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#BUT I know that’s mostly bc I’m just so desperate to get more time with her & the trio - & with 4 chs left - time is limited !!😭
lovereadandwrite · 27 days
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“did you HEAR MEEE ??! PLAY THE FKIN BEAT-” -Nobara Kugisaki/Chappell Roan🙂‍↕️💅🏻🔨
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scottishstoner · 2 years
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3 straight days of work starting tomorrow at the Hilton, then next week I’m booked in for waiting shifts there again for a couple days and hopefully I’ll get shifts at this other fancy place I done waiting shifts at before next week too coz it’s cool working there and I need the shifts lol
Is it sad I’m excited to work lol? I haven’t worked since the 6th and I’m so use to a busy schedule with work I’ve been kinda going crazy lmfao
#work#it’s all waiting/wine waiting/bar stuff . mostly waiting tables or wine waiting or plate waiting#it’s a fancy function tomorrow I had to find a black tie that would fit me coz I’m so small lmfao#i applied for those shifts might get booked in. hope so. it’s a temp agency app this one#my other main work has no shifts rn or they’re mad at me and if so idgaf lol#I done nothing ok maybe I skipped work a few times with excuses but I was very depressed and not even caring at the time#i pick and choose my shifts even with the main company I work for however they may ask me a favour to do a shift out the blue and if I can#and I want to I will and I do enjoy it. but I have applied to other bars with more stable hours tbh#but I can still do temp work but idk about my main work bc it isn’t agency it’s just..they staff..#various venues and bars but they’re the main ones if that makes sense?? lol#rambles in tags#what happened was I gave myself time off but then I got very dark and depressed lol and declined shifts but now I’ve gone mad and am trying#to book every shift available that I enjoy which is bar/waitressing . IDK WHY I WNJOY IT#bar work is the best but I still enjoy waitressing. I’ve had some shitty jobs man. i enjoy it but it’s more than that ifk#I don’t question it if I’m happy I’m happy. I’m quite bubbly irl kinda annoying to some but whatever#worker at this Hilton so many times but usually it’s breakfast/afternoon tea service but this is a fancy function but I’ve done loads#of those but point is: different permanent staff idk work there whereas I’ve gotten to know ALL the fucking morning:afternoon staff &#they’ll be at another part probably which isn’t far away lol I just wonder who tf my manager tomorrow will be#but I know my temp agency worker will be there for everyone this time but she isn’t usually they must be desperate for staff she’s known to#also help out when needed which is so cool of her#it’s funny you get to know the agency workers. i know a few we even message each other lol.. we run into each other almost all the time#sometimes you get on with people sometimes not lol but if it flows it flows so whatever right? idk I’m high but yes
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stuckinapril · 8 months
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what red flags should i look for in a man?
I actually feel like I’m a good person to ask this question, not bc I’ve had a long healthy relationship or anything, but bc I’ve humored walking red flags way more than I should’ve lmao. Btw this list doesn’t go for just men. It can apply to man, woman, or any human being across the board. Ok so:
When someone tells you they’re not ready for a relationship, BELIEVE THEM. Idc what the reason is. Idc if it’s bc they aren’t that into you or if they have shit going on. They just told u straight up. Appreciate that and just leave. Please. For me.
Piggybacking off that point—listen to people when they tell you who they are in general!!! This was a major 2023 lesson for me. People self-report all the time, whether it be friends or romantic interests. Most people are legitimately incapable of hiding who they really are. Pay attention. Do not ignore the signs, however small. I could’ve saved myself so much trouble if I didn’t just pretend Not to See.
Not consoling you when you need it because “they’re not good with emotions.” This is just an excuse for being lazy. They just don’t wanna put the work into being there for you properly—especially if you’ve already gone through the trouble of communicating this to them.
People who talk the talk but don’t walk the walk. Actions over words. Actions over words always.
Fuck overextended talking stages. If you wanna know more about me, let’s plan something in person. Otherwise you run the risk of getting attached to someone who’s possibly nothing like how they actually are in front of you.
If you’re having to “communicate” extensively with a person like a month in, as in there are lots of miscommunications and misunderstandings and things you don’t like about them or they don’t like about you, I’d probably just drop it. I learned this the hard way last year after burning through a lot of friendships where I found that we didn’t know each other that long at all, but there was already a plethora of problems to work through. This can apply to relationships just as well. If you’re asking a person to change this early in, or they’re asking you to change this early in, it’s probably just not a match.
Mostly talking about themselves. Not asking you anything about yourself in return. Ew.
It takes months to actually know a person’s true nature. That’s typically around the time people start showing their true colors. Ik a lot of people choose to commit like a month in, so just take that as u will.
Fucking competing with you. People who’re incapable of just being happy for other people without inserting themselves into it are insufferable. Immediate next.
This isn’t conscious behavior, and all of us are guilty of it, but people have an innate habit of taking advantage of your fantasies. If they know you’re desperate for their attention, they’ll get lazy (even if they don’t realize it). If they know they’re the object of your desire, they will leverage that to get your benefits without putting in the work. This is like playing cards and immediately showing someone your hand. Do not do that. This isn’t “playing hard to get”—it’s just guarding yourself until you’re sure you can trust the other person.
Not always the case, but a lot of times the way someone’s last relationship ended is pretty telling for how yours will go. ESPECIALLY if they’re not at all remorseful about how the last one went down, lol. You’re not the exception.
People are busy and taking a while to respond is O.K., but if it’s a continuous pattern of them taking forever to reply, it’s probably just a matter of priorities (and you’re not theirs). Sorry.
Pls take the ego out of the talking stage and recognize that love bombing is not flattering. I’ve reprogrammed my brain to where any time someone is doing way too much like three seconds in, I get the ick. I’ve legit dropped guys over this. It’s such a red flag to me. They either don’t have a life, or just are a natural love bomber (who will overwhelm you w compliments and attention only to fizzle out just as quickly), or they know exactly what they’re doing and they’re playing to your ego. Whichever it is, ick. Big ick.
The way they talk about other people is a major tell. This goes for friends and romantic interests. I think a bit of gossip will always be unavoidable, but if someone is liberally trash-talking other people—ESPECIALLY EX-FRIENDS OR EX-PARTNERS—you could literally be next. Anyone who thrives off badmouthing other people / hating on others / just generally not giving others grace doesn’t have exceptions. You’re their focus for now. It could just as easily be you tomorrow.
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daycourtofficial · 6 months
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Forever is the sweetest con
Cassian x reader, Azriel x reader
Summary: based on this request - the war with Hybern claimed the life of your husband. Reeling with grief, you discover that you’re pregnant. His brother and your friend, Azriel, begins spending more and more time with you, finding solace in each other amidst your shared grief.
Author’s note: sadness, sadness, sadness, this one took me ages to write bc it’s so fucking sad 😭 I’m not super happy with this bc I was mostly trying to meet the deadline so this might feel disjointed bc I had to kinda skip around a lot. Also I didn’t tag this as Cassian x reader in tags bc it felt too painful to do that
Word count: 3k
Warnings: character death, unexpected pregnancy, honestly just sadness
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“I’m Cassian.”
A large, handsome male greeted you as you were shelving some new books away. His large outstretched hand reached towards you, waiting in the air for a moment as you set the stack of books in your arms down. Your hand gets lost in the warmth of his, telling him your own name.
He smiles at it, repeating it, testing it on his tongue.
For days, that is the only memory playing in your head. It is what you think of as you lay in your shared bed, his scent still lingering. It is what you think when Feyre picks you up, and her and Mor place you in a bathtub as they clean you. It is what you think of as you stare at the ceiling, hoping it will collapse on you.
It is what you think of as you stand between Rhysand and Azriel at Cassian’s memorial. It is what you think of as they lower the casket into the ground, the citizens of Velaris standing around to pay their respects.
You don’t notice the hundreds of people who come to offer you a silent nod, a gentle prayer over you, their voices carrying gentle choruses of “he was so brave” and “you should be proud”.
You’re too numb for any of this. You’re too numb to recognize the hand Azriel places on your back, or the hand Feyre clasps into your own, squeezing tightly.
All you can think about is how his hand felt in your own the first time you held it - warm, gentle, comforting. And how it felt the last time you held it - cold, lifeless, gone.
Being a war hero came with a cost.
Only Cassian didn’t have to pay it - those he left behind did.
-
You’re not sure how much time has passed since Cassian died. You’re not sure if the people of Velaris still mourned him, or were simply wearing the traditional colors of their court.
You sat in one of Cassian’s old tunics, piles of clothes scattered on the floor around you. Your back was to the wall, its cool surface warming with your heat.
You hear movement in the house, but you don’t have the energy or ability to care who’s here.
Someone knocks gently before coming into the room, Azriel’s large frame coming through the door to your chambers. He sees the slightly ajar closet door, and shimmies his way in, sitting next to you amidst the pile of clothes on the floor.
He notes that they all seemed to have been pulled right off their hangers, in a fit of rage or desperation perhaps. Shades of black and red litter the floor, and the realization that it was all Cassian’s clothes causes him to take in a deep breath.
You two sit for a while, Azriel’s wings likely cramped in the small space. Mother knows Cassian complained if he spent more than five minutes in your closet.
Azriel just sits in silence, his shadows gently swirling the floor, searching through the piles.
For what, you’re not sure.
You finally speak, the words hard to form. You didn’t speak much these days - your voice a rare sound for your family’s ears.
“He doesn’t need them to be hung up anymore.”
Azriel sighs, shifting closer to you. He gauges you, looking for a reaction before moving a bit closer.
“He never needed them hung up. Before you he mostly just left his clothes strewn about the room. Drove Nuala and Cerridwen mad.”
You look at him, pulled from your trance of that black shirt Cassian wore when the two of you went on vacation in Adriada. The shirt that fit him so well the two of you did not see the beach at all for the five days you were there.
“They’d complain, saying every night he’d pull his clothes that they neatly hung up and the next morning they’d be strewn about his room,” he shrugs, still confused over how Cassian kept track of where everything was.
“Eventually Rhys told them to stop and to let Cassian do what he wants. No idea how he managed to stay neat and tidy with you.”
Your eyes meet his, and he reaches out a hand for you. It’s the first offer of help you’ve accepted in days. You keep his hand in yours for a long time, sitting amongst Cassian’s clothes.
-
You were sitting on the small balcony of your home, looking out at the expansive night sky above you. Elbows on knees, collapsing in on yourself.
Eyes red rimmed, tear tracks marking your face. You had never felt so helpless or as hopeless as you did now. Your eyes snag on a dark figure, soaring through the skies, its body getting closer and closer.
Azriel had taken to checking on you every three days now. Make sure you were eating, washing, and moving. Honestly if it weren’t for these biweekly check ins, you’re not sure how you would be faring.
The Illyrian descends next to you, a soft landing as he tucks his wings back in and sits next to you. You two sit in silence for a while, the sounds of the night a melody playing for just you two.
Velaris is dark, few fae lights scattered throughout the city aglow. You breathe deeply, taking in the smell of Azriel next to you. You should tell him, but you haven’t been able to tell anyone all week.
It was eating you up - you knew they’d be supportive, you knew they’d love you and help you in anyway they could. But it would still break their hearts just a bit more.
Your internal debate is ended by the overwhelming turn of your stomach, your lunch from earlier wanting to make a quick exit. You hurriedly get up, running towards your bathroom and throwing yourself on your toilet, narrowly reaching it in time.
Azriel ran after you, making quick work of grabbing your hair before you began your second wave of vomiting. The only sounds in the room are your retching and Azriel’s soothing tunes.
His other hand gently rubs your back as you feel as if you’re going to die. From embarassment or pain, you’re not sure. He waits for you to say what he already suspects, having noted a subtle shift in your scent when he arrived.
You wipe your mouth, not wanting to say the words aloud. The words that Madja had told you three days ago, the words that caused you to shut down until now.
