#And then I’m going to do grad school stuff
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#Feeling down for no real reason#So this is me reminding myself that God had given me a day!#He answered my prayers that some stuff would go well#And I got to hang out with people which was fun#And I have lots of energy unexpectedly so I’m going to go to my brother’s sports game#I asked for prayer about that earlier today actually#Cause it’s rough choosing whether or not to go when I really need to be working on grad school things#But hey God is good and I can both go and work a little today!#anyway the sad thing is probably mainly my hormones#But also one of my new friends asked for prayer about being really sad but she wasn’t able or willing to talk more about it?#So I’m sad for her but also worried#And obviously the solution is just to pray for her so I’m gonna do that and trust it to God#And the other thing (which feels too silly to share) is that lowkey one of my other new friends hinted that my crush might like someone?#She wasn’t hinting to me but to someone else while I was also in the room but only sort of part of the conversation#Plus she doesn’t know I like him#And like I don’t t have a serious crush on him or know him super well even#But still :(#It’s sad girl hours#Cause I do kinda like him and I have been interested for a while#How do I feel peaceful about being single?#And other questions I’m waiting for God to answer for me lol#Anyway!!!#I’m going to read a little of my book on the trinity and relax now that my real job is done#And then I’m going to do grad school stuff#And then I’m gonna go to my brother’s game#And then I’m going to go home
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I feel like it’s been forever since I drew them (it’s been maybe like a week)
#my creative outlets!!#idk why I haven’t been drawing them lately?? they’re just not inspiring me much at the moment#I suspect they’ll inspire me again soon?? I hope so#I’m too hopelessly emotionally attached to these characters of mine that I can’t fathom NOT being inspired by them#they like hanging out in the woods together#well Liam likes hanging out in the woods and Finn likes Liam so by association Finn also likes hanging out in the woods#though if Finn didn’t like Liam so much he probably wouldn’t have died that one time#I think I want one of their themes to be codependency and how that’s actually Bad™️ sometimes and working away from it#probably gets better after Finn gets past the whole dying thing and doesn’t remember Liam much#then Finn goes to grad school and has to do a lot of fieldwork and they both realize it’s ok to be apart sometimes!!#Liam is also always getting called to do demigod stuff and they realize hey maybe time to go be ourselves is good!#my art#digital art#procreate#artists on tumblr#digital illustration#illustration#original art#doodle#art#my ocs#drawing#oc#original character#original character art#oc art#oc art tag#oc artist#digital doodle#digital artist
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#in cleaning my room yesterday I activated some of the like. dormant dust that was laying around and i didn’t get much sleep last night#bc i was just coughing and wheezing and stuff. i got the rest of it this morning but I still feel like shit and i don’t wanna go to class#i feel like i can’t#i know im lucky but i feel like im always sick or something is always in pain or im fatigued. It’s a wonder i get anything done#I think im suffering from senioritis even though i still have grad school#i’m just so so tired#my prof was wearing a mask last class which isn’t normal in my area and like. good on her for wearing it but if she’s sick she shouldn’t#come to school#idk why (actually i do it’s capitalism) it’s so normalized to keep going to school and work even if you’re sick#like you can’t miss for menstrual cramps or allergies even if they get debilitating. can’t miss for a mental health crisis#i’ve had coworkers throw up mid shift and keep working bc they can’t afford to clock out#i feel like it’s only acceptable to stay home sick if you’re continuously throwing up aka not useful for the business#ugh#rose.txt#tw vent
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the 14 year old edgelord in me keeps trying to compose deep poetry about coming to after dissociating. calm down babes. we’re all good here.
#blue chatter#just. the experience of blinking into existence becoming associated with ice in my mouth#and how it’s becoming a pattern that the first visual thing I process is a hand in front of my face#At least that I remember. I’m sure other stuff happens but my memory is unsurprisingly v blurry after#I feel bad for making my roommate take care of me so often#but I super cannot control when I dissociate#and I do genuinely need the help#bc today I was home alone and it took a loooooot longer to break out of the blurry stage#I somehow didn’t think to get ice about it until I was in the middle of the grocery store an hour after the episode had ended#I want to be more independent about this so people don’t have to take care of me all the time#it is relieving to know that I can live with friends after grad school#so *someone* can be around usually if something goes wrong and I’m not cognizant enough to help myself#but I don’t wanna make them feel like they have to help me or put that on them#or like. freak out their kids. their kids are not raised remotely like I was and they’re rly young so they don’t rly understand this.#how do you explain trauma to a three year old whose parents are incredibly good at gentle parenting#idk. I’ll figure it out. hopefully with time and therapy I’ll be able to process my trauma enough that I won’t be like this forever.#I don’t wanna be like this forever.#I want to go to grad school and start practicing in clinical psychology and help people#and be independent and be able to support my friends instead of the other way around
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Knightfall in Dream Land - Page 4
Meta Knight shares what it was like to grow up being raised by Nightmare.
