#but whatever whatever i cannot be making decisions rn but like. it is An Option

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

what if i cancel my graduation and add a second major rn and just completely fuck up my plans and decide to suffer through more school but w a different major for like another 3 years

[mutalune]

really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state

[bridgetoesoteria]

✨Toxicity✨: What would have happened if you stayed?

Helloo. So this is going to be for anyone who feels in two minds about their decision to walk away from a situation.

Sorry in advance, the piles are so long! I really meant to be more succinct. So, grab a snack or break up the reading ahah 😅.

This can be used for any kind of situation: professional, romantic, platonic, etc. Options are left to right. Hope it resonates :)

For the collective: P.S.I took time out to do a guided meditation to connect with my intuition. So some of you may benefit from that. Some personal messages came through for me as well. So your guides probably want to connect with you too. I used a guided meditation on YouTube but feel free to do whatever resonates best with you.

Without further ado 🙇‍♀️🎩 ...

Pile 1

**TW: Substance Abuse**Off the bat: So before I even really began the reading, I was channeling Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's. So idk if that is relevant somehow. I was thinking of a lot of early 2000s songs. I feel very eager and excited. So maybe some of you left home behind to chase your dreams in someway. So, every win is a little bittersweet. Honestly, its such a vibe rn. I'm feeling chill, room is dimly lit, there's thin swirls of smoke coming from the burning sage...

4-card spread: Ace of Disks, The High Priestess, Prince of Cups, 7 of Disks. Bottom of Deck is Knight of Wands.

So, for context I'm using The Urban Tarot Deck. I feel like the imagery really helps with this pile. Its a Thoth inspired deck so the names for the cards are a little different. I read Knights as Kings and Princes as Knights.

All right, so right away I feel kind of confined. I don't think you would have had a horrible life or situation but it would not have been all that you needed. You would continue secretly dreaming of the life that you truly want. Whatever that means to you. I say this because the woman on the high priestess card looks very dreamy. Like she stole away and ran herself a bath just to have a few moments of solitude. But with the "knight of cups" right next to her--which is another card that can signify illusions, fantasies, daydreaming--it feels like she's dreaming of what could have been. And what could still be!

I always read this knight of cups as an amateur filmmaker. Someone just starting out, perhaps a little pretentious, but their intentions are in the right place. The fact that its a card that isn't fully mature, like a king of cups for instance, makes it seem tangible. So the woman isn't jumping to the ultimate end goal, but what could reasonably happen. This dream just lives in her head. Something she keeps for herself.

This is supported by the ace of disks (pentacles) and the 7 of disks. The 7 of pentacles can show patience as you wait on your investments or considering whether you invest or not. Aces are new starts. So, you would still be thinking about whatever alternative option you rejected to stay. Maybe you would know its still on the table and that's why you toy with the idea as a contingency plan. You know your growth is being stunted. Honestly for this group I think you were meant to leave. I don't think you would ever have been able to throw away this opportunity.

The king of wands is passionate and action oriented. This is how you would yearn to be. An energy like this cannot be contained. For some of you this may be referring to leaving a family dynamic or hometown behind. Right under the king is the 8 of cups reversed. With the imagery, I'm getting substance abuse problems. Maybe its common where you're from, alcoholism in particular. With it reversed, I think you would want to cut ties once and for all. Like just ghost friends, cousins, maybe even a partner. Like its the sort of thing where there may be all this lore associated with your name back home.

You will see what you could turn out like and decide to just go. For some this could relate to a job too. Maybe you see how the job consumes people around you, people lose relationships, some may get depressed, start drinking. You might have "noped" out of that and decided to carve your own path.

For those resonating with more of a family dynamic, I think you might experience some kind of loss. The kind of loss that acts as the straw that breaks the camel's back. Like I'm hearing "well, if Granny G/GG ain't here anymore, wtf am I doing here?" For others you could experience some kind of deep betrayal like a cheating spouse, a backstabbing best friend. And it will just make you go "fuck it" and choose yourself. You might not even be about all that lovey-dovey crap anyway.

Oracle Message: The oracle cards basically repeated the same message: Imposter Syndrome, Forever a Phoenix, and Emergence. Its literally what I- like look at this: "Sometimes you can't save it. Sometimes you have to take what's left and what lessons you have learned and simply just watch the rest burn to the ground." (Forever a Phoenix) The message of feeling confined comes up as well. The emergence card depicts a butterfly woman emerging from her cocoon. It's giving...I REST MY CASE.

Pile 2

Off the bat: A lot of you could be watching for an academic or professional situations. It reminds me of when I had to choose another school over my first choice. In hindsight, that was the best decision I could have made. I now can truly understand the saying "thank god for unanswered prayers." A move could be significant in someway so maybe some of you relocated or chose to stay where you are.

4-card spread: 9 of Wands, Wheel of Fortune, The Moon, The Hanged Man. Bottom of deck is The Fool.

I immediately started to feel a lot of anxiety. My chest feels kind of tight. If you hadn't left maybe you would have dealt with a lot of anxiety or panic attacks. I feel like the environment would have been stifling. A lot of major arcanas in a spread can sometimes signify stability or a lack of change. So if you are watching for a professional situation (academic counts too), you might not have progressed. This could look like never being given promotions. For others I am getting a combo of work and school like a dance academy or something. In a situation like this may always skip over you when it comes time for assigning solos. There is also a lot of romantic energy coming through but please consider how it resonates for your situation.

I also think something about remaining in whatever this is, would have caused you to doubt yourself. The moon and the wheel of fortune side by side could hint at emotional or mental instability. While I do read the wheel as a positive card, because it is something that is always turning, it can also represent a certain predictable unpredictability. The 9 of wands reinforces the message about being on guard. I think it would have been really exhausting to keep up with this toxicity indefinitely.

If this represents a romantic "third party" situation, the affair would have continued in the same way it was going. This applies regardless of which side of the third party you fall on. So if you were in a relationship with the person already, they would keep cheating. Or you would never be able to relax because you'd always be waiting for the next shoe to drop. Always on the look out for signs they're back to their old ways and never fully being able to trust them. No relationship can thrive in the those circumstances. So it would leave you frozen in this state of constant misery.

For others, if you resonate with being the person they snuck around with or if you were one of the many people they were entertaining, they would have kept that up, unfortunately. You would probably get resentful eventually. You may not even get any kind of title that would hint at some kind of significance to your relationship. They would not show the kind of effort that makes you go, "wow, they really value me and want to make this connection work". Nope, with the wheel and the fool. They would want to continue popping in and out with no thought to how it could throw you off balance. They could ghost. Your self-esteem and ability to ground yourself would really suffer.

This could also apply for situations where cheating wasn't the issue or at least it wasn't the only one. If the other person was rude, or controlling, or just awful, that would have continued. It would be you giving up parts of yourself and your peace to keep things afloat. They would still poster like they are "self-made" and like they're a great person.

Oracle Message: I haven't pulled anything yet but some of you may benefit from meditating. If this is something you have been practicing and wonder if there's any point, there is but the benefits are cumulative. So, you have to stick with it. Same with therapy, fitness journeys, or health journeys. Any kind of self-care. You just gotta be consistent. I am pulling from my affirmation cards deck. I'm going to insert a pic. "Today I am responsible" and "today I am at peace" came out together. My intentions were to read these cards as if they came out reversed. So with that in mind, you would have continued being in a lot drama and back and forth. The situation would be detrimental to your mental health and possibly physical health. Think a partner or friend that uses substances and so it makes it easier for you to get into. You might not get as much joy out of life and work would be unfulfilling. Overall, you would not experience much growth as a person.

Pile 3

Off the bat: I am getting more relationship and love energy. But if you are here for something nonromantic, just change the love stuff to fit your situation. Many of you are here for friends or significant others. For some of you, this reading may not be "that deep." Like perhaps this is just a crush that you moved on from and you're wondering what could have happened with them. Others you might have left a party and you're trying to quash the feelings of FOMO lol. Bubbles from The Powerpuff Girls could be significant for some reason.

4-card spread: 10 of Swords, Ten of Cups, Ace of Swords, King of Pentacles. Bottom of deck is 4 of Cups.

I just want to note that the king of pentacles came out sideways. So if there is a flakey or unreliable person in this situation, they would have let you down. So for some resonating with a party or a gathering, if you wanted to stay because a friend or a crush was there, they might have ended up ditching you anyway. You could have stayed and realized this person was not even available, so perhaps they came with someone else. You might have just ended up bored, in your feelings, and way too drunk.

Next, if this was someone that was breadcrumbing you or kind of one foot in, one foot out, they have the potential to really disappoint you. I say this because of the sideways king of pentacles, ten of swords, 4 of cups, and the 6 of pentacles right under the 4 of cups. So you could have ended up feeling unfulfilled emotionally or practically (e.g. quality time). This other person could be kind of cocky, especially if they have a lot of other friend or dating options.

For others of you, staying could have led to pregnancy or children in some way. So this could be a partner or spouse that you considered staying with. A few examples I am getting: Having a child with this person, staying with them and starting a family, finding out they had a child or family with someone else.

The storyline is kind of splitting at this point. Some of this could resonate or none of it, so trust your gut. There's a group of you where things would not have been that bad. This is only for people who had a decent relationship with the person. Maybe the main issue was that you both weren't mature enough or stable enough to have a baby or a super serious relationship. This pregnancy would make you two very happy and would bring you closer together. Even if you ended up co-parenting, I think it would be okay for the most part.

Now, for the other half of the storyline...it's not such a happy ending. If something told you this person was not reliable enough to have a family with, that was likely the truth. They seem like the sort of person that would seem cool to start. They would act like they are going to step up. Think coming around your family more, being present for first ultrasounds, looking at apartments with you. I do think there would still be an air of detachment though. Unfortunately, this person gives me the vibe that they would just go cold. Like they may start off seeming bored, then escalate to "no call, no show" type of behavior, culminating in them ghosting or being very hard to reach. They aren't as ready as they seem and you would be mostly on your own. Whether this means as a single parent or them letting your relationship fall apart. They could continue posting online with their friends, when you were supposed to go to an open house, or crib shopping, or having your baby shower...you get the idea.

Oracle Message: I am pulling from a non tarot deck. I will insert a picture of the cards. It would be a lot to type out in order to explain properly. 😅You could resonate with certain cards more than others. (OMG you know what I just realized. I was getting Bubbles earlier and isn't that what Summer Walker calls her baby? If you know about her and her relationship drama, that could be more confirmation.) For some of you, you could see "what could have been," reflected in one of your friend's life. Maybe they made the opposite decision than you. The cards talking about fate lead me to believe that maybe things worked out in your best interests. In hindsight, you might be able to see how you dodged a bullet. Perhaps you would have had to sacrifice your goals, boundaries, or self-love. The other person seems really messy. The first, third, and sixth card make me think that. The first card is again making me feel like they could have a group that they run with that probably isn't the best influence. Maybe they have a lot of run-ins with the law. Impulsivity and recklessness could be the norm with this person. Also, it would probably be very hard to trust this person. Specifically, it would be veryy hard to trust they will change. You could have the same conversations and just go around in circles with no results. The trust question makes me think of couples counseling and the card next to it reminds me of individual counseling. You would probably get more out of one-on-one counseling. Whatever decision you made here was the right one.

I've been considering offering personals. I would probably put a quota on certain readings just so we are all "consuming responsibly", so to say. It would also just make me feel more a little more comfy. Boundaries were the main reason I stopped doing readings for anyone besides myself. I need to have my ducks in a row so for now it's just a thought.

Anywhoo 🦉 I've got soo many more readings planned. The last one from the poll will be a classic love reading. I will probably do another poll so keep an eye out for that! 💋

~K

[acti-veg]

So this isn't something I can do anything about rn anyway, so don't worry I'm not going to change my dog's diet, but I wanted some advice because it's a dilemma I'm not able to reconcile right now. I joined a vegan bootcamp and they had the argument that feeding pets meat is immoral and a form of speciesism because we are valuing the pet's health, which might not even be too negatively effected by plant-based pet foods, over the lives of many many farm animals. I have cows and dogs as pets and it's been nagging on me because I would never, ever kill my cows to feed my dog, but I feel comfortable doing that to nameless cows who have suffered atrocities a million times worse than my own, just because I don't have to face it. Like if it wasn't buying pet food and instead making the choice between killing however many cows it takes to feed my dog over his lifetime, and killing my dog, there's no choice there, I love my dog but not more than 20 cows, or 80 cows or whatever. We don't have plant-based dog foods where I am anyway so it's just something I have to deal with, but if I did have the option of plant-based foods that may lead to a shortened lifespan or a lowered QOL, would that be a worthwhile trade off?? I know you've said that we have a duty to our pets to provide them with care, but where do we draw the line?

This is a complex one, and it unsurprisingly draws pretty emotive arguments on both sides. What I'll give here is by no means the 'vegan' perspective on this, they're just my thoughts.

From a strictly utilitarian perspective what you are saying could be seen as the right thing, the dog dying instead of being fed their whole life is fewer animal deaths in the long term, and the same is true if they can survive on a diet that would affect their quality of life or their longevity. For me though this is pretty reductive and misses the context, which is a dog that we have bred into existence in the first place, who may need meat from no fault of their own, and who we already have a duty of care to.

For you, the decision has already been made; you've already committed to meeting that animal's nutritional needs, and that's likely to be a diet which includes meat. This is a question that would be very relevant for you if you were considering adopting another dog, but right now, you have an obligation to take care of the pet you have, even if that means buying pet food that comes from slaughtered animals.

My view is that if you cannot justify contributing towards so many animals being exploited and kiled in order to maintain the health of your pet (which is perfectly legitimate), then you should not adopt the animal. On the flipside, while I recognise the utilitarian argument there, I don't believe that it is justified to adopt an animal and then make the decision not to meet the duty of care that you've already signed up for - you'd have to just keep meeting it (as you are) and then not adopt any more dogs after they've passed away.

Hopefully this kind of thing will become a non-issue relatively soon. Lab grown meat is developing quickly, synthetic meats that are nutritionally identical and have the same absorption rates is no longer far-fetched, and the research on the potential health impacts of plant-based food for dogs is in a better place than it was even ten years ago, it just isn't enough to be able to recommend a plant-based diet for dogs or cats without any risk.

[antiloreolympus]

7 Anti LO Asks

1. RE: Pom Theory. If this ends up happening, it'll be framed as "she made the CHOICE to eat it! agency!" but? its just to save her skin from bigger punishment, which isn't exactly romantic, but more so it reinforces persephone is dependent on hades and his power/status as king, which says a MAN and his power is more important than even an OP fertility goddess. It ends up looking more regressive than even the old myths, which had the power of women winning over the power of men, not whatever LO is.

2. maybe its just me, but im really uncomfortable that most of the baddies in LO are (1) a demonized queer god so the male lead's myth canon crimes are pinned on him instead, (2) a loving mother who is turned abusive so the male lead's "love" is better by default (3) a poor nymph who is POC-coded and is hated for the fact she's not the "right" race/class, and even to an extent the only non-binary character who is took away poor hades' ability to breed. it just rubs me the wrong way.

