hit me too, Onii-san. I’ll hit back tho.

Omi: I don’t do this kind of communication anymore.

Omi: … It’s true that the Wolves resorted to violence in the past.

Omi: But it was never to hurt someone else. It was always only to protect ourselves.

Keiku: ‘s that sophistry?

Omi: Well, I can’t say it’s always the right thing to do. But I do know that doing things that only hurt others is pointless.

Omi: You should find a different method of communication. There has to be something other than violence.

Keiku: For example?

Omi: Getting to know each other, for example.

Keiku: Huuh, let’s get ta know each other, then…

Keiku: This mark on my face’s been here since I was born…

Keiku: Like I said before, I’ve never been in tune with either mine or other people’s emotions. Even my parents were creeped out ‘cause they couldn’t tell what I was thinkin’.

Keiku: And ‘cause they were such perfectionists, this mark made me defective in their eyes, and they couldn’t even look me in the eye.

Keiku: They got drunk once ‘n told me I look like a half-baked cake. Apparently some part of me’s sorta undercooked.

Keiku: I didn’t really get what those people were thinking, but…

Keiku: I did get that my family’s not the perfect shit you see in manga and anime.

Keiku: But it ain’t like I was abused or neglected. They sent me to a regular ol’ high school, and gave me more pocket money than most people get.

Keiku: They’d buy me anythin’ if I said I wanted it.

Keiku: That’s why, I can’t tell what they’re thinking. I don’t really know what I think of them, either.

Keiku: Not just them, but everyone around me. That’s why I want my communication to be easy to understand, at least.

Keiku: I’d say that’s pretty much the only thing that gives me a reason to live.

Keiku: Are ya gonna take it away from me, Onii-san? This lil' something that gives me a reason to live.

Omi: … It may make you feel better for a moment, but nothing comes out of violence. Nothing is born out of it.

Omi: If you don’t find a different reason or way to live, you’ll keep this emptiness with you forever.

Keiku: Can ya guarantee I’ll find it?

Keiku: Maybe that worked out for you, Onii-san. But it sounds too much like survival bias to me.

Omi: ——

Omi: (I discovered theater under the pretense that I did that for Nachi. And I ended up finding a reason to live and a place to belong.)

Omi: (But all that happened because I got lucky. I can’t guarantee the same will happen if this boy takes up acting.)

Omi: (But still, maybe I should show him what gave me a place to belong and a new meaning in life–)

Keiku: …

Omi: ?

Keiku: … Siiike, I’m just fuckin’ with ya.

[Keiku hits Omi]

Omi: –gh

Keiku: C’mon–

[Omi blocks Keiku’s attack]

Omi: Stop!

Keiku: You can block that? That’s a former boss for ya.

[Keiku grabs Omi]

Omi: —Ugh.

Keiku: In the end, I’ve got no idea what the difference is between the violence you guys were doin’ and what I’m doin’, y’know.

Keiku: Ain’t this what we call meddling hypocrisy? Nothing ya say resonates with me, I don’t understand.

Keiku: This is my failure of a life, IG? Gotta take the L sometimes, or something.

Keiku: There’s no way I’ll ever understand ya, so don’t come near me again.

[Keiku pushes Omi away]

Omi: ——

Omi: (Failure... of a life?)

Keiku: TY for the fight.

Omi: Wait– what’s your name?

Keiku: Keiku Karashina. What a half-baked name. Bet it tastes bad. (1)

previous episode | masterpost | next episode

NOTES:

(1) keiku here is making a joke based on how parts of his name sound like food, namely karashi and cake

[gordontheengineswifenirmal]

My mum would b thrilled that Kamala Harris is running for president, because she’s female. I like her not simply because she’s half Indian, but because she’s strong, she’s classy. She’s intelligent. She’s a mature woman - she doesn’t show off or seek attention. She shows great potential.

I also have to laugh at jd Vance’s comment.

"We are effectively run in this country via the Democrats, via our corporate oligarchs, by a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they've made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable too," Vance said.

Oh for fecks sake. He acts as though ALL mothers are automatically happy being so. Even if u became a mum through rape or had kids n realised it wasn’t as great as u thought. Or whatever. Ok, me life does suck, but it’s NOT because I don’t have kids.

He wants you to think that ONLY childless cat people have mental health issues, and that tradwife lifestyles don’t. There’s a silent oppression and delusion thought process that goes with that lifestyle. It often feels cultish, and can easily entertain abuse. No thanks. Mothers can be just as miserable as what he assumes ALL childless women are. Some childless women do wish they had kids, n that’s valid. Many of us are quite happy that we don’t. We are equally valid. Sometimes, by NOT having kids, we r saving prospective offspring from more health concerns or possible abuse. It’s actually incredibly responsible, and that energy can be better spent elsewhere that’s more productive for the individual.

In fact, if I would have had kids, it would have been worse. I was never emotionally cut out for children, and they’d bring out the worst of me temper. I know this and accept this about me. I would be the best them/make the afraid of me to love me sort. I’m also extremely sensitive to stress, and get overstimulated easily. This leads to me getting rather bitchy. I’m also sensitive to pain. Pregnancy and especially labour often cause intense pain. Kids are loud, they smell, they are full of shite, piss, n puke. Frequently. I’m not worried about ruining the figure, lol. That’s already been gone, n there r far more serious concerns to worry about.

Besides, a lot of parents think they are doing well by their kids by spoiling them. They create entitle, privileged brats who are unable to properly acclimate to society’s challenges. Struggle is a natural part of life, and these folks can’t cope as easily. They also treat others as tho they can walk all over them. These parents teach their kids that they don’t need to move aside for others, it doesn’t matter if their kids run smock n knock into you. They don’t need to apologise. You are at THEIR mercy. They can’t mouth off to u, n that’s fine. Its selfish. Its delusional. It’s vile.

Also, mental and physical health issues run thick in the family. Aside from that, I’m just barely making it meself. I have tried to keep jobs, and ptsd n anxiety (as well as other issues) have led to me quitting or being fired. I’ve applied for well paying jobs, got me degrees, n don’t even get looked at - unless it’s a scam. I don’t even have my own place. The struggle is so real, i rebt a room.

In fact, the therapist and shrink seem to think that me ptsd doesbt affect it, just bdcause to them i can live in roomd. The thing they dont realise is that its either a room, or im homeless. I dont have a choice. Thus doesnt mean that its not without issue. I have to internalise a lot, since no one either acknowkedges the issues, or dont really care. Or both. And when youre in such a position, u put urself more at risk of neing kicked out. Its a battle of ‘whats the bigger evil?’ I often battle depression over frustration in private. The internalising also leads to depression. Tbe everyday stress of cohabitation add more triggers. It literally feeks like im at war, trying to durvive every day. N wbrn a hoysemate has a paramour over, the intense lsnic attacks strike. These r quickly exhuasting.

With all that being said, being childless, and being around cats makes things slightly better. Cats are soft, delicate. They allow me to experience a temporary patience I’m unable to have with people. They make sweet sounds, they cuddle with me, they look at me with soft, sweet faces. They don’t talk back, they don’t insult or abuse you.

Nah, I’ll never regret being a childless cat lady. I’m doing society a favour.

[k8fics]

Ruined Legacy

My Way to Freedom

summary: Based off “My Way” by Frank Sinatra; Joel & Ellie find a curled up woman in a farmhouse with a freshly dead guy outside — Episode 1 of the ‘Ruined Tragedy’

rating: R - just reader’s backstory & character building (my bad), some joel splattered in there tho, she cannot catch a break, abusive/toxic relationship (not joel), murder, brutally killings, dead parents, captivity (kinda? idk man), thoughts of suicide, cussing, hopefully that’s all

And now the end is near

And so I face the final curtain

I still remember how my mother woke me up that night; tears streamed down her face, and her entire body shook. How she frantically grabbed my hand, pulled me towards the basement door, sat me down on the cold ground, and told me to wait down there while she received a call for help from my father.

I still remember how I stared at the small window, covered by the dusty curtain. How the lights from the outside world showed through the glass, the orange hues, the flashes of car lights, the shadows of people’s feet running away.

I still remember waking up down there. This time, my parents were with me, arguing over each other. My mother paced with her arms flailing out, my father leaning on the concrete wall with his arms crossed.

“We can’t just leave! You heard the TV, we’re instructed to stay inside!” She yelled.

“And you saw what’s out there. We have to get out of here, who knows if they’ll start bombing again.” He said calmly. She only sighed in response, stopping and looking directly at me.

I stayed silent, still acting like I’m asleep. But she could tell I was awake. Mom always could tell. She walked over to me, with a smile. Although, the smile was fake. I could tell she was scared.

She put her hands on my face, I leaned into her. “Hey, baby... We gotta go, let’s start packing.” She said, pulling me up.

As I walked to my room, and she walked to hers, I looked out the window. Your neighbor’s house still burning from the night before, the ground covered in blood and ash. The world has gone to complete shit.

My friend, I’ll say it clear

I’ll state my chase of which I’m certain

“Who the fuck are you?”

Your thoughts were interrupted by a gravelly voice. You looked up to see a girl and a man. You glanced around to see you were in the same room you had been stewing in for the past day.

You opened your mouth to speak, lips cracked from the lack of moisture. “..I stay here.” You stated, not in the most cohesive terms though.

The man still had his gun pointed at you, looking at you and then at your surroundings. “So why is there a freshly dead guy on your porch?” It was like he was a detective investigating you. Although, a detective’s attitude would be less intimidating than his.

“I killed him.”

I’ve lived a life that’s full

I travelled each and every highway

And more, much more than this

I did it my way

My father was always a survivalist. He taught me how to make a fire out of sticks, how to hunt — even when I was begging him not to make me shoot an innocent creature, — and, starting last year, how to defend myself.

