#I cant say why this is my mind and how i work but it feels wrong and bad /: its prob another asdd thing...

[wormchaser]

you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.

i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.

[autisticlee]

no one knows just how hard I work at things. how I have to work 1000000x more than the average person to compensate for being autistic and adhd and probably other things i'm working out with therapist, and having a sort of physical disability i've not received any help or treatment for. everyone assumes I don't try or give up too soon. they think I just started, need more practice. they think I expect everything handed to me immediately with no work or effort and don't acknowledge the multiple years i've put into things. they think I have no right to be upset about still failing to get where I want even after working my entire life to get there, while watching people around me surpass even my meager goals within a fraction of the time and work i've out into the same thing. constantly getting surpassed by everyone around me who seem to barely do any work to get there compared to me. it's all handed to them and falls into their lap so easily. all because they don't have the extra obstacles to overcome and work around that I do. while they go from point A to Z immediately with no major stops in between, I have to go through every single letter and then some, often getting sent back to the start. but it's always *my* fault, according to everyone. it's not the fault of those around me who ignore me, don't support me, don't help me, don't believe in me, etc. it's my fault they don't do those things. because doing the work of 10 people in one isn't enough, just because it's me. and not reaching Z as fast as everyone else means I don't deserve any of the support or help or anything else and means i'm not trying hard enough. it doesn't matter that I *need* to work harder than 100 "normal" people combined to get even half the result! Just because I can't reach what they do means i'm not trying hard enough! ugh.

[cinnabeat]

there was a post i just saw like a disney post and op had the fucking audacity the gall the sheer nerve to call oliver and company one of disneys scrap movies and im feeling so incredibly violent over this

[mugwot]

hm

[phagodyke]

I'm so fucking tired of ppl assuming I'm a teenage boy I'm not that young and I'm not a guy and it's funny when it happens occasionally and I'm in an amiable mood and idm being a little gnc ik I present somewhat masc even if its not rly intentional and ik my autistic/adhd mannerisms make me come across a little childish sometimes even if im constantly masking at work or in public and I can't control how other ppl perceive me and ik its natural for the human brain to make social assumptions all the time bc there's so much information going in and out it has to process so it automatically categorises shit so I don't mind it happening OCCASIONALLY but I've been getting so fucking many unnecessary comments lately and not just from strangers but ppl I know too and if one more person says some offhand shit to me I'm going to black out and bite until there's blood leave me the fuck ALONE

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[vagueiish]

no, ha ha, dont kill yourself, you're a valued member of society!

we don't actually care enough to learn about you and become more than polite acquaintances nor do we actually want to interact with you beyond empty platitudes and the requisite amount of small talk to seem polite, so we don't actually know your real value or what you might actually have to offer or anything about you really. and your obvious emotional pain is making us feel bad, so if you could find some other way to relieve it that doesn't involve exposing us to it in any way shape or form, that would be preferable....

oh, but don't kill yourself, ha ha, that'd be bad! because you definitely have worth! and people definitely care about you!

[izzy-b-hands]

My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.

[this-should-do]

ykno i think that only ever being told im physically appealing by drs saying i could be prettier if i did this or that or lost weight or by my mom trying to emphasize how im a pretty GIRL to invalidate my desire to be more masculine most of my life probably affected my ability to feel good about my body

[silverislander]

prof said congrats for writing up a proposal so early i am going to get a good grade in. well this is literally going to be graded. but yk the meme

[mrfoox]

hate my autistic mind who always just wants to spend time with two people but i feel like i’m bothering them so i don’t ask them and thus i feel lonley af

[miraeism]

god i hate money

[noosesurroundsme]

I want to cry and I want to die

[snekdood]

Ppl gotta understand that just bc you do x thing because you're mentally ill, doesnt mean your actions dont have the same effect if you weren't. Like if you've been manipulative to your friends, you cant get mad at them for not sympathizing entirely with you when you go on about how they dont accept you for your mentally ilness. Regardless of your reason, you were still manipualtive, you fucked with peoples trust. Theyre still gonna have trust issues about you even if its bc of whatever mental illness you have.

[fappellmoan]

is it really really stupid to give her the gift. i know she’s not worth it and im making myself feel like shit over and over and i need to stop and it doesnt matter how sad or angry i am about it she’s not just gonna dump him and even if she did i wouldn’t like. want to be the second choice (not that i inherently would be. weirdo dream scenario) and it’s just not gonna affect her much to not see me anymore and i have to be okay with that. and im truthfully not rn but i have to be cause that’s the reality. anyway lost my point there

[autism-corner]

erm