#you have had 23 years to get to know me
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ok that poast got me thinking so rq rant abt my sibling . in the tags bc i cant figure out how go add a readmore on the version of tumblr mobile i use
#wishy speaks#so like#my sibling is Pretty successful for someone their age#they rent a nice place in a town they enjoy living in and have a long term partner and a secure career#and their partner has an even more secure career#and they got all A's their entire time in school#not that it was necessarily easy for them but they still Did That#im really grateful my parents never held me to the same standard bc even tho they didnt know i was autistic they knew i was Different#and had a lot of trouble sometimes#but my sibling thinks that i can just. do a lot of the same stuff they do if i try?#they said to mom that they have issues like mine too and still do all these cool things wrt careers and school#and like. do you understand how different we are.#we are such wildly different people. even disregarding my disability. do you not see the miles between us#do you understand i have limitations you dont? that im not just a smaller lazier cringier version of you?#you are 5 years older than me#you have had 23 years to get to know me#and this is the conclusion you come to?#im so like. disappointed in them#its hard to talk to them without them trying to give me their company skillshare login or telling me to monetize one of my hobbies#especially website design. ugh. designing and coding a personal website gives me migraines. doing it for a client would make me explode#i cant fucking brush my teeth or shower without someone Telling Me To#what makes you think i can go back to college? get a job? take online classes? what the fuck makes you think that???#when our own mother understands me better than you do i think thats a big sign you fucked up#its just so frustrating#i miss that period where they had just finished school and lived at home until they moved away for a job opportunity and we played games all#day together#they didn't pressure me into anything then bc i was just in high school still#but now that im out of school and a college dropout its like they think im just being lazy and underestimating myself#and yea its not like ive Tried getting a job#but when i can barely take care of myself its not like thats a high priority
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set out to create a serious, canonesque drawing with which to say "feel free to go in my lackadaisy tag and help me mystery speculate" but only got going when i made it bowling and the rarepair agenda
#not that i imagine anything w/mordecai's Rare so much as: diluted range of possibilities lol. probably someones on that mordecai/virgil life#when it turns out it takes several tries to start to get more solid footing at drawing characters for the first time: What The?????#i actually don't think i ever tried drawing lackadaisy before; against all odds....if i had i would've had a head start lol#lackadaisy#corned beef#any collectively used pairing name here? mordenico? nicodecai? in absence of otherwise Knowing:#nicodeme savoy#mordecai heller#me in '07 going oh my GOD this ART!!!! me in '23 going oh my GOD this ART!!!! & guess how i've always felt years in between#goddd perusing the gallery bonus art afresh recently just like WOWWW i'm SOOO#the collages of full-body drawings for book purchases i think like my GOD i love to see it. plus that the Extra Stuff gallery means there's#such a variety like. stuff that's clearly noncanon; stuff that could be / kinda is; jokes; portraits; story / characters insight....waaughh#also shoutout to everyone behind all the mordecais in KS Backer Art 1 & 2 like ''sexy mordecai please'' apparently lmao. hell yeah#anyways my Marigold Bowling Team headcanons are simple and straightforward: nicodeme w/the muscle can get a strike from the force of having#hit one pin that smashes into all the others; but don't underestimate his versatility. mordecai with the precision / method & absolutely#who you want trying to hit the only pin left on the lane. serafine's got like serpentine curveballs changing velocity halfway down the lane#and they've All got pointing a gun at the people setting pins / returning balls b/c that wasn't automated back in the twenties#back when everyone had customized printed tees....oh fun fact. a real live kitty cat crinkled that first pic's paper by jumping on it#or really; ricocheting off of it. classic#also the ''i want people to seriously consider nicodeme/mordecai. but also sillily'' purposes have me using Close Contact as a shorthand#it's earnest and can sure be [longhand] too but you go ''You Could Never HC Datingly Affection ft. An Always Touch Averse Character'' & i?#well i scoff derisively and slowly swivel my chair around to face you; arms crossed; smhing....hah. how greatly you underestimate my power.#you're throwing [hcs for a romance ft. an autistic character] & [that ft. an asexual character] & i'm grabbing them midair & Sips Them#ha ha why these replenish my health And experience bars....#Never Be Afraid To Forget To Draw Mordecai's Glasses Or That You Also Put Your Thumb In A Bowling Ball....he's warming up. or w/e.#nicodeme w/the boxing experience shoulders massage trope. giving that pep talk#or you can go ''get a strike or we kill you'' b/c you never have to find out if he's joking or not#mordecai unfazed b/c that's the stakes in this business (bowling) & he's autistic so always having to ignore Everyone being weird/confusing#haven't come up with a lackadaisy's team bowling pun name lol.#still feel free to go in my lackadaisy tag and help me brainstorm mitzi n mordecai's murder mystery ;w; enrichment
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One thing I will never understand is why some of y'all get so mad about Buck and Eddie being roughly the same age. I don't understand how people can learn that Eddie only enlisted when Shannon got pregnant and not just assume he was 18/19 when that happened. In what world a 23 yo would panic enlisted because his girlfriend got pregnant? I don't get it.