He said something about ‘it was better to be prepared and nothing happen than to be unprepared and have something happen.’ I guess he was right, at least we’re prepared. Though, I don’t think he expected his 16-year-old daughter to be using these skills so soon.

After the first month of walking through decaying neighborhoods, buildings, and streets, I was put on map duty. I didn’t mind it, it helped me think. I didn’t want to think about who and what was lost, how all my friends were gone, how my life and future were ruined.

Regrets I’ve had a few

But then again, too few to mention

I did what I had to do

And saw it through without exception

The walking was the worst part, and although the pain in my feet was unbearable, the pain of walking away from the only life I’ve ever known hurt more. I wished I could have told that guy in my 3rd period I liked him, I wished I told my friends I loved them more, and I wished I could be with them without my parents grieving my death.

I wish I didn’t have to kill. Even though it was only a few, it kept me up at night. I would close my eyes and only see their bloodied faces. I would fall asleep and see them beside me.

I tried so hard to not let it get to me. I had to do it. If not for them, it would’ve been me. Maybe it would’ve been me.

I planned each chartered course

Each careful step along the byway

And more, much more than this

I did it my way

My parents met Tim as they were going on a supply run while we were stationed at an old house. He had been staying in the overgrown convenient store tending to his wounds when they came in.

Dad said the man didn’t even put his gun up just kept his hands above his hands. Mom said he showed them a bunch of supplies that hadn’t expired. They said he was a good man.

I had just planned our next ‘trip’ when they brought him. He was pushy and, honestly, very arrogant. Even if he didn’t show it around my parents. He wasn’t ugly, but I had no attraction toward him.

“I guess he’s just not my type.” I told my mom when she asked why I didn’t ‘give him a chance.’

She laughed at my response, “Well honey, just give him a chance. It’s been 6 years since you went on a date-“

Before she could speak further I interrupted her, “Yeah Mom, 6 years since the world went to shit. I don’t need some guy to protect me, you know? I have you guys for that.”

And she laughed. God, I missed her laugh.

Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew

When I bit off more than I could chew

It had only been a few months since Tim joined us. I could see something was wrong with him. His eyebrows were always furrowed like he was trying to figure out the hardest math problem. His jaw clenched when my dad talked to him, sometimes I thought he was going to hit him.

To my dismay, he was much pushier. He would constantly want to be around me, he would always go with me on my runs, and, worst of all, he would not stop asking me out.

After the tenth time that week, I had enough. “Where would you take me out to, Tim? What? The woods? The old diner down the street that’s infested with the infected? Oh! Or do you want to go to the shed by the creek where the clickers are?” I said, no yelled.

His face changed completely. The cocky smile contorted into the same expression that scared me throughout these months. “You’re going to regret saying that.” That’s all he said before walking towards his place of residency for the time being.

Later that night, I woke up to several grunts and pleas. As I tried to move my hands up to rub my face, I realized that my body had been attached to a rope wrapped around a tree. I looked around at my surroundings, I was outside in an open area in the woods. In front of me were my parents in the same predicament as myself.

I called for them. They didn’t respond, both of them looking off to the side. I turned my head as much as I could to see what they were looking at. To my shock, it was Tim standing there. Leaned up on a tree, axe in hand. When I called for him instead, that’s when all three of them turned to look at me.

My mom looked like she had been crying for hours. My father looked furious, a face I hadn’t seen in a long time, his face was bruised and bloody. His right eye was swollen shut and his nose bleeding. Tim looked the opposite, he was clean like he had taken a shower moments before, although, his knuckles were bleeding, and his face. God, he looked ecstatic.

He walked over to me, his axe still gripped tightly in his hand. He looked down at me before placing a hand on my face. I flinched, his face looked like it did that afternoon prior.

“You should’ve just except my fucking date. Now, look at what you made me do.” He said.

I shook my head, “Please... My sorry, please don’t do this.” I pled, but all he did was walk over to my parents.

I scream at him for what felt like an eternity but his back still faced me. He only looked at me when he got in the face of my mother. When I looked into his eyes, I knew he wasn’t going to stop, no matter what I did.

I watched him kill them both with the axe. I couldn’t protect them. I could only cry. The most undeserving deaths. Just for what? A date?

He came over to me quickly after killing them both. I had stared at their corpses for so long that I hadn’t noticed him cutting the rope. I ran to them as soon as I was free. Not long after, he came after me.

But through it all when there was doubt

I ate it up and spit it out

I faced it all and I stood tall

And did it my way

I remember when Tim took me from my home. The way he would talk about my parents was like they were some problem in my life. How I didn’t need them, I was too old anyways. It felt like he was jealous of it all, that I had my family and he didn’t. I found sympathy in him, in a way.

‘Maybe it’s the Stockholm Syndrome kicking in.’ I would think. But then again, he murdered my parents because I wouldn’t date him. Who the fuck does that.

One time I brought it up to him, which landed me on the ground with a hard punch in the face. I didn’t talk for the rest of our travel.

One year later, he found a farmhouse. It was impressive, basically taken out of a Hallmark movie. Though my impression of it changed when I got to the children’s rooms, it didn’t take long for him to start commenting about how we should ‘fill them up.’ Fucking disgusting.

I’ve loved, I’ve laughed, and cried

I’ve had my fill, my share of losing

After 13 years of being here, I learned to live — or survive as I like to call it — with him. Sure, I tried to escape a few times, but it never worked out in my favor.

The first time I left, I was gone for a week. I lived in the woods, trying to find some haven which was harder than it looked, considering I didn’t have any access to a map or any weapons. Tim confiscated everything on me the day we left my parents’ rotting bodies.

He found me curled up behind a tree, facing a creek. Fighting him never worked. No amount of self-defense could ever get him down without a weapon. He was bigger than me, and when a stick didn’t work, I gave up.

All the escapes after had been futile, he had set up traps in the woods close to the house, knowing I couldn’t walk on the trail without him seeing me on his day-night searches.

He wanted me to be a stay-at-home-whatever-the-fuck. So fucking be it. I won’t lie, I played the part as much as I could. Whatever would get him to leave me alone. It didn’t work sometimes, but it did for the most part.

So I “loved” him. If love is making him food, cleaning his messes, cleaning his clothes, and letting him hug me.

I laughed at his stupid jokes that I had heard a million times before this shit show.

I cried at night when I had to share a bed with him. Feeling guilty that I couldn’t do anything about this predicament, that I couldn’t find a single sharp thing that could kill him or myself.

And now, as tears subside

I find it all so amusing

He left early that day, earlier than usual. When I woke up he was gone, only leaving a note saying he had gone on another supply run. I scoffed as if we don’t have enough.

I barely know where he goes these days, you would think after all these years, he had found every single store or house, but I guess not.

As I walked to the kitchen, I noticed something abnormal on the table designated for Tim’s backpack. It was a fucking knife.

‘He must’ve left it there when he was searching through it.’ I thought. “Dumbass.” That was all I said before quickly grabbing the handle and pocketing it.

Soon after I was done making eggs — still don’t know where he gets the eggs from, he could’ve at least told me that — he came back. I gave him a short greeting before putting the two plates on the table and sitting down. He sat down next to me, both of us not uttering a single word. It was nice, the silence.

I got up as soon as I was done, cleaning off my plate. Before I could leave, I was entrapped by his arms, pulling me into his chest. I scowl, still not used to touching the horrendous man.

“I love you.” He said. “I-“ Before he could speak any further, I reached behind me and stabbed him the first place I could reach, his left shoulder.

He released me and stumbled away, giving me time to run to the door. As soon as I unlocked and opened the door, I was pushed to the ground, landing on my back onto the dirt in the front yard. Tim was on top of me, panting heavily, his blood and spit dripping down onto my face. I struggled with him as his hands tried to find a way to my neck.

My hands faltered for a millisecond, allowing him to wrap his hands around my neck. I fought with him once more, arms and legs flailing, trying to get him off of me. My attempts were futile. The harder I fought, the harder he gripped my neck.

He smiled menacingly when he saw me losing strength, “You spoiled fucking bitch. After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you're fucking repaying me? Stabbing me with my knife?” He screamed in my face, as I sobbed and kicked.

I accepted my fate, me dying in the hands of the man that has made my life miserable, at least he would leave me alone now. “I should’ve killed you right in front of your mama and daddy.” He said.

Something snapped in me. Sure, maybe it was adrenaline, maybe it was the hatred I consumed for him for years. But I like to think my parents wanted me to avenge their deaths.

To think I did all that

And may I say, not in a shy way

Oh no, oh no, not me

I did it my way

As soon as my right hand felt the unfamiliar, cold object, I quickly grabbed it and hit him once in the head with as much force as I could gain. He was on the ground instantaneously. I got up on her feet taking a few breaths before pulling myself into a defensive position. My hands up and set on the metal pipe securely, eyes focused on the battered man’s wheezing form.

To my surprise, he stayed on the ground, back facing me as he groaned in pain. I stepped closer and kicked him in his backside. “Fucking look at me, you coward.” I snarled, “Look at what you fucking did to me!” I screamed at him, kicking him once more.

This time he decided to look at me. Eyes moving towards me away from the afternoon sky, “Please, Y/N. Don’t do this to me, baby.” He pled with me. And for a second, I thought about letting him go, but I knew that wouldn’t stop him from trying to find me. This had to end.

I took one step towards his battered body before speaking, “I fucking trusted you. My parents trusted you, and you murdered them like it was nothing! You wanted me to think it was nothing!” I screamed, letting out every single emotion I had felt throughout these years. “I have hated you ever since that night. You didn’t fucking save me! You’re a murdering waste of space.” I admitted.

“I saved you.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his statement. “You didn’t save me. You ruined me.” I said, before hitting him again. I repeated myself once more before hitting him again for good measure.

For what is a man, what has he got?

If not himself, then he has naught

When I was done, the man was unrecognizable. His face caved in, bruises showed through the cracks of his clothes, and dirt covered most of his backside. I looked at the body for what felt like an eternity.