#Kirby#Kirby fanart#my art#comic#Meta Knight#Nightmare#sorry this page took me so long to finish I’ve been really busy with grad school stuff and was at a conference last month#but it’s finally here and page five shouldn’t take me as long to finish as this page did#the comic is mostly centered around the game lore and not the anime lore but I did borrow a little bit from the anime#this might be a dumb question but do any other Kirby fans have voice headcanons for the characters?#by voice headcanons I mean what do you think they’d sound like if they had voiced dialogue#for Meta Knight and Dedede I think they’d just sound like they do in the anime since those voices are so iconic lol#I know that Nightmare also speaks in the anime but I don’t really like his anime voice#I’m showing that I’m a Trekkie with this lmao but my voice headcanon for Nightmare is that he’d sound like Ricardo Montalban#Montalban died in 2009 but he was famous for playing Khan in Star Trek he was so good in that villain role#but that was in the 1960s and 1980s so if you aren’t a Star Trek fan you might not be familiar with him#he also plays the grandpa in Spy Kids though and I think he was also in Kim Possible#I actually see a lot of parallels between Kirby and Star Trek lol but maybe that’s just me and no one else sees it#I’m developing an idea for a Susie redemption arc comic that I want to draw when I finish Knightfall in Dream Land#and if I do eventually draw it it’s going to be very heavily influenced by Star Trek/there will be lots of Star Trek references in it#Planet Robobot as a game basically is just a Star Trek episode lmao it has the same plot as every Borg episode from Star Trek#so I think referencing Star Trek in a comic centered around Susie would make sense#Knightfall in Dream Land
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theres a really. special kind of despair in the uncertainty brought about by moments of success and achievement. the inevitable “what now” of reaching your goals. and i kind of wish someone had warned me how hollow graduating university would feel, tbh
#taylor.txt#im miserable primarily for other reasons right now but i dont think i appreciated how much this just…wouldnt feel like anything#i think especially in my case as someone who so desperately needed ‘going away to college’ to get out of my childhood situation#and now for the past 5 years everything ive done has been for the purpose of getting my degree and finishing school#like im fine i guess i just kind of wish i could feel proud of myself or happy its over instead of like dreading the ceremony and feeling#like everything i have to do for grad is just one more thing i have to check off a list. getting my grad photos done felt nice but idk#it kind of feels like no one really cares which. idk why i would expect it to NOT feel that way. but yeah#tl;dr im around Kinda…need to finish stuff up but im over the really busy part of this all. kinda just coasting to the end here tbh#when this is over i’m gonna get to my request fics. prommy. wanted to do them over the long weekend but i was sick :(#anyway like to be clear im fine. people have been pointing out today i seem down and i think embarrassingly a collection of my students#noticed me crying on the bus today but thats life i guess you make do. im sad and thats ok. tbh
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what if i cancel my graduation and add a second major rn and just completely fuck up my plans and decide to suffer through more school but w a different major for like another 3 years
#this would be for a number of reasons. 1 bc the thought of doing psychological work that is not specifically sexology makes me feel sick#and 2 bc i technically get paid to go here every semester and i will not get paid to go to grad school. and 3 i have no idea what i want to#do w my life and i hate school but also i crave learning and what if like for funsies i just went for a second bachelors. prolly in geology#like i mean if i don’t think i can handle another few years of this if i have it set as a double major i can just like. graduate any time#w my psych degree yeah? and give up on the other one? like it might be too late bc i already applied for graduation but im p sure i can#have that cancelled. but also if i go to school for longer i might die forever. but also idk if continuing w psychology is like what i want#but whatever whatever i cannot be making decisions rn but like. it is An Option#idk i am just feeling kinda tortured again as as fun as it would be to actually get to do experiments and stuff i like. idk. i just wanna d#research but i Know i’ll have to get like probably a doctorate and have to work at a school for funding n shit and like idk if i’m ready to#like Commit to sexology. and also i like getting paid by my school and i don’t wanna go into debt fr for a degree i’m not 100% sure of#or my other option is to become a professional clown#but it’s whatever. it’s swagever even. *slinks off into the darkness*
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Don’t think my parents understand how much I am simply not motivated by money.
