#And then I’m going to do grad school stuff
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#Feeling down for no real reason#So this is me reminding myself that God had given me a day!#He answered my prayers that some stuff would go well#And I got to hang out with people which was fun#And I have lots of energy unexpectedly so I’m going to go to my brother’s sports game#I asked for prayer about that earlier today actually#Cause it’s rough choosing whether or not to go when I really need to be working on grad school things#But hey God is good and I can both go and work a little today!#anyway the sad thing is probably mainly my hormones#But also one of my new friends asked for prayer about being really sad but she wasn’t able or willing to talk more about it?#So I’m sad for her but also worried#And obviously the solution is just to pray for her so I’m gonna do that and trust it to God#And the other thing (which feels too silly to share) is that lowkey one of my other new friends hinted that my crush might like someone?#She wasn’t hinting to me but to someone else while I was also in the room but only sort of part of the conversation#Plus she doesn’t know I like him#And like I don’t t have a serious crush on him or know him super well even#But still :(#It’s sad girl hours#Cause I do kinda like him and I have been interested for a while#How do I feel peaceful about being single?#And other questions I’m waiting for God to answer for me lol#Anyway!!!#I’m going to read a little of my book on the trinity and relax now that my real job is done#And then I’m going to do grad school stuff#And then I’m gonna go to my brother’s game#And then I’m going to go home
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the 14 year old edgelord in me keeps trying to compose deep poetry about coming to after dissociating. calm down babes. we’re all good here.
#blue chatter#just. the experience of blinking into existence becoming associated with ice in my mouth#and how it’s becoming a pattern that the first visual thing I process is a hand in front of my face#At least that I remember. I’m sure other stuff happens but my memory is unsurprisingly v blurry after#I feel bad for making my roommate take care of me so often#but I super cannot control when I dissociate#and I do genuinely need the help#bc today I was home alone and it took a loooooot longer to break out of the blurry stage#I somehow didn’t think to get ice about it until I was in the middle of the grocery store an hour after the episode had ended#I want to be more independent about this so people don’t have to take care of me all the time#it is relieving to know that I can live with friends after grad school#so *someone* can be around usually if something goes wrong and I’m not cognizant enough to help myself#but I don’t wanna make them feel like they have to help me or put that on them#or like. freak out their kids. their kids are not raised remotely like I was and they’re rly young so they don’t rly understand this.#how do you explain trauma to a three year old whose parents are incredibly good at gentle parenting#idk. I’ll figure it out. hopefully with time and therapy I’ll be able to process my trauma enough that I won’t be like this forever.#I don’t wanna be like this forever.#I want to go to grad school and start practicing in clinical psychology and help people#and be independent and be able to support my friends instead of the other way around
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Knightfall in Dream Land - Page 4
Meta Knight shares what it was like to grow up being raised by Nightmare.
#Kirby#Kirby fanart#my art#comic#Meta Knight#Nightmare#sorry this page took me so long to finish I’ve been really busy with grad school stuff and was at a conference last month#but it’s finally here and page five shouldn’t take me as long to finish as this page did#the comic is mostly centered around the game lore and not the anime lore but I did borrow a little bit from the anime#this might be a dumb question but do any other Kirby fans have voice headcanons for the characters?#by voice headcanons I mean what do you think they’d sound like if they had voiced dialogue#for Meta Knight and Dedede I think they’d just sound like they do in the anime since those voices are so iconic lol#I know that Nightmare also speaks in the anime but I don’t really like his anime voice#I’m showing that I’m a Trekkie with this lmao but my voice headcanon for Nightmare is that he’d sound like Ricardo Montalban#Montalban died in 2009 but he was famous for playing Khan in Star Trek he was so good in that villain role#but that was in the 1960s and 1980s so if you aren’t a Star Trek fan you might not be familiar with him#he also plays the grandpa in Spy Kids though and I think he was also in Kim Possible#I actually see a lot of parallels between Kirby and Star Trek lol but maybe that’s just me and no one else sees it#I’m developing an idea for a Susie redemption arc comic that I want to draw when I finish Knightfall in Dream Land#and if I do eventually draw it it’s going to be very heavily influenced by Star Trek/there will be lots of Star Trek references in it#Planet Robobot as a game basically is just a Star Trek episode lmao it has the same plot as every Borg episode from Star Trek#so I think referencing Star Trek in a comic centered around Susie would make sense#Knightfall in Dream Land
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theres a really. special kind of despair in the uncertainty brought about by moments of success and achievement. the inevitable “what now” of reaching your goals. and i kind of wish someone had warned me how hollow graduating university would feel, tbh