I didn’t drop the pipe in her hand until she made herself back inside the house. Closing the door behind me, walking to the kitchen where I once was. I picked up the knife that Tim had pulled out of his arm, placing it in my back pocket.

I looked around the house, an eery silence following me. As glad as I was that he was gone, the loneliness crept behind me. Not that I’d miss that ugly son of a bitch anyways.

My hands darted to the bags that he had left when he departed, quickly going up to them and ripping them open. There wasn’t much for me, Tim was quite a hoarder. He collected unnecessary things. The bag was no different, besides the cans of food and water bottles, the rest was unneeded random objects. Multiple different pans, silverware, and cups. Clothes that would neither fit him nor myself.

I glanced at his backpack that was left on the table, I aggressively grabbed it and looked through it. For whatever reason, he never let me look through it. Something about him sharing everything with me and he deserved privacy. It was laughable considering that he would do monthly checks of the house looking for secret hiding places where I would put my plans of escape.

I completely emptied the bag, object sprawling all over the ground. I rummaged through them, I stopped when I found a piece of jewelry. “Fucking bastard.” I cursed. It was my mom’s, she said one day, it would be mine. Some kind of generation gift I guess.

When I looked further, I found more of my things from so long ago. It was surprising that he kept all these things but wanted me to let go of all of them, even my parents.

I found my old diary, the mp3 player my dad gave me, and a dusty picture of my family that I had kept under my pillow when my parents were still alive. I called him a bunch of insults before picking up what you wanted and packing them into the, once Tim’s, book bag.

Before I started packing my clothes, I passed a mirror and stopped. I inspected myself, my face covered in his blood, my hands still red from the cold pipe outside, and possibly from Tim’s blood.

I rubbed my face, expecting it to come off easily but it had dried faster than I had originally thought. I rubbed more aggressively, eyes tearing up, whispering, “You ruined me.”

To say the things he truly feels

And not the words of one who kneels

The record shows I took the blows

“Tim was a bad man who murdered my parents,” At that the man’s hold on the gun falters, but still stands his ground, “and kidnapped me. I tried to escape, he tried to strangle me, and I killed him with a pipe.” You summarized.

The girl behind the man sighed, “Joel put the gun down, she doesn’t even have a weapon on her.” She tried to convince him.

You made a face, “Actually, there’s a knife in my back pocket.” You said, making them both turn to look at you.

The man, seemingly named Joel, sighed, “Stand up.” You quickly followed his orders. He reached behind you and smoothly grabbed the knife from your pocket, hands brushing over your ass. “Alright, I believe ya. But I saw that guy’s body, I know what you’re capable of. Do you wanna go somewhere else?” He asks, hovering over you for a few seconds after he stopped talking. He took you in before backing away.

“Only if I get to keep the pipe.” You bargained.

Joel scoffed, “Here’s the deal; I’ll keep the pipe safe until we can trust you, 'kay?”

“Deal.”

And did it my way

-

jesus christ this is so long y’all… hopefully grammarly does me justice bc i’m not reading all of this 😭

[flower-sunflower-blog]

s!Ryan theory part 2/3 : I was tame, I was gentle 'til the circus life made me mean

TW : depression, self hate, psychological abuse, suic*de (if you’re uncomfortable with these topics, I advise you to go through it carefuly ❤️)

So ! I couldn't WAIT to finally talk about the origin story ! It was my main reference to interpret s!Ryan's past/backstory and current psychology. And I so deeply wanted to share it !

I'm not necessarely good when it come to playlists for a bunch reasons xD But to explain you a bit, the way I went with it was that I was paying attention to recurring themes/ideas from one song to another. And then tried to connect everything to each other, other hints etc (for the fyi, I went over it like 6 times, no exageration xD)

I think I figured out a good part of the story conveyed by this playlist. I won't get into all of it in this post tho, there is an important part of the story that I save for the last post.

Each time I'll try to show my point with exemples and everything. Keep in mind that this is just my theories tho, that nothing is sure because I could still be mistaken at some moments !

⚠️ Before everything ⚠️

This post will be a bit different as I'll get a lot into s!Ryan's psychology, her feelings and experiences. And you'll see that part of what s!Ryan went through is beyond the context of magic gods.

It echoes to real feelings, real life experiences, real life topics that I'll get into as well. So again, if you're unconfortable with this, I advise you to read through it carefully.

But this is something I'm really excited about, as it allow us to see how complex and real s!Ryan actually is.

"Family"

There are 2 songs specifically related to family, they're even at the begining of the playlist : “family jewels” and “family line”.

I’ve been wondering if s!Ryan's family could be from royalty. 

Firstly, it’s just a detail but, there is the head picture of the board. The "setting" seems to be in a kind of royal/aristocratic home.

And at one point, Ryan used a quote from the sleeping beauty. I'll give the context later, but here is the full quote :

 “In a far away land, long ago, lived a king and his fair queen. Many years had they longed for a child and finally their wish was granted. A daughter was born, and they called her Aurora. Yes, they named her after the dawn for she filled their lives with sunshine. ”

It is referring to the parents as the king and the queen, thus making s!Ryan a sort of princess ? And then obviously, there is the whole question of finding a way to tie everything in the context of the lore of the Shelter.

As often, a lot of possibilities. If there was a cult around the sun or some deities, maybe s!Ryan's family were important people in it ? Maybe there were gods ? Maybe they were from a high ranked species ? Maybe s!Ryan is a saint/prietress/angel from birth ? It's really intriguing.

I definitely think tho that s!Ryan grew up in a “prestigious” environment.

“I can't break the cycle, am I just a fool? [...] Pass it down from kid to kid, the chain will never end. 'Less I decide to go to it, will I see the end?” (Family jewels)

I think it could be an allusion of a sort of prestigious lineage. Family from nobelty have in heart to "maintain" statues and infuence through generations.

It also seems to refer to a sort of generational trauma, a cycle that they abide too but that "chained" the members. A way of living that no one questionned or broke ?

And that's where everything start in s!Ryan's story, from her family and the way they treated her.

And it was bad, she had it hard, the songs are pretty self explanatory for this :  

“Oh, all that I did to try to undo it. All of my pain and all your excuses. I was a kid but I wasn't clueless - someone who loves you wouldn't do this" "Might share a face and share a last name, but - We are not the same” (Family line) “Ooh, don't you find it strange?. Only thing we share is one last name” (Family jewels)

It seems that s!Ryan didn't have a lot in common with her family, that she didn't get along with them. But most of all, she was deeply hurt by them, by their actions.

For me s!Ryan's family was definitely toxic, maybe even psychologically abusive to her ?

“Typical of me to put us all to shame” “Oh, you think I'm unfit. Little did you know that I was cut for it. No glass slipper will ever fit” (Family line)

It seems with these lines that they were putting high expectations for her, that she was "unfit" to them.

“Scattered 'cross my family line. I'm so good at telling lies. That came from my mother's side” (Family line)

I also wanted to bring your attention on that, the idea of "lies", "fakeness" in general, being something her family teached her. I'll get more on that later.

“Family said that I decided to live a loveless life. Is it my fault we stay divided? 'Cause I got too much pride” (Family jewels) “I watch the fathers with their little girls. And wonder what I did to deserve this. How could you hurt a little kid? I can't forget, I can't forgive you 'cause now I'm scared that everyone I love will leave me” (Family line)

In these lyrics, there is the idea that the child is wondering if they're the problem in this situation ? If they've done something wrong, if it's their fault that things are the way they are ?

-> And that's sadly typical in this kind of situation.

Because family is supposed to be a safe place, the people who loves you and care for you unconditionnaly. But when your family is not this safe place, not caring, not loving, you start wondering if maybe you're the problem ? If there is something wrong with you that makes you undeserving of their love ? Underserving of love in general ?

That's the second idea, a direct consequence of that : s!Ryan's family, with the way they acted with her, made her feel like she was underserving of love.

It mess up really early on your self value, and your relationships with other people. All because the one persons who were supposed to be trustworthy, safe, make you feel valuable and loved, didn't.

I think that there is an important theme of "love" around s!Ryan, in the core of her character, especially about the way she's able or not to feel "love" for other people.

s!Ryan’s “lover(s)”

Again, going onto recurring theme, I think there is someone s!Ryan was in a relationship with at that time, maybe even “engaged” to. Maybe multiple people ?

Either way, a lot of the songs refer to romantic relationships that were toxic, where the partner was straight up bad.

There is also the possibility that s!Ryan was “pressured” by her family to get with them, even forcefully engaged. 

“They sent me away to find them a fortune. A chest filled with diamonds and gold” (Control)

(On another note, in a lot of songs there is mentions of "jewels", especially the fact that s!Ryan is compared to jewels. Maybe it echoes how she was considered ? A kind of "pretty object" ?)

“If our love died, would that be the worst thing? For somebody I thought was my saviour. You sure make me do a whole lot of labour” (labour)

The song "labour" is really interesting, about the reality of heterosexual relationships for women. I was wondering from this line if s!Ryan saw this situation as something positive at first ? Someone who would "save her" ?

But then, a lot of the songs express how badly she was treated :

“I never trust a narcissist. But they love me [...] ‘Cause for every lie I tell them. They tell me three” (l did something bad) “I don't like your little games. Don't like your tilted stage. The role you made me play of the fool. No, I don't like you” “I don't like your kingdom keys. They once belonged to me. You asked me for a place to sleep. Locked me out and threw a feast (what?)” (Look what you made me do) “… You caged me and then you called me crazy” 'Cause you lured me. And you hurt me And you taught me" (Who's afraid of little old me ?) “Who do you think you are? Runnin' 'round leaving scars. Collecting your jar of hearts. Tearing love apart” (jar of heart) 

(And there is also the whole song “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve” that I recommend you to check out, it's really impactful.)