“I’m pregnant,” you say, head leaning against the toilet seat. “All Cass wanted was to be a dad. Now I’m pregnant and he’s dead.”
A forced laugh comes from you.
“It’s not fair, Az.”
Your words hang in the air, and your friend responds by wrapping his arms around you, and pulling you into his lap. He nuzzles his head into your shoulder, his breath shuddering as he cries softly into your hair.
The two of you lay there, the cool bathroom tile digging imprints into your skin as he holds you, tears streaming from both of you.
-
Several months along in your pregnancy, and Azriel has essentially moved in with you full time. He takes meticulous care of you and the babe - he goes to your appointments with Madja with you, he goes baby shopping with you, he even put together the crib in your room.
He was your late husband’s brother. He was stepping up, knowing that Cassian would want him to help you. And yet your dreams wouldn’t stop being so perverse.
For the past month, every night without fail you dreamt of Azriel. Every dream was different - some of places you’ve gone before, places you only know of because Azriel described them.
The dreams were weird and disorienting, but you left them there. They were dreams.
About how beautiful he was. About his hands, his wings, his shoulders, his thighs.
Every day you’d wake up full of shame at where your mind takes you against your will.
-
“Az,” you say, a serious look on your face. “Something’s wrong.”
He looks over to you, glasses perched on his nose. The knife in his hand clatters, landing on the cutting board, a piece of carrot tumbling to the floor as he moves to you quickly.
Your breathing becomes more shallow, and you hold your hands out, reaching for his. Once his fingers reach yours, you bring his hands to your bump.
Just as he’s about to ask what the problem is, he feels a soft thump against his scarred hand. He can’t control the soft laugh that comes from him, and he can’t help but cradle your bump just a little tighter.
He looks back up to you, a mischievous glint in your eye.
“I thought something was wrong.”
You smile, “I know - that’s what makes it fun.”
-
Almost eight months had passed since Cassian’s death, and you were finally able to hear his name without breaking down. Azriel was the only one you would talk to about him, though.
It felt right to talk about Cassian to Azriel. It felt right to plunge yourself back into the memories of him - his boisterous laugh, his insistence on touching someone at all times, his presence in rooms.
It felt right, and the babe in your belly would kick frequently whenever Azriel spoke to you about Cassian, as if they knew who you were talking about.
It felt so right, and yet so wrong. Every night before bed you replayed the memories of the day, desperately trying to insert Cassian into Azriel’s spot in them.
He never fit perfectly into them, the edges of him not quite the right size.
-
This was too much.
You were an absolute fool to believe you could do this. To not only birth but to raise your dead husband’s babe. Who let you do this? Who thought this was a good idea?
“Hey.”
Azriel’s voice vibrates through you, pulling you from your thoughts, his large frame behind you. Your back pressed to his chest, his arms helping hold your legs up.
You lean your head against him.
“This was a terrible, terrible idea.”
He smiles, “Cassian never was known for good ideas.”
Your face contorts in agony, a strong cramping pain rippling through you.
Azriel takes the wet cloth from the nurse to his left, holding it on your forehead. “I’m so proud of you. You’re doing so well.”
You scoff, “if I was doing well, the babe would be out by now!”
Azriel takes your jabs, your sarcasm, the intense squeezing of his hand in yours. He’ll take everything you throw at him.
After about eight hours, you were blessed by the cauldron with a beautiful boy, tiny wings clinging to his back as he cried.
-
Azriel’s presence didn’t stop after the babe, Camden, was born. If anything, he spent more time with you. He delegated much of his work as spymaster to support you, even going so far as helping coordinate schedules for Feyre or Nesta to help you bathe.
In the first few weeks, you were able to move around, but you were utterly exhausted. Not just the physical demands of your babe and recovering from birthing a winged babe, but also the emotional toll this took on you left you unable to care much for yourself.
You had thought being bathed would make you feel like a burden, but Feyre and Nesta did everything to make you feel so loved instead. They lit candles, rubbed your back, and told you how proud of you they were constantly. Their words never failed to make you cry, the task at hand feeling impossible if you thought about it too hard.
Eventually, after weeks of sleepless nights, feeling like nothing more than a cow for milk, you and Azriel were able to settle into a routine.
He took care of the babe at night, allowing you decent sleep. He brought Camden to you for his middle of the night feedings. You took care of Camden during the morning through early afternoon while Azriel attended to his duties. The two of you cooked dinner together, Azriel always insisting on washing dishes afterwards.
After a while, it all felt so normal. As if Cassian was never meant to be here for this part.
-
A few months after your son’s first birthday all Hell broke loose. It was a regular day. The sun still shone as it always does, your son was as beautiful as ever. Azriel was holding Camden in the air, helping him stretch out his wings, when he spoke for the first time.
A soft dada accompanied the little boy’s giggles, followed by Azriel stiffening immediately. You looked to the shadowsinger, and when his eyes met yours, you knew.
As if a golden thread appeared out of thin air, tying a knot from Azriel to you, you could feel him. You pulled an experimental tug in the bond, and he pulled back.
Wide eyes meet each other from across the room, silent except for Camden’s continued giggles. You stare at him bewildered, your expression mirrored back to you on his face.
A high pitched noise starts ringing in your eyes before everything goes black.
-
“It’s a bit of a cruel joke,” you say. “I want to love him, I want to be with my mate. But what kind of person does that to her deceased husband?”
You had woken up in Rhys’s office twenty minutes ago to your head in Feyre’s lap, her hands gently running through your hair.
You had heard bits of hushed conversation, and you thought you had heard Az, but when you came to, he was nowhere to be seen.
Rhys looks contemplative before saying, “you of all people should know that Cassian would have wanted you to be happy.”
You put your head in your hands, gathering to courage to say your worst thoughts out loud.
“It feels like Cassian died for me. I know he didn’t, but I can’t help but feel like if he had survived, would Azriel still be my mate? He would have let me be with him, yes, but just.”
You sigh, trying to grab the fragmented thoughts in your head and place them together. Rhys lets you, allowing silence to fill the room.
“It would have killed him having to watch me choose Azriel over him. He would have done the respectable thing, he would have stepped back. He would have been happy for us.”
You sigh, “but if it were the other way, if Nesta or Elain were his mate, I’m not sure I could give him up.”
Your words come pouring out quickly before you begin sobbing. He wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. His hands wrap around your head, and he gently smooths your hair down.
“Feyre and I are immensely happy for you, despite the circumstances. Both of you. I know you might not feel like it, but you made your own family.”
-
You found Azriel a few hours later in what used to be his room in the townhouse. He hardly stayed here, hardly stayed at any of Rhys’s estates anymore, opting instead for the comfort of the home you two now shared.
“Hi,” you say tentatively, stepping through the door.
“Hi,” he echos back, turning to see you.
“Crazy day,” you say, pulling lightly on the bond. He cracks a smile, but there’s a sadness deep in his gaze that you haven’t seen in months.
He moves towards you, slow and deliberate steps, as if you were a bunny found in the woods easily scared off.
“Do you want this?” He asks, eyes focused on your own.
You nod your head. He nods back.
“I dreamt of you. For months, years even. Since about halfway through my pregnancy, you’ve been in my dreams most nights.”
He watches you speak, letting you say whatever it is you need to. You take a deep breath before continuing.
“I don’t want to forget Cass, and I don’t want you to feel like you’re replacing him. I can love both of you.”
He steps closer, slowly moving towards you until he’s stopped right in front of you, his wings blocking you in.
“It’s unconventional, I understand. And I understand if you don’t want a widow with a child.” You look up towards him, determination in your eyes. “But I am all in.”
He gently cups your cheek, eyes full of conflict. “It won’t be easy,” he muses.
“Nothing about this has been easy, why start now?”
His face slowly moves closer to yours, his lips gentle against your own. His hands still hold you gently, as he kisses you long and slow.
There would be time for passion later, his kiss now is full of the emotions words can’t convey. Adoration, sacrifice, immense grief.
You thought having Azriel kiss you would make you feel like you were betraying Cassian. Instead you feel an overwhelming sense of rightness as your hands cup his jaw back, pouring every ounce of you into him.
-
You and Azriel look out at your backyard, watching Nyx and Camden run around, play fighting with their swords. The two boys occasionally take short flights, only about a foot or so off the ground.
Azriel wraps his arms around you, pressing his face into the crook of your neck. You close your eyes, letting yourself feel this moment, allowing the sounds of the boys playing and your mate’s breathing to lull you into some form of peace you never thought you’d find again.
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khuzena · 5 months
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This bitter life.
pairing: Blade x g/n!reader
Part 1, Part 2.
Summary: Life is not fair, that is the truth every being must accept. Yet, there’s a part in Blade’s mara-struck mind, that he cannot accept this type of ending, he will not allow it, but he has no right to deny fate itself.
In other words, you die and he’s miserable.
Cw. It’s very fluffy trust me, Reader is absolutely fucked, you die, unrequited requited love, not proofread, very slowburn, character development, terminally ill, ansgt only bcoz fluff is for the weak, life is unfair.
A/n: You already know what it means when I upload a fanfic. If you don’t, my only warning is, shit’s going down.
(wrote this bc bladie won the poll for my other fic of which character u guys want a fic for next 🥳)
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Days pass by, Blade didn’t come back to the Stellaron Hunters HQ to watch over you. Silverwolf keeps messaging him, telling him he needs to come back for another mission but he’s stubborn.
Silverwolf: Come back here, we’re having a meeting
Silverwolf: oh come on I know you’re seeing this
Silverwolf: Istfg
[seen by Bladie]
His phone shuts off and he just stares outside your window, he knows you’re not getting better anytime soon. He sometimes feels a twisted, aching feeling in his chest when you give him that feeble smile to pretend you're okay, when you both know no amount of medicine will save you, you could no longer hold a glass for more than a minute because your muscles fail you.
He feels sick.
This misery of his never going away.
“I have to go.”
He expected that you’d call out for him, “Okay, take care.”
So he leaves, he wishes he never looked back.
He was gone for 3 weeks, on another mission to exterminate more and more foes of the Stellaron hunters and gather more Stellaron with Kafka.
“Something on your mind?” The blood on his hands could never be washed away, he wants to go back to that stupid Clove-V planet and talk to you.
“None of your business.” Kafka is surprised, it's the first time he sees Blade so irritated (he mostly is but not to this extent)
Kafka doesn’t ask again and they finish their mission.
In 4 days, he rushed to see you. You stopped replying to his messages, only a tiny ‘seen’ message pops up every now and then and he hates to admit it, he’s dying to see you again.
“Doctor.” Your door creaks open, another visitor it seems.
”Is it you Blade?”
He nods, but with a tightness to it, he sits beside you again, mold was already building up on your sink, your lack of mobility making you lose the ability to do normal tasks.
”Are you okay?”
”I wish.” How could someone act so carefree on the brink of death? He doesn’t understand you, no, not at all.
He wants to reach out for you, to comfort you but he doesn’t know how to comfort you. He doesn’t understand why he wants to comfort you, he understands why he cares so much, he doesn’t understand why he’s feeling this way, he doesn’t even understand himself.
But when you smile at his hesitance, he realises, maybe you do.
He doesn’t reach out for you, he’s always an arm's length away from you, never close yet never too far. “You haven’t eaten, you’re going to die.”
Even if you eat, you will never get better; but he wants you to.
“Maybe, but I’m fine with that.”
”With dying? You’re a fool.” He doesn’t want to accept that you’re going to die, that you’re okay with dying because he’s not.
You’re a fool, a bastard, for trying to understand him but he can never understand himself nor can he ever truly understand you.
“You better not die,” his eyes desperately tried to never meet with yours.
He doesn’t want to look into your eyes, he doesn't want to accept the truth. That your eyes no longer beam with excitement at his words, that the sparkle in your eyes had dimmed.
