#Healthy Relationships

[not-so-soft-now]

[fragile-things-archive]

i carry two of the deepest fears: one is something happening to you, beyond my control; the other, is me hurting you—something within my hands. i’m so afraid of losing you. you are the warmth of my soul, the light in my heart. the thought of losing you is unbearable, like losing a part of myself. how is it possible for someone to be so, so incredible in every way? how is it possible for me to have the luck to spend my life with you?

[selene-tempest]

Our Biographer has taken a break over Christmas (apparently we are a lot to deal with, lies I tell you) but John and I , along with the other idiots, wanted to wish you all a happy and SAFE Christmas. Emphasis on the safe, we don't want to have to come out in the middle of dinner to save your sorry butt.

Anyway, we're gonna spend the rest of Christmas Eve in bed I'm going to watch Muppets Christmas Carol and he's going to ignore it and me.

Lots of love x

[sk-lumen]

What a healthy, secure relationship looks like

He communicates consistently and clearly. Replies promptly, doesn't leave you on seen, checks up on you throughout the day/week according to his schedule and in agreement with your needs as well.

He pays attention to your needs and desires and quirks, and makes your life better using said details. Ie. buys your favorite kind of flowers, makes your favorite tea in the morning, remembers your food allergies when having dinner dates, etc.

Disagreements may still appear even in health relationships, and it's ok, as communication is essentual for a healthy dynamic. However, his approach to disagreements is a secure one: each will share their perspective, and if feelings were hurt or mistakes were made, he takes accountability for his side, and makes genuine apologies followed by reparations and direct actions (ie. "I'm sorry I did x, I didn't mean to hurt you. I will be/do y in the future", and then does as he promised).

Promises are kept. His actions are in alignment with his words, and he keeps his words. If he says he'll call you after work, he does. If he says he needs to cool off during an argument and will reopen the conversation in 1h, he does indeed return in 1h to continue the topic.

If you're anxious, he will reassure you and work through it. He doesn't run away or avoid the topic (as an avoidantly attached person would).

If you come forward communicating your needs, or sharing complaints or grievances, he will hear you out and actively seek a way to improve things. He won't freak out, or get angry or run away in response to you having needs or communicating your thoughts; these are normal relationship things you're entitled to, and a securely attached man knows this.

A man that is well-rounded, with a secure attachment style, will have a rich life of his own: hobbies, interests, circles of friends, activities, etc. He will enjoy having his independence and space, and will respect your need for your own. He is not co-dependent, nor gets in the way of you having your own life outside of him. He knows having individually rich lives is important for a healthy relationship. To expand on this, he encourages you to enjoy your selfcare time, your girl's night out, or whatever other activities nourish you.

[theambitiouswoman]

Green Flags in Communication 💚💬

"I want to know when I hurt your feelings."

This shows they are willing to understand and acknowledge the impact of their actions.

"I don't want you to feel alone in this."

This shows empathy and indicates that the person is supportive and does not want the person to deal with issues alone.

"I've been struggling with ___”

This demonstrates vulnerability and trust, as the person is open about their struggles.

"How have you been feeling about ___? I know it's been on your mind a lot."

This shows concern for the other person's issues or worries, showing that they are listening and care about what's important to the other person.

"I feel __ when you __; are you open to trying __ next time?"

This is an example of constructive communication.

"What do you need from me when this happens with your family?"

This shows awareness and sensitivity to the persons family dynamics and a willingness to provide support.

"I appreciate when you ___.”

Expressing appreciation is vital for positive reinforcement and acknowledging the efforts and qualities of the other person.

"I didn't handle that well."

This is a sign of self-awareness and accountability, recognizing one's own mistakes and being open to learning and growth.

"I'm sorry, I was wrong to say that. I'll try to be more mindful in the future."

Shows you are able to apologize genuinely and a commitment to improving behavior.

"Tell me more about that; I'm really interested in hearing your perspective."

Indicates a genuine interest in the other person's thoughts and feelings.

"I noticed you seemed a bit off today. Is everything okay?"

It shows you are attentive to the other person's emotional state and a readiness to provide support.

"I'm here for you, no matter what you need."

Offers unconditional support, creating a sense of security in the relationship.

"I love how passionate you are about your hobbies. It's inspiring to see."

Expresses admiration for the other person's interests.

"Let's work on a solution together. What do you think would be fair?"

Focusing on collaboration rather than conflict.

"I trust your judgment on this."

Trust and respect for the other person's decision-making abilities.

"Your happiness is important to me. Let's make sure you're taking time for yourself."

Prioritizes the other person's happiness and emphasizes the importance of self care.

"It's okay to feel that way. Do you want to talk about it more?"

Validates the other person's feelings.

"I appreciate how you handled that situation. You're really good at ___."

Praises specific strengths or skills, boosting the other person's self-esteem.

"I know we disagree, but I respect your point of view."

Acknowledges differences in opinion while still maintaining respect and understanding.

[figs-and-cigs]

[theereina]

BLACK LOVE

[thepeacefulgarden]

[inmyperfectworld]

𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚢𝚙𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝙸 𝚜𝚎𝚎𝚔 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚑𝚢, 𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚎, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎. ♥️

[safe-haven-safe-place]

[adviceformefromme]

There is a difference between a man that goes along with your flow and a man that chooses you. 