I think that the relationships she had made her feel worse, value herself even worse. The other person is described as a "narcissist". It seems like they were belittling her, gaslighting her, maybe even "toying" with her feelings ?

-> Again, it's often a recurring pattern : when your family set your self value so low, you tend to get with people that doesn't value you.

Before moving on the next point, just so you know, a lot of songs refer to another kind of relationship she had, and in this case, it was more complicated. But I'll leave this for the last post.

The sunshine

So, I said i'll go later on this hint and the quote from "the sleeping beauty", here we are :

I was able to find out that it was a quote from the sleeping beauty, I'll put it again :

"A daughter was born, and they called her Aurora. Yes, they named her after the dawn for she filled their lives with sunshine”.

Maybe it was how her family and social circle in general perceived her ? Or maybe, how they expected her to be ?

Then you have all the hints I’ve shown about the idea of s!Ryan being a saint, being “holy” even compared to the sun.

It may tie to the lore about deities, and she could be a "litteral" saint. But what's certain and important here for me is the idea of her "acting" like a saint.

A lot of the songs refers to a “past self” who was nice and clean.

“I wanna be an idle teen, I wish I hadn't been so clean” (teen idle) "Angel, " he calls me”, "You're so pure, " he says” (Fruits) “I was tame, I was gentle” (Who’s afraid of lil old me)

I think at one point, s!Ryan was acting like a saint, like a beacon of sunshine for people around her. She was making other people around her happy.

But she was not happy herself.

A lot of the song expressed how much s!Ryan was in a bad mental state at that time : low self esteem, tired, hating herself, feeling messed up on this inside, depressed, and even suicidal

“And I couldn't stand the person inside me. I turned all the mirrors around” "And I tried to hold these secrets inside me. My mind's like a deadly disease" “These voices won't leave me alone. Well, my heart is gold and my hands are cold” (Control) “Are you insane like me? Been in pain like me?” (Gasoline) “There's rotten things left in me. Injected by society. No one here but me to judge me” (VOID) “Feeling super, super, super suicidal” “The wasted years, the wasted youth. The pretty lies, the ugly truth” (Teen idle)

What that inspire me is the idea of someone acting perfect for people while sacrificing their own well being in the process.

"Angel, " he calls me. Does he know that I'm falling from a precipice that I tripped off long ago?” (fruits)"

I really find this line impactful, and really meaningful for "what's coming next". How the fact that her being described as an angel, as "pure" wasn't something positive. Because people loved her when she was feeling at her worse.

For me, there is this whole idea of people expecting you to act "perfect" all the time. They end up not loving the "real" you, rather a "perfect" version of you that benefit them. And they don't really care about how much you suffer from it.

Social pressure

This part will kinda regroup everything I said until now, and add more to it. It's about the whole environnement, what I call the "social pressure".

“Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me? [...] Saying that you shouldn't waste your pretty face like me?”  “You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being. With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline” (Gasoline) "The pretty lies, the ugly truth” (Teen idle)

There is a lot this idea of acting "fake" in front of people. And as I said earlier, about how her "family" is fake and that she gets it from them.

Maybe it would make sense, again, in the context of royalty and high-ranked people, where it's a constant game of appearances and you have to abide through arbitrary social standards.

But that's also accurate to society as a whole, about social conventions, about putting up a mask to "fit in" and being otracise if you don't.

“There's rotten things left in me. Injected by society. No one here but me to judge me” (VOID)

Then we come to social standard, sexism and gender roles. The way society consider women, the way they "pressure them" to act a certain way that devalue them. Through the songs, there is a criticism of this.

The idea of sexism, of s!Ryan's gender being the very cause of a lot of her problems, is really present :

“If we had a daughter, I'd watch and could not save her. The emotional torture, from the head of your high table. She'd do what you taught her, she'd meet the same cruel fate” "All day, every day, therapist, mother, maid. Nymph then a virgin, nurse then a servant.” (labour) “When he stole my virtue [...] That I was born a daughter and not a son. For if I'm going down” (fruits) "They're burning all the witches, even if you aren't one" (I did something bad)

Finally, from the board, there is this.

I think it alludes to the social pressure, the expectations, the look of others. And mostly, how it can really mess up someone.

And that's the "origin story", it all start there, from how badly s!Ryan was treated by her family, in her relationships, by society as a whole.

The devil

At one point, s!Ryan started having affinity with the “devil”.

The idea of religion, heaven and hell, god and devil, was really present. But what was the most present was the idea of siding with the devil. “Me and the devil” being the best representation of that. 

“And I said hello Satan, ah. I believe it is time to go. Me and the devil walkin' side by side [...] So my old evil spirit. Can Greyhound bus that ride” (me and the devil) “My love, are you the devil? I would worship you instead of him. I have no time for confession. For I'm too busy committing sins” “My love, you're something special. I've never met someone like you. You'd make me fall from heaven”  "Devil, " you call me. But seems to be enjoying. Oh! Oh, call me a devil. Oh, you call me a devil” (fruit)

In general, she embraced the “evil” path. It was the changing point for her.

“I'm meaner than my demons” “I'm well acquainted with villains that live in my head. They beg me to write them so they'll never die when I'm dead”. (Control) “If you'd never looked my way, I would've stayed on my knees. And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil” (Would've, Could've, Should've)

That's not all, going back to some moments of her lore :

And then going back to the hint board, there is this idea of a dark spirit in contact with her, "corrupting" her :

Figuring out what is the “devil” she’s talking about is kinda complex (for a change). 

It may be an abstract idea, but also a dark entity. It could even be someone in particular. It's kinda like the rest : entity ? god ? lover? symbol ? xD

You'd make me fall from heaven” "Devil, " you call me. But seems to be enjoying.

I see something kind of deep in the fact that she enjoyed being called "devil" and falling from heaven.

Because being a "saint" was the reason why she was suffering in the first place. And she didn't like herself.

I think she liked not being seen as perfect, that her "darkness" inside her was being perceived, understood.

And because she hated being a saint, she would rather become the complete opposite.

s!Ryan “death”

At one point, s!Ryan killed herself.

When I saw this as well as other hints, it made me think that s!Ryan could’ve died before being resurrected by the tree. It was just a suspicion of mine.

But now, I’m 100% sure that s!Ryan killed herself and came back to life. First this on her board :

And then this idea is like, omnipresent in the playlist :

“And the day has come where I have died, Only to find, I've come alive” (Teen idle) “You may bury my body. Down by the highway side” (Me and the devil) “Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time”  “I'm sorry, But the old Taylor can't come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, 'cause she's dead” (Look what you made me do) “If you wanted me dead, you should've just said. Nothing makes me feel more alive” (Who's afraid of little old me?) “You have to understand that the one I killed is me, changing what I was for what you wanted me to be” (If I killed someone for you)

And finally, the whole song “Achilles come down” is about a suicide attempt.

It seems to be coinciding with the whole "devil" allegeance I talked about earlier. I think the most important aspect is how she symbolically “killed” the one she was before.

It’s about how she killed the "saint" s!Ryan, the perfect and nice girl, who was depressed, felt unloved, was mistreated.

And she came back to life as the evil one.

I like how this picture can convey a symbolism of "phoenix". Symbolically, s!Ryan was killed and burned by the fire around her - family, lover(s), society - and then she was re-born through the "fire", a element of mayhem and destruction that she had control of.

Who is in control ?

I’m finally reaching one of the main and most recurring themes : having power and taking revenge on those who’ve done her wrong. 

She became manipulative :

“I never trust a narcissist. But they love me. So I play 'em like a violin. And I make it look oh so easy” “I never trust a playboy. But they love me. So I fly him all around the world. And I let them think they saved me” (I did something bad)

And she took her revenge over people who treated her badly before :

“If a man talks shit, then I owe him nothing. I don't regret it one bit, 'cause he had it coming" "They say I did something bad. But why's it feel so good? Most fun I ever had. And I'd do it over and over and over again if I could” (I did something bad) “But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time (nick of time) I got a list of names, and yours is in red, underlined [...] Ooh, look what you made me do”  “all I think about is karma" “I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me, I'll be the actress starring in your bad dreams” (Look what you made me do) “Acting on your best behaviour. Turn your back on Mother Nature. Everybody wants to rule the world” (Everybody wants to rule the world) “… So I leap from the gallows and I levitate down your street. Crash the party like a record scratch as I scream. "Who's afraid of little old me?" I was tame, I was gentle 'til the circus life made me mean "Don't you worry, folks, we took out all her teeth" Who's afraid of little old me? Well, you should be… You should be” (Who's afraid of little old me ?) “And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me". I can't help this awful energy. Goddamn right, you should be scared of me. Who is in control?” (Control)

Then I'll be referencing the timeline I did in the previous post :

I hope it can make clear how the "change" s!Ryan went through isn't only about hair or magic, it's really psychological.

Current s!Ryan became the one who had power over everyone, and she became everyone's worst nightmare.

I miss who I used to be

There is this line which was really interesting to me.

“God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be. The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind. I regret you all the time” (Would've, Could've, Should've)

What really got to me is how most of the songs expressed that s!Ryan didn't like the one she was before, preferred the one she's now : the one having power, being ambitious, selfish, in control.

But in this one, it is said that she "miss" the one she was before ? It feels so real actually.

About how one's feelings aren't as simple as it seems, even if a lot of the songs express that s!Ryan changed her mindset, deep down she may be more conflicted.

And the second interesting aspect is a reminder about how s!Ryan herself wasn't the one who "killed" her previous self. Her "nice self" was killed by the suffering she went through, by what people put her through.

That going through this change was her own way to put an ending to it.

I'll put these lyrics again :

I was tame, I was gentle 'til the circus life made me mean "Don't you worry, folks, we took out all her teeth" Who's afraid of little old me? Well, you should be… You should be” (Who's afraid of little old me ?)

