#I cant say why this is my mind and how i work but it feels wrong and bad /: its prob another asdd thing...

[wormchaser]

you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.

i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.

[autisticlee]

no one knows just how hard I work at things. how I have to work 1000000x more than the average person to compensate for being autistic and adhd and probably other things i'm working out with therapist, and having a sort of physical disability i've not received any help or treatment for. everyone assumes I don't try or give up too soon. they think I just started, need more practice. they think I expect everything handed to me immediately with no work or effort and don't acknowledge the multiple years i've put into things. they think I have no right to be upset about still failing to get where I want even after working my entire life to get there, while watching people around me surpass even my meager goals within a fraction of the time and work i've out into the same thing. constantly getting surpassed by everyone around me who seem to barely do any work to get there compared to me. it's all handed to them and falls into their lap so easily. all because they don't have the extra obstacles to overcome and work around that I do. while they go from point A to Z immediately with no major stops in between, I have to go through every single letter and then some, often getting sent back to the start. but it's always *my* fault, according to everyone. it's not the fault of those around me who ignore me, don't support me, don't help me, don't believe in me, etc. it's my fault they don't do those things. because doing the work of 10 people in one isn't enough, just because it's me. and not reaching Z as fast as everyone else means I don't deserve any of the support or help or anything else and means i'm not trying hard enough. it doesn't matter that I *need* to work harder than 100 "normal" people combined to get even half the result! Just because I can't reach what they do means i'm not trying hard enough! ugh.

[californiaquail]

well boss said reese has no indication of any uti or crystals only a tiny amount of red blood cells which can be caused by the manual expression. coworker insisted there was no point in taking rads to see if he's blocked from the string so going to try some laxaire and hope 😬🤞🏻also then my boss gave me a ride to the bus stop so i didn't have to carry the huge crate which was uncharacteristically nice of him 🤨

[orcelito]

Just finished rereading ITNL chapter 2 again

Yknow, it's long felt like a weaker chapter to me, especially compared to chapter 1. It's a Necessary chapter, but it's basically an entire chapter of introspection. Add in the fact that I wrote it in a single day and was half falling asleep by the end of editing it, but pressing onwards anyways bc I wanted So Badly to get it out that night...

The Legato part was the weakest for that. I remember staring at it and breaking my brain just trying to make it sound better before just giving up and posting. But when I worked on my full-fic re-edits about.. a year ago now? A year and a bit. I think it was October ish of 2023. But I focused on that part again, trying to get it up to my standards to be satisfied with it.

Coming back to it after some number of months, my brain relatively fresh, I think I actually did a pretty decent job. Despite being an introspective chapter, it really drives home how Wrecked vash is about it all. I like to say that chapter 1 is like a thesis to the fic, where you get vash's goals laid out pretty clearly (him picturing the things he wants to fix + him picturing his dream of having all the people he loves around a table with him, including Knives. It serves as motivation for him jumping back in time in the first place and it remains his driving force throughout the fic). In contrast, chapter 2 is... almost a secondary thesis. We see his doubt, his fears, his panic. We see the things that he's going to be struggling with throughout the whole fic. His wish to handle it all on his own, as well as how overwhelming it all is to him. Chapter 2 is the necessary second side to chapter 1's thesis, showing the weakness in his own strength and drive.

The cracks in his own unstoppable force.

Idk it's just interesting to me. Having been away from it long enough, I think I really do appreciate chapter 2 after all.

[phagodyke]

I'm so fucking tired of ppl assuming I'm a teenage boy I'm not that young and I'm not a guy and it's funny when it happens occasionally and I'm in an amiable mood and idm being a little gnc ik I present somewhat masc even if its not rly intentional and ik my autistic/adhd mannerisms make me come across a little childish sometimes even if im constantly masking at work or in public and I can't control how other ppl perceive me and ik its natural for the human brain to make social assumptions all the time bc there's so much information going in and out it has to process so it automatically categorises shit so I don't mind it happening OCCASIONALLY but I've been getting so fucking many unnecessary comments lately and not just from strangers but ppl I know too and if one more person says some offhand shit to me I'm going to black out and bite until there's blood leave me the fuck ALONE

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[izzy-b-hands]

My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.

[this-should-do]

ykno i think that only ever being told im physically appealing by drs saying i could be prettier if i did this or that or lost weight or by my mom trying to emphasize how im a pretty GIRL to invalidate my desire to be more masculine most of my life probably affected my ability to feel good about my body

[mrfoox]

hate my autistic mind who always just wants to spend time with two people but i feel like i’m bothering them so i don’t ask them and thus i feel lonley af

[miraeism]

god i hate money

[chisungie]

.

[drunkndaized]

.