3. Okay I'm not caught up on LO (no fast pass) - but here's my prediction for the following chapters based on info ive seen:

Now, I don't know how true this is, but according to FS spoilers Persephone is wearing Hades' pomegranate pin (or has the actual pomegranate on her person?) And shes being referred to by the house servants as "my lady" which is leading some readers to believe Hades and Persephone either already got married off screen or are faking it for the trial (for perks).

I think whats going to happen during the trial (cause apparently we're getting back to that plot point now) - is Zeus is going to threaten punishment (Prometheus style) and either 1 of 2 things will happen.

1. All the other gods go against this despite Zeus being the king of the gods and they overthrow his decision and Persephone goes free (and maybe there will be a small consequence on her end) and that is the tipping point for RS' to enable the "Apollo / Leto is going to overthrow Zeus plotline. Everyone hates Zeus anyway, but Apollo is no better. Zeus is the lesser of two evils. So he stays as king of the gods."

2. As suggested by some other anons, Persephone eats the pomegranate during the trial (or maybe Hades sneaks it too her and she accidentally and unknowingly eats it) as Zeus threatens punishment / threatens Demeter or something and in doing so this enables Persephone to claim she is of "queen of the underworld" and she utilizes this newfound power to get out of punishment because blah blah underworld rules.

But the story cant be over yet, (because HxP is endgame. And no one wants to see only filter of them rushing into marriage) so there's a 3rd option.

Persephone eats the pomegranate and/or she and Hades claim their married and the "underworld rules, no punishment" thing goes through and its only later revealed that this isnt the case - meaning that Persephone and Hades "marriage" in this case isnt sanctified (cause Hera or something) so that way RS can have Hades and Persephone be married but also not because its way too early for them to get married (in universe its been like 3 weeks tops) and this way Hades and Persephone get away with no consequences and if readers are mad that Hades and Persephone "got married too quickly" RS can pull the rug back and be all 'but their not actually married, it didn't count' so H + P can still date and stuff before they Really get married (because drama purposes). 

4. if LO seriously has hxp get married not out of love, but rather to keep her out of jail because of sovereign immunity, isnt that just undermining the whole point of it claiming it's about her choice, especially after we're getting the conflicted messages from persephone herself that she wants to be on her own yet also being queen? so which one is it? also it would just reinforce her dependance on hades to the highest degree, not with just power and status, but also her own life. that's awful!

5. ngl i would lose my shit if rachel literally made hxp get married/engaged off screen just as some AHA moment to save her ass from jail when its like???? thats EXACTLY what the readers wanted to see for YEARS now and she'd just have it as some aside they dont even get to see?? thatd honestly be hilarious. i hope it happens now just to see how the fans would react they dont even get to see the actual romance they paid and waited years for.

6. IF RACHEL SMYTHE'S BIG IDEA TO PUSH HXP INTO A MARRIAGE IS TO FORCE PERSEPHONE TO MARRY HADES TO AVOID BEING PROSECUTED RIGHTFULLY IN COURT FOR MURDER THEN I WILL SNAP. THAT WILL BE THE LAST. FUCKING. STRAW FOR ME.

YOU-YOU CAN'T DO THAT. YOU CAN'T. YOU CAN'T RACHEL! YOU CANNOT, I WON'T ALLOW IT! I WILL NOT!

YOU CAN'T CLAIM TWO CHARACTERS ARE IN LOVE IF THEY'RE LITERALLY MARRIED TO AVOID THE FUCKING LAW!!!!!!!!!! I WON'T ALLOW THIS!!!!! I!!!!! WILL!!!!! NOT!!!!!!

In conclusion, Please say sike rn Rachel. Please. 

7. ok so what i dont get is LO made a point that swallowing a fertility goddess makes you super OP, so like??? shouldnt zeus be able to easily take persephone out?? like thats what i dont get, because apparently fertility goddesses are SO powerful yet are so easily overpowered for??? which tbh i have to imagine is just to make persephone seem more ~powerful~ by default, because she can't look powerful on her own or have rachel depict it, she needs every other woman torn down to prop her up. v cool.

[sk-lumen]

Need serious advice about setting boundaries or communicating when dealing with a person who:

Is a parent

Has unhealthy communication methods -- it takes very little for them to start full-blown screaming, shouting out all your 'negative' things/mistakes/past, can continue to scream-criticise you even after you've gone silent, for WHOLE MINUTES even if you've shut up, will not accept anything that even hints at them making a mistake

You can't trust since childhood coz u made the mistake of confiding in them with a serious issue as a young teen --- mental related --- and they belittled and invalidated you, and since then pretended you never confided in them and have NO IDEA how you've been coping without them or ANYone else for years... Yeah thanks, parent, what u said back then made me think I was the one at fault and so I stopped trusting even friends coz yeah, when ur own parent doesn't give a damn, why would anyone else?

Is a master at silent treatments without explaining what EXACTLY they're punishing you for, then when theyre in the mood, will start talking to you as if they hadn't ignored you for days. Lol I'd rather be water boarded I think. Especially for all the damage this caused when I was a child

Won't openly talk about what they want, yet expects ALL FHE TIME others (in the family) to know what they want, then will complain/scream/angry for AGES about how no one cares, no one gives a damn... And when someone asks them what they want, they either say: nothing, or "you should know! Can't u see?"

Upon asking them to please talk normally, will blow a fuse, and lose it --- happened multiple times today

Literally will use me as a scape goat to unleash their frustrations upon. Even when I leave the room, I can hear them b*tch about how much of a failure I am etc. The trigger being anything that bothers them, from a phone call to something other siblings did, bla bla. I limit my time with them... But it's like, it feels impossible to have them treat me normally, without ridiculing or criticising me. I'm already a very low self esteem person... This doesn't help AT ALL

In short, refuse to tell/ask/discuss important stuff, and getting mad randomly that no one read their mind, bcoz everyone's 'old enough to have enough sense' to know what they 'should' do... Eg will not pikc up the phone when we call them from the store to ask when what the needed isn't available, so what other alternative can we get... And then when we get home, will instead blame us for being fussy and not getting the alternative, completelt skirting around the issue they didn't deign to pick up the phone... I mean, I don't get it. In the past I HAVE in fact asked them to just openly tell me what they want/expect from me to make them happy... Got passive aggressive answers like "don't you know? Are you dumb?" Bla bla

Passive aggressive to the max when they've lost it

Expect me to drop anything I'm doing and immediately cater to them, and expect me to help them in their hobbies (while simultaneously, as I learned many years ago to much heartache, not being interested or even pretending to be interested in my hobbies. The disinterest taught me very quickly how much what I wanted meant, leading to years of self-invalidation. Luckily I've learned it really is them, not me. My hobbies are valid)

Will not talk about why they're feeling angry, what causes it. Instead will blame me, who's like the golden scapegoat in our amazing family, by saying :YOU made me negative. They've said it many times now... It hurts a lot, when I'm also struggling with my own issues which I ofc can't confide in them about :)

Today I manned up -- the outburst of hatred happened again! Over a simple thing. It was NIGHTMARE and made me angry/sad/frustrated/triggered---, and so I told them to stop talking like that... Boy was that the wrong thing to say... I don't think I can accurately tell u what happened afterwards...

Usually children learn communication skills from the parents... I at least learned to recognize the unhealthy ones, and what NOT to communicate like lol. Like, other parent is even worse, believe it or not. But that's another complex situation

I'm not bashing on the parent. Lord knows I even have that much of a right huh? I hate myself eveb more when they invalidate me if I try to show how MUCH THEY HURT me after a 'communication session'. As in, heaven forbid me if I BE SILENT afterwards and DON'T wanna listen to their retardation. Nope. Even then they provoke me, rage at me, you know how sometimes enraged people hiss vitriol thru gritted teeth? Yeah, that's what they did today after I stayed silent and tried to ignore them an hour later after the 'session' when they wabted something. It's like they don't even need me to say a word and will carry on and on for minutes 🤢

I feel alone, helpless and at a loss what to do

I want to move out. Due to severe mental issues I can't even move out rn coz it scares me even more. But this has to stop. Things are only okay if I'm absolutely passive, say yes to whatever they want, kill my wants and needs, and become a perfect robot bred to cater to them (parent)

I hope you can help me out, dear

Hi darling,

It sounds like you’re in a considerably toxic environment. I'm sorry you're going through this. Know that this is not normal, nor is it how a parent/child relationship should be. In case there's any doubt, let me start by saying you deserve to be supported, respected, listened to, to have your needs met. You deserve to live in an environment that offers you all of these things.

With that being said, from the many scenarios you’ve mentioned you’ve already tried reasoning and setting boundaries, to no avail. There is only so much you can do on your own, if the other person in the equation is not meeting halfway or at all. After all, a healthy conversation involves two people, not just one.

Here's my advice, in this order:

Calmly and maturely asking the respective parent to have a serious discussion with you and to listen to what you have to say. Share how their actions and behaviour is making you feel, let them know you care, and make sure to mention several solutions for the issue as well. If this doesn’t work…

Bring up the subject of needing help from outside, such as the assistance of a specialist/therapist. Family counselling can shed a lot of light on toxic behaviours that are ingrained from childhood (both in their case and yours), on fears your parent may have, stress from their work, whatever is causing their outbursts and anger - because there is always a reason. Behind anger is sadness, and behind sadness is some need not being met, or an underlying fear, trauma, etc. This is not a justification for their behaviour, they are responsible for it; this is simply the fact of how energy dynamics work. People bottle up their frustrations, fears, etc, and let them out on those closest to them, to whom they feel superior. It’s not fair, and it’s not healthy, but it is frequently how this pattern works. If this solution doesn’t work either…

Then unfortunately, all you can do is focus on yourself. If they refuse to meet you anywhere along the road, you have to pack up your things and go your own way. Literally or metaphorically. They may be your parent and you may love them even in spite of their behaviour, but you cannot hold yourself responsible for anything they say or do; that is on them. In those cases, you have to prioritize your own mental health and wellbeing, and focus on moving out. If your (home) environment is toxic, you have to focus on first changing it. That’s vital. Only afterwards can you start healing, refinding yourself, reclaiming your self-esteem and confidence, your sense of worth. As long as you stay stuck in a toxic environment, you cannot really heal; if there is abuse of any kind (physical, mental, emotional), the causes are still there, leading to re-traumatizing.

If for whatever reason moving out is not (yet) an option, I would emphasize seeking some sort of counselling for yourself, if nothing else. You need an anchor, some sort of support that will help you along your path until you do get out.

Now, I don’t know how old you are. I am going to assume you are over 18 and of age, so only mind my advice if that is the case. (As disclaimer, I don't provide advice to minors as it's not the scope of my blog nor am I specialized/focused on that area.)

I understand moving out seems scary because it is unknown, but with that line of thought you may wait another 10 years in the same situation. Wouldn’t you wake up 10 years later already having done the hard work on moving out, finding your independence, claiming your sense of individuality and moving on from this sort of environment, this phase in your life?

Sooner is better than later, but do so with mindfulness and care over your mental health, of course. I know it’s scary. But being an adult requires some difficult decisions at times, and setting boundaries begins with choosing your wellbeing and doing what needs to be done, even if it is something uncomfortable short-term, but highly rewarding and beneficial long-term.

Hope this helps... and wishing you much luck, clarity, gentle guidance and comfort.✨

PS: Lately I've been receiving longer and longer letters in my inbox. As solution, I was thinking of having longer asks/letters redirected to my blog where there isn't any length limit, and readers can more comfortably browse both my tumblr and blog - and those requesting advice can share and receive a more in-depth response.

-Lumen

[humanwheatleyslefttoenail]

Number 15 :o)

NUMBER 15 BURGER KING BURGER-

Ok all jokes aside, unpopular opinion time. 

- It’s cool if you just personally don’t like ChellDOS, but shipping aside, I think they are coded as a couple. I mean, GLaDOS sings her Cara Mia and Don’t Say Goodbye, which are objectively love songs. Want You Gone and You Wouldn’t Know are breakup songs. There’s deleted content where GLaDOS passive aggressively gets mad at Chell “cheating on her” by talking to other cores. GLaDOS begins to use “we” in old Aperture and starts treating Chell like an ally, then saves her and lets her go, all while revealing the humanity she’d promised not to reveal to anyone else. The ENTIRE FOCUS of the series is on their changing, dynamic relationship be it as friends or enemies. Their arc is also literally just... an enemies to lovers set up lol. Again, I’m not saying it’s canon per se or that you have to ship it or like it, but I am saying there’s a lot of canon subtext there. (Also btw I heard somewhere “cake” in Argentinian Spanish is slang for lesbians so maybe the cake isn’t a lie-)

- Wheatley is very flawed, and throughout the whole game. I don’t think he was always evil and I definitely think he got corrupted just like GLaDOS, but I also don’t think it was a case of “Corrupt The Cutie.” He’s never been a cinnamon roll or whatever the fandom calls it - he’s shown having some implicit sexism, he’s cowardly, he’s flighty, he’s so obviously a show off because he’s so underconfident. People seem to gloss over these things, especially his actions in the mainframe (which, btw, he is at least partially responsible for), but I feel like if you do that and then justify everything he does... you don’t have Wheatley anymore. Wheatley’s flaws make him *more* sympathetic imo, not less - like I see fics and art where people insist Wheatley doesn’t need to redeem himself or grow in any meaningful way and just want him to be forgiven. I really don’t like that because A) It’s just not true and B) a flawed but likeable character struggling to be better is so much more compelling and relatable. 

- Chelley is. Not a good ship. But. I still like it out of nostalgia and because Blue Sky lol. I think it could work post-canon but first Wheatley would need to do a lot of work on his end and actually prove to Chell that he is worthy. Unfortunately, a lot of Chelley content doesn’t actually do this and has Chell do all the emotional work for him which I don’t like. I consider myself a fan of this ship and I think if you search it up, I’m one of the blogs that comes up, but I don’t like it as much as ChellDOS and I wish people put more consideration into their fanworks when portraying it. 

- Cave dying was actually kinda sad - like he was a bad person and everything but his last few intercom messages still really get me after everything he did. He made so many fucked up decisions but like, I think it’s very relatable - this idea of getting so caught up in your own ideas that you hurt everyone around you and don’t realize until it’s too late and you’re going down with them. It’s sad because like... there were so many chances for him to stop and they never happened, and with the lemon rant he’s still struggling against everything. He still never gave up. And like... idk it just makes me emotionally because he was a bad guy for sure but he’s very human. It doesn’t make me sad in an “oh he didn’t deserve that” way, but more like the way you’re sad after finishing a Greek tragedy kinda way, if you get what I’m saying. 

- I wish I saw more content for the P1 cores because they’re adorable. I want to give the Curiosity Core and the Cake Core hugs. They are babey. 

- Wheatrat and Chellmann aren’t that popular rn because Doug never actually shows up in the game, but both these ships are seriously underrated imo (maybe that’s just the multishipper in me lol). ChellMel and Chellyx are also good and I wish there was more content for that, too. 