“I know I will,” he no longer hides his worry, his fear, his desperation to keep you alive.
So he asks again, “What do I do?”
Like every other time he asks what ‘can’ he do for you, you repeat your words, “Just keep me company.”
He nods, sitting beside you. The tension in the air is obvious, neither utter a single word in this deafening (yet comforting) silence.
Blade cannot accept that you’re giving up, you’re not allowed to give up, he won’t accept it.
He drapes a blanket over you, “Feeling better?”
“A little.” Your throat burns, but you want to talk to him, even when you’re dying, you want to understand him.
”It hurts.” He doesn’t know what to do.
He wants to understand your pain, he wonders, if your pain is as worse as his, that it hurts so much you’d rather pass. That maybe, you’re the same and you wish to die too.
Neither of you will truly understand the other, but you try.
“I got sick when I was a child, 7– no, 8… I don’t remember,” he pretends he doesn't hear the rasp in your voice, “Just… Medicine made the progression slower.”
You could almost cry, “I wanted to study medicine, I wanted to heal others of their pain.”
”I don’t want to die.”
He doesn’t want to hear your desperate cry, he doesn’t hear it.
“Blade, it hurts,” he’s never wanted to shut off his ears when you spoke what he never wanted to hear, “Can I give up?”
He doesn’t want you to, but has no right to deny you peace.
”Is it okay if I give up?”
No, he won’t let you give up. You were there when he was sick, you did not look at him with hatred in your eyes, you treated him like any other person, something that has never happened in years. In your eyes, Blade was just a man.
So he doesn’t say a word, he doesn’t want you to give up, of course; but what can he do?
“It’s okay, right?”
”If that’s what you need.” He holds your hand out of instinct, “Then give up.”
He wants to yell at you that you’re an idiot, that giving up is for the weak but it’d be hypocritical of him to do so, I mean, he’s given up on life a long time ago, what’s he going to do? Tell you inspirational shit to keep your will to live alive?
“Thank you.”
No tears escape him, not a single choked sob leaves his throat but when your eyes lock for one last time, you understood him and he understood you too.
You two were just the same.
He squeezes your hand and rests his head on your stomach, when you don’t flinch, he realises you’re gone now too.
He can no longer understand you by your words, you can no longer speak to him, he can’t understand your past or who you truly are.
But how could you, how did you do it?
A single medical book rests on his hand, he may not understand what you truly are, but he’ll read countless books for you. He’ll play your favourite stupid games for you.
Maybe then, he’ll understand the only person that truly knew him, who gave him company in this miserable life of his.
What a pathetic, miserable, bitter life.
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Note: DEF OOC BUT WHO TF CARES (I DO AND IM EMBARRASSED) but its okay right?? Like i wrote this in just 2 days (5 hours everyday) Whatever whatever i think its okay i feel sick I haven't ate lunch yet bye wuahhshdsj
Written by @khuzena. Likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated. ♡ 
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havensins · 1 year
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a little sub!steve drabble bc i’m currently in pain <3
cw — sub!bp!steve, dom!amab!reader, cow girl position, feminization (?), you call steve princess like twice, love bombs bc i love steve in a totally normal way, cockwarming at the end! etc.
note — not proofread as usual </333
having a lap full of a desperate and mostly naked steve rogers had to be a wet dream come true. he was so adorably needy, grasping onto you as if you were his lifeline as he kissed you breathless. he kisses you messily, a clash of teeth and swapped saliva, while he grinds subtly in your lap.
“what’s the matter baby? ‘m not goin’ anywhere.” you mumble against his lips, he smiles back against yours bashfully. he doesn’t stop grinding down in your lap, “i just want you so bad,” he whines, grinding down on the visible bulge in your underwear.
you can feel how wet he his, kissing softly down his jaw as you reach a hand down to tease his clit through his underwear. he whimpers softly, holding your wrist loosely and rolling his hips towards you. “maybe i should be nice… you seem so riled up already,” you hum, holding him as you lift your hips to slide down your underwear. he does the same with his, flinging both of the garments elsewhere.
“please? i’ve been good haven’t i? i think i deserve a small reward,” he murmurs, lifting his hips up as his knees dig into the mattress. he’s teasing you; the puffy and slicked lips of his pussy moving feather light along your tip. “teasing won’t get you the reward you’re looking for princess,” you tell him, taking a hold of his waist.
he stills, staring at you as he sinks down slowly. the warmth of his cunt engulfs you nearly whole, he has his hands on your stomach as he slides down to the hilt. “‘s so much,” he whimpers, gasping out as he adjusts to the pleasurable burn of the stretch.
your hands find his ass, squeezing at the flesh as he whines. gingerly, he lifts himself up before easing himself back down. he sets a steady pace for himself, clenching around you as he bounces on your cock.
he looks about as ruined as you feel, moaning out expletives yourself at the feeling of his gummy walls surrounding you. his hands find your shoulders while your thumb finds his clit. he’s quivering as his pace slows a little. he’s close, and you can feel it in the way his thighs tremble.
the both of you are panting, whispering praises back and forth and allowing the sounds of your passion to spur you on. “so big,” he rasps, “love it, love you,” he murmurs, mind hazy from being stuffed so full. “love you the most, princess,” you grunted, allowing your hands to dig into his hips.
“c’mon stevie, i know you wanna cum,” you hum, grinding your hips up into his. “so close-!” he wails, bouncing on your cock a couple more times before he finally seats himself in your lap and falls pliant in your hold. he quivers with the force of his orgasm, and his sets off yours. you cum into him, cock throbbing as you hold him tight and fill him up completely.
he’s breathing heavily against you, and you are too, holding him flush to you. “we gotta clean up,” you murmur tiredly, shifting underneath him. “no,” he whine, “w’nna stay, ‘m all full,” he hums weakly clenching around you. you smile against his cheek, “only for a little then, love.”
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thatgirlstrawberry · 2 years
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NSFW Alphabet
Smut warning
Spencer Reid x fem!reader
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A-Aftercare (what he’s like after sex)
After being rough, he would clean you up
Make sure that you’re not hurt and if you are, he would message you anywhere you needed it
He would put you in the bath or shower and wash your body and hair
After he would apologize profusely if he thought he was being too rough on you
“Baby, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, I didn’t mean to-“
“Spencer, shut the fuck up. Your dick is magical.”
B-Body part (his favorite body part of yours)
Definitely your thighs and your hands
He likes gripping your thighs when his head is between them
He just lies grabbing them in general
Like there isn’t a time when he’s not touching your thighs sexually or not
Your hands bc he loves when you wrap them around his dick
Or when he has you in missionary and your hands are squeezing his biceps
C- cum (anything to do with cum)
He loves it when you tel him to cum inside you
He’s more than happy too really
When he doesn’t finish inside, he pulls out and comes on your stomach or back— whichever way he has you
D- dirty secret (😈)
He secretly likes it when you take control in bed
He also secretly likes it when you can barely form words when he’s inside you
When you try not to moan but end up failing miserably
When your nails tear skin as they claw at his back while he fucks you
E- experience (How experienced is he?)
Honestly, he wasn’t very experienced before he met you
He had only had sex with four or five people before you
He was a natural though
He knew how to pleasure you by asking you
Spencer is an obedient man— when you tell him you need something, he’ll do it
F- favorite position (what’s his favorite position to have you in?)
He absolutely loves missionary— seeing your face change with every thrust
But he also likes it when you ride him so he can look down and see his dick disappearing inside of you
He also likes when you’re face down, ass up gripping the sheets and arching your back
G- goofy (is he serious or funny during sex?)
When the moment is right, he will definitely laugh with you during sex
Like if one of you laughs, the other one will too
The giggly sex is most likely gonna be in the morning— don’t know why it just seems like that
He’ll be wayyyyy more serious at night
Like after an argument or on an anniversary
Or to celebrate something one of you achieved
H-hair (how well groomed is he?)
He’s not completely shaved down there but he’s not like wild
I’m gonna stop there bc this one is just awkward to me lmao
I- intimacy (how intama
He’s literally the most romantic man during sex
I just can’t like stop thinking about how he would hold you hand against the bed as he went a little slower than usually if you had a bad day or something
When he’s feeling a little down that day, he’d pull you close, chest to chest
His face either hidden in your neck or his eyes closed focusing on your proximity and the way you feel
J- Jack off (when does he get himself off?)
Any time he’s away on a long case
I fully believe that at some point, y’all were having sex and this man just like whipped out a Polaroid camera, took pictures and stuffed them in a secret pocket in his go bag
He’d call you when he knew you were awake and asked if you could face time and show him your 🍒
He’s more subby when he’s masturbating because he’s desperate
K- kinks (what kinks does he have?)
Dirty talk
Praise link
Overstimulating (you)
Dacryphilia (idk if this is a kink but he loves to have you in tears)
You calling him doctor— Ik it’s weird but he’s literally a nerd 😭
Semi-public (I’m talking like bending you over a desk in an empty private office at the BAU)
L- location (where?)
Like I said previously— in an empty private office
Mostly in bed tho
Or bent over the kitchen counter
Or the bathroom sink, making you watch yourself in the mirror
M- motivation (what turns him on?)
You
Literally just you
You could be watching tv and he would be turned on watching your tongue poke out the corner of your lips
He gets turned on when you’re washing dishes
When you’re eating
Literally doing anything
N- no (something he wouldn’t do)
Hit you— he would never inflict pain on you, that’s stepping over a line
Letting someone watch y’all do it/3somes— you’re enough for him
Toys— he wants your orgasms to be from him and him only (and yourself if he’s ever away on a case and you need release)
Spitting on or in you— he thinks that’s weird and a great way to spread germs (and so do I)
O- oral (what’s his preference on oral sex?)
He absolutely loves giving you head
He’s a god at it
He can literally make you come with his tongue in lest than 3 minutes
He loves the way you taste— he thinks you taste better than coffee and sprinkled donuts
Spencer also loves when you give him head
Loves the feeling of your lips and tongue wrapped around him
Thinks that it’s the second best feeling in the world (your pussy being the first)
He loves the way your mascara runs as you take him almost touching the back of your throat
P- pace (is he fast and rough or is he slow and soft?)
A little bit of both
He likes going rough when he needs it- like when he’s mad or frustrated with someone or something (obvi if you ask him to go fast and rough he will— mans will do anything for you)
He’ll go slow if he’s stressed or sad
And if you want it slow he’ll give it to you slow
Basically it depends on the situation
Q- quickies (his opinion on quickies)
He doesn’t really prefer quickies but if he has to leave for a case for a few days he’ll get one in before he has to leave
He likes to take his time therefore, quickies almost never happen
R- risk (is he willing to take risks?)
As long as you want it and it’s not one of the No’s, he loves to experiment
The riskiest thing you’ve ever done is handcuff him to the file drawer in the BAU and suck his dick, almost getting caught by Derek
Laughing when you guys experiment bc he’s all like “this is what I’m supposed to do, right? Are you sure?”
S- stamina (how long can they last? How many rounds can they go?)
Spencer has built up stamina from the start of your relationship to now
He used to only be able to last about 4-5 minutes inside you
Now he can go up to 10 minutes if you go straight to the penetrative sex
If you fore play, he lasts about 7 minutes
He can usually go three rounds before he has to stop
You’re usually a wreck after he’s done
T - toy (does he use toys?)
No
U- unfair (is he a tease? How does he react when you tease him?)
Spencer was too shy to be a tease in the beginning of your relationship
So you were the first one to do the teasing
You walked out of his bathroom the morning after your first time having sex in a towel and dropped it right in front of him
You pretended to not know that his eyes snapped to your dripping wet body and hair and walked towards his closet picking out a pair of his boxers and his shirt
“If you out those clothes on your body before you let me fuck you, I will lose my mind.”