#eddie acting older doesn't necessarily make him older#and also#if eddie had 5 years of real world experience by the time Shannon got pregnant#enlisting would not be the reaction#because he would've had 5 years to be an adult#having an accidental baby at 23 is young but like thats the not of the world#not like getting your girlfriend pregnant right after senior promo when you dont want to go to college is#that was literally my only argument for never assuming he was older#and finding out hes around the same age as Buck was great#made perfect sense#why is that such a problem?#this is a rhetorical question#i dont really wanna know#no need to tell me#im just venting because i just saw someone say EDDIE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FORTY RIGHT NOW#FORTY#FUCKING FORTY#like what the fuck are they on#and they were like straight saying the show retconed and they said eddie was born in 84#and im like?????????? you tripping?????????#i will take the 5 year gap BUT SAYING MY MAN WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FORTY????????????????#crazy#911#thoughts thoughts thoughts
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the fact that people around my age are getting engaged is INSANE
#i know i shouldn’t be one to judge bc i’m a single pringle#but like#y’all are 21 22 23 years old and y’all already thinking about MARRIAGE#meanwhile i’m thinking about how tomorrow’s gonna go#i just feel like this generation (especially people in relationships) are rushing everything#I SWEAR THAT Y���ALL HAVE TIME#Y’ALL ARE IN COLLEGE#JUST ENJOY WHERE YOU ARE NOW#idk it just doesn’t sit right with me#i’m not trying to come off as unsupportive or anything but it’s just so early in adulthood that i’m like#what the fuck are you guys doing LMAO#ok anyway#that’s all i had to say#only because i saw an IG post today from a girl that goes to my university and she got engaged to her boyfriend in disney world#girlie you’re 21😭#AND SHE LITERALLY BOUGHT A FREAKIN HOUSE WITH HIM#MY MOM WOULD KILL ME IF I DID THAT#idk if anyone else is noticing this but again#it might just be me#just had to get this off my chest#abby’s announcements#<-i guess
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Seeing what presents my baby sister gets and realising I really drew the short straw by being the firstborn
#Demon Spawn#+Extras#tell me why this three year old got a pet budgie for her birthday? she cant even spell yet#none of my siblings have ever had personal pets i wasnt allowed a hamster when i was 12 and neither was anyone else but the 3 year old??#she got her own heat pool for her birthday as well and a barbie dream house taller than her for Christmas#and what did i get childhood trauma perfectionism a fear of failure and anxiety#my mum always goes over the top with the youngest girl it happened with my middle sister in that 5 year gap before my mum got pregnant again#i didnt even make it 2 before my mum was pregnant so i never really got to reap the rewards of being the youngest#the lil ones get spoiled to hell and they get a mum with a fully developed frontal lobe and chiller parents#being the oldest sucks there are no benefits to it only responsibilities#btw im not mad at my sister or whatever its nice for her that she gets to have these things#but what do you mean i got the shtty childhood parents and i still have to argue to be allowed to bare minimal at 23 when the 3 year old#gets special treatment that the rest of us wouldnt even bother asking for cus we dont have all the things that came before that point#my issue is that the preferential treatment she gets is useless to her. she didnt ask for a barbie dreamhouse and she cant even play with it#because shes too short whe doesnt need her own pool because she cant even swim yet she doesnt need her own tablet she cant read yet#she shouldnt have her own pet when she cant understand what it means to own a living creature#especially when we dont currently have any other pets in the house#my issue is that the spoiling doesnt even make sense for her age she cant enjoy it cus it doesnt make sense yet doesnt mean anything to her#my mum wants to spoil her cus shes her littlest girl but shes had 7 kids before this she knows whats age appropriate and this isnt