- It’s 2020. Can we stop acting like Wheatley did nothing wrong. Can we stop acting like GLaDOS is Only Mean And Has No Other Traits. Nuance is a thing, and the Valve writers didn’t spend hours meticulously creating these three dimensional characters for the fandom to turn them into UwU Cinnamon Roll and Mean Evil. 

- I think Chell is actually a pretty kind person - the fact the game gives you the option to save companion cubes and the oracle turrets, the fact she still tries to stop Wheatley from going to space, the fact that she allies with GLaDOS despite everything, the fact that you physically cannot let go of Wheatley in the first half when you’re holding him - Chell really only does bad things when it’s a literal matter of life and death. She’s a good person just looking out for her own survival, and I don’t like how the fandom has decided she’s mean, angry, or just as bad as GLaDOS and Wheatley when she’s pretty clearly not.

- We as white portal fans need to do better and think critically about the way we’re portraying Chell, be that drawing or writing her. Stuff like not portraying her as an angry stereotype and not whitewashing her. It’s really sad to see the amount of implicit racism in the fandom. 

- Blue Sky is still good although GLaDOS being the bad guy again was a bit OOC. I think it still serves as a good study of Wheatley and I like that it acknowledges his flaws and ultimately makes him responsible for his own redemption, not Chell. Also, “Prove it” was a raw line - I still can’t get it out of my head. 

- He’s unpopular for obvious reasons, but I really like Nigel from Aperture Tag. He’s so charming and quirky and then when he betrays you, he’s such a fun and charismatic villain. I love to hate Nigel and I wish Wheatley had been more like that when he turned evil. Nigel is a good combination of weirdly cute, intimidating, and frustrating. He’s a really well written villain and I wish more people knew about both him and Aperture Tag. 

- GLaDOS didn’t delete Caroline. I don’t think she physically can, and I think she was just lying so that Chell wouldn’t come back or think GLaDOS had feelings lol. I think even Ellen said she thought Caroline wasn’t deleted. 

[divinationcentral]

so i have a crush on this guy at work. and ive reached out to him before but he said he wasn’t interested because hes focusing on himself rn. we’ve been able to keep things cordial and friendly but im really not sure if i should wait or move on. i did a reading about it to check in on our energy and im not sure how to feel about it. i pulled 4 of cups, the hanged man, judgement, 6 of pentacles, 4 of pentacles, two ace of swords (i used two decks) and ace of pentacles. when i asked for clarity about his struggle i pulled 5 of swords, queen of swords, and the fool. i also pulled temperance and justice. if it were you, how would you interpret this?

Hi there! I’m sorry I wasn’t able to get to your request sooner - I was on the clock! c:  Just given the background that you gave me, this would be my interpretation-- and be aware, it’s incredibly long! LOL. So I’m sorry. <3 BUT... If you want the TLDR version, here it is: You should move on. You will get another opportunity like this again. It may not be with him, but life will always offer you new things (new relationships, new experiences, etc). This person is currently struggling with a decision that he cannot make, and he must make. He must be open, honest, and fair, and unafraid to trust someone again. And he has not been able to, and is therefore reeling from a past situation that left him feeling slightly victimized, it seems. If you are willing to wait, this person will offer themselves again. But as it is presently--you will not get what you wish. He is reevaluating a scenario, and you must be prepared to wait for it some more.  You deserve more, by the way. You deserve better. Move forward. And you will be happy again.  You need to make the choice to move on, however. Ask yourself if you are ready for this? What is it that you are holding onto? What is holding you back?  What limiting beliefs do you have of yourself? Crush them. You are great. Anyone would be lucky to have you. Pick yourself back up again if you are upset. <3 

You will be surprised. You will have an offer for love again.  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ If you want my logic behind it? Be prepared lol... You’re welcome to read it. But I think the first half would suffice. The rest is just for your personal intake.  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The good thing is that you pulled the Ace of Swords TWICE. I would easily read that as both people are aware of each other’s sentiments. So, nothing is being hidden. You have the answer you seek. In other words: He knows how you feel, and you know how he feels. There is no hidden motive (if you were wondering). The only question left to answer is what is this Ace of Swords clarifying, right? Did he tell you he was attracted to you as well? Did he beat around the bush? Is the only reason he’s denying this connection BECAUSE he does not have time or energy to pursue a relationship right now? Or is it this one, specifically. In which, I would recommend you just respect that. And respect yourself, likewise. If you wish to move on from the situation—nothing is really holding you back from seeking another connection. And I say that only because it follows the order in which you pulled your cards: 4 of cups = discontentment. Boredom. And usually, to me, disappointment with what one has. If it is an offer of love, it means you are not appreciating it for what it’s worth (and I’m not referring to you, by the way, just in general). Or not seeing the potential something can bring into your life. That is not to hurt your feelings, by the way. But, in truth, he may simply be too distracted to notice that you are offering something sincere. And for you, that is creating a sense of being placid in your life (which is not bad... it just means nothing is happening, and that could lead to boredom and a sense of feeling stuck... which turns into discontentment, and you could start ignoring the possibilities in your life as you sit and wait). You feel like you can’t get ahead whichever way you try—that is because you’ve hit a wall. A boundary wall, or as I like to call it: the rejection wall, but that has a really negative connotation… he hasn’t rejected you outright, but it is in his own way—because he stated he needed that space, and you needed a clear cut answer, I presume. One he didn’t exactly give to you. There wasn’t a time and place set... just “not right now.”  Which is what is holding you back from asking again, likely. AND it’s stopping you from moving ahead into something different, actually. Which... quite frankly isn’t fair. It should just be a yes or no, in my opinion (unless he did straight up tell you no in his own way and it just hasn’t registered yet). 

You have to ask yourself if you are okay with this. Because it is likely you will continue to wait until you have a new opportunity with him. And it may be that you wish for him to offer it. What can be indicated by The Ace of Swords, however, is victory. So, communicating has and will continue to help your situation. If he said no then, what about now? What about at a later date...  Right now, The Hanged Man tells me that (as a shared energy, again) you are both in suspension (and this is your position in the tarot, presently). You may be waiting on that offer from this person, and this person may be in a period of evaluation themselves. Only until you can both revisit the situation again will it, and can it move forward, and change. Likewise, this person can be waiting to hear from you, actually… but I cannot say that for certain, since I’m not reading his tarot, unfortunately. But because you pulled it as a shared energy: you may take that as you wish. The Judgement always indicates renewal and second chances. You have the option to move ahead, you do, by yourself, into something different.    But you also have the option as well to ask him again. And get the answer that you wish. Regardless, you will start something new. That is The Judgement in a nutshell (with or without this person). It is looking at the past, and then being absolved of it; declared free from guilt, blame, shame, or responsibility—cleared, as if though it were a hindrance being rid of from your life. And that could be this decision that you need to make. Because it’s holding you back, isn’t it? You may be wondering if it’s just you. It isn’t. You just need clarification from the situation again. What you’re wondering is what is the right decision to make. Like I said: The Ace of Swords is communication, and it is what will help set this situation straight. So, in short: you need to communicate this again. If it were up to me, the determination I would make is to just ask him again. Be blunt. Do you like me? Do you find me attractive at all...? It seems creepy, I know, but in truth... You need to know that. Otherwise- it’s just you wanting something from him, and waiting and waiting and waiting (I don’t know if he told you this, however, since I have no clue what your actual situation is). And that puts you in a shitty position, I’m not gonna lie. Don’t become desperate! 

And if he says the same thing... this will only happen when he’s ready. When he’s willing to explore the situation. What is holding you back from moving on? I ask you this now. You can give yourself that answer, actually, and you should be honest with yourself. It will help.  I don’t know how long ago you made your feelings known to this person, but if it wasn’t that long ago, and he hasn’t approached you yet… it is definitely because he is not ready. The Four of Pentacles and the Six of Pentacles would nonetheless indicate a stalemate in the connection, either way. Either one person is too afraid to give, or is too reserved to explain (why or what is happening with their life and their situation and how they feel, strictly out of fear of losing something they have gained—that could be monetary, or that could simply be their independence). And that could easily refer to him, since you’ve already expressed how you felt. But since it is still a shared energy, you as well could be feeling afraid to move forward now that you are not certain what to expect. If you want to grow closer to this person, I recommend you speak clearly, and continue to approach your relationship with the same enthusiasm. But if you no longer see it for what it was worth -- it’s best to stress the positives, and regain a sense of freedom and choice. Understand that you can seek a relationship that is open to receive you, with someone else. That is just the truth. You have that option as well. You are single and free, I presume? No? You always have the option to start again. And this person will obtain that opportunity once they can reclaim their own independence, of whatever it is that is holding them back at this moment. However, because what you’re truly wanting to clarify is whether or not there will be an opportunity for this relationship in the future (like romantic, I would presume)—the simplest answer I can give you is that there will be a chance gifted to you. The Ace of Pentacles indicates new financial beginnings, traditionally. But since this is a relationship reading—I’d say you both have that opportunity whenever it is presented. Meaning he can offer you this at any given point in time, and so can you (a relationship, I mean). But life will also continue to offer you new things anyway (new experiences, chances, opportunities). What you make of it will be your own. And you will have a chance to explore this again. Whether or not it is something you choose to do, because… Aces are effortless, new beginnings. 😉 just saying. If this person is not going to offer you a relationship -- the offer will come from someone else. You must weigh your decision against what you are willing to take. And you can wait for this person to offer you a chance again. I can’t say they will, honestly… because I just don’t have that indication yet. All I see is a person holding back, and someone that is willing to give. And an opportunity only comes when you can offer it again.  Ask yourself: Do you want a closed off individual that isn’t willing to give? Or do you want someone who is open and honest with what they are wanting with you, upfront and direct?  Is that this person? Do you have that knowledge yet? Or should you get to know the situation better.  You will have a chance to start things up again. Depending on how you approach him, and how you approach this reading. What I have said and what you see in the cards will give you that incentive. I’d recommend strictly asking the tarot what advice it could give you moving forward in this situation, if that’s what you wish to do anyway. (Personally—I think you will get a chance to express yourself again. And how you felt).  For his energy: As a person… he is likely learning to balance a situation out in his life. It might not have been fair for him, or whoever else he is currently involved with. It’s teaching him a hard lesson about being honest (honesty). The Fool indicates he needs to approach his situation with optimism. Something he will likely pick back up again, once he realizes that he deserves fairness for himself. And if this is regarding you: it’s that he needs to recognize you are being fair with him, and honest. And so he must be fair with you. If you are The Queen of Swords in his life, you have spoken your truth to him or will soon, and he quite frankly can’t argue with it. I would recommend that you be fair, and try and see his position for what it’s worth. Because otherwise it will create conflicts the more you ask why you can’t be with him. He simply is reeling from a bad experience, it seems. Which I would have to say is separate from you, unless you’ve had a falling out with him. He should be honest with you, however. And you should be fair with him (talk to him, see how he is, ask about his life and what’s going on with it—if he’s willing to share, it will help, it will show that you are interested as to why he’s taking time to focus on himself at this point in his life). —but, most importantly, be fair to yourself. If you do not like what he has to offer you, I would recommend guidance on how to move forward from the situation. But giving him another chance is something you have to choose. And he has to be willing to take. Not clam up again. Otherwise, this situation would require time, and it will possibly be a lot of your time. Until he feels safe to pursue this connection (in general). This situation also needs give and take. With The Six of Pentacles being in your spread—you must offer of yourself in order to receive again. And this person needs to learn to give, and to receive. Give and take is just that. Otherwise, all you receive is what the other person is willing to give, and in this position, only one person is being fair in the spread. It could be that you view the situation like this. And it could simply mean that you are not being as giving as you would think. Sometimes that can happen when we are feeling restricted by someone else’s wishes. See the situation differently. If this were your friend—would you simply lose all interest just because they’re having a hard time? Right? Or would you give them space?  The Six of Pentacles is generous. The Four of Pentacles is the complete opposite of this; it’s feeling like you don’t have enough, and so are restricted, and restrict yourself, both in what you can give and what you can take—because you choose to keep what you have saved instead (this could be your pride, your ego, anything really—it’s like saying “you are saving face”). If The Four of Pentacles is your energy, I recommend that you view yourself differently. You are very sweet and kind I presume. 😊 And are probably very loving (I would hope lol). And have a lot to offer him (and any person really). You really do. If you move ahead with something or someone else—he really can’t blame you if he just sat on this offer time and time again. And you should view yourself as someone that is willing to give and take, and express that openly. Even if he just said no to a relationship—does not mean you can’t pick things back up again at a later date. OR it doesn’t mean that if you are currently just being cordial with each other—that it’s a bad thing. You are still in each other’s presence. It all depends on what you expect to gain from this. Hope this helps.

If you want -- let me know if you’d like me to pull you some romance cards from my sexy deck~ lol I call it that, but it’s the Tarot of Sexual Magic ~ It offers healing messages for love, romance, and sex… I like to think it’s a fun way to approach relationships.

[didsomeonesayventus]

ESSAY TIME I love a ship please come hang out w/ me on this dinghy or like. dont because fates is awful and I can’t blame u for dodging that bullet but i just wanna scream because i love them and they’re the fixation rn so 321 GO

i cant blame anyone for not really seeing this because their support is. Ok. Its alright. Not amazing, it’s serviceable, better options are out there in fates I'll concede. Corrin has like. At least 3 other love interests who feel more canon LMAO but this isn’t about them

It's more from elsewhere in their characterization that really made me adore them and, as I mentioned in tags, a lot of this comes from how I write them which. Is largely filed under rp stuff right now but more ramble time on how i write them i guess dont forget to mark your free bingo space for throwing out large swaths of fates canon and writing.  Also we're scooting their canon support gently to the side because it’s ok it’s not the most offensive writing this nightmare scrap heap of canon has to offer but a massive missed opportunity.

PART 1- One (1) Corn, With a Side of Emotional Neglect

*makes vague gesture at Disney's Rapunzel* Corrin would have been so much better recieved if the devs just took some notes from you instead of writing such a flat character i swear.

Corrin in particular with how I write her is getting a pretty massive rework in the emotionally stable department because honestly I don’t believe she would be. like. She's not dumb, but she is naive, important distinction, and it ends up coloring her views a lot and I have a ramble on that over here on the inverse graph that is Corrin’s confidence but to dissect where her attitudes came from:

Her family was limited to visits, and she has been directly/implicitly blamed for this for roughly a decade and a half, at least a decade, by not being an insane king's definition of strong enough to be with them. Bad memory makes her frail, swordsmanship isn’t up to par, doesn’t seem to offer much else in terms of skills unlike Xander, a Certified Badass(tm), Magic-oriented Leo and Elise, and Magically gifted but just plain ruthless Camilla. She’s held at arm’s length from her family, and while her siblings may have always loved her and expressed that love as often as they could, they’re not always there or a good yardstick to measure her progress with, and she had to always watch them go and likely wonder when they would come back, or if they even would.

As for our beloved butler and maids, being surrounded by servants was probably her most constant and consistent source of contact, and she does love them, but it can be very easy to wonder if they love her because they do or because it's their job to.

