#Billy is adopting the Gotham rogues one by one

[moonlightcycle571]

Waylon: Are you telling me that I can get a house, friendly neighbours and a job with fair pay without any hint of criminal activity

Billy: Yeah dude, we have tons of non-humans. I could recommend you to a great croc community, next to the dryad forest.

Waylon: And I won’t run away if I were to go grocery shopping or be called a freak on the street

Billy: What, no! That’s so not cool

Waylon: And your local hero…

Billy: Loves magical folk. He is magic. And the Champion changes form every now and then so he’s not all hung up about looks.

Waylon: but I’m not magic

Billy, not listening: His best friend is a Bipedal Tiger. He’s the museum night guard. He’s amazing *keeps talking about magic, tigers, second chances and Turing your life around*

Waylon: …

Waylon: When can I move

Bonus:

Ivy: Dryad forest you say

Clayface: Changes forms you say

Two face: many faces

Riddler: I think I heard something about trolls and riddles in his rant

Catwoman: a bipedal tiger 🐯

Bonus 2:

Batman: Captain why are some of my most prominent rogues moving to Fawcette

Captain Marvel: Who do you mean

Batman: Killer Croc is a good example

Billy, fully knowing Waylon despises that name: …

Billy: Now listen here you little shit-

If Billy met Waylon Jones on a trip to Gotham he absolutely wouldn't think he was a monster. There are so many crocodiles talking to Fawcett.

He would be in Gotham when he heard people starting to scream around him. He goes to the nearest person to ask what's going on and it turns out that this charming gentleman crocodile is asking him why he's not afraid of his appearance.

Billy : Are you just a crocodile ? I know things are different in Gotham but this racism is ridiculous.

Waylon adores him and Billy talked Waylon into stopping by Fawcett for a visit. Discovering the culture Billy thinks he's been cut off from. Batman wonders why at the next meeting Captain Marvel is complaining about Gotham's racism towards non-humans.

[lycheeloving]

I now have a writing brain worm because of you.

Reading the shared darling au, with Captain Marvel viewing us as a parent or sibling made my heart just squeal from wanting to pinch his cheeks. (Auto correct used punch instead of pinch.)

Reading yandere Bat Fam, especially non-platonic yandere Bruce, made me think of how goopy this man is for his kids and how he'd probably be feral for a partner who also loves adopted children the same. (As evident from Selina, but with cats.)

So imagine with me if you will, we're a civilian in Fawcett. (don't know if I wrote that right.) You see a 12 year old boy around the city who's obviously homeless, but he tries to help as many people as possible.

You make food that's good cold, will last awhile without a fridge, or is so fresh it's still steaming for this kid. You give him blankets and clothes that are too big because it's better for him to grow into them. You don't know where he disappears to during a crisis and it's eating you up inside. So you offer your place in case of emergencies, or if he just wants to come by.

Eventually, he trusts us and slowly starts appearing every now and again. You already turned a guest room in your apartment into his room. It's like having an outdoor cat, but it's a kid. You offer getting him enrolled in school again, through the Internet so it's easier for his lifestyle and cause you want him to succeed even if it's not in your home. He gets so emotional that he asks if you could be his parent. You say that you'll try your best and work to get a foster license. Billy lays low so CPS won't try to take him again since this is a home he found and wants to stay.

Meanwhile, Batman found out that Captain Marvel was a 12 year old named Billy Batson. An orphan with no shelter, food, or clean clothes. Who runs from every foster home he's been in. He debates how he's going to either adopt the kid or is going to find a way to make him stop being a Hero until he's older.

Bruce is deep in thought when new information on Billy surfaces. He's registered as a student for online classes. Bruce sees this as the opportunity to get the kid in Gotham. By offering these online students and their parents the ability to tour Gotham Academy campus, all fairs paid as well as accomodations, on the chance they will win a full ride for the Academy of three of them. Room and board for said winning students and their parents offered jobs at Wayne Enterprises, as well. Not as anything major, unless you have the skills for it, but still a good job with amazing benefits.

Billy is mildly excited at the prospect of going to an actual school. And the possibility of you also getting a better job with better benefits. There's also the fact that, in the city of crime, it'd be easier for you to legally become a foster parent and/or adopt him!

