#ive changed so much since then that it feels like a different person wrote this fic. which gets in the way of my immersion

[orcelito]

Just finished rereading ITNL chapter 2 again

Yknow, it's long felt like a weaker chapter to me, especially compared to chapter 1. It's a Necessary chapter, but it's basically an entire chapter of introspection. Add in the fact that I wrote it in a single day and was half falling asleep by the end of editing it, but pressing onwards anyways bc I wanted So Badly to get it out that night...

The Legato part was the weakest for that. I remember staring at it and breaking my brain just trying to make it sound better before just giving up and posting. But when I worked on my full-fic re-edits about.. a year ago now? A year and a bit. I think it was October ish of 2023. But I focused on that part again, trying to get it up to my standards to be satisfied with it.

Coming back to it after some number of months, my brain relatively fresh, I think I actually did a pretty decent job. Despite being an introspective chapter, it really drives home how Wrecked vash is about it all. I like to say that chapter 1 is like a thesis to the fic, where you get vash's goals laid out pretty clearly (him picturing the things he wants to fix + him picturing his dream of having all the people he loves around a table with him, including Knives. It serves as motivation for him jumping back in time in the first place and it remains his driving force throughout the fic). In contrast, chapter 2 is... almost a secondary thesis. We see his doubt, his fears, his panic. We see the things that he's going to be struggling with throughout the whole fic. His wish to handle it all on his own, as well as how overwhelming it all is to him. Chapter 2 is the necessary second side to chapter 1's thesis, showing the weakness in his own strength and drive.

The cracks in his own unstoppable force.

Idk it's just interesting to me. Having been away from it long enough, I think I really do appreciate chapter 2 after all.

[meatgrinder-0]

something that ive found myself thinking about a lot recently is the loss of autonomy that you have over your identity and what makes you "human" when you die.

(as has been said before by multiple different people) technically ford does not die when he goes through the portal, but as many have said at this point--in a metaphysical way when he goes through the portal he is dead in the eyes of his dimension, so i find in the narrative he experiences a similar loss of his humanity and in the same way that might've occurred with his death, his memory for any that have access to any form of it constructs him into an idea rather than a person.

and really anything can be said and done with him by the people who are still "alive" when this occurs. since he is in all aspects dead people can use him to justify their actions, as a figure in their concepts, and imagine him up to be whoever they want him to be for as long as he remains dead. the audience of course also partook in these same things prior to his reveal by theorizing about what type of person he was or how he might fit into the narrative as a person but to be more specific to examples of this idea in the show is how stan and dipper see ford as an idea.

due to being absent ford had no possible way to influence what stan thought he would want him to do about the portal outside of his existing warnings in his journals so stan is able to twist ford into a justification to work towards opening the portal, and during the length of his work on it according to alex's statements about stan "expecting ford to be weak and in need of help when he came out of the portal" (i feel the likely useless need to say whatever a creator says about their work is always only as canon as one wants it to be but this is worth mentioning here and i think it makes sense contextually within the text) the ford who comes back is so jarring because in his "death" he's become an ideal of what stan wants to see in him to play into his hero fantasy and hopes of earning back his appreciation

and of course as i think about a normal amount of times per day--the duration of the show presents the author as a figure that is wrapped up in a concept of ford while presenting him in a much more mythical format--another one of gravity falls' mysteries. pretty much every main character that isnt stan views him in this mystical light throughout the show with dipper being the prime example and uses the idea of "the author" as a driving force to pursue the questions that the town begs them to ask. there is something to be said about how creators of the show refer to journal 3 as "its own character" in a way that clearly separates it from it's author. even outside of the universe of the show itself, even in the show's own writing team ford--somehow despite being already being only a concept by virtue of being fictional--is stripped of humanity and becomes an even further abstracted concept.

but even to the ford who is alive the self who had gone through the portal is also a concept. i know this idea isnt explored much in canon if at all but bear with me here while i make shit up for fun--in a way, we ourselves the way we are now are dying near constantly. when we wake up each morning we of course have access to the same memories and the same body and the same experiences as the self we were before we fell asleep, but if we were to get existential, how can we be sure that we are the same consciousness that we were before?

even if this is a bit too absurd of a concept to be applying to a messy braindump "analysis" of a fictional character theres something about how extreme change in a person (often from trauma as ford has experienced for Obvious reasons) or even just the passage of time leaves the former self as nothing more but a memory to even the body that it once inhabited.

as i said theres not much to connect this to in the canon of the text, but i do believe that ford does see his past self who wrote the journals as an idea just as much as anyone else in his life did.

[emilydorp]

when did ji say that That XX wasn’t about someone with a boyfriend? im a new fan and ive always been curious as to how much gd would add context/explain his lyrics in the past. were there more instances like this? also it’s cute that he couldnt bring himself to lie abt it😭

Hi anon! :))

Well, I'm not sure how to explain how GD has viewed his music and art over the years, since he has changed his vision on it multiple times (and his music has changed with him) and he has been making music for YEARS now. So, a lot of this is my interpretation and brief summary of all the things he has shared with us over the years :)).

When he was asked about how he writes love songs in 'Night After Night' (a GEM of GTOP content, GO WATCH IT OR YOU'RE A BAD SHIPPER), he simply said 'You need to add a bit of your own feelings to make it relatable'. Which is why I believe he probably does/did get inspiration from many different sources when writing music and not all of it is/was necessarily a reflection of his life.

For example, 'Missing You' is a break up song but I feel that it is simply a romanization of how much he misses Tabi because they have separate schedules (especially with how happy T.O.P seemed when GD sang it live, even whispering something to Tae before starting to sing along :)) That, combined with Tabi's ODD comment about how 'Lies' was written when they were having a tough time, and the way these two treated and spoke about 'Haru Haru' (GD even implying he saw GTOP posts about it and appreciated the reactions from netizens because it was an emotional song for him to write) makes me always, ALWAYS wonder about which songs are GTOP).

I can say a few things with certainty; he is a very visual person (like T.O.P, lmao) and always has an idea of what his 'mv' will look like while writing, a lot of the music he wrote was a 'diary entry'; it was something he felt in the moment and can therefore be personal but also a romanization of how he felt, and he can't simply "write songs", he needs some sort of genuine inspiration, regardless of whether this inspiration is his muse or his reason and motivation for writing songs, especially since he has admitted to having a pretty severe musical block in 2014 which he was only able to escape by keeping the people around him in mind and working for them.

GD romanticized his feelings quite a lot, imo, especially before 'Coup D'Etat', (because of the sheer volume of songs he used to write before), and after that album I feel like he wrote things closer to his heart.. GD&TOP are as open as they can be, about every feeling in their lives, even romance to a certain extent, considering the circumstances (dating his literal band mate in a homophobic society) and I respect that. GD mostly adds context to how he came up with the song sonically, because he actually expresses himself a lot more through his instrumentals, rather than purely through his lyrics.

Like how they say here that 'Bae Bae' is a fun little song GD&TOP wrote together while totally not thinking about women (and Seunghyun being sassy and going all "I wrote those lyrics" when the interviewer mentions Kiko's age being connected to the song, something GD didn't even seem to know? Lmao, how HARSH for someone who takes being in love very seriously if that really is his girl (which she clearly isn't)).