Corrin's faith in everyone around her and unwavering trust is there because any sort of doubt is basically redirected to. her. Because she is the dumbass who's still figuring the world out. She's hyper aware she's still learning and making naive decisions and she overcompensates that with "well what do I know" and not feeling really all that worthy to be Special Protagonist. She doubts herself before almost everything else.

Brief mention of Dragon arc because fates was dumb and neglected an entire arc for dragon feelings beyond chapter 5 and foreshadowing for Dad(tm) but I also write in an arc of the Dragon Is A Metaphor For Loving Yourself Faults And Trauma And All Love Yourself And You Can Control Yourself Dammit.

*Corrin hurt herself in her confusion!*

The way I write Corrin is not nearly as put together and confident as Canon™️ Corrin is, at least for a good chunk of the plot. She fakes it till she makes it because she is a leader and being mopey will not get things done but she’s also very self critical and mopey on the inside and quite paranoid that people don’t actually like being around her and just. ball of stress and anxious hidden under Many a uwu that she doesn’t want to talk about because why should she complain her childhood wasn’t That Bad and if she’s mopey how can she set a good example and people don’t like debbie downers and look its fine its fine lmao

PART 2- Mr. Perfect

As for Mr. Subaki he puts a lot of time and effort into looking perfect. I emphasize that because he may very well have natural talent, but honestly it feels like a large amount of his perfection is just. Stressing himself out by planning for and rehearsing everything possible! God this anxious idiot I love him!!! He's sociable and agreeable, but I think with basically everyone it’s. Skin deep. He’s charismatic Enough, and he digs a bit into the other’s history and personality if he’s interested, but he never really lets the other reciprocate like a magician never revealing his fraudulent secrets.

Biggest problem with that is he can't open up and vent because that is to admit a flaw and no no cant have that we cannot have that so he's just. Not sure who to turn to and has trouble being emotionally honest- even to himself. He just! Doesnt let himself have fun or relax; all perfect all the time baby. There’s basically no one who he could consider a close and trusted friend who can love him flaws and all. The closest would be Sakura and Hana and welp. gotta keep things professional and it’s not like Hana really expresses a sense of understanding and patience when they’re fiercely competitive with each other.

There’s probably a lot of muttering to his pegasus while he’s cleaning her hooves or braiding her mane, or staying up late thinking about how narrowly disaster was and wasn’t avoided that day but he. Also doesn’t really vent and also feels that imposter syndrome of “I’m honestly awful how did I even make it here.”

and it stinks because I think at his core he is a very sweet and caring guy and a massive dork, but he just plops himself on the edge of a pedestal and gives himself no room to be himself or anything less than perfect and is likely on the cusp of impending burnout.

you dumb anxious idiot i have S-Ranked you every fucking time I open this godforsaken game I didn’t even fucking plan for this

PART 3- (Patrick Warburton impression) “Oh yeah, it’s all coming together.”

So our characters and stage are set. We got FE Fates (I’ll default to Rev), we got my views when writing these two, so what next? What is the general plot I imagine since we’ve gently scooted aside the canon support chain?

The dumbasses-to-be think they’re out of each other’s league.

For Subaki, it is plot-irrelevant background character falling in love with the protagonist, which yields the exact sort of pining you’d imagine: man you are super cool and hit all my standards but I’d be dreaming if you felt the same about me. She’s sweet, she takes charge, she can fight for herself well enough, has he mentioned she’s sweet? He can actually relax a bit around her which is really odd but I guess that’s what happens when your personal skill is literally called “Supportive”. Oh yeah and also his Lady’s older sister which oof. Sakura? In law???? Hinoka in law???? Takumi in law?????????? ryoma in law oh gods.

For Corrin, it’s Mr. Prince Charming right there and he’s very nice and Sakura is saying so many nice things about him but wow she’s. a princess from a country that has consistently terrorized his and on top of that might a well have been raised under a rock!!! And she picks up details and nuances in people remarkably well, but she overthinks them. She can pick up that Subaki- while very polite and friendly -isn’t being entirely forthcoming about what he’s thinking or feeling, but she can’t pin down exactly what it is, and makes the educated guess that he's just being nice because she’s Sakura’s sister or something.

And they’re friendly. They help each other out a bit. There’s tension, sure, but no one really comments on it (except for everyone making bets in the bg). They don’t really yield on their internal messes because Corrin knows she’s a leader and can’t really do that and distracts herself with believing in everyone around her, Subaki just flat out would rather do literally anything besides admit he’s messed up anywhere or open up. So feeling are put on a low simmer for awhile.

Of course they fall in love, and it almost gets messed up because when Subaki requests to talk with her in private to confess, she immediately assumes he’s going to tell her that he’s not interested. Her simmer roars into a boil because she’s been under Protagonist Stress ON TOP OF having a crush she’s confident won’t be reciprocated, so she snaps quite a bit because that has all been shoved in a bottle and she just wants to get the mess over with if he’s just going to tell her very nicely that her company is lovely but hes not interested it hurts a lot to think that but its fine you don’t have to settle.

But the thing is being emotionally vulnerable like that, pointing out she’s scared too of always not being enough and living up to expectations, to finally get that off her chest, spurs him into it, too. Because she gets it. She honest to god gets it even if she bought into the lie he’s perfect she understands. Oh, yeah, she also reciprocates feelings that’s really excellent too. Like Subaki probably makes a lot of fuss about a bunch of ultimately meaningless details and having “standards” and yadda yadda gods help whatever poor soul asks him to pull out the list of traits of his ideal partner, but I think at the end of the day if he’s looking for love most of all, like a lot of people he just wants someone who he can just. be himself around. Who likes it when he’s being himself!

And they both learn that yeah maybe they’re more flawed than they’ve been lead to believe, but it starts to not matter at all because they still try really hard and everyone makes mistakes. They’re both here to say it’s ok your best is enough, YOU are enough. They both think they’re amazing regardless of their mistakes and love to see each other smiling and succeeding and just make. a nice little bubble of comfort. They’re stubborn and supportive, they learn how to poke and prod the bad moods away be it making a nice cup of matcha and talking it out or laughing at a tiny, meaningless mistake and repeating it to keep that feeling of dread away. Also they both spoil their partners regardless of who they end up with you can’t @ me on that they both do it which means guess what mega spoil time. And long hair on both just means they can braid each other’s hair no problem... waaaaaa.... Also early rise Subaki and late rise Corrin so there’s always a sleepy fight in the morning because UGH this is early you keep saying i’ll get used to it but im not i need a kiss first if you want me to be up this early. Subaki is better at logic and planning than Corrin, and Corrin keeps things optimistic and has a good gut for when to take an improvised risk. They’re always swapping places on who’s holding the other back from a fight that isn’t worth it because some asshole insulted the other, they mediate each other and will fight anyone who even harms a hair on the other’s head. They give and they give back and they work together perfectly.

And when it comes to the kids that bubble expands and they make sure they all have the tools to just take a deep breath and remember it’s okay Mama and Papa love you so much and you’re going to be amazing no matter what you do. Corrin’s got the best stories to tell and Subaki tucks the blankets in just right. They’re good parents with a lot of patience and plenty of mental health wisdom which is good because, as my mom would say, “bad brain chemistry is my bad”.

Like UGH I love them. I love them a lot. A good chunk of this is me making canon better thank me fates devs

Part 4- Katie All of This is Out of Your Noggin What About Canon

(DBZ abridged vc) WHAT ABOUT CANON but ok here have some canon quotes

“The two spent the rest of their lives together. Corrin ruling as the wise Queen of Valla. Subaki adapted quickly to royal leadership and became a great source of support for his wife. “ - Revelation route ending

“I feel like the pressure's off when I'm with you. I don't have to be perfect.” “You'll never be lonely as long as I'm around. Just call me and I'll come running.” - Friendship bonding quotes but also consider waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

“This might sound corny, but I think you're my soulmate.” - What he says when he is married to you and yes that is corny and its perfect

hot spring is dumb fanservice BUT if you can get the good RNG to get them both in there   “A shared bath warms not just my bones, but my heart as well.” “I-I suppose so...I just wonder if it's right to be so happy...” (emphasis mine) IT ABSOLUTELY IS BE HAPPY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

also one of his quotes when u stop by your quarters is  "Ah, welcome home, dear. Kick off those shoes and relax. You're with me now!" and you absolute himbo your wife doesn’t fucking wear shoes!!!!!!!!!

Part 5- I’m done I’ve yelled into the void good night enjoy a ship please be excited for the fic I have on the backburner that I will get out there one of these days but I want it to be perfect so RIP me I guess

[unproduciblesmackdown]

tbh i don’t think winston’s being set up to Defect or anything (unless it’s just.....quitting) because there’s never been anything in his motivation which would lead to that but i can sure see how one could Wonder if the point is meant to be that he’ll pull a tmc on tmc

i mean first of all it’d be funny if some disgruntled axe cap employees / tmc employees (as there are certainly both rn) just started their own third hedge fund lmao....unlikely but a fun idea

but i mean mafee went and just pointed out that taylor had previously felt they were in a position similar to the one they’d just put winston in, and reacted by ultimately starting tmc, so......doesn’t really counter winston’s point so much as bolster it, b/c nobody counters / addresses winston’s points, and the whole immediate backlash just........proves what winston was saying???????? like, guys...

and like natch he’s not gonna start his own hedge fund, i cannot see him having any reason to Want to involve himself in the feud any further by defecting to axe cap which, part of his complaints is that tmc is supposed to be different from axe cap but isn’t living up to its own standards (and the fact this scene is Parallel to one that plays out as axe cap, i.e. unhappy employee/s confronting the ceo’s decisions and just getting shut down as a result, thanks i hate it) and how they’re suffering for getting caught up in this feud they’re not even signed on for.......like i Can see him quitting and i hate that that’s an option for like, him having a Happier Ending if his next episode is his last in the series.......but i can’t see him going to axe cap nor axe cap wanting to take him on (unless! just to pay him to sit there all day and just NOT work for tmc, which, hm) and i can’t see him pulling any sort of bitterly vengeful maneuvers........he gets treated badly all over the place and kind of always accepts rolls with it, even if this one scene might seem to really be trying for “how to foster employee resentment 101”

tldr just yeah i could see him wanting to quit even if i’m not like “that’s totally what’ll happen”......no elaborate betrayal, though it IS wild that they basically told winston “okay you’re taylor in this comparison. but you’re too passive so obviously you’re not good enough to have your very founded complaints acknowledged without me trying to twist your arm behind your back i guess” i do NOT know what the team was thinking in that being a good reaction to winston’s disgruntlement here. unless “whatever short term solution to tell him to shove it, and also prove him right, first occurs to us” is the tmc strategy now

like........now that i get to this point am i working around to saying i’m rooting for winston to quit? like he really really could based on already what just happened. obviously my actual hope is for things to get better but i don’t actually expect anything good from this next ep especially towards winston and first of all i want him not to die but second of all? if he just gets even more bad treatment of course i’d like him to quit. and here i was thinking that the only thing to root for was ben getting out of axe cap (seems unlikely and now also seems like a less than ideal time to join tmc, so)

this sucks that he deserves better and like at least previously it seemed like people were restraining themselves from going to town on Disdain For Winston b/c of taylor’s implicit approval of him (though we could’ve totally gone with “no disdain at all!” please, people) but now winston’s taken up his Grievances with taylor and they don’t respond and when mafee steps in they just let that one play out and then....don’t say anything afterwards to modify what just happened or, again, respond for themself, and seem to just....kind of imply that “yeah that’ll happen again if you get out of line with your Reasonable Frustration At Unfair Treatment and Apparently Accurate Complaints And Criticisms....” like winston’s right off saying he’s being pressured into backing down and deferring and then......he’s pressured into backing down and deferring, with nobody actually addressing his very valid points, and plenty of like, broad insults of his person...WHAT is going on. winston says the point is to not be treated the way axe treated taylor and other axe cap people!! and then he receives that same treatment so hard that the show gives us a parallel scene driving it home with employees bringing their accurate, reasonable complaints to axe, and getting shut down and insulted, without their complaints being addressed, and with axe invoking that they should let him do what he wants and shut up and Be Loyal

i HATE the parallels!!! please!!! at least taylor didn’t do this directly, mafee stepped in to provide the rude shutting-down, but taylor seems to extend approval to it so....Whaaat The Hell HOW is this your strategy tay. tay!!!!!!!

why is winston always treated so unnecessarily bad even by these people who are meant to be on his side and whose side he’s definitely been on......mafee’s clearly speaking for himself more than anyone but winston hasn’t really made any mistakes that we’ve been informed of that would require taylor to have his back, and really winston’s been there for taylor in particular from before the start of tmc and pulled off the algorithm miracle which allowed tmc to exist and has been heading the quant team since apparently....honestly winston’s always Right when he talks about how valuable he is!! no exaggeration, he IS that vital and good at his shit!! and he’s presumably been doing good work this whole time and now he’s upset he’s not being given the option to be paid in full, just the appearance of the option to deflect resentment and leave it up to the Hedge Fund Social Pressure to make everyone defer, and they’re all suffering for the tmc vs axe cap feud, and this is the sort of treatment that Wasn’t supposed to happen at tmc aka is part of the reason it supposedly exists in the first place........nothing winston said was addressed!!! he was just intimidated and insulted until hey, Hedge Fund Social Pressure made him defer. What is this mess

just saying that winston is being The Truth Teller in that scene. classic wrol!!!

can’t believe that pending the actual events of next weeks ep there can be a Winston Quit challenge pending.......my true hopes for him are that he lives and things get better at tmc / his accurate understanding of what issues are at play here help him connect to taylor rather than them letting mafee go into Aggressive Defense mode on him just to make the problem go away........but god, if winston can’t garner this amount of basic respect to even have his concerns addressed AND not be randomly insulted and laid into by this coworker.......not very un-axe cap of you. he Should quit if it doesn’t get better somehow

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #215

i’m not dead yet, just not into surveys very much lately.