You two decide to take the offer. Billy feels guilty for leaving Fawcett, even though there's no guarantee he'll win. He also made sure to ask others to check in on his city in case anything happens.

While on the tour, the group gets held hostage by a gang who's leader wants to become an official Rogue. One thing leads to another and you get shot through the right side of your chest while trying to shield Billy.

This leads Bruce to having his own trauma brought back up and the guilt of orchestrating all of this, even if it was to try to give a kid a better life. All the other parents back out of the 'contest' but you have to go to the hospital in Gotham. Bruce pays for all treatments and opens his home to Billy while the kid waits for us to recover, visiting every single day. Billy gets the scholarship on the basis he accepted it and was the only one willing to.

Bat Fam grow to think of Billy as a brother and, other than Bruce, kinda hope the kid's guardian doesn't make it or stays in a coma. Bruce on the other hand is wracked with guilt. He made Billy go through the same trauma he did.

He also becomes obsessive over you, given the fact that you acted as such a good parent. And that you were like him, trying to adopt a feral child that trusted no one. The more he looked into your background and your actions, the more he wanted to get to know you as a person.

When you finally wake up, it's to Billy tapping away at some school work. Chocking out, "Bil-ly?" Gets the tiny boy to launch at you.

You find out about everything and feel guilty that the billionaire paid your medical bills and that you don't know how to repay him back. Bruce uses this to his advantage and asks you to be a secretary. Obviously, while we're learning to walk again and have physical therapy, the best way to move around is a wheelchair. Thank goodness Bruce is already prepared for that.

It was so kind to let you and Billy into his home after the injury. Even the rest of Bruce's Brood have come to like you after a while. From corralling business men, making coffee, volunteering at animal a homeless shelters, trying pilates or aerobics, and learning a bit of ballet as you regain control of your body.

You're walking again! You have money from your nice job. You're looking into getting an apartment for you and Billy.

That last part most definitely doesn't fit anyone else's narrative of how it should be.

...did i write anything about Captain Marvel? 🤔 Or did you just mean my fics made you think of him? lol

EITHER WAY this was really good & cute, thanks! I'm glad I inspired you <3

[dyinggirldied]

adoption bait alert

A crack joke but do the batkids (like, im thinking it's probably Tim who started it or maybe Barbara) install an alert that will warn them if there is a dark-hair, blue-eyes children/teenagers around? 

Imagine if Danny Fenton, Marinette Dupain-Cheng and Billy Batson for one reason or another (cross-school frield trip) have to come to Gotham and the alarm at the Wayne Mansion rang ‼️ 

They didn't think much until those 3 kids who not so subtly work together to defeat the gotham rogue (any of your choosing) that threatens their classes.

Batkids immediately hide all adoption papers from Bruce 📑 

[spacedace]

Does anyone else have the thing where they just end up trying to pack The Most ™️ into a fic? Like, I have an initial, simple premise, then my brain is like, hey remember all these other things? Let's squash em in there, they fit.

And like, I can make them fit, but at what point is it too much? At what point is there no more room for things to make sense?

Take for example my Gotham's Favorite Psychiatrist Jazz AU, it started simple with the idea "hey what if Jazz said fuck Arkham and tried to work directly with the rogues and gave the Batfam a crisis in the process?" Then it expanded to include some fun BatPham chaos and shenanigans (see the disaster dinner snippets lol) and now I'm working on trying to fit in such bangers as:

- Dan adopts feral gremlin Billy after the kid tries to steal his wallet and is a supportive dad to his magic vigilante son

- Danny decides to Be Gay and Do Crimes by tracking down Catwoman and asking her to teach him how to be a cat burglar (without using his powers, because he's trying to challenge himself) to pull off some Robin Hood shit

- Elle and Talia's adventures of trying to save Damian from Ras without alerting him to the fact that Ras is up to shit because they both just want him to not have to deal with that shit

And like, half a dozen other smaller things on top of that that I want to incorporate, but like at what point is it too much? At what point do I atop trying to shove it all in one bag and instead break it down into smaller stuff? Like all of the above could be their own stories (and literally everything I post is up for being used as writing prompts, yall are fantastic and I'd love to read everything yall wrote using those ideas) so should I just make them their own or just keep trying to fold it all in to one thing?