[soupblr]

oh im actually going to kill someone literally the first thing i thought was that the files must be transcribed weird. I WAS FUCKING RIGHT WHY IS IT TRANSCODING SHIT IN REAL TIME AT THE ABSOLUTE MAX POSSIBLE FUCK OFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!! THAT SETTING WAS OFF!! omg is it the files i got or something i thought they were fine. i feel like an insane person rn why is all my shit changed. if u literally told me someone broke in and changed a bunch of small things to make my setup work badly i would believe you because what the actual fuck. i was gonna say i need to listen to myself but i fixed like 3 other problems by not fixing what is probably the main fucking issue and itll be faster than before now but holy shit holy fucking shit oh my god

[autism-corner]

erm

[deuvdas]

mmm...

[dolcekissy]

disclaimer // 18+ content. this story includes unprotected sex, p in v, brief masturbation, oral sex and fingering.

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your fingers work fast and harsh circles around your clit so fucking horny you cant even think straight. sitting up with a huff and aggressively pushing your light pink covers off your body ─ you grab your phone off the nightstand searching for rafe's contact.

'rafe come pick me up i'm bored as shit'

Read 9:32 PM

'bet omw'

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honestly at this point you're hoping rafe could at least take your mind off of how horny you are ─ doing something fun with him always helps you feel better.

but when you noticed that throbbing feeling that never went away and that wet patch that kept growing on your lacy pink underwear ─ you knew you were fucked. rafe was not helping you out at all. of fucking course he decided to wear all black today and his new buzz cut was not making this any better for you.

at this point rafe could tell something was wrong. you were being short and extremely feisty with him ─ being so sexually frustrated everything was starting to just piss you off. he repeatedly kept asking you what was wrong, pissing you off even more.

"the fuck is the matter with you doll?" he places a hand on your knee and you bite back a moan. "nothing rafe. oh my gosh stop asking me that." he stares at you, eyeing you and your figure for a minute.

"lay down." you look at him with a confused face. "for what?" you stay still, folding your arms and watching him.

he looks at you with a stern and irritated face. "listen i'm not dealing with this shitty ass attitude you got. lay down or i'm taking you right the fuck back home." you widen your eyes at his tone ─ laying down against his bed.

"since you wanna come over here with a stank ass attitude," he rips your tiny shorts and panties off ─ smirking at the way your pussy is glistening and clenching around nothing.

"i'm gonna fuck it out of you, toots." he leans down lifting your shirt up leaving a trail of kisses from your stomach to your thighs. you buck your hips up ─ silently begging him to just do something.

he leans down further and presses a soft kiss of your swollen clit. "if ya needed some help, why didn't you ask?" you moan loudly while he licks long stripes up your pussy ─ devouring you.

your hands fly to his hair ─ pushing your hips up into his face. he hold your hips down firmly while shaking his head back and forth ─ staring intensely into your eyes.

"holy fucking shit rafe! m'so close! so close ugh!" he adds his fingers into you pumping fast and still sucking on your clit. "c'mon doll. you got it, i got ya."

you cum hard ─ pussy convulsing and body shaking. "shittt!" his fingers fuck you through your orgasm ─ pulling them out of you to suck them clean.

you watch him as he groans out pulling his fingers out of his mouth. you grab his face pulling him up to you ─ kissing him hard. "fuck me, rafe. please." he leans back and studies your face for a second. "you sure?" you whine bringing his lips back to yours. "fuck rafe! please!"

he smirks with a shrug ─ sitting up to remove his clothes while you work on removing the rest of yours. he leans back down pressing a sweet kiss to your lips. "ready?" you respond by grabbing his cock and lining it up at your entrance. pushing your feet into his back ─ forcing the head of his cock in.

"fuck girl. you're horny huh?" he says sniffling a laugh ─ pushing the rest of his cock into you with a groan. "shit. you feel so good."

you whine out impatient. "c'mon rafe. please fuck me." he nods his head with a soft laugh thrusting into you at a relentless pace. you grab onto his shoulders whining and arching your back.

"ohhh my fuck. you got a mean pussy on you. shit." you cry out ─ stomach on fire and so close to cumming around his cock.

"i'm so close rafe! oh my- ohhh!" your eyes squeeze shut, face scrunching up in pleasure as you squirt all over rafe's lower half. you honestly felt like a teenage boy with how fast you came but you were so, so horny.

"h-holy shit." his eyes widen as he watches you soak his sheets. he fucks his cock into you faster chasing his own orgasm. you whine out feeling too overwhelmed as he pulls out and cums on your stomach.

your grip on him loosens ─ feeling completely worn out. "have you ever done that shit before? that was so fuckin' hot." he says quietly with a soft moan leaving his lips.

you tiredly shake your head no ─ grabbing his face and kissing his lips, giggling softly. "thank you rafey."

"shit. anytime princess."

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