What is your favorite dinosaur? Spinosaurus. <3 Would you rather live with wolves or tigers? Hypothetically, if I wouldn't be harmed, wolves. I love social species. Have you ever forgotten what a certain kind of pain felt like? Getting my nose re-pierced like fuck man. What do you remember the most about your childhood? I think the strongest memory is my parents not getting along. Or the stories I made playing with my favorite toys. Would you rather have a pet dinosaur or have mythical creatures be real? Have mythical creatures exist. I want a tame, little dragon. Do you have a favorite toy from childhood still? Astonishingly, no. I was incredibly surprised to find out I got rid of them at some point when I wanted to add the crocodile to my room as a cute decoration and memory. What are your thoughts on the end of the world? *shrug* Not like we can do anything about it, unless you count our own carelessness as a selfish species, but that won't actually end the "world," just mankind. Which sports do you enjoy watching? Dance. Would you ever have a breed of dog that is considered aggressive? I don't want another dog, but hypothetically, yes, because no species is inherently mean. It all depends on how the owner raises it. Have you ever made bread? No. Would your childhood self be disappointed? FUCK YES SHE WOULD BE. God, the thought is depressing. Has anything ever fallen asleep on you? Animals and my niece. Would you like to live in a realm where the zombie apocalypse is possible? Is it too far into imagination to say it's possible in the one we're already in? You have zombie viruses in things like bugs, so in time, something developing that can affect humans isn't out of the question. But anyway, anyone who answers "yes" to this, as in they'd like it, are full of shit. Most of us would die in a heartbeat. You'd witness others that you love die. Every day you question if you'll see the next. The zombie apocalypse has been so romanticized in many forms of media, but please, tell me you'll still be having fun when you watch your mother be eaten or some shit. Have you ever gotten into an accident with you parents’ car? No. What’s the wallpaper on your computer? A meerkat pup looking close up to the camera. What was the most difficult decision you’ve ever had to make? Deciding Jason couldn't be my entire world anymore and I had to let go. Name a band/artist you like that isn’t that popular. There's a YouTube artist named Jonathan Young that I MARVEL over the fact he's not signed with someone. My mom didn't even believe he wasn't professional the first time I played some songs in the car. Can you lift your significant other (your best friend if you’re single)? I'm certain I could. What is the first vehicle you recall your parents/guardians owning? A greenish-blue van. What was the most rebellious thing you’ve ever done? I don't know. I'm not really that rebellious. Pick one: Laundry, Dishes, or Vacuuming? I actually don't mind vacuuming. Have you ever moved and had to change schools growing up? No. Name the most meaningful thing a non-relative has done for you. When my former best friend let me live with her while we were homeless. Memories like that sometimes make me question my decision to cut her off permanently... though I remind myself the bad outweighed the good and our relationship was just never going to be stable. The highway and back roads take you to the same place; Choose your route. Depends on what's quicker to save gas. Are you more likely to give up or persist when you’re having trouble? It depends on the situation. Tbh I think I give up more often. Do you resemble one parent more than the other? I don't think so. Your best friend needs a kidney to survive; Do you give them one of yours? That's my girlfriend. So duh. Name a big life event that has taken place for you within the last 2 years. I physically met Sara. Do you end up regretting things you say often? I don't know about often. Name one thing you look forward to as you get older. Hopefully being financially stable. Do you use your hands when you talk to emphasize what you are saying? Yeah. You own a huge business; what is it? I can't even imagine myself owning a "huge" business. Are you afraid to ask for help when you know that you need it? Sometimes. Depends on who I'm asking. Name somebody you think died before their time. A LOT OF PEOPLE. I think above all of my options, Steve Irwin. Fucking saint, teacher, and pilot of conservation and loving our fellow animals. Name the possession you’ve had the longest. I have a lot of infancy stuffed animals up in the attic. You’re writing a novel; Is it horror, mystery, romance, etc.? Fantasy. Would you consider yourself an interesting person in general? I guess. I know I'm at least different. Have you ever gotten in trouble for running up your phone bill? No. When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I don't plan on changing the style any time soon. Hopefully at some point soon I can get to the damn hair salon and get it dyed lilac, though. But it'll be expensive for a pro to do it (I'm very much so done with anyone less trying to do so, as it always fails), so that's something I don't think will come soon. It's not high on my priorities. Who was the last person to see you cry? Is this person special? I'm sure it was my mom. Probably. Of course she is. What season would you like the world to experience year-round? Autumn. When was the last time you took a picture of something? Was it yourself? Lmao it was of something funny on Facebook that I texted to Sara a few days ago. Are you currently drifting away from anyone? Who is it? No. Would you say you are really close to the members of your family? Most, no. I barely see anyone outside my immediate fam. Is there anyone who lives in the same house as you, that you can’t stand? The stupid dog. Do you remember the first conversation you had with the person you have feelings for? No, but it was likely RP-related. Think of the last person you kissed, when was the first time you talked to them on the phone? She knows I hate talking over the phone, so we use Skype to talk. I think the first time I called her via phone though was when I was having an emotional breakdown. What does your phone do when you get a new message? It makes the sound from Spyro when you pick up gems if it's not on vibrate, and when the screen goes black, a green light blinks. Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up? Yes, for the time. Who was the last person you were in a car with? Mom. Do you party too much? I never did. Who were you last on the phone with? I answered a number I didn't recognize, and it wound up being some bullshit about my car warranty or something when I don't even have a car. I just hung up the moment I knew what it was. Last movie you watched? The Lion King live action remake. Incredible. If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? Fuck, I want collarbone dermals so badly. Do you like holding hands? With Sara. Have you ever seen the last person you texted naked? Yes. What are you listening to? "Third Day of a Seven Day Binge" by Manson is on rn. Do your parents allow you to date? I'm 23. They never really restricted me from it. Then again, I started dating in the 7th grade, so I was older than most first couples. Have you ever had a serious conversation with your dad? Yes. Would you rather have long or short hair? I could not be happier than I have short hair now. It's so much easier to manage, and it really did me well chopping it all off considering my bad self-care episodes. I recommend it soooo much to anyone struggling with that. Do you want to have children? Big No. Do you think you’ll have the same boyfriend/girlfriend a year from now? Realistically, yes. How old were you when you stopped sleeping with a nightlight? I don't know. What topic did you write your last essay about? This awful book "Masters of Doom" or whatever I had to read in game design in college, I think. Whose car did you ride in last other than yours? Dad's. What was the last clothing article you purchased? Some pants. Who was the last person that made you cry [accidentally or on purpose]? Probably myself. Is there construction going on in/near your neighborhood? No. Who did you go/plan on going with to prom? I went to Jason's senior prom and he came to mine. What language[s] did you study in school? Latin for one awful semester, then German for four. I miss German, honestly. Have you ever been to a debate and speech tournament? Hell no, that sounds so boring. Choose two dead celebs who could be your biological parents - explain why? Steve Irwin for my incredible love of animals and uh... I'm not sure about a mom? I thought about this for like two minutes and really don't know lmao. If you were living in the past, which job that doesn’t exist anymore would you like to have? No idea. Which animal are you afraid of? Most afraid of, probably some spiders, like huntsmen spiders. I'm afraid of most spiders in general (if they're near me or in my house, anyway), I cannot stand maggots and larvae of that sort, and whale sharks freak me out. AND WASPS. FUCK WASPS. How would your wedding bouquet look like? *shrugs* It would probably depend on the wedding theme. What kind of game would you like to play that doesn’t exist yet? I can't even swallow how unbelievable Shadow of the Colossus would be in VR. What is one thing you would never ever eat? Escargot. Is there a music video that you would like to see turned into a movie or a TV show? Which one? *shrugs* Which character in your favorite movie do you hate the most? It's impossible to hate any from TLK. How do you think the world will end? A meteor striking, or a deadly volcano going boom. Either way, it's gonna be smoke shrouding the sun. Do you own anything clown related? No. If you were a celebrity - which celebs you would befriend? Y'all done know one, but I think the celeb I would connect to most and most easily befriend would be Shane Dawson. He is such a goddamn sweetheart, chill as fuck, and #relatable. There's really a lot... All YT-related lmao. Except Bindi Irwin. Damn, would I love to meet her. If you were going to make a horror movie that you would be scared of yourself, what would it be about/how would it look like? I can't handle those movies about women being raped and impregnated by a demon and shit. I can't. Fuck The Rite. If you could take a pill that would cure something in you that isn’t an illness - what would you be cured off? How ungodly shy and awkward I am. Ew. Do you like Rihanna? I don't know most of her music, but I don't enjoy most pop, so. Have you ever experienced hydroplaning? Not severely, anyway, and not while I was driving. What’s your opinion on the legalization of weed? Legalize it medicinally. What’s your current favorite song? Man idk. Have you ever hit a girl? I hit my sister once as a kid. What was your New Year's resolution? I don't make them. Do you find Eminem attractive? Not particularly. Are you wearing nail polish? I never do. Have you ever been/considered being vegetarian? I was for a couple months and definitely plan on going back to it once I get to the weight I want... if that ever fucking happens. What’s the last concert you went to? Alice Cooper. Do you own a cat? Yes. :') He's my best buddy. Do you like cats? I love cats. Do you like watching music videos? No. How are your grades? I'm not back in school yet. But SOON. Do you listen to Aerosmith? YO "Love In An Elevator" just finished on my iTunes. I love them. Have you climbed a tree in the past month? I never have. Were you ugly in middle school? Jfc save that child. What’s your type? CHARISMATIC. Stand out, man, and be proud of it. Having a smart head isimportant, too. Having a loving heart. Have a good sense of humor. Don't judge. Do you sleep with one of those mask things on your face? No. Have you ever straightened your hair? Yes. What kind of calculator do you use? The one on my phone or laptop. Have you ever seriously tried to count the stars? Lol no. Did you see the lunar eclipse? I'm guessing you're talking about the biggie from early this year? Yes. It was incredible. Do you have a bank account? No. Did you go on vacation last summer? What's a "vacation?" Where to? N/A Have you ever been in a choir? At church as a kid as well as elementary school. Are you happy with your looks? No. Have you ever gone streaking? You couldn't have paid me to do so even when I was in great shape. Are any of your siblings married? Yes. Were you in the wedding party? Yes. Have you ever seen a ghost? I've sure as hell seen something. Do you even believe in ghosts? I absolutely do. Have you ever had an eating disorder? Thank God no. What big corporation(s) do you support, particularly because you like what they stand for (many vegan items, donate large amount of money to charities, pay their workers a living wage, etc)? I'm really not educated on the morals behind most businesses. Oh, I do know Jeffree Star's products are entirely vegan and cruelty-free though, so his company definitely is one. If you wear foundation or have in the past, what type of applicator do you use (beauty sponge, foundation brush, fingers, etc)? Is there a type of applicator that doesn’t work for you? I've always just used my hands because we don't have anything else for foundation, I think. For those of you that do listen/watch ASMR videos, what are your favorite “triggers”? If you don’t watch ASMR, what are your thoughts on the whole phenomenon that seemed to happen the past couple years over it? I don't listen to it, but I don't care if others do. It doesn't do anything for me. I personally find the talking ones super uncomfortable, but if someone likes that, whatever. Are there any true crime cases that bother you immensely because of the story or verdict of the court case (ex. OJ Simpson)? I know there're some I've seen on Facebook and such. Do you use store loyalty programs? If you don’t use them, what is your reasoning behind that? What store loyalty programs do you feel offer the best incentives, regardless if you aren’t a member of them? I think I am for Hot Topic? I know I have a card for there. I think Sam's Club is a great place to have membership; that place has some damn deals. Mom used to be one, as well as an employee, and that shit was great. When it comes to skincare, what product could you not go without over the other ones? Where are you most likely to shop for your skincare needs? I could go without any, save of course for a wet washcloth. If I get something for skincare, it's just gonna be at Wal-Mart. Regardless if you aren’t someone who hoards or keeps stuff for a long time, what is one (type of) item that you have a hard time getting rid of? STUFFED ANIMALS. FUCKING CHRIST. If you eat meat, what is at least one vegan item (not necessarily a banana) that you like or would like trying (such as trying a soy ham substitute)? If you don’t eat meat, what is one meat item that you like and understand why people eat it? I have no idea. Being vegan just sounds... gah. I couldn't imagine. Major respect for vegans, man. What is a food that is always better homemade? How about a food that is always better at a restaurant? I don't know about the homemade one. Maybe like... cobblers? Meanwhile, steaks tend to be better at restaurants, I've found. If you watched teen dramas growing up (such as 90210 or One Tree Hill), which one was your favorite or you liked the best? If you watched family sitcoms growing up (such as Full House or The Fresh Prince), which one was your favorite or liked the best? I'm not sure if I watched teen dramas. For family sitcoms, ummm... I loooooooooooved/still love The Nanny. I like the two mentioned as well. What is a tradition either within your country or family that you feel is not needed or could in fact even be bad (ex. using paper plates for every party, eating hot dogs every weekend during the summer, etc)? Getting drunk as a motherfucker on New Year's Eve. Is there something you said you wouldn’t do, but in the end you did it? Yeah, a few things. Are you originally an American, or are you some other kind of nationality? I'm just American, save for like, if ancestry is involved. Then I originate from Europe. Do you sometimes pretend to do things you don't know how to do? No? What was the last compliment you remember someone gave to you? Who was it? Hm, I don't know. Have you ever had one of those pregnancy scares? When did this take place? Two completely unrealistic ones in high school. Are you someone who puts ranch dressing on everything you eat? No. Have you ever personally been friends with a stripper or prostitute? Not to my knowledge. What, to you, is the best way a guy can smell? Give examples? I personally like gentle colognes. How many times a day, on average, do you think critically about something? Twice or so. Are you someone who speaks their mind, or do you hold it all in? It depends. Where do you work at this moment in time? Does this place have insurance? I don't currently work bc I can't be a functioning adult in a work environment without collapsing into panic attacks. :^) If you have tattoos, which one that you have was the most painful? The inside of my forearm. Are you currently in the process of ‘bettering’ yourself as a person? I'm trying to grow more independent. What is something you tend to not be able to stand in the least bit at all? Anti-LGBT bullshit. OH BOY, or anti-vax insanity. Do not even interact with me if you're a "vaccines cause autism" imbecile. Does it make you angry when people complain an excessive amount around you? If it's over stupid shit or an issue you brought about yourself, then yes. At what age did you actually hit puberty? Was it hard for you to handle? I don't remember, and yes, it was. I remember crying outside the day I got my first period because I realized I wasn't a kid anymore. Are you considered a graceful person or are you more clumsy? I'm the clumsiest fuck you'll meet in your entire life. Have you ever sucked in helium? Did your voice change at all? No. Do you know any girls who have an overly manly voice and features? Girls can't be "overly manly," just as men can't be "overly feminine." Do you play any sports? If so, did you meet new friends that way? I did, and yes. Do people ever make fun of you for something you really can't help? No. Do you have any pets who will bite anyone else out there, besides you? No. Have you ever tried chocolate chip waffles? Are they now your favorite? Yes; no. What company are you signed up for car insurance, if any at all? N/A Are you someone who really likes to cook? What’s your favorite meal? No. Are you the candle lighting type? I prefer incense. Is your ex sexually attractive to you still? If he looks anything like he did, yeah. But I haven't even seen a picture of him in forever. Coffee in the morning, yay or nay? Don't like coffee. Do you ever drink your coffee black? N/A Body waxing, yay or nay? Ow, I would never do it. Honeymoon, where? I'd love the pink beaches of the Bahamas... but fuck Bermuda's Triangle, my conspiracy theory ass ain't going near that shit lmao. The black beach in I think... Scotland or whatever will do. Anal sex, yay or nay? Never tried, never will. The concept just really grosses me out. Has anyone ever written on you? Probably. Have you ever dated a fat person? I'd prefer the term "overweight," but w/e, once or twice depending on if you count one relationship as "dating." How many foreign friends do you have? In which countries do they live? Quite a few, having been on the Internet so long... I've got some in Europe and one in Australia. How long have you known the oldest friend you have? "Old" as in who I've had the longest? Since I was ten, I think. If you include my "real" friends. What’s the most interesting story you’ve never told anybody? Good question. When’s the last time you went to a bookstore? What did you buy? Last year when we were threatened by a really bad hurricane. I got The Fault In Our Stars and only read like... ten pages lmao. It wasn't because the book was bad, I just don't read anymore. What’s the most complicated meal you’ve cooked? Hunty I can't cook. I've cooked scrambled eggs and spaghetti like once lmao. What is truly attractive to you? Wisdom, for one. Have you ever come up with your own game? As a kid, yeah. What is something you value a lot in your life? The fact I have my mom in my life hit me first. I. Don't know where the fuck I'd be in life right now if my mom wasn't here with me. Whose hand did you hold last? Sara's. What was the last thing you planted? Oh boy, I have no idea. Oh wait, years ago I grew habaneros only to find out non-pickled ones are fucking gross. What or who was the last thing you gossiped about? I have no clue. I don't really do that. Did anything exciting happen just before you went to sleep last night? Well, my cat literally peed on Mom. That was "exciting." When’s the last time you helped a senior citizen somehow? I don't know. What’s the most selfless act you have done? Man, a lot of "I don't know" in this one. You see a spider web in the corner of your room. What do you do? I'm finding that guy or moving. Have you ever intentionally fed a house spider? No. How do you like your favorite beverage? Cold. What’s your big family secret? We don't have one. Do you answer the phones at your work? I don't have a job. Have you ever given up on someone and then went back to them? Many, many times with my former best friend. Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night? I do every single night, and it sucks ass. What shows do you watch? None. Have you ever broken someone’s heart? I don't know. Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes? Yeah. When’s the last time you had a headache? I think I had a mild one a few days ago? I don't remember. My days are sooo blurred together. Do you know anyone who has been arrested? Yes. Think back to the last person you kissed, how many times have you laughed with them? A whole lot. Have you ever suspected anyone of cheating of on you? Yeah, because of his ex and a believable lie. It was ultimately a good thing that that was what immediately turned me away though, as I don't want to imagine how a long-term relationship with him would've gone, honestly. Who was the last person you kissed? Sara. Do you still talk to the person who hurt you the most in life? No. Who’s the last person you sent a friend request to? I've no clue. I don't really send requests because I don't know more friends on there. Is anyone in your family a criminal? Not by blood. Who was the last person you told to shut up? I don't recall; I don't tell people to shut up, generally. I haven't had a confrontation in a long time, besides the occasional arguments with my mom, and I wouldn't tell her to shut up. What was the last thing you lied to your mother about? I don't remember. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? No. Name a song that reminds you of a past relationship: I could name 50 that remind me of Jason and myself if I cared enough to. Do you think anyone hates you? One person probably does, at least. What do you think your last ex would say about you? I don't know, but probably something nice. He's my closest friend irl. Do you still talk to the first person you fell in love with? No. Do you still want the last person that hurt you to have a happy life? Yeah. Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers? No. I, along with like every girl in class, found a former band teacher attractive, but I definitely didn't have an actual crush on the dude. Thank God considering he was eventually fired for relations with a student. Why did your last relationship end? I learned I didn't like him romantically, and also because I discovered I liked Sara instead. How long did it take you to get over your last heartbreak? A year and a half. And that's just when I started moving on. Do you know anyone that looks up to you? I doubt it. Which one of your friends is always serious? I don't think any qualify for that. Are there any people in your life that you wish you never met? Yeah. Do people think you’re a bad person? Probably someone. Do they also think that you’re a slut? I don't see how a single person could think that. Are you with the last person you kissed? Yes. Have you ever been punched? No. How many people do you know that have been to jail? Multiple. Three off the very top of my head. Do you know anyone that sells drugs? I don't think so? Do you know anyone that does drugs? Yes. Do you care about what’s happening in other countries? Well yeah. I care about the world being a good, safe place. Do you think you have a pretty good reputation? I guess, at least as far as being a decent person goes. Meanwhile, I'm sure my rep as being a proper adult and such is shit. Where do you see yourself in 25 years? I don't want to think of that. You’re at a bar, you witness a man drugging some girls drink. What do you do? I'm not even REMOTELY kidding, I'm knocking the fucker OUT, calling the cops, and of course telling the girl. Fuck that guy getting out of that without a black eye. Who is more attractive, someone who is edgy or preppy? I could never, ever be attracted to a preppy person, so guess. I wouldn't want an excessively edgy person either, but I'm NOT into the preppy jazz. Short term dating, or long relationship? I've always been about long-term relationships. Kids? How many? Why? Names? Boy or girl? *Bugs Bunny "no" meme* Ever play that game MASHO?? "I’ve played MASH. I don’t know if MASHO is similar or something different entirely." <<< Same. A sad child, skinny and underfed, approaches you. What do you do? Obviously ask them what's up if they approach me, and from there, it would depend on what they tell me. I'd most likely call the cops first about a child like that because I wouldn't know the appropriate place to actually call; if the kid is underfed to an obvious degree, odds are I shouldn't find their parents first. I'd think it wiser to get some kind of officer to do so and determine if that child should even be with those people for their own good. What happens after death? I hope some kind of peace, but who really knows. Would you cheat on your BF/GF if you knew they would never know? No??????? Because I would know?????????????? And I have a conscience???????????????????????? Do you think there will ever be peace on earth? Why or why not? No. People as a whole can't get along and too many find violence to be the ultimate solution to big problems. Favorite childhood story growing up? I remember I particularly liked Stellaluna because of the drawings, and I enjoyed the actual story of Chrysanthemum. Worst way to die? Why? Some form of slow torture, I'm sure. Because if you've gotta die, make it quick. And humane. What were you in school? Jock, nerd, prep etc… I was recognized as an emo/metalhead thing. Did you ever eat playdoh at a child? I don't think so. Your dreams tend to be? As of the late, violent, at least those that I remember... I wake up attacking the air a lot. Describe your aesthetic? A quiet pastel bunny and a furious but awkward gothic demon are aggressively fucking 24/7 while trying to decide who's top and who's bottom. Do you believe in the afterlife? I believe in something. What book have you re-read so many times that the cover is completely worn? None. Are you a morning person or a night person? I'm in a brighter mood in the morning. Who do you most admire? There're multiple people I look up to for different things. But as for most, yeah, probably Mark. What is your favorite thrift/antique shop find? I love this shipwreck lamp that I have. What is the most incredible place in nature you’ve visited? The mountains. What is your greatest achievement? Still being alive lmao. Is something expensive better than something made with love? Almost never. What do you think of stealing? Uh, don't do it??????? If you could be told when you were going to die, would you want to know? NO. What would you do in case of the zombie apocalypse? Die very early on lmao. Okay but realistically, I'd want to climb somewhere. I'm going to assume a zombie can't figure out ladders 'n shit. What have you learned from pain? You yourself play a big part in making things better. Are you more worried about doing things right or doing the right thing? Doing the right thing. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? Eat biscuits like a fucking caveman by separating parts and eating each individually lol. Would you ever adopt a child? If I actually wanted a kid, yeah. If you could make anything glow in the dark, what would it be? *shrugs* Could you ever picture someone writing a biography about you? Hell no, my life's uneventful as could be.