[beesandhoney1219]

There was one reason why Billy Batson wasn’t allowed in Gotham.

It wasn’t because it was dangerous, or he had powers.

No, it was because the Rogues would immediately try and adopt them.

Harley, the Dents, Firefly, and Selina all have soft spots for kids. Riddler and Crane relate to the boy due to their abusive past, so does Garfield.

And Billy is too nice to say anything so fighting the Rogues becomes really difficult because he feels so bad.

(Sidenote; I basically do this on Twitter on a Shazam roleplay account. @ Lightingclap is the username if ya wanna check it out)

[caleism-1]

Masterpost and Masterlist

(Some are mine, most aren’t. I’m just putting this to save post I like)

Updates from Lee (Caleism-1)

Part 2 (in Progress)

Important

Suicide or self harm concern on tumblr, what to do, and how to inform and help

Tips That Can Save Your Kid’s Life. - Stranger danger & what to do

HIV

Fanfiction Authors: HEADS UP - check if your works are being pirated

Please tell your children if they are stopped by police to say in unequivocal terms, "I will not speak to you without a lawyer."

Brest cancer awareness- self check

Cheetahs

Actual good self care hand out

Some of my post

Going to get milk

Krs horrified of having another sibling

The AU’s meet: [Al & Lsh]

Crossover ideas I had

Tcf fic ideas - Cale and Krs sibling ideas

Tcf fic idea - no escape

Female Cale ideas and notes

Something that is never broken with GoN!Cale

The beginning of the ended world

Incomplete idea

The parents

Art, art tips, etc

Art advice

Tip on how to do tiled floors

Anyone fan comic and art

Master List or Post I like

dcxdpdabbles Masterposts Links

Master Post of Phics by phandomfic

Don’t eat anything else (with og prompt)

Rin_may_1103 Masterpost

Masterpost for Finally Getting Help

tu-turu-turuh Masterpost

virgamsysxvolumes master of Masterpost

Mama bat dp x dc

letoasai masterlist

corkinavoid’s info and Masterpost

Herosonas Masterpost

Samgirl98 Masterpost

gilbirda - Danny phantom

redflagshipwriter Masterpost

Stealingyourbones Masterpost

radiance1 Masterpost

Dpxdc fic recs

Finally Getting Help masterpost

The haunted car Danny masterpost

Fast car Masterpost

Batboy

anonymous-existences Masterpost

Candlecoo masterlist

Twitter AU Masterpost -DC only

Post and prompts I like

Test my limits au

Drunk Cale picks fights and win

Krs’s survivor ability [Survivor part 2]

Dan Phantom vs. the Justice League - Most DCxDP fanworks gloss over how Dark Danny/Phantom kills the JL, or argue that TUE wouldn't play out the same way in the DC universe (Aka how Dan could have taken the heroes out from DC)

DPxDC cheat sheet

What if KRS!Cale tells them he used to be younger than Og!Cale, but they’re under the impression that Og Cale was 18. Cale doesn’t realize this.

a second chance isnt worth losing you au -mha

Roomba [2] [2.5]

Ghost flu [1]

Practice your skills

Massager Danny - physical therapist 

De aged Damian - Damian is de-aged to a baby and lost in Gotham.

Each male robin falls for a Nightingale

Rogues of Gotham Fucking Around and Finding Out with Amity

Constantine makes ghost freak out

school project gone wrong - dead serious

Everlasting trio adopts Tim. [1]

Dp x Dc Prompt: Royalty visits the DC Universe AU - Pariah Dark is released again and instead of being his usual evil self, he decides to go and adopt the baby ghost who defeated him. Danny doesn’t like this

Jl thinks Phantom would eat anything green and glowing!"

The consequences of your actions - Batman and Robin had broken into Vlad Masters Hotel because they found something that was extremely similar to Lazarus water as Damian looks around he ends up in the bed room where he finds a crib that has a sleeping baby in it underneath the crib he finds injections filled with Lazarus water and comes to the conclusion that he is experimenting on this baby. Damian decides that he needs to take her when he leave.