And here's Tabi letting us know what's up (as if him shutting the interviewer down for implying that Kiko was the muse wasn't enough) (and getting low key PISSED at Tae for saying "man and woman". He was probably thinking "Again, I wrote those lyrics??").

GD has been 100% open about a few romantic songs, like 'This Love' and the story behind it. He allegedly had a pre debut girlfriend/crush for whom he wrote this song (netizens has possibly found this girl, we didn't get much since her cyworld was used as the main source, except a few pictures, her name and the birthday GD drops in this song being possibly factually accurate. Or maybe he romanticized his feelings for T.O.P, that's something I've heard people say quite often, since he seemed to already have a crush on T.O.P by then).

He also made it clear that R.O.D wasn't written for a woman, despite the fact that he sings "Me and girlfriend", so don't let anyone tell you Bonamana isn't about Tabi because he used the word "girl" in it.

And honestly, I don't think GD is the only one who can have a hard time lying about his inspiration. During an interview, T.O.P said that he wrote the song 'Girlfriend' for VIPs, his fans, but here he couldn't say that lie very easily, especially after being reminded of how hard he worked on making his verse as perfect as he could (and being a bit tipsy). Watch the whole video tho, I rewatched it for this ask and realized I kinda just paraphrased what they said in this video..lmao..all that analyzing for nothing..

Anyways... here's the actual answer to your question ToT

[poe-the-failure]

This was the day. (Story of a trans person comng out to his parents)

This is the day. 

Im finally gonna tell my mom im trans. I cant tell it to my father, too risky, im still convinced he wouldnt be very happy. I tell my mom a lot of things, it should be okay. I heard its easier to write it down. 

He took a pencil (no pens in sight), and, after a minute of looking for it, the least smashed paper he managed to find.

Weird feeling. Im happy, so happy. Ive been wanting to tell this to her for so long now, however the anxiety is as big as is the happiness. I hope this time she will take it seriously and support me. Maybe i could get my first binder! That would be so amazing.

And started writing:

Dear mom,

Wait, is this too much?

He erased a bit:

mom,

Okay, no this is worse.

He closed his eyes for a bit, opened them, looked around the room, took a deep breath, and wrote again:

Dear mom,

Fuck it.

He continued:

Dear mom,

In the last few weeks I've been wanting to tell you something.

How many weeks was it again?

Oh, shit, it’s already been like three weeks. Whoa. I can do this. I have to.

He continued again:

Dear mom,

In the last few weeks i've been wanting to tell you something. I'm trans.

FUCK. I cant. I should maybe sugarcoat it somehow? How the fuck do i even do that!? Shit. Okay, i gotta write this. I have to. I can.

He took breathed a bit (not that he wasn't breathing before) and continued:

Dear mom,

In the last few weeks I've been wanting to tell you something. I'm trans. I feel like a boy. Maybe you noticed, maybe you didn't. All I really want from you is support. Of course, you don't have to change the way you treat me, though it would be VERY nice if you talked about me as he (using he/him pronouns), if it isn't okay with you, could you at least not refer to me as girl and maybe use they/them pronouns? Thank you. 

I would also like to say that i, no, this is not a phase. I'm a boy. I hate my chest. I hate choosing which toilets to use. I hate being referred to as a girl. I feel happy only in one or two outfits because in everything else i feel like i look girly, or my hips or chest are too visible. I came to dislike my gym classes because of this too, since the teacher refers to us as girls, which i simply am not. I feel way happier when looking like a boy. It makes me unbelievably happy to just be a boy. I have dysphoria. thought. I would rather not be trans, but i am. Though i do use a different name with some close friends, i am not ready to use it normally. 

Again, all i really want from you is support and understanding. Maybe you will now understand why i choose to participate or not participate in some events. 

At the end i would like to say that i am probably just as confused as you are. And there are questions i cannot answer now. 

Sigh, that was…

A lot.

That is a lot.

I hope itll just end up well. Its gonna be okay. It has to be okay, right? yea yeaa. Fuck but what if not. What if she will act like nothing happened. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Shit, stop swearing. Bro. you just. Okay okay nevermind. Uh fuck offffff

He put the pencil down. Hopefully, his mother is one of the better ones.

Being trans isnt a choice. 

(And oh trust me, being pan isnt a choice either, oh how many times it was rather a curse than something id choose)

[qoldenskies]

Yes yes yes I love ask games :3

14, 21, and 76? (for CL specifically on the last one!!)

14. how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

i am a verrrryyyy sensitive person who's had a fair share of panic attacks (my record was uhhh three in a row in one school day! i think i was in seventh grade? but it was once a day for pretty much my whole sophmore year it was NASTY, especially because i had fits that could last hourrsss) so i really claw deep into my own experiences when i write guilt and spiraling thoughts, it's not really cathartic or triggering for me but it helps me get into their brains a little!! although i HAVE cracked at couple of scenes, never into tears but sometimes i find myself holding my breath or feeling a pit in my stomach. i was actually hyperventilating a little when i wrote cw ch11 it was craaaazy

really i think the thing ive tried to emphasize the most was to go out of my way not to make it... detached, i guess? its a limited third person pov so im thinking in the way they see the world, how things go in and out of focus, etc etc. it can fuck with the prose but i think punchy simplicity works well especially when it comes to scenes with despair/fear (i think of that one line "He was feverish and delirious. He was scared and alone. It was so dark." in CL because goddd he's just a kidddddd.,,,,,)

idk im mostly eyeballing like everything i dont have any concrete advice

21. Would you ever collaborate with another writer for a story?

oh for sure at some point, maybe!! although i go at an extremely fast pace and my mind is always racing, and when i used to try to collaborate with my friends with ocs and stuff i always got. frustrated always having to consult them, so i would end up in my own little bubble and i always felt like such an asshole :( im worried i would end up doing something like that if i did, although i dont think i had problems doing it back in like 2019 so maybe? fanfic might be different, especially since its a lot more linear

its an appealing idea for sureeee, especially if i have a lot of synergy with the other person and i dont feel awkward presenting ideas LOL

76. Did you have any ideas that didn’t make the final cut of [Fanfic Name]?

ive gotten some ideas that i thought up AFTERWARDS, but when it comes to CL as i was writing it hmmm yeah i actually cut a couple of things because i put it out a little precooked,, originally i thought i was gonna release it on halloween!!

it was mostly in regards to the early stuff, little scenes that i thought would round out the pacing that i cut because i couldnt find any inspiration for them, but when it comes to the nasty abuse i will say: i was originally planning to show the beatdown in the hallway, and i wanted to rewrite the family meeting to make it worse. i've ACTUALLY been cornered like that by my family before (for uh. asking for therapy of all things, it's in the Traumatic Experience log, but its been years and they've all apologized and changed dw), although not to that extent, so i felt like i couldve made it longer. just make it crueler and crueler and crueler. and then i thought about it and was like Ehhhh raph wouldn't allow that he's not that far gone yet LOL. dude i was originally going to make them tear into EVERYTHING i could possibly think up. down to his little verbal quirks and the way he stands (and that's less from MY personal experience and more the way that i've seen people ONLINE shit talk others, especially neurodivergent lolcows. it was a very good source of inspiration). it was very close to getting nasstyyyyy.