[sovonight]

i wanted to try compiling opinions on my gravity falls tea blends, if just for personal reference!

the blends i’ve made are dipper, mabel, stan, ford, the author, the mystery shack, and ford (alt). looking at it now i’m like, wow i made three separate ford blends isn’t that overkill, but y’know what it’s fine

people’s reviews:

there are customer reviews on the listings themselves, just click through to specific blends!

mabel, dipper, stan, ford, the author, the mystery shack, and ford (alt)

stan

ford (alt)

i might be missing some in posts/replies/tags on tumblr, but can’t find em rn

and here are my own reviews/opinions. i don’t do much with steeping times (3-7 minutes or whenever i finally remember i’ve been steeping tea) and sometimes i leave the tea leaves in the cup ‘till the end of time, so it’s whatever. i always add sugar though, and occasionally add milk if the tea’s strong enough for it

mabel

my original review post

my review on the listing says, “it reminds me so much of bubblegum that i almost want to rename it that [...] while i already tend to let loose leaf teas steep in the cup forever i'd actually go out of my way to recommend it for this one; it lets the fruit come through a little better. and ofc, bubblegum is nothing without sugar, so please add sugar.”

my impression since then: adding sugar is correct. also this blend originally had sprinkles, and while i still support that decision, i removed it because sprinkles leave a bit of oil (?) in the tea when they melt-- not the best look for a light tea like this

dipper

my tiny review answer

i remember this one being a nice light fruit tea, but i’m reordering it for an updated opinion! if you don’t like slightly-sour fruit teas, though, you won’t like this one. also, steep it forever, the flavor is pretty light otherwise, and personally both dipper and mabel’s blends taste better iced

update, turns out it’s even better with sugar and milk! i just never had milk on hand when i last tried it so i couldn’t confirm until now. with milk it turns into a nice, warm, vaguely fruity tea that i’m a big fan of

the mystery shack

my tiny review answer

i remember this one as a “whenever” tea that wasn’t too light or too heavy, but i’m reordering it for an updated opinion. no milk, just sugar

stan

my original review post (my impressions of dipper and ford there are obsolete, i redid those blends since that post)

my impression since then: he’s still perfect

make sure to add sugar. and optionally milk. and blow a kiss at that mug, why not

ford

i’m ordering it again to give an updated opinion! from what i remember, the lapsang souchong was a Little much for me, even after editing it down. which is like... very fitting. secretly i call this the portal ford blend, especially with an extra-smoky spoonful of tea leaves, but i cannot let myself get into eras.

i wonder what high school/college ford’s blend would be like though

ford (alt)

my review on the listing says, “Now this is the sweet Ford tea I've been looking for. I steeped it for 4-5 minutes, drank it hot with cream and sugar, then drank it iced with cream and sugar, and it's about as delicious as Ford looks.”

i’m gonna level with you, i just wanted to say the phrase “as delicious as ford looks”. like it’s true i like the tea but i also wanted specifically to say it

i drank it again today (with milk and sugar, of course) and yep, i still like it. i would’ve done the whole plain tea -> tea with sugar -> tea with sugar and milk progression taste-test, but i did that thing where i microwave a bit of milk in a mug, pour the tea leaves in, and fill the rest of the mug with hot water and let it all steep. so. pretty creamy though.

the author

my original review post (my impressions of dipper and ford there are obsolete, i redid those blends since that post) 

my impression since then: while i wasn’t impressed with it initially, the more i drank of it the more i came to like it?? almost similar to how i felt abt researcher ford himself

when i brewed this in college i liked to dump the loose leaves into a mug, pour in hot water, wait ~5 min, and add in sugar and milk. i’d drink some while waiting for the shuttle, then put the rest in the fridge (i know it was still hot when i put it in the fridge and that i’m Not supposed to do that, but my fridge was basically empty in college so it’s Fine) and dash out to go to class

i’d come back from class and bam, i’ve got iced tea that’s been steeping for 4-5 hours! the flavors really settle in with the milk, the tea leaves really settle in to the bottom... perfect. drink that chilled delight up in a sweltering hot room and stay awake for the next 12 hours because i put the most coffee-ish tea into the author blend that i could find

it’s pretty much a caffeine boost, making it more like a tea that ford would drink (if for whatever reason he ran out of coffee), and less a tea that represents him

i don’t consider it an everyday tea for me because it feels a tad more dry than other teas (i attribute that to the blood orange) and that’s why i always made sure to add milk, but, drinking tea often already tends to dry me out. how do regular tea-drinking people do it

and here’s my reasoning for the teas in case you’re like “i don’t get you sovo how could these possibly fit these characters”:

dipper

passionfruit: the boy’s dedicated to solvin’ those mysteries

sour apple: dipper is sometimes a sour apple and that’s Okay

lemon grass: i can’t really explain this one except that you know how there’s that like, lemony plant stalk you’d sometimes see kids chewing in elementary school, and it’s kind of a childhood thing for me?? also it goes with the other sour tastes in this blend

blueberry: it’s in his color palette

fruit tea aspect: to match with his twin!

mabel

watermelon cooler: watermelon’s just such a fresh, pink, summery fruit! also, that mabel sweater that one time

wild strawberry: the description on the site gave off a sugary sweet dessert vibe and those are Definitely mabel vibes

spearmint: i wanted something with a brightness and glow about it-- also once in taiwan i had tea with a minty cooling effect to it and i loved that, it was perfect for hot summer weather. i’ve been searching for it forever because i remember nothing about what it looked like, just the flavor

rose petals: summer romance aesthetic

strawberry pieces: i wanted more pink, more color, and i think that’s something mabel would appreciate. also i love eating those little re-hydrated fruit pieces in tea

fruit tea aspect: to match with her twin! 

stan

rooibos caramel: stan’s heart is like a block of caramel... kinda tough when you start out, but as it warms up it gets sticky sweet and tends to wanna stick to you. i heard from the reviews on the caramel teas that the rooibos version is slightly sweeter than the black tea version, and i wanted the sweetest caramel so i went with rooibos

mambo: i heard smoky, savory, succulent, and rich and slammed that “add to blend” button

lapsang souchong: oh “smoky aroma”? oh “sweet pine flavor”? oh “sometimes gets a bad rep for being brashly smoky”? come on into this blend please

ginger: it’s kinda sharp, a little dividing, and a little too much for some people

lapsang souchong & ginger: to match with his twin!

ford

assam melody: “deep, burgundy-red”? “solid, ‘friendly’”? come be a base in this blend please

pu erh hazelberry: i knew i wanted pu erh for the earthiness, i just wasn’t sure which; i went with this one because it’s the most appealing dessert-like one of the ones i looked at, and You Know ford’s got a sweet tooth

lapsang souchong: partly to match with stan on the whole smoky pine aspect, and partly because ford shaves with fire and in fact, regularly plays with fire

cocoa nibs: it kinda complements the hazelberry & he needs a touch more than stan

ginger: similar to my reason for stan’s

lapsang souchong & ginger: to match with his twin!

the author

assam melody: provides the same character base as ford’s blend

toasted mate: i hear this is the closest you can get to coffee-levels of caffeine in a tea, and i needed that bc this is researcher ford we’re talking about

blood orange: blood splatter in the journal, anyone? splish splash

cinnamon: a dash of cinnamon goes into the cure for zombies, and also into this tea

ford (alt)

earl grey bravo: it’s a black tea base so i don’t stray too far from the original blend, a dash of grey, and a classic that always gave me a “refined” kinda vibe. i never used to think much of earl grey and took some time to come around, which is in line w my experience w ford. the citrus is almost a tie to the author blend,, blood orange becoming just orange

rooibos caramel: i needed to feed my sweet tooth and i'm pretty sure ford would support this decision

gunpowder: because gunpowder, but also because it adds a hint of smokiness that provides a similar-but-different alternative to the previous lapsang souchong. toned down and a little mellowed out, if you will.

cocoa nibs: a tie to the original blend that now complements the caramel

ginger: the ginger-and-caramel is what he shares with stan now, and i love that

the mystery shack

green rooibos key west: just west of weird, amiright??? also it’s got a bunch of summer-y fruit flavors, and the shack probably gets the majority of its business in the summer

earl grey moonlight: i was thinking about stargazing on the roof of the mystery shack and the moon turning into bill's eye, and stan working on the portal in the cover of night

pu erh dante: oh “soft earthy flavor”? “woodsy tones”?? “clean, damp forest aroma, dried mushrooms, leather and earth”??? yes thank you

orange peels: one thing i super associate w the mystery shack is all that arrow-shaped signage and all those yellow-orange question marks. so... yellow-orange bits of orange peel, acting as pops of color to guide your money outta your wallet

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta France to Eurovision with king of controversy

T’was a good decision for the French televisions to make Destination Eurovision a thing for yet another year. Sure, I only end up having heard of only 1 name per year beforehand (Nassi from 2018 and Florina from 2019, additionally hearing music from one other act from each year but forgetting their names soon after!), but that doesn’t stop everyone else for me from showcasing their best. Heck, I have listened to quite a lot out of some of my Destination 2018 favourites and I have never had any idea who they were! (They were Masoe and Max Cinnamon, je suis absolutely NOT désolée.)