His first time he teased you he called you good girl when you threw a crumpled piece of paper into the trash can from your spot at the kitchen table
“What the fuck did you just call me?”
“What do you mean?”
“If I get on my knees will you call me that again?”
V- volume (how loud is he when doing the deed?)
This man is LOUD
Not like the whiny loud tho
He’s the deep, sexy kind of loud
He’ll breathe all heavy in your ear
He’ll groan loudly and throw his head back when you on your knees for him
Sometimes Spencer will even bite his lip to try not to be loud but It never works
He’ll praise you and then moan low and deep right after
W- wild card (random)
When he plans to have sex, he’ll crate a playlist
“Good girl.”
“Keep those pretty eyes open, for me.”
Loves hearing your moans—
Loves it when you say please/ when you beg him for something
Will turn into a sugar daddy bc he can’t say no to you lmao
He’ll buy you anything you want or even glance at while you guys are walking around a store or a mall
Thinks buying you lingerie is awkward so he just asks you to get a certain set and gives you his credit card
The king of worrying
“Are you okay?” “Does that hurt?” “Did you come? We can go again i swear-“
X-ray (what’s going on under those pants!?)
8 inches
Literally didn’t expect it but after you got used to it you were like
“Oh yeah this is right.”
Y- yearning (how high is his sex drive)
This man can’t go a couple hours without being horny
He’s always wanting you
He always imagines you moaning his name
Long story short, he’s always horny and your sexy ass is to blame
Z- zzzzz (How quickly he falls asleep)
He waits until your comfortable and asleep before he even thinks about going to bed
He scoots closer to you and wraps his arms around your chest and falls asleep a while after
————————————————-
OMG WHAT IS THIS—
Oky sorry i love you babes! Hope you enjoyed this and I don’t totally suck at writing HCs. There’s a SFW one coming soon tho!!! Stay tuned for that and chapter 12 of Sick Surprise :)
Love youuuuuu!
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hana-bobo-finch · 4 months
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Assorted pikmin headcanons that I might end up deleting bc I definitely haven’t already posted enough today
• Most Hocotatians can’t grow facial hair. Those who can are greatly envied (even if it’s just a few scraggly hairs like the president)
• Hocotate is mostly desert. Because of this, hocotatians generally don’t need as much water as others.
• Yonny is. Extremely in love with dingo. But he still tries to be a good wingman when dingo’s trying to talk to shepherd cause even if he’s insane he’s a good friend
• Louie tries to zone out when olimar’s telling him “stories” (which are more just olimar’s train of thought) but ends up subconsciously retaining it all. He remembers more about olimar than olimar himself.
• Collin actually has social anxiety despite being the comms guy, ironically the only way he’s found that he can calm himself is to never stop talking. So he yaps. A lot.
• Yonny’s tried to tell dingo before that his disliking of dogs probably stems from some form of ptsd from the time he thought he was being attacked during a rescue. Dingo just bragged about it because he thought having trauma made him sound more “badass.” It did not. He was very confused when he got sympathy and not admiration.
• Olimar gets frustrated with Louie very easily, but keeps it hidden because Louie gets chastised by the other employees and the president a lot and olimar wants to be the one to help him instead of just yelling at him.
• Hocotate freight, despite being tasked with large shipping jobs, is a rather small company with barely any employees. There’s pretty much no experience needed other than a basic pilot’s license to get a job there because the president is so desperate for workers
• Louie doesn’t even have a pilot license. He only managed to get hired because his nana convinced the president to hire him because of his family’s lineage of renowned pilots.
• His nana didn’t even ask Louie before getting him hired. He was looking to get a fry cook job at a restaurant nearby to save up for culinary school. He just went with it because he didn’t want to disappoint her
• Collin is aroace. He doesn’t know it, he just thinks he’s “too busy” for sex and romance (am I just saying that bc I’m projecting onto him nooooo I would neeever do that)
• Koppaites generally age physically slower than most. Giyans? What’s it called uhh. People from giya tend to physically age faster. They both have roughly the same life expectancy, though
• it’s a common practice on most civilized planets for the people to dye their hair, as they all share the trait of usually greying quickly. Only hocotatians don’t do this, as they over time have developed hair that retains its color longer—although they have less of it
• Louie hates space travel. He gets motion sickness easily. Olimar, on the other hand, loves it, and likes to do tricks with his ship when flying like spinning around. Somehow that’s never been the cause of a crash, the worst that’s happened was just louie feeling sick
• dingo has low iron levels. I have nothing more to add it is just definitely true
• whenever Louie’s on pnf-404 by himself, he survives the creatures by just ignoring them. Turns out a lot of them aren’t inherently violent or have a taste for hocotatian. The ones that do attack can be defeated easily by giving them poisonous plants
• Many of the planets are more of dwarf planets, if even that. Only hocotate, koppai, Giya, and pnf 404 are larger. Most of them are tiny and in the same solar system, making them almost more akin to different countries or continents than entirely different planets
that is all for my yapping goodbye
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subskz · 9 months
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thoughts on bratty channie? it’s waaaayyyy out of character for him, so i wanna hear your take on it. i just want to degrade him and call him my little slut instead of the usual praise…just curious on how he’d take that…hehe
ohh a very good question…i agree it’s always been difficult for me to envision channie as a brat bc he’s just so prime obedient puppy angel who wants nothing more than to please you! your praise is all he needs to do whatever you ask of him without question, so he’d rarely feel the need to act out when being your good boy comes so naturally to him and is so rewarding for him! i also think he’d prefer to be a soft sub a lot of the time, so seeking punishment isn’t always smth he’d try to do bc he’d rather be taken care of
that being said he does definitely have his moments! he’s very playful and likes to joke around which sometimes results in him saying the most insane, out of pocket things just to get a reaction out of you. but what’s so endearing abt it is that he always backs down immediately after, breaking into cute giggles n waving his hand around saying “i’m joking i’m joking~~!” it’s hard to take him seriously when he’s so giddy and delighted w himself for teasing you, and he mostly just messes with you when he’s feeling clingy, like an overexcited puppy who’ll do anything to get you to focus on him. he also admittedly really likes your attention and gets a lil sulky when he feels like you’re ignoring him on purpose, so that might be one of the few times you see his “bratty” side. he’ll get way too close for comfort esp when you’re preoccupied w smth else, push his face super close to yours and tilt his head playfully from side to side when u try to nudge him away, taunt you w the biggest dimply grin on his face, act oblivious to how he’s riling you up, trap you in tight hugs and refuse to let go, and (this is a big one) mimic your words in the cutest whiny voice
sometimes it’s hard to tell whether he’s really just joking around or trying to get a rise out of you, bc most of what he does is kinda harmless, even at his brattiest 😭 he’s pretty persistent though so it’s only a matter of time until you run out of patience, and when you do he crumbles instantly. it takes just one pointed look to have him switching up and apologizing through nervous giggles. the moment you get your hands on him he just melts, and you know right away that this is exactly what he was hoping for. his eyes go wide as moons and glaze over like he’s ready to do anything to make it up to you, bc it’s not really the fight that he enjoys, it’s your attention and the rough treatment he gets out of it
he instantly reverts back to his good boy demeanor and accepts your punishment all too eagerly. it sends shivers down his spine when you touch him without any of your usual care, bc if he wants to act like a brat then he gets treated like one. he lets you bend him to your will and toss him around like he’s weightless, letting out the sweetest little whines when you start talking down to him. call him a dumb little slut for playing all these games w you instead of just asking for what he wants like a good boy, mock him for how hard it makes him to act like a desperate whore, and he’d let out the filthiest most pathetic moan like he’s trying to prove your point <3 he’d be begging, whining, and apologizing the entire time but he loves every bit of how how grab his face and force him to look up at you, scornfully asking why he’s suddenly not laughing anymore. the humiliation makes his whole body burn in the best way, and he does admittedly start to feel guilty for causing you so much trouble, you can see it all over his face and it’s very endearing 💔
still, he takes whatever you give him without complaint and will even start to whimper out in agreement as you degrade him, babbling abt how he’s just a needy puppy too dumb to use his words and a stupid little slut who needs your attention so bad, he’ll do anything to get it. it almost makes you feel sorry for him hearing how his voice breaks and seeing how his eyes well up w tears, but you can see the way he’s practically throbbing w arousal from your words alone, and you know how much he’s getting off on it. he nods mindlessly to everything you say and sniffles out for you to be mean to him and teach him a lesson. i think the worst punishment for him would be getting tied up w a vibrator inside him/pressed to his cock and a gag in his mouth 🥰 not only does it drive him crazy to be completely helpless like that, unable to touch you or hide his face or cover his body when he’s embarrassed, but it’s also the exact opposite of what he wanted ): poor baby would cry and mewl so pitifully around the gag, drooling and leaking all over himself as he tries to slur out for you to please pay attention to him, he promises to be good for you!! but you just deny him over and over and watch his cute face scrunch up in frustration and pleasure when you tell him this is all a bad boy like him gets. it’s definitely not a dynamic he could handle often, and he’d need lots of praise afterwards, but there’s smth so exhilerating to him abt being treated so coldly from time to time
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she-posts-nerdy-stuff · 7 months
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Hi, I had a random thought about Wylan Van Eck and it accidentally turned into a world building rant so enjoy… I guess?
Every so often I randomly remember that Wylan has canonically been to the races at Caryeva in Ravka and I just can’t help but wonder what the hell this situation was like. I don’t recall a lot of specific descriptions about Caryeva so correct me if I’m wrong but I believe it’s an environment quite similar to that of the Barrel and that boy was not thriving in the Barrel okay the stress of imagining young Wylan stuck with his father at the Caryeva races is so real. Like I’m not saying the entire place must be a hellhole but the key information we know about it (at least to my recollection and what I gathered about two minutes ago from the Grishaverse wiki) is that its main points of interest are gambling in horse races and producing alcohol, and we know that Vasily gathered a less than pleasant reputation whilst spending most of his time there gambling away what little fortune he had left. And also what the hell was Van Eck doing there in the first place? The version of Jan Van Eck we see him present to the other characters and therefore to us as the reader (since we don’t ever get his POV) would simply cease to exist at the impropriety of it all, he can’t get through a conversation about the Barrel without cringing and you’re telling me he went on a trip to Caryeva and took his presumably very young son with him? (I’m assuming this bc Wylan says he *used* to take him everywhere with him and Van Eck found out he couldn’t read when he was about eight). What was this situation???? Why was he there???? I wonder if this is another subtle hint towards the potential extent of less than savoury business Van Eck is involved in beyond Wylan’s knowledge, like when he suggests meeting on Vellgeluk (an island used mostly by smugglers and traffickers) and Inej is surprised he knows about it and Kaz responds something along the lines of “perhaps he’s not so much the upstanding merch he claims to be”.