#taylor.txt#im miserable primarily for other reasons right now but i dont think i appreciated how much this just…wouldnt feel like anything#i think especially in my case as someone who so desperately needed ‘going away to college’ to get out of my childhood situation#and now for the past 5 years everything ive done has been for the purpose of getting my degree and finishing school#like im fine i guess i just kind of wish i could feel proud of myself or happy its over instead of like dreading the ceremony and feeling#like everything i have to do for grad is just one more thing i have to check off a list. getting my grad photos done felt nice but idk#it kind of feels like no one really cares which. idk why i would expect it to NOT feel that way. but yeah#tl;dr im around Kinda…need to finish stuff up but im over the really busy part of this all. kinda just coasting to the end here tbh#when this is over i’m gonna get to my request fics. prommy. wanted to do them over the long weekend but i was sick :(#anyway like to be clear im fine. people have been pointing out today i seem down and i think embarrassingly a collection of my students#noticed me crying on the bus today but thats life i guess you make do. im sad and thats ok. tbh
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what if i cancel my graduation and add a second major rn and just completely fuck up my plans and decide to suffer through more school but w a different major for like another 3 years
#this would be for a number of reasons. 1 bc the thought of doing psychological work that is not specifically sexology makes me feel sick#and 2 bc i technically get paid to go here every semester and i will not get paid to go to grad school. and 3 i have no idea what i want to#do w my life and i hate school but also i crave learning and what if like for funsies i just went for a second bachelors. prolly in geology#like i mean if i don’t think i can handle another few years of this if i have it set as a double major i can just like. graduate any time#w my psych degree yeah? and give up on the other one? like it might be too late bc i already applied for graduation but im p sure i can#have that cancelled. but also if i go to school for longer i might die forever. but also idk if continuing w psychology is like what i want#but whatever whatever i cannot be making decisions rn but like. it is An Option#idk i am just feeling kinda tortured again as as fun as it would be to actually get to do experiments and stuff i like. idk. i just wanna d#research but i Know i’ll have to get like probably a doctorate and have to work at a school for funding n shit and like idk if i’m ready to#like Commit to sexology. and also i like getting paid by my school and i don’t wanna go into debt fr for a degree i’m not 100% sure of#or my other option is to become a professional clown#but it’s whatever. it’s swagever even. *slinks off into the darkness*
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Don’t think my parents understand how much I am simply not motivated by money.
#ej.txt#like I’m planning on going to grad school and tbh id also like to get a phd someday#and my parents are just like….think long and hard about that….#you’ll have to keep living at the level you’ve been living for that whole time…#but like. that’s fine w me tbh. do I wish I could afford more stuff? sure#but I’m honestly fine living in my 15x15 studio apartment and eating a lot of canned food#it’s not like it’s all that different from how I grew up#idk I’m chillin.
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i’m a published author :)
#my lab published a paper that i did work on so i’m listed as second author :)#my first ever publication!!!#ALSO i got accepted into a program where i can go visit a pretty good school early and talk to faculty and grad students and stuff !#and they only accept 20 people a year …#anyway applying to grad school and doing thesis research is hellish sometimes but wooo look at me go#talk tag
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#THIRD TAG RANT OF THE DAY#this time with Feelings#I am so soft for this boy I really am#but my life is such a mess right now#(and he knows that and he’s very reassuring and he’s told me a thousand times he isn’t going anywhere)#but I just! ugh#I just dropped out of grad school yesterday and I have no idea what I want to do with my career#and it feels like I’m just grabbing a thousand red flags and stuffing them in my bra these days#I just don’t know how to say ‘yeah I’m a mess right now but I promise I won’t always be this much of a mess’#especially when my track record with that Isn’t Great!#it’s fine I’m fine I’m doing all the things I need to do and I’m prioritizing my well-being and my mental and physical health#I just can’t help but feel like I am the worst investment anyone could ever make#ANYWAYS#ugh the one night I decided NOT to get high and THIS is what I get hit with#and ofc I cannot sleep so! time to spiral ♥️#my stuff#sorry for being a disaster today folks
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#well I can no longer tease Keith for being/looking obliviously in love with his bff#I think I’ve mentioned before that a big part of the reason I’m going to Taiwan this summer#is b/c my best friend from LSE lives there#we met the first week of university and it all just went from there#(rare for both of us b/c we’re introverted)#anyway#after I moved to the US for grad school#and she moved back to Taiwan to work for a bit and figure out what she wanted to do her MA in#we started sending each other care packages#(before this we used to bring each other stuff back from home during breaks )#((we also meet on zoom every week for a few hours to talk + watch movies))#they’re pretty good sized boxes with (mostly) food and also books and weird t-shirts/clothes and all of that kind of stuff#we’re quite good at this point at getting stuff the other will like#(I always trawl Trader Joe’s for interesting things I think she’ll enjoy. she got