Batman and robin kidnaps Dani Au leading to Gotham being sent to the GZ

"Were very sorry sir. The children thought your people were from the government."

Jokers dead body -snail grave

Blog of fighting food

Which one is in Danger?

Bruce is bad at emoting but at least ghosts are empathic (too bad bat kids are not) [2] [3]

De aged Dan and mama Danny

War day

I want waffle fries - Anyone animation

krs finding comfort in small spaces or higher up places

Kryptonian clone Jack au

They’re the strongest?!?! -pick out their strongest to fight alien evaders. Danny, Clark, and Billy

canon/fanon batfam meets Mom Danny!Damian.

Salvage Tomorrow - Bart, Danny going to the ruined past, Dan king regent seen as Danny’s Dad

Danny the tiktok star -danny's jokes about being adopted by bruce suddenly turn serious au

The Dance Academy isn't a gang- DC X DP Prompt

You’re worth is more than a penny. -Alfred Pennyworth was raised by Phantom.

Confused as Tim

Constantine sacrificed by cultist to his son Danny

Noona Rosalyn

Pharaoh Tucker with his “Wifes” Sam and Danny

Ghost Phobia: Danny Fenton

Glass coffin

Pool noodle - Batfam AUs where Jason or Damian or just anyone who wasn’t there for Tim’s early days as Robin thinking he’s the calm, boring Robin who always listens to Batman etc.

Young clone? - superboy thinks danny, body deaged to but still has memories, is a young clone. Clark was not happy about Danny’s foul language

Clone kids au - Danny and Robin have clone children-phantom elf au

[gr1555]

Marvel/Shazam Family Headcanons

Speedsters enjoy joint missions in Fawcett because the Vasquez prepare a meal afterwards and are willing to accommodate for them without complaint

Time works differently in Fawcett, the marvel family age slower because of this

The power of Shazam affect the Marvel family in their human form

Billy and Mary are friends with many of the others heroes rogues

Bruce is secretly afraid of Mary after he accidentally invoked what Freddy calls Scary Mary No one knows what happened, only that Mary got upset about him trying to kick her out of Gotham when she was investing a magic related incident only for it to end in Mary having a new car and fully stocked belt

Mary and Diana get along really well, but when they do fight no one is willing to in between it with many choosing to do off world missions to avoid them altogether

Billy once threatened bruce when he offered to adopt him

Multiple of the younger members of the league has had a crush on Mary at some point (the newest version of Mary where she's an adult) but none of them have hit on her due to her being college age but mainly due to being afraid of Billy

Nearly all the side kicks have had a crush on Mary as well

On more than one occasion the Shazam Family used the watchtower for a live action game of amoung us

Many people don't realize it, but Billy and Mary are nearly equal in strength/power

[ketchup-monthly]

🎶 and ✅️ for the fanfic ask meme? :)

hehehe! into the fray i go again! thank you!!

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

-i dont necessarily listen to music when i write, like maybe i'll have some music going in the background because i need at least a low level of noise at all times or i'll go insane, but i know rn i'm listening to jazz radio on pandora because my brother put it on like 7 hours ago and its still going. i'm a huge fan of the classical composer Holst and his suite The Planets, and i'll listen to that when im writing or need to focus on whatever it is that i'm doing (Jupiter was my school song in high school and is actually one of my favorite classical songs because it's very lovely)(link here bc i have to share it)(this is a link to a playlist of the rest of the suite)

-i mostly just have the tv on if im writing at home, and then i'll usually put something like s1 of Lois and Clark, Green Lantern: the Animated Series, Tanked, some random cooking show, or Mysteries at the Museum. or whatever my youtube recommends. depends on how im feeling each day and how much i'll need to actually focus on my fic.

-i do listen to music when im driving for work, and currently im working my way through The Crane Wives and The Orion Experience's albums (i already finished Waterparks)

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

-Hal and Barry's cat, Goose. she's an orange kitten and Wally is allergic to her.

-kissies. lots of halbarry kissies

-guy gardner is really good with kids and also he has a dog named shark who is a retired k9 unit. also he watches soap operas and romance movies even tho hes totally aroace

-idk if its something that people even notice in my halbarry fics, but hal is jewish. tbh i think i mean to include it more but totally forget

-kryptonians are fucked up. so are speedsters. so are lanterns.