The reference to Caryeva just always sticks out to me as slightly random in comparison to the other places Wylan lists his father as having taken him to - the Shu oil fields? Absolutely, this is a world (at least as I’ve understood it) currently moving towards its Industrial Revolution at top speed of course Van Eck of all people is looking to invest in oil futures he may be the worst but he is clever; the Ice Court? It’s a diplomatic event between the leaders of two countries, one desperately trying to maintain its neutrality to hold tightly to its place in the world economy as it very quickly develops (Kerch) and one desperately trying to impose itself as a greater world power than its being given credit for via violence and focusing its development on military-based progress like the tanks (Fjerda) (btw I think I’ve talked about this before in my worldbuilding posts but I have thoughts about the tanks and the general global development of the grishaverse so if anyone wants more theories/analyses on that let me know), so yes it absolutely makes sense especially since we’re starting to see (or at least I think we are but I’m not a historian I’m basing this on my understanding about how these things happened in our world and how they would develop in their world based on the distinctions between the two) the globalisation of the Grishaverse beginning; the Jurda farms in near Shriftport? We all know Van Eck has a vested interest in jurda and we also know it was a big part of his business long before parem came to the scene because it is a massively used stimulant throughout Kerch; Weddle? Absolutely, I don’t know if it’s been confirmed as the capital but if it isn’t it’s still a major city in Novyi Zem there are a thousand reasons Van Eck could’ve been there; Elling? Once again it’s entirely reasonable to imagine Fjerda having a vested interest in an alliance with Kerch to secure their place in the global economy and to manipulate what is almost definitely and imminent and unavoidable collapse of the country’s questionable neutrality; Elling makes sense because Van Eck probably visited Fjerda a lot and even if there wasn’t anything about alliances and military tactics and etc going on Elling is a port settlement and it makes plenty of sense to assume large amounts of trade take place here. (My theory about the military stuff if below, sorry the paragraph was too long to get it all in together)
(Ravka is in severe debt to the Kerch government and we know Fjerdan intelligence is well aware of this, especially since Matthias knew when he hadn’t been in the government for over a year and never worked anywhere near espionage, and Kerch is also a massive global power. Support for Fjerda from Kerch would mean support from the Southern Colonies and possibly even division in Novyi Zem, and whilst it would probably prevent the Fjerdans from any kind of alliance with the Shu due to the tension between Kerch and Shu Han being so high it would also probably not be necessary for them to make a deal with the Shu if the had the support of the Kerch. Ultimately, Fjerda and Shu Han are fighting for control of the same land, they just haven’t reached each other yet because they’re still stuck on opposite sides of Ravka. If either country gained control of the majority of Ravka’s land then it would lead to a fight with the other; Fjerda need global support if they have a chance of winning two wars immediately after each other and if Kerch are in fact going to have to lose their neutrality, as it seems they are being forced to do and definitely would have been forced to do if parem became a global resource (Van Eck even says himself on the matter that Kerch has enjoyed neutrality for too long), and already have high tensions with Shu Han and rising tensions with Novyi Zem (due to the assassination of the Zemeni ambassador, which I do believe was an attempt to start a war btw, that they blame the Kerch for and the Kerch suspect the Shu for) then they are the perfect target for Fjerda to form an alliance with. Kerch also has a very strong navy which Fjerda presumably lacks since their efforts have all been focused on Ravka, where they share a land border, so to enter a larger scale/global war they would need a navy on their side. Again, I want to emphasise I know very little about military tactics and history I am approaching this by imagining that it’s a logic puzzle, so you might be reading this and this and thinking that it makes no sense in realistic scenarios but this is just my theory)
But Caryeva???? Even if there weren’t standing for Van Eck and the Merchant Council to be plotting against Ravka, which I personally believe there is, it STILL WOULDN’T MAKE DIPLOMATIC OR BUSINESS SENSE TO GO TO CARYEVA. So in summary I think Van Eck was doing lots of messed up things that young Wylan didn’t understand because he was a small child so why would he, plus this was a time in his life when probably trusted his father, and I think that this is yet another of the very subtle ways Leigh Bardugo shows us that there is a lot more going on beneath the surface than we notice or that the characters have comprehended because it does!’t fit into the focus of the story. Whether or not Van Eck was planning on building his diplomacy towards Fjerda into an alliance or not (but I do want to add that the only other language he hired someone to teach his son was Fjerdan, so that may also be a hint), I definitely think that he was involved in something illegal to specifically be at the races in Caryeva. Like to vineyards or something for a trade deal, sure. But why, after going on and on about the questionable version of Ghezen he believes in and how the Barrel is a “den of filth” and calling gambling a “vice” and arguing with Kaz because he was offended when he said that speculating on the markets was a form of gambling, would Jan Van Eck be at Caryeva horse races?
Anyway I’ve been going on about this for way longer than I intended, hope this made some semblance of sense and thanks for reading
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drabble #10 - aphrodisiac
kai parker x reader
summary: you can only listen to damon ramble on for so long before you lose focus. unfortunately, this time, your zoning out manages to cause maximum embarrassment when the rest of the group follows your line of sight.
tags: pomegranates, references to greek mythology, teasing, flirting, embarrassment
word count: 936
a/n: i wrote this a little bit ago, and even though pomegranate season is over now (😭), i'm gonna post it bc i've been lagging recently!
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“Elena, you’ll be here, with me, on the lookout in case he comes this way. Bonnie, you’ll be here, with Matt. Caroline, with Stefan. Kai, I only trust you with Y/N, and certainly not by yourself, and you two will be here.” With each delegation, Damon looks to the person for a nod of confirmation. Everyone’s given him one so far… except you. “Y/N? Are you listening?” 
Caroline lets out a giggle, knowing exactly where your attention has landed, and it’s definitely not on Damon’s plan. 
Damon looks over to the blonde, then to Elena, who also lets out a chuckle. “Y/N?” Stefan stifles a laugh. “Y/N…” He rolls his eyes. “Kai, can you stop plucking that pomegranate for one moment?!”
“How am I bothering you? You said I could eat it-”
“Just stop for a second!”
Startled, the boy puts down his fruit. He holds his hands above the napkin, not letting any juice drip onto the Salvatore’s thousand dollar rug. “Happy?”
“Shh! Y/N!”
You’re in a daze. Entranced. You can hear Damon talking, but none of his words register. Something much more interesting’s caught your eye: Kai. Specifically, Kai and his pomegranate that he’s been working on for the last five minutes. 
The juice looks like blood on his hands, dripping down his delicate fingers, staining his skin. He plucks out each seed individually, gently and skillfully, as he loosens them from the pith. He takes his earnings between his pink lips; you can see his jaw working against the crunch hidden inside.
You understand, now, why pomegranates are considered aphrodisiacs; how Hades captured his lover, luring her towards him by way of the fruit. 
You’re not sure when watching becomes staring, but at some point, it does. You’re not sure how long you’re staring before you attract quite the audience. 
Kai, of course, is too focused on his fruit to realize. That is, until Damon asks him to stop so that he can get your attention. Kai looks around the room, wondering why all eyes are on him, but then he notices they're all actually gazing on you. They’re watching you watch him. He’s confused, at first, then a little self-conscious, but then finds himself enthralled at the idea that you, of all people, are so focused on him. 
“Y/N!” Damon shouts and claps at the same time. 
You startle, jumping out of your trance and looking down at the carpet. You’re not sure when Kai stopped eating, but you quickly realize he had caught you staring at some point, and now you’re overwhelmed with embarrassment. “Sorry,” you say to no one in particular. Kai, mostly, maybe.
Sorry, I was completely daydreaming. Sorry, I was captivated by your fingers. Sorry, I was wondering what they’d feel like on my skin. On my…
“Y/N! Focus!”
“Shit! I’m sorry!”
“Damn, girl, you doing okay?” Caroline asks, amused. 
“Yeah… didn’t sleep a lot last night.”
“Oh that’s too bad.” She totally didn’t fall for that lie. You curse yourself in your head. “Did you hear Damon’s plan?”
“No.”
Kai’s gone back to his pomegranate. You force yourself to look away from him. 
“Y/N, you’ll be stationed with Kai,” he then mutters, “your little pomegranate buddy,” then, louder again, “because you’re the only one I trust with him, and I don’t trust him to be alone.”
“Okay.”
“Good.”
You stare at the floor for the rest of his speech, trying desperately to not look back up at Kai’s pretty pink lips. 
~~~
By the end of the “meeting”, everyone’s places are announced and Damon’s satisfied with his decision making. You’ll all go after Lily tomorrow, and hopefully, if all goes well, she’ll be in the dungeons by the following morning. 
Sometime after he’s dismissed you, you search for Kai, feeling an intense need to apologize. Luckily, he’s over by the sink. When you reach him, he’s rubbing his hands and arms clean. The juice turns the soap, then the water pink, and his skin goes back to its usual shade.
“Hey,” you approach, somewhat out of the blue. 
He smiles at the sound of your voice. “Hi.”
“Sooo… we’re partners for Damon’s little plan.”
“Yep. If you ask me, it’s totally not gonna work.”
“His plans tend to be a hit or a miss.”
“Mhm? And which will this one be?” He jokes lightly.
You tap a finger to your chin. “Definitely a miss.” He chuckles, then nods at you for a paper towel, which you provide. “Hey, Kai? I’m, uh, I’m sorry for staring at you earlier. I was completely lost in another world.”
“No biggie. You don’t need to apologize.”
“Okay. But I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable or anything…”
“You? Make me uncomfortable? Not possible. It’s not everyday you manage to get a pretty girl’s attention. Especially not when you’re eating the messiest thing in the world.”
The compliment - flirt? - speeds your heart up fast. It makes you admit the stupidest thing possible in the next couple of words. “Ah, well messy or not, you made it look hot.” Your eyes widen immediately. “I mean, like, you were- the fruit- I- um- shit.”
He chuckles. “Don’t sweat it, I’m gonna take that as a compliment.”
“Okay,” you reply, voice small.
Kai stares at you for a moment, expression unreadable. Then, “well… see you tomorrow, Y/N. I gotta go find Damon and thank him for something.”
“Damon?” You ask, surprised.
“Yeah… thank him for pairing me with the cutest girl in the gang.” He winks as he passes, and you just about die on the spot. 
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wickjump · 2 months
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I’M SO GLAD THAT I’VE FOUND SOMEONE THAT ENJOYS CREPIC. THEREFORE YOU ARE GETTING A HC.
I’ve recently seen a trope somewhere that if partner A has noticeable scars, partner B will kiss them as a small romantic or comforting gesture. Ever since I’ve seen this trope I have not stopped thinking about crepic. IT FITS SO WELL???
Like, obviously Epic has the scar on his eye. His magic eye has caused him years of suffering and awful nightmares. It’s been nothing more to him than a burden. And the scar is just another reminder that he can never let go of everything that’s been done to him. But whatever, he’s gotten over it. But imagine Epic going over to Cross’ house for a sleepover, and late at night the two are just lying in Cross’ bed talking about something stupid, when their conversation suddenly turns more personal. This slowly leads to Epic opening up about how much of a struggle it is to live with his eye. Of course, he doesn’t go too much into detail, since he was never really one to speak about his personal life.
And Cross can’t help but feel so guilty for his poor best friend after listening to him talk about how much pain he had to endure for so long. Epic keeps insisting that he’s fine and that it’s not a big deal, but Cross wants to give the person he cares about so much the desperate comfort he needs. One way leads to another and Cross ends up leaning over and kissing the scar on Epic’s eye while gently cupping his face or something. (bonus points if Cross also kisses the scars on Epic’s hands). AND EPIC WOULD PROB BE HOLDING BACK TEARS THE ENITRE TIME BUT WOUDL EVENTUALLY CRAKC CUZ SOMEONE ACTUALLY FINDS BEAUTY IN HIS INSECURITIES AND UHHUHGH.
I’m so ashamed that this became a huge rant when it didn’t need to be 🙏🙏 (But seriously I’m so starved of crepic that it’s becoming torturous. I need to be fed more fanfics bc there’s only 30 on ao3. Nsfw or not I need to be fed.)