#ej.txt#like I’m planning on going to grad school and tbh id also like to get a phd someday#and my parents are just like….think long and hard about that….#you’ll have to keep living at the level you’ve been living for that whole time…#but like. that’s fine w me tbh. do I wish I could afford more stuff? sure#but I’m honestly fine living in my 15x15 studio apartment and eating a lot of canned food#it’s not like it’s all that different from how I grew up#idk I’m chillin.
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i’m a published author :)
#my lab published a paper that i did work on so i’m listed as second author :)#my first ever publication!!!#ALSO i got accepted into a program where i can go visit a pretty good school early and talk to faculty and grad students and stuff !#and they only accept 20 people a year …#anyway applying to grad school and doing thesis research is hellish sometimes but wooo look at me go#talk tag
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#THIRD TAG RANT OF THE DAY#this time with Feelings#I am so soft for this boy I really am#but my life is such a mess right now#(and he knows that and he’s very reassuring and he’s told me a thousand times he isn’t going anywhere)#but I just! ugh#I just dropped out of grad school yesterday and I have no idea what I want to do with my career#and it feels like I’m just grabbing a thousand red flags and stuffing them in my bra these days#I just don’t know how to say ‘yeah I’m a mess right now but I promise I won’t always be this much of a mess’#especially when my track record with that Isn’t Great!#it’s fine I’m fine I’m doing all the things I need to do and I’m prioritizing my well-being and my mental and physical health#I just can’t help but feel like I am the worst investment anyone could ever make#ANYWAYS#ugh the one night I decided NOT to get high and THIS is what I get hit with#and ofc I cannot sleep so! time to spiral ♥️#my stuff#sorry for being a disaster today folks
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🙄
#Worked too hard and now I never want to work again#lol not quite#I was doing grad school stuff in a long stretch cause I was having a good time#And at some point I stopped having a good time but kept going#And now I’m overwhelmed emotionally and feeling anxious and avoidant#And that’s on why you should go to bed and not stay up to late boys#time to quiet my soul like a weaned child with its mother as the psalm says
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#well I can no longer tease Keith for being/looking obliviously in love with his bff#I think I’ve mentioned before that a big part of the reason I’m going to Taiwan this summer#is b/c my best friend from LSE lives there#we met the first week of university and it all just went from there#(rare for both of us b/c we’re introverted)#anyway#after I moved to the US for grad school#and she moved back to Taiwan to work for a bit and figure out what she wanted to do her MA in#we started sending each other care packages#(before this we used to bring each other stuff back from home during breaks )#((we also meet on zoom every week for a few hours to talk + watch movies))#they’re pretty good sized boxes with (mostly) food and also books and weird t-shirts/clothes and all of that kind of stuff#we’re quite good at this point at getting stuff the other will like#(I always trawl Trader Joe’s for interesting things I think she’ll enjoy. she got me 5 different flavors of salted plum from an indie#company in Taipei because she knows I love ume)#we always put notes for each other in the boxes too#I send hers to her parents house because it’s easier to have packages shipped to there than in her small flat share in Taipei#and her mom (with her permission) sometimes opens them and takes out something for herself to try#what I didn’t know until today#is that her mom also takes out the notes to put on her desk so they don’t get lost#and she’s been hinting to my friend more and more over the past 2 years that it’s okay if she’s ‘not into boys’ and her parents will support#her no matter who she dates (which is very sweet)#now I’m coming in less than a week#and when my friend was visiting home this weekend she took her aside and told her#that she didn’t have to introduce me as her friend and she could openly say I’m her partner of 2+ years#which (again) would be very sweet#if I were actually her girlfriend#I’m not#and I’m having dinner with her parents at some point in the next few weeks#my life is a bad sitcom
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#i start my terminal degree later this year and i’m scared of going down the rabbit hole of depression#like this year i’ve been really careful about my environment and what i allow in my space#i love learning and stuff but i’m just scared about it#but imma still do it#i’m just gonna take my time#Dr. V still pending#but i’m literally so close#e.e#last year really effed me up i didn’t enjoy grad school at all 💀#and adding on the trauma that ensued#last year was a lot
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rant in tags bc I want to sob into a pillow