-hal is old-man core. he just is. its amazing and i love him. he also has a bad leg and has to use a cane sometimes bc he got an injury that healed very wrong when he was a young lantern

-also wally and kyle are basically always like...9 and 7 respectively in my fics about the halbarry family because idk. fun ages. theyre still little but they can talk and think. idk when they'll get older

-this is more in my aus that i haven't written but hopefully will eventually, but giving bruce's kids to literally anyone else. i have an au where the only kids bruce keeps are dick and damian and maybe duke. i have another where duke is trained/fostered by alan scott and his husband, and another where duke is trained/fostered by midnighter and eventually apollo. the au where the only kids bruce gets are dick and dami and duke is the same one where all the other batkids are taken in by various gotham rogues. i have aus where tim is trained/taken in by dinah lance and her mom dinah drake, kon is adopted by alan scott, roy is adopted by dinah and his her sidekick instead of olivers, billy is adopted by lex luthor, kon stays with lex luthor and is raised by him along with lexs daughter who is kons half twin, billy is adopted by clark and hal and sorta guy and the rest of the red lanterns that i like, clark is found by the gls when hes a baby and is raised by kilowog, etc etc etc. bestie i have so many aus and i could talk about them for ages (edit: i also have one where jason is adopted by john constantine and etrigan the demon without jason bloods knowledge)

-sorry most of those were about halbarry and their family lol. im writing a lot of that this year

thanks for the ask!!! <3

[howtheworldcouldb]

Billy Batson Gets Adopted AU, but the adopter he’s avidly avoiding is Lex Luthor.

When Lex first heard of Captain Marvel, he was… unenthused, to put it lightly. Another Kryptonian? It was bad enough when that second one, “Supergirl” had entered the superhero stage; Lex had few hopes for the appearance of a third. Superman even paid Fawcett a visit, and Lex’s grim worries were all but sealed. Except… he started hearing rumors. Different rumors, of the world’s “Mightiest Mortal”. Of a man, human and magic and power, who could stand up against Superman and maybe come out on top. A match. A defense. A man Lex most certainly wanted on his side.

Which turned out to be difficult, since Marvel was impossible to get ahold of. He was nowhere. Sure, he showed up to every disaster, every moment of peril and sign of distress, but he never stayed. He was there precisely long enough to get the job done, and not a second later. It was irritating. It was infuriating. It was giving Lex a migraine. Even Batman, you could occasionally catch at crime scenes or flag down on the rooftops of Gotham, not that Lex had ever tried—Gotham was a beast best avoided. But Marvel? Nothing. At least when he was battling his rogues gallery you could see him flying through the streets, but on his off time? It was like the man stopped existing. Lex Corp’s agents couldn’t find hide of hair of him. The man didn’t respond to public requests for contact, nor any of the more discreet methods Lex and employed. It was astounding. And Lex did not like astounding. He liked answers, and he liked aces in his pocket, and neither of those things would matter if he couldn’t get the Big Red Cheese to talk to him. So he sent Mercy to investigate. To either get Marvel on their side, or get the idiot to speak to them. Mercy marched into his office two weeks later with no contact point, no progress, and a video. a video of a man, a flash of lightning, and then a small, malnourished child.

“Ah,” Lex thought. “Ah.”

So. Captain Marvel was an orphaned, homeless ten year old with inexplicable powers and absolutely zero support system.

Lex was going to steal him.

Steal wasn’t quite the right word, since everything Lex was doing would be completely legal and above-board. Unorthodox, sure, but he had far more than enough money to make it happen in a way that even Big Blue couldn’t dispute. An application, some pressure and a few favors, and suddenly Lex Luthor was a registered foster parent. Now all he needed to do was find the child and ensure he ended up in his care

Billy doesn’t know what the hell is going on or why Lex Corp is suddenly flooding the streets of Fawcett, but he figures this is as good an excuse as any to punch a billionaire in the face

Que several thousand words of Kevin McAllister level evasion tactics, tomfuckery, stranger danger, weaponized baby face, (attempted) manipulation, a very confused and concerned League, telling Superman to fuck off for wildly different reasons, identity shenanigans, and the slow, begrudging mutual understanding and sort-of respect that Billy and Lex are furious is happening

(Luthor and Billy are locked in a battle of wills and guile while the League stands there like “is Luthor… trying to kidnap a child?? Marvel, are you doing anything about this?? We can help, this seems like a multiple hero situation—“ and Marvel is very nicely telling them to mind their own fucking business. They do not. Billy is mad at everyone except Cyborg, who let Billy know he was coming to Fawcett ahead of time)

[stealingyourbones]

Alright I’ve been tagged by @radiance1 to do the WIP Challenge. Rules Here!