WEEPING CRYING YES!!!!!!!!!! epic is so ignored in crepic fics mostly because people don’t bother to read his au’s comic (it’s… a long one… so i get it lmfao), and i might be one of those people though not because a lack of adoration for his canon but because cross is my favorite idiot and epic is hard to write. BUT!!!!!! I LIKE THIS A LOT.
scar kissing can go one of two ways, very very good, or very very bad. personally if anyone tried to kiss my scars they’d get clocked, but it depends for the character (and person). some people think it’s cringe worthy, other people think it’s sweet. EYE SCARS HOWEVER? OH HO HO. THOSE NEED TO BE KISSED RIGJT FUCKIJG NOW… ABSOLUTELY YES. epic’s whole eye ordeal like ruined his life and made him damn near suicidal. i haven’t read the side comics in a little while for epic but iirc when he’s killed he thinks something along the lines of ‘isnt this what ive been waiting for?’ or something? could be wrong idk i haven’t read it in a few months. but either way that eye, and that scar as a reminder, really fucked him up. and epic’s the kind of guy to gloss over that entirely. but cross is an overthinker at his core so when he catches wind of this it’s going to be on his mind forever probably.
i love. i love the idea that cross just holds epic’s face and kisses his scars. holy shit i love that so much. dear god. he absolutely should get to do that. cross cares sososo much about epic but epic never tells him anything!!! so when cross gets a whiff of his internal turmoil he is gonna DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!! and epic is gonna FEEL EMOTIONS!!!!!!
I LOVE characters cupping someone’s face while kissing them while paying mind to their traumas and letting them know that you treasure them and and and combusts into a superbillion molecules
goddd this idea. /pos. AND YOURE SO REAL ABOUT THE FIC THING THEY SHOULD HAVE MORE FICS LIKE??? WHAT???!!!!! there’s barely any fics out there for them compared to so many other ships. every night i pray that i wake up and someone dropped a 200k+ word slow burn crepic ‘forbidden’ (because cross’ job and epic’s residence) romance best friends to lovers au fic. but those prayers always go unanswered. ive scoured the entire site for them, ive started going to WATTPAD, DAMNIT!!!!!!!!! bleh. i don’t even care about ratings or tags anymore as long as it’s consensual and legal im fine please give me more content with them 🙏
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7ndipity · 11 months
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When Their Crush Has a Crush
Ot7 x Reader
Summary: In connection with the Secret Crush HCs, how they would react/get jealous to finding out that their crush has feelings for someone(or even another member)
Warnings: angst, swearing
A/N: Thanks to the lovely anon who requested this! We’re back with more of that unrequited angst that y’all apparently love lol! This also kinda reminded me of this jealousy reaction I made awhile back, so there’s that if you want to check those out too!
Masterlist
Requests are open
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Jin:
Oh, he HATES it. And does not hide it, though he’s giving you five different reasons why he hates it, and none of them are the truth, at least not entirely.
“They don't strike me as the relationship type.” “I think they might be a murderer.” “They’re just not good enough for you.”
Tries to make himself look better in comparison.
But he’s not trying to make a move! Nonono, he would never do that. He just wants you to know what a better option looks like.
Yeah, that’s it.🙄
Yoongi:
Tries to not let it bother him, and by that I mean he’s like “of-course-you-would-find-someone-why-wouldn’t-you?-it’s-not-like-he-ever-told-you-how-he-felt-but-it’s-totally-fine-and-not-haunting-his-every-waking-moment-but-omg-what-if-you-actually-get-with-them-”
Yeah, no, he’s going to majorly overthink the whole situation, like it’s bad.
Would probably withdraw for a bit, but then realizes that he can’t stand the distance and gets kinda clingy.
Which clingy Yoongi is like? A whole different person?
This would probably be one of the few moments that would tip you off about his true feelings.
Hobi:
Tries not to be bothered at first, bc it’s just a crush, it doesn’t mean anything… Right?
Queue him getting in his head and starting to worry about literally everything.
Throws so much side eye though and knit picks whoever's caught your attention, but he can’t quite help it.
Would end up slipping up and saying something about he doesn’t think they’re a good match for you. Which leads to you asking who would be a good match for you then?
And then he either just says idk, or ends up basically describing himself and hoping you don’t notice how desperately he’s trying not to confess right then and there.
Namjoon:
Gets jealous super easily, you already know, though you don’t quite know why.
As I said before, if you so much as even mention being into somebody, he’s pulling back and distancing himself a bit as a kind of defense mechanism.
Or else he tries to avoid being around them or bringing them up in conversation, though he’ll deny that’s what he’s doing if you ask.
Is so fucking passive aggressive about anything relationship related, you end up thinking that he must’ve got dumped or smth and feeling kinda bad for him.
Which ends up triggering this weird sort of truce between you where you just don’t talk about it for a while.
Jimin:
Lowkey panicking inside. Because yeah, hypothetically he wants you to be happy and live your best life, but does it have to be with them? Or anyone?
Would want to try to dissuade your feelings for them a bit, but he doesn’t want to come off as manipulative or disrespectful of your opinion.
“They don’t seem like a good match for you.”
He’s mostly kinda mad at himself, cause if he’d just told you how he felt earlier, he wouldn’t be in this situation.
Would probably start seriously considering actually confessing, cause he cannot stand being in this weird limbo state with you.
Taehyung:
Ngl, he’s so dramatic, even if it’s just a tiny crush, he’s going to be kinda heartbroken, like you might as well have kissed them in front of him.
Okay, maybe it’s not that bad, but you get what I’m saying. He’s not cool with this.
Does not hide his feelings of disdain for whoever’s caught your attention.(they are not passing the vibe check)
Gets hella clingy and wants to be with you constantly, so that you don’t really have time for them? If that even makes sense?
Tries to find things to impress you and get you to take notice of him cause don’t you think he’s nice too? Don’t you think he’d make a good partner too?
Jungkook:
The sulkiest man to ever exist.
He can not stand it, even if it's a purely theoretical situation, like all you said was that you thought some guy was cute, and now he’s imagining all the worst case scenarios where he could lose you to them.
Like Tae, he’d get soo fucking possessive and clingy, trying to prove himself to you, though he might not exactly be sure what he’s trying to prove.
Would actively try to put himself between you and them if at all possible.
As I said before, this would probably be his achilles heel that pushes him over the edge and leads to him confessing, even if he knows it’s the wrong time.
Taglist: @sopebubbles-replies @captainorangegoose @btsw1fe @this-must-be-my-tardis
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turbulentscrawl · 10 months
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Identity(V) Headcanons: Norton Campbell
I'm starting off the writing blog with some of these character analysis-esque headcanons! (Starting with Norton bc he's honestly the reason I made this blog.) They'll serve both as practice for me, and examples for any readers on how I write different characters.
Again, I am new to the IDV fandom, and I have never played the game. These headcanons are informed by ongoing lore dives sourcing the wiki, japanese twitter responses, comics, stageplay, and more! Some of these may relate to or even contradict character backstory, and some of them are just pure vibes for me. If you like it, consider shooting a request ;)
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-Norton had always been a moodier guy, but the mining accident (and the lack of mental and emotional support he received after it) resulted in a much more obvious split of his temperaments. Without trying to put a name to something I’m no expert in, Norton has two distinct personality states which are both aware of and inform one another. The First is the more common state, wherein he is more level-headed, but prone to melancholy and isolation. His melancholy tends to be more intense after an episode with his Second state, wherein he is very likely to exhibit anger, mania, and cynicism. Likewise, his Second state tends to be more critical when he’s been uneventfully mellow for a good while. He tries his best to balance and regulate the two, but this particular emotional roller coaster is one he never had any say in getting on and has never had any assistance getting off.
-The First state typically lasts longer than the Second, sometimes stretching several days at a time. During the First, he’s at his most amicable and chatty. This is the best time to get to know him as a person.
-When in his Second state, which is usually triggered by something that reminds him of the accident, it’s better to give him a wide berth. Even in the case of a friend or partner who has thick skin and handles harshness well, Norton can become hypercritical of himself for being cruel to them.
-His mother died in childbirth, leaving Norton with only his father, who also worked himself to an early grave. Norton had to start working immediately to keep himself fed (and sometimes didn’t even manage that) so he has next to no education. He does not read or write especially well. He is also not particularly tech savvy and struggles with new concepts. That said, he's never been one to back down from a chance to improve himself, difficult or otherwise.
-Norton was mostly genuine in his visits to the elderly and sick. Many of them were other miners and laborers who helped him find his footing after his dad died. Their help may not have amounted to much in the long run, but they didn’t just look the other way and he understood the loneliness they felt on their deathbeds.
-The one exception to this was Benny, who Norton had also once looked upon in an appreciative light…until he learned how to read. It was then that he scoured his father’s old letters and discovered an infuriating truth: after the birth of Norton and the death of his mother, his father had been about to leave the mining industry. Benny was the one who convinced him to stick around and join the obsessive hunt for gold. It was through a mix of spite and desperation that Norton decided to swindle Benny out of his maps and take the chance at riches for himself.
-Norton does not talk about the mining accident. At all. Not even if he’s paid. Part of it is self-preservation—since he IS the one who stole and illegally ignited the explosives. The other part is that he is well and truly wrecked with guilt. Norton did not get along with most of his coworkers in those final days, was bullied and harassed by them, but he wanted to get ahead of them, not kill them.
-Because he’s been self-reliant from such a young age, he’s naturally distrustful of other people. He has trouble accepting people at face value and often rejects compliments, and other words of affection. He’s the embodiment of “actions speak louder than words.” In general, if someone wants to get closer to Norton they have to put their money (and their labor) where their mouth is and show a lot of patience. Any genuine relationship with Norton is hard-won.
-In line with the above, the best love language to give Norton is Acts of Service. Physical Affection would also work well once you reach a certain threshold in his trust. Gift-Giving is a decent third, but you would need to tread lightly here, lest he start to see the budding relationship as purely transactional. Holidays and birthdays are the best time to really go in on gifts for Norton, since he has a harder time arguing bribery with culturally dictated gifts.
-He genuinely does not find himself to be attractive. I wouldn’t go so far as to say he’s insecure, as he really doesn’t think about it much, but he’s least likely to accept compliments about his appearance. The burn scars certainly don’t help. If you do compliment his appearance, it’s better not to mention the scars at all than to try and make him feel better about them.
-He wholly, genuinely, hates the rich. Which is obvious enough, I suppose, but I think it’s more extreme than people give him credit for. And really it just comes down to unadulterated jealousy and bitterness, which are not easy feelings to overcome.
-Norton is of the opinion that all life is equal—and when he’s at his most cynical, this means he’s willing to take the balance of “an eye for an eye” into his own hands.
-His sweet tooth is limited to donuts and a few other carb-y baked goods. He prefers savory flavors, or sometimes bitter, such as in the case of his black coffee. He doesn’t eat as much as you might expect for his size, but he always eats quickly, and hunched over his food like it’ll be taken away. Old habits die hard.
-He has a terrible sleep schedule, due in part to frequent nightmares about the accident. He’s also somewhat claustrophobic and dislikes pitch-black spaces, so a window is a must in his bedroom. He prefers to have it open whenever reasonable.
-He doesn’t do well with thunderstorms, as the rumbles of thunder sound too much like the beginnings of a cave-in.
-If he has one singular strength, it’s perseverance. Hardships don’t deter him because he’s seen and overcome plenty. He’s a loyal friend as well, once completely won over. If he cares for you, you’ll never have to tackle a hurdle alone.
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andradrawsstuff · 5 months
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An in-depth character analysis of Skipper: pt 1
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This version of Skipper is probably the simplest since he was comic relief at first, but a bit of a hot take, might actually be my favourite (I prefer the show version of the other three tho). Going back to the movies after years of watching the show, I realised that this version of Skipper is surprisingly… chill? I guess I’ve been so used to his tv personality that my brain just decided to override his movie personality with tv Skipper.
Buckle your seatbelts, this is going to be a long one ☝️🤓
Movie Skipper is quite a nonchalant, carefree and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but calm character. He’s kinda just minding his own business doing his missions. He’s pretty serious when he’s leading his team and planning his missions, eg. the boat hijacking scene, but generally you’ll see him with a smile on his face. He’s always been a suave and charming little guy with a lot of sarcasm and sass, which he wouldn’t be Skipper without.
Generally he takes no bs, is straight to the point, and is pretty blunt, usually to Alex and his bunch. But this is also where his sass and sarcasm starts to show more. It’s funny. I think that Madagascar 2 really shows his charm and sass more out of the three main movies bc of all the chaos.