OH and i wanted donnie to stay with april a little longer but it didnt turn out that way, i got her into the story like i wanted so success (and his absence gave them space to plan the murder attempt)

[irlmaeda]

Hiya! I found your blog through your neocities website! I was wondering if there’s any tips or things you read/watched that help you make your site. (Im heavily considering making one of my own neocities site it just seems fun)

hihi welcome !! i have quite a few pieces of advice, but the tldr is you should come up with an idea for what you want to make beforehand, and look up how to do each piece! your knowledge will start to fill in along the way :]

(this is probably gonna be long as hell so under the cut is all of the fun stuff /silly)

the way i personally started off was by sketching out what i wanted my site to look like! if you know what you want before you begin, you'll know where to look to figure out what you need to do. html+ css are extremely easy languages to read/write once you know what to look for!

^ this was the original sketch for my site, where i planned out everything i wanted to include. it's a bit different from what actually ended up on the site, but that's alright! it's just about having an outline to work from. i think of it like outlining before you write, it feels like such a pain in the ass because u just wanna start working NOW but u will thank yourself later for taking the time to plan.

once you know what you want to make, start looking for tutorials and resources to make it easier! the grid for my homepage and some of my other subpages was made using a css grid generator, since its one of the more confusing bits of css. you can make grids without it, but its a very easy way to make a more asymmetrical design if ur using the generator!

thats linked here, it gives you some css to put in your head or css sheet, and then the html for the different boxes to slap in your main document. it can be easier to understand what itll look like if you give each one a border while you work, even if its just temporary!

when looking for information about css and html, w3schools is your best friend. its a pretty comprehensive database of every little piece of html + css you could ever need, with examples you can play with yourself to understand what each variable does! it's been a lifesaver for me, ive watched basically zero video tutorials because everything on there is explained so well and you can find basically Anything.

they even have code snippets for things that take more than one or two lines of code, which you can use and adapt yourself! (the tooltips on the official art + my art sections on the hinata shrine were adapted from a tutorial on there!)

in general, having a plan and working from there will make ur life so much easier. the pages that ive sketched out beforehand or ive had a very clear vision for have been WAYY easier to code than the ones i tried to come up with on the fly, and ive been much happier with how they've turned out as well. though i do also have some smaller, rapidfire tips as well that ill go thru now!!

— inline css (the style="" tag) seems so so useful but really should only be used when you're resizing images like buttons. when u keep all of your css in the head or in a seperate document, its way easier to debug and read later. i cleaned up my homepage recently by removing all of the inline css and looking at the code stresses me out WAY less because i can actually read it LOLOL ... plus cutting the css out and putting it in its own document made me realize that id accidentally wrote some really weird code in some places

— this is very much 'do as i say, not as i do,' but use an external editor (like visual studio code) instead of editing live on neocities! you can set up a live preview, and generally wont be pushing out 100 updates every single time you change or add something. i tend to code directly on neocities but its a bad habit and i want to break it eventually v_v

— if you really like an effect someone else has on their site, you can peek using inspect element i promise the coding police won't get you !! dont steal code line for line, but you can figure out what theyre doing and put your own spin on it. things like border images can be really cool, and i only figured out about them because i looked at what someone else was doing and figured out how to adapt it for my own site! check linkbooks and credit sections as well, a lot of people will include links to any effect they didnt make themself or got help with. (including me! the credits section of the linkbook has a ton of little things i got from other places, including a really neat little music player, the rss feed for my status cafe, and the wobbly text on the homepage!)

— most stuff in html and css basically just... says what it does in the tag. so looking stuff up for it is extremely easy! if you've used carrd before you honestly probably already know more abt html than u'd think just intuitively. when ur adjusting the margins or padding in carrd, you're adjusting the margin: and padding: properties in the css of the website it's outputting!

this is getting way too long but!! my best advice is to just get started. you'll never be able to learn without trying, and it genuinely is so fun to have something that's truly your own!

(if u have any specific questions im happy to answer anytime as well! i love talking abt neocities, its a super fun hobby and way easier to pick up than u would think!)

[jazzmckay]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

tagged by @broodwoof :> i think ive done this one before but my memory is bad enough that i dont remember my own answers and they might be different because ive posted a lot lately so. here we go

not sure who all has already done this... if you're a writer seeing this and you havent done it yet, do it and tag me 😂

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

116

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,010,049 babeyyy

3) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Truth in Melody (geralt/jaskier) - 1,534 - my contribution to the famous accidental warlord geralt au, with jaskier as a redanian spy in his midst

The World Upside Down (gen) - 1,367 - my first detroit: become human fic, the beginning of a found family saga

Variable Outcome (gen/connor & gavin) - 910 - one of the many, many d:bh Evidence Room Canon Divergence fics out there

left an impression on my heart (scott/stiles) - 869 - one of the teen wolf old guard fics still clinging to relevancy... 😂

Winter Chill and Summer Bloom (connor/gavin) - 732 - one of my dbh magnum opuses, as far as im concerned

4) What fandoms do you write for?

right now, dragon age. in the past? well.

the walking dead should have its own folder but for some reason during that era i wrote exclusively on gdocs idk. the "other" folder contains l4d2, shameless, shadowhunters, sense8, and borderlands.

5) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yep, comments mean a lot to me so i always take the time to reply. if i don't, it's probably because the person said something that made me uncomfortable which has unfortunately happened a couple times lol.... just "oversharing with a stranger" kind of things

6) What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i have 2 that are basically the same level of hurt/no comfort

Fair Compensation (rk900/perkins) - failed android revolution, perkins being a scumbag

Scoured (anders/hawke) - inquisitor anders is made tranquil

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

im not really sure how to quantify this. im just gonna say this one thats all very light and happy and sweet all the way through. i give even my darkest whump a happy ending, generally, but this one seems like among the most overall fluffy?

Irresistible Gravity (connor/gavin) - 5+1 fic, they keep running into each other in unexpected places as connor figures himself out post-revolution

8) Do you get hate on fics?

i have gotten unsolicited crit before. just deleted it

9) Do you write smut?

yep and i wish i could write more. unfortunately, i struggle

10) Do you write crossovers?

depends on your definition of crossover. i don't think ive written any "the characters from both verses get smooshed into one" before, but ive written "characters from x verse transported into y verse".

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that im aware of

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

yea! one all the way back on fanfic.net lol.... it was a twilight fic. we dont need to talk about it. but more recently:

Wellspring (cole & vivienne) - based on the banter where cole tells vivienne that if templars come for her, he'll kill them. it was translated into russian!

13) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

yep, loooong time ago, when i was participating in homestuck shipping events where we got on teams for a ship. shout out to the catchat 🐈

since, ive talked about co-writing a couple times but we never made it anywhere lmao

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

this is the worst question in existence how very dare you. i wonder what i said last time. i wonder if it was corvo attano/daud from dishonored. i feel like i probably did say them

15) What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i still want to finish ALL my wips. if i had infinite time and spoons, id still finish everything unless ive changed too much since then, which basically just means stuff that goes all the way back to the teenage years, or if the source has been soured for me too much (hp, overwatch). im not sure which im least likely to finish tho... probably the longfic dbh au stuff

16) What are your writing strengths?

i don't know lol i often get comments on my characterization so probably that! i'd like to think i'm decent at pacing as well, particularly since i've spent a lot of time working on it

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

i struggle the most with fluff, smut and conclusions. i also don't have the spoons for long, complex plots anymore, if im honest, and that really sucks. i get easily overwhelmed when trying to piece it together. hopefully the energy comes back someday

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

there are times when its appropriate but i think it's something to be careful with. first of all: avoiding racist tropes. a character using other languages should have meaning or be realistic, imo, not be quirky or fetishizing. just need to make sure there's a real, grounded reason for it, that it makes sense. people who speak multiple languages irl have a lot to say about what its like.

and then you need to be careful about the clarity of the text. if there's too much and the readers don't understand, it's going to be confusing. don't lock important context behind a language barrier. don't risk frustrating a person into giving up on the story because they cant keep up. and no, putting translations in the notes is not always enough, if it means the reader has to constantly stop reading to check the notes, losing their place or the flow of the scene

19) First fandom you wrote for?

gonna be real with yall. if you count hand-written things that never made it into fandom spaces and werent even written with the understanding that it was fanfic......... angry beavers. yah, the cartoon about the beaver brothers. yes

if we're talking actual intentional fandom activity that made it to the internet, that would be harry potter.

20) Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

the previously mentioned winter chill and summer bloom is certainly up there. i think ill also say my dbh vampire au series:

Vampire AU (a.k.a. gay vampire/hunter shenanigans)

i'm also very fond of my two fics named after lyrics from blackbird by the beatles

into the light of the dark black night (gen) - dbh post-bomb ending fic

take these broken wings and learn to fly (kara/north) - whumpy soulmate au femslash lets go

[rosekasa]

20 questions for fic writers!

thank u @jattendschaton for tagging me 🥺 i love these questions

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

i have 107 on maketea, but with my um. two other accounts i have 128

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

on maketea i have 293,935, but with at least one of my other accounts (one of them is for ml and one of them for another fandom, the latter of which i cant be bothered to log in to rn shdjsk) the total is 313,681!!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

miraculous ladybug mainly! but i have also written for owari no seraph. ive written for other fandoms but im not counting it if i literally only have one work to my name for them HSJAJA with ons at least i have 3 on maketea and 12 on my other account

THEORETICALLY. i also write for sailor moon. i have a substantial amount in my google docs. they just havent manifested themselves into existence yet

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

apology gifts, like poles of a magnet, new marinette, a nine-year old (fhfjsj), and i'll marry you! ive actually had kudos/hits/comments stats hidden on ao3 since 2021 so i have no clue how many kudos any of these have which is very funny to me

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i try to but i always get distracted midway through going through my inbox which is totally on me fjdkka. i always decide to do it when im literally in the middle of class for whatever fuckin reason HAHAHA. i also always feel bad because im like 'oh i havent replied to this in literally two years im too embarrassed to reply now'

i also want to reply with more than just 'thank you' because comments mean SO MUCH TO ME but i think i psych myself out of replying because im too scared i won't be able to express it properly

im trying to resolve to get better at it!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ehemememem. ya'aburnee.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

ooh, id say new marinette! in terms of like. the emotional arc or whatever

i was gonna say lpoam, but i think there's still a bit of lingering Sad there

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i want to say no. but ive been writing fics for ten years now and i feel like i mustve done Something weird when i was younger

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yep, for an old fandom on wattpad!

shdkska this is really funny, but back then i made a playlist for the fic, and i remember the person who translated it wrote in their translation of that chapter 'i wouldve done it differently but it's okay' that still makes me laugh

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yep, i did one for owari no seraph and one for ml! i have some others in the works tho hehe

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

guess

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

oh hmm. i think i am delusional and believe all my wips will someday be finished HDJFJSJS so im changing this question to 'doubt you will in the near future'. for that, id say maybeeee my amnesia adrien fic. 40k words in the doc and babe is still marinating

16. What are your writing strengths?

hmm. i think im quite good at writing interactions! i mean, i like the way i write them at least. i love capturing the feeling of being with people and i think i do it well!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

there's something that feels kind of hesitant when i read my docs sometimes? it feels like im worried to hit the point of the plot head-on and skirting around what i actually want to say. i think what i'm trying to do to improve is to be a bit more direct in my narration style and focus on being descriptive only when it's needed.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

ive done it before!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

oh i dont want to answer this. one direction

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

like poles of a magnet <3

tagging @destiny-with-you , @mozzygan , @asukiess , @ladyofthenoodle , and whoever else wants to do this!!! just say i tagged u when u do it hehe

[corbinfall]

the mega list of jay and how ive connected her to noah kahan songs (pre warning i wrote all of these while listening to the song so they might be inaccurate but im just going with feels and a lot of head canons

(also these were all written with my friends who don’t watch riptide or listen to noah kahan in mind so)

!!spoilers will be in this for essentially the entire campaign!!

nothern attitude is all about how the environment you're raised in shapes who you become, jay was raised a soldier she struggles to be fully open with her co-captains and crew for months, lying and withholding information because it's what she was trained to do. she was trained and raised as a spy it's not until the metaphorical summertime where she thaws and becomes open that her personality has time to expand and change beyond the attitude she was taught

stick season very heavily gives me the energy of jay before she left with chip, a lot of feelings of loss that she can't fully deal with and it's at a period in her life where neither of her parents are fully there to help her. it's her missing ava and wanting to be able to see her sister again

all my love is such a song that resembles her drunken conversation with lizzie back in episode 58 as well as their dynamic post 101 and how it changed after everything came out between them

she calls me back as jay and kira (this ones more from kiras pov but shshsh) jay just fucking up and left without telling kira her best friend who supports in in everything it would make sense that there's a lot of unresolved feelings between them, how do you stop yourself from doing a daily thing of checking on someone you care about deeply? someone who just disappeared in the night? someone you loved? (ohhh sharpshooter ily)

come over is in my eyes jay talking to chip or gill about growing up and what that was like, how it felt to have essentially the worlds eyes on her since she was a ferin. it's a lot of longing wishing she could have had a more normal childhood while also wishing that her father and extended family actually wanted her more and she wasn't just the back up

guess what new perspectives is about sharpshooter too, about how they slowly drifted and how they gained new perspectives on the world. it's about how jay still struggles to see why kira or ava stayed with the navy for as long as they did/do when it's such a messy system and the constant question she has for kira as to why she thinks she can change things

everywhere everything is a late night conversation between jay and gill, two fucked kids who were forced into roles they didn't want. it's something they can bond over, something they can find comfort in no matter where they end up.

orange juice (my favourite song) this song is may ferin talking to jay on the few occasions she comes home, trying to support and love her daughter even if she doesn't agree with the pirating. it's a song of attempting to love her no matter what even as jay becomes a different person than the daughter she raised a stonger person whos able to find help and deal with her grief finally

strawberry wine is one i struggle with more but i do view it as a sisterly love between her and ava, longing for memories of a bygone time when she was a different person how they just clicked together and knew almost every secret that the other had and how losing ava tore her apart.