Feel free to ask me about any of them and I’ll be happy to let u know what it’s about! :D

I tag uhhhh @aryaokayfriend , @bonebrokebuddy , @tourettesdog and @p0ssym1lker

Ok so my written ones:

The adventures of Dash Baxter and the kid he beat the shit out of in highschool

Super Ghost (ie.my god I beg of you to stop flirting)

“Man, I just wanted some chocolate”

There Is A Fish Man That Lives In The Caves (He Doesn’t Bite I Promise)

Jason is one glitch I boi pt.2

Danny is Adopted by The Rogues

All Prompts DPXDC (roughly 50 of these are unfinished)

Superman Radio Review

Danny adopted by Alfred pt.2

Danny Older Brother to Bruce AU

Danny Lord of Order Meets Klarion :)

Asks Fill

Danny meets Nightwing

Danny meets Wally West

Artifact Campaign

Unknown Campaign

“Oh that’s Not Right.” Campaign

Now to my audio recorded ones:

(Roughly 20 unnnamed audio recordings each 10 minutes long of me brainstorming prompts)

Jason becomes Liminal in Amity

Barry meets Danny (again)

Corner of the ghost zone holds all silver aged villains

Prompt: chocolate. Jason meets Danny

Prompt: dog. Billy meets Danny 

Prompt: water. Danny is fish in Gotham Cave

Prompt: Hope. Finding Roy Harper w/ Danny

Prompt: hope. Danny can see the speed force.

Prompt: “I need an adult.” Superman h/c.

Prompt: uh oh sisters

Prompt: road trip

Prompt: starlight. Danny friends with GL.

Prompt: “and you did it?”

Prompt: reward. Tucker is guy in the chair for teen titans.

Prompt: nap time

Prompt: school

Prompt: pain killer

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[seas-storyarchive]

Given the information we got in "Kaerb Ym Traeh!", I'm going to propose an au the start is before the show (most of this is in season 1 because that's the season I'm most comfortable with writing). CONTAINS SPOILERS!!! [[MORE]]

While I respect the belief that the character has, and many of those who find comfort with it, I am going to admit that I am not a Christian and thus this and an important personal reason is why I will not be including his religion within this AU. You can take the au and add it if you want, I'm just not comfortable with the religion so I'm going to leave some parts vague or open ended so it's up to interpretation

Sindella, much like in the show, had cancer. However, the League intervened and stepped in to prevent her death. She still lost her hair, and it doesn't grow back, she wears scarves to cover her hair. No need to worry, Giovanni still loves her and so does Zatanna.

She actually is a doctor herself (a running occupation I have for her in various stories to explain her absence), but decided to stay home and raise Zatanna as Giovanni's stage magic career was taking off (her full title is Dr. Sindella Aysun Zatara, M.D.)

After being cancer free for a few days, while staying at the Watchtower to be monitored, she is approached by the League and asked if she wants a job as their doctor. She, after a conversation with Giovanni and Zatanna as well, agrees

She told the League that she would, but she's to be paid for her time and she is to stay out of the limelight as well as taught to use their semi-futuristic technology. Shockingly, her requests are met with no resistance

After a few months, it's discovered that her cancer tumor had been blocking a magic channel in her brain. She, working with her family (including Kent and Inza) as well as their magic allies, learns to control it to help with her medical procedures

Batman AKA Bruce Wayne paid for Sindella's medical bills to keep pressure off of the family

Zatanna is told by Khalid that she's "the best cousin ever!" The two seeing each other as family, calling Kent and Inza "Poppop and Nanna"

