#chaai channels ; mina༄

[chaaistained]

hazy fairy lights and the thought of schedules

me waking up in my kpop dr for a total of five seconds ..

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i didn’t exactly go into this with the desire to wake up in a bedroom i’d only ever seen from one angle, in a picture, off of pinterest . i even started out this whole “process” feeling so desperate that i’m embarrassed to go into further detail but, we persevere —

the night before, i was plagued with insomniac anxieties, the fidgety kind, where your mind won’t sit still and your body thinks “hey! that’s a grand idea, let me do the same!” as if i’m not laying there in my bed, tempted to pull my hair out

i figured, what’s there to lose? like every other night, let’s give this another go, and i went to look at my screenshot of emma’s method (@hrrtshape — tysm lovely <3) and started trying to shift to my wr

the desired outcome of a mind bending epiphany, an almost destruction of the very construct of reality . that didn’t happen .. and truth be told, i found it hard to concentrate in general. but eventually i just kept telling myself that “this isn’t a chore, this a hobby, this is something i do for fun. i’ve done this [shifting] before, even if it was only for a few seconds, i can do it again” and i let my mind think about my daily routine and plans for my wr

after that, i don’t really remember falling asleep. i sorta wafted from dream to dream, mostly about my cr life — university, my high school best friend and our galentines plans, i had a weird panicky one about a chemistry test .. i haven’t taken chemistry since i graduated high school four years ago . but anyway apparently the body keeps the score.. yay us

i think what set me off into a more calming deep slumber was how my dream rippled from chemistry and science to literature, english, writing, and more specifically, editing — before i went to bed i was editing an upcoming fic i will be posting to my fic account (shameless plug : @yourislandgirl) and it was a drabble featuring enhypen’s jake, a kpop idol for those who don’t know ^.^

next thing i know, i hear a twinkling alarm, the kind of one that sounds like stars? not exactly the same as the standard iphone alarm sounds but, i remember it feeling familiar ??

i instinctively went to rub my eyes, expecting the usual crust and sleepiness only to find that they were relatively clear-ish (a point i make bcs i specifically scripted that i don’t get super crusty eyes bcs i hate it). it didn’t exactly hit me then, but i patted around my bed for my phone, snoozing the alarm, my eyes still closed as i took in a few deep breaths.

my room smelled like lavender . which is odd bcs i don’t have a room freshening spray in my cr, i rely on candles but wtv not the point, i don’t own a lavender mist .. but for some reason the only thought running through my head when i sighed out in relief, curling myself back under the sheets was “man . my rooms smells nice”

for your information i’m rolling my eyes at myself while i type this up bcs BITCH (directed at me) YOU SHIFTED

anyway, i kinda felt myself dipping in and out of consciousness, or at least that’s what i thought, bcs in actuality i think i was dipping BETWEEN consciousness’ — the cotton softness of my cr sheets was suddenly a smooth milky satin, and then it was cotton, and then satin, and it wasn’t until this hellscape of a cycle repeated itself for the third time, that i finally realised my surroundings were changing.

it was sort of like what being tipsy felt like, a little buzz in my head, my mind feeling fuzzy, like a pom pom . (that’s legitimately how my mind feels when i’m tipsy btw) and it was like my energy was rising slowly and then getting sapped out of me and then rising and falling

i think i was getting sick of it, and knowing me and my lack of patience, that totally tracks, so when i felt a bit more energy bloom inside, i took the chance to open my eyes. my only thoughts were “god i need to get up, i can’t keep laying here dreaming..”

and that’s when i saw it, the room of my kpop dr self, from an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT ANGLE — i saw a vanity, 80% of it filled with lip products which, again, totally tracks . there was a door open and a stepping stone path of clothes leading out of it, my wardrobe . guitar stands, one for an acoustic, one for an electric . a desk with a monitor and a laptop . i EVEN HAD ROOM FOR A BEANBAG COUCH IM SO JEALOUS

AND AND YA KNOW WHAT SUCKS . IT WAS SO NORMAL?? I KEPT BLINKING TRYING TO WAKE MYSELF UP

my mind was like “ . . . huh”

and THE CHERRY ON TOP OF THIS MIND FUCK — all i could stare at were the strings of fairy lights going along the edge of my ceiling, little stars and diamonds, they gave off a warm golden glow and as i laid there with silk soft hair and skin so smooth i can’t believe i didn’t notice when i touched my face . my brain had the AUDACITY to go “oh fuck . i’ve got to record something today. …(sigh) and rehearse”

LIKE- THATS NOT SMTH TO COMPLAIN ABOUT GIRLYPOP??!!)?)!?,?!

i swear- i swear to you guys . i’m appalled at myself

because i just HAD to think abt something important something tiring, something like my DAILY SCHEDULES BCS THEN