And honestly I found this year extremely much more better to care about. For the previous edition I ended up not caring for like 5 or more songs, because I spent more of my investment in the finalists. This year I pretty much cared about way many more songs, even those that I didn’t wound up liking THAT much. Seemone for example, AKA “the only best possible choice for France from those that don’t need to have big followship numbers to have fans for the song, unlike Bilal tsk tsk”. I can’t say I was 100% mesmerized with her song, but I do remember her more than June the Girl, which was quite a fan fave but also a disaster from 2018. Oh sorry, I mean, June the Who?

And of course Destination 2019 paved the way for some more exciting plot twists and turns, for example, two of the bigger fan favourites fizzling out in the semis (and I already lowkey discussed them on my other segment, Fanwank Assimilation), and another two lowkey favourites crashing and burning live (one of them sounding like she was drunk and scared, another one being less energetic than her song requires). What did that give out at the end? Why, nothing but a homosexual French-Morrocan social media starlet Bilal Hassani of course. Let’s go ahead and review his entry.

My first impression of this song turned me off a little because of how... poppy bland it sounded. Nothing against Madame Monsieur’s co-crafting (they did make a song I liked for last year’s Eurovision), it’s just that I think that I’m a person that’s looking more into pop songs with expectations full of excitement, but then getting something average at the end. The English lines in this are ‘reasonatable’(?) with though - it’s a self-empowerement against haters, telling to oneself that they’re the “king” (yes Bilal may be wearing wigs a lot but for the last time - HE DOES NOT IDENTIFY AS A SHE) and that they “can see [their] kingdom”.

Though it grew on me overtime, to the very point I couldn’t see anyone taking his way, not even Seemone, not even any other darkhorse of the comp. No. My organism was fully adapted to the fact Bilal will win, so I ended up there lowkey supporting his win, even if I wanted someone else deep inside. (Same for A Dal 2019 but my inner systems refused to bring myself to Joci possibly winning an A Dal again, though they saw it being a likely endgame... just in a different light of events, but more on the Hungarian writeup, buckle up for that one because there’ll be buckets of everything for that one! >:) ) That and Bilal was kind of a runaway choice considering France is huge and the jury in there can’t do shit if the televoting is valuated in stronger numbers than in Melodifestivalen (I mean, look at how many points did he get??? His telescore beat the televote’s runner-up’s one by 87 points!), so if he has that many fans in a big enough country then of course they were gonna flock to him massively, and ain’t no Eurofan can’t object against the French televote numbers like these. Though they might seem too big because last year Madame Monsieur won with 118 as opposed to the artist’s of a song’s they have co-written with him for this DESC 150. And the televote gap between the 1st and the 2nd was much more humble - 29.

Maybe it has had to do it with the fact that it has a pretty damn alright pop melody that doesn’t sound specifically written for an ESC NF (unlike most of stuff that’s been done by Ylva & Linda and the like)? Maybe it has got to do with the golden hands of both Madame Monsieur members (pretty sure it might have just been Jean-Karl) touching upon this track (and some randomer whose name I don’t remember rn and I don’t want to? idk)? Maybe it’s the state of Bilal’s studio voice capabilities that carry this across for me nicely enough? Maybe it’s the persona? Somehow I don’t think I know but I’ll probably choose the first option. This is listenable, yes. Flows through like a normal pop song would. Maybe would have needed some polishing in some places (for that exists an up-and-coming revamp that will only be revealed on rehearsals (youhou Moldova 2014), but actually I only think that it will impact the song in a way that it will now be in F minor rather than F sharp minor?? So that Bilal could avoid being one of those kind of people that did sth like this:

RETWEET IF YOU CAN HEAR THIS PICTURE

Anyways. For all that it is, I savour it, it’s pretty decent, it stands out with its message if you know what it is (a kiss-off of the haters that once doubted this “roi”), I kind of like the way it’s being sung (and that vocal variation at 1:21) and some of the lyrics are not that bad actually, and for the matter of fact, I’d DIE for a possibility to create a song like this at best; I don’t quite know if it can do as well as his fanbase imagines, but I really hope it at least doesn’t do France dirty for choosing its up-and-coming-ish social media icon over the NF acts that I’ll be going off about a little later and brings a savourable result! I cannot remove my like for this song now that the deed is done, period. And I really hope that someday all this outrageousness over Bilal in a bad way will be stopped because poor 19 year old, let him be whatever sexuality he wants to be as of now, let him have his fans, let him wear those wigs, and keep those upcoming TV series about a terrorist man with an intent to blow up Eurovision in Israel (or something like that) at bay. Not to mention, these nasty caricatures. I definitely did not like seeing them. I legit feel like we’re almost talking about Lithuanian situation and what do my country’s citizens think about gay rights and all that (spoiler alert: they’re not friendly towards them). Stop it, get some help.

Oh and I know this is essentially 2,5-ish months late now but can I adress something real quick before finishing off this review and moving down to my chance-o-meters and all? Pretty please?

To all the Nightcore lyric videos of “Roi” that did this and would still do this:

Please consider looking back at the official lyric video for “Roi”, where it says:

and thank me in advance.

Not can’t, can. No wonder he’s a “roi”, ffs. What would be a king who cannot see his kingdom now? I’m sorry but this is just lowkey absurd, ngl.

Anyway:

Approval factor: As of the time I’m finishing this, I sort of approve it for now. The big dilemma though is to where do I rank this big boy - do I think it deserves to go higher than UK or lower? Do I drown it in the bottom 3 just because I had a rather negative first impression for it? God knows. For now though I’ll aprove it and carry on, dreading for the revamp obliterating some of the song’s charm that I had for it, just like maybe for Spain.

Follow-up factor: I think it is quite of a stepdown, considering last year a lot of guys publicly ADORED “Mercy”, and Madame Monsieur didn’t even need to have a huge social media following just to get that far as to win Destination! Bilal, however, did, and most people didn’t even fancy his self-empowerement ‘anthem’. And so did I at first, and eventhough I kind of like it as of now, I still prefer “Mercy” big time. France for the kings of controversial song topics and controversial entrants!

Big 5 factor: at the end of the day, you cannot change the fact that most of the Bilal fans are definitely centered in France (and maybe in some outskirts in Belgium as well) and not around Europe, especially the first time viewers, boo. So Bilal’s memorability levels in there from a Big 5 country will be questionable, unless his massive-ass French fandom decides to mass-emigrate for a week, get some foreign Simcards and start spamming votes for their idol - that’s a guaranteed televote for a guaranteed low jury vote, and if high any-votes are any indicators for where things are heading (like for Poland 2016 for instance), then Bilal will finish decently, but without any high-votes, he’ll be stuck in a low-low, maybe somewhere in the bottom 10. Sorry if you’re reading this, any remaining Bilal fans on Tumblr... you better get ready for your mass emigration for a week then?

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

Destination’s memes are still glorious to look at, even if it feels like it’s been years since them, considering my social media timeline does not have all that many of them remaining, BUT we still got some highlights from them saved and I can’t wait to freshen up the minds of the mutuals that seemed to have forgotten them. As well as some note-worthy NF songs that the others won’t get the chance to see because only one can represent France and Bilal can’t stand in for any other ones but himself, cuz he is he, and you know he’ll always be. Let’s go:

• Silvàn Areg, probably the biggest underdog-turned-overdog-overnight act of them all out there. Back when his song was still “Le petit Nicolas” (it was changed to “Allez leur dire” thanks to copyright turmoil with some book’s publisher - no it wasn’t about Le petit prince, there ARE Le petit Nicolas stories in there), I don’t think anyone really saw THAT much potential in this song to stand out, maybe except a few select others? I mean who’d even DARE to support this upbeat guitar French-like tune that... has cartooney visuals on stage and that way wows the viewing audience??? NO WAY!!! Yeah these visuals made me truly forget this was one of the songs that didn’t come out in full release yet (as of DESC 2019, only 3 songs weren’t released in full yet, along with The Divaz and Doutson (the latter dragged his kid on stage for his performance BTW, maybe that kid liked Silvàn’s stage illustrations despite maybe not seeing them the way they were supposed to be viewed?) and enjoy the king of popup-book visuals taking it away. So much so I ended up rooting for both visuals AND the song during the final as well (and the final had the colouring book painted!). Don’t you love it when your fave has an impeccable staging AND can nail their performance as well? I sure do... Click to find out his performance serve. I stan men who can sometimes rap out of nowhere when necessary and unexpected.

• Looking for typical French chansons/ballads that make you think of how longsome and melancholic (with a hint of happiness) can things be? Look no further than aforementioned Seemone and her alive-father-ballad, “Tous les deux”. If you’re not here for all this French zany, you can sit back and relax with hearing this piano delight with Adele-ish vocals on top and the paternal gratitude intertwined in the lyrics... well duh, if the constant repetition of “PAPAAAAAA” in the bridge doesn’t give it away for you, an unassumer, then idk what does. Noir, compelling, heart-wrenching, stunning, solid and all that it is. For all the ballad lovers out there. Hope her father’s proud of her achievements (for what did she do is to take the Eurofans by storm against this inevitable Bilal-ness with her feelings-over-fireworks and her strenght to carry out this beauty without crying... in the NF final at least, making International juries side with her more than Bilal, for whom we firstly thought it was over until 150 televotes, even getting the Bjorkdaddy on her side in the semis... only to never win the televoting as hoped to (Bilal was in a different semi so another man won over the girl, while in the final Seemone was 3rd and voted just under another experienced artists and Bilal obviously) and just remain the jury darling) and will hold this song up to himself dearly. We love supportive and thankful children <3

• This 25 year old chanteuse/violinist Gabriella Laberge, hailing all the way from Canada but with a passionate love to France probably ever since performing in La voix (je t'aime nuit et jour), I mean, The Voice France 2016, dived head-first into the social interraction game, with being all-round positive with her supporters, retweeting their stuff, liking their posts, being in groupchats... she did all she could. And the international jury still let her flop big time. Probably they were too underwhelmed at how engaging her entry, “On cherche encore (Never Get Enough)”, was on the big stage, with Gabriella out there, rocking her yellow pantsuit and dancing on top of a rectangle with other cello-or-contra-bass player madames inside of it and stairs to get on top of that rectangle besides the rectangle. Oh and playing the piano at the beginning. Were they afraid she was gonna fall off the rectangle with her musical ‘gun’ the next time? Was it the show opening that startled her chances (as people are afraid that the same will happen to Srbuk in Eurovision 2019)? I don’t know, but for one that I know is the fact that the poor woman was robbed to the core for all the friendliness she radiated. And the violin lady realness she delivered. Here’s now hoping her strong friendship ties with Olivier Dion will persuade him to fly to France from Canada next for a Destination Eurovision adventure, then? (tbh he’s pretty decent!)

• UH-OH! GIVE A LITTLE RESPECT for The Divaz! Seen by me as a little bit of those girlies that will definitely be drowned in the results because of their... aura and decision of paying a tribute to the late Aretha Franklin, I was shooketh to the core when I saw them NAIL “La voix d’Aretha”... the passion, the drive, the energy, the sass, the style, the dresses, THEM VOCALS! Needless to say I got incredibly sold and even more so happy I was interested in hearing that song all along beforehand, so much I think I tried skipping our own NF over just to see these gurls S-L-A-Y! Hopefully this ain’t the last of them together, they’re a true cool bunch. Happy to see that the international juries saw something in them!

• Emmanuel Moire... now, his song “La promesse” is even more so boring sounding imo and would do less of an impression if people didn’t know the message of it, but the message (and his status in the French music skies), boy does it shine. He sings about making a promise to stay true to himself and not be afraid to admit that his heart beats... FOR A MAN! And where is the Eurofan community that denounces a ballad unless it’s gay?? Some happen to still denounce gay ballads too, but only if it comes to NFs apparently :F I applaud for this song existing tbh as I find it nice myself. Such a shame the man couldn’t really sell his song THAT strong enough though, as I couldn’t help but crack a smile at hearing his falsettos go terribly off, but still feeling sorry for the guy. His staging (that has two men playing around, further going for his song’s memo) and the fact that he beat Seemone in televoting due to his bigger status than the rest of the most other DESC participants this year (save for Chimène Badi which has a status as big as his?). And this one moment that made me feel like I’m looking at Malena Ernman’s true form:

• So how about these few other bedazzling NF flops in a little bit of blitz summary, seemingly as the paragraphs here are already going out of hand? Sure! Allow me to introduce y’all to the shy French Mélovin named Ugo who was tryna get to the spotlight all by himself with a song about... crushing I think (he’s fantasizing of meeting a gal in some interesting interesting ways), but tanked majorly live due to being nervous and letting the pre-recorded backings overwhelm him majorly. Then comes the other up-and-coming chanteuse Florina which I also talked about in the fanwank flops section (though I published it right after Spain’s NF because I had enough of THAT rattling around my drafts... and same goes for the rest of my 2019 reviews!) but I’ll put up a mention for her because I undercooked my thoughts for her. “In the Shadow” - studio god-tier that sadly reeked of “Chandelier” heavily and another NF underperformance that grew condescencing during the rehearsal-snippets period that maybe made people keep their hopes up during it just like for Rykka’s, Jana Burčeska’s and Sennek’s odd pre-party performances. Who knows if Michela would have followed them suit if she was allowed to attend all the pre-parties despite “rehearsals”! In the end we still got a lackluster performance and a total 0 point score from the international juries. Wow. I hope that didn’t scar her for life. Also worth a mention are Battista Acquaviva, the Basque-singing goddess that had some sort of a potential but heavily crushed it by sounding weak and a bit drunk even (or even similar to this) on her own performance + adding some Roman-esque shirtless hunks for no reason (sweetie if they didn’t work for Anggun then what’s the point saving your live with them? Unless you can mask it up like Demy, just leave), and the other studio fave that tanked that was Tracy de Sá who served a French-Spanish (!! that’s where the title came from, you really thought the song was gonna b called “Par ici” noooo) summer bop with her rapping skills on fleek and her desire for “whiskey cocktails rum rum rum” as a cherry on this delightful cocktail has also got really grinded down by her live performance where she was barely even enthusiastic to live up to her own song and maybe have needed some of those liquors she offered on the song to make it sound better. But hey, at least from Tracy we got 1) studio version leak drama that obviously affected the poor sis so hard she raged about it on Instagram a bit; 2) slapping track about parties n stuff for our own summer 2019; 3) her own little version of that notorious song which wouldn’t probably be remembered so fondly in the memedom if not for some mother’s pasta dish; 4) the light tunnel she emerged from at the beginning of the song during her performance, which in reality is just the NF arena exit tunnel; 5) this meme:

Yeah well, good luck at your hairbuns and your hoop-de-hoop ‘rings trying to save you this time

• I was also gonna add this interesting phenomena of “hot violinist guy” because of course I remember this hype being set up for some dudes (especially for THAT violinist. I remember almost everyone suddenly crushing on him but I couldn’t care enough to buy it because lol!) even without their song coming out to public - yes I’m talking of Lautner who obviously also tanked during their live performance of this song but the international juries loved the shit out of it (same for aforementioned Ugo... and mind you I wrote them down as sure NQs after seeing their carcrash performances live! To think they would have almost MADE it thanks to them and SHATTER my predictions???) and their bromance probably lived on... for another 15 minutes

And the ‘drunken auntie’ of someone’s that sang a rather underrated catchy spring-esque sunflowery song but completely ruined it by her awkward jumping around in red suit on stage, PhilipElise, but that’d require me to brief my thoughts upon like nearly all of the damn roster of the irrelevants, so it’s best if I forget all the rest and move on!