#I can’t describe to you guys what my job is like. I know I post ridiculous funny stuff but it’s very rarely funny in the moment#I’m a substitute teacher‚ which means that even though I’m in the building EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR#and even though I’ve known most of these kids since LAST DECEMBER (2021)#they just. don’t fucking listen to a word I say#it took 14 minutes and a dean of students in the room with me today to get one of my classes to stop talking over/ignoring me#and I’m not even yelling at them‚ I’m literally trying to 1.) say ‘good afternoon folks!’ and 2.) tell them what the assignment is#all day long I’m ignored and disrespected by the same kids and there are no consequences because this is a charter school#and day after day I’m also disrespected by staff because I’m ‘just a sub’ and you#everyone keeps calling out of work#we finally filled the last VACANCY we had TWO WEEKS AGO. we’ve been down 3 full time teachers since the beginning of the year#and as of two weeks ago we finally filled the last vacancy. so I could go back to JUST substituting.#but today the 7th grade ELA teacher just gave us his one-week notice which means that now that I am the ONLY BUILDING SUB#(we started the year with 3‚ now it’s just me)#I have this terrible suspicion that I’m gonna get stuck with 7th grade ELA for the rest of the year. while trying to do grad school.#I just… I’m exhausted all the time#and I act like I’m not but I am#this job is so demeaning and exhausting and I love my students (specifically my 8th graders and high schoolers)#but I’m not gonna see them for the rest of the year. I’m gonna be stuck in 7th grade ELA I just know it#when I say that the middle school is like an active war zone I’m not joking#I had to stop a kid from choking out his classmate today#I leave work every day with headaches because it’s always so fucking loud‚ even in the middle of lessons#I want my old job back‚ this year has been exhausting and I don’t know how I’ve ended up taking on so much more than I’m supposed to#I covered 6 out of 7 periods again this week. the most that any full time teacher has to teach is 4 out of 7#and the subbing coordinator keeps giving me the heaviest coverage loads and then telling me he’s ‘disappointed’ by how tired I am#he also gave every single person on the subbing team specific shoutouts in his daily emails… except me#tldr I’m feeling disrespected by students and overworked by my coordinator and undersupported by admin and taken for granted by coworkers
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Me, too busy with grad school to participate, watching everyone else in the Kirby fandom participate in the OC tournament and art fight
#text post#I wish I could have joined in but I’m an overworked stressed out grad student lmao#I forget if I’ve mentioned this on here before but I’m working on getting my PhD#I hopefully only have a year or so left before I get it and then I’ll be Doctor Sweet#this is going to be a stressful year oh boy 🥲 grad school is lowkey kind of killing me I hope I can finish in the next year#I like what I study it’s just a lot mentally at times and I’ve been feeling kind of depressed lately#I feel bad that I take so long to post art on my blog and update my comic#I really do enjoy drawing Kirby stuff I’ve just got a lot going on in real life and am not always feeling the best mentally#so sometimes I don’t have the time or the mental energy to draw but I am working on the next comic page! I have one panel left to do for it#I’m hoping to post it by this coming weekend Meta Knight starts fighting Whispy on this next page#thank you everyone for your patience it means a lot to see people liking my stuff even if I take forever to post it#I have so much stuff I want to draw and share but not enough time or energy to do it 🥲
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feeling very ‘i guess I'm disappointed that you didn'tMerry Christmas your way back into my life and i get that there's still New Years' but by New Years' I'll be a very different person so you've really only got like a five day gap before I definitely can't tolerate your bullshit anymore, because I swore that I'd be a non-bullshit tolerating kind of girl’ but in a friendship breakup kinda way
#like didn’t respond to my birthday message or my Christmas message!#I haven’t purposefully texted her expect these moments since November#just to prove it to myself that her and I wouldn’t talk if I didn’t reach out#except that she didn’t respond to me most of October and then was like happy Halloween sorry I haven’t texted !#but still fully ignored my texts (even tho if either of us don’t respond for a while we always make sure we respond to the texts we missed)#sigh#I know she’s in grad school and life is busy and hard but like. I know you’re on your phone. it takes five minutes to respond to a big text#like. this is apart of adulthood. it’s okay to not be able all the time or feel overwhelmed by it#but this isn’t the first time she’s just ghosted me bc some big life stuff happened#we didn’t talk for three months the other time and again#I had a hard time with the way I hurt bc she was going through heavy stuff#but how do you have a relationship if you’re always stuck on the other side of their hurt#like I want to be there I want to support you but you don’t let me in you don’t let me care#and since you don’t want to let me you forget me about me too and the stuff and the hard stuff I could be going through#it’s exhausting#I’m just. like. trying to let go and I feel so stupid for waiting around for her#Spotify#kate talks#songs I like#I guess. to keep it all organized
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