I CLOSED MY EYES AGAIN AND FELT LIKE EVERY OUNCE OF STRENGTH WAS BEING PULLED OUT OF ME

and then i woke up here. again.

my hair was drier, and so was my skin, my eyes were crusty and sleepy, my pillows were comfy but nothing could compare to the marshmallow cloud of comfort that were my kpop dr pillows.

i sat up, stretched, cracked all my joints, went straight for my phone and started to doomscroll . like it was some coping mechanism or something. my mind kept going : “that was a dream. that was just a dream. man what a VIVID dream. yeah, that’s it chaai, you had a vivid dream, you’ve always had vivid dreams, that’s your thing! (true story) that’s all this was…”

but, and i swear you can’t make this shit up, it all felt NORMAL , creepily normal. usually in a dream you’re like “ah yes, i’m dreaming, i can’t exactly wake up right now bcs i’m enjoying this dream, but i know i’m dreaming”

no, no, this quote unquote dream, felt like those sleepy mornings when the world feels slow, when the simplicity of the small rays of morning sunlight coming through your window feel cinematic, when you want to close your eyes and keep taking in gentle deep breaths, hold off on getting up, just for five more minutes.

that’s what it felt like.

i didn’t know i was dreaming bcs i wasn’t dreaming. i was just waking up to a dream, as my reality.

and honestly, another factor is how my mind immediately went to the events of my day, a CLASSIC trope in yours truly. honestly nothing is more on brand than me being like “(sigh) life feels so soft and sweet right now .. alright now let’s cause myself a mini panic attack by thinking about my responsibilities for the day and how many there are and how little time i have to complete everything, isn’t that fun???!?”

finally, my energy levels, that thing i mentioned earlier? about how i’d feel the strength grow and decline over and over again? those five seconds i had in my kpop dr were tiring and drowsy, but not lethargic, they weren’t draining, they weren’t exhausting. i had some energy in me .. and when i closed my eyes, it felt like i was being drained, and i woke up here and felt like i had the life torn out of me and then forced back in. as embarrassing as this sounds, i actually think it “proves” this shift a bit more — logically speaking, i’m more fit, more toned, more active in my kpop dr, where my career is hugely based on my skill levels, as a dancer and singer and performer, where an asset in my job is my appearance, and how i keep myself in shape .. i don’t have to worry about those things here, i don’t have the strength or flexibility or just straight up energy that i do in that reality.. i guess it didn’t hit me, how much difference there would be in my physicality, until this shift

so , yeah. that about sums it up

i think i would have benefitted from grounding myself. and i’m 99% sure i’ll face this problem again bcs i can’t even ground myself in this reality let alone another, mostly bcs i don’t want to, (life’s just so much lighter when your head’s in the clouds .. this is very unhealthy, i do not recommend)

but, for the five seconds that it lasted, it was honestly worth it. my room looked splendid, it was spacious, it was not messy (no matter what dr-self tells you), it was instead, aesthetically chaotic in a pleasing way . and i stand by that

but those fairy lights… mf they’ll be haunting my dreams, ghostly and golden and glorious, i can see them so clearly if i close my eyes.

anyway, here’s to more shifts to come !! i’m not giving up just yet, i WILL get back there, or any other dr for that matter, and i wish you all a happy shifting experience <33

bcs trust me, it took me five years to get five seconds, but in those five seconds i felt a whole 16 years of life in me, i felt a definitive existence there, like i had places to be, people to see, things to do. and i hadn’t even sat up in bed yet ..

this shit is real. it’s as real as you reading this right now. and i’m gonna keep trying, even if all i get next time is another five seconds. and i hope you try with me ≈

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chaai brews; tea assortments — dr archive

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[chaaistained]

bread 🍞 for own girl group dr for the ask game !!

hi anon !! thank you for the ask my gorgeous <333

i also appreciate the specificity aka asking for a particular dr 🫡 it really helps me fr xx

🍞 : BREAD . . . create a mood board of some of your closest friendships in your desired reality. you could include their face claim, favorite color, clothing style, what your friendship with them all looks like, etc.

clarity glimmer under the spotlight, they dazzle from the fluorescence of their curated stages, capturing the crowd with a particular intensity and coordination that seems effortless and yet unable to be replicated . anyone who takes at most a few minutes to watch these girls grace the stage, they would be unable to deny how in tune the four of them are with each other — their eyes shine with anticipation and affection when they meet the gaze of another member, uncontrollable smiles blooming on their lips with little restraint, hands reaching out , ready for an impromptu high five, a subtle pinky link or even the fan favourite handshake that they created — there is this undeniable connection they share, their chemistry spirals around them, a cloak of comfort , a crown of confidence , radiating from their mere presence when they stand together, as one.