growing sideways is another song about her grief and anger that came from avas death and jayson distancing himself from everything. about running on nothing but those deep rooted emotions that won't let you go down and how it warps your personal growth much in the way plants growing that are never cared for or rotated will only grow one way.

anyways halloween. so fun fact this song actually starts off with mentions of sailors and sailing so thats fun. but anywho i can only view this song as her internal monologue surrounding jayson ferin, how he's become a ghost of the father he was in order to cope with ava and how that really fucked her up. and how it wasn't until she was with the riptide pirates and no longer living in his legacy that she was somewhat free even if she was haunted by the ghost of everything he was to her

so homesick is the one song i can't mentally tie any connection to jay because in my mind its the timothy rand song from his jrwi campaign bloon in the bayou

still (i forget this songs on the album a lot) but yeah basically jay struggling and refusing to fully cut herself off from the ferins because that is her family, as much as she hates them they are who raised her and how she'll never fully be able to say goodbye to that

the view between villages aka the night that she went with chip and the rush of emotions that hit her as she realised she was somewhat free from everything that had held her down

your needs, my needs i don't really have full ideas for this one, it's a bunch of scattered ideas of the survivors guilt jay feels towards chip and gill and how it's slowly been eating at her till she spirals and loses herself slightly

paul revere this is another song i've thought about lots and basically it's in my mind about jay leaving and how she changed as a person, reflecting on how far she's come since she fully escaped the navy and became her own person the co-captain of the albatross not just jay ferin while at the same time embracing the fact that the past will always bare that and she can't erase it

no complaints once again the anger that jay grew accustomed to knowing through out her childhood and how it changed her as a person and how shes still learning to live with it

call your mom all i can see is someone comforting and helping jay after a really bad spiral (because that girl is not very stable) and how she's still a human who needs support and help in her life

you're gonna go far this songs from someone elses pov probably may talking about and supporting jay through her growth as a person and essentially telling her daughter she will always have a place to come back to if she needs it, their home will always be welcome to her and she can come and go as she needs

if you for whatever reason chose to read this heres a fic i wrote about orange juice 👍

also listen to noah kahan https://open.spotify.com/album/1pb3je8gXTs5dpRRTKhHRC?si=NhsoMHuDRdmCQc39wolvOw

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas, reg kin anon back already haha

(again, cw/tw for medical stuff and complicated family dynamics)

firstly, thank you for your supportive and kind words, they really do mean a lot to me (and everyone else you help; youre genuinely such a wonderful person and deserve everything good in life ♡)

i think ive come to the conclusion that i havent really processed the whole situation yet, honestly. even though i wrote it to you, i havent actually said the words out loud about my mother's diagnosis (and honestly writing them out again is a struggle haha, like my fingers are blocked from doing it), and it kind of feels like saying it makes it real? does that make sense? i dunno. it feels so impossible to imagine my mother being genuinely sick with something so serious. 'my mother' and 'cancer' dont fit in the same sentence.

but i didnt really realise until now just how major of a major life event this is for everyone and everything. because (and remember, i have a very complicated relationship with my mother. i once defined it as 'i dont have to like you to love you' and i think thats really relevant to now, too) my mother was going to help me with moving out (both buying things ill need, as well as actually moving out on the day) but she told me yesterday that ill have to go out to get things myself because she physically cant right now. i didnt think id mind so much, i like having my own independance and doing things myself, but i went out today to buy everything i need and i was struggling so much more than i thought. i genuinely almost had a breakdown crying in the first shop i went to.

honestly part of that was because i had no idea what i needed or where was best to get it or what any of the fancy words about different types of stuff meant (like, who even knows what depth their mattress is to buy the right bedsheet?? what is a tog??? whats the difference between a bath sheet and a bath towel?? they look the same!) but also because that was something we were supposed to do together. i dont like her and theres so much about her i want to change, but theres a huge part of me that was looking forward to a parent/child experience that so many normal families have, especially because i didnt get a lot of other typical 'growing up' moments with my parents due to how my family is.

part of me, in all honesty, considered waiting to move out, partly so that she could still be part of it, and partly so that i was in a better place emotionally to be able to handle the change. but if i were to do that, id have to wait another year (im moving out to go to university, and i already put it off last year to get a job instead because i was scared and anxious about university) and i dont know that i could go a whole extra year stuck at home. theoretically, i could afford to move out and rent (or buy, if i went to one of the cheap areas) when i felt ready in however many months time, but itd be a huge drain on my savings and would be nowhere near where ill be for school the following year so itd be a waste of money and time. itd be stupid and silly for me to put off university for another year, but i did consider it. i wont, but part of me is scared and wants to.

i met up with my older brother for lunch while i was out (who, sticking with the black family dynamics, is kind of like the andromeda of my family. he moved out 5 years ago to break away from the family and rarely comes home, and is probably the one person in my life who i feel genuinely comfortable and safe around) and we talked about it which was nice, especially considering my family is typically very much a 'do not talk about your feelings at all' sort of family, and as a whole we have not discussed anything further about my mother's health or how we're all handling it since that first conversation. he was super gentle and caring and honestly that in itself made me want to cry a bit because hes just so not at all like our parents?? idk who raised him but i wish theyd raised me too hahaha

but anyway, he was really open and supporting with me. he talked a bit about how he was feeling (which was super validating, because he was also hit hard by it and had complex feelings about it all) and he was really clear too that if i needed anything at all, i could always go to him and would always be welcome at his flat if i needed time away, even when i move out. (seriously, who raised this perfect older brother????) basically he was everything i needed in that moment and i am really genuinely thankful he exists, so at least my parents made one decent thing haha

still, though. i think its starting to hit me now just how many things are going to change and, as selfish as it is, how many things im going to lose and miss out on because of it. i dont like my mother, but i want her there to help me take that next step in my adult life, yknow? she, nor my father, have explicitly said she wont be able to help on moving day, but its not likely, and theres no way on earth i could ever ask whether she will (again: selfish thinking.)

my brother did mention, though, that the type of cancer our mother has is apparently one of the worse types if it isnt caught early enough. as far as i understand it (which isnt much, honestly, i dont understand much with medicine), she has cancer in her abdomen and its usually caught too late to get rid of. i didnt know this until today, i think our father didnt want to worry me? but i dont actually know how far along the cancer is (which stage it is? i think thats the right term) and i dont know at what stage it becomes too late. my brother also didnt seem to know, but now thats put a new worry in my head because my father explicitly did not mention that to me, so of course my brain has jumped to conclusions about why and what that means. im trying not to spiral, but ever since i found out about her diagnosis, i dont actually think ive gone ten minutes without 'fuck, my mother has cancer' or something similar going through my head, and restarting the breakdown id just pushed down again.

as expected, my sister was already making inappropriate jokes about it by the next time i saw her. i spoke to my brother about this too (hes cut contact with her entirely, like i plan to) and that was part of why he offered to let me stay with him if i ever needed; to escape our sister as much as our mother. i dont understand how she doesnt care a single bit. i know shes never got along with our parents but like, at least have a little decency and sensitivity?? she was literally laughing about it and i just... i dont get how someone could be such an awful person. sure whatever, she doesnt have to be upset if she really doesnt care, but thats crossing a fucking line.

this is getting to be another long ask so im gonna stop here for now, but before i do i just want to say thank you again for being such a safe place for myself and others. you are so, so wonderful cas ♡

- reg kin anon

Hi hon ❤️❤️❤️

I know there’s not a lot I can say right now to make you feel better because unfortunately I don’t know the future. I don’t know how this will turn out and neither do you. But I want to say again that your feelings - all of them - are okay and valid and none of them are bad or shameful. It’s okay to mourn the things that you might miss and it’s okay to have mixed emotions. No feelings are right or wrong here, and I’m here when you need to vent. Also I know move in Day will be hard but I’m so proud of you for continuing to prepare for university.