Zee joins the team earlier than in the show, during the events of Welcome To Happy Harbor instead of Humanity, begging and pleading to her parents to join and even getting her grades up in all her classes

Giovanni isn't so much of a control freak, getting therapy sessions from Dinah to help him through it. Sindella also gets therapy from her, as her experience with cancer was deeply traumatizing for her

Zatanna, after WTHH, travels with her dad for a stage show tour so she's absent until Humanity, Sindella staying in hers and Giovanni's Watchtower room. She helps rescue "Uncle Red" (RT was the one who approached them at the hospital, and he was as much a part of their family as Kent and Inza)

So, Kent doesn't fucking die during the events of Denial. I just remembered that

Greta is revived because of some rogue magic line in New York (not unlike the Lazarus lines in Gotham) and Zatanna calls finders keepers on this kid

During Misplaced. Oof... okay, so Fate isn't split between the two worlds. It's firmly in the adult world. Zatanna, Khalid and Zach (her biological cousin, staying with her family to be raised in America) all just fuck around during the fight with Klarion and it somehow works? I mean, there was a plan, but that went south when Klarion insulted Zach's magic. So yeah, Chaos Boy got magically trolled into eating an ankh before he dipped

Greta was absent during the final fight because she was at a sleepover during that time

Zatara isn't Dr. Fate, so that's good. Also Billy is an orphan and is basically forcibly adopted by the Zatara family after the events because Sindella took a single look at him and said "mine now" without waiting for an argument

Greta loves her "Mama", saying that she misses her mommy but knows that her Mama will love her and take care of her. Says she wants to "be pretty like Mama" all the time

Zach, Zach's friend Eddie (who they also basically adopted at this point), Billy and Khalid are all get along very well

It's wholesome and basically the Zatara kids are terrors in and of themselves. They're allowed to join the team to be someone else's problem for a day or so

[sohotthateveryonedied]

Bruce: *walks into Batcave and sees Jason with a guitar* 

Jason: Hey B I wrote you a song! *sings to the tune of Piano Man by Billy Joel*

It’s 12 o'clock in Gotham City  The Joker is busy killing everyone There’s an old man sitting next to me Makin’ love to his Catwoman cuz he's nasty 

He says, “Son, you gotta stop shooting bad guys” And I’m like “Bruce, don’t tell me what to do” Cuz I died and he cried but I came back and stuff When I wore green Robin panties

(Batkids join in) La la la, di da da La la, di da da da dum

Sing us a song, you’re the Batman Beat up some thugs tonight Cuz you’re boring and brooding and it’s getting annoying And you’re the one and only Dark Knight

Now Roy from the Outlaws is my BFF I hang out with him and Kori And he’s quick with a joke or to shoot an arrow in your foot And together we like pissing off Batman He says, “Jaybird you’re the most awesome guy ever” As we kicked an alien’s ass And I’m like “I know I’m the coolest "Learned it all from the All Caste”

Oh, la la la, di da da La la, di da da da dum

Now Dick was Batman while you were dead He never had time for Barbara cuz he sucks at relationships And Tim’s dead inside cuz everyone he likes died And he probably hasn’t slept in five years

Oh Damian is a murderous freaking demon spawn Who is probably gonna kill someone the second he's left alone  Also Steph keeps stealing all the food from my fridge But I don’t mind cuz I stole it from the manor anyway

Sing us a song you’re the Batman You have a cool British butler  Also you don’t know when to stop adopting orphans And you probably need an intervention by now

By the way Cass stole my jacket yesterday And you didn’t even care when I told you So I went to all of your Rogues and gave them your number So suck it old man, you totally deserved it   And you’ve had seven sidekicks so far And at least six of them have died at some point Now I'm starting to think maybe that's a bad sign But oh well it's too late to deal with that now 

Oh, la la la, di da da La la, di da da da dum

Sing us a song you’re the Batman And you've got a pet cow for some reason even though I've asked you several times for a dog and you kept telling me we couldn't have animals in the Batcave but I guess that's just a big fat lie so fuck you Bruce   Well we’re all in the mood for some crimefighting And by the way you're really old 

Jason: *guitar solo and ends song* What'd ya think old man? 

Bruce: ... 