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so it turns out it was actually never that serious
#the exam literally went fine what the fuck just happened i feel like i just hallucinated that#like im not one of those people that go 'omg i did soooo badly :(' just to come out with top grades if i say it's going to shit#then it's becuase i genuinely wholeheartedly believe it#and my headspace before this exam was the worst it's been in MONTHS like i havent felt that bad for an exam since first year#and i sat down opened the paper and. remembered everything. like i literally just Knew the answers#im not saying ive passed bc am i fuck about to jinx it and i was still riding mainly blind bc i have NO idea where that knowledge came from#but at the very least there was a 35 marker that i KNOW i aced like i could picture the exact lecture slides it wanted me to discuss#and i had all of them memorised so at the very least ive got like. 30 marks. which is enough for me to pass the module#bc this exam is only weighted 75% and with my marks from the other 25% i only needed like 20 marks to pass this exam#which... makes it even more embarrassing that i failed it the first time but whatever!!!!#oh my god im so glad that's done im so happy IM FREE#just been in the kitchen dancing around to my little tunes and texting my friends <3#im meeting up with one of them when she gets off work at 5 and we're going for drinks#so ive got until then to nap and chill and then ill go to the shop and get us some food and wine#and she's gonna come here for a bit & then we'll go. like actually look at me. im having people over at MY HOUSE im going out to buy us WIN#im literally a functioning adult living independently who IS she a misty memory#alas i do only have £23 in my account so this is gonna be such a slay seeing how i make that stretch for a night out#i acc could budget for england when it comes to alcohol i think like the way i manage to have a good funky time with MINIMAL funds#is downright impressive. it's a skill idc what you say#hella goes to uni
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I am 100% serious when I say that if I get through the 2024 election without being admitted into a mental hospital, it'll be a fucking miracle
#waiting to see who's gonna win is like waiting to see if I'm gonna get executed#no joke these past few months have felt lile the world's been closing in on me#especially as a trans person living in texas#who can't vote cause I'm not a citizen#it's a miracle we're this close to the election and I haven't relapsed#it's funny cause when I was 15 I was all dramatic and shit and I said I'd kill myself if trump won#now I'm 23 and idk maybe 15 year old had the right idea/hj#especially when 99% of leftists think I don't deserve rights because I'm not as oppressed as Palestinians#as if I'm not constanly worried about my bodily autonomy#like these fucks WANT a dystopia#idk about you but I don't want a dystopia cause I know for a fact I wouldn't be Katniss Everdeen#I'd peobably be District 10 tribute#anyways if Kamala wins I will still not forgive the fucks who called me selfish for not wanting to die#fuck you#election 2024
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🤪.