It’s pretty safe to say that the penguins are chaotic neutrals (apart from Private maybe) but they do it in such a way that makes it really funny. Not only do they trick the tourists and steal their car (ya know, grand theft auto) but also run over the grandma after seeing she’s still alive (ya know, attempted vehicular homicide). I could name every single crime they commit istg and it’s a long list 💀 But anyway, Skipper does all this with such a chill and carefree attitude and simply doesn’t give a shit. It’s what makes him so funny. It’s a big reason why I love this version of him, bc he doesn’t take everything too seriously and just goes about his day like nothing ever happened.
Obviously, he’s not evil and does still care about others, for example when they rescue Alex and his bunch in Madagascar 2 and 3, as well as stopping Dave in their spinoff. But I do think that he has something against humans (which is understandable) bc he seems to have a general disregard for them which is kinda funny.
In Madagascar 3, you start to see a bit of a shift in his personality and he becomes a little more aggressive. I’m guessing it’s because Tom was used to voicing Skipper more aggressively for the tv series and they also probably adopted a bit of tv Skipper into movie Skipper. But he is still generally pretty nonchalant nonetheless. He isn’t as suave as the other two movies either, but he does activate Kowalski’s nuclear reactor just for the funnies so I’ll give him that. The best thing about them here is their interactions with Dubois, the sheer trail of carnage they leave behind wherever they go, and the funny little quips here and there. Can’t forget bababooey.
The penguins spinoff movie brings back a little of Skipper’s charm and swagger, mostly with the “I do things my own way” attitude and him just being an asshole to Classified bc he doesn’t like him. This movie also makes Skipper more tame than the other movies which I don’t mind that much, but I wish he was a little more chaotic neutral rather than so hellbent on being heroic.
But the thing that really solidified Skipper as a complex character was his character development. This is the first time you get to see his vulnerable side and even from the start of the movie you see that he’s actually pretty sweet underneath all that chaos. When they “lose” Private is when you really start seeing Skipper’s full character, going from carefreeness to pure desperation trying to get his little brother back after he gets kidnapped, which I think was a great way to go because it shows how much he loves his family.
Later on he kinda “gives up” and follows the North Wind’s plan, which is one of the only moments you see him completely vulnerable and unmasked - no clever quip, no opposition, just acceptance. A perfect contrast to his usual “never give up, never back down” attitude. I think it adds a lot more realism to his character and shows that the one thing that can break him is losing one of his brothers. This is something that you don’t really see in the show (other than for a short period of time eg. Skorka) which I think would have been a great way to develop his character more.
When they get Private back at the end of the movie, you get to see Skipper’s sweet side again and his character development comes full circle - he learns to stop undermining Private. He realises he was wrong and tries to make it right. In a way, I guess he takes accountability. Which you don’t see all that often in the show, only episodes like Needle Point coming to mind when thinking about it.
I think that this is another big reason why I prefer movie Skipper over tv Skipper - yeah, he’s a bit flawed and a little simpler than tv Skip, but he makes an effort to change in the end which tv Skipper doesn’t do as much. Movie Skipper is nonchalant, sassy, suave and by the end, pretty sweet. I guess you could say he’s pretty well written and honestly I wish we got to see more of his softer side and less paranoid attitude at the end of the show.
That’s not to say I hate tv Skipper tho, when i was a kid I LOVED him a lot more than movie Skip and I still find him rlly funny, I mean Skipper is Skipper haha. I guess my opinion just changed bc I grew up and I started seeing characters differently and started valuing character development a lot more, but who knows, maybe in a year it’ll change again lmao.
I am so sorry this got so out of hand and turned into a mf essay 💀 I promise the other analysis will be shorter 🙏
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underoossss · 1 year
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Dress - S.H
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paring: steve harrington x f!reader
MODERN STEVE AU
warnings: minors dni!!!! this is rated M and it’s for 18+ ONLY, if you don’t have your age specified in your blog and interact I’ll block u bc this isn’t for you. (rated this mature so check your settings in case you can't read it).
an: *posts this and disappears* it’s the first time I’m writing something like this. It’s set in the modern day, and inspired by dress by t swift. There’s no plot? I mean there is bc it’s a friends to lovers getting together fic. But it’s also not a complete smut piece? I’m just playing around with the genre here and I hope you like it.
Masterlist
——
The sound of high heels clicking on concrete follows you home, four pairs of high heels to be exact. Your group of friends consisting on Nancy, Robin and Mae had agreed on a girls night out to a fancy restaurant tonight, and after a fun night the four of you now walk back to your apartment to wind down for a bit. The wind has a bite to it, but none of you wear jackets. Instead you brave the wind until you see your apartment building in the distance. It was a fun time for everyone tonight, the food had been great, the conversation fun an entertaining and after weeks of not managing to make your schedules work, having a night for yourselves was needed. You’d even refused to make plans with Steve, your best friend, in favour of going out with them. In retrospect though, it was the best thing you could do as you needed some space from him. He’s been on holiday for a few months, with lots of free time which means the two of you spend a lot of time together. Hanging out with him more often than usual has made your feelings for him —the ones you’ve harboured for years— come to the surface and simmer under your skin every time he looks at you with those beautiful brown eyes of his. Yes, space is exactly what you need.
The four of you are all a bit more carefree after two cocktails each, not drunk or tipsy, but happier. The carpeted floor of the hallway swallows the clicking of your heels as all of you walk out of your building’s elevator on the fifth floor and wait outside your door. You fish your keys out of your clutch and unlock it, gesturing everyone to go in first before you lock the door behind you and follow them. Robin immediately goes to the kitchen to plug in her phone to your charger and connects her Spotify to your Bluetooth speaker. Soon enough a carefully curated playlist of all your favourite songs begins to play, making all of you start to sing along. Your voices remain relatively quiet though, not as loud as they would be if you were driving in your car; the last thing you need is a noise complaint from the building. Besides, it’s late and you’re sure most of your neighbours are asleep. All of you dance around and sing, feeling safer and more carefree doing so in your living room than at a dark night club where any pervert can ruin your night.
Your mind goes to Steve despite you trying to distance your thoughts from him, as you sing along to the music. If he was yours, your boyfriend, you could go out with him and experience a night club for the first time without any fear; knowing he’s there and that the only hands that’d be on your body would be his as the two of you danced. As if conjured by your thoughts the song that Robin played ends and a very familiar one starts.
“YOUR SONG!” Robin says loudly and your friends laugh while trying to shush her. “Come on you gotta sing it, the stage is yours.”
“Okay. Okay.” You laugh as she presents you with the TV remote as if it’s a microphone. You clear your through agreeing to sing the song to indulge her. It doesn’t hurt though, that it’s your favourite and the object of your affections immediately comes to mind.
All of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting
My hands are shaking from holding back from all this.
You don’t sing too loudly and mostly stick to mouthing the lyrics as the melody picks up momentum. It is only when the chorus starts that you sing, emotion thick in your voice, and your friends join you.
Say my name and everything just stops
I don't want you like a best friend
Only bought this dress so you could take it off
Take it off.
A carefree laugh escapes you as your friends cheer, knowing fully well who you’re thinking about. They’ve known about your feelings for Steve since the moment they started, always urging you to take a chance which you’re always against.
“Did you?” Nancy asks, raising an eyebrow at you. You know exactly what she’s asking.
You laugh and blush as you nod. The little black dress you wear was bought on a whim one day. You’d been trying on clothes for another work event but decided to buy a dress for a night out too. You’d felt good in it and honestly, you’d looked hot. Standing in front of the mirror tonight, the image of you and Steve hand in hand going to dinner together was also so clear in your mind. His jacket over your shoulders as you walk out of the restaurant, and his hands on your body the minute he closed the door to your apartment. You know it would never, happen but every time you wear it you can’t help but go back to the same daydream and wish it could be true. It’s not that you’re only thirsty for him. No, this thing you feel for Steve didn’t start as something physical. You’d fallen in love head over heels, with no way of ever falling back out of love, and then he’d begun to invade your dreams and your thoughts. The softest ones and the more sinful ones too.
“You look hot, that dingus would take it off if he had the guts to!” Robin tells you, unplugging her phone and holding it in front of you.
Mae the voice of reason speaks up. “Post it to close friends Robin. We don’t want anyone else to see this!”
“Yeah, Steve would kill you.” Nancy says to Robin, gesturing towards you. “This is too much.”
You laugh. As if Steve would care, you think. You’re pretty sure you’re friend zoned for life.
Indulging your friends you sing the chorus again, looking at Robin’s phone knowing her close friends are just the people in the room with you. Your hands go over the material of your dress and you smile while you sing, thinking about Steve. It makes your friends laugh and cheer for you.
Carve your name into my bedpost
'Cause I don't want you like a best friend
Only bought this dress so you could take it off
Take it off.
“Tell him!!” Robin yells as your friends cheer you on, it makes you laugh again.
You entertain the idea, telling Steve and coming clean about your feelings. What would he do? What would he say? Would he feel the same way? No, there’s no way. He hasn’t shown romantic interest in you. He’s gentle and loving in a way a best friend is; considerate and mindful of your feelings. He supports your interests just as you support his, he’s affectionate and kind, but that’s where it ends. It’s friendship, that’s all. Besides you love Steve too much, there’s no way you’re risking it by telling him about your feelings.
The song ends shortly after that and new one starts immediately after. It’s enough to get all of you to dance and forget the previous song, and the feelings it brought back to the surface. With your friends all a little buzzed, it’s easy to sing and dance without a care; taking turns to hold the TV remote as a microphone while you do. That is, until Robin speaks up a few minutes later.
“Fuck.” She curses loudly, her phone clutched in her hands. All of you stop your singing to look at her.
“What happened?” You ask, dread settling on your stomach. The look on her face tells you is nothing good.
“Don’t kill me, but I posted it to my story by accident!” Robin grimaces, “Not to my close friends.”
“DELETE IT! DELETE IT!” Mae yells at Robin while you panic. It’s not been long, no one must have seen it, it’s late anyways.
“Delete it now, please.” You tell her, hovering over her shoulder to see her do it. But not before recognizing Steve’s icon at the bottom of the screen. Steve saw it.
“No way.” You whisper. Fuck, why did he have to see it?
There’s no way he’ll know it’s about him right? Right? But you mind still reels with what just happened. Did you just ruin everything, between both of you. Did a mistake like that just cost you your friendship with Steve? How are you going to face him now. He’s never ever seen you like that and for good reason, because it would always be about him.
Mae’s hands hold your shoulders, urging you to stop your pacing. “Calm down, breathe!”
“There, it’s gone. I just deleted it.” Robin says, throwing her phone to the other side of the couch for good measure.
You pinch the bridge of your nose as you take a deep breath. “Thank you.”
“He won’t know it was about him.” Nancy reassures you with a smile. “Worst case scenario, he’ll just think you have a crush on someone.”
“Do you really think so?” You worry, worrying your lip with your teeth. “What if he never talks to me again because of this?”
“There’s no way,” Mae reassures you. “Your friendship is too important to both of you for him to throw it away, and if he does then screw him.”
“Oh she wants to,” Robin says from the couch and suddenly all tension leaves you as all of you laugh. “Come on, you guys have to help me with my drama.” She urges between laughs.
An hour later the girls all leave together and you’re alone in your apartment. You check their shared location and confirm they’re on their right way home before you begin to put the trash from the living room away. The apartment is quiet, only your footsteps and the sound of sealing snack bags back up can be heard. You’re actively trying to forget about the fact that Steve saw you singing Dress –your real favourite song not the one you’ve told him is your favourite– in such an uninhibited way. You can’t even be mad a Robin for what she did, she’s one of your best friends. Besides, it was only a mistake and you’re sure nothing will happen because of it. Everything will be okay. Right?