It's a reminder about how villains aren't born, they are made. s!Ryan made me go really emotional, because even tho she's acting like she's 100% confident in her new form, she's in her core the result of suffering from what she went through. From the consequences. From her feeling of loneliness.

Suming up

In conclusion, s!Ryan when she was young was someone who was nice, a "sunshine". She was lifting up to expectations that people had of her, she was “perfect” but it made her feel tired, depressed, having low self esteem. 

Her family was toxic and unloving, her “relationships” made her feel even worse. But at one point she had enough, she rose up in order to become the one in control. Going from someone sweet, to someone mean and dangerous, embracing the “bad role” and feeling better than ever. 

She “killed” herself both literally and metaphorically. That's her origin story, but....

What about current s!Ryan ?

I'll bring back your attention on s!Ryan current lore, about what she actually said :

That’s why for me, her playlist was so important to understand her. You get why she only cares about herself, why she takes so at heart opposition against her, why she feels like she has no one. It all come from her past.

She seems to base a lot of her current relationships around manipulation, and also seems to have a hard time trusting people :

(about the sun)

s!Ryan for me is someone who’s life made her mean, and selfish. But she’s still carrying inside her all the pain that she felt, all the “rotten” and “broken” side of her.  

It seems like she has a hard time opening up to people, because she wasn't used to be loved, and that she may don't trust the fact that people actually love her ? That people CAN actually love her ?

Love

You know how I said at the beginning that "love" was for me the core of s!Ryan's character ?

It’s also why her way of “loving people” is so deeply interesting. Sure, she likes to be flirty, either to be silly, mess around, or manipulate a situation for her best interest. But what about how she genuinely feel ?

Does she loves some people ? Does she know how to love ? On one hand, she doesn't seems to "love" a lot of people, and she says that she only cares about herself. But on the other hand, we can't say that there isn't people she seems to be at least attached to in her own way ?

She seems to have a twisted way of feeling everything because she never felt loved herself, but it doesn't mean she can't feel at least a bit of affection some times. Again, it's not black and white, it feels really complex.

That's why her relationships are FASCINATING to me, they're often really complex because impacted by the fact that s!Ryan's way of seeing relationships, of loving, is twisted by her inner scars.

Her relationship with s!Void is so emotional to me, because s!Void is someone really nice, sweet, someone s!Ryan was never used to, who feels so different from her.

And her relationship with Miel seems also deeply complex, and really mysterious.

And this will be for part 3!

Thanks for your attention :D

[caffeiiine]

OK HI SODA HI HI HI I HAD IDEAS FOR THE V3 REWRITE THAT I WANT TO SHARE (IDK IF U WANTED TO SEE THE GENIUS IDEA FOR THE REWRITE WITH THE OC BUT ILL SEND THIS AND THEN IF U WANNA SEE JUS TELL ME) ANYWAY !!!

ok i dont acgtually have too much but!! but but but i do have some ideas right

as of rn ive got two survivors (korekiyo, kokichi), a potential mastermind (miu?), chapter 3's first victim (kirumi), chapter 3's second blackened (korekiyo), and chapter 5's victim (rantaro). idk if this is good or not biut like !!!! ebehebh !!!!

miu being the mastermind is something i had for my own rewrite like with my oc but also i really like the idea, we could also have her do something with kiibo at some point like install a virus on him or wtvr that would make him kill someone? because she operates on him in the game anyway so having her do so and then have that fall into place later but like not give him time to say somethingabout it is really fun to me

kirumi i dont really have a reason for her being the first victim other than im a sucker for kirukiyo and i think he'd be pretty distressed that she died (im being very self indulgent here but we can change this if u want to, idk ur opinions on kirukiyo so !!! its up to u), we could also do something where the murders happened at almost the exact same time so he could have saved her if he had just been somewhere instead of trying to kill someone for his sister to have another "friend" in the afterlife

kokichi i want to live because i love him. end of explanation

rantaro i wanted to die at some point but not at the start, in part bc i love him but also because i think itd be really interesting if he was killed in ch 5 instead of kokichi because he has a lot of importance too, right? so i think a killing with him could be just as good, he could have helped the killer because he wanted them to try to find out the mastermind during his trial or something idk. still in speculation but i think it would be cool

as for like, protagonists and stuff, i have zero idea, but !!!!!! i think it would be super mega awesome to have both kaede and shuichi survive but also that is like not possible because kaede's death made shuichi actually be able to be good and smart at things and not feel bad IDK WE CAN FIGURE THIS OUT AT SOME POINT BUT HERES MY IDEAS SORRY THIS IS A LOT OF PARAGRAPHS

starting out i’m gonna be all over the place with this <33

first off: THE KIRUKIYO ISEA IS SO COOL THO honestly i never thought of that ship, and im not a huge shipper myself outside of bsd so im super neutral about most ships <33 so yeah!!!! we can ahve kirukiyo!!!! i like that!!!! :3 <- since you asked about my opinion on it

ALSO ARE YOU IN MY HEAD OR SOMETHING. MIU MASTERMIND!!! MIU MASTERMIND!!! or if not a mastermind, then in the very least a killer. i can’t tell you how many times i’ve ranted to my rl friends about how miu should’ve gotten to kill somebody. like ik in canon she was supposed to be the killer for 4 but that got swapped last minute but SHE SHOULDVE BEEN ALLOWED TO KILL SOMEBDIY and yes yes yes yes yes she should do something with kiibo that’d be very fun

YOURE SO CORRDCT ON RANTARO BTW his character generally suffers from the fact he was killed off way at the beginning, and ugshdh he could have done. so much. if he was left alive a little longer. i’ve said this before but that’s a common issue just in general with the type of game danganronpa is especially with the writers not adjusting the arcs for their allotted time which causes me PAIN. yeah leave him alive for longer for sure. and oooo i like rantaro, i think he could go either way being a killer or victim. especially if at the end of it all no matter how it goes down, hes wrong. whether he kills the wrong person, or if he’s caught in the middle of a planned murder and happens to be collateral damage/the mistaken victim while he’s trying to go after the mastermind and either way their only lead to the mastermind is now just gone

one of the things i do really like about v3 despite all my criticisms against it, is the fake-out protagonist. i’m not saying we have kaede die again or shuichi goes in her place, but i think it’d be cool to include something like that with one of the cast members? maybe kaito? idk im throwing things at the wall rn but basically im trying to figure out a way to have a character haunt the narrative like kaede did

yeah i ahev no clue about protags either yet, we can always just figure that out down the line sometime🎉🎉🎉

also side note but i propose to throw out the real fiction plotline or whatever it was called that v3 went down in the game, thoughts?

also also second unrelated side note: do we have to keep the 3 survivors? not like the literal characters, just the number. like obviously we wont have everyone survive, but idk let’s not confine ourselves to a number yet

for my input regarding cases: in no particular order/killer - ryoma -> victim/survivor ; himiko -> killer/victim [i think it’d be cool to have her as a killer but i’m not sure how she’d even go about it or even why] ; tenko -> victim ; tsumugi -> killer [i think her execution would be super interesting] aaaand i ahve yet to think about the rest

inout regarding survivors: idk i really want angie to survive and i am shooting you with shinounaga found family propaganda

anyways!!! give your opinion!!! sorry this took me forever to type!!!!!

[sunlightandsuffering]

ME BISH MEEE

I LOVE THIS ASK IT MADE ME LAUGH LOL!! Here it is tho, it was longer before and I had to rewrite this part, i'm not sure if it's as good as it was originally but i'll never know bc I can never read it again 😭😭 but hopefully y'all like it!!

“Erennn,” Mikasa whines from the booth, demanding his attention and Armin shoots him a meaningful look, god he’s so easy to manipulate. It’s barely been ten minutes since they’ve barricaded her in, demanding that she finish at least two cups of water, a mission she’s currently dawdling at. “‘Min you can’t be that easy, she’s a master manipulator.” “Erennnnnn,” she wails again from behind him and Eren sighs. 

“But she seems so upset, are you sure she’s okay?” “She’s fine,” Eren tells him, taking another swig of his beer just as his phone goes off in his other hand. He checks it out of pure curiosity because who the fuck is texting him at this hour that isn’t at the club with him right now. Of course, it’s Mikasa. 

And as his eyes slip over the wall of text he almost drops the phone because it’s so filthy, so explicit he might just have to wash her mouth out with soap for the message. “Mikasa,” he chastises her, quick to power down the phone before Armin can see.

Her little head pops up from behind the booth where she’s splayed across the plush red leather, and she sends him a mischievous smirk. 

“We haven’t made any headway on our list Eren.” “Shut up,” he smarts back, turning to Armin before he can question too much, “She’s doing fine, she’s being a fucking brat actually. 

“Hey,” Mikasa pouts, affronted and Eren cuts her off before she can say anything too incriminating. Distracting her instead with her arch nemesis: the water glass. “How is drinking your water going Miki?” She shuts up, but him and Armin both watch as she begrudgingly takes a sip of the mostly full glass of water. Like a little gremlin her hand comes up to snatch the cup from the table, before disappearing to bring it down to where she’s lying on the booth. She makes an overexaggerated noise of disgust as she sips on it and Eren sighs. 

He turns back to Armin, gesturing towards his pain in the ass of a roommate, “See, brat.”

“I think you’re being too harsh on her Eren.” “You baby her too much.” “Erennn,” she goes back to whining his name dramatically, wanting his attention. “Drink your water Mikasa,” he directs and he hears her sit up for another swig. She makes a disgusted face before flopping back to her beloved booth where she’s borderline napping at this point. 

“It tastes awful, why do I have to drink this?” “Because I just had to rescue you from the girl’s bathroom where you were puking your guts up, you need hydration.” “You’re so mean.” “Yeah, well that’s what two hand grenades and absolutely no water gets you.” 

“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” she mumbles to herself, her hands drawing imaginary shapes in the air as she lies on the booth. 