Sending so much love ❤️

[avpdfreak]

Hey Kari 🎧

Is it ok if I ask you about your Danganronpa Protagonist Nagito rewrite? I ask because yesterday I saw this post of yours related to your rewrite and I thought I'd send you this message and ask some questions about it myself.

1. With Nagito's new talent in your rewrite now being the Ultimate Assassin, is his personality the same as in canon, different in this rewrite, or a mix of both?

2. Does this rewrite take place during the main timeline with the tragedy, Monokuma, Junko, and the killing game? Or does it take place in a different AU? Is this like a Talent Swap AU story since you gave the main trio of SDR2 having different talents from the original canon? If so, does that also apply to the rest of the DR2 cast?

3. How much of the rewrite do you have planned/figured out (ex. how it begins, the characters, plot & story, arcs (story and character-wise), plot twists (if there's any in this rewrite, that is), the events of each chapter, how it ends, etc)?

4. How did you come up with the idea for your DR rewrite in the first place?

5. What made you want to switch Hajime & Chiaki's roles from protagonist (Hinata) & support (Nanami) to support (Hinata) & antagonist (Nanami)?

Anyways, feel free to respond back to me whenever you get the chance. Thank you, have a wonderful day/afternoon/night, and hope you all enjoy your weekend. 🤗💕❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💖💕🤗

OOKK HIII :33

1. nagito is more of a mix , he's more anti social , but he's still obsessed with hope but in his own different way , he finds hope interesting , as he finds what keeps people going interesting , he doesn't have really anything to live for so he sees other people's hope as a way for motivation

2. yeah it's the same universe for the most part. with just some changes , such as the sdr2 characters being remnants , it doesn't fit with most of their backstories so i'm trying to find something to replace it with , and yeah the talents are switched as i thought it would be fun to explore characters without their usual talents

3: i've finished the characters arcs for the main trio , ive finished chapter 5 and 6 , i have a lot of ideas for plot twists , the only real problem i have is balancing the characters ; i need it so it isn't only about nagito , hajime , chiaki , even if their the ones with the most interesting story and most character development i still need to make sure it's balanced

4. i've had this in my head for awhile , ive thought of scenarios for it , but i never fully wrote it out , my idea actually came from gacha at first ; on youtube i saw all these people making fan games using gacha and that's how the idea got into my head

5. i wanted to explore other dynamics with the characters , and also since nagito is such a complex character i thought it would be fun to over analyze his thoughts and actions , so he got made the protagonist

[winderlylandchime]

Hello!! I love how we are all hoping that Jordan brings back the podcast, i need those two besties back so badly. I feel like they have so much stuff they could talk about especially now with the strikes, it’d be fun to hear their take on it. I am honestly not ready for him to find out how the filming and the aftermath of the show was on Gale and Randy. I know he’s gonna lose his shit to find out how some people were towards them (especially since his idea of Gale in his head is obviously different and in his mind Gale and Randy are bffs like how he is with his friends.) but also i think he will be shocked to find out they both kind of stepped back from the show and had certain issues with it. He did storm in my room randomly today and went ‘IS THAT WHY THERE WAS LESS SEX STUFF?!’ Which btw it was 10 am when he did that, I barely knew i was awake. Basically he was up almost all night thinking about the finale and the podcast (he is once again that conspiracy meme) and he realized in later seasons there’s less sex scenes and now he is distraught that maybe it’s because Randy was uncomfortable. He was having an entire crisis over it. While I don’t know what all i will show him/what he’ll see on his own (i wanna show him bts content and like obviously anything else i can find) but i will be keeping con videos/posts FAR away from him because some of those are the worst things ive ever seen in my life, no offense to anyone. I will say, If you or anyone has any ideas what else I should show him, let me know because he has been losing his mind begging me to let him listen to more of the podcast.

As for our mom, i swear that woman is actually pretty chaotic herself but unlike my brother she hides it better. Both of our parents are insane but for some reason only he doesn’t even make an effort to hide it. She did get a long email sent to her by my brother because she was ignoring his calls and he wanted to talk about s4 finale. It was titled ‘IMPORTANT! NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SHOW’ and then it was almost a short novel about the show.. He wanted to hear her thoughts since he is still undecided about Justin not saying yes to moving in. And he wrote a little bit about the podcast and he also asked her if she thinks Randy would like him if they met (clearly he is feeling a certain way about this) which caused a different crisis, a much bigger one: would Gale like him if they met. That crisis lasted almost 2 hours btw. Anyway as a reply to the email she just forwarded it to our dad who forwarded it back to me to tell me to ‘change the wifi password.’ And then I immediately got a call from my mom about the podcast asking me if it’s about the show and how he already has enough weird hobbies and why can’t I get him into something normal like a pottery group or painting group or something with normal people around. And then I heard in the background our uncle who went ‘after all the stories about him talking to DOCTORS, you want to unleash him on a person who is not medically trained?’ So he is now being encouraged to stay home and watch tv. Also: he is currently talking to his best friend about the finale, while writing down mind maps and lists of what he thinks season 5 will be. He’s having a bit of issues with it because the LA offer apparently fucked quite a lot of things up for him so his original list no longer makes sense. He is also talking to him at the same time (he’s jumping from topic to topic) about Gale and how shocked he was that Randy didn’t enjoy the qaf fame. I don’t know how this became my life. More importantly I would just like to say: i cannot wait for your new fic! I mean your last fic got us here so I can’t wait to see what happens next. But also bearded Brian>>

The podcast talking about the strikes would be amazing! I was hoping we would get a Barbie movie episode but alas. I really want to hear the besties talk about Greta Gerwig.

I have never seen the con clips and I’m grateful. I have too much secondhand embarrassment to sit through that boundary-crossing behavior and invasive questions.

I LOVE that your parents were like “change the wifi password” and uncle was like “unleash him into the world?” and they responded “jk never mind.”

I personally think Gale and Randy are still friends but we would never know with the one proof of life per year Gale gives us and Randy being tightlipped about his time on the show.

Wait until your brother realizes that one of Randy’s partner’s is named Justin (or is that the kid? either way there’s a Justin!)

I am dreading his reaction to S5 but we all watched it so he must as well…

And, yes, bearded Brian >>>

BUT I saw your request at the top - folks let’s start to pull together a post-S5 education for all necessary BTS for Brother Anon to fully understand QAF! In box me or comment on this post.