#when you haven’t had a chronic illness flare up in 3 years so you think you’re free bc in a lot of people they stop having flare ups as the#get older. but apparently the big age of 23 isn’t old enough. or maybe you’re just gonna have to deal w this the rest of your live long day#like I know in some ways I’m lucky to have an episodic illness that only affects me Sometimes (if you don’t count the migraines)#but man the mental toll. how whenever I feel a symptom I just cannot relax and start stressing about how I’m gonna get to the hospital if#this is a flare up. lmao.#anyway. fuck my life I guess.#also I missed the Spain France match because I was in the hospital but am lucid enough to watch the England game unfortunately. so great#timing also.#d
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woman experiences transcendental joy after clocking out of work for the day
#i want you all to know that this morning i drove to work with a bloody nose. like i got ready and then my nose started bleeding and i had to#drive one handed halfway there while i waited for it to stop#and also i stayed in bed ten minutes late and didn’t get to do my full getting ready routine so i look horrible and feel worse#and then they asked if i could stay late and i said yes (????)#can’t wait to go home and have my dad be passive aggressive at me for not having a job.#(in case you missed the obvious insane thing about that. i DO have a job. he’s mad because i haven’t figured out a ‘career’)#which i haven’t done because i cannot imagine a bearable career in this society. let alone the field my degree was for.#and also. i’m literally lloyd dobler but a 23 year old girl
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when gerard way said “when i grow up i want to be nothing at all” i felt those words in my gdamn soul bro
#cried alone in my car parked in my driveway for like 17 minutes#i feel so hopeless and useless and stupid so so so stupid i’ll never be smart enough like the other nurses#i can’t fucking think im too slow i don’t know anything#it’s the emergency room and god for fucking bid i have an emergent patient i don’t know wtf to do ever#i don’t know how to initiate protocols or contact interdisciplinary or put in complex orders i don’t know anything i’m so useless#everyone thinks i’m stupid i’ve been on orientation for like 2 months know and i’m still the same useless stupid novice airhead new grad#i just get so frazzled i feel like everyone expects so much out of me and i have to be perfect to meet their standards#but im stupid im subpar im not good enough like them like#ever if they’ve been nurses for years and i’ve only been working as one for legit 2 months it’s just i still don’t know how to do anything#it’s like i can’t think i don’t do things how they want me to do them and then i look stupid im the attending doctor thinks i’m so dumb but#she wouldn’t even hear me out like i know you want both fluids running i know it’s important but he only has.1 IV and they aren’t compatible#we’re trying to start a second IV and he had difficult veins like why are you trying to tell me i’m stupid i know why you ordered it thatway#it’s like nobody gets my dumbass brain but that’s not their fault bc they can think clearly and convey their thoughts to people without#sounding like a fucking dumbass i have no critical thinking skills im just useless i hate this so much i don’t want to be here it sucks#i never wanted to be a nurse i never wanted to be anything i was 12 years old hoping i’d be dead by 18#and now i’m 23 and i’m still fucking here but it’s clear i shouldn’t be i don’t fit in im not fit for society#i should be euthanized like an unwanted dog that’s been at the shelter for too long that’s exactly what i am#20min later still crying can’t stop being a fucking crybaby pitypartying myself i’m the worst oh my god grow the fuck up already#why is everything so difficult for me why can’t i just fit in literally everyone knows i don’t belong#i’m the dumbest most useless new grad orientee and EVERYONE knows it even management it’s so embarrassing#i’m so embarrassed to be alive and take up space that could be filled by someone so much better smarter prepared someone meant to be there#i don’t want this i don’t want any of this i never wanted to grow up im just a kid in my head i’m so pathetic#i wish i was smart and good at something i wish people looked at me and thought o wow i respect her bc she’s also a good nurse#nobody likes me i’m such a burden to everyone the doctors my preceptors other nurses who deserve to be there#i’m leaking snot everywhere today wasn’t even that bad but i think it’s all just hitting me now how helpless i am#i’m so tired of myself and waking up and making a fool of myself every shift fucking stupid loser i hate myself i try so hard and it’s not#it’s not enough it’s never enough im not enough im an imposter i’ll never be as good as the other nurses even tho i’m really really trying#i seriously don’t want to do this anymore i don’t want to be here i can’t do it everyone knows i’m not cut out for this they all talk shit#ramblings
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possibly controversial opinion but…
#coming from an older gen z…#a lot of the younger gen z ARE really lazy#they just are#I remember when I worked as waitress and all these 16-18 year olds started#I was around 22/23#and this whole ‘minimum wage minimum effort honeyyy 💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼’ stuff is all good except#they’d literally do nothing and rely on the rest of us to do EVERYTHING#like they are fuckinf lazy and don’t know how to work#and listen when I was 19 and started work for the first time#I DID NOT KNOW HOW TO WORK EITHER#but I had hard work instilled in me so I’d actually TRY#and guess what the managers don’t want you to be perfect or amazing as long as you’re trying#listen we are all getting paid minimum wage here#but you still need to put in some sort of effort so we can all get home on time#instead of you doing nothing and us doing everything#and not all!!! bc I remember there were two 16 year old girls#only 16 like literal babies#but they worked so hard#or not even worked HARD but like they TRIED and they were helpful#I’m sorry but kids these days have such bad attitudes and are lazy as fuck#99% of teenagers today and idec if I sound old when I say this#it’s true they just haven’t been raised right or something#look I also always say minimum wage minimum effort but that doesn’t mean I’m lazy and not helpful at all#idek y’all i remember coming out that job like… wow… so this is how people are raising their kids#my younger brothers do not act like this it’s genuinely insane#badly behaved lazy ass IDEC IF I SOUND OLD AND BITTER#it’s the truth lol
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I really expressed this before but it's kinda sad I didn't find DSaF back when my sibling issues were at their peak bc I'd have been like straight up Branded if I met this guy who is a middle child and is rotting and has a strained relationship with his older brother and used to have to take care of his little sister who on top of everything is a redhead and 6 years old and is extremely guilty but also can have an awful relationship with her like my ass wouldn't have survived brother. My ass would have never came back.