• Not to mention, Bilal himself is a highlight. On an occasion he’s such a mood, as demonstrated on this first biggest ESC 2019 NF season meme down here:

And keep in mind, that wasn’t the final. But for the final this happened, which is still as amusing as the first:

Epic hairspin! Laura Rizzotto wishes she remembered this technique just in time to engage some more audience so that they could at least pull her out of the NQ zone.

• Who cannot forget the occasional thought of Garou, the NF’s host, singing. This year he was one of the final’s interval acts, and his choice to sing was because of honouring a Frenchman who passed away not so long before the DESC broadcast. Truly the dedication <3

• One of those NF cases that had people rallying up against Eurovision being in Tel Aviv and withdrawing the broadcasters from it by their own force because “well fuck you, our feelings and sentiments towards Palestine are more important than this schlager-ridden shitshow musicfest!!” lolno. Some protesters came on stage sometime after Netta’s guest performance during Semifinal 2, and both Garou and the security guards did their best and hardest to chase them away, but some still got on shot because reasons. This is ridiculous (as much as it was when it was found out that some people in Spain were waiting outside RTVE’s headquarters before the OT 2019 ESC Gala just to make THEIR move) and thankfully it didn’t follow on many more NFs to come.

• oh and also the neon cube argh

Feels like a way larger post than I intended to, and this review is waaaaay long overdue, so at least I tried reminding you of the memes, didn’t I? Anyway, I wish Bilal for all the best in Tel Aviv! xx

[jinstronaut]

thank you so much for your words 😔 i cried while i was reading it ❤ you seem like a very wise person and your way of thinking reminded me of jin, you should know that!! i think it's all about not giving up and keep trying things, right? :( it's just that these past months have been the worse... i took a very hard decision thinking that things may would change a bit, thinking that it was the right thing to do, but now i see nothing's changed and i'm facing the consequences of my choice. the fact that i'm not able to keep up with studies anymore also upsets me a lot, 'cause this was the only thing that used to give me more segurance and believing in my future, even if it seemed covered in shadows (but i never enjoyed it, i was just doing the necessary to keep moving on, even if it never made me happy). and i know this is all my fault, so i can't arrange any discusses or blame anyone but me :( you were right when you said about admitting that i need help and i did admit this to myself. in fact, i know it's wrong to say this without a professional, but i think i have depression :( i can't tell everything because it would be too long, but i just can't find the corage to talk about this properly with my parents... they wouldn't understand. the only thing that keeps me going rn is bts and the tiny spark of hope that i think still lives inside me, but i'm afraid it may be dying

I'm happy you feel like your life is setting up and i hope this moment keeps going for a long time 💜

oh my goodness nonnie, you're so so welcome ♥ i didn't mean to make you cry, so for that i'm super sorry!!! but i'm happy to know that my words could give you even just a little bit of comfort and/or reassurance :') (also thank you for comparing me to the king kim seokjin, his mindset and philosophy about life has really shaped a lot of my positivity lately, i am very humbled by the comparison and cannot thank you enough ♥♥♥)

as someone who does have depression, i think your claim holds a lot of probability! i only found out and got help when i went to therapy a few years ago, which i know is not an option for everyone as it costs a lot of money and can be really inaccessible especially for younger people, but i would recommend checking out some videos on depression and seeing what you could try to do to improve your mental state. because once things get better inside yourself, things can get better on the outside, too.

and admitting you did something that maybe wasn't the best choice at the time doesn't have to be a punishment, or a death sentence. it can just be a moment in time, and there's still so many moments to be had! it's all right to take some time to bounce back from whatever this decision was, and reflecting on who you are and what you want and what gives you a sense of fulfillment and happiness can really help pull the darkness away.

i won't lie and say it's easy, though, and some days just getting out of bed is a feat in and of itself. and that's okay. that's where celebrating the little things becomes so important, because depression makes you think you're being lazy when you're not doing anything, and it makes you feel useless, like you're wasting time by not doing anything. but really, your body is just not able to handle much of anything, and that's all right. i don't have any best practices because depression affects everyone differently, but the things that tend to help me are staying hydrated by drinking lots of water, and trying to go outside, even for five minutes, to get some fresh air into my lungs.

i'm in a good and happy state of mind, and if i can help others by spreading that positivity to those who need it most, then i know it's all worth it, so thank you for feeling like i'm someone you can comfortably reach out to and chat with about these things ♥

[aquarianlights]

I think.... I'm depressed. I know this was before 2020 happened, so it shouldn't be because of what's been happening all year. I feel like I'm stuck no matter what I do and my situation won't change. maybe it never changed looking back all the past years. I asked some friends on what to do but they don't know any advice on what they can offer either. I don't know what to do without anything involving financial decisions, which isn't realistic. I feel like this is the best I can do in my life and that's the most control I have. I'm worried I'll get screwed over more as time goes by.

Everyone always seems to think therapy *always* will cost money, but there are options for free and extremely reduced price therapy out there. Idk why people don't take advantage of sliding scale therapists more. 5 dollars per week may not be doable (it's not doable for me rn, so I get that), so if you find the right organization or the right sliding scale, they'll slide down to 0. But since sliding scale is based on income, if you're employed, you need to look for a community organization that offers free therapy. Some are the type that get you in the next day, but most are the type that take a while to get into.

These are in most places, including very small towns, but they're more likely to be in cities or suburban areas. If they're not directly in your area, they're definitely in a surrounding are.

Sliding scale/free therapists may not always be ideal, especially for people like me that have more ab-psych things to deal with, but the more basic things that all psychs & therapists are trained to deal with like depression and anxiety would be able to be handled by a sliding scale/free therapist. All the free and sliding scale therapists I have seen have been good, but obviously don't have the training to help with things like my borderline personality disorder or my schizoaffective disorder. However, depression, they could help with. But when I don't have money or insurance, it's better than nothing in my opinion.

Other options are text lines, where you text with a counselor or volunteer. I've used these twice and they've been a great resource in a pinch. I think the ones with actual therapists (therapists are not psychologists btw) cost money, but I'm not sure. 🤔

Another option is outpatient treatment centers. Basically a place you go when you're suicidal to just be around those who can watch you & have someone to talk to until you're okay. I'm not sure how available these are (or if that is even the right thing to call them 😭) because I only became aware of their existence when I moved to Colorado & haven't been able to find an equivalent in any other state. 🤔 But I haven't really looked much or that hard coz I'm not looking for that kinda care rn but... this is a GREAT option for some people and it was wonderful for me at one point.

This was a place I went where you just basically check in for 12-24 hours or you can drop in to have an appointment with a counselor who is a volunteer. Inside the facility, they have rooms and a shower and a communal kitchen and a communal day room as well as other things. We were basically allowed to do whatever we wanted. I forget if we were allowed to bring our phone or laptop... but I *think* we could. 🤔 I know what I'm describing sounds a LOT like a psych ward for those of you who have been to a few psych wards in your lives, but trust me when I say I did NOT feel like I was in a ward at ALL. If I had, I would have bolted or never checked in at all.

The purpose of this place was to have a place to go when you're feeling suicidal and/or like you're going to harm yourself, but really don't want to and don't want to end up in a psych ward. It's where you can be around others who can watch/monitor you and have someone to talk to if you want/need to.

There is a stipulation that you can't leave until the time is up that you signed for. And there was only one person there with an actual degree in psych, but they had to okay you before you left. Everyone else who was there as counselors were volunteers who could just relate and wanted to help. It was like living in a mini commune with a bunch of people who genuinely understood what I was going through and genuinely cared and that was exactly what I needed in that moment when I was really on the verge of attempting. I went there a few times, actually. When I was still suicidal, I searched all over for a place like it in NC, but all I found were psych wards with 72-hour holds, which was NOT what I was looking for. The thing I experienced was so incredibly different and what I had been looking for my whole life basically. It was magical and if someone else can find one of these outside of colorado, let me know. Or if someone knows what these are actually called coz Idk what to really call them lol.

This is really silly and more of a last resort thing and should NEVER be used in the place of therapy, obviously, but there are apps out there to help cope until you can get in to therapy and just to help with little things in your daily life. Maybe try to figure out what is bringing you down specifically. Do you need to work on organization? Do you need to improve your ability to calm down & relax? Think about things like that and there are apps out there to help. There's even an AI out there that I tried out for funsies that has some features to help with depression, called Replika. Again, therapy is #1.

I do wanna add I have never heard of a free psychiatrist, but I did have a couple sliding scale psychiatrists in my life, so if you're looking for medications (which might be a GREAT step in the right direction! 🥰) it will be much, much harder to find a sliding scale psychiatrist than a sliding scale therapist or psychologist. 🙁 I don't think there are many around, honestly.

But yeah those are just some options I can think of off the top of my head that either don't cost money or cost very little money and/or go off of your income. And when they go off of your income, they generally try to take what you verbally say to them into account as well. So if you cannot afford anywhere near the number the calculations come up with, it's not always like... a set in stone number. Some places will be more than willing to discuss a lower price or even a free option with you. Other places might say "no, that's the number. Take it or leave it." It's hard to say till you make some calls.

This is all speaking on the US, btw. I haven't a clue on other countries. 😬

I hope this maybe helps someone a little lol. Idk why everyone always forgets about sliding scale/free therapy. The amount of times free therapy and sliding scale therapy has saved me when I was uninsured and/or didn't have money is ridiculous. 😅And it's not like they're only in big cities or something. They're legit everywhere, including small rural areas. It just takes some time, effort and lots of exhausting phone calls to find them. 😬 Which is the part a lot of people just don't want to do/deal with. Which is understandable.

I'm so sorry you're struggling. 😞 I hope you can find something soon or something happens for things to get easier. If you ever need to vent, feel free to jump in my inbox. I always have my queue running, so it might not look like I'm here, but I do check my asks about once a week. 🥰

Stay strong. 💞💞💞

[macguires]

cute ask meme 3,6, 8, 14, 35, 56, 59

3) what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? 

i am a heathen who dog-ears pages i am so sorry 

if there’s something around that i can use as a bookmark though i’ll literally use anything, pencils or leaflets or sticky-notes whatever

6) do you keep plants? 

there are quite a few plants scattered around my house, none of which are mine personally :’) i don’t mind having flowers and stuff or anything, they’re pretty, but i’d never have the motivation or the memory required to keep them alive if it were just me living here, and i don’t like plants enough to actively go out and buy them 

8) what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? 

the only artistic medium i’m really comfortable with & used to using is writing, so i guess that? :0 i used to play a lot of musical instruments too, but i haven’t in years and i’ve never been a very good artist or anything like that so i think writing is really my only option

i wouldn’t say i use it to express my feelings though, i’m not v good at putting how i feel into words and i don’t have the motivation or energy to try even if i thought i might be able to, so i’m just permanently in internalise-all-emotions-hell 

14) if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? 

oh no i’m the most boring human being alive and i literally don’t care about how my house looks and i’ve never been like the kind of person to plan my Ideal Apartment etcetc so this answer is going to be so dull i’m sorry

i’m not sure if i would live in a big city of my own choice honestly, i’ve always lived in tiny towns and i’m not a huge fan of loud noises or crowds etc, but if a friend suggested that we go live in the city i’d be 100% up for it just because i’m generally up for most things with friends

i would leave the entirety of the flat-picking and decorating up to the friend in question with as little personal input as i can possibly give though because i absolutely do not trust in my ability to make decisions nor my knowledge of decent housing & budgeting, which is nonexistent pfft 

generally i’m v indifferent to my surroundings and as long as things are comfortable and we have a wi-fi connection i wouldn’t even mind if you stuck me in like the tiniest one-room property imaginable, i never have any strong feelings about where i’m living

35) do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? 

i don’t tend to actually write with pen/pencil & paper anymore since leaving school, unless i’m leaving a quick note for someone or something like that i usually just use my computer for everything

however i do love the #Aesthetic of stationary and i’m the kind of person to fall in love with pretty notepads and genuinely consider buying a bunch of them when i see them even though i know i’ll never use them for anything and don’t need them at all, i also have a weird love for erasers 

56) what are some things you find endearing in people? 

i tend to love everybody & there aren’t a lot of things i don’t find endearing in some way tbh. like every single friend i have, i can think of at least a few things they do or have about them that just makes me do a lil mental “:’)” whenever i think about it

ultimately though my main thing is just that they’re kind & patient and don’t start unnecessary fights/confrontation etc, i honestly cannot describe how much i adore genuinely kind & gentle people and whenever i meet someone like that i’m pretty much guaranteed to fall in platonic love w/ them 

and i only just thought abt this but a physical thing would be when people wear those like loose sweaters or they have long sleeves and they have the sleeves pulled over their hands that’s honestly the cutest thing in the world, also when people wear fingerless gloves? for some reason people hiding their hands appears to be my theme here 

59) what’s your favourite myth? 

oh no all of them?? i’ve always loved mythology and folklore and stuff, i remember when i was a kid and i used to sit in my primary school’s library reading this huge book of greek myths, and pretty much every single series i read growing up had some sort of mythological element to it 

if we’re talking mythological figures, the ones that are coming to mind right now are dionysus, patroclus & achilles, hestia, apollo etc, but i’m sure there are more that i love that i’m forgetting but my mind is honestly just giving me a giant blank rn

as for creatures, angels & fae have always been my favourites