me 5 different flavors of salted plum from an indie#company in Taipei because she knows I love ume)#we always put notes for each other in the boxes too#I send hers to her parents house because it’s easier to have packages shipped to there than in her small flat share in Taipei#and her mom (with her permission) sometimes opens them and takes out something for herself to try#what I didn’t know until today#is that her mom also takes out the notes to put on her desk so they don’t get lost#and she’s been hinting to my friend more and more over the past 2 years that it’s okay if she’s ‘not into boys’ and her parents will support#her no matter who she dates (which is very sweet)#now I’m coming in less than a week#and when my friend was visiting home this weekend she took her aside and told her#that she didn’t have to introduce me as her friend and she could openly say I’m her partner of 2+ years#which (again) would be very sweet#if I were actually her girlfriend#I’m not#and I’m having dinner with her parents at some point in the next few weeks#my life is a bad sitcom
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#i start my terminal degree later this year and i’m scared of going down the rabbit hole of depression#like this year i’ve been really careful about my environment and what i allow in my space#i love learning and stuff but i’m just scared about it#but imma still do it#i’m just gonna take my time#Dr. V still pending#but i’m literally so close#e.e#last year really effed me up i didn’t enjoy grad school at all 💀#and adding on the trauma that ensued#last year was a lot
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🙄
#Worked too hard and now I never want to work again#lol not quite#I was doing grad school stuff in a long stretch cause I was having a good time#And at some point I stopped having a good time but kept going#And now I’m overwhelmed emotionally and feeling anxious and avoidant#And that’s on why you should go to bed and not stay up to late boys#time to quiet my soul like a weaned child with its mother as the psalm says
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rant in tags bc I want to sob into a pillow
#I can’t describe to you guys what my job is like. I know I post ridiculous funny stuff but it’s very rarely funny in the moment#I’m a substitute teacher‚ which means that even though I’m in the building EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR#and even though I’ve known most of these kids since LAST DECEMBER (2021)#they just. don’t fucking listen to a word I say#it took 14 minutes and a dean of students in the room with me today to get one of my classes to stop talking over/ignoring me#and I’m not even yelling at them‚ I’m literally trying to 1.) say ‘good afternoon folks!’ and 2.) tell them what the assignment is#all day long I’m ignored and disrespected by the same kids and there are no consequences because this is a charter school#and day after day I’m also disrespected by staff because I’m ‘just a sub’ and you#everyone keeps calling out of work#we finally filled the last VACANCY we had TWO WEEKS AGO. we’ve been down 3 full time teachers since the beginning of the year#and as of two weeks ago we finally filled the last vacancy. so I could go back to JUST substituting.#but today the 7th grade ELA teacher just gave us his one-week notice which means that now that I am the ONLY BUILDING SUB#(we started the year with 3‚ now it’s just me)#I have this terrible suspicion that I’m gonna get stuck with 7th grade ELA for the rest of the year. while trying to do grad school.#I just… I’m exhausted all the time#and I act like I’m not but I am#this job is so demeaning and exhausting and I love my students (specifically my 8th graders and high schoolers)#but I’m not gonna see them for the rest of the year. I’m gonna be stuck in 7th grade ELA I just know it#when I say that the middle school is like an active war zone I’m not joking#I had to stop a kid from choking out his classmate today#I leave work every day with headaches because it’s always so fucking loud‚ even in the middle of lessons#I want my old job back‚ this year has been exhausting and I don’t know how I’ve ended up taking on so much more than I’m supposed to#I covered 6 out of 7 periods again this week. the most that any full time teacher has to teach is 4 out of 7#and the subbing coordinator keeps giving me the heaviest coverage loads and then telling me he’s ‘disappointed’ by how tired I am#he also gave every single person on the subbing team specific shoutouts in his daily emails… except me#tldr I’m feeling disrespected by students and overworked by my coordinator and undersupported by admin and taken for granted by coworkers
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Me, too busy with grad school to participate, watching everyone else in the Kirby fandom participate in the OC tournament and art fight
#text post#I wish I could have joined in but I’m an overworked stressed out grad student lmao#I forget if I’ve mentioned this on here before but I’m working on getting my PhD#I hopefully only have a year or so left before I get it and then I’ll be Doctor Sweet#this is going to be a stressful year oh boy 🥲 grad school is lowkey kind of killing me I hope I can finish in the next year#I like what I study it’s just a lot mentally at times and I’ve been feeling kind of depressed lately#I feel bad that I take so long to post art on my blog and update my comic#I really do enjoy drawing Kirby stuff I’ve just got a lot going on in real life and am not always feeling the best mentally#so sometimes I don’t have the time or the mental energy to draw but I am working on the next comic page! I have one panel left to do for it#I’m hoping to post it by this coming weekend Meta Knight starts fighting Whispy on this next page#thank you everyone for your patience it means a lot to see people liking my stuff even if I take forever to post it#I have so much stuff I want to draw and share but not enough time or energy to do it 🥲