“I’m sure it did,” Eren patronizes her. 

She glares at him, popping up from her booth to slump over onto the table, “If I drink both of these will you let me go dance?” “I’ll consider it.” “I’m gonna go,” Armin tells them, setting his now empty glass down, “I think i’ve done my due diligence.” He leans over, pressing a quick kiss against Mikasa’s temple and she preens at the attention. “You say that,” Eren grumbles, “But you’re not the one who’s gonna have to deal with getting her home.” Armin laughs, giving him a gentle pat to the arm, “Well that’s your job as her roommate Eren.” “Not what I signed up for.” His phone buzzes in his hand and he looks over at Mikasa and she’s looking away, a secretive smile on her lips. God she’s ridiculous, even more so when he reads the text. 

You should come over later.

“Mikasa,” Eren replies aloud as Armin disappears, “Baby we live together.” She scowls at the reminder, “Wrong person.” 

Oh what a fucking brat. “Don’t make me come over there.” “Hah,” she scoffs, “I’d like to see you try, my big bad roommate will stop you.” 

“Oh my god,” he whispers to himself, he cannot believe that this is how he’s spending his night. Abruptly, he turns back to the crowd, still barricading Mikasa in from the corner of the booth. And suddenly there’s a call, Mikasa’s sweet little face popping up on his phone and he sighs as he picks up, “Baby what’s up?”

“I miss you,” she mumbles, tearful now and Eren sighs, “Miki I’m right here.”

“There’s this guy ‘Ren and he won’t let me leave, he’s scaring me, I want you.”

Eren struggles to repress his smile now as she goes on, because really it’s not funny, she’s borderline crying into his ear because she’s scared that some big scary guy is trying to take her away.

[nerves-nebula]

Okay all of this 2k12 turtle talk is mildly hilarious as someone who, while grew up watching 2k3 and even the 2k7 movie before 2k12 popped up and I irregularly caught it on the TV, still found myself drawn to those turtles the most BECAUSE of abusive dynamics that resonated with me.

I haven’t watched Rise yet (gotta do that at some point !), to preface. But since I was a kid I was definitely aware of abuse within the 2k12 family simply because I interpolated my own interpretations to situations beyond their reach to match my own lived experience yknow? Like you said, creating art to make something of your own trauma. I was an angry eldest child who went through ODD and depression+anxiety diagnoses before the ADHD one (and a softcore autism diagnosis, ig? it’s complicated) so of course I was drawn to the way Raphael was angry. Of course I was drawn to the way he lashed out at his brothers and friends emotionally and physically in a way I’ve done a lot. I understood the feeling of being so upset that you want to upset others (particularly authority figures) to make them understand the way you feel, even though you love them. It’s easier to be angry than it is to be sad, too. And of course I was drawn to Leonardo, eldest sibling syndrome incarnate, as I grew into the role of a parent in the household. Of course I disliked Splinter, because those conversations with Leonardo about it all reminded me of my home in a negative way. Discipline, the word, still makes me emotional.

So, I DO think there’s abusive themes in 2k12, but that’s why I liked it. Arguing over how good and bad fictional characters are in earnest has always seemed silly, but to dismiss interpreted abuse as bashing the show or characters is worse imo. (I think people who definitively label characters in the same, unrelenting way to undermine a show, it’s characters, or the fans is equally silly). I don’t know, those conversations struck a chord with me as a 2k12 fan solely due to their dysfunction.

Ahck sorry for the text wall !! Jus wanna add that it’s also why I love YOUR comics and work so much, they’ve helped a lot of people understand and be open about themselves and their experiences and I think you can tell from the asks. Doesn’t hurt to say it though. It helped me, it brings me joy, so thank you! ❤️

still found myself drawn to those turtles the most BECAUSE of abusive dynamics that resonated with me.

NOO Like this is the main reason i was first interested in watching 2012 instead of any of the other iterations after Rise too!!

I understood the feeling of being so upset that you want to upset others (particularly authority figures) to make them understand the way you feel, even though you love them. It’s easier to be angry than it is to be sad, too.

relatable, tbh. when i was younger i CHOSE to be sad instead of angry most of the time. I chose to blame myself and shut down, because I'd never want to put someone through the terror and pain I felt. but then as I grew up i realized just how much it was hurting me and how UNFAIR it all was. And then I realized how much the people hurting me the most DIDNT EVEN CARE.

I'm still distressed tho cause now I have a habit of lashing out at people when I feel like they don't understand, to try to make them feel the way I do. but at the end of the day I don't ACTUALLY want them in tears, I want them to UNDERSTAND my feelings and that's just!! not gonna happen through cruelty!!

Arguing over how good and bad fictional characters are in earnest has always seemed silly, but to dismiss interpreted abuse as bashing the show or characters is worse imo.

vIBEs. good opinions here no notes. Only thing I can add is that I've been given a few accounts of what is CLEARLY character bashing in popular parts of the fandom so I totally get people who get annoyed/skeeved out by it.

Jus wanna add that it’s also why I love YOUR comics and work so much, they’ve helped a lot of people understand and be open about themselves and their experiences and I think you can tell from the asks.

augh you're all such daRLING sweethearts about it. literally don't even worry, I do this for myself for the most part and all the good that comes afterwards is just a happy side effect.

[afmis]

Inspired by my last post… the SONGS I’d pick for c!beeduo? SO GOOD ‼️ my c!beeduo playlist was literal genius guys

If I may share some… 😏

Friendly Neighborhood Poltergeist by Rory Webley-

I like to pretend Ghostboo never existed. But if c!beeduo had been portrayed well and cc!beeduo hadn’t been such PUSSIES ‼️ …ghostboo could’ve been SO good. Such a painful arc for them. Like a love triangle 🥰 but it’s two of the same person and their husband 💀 anyways 😭 this song always reminds me of ghostboo. How c!tubbo would’ve just ignored him in favor or missing c!ranboo. While ghostboo felt like he could’ve been better

Lovefool by The Cardigans-

A classic. Obv, after the burger arc. Where c!ranboo immediately jumps to conclusions. Tho I also feel like with the way c!tubbo was written in that arc… ya can’t blame c!ranboo 💀

Francis Forever by Mitski

Mitski is literally c!Tubbo’s artist. Her songs are literally like all in c!Tubbo’s pov. But this one I’d imagine is after c!ranboo’s death, and where he doesn’t know how to go on after

If You Leave by Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark

I kinda imagine, in my better canon ending. They kinda wistfully parted ways. I think this one captures that ending well (OFC in my ending they got back tg after)

It Will Rain by Bruno Mars

In my perspective, c!Tubbo was written HORRIBLY. I think bc cc!tubbo hated cc!ranboo he didn’t even try with c!beeduo’s relationship 💀 but I imagine, and I rlly wish he was written in this way, that c!Tubbo really did love c!Ranboo. He was just as smitten as canon c!Ranboo was with c!Tubbo. He just wasn’t great at expressing it, and he always thought c!Ranboo could do better. But he was secretly terrified of c!Ranboo leaving, and he didn’t want that. Ofc, “cuz there’ll be no sunshine if I lose you baby” and “if you walk away, everyday it’ll rain”. He would be devastated if c!Ranboo left, not uncaring like c!Tubbo was portrayed

Warning Sign by Coldplay

Like my last one says, I think c!Tubbo was very insecure when it came to c!Beeduo’s relationship. He 100% thought c!Ranboo deserved better and thought c!Ranboo would be better without him. So I think he would’ve let him go. I think this song would show that kinda misery that came with actually LOSING c!ranboo and not having them in his life. He’d be running into c!ranboo’s arms fr 😭

I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston

I think in the fucked up canon where c!beeduo weren’t meant for each other in the end. They would come to the conclusion that being married wasn’t for the best. So this song would be c!Ranboo leaving bc they know they aren’t what c!Tubbo needs. C!Tubbo would need more than c!Ranboo. Hey, I never said I liked my perspective of canon c!beeduo 💀

The Exit by Conan Gray

Every time I hear this song I remember c!Beeduo and just cry. But I kinda imagine post burger arc, c!Ranboo is just heartbroken and c!Tubbo is unapathethic. They grow apart. c!Tubbo is happier away and living his life. Even months later, c!Ranboo is still left wondering what went wrong with their life and their family and trapped in the past. They haven’t healed, aka “feels like we had matching wounds, but mine’s still black and bruised and yours is perfectly fine”. They’re just sad and heartbroken 😿 c’mon c!tubbo

Save Your Tears by The Weeknd

Every since this song came out, I think around the divorce arc, I’ve immediately thought of c!beeduo. In c!Tubbo’s pov ofc. “You look so happy when I’m not with you. But then you saw me, caught you by surprise . A single teardrop falling from your eyes. I don’t know why I run away. I make you cry when I run away. You could’ve asked me why I broke your heart. You could’ve told me that you fell apart. But you walked past me like I wasn’t there. You just pretended that you didn’t care. “ and “Girl take me back cuz I wanna stay, save your tears for another- I realize that I’m much too late and you deserve someone better. “ I feel like this would either be present burger arc or post. Maybe both. c!Ranboo heartbroken and c!Tubbo realizing and wanting to fix things

Level of Concern by Twenty One Pilots

Present burger arc. “Cause I told you my level of concern, but you walked by like you never heard” I’m act not quite sure for which of them I picked this song for. Maybe c!Ranboo being worried during the whole like. c!Tubbo and c!Quackity partnering thing and c!Tubbo being oblivious/dismissing it. Or c!Tubbo being worried about them and c!Ranboo ignoring his questions due to being angry

Little Talks by Monsters and Men

I think this song fits the change from the happy-go-lucky honeymoon phase where everything is perfect, to the “uh-oh, something’s wrong” start of unraveling and distrust of their relationship. Obv, c!Tubbo is the one who is panicked and feeling unsure, while c!Ranboo is the one who is trying to comfort him

