#rima.txt

[rimatsu]

if tommy doesn't propose by asking buck "will you be my last, evan?" then what's the point of anything really

[rimanowa]

who needs a shredder, you can just give me your paper and something to do where my hands are not needed and your paper will be shredded into pieces so small it would take an eternity to piece it back together

[rimatsu]

setting pessimism aside to daydream about my ideal bucktommy makeup scenario and i just... keep oscillating between buck extending an olive branch and tommy reaching out first. there's merit in both. yes i'd love for buck to discard passivity and fight for this salvageable relationship — for buck to look tommy straight in the eyes and tell him that his sharp edges and his vulnerable insides don't make him any less deserving of love. that he's not blinded by the excitement of novelty or misguided admiration — even without the full picture, buck has seen enough pieces of the puzzle that makes up tommy's whole to know that he loves the entirety of him, unspoken faults and past sins included. that buck can't guarantee forever but he sure as hell can try to build the sturdy foundation of a shared life based on the hope for more. that sometimes you just luck out on the first draw and there's nothing wrong with good fortune.

but it would also be extremely healing if tommy knocked on buck's door to chase after his own second chance. to say "i want you more than i'm scared of hurting" when buck asks him what's changed in 4 months — because tommy would rather live with scars than be haunted by regrets and what-ifs. because buck is worth the risk of never recovering from having loved him

[rimatsu]

so many bt horny daddy kink fics but not enough buck using 'daddy' as a casual petname for tommy when he's feeling particularly playful or affectionate 😞💔

[rimatsu]

thinking (obsessing <3) about bucktommy's first big argument post makeup. i have no specifics in mind, just picturing how tension would gradually rise and culminate into a heated back-and-forth until tommy abruptly loses steam and visibly retreats into himself.

"i need a breather," he says with a raised palm — a physical comma on the conversation — then grabs his keys and declares he's going for a drive.

and it pulls a bitter chuckle out of buck, sardonic and hurt and defeated. "of course you're bolting. that's your whole m.o," he bites out, because he's frankly exasperated by that cut and run routine, because he's furious that tommy would even dare to walk out on him again instead of talking it out — despite all the promises he's made when they found their way back to each other.

buck doesn't mind arguing because he's willing to fight for this now, for them, even if they have to fight each other. and he thought they finally reached a place where they both felt comfortable expressing themselves, even in anger. but apparently that was wishful thinking on his part, and it's heartbreak all over again.

except this is nothing like their break-up, because tommy isn't carving out space between them to protect himself. the time-out is for their sake. and he tells buck as much.

"i don't like the man i turn into when i'm scared or angry. i don't want to say something i'll regret in the heat of the moment again. and i need you to understand that when i ask for a breather, it's not because i'm running away or abandoning you. it's because i love you and i don't want to hurt you. you need to give me enough space to cool down, and then we'll talk."

tommy isn't stonewalling, he just needs some distance to approach the conflict with a more level-head. he too can act impulsively under stress so he'd rather disengage and resume at a later time. meanwhile buck wants to work through issues as soon as they present, urgent in his efforts to fix them before they can fester because he needs immediate reassurance or else he spirals and overthinks.

pursuer-distancer bucktommy is delicious to me idk. neither pattern is wrong but they both need to adjust their behavior for the benefit of the other.

[rimatsu]

they should do a silly bucktommy two-part episodes in s10 where their wedding venue is set on fire by a vengeful arsonist, 4 days before the ceremony. groomzillas #1 and #2 both turn into complete maniacs trying to: 1) contain the fire and salvage the place (it fails. there's too much structural damage. eddie has to physically drag a stubborn buck away from the building before it collapses); 2) catch the culprit (the grooms invite themselves along athena’s investigation bc buck is convinced said culprit is tommy’s ex. the arsonist ends up being one of buck's breakup flings); 3) find a last minute location for their 70 guests that isn't someone's backyard (dw tommy knows a guy and cashes in a favor. it's not the celebration they carefully planned but it still beats madney's encephalitis hospital wedding)

[rimatsu]

the bucktommy hyperfixation has led me to strange places (seeking solace in tumblr after 10 years bc 911 twt is a nightmare)

[rimatsu]

season-long hen vs ortiz storyline, you will always exist in the 911 version (the good one) that lives in my head

[rimanowa]

being alive is so fucking embarrassing like dont look at me at any point bc then i cannot do Anything At All anymore

[rimanowa]

most of the time when i lie to my parents in small matters i make it obvious. that makes it so when i have to lie to them over more serious stuff they dont question it

[rimanowa]

i cry myself to sleep every night for reasons unrelated to uni but it sure doesnt help

[rimanowa]

i love sitting on the floor but i hate having my trousers on then which is a problem when the floor is cold

[rimanowa]

i hate watching shows and movies now because what do you mean i cant understand what theyre saying without subtitles? i have auditory processing disorder please stop mumbling

[rimanowa]

it's the endless fight of "i should eat" and "im not hungry/i dont have the appetite/i dont want to" and the only one losing is me

[rimanowa]

you ever get the urge to fake your death and move to another continent to start a new life or is it just me

[rimanowa]

i am fuxking insane i watxhe ghe newest episode of wwdits and i am not okay gay guillermo confirmed he came out and i!! am!! not!! okay!!!