Bruce: *tired sigh* Where is the sweet embrace of death when you need it 

[alecthemovieguy]

‘LEGO Batman’ tells a great Batman story

“The LEGO Movie” was one of biggest surprises of 2014, with Will Arnett’s Batman stealing every scene he was in. Now, Arnett has received his own film with “The LEGO Batman Movie,” a hilarious send-up of the Dark Knight mythos that also manages to tell an effective Batman story.

The best parodies work as both a satire of a genre and a worthy addition to the genre that is being lampooned. This certainly holds true of Mel Brooks’ “Blazing Saddles” and “Young Frankenstein.” “LEGO Batman” works so well because it manages to achieve this.

Once again, Arnett plays Batman as an arrogant, over-confident hero who insists on working alone. Batman has always been defined by his parents’ death and, in this story, it is the root of his emotional distance from those around him, including his butler Alfred (voice of Ralph Fiennes); his adopted son Dick Grayson (voice of Michael Cera); and the new commissioner, Barbara Gordon (voice of Rosario Dawson).

Eventually, a family unit is formed leading to some genuine moments of emotions. This is an authentic and respectful extension of the Batman lore, which helps the film to be more than just a series of jokes.

The film, directed by Chris McKay, a veteran of “Robot Chicken,” and written by Seth Grahame-Smith, Chris McKenna, Erik Sommers, Jared Stern and John Whittington, is also smart in the way it plays with the Batman and Joker (voice of Zach Galifianakis) relationship. One of the recurring themes throughout Batman’s history is that Batman and Joker need each other to a certain degree.

“LEGO Batman” has Batman refusing to acknowledge this relationship stating “I like to fight around.” Galifianakis plays Joker as a heartbroken jilted lover. “You never once said ‘I hate you.’” This is funny as well as being an accurate reflection of Batman and Jokers’ ongoing dynamic.

The script also features both fond and not-so fond references to nearly every previous incarnation of Batman, even dating back to the black-and-white serials from the 1940s. The more familiar you are with all things Batman, the more entertaining the film will be, but the film’s enjoyability doesn’t live or die on one’s knowledge of Batman.

“LEGO Batman” also has fun with Batman’s Rogues Gallery of villains, even including obscure ones like the Condiment King. Joker is fed up with the incompetence of these villains and schemes to upgrade to a higher class of villains from outside of the Batman universe. It would not be fair to spoil who appears, but there’s a tremendous sense of fun watching all these different villains working together during the climax.

As was true with “LEGO Movie,” “LEGO Batman” is clever with exploring the idea of a LEGO universe. Characters have the ability to make anything from the building blocks around them, which is handy when things literally begin to fall apart. The solution to how to save Gotham is also a witty nod to how LEGO blocks work.

The voice work throughout is terrific with Cera giving Dick Grayson an enthusiastic energy mixed with an endearing need for approval; Fiennes projecting real warmth as Alfred and Dawson adding attitude, humor and heart to Barbara. It is amazing how expressive the CG animated LEGO figures can be, but the voice works goes a long way to help selling the emotions.

If there’s a shortcoming, it is that a lot of the supporting voice talent is wasted. The likes of Conan O’Brien, Billy Dee Williams, Jenny Slate, Seth Green, Eddie Izzard, Jemaine Clement, Channing Tatum, Jonah Hill, Adam Devine, Kate Micucci, Riki Lindhome, Ellie Kemper, Zoe Kravitz, Hector Elizondo and Mariah Carey are in the cast and, in some cases, are only used for a single line. Worse, sometimes that line isn’t even deserving of the people brought into say it.

It is great to have someone like O’Brien as the Riddler, but give him something funny to say. Williams played Harvey Dent in Tim Burton’s “Batman” but didn’t get to play Dent’s alter ego Two-Face in “Batman Forever.” Now, he’s given that chance but without a single worthwhile line of dialogue. It is a missed opportunity.

Still, at the end of the day, “LEGO Batman” is more than just a 90-minute commercial for the famous toy line, although it certainly will help sell a batboat load of toys.

“LEGO Batman,” while not quite as imaginative or original as its predecessor, is a funny, action-filled and emotionally affecting animated film that will play well for Batman fans of all-ages.