[sollucets]

hi rowan! sorry to hear you had a rough day. for the writing ask game: how about 19, 28, and/or 39?

hello mel 💜💜💜 thank you for indulging me (game) i wrote. way too much. and it was a lovely distraction x

19. tell me a story about your writing journey. when did you start? why did you start? were there bumps along the way? where are you now and where are you going?

i will stick with only one of these i think, or this will be far Far too long, so: fic writer rowan, several starts

the first time i remember like specifically intentionally setting out to write something that counts as a story, on purpose & not for school, i am eight & i am handwriting in a composition notebook and i am writing oc/transparent self-insert fanfiction about the protector of the small quartet by tamora pierce. i am using the family computer to look up oc names on angelfire fansites. these are 100% The Days haha.

i do more stuff like that, later; i handwrite pages on pages of pokemon fanfic (make-ur-own region type thing complete with bad drawings of fake pokemon). i do a lot of this kind of thing on my own and for me, and then i am maybe 10 or 11 & i move that to forums (bulbagarden palletshipping thread…..,,,) this is baby fanfic writer rowan genesis, and posting on the internet before i was in middle school entirely killed my desire to do it for over a decade; i write often and a lot even outside of my work (ive completed nanowrimo three times!) but nobody ever sees it.

i get an ao3 in 2013 and post one doctor who fic but i am too scared and i orphan it right away. during a really intense media fixation i try again at the beginning of 2022 despite immense anxiety and find its not so bad. and then again for a different fandom a couple months later, and the response is such an immediate pickmeup & the writer friends ive made are so lovely that ive been trying my best ever since

28. who is the most delightful character youve ever written? why?

this is so hard. sobs. i like writing characters that have unique speech patterns, who like. make the narrative Sound different by being the pov character, which is something thats sometimes kind of hard about english-translated works (am i changing their cadence too much would they actually talk like that how much is my interpretation of the subs messing it up) so,,, i think for me i think the Most delightful characters that i always have the most fun writing are always characters like. avvy rasmr, who talks like a little fantasy spock, or anyone i can give talking quirks (like aye’s petnames). this is a copout u cant ever ask me my favorite anything i cant choose

39. what keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

you see most of the time i am aware that i love writing its something thats good for me as a person and i feel better when i do it even if its hard and the process occasionally sucks and in that way it is similar to like. taking a stupid mental health walk. you know. so,,,, if i can (sometimes you really just cannot. it happens. its okay) i just…. like….. honestly the ‘i’m being so brave about it’ mindset is good for this. be annoyed & bitch & complain but u still gotta do it and look!!! you did!!!!!

also selective giving up is good for you. have several things to choose from so if something stalls you Can give up, just a little, and go elsewhere for a bit

[saberlibrary]

HIYAAA, this is me, IM SO HAPPY YOU WANT TO BE MOOTS WITH ME AS WELL, so far ive finsihed most of my assignments I just a few that take a little more longer and so much more effort but after that im so taking a big break.

so true though, ive been a ghost user since I joined and that was like 2020 I totally saw the rise and the fandom of the superwholock era but I never really joined in on it as I haven't watched those shows so Tumblr was like an app that was there but I wasn't using it every hour of the day as I am now, it has now become my favourite escape from reality other than sleeping (and even that could use some improvement like lucid dreaming or maybe even shifting) >_< so ive just been a consumer on here until I see like blogs that drop posts within a minute and the next day it has more than like 10,000 notes (WHICH they soo deserve bc damn they write so majestically) and I was like man I would die if even one person liked my posts and liked what I wrote, I cant even imagine how I would react to 100 let alone 10,000. like I think I would sob. and the way blogs write their posts, you can tell they put their whole mind and soul and everything into it, its so beautiful. so this community really ignited my previously dead passion for writing and I love it for that.

I have no experience in working but I think I might have to start soon since my situation sort of demands it so I have no idea what its like but I can only imagine changing 100% of a campaign is more than stressful, I hope it goes well for you and you get more free time to yourself.

also I noticed you said mother language, i'm actually curious, what's your mother language?

also side note: I was rereading your sukuna body and soul fic (for like the nth time bc I cant get enough of it) and I was so shocked bc like I LOATHE sukuna after like everything he did ARGH I cant express how much I hate him but omg that fic, mmmh, it hit different because my hatred for him, boom, somehow became nonexistent and im daydreaming about being the reincarnated lover of this epitome of evil man. im literally catching feelings that's how good it was.

i really enjoyed your reply and I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me, its honestly the first time im having interactions other than likes on here. and im so glad that I get to be mutuals with you.

hope you're doing well, >>>>3333

euorian.

I'm so happy to finally meet you, boo! <3

I hope you can finish your assignments asap and enjoy the New Year's and also a good break!!

I actually watched 2/3 of superwholock so it was... an experience!! I also get so happy when I see authors with that many notes because I know how they put their hearts into their writing and they totally deserve it. and they're doing it FOR FREE, it's kinda insane especially when we read some shakespearian level kinda thing.

and I can tell you even one interaction makes a big difference, people like you -- taking a bit of your time to write a little something -- supporting us mean the world. so, thank you again. and I assure you I'll be there to support you as well with your writing ^_^

and AHHHHHHHHH I'm so glad you liked my sukuna!!! I'm gonna tell ya I'm NOT a sukuna girlie lol. gojo is my fav jjk character (toji and megumi fight for 2nd place). BUT I think sukuna is a great villain, he's hot af and I mean-- I WOULD. and the idea of that big bad monster, the king of curses, being obsessed with a woman? A SIMP? IM DOWN.

definitely gonna write more about him.

my mother language is portuguese !!!

you can always talk to me, send me DMs, whatever u want! again, its nice to meet you, euorian. <3

[tillinghastcorporatemedia]

Often Dystopia (And how its gonna affect my art)

As much as there are some seriously good dystopian fiction. (yes im enamored with sci-fi) personally to me it almost feels tired but i understand the appeal and popularity

But how does this effect my art, and turn TillinGhast Corporate Media

Well first let me explain what TillinGhast Corporate Media is

TGCM was and is me taking what little part of my previous project that never took off and i never made it very far with, Tillinghast

Tillinghast was my outlet for my anger and isolation, and originally began after the death of my grandfather and the falling out of the people i had tried to gather for a band

I had written an ep dealing with my loss and an album that was inspired by election day 2016 and the amount of anger that i felt towards the establishment that i was already growing increasingly tired of

I ended that project after 2-3 years of trying to find vocalists/funds/and start making art

after that died i didnt touch any project and just wrote shitty electronic again, much like everytime i get bored with writing metal, but this time i had much more fun making just beeps and boops with no expectation of vocals and just making basic looping music

So where did TillinGhast Corporate Media come from?

If you notice i did keep the tillinghast name, as i found out when i first started this solo shit, isnt wasnt in use by any active musicians, and i only found one band that hadnt been active in over 8 years

But i wanted something new

something different

So i kinda let my focus on music, the thing i had been doing for over 10 years, go to the side to try and create elsewhere, right at the beginning of 2020

the first thing i thought i would try?