Christmas in June by AJR

This is just bc of the animatic I saw years agon💀 but I feel like it is fitting. GO WATCH THE ANIMATIC THO IT’S SO CUTE, I THINK IT’S CALLED CHRISTMAS IN JUNE. BEEDUO? ANIMATIC? IDK 😭 GO WATCH IT THO

Stray Italian Greyhound by Vienna Teng

This isn’t less of the divorce arc and more of just c!beeduo in general 😭 to where I’d imagine the canon where they wouldn’t end up enemies LMFAO. This song is SOOOOOO c!Tubbo, panicking bc he accepted he’d never have a happy ending and here comes warm, loving c!Ranboo to turn that around. So cute

When He Sees Me (a lot of artists, it’s from the Waitress musical 😭)

c!Tubbo fr. Post L’Manberg, logical and pessimistic c!Tubbo who doesn’t ever see himself finding love. But he does want to be loved and meet the one, he’s just scared because he doesn’t feel like anyone could love him

Love Like You (Steven Universe lol)

I’M SORRRYYY IK THIS ONE IS SO OVERDONE 💀 but this fits c!Tubbo so well. Sorry I love me some c!Tubbo study y’all. Once him and c!Ranboo get “platonically” married, become really close and they rlly start to love each other. c!Tubbo is like holy guacamole. He’s literally the most incredible and kind-hearted person he’s ever met and he’s just too good. Nothing like c!Tubbo. And he’s like what’s he doing with me 😿 (hence the whole “he deserves better I’m so emo” thing)

I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith

This song makes me so emotional it’s so beautiful 😭 but I’d like to imagine c!Beeduo as this beautiful, loving, completely smitten relationship. I feel like in the beginning, around like March-June 2021 where they’re like wow this is new I’m like secretly in love with my platonic husband (or after they finally makeout) and we’re staring into each other’s eyes and everything’s so perfect and I’m so happy. This song is what I imagine c!Beeduo’s relationship as. Completely in love, like a dream

Strawberry Blond by Mitski

(Back to the divorce arc again LOL) c!Tubbo being oblivious and happy with his new life selling… burgers. c!Ranboo just smiling through the pain like I’m SO happy for you *ugly sobbing* but he loves c!Tubbo too much so he’ll put up with whatever

Sally’s Song (Nightmare Before Christmas)

I watched this movie for the first time around the c!Beeduo divorce arc. Yeah ik 💀 but when I heard this song I was like HOOOOOOOO THIS IS THEM FR ‼️ naw bc like “I sense there’s something in the wind that feels like tragedy’s at hand. And though I’d like to stand by him, can’t shake this feeling that I have. The worst is just around the bend. And does he notice my feelings for him? When will he see how much he means to me? I think it’s not to be” LITERALLY the whole song is c!Ranboo I’m just not gonna copy and paste the entire thing 😭 in the canon I think c!Ranboo would be the one who’s aware that the burger arc can only lead to bad things, and c!Tubbo’s oblivious (HE WOULD NOT BE BUT 🙄). Alas, c!Ranboo doesn’t want to say anything and silently supporters c!Tubbo’s decision, knowing c!Tubbo is ignoring c!Ranboo’s feelings

I Love You So by The Walters

I would play this song on loop just thinking abt c!Beeduo back then 😭 and every time I hear it I’m like ah. The gays. “You’re saying I’m the one but it’s your actions that speak louder” c!Ranboo seeing c!Tubbo isn’t SHOWING that he loves c!Ranboo. “I’ve got to get away and let you go, I gotta get over… but I love you so” c!Ranboo knowing he needs to leave c!Tubbo but he loves him too much to leave. “I hope you feel what I felt when you shattered my soul, cuz you were cruel and I’m a fool, so please let me go” c!Ranboo eventually building resentment and leaving

Happier by Olivia Rodrigo

“Oh, I hope you’re happy. But not like how you were with me. I’m selfish, I know. I can’t let you go. So find someone great, but don’t find no one better. I hope you’re happy, but don’t be happier. “ c!Ranboo would 100% be the bitter ex-wife who loves c!Tubbo but also wishes him the worst LOL. He’d be like “yeah we’re done and I don’t wanna be with you, I hope whoever you end up with or whatever you end up doing doesn’t make you happy”

Feeling Lonely by boy pablo

“Can’t help it, I just miss you. How did I lose you now again? “ c!Tubbo. After the burger arc, c!Ranboo is bitter, distances himself, starts spending less time in snowchester and with c!tubbo, talks to him less and less until he’s not even there anymore. c!Tubbo finally stops being oblivious and is like “pookie what happened 😕💔” and turns into actual devastation bc he’s actually sad that c!Ranboo’s gone and he lost him

Alr folks 😭 that’s it. I’ll link my sloppy, unfinished (and probably will never be finished) c!beeduo playlist if desired. Y’all can take a look if desired :) if you actually got this far, I commend you. But I probably would’ve as well 💀 I’m desperate for any ounce of c!beeduo I can get. LOVE YOU, BYE!

playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5BmmigtYA6GkOfFpaiFMda?si=uzocViyuRSyjK6scrJeKfA&pi=u-hU4qqT47SwqK

[the-sparkling-diamond-satine]

⭐️ directory's commentary for any fic you want!!

Fanfic Writers: Director’s Cut: Come into my ask box and ask for the “director’s commentary” on a particular story, section of a story, or set of lines. Or, send in a ⭐star⭐  to have me select a section i’ve been dying to talk about!

HELLOOOOOO THANK YOUUUUU!!!!!!! I am going to subject you to a ramble about darling, dearest, dead because besides more it's my favorite thing i've ever written in this fandom and i haven't had the chance to go insane about it nearly enough yet!!!! tho idk if you have read this one yet? so if you haven't be warned. spoilers for the fic ending ahead haha + there are some nsfw-ish quotes in this fic

Okie diving RIGHT IN there is one thing about writing this fic that I REALLY wanna talk about!!! So this fic is told in alternating pov's, Christian's and Satine's, except for the last section, where it is only Christian's pov because Satine has died. I had been thinking a lot about Christian and Satine singing together in the musical when I wrote the last section. How Christian sings "Your Song" to her and waits for Satine to join in, surprised and relieved when she does. How "Come What May" is a song he wrote for her that they sing together, him singing first and her joining in. How in "Your Song Reprise," it is Satine singing to him first (for once) but how she also is the first one to stop singing, to leave their song early and unfinished, because she's dying.

And, notably, in "Finale (Come What May)" when Christian pauses, just for an instant, at the "I love you," at the place where Satine should join in—but nothing but the instrumental plays because she's dead, because she's gone, because of course she can't sing with him anymore but simultaneously because of course he can't imagine singing any other way...and now he must. For the rest of his life he will be singing and waiting for her to join in. For the rest of his life he will be suspended in that moment, that beat, that pause where her voice should be and now never will be again. He has to learn to live with that silence, and I think some part of him will be singing duets alone forever, just in case, because he can't help hoping, because he can't quite imagine not leaving that space for her. Because then she's really gone.

Anyways, I REALLY wanted to capture that silence in my fic!!! So I actually wrote in Satine's responses to him in that final section (what she would say to him if she could) then deleted them all and added extra spaces to make her absence even more painful and apparent.

Here is what a section looks like when both Christian and Satine are here:

And here is what a section looks like when Satine is gone and Christian is alone:

Anyways idk how well I conveyed my message in fic?? But I tried haha!!

So I should probably give some more background info I just HAD TO say that stuff first because NO ONE WAS TALKING ABOUT IT and if I held it in any longer I was gonna implode. This fic was originally called "map of her" in my wip folder. It was all Christian's pov at first and I wanted it to be sort of a body worship fic of Christian taking his time learning Satine's body, memorizing every detail. There are still aspects of this present in the fic (Satine's freckles, her scars, the places she most likes to be kissed) but it pretty quickly evolved into something else and I just went with it! It became less about the specific parts of Satine's body and more about her reactions to things, which was sort of what I wanted to convey so I certainly didn't wanna trap this fic within the bounds of my original idea

Idk something about no other past lover of hers caring enough to pay attention to Satine's body as anything other than something to be used while Christian is cataloguing every inch of her and her responses and her reactions, not as a means of controlling or using her but as a way of being in conversation with her without words. Finding out what she likes and dislikes, what she wants and needs, and responding accordingly. This fic was VERY MUCH about the things they DIDN'T say to each other, and how they communicated (or failed to communicate) regardless. Satine has never had any semblance of control over what happens to her body when she's with anyone else and I wanted to give her agency here as best I could. Even when these are things that have happened to her, it's her choice to share them with Christian. She tells him about the scars, the bruises. She dies in his arms while he counts the last beats of her heart because where else would she want to be when she leaves this life?

The number of each section directly corresponds to a number in the narration (this is probably incredibly obvious but I'm pointing it out anyways):

The first time Christian undresses her, he notices she’s covered in freckles.

Christian notices two types of scars on her arms.

She cries out Christian’s name three times before using her grip on his hair to pull him away from the space between her thighs, still quivering around his shoulders with aftershocks.

A spot just below her ear, the curve of her collarbone, the jut of her hip, the side of her knee—Christian knows these four, though he wants to find every spot that makes her melt into the mattress, that soft little sigh leaving her lips, a cross between pleasure and relief.

They have their first fight. Christian loses his temper and yells. He watches her back up—five whole steps away from him—until she bumps into the wall.

Christian is lying in bed on his side, watching the rise and fall of her chest as she breathes. It stops sometimes, though only for a moment, just long enough to worry him before she inhales again. He wonders what she’s dreaming about, if that’s why her breathing is uneven. He kisses her shoulder, draws patterns on her skin, traces the outline of each rib with a single finger, one, two, three, four, five, six—

There are seven circular scars on the back of her left shoulder, silver-white with age.

There are eight bruises ringed around her biceps, three fingers and a thumb.