A man that goes along with your flow will be following your lead, he might be in a relationship with you because you gave him an ulitmatum, he might respond to your messages because you initiate them, he might travel to see you because he knows secs is on the table… But the problem here is he’s not actively choosing you which is a reflection of you not actually choosing you, and you’ll feel it. You’ll feel something is off, something you can’t put your finger on and it will be the gut feeling that you’re over invested in your relationship to the point where the energy is imbalanced. He is now in the feminine role, and you are now in the masculine role of pursing. You are carrying the relationship, and with that - he goes along with your flow. Not his flow...

Because a man that chooses you allows you to lean back into your feminine energy. He is intentional about you, his actions say clearly 'I want you, I am choosing you'. He adds to your life and not subtracts, he supports you in your dreams, encourages you, works around your schedule - because you have a life that does not revolve around him. He goes out of his way to make effort with you, he allows you to feel safe and secure in the relationship, he admires and respects you for who you truly are. There is no trying to impress a man that chooses you, because he is in awe of your essence. The you without trying, the you, who is enough simply existing.

So if you find yourself in a situation where he's following your lead, he's taken on the feminine role of receiving..It's time to flip the script. And this is where you be about your business. Becoming a woman who's about her business is about walking in your purpose and if you don't know what that is, that becomes your focus. You're de-centering him because you know the harms of putting a man on a pedestal. You're leaning into your feminine flow, into the feeling energy, you're signing up for the dance class, doing the morning runs, you're working through your New Years resolution list that got sidelined when you became overly focused on him. You're remembering that you wanted to travel to South America and you're saving up to book the flights. You're deepening your connection with God, you're journaling more and creating a more wholesome loving relationship with self. You are about your business. Not him, not others. About you, and with this you become the magnetic pole. You attract. You're in your goddess energy. You feel more at peace, and if he falls away from the you who is choosing you, he was never meant for you. So do your self a favour, be about your business, and let him choose you.

[not-so-soft-now]

[fragile-things-archive]

the intimacy of sleeping together, but not in a sexual way. the intimacy of feeling the warmth of their body in a cool room. their hands hugging you tightly. the intimacy of synchronized breathing. sleepy half-kisses. feeling safe. feeling warm. waking up and realizing how much you love them. how precious this is. finding the happiness on the tip of your fingers, brushing their hair. closing your eyes again. pulling closer. falling asleep.

[bisexualwoman0]

My Girl

[whatbigotspost]

I don’t know OP but I know her type too well. This was shared in my feed by one of my dad’s cousins who has been all too happy to endlessly post similar (and much more extremely embarrassing and oversharing) rants bc her youngest turned 18 and promptly dropped her toxic household like a bad habit.

I don’t know maybe it’s because I haven’t spoken to my own controlling, self-absorbed, abusive parent in 15 years, but to me it seems that what we actually have an epidemic of is child abusers who didn’t count on being held accountable by their adult children someday. But too bad so sad for them, we mercifully got access to info about how much better life can be without them trying to control our every move and we said fuck this and hightailed it over into a life we actually enjoy 🤷‍♀️

Call me crazy but all my friends who have parents who treat them like autonomous humans are still talking to them so…..idk try not being a piece of shit and maybe when your kids are adults they’ll still choose to have a relationship with you instead of being coerced into it.

(I will refrain from trotting out my ideas too heavily about how I am convinced this is tied to people like Moms For Liberty being against social emotional learning initiatives in schools bc they don’t want their kids to know what healthy, kind relationships are supposed to be like.)

[theambitiouswoman]

We have three brains: The head brain, the gut and the heart.

🧠 Head (Brain): This is where our logic, intellect, and conscious thought processes are centered. Despite its importance, 90% of our behavior is influenced by our unconscious mind.

How to take care:

🧠 Do activities that stimulate your brain, such as puzzles, reading, learning new skills, or practicing mindfulness meditation. These activities can help improve cognitive function and maintain brain health.

🧠 Healthy nutrition, regular exercise, adequate sleep, and managing stress are crucial for brain health. Physical health directly impacts your cognitive abilities and mental clarity.

🧠 Keep your brain active by learning new things regularly. This could involve hobbies, courses, or activities that challenge and stimulate your intellect.

🍽️  Gut: Often referred to as our "second brain," the gut produces a significant amount of serotonin, which plays a crucial role in mood regulation and overall emotional management.

How to take care:

🍽️  Eat a diet rich in fiber, fruits, vegetables, and probiotics (like yogurt or kefir) to promote a healthy gut microbiome. Avoid excessive sugar and processed foods.

🍽️  Drink plenty of water throughout the day to support digestion and overall gut function.

🍽️  Stress can negatively impact your gut health. Practice stress reduction techniques like deep breathing, yoga, or meditation to maintain a healthy gut-brain axis.

❤️ Heart: The heart has neural pathways that communicate with the brain, suggesting a bidirectional flow of information. This connection emphasizes the role of emotions, intuition, and feelings in our decision making and overall cognitive processes.

How to take care:

❤️ Maintain positive relationships, express your emotions constructively, and engage in activities that bring you happiness and fulfillment.

❤️ Regular exercise not only benefits the heart but also helps manage your emotions by releasing endorphins and reducing stress.

❤️ Take time for your self care activities that nurture your emotional and psychological health.