Writing a book

Which as a lot of people on here know, is really really really really really fucking hard to do, especially when you start this shit working a 9 hour overnight shift and writing on days off while everyone else you care about is asleep

And in figuring out what i had wanted to write then, i decided to not go big, but to try and keep me entertained, i needed more than just a few characters

So using a small chunk of info i had written down when i was trying to get into dnd and make my own scifi version of the game, i created a few planets, each with different species and histories and lore and economies

and i made a decision

Each planet would have different stories

to try and keep me entertained

which worked for about a year, and i havent updated since because i have trouble making myself create anything other than music, but i dont wanna get too recent or on a tangent

But why the name TillinGhast Corporate Media?

Well, because it sounds cool as shit. I used to love vaporwave and alternative genres and anything i could find that was "weird"

but also at some point i decided that if i do ever blow up, i want to hire other creatives and actually pay them well, and give them a place to really get out a message for the future

But its just me

So i get to have all the say

at least for now

But why a universe you ask? Why is this so damn long? Get to the point?

well at least for two of those im trying to be verbose and explain myself, and honestly if you read this far i love you and hope that youll stay here on this journey with me

I've always wanted to be part of a group, art creative, touring band, etc.

Ive gotten close only once or twice, but ive always been diy and taught myself shit so i figured i wanted to combine all of my loves into one thing, one giant sandbox where i can be creative in my decisions

And once again, i didnt want it to be just me. So TillinGhast Corporate Media will always be changing and evolving as i learn more about this giant world im having to navigate

I will say there will probably errors or fails, but i want this to be inclusive and open and loving so other people can use this as a means to escape, if even for a little bit, the harsh reality we all face.

Much like i got an escape in music and books as a kid and teenager

So why a universe? because a universe is big and can hold many stories and many perspectives, much like a library can hold many different pieces of knowledge

So to get to the final point, for those of you who actually made it this far based on the title

TillinGhast Corporate Media both as myself and as a future idea or brand

at least for now

Will not ever be a dystopia story

I have not forced myself to change and grow and evolve and continue to sit in my negativity and apathy and just general poopy pants view of the world

To not try with all my might to maybe write something that while not a utopia, is not dystopia and imagines a brighter, better, future where people maybe dont have to worry about as much, because they learned from our awful horrible past and actually refuse to repeat any of it

To try and make this more about characters and stories and music and the things that make myself and others smile, instead of regurgitated dystopias where even basic life is rough

does this mean everything will be all flowers and butterflies and my little pony?

absolutely the fuck not

Truth is often stranger than fiction and anything can happen even in a shiny place, but the point is to not be a negative nancy and have a bunch of shitty stuff going on all the time

One of the planets is a floating colony with what little remains of the human race

One planet is basically in the middle of an uprising of an exiled group

The book im writing (kinda spoilery but idk if ever ill finish this damn thing) literally has an act of terrorism being planned from someone who was radicalized by a really bad group that is basically space religion and its many parallels

All of my short stories are slice of life stuff that happens in a few scenarios where each character reacts to an outside force

But this wont ever be some dragged out for purely entertainment type angsty or edgy or anything like some books do with trauma

i want to look at stuff like we're building to something better, not something worse. optimistic but not utopia or something like that

(honestly this point ive already kinda gotten myself choked up so im gonna wrap it up)

But TillinGhast Corporate Media is basically my idea for a better future

and maybe im wrong and my stuff sucks and i need to change it

i have no idea because no one really follows my shit

so i just do what i want within the dumb boundaries and expectations i place on myself

but it is has been better before and it will get better again, and i am tired of that place being only in my head

so im creating this big huge universe with aliases that i call "artists" so it looks like there is actual musicians in this universe, i at one point started on a medium length animation series, and im trying to use my shitty computer to learn 3d shit

So stick around, at least you'll get some music out of it

and on that note i will mention i do have a few singles and 2 albums out, all of which is on youtube and streaming sites (its on spotify but i fucking hate spotify both as a company and some of the people they sponsor stream on any other site please you'll give more money to your favorite artists)

[lolipopjewel]

fanfic author tag game

tagged by my bestie @snove101 thank u so much!!!! i dont think i have any other fanfic writing friends to tag so if u see this and you want to do it then do it! u can say i tagged u ;3

How many works do you have on AO3 ?

23 surprisingly enough... damn i didnt realize ive published that many

What's your total AO3 word count?

64,849 according to my ao3 statistics

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes

Home is wherever I'm with you - 417

Stay stay stay - 379

Anything for you - 328

I'll go up in flames with you - 322

It's cold, I don't want to be lonely - 302

Do you respond to comments?

yes ofc! i usually respond to most comments but sometimes if they are just short i forget to, but i read them all <3

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Either Would I do it again? or Deathbed, both are open endings which I wrote specifically for the reader to decide what happens after but they both involve potential character deaths and not happy endings

Do you write crossovers?

god no, i actively avoid crossovers like the plague it's really not my style ^^;; i was a "rise of the frozen brave tangled dragon guardians" kid when i was younger but since then I have not been a crossover person

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

hmmm not particularly? I did get someone on my splatblog giving me shit for writing a m4rie drabble that i recieved as a request bc the splatoon agents dont have canon ages- largely due to the fact that they are self insert characters- and they were implying i was writing about a gr00ming situation. after that person said something about it i felt really icky and laid out my personal "lore" for the agents i write for on my splatblog, including their ages which are all over 18, so there would be no misunderstandings. still makes me a little mad to think about it -.-

Do you write smut?

yes :3 i write quite a bit of it actually i just don't publish it </3 i dont finish a lot of stuff i start writing so there are lots of half finished smut one shots on my computer

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't believe so...

Have you ever had a fic translated?

no but it would be very cool if someone did!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no and i dont really have a desire to, im insecure about my work lol

What's your all-time favorite ship?

ahhh its such a hard question, im not sure i can choose just one and my top favorite is always changing based on what im hyperfocused on. some ships i come back to frequently though are achilles/patroclus/zagreus, kuroo/kenma, hinata/kenma, and ramuda/jakurai

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

agh... watercolor.... i have a lot of ideas for it and i do get inspiration to work on it every now and then or someone comments on the fic and i want to write more but im so bad with chaptered fics. i think i originally intended for it to be a one shot but i liked the idea of it so much and i just kept writing. maybe one day i'll wrap it up at a place i like but not anytime soon.

What are your writing strengths?

i like to think im good at introspective and emotional scenes from the character's perspective, irl im very empathetic so its easy for me to describe the feelings in writing

What are your writing weaknesses?

adhd renders me incapable of writing chaptered fics i fear, also i struggle sometimes with not writing the same thing multiple times, like picking different words to use can be hard if that makes sense

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

definitely a cool concept! i only know english and american sign language so I don't really write in other languages since i don't know them

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

genshin impact!!! i am currently in the hyperfixation hard rn and i've never published anything for the fandom on ao3 so i do want to. also my hades 2 drafts that are sitting in my docs unfinished bc i cant play the game yet.... one day....

What's your favorite fic you've written?

Watercolor!!! something about the style i wrote it in is just very appealing to me and its something that i can look back on and read with fondness and actually compliment myself on. like i said earlier sometimes i get inspiration to keep writing for it but im not good at chaptered fics so i dont know if i'll ever finish it but its definitely a work im very proud of.