this group consists of mariah (referenced top left), aining (referenced top mid), vicki (referenced top right), and mina (aka me - referenced as the girl on the left of the top three images) .. [disclaimer : none of those images are fc’s !! well . the girl on the left in image one looks a lil like me but wtv not the point . i’ll post proper fc’s in the member intro . eventually . but just ignore the visuals for now, focus on the vibes pls !!]

mariah and i didn’t get along at the start . we were only 12 (me) and 14 (her) but we were immediately pitted against each other, constantly asked to compete, always assigned to opposing teams, evaluated on the same day every. time. ..it wasn’t a very healthy environment to be fostering a friendship (especially given how we’re both vocalists and always felt like we were being compared) so we decided to remain civil but separate. that is, until our teachers realised we could be paired up together. tumultuous feelings were pushed aside and we became a powerhouse of vocals, a two woman melody, a human orchestra . competition turned to companionship and we quickly began to rely on each other — she’s my realist who holds a mirror to my faults and bandages the wound after i realise it’s there — she gave me the greatest person to fall back on when i’m not at my best , herself

aining is like that one person who you cannot and will not remember living life without, she feels fated. we were strangers together, at the same audition . she was taking it seriously, i was there for fun. a few weeks later i recognise her across the hallway at the same high school, the same girl, she’s always been right there . in that fashion we repeatedly floundered through a flurry of months where we noticed each other at school before being seperate again, only to finally reunite at the same company, under the same training program, assigned to the same dorm.. maybe it’s because we’re from the same country, state, city, town . maybe it’s because we build each other up where the other falls short , but for reasons i can’t exactly put into words, aining became my best friend. she feels familiar in every essence of its meaning, and i’m forever thanking the stars that we debuted in the same group

vicki feels like a lightning strike, she was the eruption of colours encircling me when my life fell into grey — i was fading from the constant monotony of evaluations, practice, training, and was slowly sinking from the realisation that i wasn’t absolutely perfect at my skills . i still had a ways to go before i could debut . not a fun feeling to acknowledge..i had this chill creep inside me , this fear of leaving it all behind, and then came vicki, scampering past like a little fox on its daily adventure, a glint in her smile and an idea already forming in her mind . she brought me back from that abyss, dragging me past anxiety avenue and depression district. you see, vicki has this ability to reach inside and pull out your innermost stress and then dissolve it before your very eyes, she pushes past your pressure and fatigue and asks you to watch as they ripple away. she motivated me to write , to produce , to create . she held me together when i could not hold myself, she saved me from a future where i would not have been me, and she did it all with a smirk and a cheek poke

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[ ask game link ]

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[chaaistained]

the kind of shit id post on my secret tiktok acc in my kpop dr :

link .•°

[chaaistained]

🌼

flower ask game for your kpop dr xo

hi darling anon !! thank you for the ask gorgeous ≈

oh and thank you for telling me which dr you want answered !! it truly helps also stops me from feeling anxious that i’m not answering for the dr that the ask intended

🌼 : BEAUTIFUL BLOSSOM . . . what do you find most beautiful about your significant other(s)? what about that aspect of them is so beautiful to you? and in turn what do they believe the most beautiful thing about you is? why do they think that way?

for my KPOP DR — if you guys didn’t know my s/o is Yang Jungwon from enhypen ≈ anyway, the most beautiful aspect of jungwon would have to be his words , for whatever reason he doesn’t think he’s super well spoken, but i beg to differ. he has this way of calming you down when you’re spiralling, or lifting you up when you feel like there’s a weight pushing on top of you, he carries his burdens and never expects anyone else to help but he doesn’t let anyone else suffer alone and he always makes sure to communicate his availability and how he wants to be present for you and how he wants to be able to provide some form of comfort or advice, whatever’s necessary — and this is isn’t even unique to our relationship like, he’s just like this?? and it’s such a beautiful part of his personality and people sometimes take it for granted which is upsetting, but that doesn’t stop him from still being there, he’s always right there

now, funnily enough, as someone who’s very Very talkative to the point where the fandom has memes about it, in jungwon’s opinion, the most beautiful aspect about me is how good of a listener i am. again, another trait that people around me take for granted but it’s true . i actually adore listening to people, and learning from people, or being the one that people turn to when they want to share something, anything, not just a hardship or drama but even the smallest most trivial part of your day, the fact that you chose to share it with me means a lot. i’ve had dreams about this dr where, in my interactions with jungwon, he’s lost his train of thought and he kinda trails off while talking to me bcs he gets distracted by how attentive i am and the way my eyes go wide and i keep nodding every few seconds while listening to him — TRUE STORY i genuinely dreamt this and was like “yep . this happens” so.. yehh (〃ω〃)