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feeling very ‘i guess I'm disappointed that you didn'tMerry Christmas your way back into my life and i get that there's still New Years' but by New Years' I'll be a very different person so you've really only got like a five day gap before I definitely can't tolerate your bullshit anymore, because I swore that I'd be a non-bullshit tolerating kind of girl’ but in a friendship breakup kinda way
#like didn’t respond to my birthday message or my Christmas message!#I haven’t purposefully texted her expect these moments since November#just to prove it to myself that her and I wouldn’t talk if I didn’t reach out#except that she didn’t respond to me most of October and then was like happy Halloween sorry I haven’t texted !#but still fully ignored my texts (even tho if either of us don’t respond for a while we always make sure we respond to the texts we missed)#sigh#I know she’s in grad school and life is busy and hard but like. I know you’re on your phone. it takes five minutes to respond to a big text#like. this is apart of adulthood. it’s okay to not be able all the time or feel overwhelmed by it#but this isn’t the first time she’s just ghosted me bc some big life stuff happened#we didn’t talk for three months the other time and again#I had a hard time with the way I hurt bc she was going through heavy stuff#but how do you have a relationship if you’re always stuck on the other side of their hurt#like I want to be there I want to support you but you don’t let me in you don’t let me care#and since you don’t want to let me you forget me about me too and the stuff and the hard stuff I could be going through#it’s exhausting#I’m just. like. trying to let go and I feel so stupid for waiting around for her#Spotify#kate talks#songs I like#I guess. to keep it all organized
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Tethered Chapter 10: 2/5 to the word count goal
#the word count goal is a loose idea I just try to get there and frequently go wayyyy over#anyway trying to balance this and grad school is a lil hard but I’m making it happen#forgot I have actual work stuff to do this weekend but I’m hoping to get away with not much at all#sunny: updates
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When I came out, I was SO scared I was gonna get disowned. I wrote a letter to my parents, sent it to their emails, put a physical copy on the counter, and left the house for a few hours to give them time. In that time I tried coffee for the first time, which was a dreadful idea, and got all jittery. I kept waiting for a text or something but nothing happened.
After a few hours, I didn’t hear back from them so I went home. My parents were home and had stacked a bunch of groceries on top of the letter without opening it. They said “hi” and I said “hi” and went down stairs to the basement. I held my dog and panicked about what to do. My sister, who knew that I had written them a letter of great importance, told me they hadn’t read it yet. She also told me she could ask them to do so. I consented to this and stayed in the basement. A few minutes later my dad knocked on the door and poked his soft smooth little nerd head in and said “hey buddy” and I started crying so hard I almost vomited. He came over and gave me a BIG hug and said that it was gonna be OK, he was OK with this, he knew it must have been hard but he was here for me. He told me he and my mom had already talked years before they had me about how if they had to pick between their faith and their child they’d pick their child. It was a very sweet moment. I came out to my mom later that evening and we were both bawling the whole time.
The day after I came out to my parents, I came out to my brother @inbabylontheywept at a Mexican restaurant and he took it like a champ. That evening my mom took me for a walk and looked almost angry - she said she wanted to make sure that I didn’t use being a woman as an excuse to not go to grad school. I told her I wouldn’t and she instantly looked relieved and happier.
My dad, on the other hand, seemed to struggle with it. He kept asking me if I had a boyfriend, and I told him I did not. He kept asking me if I wanted to go clothes shopping with him and I did not. He kept asking me if I would let him go to some of my shows, and I had NO idea what he was talking about.
Finally, 6 months after coming out, of awkward misgendering and questions that didn’t make sense from my dad, he excitedly pokes his soft smooth little nerd head into my bedroom again and says “I found a movie about Your People.” My people. I was absolutely bewildered, but he was so excited and I knew he had been trying SO hard so I watched it with him. It was The Birdcage, and it was amazing. It also was revelatory in that I finally realized why my initially-supportive father seemed to be having such a hard time with my pronouns and stuff - he didn’t know what the difference between trans and doing drag was. After the movie he again asked if I would invite him to one of my shows, and I said, “Hey dad, you know how about half the world is women?” And he said “yeah,” and I said “Well, see, I’m on that half now. I’m not doing drag.” And it was like a switch flipped in his brain. He was like “omg that’s so easy? I was so confused about what to call you when?”
Anyway, my parents are charming and my family has been so kind and patient with me, I like sharing the stories of my little wins with them.
#tgirl swag#mormon#ex mormon#exmormon#worm#gay#tgirl#trans humor#transfem#trans pride#trans stuff#transgender#transgirl#sillyposting#silly little guy#dad#stories#family#short story#story
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