The doorbell ringing brings you out of your thoughts and you frown. It’s nearly 1am and you know it’s not your friends who’ve turned back around; they’re too far away to have returned so fast. After walking to the door, you look through the peephole and spot no one other than Steve standing outside.
“Stevie?” You open the door, confused beyond words, heart thrumming loudly on your chest.
“Hey babe. You look pretty.” His eyes are soft, like they always are when he looks at you. He’s like a dream in front of you in light washed jeans, a plain white t-shirt and nikes. His hair looks soft, forming perfect brown waves that shine in the dim light of your apartment. Your hands itch to touch it and see if it’s as soft as it looks.
“It’s 1am what are you doing here?” You step back and let him in, ignoring the compliment so you don’t blurt out something you shouldn’t. Like ‘you’re absolutely gorgeous’. “Is something wrong?”
“No not at all.” He shakes his head, “I just missed you.”
“You missed me?” You raise your eyebrows. “You saw me this morning.
“I know I just…” Steve begins but he stops talking. His eyes look away from yours and he walks towards the kitchen instead, hands going to his hair.
“What?” You prod, confused by his whole demeanour. He looks nervous and you can’t imagine why, you hope it’s nothing bad. “Stevie, can you tell me what’s going on?”
“I saw Robin’s story.” He says looking down at the ground.
Perfect. Now you need the ground to swallow you whole. What is he doing here? Telling you you can’t be friends anymore?
“Oh.” Is all you can manage to say, you lean back against the kitchen counter and will your hands to stop shaking with nerves.
Steve’s eyes leave the floor and move to yours, knocking the air from your lungs with their intensity. He nods and takes a step closer to you. “I saw you singing and dancing.”
You nod and look away. “Yeah, I love that song and Robin accidentally posted that to her story instead of close friends.”
Steve moves and stands in front of you; his eyes scan your face as emotion dances in them while he looks into your own. “Who was it about?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” You tell him, trying your best to act clueless.
“Robin said ‘Tell him’ Who?” Steve asks.
“So you came to my apartment to make fun of me?” You ask, eyebrows meeting in the middle. “Do you want to know so you can make fun of me, Steve?”
“Babe, come on, you know I would never make fun of you.” He tells you seriously.
“Then why do you even want to know?” You huff.
Steve takes one of your hands, an electric shock hitting both of you at once when he does —they’re so much bigger than yours and warm, you wish he’d never let it go. “Because I wanted it to be me.” He whispers, his face shifting closer to yours so you can hear him. “You can tell me, if it’s me.”
You shake your head, heart beating out of your chest. Tears begin to sting your eyes but you will them to go away. You’re thrilled by his confession, wanting nothing more for it to be true, but is it right? Should you tell him? “What if I lose you?”
Steve’s hand lets go of your and goes to your cheek instead, then his forehead presses against yours when he speaks. “You won’t. I want it to be me because I don’t want you like a best friend either. I want everything with you.”
You sigh when he brushes his nose against yours; your heart leaves it’s place in the middle of your chest and joins your stomach for a second before returning to its place. “What’s everything?”
Steve smiles and places a kiss on your cheek. “Your best friend, your boyfriend; I want to hold your hand, but I also really want to touch you everywhere. I want to be yours.” His lips drag against your skin as he speaks, voice hushed like a confession. “I’ve been in love with you for years and you’ve never noticed.”
You lean back and look into his eyes, there’s longing and love and lust, all blending into a darker brown than his usual soft gaze. Could it be true that he’s felt the same way all this time? Were the things you accredited to friendship actually his feelings for you revealing themselves. “Tell me, now.” You whisper looking at him with all the longing you feel.
You see him swallow hard, the hand on your cheek rubbing softly at the skin. A single lock of hair falls on his forehead as he looks down at you. “I love you, and I can see now you’ve felt the same way too.”
You nod, feeling dizzy from his words. There’s a happiness coursing through you that brings a smile to your face so big it hurts your cheeks. “Yes, I love you. Yes, the song was about you.”
Your words are whispered between the two of you as the distance begins to close. The joy and the excitement of having the man of your dreams in front of you confessing his love for you makes your body thrum with energy. Energy that grows and grows into a tension between the two of you that makes Steve close his eyes for a moment.
“Can I take this off?” He asks, his hand moving up your thigh to feel the material of your dress; it lights your skin on fire.
Your breath catches on your throat and you swallow hard to get your voice back. “Yes.” You tell him as your hands go to his hair, it’s softer than you imagined. “You already know I want you to.”
Steve’s lips are on yours a second later and you can’t help the sigh that escapes you when he does. His lips caress yours softly but firmly enough for you to know this is really happening. Steve’s hand on your cheek angles your face just right as he kisses you, giving him the perfect angle to tease your bottom lip with the tip of his tongue. He opens you up to him, intoxicating you with the taste of him, the heat radiating from his body, everything. His lips leave yours to kiss along your jaw. His breath causes shivers to go down your spine, and his lips leave open mouthed kisses along your skin.
“Did you really buy this dress for me?” He whispers by your ear, his hands going to your hips and helping you on the counter. “Hmm?”
You nod and give him a breathy Yes when the tip of his tongue teases your earlobe. “But I never thought you’d see it.” You confess.
“I’m glad I did.” He pulls back and looks into your eyes, they’re loving, sincere, and dark with want. He shakes his head, “You’re so beautiful. So fucking beautiful.”
You pull him closer again, capturing his lips in a firmer kiss, a needier one. Years of pent-up frustration rising to the surface, your body wanting more, and more, and more. Your hands move under his tshirt and explore his back as Steve kisses you deeply, pulling back when you need to catch your breath; the tip of his nose moves up the side of yours before his lips are on yours again, teeth scraping at the soft skin. His hands move from your waist to the front of your dress, his thumbs go over your nipples which makes you arch into him.
“Come on,” Steve rasps when you try to pull yourself closer to him, "Bed.”
He guides your legs around his waist and proceeds to carry you to the bedroom, laughing with you when he trips by the doorway. He turns on your lamp on his way, bathing the room in warm light, then after checking that the blinds are closed, he lowers you gently on the bed. He soon follows, settling over you, one arm holding his weight away from you and his free hand skimming up your inner thigh.
“Stevie.” You whisper, melting at the sight of his adoring eyes; he looks at you like he’s in disbelief of having you underneath him, loving him like crazy. You smile, “Kiss me.”
Steve leans down again, pink lips capturing yours once more before his hand moves under the hem of your dress.
“You have no idea how many times I’ve thought about this.” He whispers against your lips, kissing you again and grazing his teeth against the bottom one. He cups you over your underwear as he speaks. “How I’ve driven myself crazy thinking about the two of us together. Making you this wet.”
You drag your nails over his scalp and scratch lightly before you fist his hair in your hands. “That makes two of us.”
You barely get the words out, before his fingers find your underwear and push it to the side pulling a moan from your lips. His fingers work between your legs and Steve curses when he notices how aroused you are. He continues dragging out sighs and whimpers out of you as bliss washes over your body. You never thought being touched by him would feel so good, especially when his fingers slide inside and your hips rise to meet his strokes.
“That’s it, baby; you’re making the prettiest sounds.” His voice is gravely next to your ear. “Tell me how it feels, babygirl.”
You keen under his touch and praise, feeling hot all over as your body tingles with need. Your hands find Steve’s face, dragging him away from your neck to kiss his lips again. You moan his name and bite his bottom lip when he touches you just right. Throwing all sense out the window you whisper his name again, begging him to touch you.
He smiles, you can feel it against your lips. “I’m touching you, baby.”
You shake your head and urge him to look into your eyes again. “No, I need you to touch me everywhere. Please.”
You can’t even be embarrassed with how needy you’re for him. You’ve never felt embarrassed with Steve before, always free to be yourself, so you’re not starting now. He’s your best friend, he knows you and can read you like a book. He knows you so well that he nods, understanding what you mean, what you want, his body bare over yours.
“You don’t have to beg. Whatever you want from me is yours.”
Pulling away from you and taking his fingers away from underneath you dress, Steve leans back on his knees and takes his t-shirt off. Next are his jeans which leaves him only in a pair of grey boxer briefs that leave very little to the imagination. They sit low on his hips, and you can clearly see the outline of him underneath the cotton. The waistband rests just below his hipbones, revealing a patch of hair that trails down and hides underneath the waistband. You’ve seen him shirtless before; when he wears you favourite pair of swimming trunks to the beach you have to talk yourself out of staring at him for so long, staring there no less. But now you can look at him, all of him, with no shame and you have to bite your lip to control yourself in front of the man kneeling between your legs. His strong body is on display for you; strong and arms and his broad shoulders you want him to cover yours with. Dark chest hair and tummy covered in freckles, making your mouth water. You want all of him. You push up to your left hand and drag your right thumb over a particular freckle, you can’t wait for the moment you can taste it. Your lustful gaze makes Steve’s breath catch in his throat, even more so when you look up at him.
“More.” You say simply, pulling at the elastic of his briefs as a hint.
Steve smiles and shakes his head with a curse. “You’re the one wearing more clothes now, you know.”
“Take them off then.” You challenge with the raise of an eyebrow, trying to be demanding and in control of the situation but failing.
Steve doesn’t let you take control; it disappears when he begins to pull your dress upwards as carefully as opening a present. A sound escapes him when he notices you’re not wearing a bra, but you can’t see his face when he does because the dress goes over your head in that moment before it falls to the floor with the rest of his clothes.
“Fuck. Do you know how hot you are?” Steve curses. Your body burns again from his lustful gaze that roams it, and the sheer need to feel him close to you. He looks up at the ceiling and takes a deep breath through his nose, then shakes his head and looks at you again. “I knew I loved your body, but this? You’re beautiful beyond my dreams.”
You look away from his adoring gaze, trying to keep your face from burning at his words. Which is impossible, and pointless considering they way you’ve touched and kissed him just now. Your body moves as you switch your position on the bed, kneeling in front of him to mirror him. His bare chest almost touching yours; all of you and all of him naked safe for your underwear. You look into his eyes as your hands roam up his chest, right hand staying on his cheek as you lean closer to his lips.
“You’re a work of art, Steve.” You whisper and lean in to kiss him slowly as your other hand runs down his chest to touch him through the cotton of his briefs. You don’t have to say please, he’d said so you touch him instead to let him know what you want.
You swallow Steve’s groan with your lips when he kisses you again. He drags them along your jaw and nips at your skin as he lays you back on the bed, soothing each little bite with his tongue. He pushes your thighs apart and settles between your legs, grunting when he looks for friction between the two of you and you push upwards to meet him. He grinds his heavy cock against your aching cunt and both your mouths fall slack against each other as you moan —same breathe mingling until it’s one. He's right there where you want him, have wanted him, for so long. It takes a moment for you to recover enough from the sensation and focus back on Steve, but when you do your lips find each other again. Despite the clear need between the two of you though, the kiss remains slow; gentle but full of the fire growing within both of you. There’s no rush now, as love gains the upper hand on lust ��each brush of lips conveys 3 words, and each grind of your hips makes you gasp. Steve’s hands are all over your body; your arms, the side of your waist, your legs, your stomach, your breasts, your face. There’s no place untouched, and it satisfies the burning sensation under your skin. Another moan escapes you and it’s swallowed up Steve’s hungry mouth, which now knows the way you like to be kissed and leaves you breathless. He whispers his praise against them, making you arch into him with every filthy word.
You pull away from his lips and grab his face to look at him in the eyes; brown turned black by his blown pupils. “I’m still struggling to believe this is real.”
Steve smiles at you, the adoring way he’s always done. “It is real; we have all night for you to believe it.” His hands move to pull down your underwear in juxtaposition to his sweetness. He tosses them aside before he moves away from you, crawling down your body and settling his face between your thighs
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