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[ ask game link ]

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[chaaistained]

hello ^^ from the Pretty Flower ask game: 🪷 & 🌷 please ╰(*´︶`*)╯

hi lovely anon !! thank you for the ask darling xx

you’re a pretty flower yourself ≈

idk what dr you wanted but if it’s open ended and you don’t mind whichever then i’m glad bcs i’ll be answering for my KPOP DR bcs it’s on my mind ohmygod aksjdjs

🪷 : LOVELY LOTUS . . . do you and your significant other(s) do any "cheesy" stuff? like having matching pajamas, matching halloween costumes, and picnic dates? or building the flower legos, cooking together, baking together?

honestly the cheesy stuff is mostly how we get that adrenaline rush of teasing our relationship to our fans without having to explicitly confirm it. trust, my realities fandoms aren’t horrible and wouldn’t suddenly switch up to burning you at the stake bcs you feel a romantic attraction to their bias .. like i’d ever put myself in that situation . no. but, there is still a little stigma around dating while you’re an idol, not necessarily because of fans but bcs of your peer relationships — if you break up .. it would make things awkward. so idols keep their relationships a secret. anyway, not the point. CUTE CHEESY THINGS WE DO — we share jewellery mostly. i’m not a silver girly, gold all the way and the entire fandom knows this, so whenever i wear silver on stage, it’s obvs that it was handed to me by my stylist and i just didn’t bother saying anything (bcs ya know, on stage there’s a cohesion that the group must follow, individual aesthetics be damned). but even off stage?? if i’m wearing a silver necklace or a ring that i keep playing with, that’s when it’s jungwon’s.

we also match colours a lot in our outfits, so if a lot of groups are travelling to an event or award show in a different country and we’re all gonna have airport appearances, jungwon and i coordinate colours a little. idk we find it fun aksjdjfjskd so if he wears a dark blue jumper (ya know the one? with the fuzzy material and the white writing? yeh that one that i’ve fallen asleep in more times than i can count) i’d wear a dark blue top or dark blue sweat pants, idk, something to match shades but not the exact. same. clothing item, ya know?

finally, we watch things together, we like split screen or voice/video call on discord and screen share to watch at the same time and we like talk to each other while we binge. it’s easy bcs we don’t have to travel to each others dorms and encroach on our other members and their space, but we still get to hang out. and brooo the way jungwon and i end up rambling about god knows what, jumping from topic to topic, shooting off on multiple tangents and then realising the episode we were watching has finished, the next one has started, and we haven’t been paying attention for the last half hour. but we never mind bcs it’s still time spent together?

🌷 : TIMELESS TULIP . . . what was your relationship with your significant other(s) like before you started dating? were you friends? enemies? academic rivals? did they know you liked them? did you know they liked you?

friends to lovers !! and coming from an enemies (to friends) to lovers truther — this works best in most cases. e2l is all fun to witness on screen or via the pages of a novel, but irl? f2l is the way to go imo (that being said .. i have a Lot of e2l tropes in my drs still so .. take my trope opinion with nuance pls) anyway

i’m gonna be rehashing this in some other post abt my kpop dr but jungwon and i met at the start of 2021 when seven of the 04’ liners in kpop were called to come and partake in a variety show !! a lot of idols were called but only seven of us were allowed by our companies to participate. the show was called 24시간 친구 (24 Hour Friend) where idols of the same age are called to spend a day with the variety show, we’re taken to a few locations, we play games, we use teamwork and we all get a chance to interact and we even have a sleepover in the end (obvs they separated the girls and the guys esp bcs it’s usually a show for young idols — teens and young adults — bcs young idols tend to not have many friends and this show promotes friendships within the industry)

after meeting there, jungwon and i (along with the others) remained close, like we became a friend group. other 04’ idols would join us and hangout but the seven of us were tight.

honestly, i can’t remember exactly how i fell for jungwon, it just kind of happened. he was one of my close friends and then, suddenly, he was one of the most important people in my life. i think it was because of how close clarity became with enhypen (our groups have a close friendship too) regardless of clarity being well known social butterflies within the industry, there’s something special about our friendship with en- and i can’t really explain it

i don’t think jungwon knew about my feelings for him, to be fair, i kinda hesitated to treat him differently to my other guy friends so i didn’t exactly make it clear

but i sort of figured out his feelings after my solo schedules became busy — constant mc-ing for award shows, collabing with other male idols for drama ost’s, stuff like that — and.. yeh jungwon kinda pulled away which made things a bit prickly between us , until i finally confronted it and found out that my suspicions were correct

there’s so much more that goes into this, like, moments that we share prior to dating, and our interactions while dating in secret, etc, so i will be posting about it . eventually

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