#luly talks#me and Jack we're kindred souls and we'd have been more even so if I didn't get over my guilt#sad!#well i had a brother not a sister but he was 6 years old when i left and also a redhead for no reason#reason was i mean that our grandpa is a redhead but no one else was so the gene just popped back up I guess#but yeah like. i got over my brother pretty well but i used to be super depressed#i no longer think of them bc im tired of being disrespected lmao#the only one i haven't blocked is my older brother#you'd prob go a few years back in my tag 2022 even 23? and see me be mentally ill tho#having breakdowns over that shit#i mean i was robbed of my family but they see me as the villain so#our shit is more toxic admittedly#no need to explain the rotting thing also we all know every so often i start rotting#i was rotting hard a few yeaes back 21 or 22#like when you taste your mouth and you feel it when your hair thins when you're pale and big eyebags#sometimes your organs just start rotting with you still wearing them and that's that#sometimes death forgets to pick you up
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growing up with sapkowski’s works timeline (teen to early adult)
13 — ciri age (BoE)
14 — ciri age (ToC)
15 — ciri age (LoTL), pavetta age (QoP)
17 — shani age
18 — essi daven age, nicolette age (ToF)
19 — angoulême age
23 — reynevan age (ToF)
24 — condwiramurs age
25 — cahir age, reynevan age (WoG)
27 — reynevan age (LP)
late 20s — milva age
#just putting this… out there into words. because i must say it#i was feeling shitty that i would have a birthday and havent accomplished anything#but then i thought about it and realized 23 is officially the age where you have a free pass to be stupid as hell#a la reynevan in narrenturm. so good job#‘haha i get to grow up with reynevan. that’s crazy dude [falls down the stairs]’ im going to be here forever. :|#i put essi and shani in here just to make everyone want to gouge their eyeballs out 👍#essi is ‘barely eighteen’ so i will just say: eighteen#txt#the milva age is me guessing/approximating. don’t sue me#she was 16 when she left home and then she hunted for a few years by herself and then the dryads caught her and she hunted for them#and she just acts like someone in their late 20s so there plus she is protective of cahir who is youngest#also i had to look up reynevan’s age in LP because i haven’t gotten there yet and i was dodging spoilers like in the matrix#and because it takes place in 1429 i just deducted#and because i know he is 27 now now i am thinking of him and nicolette as that vine#‘babe. happy one year’ ‘awww :D … i’m 27??? O_o??’#i’m not putting adéle age because um. her qualities and her fate aren’t exactly inspiring#alsooooo seeing adéle age and reynevan age next to each other. it’s kind of **FBI OPEN UP**#i’ll say ok because it’s a historical fantasy. but i still don’t like it lmao and that’s my right
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I thought I had gotten over my deep self loathing over having almost zero sexual experience but it’s back I guess!!