He counts nine more beats before her heart stops, before her eyes close. She won’t open them again.

Ten days pass without her here.

Notably, in keeping with my original idea, sections 1-9 are ALL numbered Satine things: her body, her actions. Christian is responding to them, counting them, witnessing them, but they are ALL SATINE'S (her body, her choices, her story) and nothing can take that away from her when she is with Christian. Except, perhaps, death. Satine's illness and the abuse she undergoes are always in the background of this fic, an undercurrent that Christian can provide her a temporary reprieve from but is ultimately powerless to save her from. 10, by contrast, is Christian's alone, because she's gone. This is one of my favorite sections in the entire fic I think (section 8):

Fun (or not?) fact: I had this fic ready to post for WEEKS except I got stuck on #6. I couldn't come up with ANYTHING else to write. When I finally had an idea I wrote it all in a mad rush and I haven't reread that section since pushing post since I'm scared it might be no good haha

Another random fact about this fic: neither Christian nor Satine say/think each other's name in this fic. I cannot explain WHY I made this choice. It felt right idk

Also AO3 ate my formatting about 8 times and I nearly gave up on posting it haha

Anyways thank youuuuu for asking and if you have read this far I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on this post and my fic haha rambles HIGHLY encouraged ALWAYS!!!!

[venusvxen]

On Spider-Man Into The Multiverse As It Relates To LOA Concepts:)

This is more of a philosophical post as opposed to anything with methods… If you don’t believe in LOA… scroll right past thanks

Having just finished the new spider man movie (a few

hours ago) and yall being well aware of my affinity for the multiverse.. a new string of thoughts just popped up that i thought i would share..

first off.. here are my thoughts on the spider man movie and how it relates to the whole philosophy around the law in general not just manifesting..

1. One main takeaway from the 2nd half of the movie is the whole ordeal with feeling like you //have// to struggle and suffer as a rite of passage. Which is like… Insane.. Miguel basically saying that the suffering is one of the main things that connects them even tho there are infinite multiverses with infinite realities and possibilities… it just reminds me of how i feel guilty and a “cheat” at times for knowing the law and choosing to take the “easier” way out as opposed to letting myself go through unnecessary strife… which brings me to my next point…

2. Just like all those different versions of Miles were connected through the little spider web all different versions of You are connected through the web of consciousnesses. You’re not any more of a cheat for choosing an easy life over a hard life because at the end of the day it is still a version of you that exists within you…. you don’t have to **work** to prove to YOURSELF or THE WORLD that you’re deserving of a new SELF CONCEPT… it is quite literally INSIDE you.. has always been.. always will be.. because it is.. a different VERSION.. OF YOUSJSKKD….

I struggle with this sooo much at times … feeling like I need to go through all this pain and suffering for my triumphs to be valid… but who cares… because if we break this down to the most fundamental levels of the law.. None of us are really.. Any of the self concepts that we attach to ourselves… We’re neither rich, nor poor, happy, sad, depressed whatever.. we’re pure consciousness.. shifting in and out of states. A faceless formless being.. How are you essentially going to tell a blob who dresses up as who they want to be that they’re a cheat for not going through these man made human rites of passages when.. well.. they’re not rlly.. human… it’s pure consciousness. the societal rituals and norms that we cling onto rlly do not matter in imagination and that is the main takeaway…… let yourself just experience whatever it is you want…

which brings us to point number

3. the part where miles said “everyone is always telling me how MY story is supposed to go.. imma do my own thing” had to be like my fav part of the story for multiple reasons… i’ll try to break it down so this doesn’t take 30 years…

Earlier on in the day I was having this internal conflict with myself over this discourse I was seeing all over my twitter page. It made me feel uncomfortable but the reason why i felt the discomfort was rlly because a part of me still acknowledged the 3d as like.. real.. to some extent tbh.. bc if i was fully tapped into the 4d then that would’ve been water of my wings bc it literally… just… does not apply to the self in imagination…

anyways all day i was ruminating on the fact that a part of me.. after alllll this introspection.. still still STILL allows the outside world to dictate how MY story.. and MY life should go.. at times i put my fate into the hands of others..

But lately I’ve been thinking.. I know about all these theories of the multiverse I know how the law works… I know everything in the physical world is a delayed mirror reflection.. So like.. Why do i still allow myself to think i have to walk a path like everyone else around me?

There are infinite possibilities available to all of us.. We can pick and choose from all of them and live out a life that’s fulfilling beyond imagination.. Like seriously. Everyone reading this im sure is deep into this shit and is well aware the world is their oyster.. so why exactly do we continue to move as if the editor and publisher of our stories is some outside force and not us…

I’ve acknowledged that.. there is a certain fear that comes with trekking uncharted waters. Think about every successful person you know in your life or in the greater scheme of pop culture.. name a single one who wasn’t wildly disrespected or called crazy during their ascent to superstardom… You probably will come up short because ppl are very uncomfortable with nonconformity… Anything out of the norm is never rlly taken lightly..

All of them gunning for Miles just because he had the NERVE to want something different for himself.. it happens to all of us in the LOA community too.. We know that we can have anything we want.. anytime we want.. simply by thinking from the perspective of already being that person.. but there’s like this shackle of reason that drags us down because we take the laughs and snarky comments from others to mean that we should just give up on our dreams or that we’re too crazy…

BUT AGAIN.. JSKSKDKZ allllll of the ppl who have gone on to impact society in real tangible ways have all had to deal with people trying to write their story for them and dared to rebel.. Like not gwen’s dad about to live now just because miles broke the canon.. and who knows what will happen in the second movie (THAT COULD H E L P ALL THE OTHER SPIDEYS JUST BECAUSE HE HAD THE GUTS TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT)… In more practical terms.. everyone told steve jobs he was out of his mind for even talking about inventing the iPhone… not even 20 years later look how that’s effected Humanity as a whole.. Be sooooo ffr

I guess what I’m trying to get at here is… Don’t take your knowledge of these esoteric concepts lightly and base your path on the ones everyone around you is walking. Not everyone wants to be great chyle🤷🏾‍♀️ But You do. You’re doing the work to change and that could influence others around you in countless ways.. Stop letting people around you write your story even if it seems tempting…

All of your wildest dreams are available to you anyways you wouldn’t possibly be able to conceive of anything you desire if it wasn’t… Anyways

I am going to end this here… because it’s long. I hope any of this made sense bc it’s all over the place but this is also nothing more than my rambles…anyways bye

[espritbleutee]

i’m not sure this… whatever it is… will ever reach the right person, but i feel the urge to write it down. i’ve been overthinking a lot, as always; but, surprisingly, an epiphany hit me like a truck and helped me understand something that i wasn’t definitely aware of, until now.

alright, let me clarify the whole thing. unconsciously, since i was 14, i’ve always looked for a specific kind of love: the one that connects two people who apparently are the opposites, who find themselves engaged in an everlasting chase to reach the other one. a complicated love, but passionate and strong enough to make me forget about all the obstacles. in short, a love that looked like the legend of the sun and the moon and their “impossible” relationship.

i’ve always identified myself in the moon for some reason; i love the mystery that dwells in her: there’s some parts of her we don’t know; i love the way she shines through the obscurity of this world, of this universe, of our lives; i love that she goes through phases: sometimes she’s full, sometimes you can only see a small slice, and yet she’s beautiful; i love her existing mainly at night, but, sometimes, she pops up during the day, to assert and remind her presence. i feel like this, and i don’t even know how to explain it better. i see myself as the moon, and i love the moon (but i don’t love myself… i’m still trying, tho, but that’s another story).

what is this premise for? to make understand that i, being the moon, have always looked for my sun: a person who could make me shine, but can also shine on their own; a sort of ray of sunshine for me, a guide through the darkness; a different energy, with different points of view and different experiences. what can i say? at this point, i think i’ve found it, my sun. but… im sorry, i’m not here to talk about this.

a few years ago, when i was looking for my sun, i came across you and i thought i had found it, but i was wrong. i tried to “apply” this metaphor to you, but you’ve never been my sun. i think i understood it right after, but only now i’m finally aware of the reason why you were not it. you’ve never been my sun, because you were my star. we wore the same soul, shared the same dreams, two crossing threads that got too tangled up until they broke. actually, i’ll be more specific. when you look at the night sky, nearby the moon, what do you see? i’ll tell you: the north star, i.e the brightest star that catches your glance just like the moon does. their companionship lasts forever, because they exist in the exact same moment. and just like the north star shares her night sky with the moon, you and i share the same pain, the same way of thinking, the same love language. i know that now: we are the same person, developed in a different way and in two different bodies.

so… that’s right, you could’ve never been my sun, because you were my north star. and i think my metaphor it’s just a different variant of the definition of twin flames.

you know, i feel relieved now: i’ve always felt guilty about mistaking you for my sun and then leaving you behind when i realized you weren’t (i know it’s more complicated than this, but still). but… what if a north star was more suitable to me than a sun, and, at that time, i just wasn’t ready or mature enough to understand it?

i’m not sure this… whatever it is… will ever reach the right person, but i hope it does, because you need to know that i’m sorry and that you weren’t wrong for me, like i’ve possibly made you believe. i was an unstable growing plant who craved more and more water, and you gave it to me just because you wanted to make me happy, but it was too much and i drowned in it. i thought i was ready, but i was not and you were.

i’ve never believed in the “right person, wrong time” theory. i’ve always thought that if you desire something for real you can make it happen. but, now that i’m a grown ass plant (or almost lol) i can see the world in a different way, i can analyze my inner self and see how much i’ve changed, how much i’ve matured, and how stupidly i behaved. i was still unripe and i wasn’t aware of it.

i’m not sure this… whatever it is… will ever reach the right person, but i know all these words will be jealously and secretly kept under the careful gaze of the moon and the north star, that soon after hearing them looked at each other and smiled, because our story is theirs, too.