#I hate myself it makes me feel so cringey and lame and gross and unappealing#I feel so ashamed and embarrassed#I’m not even ace at all and I’ve always wanted to have sex but I’m so unappealing and weird it never happens#I was 23 and it happened like twice with someone I had zero interest in#but I was so relieved for the first time in my entire life someone wanted to have sex with me#everyone acts like it’s so easy to get laid#it seems like sex just comes so naturally to everyone else and they just like#meet people and there’s attraction both ways??#I can’t imagine that happening to me#I know it isn’t actually a big deal to not have sex but#society acts like you’re an ugly loser if you haven’t had sex by the time you are like 18#and I went through four years of college without ever having sex#most people I knew back in high school had sex already#it didn’t even happen for me in college#I feel like there’s something deeply wrong with me that makes people not want me
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What is going onnnn
#logged onto fb today as you do when you enjoy wasting your time#and uh. my brother changed his profile picture. and my other brother LIKED IT#THESE MEN DO NOT KNOW EACH OTHER. the first brother; i have known he existed my entire life#he is my dad’s son from his second marriage. i am from his fourth. which is fine#the second brother; i found out he existed in july#dna website told me he was my uncle but i was like ‘that literally cannot physically be possible’#my dad’s parents were well into their fifties in 1966 and my mom’s parents would not have had a son in 1966 and adopted him out#like what would have been the point. my uncle was already born then and my mom was born a year later#if they’d had a child between those two they simply would’ve kept him#also i looked up this man and was like ‘he looks exactly like my dad in the face’ so that was when i was like. i think i know what happened#here. i think my dad aged 23 cheated on his second wife and did not know that this fling produced a child#so yeah i’ve communicated with my second brother. but i guess he decided to go looking for further answers and added my first brother#which i completely understand because i am a useless person tbh. i’m bad at communicating and i don’t have a lot of information for anybody#like my first brother had our dad for 39 years. i had him for 11. i also don’t have the easiest time talking about him because it was a#traumatic loss for me. so.#like i said i don’t know what they’re talking about if anything. i don’t know if my first brother even knows who this man is. he accepted#the friend request? but that doesn’t mean a lot. maybe they found each other on a different dna site#that would be really funny actually#i hope they’re getting along. i mean they probably are. they’re the same age and actually have some similar interests weirdly#i mean one is into heavy metal and the other is into historical reenactments but they both like dogs and fantasy novels#my dad’s dna must have so much fucking information in it. it was literally like ‘okay all of this man’s descendants are going to be 6’+#even the women; with dark hair; dark eyes; round faces; and they are going to spend all their downtime reading books and drinking tea#and have an inexplicable knack for training dogs’#it’s WEIRD. it’s so fucking weird that he had four kids and the two he didn’t even raise STILL fit into this mould#personal
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"Non farlo piangere" girl he literally cries in his mother's arms when he's trying to fall asleep because he gets frustrated when he can't and now I'm making him cry???????????????
#i don't understand how they see this child thing#he's a child. he cries. sometimes he cries for things you have to say no about#like you must say no. why is it so hard for you to understand it and most importantly why the HELL am I the one who's somehow behaving#like the mother when she's not around#I'm so pissed off about this situation Imma scream one day#again. i love my nephew more than my honestly unworthy life for what I'm doing with it#but I'm 23 and i never asked to be a mother and i just want to do my things and have like a little corner for myself#and to be left alone for 5 minutes#which can't happen apparently bc I can't even go to the bathroom without my mother going 'let's see what auntie is doing!'#gurl what do you think I'm doing???????#I'm so fucking tired#and once again why the hell does he have to sleep here tonight when his father is perfectly able to take care of him#i swear if i were to see him once a week I'd be more than happy but every day gets exhausting#and in the middle of it all i also have to listen to my mother scold me for no reason. no one ever says 'oh thank you'#jesus christ#I'll never EVER have children btw#and i hope I don't fall in love with a cis man because if this is how they are I'm very tempted to commit a murder rn#I'm tired out of my mind bc me and my mother had to cook and clean the whole house for tomorrow. do you think#my father raised a single finger despite knowing we needed a hand?#fuck them when i get financially stable enough to leave they'll see me once a year#if they're lucky#again. I can't have my therapist tell me all this things which i start to think about daily and leave me on my own for a whole week#bc then i go insane#sorry I'll prob delate this later#rant#i realize now the post doesn't make sense without context but i was trying to make him sleep and he cried a little#like he. always does btw but somehow today it was my fault
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